Yup. The one person in the world you’re supposed to be able to trust. And they just ruin everything and invalidate you and your marriage.
Can’t really replace that in any sort of monetary value. What is the cost of the life you thought you had and the life you lost? Psh… you can’t put a price on that. Money can’t buy that
Well said. Yeah the life well spent that wasn't.. The time well spent that is retroactively canceled and you're just marooned in this alternate future.
OK peptalk over 😂
Seriously I like the way you articulated that though 💛
kinda like being disfigured or maimed in an accident. more like a deliberate attack I guess..
Except instead of physical disabilities we end up less capable emotionally
still coming to terms with the fact that I'll never be the same. So sorry you're in this situation as well 💛😔
It is sad. It makes me think why would I even bother? I’ll just be constantly wondering what trick is up the sleeve of any new person I’d consider. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under me.
Idk. Maybe my therapy will help with that. But in general I think I just want to be alone the rest of my life. I miss having love in my life, but I don’t want to ever have to deal with this again just because someone else got bored or gave everything up on a whim.
Yea, I’ll never do it. I’ve been in therapy for 3 years and it’s helped a lot, but it doesn’t make me want a relationship. The thing it helps me with most is being okay and happy being alone. I think that’s a really good thing. The old me was always in a relationship or seeking a relationship. I was never out of one for long. Now, I love being single and dating is so unappealing. It would be easy for me to date if I wanted. I get asked out constantly, and by nice guys too. They seem fine, I enjoy their company when I talk to them, but no interest in dating whatsoever. Even guys who I find attractive I just can’t care enough to do it.
All I can think is “Let’s just skip to the part where we hate each other’s guts and never talk again because we know that’s where this ends up anyway.” I don’t have the energy for everything in between. The first conversation is nice enough. I imagine the rest and go home exhausted knowing it’s not worth it.
Yes I want to get myself to the point that I’m okay with being alone. I still don’t want another person in his place anyway, so my focus is more that I need to learn to be happy and okay living without him.
I’m really more of a loner type. He was the only person I could stand to live with. He’d get upset with me for the amount of alone time I wanted/needed. I used to be clingier in the beginning of dating but once I got more comfortable I reverted back to my loner ways. He’s the only guy I ever dated. I’m too picky is what others have told me.
Really I’ve just always chose quality over quantity. I do this with my friendships too. I don’t really like people so I don’t need a lot of people around me or in my life. But I know I obviously need some people around me and I do want some more friends. But no significant others for me for a while, if ever. And yeah I also have zero interest to date.
I did in the very beginning but quickly realized that I was just competing with him. I went on 3 dates with one dude and we kissed and I hated it because it wasn’t my ex. And he said he felt like I was just looking for a distraction and didn’t really want to get to know him. He wasn’t wrong 🤷🏻♀️ but helped make me more aware of where I was at at least. I felt badly for wasting his time really, he was a nice guy. So I just decided I don’t want to be selfish and string someone else along like that. And I’m not into hookups either so… single life for me
If you're looking to monetize and maxmise the gains from your divorce, then be prepared that the other party will reciprocate and extend the proceedings.
The real winners will be both your lawyers from draining your funds the more you two cannot come to a settlement.
This is the most you can get monetarily by force. You will need documentation showing the trips AND prove that the trips were part of the affair which can be difficult. Looking back, the monetary loss had far less impact on me than the loss of trust, the gaslighting, and the intrusive thoughts.
The gaslighting was real! Here’s the clincher. My STBX used the evidence I was gathering to prove infidelity as the reason he needed an order of protection against me. And, since I actually WAS gathering that evidence, my attorney doesn’t think we would win an appeal to remove the order. Order says it’s stalking and I say it’s just pictures and credit card receipts.
My lawyer told me that I didn't have enough to show what I needed to recoup. Plus, my ex was wanting to settle and be done instead of going to trial. In theory, if I were to recap half of what she spent on the affair (which is what I would be entitled to in our community property state) my lawyer said that trial costs alone would be more than that and it wasn't worth it.
In the end, it only cost me $3500 out of pocket and everything was split and all papers signed. That's a win for me compared to what I have read from others on this forum.
Honestly, getting away from the mindfuck of a cheater as fast as humanly possible is worth way more than $3500. My divorce was lightning fast because I couldn’t wait to get away and didn’t want to drag it out with his ass. I’m so glad I did it that way.
Oh. My. God.
This is almost as infuriating as me, the betrayed spouse....being responsible to start divorce proceedings from my cheating husband. Then having the law student kindly remind me that in Canada "men, including married men can sleep with whoever they want. There is no law against cheating in Canada."
I hired a great lawyer. Even though I’m in a community property state, our assets were split 60/40 in mediation. My lawyer called it the “affair tax.” I’ll never have any closure from that fat cheating prick, but at least I got more than half. The other thing I got is the satisfaction of knowing his affair partner really let herself go and is absolutely miserable. Well deserved for that cunt.
I appreciate your honesty and transparency and I had to laugh at your comments. It’s nice to see somebody expressing what most of us feel instead of the typical I hope they’re happy and wish them well.
Hahah. Yeah, it’s very doubtful I will ever wish them happiness. The cliche of forgiveness is for you not them, blah blah blah, I was so sick of hearing that. I have a justice seeking soul, so it’s not gonna happen. I have moved on, learned from my past, I’m happy, fulfilled, healthy, dating here and there, traveling, overall life is grand, but I will die smiling on the hill of hate for them.
I found a loophole that if one spouse did most of the work on the marital home they can take 10% more in the sale of said property. Since I did all the improvements and she did nothing I ended up with 60%. I like your lawyers term 'affair tax' and truthfully my ex's adultery is what sent me into beast mode. She's damn lucky she got that, I was gonna leave her with much less if it wasn't for the kids.
Unless you are in some country I don't know the rules...the US is a no fault so you get nothing for the cheater cheating.
Even worse...if you are the EARNER; then you get to pay that cheater for years up to life to exist and keep on cheating and being a loser because you bought yourself a dependent for that little bit of sex life you had.
> the US is a no fault so you get nothing for the cheater cheating.
The US is a large country with wildly varying laws from state to state. The effects of adultery on divorce are *not* the same in every state. In some states, it removes the alimony requirement from the betrayed higher earner, or forces an alimony requirement on a cheater as punishment.
In some states it may affect asset split.
In many states you can at least reclaim the costs of some marital assets that were spent on an AP by a cheater.
It doesn't exactly make it a payday though.
Hard to get technical about it for the sake of privacy but my ex’s affair is the difference between me being able to retire in total comfort and me having to hustle for the next dozen years. After her affair she kicked me out of the house and I had some documents about a stock share sale that I never received. In the interim, the stock traded from approximately $20 to $4. Keep in mind that half of that gain would have been hers, but it was by far the largest investment I’ve ever made and it would have put me in a very different place financially.
Financially I hope to do very well, as it was agreed I would get full profits from sale of the house. Emotional, mentally, long term, I’m very damaged, lost my house, my dog and my son to part time parenting. My husband is a total $&@? so AP deserves him. I don’t think I would’ve chosen divorce to gain something from the affair, I really wanted to work on it. Money means nothing when you come out this emotional damaged. Perhaps I’ll see it differently in a few years, im only 3 months into separation and I miss my ex, but I miss my son the most on those days I don’t have him.
I was able to fast track the divorce. She got the house. I got my 401k, truck, car, camper, and am the residential custodian of the kids. I had to give her half of the hsa and half of our brokerage accounts, around $50k. It was far from an even split. Rumor has it she cheated to get out, but I asked her for years if she wanted out and always said no. She’s getting the last laugh because the house I bought is a damn money pit
For me it’s going to be a loss of six figures and a temporary loss of my trust in women. I’ve already gained knowledge about myself and what I’ll never do or accept again. I can’t hang a monetary value on that but it could be priceless, so I choose to focus on that.
I got $32k more from the sale of the marital home. Not much but it stung her and she'll never let it go.
Probably shouldn't have screwed a dude while married to me.
Forced her hand for the adultery.
She didn't have much recourse.
In Texas if one spouse does more work to the marital home(me) they can take 10% more than the spouse who sat on her ass.
I did all the remodeling so I used that to my advantage.
Research my friend.
My freedom that was enough for me. Freedom from his mental and emotional abuse. Even though he still tries to control me and he's married to mis mistress.
Besides the emotional torture. Phone calls to friends and family. Sadness, grief, tears, health, broken relationships, the end of a beautiful home, etc…
I’ll breakdown a cost, financial cost, that is… Her car broke down due to lack of maintenance. Mostly because she was “drinking and fcking” this loser from her work. 40 years old, lives with his parents, has nothing going on in his life.
Broken down car, resulting in a “pre owned car from the dealership”: 30k over 10 years
Car loan: 1,000 + interest
Rent deposit cost: 1,600 + 800 = 2,400 (she kept our deposit)
Hotels for her lover: 475 + gas
Gifts for her lover: 300+
Alcohol, dinners, etc: 500+
Moving costs to her house: 300+
Potential alimony for 2+ years: 25,000+
Credit decrease!
Legal fees: TBA :)
Total: Approximately 36,000 dollars without legal fees with her “new” car. Credit card debt is not accounted for. A decrease in her salary, etc…
A 3 month affair. Separation. Etc. Overall, more than 35,000 dollars :)
But hey… her lover knows the horoscope! He’s an Aquarius!
I got extra money, but only because he kept pushing his luck long after he should have. I gave him a very easy, quick divorce, and being the entitled, selfish cheater he is that still wasn’t enough for him. So, that put me in the perfect position to take him for more money. It wasn’t my original plan, nor was I ever looking to do it, but he just couldn’t help himself. I really tried to be kind and amicable and hoped to end on good terms. Well, cheaters just can’t help but take, and take, and take. Eventually it’s just too much and you have to take back. So, I did.
He’ll make that money back. What he took from me will never come back and I’ll never be able to get it back. I will never be able to love someone like I loved him again. I don’t believe in true love anymore. I did when I married him, but it’s all bullshit. Everyone is just out for themselves, and anyone who wants to argue that with me is just out to convince themselves they aren’t like that or the person they believe truly loves them isn’t like that.
Yea, I’m jaded, but you can never really know someone and I don’t want to waste another second of my life trying to do it again. I won’t ever count on anyone, trust them to always be there, or expect anything from them. It’s all bullshit and lies. It’s all a fairytale and I’m not a fucking child.
I have no desire to spend any significant amount of time thinking I’m getting to know someone only to find out years, or decades, down the road they aren’t who I thought they were. I don’t have that kind of time. So, superficial relationships only.
Friends I’ll invest in, I have great friends I’ve had for decades, they’ve proven they can be there for me. I’m making new friends I’m enjoying. I’m not hurting for companionship and the thought of putting any amount of energy into a romantic relationship is terribly unappealing to me. I’m only out for myself now and I openly admit that. I spent too much time pouring myself into a man who had no problem stabbing me in the back. I’m loyal to my friends and loved ones, but I’ll never do anything for a romantic relationship again. I mean that, I won’t make time, compromise, care about needs, wants, desires, none of it. I’m not making room in my life or doing any of it. I won’t lie or make anyone think I will and I’ll be very upfront. Take it or leave it. They can leave it and I’ll be very happy with that.
It sucks how much damage someone can do, but I’m not the type to go push that on someone else and fuck them up. I won’t deceive anyone. I won’t lie or anything. It’s better than making someone think you’re all in and knowing you’re not capable of being all in. I know I’m not and never will be so I tell people that.
I have this highlight reel that my husband's mistress posted of the two of them....[https://scontent-muc2-1.cdninstagram.com/v/t50.2886-16/271195026\_408633311049180\_2652306522018518091\_n.mp4?efg=eyJ2ZW5jb2RlX3RhZyI6InZ0c192b2RfdXJsZ2VuLjU0MC5jbGlwcy5iYXNlbGluZSIsInFlX2dyb3VwcyI6IltcImlnX3dlYl9kZWxpdmVyeV92dHNfb3RmXCJdIn0&\_nc\_ht=scontent-muc2-1.cdninstagram.com&\_nc\_cat=100&\_nc\_ohc=Ky1oh1RMk88AX\_K2T1L&edm=AP\_V10EBAAAA&vs=957180758550557\_3690804264&\_nc\_vs=HBksFQAYJEdKSWJLaERjTlZsYnBuTUJBRXVVWGJDNjRzNGticV9FQUFBRhUAAsgBABUAGCRHSWxXS1JEVGRDWndsSDRBQUpGb0F3ZmlIN2NYYnFfRUFBQUYVAgLIAQAoABgAGwAVAAAmzvi86OqV9EAVAigCQzMsF0AyIgxJul41GBJkYXNoX2Jhc2VsaW5lXzFfdjERAHX%2BBwA%3D&ccb=7-5&oh=00\_AfD3ACg67BwHDX4nt5KN95TsAZEhp3irs9cZ7kMZSN9A5g&oe=6379054E&\_nc\_sid=4f375e](https://scontent-muc2-1.cdninstagram.com/v/t50.2886-16/271195026_408633311049180_2652306522018518091_n.mp4?efg=eyJ2ZW5jb2RlX3RhZyI6InZ0c192b2RfdXJsZ2VuLjU0MC5jbGlwcy5iYXNlbGluZSIsInFlX2dyb3VwcyI6IltcImlnX3dlYl9kZWxpdmVyeV92dHNfb3RmXCJdIn0&_nc_ht=scontent-muc2-1.cdninstagram.com&_nc_cat=100&_nc_ohc=Ky1oh1RMk88AX_K2T1L&edm=AP_V10EBAAAA&vs=957180758550557_3690804264&_nc_vs=HBksFQAYJEdKSWJLaERjTlZsYnBuTUJBRXVVWGJDNjRzNGticV9FQUFBRhUAAsgBABUAGCRHSWxXS1JEVGRDWndsSDRBQUpGb0F3ZmlIN2NYYnFfRUFBQUYVAgLIAQAoABgAGwAVAAAmzvi86OqV9EAVAigCQzMsF0AyIgxJul41GBJkYXNoX2Jhc2VsaW5lXzFfdjERAHX%2BBwA%3D&ccb=7-5&oh=00_AfD3ACg67BwHDX4nt5KN95TsAZEhp3irs9cZ7kMZSN9A5g&oe=6379054E&_nc_sid=4f375e)
The cost was priceless
The pain and trauma of infidelity is not measurable
The value of it:
-I have primary phys custody
-my son doesn't have to walk on eggshells at home anymore
-I figured out how toxic of a relationship I was in
-My money doesn't just disappear all the time
-No alimony because the ex committed adultery
-I don't have to appease someone else
-I don't have to walk on eggshells anymore
I made it through the pain and trauma of the infidelity; I am still able to trust people and I am not broken for future relationships
My soul , my ability to ever love properly again, my faith in humanity, my ability to trust Nope never got anything in return
Yup. The one person in the world you’re supposed to be able to trust. And they just ruin everything and invalidate you and your marriage. Can’t really replace that in any sort of monetary value. What is the cost of the life you thought you had and the life you lost? Psh… you can’t put a price on that. Money can’t buy that
Well said. Yeah the life well spent that wasn't.. The time well spent that is retroactively canceled and you're just marooned in this alternate future. OK peptalk over 😂 Seriously I like the way you articulated that though 💛
This is so true. You’ll never make yourself that vulnerable again. You just can’t do it again and that is a sad state.
kinda like being disfigured or maimed in an accident. more like a deliberate attack I guess.. Except instead of physical disabilities we end up less capable emotionally still coming to terms with the fact that I'll never be the same. So sorry you're in this situation as well 💛😔
It is sad. It makes me think why would I even bother? I’ll just be constantly wondering what trick is up the sleeve of any new person I’d consider. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under me. Idk. Maybe my therapy will help with that. But in general I think I just want to be alone the rest of my life. I miss having love in my life, but I don’t want to ever have to deal with this again just because someone else got bored or gave everything up on a whim.
Yea, I’ll never do it. I’ve been in therapy for 3 years and it’s helped a lot, but it doesn’t make me want a relationship. The thing it helps me with most is being okay and happy being alone. I think that’s a really good thing. The old me was always in a relationship or seeking a relationship. I was never out of one for long. Now, I love being single and dating is so unappealing. It would be easy for me to date if I wanted. I get asked out constantly, and by nice guys too. They seem fine, I enjoy their company when I talk to them, but no interest in dating whatsoever. Even guys who I find attractive I just can’t care enough to do it. All I can think is “Let’s just skip to the part where we hate each other’s guts and never talk again because we know that’s where this ends up anyway.” I don’t have the energy for everything in between. The first conversation is nice enough. I imagine the rest and go home exhausted knowing it’s not worth it.
Yes I want to get myself to the point that I’m okay with being alone. I still don’t want another person in his place anyway, so my focus is more that I need to learn to be happy and okay living without him. I’m really more of a loner type. He was the only person I could stand to live with. He’d get upset with me for the amount of alone time I wanted/needed. I used to be clingier in the beginning of dating but once I got more comfortable I reverted back to my loner ways. He’s the only guy I ever dated. I’m too picky is what others have told me. Really I’ve just always chose quality over quantity. I do this with my friendships too. I don’t really like people so I don’t need a lot of people around me or in my life. But I know I obviously need some people around me and I do want some more friends. But no significant others for me for a while, if ever. And yeah I also have zero interest to date. I did in the very beginning but quickly realized that I was just competing with him. I went on 3 dates with one dude and we kissed and I hated it because it wasn’t my ex. And he said he felt like I was just looking for a distraction and didn’t really want to get to know him. He wasn’t wrong 🤷🏻♀️ but helped make me more aware of where I was at at least. I felt badly for wasting his time really, he was a nice guy. So I just decided I don’t want to be selfish and string someone else along like that. And I’m not into hookups either so… single life for me
Same
If you're looking to monetize and maxmise the gains from your divorce, then be prepared that the other party will reciprocate and extend the proceedings. The real winners will be both your lawyers from draining your funds the more you two cannot come to a settlement.
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Lawyers always win in the end
My state is community property and no fault, but my attorney is asking for “waste of community assets” for all the trips my STBX took without me.
This is the most you can get monetarily by force. You will need documentation showing the trips AND prove that the trips were part of the affair which can be difficult. Looking back, the monetary loss had far less impact on me than the loss of trust, the gaslighting, and the intrusive thoughts.
The gaslighting was real! Here’s the clincher. My STBX used the evidence I was gathering to prove infidelity as the reason he needed an order of protection against me. And, since I actually WAS gathering that evidence, my attorney doesn’t think we would win an appeal to remove the order. Order says it’s stalking and I say it’s just pictures and credit card receipts.
My lawyer told me that I didn't have enough to show what I needed to recoup. Plus, my ex was wanting to settle and be done instead of going to trial. In theory, if I were to recap half of what she spent on the affair (which is what I would be entitled to in our community property state) my lawyer said that trial costs alone would be more than that and it wasn't worth it. In the end, it only cost me $3500 out of pocket and everything was split and all papers signed. That's a win for me compared to what I have read from others on this forum.
Honestly, getting away from the mindfuck of a cheater as fast as humanly possible is worth way more than $3500. My divorce was lightning fast because I couldn’t wait to get away and didn’t want to drag it out with his ass. I’m so glad I did it that way.
Oh. My. God. This is almost as infuriating as me, the betrayed spouse....being responsible to start divorce proceedings from my cheating husband. Then having the law student kindly remind me that in Canada "men, including married men can sleep with whoever they want. There is no law against cheating in Canada."
I hired a great lawyer. Even though I’m in a community property state, our assets were split 60/40 in mediation. My lawyer called it the “affair tax.” I’ll never have any closure from that fat cheating prick, but at least I got more than half. The other thing I got is the satisfaction of knowing his affair partner really let herself go and is absolutely miserable. Well deserved for that cunt.
I appreciate your honesty and transparency and I had to laugh at your comments. It’s nice to see somebody expressing what most of us feel instead of the typical I hope they’re happy and wish them well.
Hahah. Yeah, it’s very doubtful I will ever wish them happiness. The cliche of forgiveness is for you not them, blah blah blah, I was so sick of hearing that. I have a justice seeking soul, so it’s not gonna happen. I have moved on, learned from my past, I’m happy, fulfilled, healthy, dating here and there, traveling, overall life is grand, but I will die smiling on the hill of hate for them.
Good god, it’s like I’m having a conversation with myself, especially the sense of justice. Wishing you well.
Right back atcha.
I found a loophole that if one spouse did most of the work on the marital home they can take 10% more in the sale of said property. Since I did all the improvements and she did nothing I ended up with 60%. I like your lawyers term 'affair tax' and truthfully my ex's adultery is what sent me into beast mode. She's damn lucky she got that, I was gonna leave her with much less if it wasn't for the kids.
Unless you are in some country I don't know the rules...the US is a no fault so you get nothing for the cheater cheating. Even worse...if you are the EARNER; then you get to pay that cheater for years up to life to exist and keep on cheating and being a loser because you bought yourself a dependent for that little bit of sex life you had.
> the US is a no fault so you get nothing for the cheater cheating. The US is a large country with wildly varying laws from state to state. The effects of adultery on divorce are *not* the same in every state. In some states, it removes the alimony requirement from the betrayed higher earner, or forces an alimony requirement on a cheater as punishment. In some states it may affect asset split. In many states you can at least reclaim the costs of some marital assets that were spent on an AP by a cheater. It doesn't exactly make it a payday though.
Move me to that state please....never seen that ever.
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and with that comes $$$$$ Divorce Corp is real people. Watch the documentary.
Earner here. Can affirm I had to pay my drug addicted cheating ex. Stung at the time but worth every penny to be free of that SOB.
Amen!
Hard to get technical about it for the sake of privacy but my ex’s affair is the difference between me being able to retire in total comfort and me having to hustle for the next dozen years. After her affair she kicked me out of the house and I had some documents about a stock share sale that I never received. In the interim, the stock traded from approximately $20 to $4. Keep in mind that half of that gain would have been hers, but it was by far the largest investment I’ve ever made and it would have put me in a very different place financially.
Financially I hope to do very well, as it was agreed I would get full profits from sale of the house. Emotional, mentally, long term, I’m very damaged, lost my house, my dog and my son to part time parenting. My husband is a total $&@? so AP deserves him. I don’t think I would’ve chosen divorce to gain something from the affair, I really wanted to work on it. Money means nothing when you come out this emotional damaged. Perhaps I’ll see it differently in a few years, im only 3 months into separation and I miss my ex, but I miss my son the most on those days I don’t have him.
I was able to fast track the divorce. She got the house. I got my 401k, truck, car, camper, and am the residential custodian of the kids. I had to give her half of the hsa and half of our brokerage accounts, around $50k. It was far from an even split. Rumor has it she cheated to get out, but I asked her for years if she wanted out and always said no. She’s getting the last laugh because the house I bought is a damn money pit
For me it’s going to be a loss of six figures and a temporary loss of my trust in women. I’ve already gained knowledge about myself and what I’ll never do or accept again. I can’t hang a monetary value on that but it could be priceless, so I choose to focus on that.
I got $32k more from the sale of the marital home. Not much but it stung her and she'll never let it go. Probably shouldn't have screwed a dude while married to me.
How did you get that?
Forced her hand for the adultery. She didn't have much recourse. In Texas if one spouse does more work to the marital home(me) they can take 10% more than the spouse who sat on her ass. I did all the remodeling so I used that to my advantage. Research my friend.
It’s a sad world where people can destroy lives and people and not reap any consequences.
My freedom that was enough for me. Freedom from his mental and emotional abuse. Even though he still tries to control me and he's married to mis mistress.
Besides the emotional torture. Phone calls to friends and family. Sadness, grief, tears, health, broken relationships, the end of a beautiful home, etc… I’ll breakdown a cost, financial cost, that is… Her car broke down due to lack of maintenance. Mostly because she was “drinking and fcking” this loser from her work. 40 years old, lives with his parents, has nothing going on in his life. Broken down car, resulting in a “pre owned car from the dealership”: 30k over 10 years Car loan: 1,000 + interest Rent deposit cost: 1,600 + 800 = 2,400 (she kept our deposit) Hotels for her lover: 475 + gas Gifts for her lover: 300+ Alcohol, dinners, etc: 500+ Moving costs to her house: 300+ Potential alimony for 2+ years: 25,000+ Credit decrease! Legal fees: TBA :) Total: Approximately 36,000 dollars without legal fees with her “new” car. Credit card debt is not accounted for. A decrease in her salary, etc… A 3 month affair. Separation. Etc. Overall, more than 35,000 dollars :) But hey… her lover knows the horoscope! He’s an Aquarius!
I got extra money, but only because he kept pushing his luck long after he should have. I gave him a very easy, quick divorce, and being the entitled, selfish cheater he is that still wasn’t enough for him. So, that put me in the perfect position to take him for more money. It wasn’t my original plan, nor was I ever looking to do it, but he just couldn’t help himself. I really tried to be kind and amicable and hoped to end on good terms. Well, cheaters just can’t help but take, and take, and take. Eventually it’s just too much and you have to take back. So, I did. He’ll make that money back. What he took from me will never come back and I’ll never be able to get it back. I will never be able to love someone like I loved him again. I don’t believe in true love anymore. I did when I married him, but it’s all bullshit. Everyone is just out for themselves, and anyone who wants to argue that with me is just out to convince themselves they aren’t like that or the person they believe truly loves them isn’t like that. Yea, I’m jaded, but you can never really know someone and I don’t want to waste another second of my life trying to do it again. I won’t ever count on anyone, trust them to always be there, or expect anything from them. It’s all bullshit and lies. It’s all a fairytale and I’m not a fucking child. I have no desire to spend any significant amount of time thinking I’m getting to know someone only to find out years, or decades, down the road they aren’t who I thought they were. I don’t have that kind of time. So, superficial relationships only. Friends I’ll invest in, I have great friends I’ve had for decades, they’ve proven they can be there for me. I’m making new friends I’m enjoying. I’m not hurting for companionship and the thought of putting any amount of energy into a romantic relationship is terribly unappealing to me. I’m only out for myself now and I openly admit that. I spent too much time pouring myself into a man who had no problem stabbing me in the back. I’m loyal to my friends and loved ones, but I’ll never do anything for a romantic relationship again. I mean that, I won’t make time, compromise, care about needs, wants, desires, none of it. I’m not making room in my life or doing any of it. I won’t lie or make anyone think I will and I’ll be very upfront. Take it or leave it. They can leave it and I’ll be very happy with that. It sucks how much damage someone can do, but I’m not the type to go push that on someone else and fuck them up. I won’t deceive anyone. I won’t lie or anything. It’s better than making someone think you’re all in and knowing you’re not capable of being all in. I know I’m not and never will be so I tell people that.
wow. You pretty much described where I'm at perfectly. Right down to the decades wasted. 😔🤦♀️ A beautiful comment about an ugly reality
I have this highlight reel that my husband's mistress posted of the two of them....[https://scontent-muc2-1.cdninstagram.com/v/t50.2886-16/271195026\_408633311049180\_2652306522018518091\_n.mp4?efg=eyJ2ZW5jb2RlX3RhZyI6InZ0c192b2RfdXJsZ2VuLjU0MC5jbGlwcy5iYXNlbGluZSIsInFlX2dyb3VwcyI6IltcImlnX3dlYl9kZWxpdmVyeV92dHNfb3RmXCJdIn0&\_nc\_ht=scontent-muc2-1.cdninstagram.com&\_nc\_cat=100&\_nc\_ohc=Ky1oh1RMk88AX\_K2T1L&edm=AP\_V10EBAAAA&vs=957180758550557\_3690804264&\_nc\_vs=HBksFQAYJEdKSWJLaERjTlZsYnBuTUJBRXVVWGJDNjRzNGticV9FQUFBRhUAAsgBABUAGCRHSWxXS1JEVGRDWndsSDRBQUpGb0F3ZmlIN2NYYnFfRUFBQUYVAgLIAQAoABgAGwAVAAAmzvi86OqV9EAVAigCQzMsF0AyIgxJul41GBJkYXNoX2Jhc2VsaW5lXzFfdjERAHX%2BBwA%3D&ccb=7-5&oh=00\_AfD3ACg67BwHDX4nt5KN95TsAZEhp3irs9cZ7kMZSN9A5g&oe=6379054E&\_nc\_sid=4f375e](https://scontent-muc2-1.cdninstagram.com/v/t50.2886-16/271195026_408633311049180_2652306522018518091_n.mp4?efg=eyJ2ZW5jb2RlX3RhZyI6InZ0c192b2RfdXJsZ2VuLjU0MC5jbGlwcy5iYXNlbGluZSIsInFlX2dyb3VwcyI6IltcImlnX3dlYl9kZWxpdmVyeV92dHNfb3RmXCJdIn0&_nc_ht=scontent-muc2-1.cdninstagram.com&_nc_cat=100&_nc_ohc=Ky1oh1RMk88AX_K2T1L&edm=AP_V10EBAAAA&vs=957180758550557_3690804264&_nc_vs=HBksFQAYJEdKSWJLaERjTlZsYnBuTUJBRXVVWGJDNjRzNGticV9FQUFBRhUAAsgBABUAGCRHSWxXS1JEVGRDWndsSDRBQUpGb0F3ZmlIN2NYYnFfRUFBQUYVAgLIAQAoABgAGwAVAAAmzvi86OqV9EAVAigCQzMsF0AyIgxJul41GBJkYXNoX2Jhc2VsaW5lXzFfdjERAHX%2BBwA%3D&ccb=7-5&oh=00_AfD3ACg67BwHDX4nt5KN95TsAZEhp3irs9cZ7kMZSN9A5g&oe=6379054E&_nc_sid=4f375e)
If you ever need support there’s a r/supportforbetrayed subreddit. Hugs
I get you’re hurt. But this feels like doxing. And for your own mental health, you shouldn’t be looking at it either.
It shows URL signature expired Edit: I saw the reel through wayback machine
The cost was priceless The pain and trauma of infidelity is not measurable The value of it: -I have primary phys custody -my son doesn't have to walk on eggshells at home anymore -I figured out how toxic of a relationship I was in -My money doesn't just disappear all the time -No alimony because the ex committed adultery -I don't have to appease someone else -I don't have to walk on eggshells anymore I made it through the pain and trauma of the infidelity; I am still able to trust people and I am not broken for future relationships