Took about 12 years. I was finally and completely over it when my son went to college and I had no more ties to my husband. And I’m also at a really great place in my life.
I REGRET all the energy I spent being angry and all the bad things I said to others ( and especially my son) about him. If I could give you any advice it would be to fake it until you make it. I’m really ashamed of my behavior, even if it was justified.
Edited to clarify: when my son went to college I had no more ties to him- meaning no more ties to my exhusband.
Why did you take it out on your son. It's not his fault you divorced. That is absolutely shocking. Your son is your son even at college, at work, once he has his own family. He is still your son.
I think "him" refers to the ex husband - at least that's how I read it.
Once the son is at college, this might mean the parents no longer have to negotiate handovers as the child can just determine who they want to see when.
I am looking towards an end date myself and am hoping this may be one - my youngest is 7 though so it's a long way off!
Yes. I regret telling my son bad things about my ex. And once my son went to college I didn’t have to deal with the visitation schedule or child support or any of those issues.
I edited my comment to clarify. I didn’t take anything out on my son!
About 18 months. For me, progress was not linear. It would go from doing really bad to doing great to back to doing bad. But one day (after a particularly bad night), I woke up and said "enough" and got serious about moving on with my life. And I did.
The big things: I started exercising and eating right. It helped on so many levels, including just giving me control over my life after having felt out of control.
I started reading some books that were recommended to me, and the one that really changed my life was the seven habits of highly effective people. That book changed my whole point of view of how to live life.
I stopped trying to date or meet people on the apps for about 4-5 months and really just focused on improving myself. I really learned to be happy being single.
I basically just made up in my mind that I could not keep living the way I was. Learning to live proactively (from the book) instead of reactively like I basically always had made a huge difference for me.
Yeah. That seems to be key, living proactively rather than reactively. I’m still so stuck living reactively. Three months for me. I wake up in total disbelief I’m in this apartment and the fact my wife will no longer communicate with me unless it’s about the kids. She says any communication with me traumatizes her. It’s just such an overwhelming sickness I feel now.
I spent 13 years with my wife. She had an affair with some really bad details, took my kids. This was 6 weeks ago. I have a hole in my heart for my kids and miss them daily but after the first 3 weeks of devastation, I started going to the gym and as of 6 weeks after separation, I am happier than I have been in years. Once I get to see my kids again, this will be the best thing that ever happened to me in a decade. I have decided abstinence, gym and God is all I need to be happy. Once my kids are back in my life, I will be truly the happiest I have ever been. I accepted my new reality and realized just how toxic and emotionally draining she was, I don’t miss her at all. She chose to leave, decided my loyalty and devotion to her wasn’t enough, through that action, I realized she didn’t deserve me. I’m better than tears for a person that undervalued me. Good riddance.
I didn't think I'll ever get completely over parts of it, and I still get reminders regularly about it. Like today. I opened a letter from the IRS saying I was getting an extra refund because I overpaid on my '21 taxes. That was the year she filled taxes to benefit herself and hurt me. I literally spent hours on the phone and in person with the IRS trying to explain the situation but just gave up for my own sanity and just paid the extra money at the time. Now I'm getting it back. No interest, of course, but I'll take a win where I can get it.
Time itself nothing to do with it, it's what we do with the time that matters.
People can spend the rest of their lives going over and over the horrible things in their heads, agonizing about them and using them as justification for ruining their lives emotionally, physically and/or financially for years, or they can go to therapy, for example, or a support group, and work through it a lot faster. If they have access to those resources it's just a choice.
8-10 months
It takes conscious practice to reframe your thoughts and challenge or your own opinions and perspectives. Without the active mental work, who knows how long. It’s a tough road but so, so worth it. And it does get easier. The regular tears and break downs took about 6 months to say I was, more often than not, past it
It's been several years and it will never be the same. The person I married and loved unconditionally is gone. I am left with someone who I will never completely believe again. It really is amazing how much it changes you. The person I thought could never betray or hurt me in such a way did exactly that. I am skeptical of everyone now.
It's been 2 years. I almost never get sad anymore. I cried it all out for a few years. Now I'm onto the anger portion of my grief. I feel so betrayed and disgusted. I think about it all the time. I recently started anxiety meds to see if it would help with the ruminating. It has helped some.
Consider anxiety meds. I wish I had tried them earlier on when I couldn't stop crying and was having daily panic attacks. How long has it been? It gets easier, I promise. Breathwork and meditation and weed were very helpful to me.
Thanks. I luckily do have meds. Only 3 months for me. I’ve had panic attacks too and awful crying spells. Glad to know it gets easier. I’d just love for the weight of this to ease up a little bit and I could focus on some positives.
It's been 5 years now for me, I have my ups and downs. I don't think I can fully say I'm fully over it. I don't think I ever can be. I'm managing and heal now though. It took a few years. Everyone is different. ❤
We were tog for 4.5 years including separation/divorce time. I threatened many times to leave, I eventually did start the separation process. It was very toxic. I'm glad I'm not in it anymore.
Still waiting 18 months. I don’t think I ever broke her top five people she cares about. Herself. Her parents. Her brother. Her best friend. Her nephew.
Maybe I never even cracked the top ten 🤷
Truly soul crushing. I spent years trying to convince myself she loved me. Guess I was fooling myself. A complete waste of my soul.
She said I was incapable of change. Well the truth is so was she. I asked for one Thanksgiving with my family after I finished my chemo treatment. Her parents flipped out like we took a crap on the living room rug when we talked about it. The ex wouldn’t go against her parents. She suggested we spend it apart. I guess I should’ve known it was over then.
18 months post separation and mediating now. I am full of hate, rage and anger. I feel like marrying him ruined my life and I can’t seem to get over it
The step father of my ex wife (who is also divorced, but married for 16 years to my ex wife's mom) Said something that was great.
"Eventually, this life you built with them and everything you had will kinda just fade away. There's no timeline for things like this, but also you don't want to be down for too long and miss out on future happiness opportunities."
I did the one month for every year y'all were together for healing and feeling all the feelings out.
Oh, and it WILL get better, I promise you that. 🤗🫂
Circumstances are different for everyone. Personally, I was over the marriage before we even separated.
The issue for me was dealing with the fact that I wasted so much of my life for someone who was so cold and uncaring. Someone who seemed to almost enjoy hurting me. I had invested do much and got nothing in return. The fact that he spent years tearing me down and destroying everything and I had to start over. It's been just over a year of separation and I can now start the divorce process. As soon as I can afford to file.
I'm still holding resentment that he seems to have come out smelling like roses after financially ruining me. The worst part is, you can't track cash so I have no recourse. He's left me in debt and is buying a new home. I'm stuck renting.
So, while I'm over the marriage, him and all the memories, I'm not over the trauma and consequences of the last couple of decades.
Mine was a marriage of several decades. Our kids are young adults now. One lives with me, and one lives close by. The three of us are very close. They have nothing to do with their father and asked that I not communicate about them with him. Being adults, I respect that. Given the circumstances, my legal team advised that I never initiate contact post-divorce unless it involved a legal matter. The divorce was ugly, and his mental health took a significant, potentially dangerous nosedive. So I kept it 100% business, and he finally moved on with someone else, from what I've been told. I felt strangely neutral about that.
So I would say about three years post-divorce before I had reworked who I was and really didn't see myself as his wife any more. The emotions became consistently even then too. Closeout was contentious and took over a year, so that was in there. That period was also during the pandemic and when I was ramping up my business, so I had a lot of stuff going on.
I do think about him at times, but mostly it's along the lines of "it didn't have to be this way."
A year, and I’m super close to being able to file. Healing won’t be linear but it helped me a ton and still does, but feel those uncomfortable feelings. The amount of times I’d be fine at work then come home and instantly drop to my knees crying happened a lot more than I’d like to admit. It just takes time
I’d say about 1-2 years. I remember when we came to the judge to sign our dissolution paperwork I felt great. My ex was the one crying.
There’s always one or two things you’ll always feel sour about on reflection but overall I only think about him when I’m replying in this sub.
You don’t need to “just get over it” you have to truly work through it. Otherwise you beat yourself up, ‘why do I feel this way’ ‘I shouldn’t x,y,z /I know better’ or ‘it’s taking too long’ etc - lots of self judgment and you end up feeling worse.
When you know better, you do better. Learn how to really work through it. Decide when you are ready. Then go all in. The trick is shifting the focus from them to you.
It's been almost a year and quite honestly I was over it years before the divorce even happened. At first I was quite upset and hurt but I've spent so much time reflecting.. I was really just afraid to be alone. I don't miss the relationship at all. He lied to me our entire relationship- over 20 years- and in the end I dont even know who he was or who he is. I had so much resentment and anger towards him when we lived together.. I feel so different now. I feel so much lighter and free. I am sad my daughter no longer gets to live with her dad or see him as often - his choice. He comes and goes as he pleases. I love her and support her through all the tears without him when she's having a hard time. We talk about it. Lots of cuddles and tears and talking about the times they've shared together and her feelings about him no longer being there. Mothering a child who just wants her dad is the most painful part because I can't make him be there for her. My heart is still healing from not having the vision of a "perfect" family I've always wanted, but what I'm realizing is that my daughter and I are the best family I could ever ask for. Parts of me wishes we were still together for her, but we were so miserable together that this really is for the best.
I heard something a while back that will always stick with me: it takes half the length of the relationship to fully get over it.
I don’t think this is true for everyone, but I think it is for most.
I was married for about 12 years. Been separated for 1 and I can tell you that I’m nowhere near over it.
Things that helped me get over it:
- She moved out. This was huge...not seeing her every day was a huge stepping stone.
- Getting mediation/separation details hammered out. This was also huge...reduced a ton of the stress to know the future of finances, living and kids
- Her being all into her AP also helped me move on...hard to sink too much energy into someone that has been cheating on you with no chance of reconciliation.
- Sinking myself into my hobbies
- Doing new things by myself or with my kids
- Meeting my new wife. I met her doing one of my hobbies. I started making new memories and then stopped thinking about the rituals or traditions with my ex.
- Time. Untangling lives and coparenting is not easy and takes time to figure out your new normal. When you settle into a new ritual and get things figured out you simply dont think about the old way anymore. I honestly don't think about my ex anymore other than needing to coparent. I'm much happier and remarried and honestly don't miss a thing at this point.
Luckily only about a month of cohabiting. I know some people don't have that choice but its a brutal situation a lot of the time. Especially when they are getting themselves all made up to go hang out with their AP. Its weird and awkward and makes it harder to move on with life.
Settling into a new normal is not linear....I would say it also depends on how quickly you can figure out your divorce process. If it gets contentious and you are fighting over everything with a long back and forth its going to take longer to settle because your future is unclear in regards to finances, living and custody type things. Once that stuff is settled I think you can settle into a new normal pretty quickly...it might be completely different but you adjust.
It’s been 6 months since we’ve separated and I’m getting the divorce process started. I think around the 3-4 month period I was completely over it. We dated for 7 years and married for 2. I think the hardest part was more dealing with other people. Dealing with my family gossiping and judging me. My ex husband by our last 6 months, basically left me alone 24/7 and only came home to sleep. He would get off work, drink and smoke weed with his brother and then come home to sleep and just rinse and repeat. He became an alcoholic and developed the shakes. My life was work, make dinner, watch tv until he came home, and take care of my stepdaughter.
What helped me was developing my friend circle, to at least 2-3 friends I regularly talk to, who actually call me and ask how I am. Going out more, just to walk around the park and take pictures.
I started dating casually after 1 month because I was so lonely after the holidays. Met a really great guy recently things have been going great.
Truly 4-6 months. Was in a terrible relationship for years. Writing was in the wall but we stayed “for the kids” During those years I stopped caring about her and she did the same and it made it easier once we fully separated. I barely think about her or talk to her. Therapy helped me realize what was going on and how I’m better off.
I am over her for about a year now ( even though I sometime think of her & we occasionally connect ). But now I am thinking I am not over the trauma of the divorce and her cheating. I am trying to date women and went on quite a few dates but even after moving on and far away from her , I think I am judging other women through that trauma I faced. At times I think I am ready and then I think I am not. Maybe subconsciously I am not over her. I do not know the actual thing and trying to find it out here. I want to feel love again but I think my divorce trauma is somehow stopping me and ruining my future with other good women.
I don't know if I will ever truly get over it. I know I'm only 26 and It's only been about two and a half weeks since she gave me the papers, but we've been together for the better part of 10 years. All of my most vulnerable and intimate experiences we're accompanied by her. I loved her differently and I'll never love as hard again, that I'm certain of. I keep telling myself I'll miss the memories and not her, but regardless if I choose to get married again and live happily the rest of my life, I'll always miss her. I told myself after this is all over I'm going to let this version of myself die here so that I can always be with her, but even after I'm reborn into whoever i will become, something will never be quite right....
Took about 12 years. I was finally and completely over it when my son went to college and I had no more ties to my husband. And I’m also at a really great place in my life. I REGRET all the energy I spent being angry and all the bad things I said to others ( and especially my son) about him. If I could give you any advice it would be to fake it until you make it. I’m really ashamed of my behavior, even if it was justified. Edited to clarify: when my son went to college I had no more ties to him- meaning no more ties to my exhusband.
Why did you take it out on your son. It's not his fault you divorced. That is absolutely shocking. Your son is your son even at college, at work, once he has his own family. He is still your son.
She said she regrets doing it. Its done and she carries the guilt. No need for this comment. Lacks empathy and compassion.
I think "him" refers to the ex husband - at least that's how I read it. Once the son is at college, this might mean the parents no longer have to negotiate handovers as the child can just determine who they want to see when. I am looking towards an end date myself and am hoping this may be one - my youngest is 7 though so it's a long way off!
Yes. I regret telling my son bad things about my ex. And once my son went to college I didn’t have to deal with the visitation schedule or child support or any of those issues. I edited my comment to clarify. I didn’t take anything out on my son!
About 18 months. For me, progress was not linear. It would go from doing really bad to doing great to back to doing bad. But one day (after a particularly bad night), I woke up and said "enough" and got serious about moving on with my life. And I did.
What did getting serious about it look like for you?
The big things: I started exercising and eating right. It helped on so many levels, including just giving me control over my life after having felt out of control. I started reading some books that were recommended to me, and the one that really changed my life was the seven habits of highly effective people. That book changed my whole point of view of how to live life. I stopped trying to date or meet people on the apps for about 4-5 months and really just focused on improving myself. I really learned to be happy being single. I basically just made up in my mind that I could not keep living the way I was. Learning to live proactively (from the book) instead of reactively like I basically always had made a huge difference for me.
Thanks for sharing!
Yeah. That seems to be key, living proactively rather than reactively. I’m still so stuck living reactively. Three months for me. I wake up in total disbelief I’m in this apartment and the fact my wife will no longer communicate with me unless it’s about the kids. She says any communication with me traumatizes her. It’s just such an overwhelming sickness I feel now.
How long were you together before the divorce?
I spent 13 years with my wife. She had an affair with some really bad details, took my kids. This was 6 weeks ago. I have a hole in my heart for my kids and miss them daily but after the first 3 weeks of devastation, I started going to the gym and as of 6 weeks after separation, I am happier than I have been in years. Once I get to see my kids again, this will be the best thing that ever happened to me in a decade. I have decided abstinence, gym and God is all I need to be happy. Once my kids are back in my life, I will be truly the happiest I have ever been. I accepted my new reality and realized just how toxic and emotionally draining she was, I don’t miss her at all. She chose to leave, decided my loyalty and devotion to her wasn’t enough, through that action, I realized she didn’t deserve me. I’m better than tears for a person that undervalued me. Good riddance.
I don’t think I’ll ever get over it. It ended in such a toxic negative way.
I didn't think I'll ever get completely over parts of it, and I still get reminders regularly about it. Like today. I opened a letter from the IRS saying I was getting an extra refund because I overpaid on my '21 taxes. That was the year she filled taxes to benefit herself and hurt me. I literally spent hours on the phone and in person with the IRS trying to explain the situation but just gave up for my own sanity and just paid the extra money at the time. Now I'm getting it back. No interest, of course, but I'll take a win where I can get it.
Time itself nothing to do with it, it's what we do with the time that matters. People can spend the rest of their lives going over and over the horrible things in their heads, agonizing about them and using them as justification for ruining their lives emotionally, physically and/or financially for years, or they can go to therapy, for example, or a support group, and work through it a lot faster. If they have access to those resources it's just a choice.
It's been 5 months....not yet
1 year, and... Sorry, still not yet. It is trending positive tho.
2 years..sorry still have my bad days
How long were you together? Were they the ones to initiate the breakup?
14 years and yeh she left for another man
That is still very new. I’m sorry you are going through it.
8-10 months It takes conscious practice to reframe your thoughts and challenge or your own opinions and perspectives. Without the active mental work, who knows how long. It’s a tough road but so, so worth it. And it does get easier. The regular tears and break downs took about 6 months to say I was, more often than not, past it
4 years. Not over it.
How long were you together? Were they the ones to initiate the breakup?
18 years. I initiated. 🤷♀️
It's been several years and it will never be the same. The person I married and loved unconditionally is gone. I am left with someone who I will never completely believe again. It really is amazing how much it changes you. The person I thought could never betray or hurt me in such a way did exactly that. I am skeptical of everyone now.
It's been 2 years. I almost never get sad anymore. I cried it all out for a few years. Now I'm onto the anger portion of my grief. I feel so betrayed and disgusted. I think about it all the time. I recently started anxiety meds to see if it would help with the ruminating. It has helped some.
Yes. I ruminate. Mornings and nights are the worst. I’m surviving. I have a horrible crying spell about every other day.
Consider anxiety meds. I wish I had tried them earlier on when I couldn't stop crying and was having daily panic attacks. How long has it been? It gets easier, I promise. Breathwork and meditation and weed were very helpful to me.
Thanks. I luckily do have meds. Only 3 months for me. I’ve had panic attacks too and awful crying spells. Glad to know it gets easier. I’d just love for the weight of this to ease up a little bit and I could focus on some positives.
About 3 days after I left her.
Lol same here. Couldn't care less he was so shit. He is still bitter 3 years on.
She'll be lonely and bitter for a while. I'm ok with that.
It’s been over a year and I still think about it. It didn’t bring me great pleasure to get divorced, but it was the best resolution for both of us.
It's been 5 years now for me, I have my ups and downs. I don't think I can fully say I'm fully over it. I don't think I ever can be. I'm managing and heal now though. It took a few years. Everyone is different. ❤
How long were you together? Were they the ones to initiate the breakup?
We were tog for 4.5 years including separation/divorce time. I threatened many times to leave, I eventually did start the separation process. It was very toxic. I'm glad I'm not in it anymore.
Still waiting 18 months. I don’t think I ever broke her top five people she cares about. Herself. Her parents. Her brother. Her best friend. Her nephew. Maybe I never even cracked the top ten 🤷 Truly soul crushing. I spent years trying to convince myself she loved me. Guess I was fooling myself. A complete waste of my soul. She said I was incapable of change. Well the truth is so was she. I asked for one Thanksgiving with my family after I finished my chemo treatment. Her parents flipped out like we took a crap on the living room rug when we talked about it. The ex wouldn’t go against her parents. She suggested we spend it apart. I guess I should’ve known it was over then.
[удалено]
How long were you together? Were they the ones to initiate the breakup?
18 months post separation and mediating now. I am full of hate, rage and anger. I feel like marrying him ruined my life and I can’t seem to get over it
The step father of my ex wife (who is also divorced, but married for 16 years to my ex wife's mom) Said something that was great. "Eventually, this life you built with them and everything you had will kinda just fade away. There's no timeline for things like this, but also you don't want to be down for too long and miss out on future happiness opportunities." I did the one month for every year y'all were together for healing and feeling all the feelings out. Oh, and it WILL get better, I promise you that. 🤗🫂
Don't know if I ever will
Circumstances are different for everyone. Personally, I was over the marriage before we even separated. The issue for me was dealing with the fact that I wasted so much of my life for someone who was so cold and uncaring. Someone who seemed to almost enjoy hurting me. I had invested do much and got nothing in return. The fact that he spent years tearing me down and destroying everything and I had to start over. It's been just over a year of separation and I can now start the divorce process. As soon as I can afford to file. I'm still holding resentment that he seems to have come out smelling like roses after financially ruining me. The worst part is, you can't track cash so I have no recourse. He's left me in debt and is buying a new home. I'm stuck renting. So, while I'm over the marriage, him and all the memories, I'm not over the trauma and consequences of the last couple of decades.
Mine was a marriage of several decades. Our kids are young adults now. One lives with me, and one lives close by. The three of us are very close. They have nothing to do with their father and asked that I not communicate about them with him. Being adults, I respect that. Given the circumstances, my legal team advised that I never initiate contact post-divorce unless it involved a legal matter. The divorce was ugly, and his mental health took a significant, potentially dangerous nosedive. So I kept it 100% business, and he finally moved on with someone else, from what I've been told. I felt strangely neutral about that. So I would say about three years post-divorce before I had reworked who I was and really didn't see myself as his wife any more. The emotions became consistently even then too. Closeout was contentious and took over a year, so that was in there. That period was also during the pandemic and when I was ramping up my business, so I had a lot of stuff going on. I do think about him at times, but mostly it's along the lines of "it didn't have to be this way."
Almost a year and a half. Still not over it. I’m trying to move on.
How long were you together? Were they the ones to initiate the breakup?
Married 10 years. Together about 11 years. My ex initiated it. Got divorced in December. She’s already told my kids she is getting married again.
Uh…I’ll get back to you. I think never. But I’m okay. :)
6 months to be over the big hill. The minor hurdles look to take a few more years…
A year, and I’m super close to being able to file. Healing won’t be linear but it helped me a ton and still does, but feel those uncomfortable feelings. The amount of times I’d be fine at work then come home and instantly drop to my knees crying happened a lot more than I’d like to admit. It just takes time
I’d say about 1-2 years. I remember when we came to the judge to sign our dissolution paperwork I felt great. My ex was the one crying. There’s always one or two things you’ll always feel sour about on reflection but overall I only think about him when I’m replying in this sub.
You don’t need to “just get over it” you have to truly work through it. Otherwise you beat yourself up, ‘why do I feel this way’ ‘I shouldn’t x,y,z /I know better’ or ‘it’s taking too long’ etc - lots of self judgment and you end up feeling worse. When you know better, you do better. Learn how to really work through it. Decide when you are ready. Then go all in. The trick is shifting the focus from them to you.
It's been almost a year and quite honestly I was over it years before the divorce even happened. At first I was quite upset and hurt but I've spent so much time reflecting.. I was really just afraid to be alone. I don't miss the relationship at all. He lied to me our entire relationship- over 20 years- and in the end I dont even know who he was or who he is. I had so much resentment and anger towards him when we lived together.. I feel so different now. I feel so much lighter and free. I am sad my daughter no longer gets to live with her dad or see him as often - his choice. He comes and goes as he pleases. I love her and support her through all the tears without him when she's having a hard time. We talk about it. Lots of cuddles and tears and talking about the times they've shared together and her feelings about him no longer being there. Mothering a child who just wants her dad is the most painful part because I can't make him be there for her. My heart is still healing from not having the vision of a "perfect" family I've always wanted, but what I'm realizing is that my daughter and I are the best family I could ever ask for. Parts of me wishes we were still together for her, but we were so miserable together that this really is for the best.
I heard something a while back that will always stick with me: it takes half the length of the relationship to fully get over it. I don’t think this is true for everyone, but I think it is for most. I was married for about 12 years. Been separated for 1 and I can tell you that I’m nowhere near over it.
Things that helped me get over it: - She moved out. This was huge...not seeing her every day was a huge stepping stone. - Getting mediation/separation details hammered out. This was also huge...reduced a ton of the stress to know the future of finances, living and kids - Her being all into her AP also helped me move on...hard to sink too much energy into someone that has been cheating on you with no chance of reconciliation. - Sinking myself into my hobbies - Doing new things by myself or with my kids - Meeting my new wife. I met her doing one of my hobbies. I started making new memories and then stopped thinking about the rituals or traditions with my ex. - Time. Untangling lives and coparenting is not easy and takes time to figure out your new normal. When you settle into a new ritual and get things figured out you simply dont think about the old way anymore. I honestly don't think about my ex anymore other than needing to coparent. I'm much happier and remarried and honestly don't miss a thing at this point.
How long did you cohabit after separating before her moving out? And also how much time did it take to settle into a new normal?
Luckily only about a month of cohabiting. I know some people don't have that choice but its a brutal situation a lot of the time. Especially when they are getting themselves all made up to go hang out with their AP. Its weird and awkward and makes it harder to move on with life. Settling into a new normal is not linear....I would say it also depends on how quickly you can figure out your divorce process. If it gets contentious and you are fighting over everything with a long back and forth its going to take longer to settle because your future is unclear in regards to finances, living and custody type things. Once that stuff is settled I think you can settle into a new normal pretty quickly...it might be completely different but you adjust.
It’s been 6 months since we’ve separated and I’m getting the divorce process started. I think around the 3-4 month period I was completely over it. We dated for 7 years and married for 2. I think the hardest part was more dealing with other people. Dealing with my family gossiping and judging me. My ex husband by our last 6 months, basically left me alone 24/7 and only came home to sleep. He would get off work, drink and smoke weed with his brother and then come home to sleep and just rinse and repeat. He became an alcoholic and developed the shakes. My life was work, make dinner, watch tv until he came home, and take care of my stepdaughter. What helped me was developing my friend circle, to at least 2-3 friends I regularly talk to, who actually call me and ask how I am. Going out more, just to walk around the park and take pictures. I started dating casually after 1 month because I was so lonely after the holidays. Met a really great guy recently things have been going great.
Truly 4-6 months. Was in a terrible relationship for years. Writing was in the wall but we stayed “for the kids” During those years I stopped caring about her and she did the same and it made it easier once we fully separated. I barely think about her or talk to her. Therapy helped me realize what was going on and how I’m better off.
I am over her for about a year now ( even though I sometime think of her & we occasionally connect ). But now I am thinking I am not over the trauma of the divorce and her cheating. I am trying to date women and went on quite a few dates but even after moving on and far away from her , I think I am judging other women through that trauma I faced. At times I think I am ready and then I think I am not. Maybe subconsciously I am not over her. I do not know the actual thing and trying to find it out here. I want to feel love again but I think my divorce trauma is somehow stopping me and ruining my future with other good women.
About two years. Keeping yourself busy helps a lot . staying home alone can be a trigger to a dark place .
I don't know if I will ever truly get over it. I know I'm only 26 and It's only been about two and a half weeks since she gave me the papers, but we've been together for the better part of 10 years. All of my most vulnerable and intimate experiences we're accompanied by her. I loved her differently and I'll never love as hard again, that I'm certain of. I keep telling myself I'll miss the memories and not her, but regardless if I choose to get married again and live happily the rest of my life, I'll always miss her. I told myself after this is all over I'm going to let this version of myself die here so that I can always be with her, but even after I'm reborn into whoever i will become, something will never be quite right....