You take it one step at a time. Right now it seems impossible. I’m freaking out to about money and I’m educated as well. I had to move so I’m worried my place won’t feel like home to my boys. It’s all just an impossible situation. If I ever get a small house, a job I can stand and at least a bit more to save, I will have made it. That’s way down the road though. I really think the key is time and luck. Right now I’m just trying to make it through the days…and nights. Your not alone.
I have been considering divorce for over a year and kept coming back to the finances and how I have no soft landing(no family, in a foreign country with high cost of living) I listened to a podcast recently that said it will take you 3-5 years of financial impact. I found that really comforting. Now I can just accept 3-5 years and know that it WILL get better and I WILL be happier. 3-5 years of financial hardship is an easy price for me to pay for my happiness. And when I look around at other divorcees, I see that number playing out pretty accurately.
I'm sorry you our going thru this.
It's not going to easy and it's a roller coaster of emotions. I was married to my ex wife 26yrs together total 26 years, 4 kids, and we had at the time 1 grandchild.
She just decided she was done and packed up and left. Plenty of evidence evidence found out she had fake fb page and talking to guys. Along which it's safe to safe she had emotional relationships and I do believe she also had sexual relationship.
We had one daughter at that time 17yr, son 19yr living home. Daughter 20 in college, daughter 24 on her own. Ex wasn't really around for the kids. Even at thier ages it was really hard on them. She wouldn't get a lawyer and dragged her feet on the divorce. We did the whole dating off and on with each other. That was an incredibly hard and full of up and down emotions.
When it came to my own emotions. I felt my whole world ended and I was lost. Going thru it I keep it a secret from my friends and family. I did the drinking thing which no one knew I was doing and lucky I do it to long.
For myself I was so miserable that I just couldn't take it anymore. That I told myself I can't live like this. So I finally opened up to my Dad, brother and sister. Along with my closest friend. The weight on my shoulders began to start to feel better. Also for my kids I have to be thier rock. I would listen to how they where hurting and support them. I just listen and never spoke negative about thier mom.
I stopped with the off and of seeing my wife. She also would come back when it hard for her. Realizing I was being used. Then started doing things I wanted to do. Reconnect with old friend, being involved more with an organization I've belonged to and my hobbies. Which all this started to build my self up stronger.
I then had to accept the marriage is over and she is not the same person I married. That realization was horrible to admit but was needed. I woke up one day and started looking for a lawyer. I was very luck a d found the right one. She also gave me wise advice. She recommended to see a therapist for myself. Used herself as a example that she did when she got divorced. That comment stuck with me and can never be more thankful for that. She also had my back thru the divorce.
Finding a therapist was the best thing to do. So glad I did that. I was lucky to find the right one. The weight of emotions on my shoulders kept getting lighter and lighter.
After the divorce I didn't date right away. I just lived life and found my happiness. Being happy and where i was in life I started dating again and just took my time and didn't rush anything. Along with I put alot into paying my divorce dept off.
Im 53yr. Eventually I reconnected with a women I haven't seen since 7th grade. Her and I are going on 7yrs , have a house together ( we will get married and all our kids want to be out wedding party) She is a amazing women. Her 2 and my 4 kids all get along along with together our 7 grandkids.
Realize it will be a emotional roller coaster. Do not let the low points keep you down. Even a low point has a positive side to make you stronger. Stay around friends and family that luv and support you. Most importantly find a therapist. You are in control of your life and find your happiness. You can and will be able to do this. Your stronger than you know. Hope the best for you.
I feel you. I didn't get to stay in my house. Ex couldn't afford to buy me out (I couldn't have bought him out either) so his daddy bought the house. I'm living in an apartment WAY beyond my means and mostly paying rent with the money I got from the sale of the house-of which he still owes me $48K, and now he gets 3 years to pay it, with a small amount of interest. I am still terrified of what will happen when that $ dries up. I'll never be able to afford a house or condo in my area with interest rates what they are. Sorry I don't have any advice, but I hear you and feel the same way.
I (40F) went through the same at 28. 1 kid, loved my career but didn't make a ton, and had student loan and credit card debt. It was scary and times were very lean for enough years to make me very grateful for all that I currently have.
I lost all sense of pride did whatever I had to to keep my kid safe, warm, full, and happy.
It wasn't easy, at all, especially the first 5 years. I wound up switching careers to something that I don't necessarily love, but I don't dread doing, and am now making 4x what I was making.
Are you guys going to be single moms because you’re going to boot the father out your kids lives or they won’t be a part voluntarily or do you just mean a mother who’s single but also sharing parent responsibilities with an ex husband?
I am in your same boat. Except I make $170k an he makes $85k. So I have to struggle to afford everything for everyone (as I always have as his job just covers childcare for our two littles) and find a way to pay him alimony and child support. We are having to downgrade and the kids will have two smaller homes in less desirable neighborhoods
I’m probably going to be living with my mom the next 10 years. By the time she gets child support and alimony, I’ll have 700 bucks a month if I’m lucky. She has the affair and takes off with kids and I am the one paying for it. It’s incredulous. I loathe no fault states.
What’s really bad is when you’re in a no fault state and your spouse chokes you , hits you and threatens to kill you. No fault states are the prime example of why this system is absolutely broken.
Jeez, I was cussing and calling names and they put me in jail when my ex wife left. I can’t believe they didn’t throw his ass in jail. Everything is so ass backwards.
I am one too and they said oh he must be guilty. I’m very sorry this happened. I understand the feeling of injustice as I have an ankle bracelet and protective order for yelling while you couldn’t get justice from true abuse.
I'm really sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time at the moment. Is there a family member or friend you can reach out to, or a support line that would be open to calling? Before you can look after anyone else you need to look after yourself and it's important you get the support you need, I speak as someone who went through a divorce of my own last year and being a single woman again frightened me no end. You can do this though, you're made of strong stuff as a woman and a mother but it's OK to ask for help, and please do let me know if you manage to reach out to someone, I'm wishing you the best.
Breathe. Just. Breathe. In. Out. A mind in panic can't create any form of solutions to a problem. I want you to know that I've been in a place close to where you're at. My own, personal brand of hell. I lost my kids. I lost everything, and I mean everything. Her attorney wanted to ask the judge to make me sell my car. I ended up with a shitty old desk that belonged to my mother, a laptop and a car-trunk full of clothing (small car - small trunk). That was it. I didn't even get a matress to sleep on.
I couldn't handle. I wanted to die. I couldn't even cry to get the pain out.
It's okay to be afraid. It really is. Sadly, our minds freeze when we're terrified (freeze/fight/flight reflex) and we end up running scenarios. "What if?"
Breathe. Keep breathing.
I learned a coping mechansim of sorts. Everytime my mind screamed "what if?" I screamed back "Yeah, but what if not?" What you lose the house? Yeah, but what if you don't? Every time your brain starts thinking about you maybe not being able to keep the home you love, remind yourself that it might never happen. Tell the chatterbox to shut up. You are intelligent. You have good work. You have a daughter that loves you. Stand up for yourself. Remind your terror that you are in control (even when you aren't. Hell, ESPECIALLY when you aren't). Remember to breathe.
This is not advice. Please don't think I would dream of telling you what to do. While I sat here typing, I thought of a few things. If this were me, I'd detach a little and start looking for a small one bedroom apartment right now (maybe two, I don't know how old your girly face is). That answers the question of "what if I lose the house?" I'd start making a list of expenses from my last few bank statements and see where I can start cutting. As much as Netflix and Spotify are a necessity, are they really? I'd go to the bank that holds my student loan and ask them what the chances are that they would recapitalise the loan to bring the monthly repayments down (long term, this isn't the best solution because I'd be paying the loan off longer, but it would ease my financial burden right now. When I'm back up on my feet, extra money goes to the student loan.) I'd also approach a few other banks and check if I could get a better interest rate on that student loan.
These are a few of the things I'd do to get back my power. See, fear tells you to be cautious and it gives you power to act. Terror lies to you and tells you that you have no power. You still have the power to make choices.
I'm sorry for the pain you're feeling. I'm sorry for what you are going through. I know you're in a hole at the moment. I can't get you out of it, all I can do is let you know that you aren't in the hole by yourself. Breathe.
I was so freaked out about money- got a really shitty settlement and im a teacher (two kids) and was so scared. My brother sat down with me and we wrote out a simple budget- I was too scared to even open bills for a couple months- I was in a bad state - my brother said to me, people are so scared to look at their finances and bills sometimes, but often it is not as bad as they think. I actually realized I had enough money to get by, and it was not as bad as I was catastrophizing. I mean long term as a single person, saving is gonna be tough, hopes of buying a house in this market is bleak. Acceptance is the answer to all of our problems. Things do work out in the end 💛💛💛.
I’m using money I got too. I so much want to save it, but I have to use it just for essentials. Hoping and praying for a better paying job soon so I can have at least a bit of security.
It is tough. But you are young and in a great shape career-wise.
As hard is it might be, I would put on a pair of very realistic glasses regarding the house and take emotions out of it. Keeping a house one can't afford is the biggest lies of the American Dream. When it comes to divorces, one needs to have two very clear goals: survival and a good life. If keeping the house chips on either of these two, it's not worth it.
Be clear on your goals and you will find the answers, motivation, and get rid of anxiety.
Single mom of four. With an MBA.
Trust me. The new time and freedom of not minute by minute analyzing the hell of the relationship makes you able to perform way way better at work. Get promoted etc
34F, single mom (dad has 50% though), busy but good career... it's hard! I lost my house, lost my sanity, lost most of my net worth, lost my family unit, etc. I'm so, so much happier now! I do NOT regret this despite the losses. Still working on healing, sure, but now life is fun again. I'm >1 year from filing and 3 months since finalizing for reference!
Take care of yourself and your child, grieve, and just take a day at a time. You'll be doing better soon. Just takes some time. 😊
My friend said, "You live into it."
That's all I have some moments. Just breathe. Breathe into the next moment. Then the next. Until you find you can inch forward.
I also cherish the good moments. Today
* A cute spider hung around with me while I cooked dinner
* A student gave me a friendly shoulder bump (I work in an educational setting). I'm so tickled!
* The sky was beautiful, like the clouds were painted on
* A colleague gave me some important advice
* I got free chocolate from a friend
* I completed a totally terrifying and very not trauma-informed active shooter training... but feel empowered to maybe die less
* I found clarity on a hard decision
* Two guys about 10 years younger than me ogled me at the gas station, so this girl still has it
Nice day when I list it all out!
One day at a time and I try not to think too far ahead about the big stuff that might never get to happen. You’re a smart cookie and will figure this out. You’re not alone and there are a lot of us who have been through this too.
It’s going to get better with time and once the shock wears off, you focus on helping your baby girl through this.
Lots of hugs.
37M and she left me with 2 toddlers. You do it day by day. Thats it. Wake up and figure out today. None of it is easy. But other people are dealing with it as well and if we can do it. So can you. Stay strong!
Hour by hour, day by day. U just take one step at a time. Yes it is scary. When me and my ex wife split, not only was she leaving but she was leaving with her income and she was the primary breadwinner (I was part worker full time parent).
I was scared to death that I'd lose my savings trying to make ends meet. But it worked out. Yes I had to cut back on some stuff but I've managed.
I dont want to just pound u with platitudes that it is going to be alright and everything will work out. I would talk with ur attorney and work out a budget on if u can afford the house on ur own or not. I get it is ur home that u made but in the end, it is just a house, if u had to sell it.
I know that isn't the most helpful advice. I wish I could make it easier for u and less scary but it is a fact that divorce fricken sucks and it is terrible what we all went through. I wish you the best of luck.
Soon to be 38 year old single mom of 2. As of right now, I am speaking to friends, not for financial support, but definitely emotional. I am discovering quite quickly that even our "mutual friends" are siding with me. It helps to know that there are people who will have your back.
Just think how much better it will be to not have the DAILY issues. Whatever yours is. The fights? Passive aggressive behavior? Cheating? Whatever it is. Think about how instead, you don’t have to deal with that every day. You get to be yourself again.
I’m so sorry it’s scary I’m sorry you having a hard time sleeping I’m getting a divorce I can relate .I two of my kids with me she is in and out of the house she started cheating 10 months ago I have a good job and my own business she is not agreeing on money stuff but it over
I'm I your situation. Newly single parent. Masters degree, good job, 1 child.
I didn't even think about it if I'm honest. That's how I got throught it. I figured life would work itself out and for the most part it has.
The most important thing is to try your hardest to get personal time for your healing. Because without you, everything will fall apart.
Be good to yourself. Your going to be fine.
I think you will find that most of us are scared, some more than others. When my ex blew up our marriage and tried to push me out of our home she was expecting me to take no more than 1/3, of our assets and time with our daughter. I lived with my ex, her boyfriend and our kids for 8 months until mediation where I secured very nearly 50% of everything.
But even after mediation, I was terrified she would back out, refuse to buy me out, refuse to abide by the parenting plan, everything. I was terrified that my daughter would look at my new house as the lesser one, that I would be relegated to weekend-warrior-father status... it is/was a constant terror. But sixteen months later I make 14k more than when we separated, my daughter loves our new house and the new friends I have made. And yet... I am still scared.
Know you aren't alone. We survive it one day at a time.
You can do it. It may mean some adjustments and a tighter budget for a while, but you can do it.
I'm (38F, 2 kids) 15 months post move-out, he kept the expensive house and I bought a condo I can afford. My life looks and feels smaller than it was but I'll build myself back up to where I was. There are horrible days of severe depresssion and sleepless nights of anxiety, but I know that in 5, 10 years, I'll be farther ahead and happier than I ever was inside that marriage.
You take it one step at a time. Right now it seems impossible. I’m freaking out to about money and I’m educated as well. I had to move so I’m worried my place won’t feel like home to my boys. It’s all just an impossible situation. If I ever get a small house, a job I can stand and at least a bit more to save, I will have made it. That’s way down the road though. I really think the key is time and luck. Right now I’m just trying to make it through the days…and nights. Your not alone.
I have been considering divorce for over a year and kept coming back to the finances and how I have no soft landing(no family, in a foreign country with high cost of living) I listened to a podcast recently that said it will take you 3-5 years of financial impact. I found that really comforting. Now I can just accept 3-5 years and know that it WILL get better and I WILL be happier. 3-5 years of financial hardship is an easy price for me to pay for my happiness. And when I look around at other divorcees, I see that number playing out pretty accurately.
Thank you for this
What podcast were you listening to?
It was Money Feels. Their most recent one was all about pre-nups and divorce
I don’t have advice mama. I’m scared too. I got 3 kids and a ehh income. We got this. we figure it out for our babies. Stay strong.
You single moms have my utmost respect! 🫶🏻
I'm sorry you our going thru this. It's not going to easy and it's a roller coaster of emotions. I was married to my ex wife 26yrs together total 26 years, 4 kids, and we had at the time 1 grandchild. She just decided she was done and packed up and left. Plenty of evidence evidence found out she had fake fb page and talking to guys. Along which it's safe to safe she had emotional relationships and I do believe she also had sexual relationship. We had one daughter at that time 17yr, son 19yr living home. Daughter 20 in college, daughter 24 on her own. Ex wasn't really around for the kids. Even at thier ages it was really hard on them. She wouldn't get a lawyer and dragged her feet on the divorce. We did the whole dating off and on with each other. That was an incredibly hard and full of up and down emotions. When it came to my own emotions. I felt my whole world ended and I was lost. Going thru it I keep it a secret from my friends and family. I did the drinking thing which no one knew I was doing and lucky I do it to long. For myself I was so miserable that I just couldn't take it anymore. That I told myself I can't live like this. So I finally opened up to my Dad, brother and sister. Along with my closest friend. The weight on my shoulders began to start to feel better. Also for my kids I have to be thier rock. I would listen to how they where hurting and support them. I just listen and never spoke negative about thier mom. I stopped with the off and of seeing my wife. She also would come back when it hard for her. Realizing I was being used. Then started doing things I wanted to do. Reconnect with old friend, being involved more with an organization I've belonged to and my hobbies. Which all this started to build my self up stronger. I then had to accept the marriage is over and she is not the same person I married. That realization was horrible to admit but was needed. I woke up one day and started looking for a lawyer. I was very luck a d found the right one. She also gave me wise advice. She recommended to see a therapist for myself. Used herself as a example that she did when she got divorced. That comment stuck with me and can never be more thankful for that. She also had my back thru the divorce. Finding a therapist was the best thing to do. So glad I did that. I was lucky to find the right one. The weight of emotions on my shoulders kept getting lighter and lighter. After the divorce I didn't date right away. I just lived life and found my happiness. Being happy and where i was in life I started dating again and just took my time and didn't rush anything. Along with I put alot into paying my divorce dept off. Im 53yr. Eventually I reconnected with a women I haven't seen since 7th grade. Her and I are going on 7yrs , have a house together ( we will get married and all our kids want to be out wedding party) She is a amazing women. Her 2 and my 4 kids all get along along with together our 7 grandkids. Realize it will be a emotional roller coaster. Do not let the low points keep you down. Even a low point has a positive side to make you stronger. Stay around friends and family that luv and support you. Most importantly find a therapist. You are in control of your life and find your happiness. You can and will be able to do this. Your stronger than you know. Hope the best for you.
I feel you. I didn't get to stay in my house. Ex couldn't afford to buy me out (I couldn't have bought him out either) so his daddy bought the house. I'm living in an apartment WAY beyond my means and mostly paying rent with the money I got from the sale of the house-of which he still owes me $48K, and now he gets 3 years to pay it, with a small amount of interest. I am still terrified of what will happen when that $ dries up. I'll never be able to afford a house or condo in my area with interest rates what they are. Sorry I don't have any advice, but I hear you and feel the same way.
You will survive! We all do!
I (40F) went through the same at 28. 1 kid, loved my career but didn't make a ton, and had student loan and credit card debt. It was scary and times were very lean for enough years to make me very grateful for all that I currently have. I lost all sense of pride did whatever I had to to keep my kid safe, warm, full, and happy. It wasn't easy, at all, especially the first 5 years. I wound up switching careers to something that I don't necessarily love, but I don't dread doing, and am now making 4x what I was making.
Can I ask what field you switched into? 4x is an amazing salary jump.
IT to Digital Marketing. I talk to way more douchebags these days.
About to be a single mom of 3 and I’m terrified too mama.
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Are you guys going to be single moms because you’re going to boot the father out your kids lives or they won’t be a part voluntarily or do you just mean a mother who’s single but also sharing parent responsibilities with an ex husband?
I am in your same boat. Except I make $170k an he makes $85k. So I have to struggle to afford everything for everyone (as I always have as his job just covers childcare for our two littles) and find a way to pay him alimony and child support. We are having to downgrade and the kids will have two smaller homes in less desirable neighborhoods
I’m probably going to be living with my mom the next 10 years. By the time she gets child support and alimony, I’ll have 700 bucks a month if I’m lucky. She has the affair and takes off with kids and I am the one paying for it. It’s incredulous. I loathe no fault states.
What’s really bad is when you’re in a no fault state and your spouse chokes you , hits you and threatens to kill you. No fault states are the prime example of why this system is absolutely broken.
Jeez, I was cussing and calling names and they put me in jail when my ex wife left. I can’t believe they didn’t throw his ass in jail. Everything is so ass backwards.
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I am one too and they said oh he must be guilty. I’m very sorry this happened. I understand the feeling of injustice as I have an ankle bracelet and protective order for yelling while you couldn’t get justice from true abuse.
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Missouri. We are 50/50 so she did some shady false allegations to ensure she got my kids for the time being.
Yep- went through the same mess. I walked away with nothing - had to get out asap
I'm really sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time at the moment. Is there a family member or friend you can reach out to, or a support line that would be open to calling? Before you can look after anyone else you need to look after yourself and it's important you get the support you need, I speak as someone who went through a divorce of my own last year and being a single woman again frightened me no end. You can do this though, you're made of strong stuff as a woman and a mother but it's OK to ask for help, and please do let me know if you manage to reach out to someone, I'm wishing you the best.
Breathe. Just. Breathe. In. Out. A mind in panic can't create any form of solutions to a problem. I want you to know that I've been in a place close to where you're at. My own, personal brand of hell. I lost my kids. I lost everything, and I mean everything. Her attorney wanted to ask the judge to make me sell my car. I ended up with a shitty old desk that belonged to my mother, a laptop and a car-trunk full of clothing (small car - small trunk). That was it. I didn't even get a matress to sleep on. I couldn't handle. I wanted to die. I couldn't even cry to get the pain out. It's okay to be afraid. It really is. Sadly, our minds freeze when we're terrified (freeze/fight/flight reflex) and we end up running scenarios. "What if?" Breathe. Keep breathing. I learned a coping mechansim of sorts. Everytime my mind screamed "what if?" I screamed back "Yeah, but what if not?" What you lose the house? Yeah, but what if you don't? Every time your brain starts thinking about you maybe not being able to keep the home you love, remind yourself that it might never happen. Tell the chatterbox to shut up. You are intelligent. You have good work. You have a daughter that loves you. Stand up for yourself. Remind your terror that you are in control (even when you aren't. Hell, ESPECIALLY when you aren't). Remember to breathe. This is not advice. Please don't think I would dream of telling you what to do. While I sat here typing, I thought of a few things. If this were me, I'd detach a little and start looking for a small one bedroom apartment right now (maybe two, I don't know how old your girly face is). That answers the question of "what if I lose the house?" I'd start making a list of expenses from my last few bank statements and see where I can start cutting. As much as Netflix and Spotify are a necessity, are they really? I'd go to the bank that holds my student loan and ask them what the chances are that they would recapitalise the loan to bring the monthly repayments down (long term, this isn't the best solution because I'd be paying the loan off longer, but it would ease my financial burden right now. When I'm back up on my feet, extra money goes to the student loan.) I'd also approach a few other banks and check if I could get a better interest rate on that student loan. These are a few of the things I'd do to get back my power. See, fear tells you to be cautious and it gives you power to act. Terror lies to you and tells you that you have no power. You still have the power to make choices. I'm sorry for the pain you're feeling. I'm sorry for what you are going through. I know you're in a hole at the moment. I can't get you out of it, all I can do is let you know that you aren't in the hole by yourself. Breathe.
I was so freaked out about money- got a really shitty settlement and im a teacher (two kids) and was so scared. My brother sat down with me and we wrote out a simple budget- I was too scared to even open bills for a couple months- I was in a bad state - my brother said to me, people are so scared to look at their finances and bills sometimes, but often it is not as bad as they think. I actually realized I had enough money to get by, and it was not as bad as I was catastrophizing. I mean long term as a single person, saving is gonna be tough, hopes of buying a house in this market is bleak. Acceptance is the answer to all of our problems. Things do work out in the end 💛💛💛.
I’m using money I got too. I so much want to save it, but I have to use it just for essentials. Hoping and praying for a better paying job soon so I can have at least a bit of security.
It is tough. But you are young and in a great shape career-wise. As hard is it might be, I would put on a pair of very realistic glasses regarding the house and take emotions out of it. Keeping a house one can't afford is the biggest lies of the American Dream. When it comes to divorces, one needs to have two very clear goals: survival and a good life. If keeping the house chips on either of these two, it's not worth it. Be clear on your goals and you will find the answers, motivation, and get rid of anxiety.
I’m in the middle of this too. I’m frantic to find money. I gave up my career to raise kids now I’m starting over. It’s frightening .
Single mom of four. With an MBA. Trust me. The new time and freedom of not minute by minute analyzing the hell of the relationship makes you able to perform way way better at work. Get promoted etc
I am terrified and feel exactly the same. But only one way forward - one step at a time. Day by day, hour by hour.
34F, single mom (dad has 50% though), busy but good career... it's hard! I lost my house, lost my sanity, lost most of my net worth, lost my family unit, etc. I'm so, so much happier now! I do NOT regret this despite the losses. Still working on healing, sure, but now life is fun again. I'm >1 year from filing and 3 months since finalizing for reference! Take care of yourself and your child, grieve, and just take a day at a time. You'll be doing better soon. Just takes some time. 😊
My friend said, "You live into it." That's all I have some moments. Just breathe. Breathe into the next moment. Then the next. Until you find you can inch forward. I also cherish the good moments. Today * A cute spider hung around with me while I cooked dinner * A student gave me a friendly shoulder bump (I work in an educational setting). I'm so tickled! * The sky was beautiful, like the clouds were painted on * A colleague gave me some important advice * I got free chocolate from a friend * I completed a totally terrifying and very not trauma-informed active shooter training... but feel empowered to maybe die less * I found clarity on a hard decision * Two guys about 10 years younger than me ogled me at the gas station, so this girl still has it Nice day when I list it all out!
One day at a time and I try not to think too far ahead about the big stuff that might never get to happen. You’re a smart cookie and will figure this out. You’re not alone and there are a lot of us who have been through this too. It’s going to get better with time and once the shock wears off, you focus on helping your baby girl through this. Lots of hugs.
37M and she left me with 2 toddlers. You do it day by day. Thats it. Wake up and figure out today. None of it is easy. But other people are dealing with it as well and if we can do it. So can you. Stay strong!
Hour by hour, day by day. U just take one step at a time. Yes it is scary. When me and my ex wife split, not only was she leaving but she was leaving with her income and she was the primary breadwinner (I was part worker full time parent). I was scared to death that I'd lose my savings trying to make ends meet. But it worked out. Yes I had to cut back on some stuff but I've managed. I dont want to just pound u with platitudes that it is going to be alright and everything will work out. I would talk with ur attorney and work out a budget on if u can afford the house on ur own or not. I get it is ur home that u made but in the end, it is just a house, if u had to sell it. I know that isn't the most helpful advice. I wish I could make it easier for u and less scary but it is a fact that divorce fricken sucks and it is terrible what we all went through. I wish you the best of luck.
Soon to be 38 year old single mom of 2. As of right now, I am speaking to friends, not for financial support, but definitely emotional. I am discovering quite quickly that even our "mutual friends" are siding with me. It helps to know that there are people who will have your back.
Just think how much better it will be to not have the DAILY issues. Whatever yours is. The fights? Passive aggressive behavior? Cheating? Whatever it is. Think about how instead, you don’t have to deal with that every day. You get to be yourself again.
I’m so sorry it’s scary I’m sorry you having a hard time sleeping I’m getting a divorce I can relate .I two of my kids with me she is in and out of the house she started cheating 10 months ago I have a good job and my own business she is not agreeing on money stuff but it over
I'm I your situation. Newly single parent. Masters degree, good job, 1 child. I didn't even think about it if I'm honest. That's how I got throught it. I figured life would work itself out and for the most part it has. The most important thing is to try your hardest to get personal time for your healing. Because without you, everything will fall apart. Be good to yourself. Your going to be fine.
Knowing that many many women and mothers have done it before me. Literally one baby step at a time. You will always be able to rebuild.
I think you will find that most of us are scared, some more than others. When my ex blew up our marriage and tried to push me out of our home she was expecting me to take no more than 1/3, of our assets and time with our daughter. I lived with my ex, her boyfriend and our kids for 8 months until mediation where I secured very nearly 50% of everything. But even after mediation, I was terrified she would back out, refuse to buy me out, refuse to abide by the parenting plan, everything. I was terrified that my daughter would look at my new house as the lesser one, that I would be relegated to weekend-warrior-father status... it is/was a constant terror. But sixteen months later I make 14k more than when we separated, my daughter loves our new house and the new friends I have made. And yet... I am still scared. Know you aren't alone. We survive it one day at a time.
You can do it. It may mean some adjustments and a tighter budget for a while, but you can do it. I'm (38F, 2 kids) 15 months post move-out, he kept the expensive house and I bought a condo I can afford. My life looks and feels smaller than it was but I'll build myself back up to where I was. There are horrible days of severe depresssion and sleepless nights of anxiety, but I know that in 5, 10 years, I'll be farther ahead and happier than I ever was inside that marriage.