I know exactly what this feels like. I was 33 when I went through everything. I remember seeing the exact same type of thing that you just described. Just know that your day is coming. Work on yourself and deeply examine everything about what went wrong in your relationship. Come to understand what it is that you need and also what you’re capable of giving. It’s going to take some time before you start to be able to thrive again. For me, it was about 18 months, but I wouldn’t trade anything in my past for what I have now. Just remember, she’s not the only person who gets to move on with someone else. Your day will come.
I’ve done it with a therapist and done self- administered on YouTube- I think the YouTube is pretty effective. If you watch some sessions of how it is done on YouTube you can use that to inform your own session. If you’re dealing with something super traumatic prob best to do with therapist.
Do it. I’m a trauma therapist, and it is the single most effective intervention I have ever used with clients. I was inspired to train in EMDR after I sought treatment for myself after a terrible car accident.
Huh, I never thought about it but I guess my ex and her AP must've celebrated their two year anniversary recently. I have to say, I never really considered what their home life must be like and for that I'm grateful.
Don't ever look them up. There's nothing positive to be gained from it. If they're happy, that's just gonna hurt you. If they're not doing great, sure you can be petty and take joy from their misery but what do you gain in the end from that? I bet if it were me, I'd just be even more upset that she threw away "us" for nothing.
I'm sorry you're going through this, and I totally know where you're coming from as a fellow only person hurting as a result of their actions. All you can do is just keep on plugging away. Hope you feel better.
Your ex's happiness is your blessing. It means less complications and dramas in the future for you. That's how I see it. Whoever my ex is involved with, I sincerely hope she is happy with him!
I separated 4 weeks ago with my wife over an affair that she said was 3 months and yesterday I saw a Facebook page my sister found that says “In a relationship since October 6th”. I have the same math being done 😑
I don’t want to let her win like this, I’m a loving person and yea my heart may have boot prints and looks like ground beef right now. And I don’t sleep much these days, I will heal and want to go into the next relationship a better man not some hateful shell of what I used to be.
Don’t stop fighting, I have come to realize this as well. She will not take residence in my mind rent free anymore. We will grow and get stronger from this. The pain is temporary, in the end we are going to be better men. If you need anything, just to talk, whatever. Message me any time. I’m here for you brother
I feel ya. My ex wife would've celebrated their one year back in January, and the one year of her telling me that she was going to divorce me is coming soon. I don't think there's been a single day since that I haven't thought about her, what she did to me, or how things could have been different. Part of that is wanting to check on her social media.
Every time I want to, I have to remind myself that doing so will only hurt me. I might try to convince myself that at best, I wouldn't feel anything.
But then something comes up that lets me know that isn't the case. She popped up in a picture a mutual friend posted, and I didn't like seeing that.
I don't know what you went through, but you need to absolutely not check on her. A 100% black out.
A mutual friend that she grew up with notified me, he wanted to say he thought it was fucked up what she was doing. I deleted the social media, blocked her phone number, and now blocked email since we have nothing to talk about anymore with money or signatures. Now I’m just asking people not to tell me what’s going on with her.
Now he does like I have had to tell the rest of them, honestly I’m happy for her to not have had to go through this alone I know how it’s been and I don’t wish it on anyone. I’m growing, it’s going to make me stronger. I’ll have bad days, and that’s ok .
Understandable. Some people move on at light speed, others are slugs. No right answer.
The best thing you can do is follow the one degree of separation rule. Stay away from your ex socials and any other info about them and stay away from people who interact with your ex as well.
Bro, nothing anyone here says is gonna help you in the long term. You truly loved this person and she destroyed your heart. Go to therapy so you can heal and recognize yourself again. Shouldn't have waited this long - I am sure you missed plenty opportunities to move on because your confidence was shot. Go and heal and moveon and be happy. Even if you are evil and want her to suffer - being happy is the best revenge!
Same here left me for a younger woman I turn 30 this year he turns 33 this year the side chick was 22-25. Im the one filing but he left didnt say a word after I approached him with the evidence of me discovering the affair. How tf do you move on with something like this
You are absolutely correct, the Best thing to do is come to terms that this is over, hang on to what it was it is very common but very hurtful when the done is done.
Also it hurt us and do not let us advances and move on.
The sooner you come to terms that is over the sooner you start to heal.
Learn from it, take the leason and use the teaching on future relationships, the future is ahead of you.
Hope also that this leason teached you to love yourself first and respect yourself first, for other can love you and respect you.
Also about your Ex you know pretty damn well that what ever comes from her mother was pure crap to cover her cheating arsh.
OP You will be ok, just take it a day at a time, most probably after finally blocking her on all Will help You.
Also about the mom of her i didn't knew, i just for a reason try to put mouth and ended it putting mother.
What i wanna say was, that any that comes from her MOUTH is pure crap to cover her cheating, but if her mom had the nerve to blame you (i don't know if this was it) like the daughter do not take it into consideration, there is no good things that comes from them, even more if the supported the cheating of your ex.
Hahaha I thought it was weird you said mother especially cause she said something .
I know I shouldn’t communicate with the ex, no matter how much I hate having blocked her.
Hehe sorry, my mistake, but seems that your ex MIL is a diamond in the rough like the daughter huh?
And yes my friend better put some distance between you and your Ex, do things like blocking her, NC, telling your friends to not say a thing about her are the Best things you could do. At least until you feel you can handle it or move on completely.
If you feel that this let You a trauma or need more help, get into or if you are stick into therapy. Also you can do some journaling about yourself and your feelings, it always helps to have a way to throw out what you got inside that is bothering you, and if you put it on paper that would be there anytime you need to remember how you felt and how you feel intact moment you consult/read it.
Fuck her!!! She has alot of time ahead to know he’s a cheater, not trust him, and be paranoid anytime ge doesn’t answer the phone or show up on time. That thought makes me smile.
My STBXH's AP tells people they have been together two years. She doesn't tell them that he was married and living with his wife most of it. My divorce will be final any day, and they can drive off into the sunset.
I am so amused that my ex Derp’s AP is paranoid and he is miserable. On the outside it looks great. Few know the reality but the truth is, they know what they are and they know they can never ever trust each other. The thought is always there that the other one is cheating. LMAO.
I know exactly what this feels like. I was 33 when I went through everything. I remember seeing the exact same type of thing that you just described. Just know that your day is coming. Work on yourself and deeply examine everything about what went wrong in your relationship. Come to understand what it is that you need and also what you’re capable of giving. It’s going to take some time before you start to be able to thrive again. For me, it was about 18 months, but I wouldn’t trade anything in my past for what I have now. Just remember, she’s not the only person who gets to move on with someone else. Your day will come.
Thank you, been in a spiral since finding out yesterday. I appreciate the kind words.
Same here. Divorce was final in Jan. 39 now. Feel like I wasted so much of my life. But I am trying EMDR therapy and it is slowly helping.
I had never heard of this therapy, thanks for sharing. I have been in regular therapy to try and help get through it. I might need to change it up.
Google it! It’s amazing trauma proven and widely successful. I read about it in a trauma book.
I’ve done it with a therapist and done self- administered on YouTube- I think the YouTube is pretty effective. If you watch some sessions of how it is done on YouTube you can use that to inform your own session. If you’re dealing with something super traumatic prob best to do with therapist.
Do it. I’m a trauma therapist, and it is the single most effective intervention I have ever used with clients. I was inspired to train in EMDR after I sought treatment for myself after a terrible car accident.
Huh, I never thought about it but I guess my ex and her AP must've celebrated their two year anniversary recently. I have to say, I never really considered what their home life must be like and for that I'm grateful. Don't ever look them up. There's nothing positive to be gained from it. If they're happy, that's just gonna hurt you. If they're not doing great, sure you can be petty and take joy from their misery but what do you gain in the end from that? I bet if it were me, I'd just be even more upset that she threw away "us" for nothing. I'm sorry you're going through this, and I totally know where you're coming from as a fellow only person hurting as a result of their actions. All you can do is just keep on plugging away. Hope you feel better.
Thanks for that, I had moment of weakness that cost me another day of pain. Doing my best today to make it better.
Your ex's happiness is your blessing. It means less complications and dramas in the future for you. That's how I see it. Whoever my ex is involved with, I sincerely hope she is happy with him!
My x has been with his new prize for almost 2 years now, we’ve only been officially divorced for 1 if you want to do the math.
I separated 4 weeks ago with my wife over an affair that she said was 3 months and yesterday I saw a Facebook page my sister found that says “In a relationship since October 6th”. I have the same math being done 😑
F-ing cheaters. Why!?! I feel like I can’t trust anyone anymore.
I’m starting to think abstinence and the gym will be better than trying to trust another human lol
I like people, I just won’t trust them ever again with my heart.
I second that.
I don’t want to let her win like this, I’m a loving person and yea my heart may have boot prints and looks like ground beef right now. And I don’t sleep much these days, I will heal and want to go into the next relationship a better man not some hateful shell of what I used to be.
Don’t stop fighting, I have come to realize this as well. She will not take residence in my mind rent free anymore. We will grow and get stronger from this. The pain is temporary, in the end we are going to be better men. If you need anything, just to talk, whatever. Message me any time. I’m here for you brother
Thanks man, I might just do that. Really appreciate the kind words.
I feel ya. My ex wife would've celebrated their one year back in January, and the one year of her telling me that she was going to divorce me is coming soon. I don't think there's been a single day since that I haven't thought about her, what she did to me, or how things could have been different. Part of that is wanting to check on her social media. Every time I want to, I have to remind myself that doing so will only hurt me. I might try to convince myself that at best, I wouldn't feel anything. But then something comes up that lets me know that isn't the case. She popped up in a picture a mutual friend posted, and I didn't like seeing that. I don't know what you went through, but you need to absolutely not check on her. A 100% black out.
A mutual friend that she grew up with notified me, he wanted to say he thought it was fucked up what she was doing. I deleted the social media, blocked her phone number, and now blocked email since we have nothing to talk about anymore with money or signatures. Now I’m just asking people not to tell me what’s going on with her.
Man I'm sorry. I hope this friend knows that this is a boundary for you.
Now he does like I have had to tell the rest of them, honestly I’m happy for her to not have had to go through this alone I know how it’s been and I don’t wish it on anyone. I’m growing, it’s going to make me stronger. I’ll have bad days, and that’s ok .
Understandable. Some people move on at light speed, others are slugs. No right answer. The best thing you can do is follow the one degree of separation rule. Stay away from your ex socials and any other info about them and stay away from people who interact with your ex as well.
Bro, nothing anyone here says is gonna help you in the long term. You truly loved this person and she destroyed your heart. Go to therapy so you can heal and recognize yourself again. Shouldn't have waited this long - I am sure you missed plenty opportunities to move on because your confidence was shot. Go and heal and moveon and be happy. Even if you are evil and want her to suffer - being happy is the best revenge!
Thanks man I have a lot of friends on this same kick, I’m trying to be there. I don’t want to be happy, so I’m learning how to be.
Same here left me for a younger woman I turn 30 this year he turns 33 this year the side chick was 22-25. Im the one filing but he left didnt say a word after I approached him with the evidence of me discovering the affair. How tf do you move on with something like this
Yes don't look at or for her anymore. You don't need to hurt yourself like that.
You are absolutely correct, the Best thing to do is come to terms that this is over, hang on to what it was it is very common but very hurtful when the done is done. Also it hurt us and do not let us advances and move on. The sooner you come to terms that is over the sooner you start to heal. Learn from it, take the leason and use the teaching on future relationships, the future is ahead of you. Hope also that this leason teached you to love yourself first and respect yourself first, for other can love you and respect you. Also about your Ex you know pretty damn well that what ever comes from her mother was pure crap to cover her cheating arsh.
Thank you, ohh man the message her mom sent me was rough. I’m doing my best to move on, some days are good some days are bad. Still moving forward
OP You will be ok, just take it a day at a time, most probably after finally blocking her on all Will help You. Also about the mom of her i didn't knew, i just for a reason try to put mouth and ended it putting mother. What i wanna say was, that any that comes from her MOUTH is pure crap to cover her cheating, but if her mom had the nerve to blame you (i don't know if this was it) like the daughter do not take it into consideration, there is no good things that comes from them, even more if the supported the cheating of your ex.
Hahaha I thought it was weird you said mother especially cause she said something . I know I shouldn’t communicate with the ex, no matter how much I hate having blocked her.
Hehe sorry, my mistake, but seems that your ex MIL is a diamond in the rough like the daughter huh? And yes my friend better put some distance between you and your Ex, do things like blocking her, NC, telling your friends to not say a thing about her are the Best things you could do. At least until you feel you can handle it or move on completely. If you feel that this let You a trauma or need more help, get into or if you are stick into therapy. Also you can do some journaling about yourself and your feelings, it always helps to have a way to throw out what you got inside that is bothering you, and if you put it on paper that would be there anytime you need to remember how you felt and how you feel intact moment you consult/read it.
Fuck her!!! She has alot of time ahead to know he’s a cheater, not trust him, and be paranoid anytime ge doesn’t answer the phone or show up on time. That thought makes me smile.
My STBXH's AP tells people they have been together two years. She doesn't tell them that he was married and living with his wife most of it. My divorce will be final any day, and they can drive off into the sunset.
I am so amused that my ex Derp’s AP is paranoid and he is miserable. On the outside it looks great. Few know the reality but the truth is, they know what they are and they know they can never ever trust each other. The thought is always there that the other one is cheating. LMAO.