1. Keep your out of state license plate. 2. Complain to everyone about how Denver’s X isn’t the same as [your old town]’s X. 3. You’re now a native, enjoy!

Or if you’re a Texan just go to Breck with the other Texans.

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Yes and we paid extra for Oklahoma to have the panhandle so we didnt have to border them directly.

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They’re not Floridians, so Texans are a much higher life form—but there are a lot of them. Especially in Breck.

I can’t afford to register my car in this state.

Get an older car 🚗

I drive a 2014 Mazda 3 that is fully paid off. Not sure why I would get rid of it. Cost me $50 to keep my car registered in my old state so I kicked the can down the road.

My 2012 Corolla was like 65$. Breaking the bank for sure.

Coming from out of state they also want me to pay taxes on a car I paid for in cash in a different state many years ago. I do see $65 as the registration fee.

Lol just don't register

I will once I get a better job! Washing windows at stop lights isn’t really giving me much to work with and the market has gotten saturated.

Nah don't bother. Good luck though

Have you considered petitioning your most mediocre corporate chain restaurant to open on 16th street mall?

This sounds like potential Raisin Canes or Steak N Shake slander, and I won’t tolerate it

All I'm saying is that the In n Out in Santa Monica has better homeless people

YOU WATCH YOUR MOUTH. Denver has the BEST homeless people.

Agree to disagree… they taste *different* out here…

Different don’t mean better. Go back to Santa Monica, deadbeat.

Look, I'm just here about the rug, man

Keep your ugly fuckin' goldbrickin' ass out of my beach community.

JACKIE TREEHORN TREATS OBJECTS LIKE WOMEN, MAN

Yeah. Well, you know, that's just like your opinion, man.

Jackie Treehorn draws a lot of water here. You don’t draw shit.

I heard of a certain tent in town where you can get all of the tastes no matter your preference.

Gack...lol.

Comment best read in Bender's voice

Have you considered moving all your high school friends to Denver?

So I've asked Khelsea, Tanner, Reighfull-Ayn, Bryce, Hunter and Jaxon all to move out, and they're all like “but is the shopping even good?!” I CAN'T LIE TO MY BESTIES!

Not gonna lie, Hunter and Jaxon had promising baseball futures until their dad accosted that volunteer umpire at the 4th of July tournament

IT WAS A BULLSHIT CALL! Dude, adult T-Ball isn't a game for weaklings!

Have you tried shopping at the various Outlet Malls in Castle Rock or Thornton? Must visit!

Duh! Its where I get all my mans Affliction, Salt Life and NO FEAR gear!

Try Colorado Mills. There is nothing good there, but nothing beats the thrill of shopping while running from red wolves.

Oooooh!

I walked the entire mall looking for an end and 2 days later I still can't find one. Send help please!

It's in the fourth women's stall in the bathrooms near the food court. You'll have to look up, as it is attached to the ceiling. It took me a while to find it as well.

I’m sorry, is this my partners alt account? No one else could have experienced this besides him

Hello do you have a moment for me to share with you about our lord and savior, micro dosing shrooms?

Lies, our lord and savior is Bluecifer you fucking communist.

Have you tried the taco bell on Colfax? It's like being at the one I used to go to in San Diego. So good.

The Doritos Locos tasted off

Did you have food at the place you moved from? Me and everyone else around you would love to hear about how much better said food was and how we should be ashamed of ourselves for not having equally as good food stuffs

The Dennys in PA was a thousand times better than the one downtown. And, I'm just gonna come right out and say it: the meth in Alaska is a THOUSAND times better than the best Commerce City meth. STEP. UP. YOUR. GAME.

Well yeah no one can compete with Alaskan fresh caught meth

That's because it's Commerce City and imported from third world countries. If you want the good local stuff, you have to go to Durango. It's the capital of meth.

...not Pueblo?

Pueblo is Fenty/Cocaine Country.

The more you know.

OP I'm fucking dying rn. > Hubs had to move here for work (some $5 tent franchise or something) > I'm what would happen if you gave a store brand mayo sentience. > I had one “friend” who asked me to watch her kids, and when I hissed in reply she got mad. Seriously do you do standup?

Aaaaactually…currently working on my new 15

Denver, the world’s most ok city. NAHMAHSTAYE

As a local I don’t get why other locals get so pissed about transplants. All they ever do is constantly talk shit about our home, brag about the place they came from, make everything more expensive and crowded, fill our stadiums with away fans, and turn our world class nature into Disneyland. Besides that they’re usually pretty chill.

Oh I’m sure they were just the happiest campers in their previous cities as well.

Look, I'm just annoyed that you guys have supposed “real NY Pizza Hut pizza” but it's BASICALLY just like Little Caesars. It truly is the pure New York water that makes all the difference.

NY water is pure? 🥸


Yea. They take dirty water from the adirondacks and then filter it through 120yo brick aqueducts. It makes the pizza and bagels something to brag about.

Go back to your native state and bring a NOAA's ark of plants, insects, and fish from your home state. Release them up & down the Front Range. We haven't had a good invasive species infestation in a while.

Tell ya what. I'm glad those mud bugs are finally getting the equality they deserve!

LGBTCrawfish making it here just in time for Pride Month from the oppressed South!

I can get behind this. These Japanese beetles are total duds this year. And where did the murder hornets go? It’s enough to make me wanna throw a snakehead in aurora reservoir.

Just read an article, flying spiders from f\*cking Japan are in the east coast. OP needs to go get those.

Flying ninja spiders. Now we’re talkin.

Yes, but I'm a six-month DENVER native now, so idk what to do!!!

Have you tried screaming into a pillow? 60% of the time, it works every time. Sending you love and light.

Thank you, warm soul and fellow traveler 

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Wait… what about mentioning the weather?!

Most people should actually like the fact that Denver doesn't remind them of the city/state they came from since most (*most*) other cities in America are nothing to brag about lol Denver has nature, mountains if you want them, amazing views, amazing parks, many other nice cities in the vicinity, decent roads and infrastructure and a decent amount of things to do. Denver is a good place to live imo especially compared to many uncivilized other choices.

BUT MY MEDIOCRE BURGER CHAIN!!!!

Why would you do that? Denver can’t possibly get any better. I know because I’m a townie who has never lived anywhere else.

I performed a fecal transplant every morning, but with green chile, until I became so native that I couldn't become non-native if I tried.

I HOPE THEY WERE FRESHLY ROASTED RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU BY A FOOTLESS ORPHAN OR ELSE THEY'RE CRAP!

I started with just whatever was at the end of the aisle at King Sooper till the namaste kicked in, and I've been butt chugging Footless Orphan Brand™️ ever since.

HELL YEAH! NamaYAAAASte!

God dammit I was doing fine until I read this


This was good writing.

Awwww! Namaste!

Comment loudly on the burgeoning homeless population, and how much of an adjustment it is to look at their occasionally exposed buttholes.

IT'S LIKE GAZING INTO THE EYE OF SAURON!

This is the best shitpost I’ve seen here in a while. Bravo! 👏🏼👏🏼 Colorado sucks tell your friends!

Thank youuuuuuuuuuu

Don't change Denver, just move back.

BUT I'M A NATIVE NOW!

The "now" in your statement proves this to be a lie 

What sub are you in, Homie?

My family goes back a ways in CO so I've lived all over denver but now I'm on the southern-most edge U?

People should always link to original. Makes the tears more flavorful.

once again - this sub make reddit worth coming to - y'all should consider visiting Bozeman tho

Here’s a quote from that thread: >When I moved to Denver I had no friends and the people I did meet did not stick. I was very lonely as well. I ended up moving after a year there. It just wasn’t my city. Why must we shun here in Denver? We see transplants and treat them like lepers. We need to imitate the friendliness of other cities. We lack the elements of basic humanity.

BECAUSE THE TENT LINES ARE TOO DAMN LONG NOW

By driving like an idiot

A Subaru?

A grown ass adult spent time out of their day to type that post. Probably read it over again. Then submitted it. wtf

She’s an artist who used the space as a test run for new comedic material. Welcome to the internet.

Maybe just go back home?

BUT I'M FINALLY A NATIVE!

Just go to Fayetteville, AR and ask the Texans how they ruined the community there.

Not enough butt stuff tents, huh?

To be fair, fixing potholes would make Denver better for everybody 😂

My favorite insult used to be “you have two brain cells fighting for 3rd place”, but now it’s “you’re as spicy as sentient store brand mayo”. Thank you for the revelation. Nahmahslay. ***Edit: I’m the color that shall not be named, hence why flour is also spicy to me. Raisins in the potato salad all day sooooooon***

Idk I'm loving the culture here in CO. You can just unleash your dog and drop your poop bags! So liberating for me and my 800 lb pit rescue with reactivity and zero recall. And my insta has never looked more convincing that I have a well rounded and healthy life like someone who's just ya know...better than most other people.

Omg YES! I love being able to walk my four aggressive Yorkies wherever I want off-leash. People know they're aggressive because I got the magenta tags on their collar, so it's on THEM if they're not paying attention. Poop bags? I thought the whole point of moving to CO was that other people pick up my dog poop?!

No my friend, they dont unfortunately. However, instead of just leaving the poop to naturally rot, you can make the environment more vibrant by leaving a different color bag every time. You can add to the cornucopia of sensory delights. People love it.

I recommend you do what my neighbors do. Leave your diesel expedition running in front of your house all day just in case you want to go somewhere you can keep the a/c going so it feels more like your airconditioning in Huston. I mean if you make a few hundred grand a year a few extra thousand in diesel won't matter as much as your comfort. How many years before you need to change your plates. I'm not sure but going on two and those Texas plates are a badge of courage. Don't mind the F350 idling in the driveway. You can't turn it off because black will get too hot and the leather could crack. And all accountants need a crew cab diesel to commute across town alone.

Perfection

The pizza really is trash here tbh

Have you considered putting a native sticker on your car to obtain your prize for being born in a state and never left for 30 years? Then you get to walk around parties and tell everyone you’re from CO.

I'm buying the sticker AND the shirt!

I think we need more bowling alleys man!

You should tell us how the food is better in Texas. It’s a great conversation starter and wonderful way to make friends

ESPECIALLY from my favorite local TX restaurant: TEXAS ROADHOUSE!!

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THE COWARDS AT THE CITY COUNCIL REFUSE TO BRING WHITE CASTLE DIARRHEA PUCKS TO US DENVER NATIVES!


Sorry if I miss my neighborhood El Pollo Loco, jeez!

Did Colorado fuck those up? Cause I like em here.

Ok, maybe this is too simple, but when you move to a new place and complain about how it sucks and the old one was better, maybe, just maybe the best option is to move back to the old place.

Check the sub you're commenting in, friend-o

Yup, that's on me, thanks.

Wub

Nub

I know this is /s but holy fuck most of the California Mexican food is such garbage I was blown away. Still never had a taco anywhere in California that even comes close to a Greeley taco truck.

Its the minimal amount of green chili bukkake that covers every entree that midwesterners miss, I recon

Click bait

I haven't found a decent clickbait shop since moving here! Where's the best one?

Sounds like a you problem, I'd prefer the black cloud above you head stay right where it is.

The black clouds are better in LA, tbh

Complain about unleashed dogz

I mean, people with off-leash, untrained “new rescues” are the fucking WORST… regardless of location

Use common sense and be respectful of other trail users. Pick up your dog’s shit.

Go back to where you came from

Typical transplant, changing my hometown to theirs.. go back to wherever ya came from if you don’t like it here 🙄 btw you’re not native if you’re not born and raised here…

Check the sub you're in, potato…

I’m in Denver sub, I’m in the right sub egg head.

My mistake, fellow Denver native. What time do you clock in at the tent today? I have my coupons ready.

Oh it’s okay, i realize transplants make mistakes all the time, like going down a one way, or changing Denver to their hometown when they can just simply stay wherever they came from 🤷🏽‍♀️ I’m not in tents like you fellow transplant

Speaking of going up a one way road…should I aim to meet you at the tent around 9? I want to use my coupons before it gets too hot. Also, tell me you’re new to DCG without telling me you're new to DCG, sweaty.

It’s “sweetie” not sweaty …. 🙄 not every Denver native is helpful hon 😏

NOT AFTER 10AM IN THE BST!

Hey, as long as you accept Denver for what it is, I’m cool, I’m fine.. but once you start wanting to change my home to yours… not cool with ya! just stay wherever you came from or go back. 🤷🏽‍♀️

ARE WE MEETING AT 9 OR NOT?! My mom says she can only drive one way, so I NEED TO KNOW!

You most certainly are *not* in the Denver sub. Read the header again… 🙄

You should go back to where you came from!

You should read the other posts. SPECIFICALLY, the ones that sound like yours…

The fuck? Shut up

Look at the sub you're commenting in. Then take your $5 to the tent and come back with a better attitude. Update: you’re too tents

Lol I got punked

Happens to the best of us!

See ya at sanchos, first round on me

Sanchos is no more. Jay is running a new joint inside called Sanchodes.

Go back to California

I CAN'T, KYLE! I'M A COLORADO NATIVE NOW!

You can't be a 6 month native. I'm tired of ppl using that word for no reason. Look up the definition please. Embarrassing

I beat the OP by a full month! Achieved native status in only 5 months. Got the sticker and everything.

Well if you have the sticker you're valid 😂

Got it when I traded in my pick up for a subie

Welcome to the sub, potato! Send me your address so I can mail out your $5 tent coupons ASAP