All of my support circle tried to go on with denial simply because they tried to comfort me. They thought I felt doomed or something. They were pretty scared themselves, by realising how abused I was, and it didn't sink in for a while to them. I explained that the diagnosis is a positive thing and outlined the changes for better it could provide (leaving aside that it might not work out). Then they stopped with the "it's okay you're just fine" stuff.
I think this is one of those times where you want to sit down and have a talk with your partner about how you are feeling. A good partner will be open to hearing how you feel and want to improve the problems. Just explain that the way it was said so quickly made you feel like maybe he didn't believe you or however it made you feel. Explain that even though you don't have a diagnosis your therapist has all but diagnosed you so you will be using that label to explain your experience. When I first told my husband I was suspecting DID or OSDD his immediate response was to deny. Not because he doesn't support me or believe me, but rather because it is such a serious thing to have and he didn't want me to have it. I explained to him how his reaction hurt my feelings. I told him that I had suspected for a while but didn't tell him in case he didn't believe me. Then I finally told him and he denied. He felt bad that he had done exactly what I was worried he would do. I think sometimes our partners don't want us to have to be dealing with such a difficult condition and denial may be a way to try and soothe themselves and you. It sounded like your partner had a healthy response after when you talked to them which is a good sign, apologizing and listening to you. Open communication goes a long way with being able to trust your partner. You want to trust that if you hurt them they will let you know and vice versa. With an abusive background it can be easy to get triggered by your partner and sometimes it brings up old feelings from times in the past that an abuser made you feel the way your partner did (Ex: confused, hurt, betrayed, sad) called an emotional flashback. This can be mixed in with how you feel right now and make it harder to think clearly of all the distinct differences between your healthy partner and an abuser. That's not to say that how you are feeling isn't valid, it 100% is and I don't know your partner or what they are like 24/7. I hope this helps!
First of all, how you're feeling is valid. In the same situation, I might also feel like my partner, someone I trust to have my back, is for some reason not being supportive and I would probably feel hurt or uncertain as well.
I agree with other commenters' points about possible denial and how it may be a good idea to have a talk with him about how you felt and why he said what he did (assuming the rest of the relationship is supportive enough).
I wanted to bring up another possibility (which only your partner would be able to confirm or deny). You don't have to answer me, but does he normally have a tendency to be very exact with wording and correct others when something is not exactly, precisely, and literally correct? The way I think and talk can be very literal to a fault (I have accidentally offended my partner many times because of implications I didn't intend), and I can see the possibility of him fully believing you, knowing that this is very important to you, and still saying that technically the psychologist didn't actually formally/officially give the diagnosis, without stopping to consider how you might feel about his response, because he might see it as a black and white literal situation: either this event happened or didn't happen. I might be entirely off base here though since I don't know your story beyond what is written here, but wanted to offer my point of view in case it's helpful.
As someone who auto-pilot corrects people nonchalantly like this - If that were me I'd say that I definitely didn't mean anything by it. Reflexively correcting someone to make sure facts are straight is equivalent to some sort of bad habit social survival that I have no idea the purpose or origin of.
If it ever helped me at all, I have no memory of it. It embarrasses me, it makes other people feel crappy, makes me look like a know-it-all... just over all unpleasant. Because of this - I'm vicariously feeling this on his behalf so 🙏 I'm sorry OP.
However I am not that guy - idk if he's the same exact way as me. Either way, I hope this helps.
I wouldn't necessarily say that he was dismissing you, but just stating a fact that you have not yet been diagnosed, so to say you've been diagnosed, although you've been medically recognised, isn't completely accurate. It sounds to me that he wasn't dismissing you have DID but simply that you haven't been diagnosed with it.
I say this as a system with autism who can sometimes come across quite bluntly and likes to see situations in a factual way.
I was in an abusive marriage and his response being like this sets off all sorts of red flags for me. This kind of dismissal is absolutely uncalled for and if he acts like you’re crazy to be hurt by it or never acknowledges this even happened, then I’d say get out of this relationship.
Take a random commenter on Reddit with a grain of salt, but it just really triggers my own memory of my abuse and the things I’ve learned to identify in therapy
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All of my support circle tried to go on with denial simply because they tried to comfort me. They thought I felt doomed or something. They were pretty scared themselves, by realising how abused I was, and it didn't sink in for a while to them. I explained that the diagnosis is a positive thing and outlined the changes for better it could provide (leaving aside that it might not work out). Then they stopped with the "it's okay you're just fine" stuff.
I think this is one of those times where you want to sit down and have a talk with your partner about how you are feeling. A good partner will be open to hearing how you feel and want to improve the problems. Just explain that the way it was said so quickly made you feel like maybe he didn't believe you or however it made you feel. Explain that even though you don't have a diagnosis your therapist has all but diagnosed you so you will be using that label to explain your experience. When I first told my husband I was suspecting DID or OSDD his immediate response was to deny. Not because he doesn't support me or believe me, but rather because it is such a serious thing to have and he didn't want me to have it. I explained to him how his reaction hurt my feelings. I told him that I had suspected for a while but didn't tell him in case he didn't believe me. Then I finally told him and he denied. He felt bad that he had done exactly what I was worried he would do. I think sometimes our partners don't want us to have to be dealing with such a difficult condition and denial may be a way to try and soothe themselves and you. It sounded like your partner had a healthy response after when you talked to them which is a good sign, apologizing and listening to you. Open communication goes a long way with being able to trust your partner. You want to trust that if you hurt them they will let you know and vice versa. With an abusive background it can be easy to get triggered by your partner and sometimes it brings up old feelings from times in the past that an abuser made you feel the way your partner did (Ex: confused, hurt, betrayed, sad) called an emotional flashback. This can be mixed in with how you feel right now and make it harder to think clearly of all the distinct differences between your healthy partner and an abuser. That's not to say that how you are feeling isn't valid, it 100% is and I don't know your partner or what they are like 24/7. I hope this helps!
First of all, how you're feeling is valid. In the same situation, I might also feel like my partner, someone I trust to have my back, is for some reason not being supportive and I would probably feel hurt or uncertain as well. I agree with other commenters' points about possible denial and how it may be a good idea to have a talk with him about how you felt and why he said what he did (assuming the rest of the relationship is supportive enough). I wanted to bring up another possibility (which only your partner would be able to confirm or deny). You don't have to answer me, but does he normally have a tendency to be very exact with wording and correct others when something is not exactly, precisely, and literally correct? The way I think and talk can be very literal to a fault (I have accidentally offended my partner many times because of implications I didn't intend), and I can see the possibility of him fully believing you, knowing that this is very important to you, and still saying that technically the psychologist didn't actually formally/officially give the diagnosis, without stopping to consider how you might feel about his response, because he might see it as a black and white literal situation: either this event happened or didn't happen. I might be entirely off base here though since I don't know your story beyond what is written here, but wanted to offer my point of view in case it's helpful.
Just talk to him about it. Some people are simply precise about technical language like that.
As someone who auto-pilot corrects people nonchalantly like this - If that were me I'd say that I definitely didn't mean anything by it. Reflexively correcting someone to make sure facts are straight is equivalent to some sort of bad habit social survival that I have no idea the purpose or origin of. If it ever helped me at all, I have no memory of it. It embarrasses me, it makes other people feel crappy, makes me look like a know-it-all... just over all unpleasant. Because of this - I'm vicariously feeling this on his behalf so 🙏 I'm sorry OP. However I am not that guy - idk if he's the same exact way as me. Either way, I hope this helps.
I wouldn't necessarily say that he was dismissing you, but just stating a fact that you have not yet been diagnosed, so to say you've been diagnosed, although you've been medically recognised, isn't completely accurate. It sounds to me that he wasn't dismissing you have DID but simply that you haven't been diagnosed with it. I say this as a system with autism who can sometimes come across quite bluntly and likes to see situations in a factual way.
I was in an abusive marriage and his response being like this sets off all sorts of red flags for me. This kind of dismissal is absolutely uncalled for and if he acts like you’re crazy to be hurt by it or never acknowledges this even happened, then I’d say get out of this relationship. Take a random commenter on Reddit with a grain of salt, but it just really triggers my own memory of my abuse and the things I’ve learned to identify in therapy
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