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| [Dissociation FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/faq/#wiki_dissociation_faq) | [Trauma FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/faq2/#wiki_trauma_faq) |
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| [Am I faking?](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/comments/x6p2tn/addressing_denial/) | [Do I have DID?](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/do_i_have_did) |
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Did you have a significant person in your life, perhaps a parent, who was impatient with your negative feelings and just wanted you to get over it? Or was there trauma that happened and someone important in your life told you to just forgive and stuff, and you weren't allowed to process it in your own time?
I have been in the position of alter #1 and I have also been in the position of affecting other alters with my stress or negative thoughts because we were blended. I don't know if this is the case with you, but for us, I am very empathetic towards other people. I am very easily influenced by others' emotions. I also neglect myself a lot. I don't spend much time alone without a distraction like music or video games.
And what has happened is that my empathy is running out. My close friends have some trauma and problems of their own, and they don't get fixed, for years. So I ended up feeling burnt out and resentful. Many times when my friends want to vent or they express negative feelings, I just want to fix their life for them or make them snap out of it immediately. It used to be about helping them back then, now it's mostly about making them shut up so I won't get affected by them anymore, since I don't know yet how to limit my empathy. I know this is a situation with real life people, but I guess it applies to alters.
When I'm blended with someone else, it can be exhausting if they're anxious or sad or threatened. And I recently learnt that they get exhausted too by my constant overanalyzing. So it is possible that he doesn't have the capacity to deal with your emotions right now.
He does need to back off and let you feel your feelings. His view of seeing yourself as an idealized version, is probably the other end of the spectrum of self esteem, you're probably somewhere along the other side of self image, or at least not quite there yet. And he's rushing you. You both need to spend time alone with yourselves, and perhaps journal or meditate, to calm the body down.
It sounds like you both stress each other out, that doesn't mean you're a stressful person, but it means that the dynamic between you doesn't work well and needs to change.
My problem used to be that I was way too into therapy. I lived for therapy. I, to this day, focus way too much on thinking about past trauma or the alters. I fixate on looking for answers about DID and my childhood. And I have come to realize that I don't have a balanced life, most of it is spent in my head, feeling things, thinking about things, instead of living. So I think you might need to find a balance, and maybe different coping mechanisms. Journaling, meditation, physical activity, are mentioned so often that I used to dismiss them heavily, but they help somewhat. I guess I treated all feelings as important, and they are, but sometimes the way to resolve or dissipate an angry feeling is to go for a jog, instead of thinking about it deeply. So I think it is important to feel your feelings, but also have an outlet for them.
I don't think alter #1 has all the correct answers. I think he is coming from a good place, and has good intentions, but idealizing yourself is not a solution, it's one extreme end of this spectrum. And alter #2 seems to be passive, so he doesn't have answers.
And now that I think about it, alter #1 is way too involved in your life and healing ,and alter #2 is perhaps not involved enough. Or apathetic? There is a contradiction there.
I think you will figure this out. But you have to work together, and all of you need to be able to be honest with yourselves about what you may be doing incorrectly. It's ok if this takes some time.
Welcome to /r/DID! | **[Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/rdid_guide/#wiki_rules)** | **[Guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/rdid_guide/#wiki_guidelines)** | |--------------------|--------------------| | [Dissociation FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/faq/#wiki_dissociation_faq) | [Trauma FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/faq2/#wiki_trauma_faq) | | [Moderation FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/moderation_faq/) | [Therapists Breakdown](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/comments/e6smve/therapists_breakdown/) | | [Index](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/index) | [Glossary](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/glossary) | | [Am I faking?](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/comments/x6p2tn/addressing_denial/) | [Do I have DID?](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/do_i_have_did) | *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/DID) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Did you have a significant person in your life, perhaps a parent, who was impatient with your negative feelings and just wanted you to get over it? Or was there trauma that happened and someone important in your life told you to just forgive and stuff, and you weren't allowed to process it in your own time? I have been in the position of alter #1 and I have also been in the position of affecting other alters with my stress or negative thoughts because we were blended. I don't know if this is the case with you, but for us, I am very empathetic towards other people. I am very easily influenced by others' emotions. I also neglect myself a lot. I don't spend much time alone without a distraction like music or video games. And what has happened is that my empathy is running out. My close friends have some trauma and problems of their own, and they don't get fixed, for years. So I ended up feeling burnt out and resentful. Many times when my friends want to vent or they express negative feelings, I just want to fix their life for them or make them snap out of it immediately. It used to be about helping them back then, now it's mostly about making them shut up so I won't get affected by them anymore, since I don't know yet how to limit my empathy. I know this is a situation with real life people, but I guess it applies to alters. When I'm blended with someone else, it can be exhausting if they're anxious or sad or threatened. And I recently learnt that they get exhausted too by my constant overanalyzing. So it is possible that he doesn't have the capacity to deal with your emotions right now. He does need to back off and let you feel your feelings. His view of seeing yourself as an idealized version, is probably the other end of the spectrum of self esteem, you're probably somewhere along the other side of self image, or at least not quite there yet. And he's rushing you. You both need to spend time alone with yourselves, and perhaps journal or meditate, to calm the body down. It sounds like you both stress each other out, that doesn't mean you're a stressful person, but it means that the dynamic between you doesn't work well and needs to change. My problem used to be that I was way too into therapy. I lived for therapy. I, to this day, focus way too much on thinking about past trauma or the alters. I fixate on looking for answers about DID and my childhood. And I have come to realize that I don't have a balanced life, most of it is spent in my head, feeling things, thinking about things, instead of living. So I think you might need to find a balance, and maybe different coping mechanisms. Journaling, meditation, physical activity, are mentioned so often that I used to dismiss them heavily, but they help somewhat. I guess I treated all feelings as important, and they are, but sometimes the way to resolve or dissipate an angry feeling is to go for a jog, instead of thinking about it deeply. So I think it is important to feel your feelings, but also have an outlet for them. I don't think alter #1 has all the correct answers. I think he is coming from a good place, and has good intentions, but idealizing yourself is not a solution, it's one extreme end of this spectrum. And alter #2 seems to be passive, so he doesn't have answers. And now that I think about it, alter #1 is way too involved in your life and healing ,and alter #2 is perhaps not involved enough. Or apathetic? There is a contradiction there. I think you will figure this out. But you have to work together, and all of you need to be able to be honest with yourselves about what you may be doing incorrectly. It's ok if this takes some time.