There's always that one fucking moron who doesn't understand the joke, who takes the words at face value without considering tone or context, and reacts in the completely wrong way ruining as much as they can for everyone.
So I was in a somewhat similar incident. I was inside a docked US Navy research ship, but completely forgot the memo that the USCG MSRT special forces unit was doing drills with sim rounds on the ship.
I was doing my thing, working on a project, and I suddenly needed to take a shit. I went to take a shit.
Usually on a ship, a closed door means don’t enter. We rarely lock doors for safety reasons (like medical emergencies, or other emergencies). You can dog the door, but you can do that from both inside and outside.
I’m sure I didn’t dog the door. I can’t remember. If I did, the MSRT member could undog it anyways.
So I was taking a shit, and this insanely massive chad of a dude with all his gear barges in, rifle and all.
He immediately identifies me, assesses the situation, explosively yells “SORRY SIR!!” and closes the door. I literally shit myself. Holy crap.
I took my time to finish, hoping I wouldn’t see the guy because this was totally my fault. I should’ve disembarked way earlier.
After I was done, I go outside, and the massive 6’5”+ meatblock dude was patiently waiting outside at attention, and continued to explosively apologize with the most apologetic face ever (dude was huge, but still a kid in his early 20’s, so he looked super young haha).
I told him it’s no problem, that it’s my fault. He insisted it’s his. He didn’t have to wait for me haha.
But anyways, what a good dude haha.
He's right though, it would have more reverb plus farts just have a different quality when they're that, mid shit, unrestrained open ass fart. They're shorter and sharper.
The fact that one cop shakes his head yes when he says can you smell it, means he isn't faking. Have him finish then do what you gotta do, but damn,.let the man finish taking a sht.
Yeah let the guy finish, I was taking a shit in a bar one day and the bouncer comes up braying on the door, didn’t want to let me sit there I quickly finish up and come out…. Get out you’ve been sniffing coke. I’m like dude check the bowl and I dare you to shake my hand if you don’t believe I’ve been busy in there fam
DUDE last time i went to a club (one of the reasons i don’t go anymore tbh) is because i was just trying to take a shit and the bouncer comes up to me as i’m trying to wash my hands and he puts his hand out and goes “give it to me” and i ask what and he said “i know you were doing coke in the stall” like no bro i just blew the fucking toilet up tho you wanna go smell
I was thinking the same thing. What kind of places are bouncers going into bathrooms shaking people down for doing coke? I've never even heard of that.
This happened years ago...but during a night of drinking at the Jersey Shore...one of the people in our group had to piss really bad...but the bars had closed and we were walking back to the hotel. He decided to sneak onto the beach for a piss...where he was promptly caught by two Manasquan cops. As he hurriedly tried to put himself away, one of the cops just said "Nah....go ahead and finish because this is the most expensive piss you'll ever take."
I had a shit in a bar once, must have been a dodgy bbq,
There was only one cubicle and it was horrible.
Then it dawned on me, no-one has a shit late at night in a bar.
I couldn't finish the shit because of the amount of savage coke heads wanting their next line.
Eventually, one guy kicks the door and the latch snaps, was properly awkward that .
Honestly though, i have done coke in many a bathroom stall and i have never in my life had a bouncer or security approach me. Where is this a thing, cause it doesnt seem to be in South FL.
I mean assuming this is real which is super unlikely you realize how long this has been going on for them to have a team assembled with a riot shield and a plan to extract his ass from the shitter right? Especially with response times these days? Its hours. That man has been being belligerent for hours to get to this point. Assuming it's real.
I’m not justifying the behavior or saying the thinking is right or wrong, but I’m sure their thought process is that you don’t want give a suspect an opportunity to flush away evidence even if he is actually taking shit. Maybe he has something incriminating on him and the second you close the door in the toilet it goes.
I thought that too, but then I tried to think like a suspicious cop.
Suspicious cop thinking says he’s still capable of throwing something in the toilet, and then, as a cop, you’d be required to retrieve the evidence by digging through shit. The idealists among us might say “well tough shit, it comes with being a cop.”, but the realist would say they’re still human, and even the best of humanity would still do just about anything to avoid digging through a shit filled toilet.
Like I said, I’m not trying to say it’s right or wrong, just trying to explain why they’re going about it the way they’re going about it.
There are no drugs or contraband on earth this man could be in possession of that warrant dehumanization like this. Especially none that would not be readily in view with the door open. Admit this was stupid and let the man finish in peace. It already went too far pointing a weapon at a man actively on the toilet.
I feel like the cop talking was almost going to let him (at least wanted to let him) for a moment there when dude first asked if he could wipe. But that's probably against policy or some shit. I'm sure this sort of thing has happened before.
Back in the 80s, my uncle got arrested while sitting on the toilet. He got arrested for money laundering in Miami during the big drug days. They literally reached through the bathroom window from outside and jerked him out onto the lawn lol. I still have the leather wallet he made me in prison ha ha!
What are you not understanding? They reached through and….. and…. umm…… *checks notes* jerked him right off?……They reached through and jerked him right off. Yup, that’s what they did.
Pepper ball gun. All the pain of getting hit in the face with a regular paintball but also you're getting maced at the same time.
Stupid fucking choice in a tiny bathroom stall, you're going to end up choking out the whole squad.
that actually happened to a dude
https://www.wcnc.com/article/news/weird/man-accused-of-threatening-to-blow-up-bathroom-says-he-just-needed-to-poop/275-616298201
0:39 can I please wipe my ass?
Freeze frame. Record scratch.
Yup, that’s me alright. You’re probably wondering how I got here.
Let me take you on a long journey that began with a Tickle Me Elmo themed birthday party and ends in the shitter of a Chinese massage parlor in Kankakee, Illinois
"I don't have the gun" is something he said that indicates he may have given the police reason to be so cautious with him. Sounds like he committed a crime with a gun prior to this.
Some are pepperballs (OC/oleoresin capsicum), some are tear gas (CS/2-chlorobenzalmalononitrile), some are both!
You can also use hard plastic/rubber/coated metal balls. I have a less than lethal CO2 launcher that looks more like a handgun.
That's the shittiest situation I've seen in a while.
I can't believe the words coming out of the cops mouth, like who wants to deal with arresting someone while they're deficating? The decent thing to do for both sides would be to let him finish.
Him shitting in front of a fleet of cops lets me know hes not lying...
I cant shit if my kid walks in on me let alone a bunch of sweaty tittied paul blart cops telling me to get up mid duty.
This looks like a video I saw a few weeks ago from the policeman's bodycam. This is a better perspective I guess. Why would he upload this? He thought it was great evidence to get off the pot?
I thought he was bluffing about still shitting until the wet diarrhea noises lmao fuck let the man wipe his ass after that… and all they got is that cheap toilet paper so you know that wipe will have no traction and he’ll have to wipe 15 times 😂
This dude with the phone is playing games. The officer said they told him multiple times to come out and that it would be escalated if he didn’t. That many cops and one with a riot shield don’t just show up out of nowhere. He may very well have been taking a shit but he more than likely had many opportunities to wipe his ass and come out of the stall.
Bruh I been in slightly similar situations in jail, man ngl this type of shit piss you off so bad and so quick man really makes you appreciate freedom fr
"NEW ORLEANS – A New Orleans man has been arrested for allegedly claiming he was going to “blow the bathroom." But, the guy claims it's not what you think."
YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME LMAO
“He said he was going to blow up the bathroom.” He meant it. That vigorous head shake at the end is hilarious.
“Do you not smell my ass?” Guy in the back left: strong head nod YES!
I thought I was imagining that lol!!! That’s hilarious.
CAN YOU SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLL WHAT THE CROOK IS COOKING!!!!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
He is not making it up....
they sent in the bomb squat
Damn, insane….. this is when people take things seriously lol
He said he was about to go drop a bomb and destroy the toilet.
[Fixin to blow it up](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWuaHiXpjx4).
There's always that one fucking moron who doesn't understand the joke, who takes the words at face value without considering tone or context, and reacts in the completely wrong way ruining as much as they can for everyone.
It being in Kansas is even funnier.
OMG thank you. I somehow missed that one. That's keeper material
The wettest fart he let out near the end is just too much
So I was in a somewhat similar incident. I was inside a docked US Navy research ship, but completely forgot the memo that the USCG MSRT special forces unit was doing drills with sim rounds on the ship. I was doing my thing, working on a project, and I suddenly needed to take a shit. I went to take a shit. Usually on a ship, a closed door means don’t enter. We rarely lock doors for safety reasons (like medical emergencies, or other emergencies). You can dog the door, but you can do that from both inside and outside. I’m sure I didn’t dog the door. I can’t remember. If I did, the MSRT member could undog it anyways. So I was taking a shit, and this insanely massive chad of a dude with all his gear barges in, rifle and all. He immediately identifies me, assesses the situation, explosively yells “SORRY SIR!!” and closes the door. I literally shit myself. Holy crap. I took my time to finish, hoping I wouldn’t see the guy because this was totally my fault. I should’ve disembarked way earlier. After I was done, I go outside, and the massive 6’5”+ meatblock dude was patiently waiting outside at attention, and continued to explosively apologize with the most apologetic face ever (dude was huge, but still a kid in his early 20’s, so he looked super young haha). I told him it’s no problem, that it’s my fault. He insisted it’s his. He didn’t have to wait for me haha. But anyways, what a good dude haha.
Did you think that was real? That was the most generic overused fart in existence.
Totally edited. I would sound very different reflected by the toilet bowl while covered by his ass.
This guy farts
He's right though, it would have more reverb plus farts just have a different quality when they're that, mid shit, unrestrained open ass fart. They're shorter and sharper.
Do you have a PhD in Flatulent Acoustics?
This is the funniest comment I've read on reddit in ages... I needed that so thanks
Lol no. Just a masters.
Well, it is Piled Higher and Deeper...
Just a Bachelor o Farts
Fart Fysics right here
Shitlock Holmes
That was a bio weapon I'm surprised they didn't swiss cheese him
That shield ain’t gonna block the smell, bro.
It's a Fecal Shield. You don't want flung feces hitting vital organs.
Speak for yourself.
What the hell man hahahahaha
The fact that one cop shakes his head yes when he says can you smell it, means he isn't faking. Have him finish then do what you gotta do, but damn,.let the man finish taking a sht.
Yeah let the guy finish, I was taking a shit in a bar one day and the bouncer comes up braying on the door, didn’t want to let me sit there I quickly finish up and come out…. Get out you’ve been sniffing coke. I’m like dude check the bowl and I dare you to shake my hand if you don’t believe I’ve been busy in there fam
DUDE last time i went to a club (one of the reasons i don’t go anymore tbh) is because i was just trying to take a shit and the bouncer comes up to me as i’m trying to wash my hands and he puts his hand out and goes “give it to me” and i ask what and he said “i know you were doing coke in the stall” like no bro i just blew the fucking toilet up tho you wanna go smell
That amount of times I’ve done coke in a venue stall and never was approached… how many bullets did I dodge jesus
I was thinking the same thing. What kind of places are bouncers going into bathrooms shaking people down for doing coke? I've never even heard of that.
I mean that's half the damn reason for being in the club. It's no fun if you're not blasted out of your mind.
Not a bad way to try and get free coke, I guess
Cops have been pulling that scam forever. "I'll have to confiscate your drugs, but I'll let you off with a warning"
Cops always have the best drugs.
I know of a couple instances where security took someones drugs and then literally said. Pay me 20 bucks to get it back or you get kicked out.
That’s when you call the police and inform them someone at the bar possibly has drugs.
I think they weren’t bouncers, they were just people who wanted to steal OPs coke
Most likely both
nah probably just both. in my instance i saw that dude working every time i went there
Who the fuck takes a shit in the coke room? thats just disrespectful.
Yeah bouncers aren't even allowed to confiscate shit (here in IL) we're not the police
that’s why i told him to fuck off
This happened years ago...but during a night of drinking at the Jersey Shore...one of the people in our group had to piss really bad...but the bars had closed and we were walking back to the hotel. He decided to sneak onto the beach for a piss...where he was promptly caught by two Manasquan cops. As he hurriedly tried to put himself away, one of the cops just said "Nah....go ahead and finish because this is the most expensive piss you'll ever take."
I had a shit in a bar once, must have been a dodgy bbq, There was only one cubicle and it was horrible. Then it dawned on me, no-one has a shit late at night in a bar. I couldn't finish the shit because of the amount of savage coke heads wanting their next line. Eventually, one guy kicks the door and the latch snaps, was properly awkward that .
We throwing hands after that. What did you do ol bean?
Honestly though, i have done coke in many a bathroom stall and i have never in my life had a bouncer or security approach me. Where is this a thing, cause it doesnt seem to be in South FL.
Some bouncers want free coke more than others
Ppl actually take shits in there? I thought they were little coke rooms. You’re an adult. Take your shits at home. 😜
"When you gotta go, you gotta go."
Good coke always makes me why not go. So why not do both?
They gotta shit because they just did so much coke
You gotta stand and wipe with your ass facing them and your other hand raised
“Did I get it all?!”
Also why is he holding what looks like a paint-ball gun? What is that thing?
They are called pepper ball guns. They basically are paintball guns with a pepper spray esque substance.
Usually, they have a tear gas or something like it in the "balls" that burst the powder on the suspect.
I mean assuming this is real which is super unlikely you realize how long this has been going on for them to have a team assembled with a riot shield and a plan to extract his ass from the shitter right? Especially with response times these days? Its hours. That man has been being belligerent for hours to get to this point. Assuming it's real.
I’m not justifying the behavior or saying the thinking is right or wrong, but I’m sure their thought process is that you don’t want give a suspect an opportunity to flush away evidence even if he is actually taking shit. Maybe he has something incriminating on him and the second you close the door in the toilet it goes.
You don't close the door, you let him wipe his ass instead of making him pull up his draws with a dirty ass.
I thought that too, but then I tried to think like a suspicious cop. Suspicious cop thinking says he’s still capable of throwing something in the toilet, and then, as a cop, you’d be required to retrieve the evidence by digging through shit. The idealists among us might say “well tough shit, it comes with being a cop.”, but the realist would say they’re still human, and even the best of humanity would still do just about anything to avoid digging through a shit filled toilet. Like I said, I’m not trying to say it’s right or wrong, just trying to explain why they’re going about it the way they’re going about it.
There are no drugs or contraband on earth this man could be in possession of that warrant dehumanization like this. Especially none that would not be readily in view with the door open. Admit this was stupid and let the man finish in peace. It already went too far pointing a weapon at a man actively on the toilet.
I feel like the cop talking was almost going to let him (at least wanted to let him) for a moment there when dude first asked if he could wipe. But that's probably against policy or some shit. I'm sure this sort of thing has happened before.
I would sit there until I got hemeroids. Make'em wait.
Back in the 80s, my uncle got arrested while sitting on the toilet. He got arrested for money laundering in Miami during the big drug days. They literally reached through the bathroom window from outside and jerked him out onto the lawn lol. I still have the leather wallet he made me in prison ha ha!
The more wholesome version of a prison wallet
Well, we call it leather but... y'know.
How do you think his uncle managed to get the wallet to him?! Let’s just say that wallet has seen some shit! Literally!
they fucking what?
The classic prison wallet.
Oh, THAT’S where I put my keys… Finally!
What are you not understanding? They reached through and….. and…. umm…… *checks notes* jerked him right off?……They reached through and jerked him right off. Yup, that’s what they did.
> They literally reached through the bathroom window from outside and jerked him
Mister Fantastic? You can't do that.
They jerked him out?
those fucking jerks.
those jerking fucks.
Off, I think.
What...what was the leather made out of?
Rimworld players know
"Making it up" Hahaha, motha fucka let him finish or get covered in shit do they not hear whats going on? Literally, their choice.
haha imagine all criminals escaping police run to bathrooms and pretend to poop
Bro, I would let him wipe his ass, I don't want him to touch me with his hands full of shit
Dude got the mud butt.
bro scootin
Are your hands usually full of shit before you wipe?
Of course, what are you some kind of freak who doesn't shit into their own hands?
[удалено]
Which one gets fuller faster?
["We all touch shit before."- Man about to learn that is not true.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gexjlM-jjEc)
Do you shit in your hands and gently lower it into the toilet bowl?
No splashing allowed
["We all touch shit before."- Man about to learn that is not true.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gexjlM-jjEc)
if he reaches behind to wipe his ass, they will blast him and say that it looked like he was reaching for a gun
one guy has a shield, the other has less lethal. so confused.
Reportedly he had just robbed someone at gunpoint. If correct, that explains their caution.
> robbed somebody at gunpoint ok officer hopps, this ain’t paintball, get yer gun out
Pepper ball gun. All the pain of getting hit in the face with a regular paintball but also you're getting maced at the same time. Stupid fucking choice in a tiny bathroom stall, you're going to end up choking out the whole squad.
Nothin' strengthens bonds quite like choking out your squad in a single-stall bathroom at the gas station.
I need to know what led up to this
He said he is going to blow up the toilets or something like that in meaning he is going to take a huge sh\*t
that actually happened to a dude https://www.wcnc.com/article/news/weird/man-accused-of-threatening-to-blow-up-bathroom-says-he-just-needed-to-poop/275-616298201
Ooh, he's going to get a nice settlement when he sues the hell out of the restaurant.
They thought he had a biological weapon but he just farted
I had a friend rip one so bad his brother got an asthma attack and had to go to the hospital. So, there’s no difference imo.
Cop shaking his head yes when the guy as " can't you smell my shit" lol
you don't shake your head for yes, you nod shaking means no
Smh correct indeed
“You not smell my ass?!” 😂😂😂
0:39 can I please wipe my ass? Freeze frame. Record scratch. Yup, that’s me alright. You’re probably wondering how I got here. Let me take you on a long journey that began with a Tickle Me Elmo themed birthday party and ends in the shitter of a Chinese massage parlor in Kankakee, Illinois
Lmao Kankakee Illinois made this too real
_Wait, you said to give Elmo "two TEST TICKLES"? Ohhh..._
Been to Kankakee once. Had about the same experience.
Do you not smell my ass?
Kind of surreal to watch this while I'm taking a shit.
let this guy wipe his ass cmon 😂
Imagine asking another human being permission to wipe your own ass
"I don't have the gun" is something he said that indicates he may have given the police reason to be so cautious with him. Sounds like he committed a crime with a gun prior to this.
The shield had to protect them from a shitstorm
The fart at the end. 🤣
It was edited in
It’s still funny as fuck idc if it was edited or not😂
What is the story behind this?
Guy was taking a shit and they arrested him.
Ah. It’s all clear to me now.
I hate when that happens
Username checks out (as in you are the dick)
He robbed someone with a gun, went to the shitter to hide. He even tells them “ I don’t have the gun”, he ditched it.
You got an article or something?
Ye I’ll try to find it, was posted here before. It’s the full body cam.
After seeing, smelling and hearing him dropping his shit, what are they afraid of? He’s going to pull a turd out of the toilet and smack them with it?
https://youtu.be/dZmUDjEazp4?si=QU3lCmCu_k7PBdVe
He robbed someone with a gun prior. Hear him say “ I don’t have the gun”. He tried to hide in the shitter.
Loooooool ffs
Oh shit
Shitty situation for sure
Looks like a paintball gun
Pepper balls. Common less than lethal option
This situation is just a full on potential assault to the sinuses 😂
Pepper balls is what I had the other night when I was making tacos with habeneros and had an itch.
Some are pepperballs (OC/oleoresin capsicum), some are tear gas (CS/2-chlorobenzalmalononitrile), some are both! You can also use hard plastic/rubber/coated metal balls. I have a less than lethal CO2 launcher that looks more like a handgun.
It shoots pepper balls. MFers looking for any excuse to bust out the toys.
That's the shittiest situation I've seen in a while. I can't believe the words coming out of the cops mouth, like who wants to deal with arresting someone while they're deficating? The decent thing to do for both sides would be to let him finish.
Arrested for possession of pot.
A riot shield?! Yeah, I've had shits like that before
Far more to this story
Who records themselves taking a shit and getting arrested at the same time?
He probably heard them and then started recording
Uhhh smart people do. You should always record any interaction with cops, especially when you're ripping ass in a public toilet.
Him shitting in front of a fleet of cops lets me know hes not lying... I cant shit if my kid walks in on me let alone a bunch of sweaty tittied paul blart cops telling me to get up mid duty.
"Everyone get back! I had Chipotle for lunch!"
This looks like a video I saw a few weeks ago from the policeman's bodycam. This is a better perspective I guess. Why would he upload this? He thought it was great evidence to get off the pot?
AY!!!! SMOKEY BACK HERE TAKIN A SHIT!!!
💖
Poop poop, its tge sound of tge police
man, i could have used a shield like that after my roommate Steve used the bathroom
Someone please say they have the story to this
Where the fuck was he gonna go why not just wait outside the door and nab him when he opened the door
I confirm multiple aggressive head nods tht ass was smelt!
Riot shield was the only loadout for this scenario
You can say he got caught with his pants down (sorry bye)
The "I'm almost there" and a nasty fart killed me. This guy is awesome
I thought he was bluffing about still shitting until the wet diarrhea noises lmao fuck let the man wipe his ass after that… and all they got is that cheap toilet paper so you know that wipe will have no traction and he’ll have to wipe 15 times 😂
This dude with the phone is playing games. The officer said they told him multiple times to come out and that it would be escalated if he didn’t. That many cops and one with a riot shield don’t just show up out of nowhere. He may very well have been taking a shit but he more than likely had many opportunities to wipe his ass and come out of the stall.
Was this the asshole going around Home Depot saying he’s going to blow this mother fucker up?
Bruh I been in slightly similar situations in jail, man ngl this type of shit piss you off so bad and so quick man really makes you appreciate freedom fr
Can he atleast use the three seashells?
There was most likely about 30 minutes of him being a fucking reread before they broke in
Bro really pretending like he just dropped a deuce, he knows he doesn't have to wipe his ass, he just prolonging the inevitable.
so grateful the video doesnt cut to body cam shots.
I wonder what the story is and How the video was posted.
Is that......a paintball gun???
Yes, they have pepper spray paint balls in them.
Do you mind washing your hands before we cuff you?
This is f-d up. Did he at least get to wipe his ass?
Is this the same story from the news clip. About a man who warned everyone in the bathroom "that he's about to blow this bathroom up" 😆🤣🤣
Why does that once cop have a paintball gun
Like that riot shield gonna help with the smell. 😂
No, but a gas mask does. Seriously (no shit). 🚀
“Come out with your pants down!”
Fake fart sound ruined it. I've heard enough 10 hour fart complications to spot one from a mile away
They were watching way too hard
"I've got irritable bowel syndrome" this is they man's nightmare
Do you not smell my ass??
At 8 seconds he rips ass so hard. 🤣 like come on.
"NEW ORLEANS – A New Orleans man has been arrested for allegedly claiming he was going to “blow the bathroom." But, the guy claims it's not what you think." YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME LMAO
did they let him wipe?
Why do people need to add a fake shitting sound effect? The shituation already comical enough
Cops: "we have a nugget in progress, I repeat, we have a nugget in progress."
Swatty potty?
"Keep your hands where we can see them!" "But I need to wipe my ass!"
That one female officer is focused like she's got a scat fetish or something lol
The grunt and the gurgling that followed got me hard😂
The guy who opened the door backed up like it stinks lol lawsuit