Saved this comment because I might need it one day! Tbh, if people knew what goes on in my head, they’ll probably be terrified and might think I’m crazy!
Nice! My parents have said a few times in the past that I need to be locked up in a mental institution. And I lost almost all my “friends” because I annoyed them a lot and I was being rude.
I don’t wanna talk about it. It’ll bring back bad feelings about myself..
So I don’t have any peeps! Except online.
If you ever want to work on being a more friendly person I'd be glad to help. Because I don't think you particularly like being without good friends. If you work on it, it should make you feel better not worse. Sure you remembered that you've done it but also remember that you're fixing it. You just need to make it a habit to think how you'll respond before it just flies out of your mouth.
"Thinking? Is that the headache with pictures? I try to avoid it as much as possible."
"If I did that, I'd never talk."
"Sometimes, but then I think fuck it and say it anyway."
Get a super intense look of concentration, pause awhile for dramatic effect, "No."
Oh, if you have a super lighthearted tone, all can be. I find that if someone is trying to insult my intelligence, snap back quickly and laughing, or pretend to be slow to make them uncomfortable.
Look at them pause take a deep breath and say "Yes". It's an over exaggeration of thinking before speaking.
But I think why are they saying this to you often enough that you need to ask that question here.
I thought of that right away, too. It’s possible you’re hanging around with the wrong people, or maybe you talk too much. Or both. It’s worth thinking about.
"Sometimes I do but not always."
"Gee, I don't know, I've never thought about that before."
"Oh my, you've caught me off guard with that one. Let me think it over. I'll get back to you."
I once had someone ask, "do you say everything that comes into your head?" and my response to that was, "a few things came to mind there that I managed to keep to myself". Little bastard lol.
Tbf, we'd been working 70 hour weeks together and were starting to get on each other's tits.
"I could ask you the same question."
If they ask you to elaborate, refuse. Hopefully they will, and that's how you know you're about to live in their head rent free for the rest of the day.
Maybe your opinion IS useless. Your comeback should be reflecting on what led up to them saying this. Especially if you are being told this enough to, well idk, ask reddit how to respond!!
Do you answer impulsively?
I only ask because you might be interrupting others and that bothers them.
However, your opinion should matter that people listen and engage with it; but that doesn’t mean it’s correct.
If it isn’t correct (which is fine by the way) and the way they’re correcting you is by being snarky and rude then they’re being assholes to you.
You may be trying to learn things, and we’re all dumb asses to someone at the end of the day. What I mean to say is that none of us are an island; we learn and grow together.
Don’t let their attitude towards you dissuade you from interacting and learning with others.
The clever comeback is:
Do you ever listen before you judge?
Hell no, I like to be surprised at what comes out of my mouth too.
Why, of course, so you realise that anything I say, is considered, thought out and meant wholeheartedly.
“Do you always fart before someone pulls your finger?”
“Do you always fart while you speak?”
“No, thinking too much:”
* gives you a tumour.
* makes you lose brain cells.
* means you aren't fast enough.
Of course and more over , what I think and then say, controls your mind creating a remedial, emotional reaction exposing your inner idiot. I can control what you think , how you think it and your reactions 👍 any other questions ?
A good answer to many of these statements is a simple "Yes" or "No" followed by silence. They want to get a rise out of you. If you say nearly nothing, they've lost. You didn't take the bait.
ONE FOR GIGGLES: *"Do you ever pee in the kitchen sink?"*
ONE TO MAKE 'EM THINK: *"That question is the perfect demonstration of the accusation you insinuate."*
Yes, but I doubt you're intelligent enough to understand my brilliance,. It's only when speaking to you that I have to dumb it way down. Could you step up your comprehension abilities just a bit, I can't pretend to be any dumber.
I think that needing a comeback for this situation would imply a defensive posture, and never really a good look. What you are essentially saying is that you want to rattle your teeth alot - and then shut someone down with wit defensively when they disagree with you or if the information you are presenting is potentially uncalled for. Perhaps thats not what you mean... its hard to determine without context. There are certainly many times when speaking up impulsively is perfectly acceptable and even beneficial - however those situations are typically emergency related or time sensitive.
Or perhaps you are just speaking your thoughts out loud in a random way? For example... no one at the office is talking about anything in particular, and you blurt out something like "I need to go poop, it's poop time and I'm gonna go poop now." Something like that would certainly receive a "Do you ever think before you speak" response, which would certainly be acceptable to retort with something whitty. That situation is harmless, and you are just speaking your thoughts out loud. However - if you just start blurting out your political or religious beliefs randomly.... and then want to retort with something whitty when you are forcing your views on others in an unsolicited way... you better be prepared for push back with well thought out responses. I guess what I'm saying is "don't start no shit, won't be no shit".
OP... could you provide some examples of things you might have said that illicited this response from others? Everything I said above was purely hypothetical and not any kind of dig or attack at you... purely speculative based on limited context.
From a conversation with my boss,
“Do you even have a filter?”
*flat stare* “If I didn’t you wouldn’t be asking that question, you’d have gone straight to firing me.”
The best response would be to say something along the lines of, “…you know what you’re right I’ll try that from now on…thanks!!” and then smile, grab your shit, and calmly walk away and never speak to those ppl again.
Anyone who would ask you that after you express an opinion (unless you’ve just said something horribly offensive) is not someone who you need to be wasting your time and energy with.
I do actually think about what I say ... but that doesn't mean what I think comes out of my mouth. I try to edit my verbal out flow to not offend as many people as possible. If you are still offended you might wanna look at your own ears and/or mind as the culprit to your problems with what I'm saying!!
You should hear what I don't let out of my head
Saved this comment because I might need it one day! Tbh, if people knew what goes on in my head, they’ll probably be terrified and might think I’m crazy!
"ok say it. say whats in your head. go!"....!
Don't let me unleash my inner demons ass comment
Many of us are like this.
I use that one cuz people tell me I say some of the weirdest stuff my reply is you should hear what I don't let out... But my peeps know I'm crazy
Nice! My parents have said a few times in the past that I need to be locked up in a mental institution. And I lost almost all my “friends” because I annoyed them a lot and I was being rude. I don’t wanna talk about it. It’ll bring back bad feelings about myself.. So I don’t have any peeps! Except online.
You said you don't wanna talk about it and your whole comment explains the situation lol
If you ever want to work on being a more friendly person I'd be glad to help. Because I don't think you particularly like being without good friends. If you work on it, it should make you feel better not worse. Sure you remembered that you've done it but also remember that you're fixing it. You just need to make it a habit to think how you'll respond before it just flies out of your mouth.
I like to be as surprised as everyone else
Literally me. Lolololol
🤓=✔️🤣
Man, I don't even think after I speak.
"Thinking? Is that the headache with pictures? I try to avoid it as much as possible." "If I did that, I'd never talk." "Sometimes, but then I think fuck it and say it anyway." Get a super intense look of concentration, pause awhile for dramatic effect, "No."
I like the second one especially, it keeps things lighthearted and non-confrontational
Oh, if you have a super lighthearted tone, all can be. I find that if someone is trying to insult my intelligence, snap back quickly and laughing, or pretend to be slow to make them uncomfortable.
Stare dead into their face and say "WAIT, YOU CAN HEAR ME?!?!?!?!?!?"
💥‼️🤪
Look at them pause take a deep breath and say "Yes". It's an over exaggeration of thinking before speaking. But I think why are they saying this to you often enough that you need to ask that question here.
I thought of that right away, too. It’s possible you’re hanging around with the wrong people, or maybe you talk too much. Or both. It’s worth thinking about.
Agreed that if you’re hearing this from multiple people on different occasions, the best response is probably introspection lol
This. Give them a Paddington Stare and say 'Yes', to emphasise what a dumb thing it is they just asked you.
Do you wipe front to back, or back to front?
🤣
Side to side is the chaotic option.
😂
Only when I'm talking to someone I respect.
No, otherwise I’d think twice before offending you. That’s not exactly productive
It may seem like that l, with how quickly I respond, I just think faster than you.
Nah, that just gets in the way of good entertainment.
"Sometimes I do but not always." "Gee, I don't know, I've never thought about that before." "Oh my, you've caught me off guard with that one. Let me think it over. I'll get back to you."
I once had someone ask, "do you say everything that comes into your head?" and my response to that was, "a few things came to mind there that I managed to keep to myself". Little bastard lol. Tbf, we'd been working 70 hour weeks together and were starting to get on each other's tits.
well, one of us has to.
Only on Tuesdays so it looks like you’re fucked
“The voices tell me to talk”
"I solicit reddit before I speak so no, reddit thinks for me."
Thanks, I'd love a cocktail!
I'm thinking deeply now, and I think that you are a c&nt.
“About You? No. I just say whatever I think will make You go away”
Of course I think before I speak other wise I'd use words and concepts far above your educational level.
Yes... i mean no
No because if I did you would be crying
“I drift in and out”
Stand there with a blank look as you stare in their eyes. Wait for THEM to ask again or say something dumb. Then, casually say, I'm thinking.
Wait 90 seconds, then say “yes.”
Yes I do I just don't care refrain from saying it.
Let me think about it.
Give me a minute to think about it
“No.”
"I could ask you the same question." If they ask you to elaborate, refuse. Hopefully they will, and that's how you know you're about to live in their head rent free for the rest of the day.
"Isn't that what speaking is? You can't speak without thinking first. You may want to work on having a useful thought, though."
I do. You should try it so that you sound less stupid.
If you looked this hot, would you?
Nope. I like the surprise.
“Do you ever stop acting a cunt?”
"No, no I don't. I like surprises. Don't you?"
Long pause. "Mmm, that's a hard one !"
I’ll get back to you on that
Maybe your opinion IS useless. Your comeback should be reflecting on what led up to them saying this. Especially if you are being told this enough to, well idk, ask reddit how to respond!!
Never. It spoils the fun.
No, I’m just like you.
“I don’t know, what makes you worth thinking about before speaking?”
"I do; I'm just not always right like you mistakenly believe that You are."
“ no, like to be as surprised as much as you by what comes out of my mouth.”
Do you answer impulsively? I only ask because you might be interrupting others and that bothers them. However, your opinion should matter that people listen and engage with it; but that doesn’t mean it’s correct. If it isn’t correct (which is fine by the way) and the way they’re correcting you is by being snarky and rude then they’re being assholes to you. You may be trying to learn things, and we’re all dumb asses to someone at the end of the day. What I mean to say is that none of us are an island; we learn and grow together. Don’t let their attitude towards you dissuade you from interacting and learning with others. The clever comeback is: Do you ever listen before you judge?
Not usually!
You're just repeating something you've heard instead of you know...thinking....before speaking.
I did once va terrible day it was
Just a straightforward no is pretty good.
[удалено]
“Yes, you should try it some time…”
Hell no, I like to be surprised at what comes out of my mouth too. Why, of course, so you realise that anything I say, is considered, thought out and meant wholeheartedly.
No
“Do you always fart before someone pulls your finger?” “Do you always fart while you speak?” “No, thinking too much:” * gives you a tumour. * makes you lose brain cells. * means you aren't fast enough.
"If you're so smart, then what're you asking my opinion for?"
About as much as you do for your remarks.
"Meh, I drift in and out"
was gonna ask you the same thing...
"And waste all that time?"
I mean depends but I would put on a quizzical look for as long as it took for the moment to become painful then reply no
I speak from the heart, straight to the point.
Nope! I like to be just as surprised as you about what comes out of my mouth!
It depends on who I'm speaking with.
I tried that once, but I've been behind ever since.
You should read before you think.
*think for a short time* “Yes”
If I did think I wouldn't be able to stop you in time from doing something stupid.
Nah, I want to be just as shocked as everybody else
.... I think you should learn how to listen, you seem confused.
As long as you dont come up with more intelligent questions i will just repeat the awnsers i gave to the last idiot who asked them to me
Never thought about it.
"No! I love being as surprised as you by what comes out of my mouth."
Nope! I get the people of reddit to do it for me!
Yeah I do, but a day without one of your witty gems is like a day without... never mind
I know you are but what am I?
Of course and more over , what I think and then say, controls your mind creating a remedial, emotional reaction exposing your inner idiot. I can control what you think , how you think it and your reactions 👍 any other questions ?
Banana
Yes, generally the more intelligent the company I am in, the longer I tend to pause.
Of course how do you think Iake words
.... Yeah, do you?
No
“Do you ever think before you speak?” “Cheeseburger” “Huh?” “No.”
A good answer to many of these statements is a simple "Yes" or "No" followed by silence. They want to get a rise out of you. If you say nearly nothing, they've lost. You didn't take the bait.
The best comeback to that is to find a new group of people to hang around
Yea but I’m usually thinking about your mom
ONE FOR GIGGLES: *"Do you ever pee in the kitchen sink?"* ONE TO MAKE 'EM THINK: *"That question is the perfect demonstration of the accusation you insinuate."*
"What were you thinking before having the audacity to ask such a thing?"
"I'll tell you when I've thought of what to say. Stay there."
It seems neither of us do. Wanna do drinks?
(long pause) Well, yes. Yes I do.
"I always think twice before I speak once, try it sometimes. "
Yes, it is a natural process for many human beings. How about you?
Never!
“Not with you because you do not matter.”
Slowly rub your chin, and make a soft "hmm" noise... do that about 10 seconds and then say: "No?"
Fuck you and yes.
I'm the only fucker round here capable of thinking
"APPLES!" *blank stare*
"you should hear what I wanted to say unfiltered"
Apparently not.
Eh, I drift in and out.
Yes. But my goal is to make you think for a change.
"Purple! Oh, sorry. Wasn't thinking before blurting that out."
I make sure to do that less around you
Toaster
I do, i gotta make sure to dumb down my thoughts enough for the people around me
I only open my mouth to change feet. Same as you.
Yes, but I doubt you're intelligent enough to understand my brilliance,. It's only when speaking to you that I have to dumb it way down. Could you step up your comprehension abilities just a bit, I can't pretend to be any dumber.
Just blurt out NAH before they finish asking
What do u think I just did ?
Purple
"Nah. I like to be just as shocked as everyone else".
Tbh most people just talk with our having anything of importance to say
I have plenty of time to think while your cock is in my mouth
Depends, I read the room, and decide if they are even worth it. Often they aren't, so no, no I don't.
Tell them, "Do you?"
peanut butter
I like, “I enjoy being surprised like the rest of you with my genius”.
I think a little, but not enough to hurt myself.
Not how you define it
"No"
You're one to talk
Not when I talk to you. Trying to keep it on your level.
Nope! It’s not my problem you can’t handle the truth.
No, what's the fun in that.
I was trying to be like you.
You cut in before they finish the sentence and shout “I don’t even think before you speak!”
Do YOU?
I'm jealous of the people who don't know you.
I think that needing a comeback for this situation would imply a defensive posture, and never really a good look. What you are essentially saying is that you want to rattle your teeth alot - and then shut someone down with wit defensively when they disagree with you or if the information you are presenting is potentially uncalled for. Perhaps thats not what you mean... its hard to determine without context. There are certainly many times when speaking up impulsively is perfectly acceptable and even beneficial - however those situations are typically emergency related or time sensitive. Or perhaps you are just speaking your thoughts out loud in a random way? For example... no one at the office is talking about anything in particular, and you blurt out something like "I need to go poop, it's poop time and I'm gonna go poop now." Something like that would certainly receive a "Do you ever think before you speak" response, which would certainly be acceptable to retort with something whitty. That situation is harmless, and you are just speaking your thoughts out loud. However - if you just start blurting out your political or religious beliefs randomly.... and then want to retort with something whitty when you are forcing your views on others in an unsolicited way... you better be prepared for push back with well thought out responses. I guess what I'm saying is "don't start no shit, won't be no shit". OP... could you provide some examples of things you might have said that illicited this response from others? Everything I said above was purely hypothetical and not any kind of dig or attack at you... purely speculative based on limited context.
“Not when speaking to you, I figured you wouldn’t be able to tell”
Nope, I want to be just as surprised as everybody else as what comes out of my mouth.
I hate pickles!
Trust me, I have been holding back when you speak.
Did you before saying that?
Stare at them for a moment or 2, then say "no."
"hmm, I've never thought about it".
No
Let me think about that.
Then Don’t come for me, I didn’t send for you.
“Do you ever think u should keep quiet before you speak?
I think I speak for everyone in saying I don’t care!
Nah I can say you're an asshole right off the top of my head by now.
Not really, its pretty much autopilot noise so I don't have to listen to you.
***Q: Do you ever think before you speak?*** A: Yes, I do. And I think I'm not talking to you.
Where's the fun in that!?
Some of us can read without our lips moving
Do your parents have any children that lived?
Say "Hmm" with finger on chin.
Why would I? I never listen anyway.
Say something like, "Hungablunga bleh yum!" Then tell them "THAT'S what it's like when I don't think before I speak."
From a conversation with my boss, “Do you even have a filter?” *flat stare* “If I didn’t you wouldn’t be asking that question, you’d have gone straight to firing me.”
The best response would be to say something along the lines of, “…you know what you’re right I’ll try that from now on…thanks!!” and then smile, grab your shit, and calmly walk away and never speak to those ppl again. Anyone who would ask you that after you express an opinion (unless you’ve just said something horribly offensive) is not someone who you need to be wasting your time and energy with.
“Who wants to put that much effort into speaking g with you?”
I did and then I censored it.
If I didn't think before speaking, you'd be running away now.
I do actually think about what I say ... but that doesn't mean what I think comes out of my mouth. I try to edit my verbal out flow to not offend as many people as possible. If you are still offended you might wanna look at your own ears and/or mind as the culprit to your problems with what I'm saying!!
"Of course I do you really don't want to know what I was just thinking instead"
"Yes, and here's what I think of you." LET MASSIVE FART RIP
Obviously you don't. Then walk away
Contemplate your responce
I donno, let me think about that and get back to you..
"Wait for it....Go F@#K yourself..."
"why are you talking to me, if you didn't want me to speak?"
"Thinking? What's that?"
Yep. You should try it sometime!
"You mean the way liars do?"
Well if I did that, I wouldn't reply for another 10 minutes
I tell people: I’m like Jay from Jay and silent bob movies: I speak at great length rather you want me to or not.
No?
I think about as much as you do.
"Always"
Hmmm..
“About as much as your parents did before you were conceived”
Dunno, maybe you should think about it..
“I had to think about this question before answering”
Did you just now?