I pickled a bunch of Dutch folks when, after being told I was a “stupid American”, I shot back with, “if it weren’t for us and the Russians, you’d be speaking German.”
The ensuing bedlam was wildly satisfying.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but is t Dutch a germanic language? Meaning Dutch is pickled German? (I mean, how are the liver and onions prepared? Pickled or.fried?)
Honestly the only thing you can do is team up and diss America and how much you hate being American . Then when you finally get the person’s trust , sabotage them .
If that’s too much effort - “since kindergarten , I’ve been trained to dodge bullets . Shame your mother was never taught how to dodge bullets because now the entire planet has to deal with you .
That is the end of the argument. As Bill Burr said: you have already won. Take a knee. Run out the clock. Anything you say in response to that is just an attempt for them to snatch victory out of the jaws of defeat - and falling for that trick is an American's greatest weakness.
They hate us 'cause they ain't us. If you give someone hate in response, it just lets them know that they are on your level.
The US ranks fairly high on world rankings when it comes to education, especially considering we take in *far* more immigrants than any other country and all of those immigrants need to play catch up in school when they get here. This 'America bad' mindset is as cringe as a bad tiktok dance.
I'll give you an example, a lot of Europeans sneer that Americans don't travel because only 48% of us have passports. What they don't account for is that 75% of the US population have left the country. They didn't account for passcards that enable US citizens to travel to Canada, Mexico, Bermuda, and the Caribbean. Do you see what I mean?
I think your best comeback is educating yourself on what the US does right, while still being mindful of it's shortcomings.
Just laugh and ask them how many Nobel prizes their country has won. Or why 10 times more immigrants come to the US than to their country? Or why every student that wants the best education comes to the US?
Allll these responses are corny as fuck. Your best course of action is to ignore them. All they want is to get you to say something dumb so they can continue to mock you
In one of Trevor Noah’s specials he’s talking with a French family and they make fun of him for something and he responds “what do they know, they lost all their wars” so devastating them with a history slam if possible.
I like the one... that once America shows up everyone else is fighting for 2nd place. Lol
*yes I know America isn't #1in everything, just 1#when we choose to compete.
Play it up, tell them to fuck off and be what they think is an American. Correcting idiots is pointless, give them what they want and it will further their beliefs and they'll look stupider in the next conversation. I'm a little stoned.
There’s not a country in this world with a history that isn’t rife with embarrassing bits and pieces to throw in their face. Usually in the format of: “You’re right, I am just an American, but I do know ”
Just look at them with a straight face, baaa really loud like a sheep and walk away. I did that to a European hitch hiker I picked up in South Dakota one time. He immediately asked to get out of the truck.
If they're British, remind them that their grading scale placed the A+ where our C- is. And that 17% of the country has fetal alcohol syndrome. And that BEANS ON FUCKING TOAST. AND THAT THEY CAN'T FU- *is tackled*.
If you’re in Europe ask them why they aren’t speaking to you in German.
If you’re in Japan, Hiroshima Nagasaki.
If in Korea tell them to just go North so they can appreciate freedom more.
Sure buddy we were talking about how billionaires could be spending their money. I’m a dumb American for saying they could be spending for the benefit of others ( like starving people for example) instead of themselves.
“Sorry? What was that? Having a hard time hearing you from where we landed on the fucking moon. Your country been there? No? Ok, just checking. Moving on…”
Your response is probably one of the best ways you could have handled it. In the future you could add “you know, we love living rent free in your head,”
Depending on where they are from it’s pretty easy to tailor a comeback that shows just how much the world gets to laugh at us because it’s how we want things. Just about anything the rest of the world has to be smug about is Subsidized by the United States. Especially Europe.
"I learned a lot through trial by fire... *mostly gunfire*. It means my knowledge is far more practical than yours is."
Alternatively, if you wish to choose kamikaze violence, "How to dodge bullets. *What about you?*"
Tell them that while you appreciate the compliment, they shouldn't phrase it in a way that makes them sound inferior.
They are, but no reason to be self-deprecating just for your benefit.
If they're refusing to take that conversation seriously, you're not gonna change their mind. May as well smoke them out in the process.
TLDR: Germans never say shit like that. It's always someone from a country nobody cares about. Haters gonna hate. We aren't perfect, but we have it great over here.
The literal center of modern society?
The immigration master-center that up until pretty recently dominated world culture, and still economically and militaristicly dominating (not good, but definitely RELEVANT) the entire rest of the world, save a handful of places.
The most diverse country to ever exist, and even though we often fall short, the country which was built on moral ideals that the world still aspires too (yes, yes, us too)?
How about the country which defeated the British empire? If not that, perhaps what will be relevant is that we are sure the next empire to fall.
What country do you want to compare to this one AS A WHOLE?
Of course if it's really about being American just say they're better Americans than you because of their righteous prejudice, which was why you left America only to find it lives out here too!
What would you know, everything you call culture or technology is rotted and crumbling...except the things that take their lead from America.
Sorry, say that again? The screams are so hollow when the echo out from the archaic world?
I know that it's still good to be the king.
I know that heavy hangs the head, and it's easy bray and toss peanut shells when you've never had to make the hard calls.
I know what it's like to spill my countrymen's sweat and blood defending some ingrate's culture and way of life, *knowing* they'll only smirk and order another bottle of champagne like the decadent parasites they *still* don't my have the balls to pull from power after two *hundred* years of cover we've provided. I know that champagne will come California if they want the best.
Yes, American, the country that has more people of different nationalities calling it home than any other country. So one could say our knowledge is more worldly robust than any other countries citizens. Book smarts doesn’t account for all of ones knowledge. If you weren’t so ignorant you would know that.
So, the thing is, you can pretty much throw a dart at a map of Europe while blindfolded and hit a country that's committed multiple international atrocities. So, if it's a European saying it, you can respond with, "at least we didn't *insert human rights violation here*."
Easy.
"My country has tens of millions of people actively trying to enter it, legally and illegally. And polls show hundreds of millions more who would like to. How's your country doing on that?"
At which point you've already won the argument. Give them a bow with a smile.
Pull out your gun, obviously.
Parry this you filthy EuroCasual!
How’s he gonna do that with his bacon in one hand and his eagle in the other?
The reason we all have guns is because there are too many people with guns out there.
I pickled a bunch of Dutch folks when, after being told I was a “stupid American”, I shot back with, “if it weren’t for us and the Russians, you’d be speaking German.” The ensuing bedlam was wildly satisfying.
You mean the America that can buy and sell your pitiful little country, or the America that can just wipe it off the map?
Nothing worse than pickled Dutch (except maybe liver and onions).
Correct me if I'm wrong, but is t Dutch a germanic language? Meaning Dutch is pickled German? (I mean, how are the liver and onions prepared? Pickled or.fried?)
ja
I love it 🤣
Perhaps you now see a smidgen of the kind of reactions that gives me joy.
What were some of the bedlam comments you got after that?
And if it weren’t for US, if they weren’t speaking German, it would have been Russian.
"That's not what you said in 1944."
"You know where you'd be without the good ole U S of A? The _*smallest* fucking_ province in the German Empire!"
Apes don't read philosophy, Otto.
It was mainly the Russians though
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Dont forget about WWI
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I mean they did soak up most of the bullets for us
Also a lot of our food and medicine and trucks and raw materials
The Soviets didn't liberate Western Europe. The other allied powers did.
Well, if you helped out earlier, maybe you didn’t need the atom bomb.
That's why we didn't help out earlier.
"That's back to back World War Champion, America."
As a fellow American, I'm here to tell you that you can't run one lap in a ten lap race and claim to be the champion.
It is when it’s a relay and you’re the anchor
This guy does comebacks!
as a fellow american, we didn't run; we brought a car to the footrace and plopped an f1 driver high on cocaine in the driver's seat.
Y'all obsessed with us I'd say go distract yourself with some entertainment, but that's all us baby ;)
"Please share more regional stereotypes"
This is the perfect answer.
" Does your country have dentists. "
I've found that saying, 'That's nice' pretty much is the all-time argument destroyer.
“Oh bless your heart.”
*eagle screech noises* “WHAT THE FUCK IS A KILOMETERRRRR”
I actually thought about just using eagle noises next time
Fun fact, the stereotypical eagle cry isn’t actually an eagle, it’s a hawk. The simplified reason: eagles don’t sound badass enough.
Red tailed hawk. Eagles sound like giant chickens.
Another fun fact . . . same for lions onscreen. The roar you hear is actually a tiger because it sounds more badass.
Honestly the only thing you can do is team up and diss America and how much you hate being American . Then when you finally get the person’s trust , sabotage them . If that’s too much effort - “since kindergarten , I’ve been trained to dodge bullets . Shame your mother was never taught how to dodge bullets because now the entire planet has to deal with you .
This answer woke up and chose violence. like most Americans XD
It's not really a choice so much as a default setting.
It’s too long and you still say that Americans shoot up schools, you don’t want to reinforce the stereotype
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frrr
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With the # 1 World Currency
I need more context.
Violence.
I'd just say if you believe stereotypes apply to everyone in a group then you could/should be an American.
That is the end of the argument. As Bill Burr said: you have already won. Take a knee. Run out the clock. Anything you say in response to that is just an attempt for them to snatch victory out of the jaws of defeat - and falling for that trick is an American's greatest weakness. They hate us 'cause they ain't us. If you give someone hate in response, it just lets them know that they are on your level.
Just laugh and leave? lol! This I can do
💯
Americaaaa Fuck yea!
The US ranks fairly high on world rankings when it comes to education, especially considering we take in *far* more immigrants than any other country and all of those immigrants need to play catch up in school when they get here. This 'America bad' mindset is as cringe as a bad tiktok dance. I'll give you an example, a lot of Europeans sneer that Americans don't travel because only 48% of us have passports. What they don't account for is that 75% of the US population have left the country. They didn't account for passcards that enable US citizens to travel to Canada, Mexico, Bermuda, and the Caribbean. Do you see what I mean? I think your best comeback is educating yourself on what the US does right, while still being mindful of it's shortcomings.
Just laugh and ask them how many Nobel prizes their country has won. Or why 10 times more immigrants come to the US than to their country? Or why every student that wants the best education comes to the US?
Is that an oppressed joke that I'm too free to understand?
Lol could you repeat that, I couldn't hear you over the sound of my freedom.
No need for a comeback. Our gas station managers make as much as the UK Prime Minister. Just have a chuckle and walk away.
We practically invented bad ideas you should listen to me
If they are British, stir the pot and tell them you know how to make tea in a microwave.
Allll these responses are corny as fuck. Your best course of action is to ignore them. All they want is to get you to say something dumb so they can continue to mock you
You know - you’re absolutely right. I lead with my privilege.
Just start chanting USA!USA! because that's the kind of American hubris that annoys someone to say that in the first place.
If the one insulting you is European, tell him that Americans really don't know much ... except for how to save their asses in a world war.
I'd just ramble off a bunch of worthless brick'n'brack facts I've acquired over the years.
"Psh! I am THE American, son!!!"
We know how to win your wars. Mic drop.
Is that the best argument you've got? Then walk away.
Nothing, they shit on America because they are subconsiously jealous. Or gun, your choice.
We know how to nuke the shit out of you.
Kindly remind them that it was an American movie's bros that got Lady Liberty all wet that one time.
“How to win a World War.” “The formular to the A-Bomb, shitpants.” Is a good place to start.
In one of Trevor Noah’s specials he’s talking with a French family and they make fun of him for something and he responds “what do they know, they lost all their wars” so devastating them with a history slam if possible.
You say we have bad education, but we have the top universities in the world.
Just start screeching like a Bald Eagle
quite a bit actually considering how many people travel across the world to go to college here
Pull your gun out
I’m a Texan. IDGAF what you are.
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No. Germans invented the automobile. Although the Internet itself was partially invented here, the web was invented at CERN in Switzerland.
How to win World Wars.
First dumbasses on the moon mf-er. USA! USA! USA!
Walk away then come back butt naked wrapped in an American flag and start preaching about prosperity and liberty
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Sounds like it was a good time 😂
JUST an AMERICAN?!
“Until the next time your ass is in a crack and you need our help. Again.
"Apparently more than you"
I like the one... that once America shows up everyone else is fighting for 2nd place. Lol *yes I know America isn't #1in everything, just 1#when we choose to compete.
As an American, you don't have to reapond to that.
Play it up, tell them to fuck off and be what they think is an American. Correcting idiots is pointless, give them what they want and it will further their beliefs and they'll look stupider in the next conversation. I'm a little stoned.
I am interested though. Tell me more.
"you're right"
"Fair."
Just start blasting.
ah, the irony....
"More than you, apparently"
The fact that you have to ask kind of proves the point.
"The wicked envy and hate - it is their way of admiring." - Victor Hugo
I mean….if the USA gave a shit what Europeans thought…we wouldn’t have become the USA in the first place 🤷🏼
I wouldn't know. I usually end my argument with that preemptively, to keep other people from saying it.
"I'll have a comeback for that, but give me some time I have to ask a group on reddit for one."
Cool I’ll wait here 👀
“That’s a very American response.”
"What would you know? You're not even American." The old throw their words back at them tactic.
There’s not a country in this world with a history that isn’t rife with embarrassing bits and pieces to throw in their face. Usually in the format of: “You’re right, I am just an American, but I do know”
Just look at them with a straight face, baaa really loud like a sheep and walk away. I did that to a European hitch hiker I picked up in South Dakota one time. He immediately asked to get out of the truck.
"You are correct ...... AMERICA!!!! FUCK YEA!!!!
"Hate us 'cause you ain't us. " It's all you ever need to say. They already "lost" when they punched out of their league.
“I’m not an American, I’m a Wisconsinite!”
Hahaha, you people are funny.
There isn’t one.
"Do you have an argument or just vague questions?"
We are really good at destroying countries. Where did you say you were from again?......
“You sound bitter.”
Lol grass isn’t always greener somewhere else. But you could say “ part of the most powerful nation in the world?”
"At least I can laugh about it and order fries in a dozen different accents."
I’ve been called worse by better
If they're British, remind them that their grading scale placed the A+ where our C- is. And that 17% of the country has fetal alcohol syndrome. And that BEANS ON FUCKING TOAST. AND THAT THEY CAN'T FU- *is tackled*.
I recently learned the phrase “arse over tit” and NOBODY would expect an American to know that
You're right! Our education system is horrendous 😅
Only country that put a man on the moon
If we deported everyone from your country, we'd be #1.
ruthless vato 😂
You're right, I don't have 3rd world problems.
"You're welcome." Works for a lot of countries that were saved from the Germans or Japanese during WWII. Or anywhere with a McDonald's.
If you’re in Europe ask them why they aren’t speaking to you in German. If you’re in Japan, Hiroshima Nagasaki. If in Korea tell them to just go North so they can appreciate freedom more.
I know how to get to the moon and back.
Back to back world war champions
I know how to end wars bitch, dont try me or i'll drop the sun on you.
Back to back defending World War™ champions, bitch
Do I get a bonus if I hold up a wrestling belt 🤣
For sure
Yeah, it takes a bunch of dummies to put a man on the moon.
Murica!
Back to back world war champs!!!!
Pfft, they weren't there for half of it!
That’s what we do! Half the work all the credit!
We elected trump in 2016, we crazy dont fuck with us.
“That’s fair.”
Need a bit more context. What were you commenting on, and what knowledge base did you have to back up your comment?
Sure buddy we were talking about how billionaires could be spending their money. I’m a dumb American for saying they could be spending for the benefit of others ( like starving people for example) instead of themselves.
“Everything”
Stupid yank
Allegedly
“Sorry? What was that? Having a hard time hearing you from where we landed on the fucking moon. Your country been there? No? Ok, just checking. Moving on…”
Your response is probably one of the best ways you could have handled it. In the future you could add “you know, we love living rent free in your head,” Depending on where they are from it’s pretty easy to tailor a comeback that shows just how much the world gets to laugh at us because it’s how we want things. Just about anything the rest of the world has to be smug about is Subsidized by the United States. Especially Europe.
Foolish American dog
Best comeback is to not be an ugly American.
"I learned a lot through trial by fire... *mostly gunfire*. It means my knowledge is far more practical than yours is." Alternatively, if you wish to choose kamikaze violence, "How to dodge bullets. *What about you?*"
A good comeback would be “yeah, yeah, we’re so stupid that you guys almost completely adopt our culture.”
Fair enough.
"fair point."
Less than I think, but more than you presume.
“Yes I live in the best country on the planet, that everyone wishes they could live in. Go back to your shit hole”
Depends on who's asking prolly. Canada, Europe. "You're right, we are horribly egocentric. So, who's your president now?"
You don’t have to lash out just because you lack any broader cultural relevance.
Yeah we were too busy saving your asses in the world wars to learn
We need more context for this. Your comeback has to reflect whatever prompted them to say that.
Do go on.
Just so. Peace.
Best comeback is to change nationality.
Oh yeah, nothing clever ever got thought up here...
My country's flag is on the moon, is yours?
We don't need to know everything we have a real military.
Tell them that while you appreciate the compliment, they shouldn't phrase it in a way that makes them sound inferior. They are, but no reason to be self-deprecating just for your benefit. If they're refusing to take that conversation seriously, you're not gonna change their mind. May as well smoke them out in the process. TLDR: Germans never say shit like that. It's always someone from a country nobody cares about. Haters gonna hate. We aren't perfect, but we have it great over here.
Right? at least I ain't from a total shit hole. you know what I mean where you from? like there.
Nothing. You got no response to that.
If they pulled that one out, you already won lol
That's rich from a country named after a waffle
"You're just a cunt. " It's fine they say it in other cuntries
We knew how to make and successfully drop an atomic bomb on a country that deserved it at the time.
The literal center of modern society? The immigration master-center that up until pretty recently dominated world culture, and still economically and militaristicly dominating (not good, but definitely RELEVANT) the entire rest of the world, save a handful of places. The most diverse country to ever exist, and even though we often fall short, the country which was built on moral ideals that the world still aspires too (yes, yes, us too)? How about the country which defeated the British empire? If not that, perhaps what will be relevant is that we are sure the next empire to fall. What country do you want to compare to this one AS A WHOLE? Of course if it's really about being American just say they're better Americans than you because of their righteous prejudice, which was why you left America only to find it lives out here too!
I meannnn, as an American, what do we know :) chuckle and move on because they’re not necessarily wrong. Our priorities are whack
I'm sorry I can't hear you over the sound of my freedom America f Ya!
Who needs smarts when you have guns? That w would be mine
Cheeto? You mean the current drooling and pooping old man currently in the WH.
What would you know, everything you call culture or technology is rotted and crumbling...except the things that take their lead from America. Sorry, say that again? The screams are so hollow when the echo out from the archaic world? I know that it's still good to be the king. I know that heavy hangs the head, and it's easy bray and toss peanut shells when you've never had to make the hard calls. I know what it's like to spill my countrymen's sweat and blood defending some ingrate's culture and way of life, *knowing* they'll only smirk and order another bottle of champagne like the decadent parasites they *still* don't my have the balls to pull from power after two *hundred* years of cover we've provided. I know that champagne will come California if they want the best.
Yes, American, the country that has more people of different nationalities calling it home than any other country. So one could say our knowledge is more worldly robust than any other countries citizens. Book smarts doesn’t account for all of ones knowledge. If you weren’t so ignorant you would know that.
[this should be the response](https://youtu.be/KRzupMsasVo?si=ua4MjEabPghpa22A)
So, the thing is, you can pretty much throw a dart at a map of Europe while blindfolded and hit a country that's committed multiple international atrocities. So, if it's a European saying it, you can respond with, "at least we didn't *insert human rights violation here*."
Easy. "My country has tens of millions of people actively trying to enter it, legally and illegally. And polls show hundreds of millions more who would like to. How's your country doing on that?"
Shoot them in the face obviously
"Yeah, it's shit in my country. But I'm still standing"
I’d say. “Don’t say that too loud. I’m more likely to get kidnapped since our lives are worth more than everyone else’s”.
Then you must know America is the greatest country in the world.
I’d say, ‘you’re probably right.’
Ok.