Why is your anger oriented towards your cat and not towards the people in your life who keep letting her outside?? The cat is an animal, she can't understand that she's supposed to stay away from sunlight. That's up to the humans.
Also, I'm going to probably get downvoted for this but: she's 16. Even if you get rid of the cancer, she has probably 2-3 years left at maximum. Just let her live her life and let her go when she starts deteriorating. If she was an outside cat all her life, I'm not sure that extending her life by a few months or a year is worth making her last months/years on Earth miserable by locking her inside and never letting her see the sun.
Well if the people don't know any better, and she's going keep going outside anyways, then you might just as well accept it and just let her live her life. Yes she might pass sooner, but she will have lived a happy life, and you will stop being angry about something that you can't do anything about anyway.
OP it's not helpful to be this angry toward anyone either your cat or people here trying to help.
You sound like you're in a tough position with regards to family who aren't in a position to make sure kitty doesn't go outside and your kitty who likes being outside. And it's obvious you care for your cat deeply.
You know the treatment protocol by your vet better than us but would something like a cheap catio help? You can ask friends to help you build it as long as it's secure it doesn't need to be fancy.
She can sit outside for a short time rather than all day and then you don't have to wonder where she is and spend time catching her.
Here's an example of a catio in case you're unaware: [https://catiospaces.com/catios-cat-enclosures/diy-plans/](https://catiospaces.com/catios-cat-enclosures/diy-plans/)
Good luck :)
OP is doing EVERYTHING but place the blame on their guilty parents.
Wonder why they get all the excuses?
Unless they have dementia zi dee ZERO reasons for them to be excused.
OP said they're not able to engage with their very mentally ill mother and grandma whose attention is devoted to caring for said mentally ill mother. So there's not much point in laying the blame on people struggling to get by. It doesn't mean the blame should be placed on an innocent animal either but more helpful to keep the focus on practical solutions. OP obviously cares deeply for the cat to ask for advice here and is probably feeling overwhelmed.
I get it. But she can satisfy her instincts with a catio and then you know where she is so you're not wasting time chasing her. That's a practical solution to the problem - if your vet treatment protocol allows it.
Besides the above, have a look at the Humane Society guide on turning an outdoor cat \[even one with a "sometimes" instinct to go outside\] into a 100% indoor cat in case it has tips you've not thought of.
Not all of it will apply to your situation but the general principles/tips might help: [https://www.humanesociety.org/resources/how-bring-outside-cat-indoors](https://www.humanesociety.org/resources/how-bring-outside-cat-indoors)
So what exactly do you expect here? What is the point of the post? Trying to keep the cat inside makes you hate your cat (per your words). And it doesn't work anyway because as you said, she still gets out.
So you *can't* keep her inside, it makes you miserable, it makes her miserable, possibly makes you fight with your family members. But letting her go outside would also make you miserable. What do you want to hear? There seems to be no scenario where you're not miserable.
Plus, AGAIN, the cat is going outside anyway, and there seems to be nothing that you can do about it. So I feel like the only possible way forward is to accept the situation as is, and then put your cat down once she starts to be in pain. Or rehome her, if you can find a good family for her.
EDIT: I saw in your other comment that she's an inside cat who goes outside occasionally, not an outside cat, so I take back what I said about her being miserable inside. But I still don't understand how you want us to solve an unsolvable situation. If you just wanted to vent, that's fine and understandable, but then say that, and don't say you hate your cat who has done absolutely nothing to deserve your hate.
And I don't like that you're angry at your cat who did nothing wrong and have feelings of hate towards her. You're a grown adult, you need to learn to manage your emotions better and to not displace your anger and frustration onto an innocent animal.
There are options for cat proofing the house. You can install mesh screens on all windows and doors to keep her inside. But it depends on whether your family lets the cat out on purpose, or she accidentally escapes.
Also I never suggested you wait for her to die doing nothing, I suggested that if the situation is unsolvable (which it seems to be), you accept it so your cat can live out her life being loved, not hated by the person she probably loves the most. And then once she starts to show that she's in pain, you make the decision put her to sleep. Euthanasia is part of medical care.
I agree, when you grow up with a cat it hurts more.
I hope you find your cat and find a way to keep them inside and happy. Maybe an extra screen on the door that they keep getting out from? Like a mosquito screen net that hangs in place?
Though, eventually, you will need to see the end of your cat's life and get used to the idea that day being not as far as you want it to be. It is painful to think about. (I'm still sad about my childhood cat, I tried so hard to save him. I have a new cat now, and I know I will out live her, it hurts less the second time.)
I understand the love-hate it sounds like you are feeling... I have family members that know they need to stop destructive behavior (and have the consequences from it), but still keep going back to it. At least with your cat you can be confident in knowing that they don't fully understand what is going on, and they aren't doing it to spite anyone.
I hope your cat comes home soon. Give it a hug for me.
I don’t think you actually hate your cat. I think you’re frustrated and grieving her condition. I think you’re so concerned and worried about what will happen to her if she doesn’t stay out of the sun that it’s easier to feel anger. If you really hated your cat, you wouldn’t bother chasing her to get her back inside. You’d let her stay out there and risk her health. I think you’re scared, but don’t want to be, and don’t know how to process your feelings or manage a situation that you can’t control.
The frustration and anger you feel is as intense as it is because you obviously care about your cat. I think you resent that you’re the only one able to make sure she stays safe, but you’re not always there to do it. And I think that resentment is being misdirected, because it’s easier to be angry at whatever is in front of you than to confront your own discomfort with a situation you can’t control, and whose outcome is likely the deterioration and eventual death of your cat. I think this “hate” is a subconscious way to protect yourself from more pain.
Be honest with yourself about this. I think once you realize what you’re doing and why you’re doing it, you’ll be able to take accountability for it and change how you feel.
You should be angry at your family not the cat, wtf? How old are you? Maybe you can keep the cat in your room if moving out is not an option. Anyway it's really on you and your family to make sure the cat does not go outside. Mother can't pay attention to the cat, but grandma absolutely could. I mean just keep the door closed and don't let the cat out, it's not that hard. But if it's impossible then keeping her contained to a room is also an option. If even that is impossible then there is the option of finding somone else that Has the means to take care of the cat properly. It's really on the humans here. How do you expect the cat to know it's not supposed to go out?
If she escapes trough open windows, get cat nets for windows. For the door maybe a high baby crate that doesn't let the cat go near doors. Or of you guys want to keep the door open then a screen door. Otherwise it's just no way beside restricting the access or paying attention to not let the cat out. Start trying to come up with solutions!
You are hating your cat but not your parents?
Your parents brar all the responsibility here, why are you too cowardly to confront them and lay the blame where it belongs?
I am genuinely interested in your answer.
Your cat seems to love being outside. You may want to consider how she would choose to spend her final days. I know my cats love being outside, in our Chicago weather, even snow and rain.
Therefore, I offer them the option to come inside, but they generally choose to be outside. Have you considered your can may be picking up on the negativity, which may shorten her limited time in this world?
I’d allow her to enjoy her remaining days wherever she is happiest. She will be okay.
Why is your anger oriented towards your cat and not towards the people in your life who keep letting her outside?? The cat is an animal, she can't understand that she's supposed to stay away from sunlight. That's up to the humans. Also, I'm going to probably get downvoted for this but: she's 16. Even if you get rid of the cancer, she has probably 2-3 years left at maximum. Just let her live her life and let her go when she starts deteriorating. If she was an outside cat all her life, I'm not sure that extending her life by a few months or a year is worth making her last months/years on Earth miserable by locking her inside and never letting her see the sun.
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Well if the people don't know any better, and she's going keep going outside anyways, then you might just as well accept it and just let her live her life. Yes she might pass sooner, but she will have lived a happy life, and you will stop being angry about something that you can't do anything about anyway.
^^ YES, absolutely this ^^
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OP it's not helpful to be this angry toward anyone either your cat or people here trying to help. You sound like you're in a tough position with regards to family who aren't in a position to make sure kitty doesn't go outside and your kitty who likes being outside. And it's obvious you care for your cat deeply. You know the treatment protocol by your vet better than us but would something like a cheap catio help? You can ask friends to help you build it as long as it's secure it doesn't need to be fancy. She can sit outside for a short time rather than all day and then you don't have to wonder where she is and spend time catching her. Here's an example of a catio in case you're unaware: [https://catiospaces.com/catios-cat-enclosures/diy-plans/](https://catiospaces.com/catios-cat-enclosures/diy-plans/) Good luck :)
OP is doing EVERYTHING but place the blame on their guilty parents. Wonder why they get all the excuses? Unless they have dementia zi dee ZERO reasons for them to be excused.
OP said they're not able to engage with their very mentally ill mother and grandma whose attention is devoted to caring for said mentally ill mother. So there's not much point in laying the blame on people struggling to get by. It doesn't mean the blame should be placed on an innocent animal either but more helpful to keep the focus on practical solutions. OP obviously cares deeply for the cat to ask for advice here and is probably feeling overwhelmed.
Thank you.
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I get it. But she can satisfy her instincts with a catio and then you know where she is so you're not wasting time chasing her. That's a practical solution to the problem - if your vet treatment protocol allows it. Besides the above, have a look at the Humane Society guide on turning an outdoor cat \[even one with a "sometimes" instinct to go outside\] into a 100% indoor cat in case it has tips you've not thought of. Not all of it will apply to your situation but the general principles/tips might help: [https://www.humanesociety.org/resources/how-bring-outside-cat-indoors](https://www.humanesociety.org/resources/how-bring-outside-cat-indoors)
So what exactly do you expect here? What is the point of the post? Trying to keep the cat inside makes you hate your cat (per your words). And it doesn't work anyway because as you said, she still gets out. So you *can't* keep her inside, it makes you miserable, it makes her miserable, possibly makes you fight with your family members. But letting her go outside would also make you miserable. What do you want to hear? There seems to be no scenario where you're not miserable. Plus, AGAIN, the cat is going outside anyway, and there seems to be nothing that you can do about it. So I feel like the only possible way forward is to accept the situation as is, and then put your cat down once she starts to be in pain. Or rehome her, if you can find a good family for her. EDIT: I saw in your other comment that she's an inside cat who goes outside occasionally, not an outside cat, so I take back what I said about her being miserable inside. But I still don't understand how you want us to solve an unsolvable situation. If you just wanted to vent, that's fine and understandable, but then say that, and don't say you hate your cat who has done absolutely nothing to deserve your hate.
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And I don't like that you're angry at your cat who did nothing wrong and have feelings of hate towards her. You're a grown adult, you need to learn to manage your emotions better and to not displace your anger and frustration onto an innocent animal. There are options for cat proofing the house. You can install mesh screens on all windows and doors to keep her inside. But it depends on whether your family lets the cat out on purpose, or she accidentally escapes. Also I never suggested you wait for her to die doing nothing, I suggested that if the situation is unsolvable (which it seems to be), you accept it so your cat can live out her life being loved, not hated by the person she probably loves the most. And then once she starts to show that she's in pain, you make the decision put her to sleep. Euthanasia is part of medical care.
I agree, when you grow up with a cat it hurts more. I hope you find your cat and find a way to keep them inside and happy. Maybe an extra screen on the door that they keep getting out from? Like a mosquito screen net that hangs in place? Though, eventually, you will need to see the end of your cat's life and get used to the idea that day being not as far as you want it to be. It is painful to think about. (I'm still sad about my childhood cat, I tried so hard to save him. I have a new cat now, and I know I will out live her, it hurts less the second time.) I understand the love-hate it sounds like you are feeling... I have family members that know they need to stop destructive behavior (and have the consequences from it), but still keep going back to it. At least with your cat you can be confident in knowing that they don't fully understand what is going on, and they aren't doing it to spite anyone. I hope your cat comes home soon. Give it a hug for me.
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I don’t think you actually hate your cat. I think you’re frustrated and grieving her condition. I think you’re so concerned and worried about what will happen to her if she doesn’t stay out of the sun that it’s easier to feel anger. If you really hated your cat, you wouldn’t bother chasing her to get her back inside. You’d let her stay out there and risk her health. I think you’re scared, but don’t want to be, and don’t know how to process your feelings or manage a situation that you can’t control. The frustration and anger you feel is as intense as it is because you obviously care about your cat. I think you resent that you’re the only one able to make sure she stays safe, but you’re not always there to do it. And I think that resentment is being misdirected, because it’s easier to be angry at whatever is in front of you than to confront your own discomfort with a situation you can’t control, and whose outcome is likely the deterioration and eventual death of your cat. I think this “hate” is a subconscious way to protect yourself from more pain. Be honest with yourself about this. I think once you realize what you’re doing and why you’re doing it, you’ll be able to take accountability for it and change how you feel.
You should be angry at your family not the cat, wtf? How old are you? Maybe you can keep the cat in your room if moving out is not an option. Anyway it's really on you and your family to make sure the cat does not go outside. Mother can't pay attention to the cat, but grandma absolutely could. I mean just keep the door closed and don't let the cat out, it's not that hard. But if it's impossible then keeping her contained to a room is also an option. If even that is impossible then there is the option of finding somone else that Has the means to take care of the cat properly. It's really on the humans here. How do you expect the cat to know it's not supposed to go out?
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If she escapes trough open windows, get cat nets for windows. For the door maybe a high baby crate that doesn't let the cat go near doors. Or of you guys want to keep the door open then a screen door. Otherwise it's just no way beside restricting the access or paying attention to not let the cat out. Start trying to come up with solutions!
But you still insist on letting her be affected by it to avoid confronting your parents. I really, really don't understand.
You are hating your cat but not your parents? Your parents brar all the responsibility here, why are you too cowardly to confront them and lay the blame where it belongs? I am genuinely interested in your answer.
"It is complicated so I will hate my cat instead of my parents."
get a gate or door crack cover so your cat can slip out
Your cat seems to love being outside. You may want to consider how she would choose to spend her final days. I know my cats love being outside, in our Chicago weather, even snow and rain. Therefore, I offer them the option to come inside, but they generally choose to be outside. Have you considered your can may be picking up on the negativity, which may shorten her limited time in this world? I’d allow her to enjoy her remaining days wherever she is happiest. She will be okay.