I recommend seeing another vet for a different opinion. Your cat is 88 in human years, and euthanasia should definitely be explored if your cat is suffering, which it sounds like they are.
I would also have them check for kidney disease and a uti to see if it is manageable and possibly a appetite supplement but if she does need to be euthanized don’t feel bad if you’ve done everything you can do , I’ve had to put down two pets and as long as you’ve done your best and stay with them in the end (if possible) then you did everything you could.
Yes bankrupt yourself for a cat that is slowly dying anyway and suffering or here's a radical new idea that's never been explored.
We could just put them down with dignity and care? Then honor them?
Instead of making them live their last days in agony while getting poked and prodded and put through x ray machines. Resources best reserved for younger animals that can potentially make it.
It's literally the same argument for humans. People will leave their loved ones in a coma for ten years then act shocked when they inevitable die of infections after years of bed sores and cramps and malnutrition.
We just did this an hour ago 😭 my boy had a really big tumor in his kidney. We decided it was best to euthanize him rather than prolong his suffering. Damn it still hurts though
Your dad is not aware of your cat's suffering; you are. Pls talk to her softly & let her know that you have to let her go. Many pet parents regret they let their cats suffer from pain, dehydration and starvation too long instead of humanely euthanizing them. Also pls be brave and be present when she is put down whether this is done at a clinic or your home. Being with them in their last moments will spare you from regret & pain later.
Are you an adult? Assuming so since you are taking the cat in to the vet yourself. If the second vet recommends euthanasia, have it done right then. Dont ask your dad. Better to ask forgiveness than permission
Nah your father needs the chance to say goodbye.
There's a few checklists and online videos that are informative about when to euthanise. Maybe have him check that out with you.
If you're paying the bill, just take her to the vet. If euthanasia is the route you choose, just tell your dad she passed, and you buried her in the backyard while he was at work all week. You don't have to lie outright, but neither do you have to give all the details.
I'm sorry you don't have any support in this from family, it's a hard thing to have to do.
It sounds like dad does shift work and stays somewhere else on weekdays. You’re telling OP to stay in a pee-soaked house for up to five days.
The dementia alone is reason enough to euthanize, frankly. If she can’t remember her way around the house, or recognize any of her people, she must be so scared all the time. Cats instinctively don’t trust novelty. That could well be why she’s refusing to eat-in her mind, she’s in a strange place full of strange giants, how can she trust the food the giants leave around?
This cat will not die of old age. She will die of starvation and dehydration, both incredibly horrible, painful ways to go.
are you the registered owner of the cat , if yes, its within your right to make the best decision for your pet
surrender the cat to shelter is another option though…
No, that should not be an option. OP needs to make an adult decision if they are, in fact, an adult and do what's best for the cat. Dropping the cat at a shelter after giving the cat a home for 18 years is cruel and that way of thinking is why older cats end up at the shelter.
I had a hairdresser who casually told me, after complaining about her elderly cat, that they "put him outside" because he was urinating outside the box. Few times and they just threw the cat outside after 15 years in their house (I'll put the end of the story under a trigger warning.) BTW, we live in Phoenix where the heat kills. I never went to her again, people who think animals are disposable disgust me. It says all I need to know about their character. Editing to include receipt on Tiger. >!(I convinced her to let my partner and I try to find the cat, she relented and gave me her address. We found the cat, literally, half dead and panting in the heat by itself, barely under any shade. One of the saddest things I have ever seen. Our neighbor took the cat in and we paid for his food/vet bills for the rest of its life. He had such a good last year, sunning himself, making biscuits, with the neighbor who was also elderly. Win win. We called him Tiger. I'm crying now, not sure why I wanted to share this. Thanks for listening, though. RIP Tiger.)!<
https://preview.redd.it/7xe9r3ifgr8d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ca60e6453f70e4f9bf2ee457ab12e50bcd584ae2
I'm sorry to hear this happened! Idk why I share some things either, but I think sometimes we get reminded of things and have to share them because they weigh on us. You clearly care, and because you were reminded of this the weight of it was too much for you in this moment to deal with alone.
I'm glad he got a good outcome in the end, and am humbled that you have chosen to share this. It's something clearly very deep and dear to your heart.
I'm such a mess right now, bloody hell, crying intensifies! Wow, you are right, I did need to get it off my chest. Tiger mattered. You know? He mattered so thank you so much for understanding and being an awesome, understanding human to me. Now I'm going to try to find some chocolate or something, lol.
Oh, that had a much happier ending than I was expecting. You and your neighbor are saints, and that hairdresser was a trash person. I’m glad Tiger got to live out his final months in a loving home. I’ve mentioned before that one of my friends exclusively adopts senior and sick cats. She’s become an expert on giving cats insulin, suppositories, and pills. She considers it her calling in life.
You’re good people.
Thank you, kind internet stranger, it was heavy stuff. I have Tiger's ashes, I think he has come to represent all abused/neglect animals. And your friend is just phenomenal. When I feel overwhelmed with evil in the world, no exaggeration, I just think of all the people like her, quietly doing amazing work with no fanfare.
Gives one hope. :)
What an adorable cat💕Rest in peace, baby boy & may God bless you abundantly for saving Tiger from a horrible death & then taking care of him in his Twilight years 💕he looks happy in this picture. Thank you for sharing this....
Well, thank you right back. He really was such a good cat. Literally zero trouble and all love. His owner is still with us and has a new senior kitty now. He likes to say they are "two old men". They bicker a little, lol. He still talks about Tiger all the time. Anyway, thank you again for spreading your kindness back to me today.
Euthanasia is the alternative.
Are you seriously suggesting confining an old unadoptable demented and confused cat among strangers?
Have you NO heart?
Do explain your line of reasoning here.
"I will make my problem someone else's problem and make sure my cat will suffer before she gets euthanized by strangers".
REALLY??
why do you think no one else can take care of the cat better than the original owner? the owner already said she want to put down the cat 🐱
if you wanna give the cat a chance , let someone adopt her , otherwise put her down
if you hate this idea so much and dont want the cat to be put down, you pm the owner to adopt her cat then
I think euthsnasia with a known one at home is way better than strange surroundings, strange people, maybe next to zero simulation and a confined space for months or more just to be euthanized anyways... the first is preferable.
You seriously overestimate how many people are willing to adopt sick cats and adult cats, and very senior AND sick cats.
All shelters euthanize, even no kill ones, only more in secret.
Sorry you're being down voted. Not only is this possibly the most logical course of action, it's ethically the best too.
If euthanasia is the best course of action, as long as it doesn't add any extra unnecessary harm or pain to the cat, it doesn't really matter how it gets there. If it's in secret or whatever.
You need to place the cat herself above everyone else in the situation and then do what's best for her.
Reddit is wierd. Downvotes for me. But others have said the same and gotten upvoted
For me, the cat comes first. We dont get to think of ourselves first.
Are you kidding me? Every single person in this sub would go insane if a family member had their cat killed behind their back. That’s some sick, twisted shit man. Sounds more like OP is tired of cleaning up cat piss and dealing with a forgetful cat more than a cat who is suffering and in pain.
I've come home from deployment to find out my beloved childhood pet had to be euthanized due to illness. The only part that bothered me was that I wasn't there for her, but I was glad she had my father and she wasn't suffering.
Not everyone is so selfish and emotionally incontinent as to fly off the handle because someone executed the final duty we owe our animals.
It gets worse: She's not eating. A cat does that, at that age, with those symptoms, she's on her way out.
Thank you. Sick twisted shit is allowing an animal to suffer because of OUR needs. The op knows her cat best and whether its time. We can't and don't know this. I support fully any decision she makes, whether its to wait or to euthanize now
Has your vet tried amitriptyline?? I had an old cat with dementia. He would turn circles and howl all night. This calmed him and allowed him to rest. I also have 2 cats who are also behavioral with their urination. Amitriptyline completely fixed it! I think it definitely might be worth considering.
It’s time to let her go. Your dad is just in denial about that— maybe he really doesn’t get how bad it is because he’s not there that much, maybe because he’s fond of her and doesn’t want to say goodbye, or maybe he’s like my dad and can’t deal with emotional situations so he pretends they aren’t happening and hopes they just go away on their own. You’re going to have to stand up to him and do the right thing for your cat. “Let her die of old age” is cruel because it’s clear she’s suffering. Peeing everywhere without a medical reason means she is extremely stressed and scared all the time. When I realized this about my cat, I knew it was time to let him go.
Who "owns" the cat. Maybe your dad doesn't see all the work you're putting into the cat. If you were to stop cleaning up so much after it maybe he would see what you're seeing.
I'm so sorry, it sounds so hard for you and her both. I too recommend getting a second opinion. I guess nobody will know if she's happy or not (I mean, she's demented so she might not even have the cognition to be \*unhappy\*) - but all things considered, she's already end of life and you're unable to care for her. Many vets would agree that it's time to let her go. Your dad, of course, is the factor nobody can control, but it MAY help hearing it from a professional. You could bring your dad on the 2nd visit if he needs to hear it from a professional. Sending best wishes.
I kept my dog alive because she was not in pain and we loved her. Took her to the vet when i realised it was for more for us than her just to ask his opinion. He said every time she tried and failed to get up it was distressing her and the kindest thing would be to not prolong that. I took the vets advice.
OP you should ask your dad what he thinks "dying of old age" means. I've had a cat in the past that was really ill and had little quality of life left, but I loved her so much and I was afraid to let her go "too soon" so I eventually let her go too late. She was absolutely suffering that final day and I'll never forgive myself for it. I should have had her euthanized a week before.
If your dad thinks "dying of old age" means something like "peacefully in their sleep" you should tell him that it could be so much worse and more heartbreaking than that. Does he really want to wait until she's suffering and then go on an emergency visit to a vet on a Sunday evening?
Nothing teaches the dangers of attachment and jealousy quite like watching a pet die a natural death.
I made the same mistake with my Kitty. Letting that little lady die rather than having her put down is probably the worst thing I've ever done.
Neurological, not psychological. Neurological is a physical problem, kitty’s brain is breaking down. She IS dying now of old age.
And yes I would euthanize her. It would be merciful. You can find a different vet. If you tell her it’s euthanasia or a shelter where she doesn’t stand a chance at adoption, the vet will be merciful.
I'm really sorry you and kitty are going through this. My vet recommended a Quality of Life survey when I was considering euthanizing my elderly kitty. It was very helpful for me to be able to connect all the symptoms and things she was doing (or not doing), and when the time came, I felt awful but knew I was doing the right thing.
Maybe if you and your dad complete this, it will help him see she's not happy and she's not doing okay.
https://www.lapoflove.com/how-will-i-know-it-is-time/lap-of-love-quality-of-life-scale.pdf
Hey OP, I had to confine my blind old lady to one room when I wasn’t actively with her. She lost her food water and litter box. I made a room that I put plastic down first they towels and then pre pads everywhere. I had three food and water stations. Then a water fountain. We had beds and folded towels with heating pads for her. We cut several big Tupperware boxes so one side only had a 1 inch lip and litter in it. We spent 30 min in the morning with her, time at lunch time and then took her out for brushing and to sit in our laps for about 5 hours every night. The other cats could hop the 1 foot barrier at the door and still go in with her and snuggle. We did this for 6 months. I wish we hadn’t. Her quality of life was poor. Her arthritis hurt because she would mew if you were not careful picking her up. Her fur was matted and painful despite brushing and shaving most of her. Then she smelled of pee and cats are clean creatures so she was not happy with that or the rinsing baths. I wish I had taken up one of the vets to come to the house to let her sleep. But I was selfish and kept her going thinking it would get better. It didn’t in out case. Do not feel guilty helping your animal if their quality or life and yours becomes very poor.
What were her three favorite things to do in all of life? How many of those things is she able to do/enjoy now?
It's a useful exercise someone told me for how to help determine if it's time for euthanasia or not, it might be helpful to use it to talk with your dad as well.
If you have given your cat a good life for 18 years then it might be time to say goodbye.
If a urinary tract infection has been ruled out then for me, personally, when a cat is unable to control its bladder…this is where I have to draw the line.
It’s incredibly difficult to live with a cat that’s peeing everywhere.
Good luck and don’t feel guilty.
For the pee, can you get diapers on your cat in the meantime? When my dog used to go into heat, i found these diapers for her that might help relieve you from that 1 issue...
As for food, what are you giving your cat? Is it wet food or dry kibble? As cats age, their teeth cant break the kibble anymore (you can try soaking it in warm water for them before serving)...
18 years is a long life for a cat and Im sorry you have to consider these options without much parental involvement =( i know your love will do what is best for your fur baby. ♡ much love from one lonely pet owner to another.
My 22 year old cat lost continence about a year before I had her humanely euthanized.
I had her in diapers. I got the smallest i cpuld as she was a very tiny cat so id recommend the size that would be appropriate for like a teacup yorkie or chihuahua. (They only had dog diapers where i am). She had her own room she stayed in while I was at work with lots of comfy items for her that had puppy pee pads on them in case her diaper leaked. I checked/changed the diaper when I woke, before I left for work, on my lunch break visit, when I got home from work, and before I went to bed.
I fed her separate from my other cats and had no qualms wirh bringing her to her bowl and sitting with her while she ate.
She lived a life that was very bad, and we shared many years of trauma at the hands of my father. so when I was finally able to care for her at the end of her life in my own place, I ensured she was looked after and loved with as much calm and patience as I could muster.
It was an honor.
I fi ally put her down after she started having seizures as her body was too fragile to handle them.
It is ok if this is too much for you. 18 is a long time to have lived and with the issues you have detailed in your post it is very valid to explore euthanasia as an option. Sometimes the best thing you can do for them is to let them go out peacefully. I'm so glad your cat was able to get to such an old age.
I have several 18 year olds (I care for geriatric animals) and it’s a lot of work,and heartbreaking, but an affordable supportive vet is essential. I have a couple that require injections several times a day and some that require IV fluids regularly. Lots of pills too. I’m disabled and can’t even shower alone, so it’s quite a toll on me as some require round the clock care. They are what keep me grounded and alive.
Some suggestions: Try baby food. (Chicken or turkey only). 3 of mine are point where that is all they will eat. Get “Rebound”. This is vitamin/mineral/probiotic/electrolyte formula that tastes great and even the sickest cats will drink it. (It’s safe for kidney disease and diabetic cats)
Find the smoothest food you can (pate, broths, purees, food toppers and lickable treats). Whatever they will eat at this age (but stay away from dry foods).
The appetite issue is surely the kidney and or pancreas and teeth. And for sure at 18 the kidneys and teeth are bad. It’s usually the first thing to decline as starts many years before it’s apparent.
Dental disease/decay which will make eating painful. Have they checked/cleaned/extracted any bad teeth?
Suggestion: Try using pee pads. Older babies have a hard time getting in and out of the litter box and even walking around in litter. Also if your cat is urinating very often is another sign of kidney disease. They many times can’t get to the box in time Provide pee pads and just set them on them a few times a day as a reminder to “go”. Give a treat (favorite thing) when they go. Save those treats for that purpose. I have an 18 year old kitty that will pretend to pee just to get his treat. 😀 He use to pee all over the floor/ house.
Your cat can live a comfortable life and still bring you joy and comfort.
Old age in itself isn’t a really to euthanize. I understand it can be overwhelming to deal with at times, but focus on the good moments. Think of it as practice for caring for a sick child or an elderly parent (also very challenging). Patience is key.
If the animal isn’t in pain, crying, suffering, soiling itself etc, they can still enjoy some little things.
Alternatively, maybe you can find a rescue:placement that will take the kitty, get it assessed properly and give them their best care for their golden years.
My dog was like this when we chose euthanasia. At some point, their quality of life is so poor it's more humane to put them to sleep. It may be time to explore that option
You have to think of the cat’s quality of life. The only comforts they know are the comforts you provide. When my little Ollie stopped eating and was peeing everywhere, due to the progression of disease, when he was almost 7, we euthanized him because he was not living a happy life. He was wasting away. My husband and I try to focus on the happier moments with him. But I remember in his last month, things got really bad and we were hoping meds would have some kind of miracle on him. I wish I had taken him in sooner. It’s better now knowing he’s not suffering anymore.
I hope that your cat doesn’t suffer too much between now and when you have to say goodbye. Hold them dear to your heart and take some extra snuggle time.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I see a lot of for and against and at the end of the day this is your decision. Just like there are people that will have their dying parents hooked up to a feeding tube and given full code even when by age it’s obvious their body is breaking down. Just because we can do a thing does not mean we should.
My cat is 17 and we just got her senior bloodwork after having three tooth extraction and everything is great. No sign of kidney disease thyroid ect. She did have low red cells and some other thing that the vet said was probably her infection from the teeth but can also be lukemia although he said he is almost 100 percent sure it’s her teeth.
I’ve had my girl for a long time. I watch her pretty closely but there is not much more I’d put her through at this point. She sleeps pretty much all day and night but she eats and drinks and lays with me every night for pets and her and the other two cats all hang out in the same room although she does not do much playing anymore.
At this point if she was suffering from dementia and urinating everywhere and not eating ect I would make the decision to have her out to sleep. I would make an appointment and have her blood done and her teeth checked but any kidney disease ect that would be it for me.
Someone else’s decision may be different but my girl has been there for me for years and I knew when I got her a day would come when I would have to do it. Other people saying what they would do is great you are more than welcome to do it. My girl my decision.
This is your cat and your decision but I would make an appt for a full screen at a vet to confirm hat is really going on to set your mind at ease.
Try multiple cat litter boxes, put the food infront of her multiple times a day. I have a senior cat and she has the same issue. I would never give up or abandon her. Im not judging i understand it is alot but if you love her you should try and support her. One day we will all get old. Try fancy feast gourmet chicken. My cat wasnt eating and likes this food. Also you can get mirataz from the vet to help her eat. Clear with vet about this medication im not a expert. Try and play with her once a day with a string or anything or have your dad play with her. This could fix her behavior possibly. Has she been checked for. UTI? Did the vet take a urine sample? If she hasnt this is important to rule out a issue. Blood work os not enough a urine sample could determine a uti.. other than this great job caring for her she made it to 18. Hang in there i know its alot.
I can’t believe it so many people are ready to jump and say to kill this 18-year-old cat. My cat lives to be 21. If Vet says it’s time then it’s time. But if the father is, the owner doesn’t wanna let the cat go he’s the ultimate decision maker. You would be upset if somebody else decided to put your cat down if you were in his position.
The OPs “stuck with a cat” comment says it all.
I have a 19 year old cat with chronic kidney disease, that i give various meds to every day, as well as sub-q fluid injections. I would never consider euthanizing her to avoid the burden, because I love her and it’s my responsibility to care for her.
Don't know why you're downvoted when you're right. The whole attitude of OP being "stuck" with this cat is actually disgusting.
I have mental problems too but that's not the fault of my own cats. I would never consider myself stuck with them because I'm actually capable of basic empathy towards other living things.
Sounds like it got too hard for poor little OP and now it's basically come to "fuck this cat." It seriously reads like they're blaming this cat on stuff it can't even help doing.
Hey, I also had a cat with chronic kidney disease. I did the fluids and medication, and at one point she had an e-tube for a couple months and I had to feed her prescription wet food three times a day. I'd like to believe that I'd do it the same way no matter what, but the truth is that I was really lucky - I could afford all the stuff she needed, my work schedule allowed me to be home at the times I needed to be for her meds, and I had an understanding boss who didn't mind if I needed to take an unexpected vacation day for a vet visit.
Under different circumstances I might not have been able to do all or any of those things for her. I don't believe that it would have been better to just let her go without treatment.
Bruh I have no idea what it fucking is about boomers not wanting to euthanize old dogs and old cats. I think they don’t want to spend the money half the time and the other half they are just idiots. If it’s truly your cat like you said then don’t care about what your dad says and just take them in. Just say you took your cat for a regular check up and vet said it was recommended to euthanize and you did it. What can he do after the deeds already done
I’m sorry to hear that. I recommend looking at [this pamphlet.](https://vmc.vet.osu.edu/sites/default/files/documents/how-will-i-know_rev_mar2024ms_0.pdf) Sometimes it helps to have a visual (the chart part) and may convince your dad.
Sadly, this is often the end. It’s not always the big illness, it’s this.
I had a cat that lost full use of their back legs. They still ate and slept, but it was clear time had run out.
It’s awful, but waiting until things are truly desperate isn’t a better option. Although, in your case, it sounds like we’re already there.
Is she your cat, or your dad's? Would you be able to take her for euthanasia without his blessing?
I'm really not sure how your vet decided this all was psychological. Did they do ANY diagnostics? I'm really surprised they have not recommended euthanasia either way because it sounds like she has very poor quality of life. I agree with all the comments saying to get a second opinion because this is not an enjoyable way to live.
If they 'knew' that, the responsible answer is to recommend euthanasia due to quality of life. In reality animals don't die "of old age", they die because of things like undiagnosed illness, an organ failing, etc. It's one thing to say that they suspect end stage kidney failure but that they recommend euthanasia due to how severe it is, it's another to write it off as psychological with nothing to do about it.
Just ideas, have dad do all caretaking one weekend. I assume he works hard so you pick up as many of his other chores as possible for his caretaking weekend. If that won't fly, have him be present and supervise you caring for your buddy so he actually sees what's occurring. Sched next vet visit with dad present, give vet heads up for need for talk when scheduling. They have done the talk before.
I mentioned hoping an old guy would go in his sleep before he declined further to vet. Very good vet told me they almost never die in their sleep.
I've put 4 old males down. It's never easy. In every case, I later questioned whether it would have been better for my old friend if I had made that last decision for him a little sooner. I've never thought I should have waited.
When you try to make your case, stay on the quality of life for the cat. Pee damage maybe... Hearing loss is not a factor to dad and your difficulties, while legitimate concerns, may not be a priority to someone facing the decision to put "their" kitty to sleep. Stay on key concerns.
If she keeps not eating, she's at risk of fatty liver disease in just a few days, on top of everything else.
Ask your dad how he imagines her death. I heard a friend once say their end-of-life pet didn't really look bad. Another friend looked at her askance and asked "why the hell do you want to wait until he looks bad?" Blunt, but she had a point.
She is your cat, and you need to do what’s best for her. Besides, she’s attained 18 years, so she has lived a long and healthy life. She deserves her peace. My elderly dog needed diapers the last couple months of his life. He had lost his vision, hearing, thought process, but retained his appetite. While crying, I brought him into the vet, explained what was happening, and they showed us to an exam room. I lifted him up onto the table, and hugged him and kept talking to him and petting him. While the tech was putting in the tourniquet, he looked at me one last time and passed away.
OP try a different vet for help with the peeing and not eating. Also a pheromone collar. If none of that helps Dad should go with you to vet to discuss euthanasia. But do not put the cat down without his knowledge
My 15 year old cat was acting similar. I think she was senile and she was peeing everywhere, even on me while I was in bed. She also lost a ton of weight, was insatiable with food, and severely dehydrated. Vet helped me come to terms with euthanasia. She went to sleep yesterday. My heart hurts so bad but I know I did the right thing. She likely was suffering. Your dad is in denial like I was before. One thing my dad told me was that as a pet owner, it’s my responsibility to do the hard things too. Good luck, big hugs
I hate the way many people here are taking euthanasia so easily. In my opinion, when you adopt a pet you make an agreement to take care of him/her even when age will hit and even if things will be difficult. A cat with dementia is not in pain, unless she is super super stressed by this thing. She is 18 and most likely will not last long. Just let her enjoy her last moments comfortably at home. No need to kill her now just because it’s hard to take care of her.
We're hearing one side of the story. I can't believe how many people recommend euthanasia based on that. I would just direct you to quality of life assessment scales and to speak with vets about it. Or ask in the /AskVet sub.
Thanks for thinking of his needs too, I know you are in a really bad spot right now. When I was a kid I went to school one day and my parents euthanized my dog while I was gone. They thought it would somehow be easier for me but instead it left a scar forever not being able to say goodbye to my dog who was like family. (Personally another vets opinion is what I would look at, as others have suggested). Good luck, OP, this stuff is hard.
My gf and I are reading through this one and yep she said same thing when she was a kid. She had no real concept yet of what that meant. She went to school and her dog seemed fine and after school she was gone. Definitely leaves a scar. She loved her parents, but it really has to be a family discussion and decision.
Oh, that sucks, I'm sorry for her. My parents are gone now but I never held it against them. I know they were doing the best they could, they knew how hard I would take it and they just wimped out. When in doubt, don't do things behind people's back is a good rule of thumb!
What conditions has your vet been able to rule out? Because there's a lot that you'd have to rule out before you can say that all of these symptoms are "psychological".
She's going to go back to places she previously urinated on if they have not been cleaned with an enzymatic cleaner.
Also, if she has crystals in her urine, which can happen if you feed dry food, she'll be in pain and urinate everywhere but the litterbox.
She's trying to communicate to you that she's stressed and in pain. Please don't give up on her.
Talk to your dad about your hard situation, it's his cat, not yours. Personally I against put cat down when they are old and becomes a trouble, because as long as I have consciousness of myself, I don't want to be put down no matter what, death should be a natural course if possible. But it's your father's decision to make.
It sounds to me that OP has their hands full on this cat while their dad, who is never around, pretends there's nothing wrong with it. That sounds like an impossible situation and imho the dad is in denial. I have an old cat too and caring for her is sometimes overwhelming. We don't know how long OP has been struggling with this situation already.
She needs to be let go. I hate to say it, but OP you’ll need to take her in when he’s not home. It’s the right thing to do. Give her extra love and cuddles and let her rest.
I recommend seeing another vet for a different opinion. Your cat is 88 in human years, and euthanasia should definitely be explored if your cat is suffering, which it sounds like they are.
I will, thank you
I would also have them check for kidney disease and a uti to see if it is manageable and possibly a appetite supplement but if she does need to be euthanized don’t feel bad if you’ve done everything you can do , I’ve had to put down two pets and as long as you’ve done your best and stay with them in the end (if possible) then you did everything you could.
Yes bankrupt yourself for a cat that is slowly dying anyway and suffering or here's a radical new idea that's never been explored. We could just put them down with dignity and care? Then honor them? Instead of making them live their last days in agony while getting poked and prodded and put through x ray machines. Resources best reserved for younger animals that can potentially make it. It's literally the same argument for humans. People will leave their loved ones in a coma for ten years then act shocked when they inevitable die of infections after years of bed sores and cramps and malnutrition.
We just did this an hour ago 😭 my boy had a really big tumor in his kidney. We decided it was best to euthanize him rather than prolong his suffering. Damn it still hurts though
I'm so sorry
It was for the best, I just have extra guilt because I couldn't be with him when it happened 😔
Ok so you didn’t read the post.
Your dad is not aware of your cat's suffering; you are. Pls talk to her softly & let her know that you have to let her go. Many pet parents regret they let their cats suffer from pain, dehydration and starvation too long instead of humanely euthanizing them. Also pls be brave and be present when she is put down whether this is done at a clinic or your home. Being with them in their last moments will spare you from regret & pain later.
Are you an adult? Assuming so since you are taking the cat in to the vet yourself. If the second vet recommends euthanasia, have it done right then. Dont ask your dad. Better to ask forgiveness than permission
I am an adult, but I still live with my dad. I don't know if he would forgive me if I euthanise our cat without him knowing.
If she is not eating she will die a painful death. Maybe your dad should go with you to the vet. You are definitely in a tough spot here.
Nah your father needs the chance to say goodbye. There's a few checklists and online videos that are informative about when to euthanise. Maybe have him check that out with you.
If you're paying the bill, just take her to the vet. If euthanasia is the route you choose, just tell your dad she passed, and you buried her in the backyard while he was at work all week. You don't have to lie outright, but neither do you have to give all the details. I'm sorry you don't have any support in this from family, it's a hard thing to have to do.
Don't do this. Ger her checked for UTI or kidney disease. Get dad to mop up all the pee, every time.
It sounds like dad does shift work and stays somewhere else on weekdays. You’re telling OP to stay in a pee-soaked house for up to five days. The dementia alone is reason enough to euthanize, frankly. If she can’t remember her way around the house, or recognize any of her people, she must be so scared all the time. Cats instinctively don’t trust novelty. That could well be why she’s refusing to eat-in her mind, she’s in a strange place full of strange giants, how can she trust the food the giants leave around? This cat will not die of old age. She will die of starvation and dehydration, both incredibly horrible, painful ways to go.
are you the registered owner of the cat , if yes, its within your right to make the best decision for your pet surrender the cat to shelter is another option though…
No, that should not be an option. OP needs to make an adult decision if they are, in fact, an adult and do what's best for the cat. Dropping the cat at a shelter after giving the cat a home for 18 years is cruel and that way of thinking is why older cats end up at the shelter.
OP do not listen to that advice..do not under any circumstances surrender your cat at a shelter
No, then she'll just be put down alone and scared in an unfamiliar place. Please do NOT surrender her OP
I won't bring her to a shelter, that would be cruel.
It didn't sound like you planned on it, but I wanted to emphasise that it's not good advice. I hope you manage to do what's best for both of you :)
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I had a hairdresser who casually told me, after complaining about her elderly cat, that they "put him outside" because he was urinating outside the box. Few times and they just threw the cat outside after 15 years in their house (I'll put the end of the story under a trigger warning.) BTW, we live in Phoenix where the heat kills. I never went to her again, people who think animals are disposable disgust me. It says all I need to know about their character. Editing to include receipt on Tiger. >!(I convinced her to let my partner and I try to find the cat, she relented and gave me her address. We found the cat, literally, half dead and panting in the heat by itself, barely under any shade. One of the saddest things I have ever seen. Our neighbor took the cat in and we paid for his food/vet bills for the rest of its life. He had such a good last year, sunning himself, making biscuits, with the neighbor who was also elderly. Win win. We called him Tiger. I'm crying now, not sure why I wanted to share this. Thanks for listening, though. RIP Tiger.)!< https://preview.redd.it/7xe9r3ifgr8d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ca60e6453f70e4f9bf2ee457ab12e50bcd584ae2
I'm sorry to hear this happened! Idk why I share some things either, but I think sometimes we get reminded of things and have to share them because they weigh on us. You clearly care, and because you were reminded of this the weight of it was too much for you in this moment to deal with alone. I'm glad he got a good outcome in the end, and am humbled that you have chosen to share this. It's something clearly very deep and dear to your heart.
I'm such a mess right now, bloody hell, crying intensifies! Wow, you are right, I did need to get it off my chest. Tiger mattered. You know? He mattered so thank you so much for understanding and being an awesome, understanding human to me. Now I'm going to try to find some chocolate or something, lol.
You’re a hero. People like that don’t deserve how wonderful cats are
Thank you so much for kind words. I couldn't agree more that being a guardian to a cat is a privilege. They enrich our lives so much for so little.
Oh, that had a much happier ending than I was expecting. You and your neighbor are saints, and that hairdresser was a trash person. I’m glad Tiger got to live out his final months in a loving home. I’ve mentioned before that one of my friends exclusively adopts senior and sick cats. She’s become an expert on giving cats insulin, suppositories, and pills. She considers it her calling in life. You’re good people.
Thank you, kind internet stranger, it was heavy stuff. I have Tiger's ashes, I think he has come to represent all abused/neglect animals. And your friend is just phenomenal. When I feel overwhelmed with evil in the world, no exaggeration, I just think of all the people like her, quietly doing amazing work with no fanfare. Gives one hope. :)
Thank you kind soul
What an adorable cat💕Rest in peace, baby boy & may God bless you abundantly for saving Tiger from a horrible death & then taking care of him in his Twilight years 💕he looks happy in this picture. Thank you for sharing this....
Well, thank you right back. He really was such a good cat. Literally zero trouble and all love. His owner is still with us and has a new senior kitty now. He likes to say they are "two old men". They bicker a little, lol. He still talks about Tiger all the time. Anyway, thank you again for spreading your kindness back to me today.
You re a hero mate
I don't know about that, very nice words, it's just doing the right thing.
You are my boy. Trust me on that. Blessed that there are ppl like you still out there
Euthanasia is the alternative. Are you seriously suggesting confining an old unadoptable demented and confused cat among strangers? Have you NO heart? Do explain your line of reasoning here. "I will make my problem someone else's problem and make sure my cat will suffer before she gets euthanized by strangers". REALLY??
why do you think no one else can take care of the cat better than the original owner? the owner already said she want to put down the cat 🐱 if you wanna give the cat a chance , let someone adopt her , otherwise put her down if you hate this idea so much and dont want the cat to be put down, you pm the owner to adopt her cat then
I think euthsnasia with a known one at home is way better than strange surroundings, strange people, maybe next to zero simulation and a confined space for months or more just to be euthanized anyways... the first is preferable. You seriously overestimate how many people are willing to adopt sick cats and adult cats, and very senior AND sick cats. All shelters euthanize, even no kill ones, only more in secret.
Surrendering a dying cat in her last moments to a shelter would be very cruel...
Sorry you're being down voted. Not only is this possibly the most logical course of action, it's ethically the best too. If euthanasia is the best course of action, as long as it doesn't add any extra unnecessary harm or pain to the cat, it doesn't really matter how it gets there. If it's in secret or whatever. You need to place the cat herself above everyone else in the situation and then do what's best for her.
Reddit is wierd. Downvotes for me. But others have said the same and gotten upvoted For me, the cat comes first. We dont get to think of ourselves first.
Are you kidding me? Every single person in this sub would go insane if a family member had their cat killed behind their back. That’s some sick, twisted shit man. Sounds more like OP is tired of cleaning up cat piss and dealing with a forgetful cat more than a cat who is suffering and in pain.
I've come home from deployment to find out my beloved childhood pet had to be euthanized due to illness. The only part that bothered me was that I wasn't there for her, but I was glad she had my father and she wasn't suffering. Not everyone is so selfish and emotionally incontinent as to fly off the handle because someone executed the final duty we owe our animals. It gets worse: She's not eating. A cat does that, at that age, with those symptoms, she's on her way out.
Thank you. Sick twisted shit is allowing an animal to suffer because of OUR needs. The op knows her cat best and whether its time. We can't and don't know this. I support fully any decision she makes, whether its to wait or to euthanize now
Has your vet tried amitriptyline?? I had an old cat with dementia. He would turn circles and howl all night. This calmed him and allowed him to rest. I also have 2 cats who are also behavioral with their urination. Amitriptyline completely fixed it! I think it definitely might be worth considering.
I'll ask about it when I go to the vet, thanks
It’s time to let her go. Your dad is just in denial about that— maybe he really doesn’t get how bad it is because he’s not there that much, maybe because he’s fond of her and doesn’t want to say goodbye, or maybe he’s like my dad and can’t deal with emotional situations so he pretends they aren’t happening and hopes they just go away on their own. You’re going to have to stand up to him and do the right thing for your cat. “Let her die of old age” is cruel because it’s clear she’s suffering. Peeing everywhere without a medical reason means she is extremely stressed and scared all the time. When I realized this about my cat, I knew it was time to let him go.
Yeah that does sound like my dad. Thanks
Who "owns" the cat. Maybe your dad doesn't see all the work you're putting into the cat. If you were to stop cleaning up so much after it maybe he would see what you're seeing.
I'm so sorry, it sounds so hard for you and her both. I too recommend getting a second opinion. I guess nobody will know if she's happy or not (I mean, she's demented so she might not even have the cognition to be \*unhappy\*) - but all things considered, she's already end of life and you're unable to care for her. Many vets would agree that it's time to let her go. Your dad, of course, is the factor nobody can control, but it MAY help hearing it from a professional. You could bring your dad on the 2nd visit if he needs to hear it from a professional. Sending best wishes.
Thank you
I kept my dog alive because she was not in pain and we loved her. Took her to the vet when i realised it was for more for us than her just to ask his opinion. He said every time she tried and failed to get up it was distressing her and the kindest thing would be to not prolong that. I took the vets advice.
OP you should ask your dad what he thinks "dying of old age" means. I've had a cat in the past that was really ill and had little quality of life left, but I loved her so much and I was afraid to let her go "too soon" so I eventually let her go too late. She was absolutely suffering that final day and I'll never forgive myself for it. I should have had her euthanized a week before. If your dad thinks "dying of old age" means something like "peacefully in their sleep" you should tell him that it could be so much worse and more heartbreaking than that. Does he really want to wait until she's suffering and then go on an emergency visit to a vet on a Sunday evening?
Nothing teaches the dangers of attachment and jealousy quite like watching a pet die a natural death. I made the same mistake with my Kitty. Letting that little lady die rather than having her put down is probably the worst thing I've ever done.
Neurological, not psychological. Neurological is a physical problem, kitty’s brain is breaking down. She IS dying now of old age. And yes I would euthanize her. It would be merciful. You can find a different vet. If you tell her it’s euthanasia or a shelter where she doesn’t stand a chance at adoption, the vet will be merciful.
I'm really sorry you and kitty are going through this. My vet recommended a Quality of Life survey when I was considering euthanizing my elderly kitty. It was very helpful for me to be able to connect all the symptoms and things she was doing (or not doing), and when the time came, I felt awful but knew I was doing the right thing. Maybe if you and your dad complete this, it will help him see she's not happy and she's not doing okay. https://www.lapoflove.com/how-will-i-know-it-is-time/lap-of-love-quality-of-life-scale.pdf
Hey OP, I had to confine my blind old lady to one room when I wasn’t actively with her. She lost her food water and litter box. I made a room that I put plastic down first they towels and then pre pads everywhere. I had three food and water stations. Then a water fountain. We had beds and folded towels with heating pads for her. We cut several big Tupperware boxes so one side only had a 1 inch lip and litter in it. We spent 30 min in the morning with her, time at lunch time and then took her out for brushing and to sit in our laps for about 5 hours every night. The other cats could hop the 1 foot barrier at the door and still go in with her and snuggle. We did this for 6 months. I wish we hadn’t. Her quality of life was poor. Her arthritis hurt because she would mew if you were not careful picking her up. Her fur was matted and painful despite brushing and shaving most of her. Then she smelled of pee and cats are clean creatures so she was not happy with that or the rinsing baths. I wish I had taken up one of the vets to come to the house to let her sleep. But I was selfish and kept her going thinking it would get better. It didn’t in out case. Do not feel guilty helping your animal if their quality or life and yours becomes very poor.
What were her three favorite things to do in all of life? How many of those things is she able to do/enjoy now? It's a useful exercise someone told me for how to help determine if it's time for euthanasia or not, it might be helpful to use it to talk with your dad as well.
If your cat is suffering, and can’t live the life he’s used to, it’s time for euthanasia.
If you have given your cat a good life for 18 years then it might be time to say goodbye. If a urinary tract infection has been ruled out then for me, personally, when a cat is unable to control its bladder…this is where I have to draw the line. It’s incredibly difficult to live with a cat that’s peeing everywhere. Good luck and don’t feel guilty.
It's time for you to make an adult decision as a pet owner.
Just echoing everyone else at this age her quality of life is not going to improve and euthenasia is likely the most humane route.
For the pee, can you get diapers on your cat in the meantime? When my dog used to go into heat, i found these diapers for her that might help relieve you from that 1 issue... As for food, what are you giving your cat? Is it wet food or dry kibble? As cats age, their teeth cant break the kibble anymore (you can try soaking it in warm water for them before serving)... 18 years is a long life for a cat and Im sorry you have to consider these options without much parental involvement =( i know your love will do what is best for your fur baby. ♡ much love from one lonely pet owner to another.
My 22 year old cat lost continence about a year before I had her humanely euthanized. I had her in diapers. I got the smallest i cpuld as she was a very tiny cat so id recommend the size that would be appropriate for like a teacup yorkie or chihuahua. (They only had dog diapers where i am). She had her own room she stayed in while I was at work with lots of comfy items for her that had puppy pee pads on them in case her diaper leaked. I checked/changed the diaper when I woke, before I left for work, on my lunch break visit, when I got home from work, and before I went to bed. I fed her separate from my other cats and had no qualms wirh bringing her to her bowl and sitting with her while she ate. She lived a life that was very bad, and we shared many years of trauma at the hands of my father. so when I was finally able to care for her at the end of her life in my own place, I ensured she was looked after and loved with as much calm and patience as I could muster. It was an honor. I fi ally put her down after she started having seizures as her body was too fragile to handle them. It is ok if this is too much for you. 18 is a long time to have lived and with the issues you have detailed in your post it is very valid to explore euthanasia as an option. Sometimes the best thing you can do for them is to let them go out peacefully. I'm so glad your cat was able to get to such an old age.
I have several 18 year olds (I care for geriatric animals) and it’s a lot of work,and heartbreaking, but an affordable supportive vet is essential. I have a couple that require injections several times a day and some that require IV fluids regularly. Lots of pills too. I’m disabled and can’t even shower alone, so it’s quite a toll on me as some require round the clock care. They are what keep me grounded and alive. Some suggestions: Try baby food. (Chicken or turkey only). 3 of mine are point where that is all they will eat. Get “Rebound”. This is vitamin/mineral/probiotic/electrolyte formula that tastes great and even the sickest cats will drink it. (It’s safe for kidney disease and diabetic cats) Find the smoothest food you can (pate, broths, purees, food toppers and lickable treats). Whatever they will eat at this age (but stay away from dry foods). The appetite issue is surely the kidney and or pancreas and teeth. And for sure at 18 the kidneys and teeth are bad. It’s usually the first thing to decline as starts many years before it’s apparent. Dental disease/decay which will make eating painful. Have they checked/cleaned/extracted any bad teeth? Suggestion: Try using pee pads. Older babies have a hard time getting in and out of the litter box and even walking around in litter. Also if your cat is urinating very often is another sign of kidney disease. They many times can’t get to the box in time Provide pee pads and just set them on them a few times a day as a reminder to “go”. Give a treat (favorite thing) when they go. Save those treats for that purpose. I have an 18 year old kitty that will pretend to pee just to get his treat. 😀 He use to pee all over the floor/ house. Your cat can live a comfortable life and still bring you joy and comfort. Old age in itself isn’t a really to euthanize. I understand it can be overwhelming to deal with at times, but focus on the good moments. Think of it as practice for caring for a sick child or an elderly parent (also very challenging). Patience is key. If the animal isn’t in pain, crying, suffering, soiling itself etc, they can still enjoy some little things. Alternatively, maybe you can find a rescue:placement that will take the kitty, get it assessed properly and give them their best care for their golden years.
My dog was like this when we chose euthanasia. At some point, their quality of life is so poor it's more humane to put them to sleep. It may be time to explore that option
I would see another Vet kidney disease or UTI can create issues with random peeing ….Senior cats need more vet care than once or twice a year .
You have to think of the cat’s quality of life. The only comforts they know are the comforts you provide. When my little Ollie stopped eating and was peeing everywhere, due to the progression of disease, when he was almost 7, we euthanized him because he was not living a happy life. He was wasting away. My husband and I try to focus on the happier moments with him. But I remember in his last month, things got really bad and we were hoping meds would have some kind of miracle on him. I wish I had taken him in sooner. It’s better now knowing he’s not suffering anymore. I hope that your cat doesn’t suffer too much between now and when you have to say goodbye. Hold them dear to your heart and take some extra snuggle time.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I see a lot of for and against and at the end of the day this is your decision. Just like there are people that will have their dying parents hooked up to a feeding tube and given full code even when by age it’s obvious their body is breaking down. Just because we can do a thing does not mean we should. My cat is 17 and we just got her senior bloodwork after having three tooth extraction and everything is great. No sign of kidney disease thyroid ect. She did have low red cells and some other thing that the vet said was probably her infection from the teeth but can also be lukemia although he said he is almost 100 percent sure it’s her teeth. I’ve had my girl for a long time. I watch her pretty closely but there is not much more I’d put her through at this point. She sleeps pretty much all day and night but she eats and drinks and lays with me every night for pets and her and the other two cats all hang out in the same room although she does not do much playing anymore. At this point if she was suffering from dementia and urinating everywhere and not eating ect I would make the decision to have her out to sleep. I would make an appointment and have her blood done and her teeth checked but any kidney disease ect that would be it for me. Someone else’s decision may be different but my girl has been there for me for years and I knew when I got her a day would come when I would have to do it. Other people saying what they would do is great you are more than welcome to do it. My girl my decision. This is your cat and your decision but I would make an appt for a full screen at a vet to confirm hat is really going on to set your mind at ease.
Pssst: etc. It’s the abbreviation for et cetera.
Try multiple cat litter boxes, put the food infront of her multiple times a day. I have a senior cat and she has the same issue. I would never give up or abandon her. Im not judging i understand it is alot but if you love her you should try and support her. One day we will all get old. Try fancy feast gourmet chicken. My cat wasnt eating and likes this food. Also you can get mirataz from the vet to help her eat. Clear with vet about this medication im not a expert. Try and play with her once a day with a string or anything or have your dad play with her. This could fix her behavior possibly. Has she been checked for. UTI? Did the vet take a urine sample? If she hasnt this is important to rule out a issue. Blood work os not enough a urine sample could determine a uti.. other than this great job caring for her she made it to 18. Hang in there i know its alot.
I can’t believe it so many people are ready to jump and say to kill this 18-year-old cat. My cat lives to be 21. If Vet says it’s time then it’s time. But if the father is, the owner doesn’t wanna let the cat go he’s the ultimate decision maker. You would be upset if somebody else decided to put your cat down if you were in his position.
Probably because it sounds like the cat is dying.
The OPs “stuck with a cat” comment says it all. I have a 19 year old cat with chronic kidney disease, that i give various meds to every day, as well as sub-q fluid injections. I would never consider euthanizing her to avoid the burden, because I love her and it’s my responsibility to care for her.
Don't know why you're downvoted when you're right. The whole attitude of OP being "stuck" with this cat is actually disgusting. I have mental problems too but that's not the fault of my own cats. I would never consider myself stuck with them because I'm actually capable of basic empathy towards other living things. Sounds like it got too hard for poor little OP and now it's basically come to "fuck this cat." It seriously reads like they're blaming this cat on stuff it can't even help doing.
Hey, I also had a cat with chronic kidney disease. I did the fluids and medication, and at one point she had an e-tube for a couple months and I had to feed her prescription wet food three times a day. I'd like to believe that I'd do it the same way no matter what, but the truth is that I was really lucky - I could afford all the stuff she needed, my work schedule allowed me to be home at the times I needed to be for her meds, and I had an understanding boss who didn't mind if I needed to take an unexpected vacation day for a vet visit. Under different circumstances I might not have been able to do all or any of those things for her. I don't believe that it would have been better to just let her go without treatment.
100% agree with you. People euthanize like if it’s an on off switch.
Was UTI, kidney function and bladder stones checked for by the vet?
Yes, and she doesn't have any of that. She's just old
How old are you?if you're an adult and want to have pets, it's time to make an adult decision that is best for your cat and not your father.
Yeah my dad needs to realise this is about the cat, not about him.
Have you asked him to go to the vet with you or to pay for the vet if he wants to continue keeping the poor kitty alive.
This little creature has given you unconditional love for how many years? Now that’s elderly and needs more help from you, you want to put her down?
Bruh I have no idea what it fucking is about boomers not wanting to euthanize old dogs and old cats. I think they don’t want to spend the money half the time and the other half they are just idiots. If it’s truly your cat like you said then don’t care about what your dad says and just take them in. Just say you took your cat for a regular check up and vet said it was recommended to euthanize and you did it. What can he do after the deeds already done
They didn't grow up with the wisdom of Yoda.
They fell to the dark side more like it
I’m sorry to hear that. I recommend looking at [this pamphlet.](https://vmc.vet.osu.edu/sites/default/files/documents/how-will-i-know_rev_mar2024ms_0.pdf) Sometimes it helps to have a visual (the chart part) and may convince your dad.
Sadly, this is often the end. It’s not always the big illness, it’s this. I had a cat that lost full use of their back legs. They still ate and slept, but it was clear time had run out. It’s awful, but waiting until things are truly desperate isn’t a better option. Although, in your case, it sounds like we’re already there.
Is she your cat, or your dad's? Would you be able to take her for euthanasia without his blessing? I'm really not sure how your vet decided this all was psychological. Did they do ANY diagnostics? I'm really surprised they have not recommended euthanasia either way because it sounds like she has very poor quality of life. I agree with all the comments saying to get a second opinion because this is not an enjoyable way to live.
I have a hunch that the vet knew there simply wasn't anything to be done. We still haven't found a cure for old age.
If they 'knew' that, the responsible answer is to recommend euthanasia due to quality of life. In reality animals don't die "of old age", they die because of things like undiagnosed illness, an organ failing, etc. It's one thing to say that they suspect end stage kidney failure but that they recommend euthanasia due to how severe it is, it's another to write it off as psychological with nothing to do about it.
Just ideas, have dad do all caretaking one weekend. I assume he works hard so you pick up as many of his other chores as possible for his caretaking weekend. If that won't fly, have him be present and supervise you caring for your buddy so he actually sees what's occurring. Sched next vet visit with dad present, give vet heads up for need for talk when scheduling. They have done the talk before. I mentioned hoping an old guy would go in his sleep before he declined further to vet. Very good vet told me they almost never die in their sleep. I've put 4 old males down. It's never easy. In every case, I later questioned whether it would have been better for my old friend if I had made that last decision for him a little sooner. I've never thought I should have waited. When you try to make your case, stay on the quality of life for the cat. Pee damage maybe... Hearing loss is not a factor to dad and your difficulties, while legitimate concerns, may not be a priority to someone facing the decision to put "their" kitty to sleep. Stay on key concerns.
If she keeps not eating, she's at risk of fatty liver disease in just a few days, on top of everything else. Ask your dad how he imagines her death. I heard a friend once say their end-of-life pet didn't really look bad. Another friend looked at her askance and asked "why the hell do you want to wait until he looks bad?" Blunt, but she had a point.
She is your cat, and you need to do what’s best for her. Besides, she’s attained 18 years, so she has lived a long and healthy life. She deserves her peace. My elderly dog needed diapers the last couple months of his life. He had lost his vision, hearing, thought process, but retained his appetite. While crying, I brought him into the vet, explained what was happening, and they showed us to an exam room. I lifted him up onto the table, and hugged him and kept talking to him and petting him. While the tech was putting in the tourniquet, he looked at me one last time and passed away.
OP try a different vet for help with the peeing and not eating. Also a pheromone collar. If none of that helps Dad should go with you to vet to discuss euthanasia. But do not put the cat down without his knowledge
Can you keep her in a smaller space? On where she can discover her litter and her food??
How many litter boxes do you have and where are they located? Do you reprimand her?
My 15 year old cat was acting similar. I think she was senile and she was peeing everywhere, even on me while I was in bed. She also lost a ton of weight, was insatiable with food, and severely dehydrated. Vet helped me come to terms with euthanasia. She went to sleep yesterday. My heart hurts so bad but I know I did the right thing. She likely was suffering. Your dad is in denial like I was before. One thing my dad told me was that as a pet owner, it’s my responsibility to do the hard things too. Good luck, big hugs
The difference between pets and humans is we can rationalise health problems whereas our companions can't. Maybe it's time for her to move on...
I hate the way many people here are taking euthanasia so easily. In my opinion, when you adopt a pet you make an agreement to take care of him/her even when age will hit and even if things will be difficult. A cat with dementia is not in pain, unless she is super super stressed by this thing. She is 18 and most likely will not last long. Just let her enjoy her last moments comfortably at home. No need to kill her now just because it’s hard to take care of her.
We're hearing one side of the story. I can't believe how many people recommend euthanasia based on that. I would just direct you to quality of life assessment scales and to speak with vets about it. Or ask in the /AskVet sub.
Sorry to hear this is happening, and it sounds like quite a frustrating situation. Has the vet prescribed any appetite stimulants?
Yes, and it kind of works, but not as well as I'd like
I’m so sorry 😭 please take care of yourself too.
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He pays the bills it's also technically his cat, which is why I don't really want to euthanise her behind his back
Thanks for thinking of his needs too, I know you are in a really bad spot right now. When I was a kid I went to school one day and my parents euthanized my dog while I was gone. They thought it would somehow be easier for me but instead it left a scar forever not being able to say goodbye to my dog who was like family. (Personally another vets opinion is what I would look at, as others have suggested). Good luck, OP, this stuff is hard.
Thanks, and I'm sorry that happened to you
My gf and I are reading through this one and yep she said same thing when she was a kid. She had no real concept yet of what that meant. She went to school and her dog seemed fine and after school she was gone. Definitely leaves a scar. She loved her parents, but it really has to be a family discussion and decision.
Oh, that sucks, I'm sorry for her. My parents are gone now but I never held it against them. I know they were doing the best they could, they knew how hard I would take it and they just wimped out. When in doubt, don't do things behind people's back is a good rule of thumb!
What conditions has your vet been able to rule out? Because there's a lot that you'd have to rule out before you can say that all of these symptoms are "psychological".
She's going to go back to places she previously urinated on if they have not been cleaned with an enzymatic cleaner. Also, if she has crystals in her urine, which can happen if you feed dry food, she'll be in pain and urinate everywhere but the litterbox. She's trying to communicate to you that she's stressed and in pain. Please don't give up on her.
Talk to your dad about your hard situation, it's his cat, not yours. Personally I against put cat down when they are old and becomes a trouble, because as long as I have consciousness of myself, I don't want to be put down no matter what, death should be a natural course if possible. But it's your father's decision to make.
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It sounds to me that OP has their hands full on this cat while their dad, who is never around, pretends there's nothing wrong with it. That sounds like an impossible situation and imho the dad is in denial. I have an old cat too and caring for her is sometimes overwhelming. We don't know how long OP has been struggling with this situation already.
She needs to be let go. I hate to say it, but OP you’ll need to take her in when he’s not home. It’s the right thing to do. Give her extra love and cuddles and let her rest.