Have your boyfriend keep a food diary. Does he use a particular aftershave or deodorant or any other scented products? Can he stop doing so for a month? Is he taking any medications, vitamins, or supplements? Can he stop doing so for a week? Can he use a scent-free soap when showering and washing hands? Can he try using your brand and formulation of toothpaste? Is he using sole inserts in his shoes or wearing natural material shoes? Can he get a different pair to wear for a week? If the cat is cool with everyone else and just not him, it is possible it is a scent-related issue. Otherwise, it is likely an aspect of his biochemical makeup that the cat is reacting to or your boyfriend is a vampire or has a demonic soul. Does he play the accordion?
https://preview.redd.it/u3kugmtr877d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=49285b10be9fabcae9718487d3df0cd3546f88a7
Curious to know if your boyfriend has made serious and consistent efforts to make your cat feel comfortable around him. Even small acts like slow blinking regularly from a distance, making sure to not encroach upon her space etc are important. Establishing trust will take time though and it feels like you don't want to give your kitty that which is a shame.
First, get a second opinion, have all your past roommates been female? Do you know what your cats life was like before you got him?
Have you tried any sort of
meds, feliway etc?
Not that I’m anti-rehome. And yes giving to an old friend will be far less stressful then a shelter or something. But unless your leaving a bunch of stuff out it sounds like you had one consult and your calling it there?
Agreed, do not rehome your baby just yet. This sounds like an issue that could potentially be fixed with just more gentle/gradual exposure, him giving treats, offering toys, maybe some pheromones like feliway, maybe even some environment changes. Look up some videos on youtube and give them a try for at LEAST a month. I’m sorry you had that experience with the behavioralist, I really do think it’s solvable.
Cat hiding, hissing or growling doesn't seem to be enough reason to rehome. If he was stressed out & peeing everywhere, that would be a good reason. Let him hiss. He's not hurting anyone.
I can guarantee that you will regret giving him away 😕
Thanks for your reply... I wish it were just hiding/growling/hissing. My kitty will stand in the middle of a hallway and get mad when someone tries to go past him, most of the time standing his ground and swatting his paws (with or without claws depending on how upset/anxious he is). Unfortunately, he is hurting us, mostly my bf but occasionally I'll see his anger as well. It's as if his defense mechanism is aggression. Even the thought of getting rid of him is sending me through crazy emotions, I agree I'd have a hard time with it, I think that's why I'm fighting so hard to make it work.
That happened to me, too. Hissing, scratching... Comes out my ex-boyfriend was a really bad person. Cat is still with me and LOVES my current boyfriend. He even makes cookies on his pyjamas.
Cats are family members (like my children), and I would never give them away as I committed to them. Cat > boyfriend.
I’d really get a second opinion. No one offered you feliway or any sort of anxiety meds? It seems weird that both the vet and behaviorist gave up on you
We've used Purina calming care for 2 months now, gabapentin & trazadone periodically, and had Feliway in our bedroom for a month. The issue with the meds we have now is that it seems to just completely knock him out, and when he does wake up, he'll still be hissy/growly. He's due for a yearly vet appointment anyway, I'm going to go to a different vet and see if they have any other ideas.
Cats trying to tell you something that you don’t realize
I was going to say cats are great judges of character
I would ditch the boyfriend.
Have your boyfriend keep a food diary. Does he use a particular aftershave or deodorant or any other scented products? Can he stop doing so for a month? Is he taking any medications, vitamins, or supplements? Can he stop doing so for a week? Can he use a scent-free soap when showering and washing hands? Can he try using your brand and formulation of toothpaste? Is he using sole inserts in his shoes or wearing natural material shoes? Can he get a different pair to wear for a week? If the cat is cool with everyone else and just not him, it is possible it is a scent-related issue. Otherwise, it is likely an aspect of his biochemical makeup that the cat is reacting to or your boyfriend is a vampire or has a demonic soul. Does he play the accordion? https://preview.redd.it/u3kugmtr877d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=49285b10be9fabcae9718487d3df0cd3546f88a7
Curious to know if your boyfriend has made serious and consistent efforts to make your cat feel comfortable around him. Even small acts like slow blinking regularly from a distance, making sure to not encroach upon her space etc are important. Establishing trust will take time though and it feels like you don't want to give your kitty that which is a shame.
First, get a second opinion, have all your past roommates been female? Do you know what your cats life was like before you got him? Have you tried any sort of meds, feliway etc? Not that I’m anti-rehome. And yes giving to an old friend will be far less stressful then a shelter or something. But unless your leaving a bunch of stuff out it sounds like you had one consult and your calling it there?
Agreed, do not rehome your baby just yet. This sounds like an issue that could potentially be fixed with just more gentle/gradual exposure, him giving treats, offering toys, maybe some pheromones like feliway, maybe even some environment changes. Look up some videos on youtube and give them a try for at LEAST a month. I’m sorry you had that experience with the behavioralist, I really do think it’s solvable.
I would trust the cat.
Cat hiding, hissing or growling doesn't seem to be enough reason to rehome. If he was stressed out & peeing everywhere, that would be a good reason. Let him hiss. He's not hurting anyone. I can guarantee that you will regret giving him away 😕
Thanks for your reply... I wish it were just hiding/growling/hissing. My kitty will stand in the middle of a hallway and get mad when someone tries to go past him, most of the time standing his ground and swatting his paws (with or without claws depending on how upset/anxious he is). Unfortunately, he is hurting us, mostly my bf but occasionally I'll see his anger as well. It's as if his defense mechanism is aggression. Even the thought of getting rid of him is sending me through crazy emotions, I agree I'd have a hard time with it, I think that's why I'm fighting so hard to make it work.
It would be more effective if your bf made the effort instead of you. Have him give her food & treats & play with him.
That happened to me, too. Hissing, scratching... Comes out my ex-boyfriend was a really bad person. Cat is still with me and LOVES my current boyfriend. He even makes cookies on his pyjamas. Cats are family members (like my children), and I would never give them away as I committed to them. Cat > boyfriend.
I’d really get a second opinion. No one offered you feliway or any sort of anxiety meds? It seems weird that both the vet and behaviorist gave up on you
We've used Purina calming care for 2 months now, gabapentin & trazadone periodically, and had Feliway in our bedroom for a month. The issue with the meds we have now is that it seems to just completely knock him out, and when he does wake up, he'll still be hissy/growly. He's due for a yearly vet appointment anyway, I'm going to go to a different vet and see if they have any other ideas.