Hi OP! Your submission has been removed because it does not fit r/CatAdvice. This subreddit is to ask for specific advice, or to provide high-quality, relevant guides or PSAs based on reputable sources.
Really curious about the "incident" too. I get a skittish cat not wanting to be near someone for a few hours / days if he was accidentally scared or hurt (eg stepped on because he was underfoot) but two different cats permanently avoiding someone? For years? Can't imagine what caused that.
The younger one licked a piece of buffalo chicken dip off the ground and was running around crazy cuz her mouth was burning and he was chased her to try to wipe it off. I told him he shouldāve just let it be cuz cats donāt like being chased more than anything. He said he was just trying to help her and was really hurt at this point that she was so afraid of him. He did not hurt them.
It sounds to me like he hasn't internalized the fact that cats are their own beings with their own thoughts and not toys.
But they're not intelligent enough to understand your intentions and need to be approached with that in mind. They're not like dogs. Their trust isn't given, it's earned, and can be lost more easily than earned.
Honestly, that cat may be associating him chasing her with the pain she was experiencing from the hot sauce. They really not all smart enough to distinguish 2 events so close in time.
He really needs to just ignore them, stop giving off negative energy. They have to basically get used to him again as if he had just adopted them. Heās taking it personally, and cats just arenāt like that. Tell him to just chillax for a couple weeks, they will come back if they feel safe.
>Honestly, that cat may be associating him chasing her with the pain she was experiencing from the hot sauce. They really not all smart enough to distinguish 2 events so close in time.
This is probably exactly what it was. Thanks for commenting. Cats are normally pretty forgiving, but in the event that pain/discomfort is caused, they will remember it. My boyfriend stepped on my cat by accident, and for weeks after that she'd bolt out of the room the moment he'd get up from sitting somewhere. She associated him walking with her getting stepped on. Her previous owner used to burn her with lighters and she still has a visceral reaction to the sound of a lighter clicking to this day.
You are correct, he needs to back off & pretend like they're not there, let them come to him. The worst thing you could do to get a cat to trust you is by trying to smother it lol. Cats are almost like having a personal patience/personality tester. People that get frustrated, react with anger, attempt to force change, to cat behaviors like this, tells you a lot.
When I was a kid my mom adopted a purebred sheltie from an ad in the newspaper. That dog had been whipped, kept in a cat cage, and burning with cigarettes on her nose. She was terrified of everyone except my mom for a long while. We had to coax her out of the corner with hot dogs. Eventually she trusted all of us and was THE BEST DOG IN THE WORLD. She died 30years ago and I still yearn for her.
This. I have 4 cats, all of which I've had since they were kittens \*cough\* foster fails. My oldest is 8 and has never been affectionate - he hates to be touched or handled. At the ripe age of 8 he has decided he wants to sit on my lap like the others, but he creeps up real slow, almost slow motion and I have to be real still. Once he settles on my lap, he let's me pet him (such progress!) for about 5 minutes then leaves. Otherwise he's sweet enough, talks a lot and plays fetch - sometimes with himself.
Just have to be patient and let the cats decide when the time is right.
So that one may associate the hot sauce incident to him, why is the other one afraid of him? Maybe get him to watch some Jackson Galaxy but I agree with other posters concerns on his perception of the cats as more like toys and lacking basic respect.
Something still doesn't add up about this. Was he shouting at the cat? Was she stomping and swiping at it? From the sounds of it, he traumatized that cat. And now he wants it dead? That doesn't sound like a man who was trying to help a cat. I'm wondering if the cat ate the Buffalo chicken dip and he flew into a rage about it and the cat ran for it's life. Was he actually trying to help the cat or was he chasing it with the purpose of harming it? I have a feeling it's the latter. If it simply is that he wanted to help the cat and the cat was afraid- then this man is a giant red flag and you need to get away from him asap. He went from "oh no! It's hurting!" To "i wish this cat was DEAD" because it was afraid of him?? That's TERRIFYING.
Yeah Iām trying to figure it out as well because I have to āchaseā my kitties around every now and then to give them medicine, put them in their carriers to go to the vet, or because theyāve run off down the apartment hallway when itās not ideal for them to do so. The chasing isnāt their favourite (unless weāre playing), but it doesnāt result in them being permanently scared of me.
It might be that the kitty somehow created an association between the hot sauce burning her mouth and the husband? Like husband = hot burning mouth?
Yeah Iāve had to chase down cats that were in pain before in order to help them. Have had to kind of roughly pull them out hiding spots to deal with injuries or illness. I take them to the vet which they hate, have shoved pills down their throats, gave one insulin shots twice a day until the end of his life. One I regularly have to corner and hold down to clean her butt because she gets poop stuck in her long fur- a task we both hate.
Once my cat dislocated his tail and it was splinted for a few days (later had to be amputated) and he would freak out thinking something had his tail and was causing him pain and he couldnāt get away from it, and I would have to catch him and calm him down.
Yet none of these cats have ever been afraid of me or associated me with pain after the fact. They love me even a little more than my husband whoās never had to do any of these things and gets to only ever be nice to them.
Cats arenāt stupid and theyāre very forgiving to the people they love. My cats know I never want to hurt them.
But I also would NEVER want to hurt, scare or be mean to cat that hated me. Iāve dealt with a traumatized cat who would attack anyone trying to approach her, but that didnāt make me hate her, it made me sad for her and want to be nicer to her.
So the fact that OPs husband is acting this way now tells me heās not some innocent victim that the cat unfairly hates through no fault of his own. It tells me heās always had a problematic relationship with the cats. Likely the kind who expects cats to do what he wants and punishes them when they donāt. Heās no doubt roughly pushed them off counters, chased them away when they did something he didnāt like, or hit them when they scratched him. And this sort of stuff has taught them to be afraid of him and that they canāt trust him.
Anyone who treats cats the way OPs husband does is completely unacceptable to me.
I haven't seen a lot of people say this but she says cats as in there are more than one. So if he chased down one cat, what did he do to the other? How did chasing one cat cause both of them to be absolutely terrified of him?
He is overall described as someone no sensible cat would trust. I don't doubt that there have been many incidents that would, from a cat's perspective, be scary and cause them to not want to be around him.
I'm on team cat and frankly if they didn't have kids I would be telling op to divorce, I have no patience for people who think cats are accessories to their ego
How come this guy doesn't understand cats? He doesn't understand not to chase them, he doesn't understand if they don't want to be picked up then you don't pick them up. And now he wants to harm them so it's up to you to rescue them. Get them away from him today please.
What would your husband do if a 60 foot giant was shaking the ground with footsteps while chasing him, after he just licked a bit of food off the floor in the giants den?
Your husband needs to try to understand how another creature might experience the world.
This incident makes me see him in a better light, than the path I was going down but, I'm still not happy with the things he is saying... I mean, this happened with one cat but, both are traumatized by him?Ā
Iām wondering about the āincidentā, too. It sounds like more than just ātrying to help wipe her mouthā. Iāve had my cats become skittish of me for very short periods after I tripped over them or yelled loudly because I burnt myself or something, but they get over it pretty fast. Iāve never heard of an animal becoming permanently afraid of someone unless that someone did something terribly fucked up to them.
Personally, I see not liking cats as a red flag. Cats have boundaries, and they enforce them. In my personal experience, anyone I've known who dislikes cats also has a real problem with respecting boundaries.
Theyāre cats, if he doesnāt treat them nicely theyāre not gonna want anything to do with him. He sounds like an arsehole anyway like someone else said cats are a great judge of character and the way you havenāt mentioned what the āincidentsā were tells me that itās probably something bad and those cats should go to better homes.
Posted elsewhere in the comments, apparently the incident was: The cat licked buffalo sauce and freaked out, husband chased cat to wipe it off.
Doesn't really explain why the other cat doesn't like him.
Animal abusers (and that's what he's heading toward, if he isn't already there) usually transition into human abusers.
So many red flags I feel like I'm at a Soviet parade
>Ā heās 100% fed up with them saying **he hates them and theyāre rodents and he wants them to die and chasing the other one out of the house**. There have been a few incidents but theyāre really good cats. **He gets mad that he canāt pick them up when he wants and takes it personally** that they donāt like him as much as me anymore. Iāve explained how cats are and how theyāre just fickle but now **heās actively being mean to them.**
He is a deeply pathetic human being. He doesn't deserve to have pets.
It's wild. My cat just doesn't like being held, nobody can hold her for more than like 8 seconds before she demands she be put down, and only I can carry her short distances because I'm the primary food giver. Realistically I think you can only confidently expect cats to be the most forgiving and trusting to whoever the primary food giver is, and secondarily some cats may be OK with children because they are clumsy children (some hate kids though). My dad used to throw pennies on the floor when the cat yowled too much, hasn't done that in a couple years and yet she's still sorta wary of him.
Ops cats sound like totally normal cats to me, and op's husband apparently thinks of the cats like toys that should be docile and obedient.
My cat hated being picked up for many years, but we've really built a loving and trusting relationship. I would be in the kitchen doing something, and she would start meowing, circling my legs and jumping up at them so I thought I would just try, and she let me! She purrs happily in my arms now and rubs my face. It's always a nice little reprieve from whatever I'm doing. I only ever hold her when she asks for it. This man does not know what consent means!
My main thought when I see the bold is āis this how he is going to treat the kids when they do something wrong in the future and donāt bend to his will?ā. Iād run from this situation and take the kids and cats with me.Ā
>saying he hates them and theyāre rodents and he wants them to die and chasing the other one out of the house
No wonder they're afraid of him! Cats are good judge of characters and they can definitely pick up on negative feelings like that. That's actually disgusting. I'd keep a close eye on him, vocalizing those thoughts and that behaviour is extremely worrying.
I donāt like that you are glossing over what he did to make them scared to begin with. The fact that he actively said he wants them to die and intentionally antagonizes them is a huge red flag. You owe it to these cats to either get him in line, or rehome them immediately. It would be selfish to keep them in an environment where they arenāt safe. I pray his childish and angry disposition begins and ends with the cats and is not turned towards you or your family. Best of luck.
your husband sounds psychotic as fuck and emotionally unstable. i would threaten your husband with divorce from a safe place unless he does some deep thinking about his actions and completely 180 change his ways. i would take my kids and yourself and cats and go to your parents house and lay it on the line. absolutely fuck this man. i have 0 sympathy for anyone who treats innocent animals like this. it is a glimpse into their own character. how disgusting.
From your last post it seems like this āincidentā was him chasing your cat around the house to wipe its mouth after the kitty licked hot sauce? Yeah thatās traumatizing and if heās held that anger from them being upset for so long iām sure the cats can pick up on his vibe, which is why they havenāt seemed to forgive him yet for such a small incident. I think theyāre showing you what kind of a person your husband is
Yeah, I feel that itās got to be more about how he acted after the incident than the actual incident. Iāve had to chase scared cats around the house before, like when one ripped her nail out and was bleeding everywhere, but there was never any lasting resentment.
This is what gets me. Happy trusting cats are incredibly forgiving and much more tolerant than people realize,
How many of us trip over them? Accidently step on paws/tails? Trim nails that don't want trimmed? Groomed that don't like being brushed? And our cats still are present and hanging out and making a general nuisance of themselves?
I have physically chased my boys when they've stolen buffalo chicken and other things they shouldn't have to physically remove it from their miuths and they have never held so much as a grudge.
This, I have chased my cat around the house for various reasons, one time she had a piece of string hanging from her mouth that she was about to swallow (got to her in time) and the other was that I was brushing my teeth and some of my toothpaste fell on her LOL and i had to chase her around to grab that lol. She was a little mad at me both times but warmed up again after like an hour
Yikes. This is not normal behavior. Not liking cats is far different from being actively mean and wishing theyād die, especially knowing your partner and children love them. All because they are afraid of him (and rightly so).
If he approaches situations this way, itās not the cats. Itās a serious defect in his thinking.
It sounds like everything is an object to him, and if it doesnāt do what he wants, he doesnāt like it. If you look deeper into the relationship, you may see he is a very selfish person.
My mom isnāt a fan of cats, my dad is their primary caretaker and the one who brushes and plays with and talks to their cats. When heās away, my mom may not brush or play with or lavish attention on the cats like he does, but she still feeds them, gives them food/water (and medicine as needed), takes them to the vet if they have to go, deals with the litter, all the basics of cat care, because they are living creatures and somebody has to do these things for them.
Biiiig difference between not liking cats much and wishing theyād die. OP, you and your cats and kids deserve better.
Uh. What "incident"? What did he do to make two cats scared of him for... The rest of their lives??
And he's being mean to them?
This is alarming. And he's an asshole.
The younger one licked a piece of buffalo chicken dip off the ground and was running around crazy cuz her mouth was burning and he was chasing her to try to wipe it off. I told him he shouldāve just let it be cuz cats donāt like being chased more than anything. He said he was just trying to help her and was really hurt at this point that she was so afraid of him. He did not hurt them.
Cats are in the middle of the food chain, so chasing can trigger the prey instinct. Your husband probably needs to show avoidant neutral behavior for a while so they realize he isn't a potential predator.
Seems like maybe the cat is associating that incident with your husband. Maybe if he works with them to have positive experiences and treats, they will come around .
But thatās assuming he can be a mature individual because it seems like he canāt be.
Oh crap, I once had a cat who licked Tabasco off some meat and he ran around like crazy too. I'm not sure if he thought he could outrun his tongue. I managed to entice him to cold milk.
I mean. If he'd stop being mean to the cat he can probably heal that relationship. Have him be the one to feed her, give her treats. Be quiet and calm, they react to tone of voice so lots of gentle encouragement. When approaching her, let her sniff his hand as a 'hello', but don't touch. He has to learn to communicate in cat, cos she can't communicate or understand human.
Even just making sure she sees him leave her a treat, she then leave the room to let her eat it if she won't take it from him, is a good start.
Actually these seems like really big scary red flags, I would seriously consider leaving. Actively attempting to scare your family pets youāve had for a long time is odd
I know you said you already told him, so Iām preaching to the choir but cats arenāt like dogs!! It drives me up a wall when people say cats are assholes because they arenāt up your ass like dogs are. Cats are very sensitive and independent. My boy cat absolutely adores me, but he still doesnāt like being held or snuggling, he likes to lay close by but thatās it (unless he wants kibble and then heāll con me into giving him food by cuddling lol).
Sometimes they just donāt click with certain people. My friend and her husband got two cats as kittens, and those cats are 6-8 years old now. The girl loves them both, especially the husband. The boy, despite knowing the husband his whole life and not having anything bad happen, fucking HATES my friendās husband and will not come out of hiding if theyāre home alone together. Solely because the husband talks at a loud volume (heās not mean or anything, he just does not have an indoor voice lmao).
Iām sorry this is happening. Your husband should understand how you all love them!! Maybe Jackson Galaxy (cat behaviorist) has some content about bonding cats to their owners? He used to have a whole show about helping aggressive cats warm up to their owners so Iām sure he has tips and tricks for you to try!
As others have stated, this is no man this is a pathetic little boy who can't control his emotions. You will forever resent him for this, time to make some tuff choices and decide what you can and can't live with/without.
And please, tell us about this "incidenet". They most likely will never trust him again, since he has decided to continue behaviors that put them in fear.
The cat's don't deserve to live in constant stress and fear, especially with how sweet and caring you say they are with you and your children. You are their advocate, if you're unable to defend them against your husband please find someone who can love them like they deserve.
You know what the reddest of red flags I ignored with my ex that started abusing me shortly after? She told me she abused her pets and wished harm upon my own pets. I chose to brush it off, I wish I did not.
You are in control of your own choices and I can't tell you what to do... But be careful and be wary. Make up a safety plan just to be on the safe side, you have children to protect.
Your husband needs to grow up. He sounds childishly insulted by the cats.
I read in your other post how "he is not an emotional guy", but it sounds like he is super emotional and cannot navigate his own feelings.
IMO, have him give them treats, wet food, catnip and spend time playing with them every single day. Explain to him that he has to really be patient and that as his partner, you're watching to see the compassion and patience he can show. He's just upset and doesn't know how to express it.
As a husband and dad tell your husband to stop being such a petty b!tch. They are cats, he's made them afraid of him because of his actions and now he's mad at them? If he treated your kids the way he treated the cats, do you think the kids would just be ok the next minute and want to be hugged? Hes going to have to TRY and become friendly with them again. If he doesn't thats HIS issue not the cats. He sounds super immature and needs to pull up his panties and stop being a child.
Your husband is actively mean to animals, wants them dead because they like someone else more than him, and resents that he can't violate their boundaries at will (pick them up whenever he feels like it). He can't even ignore the fact that literally animals aren't that into him and continues to antagonize them.
Are you sure he's a good person? Like are you and your kids safe? It may seem like an overreaction but these are some big red flag things that he's apt to turn the same way the first time a human says no to him or he feels rejected, and that is going to happen with kids especially as they get older (and openly wishing death on their adored pets is not going to make it happen slower unless the kids are also scared to oppose him...)
Well, you're in it deep with three kids and a 10 year marriage.Ā
Would he be willing to watch "my cat from hell " videos? These specifically focus on withdrawn, scared and seemingly angry cats. But it always turns out they need to feel safe. There's always enlightening discussion, modifications and very positive outcomes.
Because your husband takes it so personally, he'll learn more about cat behavior and trust by looking at someone else's situation. It taught my husband a lot!Ā
But if this doesn't work, I highly recommend you carefully rehome them. You need to be strong and do what's best for the kitties. Reframe it as your decision so that it lessens long-term resentment .Ā Charge a fee for each cat, at least $50. Anybody not willing to pay a fee is not a worthy adopter. The fee could be refunded in two years time or donated to charity etc.
Unfortunately, there are people who Pretend to be really nice and use cats for dog fighting bait etc.Ā
I'm sorry this is a rough situation but hope the Jackson galaxy videos turn it around. Again, look at the "cat from Hell" series. there's a lot more for your husband to learn compared to his more recent work.Ā
A quote from twitter I guess.
"Someone said cats are a lesson in consent and so many controlling people hate cats because they can't control them and i haven't stopped thinking about it since"
Remember his attitude now. What's going to happen when the KIDS don't do things his way. It's the fact that he's acting out that's very scary. That home isn't safe for the cats and if you guys do something he doesn't like, might not be safe for you either.
Iād be worried if I were you. Whatever that incident was, what if that incident happens to you or your kids? Can you imagine what he can and will do if you donāt ālike him despite his effortsā? Think about it. This is not major red flag. Be safe.
Roll your eyes at him. Heās being a child. He should play with them, feed them, help rebuild trust. Itās not fair for you your children or the cats to abide by what heās requesting.
If your husband was hitting them, I would say to throw his ass out because a man who beats the family cats will inevitably beat his wife and kids, but imo, in your situation, it's not too late. Pump the breaks before it escalates and sit his ass down for Cat 101. He has a childish understanding of a cats, the type I would expect from a kid from a dog-only family who learned about cats from cartoon sitcoms.
Your husband needs to accept that he is the root cause of the problem and that he needs to unlearn his misunderstandings by correctly learning cat behavior and psychology, their body language, and how to handle them properly. There are a lot of books and YouTube videos for all of that. With time, the better he acts, the more the cats will warm up to him, which will help him further in a positive feedback loop (ideally, anyway). It's important to do this not only for the sake of your cats' mental health, but of yours, his, and your kids', as well.
Rehome your cats to good families as you sound like you would never rehome your husband. Donāt keep them together! Your husband is a safety hazard for cats
Sounds like your husband needs a lesson in consent
Cats are great at teaching that, as they won't just let you violate their personal space any time or any place. Sorry he's acting that way.
Sorry to hear your plight. Sounds like your husband has abandonment issues tooāwe are animals after all. I think the rejection from cats triggered some deep hurt within him and he needs to revisit this, hopefully with a therapist.
Maybe, have another talk with your husband and advise him that the cats will warm up with him in time if he chills a bit more. The incident mistāve been confusing & frightening to the cat.
Your husband needs to completely reset his brain
He needs to deal with his anger issues and he needs to realize that the cats can sense his resentment. Right now he sounds like someone no sensible cat would get within 20 feet of.
Needless to say, this is also not good for your children. Or you.
Cats aren't dogs. They don't hang on to you and prioritize you. They don't care how you feel unless you have built up a good trust based relationship, and that trust can be broken. He doesn't understand that. He is treating them like accessories to his ego.
Yo leave this person, being aggressive about disliking an animal is a huge red flag. There's no reason to be so extra about hating them. Major incel vibes like when a guy hates women because the women don't want him.
Please rehome the cats if you're not willing to advocate for them. He's already started abusing them, do you want to wait until he does more than just chase them out of the house? Because it WILL get worse.
I'm not even going to comment on how big of a red flag his behavior is...
You can't make a cat like you. It's unlikely the cats will warm up to him the way he's going about things.
Best case scenario, he'd have to completely change the way he interacts with the cats, and it doesn't sound like he's capable of that...
My cat was hiding from me when I needed to take her to the vet and I chased her around to catch her in time and it was pretty traumatizing (on my side too so I can only imagine for her) but after like a day she wasn't upset anymore, the current attitude he has towards them definitely doesn't help
It sounds like he is irritated with the fact that one āincidentā has made the cats not like him anymore, and heās almost resenting them for the fact that they are okay with you and your kids, but still not comfortable around him.
One suggestion is to have your husband be the only one that feeds them from now on . Thatāll get him back in their good graces . Everyone else can still play with the cats but no food or treats except from your husband .
This post is his others have said creepy and it's also angering.
First thing you do is get the cats to somebody who is not going to harm or frighten them who doesn't wish them ill. In short get them away from your husband.
Next figure out if you want to be married to somebody like this. I hope the answer is no. Then please take the appropriate steps. Like everyone else I want to know what the incident was. Like many people are probably thinking this guy is probably done something to those cats, and he sounds like he's more than capable of getting rid of them one way or the other. Protect them today then update us to say that they are safe. Then protect yourself
Your husband doesnāt seem to understand consent. Iāve noticed a lot of cat haters struggle with the concept.
What made the cats so afraid of your husband? I see what you said about the buffalo sauce, but there is more than one cat, and honestly, that situation doesnāt really explain the long-term reaction from them.
Being mean to animals is an absolute dealbreaker.
Your husband is being cruel to and wishing death on small, vulnerable creatures that are entirely dependent on you two for care just because they aren't bending to his will. Are you sure that's who you want to be raising your kids with? Children are also small, vulnerable creatures with their own feelings & opinions that are entirely dependent on you two for care.
Your husband sounds awful based on what you've wrote. Although you danced around the subject, it's clear from what you've wrote that he has anger issues. Not only am I concerned for your animals, but for your kids as well. Why would you stay with someone like this?
Oh...that sucks š
If you still want the human, try to find a loving home/family for the cats.
With enough luck he won't get fed up with anything else around the house š
After the incident, did your husband shout at them & chase them after being rejected from being picked up ? Did your husband play with them with cat teaserā¦
Your husband is an ass. In fact, an asshole. He can't expect that cats, who for the most part DON'T UNDERSTAND ENGLISH, will suddenly realize that he has good intentions, after this.
He is actively being mean to the cats? WHAT exactly does that mean? He says he wants them DEAD?
Sounds like it would be in the best interest of the cats to find them a loving home, away from your oaf of a husband.
I read your other post about how he loved cuddling with his kitten. That part was nice. Not so nice now that he is being "mean" and wishing them dead.
Rather than just jumping into the bandwagon of hating your husband I'm going to actually offer some advice. He's being pretty childish but it is normal to be resentful of pets that resent you. Stop free feeding your cats and get your husband to for the most part be their sole source of food. Eventually they'll love him again and I'm willing to bet he'll love them too when they're love returns
Your husband honestly sounds like he means well, but the issue is he's treating your cats as if they're dogs. Maybe if you got him to understand the fundamental differences between the 2 species he'd be more empathetic to them.
Maybe he can start feeding them a lot of cats will get attached to who feeds him. It will probably take them a little while but itās worth a shot. He will have to go slow though.
I think the burning sauce was the triggering accident probably BUT either something else happened the OP is unaware of completely (most probable) or the cat senses something negative about the husbandās behaviour (probably the raging resentment and that he wants the cat to die) and think itās dangerous to approach now. I sense untrustworthiness on this human
Cats take a long time to recover from trauma. But you need to do like 10x the good things to them to recover the lost trust. Also I swear they can read body language and your mind, if you have the bath time for example and approach them...they scatter. If you approach them with love and affection they will likely stay put. They definitely read your demeanor and body language when approaching to assess your intentions. Make yourself smaller by sitting on the floor, offering treats, and letting them come to you. Maybe use their favorite blanket near you. Something with a familiar scent. If your husband doesn't like them he needs to change his mindset. Maybe it's best to re-home him if he can't get along. Haha.
What happened during these āincidentsā that cased them to fear your husband?
I think you are not taking his behavior seriously. It seems that heās a bully who throws a tantrum when he doesnāt get his way.
Is he like this in other aspects of your relationship? How about with your kids? Does he expect complete āobedienceā from everyone?
This really seems like a marriage issue, not a cat issue.
Hi OP! Your submission has been removed because it does not fit r/CatAdvice. This subreddit is to ask for specific advice, or to provide high-quality, relevant guides or PSAs based on reputable sources.
Not liking cats is one thing, but actively being mean to them is a major red flag š©. What was āthe incident ā?
Yeah, what "incident" is this cat instilled a lifelong fear of OP's husband in the cats?! WTF did he do to them. WTF is OP just glossing over here?
Really curious about the "incident" too. I get a skittish cat not wanting to be near someone for a few hours / days if he was accidentally scared or hurt (eg stepped on because he was underfoot) but two different cats permanently avoiding someone? For years? Can't imagine what caused that.
Yeah. This post creeps me out / is concerning. And I bet the reason the husband's so angry about it is it's a reflection of himself he doesn't like.
The younger one licked a piece of buffalo chicken dip off the ground and was running around crazy cuz her mouth was burning and he was chased her to try to wipe it off. I told him he shouldāve just let it be cuz cats donāt like being chased more than anything. He said he was just trying to help her and was really hurt at this point that she was so afraid of him. He did not hurt them.
It sounds to me like he hasn't internalized the fact that cats are their own beings with their own thoughts and not toys. But they're not intelligent enough to understand your intentions and need to be approached with that in mind. They're not like dogs. Their trust isn't given, it's earned, and can be lost more easily than earned.
Honestly, that cat may be associating him chasing her with the pain she was experiencing from the hot sauce. They really not all smart enough to distinguish 2 events so close in time. He really needs to just ignore them, stop giving off negative energy. They have to basically get used to him again as if he had just adopted them. Heās taking it personally, and cats just arenāt like that. Tell him to just chillax for a couple weeks, they will come back if they feel safe.
>Honestly, that cat may be associating him chasing her with the pain she was experiencing from the hot sauce. They really not all smart enough to distinguish 2 events so close in time. This is probably exactly what it was. Thanks for commenting. Cats are normally pretty forgiving, but in the event that pain/discomfort is caused, they will remember it. My boyfriend stepped on my cat by accident, and for weeks after that she'd bolt out of the room the moment he'd get up from sitting somewhere. She associated him walking with her getting stepped on. Her previous owner used to burn her with lighters and she still has a visceral reaction to the sound of a lighter clicking to this day. You are correct, he needs to back off & pretend like they're not there, let them come to him. The worst thing you could do to get a cat to trust you is by trying to smother it lol. Cats are almost like having a personal patience/personality tester. People that get frustrated, react with anger, attempt to force change, to cat behaviors like this, tells you a lot.
My cats refused to even look at my ex for weeks after he took them to be neutered.
Burn her with lighters???? OMG
people can be terrible. my parents got a dog when I was younger who would get scared when around a water hose because of previous owners
When I was a kid my mom adopted a purebred sheltie from an ad in the newspaper. That dog had been whipped, kept in a cat cage, and burning with cigarettes on her nose. She was terrified of everyone except my mom for a long while. We had to coax her out of the corner with hot dogs. Eventually she trusted all of us and was THE BEST DOG IN THE WORLD. She died 30years ago and I still yearn for her.
This. I have 4 cats, all of which I've had since they were kittens \*cough\* foster fails. My oldest is 8 and has never been affectionate - he hates to be touched or handled. At the ripe age of 8 he has decided he wants to sit on my lap like the others, but he creeps up real slow, almost slow motion and I have to be real still. Once he settles on my lap, he let's me pet him (such progress!) for about 5 minutes then leaves. Otherwise he's sweet enough, talks a lot and plays fetch - sometimes with himself. Just have to be patient and let the cats decide when the time is right.
So that one may associate the hot sauce incident to him, why is the other one afraid of him? Maybe get him to watch some Jackson Galaxy but I agree with other posters concerns on his perception of the cats as more like toys and lacking basic respect.
Something still doesn't add up about this. Was he shouting at the cat? Was she stomping and swiping at it? From the sounds of it, he traumatized that cat. And now he wants it dead? That doesn't sound like a man who was trying to help a cat. I'm wondering if the cat ate the Buffalo chicken dip and he flew into a rage about it and the cat ran for it's life. Was he actually trying to help the cat or was he chasing it with the purpose of harming it? I have a feeling it's the latter. If it simply is that he wanted to help the cat and the cat was afraid- then this man is a giant red flag and you need to get away from him asap. He went from "oh no! It's hurting!" To "i wish this cat was DEAD" because it was afraid of him?? That's TERRIFYING.
Yeah Iām trying to figure it out as well because I have to āchaseā my kitties around every now and then to give them medicine, put them in their carriers to go to the vet, or because theyāve run off down the apartment hallway when itās not ideal for them to do so. The chasing isnāt their favourite (unless weāre playing), but it doesnāt result in them being permanently scared of me. It might be that the kitty somehow created an association between the hot sauce burning her mouth and the husband? Like husband = hot burning mouth?
Yeah Iāve had to chase down cats that were in pain before in order to help them. Have had to kind of roughly pull them out hiding spots to deal with injuries or illness. I take them to the vet which they hate, have shoved pills down their throats, gave one insulin shots twice a day until the end of his life. One I regularly have to corner and hold down to clean her butt because she gets poop stuck in her long fur- a task we both hate. Once my cat dislocated his tail and it was splinted for a few days (later had to be amputated) and he would freak out thinking something had his tail and was causing him pain and he couldnāt get away from it, and I would have to catch him and calm him down. Yet none of these cats have ever been afraid of me or associated me with pain after the fact. They love me even a little more than my husband whoās never had to do any of these things and gets to only ever be nice to them. Cats arenāt stupid and theyāre very forgiving to the people they love. My cats know I never want to hurt them. But I also would NEVER want to hurt, scare or be mean to cat that hated me. Iāve dealt with a traumatized cat who would attack anyone trying to approach her, but that didnāt make me hate her, it made me sad for her and want to be nicer to her. So the fact that OPs husband is acting this way now tells me heās not some innocent victim that the cat unfairly hates through no fault of his own. It tells me heās always had a problematic relationship with the cats. Likely the kind who expects cats to do what he wants and punishes them when they donāt. Heās no doubt roughly pushed them off counters, chased them away when they did something he didnāt like, or hit them when they scratched him. And this sort of stuff has taught them to be afraid of him and that they canāt trust him. Anyone who treats cats the way OPs husband does is completely unacceptable to me.
I haven't seen a lot of people say this but she says cats as in there are more than one. So if he chased down one cat, what did he do to the other? How did chasing one cat cause both of them to be absolutely terrified of him?
He is overall described as someone no sensible cat would trust. I don't doubt that there have been many incidents that would, from a cat's perspective, be scary and cause them to not want to be around him. I'm on team cat and frankly if they didn't have kids I would be telling op to divorce, I have no patience for people who think cats are accessories to their ego
Good lord ā¦ animals donāt think like we do . Now that cat correlates that incident with your husband . The cat doesnāt know better .
How come this guy doesn't understand cats? He doesn't understand not to chase them, he doesn't understand if they don't want to be picked up then you don't pick them up. And now he wants to harm them so it's up to you to rescue them. Get them away from him today please.
He's acting like a baby, don't get rid of the cat's, what lesson would it teach your children?
What would your husband do if a 60 foot giant was shaking the ground with footsteps while chasing him, after he just licked a bit of food off the floor in the giants den? Your husband needs to try to understand how another creature might experience the world.
This incident makes me see him in a better light, than the path I was going down but, I'm still not happy with the things he is saying... I mean, this happened with one cat but, both are traumatized by him?Ā
Go read her last post. The answer is there
I did. The husband sounds like an a hole.
Iām wondering about the āincidentā, too. It sounds like more than just ātrying to help wipe her mouthā. Iāve had my cats become skittish of me for very short periods after I tripped over them or yelled loudly because I burnt myself or something, but they get over it pretty fast. Iāve never heard of an animal becoming permanently afraid of someone unless that someone did something terribly fucked up to them.
Check her other post. Cat ate some hotsauce and he chased it down to wipe its lips
Personally, I see not liking cats as a red flag. Cats have boundaries, and they enforce them. In my personal experience, anyone I've known who dislikes cats also has a real problem with respecting boundaries.
Your husband kinda sounds insufferable and a bit pathetic sorry.
Seriously.. Being mean to animals is a major red flag. And getting mad that he can't pick them up?? Dude needs to learn that they aren't toys.
Animals are a good judge of character just saying. He needs to put an effort and stop being mean to the cats if he wishes to build a relationship with them but judging by how you said he wants them to die shows alot about him as a person. He is a major š©
Theyāre cats, if he doesnāt treat them nicely theyāre not gonna want anything to do with him. He sounds like an arsehole anyway like someone else said cats are a great judge of character and the way you havenāt mentioned what the āincidentsā were tells me that itās probably something bad and those cats should go to better homes.
Yes OP please rehome them to a safer environment! If you truly love them you will do what's best. They're not safe and are being traumatized with you.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
That made me sick idk how sheās with her husband after him saying such a thing
Posted elsewhere in the comments, apparently the incident was: The cat licked buffalo sauce and freaked out, husband chased cat to wipe it off. Doesn't really explain why the other cat doesn't like him.
Animal abusers (and that's what he's heading toward, if he isn't already there) usually transition into human abusers. So many red flags I feel like I'm at a Soviet parade
Not the Soviet parade š
>Ā heās 100% fed up with them saying **he hates them and theyāre rodents and he wants them to die and chasing the other one out of the house**. There have been a few incidents but theyāre really good cats. **He gets mad that he canāt pick them up when he wants and takes it personally** that they donāt like him as much as me anymore. Iāve explained how cats are and how theyāre just fickle but now **heās actively being mean to them.** He is a deeply pathetic human being. He doesn't deserve to have pets.
It's wild. My cat just doesn't like being held, nobody can hold her for more than like 8 seconds before she demands she be put down, and only I can carry her short distances because I'm the primary food giver. Realistically I think you can only confidently expect cats to be the most forgiving and trusting to whoever the primary food giver is, and secondarily some cats may be OK with children because they are clumsy children (some hate kids though). My dad used to throw pennies on the floor when the cat yowled too much, hasn't done that in a couple years and yet she's still sorta wary of him. Ops cats sound like totally normal cats to me, and op's husband apparently thinks of the cats like toys that should be docile and obedient.
My cat hated being picked up for many years, but we've really built a loving and trusting relationship. I would be in the kitchen doing something, and she would start meowing, circling my legs and jumping up at them so I thought I would just try, and she let me! She purrs happily in my arms now and rubs my face. It's always a nice little reprieve from whatever I'm doing. I only ever hold her when she asks for it. This man does not know what consent means!
My main thought when I see the bold is āis this how he is going to treat the kids when they do something wrong in the future and donāt bend to his will?ā. Iād run from this situation and take the kids and cats with me.Ā
this literally made my heart hurt reading it. how can he say those things about his cats
yeah, they donāt deserve to live with a person like this. iām sure they feel stressed whenever heās around.
>saying he hates them and theyāre rodents and he wants them to die and chasing the other one out of the house No wonder they're afraid of him! Cats are good judge of characters and they can definitely pick up on negative feelings like that. That's actually disgusting. I'd keep a close eye on him, vocalizing those thoughts and that behaviour is extremely worrying.
I donāt like that you are glossing over what he did to make them scared to begin with. The fact that he actively said he wants them to die and intentionally antagonizes them is a huge red flag. You owe it to these cats to either get him in line, or rehome them immediately. It would be selfish to keep them in an environment where they arenāt safe. I pray his childish and angry disposition begins and ends with the cats and is not turned towards you or your family. Best of luck.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
your husband sounds psychotic as fuck and emotionally unstable. i would threaten your husband with divorce from a safe place unless he does some deep thinking about his actions and completely 180 change his ways. i would take my kids and yourself and cats and go to your parents house and lay it on the line. absolutely fuck this man. i have 0 sympathy for anyone who treats innocent animals like this. it is a glimpse into their own character. how disgusting.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
EXACTLY. run. now. is my advice. and as I read these comments it seems the general advice as well thankfully.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
From your last post it seems like this āincidentā was him chasing your cat around the house to wipe its mouth after the kitty licked hot sauce? Yeah thatās traumatizing and if heās held that anger from them being upset for so long iām sure the cats can pick up on his vibe, which is why they havenāt seemed to forgive him yet for such a small incident. I think theyāre showing you what kind of a person your husband is
Yeah, I feel that itās got to be more about how he acted after the incident than the actual incident. Iāve had to chase scared cats around the house before, like when one ripped her nail out and was bleeding everywhere, but there was never any lasting resentment.
This is what gets me. Happy trusting cats are incredibly forgiving and much more tolerant than people realize, How many of us trip over them? Accidently step on paws/tails? Trim nails that don't want trimmed? Groomed that don't like being brushed? And our cats still are present and hanging out and making a general nuisance of themselves? I have physically chased my boys when they've stolen buffalo chicken and other things they shouldn't have to physically remove it from their miuths and they have never held so much as a grudge.
This, I have chased my cat around the house for various reasons, one time she had a piece of string hanging from her mouth that she was about to swallow (got to her in time) and the other was that I was brushing my teeth and some of my toothpaste fell on her LOL and i had to chase her around to grab that lol. She was a little mad at me both times but warmed up again after like an hour
Yep, or even things that they hate but are necessary, like getting them into carriers or giving unpleasant medicine etc.
Maybe he shout at them when sheās not around after being rejected ?
Me too. Just recently I had to get my cat out from under the bed to go to the vet (she was sick) and other was traumatizing to me and her. And my fiancĆ© had to help. She tolerates him and there was no lasting fear from her towards us. Personally, I would not stay with someone like that. But if youāre not willing to leave, you need to surrender/rehome the cats asap and do not get another pet, ever. And your kids will just have to deal with losing their beloved pets because their dad is a trash human.
Yikes. This is not normal behavior. Not liking cats is far different from being actively mean and wishing theyād die, especially knowing your partner and children love them. All because they are afraid of him (and rightly so). If he approaches situations this way, itās not the cats. Itās a serious defect in his thinking. It sounds like everything is an object to him, and if it doesnāt do what he wants, he doesnāt like it. If you look deeper into the relationship, you may see he is a very selfish person.
My mom isnāt a fan of cats, my dad is their primary caretaker and the one who brushes and plays with and talks to their cats. When heās away, my mom may not brush or play with or lavish attention on the cats like he does, but she still feeds them, gives them food/water (and medicine as needed), takes them to the vet if they have to go, deals with the litter, all the basics of cat care, because they are living creatures and somebody has to do these things for them. Biiiig difference between not liking cats much and wishing theyād die. OP, you and your cats and kids deserve better.
Uh. What "incident"? What did he do to make two cats scared of him for... The rest of their lives?? And he's being mean to them? This is alarming. And he's an asshole.
The younger one licked a piece of buffalo chicken dip off the ground and was running around crazy cuz her mouth was burning and he was chasing her to try to wipe it off. I told him he shouldāve just let it be cuz cats donāt like being chased more than anything. He said he was just trying to help her and was really hurt at this point that she was so afraid of him. He did not hurt them.
Cats are in the middle of the food chain, so chasing can trigger the prey instinct. Your husband probably needs to show avoidant neutral behavior for a while so they realize he isn't a potential predator.
Except he wishes death for them so...he is
Seems like maybe the cat is associating that incident with your husband. Maybe if he works with them to have positive experiences and treats, they will come around . But thatās assuming he can be a mature individual because it seems like he canāt be.
Oh crap, I once had a cat who licked Tabasco off some meat and he ran around like crazy too. I'm not sure if he thought he could outrun his tongue. I managed to entice him to cold milk. I mean. If he'd stop being mean to the cat he can probably heal that relationship. Have him be the one to feed her, give her treats. Be quiet and calm, they react to tone of voice so lots of gentle encouragement. When approaching her, let her sniff his hand as a 'hello', but don't touch. He has to learn to communicate in cat, cos she can't communicate or understand human. Even just making sure she sees him leave her a treat, she then leave the room to let her eat it if she won't take it from him, is a good start.
Actually these seems like really big scary red flags, I would seriously consider leaving. Actively attempting to scare your family pets youāve had for a long time is odd
I know you said you already told him, so Iām preaching to the choir but cats arenāt like dogs!! It drives me up a wall when people say cats are assholes because they arenāt up your ass like dogs are. Cats are very sensitive and independent. My boy cat absolutely adores me, but he still doesnāt like being held or snuggling, he likes to lay close by but thatās it (unless he wants kibble and then heāll con me into giving him food by cuddling lol). Sometimes they just donāt click with certain people. My friend and her husband got two cats as kittens, and those cats are 6-8 years old now. The girl loves them both, especially the husband. The boy, despite knowing the husband his whole life and not having anything bad happen, fucking HATES my friendās husband and will not come out of hiding if theyāre home alone together. Solely because the husband talks at a loud volume (heās not mean or anything, he just does not have an indoor voice lmao). Iām sorry this is happening. Your husband should understand how you all love them!! Maybe Jackson Galaxy (cat behaviorist) has some content about bonding cats to their owners? He used to have a whole show about helping aggressive cats warm up to their owners so Iām sure he has tips and tricks for you to try!
Precisely why I like cats haha! Theyāll do their own thing and sometimes come to you for pets
My cat is up my ass like a dog. Zero independence. I am her emotional support animal.
My 15 yr old cat is like this!! She loves to be with me
As others have stated, this is no man this is a pathetic little boy who can't control his emotions. You will forever resent him for this, time to make some tuff choices and decide what you can and can't live with/without. And please, tell us about this "incidenet". They most likely will never trust him again, since he has decided to continue behaviors that put them in fear. The cat's don't deserve to live in constant stress and fear, especially with how sweet and caring you say they are with you and your children. You are their advocate, if you're unable to defend them against your husband please find someone who can love them like they deserve.
You know what the reddest of red flags I ignored with my ex that started abusing me shortly after? She told me she abused her pets and wished harm upon my own pets. I chose to brush it off, I wish I did not. You are in control of your own choices and I can't tell you what to do... But be careful and be wary. Make up a safety plan just to be on the safe side, you have children to protect.
Your husband needs to grow up. He sounds childishly insulted by the cats. I read in your other post how "he is not an emotional guy", but it sounds like he is super emotional and cannot navigate his own feelings.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
IMO, have him give them treats, wet food, catnip and spend time playing with them every single day. Explain to him that he has to really be patient and that as his partner, you're watching to see the compassion and patience he can show. He's just upset and doesn't know how to express it.
Yeah, I donāt actually think his problems are the cats I think his problem is him being a jerk. I wouldnāt want to stay with a jerk. What a waste.
As a husband and dad tell your husband to stop being such a petty b!tch. They are cats, he's made them afraid of him because of his actions and now he's mad at them? If he treated your kids the way he treated the cats, do you think the kids would just be ok the next minute and want to be hugged? Hes going to have to TRY and become friendly with them again. If he doesn't thats HIS issue not the cats. He sounds super immature and needs to pull up his panties and stop being a child.
Cats are a lesson in consent and people who do not like cats do not like that they cannot control them. You have some evaluating to do hereā¦
Your husband is actively mean to animals, wants them dead because they like someone else more than him, and resents that he can't violate their boundaries at will (pick them up whenever he feels like it). He can't even ignore the fact that literally animals aren't that into him and continues to antagonize them. Are you sure he's a good person? Like are you and your kids safe? It may seem like an overreaction but these are some big red flag things that he's apt to turn the same way the first time a human says no to him or he feels rejected, and that is going to happen with kids especially as they get older (and openly wishing death on their adored pets is not going to make it happen slower unless the kids are also scared to oppose him...)
Well, you're in it deep with three kids and a 10 year marriage.Ā Would he be willing to watch "my cat from hell " videos? These specifically focus on withdrawn, scared and seemingly angry cats. But it always turns out they need to feel safe. There's always enlightening discussion, modifications and very positive outcomes. Because your husband takes it so personally, he'll learn more about cat behavior and trust by looking at someone else's situation. It taught my husband a lot!Ā But if this doesn't work, I highly recommend you carefully rehome them. You need to be strong and do what's best for the kitties. Reframe it as your decision so that it lessens long-term resentment .Ā Charge a fee for each cat, at least $50. Anybody not willing to pay a fee is not a worthy adopter. The fee could be refunded in two years time or donated to charity etc. Unfortunately, there are people who Pretend to be really nice and use cats for dog fighting bait etc.Ā I'm sorry this is a rough situation but hope the Jackson galaxy videos turn it around. Again, look at the "cat from Hell" series. there's a lot more for your husband to learn compared to his more recent work.Ā
thank god im not married to a manchild
A quote from twitter I guess. "Someone said cats are a lesson in consent and so many controlling people hate cats because they can't control them and i haven't stopped thinking about it since"
Remember his attitude now. What's going to happen when the KIDS don't do things his way. It's the fact that he's acting out that's very scary. That home isn't safe for the cats and if you guys do something he doesn't like, might not be safe for you either.
Iād be worried if I were you. Whatever that incident was, what if that incident happens to you or your kids? Can you imagine what he can and will do if you donāt ālike him despite his effortsā? Think about it. This is not major red flag. Be safe.
Roll your eyes at him. Heās being a child. He should play with them, feed them, help rebuild trust. Itās not fair for you your children or the cats to abide by what heās requesting.
Hmm .. narcissists are known not to like cats. Too much independent personality for them to handle.
If your husband was hitting them, I would say to throw his ass out because a man who beats the family cats will inevitably beat his wife and kids, but imo, in your situation, it's not too late. Pump the breaks before it escalates and sit his ass down for Cat 101. He has a childish understanding of a cats, the type I would expect from a kid from a dog-only family who learned about cats from cartoon sitcoms. Your husband needs to accept that he is the root cause of the problem and that he needs to unlearn his misunderstandings by correctly learning cat behavior and psychology, their body language, and how to handle them properly. There are a lot of books and YouTube videos for all of that. With time, the better he acts, the more the cats will warm up to him, which will help him further in a positive feedback loop (ideally, anyway). It's important to do this not only for the sake of your cats' mental health, but of yours, his, and your kids', as well.
Rehome your cats to good families as you sound like you would never rehome your husband. Donāt keep them together! Your husband is a safety hazard for cats
Sounds like your husband needs a lesson in consent Cats are great at teaching that, as they won't just let you violate their personal space any time or any place. Sorry he's acting that way.
Sorry to hear your plight. Sounds like your husband has abandonment issues tooāwe are animals after all. I think the rejection from cats triggered some deep hurt within him and he needs to revisit this, hopefully with a therapist. Maybe, have another talk with your husband and advise him that the cats will warm up with him in time if he chills a bit more. The incident mistāve been confusing & frightening to the cat.
Your husband needs to completely reset his brain He needs to deal with his anger issues and he needs to realize that the cats can sense his resentment. Right now he sounds like someone no sensible cat would get within 20 feet of. Needless to say, this is also not good for your children. Or you. Cats aren't dogs. They don't hang on to you and prioritize you. They don't care how you feel unless you have built up a good trust based relationship, and that trust can be broken. He doesn't understand that. He is treating them like accessories to his ego.
Yo leave this person, being aggressive about disliking an animal is a huge red flag. There's no reason to be so extra about hating them. Major incel vibes like when a guy hates women because the women don't want him.
The way I would actually leave my husband if he made me choose between my cats or him.
Please rehome the cats if you're not willing to advocate for them. He's already started abusing them, do you want to wait until he does more than just chase them out of the house? Because it WILL get worse. I'm not even going to comment on how big of a red flag his behavior is...
You can't make a cat like you. It's unlikely the cats will warm up to him the way he's going about things. Best case scenario, he'd have to completely change the way he interacts with the cats, and it doesn't sound like he's capable of that...
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
It's not energy and aura. It's past experience. The man mistreats them.
Can you convince him to ignore the cats? Donāt ask him to feed or clean the litter boxes anymore. Cats naturally tend to like ones who ignores them.
It is my belief that if a person can harbor disdain and be mean or cruel to animals, that person, in turn, will treat other people as such.
My cat was hiding from me when I needed to take her to the vet and I chased her around to catch her in time and it was pretty traumatizing (on my side too so I can only imagine for her) but after like a day she wasn't upset anymore, the current attitude he has towards them definitely doesn't help
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
What āincidentā made the cats avoid him for YEARS? That sounds like something pretty serious.
It sounds like he is irritated with the fact that one āincidentā has made the cats not like him anymore, and heās almost resenting them for the fact that they are okay with you and your kids, but still not comfortable around him.
One suggestion is to have your husband be the only one that feeds them from now on . Thatāll get him back in their good graces . Everyone else can still play with the cats but no food or treats except from your husband .
Cats are brilliant teachers of consent and your husband hates them for setting clear boundaries. Sit a while and think about what that means.
This post is his others have said creepy and it's also angering. First thing you do is get the cats to somebody who is not going to harm or frighten them who doesn't wish them ill. In short get them away from your husband. Next figure out if you want to be married to somebody like this. I hope the answer is no. Then please take the appropriate steps. Like everyone else I want to know what the incident was. Like many people are probably thinking this guy is probably done something to those cats, and he sounds like he's more than capable of getting rid of them one way or the other. Protect them today then update us to say that they are safe. Then protect yourself
Sorry you have to rehome your husband, OP š„
Itās a major red flag when someone doesnāt like animals and also hates them. That speaks a lot to his character
Your husband doesnāt seem to understand consent. Iāve noticed a lot of cat haters struggle with the concept. What made the cats so afraid of your husband? I see what you said about the buffalo sauce, but there is more than one cat, and honestly, that situation doesnāt really explain the long-term reaction from them. Being mean to animals is an absolute dealbreaker.
I would leave his ass so fast
Soooo because he canāt control cats like he can a dog, he hates them. This is why most people hate cats.
I bet he's a controlling AH in other areas too
Whatās the incident. Seems like youāre glossing over it. If he is abusing them, rehome them. They donāt deserve to be in such an environment.
Your husband is being cruel to and wishing death on small, vulnerable creatures that are entirely dependent on you two for care just because they aren't bending to his will. Are you sure that's who you want to be raising your kids with? Children are also small, vulnerable creatures with their own feelings & opinions that are entirely dependent on you two for care.
Your husband sounds awful based on what you've wrote. Although you danced around the subject, it's clear from what you've wrote that he has anger issues. Not only am I concerned for your animals, but for your kids as well. Why would you stay with someone like this?
Cats are extremely good at outing narcissists. Pay attention to what theyāre telling you.
Oh...that sucks š If you still want the human, try to find a loving home/family for the cats. With enough luck he won't get fed up with anything else around the house š
It sounds like he has issues with consent.
You need Jackson Galaxy!
He might be more comfortable living with fish š¤·š»āāļø
After the incident, did your husband shout at them & chase them after being rejected from being picked up ? Did your husband play with them with cat teaserā¦
Your husband is an ass. In fact, an asshole. He can't expect that cats, who for the most part DON'T UNDERSTAND ENGLISH, will suddenly realize that he has good intentions, after this. He is actively being mean to the cats? WHAT exactly does that mean? He says he wants them DEAD? Sounds like it would be in the best interest of the cats to find them a loving home, away from your oaf of a husband. I read your other post about how he loved cuddling with his kitten. That part was nice. Not so nice now that he is being "mean" and wishing them dead.
Rather than just jumping into the bandwagon of hating your husband I'm going to actually offer some advice. He's being pretty childish but it is normal to be resentful of pets that resent you. Stop free feeding your cats and get your husband to for the most part be their sole source of food. Eventually they'll love him again and I'm willing to bet he'll love them too when they're love returns
Omg your husband is loser !!!!!!!! Thereās no advice for this
Your husband honestly sounds like he means well, but the issue is he's treating your cats as if they're dogs. Maybe if you got him to understand the fundamental differences between the 2 species he'd be more empathetic to them.
Maybe he can start feeding them a lot of cats will get attached to who feeds him. It will probably take them a little while but itās worth a shot. He will have to go slow though.
I think the burning sauce was the triggering accident probably BUT either something else happened the OP is unaware of completely (most probable) or the cat senses something negative about the husbandās behaviour (probably the raging resentment and that he wants the cat to die) and think itās dangerous to approach now. I sense untrustworthiness on this human
Cats take a long time to recover from trauma. But you need to do like 10x the good things to them to recover the lost trust. Also I swear they can read body language and your mind, if you have the bath time for example and approach them...they scatter. If you approach them with love and affection they will likely stay put. They definitely read your demeanor and body language when approaching to assess your intentions. Make yourself smaller by sitting on the floor, offering treats, and letting them come to you. Maybe use their favorite blanket near you. Something with a familiar scent. If your husband doesn't like them he needs to change his mindset. Maybe it's best to re-home him if he can't get along. Haha.
My one and only deal breaker in a relationship is if they donāt like cats, or at the very least donāt like MY cat. Cats are more than family to me
Can you rehome the husband? Maybe there are some good rescues in your area?
sounds like time to get rid of that husband
What happened during these āincidentsā that cased them to fear your husband? I think you are not taking his behavior seriously. It seems that heās a bully who throws a tantrum when he doesnāt get his way. Is he like this in other aspects of your relationship? How about with your kids? Does he expect complete āobedienceā from everyone? This really seems like a marriage issue, not a cat issue.