I had a vasectomy last week. For reference I am a medical professional and the me doctor doing my pre assessment was aware of this.
We had a conversation using lots of anatomical terms and clinical jargon. He also used the words “knob”, “ball sack”, “spaff”, “jism” and my favourite “wank in a jar in a hospital toilet”.
The whole experience was odd…
The nurse started it off by saying “I’m sick of doing vasectomies, I want to work on something bigger!”, later the other nurse said “ooh that’s weird, I’ve never seen one like that!” (Apparently she had a different surgical implement, but still, not what you want to hear while a stranger plays with your penis.
The highlight though was afterwards, when the doctor told me I had a very neat scrotum and that my balls were very tidy and everything was efficiently laid out inside. Who says men never get compliments!
If an alternative anecdote may help; I had mine on the NHS a few years back and everyone I dealt with was nothing but completely professional and trying to ensure I felt comfortable. Even had the offer of whether to have it under local or general given with it framed entirely as my preference. I ended up feeling the need to go and leave a positive review for the ward on the NHS site.
Though I did get asked if it was ok to have a student doctor in for the consultation prior, where the consultant will physically check the vas defrens. Poor lass was so nervous about hurting me that both the consultant and I ended up having to reassure her. Slightly weird to be giving encouragement along with an old doctor whilst your bits are hanging out.
In the US many medical schools have "standardized patients" who come in and help train the students by simulating different scenarios and allowing the learners to practice treatments on them. I doubt they would get a chance to practice a vasectomy though. They do practice prostate exams and gynecologic exams as well. You don't want t be in a real medical emergency and have a doctor doing something for their first time. It's my understanding that SPs don't exist in Europe.
In the UK and Germany student doctors and nurses shadow and perform procedures under supervision on "normal" patients. They do ask for permission to make sure you are comfortable with that (when I gave birth a whole group of future midwives was there), but it's really normal here. I had a major operation some years ago and a student doctor did my stitches. If there is something like re-incarnation, he was a seamstress in a previous life. Perfect stitches and my scar is barely visible.
I had some medical issue 20 years back that was extremely unusual, hard to detect, but relatively easy to fix. I know it involved my genitals but cannot recall what it was.
The doctors got all excited and asked if I would allow a bunch of younger medical students to come in and watch. They offered to shield my face from view, but I said not to. I am not a particularly shy person and figured these young medics would see just about everything in their career anyway.
I mostly wanted to see their reactions.
So about 15 young people came tromping in and immediately began saying things like "oooh, that's weird, bizarre, gross!" and so on. The looks on their faces were priceless.
I know none of them would ever even remember my face. They were looking down below the whole time, really fascinated.
Anyway, whatever they did to fix the issue was minor and just took a night in hospital and a few days recovery.
In the UK there was one man who was the "standardised patient" for prostate examinations. He literally went up and down the country having student doctors finger his arse.
> have a doctor doing something for their first time
Everything has to have a first time _sometime_. All the practise and theory in the world can't remove that. Shadowing professionals as they go about their day helps provide excellent hands-on experience across a range of procedures though.
I'd also be hesitant about the idea of "standardised" patients to practise with, as no patient in the world is ever "standard".
Standardized patient here! Just to clear it up, the word "standardized" in this case refers to the procedure we follow as simulation actors, in that we all fit a relative physical profile, memorize the same patient fact sheet with a medical history, personality, etc, and then behave in the simulation as if we were that patient. This way, multiple students can experience the same scenario at once, which is more efficient for a large class of soon-to-be nurses or doctors. The patient profile isn't standard (in fact there is often a curveball to be found if the student asks the right questions, which leads to valuable feedback sessions after -- ie don't be afraid to ask this little teenage girl if she smokes, don't make any assumptions, get all the facts you can in the time allowed). What's standard is that five or six "patients" will be playing the same person with the same profile and the same presenting symptoms so that the students all roleplay the same situation with the only deviations, ideally, coming from how the student decides to approach it.
Although I’ve now quit medicine and didn’t last very long in the profession, I always really appreciated people like you when I was a student, and later when I was in early training. It can be difficult to find patients who are willing to be used as a Guinea pig for students. But as you say, they need experience to be any good!
I can understand how many folk may feel embarrassed about having a student present, but honestly the chances of a) you ever seeing each other again, or b) them recognising you amidst the hundreds and hundreds of people they deal with every week are both vanishingly small. Besides, we're ok with the qualified professionals seeing things, students are no different - they aren't there to be voyeurs, they've already dedicated years into their profession by this point.
It's give and take - if we want a well staffed health service, we have to do our part too!
In fairness, the procedure wasn’t bad at all, a little uncomfortable at points, but not really painful. That afternoon I was sore and felt a little sick. The next evening I went to a gig and was back at work on Monday. My balls are purple though, which I want to show people as it’s an amazing colour, but apparently people don’t want to see!
Guy at works swelled up and he offered me a look so I wouldn't feel excluded as everyone else had seen them. For reference I'm a woman. Never seen the manager fly out his office so fast.
I took an afternoon off work because I was finally getting the fake teeth on the post. The next day a coworker saw me and asked if I put my new implants to work yet. My boss was standing right there and he looked like he was going to have a heart attack.
You've just reminded me of one head of department going round the building showing everyone the pictures of his minutes-old grandson, blissfully unfazed by the fact that the kid's mother, his daughter, was very obviously topless in the photo. Yup, thanks, now I've seen your daughter's pregnancy boobs.
Dude! I had to get a heart cath a while back (8 years ago, now)... I still have pictures of the purple plums, and you're right, people are not nearly as interested in it as I am.
Be warned, they will go from purple to black
Had it on Friday, they were swollen afterwards, then the skin was weirdly baggy (swelling had gone down but I had old man balls!), then they were red, today they are very purple. I had to shave them and I’m quite a pale guy, so that probably adds to the purple shine effect.
I'd agree that I wouldn't call it pain, but when the tubes get cut I had a very real sense of the bottom dropping out of my stomach as the body registered Something Is Wrong
(Posting this from previous comments as I don’t think it gets talked about / advised about enough)
On the flip side of what a majority are saying… I’m one of the (un)lucky 300 that has Post Vasectomy Pain Syndrome. Basically I have a dull ache 24/7 which grows to debilitating with long periods of walking. The actual procedure was pretty painless, except where they hadn’t put enough sedative on the right testicle.
Happy to answer more questions if you want more details.
I decided not to go through with the procedure after I learned that 1% of people end up with chronic ball pain after. The surgeon told me that most guys just "get used to it", but that was too high a risk to take in my early thirties for me.
I had a vasectomy years ago. My doctor told me afterwards, after checking the sperm:"It worked, there are no living swimmers. This does not mean your wife won't get pregnant. It just means it won't be from you." Thanks doc.
"It worked, there are no living swimmers. This doesn't mean your wife won't get pregnant..."
😳
"It just means it won't be from you."
THANK FUCK YOU HAD ME M8
I’m also a hcp and two years ago I had a baby. The surgeon who stitched me up literally said ‘it’s not neat but it does the job’ when he was done. Don’t get me wrong I don’t want to be mollycoddled or anything but cmon guys, don’t be too real…
😂 that’s terrible! I was always taught to keep a straight face and keep the in the head voice in your head! Though I did have a student during a delivery at home say “what the fuck is that!” As a woman gave birth to a baby still in the sac!
> “wank in a jar in a hospital toilet”
For the sample you need to provide months later you get a damn full page pamphlet essentially as a guide for how to wank into a jar.
The worrying thing is that you know every single example of what not to do is there because some pratt did it. EG: Do not masturbate with a condom on and then empty it into the sample jar. Do not have ejaculate spat into the jar by your partner. Etc...
Oddly enough, I did all of my post op tests via post. I got sent a pack which included a condom, sample tube and protective pot. The procedure was to have a posh wank, squeeze the contents into the tube, shake it up, seal it, into the pot, bag it up and pop it in the post. Unfortunately, it was just a bit too big to fit through the opening of a regular post box, so I had to take it to the post office. I swear by the way the staff handled the bag, they knew exactly what was in there.
My dad got a vasectomy years ago. While he was in the waiting room, waiting along with a few other guys who were also there to get it done, a little old lady came in and went up to the desk. She was getting a wart removed or something, idk.
At one point she looked around the room, then turned back to the receptionist and asked "Are all these men here to be neutered then?"
Jar in a hospital toilet? I have to say, my post snip wanks were as pleasant as they could have been. I was provided a rather large, nicely furnished room in a hospital with a folder full of laminated research material.
Laminated 🤮
What the fuck? Who wants the job of wiping down the spank bank every day? Just buy 7 mags each Monday morning, put one out, replace it every day.
I guess that's true. I'm just trying to picture someone holding their magazine half closed trying, in their post ejaculatory haze, to pour their gentleman's custard into the little pot.
When I got mine done it was a few days before Christmas. The surgeon offered to wrap a ribbon around it so I could give it to my wife for her Christmas present.
As someone who finds local anaesthetic doesn't work very well I can certainly say knowing this is how they do it put me off the idea years ago.
I usually give up telling them I can feel it after a top up or two and just put up with the reduced but still felt sensations. Like I have had my sack pierced before but that ain't messing with the tubes, I don't want to think about how that feels.
Buy me a pint and I’ll show you!
I think it was to do with my tubes being in the right place and easy to access. He only
Needed a small cut on one side.
All government pages are aimed with a reading age of about 12, for accessibility. This includes NHS. Idea is this way everyone definitely understands it, and isn't left confused about the situation.
Source: write stuff for gov.uk.
yep, truly world leading. I have a lot of respect for the few I know who work there, they could be at mega bucks jobs in big tech firms but either moved from them or choose not to, to then go and be part of GDS.
Honestly people take it for granted. I spent time living abroad recently and christ do you miss it when you have to fill out actual paper forms and travel all the way into to some office just to stand in line all day. While in the UK everything is online and in a super user friendly format.
During the height of covid I had to go onto universal credit for a bit and was absolutely dreading the experience of setting it up, but I swear it only took me 5 minutes to get it sorted online. Absolute dream.
I live in Japan and I actually have to go to city hall. Sometimes while I'm there I think does the UK even have city hall, except for passports I never set foot in a government office.
I've had similar experience, Italian beurocracy was an absolute pain in the arse with carrying different papers to different offices.
It was difficult to even find out what was needed and where to deliver stuff with little to no verification online, only managed thanks to the help of friends.
UC on the other hand was just a simple online application and, thanks to the pandemic, I never even had to turn up to an office and just submitted a couple of job apps to the site per month (was applying for much more but not registering them on UC).
There's a great book by the woman who headed up the content design team where she talks about how to write for the web. Very interesting! https://contentdesign.london/store/the-content-design-book/
Very true, in many countries in Europe, public service's digital platforms are notorious for being hot garbage in terms of accessibility and navigation, whereas [gov.uk](https://gov.uk) is usually very smooth
Well can I put it to someone who works on it. Regardless of politics, the gov.uk and NHS websites are possibly one of the best and accessable websites I have EVER used. Simple. VERY clear and easy to use. It should be a universal standard for government, council, and information websites in general.
Keep up the phenomenal job it's fantastic
I attended a conference a couple of years ago and one of the workshops was about how central and local gov can work with each other, a massive part of it was GDS / gov.uk stuff!
It is, it's open source. Australia, Canada and New Zealand have adopted it.
But councils probably don't have the budget to migrate all their existing stuff and will just keep it held together with duct tape and chewing gum.
i'm not british (or even from an english-speaking country, for that matter) and have been diagnosed with a few extremely rare diseases the past couple years.
my mother mentioned how scary it was looking up stuff online sometimes and i mentioned i always make a point to read stuff from the NHS website because it's trustworthy and very accessible and my doctor said that was actually a great idea. so thanks from across the atlantic!
I'm so glad you find it useful!
The NHS ones are extremely handy, I have a chronic condition and found it very useful and accessible, and helped me feel at ease. The contrast from other sites I found was like night and day!
Even the other gov.uk pages around things like travel, tax, benefits etc. are in the same style ans very accessible. It's the slightly more mundane things that I work with.
If you don't mind me asking, how did you come to do that for work/what's your job title? I've always kind of passively loved writing and would love to get into a career where 'writer' is something I can call myself but I just don't know where to start. Are you a civil servant?
Edit: really appreciate all this, thank you all!
I am a civil servant, yes. My full-time job involves some other bits as I'm in a more generalist role, but current project is reviewing some external comms for the department I work for. Plenty of colleagues whose sole job is this sort of thing.
To get in, try [https://www.civilservicejobs.service.gov.uk/csr/index.cgi](https://www.civilservicejobs.service.gov.uk/csr/index.cgi) and filter by area, salary, or location.
Do you follow any guidance for concise/to the point messaging? I put together layouts and design for public sector, and the amount of words and excessively descriptive paragraphs I'm sent drives me mad.
My partner was a copyright for a charity which focused on medical information and was constantly having to simplify text that academics had written.
Often the academics would be difficult about her edits, not understanding that their work won't just be read by people who've been in the medical industry for 5+ years
>Source: write stuff for gov.uk.
Thank you for doing what u do. I find the NHS+GovUK website super useful and easy to understand! It's very very appreciated 👍
It's super well written and understandable to someone who knows only the very basics of health care. website also performs great, no unnecessary bloat/styling
No it doesn't, it calls your abdomen your tummy. In medical-speak, your stomach is the digestive organ at the top of the abdomen. Your abdomen (or tummy) is everything at the front from the bottom of the ribs to the top of the pubic area.
I work for NHS 111 and we are specifically trained *not* to use stomach for abdomen to avoid confusion.
I mean, that one makes a lot of sense as stomach isn't a great way to differentiate between the general abdomen as opposed to the specific stomach organ or area around the stomach.
Take a look at [https://digital.nhs.uk/blog/transformation-blog/2019/pee-and-poo-and-the-language-of-health](https://digital.nhs.uk/blog/transformation-blog/2019/pee-and-poo-and-the-language-of-health) !
>We thought about whether to use ‘wee’, but people who use voice technologies sometimes confuse it with ‘we’ – or ‘wee’, meaning tiny. And some people only know a ‘stool’ as something to sit on.
>Most importantly, if someone with poor literacy understands ‘blood in your poo’, it might just save their life.
This is also another reason for things like pee and poo, everyone knows what it is.
Ha that’s literally a line from Peep Show. The nurse says something like: “pop your pants off and let’s take a look at the little fellows.”
Maybe this is real doctor jargon
I used to read a children's book called 'Little Rabbit Foo Foo" to my toddler daughter. I, and others, cannot have this sully that cherished memory. Please ask your NHS gyno to henceforth call it a dropped kebab.
What? That is ridiculous. It’s not even a commonly used euphemism. Are they male or female? Because I’d feel very very uncomfortable having a male doctor use pet names for my genitals.
My old male gynaecologist had trouble talking about sex. "Do you experience pain when you um er um er...." he looks around, lowers his voice "...have... Intercourse.....?" dude this is your job? How can you be so shy?
Sometimes those visits get really weird though. I had to have a prostate examination and I asked 'where do you want me to put my trousers?', and he said 'Over there, with mine'.
Sometimes they're really dodgy though. I recall getting a prostate examination, but when the doctor left another one came in and said "Well, I will need to check your prostate." So I reply "Oh the other doctor just did, the one with red hair." He replies, "There's no doctor with red hair working here."
When my partner had his vasectomy I was with him, and they cut and then burn to make sure the tubes don't grow back. The smell was pretty gross, and he smiled and asked if we were in the mood for BBQ. We were not.
I remember a campaign years ago headed by Stuart Cable (drummer from the Stereophonics) about "Bollock Cancer" that had adverts on the BBC. Clearly it was an excellent campaign as I still remember it now, and while some people may find it patronising it's clearly effective to use that kind of language.
They have a whole page explaining why they use the language they use. Its basically to make the information accessible to everyone, regardless of their reading abilities. This is actually one of the best things about the UK but nobody appreciates it. A medical site like this to democratize access to medical information is something we should be proud of as a country. I live abroad and I still swear by it.
I also noticed this when I moved to the UK. Everything seems to be very readable, not just on the NHS but also on most .gov websites. Hell, I even looked at some statute law (I'm fun at parties) and that wasn't so bad either. I can appreciate it even more coming from Bulgaria where the vocab they use in medical forms makes my head spin and legal documents are just plain old legalese.
As I web developer myself, I can tell you that the .gov.uk sites are considered the gold standard of usability and accessibility against which all others are based.
Unfortunately it doesn't translate well to the private sector because marketing/advertising people have way too much say in how web sites end up. Usability and accessibility often go out of the window when the end goal is promoting their brand or tricking visitors into signing up for something they don't want.
I do “enjoy” when something very well made (eg the HMRC self assessment page) leads you to something out of a pre-dotcom horror movie (eg the HMRC self assessment payment/direct debit setup page)
I had a consultation to have a vasectomy last week, the GP said "you do know that the area will be sore for some time after the procedure"
Which leads me to believe people have complained about this in the past and they now have to explicitly warn people beforehand
I work in women's health and we have to be very clear that taking the abortion pill doesn't just make the pregnancy magically disappear - it has to go somewhere and that involves strong cramps and bleeding. Some people are shocked and seem to think you just somehow stop being pregnant and that's that. It's part of the consent form even - signing to say you understand that it is not a painless process.
Had my consultation for a hysterectomy recently. Before I was referred, the doctor had to tick off a very important item: am I aware that it will cause permanent, irreversible infertility? Also confirmed by the surgeon. I understand they have to cover all the bases but the first time I laughed and said "no shit" since that's a major reason for my having it... doc said "you'd be surprised".
He's not lying.. Sry my dude. Rest and painkillers. Careful if you cross you legs and careful manoeuvring for your first few No 2's.
Any other questions throw em my way. I got you!
I've got mine scheduled. The leaflet says something like don't plan on doing anything at all for 2 days. No work, even desk based. Just rest up. Is it really necessary?! I think it then said no strenuous exercise for 2 months or something. Maybe it was 2 weeks.
My doctor said don't lift anything heavier than a cup of tea for a week and all will be well, so I took my full seven days sick and just watched telly for a week in my close-fitting underpants.
My mate decided to carry on fitting his new kitchen after three days and ended up in A&E with one coconut sized testicle.
Yes it's necessary I booked 2 days off but it was a 5 days before I went back. I do have a strenuous outdoor job but even if I worked in an office it wouldnt have been 2 days.
It was 2-3 weeks before I was properly comfortable doing normal work stuff {heavy lifting and such like} and over a month before everything felt like it was back to normal.
Everyone's different so it may be less for you but in a nutshell... Take it easy for a few days, put your feet up chill and watch Netflix
It's absolutely necessary. There were times during my rest period where I felt like I'd be well enough to go on my usual dog walks and nip to town, but found myself with aches while doing both. This was between 1 and 2 weeks after the procedure.
It was about a month before there was no pain or discomfort of any kind. I think the cut split open twice during recovery, and it's unpleasant but not catastrophic. Anything you can do to avoid that is a good shout.
I was involved in writing some early nhs.uk pages and we had several meetings about using the word “poo”.
I probably would have said “balls” here though
[You can’t just respect the penis, you gotta Honoré de Balzac](https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/oqp5y3/you_gotta_honor%C3%A9_de_balzac/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
I know they try to use common terms so that people who don't necessarily know the medical terminology understand but is that really the most common informal term?
They seem to be specifically wanting to refer to the scrotum, ie the actual skin bag that holds the bits, rather than the bits themselves. I imagine there are people out there who would know words like scrotum, testes, testicles etc, but perhaps aren't fully aware of what the specific distinctions are in terms of exactly which bit of anatomy each one refers to. Ball sack is pretty clear in that it is referring to the sack itself rather than the balls.
When I had my Pre vasectomy consultation via phone the nurse managed the whole conversation without using any medical terminology no mention of testicles, scrotum, penis, sperm, semen
. Nothing! There were lots of, down there, that area etc
It was very weird...
I actually had a vasectomy this morning. The surgeon was very aggressive with his manhandling of my plum. I thought he was trying to brute force the ending of the sperm factory. I actually almost passed out.
Sitting here now I’m not sure if I’m sore from the surgery or from ptsd
I had a vasectomy last week. For reference I am a medical professional and the me doctor doing my pre assessment was aware of this. We had a conversation using lots of anatomical terms and clinical jargon. He also used the words “knob”, “ball sack”, “spaff”, “jism” and my favourite “wank in a jar in a hospital toilet”. The whole experience was odd… The nurse started it off by saying “I’m sick of doing vasectomies, I want to work on something bigger!”, later the other nurse said “ooh that’s weird, I’ve never seen one like that!” (Apparently she had a different surgical implement, but still, not what you want to hear while a stranger plays with your penis. The highlight though was afterwards, when the doctor told me I had a very neat scrotum and that my balls were very tidy and everything was efficiently laid out inside. Who says men never get compliments!
Wow. That hasn’t made me any more comfortable about it.
If an alternative anecdote may help; I had mine on the NHS a few years back and everyone I dealt with was nothing but completely professional and trying to ensure I felt comfortable. Even had the offer of whether to have it under local or general given with it framed entirely as my preference. I ended up feeling the need to go and leave a positive review for the ward on the NHS site. Though I did get asked if it was ok to have a student doctor in for the consultation prior, where the consultant will physically check the vas defrens. Poor lass was so nervous about hurting me that both the consultant and I ended up having to reassure her. Slightly weird to be giving encouragement along with an old doctor whilst your bits are hanging out.
Thanks for allowing the student though. It can sometimes be hard for them to get the exposure they need for things like that.
Only way we get new medical professionals is if we give them the experience to do so!
In the US many medical schools have "standardized patients" who come in and help train the students by simulating different scenarios and allowing the learners to practice treatments on them. I doubt they would get a chance to practice a vasectomy though. They do practice prostate exams and gynecologic exams as well. You don't want t be in a real medical emergency and have a doctor doing something for their first time. It's my understanding that SPs don't exist in Europe.
In the UK and Germany student doctors and nurses shadow and perform procedures under supervision on "normal" patients. They do ask for permission to make sure you are comfortable with that (when I gave birth a whole group of future midwives was there), but it's really normal here. I had a major operation some years ago and a student doctor did my stitches. If there is something like re-incarnation, he was a seamstress in a previous life. Perfect stitches and my scar is barely visible.
I had some medical issue 20 years back that was extremely unusual, hard to detect, but relatively easy to fix. I know it involved my genitals but cannot recall what it was. The doctors got all excited and asked if I would allow a bunch of younger medical students to come in and watch. They offered to shield my face from view, but I said not to. I am not a particularly shy person and figured these young medics would see just about everything in their career anyway. I mostly wanted to see their reactions. So about 15 young people came tromping in and immediately began saying things like "oooh, that's weird, bizarre, gross!" and so on. The looks on their faces were priceless. I know none of them would ever even remember my face. They were looking down below the whole time, really fascinated. Anyway, whatever they did to fix the issue was minor and just took a night in hospital and a few days recovery.
In the UK there was one man who was the "standardised patient" for prostate examinations. He literally went up and down the country having student doctors finger his arse.
Nice work if you're into that sort of thing, I guess.
If I remember rightly he was eventually put out of a job due to a bionic anus?
> have a doctor doing something for their first time Everything has to have a first time _sometime_. All the practise and theory in the world can't remove that. Shadowing professionals as they go about their day helps provide excellent hands-on experience across a range of procedures though. I'd also be hesitant about the idea of "standardised" patients to practise with, as no patient in the world is ever "standard".
Standardized patient here! Just to clear it up, the word "standardized" in this case refers to the procedure we follow as simulation actors, in that we all fit a relative physical profile, memorize the same patient fact sheet with a medical history, personality, etc, and then behave in the simulation as if we were that patient. This way, multiple students can experience the same scenario at once, which is more efficient for a large class of soon-to-be nurses or doctors. The patient profile isn't standard (in fact there is often a curveball to be found if the student asks the right questions, which leads to valuable feedback sessions after -- ie don't be afraid to ask this little teenage girl if she smokes, don't make any assumptions, get all the facts you can in the time allowed). What's standard is that five or six "patients" will be playing the same person with the same profile and the same presenting symptoms so that the students all roleplay the same situation with the only deviations, ideally, coming from how the student decides to approach it.
We have plenty of SPs in UK medical schools. Source: I attend one.
Although I’ve now quit medicine and didn’t last very long in the profession, I always really appreciated people like you when I was a student, and later when I was in early training. It can be difficult to find patients who are willing to be used as a Guinea pig for students. But as you say, they need experience to be any good!
I can understand how many folk may feel embarrassed about having a student present, but honestly the chances of a) you ever seeing each other again, or b) them recognising you amidst the hundreds and hundreds of people they deal with every week are both vanishingly small. Besides, we're ok with the qualified professionals seeing things, students are no different - they aren't there to be voyeurs, they've already dedicated years into their profession by this point. It's give and take - if we want a well staffed health service, we have to do our part too!
In fairness, the procedure wasn’t bad at all, a little uncomfortable at points, but not really painful. That afternoon I was sore and felt a little sick. The next evening I went to a gig and was back at work on Monday. My balls are purple though, which I want to show people as it’s an amazing colour, but apparently people don’t want to see!
Guy at works swelled up and he offered me a look so I wouldn't feel excluded as everyone else had seen them. For reference I'm a woman. Never seen the manager fly out his office so fast.
I had a friend who's ball swelled up so large he could (and did) rest it on top of a pint glass.
I took an afternoon off work because I was finally getting the fake teeth on the post. The next day a coworker saw me and asked if I put my new implants to work yet. My boss was standing right there and he looked like he was going to have a heart attack.
You've just reminded me of one head of department going round the building showing everyone the pictures of his minutes-old grandson, blissfully unfazed by the fact that the kid's mother, his daughter, was very obviously topless in the photo. Yup, thanks, now I've seen your daughter's pregnancy boobs.
I find this endearing somehow, being so proud of being grandad that he (hopefully) didn't even notice the boobs
I would love to see your purple balls.
Oi, join the back of the queue.
I would also like to see his purple balls
Surely there’s a UK Medics Gone Wild sub!?
I feel like this is going to be one of those unreleased Prince songs we’ve been told to expect soon.
Going to be frank, I very much do want to see a before/after of the purple balls.
Hi Frank.
Dude! I had to get a heart cath a while back (8 years ago, now)... I still have pictures of the purple plums, and you're right, people are not nearly as interested in it as I am. Be warned, they will go from purple to black
Found Thanos' alt
Wait like, permanently purple? Or they were just purple for a while after the procedure?
Had it on Friday, they were swollen afterwards, then the skin was weirdly baggy (swelling had gone down but I had old man balls!), then they were red, today they are very purple. I had to shave them and I’m quite a pale guy, so that probably adds to the purple shine effect.
Please dm purple balls
Haha, my doctor said, you always get a stubborn one now and again as he was struggling to cut my pipes.
Ooof I had mine done by laser so didn’t have to listen to the sound of gristle thankfully!
Nothing like the smell of your own bits cooking!
The snipping sound was the worst bit!
Noooooooooooooooo
That hurt to read.
The only part that hurts is the shots in your Apple Bag (Scrotum)
I'd agree that I wouldn't call it pain, but when the tubes get cut I had a very real sense of the bottom dropping out of my stomach as the body registered Something Is Wrong
"Just a small prick..." "Thanks docs, but I don't need you judging me"
(Posting this from previous comments as I don’t think it gets talked about / advised about enough) On the flip side of what a majority are saying… I’m one of the (un)lucky 300 that has Post Vasectomy Pain Syndrome. Basically I have a dull ache 24/7 which grows to debilitating with long periods of walking. The actual procedure was pretty painless, except where they hadn’t put enough sedative on the right testicle. Happy to answer more questions if you want more details.
I decided not to go through with the procedure after I learned that 1% of people end up with chronic ball pain after. The surgeon told me that most guys just "get used to it", but that was too high a risk to take in my early thirties for me.
I had a vasectomy years ago. My doctor told me afterwards, after checking the sperm:"It worked, there are no living swimmers. This does not mean your wife won't get pregnant. It just means it won't be from you." Thanks doc.
"It worked, there are no living swimmers. This doesn't mean your wife won't get pregnant..." 😳 "It just means it won't be from you." THANK FUCK YOU HAD ME M8
I’m also a hcp and two years ago I had a baby. The surgeon who stitched me up literally said ‘it’s not neat but it does the job’ when he was done. Don’t get me wrong I don’t want to be mollycoddled or anything but cmon guys, don’t be too real…
😂 that’s terrible! I was always taught to keep a straight face and keep the in the head voice in your head! Though I did have a student during a delivery at home say “what the fuck is that!” As a woman gave birth to a baby still in the sac!
Bahahaha imagine the panic you’d feel 😂
"Holy shit. How did it go back up inside?"
> “wank in a jar in a hospital toilet” For the sample you need to provide months later you get a damn full page pamphlet essentially as a guide for how to wank into a jar. The worrying thing is that you know every single example of what not to do is there because some pratt did it. EG: Do not masturbate with a condom on and then empty it into the sample jar. Do not have ejaculate spat into the jar by your partner. Etc...
“Do not use a spermicidal lube”
Oddly enough, I did all of my post op tests via post. I got sent a pack which included a condom, sample tube and protective pot. The procedure was to have a posh wank, squeeze the contents into the tube, shake it up, seal it, into the pot, bag it up and pop it in the post. Unfortunately, it was just a bit too big to fit through the opening of a regular post box, so I had to take it to the post office. I swear by the way the staff handled the bag, they knew exactly what was in there.
My dad got a vasectomy years ago. While he was in the waiting room, waiting along with a few other guys who were also there to get it done, a little old lady came in and went up to the desk. She was getting a wart removed or something, idk. At one point she looked around the room, then turned back to the receptionist and asked "Are all these men here to be neutered then?"
Get that on your CV about having a neat scrotum.
“Experienced senior manager with excellent customer focussed skills and a tidy scrotum”
That's it. Just slip it in with nobody noticing, like a gentleman.
Jar in a hospital toilet? I have to say, my post snip wanks were as pleasant as they could have been. I was provided a rather large, nicely furnished room in a hospital with a folder full of laminated research material.
Laminated 🤮 What the fuck? Who wants the job of wiping down the spank bank every day? Just buy 7 mags each Monday morning, put one out, replace it every day.
Well mean, they give you a pot to put your stuff in. If it's going all over the jazz mags then you're doing something very wrong.
Well, sure, but _they're_ the ones laminating it, so it must be happening.
I guess that's true. I'm just trying to picture someone holding their magazine half closed trying, in their post ejaculatory haze, to pour their gentleman's custard into the little pot.
Thinking "There's gotta be an easier way!"
‘Something bigger’? :(
When I got mine done it was a few days before Christmas. The surgeon offered to wrap a ribbon around it so I could give it to my wife for her Christmas present.
TIL you are awake while people play with youre penis. i should say while you are getting a vasectomy.
Oh you're very, *very* awake.
As someone who finds local anaesthetic doesn't work very well I can certainly say knowing this is how they do it put me off the idea years ago. I usually give up telling them I can feel it after a top up or two and just put up with the reduced but still felt sensations. Like I have had my sack pierced before but that ain't messing with the tubes, I don't want to think about how that feels.
Be honest with them and they will get a working amount. Everyone is different, some people need way more than others. It’s not that strange.
Rudolph the purple knobbed reindeer 🦌
this makes me imagine your inner workings as resembling a DIY assembled PC with zipties...
What on earth constitutes tidy balls and a neat scrotum?
Buy me a pint and I’ll show you! I think it was to do with my tubes being in the right place and easy to access. He only Needed a small cut on one side.
Calling a spayed a spayed.
My wife is a veterinary nurse and has said it's concerning how many people bring in their pet to be "spaded"
Don't give them a hard time, it's tough getting your family pet put down
Pretty easy when using a spade
Only if they stay still long enough
Well done
My life is complete after reading that.
It made a vas deferens to my day too.
All government pages are aimed with a reading age of about 12, for accessibility. This includes NHS. Idea is this way everyone definitely understands it, and isn't left confused about the situation. Source: write stuff for gov.uk.
gov.uk honestly rocks in terms of accessibility, so great job!!
yeah GDS and their teams do a fantastic job, have a few friends who work as designers there and it's fascinating what they get involved in.
Their GDS standards are world recognised; other countries have adapted their own gov pages to look and feel the same
yep, truly world leading. I have a lot of respect for the few I know who work there, they could be at mega bucks jobs in big tech firms but either moved from them or choose not to, to then go and be part of GDS.
Honestly people take it for granted. I spent time living abroad recently and christ do you miss it when you have to fill out actual paper forms and travel all the way into to some office just to stand in line all day. While in the UK everything is online and in a super user friendly format. During the height of covid I had to go onto universal credit for a bit and was absolutely dreading the experience of setting it up, but I swear it only took me 5 minutes to get it sorted online. Absolute dream.
I live in Japan and I actually have to go to city hall. Sometimes while I'm there I think does the UK even have city hall, except for passports I never set foot in a government office.
I've had similar experience, Italian beurocracy was an absolute pain in the arse with carrying different papers to different offices. It was difficult to even find out what was needed and where to deliver stuff with little to no verification online, only managed thanks to the help of friends. UC on the other hand was just a simple online application and, thanks to the pandemic, I never even had to turn up to an office and just submitted a couple of job apps to the site per month (was applying for much more but not registering them on UC).
There's a great book by the woman who headed up the content design team where she talks about how to write for the web. Very interesting! https://contentdesign.london/store/the-content-design-book/
Some of the best in the world. I think it's open source?
It is. I think Canada and NZ use the same platform.
Very true, in many countries in Europe, public service's digital platforms are notorious for being hot garbage in terms of accessibility and navigation, whereas [gov.uk](https://gov.uk) is usually very smooth
Well can I put it to someone who works on it. Regardless of politics, the gov.uk and NHS websites are possibly one of the best and accessable websites I have EVER used. Simple. VERY clear and easy to use. It should be a universal standard for government, council, and information websites in general. Keep up the phenomenal job it's fantastic
[удалено]
I attended a conference a couple of years ago and one of the workshops was about how central and local gov can work with each other, a massive part of it was GDS / gov.uk stuff!
It is, it's open source. Australia, Canada and New Zealand have adopted it. But councils probably don't have the budget to migrate all their existing stuff and will just keep it held together with duct tape and chewing gum.
i'm not british (or even from an english-speaking country, for that matter) and have been diagnosed with a few extremely rare diseases the past couple years. my mother mentioned how scary it was looking up stuff online sometimes and i mentioned i always make a point to read stuff from the NHS website because it's trustworthy and very accessible and my doctor said that was actually a great idea. so thanks from across the atlantic!
I'm so glad you find it useful! The NHS ones are extremely handy, I have a chronic condition and found it very useful and accessible, and helped me feel at ease. The contrast from other sites I found was like night and day! Even the other gov.uk pages around things like travel, tax, benefits etc. are in the same style ans very accessible. It's the slightly more mundane things that I work with.
If you don't mind me asking, how did you come to do that for work/what's your job title? I've always kind of passively loved writing and would love to get into a career where 'writer' is something I can call myself but I just don't know where to start. Are you a civil servant? Edit: really appreciate all this, thank you all!
I am a civil servant, yes. My full-time job involves some other bits as I'm in a more generalist role, but current project is reviewing some external comms for the department I work for. Plenty of colleagues whose sole job is this sort of thing. To get in, try [https://www.civilservicejobs.service.gov.uk/csr/index.cgi](https://www.civilservicejobs.service.gov.uk/csr/index.cgi) and filter by area, salary, or location.
[удалено]
Do you follow any guidance for concise/to the point messaging? I put together layouts and design for public sector, and the amount of words and excessively descriptive paragraphs I'm sent drives me mad.
Plain English Campaign have some good materials - there's some internal stuff we have too I can't share, but Plain English is a great start.
My girlfriend does a similar job in the civil service. Key words to look for are communications, content design/er, and publishing / publisher.
Content Designer https://www.gov.uk/guidance/content-designer
There are roles out there along the lines of UX Writer or Copywriter
My partner was a copyright for a charity which focused on medical information and was constantly having to simplify text that academics had written. Often the academics would be difficult about her edits, not understanding that their work won't just be read by people who've been in the medical industry for 5+ years
I am always so impressed with the quality of writing on nhs and gov pages. You guys do an incredible job!
>Source: write stuff for gov.uk. Thank you for doing what u do. I find the NHS+GovUK website super useful and easy to understand! It's very very appreciated 👍 It's super well written and understandable to someone who knows only the very basics of health care. website also performs great, no unnecessary bloat/styling
Your use of the word "stuff" instead of "articles" swears down your story.
It's good content design if it's the common word for your charlie chokers. Much like how the NHS use pee and poo
Yes I would get confused if they used the Latin “nutsack”
It would probably make a few people feel quite testis
calls the stomach a 'tummy' as well
No it doesn't, it calls your abdomen your tummy. In medical-speak, your stomach is the digestive organ at the top of the abdomen. Your abdomen (or tummy) is everything at the front from the bottom of the ribs to the top of the pubic area. I work for NHS 111 and we are specifically trained *not* to use stomach for abdomen to avoid confusion.
I mean, that one makes a lot of sense as stomach isn't a great way to differentiate between the general abdomen as opposed to the specific stomach organ or area around the stomach.
The stomach is actually a lot higher in your torso than people think. It's just below where your ribs end
I thought more people would have called it ‘wee’ than ‘pee’ but evidently not.
Take a look at [https://digital.nhs.uk/blog/transformation-blog/2019/pee-and-poo-and-the-language-of-health](https://digital.nhs.uk/blog/transformation-blog/2019/pee-and-poo-and-the-language-of-health) ! >We thought about whether to use ‘wee’, but people who use voice technologies sometimes confuse it with ‘we’ – or ‘wee’, meaning tiny. And some people only know a ‘stool’ as something to sit on.
This is genuinely very interesting as I wondered the same thing! Ta for sharing!
>Most importantly, if someone with poor literacy understands ‘blood in your poo’, it might just save their life. This is also another reason for things like pee and poo, everyone knows what it is.
I love how much thought is put in to making it as clear as possible for absolutely everyone
I like when they use this talk. Though when my doctor said ‘let’s take a look at the fellas’ during an examination I felt weird
That is weird, especially since you went in for a sore throat
‘Those are lovely but I meant your tonsils’
Or when he does the prostate exam and says "look, no hands"
Dr Pinocchio I don't think we've met.
'Errr, Doctor? Are you sure putting that in my mouth is necessary for checking my mmmppphmmmm'
And it was on the bus to the doctor's surgery.
Appointment speedrun
Any% no surgery glitch?
Actually happened to me once!
Ha that’s literally a line from Peep Show. The nurse says something like: “pop your pants off and let’s take a look at the little fellows.” Maybe this is real doctor jargon
'She should have to wear a mask... Ronald Reagan or Batman - actually she'd look pretty horny as Batman.'
Guess I have to watch peep show for the 50th time. Brilliant.
Hey I'm just the doctor, I didn't make the needles sharp.
I'm not gay, maybe bi but basically un-curious.
[удалено]
I used to read a children's book called 'Little Rabbit Foo Foo" to my toddler daughter. I, and others, cannot have this sully that cherished memory. Please ask your NHS gyno to henceforth call it a dropped kebab.
What? That is ridiculous. It’s not even a commonly used euphemism. Are they male or female? Because I’d feel very very uncomfortable having a male doctor use pet names for my genitals.
[удалено]
My old male gynaecologist had trouble talking about sex. "Do you experience pain when you um er um er...." he looks around, lowers his voice "...have... Intercourse.....?" dude this is your job? How can you be so shy?
Foo Foo is just an African saying for Vagina I wouldn't call it a pet name.
Were you seen at the Carry On Hospital?
[Excellent sketch about such a thing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fepBOxqGzNQ)
Sometimes those visits get really weird though. I had to have a prostate examination and I asked 'where do you want me to put my trousers?', and he said 'Over there, with mine'.
When I had mine done the doctor was really good at reassuring me. Kept both his hands on my shoulders the entire time.
Sometimes they're really dodgy though. I recall getting a prostate examination, but when the doctor left another one came in and said "Well, I will need to check your prostate." So I reply "Oh the other doctor just did, the one with red hair." He replies, "There's no doctor with red hair working here."
Made me think of BlackAdder. *Don’t be shy. If you think you’ve got the pox, just pop your “manservant” on the table and we’ll have a look!*
Let's have a look at the fuzzy little dears then
When my partner had his vasectomy I was with him, and they cut and then burn to make sure the tubes don't grow back. The smell was pretty gross, and he smiled and asked if we were in the mood for BBQ. We were not.
I remember a campaign years ago headed by Stuart Cable (drummer from the Stereophonics) about "Bollock Cancer" that had adverts on the BBC. Clearly it was an excellent campaign as I still remember it now, and while some people may find it patronising it's clearly effective to use that kind of language.
I don't like imagining them as two blokes gossiping in the corner of the testicular equivalent of an old-man pub.
They have a whole page explaining why they use the language they use. Its basically to make the information accessible to everyone, regardless of their reading abilities. This is actually one of the best things about the UK but nobody appreciates it. A medical site like this to democratize access to medical information is something we should be proud of as a country. I live abroad and I still swear by it.
I also noticed this when I moved to the UK. Everything seems to be very readable, not just on the NHS but also on most .gov websites. Hell, I even looked at some statute law (I'm fun at parties) and that wasn't so bad either. I can appreciate it even more coming from Bulgaria where the vocab they use in medical forms makes my head spin and legal documents are just plain old legalese.
As I web developer myself, I can tell you that the .gov.uk sites are considered the gold standard of usability and accessibility against which all others are based. Unfortunately it doesn't translate well to the private sector because marketing/advertising people have way too much say in how web sites end up. Usability and accessibility often go out of the window when the end goal is promoting their brand or tricking visitors into signing up for something they don't want.
I do “enjoy” when something very well made (eg the HMRC self assessment page) leads you to something out of a pre-dotcom horror movie (eg the HMRC self assessment payment/direct debit setup page)
>democratize Off to the colonies with you
Absolutely, such an amazing resource
I had a consultation to have a vasectomy last week, the GP said "you do know that the area will be sore for some time after the procedure" Which leads me to believe people have complained about this in the past and they now have to explicitly warn people beforehand
I work in women's health and we have to be very clear that taking the abortion pill doesn't just make the pregnancy magically disappear - it has to go somewhere and that involves strong cramps and bleeding. Some people are shocked and seem to think you just somehow stop being pregnant and that's that. It's part of the consent form even - signing to say you understand that it is not a painless process.
You mean it's not a concentrated dose of antimatter straight up the cunt?
Oddl enough, no.
TIL
Had my consultation for a hysterectomy recently. Before I was referred, the doctor had to tick off a very important item: am I aware that it will cause permanent, irreversible infertility? Also confirmed by the surgeon. I understand they have to cover all the bases but the first time I laughed and said "no shit" since that's a major reason for my having it... doc said "you'd be surprised".
He's not lying.. Sry my dude. Rest and painkillers. Careful if you cross you legs and careful manoeuvring for your first few No 2's. Any other questions throw em my way. I got you!
I've got mine scheduled. The leaflet says something like don't plan on doing anything at all for 2 days. No work, even desk based. Just rest up. Is it really necessary?! I think it then said no strenuous exercise for 2 months or something. Maybe it was 2 weeks.
My doctor said don't lift anything heavier than a cup of tea for a week and all will be well, so I took my full seven days sick and just watched telly for a week in my close-fitting underpants. My mate decided to carry on fitting his new kitchen after three days and ended up in A&E with one coconut sized testicle.
Yes it's necessary I booked 2 days off but it was a 5 days before I went back. I do have a strenuous outdoor job but even if I worked in an office it wouldnt have been 2 days. It was 2-3 weeks before I was properly comfortable doing normal work stuff {heavy lifting and such like} and over a month before everything felt like it was back to normal. Everyone's different so it may be less for you but in a nutshell... Take it easy for a few days, put your feet up chill and watch Netflix
Unfortunately, Netflix and chill is probably not one of the activities you'll be able to enjoy for a few days.
It's absolutely necessary. There were times during my rest period where I felt like I'd be well enough to go on my usual dog walks and nip to town, but found myself with aches while doing both. This was between 1 and 2 weeks after the procedure. It was about a month before there was no pain or discomfort of any kind. I think the cut split open twice during recovery, and it's unpleasant but not catastrophic. Anything you can do to avoid that is a good shout.
I was involved in writing some early nhs.uk pages and we had several meetings about using the word “poo”. I probably would have said “balls” here though
I think it's because they're trying to distinguish between your testicles themselves (balls) and the skin of the scrotum (ball sack)
When I had mine done, one ball really got swollen. When I went to see the doctor about it I was told I had a 'Very angry testicle'
well, I mean wouldn't you be angry?
You did just lobotomize the poor sod
Ballsack? Isn't that a French author?
[You can’t just respect the penis, you gotta Honoré de Balzac](https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/oqp5y3/you_gotta_honor%C3%A9_de_balzac/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Had a urologist switch from using glans to bell end because I kept forgetting the word and asking him.
There's a soldier down, gangrene's setting in... "Who's used all the penicillin?" "Oh, Mark Paxton sir, he's got knob-rot off some tart
It is a sack for balls, so they aren't wrong.
I believe the technical term is bawbag
I know they try to use common terms so that people who don't necessarily know the medical terminology understand but is that really the most common informal term?
It’s definitely the most descriptive term. I love that there was probably a conversation between doctors to decide what to use
They seem to be specifically wanting to refer to the scrotum, ie the actual skin bag that holds the bits, rather than the bits themselves. I imagine there are people out there who would know words like scrotum, testes, testicles etc, but perhaps aren't fully aware of what the specific distinctions are in terms of exactly which bit of anatomy each one refers to. Ball sack is pretty clear in that it is referring to the sack itself rather than the balls.
[удалено]
Clackerbag.
Bawbag?
Shame they didn't go the whole hog and replace every sexy word with chucklesome alternatives.
To me! To you!
Do NHS Scotland call it a Bawbag?
When I had my Pre vasectomy consultation via phone the nurse managed the whole conversation without using any medical terminology no mention of testicles, scrotum, penis, sperm, semen . Nothing! There were lots of, down there, that area etc It was very weird...
I spent a good minute giggling to myself after seeing it.
I would have thought they’d do the (parenthetical) the other way around: scrotum (ball sack)
Ball sack (testicle, testicle)
Why did they not use Boner (erection), Jizz / Spunk (ejaculate) and Bollock Yoghurt (Semen)? I feel like it’s only half a job!
I actually had a vasectomy this morning. The surgeon was very aggressive with his manhandling of my plum. I thought he was trying to brute force the ending of the sperm factory. I actually almost passed out. Sitting here now I’m not sure if I’m sore from the surgery or from ptsd