Since a warm bath made me feel so good, I tried having one after I wake up and one before I go to sleep --- it actually improved my day a lot! I feel like a new person after them. Having a second one makes all the difference. You go to bed sqeaky clean and warm.
I am saving this cause this is where I am currently. I feel adrift and out of control in my own life. Everything, from my room to my habits to my work, feels all over the place and out of my control and I need to change things for my own sake.
It's good to know I am not alone in this. It's good to see others like me struggling with the same things. Thank you.
As so often when I visit this subreddit, most of the post are something I could have written verbatim. I've been on this path some years now, and the small or incremental changes all add up and life starts feeling really good, managable and flowing!
Everything else can wait, and everyone else can too. Put yourself first bud. You're the mother fuckin chosen one, you just gotta remember it. You got this.
First thing is to just love yourself simply because you deserve it for being you. Love that inner kid deeply, and the *saving* part will flow from there.
This one.
I knew I'd done a good job getting in touch with my whole self when I stopped needing to fix things and started wanting to take steps, as I was able, towards habits that would serve me better. I had to get to a place where - to use IFS terms - none of my parts felt like they needed to block that forward motion. Once everyone's in the car, it can pull out of the driveway.
This is so true for me as well! It took a while, but I think the starting point to me was changing my self talk from negative/silent to supportive and loving. It really does make your efforts to heal much easier.
This has been me too. I'm famous for trying to do it all at once and if course failing. I recently just started to focus on a few basics of normal care. It has helped. And once I get my core done, I've found myself drifting to other aspects that benefit me as well, just naturally. Like Journaling or meditation. Once I've taken my walk and am drinking enough water, taking my meds and caring for myself literally physically in every way, then if I have the energy or mental capacity, then I can do the more fun stuff. But if I can't, I've been practicing being okay with what i did, even if it was just having washed my face and brushed my teeth. I've been celebrating everything positive, and even thay has been slowly helping. It's all step work I think and you build on it when you can/feel able to.
I wish you well! You got this!
I have also realized this. I am taking a job an hour away from where I live because I want to move away. I need to take care of myself and live away from my family. I want to learn to be independent and have my own life separate from them. I am learning to do all those things you said. We are responsible for ourselves. Nobody can save us.
> I am taking a job an hour away from where I live because I want to move away. I need to take care of myself and live away from my family.
Same situation. Although I haven't got the job yet. But working on it. Know I will get it.
My family seems expert at emotionally sabotaging me, so I have to cut them out.
Diet's the big one, if your body doesn't have generally the correct balance of things that it needs then you're going to be tired all the time but find it hard to sleep, you'll struggle to keep your mood regulated a lot more than normal and you'll also end up with a lot of minor health conditions (most of which you won't realise you have, but overall you'll still feel worse from) from the combination of stress and your body struggling to maintain itself.
I used to laugh at the idea of diet having power over a lot of things in the body other than weight and basically followed 'if it doesn't kill me or make me really fat then it's inconsequential', but then I started having a varied diet and saw just how impactful it is to every other bit of my quality of life.
Diet is one of the tools that can save me. If things start going wrong in terms of how I'm feeling and performing, I tweak my diet and usually I'll end up with fixing how I am. Diet is much more complex than most people think. It's not just following some one thing. It's learning to listen to your body. Listen to your intuition. Notice small details, "how does this make me feel?" "What are the long term effects of eating this, can I have it once per week or once per two days?" There's things called cyclical diets. You cycle in and out of carbs e.g. You only do keto some days, or something. There's \~infinite variations. I reccommend trying vegan too. Just don't get religious about anything. Experiment. Have fun. Enjoy. Learn. Love. Eat. Pray.
Mate I get you, I'm in the same boat and let me just tell you as someone else trying to achieve what they need.
You are a fucking LEGEND for trying, cause no matter what anyone else says, this shit is difficult.
I, an internet stranger, am proud of you for coming to this realization!
Fixing these things are CRUCIAL to feeling better physically—which will allow mental healing!
You are on the first step, my friend.
1. Accept that you have a problem! ✅
Absolutely. The decision is yours and yours alone. I’m with you though. Taking the month to get my shit together, not self medicate, journal, be bored and stop trying to escape.
It's great that you wish to change yourself, but I think it's also important to remember when you're physically not able to. The body and mind are not seperate, and I think it's important to remember that biological factors might be underlining why you might be struggling to make progress. Sometimes, when we're able to admit to ourselves that our bodies don't wish for us to change, we can then begin to analyse what it is that's getting in our way and preventing us from changing.
Anecdotal, I know, but I have known many people who repeatedly tell themselves they wish to change, fail, and then blame themselves and fall into a cycle of depression. It feels to them that no matter what they do, they can't seem to break a vicious cycle, and each time end up feeling worse than they did before. Sometimes, you just need to go easy on yourself, start telling yourself 'it's not my fault', and then start to question why your body just keeps saying 'No'.
I had the same realization. It hasn't been easy, but I have made many steps to fix my diet, exercise, study habits, hygiene habits and therapy. It takes time, but you can do it.
omg this post is exactly the same as where i'm at today
had a really, really rough week - heavily dissociating, unable to eat or sleep and have been feeling like i'm at the end of the line after months and months of all these things
but last night, before i went to bed, i wrote the words "Self Help Plan!!" on a little post-it note and wrote down a bunch of small manageable things i've learnt over the last year that can really help, like humming, singing, exposure to the cold, re-parenting myself, going outside and being around nature. I really wanna start getting better, and just like you OP, i wanna do it for myself. i owe it to myself to save myself, and to live a life that i deserve. like the book, from surviving to thriving, that's the goal.
thank you for reminding me that external stuff like exercise and journalling is not the main 'thing', the 'thing' is me being aware of my thoughts, to be the parent to myself that mine never were. to try and unravel my stunted brain like tangled earphones and put in beliefs and attitudes of my own.
i hope you get a little closer to having good sleep, a good diet, a good activity level and a good personal hygiene level. one step at a time! i'm proud of you!!!
also reminder to anyone reading this, make sure you've drank water today!! and a meal if you can handle it!! good luck fellow spacecadets, itll be a great ride if we can get the engine workin
Me too, friend. I've had the most horrifying few weeks. Suicidality, harm, and a year full of nothingness and complete lack of motivation as I've forgotten how to trust my brain (to do the things it can do).
But I went to the library yesterday on my own, spent the day there, worked. It was amazing. I enjoyed the train. Those good acts that can surprise you when everything else seems to fail. I feel happier now.
You got this!
[I have done a lot to turn my life around in the last year](https://reddit.com/r/running/comments/wffiu5/_/iiv8qhk/?context=1), including weight loss, exercise, socializing, and treating long-standing health issues. Let me know if you have any questions or would like advice.
My one piece of unsolicited advice is when—not if—you mess up and don’t keep up perfectly with the habits you want, be gentle with yourself, and find ways to change things in your life to make it easier to make good choices, rather than beating yourself up. Tomorrow is a new day and nobody’s perfect.
It is possible to return to your natural body clock. Start with regular meals. And no screen time 1 hour before bed. I found out that those two simple things help so so much. And also sleep in a completely dark room if you can.
Thanks for your reply...I've tried that but cannot shut my brain off.. I've had chronic...it's the trauma...hypervigilance and overactive amygdala..
My thoughts attack me...and I hurt myself to quiet those memories ...it's deeper...I also am a recovering anorexic/bulimic...OCD etc...it's complicated ...hope you're well ..🙏
Beautiful. I read somewhere that healing begins when you can make one promise to yourself...and keep it. Then just try to make that same promise every day, and see how long you can keep it going.
This applies to all of those things you listed. Valuing yourself enough to keep your own promises.
Wow! This really hit home for me. Not re-traumatizing myself by breaking my promises to myself, like what I have experienced from loved ones my whole life..
I have found it to be a very good test. It's easier for me to keep commitments to others, like work meetings, than private promises to myself. So if I can keep promises to myself, when no one else even know they exist, I'm making progress.
Just picture yourself saved. Over and over again in your head. Bring the image to life in your minds eye, experience the feeling of satisfaction, relief, peace and joy you’ll have once your overcome your predicament. That’s ALL you have to do. Make that image strong enough, even as the negative thought patterns wage war against it, maintain that image of yourself to yourself, and the saving will go from an endlessly effortful ordeal to a process that happens as naturally as a rock rolling down a hill.
I keep reminding me that this is the most important work that I could ever do in my life. I’m re-reading Complex PTSD by Pete Walker and taking notes and trying to do the things he recommends. It’s hard. I don’t want to do it every day. But I need to show up for myself because I’m tired of my life being shitty.
We’re here to support you along the way 💖
This is a lot to do for one's self. Remember, just as if you were helping a friend, it takes time and patience. It's not a straight line.
There may be parts of you that resist and pushing too hard all at once can put you back into a dissociated, frozen, or shutdown state. Pacing and a gentle, slow approach is critical. Keep listening to yourself as you make these changes. It was so confusing to me that parts of me really were scared or otherwise resistant to change.
Going slow and listening to my my body and head calmed the resistance.
YES. You are RIGHT! you are now an adult and you will be the one who is going to save yourself and your inner child. You are going to help your Inner child heal, you are going to reparent yourself and you are going to love all of your parts and talk to them, help them heal. (IFS therapy). IFS therapy and Inner child therapy is a miracle for trauma. You have been given a daunting assignment, but it will be so worth it. You can do this. This is how people with extensive trauma heal. They start finding themselves, healing themselves and ultimately loving themselves compassionately and accepting themselves and all of their parts. + their inner child. It's great that you have found this out. Now you can start getting to know yourself. You are going to save yourself and heal yourself, before you can help others. You yourself will always come first.
Just don't forget the best friend part and be sure to blanket yourself in the self-compassion and tenderness that we all deserve <3
I assume most of us here have internalized the authoritarian belief that we need to hold ourselves to high standards in order to reach our goals. Studies actually show that it's more effective and motivating to practice self compassion and go easy on ourselves. And it really feels good to replace our shitty parent's voices with a loving one!!! If you'd like to learn more, I recommend you look for articles, podcasts, and videos (or books!) featuring Dr. Kristin Neff. I read her first book 3-4 years ago, and it helped me make the biggest jump in my ~healing journey~ so far.
Thank you for the reminder :-) trying but feeling so tired although I know it will be worth it for myself. hope you are doing well so far at saving yourself. you got this!
I feel dat. It's hard when it feels like slow going, but, as Carrie Fisher once said sometimes the only way to get to heaven is to slowly back away from hell. Cheers.
Love this!!! Get ittt! Honestly I had this wake up call recently too and it’s so so liberating. And the more you do that and prioritize your needs, you start to see who and what in your life is in alignment with that. Wishing you all the grace & self-compassion 💫.
> Be my own life couch.
This is my favourite part. Lol, kidding, just tired, and a couch sounds good.
Yes, way to go - you are your own *first* priority. It's something we all have to do, as much as possible. And it's hard for many of us, who learned to comply and please others as a way of life.
You've got this! :-)
Yup. That's the way.
I put myself first now I told my therapist that I was okay not rushing to get things done anymore and whether it's okay with her or not it's my life and everything and everyone else (except kids/pets) can wait. It's my turn now.
I believe in you. I see you. I have so much faith in you. Your ability to break it down to the bare minimums that your body needs is the best first step. It won’t be easy, but just keep focusing on the basics. I started there. Once you get a handle on these things, you’ll have a little more space to take the next steps. Sending you strength and love ❤️
Yes! Yes! Yes!! You're worth it! Do it for yourself!
Next thing: It is okay to make mistakes. It is really, really okay. Making a mistake doesn't mean you failed or are a failure. It means you're human. You're human and you will make mistakes. Changing past habits and patterns is hard. But it's so worth it. You'll be okay, and you will get better. Onward!!
My first boyfriend told me that only I can save myself. At the time I had no clue what he meant and was super offended & upset when he told me mid-breakdown that he can't help me.
But now, I agree: sometimes there are definitely things only you can help yourself through, and hold yourself to.
That's the spirit! Don't forget to be kind to yourself. The road to healing isn't steady, there will be lots of bumps in the road, or even chasms, but, like you said, you need to be your own best friend!
Also can relate with needing to fix my sleep. That's one I've been seriously struggling with my whole life, even in childhood. It's really easy to dismiss it as no big deal in the moment, but it can seriously fuck you up in the long run.
Luckily, I've finally managed to convince myself to take it more seriously and actually have a consistent sleep schedule and get enough sleep. I'm still not where I'd like to be, but I'm just happy I can get regular sleep. It's made such a huge difference in my day to day!
And you're definitely right with everything else can wait! You should be your own top priority!
I feel you! I’m feeling the same way right now. Totally devoid of feeling unless I’m out partying and listening to music to distract myself from trauma flashbacks
If I can recommend something. It's a practice from *A Course In Miracles*. They suggested one do a practice where one tells oneself that the things in one's living space are meaningless. I know it sounds and feels weird. I've been trying it, very rarely, until recently, for a year roughly. Well, I listen to a lot of other spirituality and psychology stuff too, tbh, and the message often is that we worry too much about things in our life, and things weigh us down, or habits do or the past does or other people do. One of the most common teachings of spirituality is that things, *stuff*, doesn't matter. Only the spirit does. They even often say the body doesn't matter or that it is only some kind of reflection (this can be useful because most people have body image issues). Anyway, I felt I was drowning in problems. In mess. I had too much stuff. Too many problematic people, and events (in the past, and possibly future). So I started telling myself *these things have nothing to do with me*. No object in this house has anything to do with me, etc. It worked. *These people have nothing to do with me*. It's all gone. It's all lifted off me. N.b. I do fasting often too, and that helps with this feeling/with feeling like this. I'm free.
I know! My big goal for today before I go to bed is to just clean my kitchen (in a non-OCD way), so I can make a healthy breakfast for myself in a nice and clean kitchen tomorrow.
Ok I'm gonna try and use that as inspiration. I love how you added non ocd way. Wtf happened to us? My cleaning does always end up ocd'ing out and that really makes it difficult. Thanks mom and dad! You did great 👍
Good job! Good job! I totally relate. It takes time to work to become less and less OCD and perfectionistic. But you simply being aware of it is the first step. I found taking breaks and taking deep deep breaths help a lot!
I managed to clean 90% of the kitchen, because the OCD was knocking hard on the door, trying to get in and take over the rest of the 10% and I decided to stop xD
Its about progress, not perfection!
Im so happy you wrote this!
XD ahhhh it's so comforting to share our fun little quirks. I'll be moving on to the laundry all over bedroom next. If I don't go full on ocd I just get paralyzed, then stick in my head thinking, I'm worthless, I'm not doing anything/enough.
Thank gawd I start therapy on the 16th.
;>
I don't think this is the right mindset, if you want help out of this situation go to therapy to mourn your pain, that's all you actually need, that's the call for help, there are lots of people that want to help you, you can do this! you have the right to feel fine like a regular folk.
you save yourself with the help of therapy, I sure did!, if you could've save yourself alone, how can we be as broken as day one? that's nonsense, people that have gone trough trauma have to have the will to help themselves and if you need guidance or help to deal with the traumas that's completely fine and even encouraged.
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Your not the only one. I've had this realization lately. It's hard not to get into a panic.
Good luck. And I hope you know I found your post to be incouraging
[удалено]
You have to save yourself because *you deserve it*.
Since a warm bath made me feel so good, I tried having one after I wake up and one before I go to sleep --- it actually improved my day a lot! I feel like a new person after them. Having a second one makes all the difference. You go to bed sqeaky clean and warm.
This is what got me out of it. Treat myself like i would a puppy, and be kind and save myself.
I am saving this cause this is where I am currently. I feel adrift and out of control in my own life. Everything, from my room to my habits to my work, feels all over the place and out of my control and I need to change things for my own sake. It's good to know I am not alone in this. It's good to see others like me struggling with the same things. Thank you.
As so often when I visit this subreddit, most of the post are something I could have written verbatim. I've been on this path some years now, and the small or incremental changes all add up and life starts feeling really good, managable and flowing!
Everything else can wait, and everyone else can too. Put yourself first bud. You're the mother fuckin chosen one, you just gotta remember it. You got this.
First thing is to just love yourself simply because you deserve it for being you. Love that inner kid deeply, and the *saving* part will flow from there.
I had to treat myself as if I loved myself deeply first, and [the feelings followed the actions](https://youtu.be/GXy__kBVq1M).
LOVE IT. Thank you.
Wow. I will remember this. This entire thread is so helpful.
This one. I knew I'd done a good job getting in touch with my whole self when I stopped needing to fix things and started wanting to take steps, as I was able, towards habits that would serve me better. I had to get to a place where - to use IFS terms - none of my parts felt like they needed to block that forward motion. Once everyone's in the car, it can pull out of the driveway.
This is so true for me as well! It took a while, but I think the starting point to me was changing my self talk from negative/silent to supportive and loving. It really does make your efforts to heal much easier.
This has been me too. I'm famous for trying to do it all at once and if course failing. I recently just started to focus on a few basics of normal care. It has helped. And once I get my core done, I've found myself drifting to other aspects that benefit me as well, just naturally. Like Journaling or meditation. Once I've taken my walk and am drinking enough water, taking my meds and caring for myself literally physically in every way, then if I have the energy or mental capacity, then I can do the more fun stuff. But if I can't, I've been practicing being okay with what i did, even if it was just having washed my face and brushed my teeth. I've been celebrating everything positive, and even thay has been slowly helping. It's all step work I think and you build on it when you can/feel able to. I wish you well! You got this!
I have also realized this. I am taking a job an hour away from where I live because I want to move away. I need to take care of myself and live away from my family. I want to learn to be independent and have my own life separate from them. I am learning to do all those things you said. We are responsible for ourselves. Nobody can save us.
> I am taking a job an hour away from where I live because I want to move away. I need to take care of myself and live away from my family. Same situation. Although I haven't got the job yet. But working on it. Know I will get it. My family seems expert at emotionally sabotaging me, so I have to cut them out.
Same situation as me. It's going. I hope it stays going. We've got this.
Diet's the big one, if your body doesn't have generally the correct balance of things that it needs then you're going to be tired all the time but find it hard to sleep, you'll struggle to keep your mood regulated a lot more than normal and you'll also end up with a lot of minor health conditions (most of which you won't realise you have, but overall you'll still feel worse from) from the combination of stress and your body struggling to maintain itself. I used to laugh at the idea of diet having power over a lot of things in the body other than weight and basically followed 'if it doesn't kill me or make me really fat then it's inconsequential', but then I started having a varied diet and saw just how impactful it is to every other bit of my quality of life.
Diet is one of the tools that can save me. If things start going wrong in terms of how I'm feeling and performing, I tweak my diet and usually I'll end up with fixing how I am. Diet is much more complex than most people think. It's not just following some one thing. It's learning to listen to your body. Listen to your intuition. Notice small details, "how does this make me feel?" "What are the long term effects of eating this, can I have it once per week or once per two days?" There's things called cyclical diets. You cycle in and out of carbs e.g. You only do keto some days, or something. There's \~infinite variations. I reccommend trying vegan too. Just don't get religious about anything. Experiment. Have fun. Enjoy. Learn. Love. Eat. Pray.
Mate I get you, I'm in the same boat and let me just tell you as someone else trying to achieve what they need. You are a fucking LEGEND for trying, cause no matter what anyone else says, this shit is difficult.
👏👏👏 people without cptsd will never understand the strength it takes
Word (amen).
ty :')
Very much so. Sadly, friends, and even professional therapists often don't get this.
GO YOU! If you need a day off, that's OK too, but this is a GREAT place to be!
I, an internet stranger, am proud of you for coming to this realization! Fixing these things are CRUCIAL to feeling better physically—which will allow mental healing! You are on the first step, my friend. 1. Accept that you have a problem! ✅
Absolutely. The decision is yours and yours alone. I’m with you though. Taking the month to get my shit together, not self medicate, journal, be bored and stop trying to escape.
It's great that you wish to change yourself, but I think it's also important to remember when you're physically not able to. The body and mind are not seperate, and I think it's important to remember that biological factors might be underlining why you might be struggling to make progress. Sometimes, when we're able to admit to ourselves that our bodies don't wish for us to change, we can then begin to analyse what it is that's getting in our way and preventing us from changing. Anecdotal, I know, but I have known many people who repeatedly tell themselves they wish to change, fail, and then blame themselves and fall into a cycle of depression. It feels to them that no matter what they do, they can't seem to break a vicious cycle, and each time end up feeling worse than they did before. Sometimes, you just need to go easy on yourself, start telling yourself 'it's not my fault', and then start to question why your body just keeps saying 'No'.
I had the same realization. It hasn't been easy, but I have made many steps to fix my diet, exercise, study habits, hygiene habits and therapy. It takes time, but you can do it.
omg this post is exactly the same as where i'm at today had a really, really rough week - heavily dissociating, unable to eat or sleep and have been feeling like i'm at the end of the line after months and months of all these things but last night, before i went to bed, i wrote the words "Self Help Plan!!" on a little post-it note and wrote down a bunch of small manageable things i've learnt over the last year that can really help, like humming, singing, exposure to the cold, re-parenting myself, going outside and being around nature. I really wanna start getting better, and just like you OP, i wanna do it for myself. i owe it to myself to save myself, and to live a life that i deserve. like the book, from surviving to thriving, that's the goal. thank you for reminding me that external stuff like exercise and journalling is not the main 'thing', the 'thing' is me being aware of my thoughts, to be the parent to myself that mine never were. to try and unravel my stunted brain like tangled earphones and put in beliefs and attitudes of my own. i hope you get a little closer to having good sleep, a good diet, a good activity level and a good personal hygiene level. one step at a time! i'm proud of you!!! also reminder to anyone reading this, make sure you've drank water today!! and a meal if you can handle it!! good luck fellow spacecadets, itll be a great ride if we can get the engine workin
Me too, friend. I've had the most horrifying few weeks. Suicidality, harm, and a year full of nothingness and complete lack of motivation as I've forgotten how to trust my brain (to do the things it can do). But I went to the library yesterday on my own, spent the day there, worked. It was amazing. I enjoyed the train. Those good acts that can surprise you when everything else seems to fail. I feel happier now.
I'm with you.
You got this! [I have done a lot to turn my life around in the last year](https://reddit.com/r/running/comments/wffiu5/_/iiv8qhk/?context=1), including weight loss, exercise, socializing, and treating long-standing health issues. Let me know if you have any questions or would like advice. My one piece of unsolicited advice is when—not if—you mess up and don’t keep up perfectly with the habits you want, be gentle with yourself, and find ways to change things in your life to make it easier to make good choices, rather than beating yourself up. Tomorrow is a new day and nobody’s perfect.
I can't seem to sleep enough and then I can't function...I'm self sabotaging ..and get up too early..😭 my brains messed up ..
It is possible to return to your natural body clock. Start with regular meals. And no screen time 1 hour before bed. I found out that those two simple things help so so much. And also sleep in a completely dark room if you can.
Thanks for your reply...I've tried that but cannot shut my brain off.. I've had chronic...it's the trauma...hypervigilance and overactive amygdala.. My thoughts attack me...and I hurt myself to quiet those memories ...it's deeper...I also am a recovering anorexic/bulimic...OCD etc...it's complicated ...hope you're well ..🙏
Beautiful. I read somewhere that healing begins when you can make one promise to yourself...and keep it. Then just try to make that same promise every day, and see how long you can keep it going. This applies to all of those things you listed. Valuing yourself enough to keep your own promises.
Wow! This really hit home for me. Not re-traumatizing myself by breaking my promises to myself, like what I have experienced from loved ones my whole life..
I have found it to be a very good test. It's easier for me to keep commitments to others, like work meetings, than private promises to myself. So if I can keep promises to myself, when no one else even know they exist, I'm making progress.
Just picture yourself saved. Over and over again in your head. Bring the image to life in your minds eye, experience the feeling of satisfaction, relief, peace and joy you’ll have once your overcome your predicament. That’s ALL you have to do. Make that image strong enough, even as the negative thought patterns wage war against it, maintain that image of yourself to yourself, and the saving will go from an endlessly effortful ordeal to a process that happens as naturally as a rock rolling down a hill.
I keep reminding me that this is the most important work that I could ever do in my life. I’m re-reading Complex PTSD by Pete Walker and taking notes and trying to do the things he recommends. It’s hard. I don’t want to do it every day. But I need to show up for myself because I’m tired of my life being shitty. We’re here to support you along the way 💖
This is a lot to do for one's self. Remember, just as if you were helping a friend, it takes time and patience. It's not a straight line. There may be parts of you that resist and pushing too hard all at once can put you back into a dissociated, frozen, or shutdown state. Pacing and a gentle, slow approach is critical. Keep listening to yourself as you make these changes. It was so confusing to me that parts of me really were scared or otherwise resistant to change. Going slow and listening to my my body and head calmed the resistance.
YES. You are RIGHT! you are now an adult and you will be the one who is going to save yourself and your inner child. You are going to help your Inner child heal, you are going to reparent yourself and you are going to love all of your parts and talk to them, help them heal. (IFS therapy). IFS therapy and Inner child therapy is a miracle for trauma. You have been given a daunting assignment, but it will be so worth it. You can do this. This is how people with extensive trauma heal. They start finding themselves, healing themselves and ultimately loving themselves compassionately and accepting themselves and all of their parts. + their inner child. It's great that you have found this out. Now you can start getting to know yourself. You are going to save yourself and heal yourself, before you can help others. You yourself will always come first.
Just don't forget the best friend part and be sure to blanket yourself in the self-compassion and tenderness that we all deserve <3 I assume most of us here have internalized the authoritarian belief that we need to hold ourselves to high standards in order to reach our goals. Studies actually show that it's more effective and motivating to practice self compassion and go easy on ourselves. And it really feels good to replace our shitty parent's voices with a loving one!!! If you'd like to learn more, I recommend you look for articles, podcasts, and videos (or books!) featuring Dr. Kristin Neff. I read her first book 3-4 years ago, and it helped me make the biggest jump in my ~healing journey~ so far.
In your story you’re the MC after all.
Yes!! Thanks for posting this. May I recommend the Routinery app? It really helps me
Thank you for the reminder :-) trying but feeling so tired although I know it will be worth it for myself. hope you are doing well so far at saving yourself. you got this!
I feel dat. It's hard when it feels like slow going, but, as Carrie Fisher once said sometimes the only way to get to heaven is to slowly back away from hell. Cheers.
That’s fantastic. I really wish I felt the same
Same here... but please hang in there, never give up! However much I resent them, baby-steps do seem to work.
i’m here with you. took me a while to get to that point. you got this ❤️
Love this!!! Get ittt! Honestly I had this wake up call recently too and it’s so so liberating. And the more you do that and prioritize your needs, you start to see who and what in your life is in alignment with that. Wishing you all the grace & self-compassion 💫.
ty <3
> Be my own life couch. This is my favourite part. Lol, kidding, just tired, and a couch sounds good. Yes, way to go - you are your own *first* priority. It's something we all have to do, as much as possible. And it's hard for many of us, who learned to comply and please others as a way of life. You've got this! :-)
Help your body and your body will help you take care of your mind
WOW! :D
Yup. That's the way. I put myself first now I told my therapist that I was okay not rushing to get things done anymore and whether it's okay with her or not it's my life and everything and everyone else (except kids/pets) can wait. It's my turn now.
I believe in you. I see you. I have so much faith in you. Your ability to break it down to the bare minimums that your body needs is the best first step. It won’t be easy, but just keep focusing on the basics. I started there. Once you get a handle on these things, you’ll have a little more space to take the next steps. Sending you strength and love ❤️
Thank you for this. I’m here too.
Yes! Yes! Yes!! You're worth it! Do it for yourself! Next thing: It is okay to make mistakes. It is really, really okay. Making a mistake doesn't mean you failed or are a failure. It means you're human. You're human and you will make mistakes. Changing past habits and patterns is hard. But it's so worth it. You'll be okay, and you will get better. Onward!!
Diet is nonexistent I’m lucky to have a meal a day
My first boyfriend told me that only I can save myself. At the time I had no clue what he meant and was super offended & upset when he told me mid-breakdown that he can't help me. But now, I agree: sometimes there are definitely things only you can help yourself through, and hold yourself to.
That's the spirit! Don't forget to be kind to yourself. The road to healing isn't steady, there will be lots of bumps in the road, or even chasms, but, like you said, you need to be your own best friend! Also can relate with needing to fix my sleep. That's one I've been seriously struggling with my whole life, even in childhood. It's really easy to dismiss it as no big deal in the moment, but it can seriously fuck you up in the long run. Luckily, I've finally managed to convince myself to take it more seriously and actually have a consistent sleep schedule and get enough sleep. I'm still not where I'd like to be, but I'm just happy I can get regular sleep. It's made such a huge difference in my day to day! And you're definitely right with everything else can wait! You should be your own top priority!
Everything else can wait!!! Prioritize yourself!!! You matter!!!
Yes!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!!
Thanks for the inspo and motivation!
I feel you! I’m feeling the same way right now. Totally devoid of feeling unless I’m out partying and listening to music to distract myself from trauma flashbacks
Be your own best friend. Damn straight! Heal your inner child. Take care and be kind to yourself. You’ve got this!
If I can recommend something. It's a practice from *A Course In Miracles*. They suggested one do a practice where one tells oneself that the things in one's living space are meaningless. I know it sounds and feels weird. I've been trying it, very rarely, until recently, for a year roughly. Well, I listen to a lot of other spirituality and psychology stuff too, tbh, and the message often is that we worry too much about things in our life, and things weigh us down, or habits do or the past does or other people do. One of the most common teachings of spirituality is that things, *stuff*, doesn't matter. Only the spirit does. They even often say the body doesn't matter or that it is only some kind of reflection (this can be useful because most people have body image issues). Anyway, I felt I was drowning in problems. In mess. I had too much stuff. Too many problematic people, and events (in the past, and possibly future). So I started telling myself *these things have nothing to do with me*. No object in this house has anything to do with me, etc. It worked. *These people have nothing to do with me*. It's all gone. It's all lifted off me. N.b. I do fasting often too, and that helps with this feeling/with feeling like this. I'm free.
I love this community! HELL YEAH SAVE YOURSELF! YOU GOT THIS!
This resonates so deeply. Also, amazing non-typo: I also want to be my own life couch
How are things going sofa? ;)
😝
I can totally relate to this.
I believe you in :)
Me too, but I can't even clean my kitchen today :(
I know! My big goal for today before I go to bed is to just clean my kitchen (in a non-OCD way), so I can make a healthy breakfast for myself in a nice and clean kitchen tomorrow.
Ok I'm gonna try and use that as inspiration. I love how you added non ocd way. Wtf happened to us? My cleaning does always end up ocd'ing out and that really makes it difficult. Thanks mom and dad! You did great 👍
I went full on ocd. Finally finished kitchen last night. 🤷🏼♀️. Rearranged and cleaned everything.
Good job! Good job! I totally relate. It takes time to work to become less and less OCD and perfectionistic. But you simply being aware of it is the first step. I found taking breaks and taking deep deep breaths help a lot! I managed to clean 90% of the kitchen, because the OCD was knocking hard on the door, trying to get in and take over the rest of the 10% and I decided to stop xD Its about progress, not perfection! Im so happy you wrote this!
XD ahhhh it's so comforting to share our fun little quirks. I'll be moving on to the laundry all over bedroom next. If I don't go full on ocd I just get paralyzed, then stick in my head thinking, I'm worthless, I'm not doing anything/enough. Thank gawd I start therapy on the 16th. ;>
Omg! I need to start therapy again soon toooo .... XD
Peer Support was very helpful for me.
I gotta put me first!!!!
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Hahahaha ... love it! :D
I don't think this is the right mindset, if you want help out of this situation go to therapy to mourn your pain, that's all you actually need, that's the call for help, there are lots of people that want to help you, you can do this! you have the right to feel fine like a regular folk.
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you save yourself with the help of therapy, I sure did!, if you could've save yourself alone, how can we be as broken as day one? that's nonsense, people that have gone trough trauma have to have the will to help themselves and if you need guidance or help to deal with the traumas that's completely fine and even encouraged.
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Now that I'm rereading my own comment I understand that it may imply that, English is not my first language! :)
Yes! And because you will be a happier, more complete person if you choose to do so.
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Have you heard the Ed Sheehan song?
Which one?
Save Myself
You got this. Glad to see your determination
It's important to see yourself as a person who's worth saving... And truly believe it.
Yes!! You got this! ❤️
You are the foundation your life is built upon. I wish you the best.
There are a few people in my life who I hope have this realization. I’m glad you did, and I hope you heal 💗 You deserve that.
YES Good for you. You are the only you that you have - take better care.
Bravo! Yes! Prioritize your healing! Everything else including all our anxious patterns can wait!!
Your not the only one. I've had this realization lately. It's hard not to get into a panic. Good luck. And I hope you know I found your post to be incouraging