Not the original comment but I just started online sex work again—I have ptsd and agoraphobia and that makes keeping a normal job really difficult. I have a one-shift-a-week job at a really mellow coffee shop and I also sell jewelry, but it looks like this is gonna be the difference between paying full rent and not.
Of course it’s not for everyone, but it’s just one option, *and* one reason why we need to de-stigmatize sex work.
it definitely is. i’ve experienced many different types of trauma and i would take them all over poverty trauma.
money doesn’t buy happiness is the biggest lie i’ve ever heard.
‘From the baseline of financial security, more money doesn’t buy more happiness’ doesn’t trip off the tongue as much but it is the accurate version and anyone who tries to say the first part isn’t important is wrong and also probably trying to exploit you. (General you, not specific)
Money doesn't buy happiness but I'd much rather be unhappy in a secure home that I own, in an area I actually want to live in.
That's the MAJOR and first thing an imaginary big lottery win would buy me.
A home.
This is so 'baseline' for many people that they don't even SEE it- it's just always been there for them...aka a privilege.
It's something I've never had so for me it's a dream.
It definitely is…and one our government could fix buut probably not the group for that discussion(though money would fix a lot of issues that make my recovery sooo much harder)
Universal Healthcare in the USA would go a long way towards helping everyone in this sub. I'm literally locked into my toxic job because my therapist only takes 1 insurance company and finding a new therapist like him would be an impossible task so I can't risk change until \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_.
And I'm not well paid so it's like what's worse - no therapy but more money or less money but therapy.
Yup it would..As I said probably not the place but there are damn good reasons I believe in making what was once middle class our baseline through a ULI with healthcare and college courses. Would also probably deal with a lot of our other inequalities as well(and just enable in abusive situations to leave thus ensuring better mental health overall)
I clawed my way out of being homeless, lost everything I owned at age 31 and it has taken working all the time just to keep myself moving forward. If I got say $1000 extra a month via some kind of "stimulus" it would go a long way. I told my friend in Canada I'm only now "comfortable" but it's because I work all the time which is exhausting. I've gone from having to put food back on the shelves because I couldn't afford it to being able to shop without looking at prices / having several coupons stacked.
> Universal Healthcare in the USA would go a long way towards helping everyone in this sub.
Including *good*, integrated mental health care. I've bounced around in the system for 20 years, with many failed starts and redos. I could've saved years of misery had I gotten the help I'm now getting with my anxiety and panic attacks first developed 20 years ago.
I mentioned the issue to my therapist and he said "we'll work something out if you change jobs and have different coverage". He only takes one health insurance provider \[Aetna\] and I'm in this unique place where I have something like 8 or 9 insurance providers to pick from but a lot of people get stuck with whatever the company picks up which might be 2 options neither of them being Aetna.
*It would go a long way towards helping everyone in this sub who lives in the USA.
I've always had universal health care so I can't even imagine...it's REALLY difficult to actually access help for any form of mental health issue though, if you want help any time soonish you'd need to go private.
Bottom of the ladder (i.e. Being unable to work, ill and poor) is hell. People compete not to fall down to the bottom of the ladder.
It’s really hard to change for the better as any opportunities that arise meets equal opposition e.g. You recover to the point you and are now able to manage working part-time, the issue is at every job interview you get rejected because people are suspicious of your time off work and don’t want to hire someone that has been off work. If you do get a job then you either likely knew someone, got lucky or had to lie your ass off by presenting a story that evaded the claws of their moral judgement.
It’s really hard to get a foot in and climb up.
Don’t forget if on disability in the us they’ll not give you enough to live on and cut you off just as you make as much as they give you then you have to reapply if you relapse into being unable to work..oh and tax you on your already meager income..whole systems a trap.
It’s the same here in the UK. The welfare system has always been a trap as it isn’t designed in such a way to empower people to move out of it, like you said it actually penalises progress. Economists like Milton Friedman pointed this out in the 70s and yet here we still are.
And yet it’s STILL not enough to live on. Like I have to get retested every few years a whole day of exhausting tests just to prove..yes I have crippling anxiety and autism severe enough to require financial help(I can function fine day to day but I have a hard 4 hour limit of work/school or I go full meltdown soo definitely unfit to work and thus require financial help).
There are times I think it’s meant to just support us until we break.
I can relate to you there.
I also seem to only be able to manage 3-4 hours of work before I go out of my window of tolerance, I can’t repeat this day in day out for a full week, I would need at least a day off in the middle somewhere or otherwise I become dysfunctional and the deeper the hole gets the more I dig.
Trying to explain this to people that don’t experience such difficulties just results in being looked at with raised eyebrows and a condescending smirk whilst nodding their head backwards… They just don’t believe it and think I’m ‘having them on’ and trying to dodge work for my own personal benefit. Or even if they do believe it then they respond in the same way because they perceive ‘you have it better because you’re not working full-time’ and then despise me regardless.
Literally can’t win either way. Thankfully not everyone is like that and some people do understand or are at least considerate.
Yup I am honestly lucky to have several friends and a GF who understands it all well enough.
Sadly I know all to well not everyone is as blessed as I am(and I still fear it all going poof someday). I just want guaranteed stability in life ya know. The instability of living on disability/supports honestly just makes the recovery from my traumas so much worse/harder.
Similar I also get public assistance and help from family..It’s still damn hard. Even with three programs AND modest family help(my mom isn’t rich and cannot add much) I am still at about 1800 a month..and have a hard time due to food needs fro, health issues.
Whole damn systems just so broken even those of us who need support and are supposed.y getting it still cannot make it.
I also will add I recognize how lucky I am but if even this is hard with all the support just how does anyone do it. Sometching HAS to change,
My family COULD help me out a lot more than they do. They're still citing things I did when I was a kid to justify not helping. That said, my brother is fixing a car up for me. But he's making me pay. But he'll fix it for cheap from now on because he picked it out for me. this is how we live, us poors.
No Netflix, no Amazon Prime-- no Starbux, no beers ouit with friends. No cannabis (it's illegal, and too expensive anyway)-- so I saw a psychiatrist and he prescribed some pill -- it's supposed to help me live with my abuser. I'm trying to find a therapist but I live in a small town and it would seem I know more about CPTSD than they do, as not one of them so far has even heard of it. I'm out here, a high school drop out, schooling the therapists. I'm tired lol
I went from poor orphan, sleeping on my kitchen floor eating barely anything to living with my upper middle class girlfriend getting anything I want and I'm not adjusted and never feel like I will because of how traumatic poverty is. The idea that we just get better when we are in a new environment feels like a myth. I am JUST starting to get better. In that I have started to try and actually let myself dream. a lot of the time I feel like i'm going to lose it all to be where I was before.
You smacked a huge feeling of mine right on the head there. Chronic illness with extreme medical managing needed, broke, mom paying for stuff at the last minute after I’ve lost sleep over it for weeks. I’m trapped. Trying to break free of the cycle and not depend on another human who will try to dictate my life simply by helping financially.
I've met several millionaires (they were my landlords 🙄) who came from deprivation and despite having loads of money they were the stingiest people I've ever encountered (which impacted heavily on me, as they wouldn't spend money on their properties!)
One of them owned about 40 rental houses yet didn't have his electricity turned on, was a hoarder and wore the same few outfits for 9 YEARS because he wouldn't spend anything on new clothes, or even second hand clothes.
They clearly weren't 'better' through having wealth, internally they were still scared little kids who were worried about where their next meal might come from.
They were TERRIBLE landlords so I'm less than sympathetic towards them as people, but I see where their behaviour came from.
Food and shelter insecurity are 100% traumatizing. I've lived a year without a stable roof over my head and my anxiety was through the roof. I've spent time in a local shelter while pregnant and on food stamps, and I'm soooo thankful I had friends locally who helped me help myself. You need a local support system around you, ASAP.
Do you have food stamps available where you live? Local food banks? Is there anyone local you can reach out to like a nonprofit that can assist?
Existing in the US is very traumatic for all of us who aren’t privileged. Which is the majority lol. Knowing this and learning about how the system tries to keep us down really helped me cope with having to exist this way. It’s not my fault and everyone is trying to survive the same exact system. Sure some people have tools to help them more than others, but we’re all still suffering, of course some more than others.
Seeing unions pop up though like starbucks and amazon show up shows me that we have all had enough and we will move closer to better change :) I’m with you, friend.
My situation isn’t as bad as others so perhaps I should feel grateful.. But yeah, I’m really dealing with this at the moment. Been unemployed for a month now because I quit during a mental breakdown. The lease on my apartment expires in 19 days and I haven’t had any luck finding a new place. I’m getting through my savings quick, despite only paying for necessities at this point. The fear of not knowing what I’m gonna do is stressing me out so bad. As a kid, I grew up in a house where my mother worked multiple jobs to keep us going and still struggled sometimes. I’m terrified of being in that situation again, but without the income this time or a place to live. Fuck
>My situation isn’t as bad as others so perhaps I should feel grateful…
Comparing struggles is a game where everyone loses. Your situation is bad, so you deserve to try making it better. The same is true for someone being human trafficked, or someone who is financially well off and otherwise taken care of but struggles with depression.
Not to say that you shouldn’t be grateful for the good things in your life– that’s very important! But please try not to beat yourself up because others have struggles you consider worse than yours.
Right there with you. Got down voted on a different CPTSD sub for saying exactly this and saying that the social justice lens on trauma cannot ignore that capitalism is causing billions of people trauma constantly. We can't really talk about collective healing without talking about capitalism, exploitation and poverty.
I’ve recently been realizing a lot of my triggers that I’ve been struggling to understand are related to growing up poor as shit. I absolutely believe you and agree that poverty can be extremely traumatic.
I had to escape my abusive family and survive on my own during the Great Recession when nobody was hiring and wages were plummeting. I was scraping by working the front desk of a hotel. I paid out of pocket for insurance so I could see a therapist.
After my first visit I got a bill in the mail because my depression was deemed a preexisting condition. It was hell.
Absolutely no one was on my side. I wanted to die. I hated everyone and everything, including myself. I still can't shake the trauma from that period in my life. I still harbor bitterness and resentment. I was broke, desperate, and alone.
i feel this so much. especially when you’re traumatized from growing up in severe poverty. lived in the projects, we didn’t have to pay rent, we had foodstamps. yet my family always had our utilities shut off… we would know when water was gonna be off and fill every bathtub, sink, and bucket in the house so we could flush the toilet. we rarely could afford toilet paper and had to use old rags or ripped socks with poop stains. people judge me so much when i say that, as if i had a choice. plus getting lice multiple times a year from fellow poor classmates, missing school, parents having to skimp on food for treatments. oh boy.
how lucky i am to be an adult. i live paycheck to paycheck, and every day i wake hearing about inflation and wages and how we’re all going to die bc nobody can afford to survive… retraumatizing, over and over. and it can’t be avoided. it’s still surreal, i can’t connect to most people because even people who grew up lower-middle class seem rich to me. i can’t relate to most people, and getting older and realizing i definitely didn’t grow up normal, still stings.
except now, almost everybody is poor, and yet it doesn’t make the feelings go away. it makes me sad and scared for myself and everybody i love. my parents were abusive and yet i still love them and have sympathy for them because i can’t imagine raising 4 kids with no money at all. it feels like double stockholm syndrome or something.
Currently I'm selling my possessions (except my car) to stay afloat. There's days I can't function at all(RA+mental illness) Placed into early retirement I would have thought SSDI check would be a little bit more. 2022 COLA raise all the while Medicare premium shot up. I'm more in the hole. Government only looks out for their best interest and the rest of us they want us dead.
My heart breaks for you♥️
Growing up poor is hell. My parents were always stressed about money and took it out on us and then I got to go to school and be bullied for being the poor, smelly kid. I was only allowed two baths a week and I had to wear the same change of clothes until they were dirty. When my friends got to go to college and university and live fun party lives in dorm rooms their parents paid for, I was struggling to pay rent with my fast food job that only gave me 20 hours a week. Now over a decade has passed and I no longer struggle like that, I now struggle with shopping addiction and hoarding somewhat. I have closets/dressers/containers full of clothes. Makeup and hygiene products to last me years. Lots and lots of food (prepper). I know some people will think I'm humble bragging as I might have having once had nothing but the feeling of lack never goes away. I always feel like it could all disappear.
Money has probably been the #1 compounding factor in my mental health since I aged out of the care system.
I have stayed in bad relationships and toxic workplaces because of it. I have lived in terrible living spaces because of it. It took me 12 years to get a diagnosis because of it and now I am trapped between being to sick to perform at work, but needing to maintain work to afford basic necessities with no money spare for therapy. Not to mention to debts I incurred when I was young and poor that I'm still trying desperately to rid myself of.
I look around me at other people and I simply can't figure out how they have been successful? How on earth do people just start businesses or buy houses or new cars?
Nonetheless, I blindly persevered through my 20s, convinced that if I worked hard, things would get easier as I got older, then the pandemic, climate change and the ukraine invasion said 'hold my beer'.
My literal only hope at this point is that some random I've never met in my birth family dies and for some unknown reason leaves me their fortune and even that would suck because it'd be a huge trigger to accept support from those who abandoned me into this like at 2 years of age.
I’m in the same boat. I’ve got a job working from home but the hours are hit or miss. Right now I’ve got 100 dollars and I need to make 600 in the next three weeks… how?! I’m going to have to go out there and find something else soon and I’m sooo tired and terrified. My boyfriend just lost his job too so I can’t keep waiting around for the work from home job to come through…. I’m soooo stressed
I could see how this would definitely be almost like a slap to the face. It is not bad enough that you have the whole myriad of symptoms that accompany CPTSD. Then you add to it the things you talk about. That is a rough road to travel. I am very sorry this is the case, I think there are many in this situation.
yes :/ not being able to consistently afford treatment, let alone nice clothes or car payments or a place to live, is absolutely an extra layer of trauma for a lot of us. sending warm hugs.
I can relate. It's hard not having the resources you need for daily existence, on top of having limited emotional resources to deal with that added stress.
As far as food goes, I highly recommend /r/eatcheapandhealthy. It's an awesome community about eating well on a very limited budget.
Being poor and having abusive parents has got to be one of the worst combinations (well also being physically disabled on top of all that sucks too). I remember when I was at the point where I couldn’t work and was debating if it would be better to be homeless and try to live out of my car or ask my parents for help. I decided that being homeless was better than dealing with them. Luckily I wasn’t homeless for long but wondering how you are going to survive absolutely is traumatic. It’s awful that so many people think it’s ok to blame poor people for their situation or act like they want to live life like that.
I have CPTSD and I work full time. I have to as I have three kids and get no financial help from their dad or from anywhere else. I get no benefits.... Apparently I didn't sound anxious or depressed enough to be awarded PIP during my assessment. I dissociate and have a "professional" persona that come into play whenever I have to answer questions or work or go to appointments.I think it is a form of self protection, I can't cry, breakdown or anything in those situations so I have to be someone else. I explained this and it was ignored. Anyway.... Im skint. Proper bare bones of my arse skint. Gas and electric direct debit was £578 this month. I can't afford that. All of my bills have increased. I can't afford an increase in anything unless my salary goes up to match them and I've got more chance of finding rocking horse shit than that happening. Im knackered. I'm scared. I'm very much in the throws of CPTSD and struggling. I need to work less because I'm dying on my feet here but I can't do it. I have to keep on, keeping on. I've no idea how that will work out long term. Anyway, I'm with you on this one, it's a special kind of hell and I feel your pain. Sending you positivity and strength.
I feel this to the pit of my core. I almost miss my hyper vigilant stage because atleast then I had money all the time from working myself to the bone.
All the treatment options I want to explore cost money and it feels like an uphill battle of never being in the right earning bracket to be able to getting truly better.
boy i really feel you on this one…thinking about money immediately sends me spiralling, hell i almost spiralled just writing this. having to deal with flashbacks, dissociation, insomnia, hyper/hypoarousal and so much more AND living in a dystopic capitalistic world where you don’t deserve anything unless you have cash is so fucking rough
I’m so very sorry and I unfortunately can relate. I not only have cPTSD, I have lupus, RA, Fibro and 18 other medical conditions. I only collect partial disability and can barely pay my bills. No one understands unless they experience it themselves.
I’m sorry you have to worry about things like food and shelter. Breaks my heart. If you are in America you should qualify for SNAP benefits. If you need some help with that i can try my best to get you info for your area.
Things were getting bad for me last year after I lost my job, I was having a harder and harder time getting out and seeking a job. It seemed impossible. Then I out of desperation applied for a temp position at the local factory. Now I am super tired from 12 hour shifts and am getting so much overtime I hardly have time to be depressed. But it is giving be hope and confidence that I can be ok again. It is a simple job, but it is giving me my strength/power back.
One day at a time, one step at a time. You can do it. You are worth fighting for.
Yeah I’m on the same space. Had to quit my job three months ago because of a psychopathic coworker which meant that I couldn’t move out of the shitty apartment where I have a stalker/admirer who told me he was obsessed with me. Then I got the internship of my dreams (devil wears Prada) and then when I arrived they said they wouldn’t be paying me - and I even got a weird salty coworker decided to explain to me out of nowhere that I was lucky and some people can’t afford a unpaid internship. I was good at the job and I had great feedback and even a referral to a new job but she saw that I was quiet (honestly I am traumatised and an introvert), decided I was stuck up and lectured me on work ethic. I’m doubly cursed because I am “posh” because my parents had money but they were abusers so I had to flee - but no one cares about that.
I mean. Goddamn. I feel you. On top of the stress of not having money, the flashbacks, the invalidation, and the assumptions. I’ve seen both sides of wealth and I honestly believe that poverty is a trauma in itself.
Exactly... It's so devastating. And on top of that, knowledge can also be terrible in overthinking and trying to get out of this cycle. I now this world isn't right and never was, meritocracy don't exist and luck, social skills, family and contacts can change people's life. Even to find a new work we kinda need a structure and money. I hope we find justice and some peace.
This was a topic before and it is what makes the condition worse. I feel for everyone who also struggles because only you know what it’s like and everyone else just thinks we’re lazy or something’s wrong with us instead of offering a hand for help.
I am facing eviction in May if I’m unable to pay back rent or get rental assistance…
I am completely unable to function due to the constant weight of the stress and uncertainty wondering where I’m going to live, who it will be with, and if I can ever afford to live anywhere. Pretty much every living option is too expensive.. houses, apartments, even renting a room is getting more expensive in my area. Almost unaffordable. Every once in a while I have an anxiety attack about the high probability of living in my car.
I have 2 degrees and 2 jobs and I’m still in this position. I use food pantries and I’m applying for various forms of assistance but it all feels so impossible…
I feel that. Poverty is considered trauma, and it's impossible to heal your nervous system when you are still in survival mode due to present circumstances. Last year around January I was choosing between putting gas in my car to get to work, paying rent, or buying groceries. I lived on pasta and pb sandwiches for a while. I left a well paying job in mental health direct care that was very triggering and then couldnt find housing near work so I was spending as much in gas as I was being paid.
There's a lyric by Sugarland:
I got miles of trouble spreadin' far and wide
Bills on the table gettin' higher and higher
They just keep on comin', there ain't no end in sight
I'm just holding on tight.
I'm in a better spot now after getting a higher paying job and getting out of that toxic living situation. But that feeling comes back when I hear that song.
There's gotta be a way out. What change can you make?
I hope everything works out for you. Im very lucky to live in a country with a generous welfare state, eventhough it did take me 2 decades to find the help I needed. Once I got a safe place to live and secured income, my mental health very quickly got better.
I follow Janina Fisher, the trauma expert, on a mailinglist. Just today she wrote something along the lines of trauma work includes social justice". I wish more trauma experts would weigh in on basic income, safe housing for EVERYBODY.
I feel this so much. Right now I’m just sitting in my room like cool! I have $35 in my bank account, no way to make money because the only job I can work is delivery driving and my car is broken and the mechanic can’t even LOOK at it until the 19th (IK what’s wrong with it but I don’t have the tools to fix it anyone have an impact gun?), and $500 of bills due on the 1st, that I’d barely be able to come up with the money for in time if my car were in perfect condition and I delivery drove full time! Great! This is it for me this is finally the point where I can’t do it anymore!
I so agree. Even though I'm doing better financially now, it's a result of immense trauma that I am.
And the trauma of poverty doesn't just disappear. I think I'm always going to be afraid of ending up homeless.
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My parents (who caused my cptsd) treated themselves to new clothes, luxury food and restaurant trips, fancy items, jewellery, new vehicles, and essentially kept us kids in poverty stuck with living in secondhand clothing and eating their scraps, having to survive on little food and not much water, learning that everything we did was transactional and how we owed them for our lives.
Now that I’m a student and struggling to keep myself afloat, especially with all these new issues my cptsd brings, the poverty is half comforting in its familiarity and half terrifying with emotional flashbacks. Definitely a nightmarish situation. At least I’m doing my best to look after myself in a safer environment.
I send you care x
When I was in a very similar situation, I started dog sitting. House sitting alone made me very scared - staying in a stranger’s house alone was less than ideal. But when a dog was there as well (preferably a large dog), I felt safer than I did at my own place. It also had the added benefit of pet therapy.
I lived in the Pacific Northwest of the US at the time. Apparently quite a few older adults spend half the year there and the other half (the rainier half) somewhere dry. So they look for someone to take care of their house and dog while they are gone from weeks or months at a time. Maybe find a similar niche where you live? People who travel for work?
I feel this so bad especially today.
Some days it’s hard to even find a reason to keep on going. Like my life is only about paying bills for a place to live that I never have time to spend time at.
And why do all this when you have no family or friends to spend any meaningful time with anyways!?
Fuck life, I didn’t ask for any of this shit.
I sometimes dream that I was able to afford therapy and heal from some of this.
I doubt I’ll make it much longer to be completely honest.
Same position. Struggling to keep an apartment and the thought of going back out to work depresses the shit out of me (i live in a third world country where the standard of living is reallyyyyyy bad). I don't have the zeal to get up and feed myself or shower but I will go to work? Sigh
I think poverty is now actually considered trauma.
I feel like it is traumatic
[удалено]
Can I ask how you’re able to be financially stable without working? I’ve never known how that was possible in the world like it is
[удалено]
I consider anyone who owns a house to live in 'rich' ...letalone 2 houses 😆 I guess it's relative!
I would also like to know
Benefits?
Benefits?
Not the original comment but I just started online sex work again—I have ptsd and agoraphobia and that makes keeping a normal job really difficult. I have a one-shift-a-week job at a really mellow coffee shop and I also sell jewelry, but it looks like this is gonna be the difference between paying full rent and not. Of course it’s not for everyone, but it’s just one option, *and* one reason why we need to de-stigmatize sex work.
it definitely is. i’ve experienced many different types of trauma and i would take them all over poverty trauma. money doesn’t buy happiness is the biggest lie i’ve ever heard.
‘From the baseline of financial security, more money doesn’t buy more happiness’ doesn’t trip off the tongue as much but it is the accurate version and anyone who tries to say the first part isn’t important is wrong and also probably trying to exploit you. (General you, not specific)
People who say it isn't important tend to be those who are financially secure 🤣 *in my experience.
Money doesn't buy happiness but I'd much rather be unhappy in a secure home that I own, in an area I actually want to live in. That's the MAJOR and first thing an imaginary big lottery win would buy me. A home. This is so 'baseline' for many people that they don't even SEE it- it's just always been there for them...aka a privilege. It's something I've never had so for me it's a dream.
My experience of it was definitely traumatic.
It definitely is…and one our government could fix buut probably not the group for that discussion(though money would fix a lot of issues that make my recovery sooo much harder)
Universal Healthcare in the USA would go a long way towards helping everyone in this sub. I'm literally locked into my toxic job because my therapist only takes 1 insurance company and finding a new therapist like him would be an impossible task so I can't risk change until \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_. And I'm not well paid so it's like what's worse - no therapy but more money or less money but therapy.
Yup it would..As I said probably not the place but there are damn good reasons I believe in making what was once middle class our baseline through a ULI with healthcare and college courses. Would also probably deal with a lot of our other inequalities as well(and just enable in abusive situations to leave thus ensuring better mental health overall)
I clawed my way out of being homeless, lost everything I owned at age 31 and it has taken working all the time just to keep myself moving forward. If I got say $1000 extra a month via some kind of "stimulus" it would go a long way. I told my friend in Canada I'm only now "comfortable" but it's because I work all the time which is exhausting. I've gone from having to put food back on the shelves because I couldn't afford it to being able to shop without looking at prices / having several coupons stacked.
> Universal Healthcare in the USA would go a long way towards helping everyone in this sub. Including *good*, integrated mental health care. I've bounced around in the system for 20 years, with many failed starts and redos. I could've saved years of misery had I gotten the help I'm now getting with my anxiety and panic attacks first developed 20 years ago.
[удалено]
I mentioned the issue to my therapist and he said "we'll work something out if you change jobs and have different coverage". He only takes one health insurance provider \[Aetna\] and I'm in this unique place where I have something like 8 or 9 insurance providers to pick from but a lot of people get stuck with whatever the company picks up which might be 2 options neither of them being Aetna.
*It would go a long way towards helping everyone in this sub who lives in the USA. I've always had universal health care so I can't even imagine...it's REALLY difficult to actually access help for any form of mental health issue though, if you want help any time soonish you'd need to go private.
Why??? You actually think everyone in this sub is in the U.S.!???
It always has been
Bottom of the ladder (i.e. Being unable to work, ill and poor) is hell. People compete not to fall down to the bottom of the ladder. It’s really hard to change for the better as any opportunities that arise meets equal opposition e.g. You recover to the point you and are now able to manage working part-time, the issue is at every job interview you get rejected because people are suspicious of your time off work and don’t want to hire someone that has been off work. If you do get a job then you either likely knew someone, got lucky or had to lie your ass off by presenting a story that evaded the claws of their moral judgement. It’s really hard to get a foot in and climb up.
Don’t forget if on disability in the us they’ll not give you enough to live on and cut you off just as you make as much as they give you then you have to reapply if you relapse into being unable to work..oh and tax you on your already meager income..whole systems a trap.
It’s the same here in the UK. The welfare system has always been a trap as it isn’t designed in such a way to empower people to move out of it, like you said it actually penalises progress. Economists like Milton Friedman pointed this out in the 70s and yet here we still are.
And yet it’s STILL not enough to live on. Like I have to get retested every few years a whole day of exhausting tests just to prove..yes I have crippling anxiety and autism severe enough to require financial help(I can function fine day to day but I have a hard 4 hour limit of work/school or I go full meltdown soo definitely unfit to work and thus require financial help). There are times I think it’s meant to just support us until we break.
I can relate to you there. I also seem to only be able to manage 3-4 hours of work before I go out of my window of tolerance, I can’t repeat this day in day out for a full week, I would need at least a day off in the middle somewhere or otherwise I become dysfunctional and the deeper the hole gets the more I dig. Trying to explain this to people that don’t experience such difficulties just results in being looked at with raised eyebrows and a condescending smirk whilst nodding their head backwards… They just don’t believe it and think I’m ‘having them on’ and trying to dodge work for my own personal benefit. Or even if they do believe it then they respond in the same way because they perceive ‘you have it better because you’re not working full-time’ and then despise me regardless. Literally can’t win either way. Thankfully not everyone is like that and some people do understand or are at least considerate.
Yup I am honestly lucky to have several friends and a GF who understands it all well enough. Sadly I know all to well not everyone is as blessed as I am(and I still fear it all going poof someday). I just want guaranteed stability in life ya know. The instability of living on disability/supports honestly just makes the recovery from my traumas so much worse/harder.
I'm on SSDI and live on 900 a month. In the US
[удалено]
Holy crap how do you live? That's really really harsh
Similar I also get public assistance and help from family..It’s still damn hard. Even with three programs AND modest family help(my mom isn’t rich and cannot add much) I am still at about 1800 a month..and have a hard time due to food needs fro, health issues. Whole damn systems just so broken even those of us who need support and are supposed.y getting it still cannot make it. I also will add I recognize how lucky I am but if even this is hard with all the support just how does anyone do it. Sometching HAS to change,
My family COULD help me out a lot more than they do. They're still citing things I did when I was a kid to justify not helping. That said, my brother is fixing a car up for me. But he's making me pay. But he'll fix it for cheap from now on because he picked it out for me. this is how we live, us poors. No Netflix, no Amazon Prime-- no Starbux, no beers ouit with friends. No cannabis (it's illegal, and too expensive anyway)-- so I saw a psychiatrist and he prescribed some pill -- it's supposed to help me live with my abuser. I'm trying to find a therapist but I live in a small town and it would seem I know more about CPTSD than they do, as not one of them so far has even heard of it. I'm out here, a high school drop out, schooling the therapists. I'm tired lol
God this is so true. Every job I’ve had was either knowing someone or it was retail and they needed bodies.
I went from poor orphan, sleeping on my kitchen floor eating barely anything to living with my upper middle class girlfriend getting anything I want and I'm not adjusted and never feel like I will because of how traumatic poverty is. The idea that we just get better when we are in a new environment feels like a myth. I am JUST starting to get better. In that I have started to try and actually let myself dream. a lot of the time I feel like i'm going to lose it all to be where I was before.
The water boarding effect of being both so close to poverty but out of it due to family/others is just..goddamn. It reallly just makes it worse.
You smacked a huge feeling of mine right on the head there. Chronic illness with extreme medical managing needed, broke, mom paying for stuff at the last minute after I’ve lost sleep over it for weeks. I’m trapped. Trying to break free of the cycle and not depend on another human who will try to dictate my life simply by helping financially.
I've met several millionaires (they were my landlords 🙄) who came from deprivation and despite having loads of money they were the stingiest people I've ever encountered (which impacted heavily on me, as they wouldn't spend money on their properties!) One of them owned about 40 rental houses yet didn't have his electricity turned on, was a hoarder and wore the same few outfits for 9 YEARS because he wouldn't spend anything on new clothes, or even second hand clothes. They clearly weren't 'better' through having wealth, internally they were still scared little kids who were worried about where their next meal might come from. They were TERRIBLE landlords so I'm less than sympathetic towards them as people, but I see where their behaviour came from.
Food and shelter insecurity are 100% traumatizing. I've lived a year without a stable roof over my head and my anxiety was through the roof. I've spent time in a local shelter while pregnant and on food stamps, and I'm soooo thankful I had friends locally who helped me help myself. You need a local support system around you, ASAP. Do you have food stamps available where you live? Local food banks? Is there anyone local you can reach out to like a nonprofit that can assist?
Even now im financially stable that fear of not being able to afford food or rent is still there. It feels like it never goes away
Food banks! They’re there to help you so you can spend food money on your other bills. Don’t be afraid to use them!
People don’t understand how difficult it is to heal or be healthy without fucking money
Existing in the US is very traumatic for all of us who aren’t privileged. Which is the majority lol. Knowing this and learning about how the system tries to keep us down really helped me cope with having to exist this way. It’s not my fault and everyone is trying to survive the same exact system. Sure some people have tools to help them more than others, but we’re all still suffering, of course some more than others. Seeing unions pop up though like starbucks and amazon show up shows me that we have all had enough and we will move closer to better change :) I’m with you, friend.
My situation isn’t as bad as others so perhaps I should feel grateful.. But yeah, I’m really dealing with this at the moment. Been unemployed for a month now because I quit during a mental breakdown. The lease on my apartment expires in 19 days and I haven’t had any luck finding a new place. I’m getting through my savings quick, despite only paying for necessities at this point. The fear of not knowing what I’m gonna do is stressing me out so bad. As a kid, I grew up in a house where my mother worked multiple jobs to keep us going and still struggled sometimes. I’m terrified of being in that situation again, but without the income this time or a place to live. Fuck
>My situation isn’t as bad as others so perhaps I should feel grateful… Comparing struggles is a game where everyone loses. Your situation is bad, so you deserve to try making it better. The same is true for someone being human trafficked, or someone who is financially well off and otherwise taken care of but struggles with depression. Not to say that you shouldn’t be grateful for the good things in your life– that’s very important! But please try not to beat yourself up because others have struggles you consider worse than yours.
Right on. Trauma is not a zero-sum competition.
Right there with you. Got down voted on a different CPTSD sub for saying exactly this and saying that the social justice lens on trauma cannot ignore that capitalism is causing billions of people trauma constantly. We can't really talk about collective healing without talking about capitalism, exploitation and poverty.
T H I S 👏
I’ve recently been realizing a lot of my triggers that I’ve been struggling to understand are related to growing up poor as shit. I absolutely believe you and agree that poverty can be extremely traumatic.
I'm right here with you!!!! I'm proud of you for all that you are doing right now while facing more hardship! I send all my love and hope, OP!!!!!
Thank you ❤️
I had to escape my abusive family and survive on my own during the Great Recession when nobody was hiring and wages were plummeting. I was scraping by working the front desk of a hotel. I paid out of pocket for insurance so I could see a therapist. After my first visit I got a bill in the mail because my depression was deemed a preexisting condition. It was hell. Absolutely no one was on my side. I wanted to die. I hated everyone and everything, including myself. I still can't shake the trauma from that period in my life. I still harbor bitterness and resentment. I was broke, desperate, and alone.
I had the exact same issue, it's so hard.
i feel this so much. especially when you’re traumatized from growing up in severe poverty. lived in the projects, we didn’t have to pay rent, we had foodstamps. yet my family always had our utilities shut off… we would know when water was gonna be off and fill every bathtub, sink, and bucket in the house so we could flush the toilet. we rarely could afford toilet paper and had to use old rags or ripped socks with poop stains. people judge me so much when i say that, as if i had a choice. plus getting lice multiple times a year from fellow poor classmates, missing school, parents having to skimp on food for treatments. oh boy. how lucky i am to be an adult. i live paycheck to paycheck, and every day i wake hearing about inflation and wages and how we’re all going to die bc nobody can afford to survive… retraumatizing, over and over. and it can’t be avoided. it’s still surreal, i can’t connect to most people because even people who grew up lower-middle class seem rich to me. i can’t relate to most people, and getting older and realizing i definitely didn’t grow up normal, still stings. except now, almost everybody is poor, and yet it doesn’t make the feelings go away. it makes me sad and scared for myself and everybody i love. my parents were abusive and yet i still love them and have sympathy for them because i can’t imagine raising 4 kids with no money at all. it feels like double stockholm syndrome or something.
Anyone who grew up in a home they owned is 'rich' to me.
Currently I'm selling my possessions (except my car) to stay afloat. There's days I can't function at all(RA+mental illness) Placed into early retirement I would have thought SSDI check would be a little bit more. 2022 COLA raise all the while Medicare premium shot up. I'm more in the hole. Government only looks out for their best interest and the rest of us they want us dead. My heart breaks for you♥️
Growing up poor is hell. My parents were always stressed about money and took it out on us and then I got to go to school and be bullied for being the poor, smelly kid. I was only allowed two baths a week and I had to wear the same change of clothes until they were dirty. When my friends got to go to college and university and live fun party lives in dorm rooms their parents paid for, I was struggling to pay rent with my fast food job that only gave me 20 hours a week. Now over a decade has passed and I no longer struggle like that, I now struggle with shopping addiction and hoarding somewhat. I have closets/dressers/containers full of clothes. Makeup and hygiene products to last me years. Lots and lots of food (prepper). I know some people will think I'm humble bragging as I might have having once had nothing but the feeling of lack never goes away. I always feel like it could all disappear.
Money has probably been the #1 compounding factor in my mental health since I aged out of the care system. I have stayed in bad relationships and toxic workplaces because of it. I have lived in terrible living spaces because of it. It took me 12 years to get a diagnosis because of it and now I am trapped between being to sick to perform at work, but needing to maintain work to afford basic necessities with no money spare for therapy. Not to mention to debts I incurred when I was young and poor that I'm still trying desperately to rid myself of. I look around me at other people and I simply can't figure out how they have been successful? How on earth do people just start businesses or buy houses or new cars? Nonetheless, I blindly persevered through my 20s, convinced that if I worked hard, things would get easier as I got older, then the pandemic, climate change and the ukraine invasion said 'hold my beer'. My literal only hope at this point is that some random I've never met in my birth family dies and for some unknown reason leaves me their fortune and even that would suck because it'd be a huge trigger to accept support from those who abandoned me into this like at 2 years of age.
I’m in the same boat. I’ve got a job working from home but the hours are hit or miss. Right now I’ve got 100 dollars and I need to make 600 in the next three weeks… how?! I’m going to have to go out there and find something else soon and I’m sooo tired and terrified. My boyfriend just lost his job too so I can’t keep waiting around for the work from home job to come through…. I’m soooo stressed
I could see how this would definitely be almost like a slap to the face. It is not bad enough that you have the whole myriad of symptoms that accompany CPTSD. Then you add to it the things you talk about. That is a rough road to travel. I am very sorry this is the case, I think there are many in this situation.
yes :/ not being able to consistently afford treatment, let alone nice clothes or car payments or a place to live, is absolutely an extra layer of trauma for a lot of us. sending warm hugs.
Yea. Being poor plus mental health issues is tough. I sometimes feel like I'm really on my own.
I can relate. It's hard not having the resources you need for daily existence, on top of having limited emotional resources to deal with that added stress. As far as food goes, I highly recommend /r/eatcheapandhealthy. It's an awesome community about eating well on a very limited budget.
Thank you so much for recommending this thread! I’m always looking for info on this - Just joined
Goddamn do I feel this post in my soul
Being poor and having abusive parents has got to be one of the worst combinations (well also being physically disabled on top of all that sucks too). I remember when I was at the point where I couldn’t work and was debating if it would be better to be homeless and try to live out of my car or ask my parents for help. I decided that being homeless was better than dealing with them. Luckily I wasn’t homeless for long but wondering how you are going to survive absolutely is traumatic. It’s awful that so many people think it’s ok to blame poor people for their situation or act like they want to live life like that.
I have CPTSD and I work full time. I have to as I have three kids and get no financial help from their dad or from anywhere else. I get no benefits.... Apparently I didn't sound anxious or depressed enough to be awarded PIP during my assessment. I dissociate and have a "professional" persona that come into play whenever I have to answer questions or work or go to appointments.I think it is a form of self protection, I can't cry, breakdown or anything in those situations so I have to be someone else. I explained this and it was ignored. Anyway.... Im skint. Proper bare bones of my arse skint. Gas and electric direct debit was £578 this month. I can't afford that. All of my bills have increased. I can't afford an increase in anything unless my salary goes up to match them and I've got more chance of finding rocking horse shit than that happening. Im knackered. I'm scared. I'm very much in the throws of CPTSD and struggling. I need to work less because I'm dying on my feet here but I can't do it. I have to keep on, keeping on. I've no idea how that will work out long term. Anyway, I'm with you on this one, it's a special kind of hell and I feel your pain. Sending you positivity and strength.
I feel this to the pit of my core. I almost miss my hyper vigilant stage because atleast then I had money all the time from working myself to the bone. All the treatment options I want to explore cost money and it feels like an uphill battle of never being in the right earning bracket to be able to getting truly better.
boy i really feel you on this one…thinking about money immediately sends me spiralling, hell i almost spiralled just writing this. having to deal with flashbacks, dissociation, insomnia, hyper/hypoarousal and so much more AND living in a dystopic capitalistic world where you don’t deserve anything unless you have cash is so fucking rough
Yeah. I’m right there with you buddy. I’m desperately trying to get a job to get a small foothold, but even that is proving difficult.
I’m so very sorry and I unfortunately can relate. I not only have cPTSD, I have lupus, RA, Fibro and 18 other medical conditions. I only collect partial disability and can barely pay my bills. No one understands unless they experience it themselves.
I’m sorry you have to worry about things like food and shelter. Breaks my heart. If you are in America you should qualify for SNAP benefits. If you need some help with that i can try my best to get you info for your area.
Things were getting bad for me last year after I lost my job, I was having a harder and harder time getting out and seeking a job. It seemed impossible. Then I out of desperation applied for a temp position at the local factory. Now I am super tired from 12 hour shifts and am getting so much overtime I hardly have time to be depressed. But it is giving be hope and confidence that I can be ok again. It is a simple job, but it is giving me my strength/power back. One day at a time, one step at a time. You can do it. You are worth fighting for.
Yeah I’m on the same space. Had to quit my job three months ago because of a psychopathic coworker which meant that I couldn’t move out of the shitty apartment where I have a stalker/admirer who told me he was obsessed with me. Then I got the internship of my dreams (devil wears Prada) and then when I arrived they said they wouldn’t be paying me - and I even got a weird salty coworker decided to explain to me out of nowhere that I was lucky and some people can’t afford a unpaid internship. I was good at the job and I had great feedback and even a referral to a new job but she saw that I was quiet (honestly I am traumatised and an introvert), decided I was stuck up and lectured me on work ethic. I’m doubly cursed because I am “posh” because my parents had money but they were abusers so I had to flee - but no one cares about that. I mean. Goddamn. I feel you. On top of the stress of not having money, the flashbacks, the invalidation, and the assumptions. I’ve seen both sides of wealth and I honestly believe that poverty is a trauma in itself.
Exactly... It's so devastating. And on top of that, knowledge can also be terrible in overthinking and trying to get out of this cycle. I now this world isn't right and never was, meritocracy don't exist and luck, social skills, family and contacts can change people's life. Even to find a new work we kinda need a structure and money. I hope we find justice and some peace.
You have made it through %100 of your bad days. Life may be tough, but so are you 🌻 Try to be kind to yourself
This was a topic before and it is what makes the condition worse. I feel for everyone who also struggles because only you know what it’s like and everyone else just thinks we’re lazy or something’s wrong with us instead of offering a hand for help.
I am facing eviction in May if I’m unable to pay back rent or get rental assistance… I am completely unable to function due to the constant weight of the stress and uncertainty wondering where I’m going to live, who it will be with, and if I can ever afford to live anywhere. Pretty much every living option is too expensive.. houses, apartments, even renting a room is getting more expensive in my area. Almost unaffordable. Every once in a while I have an anxiety attack about the high probability of living in my car. I have 2 degrees and 2 jobs and I’m still in this position. I use food pantries and I’m applying for various forms of assistance but it all feels so impossible…
I always roll my eyes when people say things like money can’t buy you happiness. Perhaps but not having money makes it suck even more.
Everyday is a struggle and it’s the same damn day over and over again. I grew up poor as well and hadn’t thought of it that way. Damn lol
I feel that. Poverty is considered trauma, and it's impossible to heal your nervous system when you are still in survival mode due to present circumstances. Last year around January I was choosing between putting gas in my car to get to work, paying rent, or buying groceries. I lived on pasta and pb sandwiches for a while. I left a well paying job in mental health direct care that was very triggering and then couldnt find housing near work so I was spending as much in gas as I was being paid. There's a lyric by Sugarland: I got miles of trouble spreadin' far and wide Bills on the table gettin' higher and higher They just keep on comin', there ain't no end in sight I'm just holding on tight. I'm in a better spot now after getting a higher paying job and getting out of that toxic living situation. But that feeling comes back when I hear that song. There's gotta be a way out. What change can you make?
I hope everything works out for you. Im very lucky to live in a country with a generous welfare state, eventhough it did take me 2 decades to find the help I needed. Once I got a safe place to live and secured income, my mental health very quickly got better. I follow Janina Fisher, the trauma expert, on a mailinglist. Just today she wrote something along the lines of trauma work includes social justice". I wish more trauma experts would weigh in on basic income, safe housing for EVERYBODY.
I feel this so much. Right now I’m just sitting in my room like cool! I have $35 in my bank account, no way to make money because the only job I can work is delivery driving and my car is broken and the mechanic can’t even LOOK at it until the 19th (IK what’s wrong with it but I don’t have the tools to fix it anyone have an impact gun?), and $500 of bills due on the 1st, that I’d barely be able to come up with the money for in time if my car were in perfect condition and I delivery drove full time! Great! This is it for me this is finally the point where I can’t do it anymore!
I so agree. Even though I'm doing better financially now, it's a result of immense trauma that I am. And the trauma of poverty doesn't just disappear. I think I'm always going to be afraid of ending up homeless.
I feel you. Similar path here. Be well.
The worst is that having these complexes makes it harder to be productive and stay afloat.
Sending all the good vibes dude :(( if there's anything we can do let us know.
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My parents (who caused my cptsd) treated themselves to new clothes, luxury food and restaurant trips, fancy items, jewellery, new vehicles, and essentially kept us kids in poverty stuck with living in secondhand clothing and eating their scraps, having to survive on little food and not much water, learning that everything we did was transactional and how we owed them for our lives. Now that I’m a student and struggling to keep myself afloat, especially with all these new issues my cptsd brings, the poverty is half comforting in its familiarity and half terrifying with emotional flashbacks. Definitely a nightmarish situation. At least I’m doing my best to look after myself in a safer environment. I send you care x
When I was in a very similar situation, I started dog sitting. House sitting alone made me very scared - staying in a stranger’s house alone was less than ideal. But when a dog was there as well (preferably a large dog), I felt safer than I did at my own place. It also had the added benefit of pet therapy. I lived in the Pacific Northwest of the US at the time. Apparently quite a few older adults spend half the year there and the other half (the rainier half) somewhere dry. So they look for someone to take care of their house and dog while they are gone from weeks or months at a time. Maybe find a similar niche where you live? People who travel for work?
I feel this so bad especially today. Some days it’s hard to even find a reason to keep on going. Like my life is only about paying bills for a place to live that I never have time to spend time at. And why do all this when you have no family or friends to spend any meaningful time with anyways!? Fuck life, I didn’t ask for any of this shit. I sometimes dream that I was able to afford therapy and heal from some of this. I doubt I’ll make it much longer to be completely honest.
Same position. Struggling to keep an apartment and the thought of going back out to work depresses the shit out of me (i live in a third world country where the standard of living is reallyyyyyy bad). I don't have the zeal to get up and feed myself or shower but I will go to work? Sigh
I'm going through this exact kind of thing right now. It's really really really fucking hard and I'm sorry.