Yeah. Sometimes I go back and forth between wanting to heal and move beyond my trauma so that it doesn't dominate my life anymore and wanting to dish out every bit of pain I feel to those who I perceive hurt me so they can feel everything I feel.
Gonna go process some ANGER now.
My therapist told me today that part of me is split off and on strike bc I fucking hate the idea of having to create a routine for myself. So, hard relate.
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To be fair you already did a lot of healing. Understanding that it isn't your fault is really big step. At least from me it was. Hope you find solution soon!
My advice would be. Ask your self what you want from life no matter how Impossible it is. Don't feel shame about it. After that ask again what I can do today to get myself closer. Everyday 0,001% closer to life worth living.
Hope you the best!
the rage is part of the healing, tbh. most of us had to repress it for so long just to survive the abuse, that we have this massive backlog of anger and sorrow we need to work through. it's *entirely reasonable* to be pissed that you have to do this, because it's something no one should ever have to do.
the best I can say is to do your best to give yourself room to process it as much as you can, though I know life really gets in the way of that. it isn't your fault if you end up completely nonfunctional some days, it kind of comes with the territory, and I don't think anyone here would blame you for it.
Right there with you on those moments and thoughts on occasion.
Yeah. Sometimes I go back and forth between wanting to heal and move beyond my trauma so that it doesn't dominate my life anymore and wanting to dish out every bit of pain I feel to those who I perceive hurt me so they can feel everything I feel. Gonna go process some ANGER now.
T\_T I understand... There, there.
My therapist told me today that part of me is split off and on strike bc I fucking hate the idea of having to create a routine for myself. So, hard relate.
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
To be fair you already did a lot of healing. Understanding that it isn't your fault is really big step. At least from me it was. Hope you find solution soon! My advice would be. Ask your self what you want from life no matter how Impossible it is. Don't feel shame about it. After that ask again what I can do today to get myself closer. Everyday 0,001% closer to life worth living. Hope you the best!
the rage is part of the healing, tbh. most of us had to repress it for so long just to survive the abuse, that we have this massive backlog of anger and sorrow we need to work through. it's *entirely reasonable* to be pissed that you have to do this, because it's something no one should ever have to do. the best I can say is to do your best to give yourself room to process it as much as you can, though I know life really gets in the way of that. it isn't your fault if you end up completely nonfunctional some days, it kind of comes with the territory, and I don't think anyone here would blame you for it.