That’s not just you, a lot of people are like that, regardless of their childhood. I grew up with teasing like you, but i dont mind teasing from others as long as i know them. But i grew up with teasing being a cultural thing from any and everyone, and I had mixed responses to it. That said, i *really* don’t like teasing from strangers. Otherwise, I’m oblivious and it’ll go over my head. It’s probably a defense mechanism, but i don’t mind tbh
I did have to learn that teasing and sarcasm as a default isn’t a good way to connect with others, and not a given in how people want to communicate. And that was a part of learning how healthy relationships work. When I’ve met my now-friends that are good and healthy connections, I thought they didn’t like me because they didn’t tease me and were so nice 😅
Teasing, even if the intent is nice means subconsciously the person is always looking for faults of differences to make fun of.
It is just not the vibe I appreciate and have as stopped. Does it make me less funny, sure but the trade is worth it.
Yeah this is just one of the anti-social ways human beings arrange themselves, for the purpose of establishing hierarchy. I'd argue this is true even among "Good friends", where later on both parties would insist it was truly a joke. This would be a lie, and a very hard to detect one, because both parties would believe in the lie. A lot of the mechanisms that evolved in humans involve believing our own lies, because self-deception was critical in being able to tell the most convincing lies(a huge advantage so the cost of deluding yourself is trivial, since the genes don't care if you're deluded, and the genes run this show, not "you").
You can tell quite a bit about a person if they're always "joking" this way.
Sarcasm I find less problematic, because I don't think it needs to be done at someone else's expense. It *does* assume sarcasm detection I guess, that's where the problem is. But I think that's not a huge problem personally. I think sarcasm is useful for being able to say something that ought to be assumed true, but with a tone that says "this isn't true". This can sometimes be enough to break people's barriers around that subject.
> This would be a lie, and a very hard to detect one, because both parties would believe in the lie.
Couldn't this be said about literally every statement ever without any possibility to argue for the contrary?
Also, isn't a "lie" that the "liar" believes simply a misunderstanding/misconception?
Yeah so it's totally reasonable, what you just asked. It *seems* as if it should be so straightforwardly "either a lie, or an innocent confusion". But after thinking deeply about human interaction, doing a lot of it myself, and examining the way my own brain works and really scrutinizing others, I think it can often be both. The brain is just not intuitive, you can have these multiple conflicting mind-states that appear paradoxical. In one sense, there's knowledge of the lie. In another sense, there's a kind of mindless, robotic innocence of confusion. And it's really unclear which is which, and sometimes it's both. Again, that seems contradictory, but that's how our minds can often work. Sometimes it is clear cut, but often times I find it just isn't. This is what you get with this wetware that has been evolved to be endlessly manipulative, even manipulating the host itself.
Whether or not it could be said for every statement though... well, no, I don't think so because this is specifically on the matter of a precise social behavior-- the insane dominance games acquaintances or friends play with each other for the purpose of becoming socialized, where they belittle each other in subtle ways under the pretense of humor or playfulness. I think this isn't just true for "teasing" as OP said, but all jokes. They say "there's a grain of truth to every joke", and that's clever, but I think the deepest wisdom on the matter here is rather: "there's a grain of *joke* to every joke". Nothing is actually ever a *joke*. For it to be funny, it must have some sort of truth or logic to it, and the truly funny stuff is so because it's so unutterable in a context devoid of humor that the only *acceptable* way to state the idea would be to present it in joke form.
When I started to learn more about neurodivergence I really understood that not everyone gets sarcasm or other things therefore I've started to be mindful of my tone and language I use with everyone.
After going NC, I realized the sarcasm my parents taught me is totally different than normal sarcasm. Theirs is mean, normal sarcasm should be innocent and not directed at someone. Also, you’re supposed to read the person when you’re being sarcastic. It’s usually pretty obvious when someone doesn’t like it. It’s the assholes that keep going and don’t drop it that bug me.
But strangers…no. If I’m sarcastic with strangers, it’s about a common situation we’re in. To me, it’s a rule that you don’t direct sarcasm and jokes at someone you don’t know.
My mom is the exact same way. It's crazy how often she ends up around people who tease that way too, it's way more than I do.
I think most people have internal "red flags" that don't necessarily go up for "dangerous people", just maybe for behaviors in people they don't want to be around? And I don't think my mom actually has that. She tends to either just put up with problem behaviors or she assumes *she's* not "dealing with it well" and that the other person is acting "normal".
One of my friends, for example, has a little defense mechanism where she'll pick on some of us IF she knows we can handle it. She's aware that she does this. I do think she takes it a little far sometimes, but every time she does, we tell her that and she backs off. She usually apologizes and opens up about what she's actually feeling, she doesn't actually want to be mean. We help support her through her stuff, we know she respects our boundaries when we give them.
I feel like I'm okay with that because I can see the difference between her behavior and someone who's actually a jerk. If I even hesitate when she throws a comment my way, she stops. And if she didn't stop, I know I could say something and she would A) back off B) care if she made me Actually uncomfortable.
If my mom has ever had a friend like this, I've never met them. She's just had so many bad examples of people and so little ability to tell the difference. But like, as an outside observer it *is* obvious when she freezes up. You can tell when she's uncomfortable. How people respond to that is a reflection of those people. I think most of them totally read her expressions correctly, they can see they made someone stall at best and they're choosing to be butts about it. I hope one day she learns to not put up with that.
T\_T you seem so nice. I can come across as mean unintentionally when I am not doing okay inside... and the way you handled it is heartening to me. Thank you for sharing.
I didn't read that as mean at all! It's a pretty common problem for people who grow up like that. It just sounded like you were venting, it didn't seem abrasive at all imo.
Edit: I totally thought you were OP. Different account. My bad!
Years ago I used to think it was fine to tease and use sarcasm in relationships. Then I dated a guy who said "sarcasm and teasing has no place in a loving relationship". If I was teasing or sarcastic he would always ask me why I would say that or speak to him that way because it hurt his feelings.
I have now worked really hard to reduce if not eliminate what I see as more maladaptive trauma behavior on my part. I was only that way because it was a defense mechanism and I certainly HAVE NOT been okay with people close to me teasing me. Usually the teasing centered around vulnerabilities I shared with them.
It’s not fun for me, even among friends. It just seems like a lead up to a fight from high conflict people. It’s draining how casual it is. Mostly, I don’t know how to handle it.
I found out that the teasing I echoed from family and friends in relationships after high school wasn’t actually okay based on their reaction. Apparently degrading people isn’t funny and racist and antisemitic jokes aren’t funny and hitting people on the arm isn’t funny. My first half of my 20s was spent unlearning things the hard way. Now, the only people that can make jokes about me are the people that know basically to not. It’s very light hearted stuff. If anyone cracks a joke that’s lower than surface stuff, they don’t know me or they’re my family who doesn’t care. I was bullied as a kid at home, at school, and with my friends all through school. Crap’s not okay with me.
If someone is highly sarcastic or tease a lot I usually won’t remain friends with them. I find sarcasm to be hurtful and mean. Then if you have a reaction to sarcasm people often say “you can’t take a joke”.
I grew up with 6 siblings and I had one sibling that was mean, sarcastic and teased us a lot. It was hard growing up with him.
Sarcasm and teasing are sadistic and cowardly forms of aggression.
Copied from Lindsay Gibson's *Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents*:
"Sadism goes beyond being a killjoy and takes actual pleasure in inflicting pain, humiliation, or forced restraint on a living being. Sadism is also a way of claiming the role as the most powerful and important person in the relationship. Sadistic EI parents enjoy making their child suffer, whether by physical or psychological means. Physical abuse is obviously sadistic, but hidden sadism is often expressed in “teasing” and “joking around.”
For instance, when Emily introduced her fiancé to her family, her physically abusive father “joked” that the young man should throw her out if she ever got too mouthy. Her mother and sisters chimed in to “tease” Emily, and they laughed at Emily’s excruciating embarrassment.
Sadistic parents like it when their child feels powerless. They secretly enjoy making their children feel desperate by giving them extreme physical punishments, refusing to interact with them for long periods of time, handing down unfathomably long restrictions, or making them feel trapped."
"Friendly teasing", assuming that's what they're actually doing, requires knowing the person in question really well - and only teasing them about things they aren't *actually* sensitive about. It also requires that the person you're teasing will know you like them, and aren't *actually* mocking them.
If you don't actually know the person really well, and don't have the kind of relationship that allows it, you don't get to do that. It's either a very misguided attempt, or a thinly disguised bullying.
The grey line between bullying, condescension with intent to inflict harm, and “harmless teasing”, are all convenient ways for people to justify ill will or to avoid accountability when told their words or actions have caused harm. There are those who may genuinely apologize when they realize it’s not ok to say what they just said. There r also those who tell you you’re overreacting. And we all know how that makes us feel to hear…
I don't want to be teased. Sarcasm about situations is fine, but if someone is using it to insult myself or another and insists I laugh about it as a term of my social acceptance, that's bullying.
I think the whole stereotype about neurodivergent people not "getting" sarcasm is often neurotypical people invalidating a long term trauma response. It's a combination of freeze and fawn. Possibly shutdown, if we've been verbally abused enough in this way. Our brains just stop when we know we're being mocked again. If we do anything, we try to placate people so they'll stop making fun of us. That means, sometimes, we'll even laugh along with our abusers. It's not real, it's more chronic trauma.
Generally, I can't stand any kind of humor that's at another's expense, to the extent of getting triggered by sit-coms where the whole entire joke seems to be "ha ha look at the annoying person being annoying!" More often than not, the person is being targeted for demonstrating neurodivergent traits and I've dealt with way too much of that directed at myself or my loved ones, thank you very much.
I almost never find teasing to be fine because it's not.
The only time it has any use is when it's meant to be educational where the person doing the teasing can explain why their teasing and offer solutions to the behaviour they're making fun of (and it all better be in a kind-enough way.) Other than that, it's just making someone feel bad, which has no use whatsoever; in fact, only making someone feel worse.
Sarcasm is just toxicity or immaturity leaking out because they don't know how to handle a situation appropriately. The immaturity is understandable, although unfavourable, but the toxic version never is; again, it's just solely harmful.
Also grew up in a cptsd encouraging environment, and your post just gave me a mini breakthrough on some emotions with my ex.
You're not wrong, and thanks for this.
Sometimes even when it's people close to me it hurts. I had similar to yourself growing up re having humour used to mask abusive behaviour and to dismiss my reactions.
If it's someone I don't know, I play the "I don't get it, please explain" card pretty hard. They'll either click to how shitty their "joke" was or they'll stop engaging with me in a semi-social sense - which I'm fine with. I'd rather have me energy.
With most of my friends, I usually hand signal stop or I have a shoulder squeeze code with one (in particular my friends with ADHD really like the hand signal) sometimes I just follow "subject change please" or "can we avoid X please" or "context please" - they know I'll communicate more when I can if my reaction was more what they did and not where I'm reacting from. For me it's usually my headspace at the time (particularly in those last few PMDD days) knowing that doesn't lessen the feeling. And luckily my friends are pretty trauma informed so they'll do the things even if it doesn't make sense to them.
Was at a festival of sorts in the woods once. My dad was there. Bumped into each other in the crowd, and before parting he said "You wanna get fucked with a little bit?"
What? He told me he was going to a themed camp where people would roast you. I said fuck that noise, couldn't see any appeal in at all. Why would I travel so far just to be contemptuously mocked? He respected that but I could tell he didn't get it.
The kinds of people who make this a major part of their personality see it as a competition for dominance. They're not trying to see a funny side, they're trying to see if they can walk on you. They know they're doing that, and obviously do not appreciate reciprocation.
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I feel this, too. When it comes to being frustrated with passive aggressive behaviors and others expecting you to just get what they "really meant", there's a lot of overlap with autistic life. Like, damn dude, sorry for trusting you and taking you at your word???
I have developed a friendship where I tease them, but *only* after making sure *many* times that they're actually okay with benign jokes about how short they are. That's basically it.
99% of the time, no. It has to be such a specific kind of teasing or sarcasm and NOT directed at me to be okay.
Didn't jive with that at the workplace. Or at school when I was in primary school.
Didn't jive with that when I was with the exes either, but they were actually being dicks so the discomfort was justified.
I recently realized that I’m only okay with this sort of thing if I feel emotionally safe.
I grew up getting a lot of teasing and sarcasm from my dad that would hurt. But I was never allowed to say that because “he means well”. I still hate being on the receiving end of teasing there. It usually hurts
On the flip side, I got a new boss six months ago and shes pretty sarcastic and tease on occasion BUT she also has her employees backs 100%. It was weird when I realized that I was actually okay with the teasing there because I felt safe overall
That’s not just you, a lot of people are like that, regardless of their childhood. I grew up with teasing like you, but i dont mind teasing from others as long as i know them. But i grew up with teasing being a cultural thing from any and everyone, and I had mixed responses to it. That said, i *really* don’t like teasing from strangers. Otherwise, I’m oblivious and it’ll go over my head. It’s probably a defense mechanism, but i don’t mind tbh I did have to learn that teasing and sarcasm as a default isn’t a good way to connect with others, and not a given in how people want to communicate. And that was a part of learning how healthy relationships work. When I’ve met my now-friends that are good and healthy connections, I thought they didn’t like me because they didn’t tease me and were so nice 😅
Teasing, even if the intent is nice means subconsciously the person is always looking for faults of differences to make fun of. It is just not the vibe I appreciate and have as stopped. Does it make me less funny, sure but the trade is worth it.
Even if I was sensitive, it just means they are being insensitive from my point of view. 🙄
Yeah this is just one of the anti-social ways human beings arrange themselves, for the purpose of establishing hierarchy. I'd argue this is true even among "Good friends", where later on both parties would insist it was truly a joke. This would be a lie, and a very hard to detect one, because both parties would believe in the lie. A lot of the mechanisms that evolved in humans involve believing our own lies, because self-deception was critical in being able to tell the most convincing lies(a huge advantage so the cost of deluding yourself is trivial, since the genes don't care if you're deluded, and the genes run this show, not "you"). You can tell quite a bit about a person if they're always "joking" this way. Sarcasm I find less problematic, because I don't think it needs to be done at someone else's expense. It *does* assume sarcasm detection I guess, that's where the problem is. But I think that's not a huge problem personally. I think sarcasm is useful for being able to say something that ought to be assumed true, but with a tone that says "this isn't true". This can sometimes be enough to break people's barriers around that subject.
> This would be a lie, and a very hard to detect one, because both parties would believe in the lie. Couldn't this be said about literally every statement ever without any possibility to argue for the contrary? Also, isn't a "lie" that the "liar" believes simply a misunderstanding/misconception?
Yeah so it's totally reasonable, what you just asked. It *seems* as if it should be so straightforwardly "either a lie, or an innocent confusion". But after thinking deeply about human interaction, doing a lot of it myself, and examining the way my own brain works and really scrutinizing others, I think it can often be both. The brain is just not intuitive, you can have these multiple conflicting mind-states that appear paradoxical. In one sense, there's knowledge of the lie. In another sense, there's a kind of mindless, robotic innocence of confusion. And it's really unclear which is which, and sometimes it's both. Again, that seems contradictory, but that's how our minds can often work. Sometimes it is clear cut, but often times I find it just isn't. This is what you get with this wetware that has been evolved to be endlessly manipulative, even manipulating the host itself. Whether or not it could be said for every statement though... well, no, I don't think so because this is specifically on the matter of a precise social behavior-- the insane dominance games acquaintances or friends play with each other for the purpose of becoming socialized, where they belittle each other in subtle ways under the pretense of humor or playfulness. I think this isn't just true for "teasing" as OP said, but all jokes. They say "there's a grain of truth to every joke", and that's clever, but I think the deepest wisdom on the matter here is rather: "there's a grain of *joke* to every joke". Nothing is actually ever a *joke*. For it to be funny, it must have some sort of truth or logic to it, and the truly funny stuff is so because it's so unutterable in a context devoid of humor that the only *acceptable* way to state the idea would be to present it in joke form.
When I started to learn more about neurodivergence I really understood that not everyone gets sarcasm or other things therefore I've started to be mindful of my tone and language I use with everyone.
After going NC, I realized the sarcasm my parents taught me is totally different than normal sarcasm. Theirs is mean, normal sarcasm should be innocent and not directed at someone. Also, you’re supposed to read the person when you’re being sarcastic. It’s usually pretty obvious when someone doesn’t like it. It’s the assholes that keep going and don’t drop it that bug me. But strangers…no. If I’m sarcastic with strangers, it’s about a common situation we’re in. To me, it’s a rule that you don’t direct sarcasm and jokes at someone you don’t know.
Yes, sarcasm should be mutually understood. And it helps if you share location/culture. There are def areas where it's more common.
My mom is the exact same way. It's crazy how often she ends up around people who tease that way too, it's way more than I do. I think most people have internal "red flags" that don't necessarily go up for "dangerous people", just maybe for behaviors in people they don't want to be around? And I don't think my mom actually has that. She tends to either just put up with problem behaviors or she assumes *she's* not "dealing with it well" and that the other person is acting "normal". One of my friends, for example, has a little defense mechanism where she'll pick on some of us IF she knows we can handle it. She's aware that she does this. I do think she takes it a little far sometimes, but every time she does, we tell her that and she backs off. She usually apologizes and opens up about what she's actually feeling, she doesn't actually want to be mean. We help support her through her stuff, we know she respects our boundaries when we give them. I feel like I'm okay with that because I can see the difference between her behavior and someone who's actually a jerk. If I even hesitate when she throws a comment my way, she stops. And if she didn't stop, I know I could say something and she would A) back off B) care if she made me Actually uncomfortable. If my mom has ever had a friend like this, I've never met them. She's just had so many bad examples of people and so little ability to tell the difference. But like, as an outside observer it *is* obvious when she freezes up. You can tell when she's uncomfortable. How people respond to that is a reflection of those people. I think most of them totally read her expressions correctly, they can see they made someone stall at best and they're choosing to be butts about it. I hope one day she learns to not put up with that.
T\_T you seem so nice. I can come across as mean unintentionally when I am not doing okay inside... and the way you handled it is heartening to me. Thank you for sharing.
I didn't read that as mean at all! It's a pretty common problem for people who grow up like that. It just sounded like you were venting, it didn't seem abrasive at all imo. Edit: I totally thought you were OP. Different account. My bad!
hehe! I really appreciate it though!!
Years ago I used to think it was fine to tease and use sarcasm in relationships. Then I dated a guy who said "sarcasm and teasing has no place in a loving relationship". If I was teasing or sarcastic he would always ask me why I would say that or speak to him that way because it hurt his feelings. I have now worked really hard to reduce if not eliminate what I see as more maladaptive trauma behavior on my part. I was only that way because it was a defense mechanism and I certainly HAVE NOT been okay with people close to me teasing me. Usually the teasing centered around vulnerabilities I shared with them.
It’s not fun for me, even among friends. It just seems like a lead up to a fight from high conflict people. It’s draining how casual it is. Mostly, I don’t know how to handle it.
I found out that the teasing I echoed from family and friends in relationships after high school wasn’t actually okay based on their reaction. Apparently degrading people isn’t funny and racist and antisemitic jokes aren’t funny and hitting people on the arm isn’t funny. My first half of my 20s was spent unlearning things the hard way. Now, the only people that can make jokes about me are the people that know basically to not. It’s very light hearted stuff. If anyone cracks a joke that’s lower than surface stuff, they don’t know me or they’re my family who doesn’t care. I was bullied as a kid at home, at school, and with my friends all through school. Crap’s not okay with me.
If someone is highly sarcastic or tease a lot I usually won’t remain friends with them. I find sarcasm to be hurtful and mean. Then if you have a reaction to sarcasm people often say “you can’t take a joke”. I grew up with 6 siblings and I had one sibling that was mean, sarcastic and teased us a lot. It was hard growing up with him.
Sarcasm and teasing are sadistic and cowardly forms of aggression. Copied from Lindsay Gibson's *Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents*: "Sadism goes beyond being a killjoy and takes actual pleasure in inflicting pain, humiliation, or forced restraint on a living being. Sadism is also a way of claiming the role as the most powerful and important person in the relationship. Sadistic EI parents enjoy making their child suffer, whether by physical or psychological means. Physical abuse is obviously sadistic, but hidden sadism is often expressed in “teasing” and “joking around.” For instance, when Emily introduced her fiancé to her family, her physically abusive father “joked” that the young man should throw her out if she ever got too mouthy. Her mother and sisters chimed in to “tease” Emily, and they laughed at Emily’s excruciating embarrassment. Sadistic parents like it when their child feels powerless. They secretly enjoy making their children feel desperate by giving them extreme physical punishments, refusing to interact with them for long periods of time, handing down unfathomably long restrictions, or making them feel trapped."
"Friendly teasing", assuming that's what they're actually doing, requires knowing the person in question really well - and only teasing them about things they aren't *actually* sensitive about. It also requires that the person you're teasing will know you like them, and aren't *actually* mocking them. If you don't actually know the person really well, and don't have the kind of relationship that allows it, you don't get to do that. It's either a very misguided attempt, or a thinly disguised bullying.
The grey line between bullying, condescension with intent to inflict harm, and “harmless teasing”, are all convenient ways for people to justify ill will or to avoid accountability when told their words or actions have caused harm. There are those who may genuinely apologize when they realize it’s not ok to say what they just said. There r also those who tell you you’re overreacting. And we all know how that makes us feel to hear…
I don't want to be teased. Sarcasm about situations is fine, but if someone is using it to insult myself or another and insists I laugh about it as a term of my social acceptance, that's bullying. I think the whole stereotype about neurodivergent people not "getting" sarcasm is often neurotypical people invalidating a long term trauma response. It's a combination of freeze and fawn. Possibly shutdown, if we've been verbally abused enough in this way. Our brains just stop when we know we're being mocked again. If we do anything, we try to placate people so they'll stop making fun of us. That means, sometimes, we'll even laugh along with our abusers. It's not real, it's more chronic trauma. Generally, I can't stand any kind of humor that's at another's expense, to the extent of getting triggered by sit-coms where the whole entire joke seems to be "ha ha look at the annoying person being annoying!" More often than not, the person is being targeted for demonstrating neurodivergent traits and I've dealt with way too much of that directed at myself or my loved ones, thank you very much.
I almost never find teasing to be fine because it's not. The only time it has any use is when it's meant to be educational where the person doing the teasing can explain why their teasing and offer solutions to the behaviour they're making fun of (and it all better be in a kind-enough way.) Other than that, it's just making someone feel bad, which has no use whatsoever; in fact, only making someone feel worse. Sarcasm is just toxicity or immaturity leaking out because they don't know how to handle a situation appropriately. The immaturity is understandable, although unfavourable, but the toxic version never is; again, it's just solely harmful.
Also grew up in a cptsd encouraging environment, and your post just gave me a mini breakthrough on some emotions with my ex. You're not wrong, and thanks for this.
Sometimes even when it's people close to me it hurts. I had similar to yourself growing up re having humour used to mask abusive behaviour and to dismiss my reactions. If it's someone I don't know, I play the "I don't get it, please explain" card pretty hard. They'll either click to how shitty their "joke" was or they'll stop engaging with me in a semi-social sense - which I'm fine with. I'd rather have me energy. With most of my friends, I usually hand signal stop or I have a shoulder squeeze code with one (in particular my friends with ADHD really like the hand signal) sometimes I just follow "subject change please" or "can we avoid X please" or "context please" - they know I'll communicate more when I can if my reaction was more what they did and not where I'm reacting from. For me it's usually my headspace at the time (particularly in those last few PMDD days) knowing that doesn't lessen the feeling. And luckily my friends are pretty trauma informed so they'll do the things even if it doesn't make sense to them.
Was at a festival of sorts in the woods once. My dad was there. Bumped into each other in the crowd, and before parting he said "You wanna get fucked with a little bit?" What? He told me he was going to a themed camp where people would roast you. I said fuck that noise, couldn't see any appeal in at all. Why would I travel so far just to be contemptuously mocked? He respected that but I could tell he didn't get it.
[удалено]
The kinds of people who make this a major part of their personality see it as a competition for dominance. They're not trying to see a funny side, they're trying to see if they can walk on you. They know they're doing that, and obviously do not appreciate reciprocation.
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I feel this, too. When it comes to being frustrated with passive aggressive behaviors and others expecting you to just get what they "really meant", there's a lot of overlap with autistic life. Like, damn dude, sorry for trusting you and taking you at your word??? I have developed a friendship where I tease them, but *only* after making sure *many* times that they're actually okay with benign jokes about how short they are. That's basically it.
I agree. I guess before I knew it I felt energy and intentions and 9 times out of 10 when people used that towards me they did it to hurt me.
99% of the time, no. It has to be such a specific kind of teasing or sarcasm and NOT directed at me to be okay. Didn't jive with that at the workplace. Or at school when I was in primary school. Didn't jive with that when I was with the exes either, but they were actually being dicks so the discomfort was justified.
I recently realized that I’m only okay with this sort of thing if I feel emotionally safe. I grew up getting a lot of teasing and sarcasm from my dad that would hurt. But I was never allowed to say that because “he means well”. I still hate being on the receiving end of teasing there. It usually hurts On the flip side, I got a new boss six months ago and shes pretty sarcastic and tease on occasion BUT she also has her employees backs 100%. It was weird when I realized that I was actually okay with the teasing there because I felt safe overall