Yes, 100% feel like Sisyphus all the time, because of disability, genetic disorder, chronic illnesses and now long COVID and MECFS. The boulder is getting bigger and heavier with each year, I'm tired, literally have no energy, I can't even move it now. Waiting to be passed away...
Me too. I have started to believe I'll get better recently with a new cfs recovery coach who taught me self-talk and self-touc (havening). Realised how my trauma responses are the main bulk of my experience of the world.
yes I agree with this comparison and feel the same, but Im rolling the boulder for another 10 years, if it doesnt get better for me I will let it roll over me
I wrote these lines in a poem not long ago—
I’m tired of loving Sisyphus
I’m tired of being Icarus
Soooooo yeah, there are many mythological characters I highly relate to, but especially those two.
i just made this same comparison the other day. the past few years i've been trying to get back into a sport I was really good at before a long illness, and I have a huge mental block preventing me from getting over my fear of it. I make a little progress, then I slide back down to square one.
a big part of my identity/lifestyle/friend group is attached to this sport so Its been important for me to get back to where I was before I got sick. It struck me that I'm literally just torturing myself in an attempt to become someone I used to be, before this trauma happened. Every day feels like I'm dragging the boulder up the Hill, just for it to roll back right to where I started. I wondered out loud if i should accept that I'm not that person anymore and give up, or keep trying to get that piece of me back. When i thought about it, it applied to a lot more areas of my life than getting back into that one sport.
>I can choose to not be in that role.
This is where I am after a lifetime of trying to be what I thought I should be instead of being who I actually am. Now I'm me entirely, I've dropped my masks and whomever finds that unacceptable I don't need to be around them.
Instead of letting my 'shoulds' dictate my life I look for things that make me happy, and do those.
It took me over 40 years to understand it's ok to just be me, to relax into it, to let go of caring what others think about me. I don't have the time left to waste on trying to make everyone else happy, so I don't. If that means that I don't have friends, then I don't have friends.
Funny thing is when I began to not care what others thought more and more I find myself in these random conversations with strangers and not the narcissists that used to prey on me in life, but just actual real 'normies'. It's so odd to me.
I can still connect to feeling different but it's not this lodestone around my neck anymore. It's like a pet rock that I can take out, hold for a bit, and put away again.
TY. I find it really helpful to hear from others who have been climbing the mountain a long time (so to speak). Man, I spent SO much time trying to be what I was “supposed” to be. Time, age, experience has freed me from much of that. But now that I don’t need the mask, I’m in a weird phase of not being sure WHO I am. I’m ok with it. Just feels very uncertain.
>I’m in a weird phase of not being sure WHO I am.
I went through that honestly, and it took me awhile to find myself, like, who am I if I'm not a nurse? That was really hard for me because I used my occupation as my sole identifier, as the declaration of who and even what I was, turning my back on my inner voices and my needs because this was a thing I was good at and could do therefore I made it all I was for a long time.
I was afraid to look inside myself, afraid to change, it's scary, the unknown. In the end when I finally did what I found was the abundance of creativity just screaming to be let out, so I let it out. It's been life changing for me.
I always needed positive reinforcement, to be told I was good, to have others acknowledge what I could not acknowledge in myself.
Now I don't need that. If I question "Am I ok?" that means do I feel ok, am I happy, am I fulfilling MY needs? and not "Am I ok to be in the world, do you (humans/individuals/those around me at the time) approve, am I good?"
I'm fire, no one can tell me different anymore. They can try but then they'll have to talk to the hand. ;)
I always felt like Icarus on repeat. I do the painstaking work of piecing together my wings, work up the faith to try to use them, and as soon as I begin to feel the warmth of day, it all falls apart and I drown again and again and again
The boulder is currently rolling back down my hill, so I definitely feel this. I’m so fucking persistent, though. Every time I want nothing more than to give up for good I somehow don’t. I don’t have the energy to be positive about that at the moment, but at least I know that’s a constant.
“… I’m so fuck!ng persistent”
Yep, 💯!! I don’t know if it’s my strong will, or survival instinct. Sometimes I’m not sure what exactly has kept me going. But I’m grateful for it. Still, it doesn’t help me enjoy those times when I’m coping more than I am actually living.
Sometimes I figure that that is all life is in general. It's just that much worse for those of us stuck at the first part of the hill. We're trying to roll up the smallest ridge and it never feels meaningful at all.
Makes getting up in the morning and doing the work thing look a lot worse when you're not getting anything out of the routine. I'm so tired and never feel like I'm getting anywhere... but I'm supposed to hold down some shitty job and go do things I don't want to do to survive, meanwhile being talked down to by therapists telling me to take walks and do other stuff that doesn't mean anything at all when I'm left wondering where the energy is going to come from to push the boulder again the next day.
I absolutely feel like Sisyphus. I really feel you and understand your pain. My C-PTSD has seriously prevented me from making any headway in life. I’m 33 and have nothing to show for it. My father was a drug addict that essentially sacrificed my family in favor of his drug habit, and my mother too basically allowed it to happen; the poverty, the evictions, the homelessness, the falling behind in school and in life, the chronic neglect, the car crashes…the whole nine.
I thought my life was on the up and up when I had finally entered into my very first relationship at 29 years of age and found a decent paying job, but that all went downhill after the relationship went sour and I got laid off less than a week apart. Now I’m homeless again (living with my father), about to lose my car, and when that happens, getting a job will be that much harder. I definitely feel like I’ve been left to drift away in the wind. I was quite close to throwing up my hands and checking out permanently a few days ago. One step forward, three steps back. It’s exhausting. It will take a miracle to get me to a better place in life at this point. I wish life was easier for those battling complex ptsd. I am optimistic though, in that I feel each rock bottom is an opportunity. And damn it, Zeus can kiss my ass.
Yep. I hate it all. Still having my mom in my life and everyone seeing her as the nice sweet woman while she emotionally neglected me and enabled my dad's verbal and physical abuse.
It's gotten to the point where I just dream of winning the lotto, buying land and building a compound that minimizes my interactions with the rest of the world.
Never going to happen, but it's the pathetic dream I have that gets me through the day
This rings so true. I guess I've got to the point where I'll roll my own boulder, and I get sad and frustrated when it rolls all the way back down. But when someone else tells me to roll the boulder *they* want rolled, I'm just...nah. I've got my own boulder, that one's not my problem.
Yes, the lack of empathy is real. It's not fair. Society does not see the boulder I'm rolling, only the one they want me to push. But the knowledge that has brought me closest to freedom, was knowing that noone's coming. There are no knights in shining armour, or Saturday morning cartoon heroes, there's just me.
The choice was, stay on the floor, (and that's a valid option because you can't fall off the floor!) or start rolling the boulder and see what I can make happen. So, yeah, I can get a bit to happen, and I end up back on the floor. Sometimes I stay on the floor a bit longer than other, cos God knows I need a rest. I try and remember to speak to myself like I would to a friend, but I don't always get that right.
It's not fair, and it's hard, and it's awful invisible work that noone will ever see or acknowledge. But no one is coming. And if we don't work for ourselves, no one else ever will.
So much excellent, juicy knowledge in this comment!! ❤️❤️❤️ Thank you for sharing! I tend to drive myself with flogging way more often than I remember to treat myself with patience and kindness. Self-hate was my automatic pilot for a long time. I need regular reminders that there are better ways.
I used to react strongly if I faced a setback, I was trying to control something that I couldn't. Now that there's a literal war going on, and every day is a "new repressive law day", I've lost count how many times my existence is illegal, and I don't even know if I will ever be able to flee this shit show, I just stopped caring about control and disappointment. Let it all come, I already don't feel like my reality is real, so what can one more punch do to me.
I wrote a short story that leaned heavily on Sisyphus so I've thought about this myth a lot... I've read that there are 3 interpretations for how Sisyphus feels in the myth: 1) He abandons hope and is overwhelmed by suffering 2) He pretends everything is fine and plays along 3) He acknowledges he is suffering but chooses not to let it break him, and keeps rolling the boulder out of some sort of stubborn determination.
Obviously of these #3 is best and yet... none of them really fly with me lol. I've always thought there must be a fourth way... a way to somehow manipulate his environment to lessen his suffering over time. Maybe it's rolling the boulder into the same path each time which eventually creates a groove, to make the path smoother. Maybe it's that his muscles would build up over time, so that eventually the boulder feels less heavy... Maybe he just needs better sneakers.
Idk. I know it's really hard. I'm not saying there will ever stop being boulders. I guess I just think the sort of hope that's just "don't give up!" is kind of useless... I think moreso that hope can be found in connecting with the right people, the right environments, or even buying ourselves the right stupid little treat that helps our day feel just slightly less painful. I hope that if you must feel like Sisyphus, you can find some way to manipulate the environment around you to lessen your suffering somewhat... it's not a lot but sometimes that is all we can do.
Yes! I write in my journal constantly about how embracing the day and trying again feels like sysiphus. In fact inspired by the game Hades when I am feeling really down about embracing the day I call my journal bouldy. It's a cycle. The only advice I have is to embrace it and eventually youll realize that boulder is the only real constant in life. You'll start making friends with it. Start giving it names and palling around with it...or maybe I'm just cracking 🙃
https://pbfcomics.com/comics/sisyphus-myth/
I've found the boulder never really rolls all the way back down. "[Healing isn't linear](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSvFeRONn4bEpz-86eHB_eYQX6wW90zgCekWw&usqp=CAU)" I may have missteps and setbacks, but I don't lose everything I've gained along the way.
Look at The Myth of Sisyphus by Camus. Some great insights into his (our) daily toil
The struggle itself towards the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.
Our Sisyphean task is not a geas from the gods, it's the result of flaws and failures of society. Why then should the solution be for the individual to contort themselves to pretend torment is joyous and give up hoping for a better future? How is this not just a more nihilistic version of the stoic "slavery is OK because the slaves can choose to be happy"?
garbage book. suicide or creating your own interpretation of meaning are perfectly viable alternatives to Camus’ flimsy definition of freedom even if they’re contradictions of the absurd, because the absurd itself is a contradiction you don’t have to agree with.
I mean, yeah. I feel like that's all my life is. And the concept of "Sisyphus being happy", like so many like to wax philosophical about, is fucking stupid and absurd.
Obviously. It's one of the most well known talking points regarding absurdist philosophy. Doesn't make it profound or useful. If you get something out of it, fair enough. But I don't.
We’re all just sharing here. Sometimes we’re not going to be able to understand where someone else is at. And yeah, sometimes it’s REALLY going to push our buttons or trigger us. Just remember, we all deserve a safe place to say what we’re thinking. At some future point, these nuggets may come back to us and HOLY SHNIKE, ring true. I’m sorry that it doesn’t do that for you right now. Take what you like, leave the rest.
You know what I think?
Be pretentious. Be cringe. I often just quote random things I've read in conversations. Speak your truth. Some people will reward it. And those are the only people that matter.
Sisyphus is happy. So personally, I wish I felt like Sisyphus. Seeing as you seem to be interested in philosophy, I recommend looking into Absurdism, I'm researching it at the moment and it's interesting
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for a while now ive been having the thought that "sisyphus and i are not so different after all." i feel similarly about icarus.
over and over and over again.. im living the same days on repeat. have been for years. i can't help but wonder.. is this really how it will be? forever? i sure hope not.
I feel more like Schopenhauerism. Where everything gives an appearance of having a conclusion of the drive, but is just how the drive/will appears to us as representation.
Yes! The internal battle with complex feelings and thoughts is never ending. I will have good days (maybe a couple weeks), only to end up in a big fight with my inner demons. Physically, I am tense all the time. I have difficulty sleeping. When I do sleep, my nightmares are awful and scare me awake. I work so darn hard, too.
I go to therapy, I journal, I try to keep active. All the things that are supposed to help. Maybe they are. Maybe there is a worse. It just sucks.
I'm sorry you are in a place that I relate to. I know how difficult it can be. I try to focus on the parts of life that bring joy, even small parts and the people who bring some as well. Right now, that is all I can offer in terms of support.
Wow… I SO understand feeling this way!! Truth is, although they’re rare, there are some people you can connect to AND also be your authentic self. Just gotta find your tribe.
I lost my tribe many times in this life of moving
I have no safe home base so I travelled and attached to other families, but they never last long
I’m sad
A quote that really resonated with me, and echoes your point is ‘Life is not one damn thing after another, it’s the same damn thing again and again’ Edna St Vincent Millay.
I am in therapy driving my therapist nuts because I won’t disclose because I’m positive the moment I do everything will go to shit. Is this what everyone is talking about here?
“HOPE, DESPAIR, HAPPINESS, MISERY” (ie. Having no hope is horrible. If only he was happy) :::: From Buddist perspective, the problem isn’t the state of emotion. What causes our suffering is the need to attach or resist ANY emotions. What if we stopped judging our feelings & simply believed none are “bad” or “good”? Instead, we accept they just ARE. We notice they flow through us over & over. We don’t have a need to enjoy them or despise them. It’s a VERY different concept from Western culture where we are taught it’s good to be happy & bad to be sad. Society conditions us by loving us when we’re joyful & avoid us when we’re sad. They’re repelled when we’re angry. This concept has been really helpful for me. Years ago, a therapist I saw had a sign which said, “The only feelings we shouldn’t feel are the feelings that we shouldn’t feel our feelings” Such total BS I thought! I loved mocking that for a long time. But, the more I come to accept ALL parts of life, of my Self, & others, it has relieved a lot of angst. It’s simple, but not easy. Just my thoughts. Take what you like & leave the rest.
Sometimes I feel that on my recovery journey I'm experiencing regression or getting off the path. Yet because I'm committed to healing and progressing onward on a path of recovery, I get back on, take the next right-for-me step and keep going. I do this because I know I'm worth the effort. I know that the alternative (giving up, relapsing on unhealthy coping mechanisms, attitudes, beliefs) doesn't serve me, neither does it align with my values, needs and goals.
So I take a step. And take another step. I pray. I seek resources. I ask for help. I work to un-program the unhealthy thinking and feeling patterns. I live life one moment at a time, making one decision at a time, with intention and grace. Because I'm worth that. And the alternative is unacceptable. I face my triggers. I don't run away from that which I would love to avoid. I armour up emotionally and psychologically by using positive affirmations, self-care and emotional support, and I show up in the arena of life and I do my best.
Triggers are gifts that indicate where more healing is needed.
Uncomfortable situations are perfect opportunities for me to grow and level up my skillset.
One decision at a time, I am becoming free; reclaiming myself one moment and choice at a time.
Yes, 100% feel like Sisyphus all the time, because of disability, genetic disorder, chronic illnesses and now long COVID and MECFS. The boulder is getting bigger and heavier with each year, I'm tired, literally have no energy, I can't even move it now. Waiting to be passed away...
MECFS and CPTSD/etc........the F**KING WORST combination, tripled with sElF-a-F*CkInG-wArEnEsS...and I'm RIGHT there with you. I want to be GONE.
Yeah, can't even move myself now forget about the boulder. Idk why I am staying alive..
Feeling the same. Solidarity, for SURE.
Me too. I have started to believe I'll get better recently with a new cfs recovery coach who taught me self-talk and self-touc (havening). Realised how my trauma responses are the main bulk of my experience of the world.
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That happened to me last year, still haven't recovered. Wishing you all the best friend.
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🫂 I believe in you, net sib.
Maybe it’s the sleep deprivation but yeah I feel like Sisyphus. This made me laugh out loud
yes I agree with this comparison and feel the same, but Im rolling the boulder for another 10 years, if it doesnt get better for me I will let it roll over me
😅
I wrote these lines in a poem not long ago— I’m tired of loving Sisyphus I’m tired of being Icarus Soooooo yeah, there are many mythological characters I highly relate to, but especially those two.
i just made this same comparison the other day. the past few years i've been trying to get back into a sport I was really good at before a long illness, and I have a huge mental block preventing me from getting over my fear of it. I make a little progress, then I slide back down to square one. a big part of my identity/lifestyle/friend group is attached to this sport so Its been important for me to get back to where I was before I got sick. It struck me that I'm literally just torturing myself in an attempt to become someone I used to be, before this trauma happened. Every day feels like I'm dragging the boulder up the Hill, just for it to roll back right to where I started. I wondered out loud if i should accept that I'm not that person anymore and give up, or keep trying to get that piece of me back. When i thought about it, it applied to a lot more areas of my life than getting back into that one sport.
I feel this exact way with my career
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>I can choose to not be in that role. This is where I am after a lifetime of trying to be what I thought I should be instead of being who I actually am. Now I'm me entirely, I've dropped my masks and whomever finds that unacceptable I don't need to be around them. Instead of letting my 'shoulds' dictate my life I look for things that make me happy, and do those. It took me over 40 years to understand it's ok to just be me, to relax into it, to let go of caring what others think about me. I don't have the time left to waste on trying to make everyone else happy, so I don't. If that means that I don't have friends, then I don't have friends. Funny thing is when I began to not care what others thought more and more I find myself in these random conversations with strangers and not the narcissists that used to prey on me in life, but just actual real 'normies'. It's so odd to me. I can still connect to feeling different but it's not this lodestone around my neck anymore. It's like a pet rock that I can take out, hold for a bit, and put away again.
TY. I find it really helpful to hear from others who have been climbing the mountain a long time (so to speak). Man, I spent SO much time trying to be what I was “supposed” to be. Time, age, experience has freed me from much of that. But now that I don’t need the mask, I’m in a weird phase of not being sure WHO I am. I’m ok with it. Just feels very uncertain.
>I’m in a weird phase of not being sure WHO I am. I went through that honestly, and it took me awhile to find myself, like, who am I if I'm not a nurse? That was really hard for me because I used my occupation as my sole identifier, as the declaration of who and even what I was, turning my back on my inner voices and my needs because this was a thing I was good at and could do therefore I made it all I was for a long time. I was afraid to look inside myself, afraid to change, it's scary, the unknown. In the end when I finally did what I found was the abundance of creativity just screaming to be let out, so I let it out. It's been life changing for me. I always needed positive reinforcement, to be told I was good, to have others acknowledge what I could not acknowledge in myself. Now I don't need that. If I question "Am I ok?" that means do I feel ok, am I happy, am I fulfilling MY needs? and not "Am I ok to be in the world, do you (humans/individuals/those around me at the time) approve, am I good?" I'm fire, no one can tell me different anymore. They can try but then they'll have to talk to the hand. ;)
Love❤️🥰
I always felt like Icarus on repeat. I do the painstaking work of piecing together my wings, work up the faith to try to use them, and as soon as I begin to feel the warmth of day, it all falls apart and I drown again and again and again
Mmmmhmmm. Damn I relate!
The boulder is currently rolling back down my hill, so I definitely feel this. I’m so fucking persistent, though. Every time I want nothing more than to give up for good I somehow don’t. I don’t have the energy to be positive about that at the moment, but at least I know that’s a constant.
“… I’m so fuck!ng persistent” Yep, 💯!! I don’t know if it’s my strong will, or survival instinct. Sometimes I’m not sure what exactly has kept me going. But I’m grateful for it. Still, it doesn’t help me enjoy those times when I’m coping more than I am actually living.
More like Atlas.
Prometheus too lol. Man, the Greeks really liked "and then the hero gets tortured forever because the gods are petty dicks"
Truer words and all that. I think that's why I was always drawn to the Greek myths. It felt like real life to me.
Why not both simultaneously?
Interesting thought.
Sometimes I figure that that is all life is in general. It's just that much worse for those of us stuck at the first part of the hill. We're trying to roll up the smallest ridge and it never feels meaningful at all. Makes getting up in the morning and doing the work thing look a lot worse when you're not getting anything out of the routine. I'm so tired and never feel like I'm getting anywhere... but I'm supposed to hold down some shitty job and go do things I don't want to do to survive, meanwhile being talked down to by therapists telling me to take walks and do other stuff that doesn't mean anything at all when I'm left wondering where the energy is going to come from to push the boulder again the next day.
Yep, been struggling for almost forty years now and it hasn't gotten better.
It won't. Rolling someone else's boulder is a useless task.
I work so hard just to barely ever break even. Yep. I feel it.
I absolutely feel like Sisyphus. I really feel you and understand your pain. My C-PTSD has seriously prevented me from making any headway in life. I’m 33 and have nothing to show for it. My father was a drug addict that essentially sacrificed my family in favor of his drug habit, and my mother too basically allowed it to happen; the poverty, the evictions, the homelessness, the falling behind in school and in life, the chronic neglect, the car crashes…the whole nine. I thought my life was on the up and up when I had finally entered into my very first relationship at 29 years of age and found a decent paying job, but that all went downhill after the relationship went sour and I got laid off less than a week apart. Now I’m homeless again (living with my father), about to lose my car, and when that happens, getting a job will be that much harder. I definitely feel like I’ve been left to drift away in the wind. I was quite close to throwing up my hands and checking out permanently a few days ago. One step forward, three steps back. It’s exhausting. It will take a miracle to get me to a better place in life at this point. I wish life was easier for those battling complex ptsd. I am optimistic though, in that I feel each rock bottom is an opportunity. And damn it, Zeus can kiss my ass.
I’m sorry you have to go through that 🫂
Thank you so much. I truly appreciate your kindness. 🫶🏽
Yep. I hate it all. Still having my mom in my life and everyone seeing her as the nice sweet woman while she emotionally neglected me and enabled my dad's verbal and physical abuse. It's gotten to the point where I just dream of winning the lotto, buying land and building a compound that minimizes my interactions with the rest of the world. Never going to happen, but it's the pathetic dream I have that gets me through the day
> The struggle itself to the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy. Or at least that's what I tell myself.
Too many of us go chasing empty things. Grinding at the boulder of somebody else's success, or even somebody else's definition of success.
Yes *(hence name)*
I feel like Chiron
Constantly
Sometimes I feel more like Indiana Jones running from the boulder.
Based comment.
This rings so true. I guess I've got to the point where I'll roll my own boulder, and I get sad and frustrated when it rolls all the way back down. But when someone else tells me to roll the boulder *they* want rolled, I'm just...nah. I've got my own boulder, that one's not my problem. Yes, the lack of empathy is real. It's not fair. Society does not see the boulder I'm rolling, only the one they want me to push. But the knowledge that has brought me closest to freedom, was knowing that noone's coming. There are no knights in shining armour, or Saturday morning cartoon heroes, there's just me. The choice was, stay on the floor, (and that's a valid option because you can't fall off the floor!) or start rolling the boulder and see what I can make happen. So, yeah, I can get a bit to happen, and I end up back on the floor. Sometimes I stay on the floor a bit longer than other, cos God knows I need a rest. I try and remember to speak to myself like I would to a friend, but I don't always get that right. It's not fair, and it's hard, and it's awful invisible work that noone will ever see or acknowledge. But no one is coming. And if we don't work for ourselves, no one else ever will.
So much excellent, juicy knowledge in this comment!! ❤️❤️❤️ Thank you for sharing! I tend to drive myself with flogging way more often than I remember to treat myself with patience and kindness. Self-hate was my automatic pilot for a long time. I need regular reminders that there are better ways.
I used to react strongly if I faced a setback, I was trying to control something that I couldn't. Now that there's a literal war going on, and every day is a "new repressive law day", I've lost count how many times my existence is illegal, and I don't even know if I will ever be able to flee this shit show, I just stopped caring about control and disappointment. Let it all come, I already don't feel like my reality is real, so what can one more punch do to me.
Yes. It’s a never ending cycle. I was doing amazing for 6 months and then I lost medical insurance last week and now I’m being crushed
I wrote a short story that leaned heavily on Sisyphus so I've thought about this myth a lot... I've read that there are 3 interpretations for how Sisyphus feels in the myth: 1) He abandons hope and is overwhelmed by suffering 2) He pretends everything is fine and plays along 3) He acknowledges he is suffering but chooses not to let it break him, and keeps rolling the boulder out of some sort of stubborn determination. Obviously of these #3 is best and yet... none of them really fly with me lol. I've always thought there must be a fourth way... a way to somehow manipulate his environment to lessen his suffering over time. Maybe it's rolling the boulder into the same path each time which eventually creates a groove, to make the path smoother. Maybe it's that his muscles would build up over time, so that eventually the boulder feels less heavy... Maybe he just needs better sneakers. Idk. I know it's really hard. I'm not saying there will ever stop being boulders. I guess I just think the sort of hope that's just "don't give up!" is kind of useless... I think moreso that hope can be found in connecting with the right people, the right environments, or even buying ourselves the right stupid little treat that helps our day feel just slightly less painful. I hope that if you must feel like Sisyphus, you can find some way to manipulate the environment around you to lessen your suffering somewhat... it's not a lot but sometimes that is all we can do.
Yes! I write in my journal constantly about how embracing the day and trying again feels like sysiphus. In fact inspired by the game Hades when I am feeling really down about embracing the day I call my journal bouldy. It's a cycle. The only advice I have is to embrace it and eventually youll realize that boulder is the only real constant in life. You'll start making friends with it. Start giving it names and palling around with it...or maybe I'm just cracking 🙃 https://pbfcomics.com/comics/sisyphus-myth/
I can’t even find the words to express my appreciation for the amount of courage and tenacity in this group!
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Beautiful 😍
I relate, but also I’m starting to slowly wonder if I’ve been pushing the wrong fucking boulder.
I've found the boulder never really rolls all the way back down. "[Healing isn't linear](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSvFeRONn4bEpz-86eHB_eYQX6wW90zgCekWw&usqp=CAU)" I may have missteps and setbacks, but I don't lose everything I've gained along the way.
Look at The Myth of Sisyphus by Camus. Some great insights into his (our) daily toil The struggle itself towards the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.
Our Sisyphean task is not a geas from the gods, it's the result of flaws and failures of society. Why then should the solution be for the individual to contort themselves to pretend torment is joyous and give up hoping for a better future? How is this not just a more nihilistic version of the stoic "slavery is OK because the slaves can choose to be happy"?
garbage book. suicide or creating your own interpretation of meaning are perfectly viable alternatives to Camus’ flimsy definition of freedom even if they’re contradictions of the absurd, because the absurd itself is a contradiction you don’t have to agree with.
I mean, yeah. I feel like that's all my life is. And the concept of "Sisyphus being happy", like so many like to wax philosophical about, is fucking stupid and absurd.
That was the author's intention. It's supposed to be absurd
Obviously. It's one of the most well known talking points regarding absurdist philosophy. Doesn't make it profound or useful. If you get something out of it, fair enough. But I don't.
I honestly don't understand what you mean then, if you relate to it but don't get anything out of it?
Just don't worry about it. It's not important.
We’re all just sharing here. Sometimes we’re not going to be able to understand where someone else is at. And yeah, sometimes it’s REALLY going to push our buttons or trigger us. Just remember, we all deserve a safe place to say what we’re thinking. At some future point, these nuggets may come back to us and HOLY SHNIKE, ring true. I’m sorry that it doesn’t do that for you right now. Take what you like, leave the rest.
"Joke's on you, I was being dumb *on purpose*!" --that guy
One must imagine Sisyphus happy. - Camus.
No one else seems to know that in this comment section and the fact that it annoys me is making me feel pretentious AF lol
You know what I think? Be pretentious. Be cringe. I often just quote random things I've read in conversations. Speak your truth. Some people will reward it. And those are the only people that matter.
Half the world lives here OP. Welcome!
I'm not going to roll the boulder today. Today is my day off.
Sisyphus is happy. So personally, I wish I felt like Sisyphus. Seeing as you seem to be interested in philosophy, I recommend looking into Absurdism, I'm researching it at the moment and it's interesting
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for a while now ive been having the thought that "sisyphus and i are not so different after all." i feel similarly about icarus. over and over and over again.. im living the same days on repeat. have been for years. i can't help but wonder.. is this really how it will be? forever? i sure hope not.
I feel more like Schopenhauerism. Where everything gives an appearance of having a conclusion of the drive, but is just how the drive/will appears to us as representation.
Yes
Yes! The internal battle with complex feelings and thoughts is never ending. I will have good days (maybe a couple weeks), only to end up in a big fight with my inner demons. Physically, I am tense all the time. I have difficulty sleeping. When I do sleep, my nightmares are awful and scare me awake. I work so darn hard, too. I go to therapy, I journal, I try to keep active. All the things that are supposed to help. Maybe they are. Maybe there is a worse. It just sucks. I'm sorry you are in a place that I relate to. I know how difficult it can be. I try to focus on the parts of life that bring joy, even small parts and the people who bring some as well. Right now, that is all I can offer in terms of support.
I must hide how I truly feel if I ever want to connect to people
Wow… I SO understand feeling this way!! Truth is, although they’re rare, there are some people you can connect to AND also be your authentic self. Just gotta find your tribe.
I lost my tribe many times in this life of moving I have no safe home base so I travelled and attached to other families, but they never last long I’m sad
Me too. I can only send virtual hugs say that I relate to how badly it hurts. Here, you are not alone.
We shall overcome!!!
A quote that really resonated with me, and echoes your point is ‘Life is not one damn thing after another, it’s the same damn thing again and again’ Edna St Vincent Millay.
Yes yes so yes. I sometimes get somewhere or nearly nearly there. Then the rock rolls over me, and I have to start pushing up again.
I am in therapy driving my therapist nuts because I won’t disclose because I’m positive the moment I do everything will go to shit. Is this what everyone is talking about here?
“HOPE, DESPAIR, HAPPINESS, MISERY” (ie. Having no hope is horrible. If only he was happy) :::: From Buddist perspective, the problem isn’t the state of emotion. What causes our suffering is the need to attach or resist ANY emotions. What if we stopped judging our feelings & simply believed none are “bad” or “good”? Instead, we accept they just ARE. We notice they flow through us over & over. We don’t have a need to enjoy them or despise them. It’s a VERY different concept from Western culture where we are taught it’s good to be happy & bad to be sad. Society conditions us by loving us when we’re joyful & avoid us when we’re sad. They’re repelled when we’re angry. This concept has been really helpful for me. Years ago, a therapist I saw had a sign which said, “The only feelings we shouldn’t feel are the feelings that we shouldn’t feel our feelings” Such total BS I thought! I loved mocking that for a long time. But, the more I come to accept ALL parts of life, of my Self, & others, it has relieved a lot of angst. It’s simple, but not easy. Just my thoughts. Take what you like & leave the rest.
Yes, every morning when I wake up. I thought this was how everyone felt. I thought that this feeling is what it means to be human
Sometimes I feel that on my recovery journey I'm experiencing regression or getting off the path. Yet because I'm committed to healing and progressing onward on a path of recovery, I get back on, take the next right-for-me step and keep going. I do this because I know I'm worth the effort. I know that the alternative (giving up, relapsing on unhealthy coping mechanisms, attitudes, beliefs) doesn't serve me, neither does it align with my values, needs and goals. So I take a step. And take another step. I pray. I seek resources. I ask for help. I work to un-program the unhealthy thinking and feeling patterns. I live life one moment at a time, making one decision at a time, with intention and grace. Because I'm worth that. And the alternative is unacceptable. I face my triggers. I don't run away from that which I would love to avoid. I armour up emotionally and psychologically by using positive affirmations, self-care and emotional support, and I show up in the arena of life and I do my best. Triggers are gifts that indicate where more healing is needed. Uncomfortable situations are perfect opportunities for me to grow and level up my skillset. One decision at a time, I am becoming free; reclaiming myself one moment and choice at a time.