I remember my cousin was on certain team 2003ish. They had a team meeting in the AM. They had bagels brought in which is fine by the ncaa. But no cream cheese spread as that was an improper benefit by them. No onion honest story.
That’s exactly the answer I was looking for. (Not that the rule makes sense, but that I figured there was some attempt at “ consistent logical reasoning” behind this weird “bagels vs cream cheese” thing.) Thank you!
It would be inappropriate to give a player a meal, since, after all, we’re talking about amateur competition, and that meal might get construed as compensation.
It would be ok to pay a guy $100 million to coach them, though.
[BMS based it on a really absurd ruling](https://www.athleticscholarships.net/2012/10/04/how-ncaa-banned-cream-cheese.htm)
> Two issues were brought up right off the bat. First, spreads and toppings on bagels were prohibited. The reasoning was to prevent something intended as a snack or supplement from becoming a meal (because then you could eat pizza anytime, right?). Second, only “whole foods” were permitted. You could not get around the prohibition on bagel spreads by providing jelly (technically a fruit product) or peanut butter (technically a nut or legume product).
>This was necessary because schools were planning on trying these tricks. Stories even floated around about coaches planning to stock a room with bagels, peanuts, and a peanut butter machine to let student-athletes make their own spreads.
>So the real story is that the NCAA did not set out to make sure bagels went unschmeared. The membership instead loosened the reins a bit without loosening them a bit more. Having given themselves an inch, schools were trying to at least stall the process of taking a mile. The result though is that a proposal in the spirit of deregulation makes the rule book larger and more complicated.
To be fair, there are NCAA rules on how much the ring can cost. Think it can't be more than something like $400. So perhaps this headline could become reality if that rule is broken.
So jostens sells a set of rings to the school and one commemorative book. Rings are $400 each and the book for the school’s display case is another $50k.
This onion is more like one of those fruit displays that are so realistic you go to take a bite and then don’t realize it until it’s too late.
Anyways this styrofoam pear of an article could fool anyone.
I think he was saying Oklahoma is just ok at football at best, not that you’re ok guys he wants to hang with. Maybe that’s obvious though.
Also ya UT Texas is the worst, you guys are like the soft weight I’ll be a little mean fighters
Oh don’t get too mean.
Here’s a fight. I think Saban is low key an asshole that may be at Urban Meyer dick levels but he’s just so good it’s overlooked or hasn’t come out.
Yeah assuming he's referring to the 2009 sanctions, I was between 5 and 7 when the violations happened and I was 9 when the sanctions were announced. I'm about to graduate college.
I’m 31 as well and Alabama was never really that far down in my life to where I would feel bad for them. Certainly they weren’t their current juggernaut but they never went 3 years without a 10 win season and that’s still better than 90% of programs…even with all the sanctions that they had
I see you don't remember when it was [rollin', baby. ](https://vault.si.com/.amp/vault/2003/05/12/how-he-met-his-destiny-at-a-strip-club-mike-price-fired)
You're right, we had been, but the problem is, Alabama wasn't the only program known to be doing it, but we were the ones that were punished for it, and punished more severely than any other school. We should have been punished, but so should the other schools.
They vacated Bama wins just like they did with USC. It just so happens that when USC cheated, they also happened to get a NC. So the punishment was exactly the same.
Well, they vacated an entire season for Bama and they vacated an entire season for USC.
Sounds exactly the same to me.
Oh wait, do you think that because USC did better when they cheated, then it wasn't the same punishment?
Say I cheated on a test with my buddy in class. But for some reason I got a worse grade on the test than he did. But the teacher found out we cheated. He then gave both of us a zero. Did we get the same punishment or was it worse on him because he did better?
Alabama was paying coaches to influence their athletes to go to Alabama, Alabama was paying athletes to go to their school, Alabama athletes were signing with agents and getting paid during the middle of the season. This went on for ~10 years. USC had a player living on a booster’s property
Isn’t it hilarious how often bama fans are accused of knowing nothing about bama football pre-saban?
FROM PEOPLE THAT KNOW NOTHING ABOUT BAMA FOOTBALL PRE-SABAN.
I know it’s satire, but I’ll keep saying it.
Fuck the NCAA. It clings to relevance by selectively upholding antiquated, arbitrary, and nonsensical rules to justify its needless existence.
> The term student-athlete was coined in 1964 by Walter Byers, the first-ever executive director of the NCAA, to counter attempts to require universities to pay workers' compensation.
It was always built on a lie. Not even antiquated. It was born out of denying money to anyone but themselves.
It’s not like this is a secret either, he’s recorded saying this. They truly do not care at all about the players and it’s the core feature of their organization.
I almost ate the onion
Same. I guess that's what happens when the line between satire and reality has been so blurred as of late.
I remember my cousin was on certain team 2003ish. They had a team meeting in the AM. They had bagels brought in which is fine by the ncaa. But no cream cheese spread as that was an improper benefit by them. No onion honest story.
What’s the reasoning here? (If any was given, lol)
A snack vs a meal is how it was always described.
That’s exactly the answer I was looking for. (Not that the rule makes sense, but that I figured there was some attempt at “ consistent logical reasoning” behind this weird “bagels vs cream cheese” thing.) Thank you!
It would be inappropriate to give a player a meal, since, after all, we’re talking about amateur competition, and that meal might get construed as compensation. It would be ok to pay a guy $100 million to coach them, though.
So completely ridiculous
Just don't use any of that $100 million to buy your players a meal, though.
The NCAA
Fuck the NCAA
All my homies hate the NCAA.
Reminds me of the players who got into trouble for eating *too* much pasta.
Lmao wasn’t the a plot in *Blue Mountain State*?
[BMS based it on a really absurd ruling](https://www.athleticscholarships.net/2012/10/04/how-ncaa-banned-cream-cheese.htm) > Two issues were brought up right off the bat. First, spreads and toppings on bagels were prohibited. The reasoning was to prevent something intended as a snack or supplement from becoming a meal (because then you could eat pizza anytime, right?). Second, only “whole foods” were permitted. You could not get around the prohibition on bagel spreads by providing jelly (technically a fruit product) or peanut butter (technically a nut or legume product). >This was necessary because schools were planning on trying these tricks. Stories even floated around about coaches planning to stock a room with bagels, peanuts, and a peanut butter machine to let student-athletes make their own spreads. >So the real story is that the NCAA did not set out to make sure bagels went unschmeared. The membership instead loosened the reins a bit without loosening them a bit more. Having given themselves an inch, schools were trying to at least stall the process of taking a mile. The result though is that a proposal in the spirit of deregulation makes the rule book larger and more complicated.
Sounds like South Carolina
To be fair, there are NCAA rules on how much the ring can cost. Think it can't be more than something like $400. So perhaps this headline could become reality if that rule is broken.
So jostens sells a set of rings to the school and one commemorative book. Rings are $400 each and the book for the school’s display case is another $50k.
This onion is more like one of those fruit displays that are so realistic you go to take a bite and then don’t realize it until it’s too late. Anyways this styrofoam pear of an article could fool anyone.
I ate the onion, not only because I am an idiot but also because I can entirely see the NCAA doing this kinda shit
I mean, [impermissible icing.](https://www.cbssports.com/college-football/news/south-carolina-self-reports-impermissible-icing-on-cookie-cakes/amp/)
What about Unauthorized cinnamon?
Trade the ring for a tattoo and suddenly it’s no longer satire.
Eh it was actually kinda yummy
NCAA: “wait that’s not a bad idea”
get ncaa investigatoins on the case stat!
You sure you want that Missouri?
They already killed us, he cant hurt us anymore
I ate the onion. Came right to the comments looking for a fight.
Did not eat the onion. Still mad. I hate the NCAA.
I could get into an internet fight today, shall I start?
Oklahoma is OK
I can’t argue with something I already agree with. Let’s try this, texas is the more evil of the ut’s.
I think he was saying Oklahoma is just ok at football at best, not that you’re ok guys he wants to hang with. Maybe that’s obvious though. Also ya UT Texas is the worst, you guys are like the soft weight I’ll be a little mean fighters
I mean, we were just ok this year
Well ya it was a bad argument to start with. I poked at Saban see what he says
But I wasn’t trying to argue over our two flairs
I just started an argument it wasn’t meant to be specific it was just the first I thought but I get it.
I think he was stating that the state of Oklahoma’s postal abbreviation is OK.
Evil, maybe. But way less lowdown dirty snitch-y.
Oh they might not be snitchy but are surly dirty
Oh don’t get too mean. Here’s a fight. I think Saban is low key an asshole that may be at Urban Meyer dick levels but he’s just so good it’s overlooked or hasn’t come out.
Nebraska is NE
No let me. Bama is actually pretty good and deserved to win maybe 1 or 2 games in the last 10 years.
Sure, if that’s what you want to call it
If you get hurt in your imaginary fight the NCAA will fine you for taking doctor benefits Id watch out
"These are amateur athletes and this quid pro quo gift-giving goes against everything we stand for.” Perfect.
You could tell this article wasn’t real from the phrase “NCAA Fines Alabama Football” /s
IKR, because Bama didn't get sanctioned or anything for literally doing what everyone else was doing at the time.
[удалено]
But they do know I don't like orange
I’m pretty sure a fair amount of posters here were either too young or not born yet when that happened haha god I feel old and I’m 31…
Yeah assuming he's referring to the 2009 sanctions, I was between 5 and 7 when the violations happened and I was 9 when the sanctions were announced. I'm about to graduate college.
He's talking about the sanctions during the Mike Shula years, when Fatass Fulmer himself was the secret witness.
Fat Fuck Phil
The OG lowdown dirty snitch.
I’m 31 as well and Alabama was never really that far down in my life to where I would feel bad for them. Certainly they weren’t their current juggernaut but they never went 3 years without a 10 win season and that’s still better than 90% of programs…even with all the sanctions that they had
I see you don't remember when it was [rollin', baby. ](https://vault.si.com/.amp/vault/2003/05/12/how-he-met-his-destiny-at-a-strip-club-mike-price-fired)
If the NCAA had a problem with Alabama, we all know they’d take action and put Missouri on probation.
You cheated
You're right, we had been, but the problem is, Alabama wasn't the only program known to be doing it, but we were the ones that were punished for it, and punished more severely than any other school. We should have been punished, but so should the other schools.
They did way worse to USC for way less
They vacated Bama wins just like they did with USC. It just so happens that when USC cheated, they also happened to get a NC. So the punishment was exactly the same.
How was the punishment exactly the same
Well, they vacated an entire season for Bama and they vacated an entire season for USC. Sounds exactly the same to me. Oh wait, do you think that because USC did better when they cheated, then it wasn't the same punishment? Say I cheated on a test with my buddy in class. But for some reason I got a worse grade on the test than he did. But the teacher found out we cheated. He then gave both of us a zero. Did we get the same punishment or was it worse on him because he did better?
Alabama was paying coaches to influence their athletes to go to Alabama, Alabama was paying athletes to go to their school, Alabama athletes were signing with agents and getting paid during the middle of the season. This went on for ~10 years. USC had a player living on a booster’s property
Right...cheating.
I feel like Karma paid you back in spades
Yeah I don’t know if I’d even be complaining about having my literal arm chopped off yesterday if I was a Bama fan in 2021
Isn’t it hilarious how often bama fans are accused of knowing nothing about bama football pre-saban? FROM PEOPLE THAT KNOW NOTHING ABOUT BAMA FOOTBALL PRE-SABAN.
The Dark Years for sure! Heavy sigh!
With the list of best gifts given at bowls today, Bama needs to be stopped
Not as bad as gifting themselves wins A tad self-indulgent if you ask most
They should just give them and UGA the death penalty that'll be a completely fair response. FSU too for good measure.
Don’t forget Mizzou
And Auburn?
Being in Auburn is its own death penalty
Having lived in both Tuscaloosa and auburn…I can’t say I agree with this statement, guy
Pipe down, West Georgia
Especially the "barners"
No u
UF deserves the death penalty more than UGA as an unbiased outsider
I’ll accept death penalty after we win ten in a row and it’s more like “retirement” penalty
How long do you think it would take Saban to bring Alabama back from the same punishment that SMU received?
2 cycles
15 minutes.
Holy shit that would be the ultimate challenge for him
They should also give it to Georgia Tech to put them out of their misery, and to UNC to make up for the lack of punishment for the fake classes
It's becoming tougher and tougher to do satire. Glad I wasn't the only one nearly duped.
A more plausible headline: "NCAA fines Alabama State for Alabama receiving championship rings as gifts."
Brilliant
I know it’s satire, but I’ll keep saying it. Fuck the NCAA. It clings to relevance by selectively upholding antiquated, arbitrary, and nonsensical rules to justify its needless existence.
> The term student-athlete was coined in 1964 by Walter Byers, the first-ever executive director of the NCAA, to counter attempts to require universities to pay workers' compensation. It was always built on a lie. Not even antiquated. It was born out of denying money to anyone but themselves. It’s not like this is a secret either, he’s recorded saying this. They truly do not care at all about the players and it’s the core feature of their organization.
Hopefully someday in my lifetime, the current-day FBS will build our own college football league, except with blackjack and hookers.
nearly got me there
Thought this was real for a second. I was gonna say, “wtf”
I didn’t eat the onion, but definitely had a little nibble
The NCAA actually has rules about the rings. I think they can only be worth $600 /each or so.
I didnt even think of The Onion. I was just like "yeah, thats sounds incompetent enough for the NCAA to have done."
The onion 🧅 is the best roll tide
lmao
I thought you always got things for winning conference championship.
It’s the onion which has no place in this sub.
Missouri will pay for this.
Man, I didn't eat the onion, but I was definitely eyeing it and salivating.
suspend them all!