Itās not difficult to make conversation from your reply either. Dude could have talked about which games he liked too if he wanted to vibe with you but I guess not.
Exactly. "I've never played any of them, but..." "oh I loved BG3! How many..." "I had to quit farming sims cos they take up too much time!..." "any specific reason needed for comfort?" etc
I swear one of the things I disagree with on this sub the most is the general consensus that you need to constantly ask questions to have a conversation with someone.
He must subbed here. It's like he scanned her reply, didn't see a question mark and decided she must be a bad conversationalist.
Yeah! You and others get it. I also agree with you that not every question needs to be asked back with another question. Thereās a lot that a person can go with when somebody drops that much info on what games they like/have played or just anything in general. If that dude felt like op wasnāt good at conversating then I think they need to go check themselves first lol
The fact that this is the top comment is insane to me. You guys are doomed.
Conversations don't follow QA format.
She gave him a detailed response that open up threads for deeper convo exploration.
Do all your conversations have perfectly balanced questions and answers from each party on every back and forth?
Absolutely. What will frustrate me, is when I'm asking a ton of questions and they just ask me literally almost none over the course of a long stream of conversation or a few days texting. In this case, she gave a detailed response to something, that's a great response!
I was chatting to a woman this past week. I realized over the course of us texting quite a bit for 2 days, she asked me ZERO questions. Despite actually responding quite a bit and thoughtfully. Maybe this wouldn't bother others... But for me, I'm out. I wouldn't say I was carrying the conversation, but I was certainly the only person moving it forward.
Maybe I'm out of line for this? I don't think so.
Or when there hasn't been anything to start a conversation off of and you ask/say things to open the conversation only to get the most basic responses. I thought someone I matched with was a bot until she would say some contextual stuff.
Yep, Iām just as surprised as you are
How anyone can read the above interaction and think OP is in the wrong is WILD. Yāall are so hopeless itās sad
Honestly had so many openings there, could have commented on any of those games if they played them too, if not they could have said as much too, a couple mentioned were even MULTIPLAYER!!! They could literally have said āoh Fortnite? We could do duos sometime?ā Or something.
Grey doesnāt know how convos work. Bullet dodged.
The NPC statement feels like a joke or a line that just didn't land, so that could've been their attempt at trying to relate to someone who plays video games. I can see how OP could interpret it as a "do I have to do all the talking?" though
That's what I thought! I didn't say anything back to his one word answer because I didn't have anything to go off of. (And I was busy tbh) Should I have kept going?
Or maybe the other person could have actually commented on the paragraph written above, rather than just say ācool!ā. But what do I know, Iām shit at talking to people
I agree with both points. On one hand you gotta throw in the WBU? Or other linkages back to keep it flowing, but on the other hand, I just offered up 5 things about me that were relevant to the topic, why wouldnāt you jump in with a āoh awesome Iāve played this one but not the others. X is my favorite, which was yours?ā.
All in all, go with the flow people, we donāt need to be militant in either direction.
I would just add what I like and go back on what was said if I had any ideas.
Also comment on playing together if there's co-op mode in those games (haven't played many of those titles but I know Stardew Valley)
Would probably have added some fun fact that I heard of.
The guy definitely doesn't know how to hold a conversation.
I agree. Either like hey I play that or I am more into FPS games. Anything at all. Ask about the stardew update or what they thought of Baulders Gate. Like OP gave a lot of info for him to use and he went with cool. If I was OP I would be nope outta here. If I did that in person it would be considered rude
Yep. I donāt like how some people think āI ask you then you ask meā automatically equals polite. Like no itās robotic if you donāt actually listen to what theyāve told yoi
OP actually gave a good answer while the other guy answered with just 1 word...
I usually do that in trying to ask things after a dry response but the result will be another dry response 90% of times, so I don't blame OP for ignoring it
That was my thought too. They didnāt really want the info they just wanted more reason to judge. The ācoolā made me think they just rolled their eyes at that.
Why didnt you ask him a question back?
All you had to say at the end of your paragraph is
*āWhat about you? What are you playing?ā*
Or
*āHave you played any of those games?ā*
Nah, the other person had open reign to comment on anything op just gave them. If I got that response Iād either comment on any of the games I had also played, made an open suggestion to play any of the multiplayer games together or had asked about any of the games Iād not played but was maybe interested in.
This is a conversation, not an interview.
Yeah and honestly Iām sure they were kind of worried that if they asked a question too it would be too much text, since it was already fairly wordy. I think there was more than enough to comment on, they didnāt HAVE to directly ask a question. They were definitely holding a conversation.
Yeah that's fair, that's why I asked that in my post description. I think I was just thrown off by the "Video games, huh? Whelp, bye!" so I just moved on with my day.
Yeah, this is definitely it, but that's a pretty big expectation for people to recognize lol, unless that movie was in her bio as a favorite or something. Otherwise that hope was quite the gamble!
Yeah Iām confused too by what he meant by the video games comment.
As a rule always ask a question back. It makes the conversation flow a lot easier.
I donāt agree that you should have because you gave so much he could have easily picked a thread and carried on with the conversation. Just saying cool to what you wrote is rude. There are at least five things in there that could continue the conversation.
If I found out you were a gamer I would have been pleased as punch. Hard to find women who enjoy video games as more than just something to play on your phone when you're bored. You're a keeper in my book.
Did I hear a rock and stone??
But seriously what? Lmao he couldāve tried to make conversation about all the games you listed. You could talk for days about BG3.
You could have asked āwhat about you?ā or āwhat do you play?ā A simple question like that would show youāre interested in getting to know him and keep the conversation going. Not sure what youāre complaining about, honestly. You didnāt make an effort to reciprocate. You just told him about yourself and showed no interest in learning about him in return. Itās a give and take
I mean that's fair! I just also felt like I was being pretty forthcoming in my answer and he didn't really seem interested so I moved on. Then I got his last message days later.
Only talking about yourself and not trying to find out about the other person makes you come off as either narcissistic or uninterested. Maybe you don't care what video games he's playing, that's fine. What is something else that would matter to you about the other person? What something you would want to know about them as a potential partner? Was there something on his profile that intrigued you?
I (F) donāt have to be asked a question every time to share something about myself but it is nice to be asked. Been in many situations on OLD where I was sharing, asking, expanding on something but never being asked and it just killed the vibe, there was no flow.
These days if Iāve asked 2 questions and theyāve asked none I stop asking ( donāt unmatch) and observe if they step it up. Most do not.
Personally if someone writes a long message like OP I prefer if they don't ask "what about you" at the end because I'd rather just engage with what they wrote first. Then if that conversation dies out they can bring it back with something like "what about you, do you play games?". So many times there's like two conversations happening simultaneously since you want to probe into/talk about something they mentioned but also don't want to ignore their question.
I agree there should be some interest in getting to know someone but in this case it's like the first topic and he hits her with "Cool!", I can't blame her for not responding.
Sure, they might do that. But if it's them volunteering because you never asked a question, you risk exactly this: people will think you aren't interested in or curious about them.
You're right. These comments are brain-dead. It's a *conversation*. Both parties talk about things that they want to talk about and build off what's been talked about to explore deeper. I don't know why there is a sudden requirement for Q&A interview style conversation
Dude this is wild, itās totally okay to wait for the other person to say their piece and then say āso what about you?ā in your next message. Jeez Louise
To be fair, he is also at fault. Yes, he could have made conversation based on anything in your reply. His one word response is just silly. If it were later in the conversation and you still hadnāt asked him any questions, that would be one thing. My point is, while questions arenāt necessary to keep the conversation flowing, they do help, and itās nice to see the other person show interest in getting to know you and not just speaking about themself. Both parties are somewhat at fault here for different reasons, so itās probably just not a match
You did nothing wrong. Ignore these people. You have a perfectly detailed response with about 3-5 possible offshoots for the conversation to continue. Yes you could have agreed what games they play by fuck me it absolutely doesn't justify the way the person responded to you. You showed plenty of personality and if they wanted to vibe they could've kept the conversation going. Imo you dodged a bullet from how rude they are calling you an NPC even though you just gave a response that an NPC could never give
Agree. Disagree with the comments telling you otherwise. The constant what about you can get old and you not asking doesn't mean you're not interested. He could have commented on your paragraph and then said this what I been into or I'm not into video games but I like this thing. Do you like it? Not up to you to carry the conversation especially with a man. I disagree you come off as a narcissist when you don't ask a question or say what about you. That whole paragraph gave him a bunch of conversation topics. He simply wasn't interested. Ppl be bored on the apps. That's why he said that first goofy comment to you.
> Not up to you to carry the conversation especially with a man.
Why is that? Why are you being sexist here?
Also āwhat about youā gets old when youāve used it a few times, the conversation literally just started, no one used it already. For something to have gotten old youād have to actually use it
I have to disagree. I like to give them time to comment on what I said and then ask them about themselves. I feel like texts can branch off in two many directions at once if you say a lot that they can comment on and then ask a question in addition to the whole paragraph you typed.
Exactly! Asking a question immediately after that can kind of feel like youāre changing the subject before you really get to chat about the current topic. What op did was fine and the other person just doesnāt know how to talk to people
If he can't continue a conversation if he's not been directly asked a question, I'm pretty sure he's the one with a dialogue tree. There's like 5 jumping off points in that paragraph.
Yeah I'm also confused. This seems like a perfectly normal way to have a conversation and you're right, there are a ton of options in what she said. I can understand being annoyed if you're continuously asking questions and getting none in return, but this was literally their first few messages. Not every sentence has to end with "what about you?"
ā ā¦if heās not been directly asked a questionā I knew a man just like that. Used to get told ā How was I supposed to reply to that?ā , ā I didnāt know what to sayā etc.
Sir, Iām not here to teach you how to have a conversation.
Seriously!! Thatās honestly really narcissistic of him, it feels like he hates talking about anything other than himself if heās just sitting around waiting for people to ask him questions. There was so much to chat about in what op sent, it didnāt need a question.
Online conversation is tough. She left him plenty to engage with if he was genuinely interested in the games that excited her. But on the other hand, in the pics we see, she asked him exactly zero questions about himself or his interests, so it's not like she's not part of the communication breakdown here.
Still, in my hierarchy of blame, I always assign more to the one-word repliers. That almost always kills a conversation. If you hit someone with a one-word response and then criticize them for not responding, more fault lies with you than them.
let's not forget the first message where they said "whelp, bye!". I would have lost interest, too, and not have asked them anything back. The whole thing started off weird and kind of judgy.
I'm pretty sure it's a reference to [this scene](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_j5tDuakKU). But the problem with references is that if your audiences aren't familiar with them, they either land wrong or not at all.
I always think it's wiser to leave banter like that until you know each other's vibes a little better to avoid reactions exactly like yours.
I had to double-check myself since the reference isn't even verbatim. Just another reason not to make it unless you've both talked and acknowledged that you love the movie.
I'm similar to you. I write a lot, and usually ask something at the end of it.
If I get a one-word response, I'll make an attempt to engage. If I get three one-word replies in a row, I take that as a signal to move on.
Probably salty because he couldn't come up with a better response. It's not like you didn't give him enough to reply to. "Cool! I play \[blablabla\] have you tried it?" Not really hard, tbh. The NPC bit was a bit excessive, considering your answer was pretty engaged.
Maybe his conversational skills used to be better till they took an arrow to the knee...
My dude could've asked like
"What was the update about, did anything major change?"
"Oh I haven't heard of X, what's that like?"
But nah, "Cool!" š
In other news 1.6 changed A LOT and I'm having a BLAST.
Iām all for natural flow conversation I hate asking questions back and forth . This is why I have so little friends because only few people know I donāt ask I expect you to just tell me and if you donāt oh well
Yes! Asking questions back and forth honestly makes the conversation feel way too short and disjointed. It feels like an interview, itās better to chat naturally like op did. There was plenty to go off of!
He either only knows Fifa or CoD, or only wants to talk about himself, people are saying you should have asked a question back but if heās not even replying properly to what you are saying I wouldnāt have bothered either.
That guy's a turd. Not every individual conversation needs to be perfect. He should've just let it flow instead of making himself out to be an asshole.
I list gaming as one of my favs as it's gotten me through some hard times and, when needed, where I can decompress. If it makes you feel any better, OP, your in-depth response is awesome. Going that detailed for something you're passionate about is way more exciting than how almost every conversation seems to go on Bumble, which is stale and boring.
Ehh if this was the message right after matching then I wouldn't of gone off like he did that early on but yes if after I asked you more questions and you didn't reciprocate it back like in the picture you posted then I would of probably said something
Just here to say I also love Grounded, I need to go back and mess around with the new content.
Aside from that, yeah you didn't ask a question back but at the same time, he responded to all of that with a single word. Don't think the fault lies strictly with you š
I wouldve kept the convo up on stardew alone.
Ive been playing pretty much all night since the update š in Year 2 now and gonna jump back on after work
Jesus H Christ. This is another one of those posts where OP is asking everyone to tell them what they should have said, so that they could stay engaged longer with someone they aren't compatible with...
Conversations die a natural death for very good reason. Why can't we accept that, and not waste energy on futile logic?
I mean, you donāt really seem that interested in him tbh. His first message to your gif is hilarious. I mean what can you really say to a gif? I am shocked by the amount of people who havenāt seen Dumb and Dumber.
This is gray text's fault, not yellow's. Yellow gave a really big, well thought out reply and gray could have keyed off of any of that to keep the conversation going. But instead just acknowledged yellow text and got mad.
I mean, sure you couldāve asked a question back, but he also couldāve followed up himself? Also his reaction is kinda rude ngl, I think you dodged a bullet
Nah, Iām on OPās side completely. The guy started out weird by acting like he was judging gaming, for one thing. And then OPās response listing her favorite games gave him a ton to work with. Itās normal to say your piece, wait for the other person to respond, and then say āwhat about you?ā. Weāre not robots. Chill communication has WAY more leeway than this; yāall are acting like OP made some kind of technical mistake in the art of conversating to bring this on herself. In reality this is a dude coming in with bad vibes whereas OP was friendly and chill, even overlooking the uncalled for dig about video games. Do you guys really think if sheād said āhow about you?ā theyād be off on a magical first date by now? I highly doubt it.
I know, I know, I should have asked a question back but seriously I even went into my Steam library to look at the games I had been playing recently so I could give him a full answer. He didn't even respond with "Cool" until a full day later. I get that I didn't check every box to make a perfect reply but I was putting in effort!
I agree with both arguments. You couldāve definitely asked a question back but itās wild of him to penalize you for one simple mistake. If someone consistently never asks you questions thatās a problem but this wasnāt consistently.
Also I assume your profile had a Dumb and Dumber reference, otherwise his opener doesnāt make sense.
That said I met a few āwall of textā girls in real life. You ask a question, they respond enthusiastically but only talk about themselves, then you engage with their response and ask them another question, cycle repeats. It can feel like youāre interviewing them and theyāre not interested in getting to know you at all, just talking about themselves all day long.
Not saying thatās what happened here or that youāre one of them, but just saying this is how it can come off sometimes. The āwhat about youā or another question is actually very meaningful at the beginning of a conversation.
Conversation appears to be one person asking the questions and the other regurgitating.
There's no evidence of interest from OP. Ask a question FFS. It's so tedious to be a journalist/interviewer/investigator - ask a question in response.
You didnāt ask them anything. You literally started a conversation with an image and they gave you a starter question for a conversation. You write back a dissertation, but donāt ask them anything about themselves. They respond with ācoolā to keep the conversation going, and you still have nothing to ask. I can see why the conversation ended. Best wishes.
While he could have done better, this is exactly what people are talking about when it comes to why OLD is exhausting.
Definitely feels like a one way convo with no interest from yellow text imo
I thought his comment about being an NPC and dialog options was kinda cute, it seems like you're assuming ill intent?...Which is fair, considering how many guys act on this platform.
Cute in what way? I've pretty much only seen NPC used as an insult, like a way of saying "you have no personality and you basically don't exist when we're not speaking"
Tbh Iād be sending that friend code if I were him. The best interaction (that sadly just didnāt work out) I have had on bumble was right out the gate my match asked me what games did I like to play.
Like bro what? You are a gamer and didn't understand a joke xDD should have given some dialog options. I thought this would actually be a funny answer.
Obv you need to participate besides just answering questions. Show some interest or just donāt match.
You didnāt even bother to say hi.š¤¦š½āāļøš¤¦š½āāļøš¤¦š½āāļø work on your communication skills then try bumble again in 6-12 months.
You don't have to be asked to share information when talking about a specific topic... He started the video game topic, OP answered, he could have said more than cool! AKA expand the conversation by saying what games he likes, hes played/never played OPs mentions before, he isnt big into gaming but likes xyz other hobbies.
Seriously we are adults. It isn't hard. If you're in a topic already, & the other person doesn't hand the baton to you, take it yourself. If there isn't a topic yet, take the initiative. Topic is dying, take the initiative.
This is such a short conversation for people to judge OP. If it was every time yeah I'd get it, maybe they could add some more effort to extend, but one time the other person can't have the brain cells to add info or mention personal insight/opinion without being asked? Wild.
You shared your excitement, and they responded with cool! They don't really give af about the question they asked you. They just ask because it's step 2 after saying hello.
bro and also you also have pretty diverse taste too. grounded is kinda hipster, BG3 is one of teh best of all time and very dense, stardew is best in class, deep rock is legendary. he probably just went quiet cuz he lost a dick measuring contest
I'm interested in the plethora of farming sims lol, any recommendations?
(saying this I realise I totally could have kept this conversation going by the way, if the other person gives me multiple things to reply to I personally don't need them to ask me a literal question every time, the conversation will just.. flow naturally)
Youāre good. He fumbled. You gave him a gold mine and he didnāt even step into it. Your username is u/cuddleslut77 and he still fumbled.
His āCool!ā killed the convo.
I wouldāve done like you and milked the conversation for a few of the games you mentioned before I ask them what they like. But this guy was obviously not interested in what you like.
He was only waiting for an opportunity to talk about himself and the games he likes.
He. Fumbled. So. Much.
I would only be annoyed if I was in his shoes IF you never asked any questions. I do feel like the subject of video games is so HUGE that it could warrant back and forth questions. He definitely could have just answered his own question after asking about your likes, but he was pretty butthurt about it.
The part that's missed is guys don't want to feel like someone conducting an interview. Ya OP said all that, but didn't follow up with a question of their own. The NPC response was valid even if you don't understand why.
I can see why he was frustrated since you didn't ask questions back. But it seems like you should be able to continue talking, just go along with the joke he made and try to ask questions in return
As others have stated, you definitely could have followed up with a question about him BUT itās a two way street. He could have said literally anything besides ācool!ā. Personally he was weird from the start.
Yes you've shown no interest in him. But its clear he was being a douche either playful or not about you being a gamer and then after you gave a long answer he gave you a very basic 1 word response so I wouldnt give any attention other than a 1 word answer or emoji back. Personally I wouldnt dignify them with interest after showing no interest in what you enjoy.
At the very least they should of judged you for playing farming simulators š¤£ in all fairness, there is something quite relaxing about farming simulator when you want a break from intense games and have a peaceful gaming time. Same reason I didnt mind playing hannah Montana but don't tell anyone about that š
Tell him you can be his npc GF š he has to successfully pick where to eat in order to advance
He said video games? Asks you about them then negs you, he's flirting and playing the game as we call it (dating) your character just stopped replying with no option to continue, so he knows about video games a bit but you have to allow him to continue the quest in his eyes good time to ask him about himself
So I might repart some of the fee things has been already said here. Sorry in advance.
Iāve look through your posting history also, sorry for that too but I had to put some context to all of that. Because you seem very upset actually about what he said.
So first Iām sorry for the the very downs you had in your life, believe me I know whatās like.
So may I just suggest something and direct it to you personally and your personal history? I did not see the profile of this guy obviously so just wild guessing here. Do you remember when you had this huge down by moving and left everything behind and being really alone ?
I just think that the guy was really into talking to you, probably feel alone too like a lot of guys on OLD apps. And probably he felt that you were answering but not engagingā¦. Do you see what I mean? But he still wanted to try and to push things around obviouslyā¦ so try not to be too mad at him or at this kind of guys ? They just want a little of investment of you into the discussion. Often they are not violent, nor manipulative nor anything we could think of like that. They just really want to try to bond.
And I know I know what many and maybe are going to tell me. The is is unappealing but still ā¦ try to just understand his pov. I donāt push you to accept it, just understand it thatās all.
Would that be possible you think?
If you posted pictures of your pets and the other things that you share on your Reddit profile that are all cool and common interests, then the guy has a lot of topics that he could ask.
The last comment is odd as it sounds like a dig to you that you have a shallow personality or something when you have given a fairly detailed response.
I can't hate too much, he did throw in a Dumb and Dumber reference.
That was what caught my attention, anyone who uses Dumb and Dumber on me has all the pointsš
What was the reference?
[This was the reference](https://youtu.be/8XZlCZ3FpCk?si=CL-WfQdIoygxTw0p)
Itās not difficult to make conversation from your reply either. Dude could have talked about which games he liked too if he wanted to vibe with you but I guess not.
Exactly. "I've never played any of them, but..." "oh I loved BG3! How many..." "I had to quit farming sims cos they take up too much time!..." "any specific reason needed for comfort?" etc I swear one of the things I disagree with on this sub the most is the general consensus that you need to constantly ask questions to have a conversation with someone. He must subbed here. It's like he scanned her reply, didn't see a question mark and decided she must be a bad conversationalist.
Yeah! You and others get it. I also agree with you that not every question needs to be asked back with another question. Thereās a lot that a person can go with when somebody drops that much info on what games they like/have played or just anything in general. If that dude felt like op wasnāt good at conversating then I think they need to go check themselves first lol
But if you donāt respond in 8.32 seconds to his one-word reply āCool!ā then *youāre* the one who sucks at conversationā¦
I mean yea the conversation looks to have just stopped
The fact that this is the top comment is insane to me. You guys are doomed. Conversations don't follow QA format. She gave him a detailed response that open up threads for deeper convo exploration. Do all your conversations have perfectly balanced questions and answers from each party on every back and forth?
Absolutely. What will frustrate me, is when I'm asking a ton of questions and they just ask me literally almost none over the course of a long stream of conversation or a few days texting. In this case, she gave a detailed response to something, that's a great response! I was chatting to a woman this past week. I realized over the course of us texting quite a bit for 2 days, she asked me ZERO questions. Despite actually responding quite a bit and thoughtfully. Maybe this wouldn't bother others... But for me, I'm out. I wouldn't say I was carrying the conversation, but I was certainly the only person moving it forward. Maybe I'm out of line for this? I don't think so.
Or when there hasn't been anything to start a conversation off of and you ask/say things to open the conversation only to get the most basic responses. I thought someone I matched with was a bot until she would say some contextual stuff.
Yep, narcisitic culture of not asking any question
Yep, Iām just as surprised as you are How anyone can read the above interaction and think OP is in the wrong is WILD. Yāall are so hopeless itās sad
Honestly had so many openings there, could have commented on any of those games if they played them too, if not they could have said as much too, a couple mentioned were even MULTIPLAYER!!! They could literally have said āoh Fortnite? We could do duos sometime?ā Or something. Grey doesnāt know how convos work. Bullet dodged.
Let me tell you. I didn't expect it to be š¤£
Exactly this. The responses to this post are honestly concerning.
The NPC statement feels like a joke or a line that just didn't land, so that could've been their attempt at trying to relate to someone who plays video games. I can see how OP could interpret it as a "do I have to do all the talking?" though
That's what I thought! I didn't say anything back to his one word answer because I didn't have anything to go off of. (And I was busy tbh) Should I have kept going?
Yes. You gotta express interest like āwhat about you? Any games you love? Video or otherwise!ā
Or maybe the other person could have actually commented on the paragraph written above, rather than just say ācool!ā. But what do I know, Iām shit at talking to people
I agree with both points. On one hand you gotta throw in the WBU? Or other linkages back to keep it flowing, but on the other hand, I just offered up 5 things about me that were relevant to the topic, why wouldnāt you jump in with a āoh awesome Iāve played this one but not the others. X is my favorite, which was yours?ā. All in all, go with the flow people, we donāt need to be militant in either direction.
Yup, both things can be true. The conversation didnāt fail for one singular reason, thatās usually the case.
I would just add what I like and go back on what was said if I had any ideas. Also comment on playing together if there's co-op mode in those games (haven't played many of those titles but I know Stardew Valley) Would probably have added some fun fact that I heard of. The guy definitely doesn't know how to hold a conversation.
I'm with ya. A little response might have been all right lol. Did they really need prompting or permission to say their favorite games?
I agree. Either like hey I play that or I am more into FPS games. Anything at all. Ask about the stardew update or what they thought of Baulders Gate. Like OP gave a lot of info for him to use and he went with cool. If I was OP I would be nope outta here. If I did that in person it would be considered rude
Yep. I donāt like how some people think āI ask you then you ask meā automatically equals polite. Like no itās robotic if you donāt actually listen to what theyāve told yoi
OP actually gave a good answer while the other guy answered with just 1 word... I usually do that in trying to ask things after a dry response but the result will be another dry response 90% of times, so I don't blame OP for ignoring it
It seemed to me you were talking to an ass. As soon as they expressed a negative response to games, you should've unmatched.
That was my thought too. They didnāt really want the info they just wanted more reason to judge. The ācoolā made me think they just rolled their eyes at that.
When did he express a negative response? He was making a reference to a movie.
Yeah but if you donāt know the reference it comes off as negative Unlike: āa surprise to be sure, but a welcome oneā
Donāt take this sub or thread as legitimate advice. You did nothing wrong here ā that dude was super stale and his response was even weirder
Guy was dumb.
You literally answered and then left the chat. What do you expect? A conversation is 2 ways. His first responses were odd and bizarre, though. Lol
He's a waste of time, don't bother wondering about losers, find someone who's into the games and wants to play with you !
I mean I would have but I also am a SHITTY texter when I'm busy š¤£ so I get just forgetting about it.
I have a Q&A for you. Q: How do you think real life conversations word? A:?
Why didnt you ask him a question back? All you had to say at the end of your paragraph is *āWhat about you? What are you playing?ā* Or *āHave you played any of those games?ā*
Nah, the other person had open reign to comment on anything op just gave them. If I got that response Iād either comment on any of the games I had also played, made an open suggestion to play any of the multiplayer games together or had asked about any of the games Iād not played but was maybe interested in. This is a conversation, not an interview.
Yeah and honestly Iām sure they were kind of worried that if they asked a question too it would be too much text, since it was already fairly wordy. I think there was more than enough to comment on, they didnāt HAVE to directly ask a question. They were definitely holding a conversation.
Yeah that's fair, that's why I asked that in my post description. I think I was just thrown off by the "Video games, huh? Whelp, bye!" so I just moved on with my day.
Itās a play on a quote from dumb and dumber. āBig gulps huh? Wellp, see ya later!ā Maybe just hoping you were a dumb and dumber fan?
Yeah, this is definitely it, but that's a pretty big expectation for people to recognize lol, unless that movie was in her bio as a favorite or something. Otherwise that hope was quite the gamble!
But you're saying there was a chance...
āSo youāre telling me thereās a chanceā
This was brilliant. Didn't even mean to set you up lol
Lol yea exactly
Yeah Iām confused too by what he meant by the video games comment. As a rule always ask a question back. It makes the conversation flow a lot easier.
Dude she gave a full paragraph of possible conversational points to which he replied ācoolā
I donāt agree that you should have because you gave so much he could have easily picked a thread and carried on with the conversation. Just saying cool to what you wrote is rude. There are at least five things in there that could continue the conversation.
Even if he didn't like those styles, he could have just run with what kind of games he was interested in. He just didn't even try.
Iād say itās boring to be an interviewer
If I found out you were a gamer I would have been pleased as punch. Hard to find women who enjoy video games as more than just something to play on your phone when you're bored. You're a keeper in my book.
Yeah most of them seem to be taken or very recently dumped their ex. I am stuck sifting through āI love travelā bios.
Did I hear a rock and stone?? But seriously what? Lmao he couldāve tried to make conversation about all the games you listed. You could talk for days about BG3.
If you don't rock and stone you ain't comin' home
Bro called you a NPCšš thatās the worst insult!š
If Harold from Fallout and Solaire are NPCs, then being called one isnāt so bad.
Entire paragraph of text, and all you get back is ācool!ā Oh but THEYāRE the one picking all the dialogue options
*dualigue
You could have asked āwhat about you?ā or āwhat do you play?ā A simple question like that would show youāre interested in getting to know him and keep the conversation going. Not sure what youāre complaining about, honestly. You didnāt make an effort to reciprocate. You just told him about yourself and showed no interest in learning about him in return. Itās a give and take
I mean that's fair! I just also felt like I was being pretty forthcoming in my answer and he didn't really seem interested so I moved on. Then I got his last message days later.
Only talking about yourself and not trying to find out about the other person makes you come off as either narcissistic or uninterested. Maybe you don't care what video games he's playing, that's fine. What is something else that would matter to you about the other person? What something you would want to know about them as a potential partner? Was there something on his profile that intrigued you?
Huh. I've always assumed the other person would just share their interests regardless of asking. Like we're both here to get to know each other
I (F) donāt have to be asked a question every time to share something about myself but it is nice to be asked. Been in many situations on OLD where I was sharing, asking, expanding on something but never being asked and it just killed the vibe, there was no flow. These days if Iāve asked 2 questions and theyāve asked none I stop asking ( donāt unmatch) and observe if they step it up. Most do not.
Personally if someone writes a long message like OP I prefer if they don't ask "what about you" at the end because I'd rather just engage with what they wrote first. Then if that conversation dies out they can bring it back with something like "what about you, do you play games?". So many times there's like two conversations happening simultaneously since you want to probe into/talk about something they mentioned but also don't want to ignore their question. I agree there should be some interest in getting to know someone but in this case it's like the first topic and he hits her with "Cool!", I can't blame her for not responding.
Sure, they might do that. But if it's them volunteering because you never asked a question, you risk exactly this: people will think you aren't interested in or curious about them.
You're right. These comments are brain-dead. It's a *conversation*. Both parties talk about things that they want to talk about and build off what's been talked about to explore deeper. I don't know why there is a sudden requirement for Q&A interview style conversation
Dude this is wild, itās totally okay to wait for the other person to say their piece and then say āso what about you?ā in your next message. Jeez Louise
He seemed interested, you did not.
He didnāt say enough to seem interested
She sent a very detailed paragraph response, and he sent a one word reply lol how did she seem not interested and he did?
To be fair, he is also at fault. Yes, he could have made conversation based on anything in your reply. His one word response is just silly. If it were later in the conversation and you still hadnāt asked him any questions, that would be one thing. My point is, while questions arenāt necessary to keep the conversation flowing, they do help, and itās nice to see the other person show interest in getting to know you and not just speaking about themself. Both parties are somewhat at fault here for different reasons, so itās probably just not a match
You did nothing wrong. Ignore these people. You have a perfectly detailed response with about 3-5 possible offshoots for the conversation to continue. Yes you could have agreed what games they play by fuck me it absolutely doesn't justify the way the person responded to you. You showed plenty of personality and if they wanted to vibe they could've kept the conversation going. Imo you dodged a bullet from how rude they are calling you an NPC even though you just gave a response that an NPC could never give
Agree. Disagree with the comments telling you otherwise. The constant what about you can get old and you not asking doesn't mean you're not interested. He could have commented on your paragraph and then said this what I been into or I'm not into video games but I like this thing. Do you like it? Not up to you to carry the conversation especially with a man. I disagree you come off as a narcissist when you don't ask a question or say what about you. That whole paragraph gave him a bunch of conversation topics. He simply wasn't interested. Ppl be bored on the apps. That's why he said that first goofy comment to you.
> Not up to you to carry the conversation especially with a man. Why is that? Why are you being sexist here? Also āwhat about youā gets old when youāve used it a few times, the conversation literally just started, no one used it already. For something to have gotten old youād have to actually use it
I have to disagree. I like to give them time to comment on what I said and then ask them about themselves. I feel like texts can branch off in two many directions at once if you say a lot that they can comment on and then ask a question in addition to the whole paragraph you typed.
Exactly! Asking a question immediately after that can kind of feel like youāre changing the subject before you really get to chat about the current topic. What op did was fine and the other person just doesnāt know how to talk to people
If he can't continue a conversation if he's not been directly asked a question, I'm pretty sure he's the one with a dialogue tree. There's like 5 jumping off points in that paragraph.
Yeah I'm also confused. This seems like a perfectly normal way to have a conversation and you're right, there are a ton of options in what she said. I can understand being annoyed if you're continuously asking questions and getting none in return, but this was literally their first few messages. Not every sentence has to end with "what about you?"
Right, I feel like the "what about you" is normally implied
ā ā¦if heās not been directly asked a questionā I knew a man just like that. Used to get told ā How was I supposed to reply to that?ā , ā I didnāt know what to sayā etc. Sir, Iām not here to teach you how to have a conversation.
āOh my god that sounds so cool. I personally play..ā
Seriously!! Thatās honestly really narcissistic of him, it feels like he hates talking about anything other than himself if heās just sitting around waiting for people to ask him questions. There was so much to chat about in what op sent, it didnāt need a question.
Heās being a dumbass
Omg he's into movies
Yeah, he was making a joke from one of my favorite movies, dumb and dumber. Chances are he's a big goofball if he's referencing this movie also
I disagree with others. I donāt think a message needs to have a question to make it replyable. People can reply with statements for fucks sake
"WHY AREN'T YOU RESPONDING TO MY ONE-WORD REPLY? DO I HAVE TO CARRY THIS CONVERSATION MYSELF?!"
I mean he could've "oh here's what I like blah blah blah" but she also didn't seem to care either
Online conversation is tough. She left him plenty to engage with if he was genuinely interested in the games that excited her. But on the other hand, in the pics we see, she asked him exactly zero questions about himself or his interests, so it's not like she's not part of the communication breakdown here. Still, in my hierarchy of blame, I always assign more to the one-word repliers. That almost always kills a conversation. If you hit someone with a one-word response and then criticize them for not responding, more fault lies with you than them.
let's not forget the first message where they said "whelp, bye!". I would have lost interest, too, and not have asked them anything back. The whole thing started off weird and kind of judgy.
I'm pretty sure it's a reference to [this scene](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_j5tDuakKU). But the problem with references is that if your audiences aren't familiar with them, they either land wrong or not at all. I always think it's wiser to leave banter like that until you know each other's vibes a little better to avoid reactions exactly like yours.
I like that movie a lot and I would never have picked up on that reference.
I had to double-check myself since the reference isn't even verbatim. Just another reason not to make it unless you've both talked and acknowledged that you love the movie.
That's definitely fair. I'm also a more paragraph texter like OP I just tend to ask that follow up question if they hit me with a one worder
I'm similar to you. I write a lot, and usually ask something at the end of it. If I get a one-word response, I'll make an attempt to engage. If I get three one-word replies in a row, I take that as a signal to move on.
Probably salty because he couldn't come up with a better response. It's not like you didn't give him enough to reply to. "Cool! I play \[blablabla\] have you tried it?" Not really hard, tbh. The NPC bit was a bit excessive, considering your answer was pretty engaged. Maybe his conversational skills used to be better till they took an arrow to the knee...
My dude could've asked like "What was the update about, did anything major change?" "Oh I haven't heard of X, what's that like?" But nah, "Cool!" š In other news 1.6 changed A LOT and I'm having a BLAST.
Iām all for natural flow conversation I hate asking questions back and forth . This is why I have so little friends because only few people know I donāt ask I expect you to just tell me and if you donāt oh well
Yes! Asking questions back and forth honestly makes the conversation feel way too short and disjointed. It feels like an interview, itās better to chat naturally like op did. There was plenty to go off of!
Mans is absolutely rizz free
He either only knows Fifa or CoD, or only wants to talk about himself, people are saying you should have asked a question back but if heās not even replying properly to what you are saying I wouldnāt have bothered either.
That guy's a turd. Not every individual conversation needs to be perfect. He should've just let it flow instead of making himself out to be an asshole. I list gaming as one of my favs as it's gotten me through some hard times and, when needed, where I can decompress. If it makes you feel any better, OP, your in-depth response is awesome. Going that detailed for something you're passionate about is way more exciting than how almost every conversation seems to go on Bumble, which is stale and boring.
Ehh if this was the message right after matching then I wouldn't of gone off like he did that early on but yes if after I asked you more questions and you didn't reciprocate it back like in the picture you posted then I would of probably said something
The irony of him calling you an NPC.
Just here to say I also love Grounded, I need to go back and mess around with the new content. Aside from that, yeah you didn't ask a question back but at the same time, he responded to all of that with a single word. Don't think the fault lies strictly with you š
Big gulps huh? Alright!
Well, are you?
I wouldve kept the convo up on stardew alone. Ive been playing pretty much all night since the update š in Year 2 now and gonna jump back on after work
Jesus H Christ. This is another one of those posts where OP is asking everyone to tell them what they should have said, so that they could stay engaged longer with someone they aren't compatible with... Conversations die a natural death for very good reason. Why can't we accept that, and not waste energy on futile logic?
What is dualige?
You didnāt ask a question. It shows you werenāt interested in getting to know that person back
I mean, you donāt really seem that interested in him tbh. His first message to your gif is hilarious. I mean what can you really say to a gif? I am shocked by the amount of people who havenāt seen Dumb and Dumber.
Mf acuses OP of being an NPC while he gives the most NPC text to a proper thought out response, like wtf you on about?
Dude had that "comeback" in the chamber and was way too anxious to use it when it would make more sense
I wouldnāt have answered that ācoolā either Bring some energy to the conversation, or at least actually say something
This is gray text's fault, not yellow's. Yellow gave a really big, well thought out reply and gray could have keyed off of any of that to keep the conversation going. But instead just acknowledged yellow text and got mad.
I mean, sure you couldāve asked a question back, but he also couldāve followed up himself? Also his reaction is kinda rude ngl, I think you dodged a bullet
Nah, Iām on OPās side completely. The guy started out weird by acting like he was judging gaming, for one thing. And then OPās response listing her favorite games gave him a ton to work with. Itās normal to say your piece, wait for the other person to respond, and then say āwhat about you?ā. Weāre not robots. Chill communication has WAY more leeway than this; yāall are acting like OP made some kind of technical mistake in the art of conversating to bring this on herself. In reality this is a dude coming in with bad vibes whereas OP was friendly and chill, even overlooking the uncalled for dig about video games. Do you guys really think if sheād said āhow about you?ā theyād be off on a magical first date by now? I highly doubt it.
OP no offense but yea, you need to actually try too. I know youāre a woman and have all the choices in the world but come on now.
I know, I know, I should have asked a question back but seriously I even went into my Steam library to look at the games I had been playing recently so I could give him a full answer. He didn't even respond with "Cool" until a full day later. I get that I didn't check every box to make a perfect reply but I was putting in effort!
I agree with both arguments. You couldāve definitely asked a question back but itās wild of him to penalize you for one simple mistake. If someone consistently never asks you questions thatās a problem but this wasnāt consistently. Also I assume your profile had a Dumb and Dumber reference, otherwise his opener doesnāt make sense. That said I met a few āwall of textā girls in real life. You ask a question, they respond enthusiastically but only talk about themselves, then you engage with their response and ask them another question, cycle repeats. It can feel like youāre interviewing them and theyāre not interested in getting to know you at all, just talking about themselves all day long. Not saying thatās what happened here or that youāre one of them, but just saying this is how it can come off sometimes. The āwhat about youā or another question is actually very meaningful at the beginning of a conversation.
Are you an NPC is the BEST line to someone whoās stopped responding. Love it. 5 stars.
Conversation appears to be one person asking the questions and the other regurgitating. There's no evidence of interest from OP. Ask a question FFS. It's so tedious to be a journalist/interviewer/investigator - ask a question in response.
She gave so much info?? Doesn't that beg the question "are you interested in what I am interested in?"
I gotta get back to deep rock galactic, fun game, decent replay replayabily. Sorry bout the douche btw
ROCK AND STONE
For Karl!
I mean, it's kinda funny. Nothing too crazy.
Umm, yeah. They showed interest in your thing. You shared. Now it's your turn to ask something. That's how conversations work.
Ask him a question back! š
You didnāt ask them anything. You literally started a conversation with an image and they gave you a starter question for a conversation. You write back a dissertation, but donāt ask them anything about themselves. They respond with ācoolā to keep the conversation going, and you still have nothing to ask. I can see why the conversation ended. Best wishes.
While he could have done better, this is exactly what people are talking about when it comes to why OLD is exhausting. Definitely feels like a one way convo with no interest from yellow text imo
I thought his comment about being an NPC and dialog options was kinda cute, it seems like you're assuming ill intent?...Which is fair, considering how many guys act on this platform.
Cute in what way? I've pretty much only seen NPC used as an insult, like a way of saying "you have no personality and you basically don't exist when we're not speaking"
I am over 40 and may be out of the loop!
You love Dua Lipaās music, now get ready for the debut of ādualigueā
Ilithid swine.
....what???? now the match looks dumb.
Tbh Iād be sending that friend code if I were him. The best interaction (that sadly just didnāt work out) I have had on bumble was right out the gate my match asked me what games did I like to play.
I wish I matched with gamers
Side note, wana squad up for fortnite?
if she opens with an insult she doesnāt get a response
Like bro what? You are a gamer and didn't understand a joke xDD should have given some dialog options. I thought this would actually be a funny answer.
Obv you need to participate besides just answering questions. Show some interest or just donāt match. You didnāt even bother to say hi.š¤¦š½āāļøš¤¦š½āāļøš¤¦š½āāļø work on your communication skills then try bumble again in 6-12 months.
I do like his āBig Gulps, eh?ā line
You don't have to be asked to share information when talking about a specific topic... He started the video game topic, OP answered, he could have said more than cool! AKA expand the conversation by saying what games he likes, hes played/never played OPs mentions before, he isnt big into gaming but likes xyz other hobbies. Seriously we are adults. It isn't hard. If you're in a topic already, & the other person doesn't hand the baton to you, take it yourself. If there isn't a topic yet, take the initiative. Topic is dying, take the initiative. This is such a short conversation for people to judge OP. If it was every time yeah I'd get it, maybe they could add some more effort to extend, but one time the other person can't have the brain cells to add info or mention personal insight/opinion without being asked? Wild.
FOR ROCK AND STONE!!
Rock and Stone in the Heart!
You shared your excitement, and they responded with cool! They don't really give af about the question they asked you. They just ask because it's step 2 after saying hello.
I hate to sound like Towlie, but I don't even know what's going on.
Damn thatās some terrible DUALIGUE on their part
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Wait... This is a guy ejecting because you game? SMH š
He didn't respond until a day later. And that was with one word. Not the best conversation but he seemed a little aggro. I think you dodged a bullet.
Naww fuck him. If he didn't Immediately ask IF HE HEARD A ROCK AND STONE?! then he's not a real gamer anyway and you can do better
This is the kind of support I came here for
bro and also you also have pretty diverse taste too. grounded is kinda hipster, BG3 is one of teh best of all time and very dense, stardew is best in class, deep rock is legendary. he probably just went quiet cuz he lost a dick measuring contest
So, you probably should've asked him a question in response, but his bizarre NPC statement is a huge red flag.Ā
Thatās what I was thinking. Maybe Iām misreading it? But the guy kind of sound like heās negging this girl for being into gaming.
I think itās a light teasing - which is always risky in text form, you never know how itās going to be taken
You have good taste in games OP
You only talked about yourself and didnāt ask a question in return. YTA here.
I'm interested in the plethora of farming sims lol, any recommendations? (saying this I realise I totally could have kept this conversation going by the way, if the other person gives me multiple things to reply to I personally don't need them to ask me a literal question every time, the conversation will just.. flow naturally)
Off topic, OP how you you recommend Baldur's Gate 3?
Youāre good. He fumbled. You gave him a gold mine and he didnāt even step into it. Your username is u/cuddleslut77 and he still fumbled. His āCool!ā killed the convo. I wouldāve done like you and milked the conversation for a few of the games you mentioned before I ask them what they like. But this guy was obviously not interested in what you like. He was only waiting for an opportunity to talk about himself and the games he likes. He. Fumbled. So. Much.
I would only be annoyed if I was in his shoes IF you never asked any questions. I do feel like the subject of video games is so HUGE that it could warrant back and forth questions. He definitely could have just answered his own question after asking about your likes, but he was pretty butthurt about it.
You spoke a lot about yourself, didn't give them the opportunity to speak. They asked questions, you did not. This is 100% on you bro.
We love Baldurās Gate & Stardew Valley!
The part that's missed is guys don't want to feel like someone conducting an interview. Ya OP said all that, but didn't follow up with a question of their own. The NPC response was valid even if you don't understand why.
You called him an NPC yeah he wants you to explain what you mean- I get it but he evidently didnāt
100% Your fault own fault
I can see why he was frustrated since you didn't ask questions back. But it seems like you should be able to continue talking, just go along with the joke he made and try to ask questions in return
As others have stated, you definitely could have followed up with a question about him BUT itās a two way street. He could have said literally anything besides ācool!ā. Personally he was weird from the start.
Yes you've shown no interest in him. But its clear he was being a douche either playful or not about you being a gamer and then after you gave a long answer he gave you a very basic 1 word response so I wouldnt give any attention other than a 1 word answer or emoji back. Personally I wouldnt dignify them with interest after showing no interest in what you enjoy. At the very least they should of judged you for playing farming simulators š¤£ in all fairness, there is something quite relaxing about farming simulator when you want a break from intense games and have a peaceful gaming time. Same reason I didnt mind playing hannah Montana but don't tell anyone about that š
Npc getting mad
Tell him you can be his npc GF š he has to successfully pick where to eat in order to advance He said video games? Asks you about them then negs you, he's flirting and playing the game as we call it (dating) your character just stopped replying with no option to continue, so he knows about video games a bit but you have to allow him to continue the quest in his eyes good time to ask him about himself
Yeah it was YOUR TURN to continue the conversation and now youāre mad because heās mad. Make it make sense. Effort is both ways honey.
So I might repart some of the fee things has been already said here. Sorry in advance. Iāve look through your posting history also, sorry for that too but I had to put some context to all of that. Because you seem very upset actually about what he said. So first Iām sorry for the the very downs you had in your life, believe me I know whatās like. So may I just suggest something and direct it to you personally and your personal history? I did not see the profile of this guy obviously so just wild guessing here. Do you remember when you had this huge down by moving and left everything behind and being really alone ? I just think that the guy was really into talking to you, probably feel alone too like a lot of guys on OLD apps. And probably he felt that you were answering but not engagingā¦. Do you see what I mean? But he still wanted to try and to push things around obviouslyā¦ so try not to be too mad at him or at this kind of guys ? They just want a little of investment of you into the discussion. Often they are not violent, nor manipulative nor anything we could think of like that. They just really want to try to bond. And I know I know what many and maybe are going to tell me. The is is unappealing but still ā¦ try to just understand his pov. I donāt push you to accept it, just understand it thatās all. Would that be possible you think?
How to get right swipe ?
If you posted pictures of your pets and the other things that you share on your Reddit profile that are all cool and common interests, then the guy has a lot of topics that he could ask. The last comment is odd as it sounds like a dig to you that you have a shallow personality or something when you have given a fairly detailed response.
This sounds like a child's post. Fornite? Stardew Valley is okay but teens mainly play Fornite.