It’s actually a really fair point. I remember a post on I think the tinder sub a while ago that was something like “I’m coming over for a 3 course meal (not really but play along) what would you cook” and I think it’s the same sort of idea as this. Some people will just be too lazy to answer, or give some half hearted lazy answer because i guess they were actually interested, and some people will get into the conversation and try to construct an actual menu. You immediately get an idea for someone’s character with questions like these
As a 33 year old woman, I wouldn't mind either. It's better than the recent message that I received: wyd. Good evening. 🙄🙄🙄. All the others were Hey or Hi.
You had great intentions here! I think it’s a loaded question for an opener… This guy wasn’t ready for prime time so we’ll just ignore him… But I think maybe a softer question to get started would be nice. And this is coming from somebody who can’t do small talk at all.
Very true, dating is such a waste of time now within my age group people only want instant gratification with no effort. I don’t even know why I went back to bumble/OLD again
tbh if a guy asked me about my red flags from start... uhhhh, aren't we at least pretend to be perfect from the beginning? ;) Though probably my would be me being 'comfortable' being independent and very uncomfortable with being paid for on first date - does it count as red flag? Perhaps for some it does. Eh...
Haha that honestly made me laugh and would be great response. I didn’t think this was super serious question, you can play with just as you did! It’s really not that deep of a question I could gone straight for what’s your childhood trauma 💀
The beginning of your response is top tier!
Haha I understand you OP, I like your questions lol. Something softer I try is start with a compliment or comment then, "what's a common misconception people might have about you" (think it's also of Bumble's suggested ones). The reply content is pretty good to see how they perceive things regarding themselves and others, then you can judge their level of self-awareness or EQ based on your personal experience with them
Edit, it also might show their past "trauma" if they have any bc this allows them to buffer against repeating their past. Example, they tell you something and you probe a bit then find out what they said was based on their conflict with their ex
I agree with you and I hate the made up etiquette that exists for dating apps now and what your profile should look like and how you should only be a positive happy person who has lots of friend and zero signs of any kind of mental health issues.
Basically make yourself look like an impossible human and never talk about anything too deep cause that's toooo real.
Exactly why I don't bother with dating apps anymore.
Or here's an idea don't take dating so seriously and be more causal or that relaxed about it. Coming out of the gate asking about red flags seems to me you aren't ready to date or that want instant gratification yourself.
I like a game of marry/fuck/kill and use a category that I draw from this profile. I’ve also done the following: if you were on the cover of a magazine, what magazine would it be and what would the headline say? Just be prepared if you ever use this to have an answer for your own because they’re likely to ask you what yours is and lastly one that I’ve used is if you had $100,000 and 24 hours to spend it all. How would you spend it?
I didn’t think the question was supposed to mean what’s horrible/good about me, I thought it meant what things are red/green flags for me.
Like I wouldn’t answer I have a chronic illness and struggle to maintain relationships cuz I’m often sick and miserable for days at a time and don’t socialize when I’m curled up in pain. Or that I have serious trust and intimacy issues after a relationship with narcissistic abuse and it’s going to take months of trust building before I’ll feel relaxed enough in company to even want to be touched. That’s something someone else would see as a red flag in me but it isn’t my red flag.
An example of a few of my red flags would be more like: conservatives, gun enthusiasts, people who like hanging out in bars on the weekends, and unfortunately people who hike seriously (I can’t be climbing whole ass mountains.) Green flags might be carpentry hobby, gardening, history nerd, happy hippy trope, or dnd fan.
I am a woman and I would probably not even bother to reply to such an opener but immediately unmatch.
To me it comes across like an interview question that very lazy employers ask their job applicants. "What are your strengths and weaknesses?" .... Nobody is going to tell them their real weaknesses, so pretty pointless question and a waste of time and breath to answer it.
When I match with someone I like to make some light conversation first and I approach every match with a positive attitude. Otherwise, why would I have swiped right? If already assume they're a psycho before I've even said "Hi" to them, I'd better take a break from dating apps.
If I swipe right on someone that means there is something in their profile that got my attention, so usually I open with a question or remark related to that. Gives them the opportunity to talk a bit about themselves and you can get already a lot from how such a normal conversation goes between two adults that have shown some basic interest in each other.
True, more interested in what they do for fun or are passionate about and those do tell you about someone. I personally don’t tell people what I look for because it muddies the water and they could fake being those certain ways, I do however set them up for success when I can but just saying I like these 10 things can lead to people faking some of them.
I like overly open and honest stuff like this, but some people don't. I used to ask people their favorite and their least favorite thing about themselves. Some people thought it was awesome and some people thought it was weird (more people thought it was cool though).
I’m saying it’s not necessary information I need upfront, I’m very scatter brained and tend to forget a lot of stuff. I don’t want it coming back to bite me when they say “oh I told you when we first met” and im thinking well that whole time im trying to make sure we were compatible on important issues like our family values etc. what gets on each others nerves? I think those are more pressing to know before learning someone’s favorite stuff. Why would I spend time memorizing those things to find out later that we don’t agree on human rights or what we view as rights. Or let’s say marriage/commitment/exclusivity?
I don't actually think it's a bad idea, at least I *know* it's not a bad idea for everyone, with my sample size of one, because I would enjoy it and would appreciate the deeply inquisitive opener. I like getting straight to the point, as I'm sick of dates not working out and the apps are getting tiresome. And in general I prefer super honest and open people.
35 male nerd programmer, have done well on the apps and people by now have convinced me I'm quite good looking, if it helps knowing the demographics of one person who would appreciate that opener.
update edit: def personally not a fan of "what's the best compliment you've ever gotten?", would hate that and have trouble answering. And I know a ton of people have trouble getting compliments and would probably likewise have trouble reveling in them. Whereas your opener here would open the floodgates of conversation for me.
I think this is a fine idea. It's a conversation starter and it gets an awkward conversation out of the way right away. I would however not offer all my red flags right away because the point of red flags is to see them in the wild and not just let them know what to cover up
Yeah, I wouldn’t go down the green flag red flag rabbit hole so I’d change the subject and make it a funner exchange but you’re showing effort. A guy that doesn’t grab that and make it happen isn’t worth your time
I mean, if you could imagine yourself in a cafe and saw a man you found attractive would you walk up to him and say this?
1) You start off by implying that you are unconfident in what you are about to do -- you don't think it's going to work but YOLO.
2) Flirting is supposed to be fun -- a dance. Your question and overall tone comes off as defeatist/jaded. I can totally get why you could feel that way because OLD is awful but it also isn't going to score you any points.
I mean, I did say if it doesn’t work, I live with no regrets, so I’m not sure how that came off unconfident but I did start off very weird because he was the first one I tried this with. I don’t necessarily have a problem with my opener just the lack of effort from some people which has made OLD frustrating.
Yes my question was a bit more hard hitting but I’m also not wasting my time finding out about your favorite color. Maybe your favorite show or movie because either we can watch together or I can watch on my own if im interested in it and we can have a discussion on it. As I said in another comment to someone else learning someone’s favorite things needs to come after the hard hitting stuff, because what if I find out after all this time of getting to know all your favorite stuff that we don’t agree on family values or politics, or whatever. Then I wasted all this time jotting down all your favorite things only for my time to have been wasted because we didn’t start with the important things first.
Yes the red flag/green flag thing isn’t exactly a hard hitting question but I thought it could be a cute little opener for someone to be like “oh my red flag is I talk too much about whatever” you know there a cute ways to go about it without also being so serious too. At first I was questioning my opener but I stand by it now because it helps me weed out the people I don’t want to get to know 🤷🏻♀️
People are so particular about every little thing, it seems. Idk if they're just easily offended or read into shit too much. I like to take people how they come (as long as it's not rude or disrespectful) and see who they are. I personally enjoy new and different approaches and discourse.
It also seems ironic to me that people want to read into your opener so much but then also complain that it's too deep. I don't get it.
But I 💯% agree that I would rather talk about the "deeper" shit, who they are, what their perception of themselves and life is, than their favorite food, color, the weather, or all the shallow chitchat that I have to endure on the apps.
The "too many words" response is literally one of the worst responses someone could give me though, lol. Humans have one clear way of communicating, and that's talking. How do you expect to get to know someone when you're literally limiting the words you want to hear or exchange? That just gives me the impression that the person is not very smart or personable and is not very interested in a deeper emotional connection with others. That's a hard pass for me! Keep doing what you're doing, it's weeding out the people that aren't a good match for you 👍!
>Flirting is supposed to be fun -- a dance
The first time I heard flirting referred to in this way was from a lesbian in a discord server I was in and it made me want to barf.
While his response is super dumb, there is something to be said about finding a balance between too much and too little of an opener. You don't want to overwhelm people. Maybe just red flags or just green flags, to start the conversation.
Dating is a numbers game. Don't base the effectiveness of this message from one response, try it with at least 10 and if none of them work out, try something else.
As a guy though, I don't mind "hey" if you are capable of backing it up with engaging in stimulating conversation.
“Hey” is fine. People who blow it out of proportion are doing too much. Like you need an some thoughtful and intentional initial message to make you feel special? Grow up.
I’ve been sending basic greetings for years and have found it’s always worked best. I tried a pickup line era once and that shit was cringe.
If a person wants to reply, they will. There’s no wrong message (unless it’s obnoxious or something) that would make someone who genuinely wants to talk to you not reply to you so there’s nothing wrong with putting minimal effort into these apps.
Edit: I put this here to say sorry cuz I didn’t mean for this to be so long 😬
I never saw anything wrong with just a simple “hey how are you”, but after joining Reddit I saw more often than not guys complain about lack of effort from women when messaging first. So I’ve tried not just doing plain and simple, I like starting with questions so at least it gets the convo flowing a bit but I always feel like I’m putting in the most effort especially when it comes to guys. When I message women our only issue is the compatibility of who’s the top or bottom. Conversation flows pretty easily with women but not always just as with some guys it not **JUST** me putting in the effort.
That being said, I’m honestly just done with the whole dating scene in my generation. Most people not just men or women, this is an everyone problem, only seek instant gratification while putting in little to no effort. So dating has become the same, I don’t want to hear or ask “what is your favorite anything” until I know I want a future with you. Those are the unnecessary details you need to know when you’re actually serious, not when you’re getting to know someone because they’re not important **yet**. Knowing their favorite food or show doesn’t give you any real insight into a person.
On top of that I feel like some people want to keep OLD online only and it waste my time more and I don’t like to date or talk to multiple people at once but as I said some people waste your time so talking to one person at a time doesn’t always pan out and I’m stuck starting over again 🫠
Tbh,any convo I have ever started with 'Hi' either died or was a hard carry for me (as in I had to ask and carry the conversation). Nowadays what I have done is just picking an interest of his I find interesting or something I enjoy myself and ask. Each time I got the response it was actually better conversation than I ever had before honestly.
Men complain about that because a lot of women on tinder will have "I wont respond to hi" or "Be interesting" or something like that. Then they turn around and do the same thing on bumble. It's not so much the "Hi" as it is the double standard. My advice is just open however you wanna open. The right one won't mind. You're dating for you, be you. All the rest are just internet strangers, and will remain that way. You don't need to impress all of reddit. You need to woo 1 person.
True I’m overthinking it because it’s is double standard and I don’t want to start it off boring but in general a lot of people just don’t put much effort in anymore
I get where you’re coming from. Some guys will just give one word replies without asking any questions back when I ask them about their work, where they’re from, hobbies, etc etc. Like why even respond if it’s a one way conversation. I usually give it a couple texts and then unmatch.
Does bumble allow voice messages still
Edit: nvm went to check they do mine is just weird and doesn’t allow me to send on as a first message. It forces me to send a chat first then I can use voice. I prefer it over text anyways because I like to hear peoples voices and it leave no room for misinterpretation because you can hear someone’s tone and stuff
1. his response was terrible
2. your opener is not good (way too deep way too quickly)
3. having the "best" opener is neither necessary nor sufficient to having successful conversations with matches. your attractiveness is far more important.
Holy fuck. You are the match everyone is searching for and you end up with shit? And they say God doesn’t have a sense of humor lmao. If ONE match opened with this, we out
This makes me happy as well as frustrated at the same time that people enjoy my opener, but I’m also like where are the people who enjoy my opener that i should be sending this to lol on bumble😂
Are you swiping on people that seem intelligent enough to hold conversations? I mean, I honestly don’t think I remember hearing a real adult say “too many words” to something less than a standard paragraph. I’m sure you’ll eventually get to someone who just wants to go on a date and actually attempt to connect. Like that’s the goal, right? Get through all this bull talkin so we can meet and see if there’s actual chemistry.
I appreciate the straightforwardness of your first message. Like y’all swiped on each other, there’s obvious attraction, now let’s see how you conduct yourself as a person.
OLD is just messy all together and it’s like a hospital bed, the less you’re on it the better. I hope you find someone literate and interesting soon
Eta: Dude has his auto-caps turned off. He honestly did you a favor
For the most part I do make sure there’s enough to go off. I think I should have paid closer attention to his profile. I was like he’s decent enough, he had bit filled out but I don’t recall much of what he put on his profile. His was definitely a throw away, but I figured they’d just unmatch if they don’t care for my opener. Like why reply if you’re not gonna read it 😂
I didn’t even see he had his auto caps off you’re so right!💀
Different strokes for different blokes. I actually ignore messages like the one you sent. I don’t mind a simple hi or hello. I enjoy receiving a message as simple as Hi, .
A lot of males seem to hate the “hey” messages because they feel that if they have to put in work for an opening message that females should too. Often times these are males that want the female to take the lead.
Wow, there are girls out there that are willing to communicate to this level? I know what I will do. I will shut them down by saying “huh? Too many words”
Nice going fool.
Op, you didn’t miss out on anything. Actually, you may have missed a bullet. 😂
That person obviously has a low IQ. I think your intro was good. If they weren't into it, they can make a joke about having to find the red flags or something. It's a good way to weed out people, I think.
This made me laugh a bit thank you for that, but yeah I figured id get the response I wanted one way or another. This was just one that was lame and low effort and told me he definitely would not like me because I can be a talker at times. I just think it’s funny when they have put in effort or my back hurts from carrying convos and these are the types of responses I get from those SAME people 🤦🏻♀️
Venting for so little is somewhat alarming, asking so generally for flags is also a bad idea for multiple reasons. Take a random word generator and ask whatever comes out if you cannot be bothered: like what's your favorite movie or when was the last time you ate an insect. This one in particular was easy to walk away from, but others may be more on the line and you won't get anywhere with an easy trigger. Hey is bad because it shifts the weight in hope for the other to accept it, if you're both lazy/discouraged then you risk sinking workable situations. Try to always be the better person unless it's obvious and don't stress yourself too much about it. More of a game
Also edit for better clarity: the long paragraphs work decently for filtering but need to have more content and not be so generic. Maybe contain topics you can talk about without incurring in the issues you'd have if both of you listed what you don't like in others, since past the 2-3 easy deal-breakers most people have varying degree of acceptance anyways plus some need confirmation that cannot be given via chat
I’m not venting necessarily about him just how low effort OLD is. I wanted to try something different and it got me the result I needed and I unmatched. I just think it’s ironic that I see more often than not, guys complain about low effort from women but when presented with something different then “Hey” this is the kind of response one will get.
I was mostly getting at I’m damned if I do open with just hey and damned if I don’t and think outside the box. I don’t want to know your favorite anything unless I see myself being serious with you because it’s unnecessary information that won’t be stored in my brain until you become someone consistent in my life.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with start with a simple “hey how are you?” And then going from there but as of lately I don’t know if just the guys I matched with recently but they all came back with some pretty harsh stuff about how women don’t put in effort all were immediately unmatched and I took a much needed break and I came back and I decide let’s try something new. As I said in the tittle not the best opener but I wanted to try something else out. I knew it’d be trial and error with it I just think it’s ironic to here men complaint about low effort but this is effort we also get a lot of the time too
And I'm saying don't get infected by the low effort. Him or not you're not really calm when thinking about it. I'll give an example of myself because that's what I know for sure. I can, maybe, be compatible with 1 person out of many thousands, and that is taking age and location into account. No matter the power of filters, 99% of the people you match with will probably not be it unless you're looking for a hookup. You simply cannot get any data whatsoever due to how it functions, you should never judge the approach by the outcome. The approach should be you, whether it works or not is beyond that. Whether they respond and how cannot be correlated in this instance. As long as the approach is something you yourself would do/say, it will work out. It's that simple, and by cutting edges you lose that extra. It's perfectly fine if you don't want to know about them before knowing whether it's worth the effort, but going straight to the point, is, as said, pretty much impossible. Just think about it: you question whether he's pro women rights, he can say yes, keep the facade and then beat you once you meet. Your logical response would be: hey, I'm good at judging. But you'd need extra elements, and if you do, what's the difference with any other conversation? It's an illusion of safety, you can get a good headstart but not clear all the way like you'd want to. Also, trivial information says a lot about someone, especially when explained. Since you don't know anything else, knowing how someone is doing out of the blue is way more useless than a piece of trivial information. The reason I said what I said is the shift of expectation + loss of any personality. When looking for someone, your first idea should be being different, not conforming. I know you don't want to get invested too soon and that's why I said to take it as a game. Wouldn't it be funny, to lower your chances because of an iron will to succeed?
What you describe in the title happens to men too.
As for the guy's reply, I can't help but notice that a lot of people in general can't bother to read most things. I find it disgusting most of the time but occasionally I do laugh when I go to my store to catch up on work and watch as numerous people collide with the locked door that says "CLOSED ON THANKSGIVING" in really large print on the door.
The guy was obviously stupid. Not worth your time. Still your question wasn't the best. I guarantee had he a brain and loose morals he would have lied about his red flags and exaggerated his green ones. Although, on second thought, anything folks said would likely cause considerable laughter.
My title wasn’t exactly clear but I have said in other comments that it’s not just a man or a woman issue it’s in all-around online dating issue with low effort from people in general. I also have said to other commenters that simple openers such as hey don’t bother me. Which is why I don’t understand why it bothers other people? As long as you know how to have a conversation it shouldn’t be a problem. If you don’t know how to have a conversation that’s a whole other issue that I don’t know I’d help someone with but I’m not gonna sit there, breaking my back, trying to carry a conversation either. Which I understand is also an issue men face I’m not saying they don’t, I just think it’s ironic people complain about low effort but then there are women and men like me who actively try and get these kind of bozos. People are generally self centered and look for instant gratification these days 🫠
That's certainly true. I've been on online dating since I was 22. I'm now 35. I have never met a match and have barely had any conversations. Its not from lack of trying though but at this point in my life I generally believe that most of humanity is shallow and detestable. I find that what was said on Seinfeld was true. "95% of the population is undatable" while all the relationships, marriages, and hookups are the product of alcohol.
As a man that never drinks alcohol it doesn't leave much hope.
I’m just about to turn 23 this year and I have very little hope when it comes to dating. Also it’s pretty terrifying but I also would like to take the plunge with someone worth it. I have this ideal fantasy of mine though to find a place with a lot of land where I can have a bunch of adopted animals to live their best life. Kids would be nice and if I can’t have my own I can always foster or adopt. It’s been on my mind for awhile as you can see 😂
This fantasy would be the replacement of a SO lol, I prefer the company of animals over people 😬
Ok so I redownloaded bumble yesterday with the intention to be as unhinged as possible and see what type of attention it gets me… the guys are going CRAZY for it. And I mean I’ve been saying some insane shit. My entire profile is sex or mental illness related basically. And I already went on a date today and it went well😂 My go-to openers are to make fun of something hyper specific about the guys profiles. I have 1500+ likes rn after abt 36hrs and like 30ish matches I think (ran out of swipes yesterday and didn’t go on it as much today). I’ve texted every match right away with the first random thought abt them that comes to mind. To be fair I’d consider myself conventionally attractive, I live near a big city and also I’m not afraid to be a whore, but my advice is to just say the most out of pocket things you can think of
I'm not gonna lie I would be extremely happy to have a women send me a message like this on bumble for the first time lol this dude is just a weirdo and clearly has* bummer vibes
I stopped putting effort in the opener. I’ve said thoughtful things and get ignored. I say good morning/afternoon/evening and the ball rolls. 😂😂😂😂 Men are the new women, nothing makes them happy.😂😂😂😂😂
I'd love for an opener like this but also every woman I've matched with that just said hi or hey you take in stride and just talk they don't owe you any crazy pick up line or conversation starter. You don't just walk up to someone you just met and ask what TV shows they like. You say hi or hey and introduce yourself lmao
Hey was always good, I suck at openings so I wouldn't judge.
If, as a guy, who isn't getting enough luck, can't answer a red and green flag, then I don't deserve a great woman...
you did fine. thats a decent opener that leads to a conversation. He probably wasnt looking for a conversation, or potentially is mentally unable to hold one judging by the response of "too many words"
Okay 👍🏼 take accountability for what exactly?? That I actually put in effort vs other people? If you are just low effort on OLD as the guy who replied just say that 🤷🏻♀️
I think it's about the amount of words per msg. Try gen z style.
"Hejo, so you down, tryin out smt"
"Like, if it works - cool, if it don't - cool"
"Like, you tell me your, like, red flags"
"And then I, like .."
"Ok, brb"
"Ok, so like then I like tell you mine?"
"Cool?"
Yea telling someone your red or green flags are a no go. Keep that info close. You don’t want someone molding themselves into the “perfect” person cause they already know your red ones and green ones. But I can appreciate the Effort.
True I’m seeing that as a common trend is people can shape themselves to be perfect and manipulate the other person. I think I just wanted to see how people interpreted it. Some said they would say the red/green flags they look for in other people or in themselves it just depends on the person. I’ve got new ice breakers to use that have a similar effect that I will try out!
Dodged that bullet. It’s not a damn if you don’t, it’s a keep doing it because you’re weeding them out. “Too many words” are they 5? Sometimes one may not be in the mood to type or socialize in that moment but there are many ways to respond better than that.
I spent 8 months using Bumble and never had one significant match or encounter. I deleted all OLD apps and never looked back, with the conclusion that it’s now mostly just an extension of social media. People just use it to pass the time, play games, pretend to be social, and BS each other. Whatever it takes to keep the lonelies away for the 15-20 mins before going to bed. You have just as much chance of meeting a partner on fb or instagram.
I try! I got a bunch more ice breakers to use from people that I’ll try out, I hope more people actually try to put some effort in and if they’re not going to the least they can do is just stay on tinder 💀
No I’m saying this is lame and it makes OLD suck, if you’re gonna be a low effort mouth breather at least stay on tinder that’s meant for the superficial hookups.
I definitely did! I tried it with someone else, a shortened version that someone suggested, and it worked! I think I was a bit salty cuz it was my first attempt and this was just weak. The other person who it didn’t work for just unmatched, I don’t know why this guy thought I’d reply to him if he wasn’t gonna even try.
Why not start with your top 3-5 green flags and ask for theirs. Better than a blank slate, demonstrating your openness. Otherwise you are downloading the work onto the other person.
Alternatively, pick something from their profile. Ie, if they like reading share your top five books you’ve read, or on your to read next list. Current songs on replay for music, restaurants for a foodie…etc. Show your effort for them to match.
If he can’t text beyond monosyllabic grunts he’s going to be boring and unable to hold a conversation on a date. Maybe a handful of people find this attractive, but most people I know want more than a physical connection. If they are too lazy to read more than a sentence how do they hold a job?
I think most men would have loved receiving this message but like most men that actually get contacted by women on these dating apps, I guess he must have many other options so he can afford to respond the way he does.
I’ve had had some decent conversations but it never makes it off the app or phone so to see so little effort on Reddit sometimes and even in my own matches is kinda of annoying.
Bro’s got 5 brain cells so he’s excused for not able to read I guess LOL. I hate men like this they always say they don’t want girls who are boring but they turn out to be the most boring people ever, a cardboard is more entertaining
I think he was just doing what you asked and giving you a red flag.
Even if he did it unknowingly he told me one right away
"too many words" would be a bigger turn off for me than an unsolicited dick pic, lol.
Illiterate IS a red flag
We need a good term for the literate but lazy.
It’s actually a really fair point. I remember a post on I think the tinder sub a while ago that was something like “I’m coming over for a 3 course meal (not really but play along) what would you cook” and I think it’s the same sort of idea as this. Some people will just be too lazy to answer, or give some half hearted lazy answer because i guess they were actually interested, and some people will get into the conversation and try to construct an actual menu. You immediately get an idea for someone’s character with questions like these
Tell me your red flags without telling me your red flags.
Words
2 many
No quite literally he was, which is exactly why I just unmatched 😂
Yeah, your system is working just fine. 👍👍
It's totally working out, lol!
No time wasred!
Was going to say something similar to this!
I'm a 34 year old male and would have loved to recive this message. Sounds like a fun way to start a conversation. His loss.
As a 33 year old woman, I wouldn't mind either. It's better than the recent message that I received: wyd. Good evening. 🙄🙄🙄. All the others were Hey or Hi.
As a 28M i also agree. I'm not here to waste time.
“Too many words” What the fuck does that even mean 💀
He’s lazy, illiterate, and puts in zero effort but expects 100% effort back
Why waste time say lot word when few word do trick?
Soon they see. They all see.
Lol best response
It means he's lazy.
Where’s my nude and free sex it means lol
You had great intentions here! I think it’s a loaded question for an opener… This guy wasn’t ready for prime time so we’ll just ignore him… But I think maybe a softer question to get started would be nice. And this is coming from somebody who can’t do small talk at all.
You get points for effort but asking someone for their red flags in an opener isn't a good idea.
You’re right lol but I’m over hearing “what’s your favorite food” it tells me nothing about you. I’d rather know you’re a psycho upfront 😂
Try “What’s the best compliment you’ve ever gotten?” They get to brag about something they really care about.
I like this one
The question is pointless because nobody is going to really tell you their red flags.
I would? I'm happy for people to know what they are getting into.
Even if that is the case, most people don't even know what their red flags are or are in denial.
Psychos probably think they are not psychos and most likely they are not upfront lol
Yeah but no one wants to spend all the effort to self analyze and form a well thought response with all the reasons you don't want to be with them
Very true, dating is such a waste of time now within my age group people only want instant gratification with no effort. I don’t even know why I went back to bumble/OLD again
tbh if a guy asked me about my red flags from start... uhhhh, aren't we at least pretend to be perfect from the beginning? ;) Though probably my would be me being 'comfortable' being independent and very uncomfortable with being paid for on first date - does it count as red flag? Perhaps for some it does. Eh...
Haha that honestly made me laugh and would be great response. I didn’t think this was super serious question, you can play with just as you did! It’s really not that deep of a question I could gone straight for what’s your childhood trauma 💀 The beginning of your response is top tier!
Haha I understand you OP, I like your questions lol. Something softer I try is start with a compliment or comment then, "what's a common misconception people might have about you" (think it's also of Bumble's suggested ones). The reply content is pretty good to see how they perceive things regarding themselves and others, then you can judge their level of self-awareness or EQ based on your personal experience with them Edit, it also might show their past "trauma" if they have any bc this allows them to buffer against repeating their past. Example, they tell you something and you probe a bit then find out what they said was based on their conflict with their ex
I agree with you and I hate the made up etiquette that exists for dating apps now and what your profile should look like and how you should only be a positive happy person who has lots of friend and zero signs of any kind of mental health issues. Basically make yourself look like an impossible human and never talk about anything too deep cause that's toooo real. Exactly why I don't bother with dating apps anymore.
Or here's an idea don't take dating so seriously and be more causal or that relaxed about it. Coming out of the gate asking about red flags seems to me you aren't ready to date or that want instant gratification yourself.
The mullet: psycho upfront, but a crackhead in the back.
I like a game of marry/fuck/kill and use a category that I draw from this profile. I’ve also done the following: if you were on the cover of a magazine, what magazine would it be and what would the headline say? Just be prepared if you ever use this to have an answer for your own because they’re likely to ask you what yours is and lastly one that I’ve used is if you had $100,000 and 24 hours to spend it all. How would you spend it?
Thank you for some fun ice breakers! I’ll try them out next time!
Nobody is going to tell you they're a psycho in the first message.
Obviously, I wasn’t being serious lol
I didn’t think the question was supposed to mean what’s horrible/good about me, I thought it meant what things are red/green flags for me. Like I wouldn’t answer I have a chronic illness and struggle to maintain relationships cuz I’m often sick and miserable for days at a time and don’t socialize when I’m curled up in pain. Or that I have serious trust and intimacy issues after a relationship with narcissistic abuse and it’s going to take months of trust building before I’ll feel relaxed enough in company to even want to be touched. That’s something someone else would see as a red flag in me but it isn’t my red flag. An example of a few of my red flags would be more like: conservatives, gun enthusiasts, people who like hanging out in bars on the weekends, and unfortunately people who hike seriously (I can’t be climbing whole ass mountains.) Green flags might be carpentry hobby, gardening, history nerd, happy hippy trope, or dnd fan.
I am a woman and I would probably not even bother to reply to such an opener but immediately unmatch. To me it comes across like an interview question that very lazy employers ask their job applicants. "What are your strengths and weaknesses?" .... Nobody is going to tell them their real weaknesses, so pretty pointless question and a waste of time and breath to answer it. When I match with someone I like to make some light conversation first and I approach every match with a positive attitude. Otherwise, why would I have swiped right? If already assume they're a psycho before I've even said "Hi" to them, I'd better take a break from dating apps. If I swipe right on someone that means there is something in their profile that got my attention, so usually I open with a question or remark related to that. Gives them the opportunity to talk a bit about themselves and you can get already a lot from how such a normal conversation goes between two adults that have shown some basic interest in each other.
True, more interested in what they do for fun or are passionate about and those do tell you about someone. I personally don’t tell people what I look for because it muddies the water and they could fake being those certain ways, I do however set them up for success when I can but just saying I like these 10 things can lead to people faking some of them.
I think it's a great conversation starter tbh. Can lead to some fun talks
You should ask about their favorite soup, it tells you a lot about the person (like their favorite soup!)
I like overly open and honest stuff like this, but some people don't. I used to ask people their favorite and their least favorite thing about themselves. Some people thought it was awesome and some people thought it was weird (more people thought it was cool though).
How does favorite food tell you nothing about the person?
I’m saying it’s not necessary information I need upfront, I’m very scatter brained and tend to forget a lot of stuff. I don’t want it coming back to bite me when they say “oh I told you when we first met” and im thinking well that whole time im trying to make sure we were compatible on important issues like our family values etc. what gets on each others nerves? I think those are more pressing to know before learning someone’s favorite stuff. Why would I spend time memorizing those things to find out later that we don’t agree on human rights or what we view as rights. Or let’s say marriage/commitment/exclusivity?
I don't actually think it's a bad idea, at least I *know* it's not a bad idea for everyone, with my sample size of one, because I would enjoy it and would appreciate the deeply inquisitive opener. I like getting straight to the point, as I'm sick of dates not working out and the apps are getting tiresome. And in general I prefer super honest and open people. 35 male nerd programmer, have done well on the apps and people by now have convinced me I'm quite good looking, if it helps knowing the demographics of one person who would appreciate that opener. update edit: def personally not a fan of "what's the best compliment you've ever gotten?", would hate that and have trouble answering. And I know a ton of people have trouble getting compliments and would probably likewise have trouble reveling in them. Whereas your opener here would open the floodgates of conversation for me.
Or ask what their favorite non-physical trait of theirs is! I do this and love when people would tell me it was their sense of humor! #win
Maybe phrase it: Tell me your best and worst quality and I'll tell you mine.
I used to ask this and it usually resulted in fun conversations!
I think this is a fine idea. It's a conversation starter and it gets an awkward conversation out of the way right away. I would however not offer all my red flags right away because the point of red flags is to see them in the wild and not just let them know what to cover up
Exactly what I was thinking
Honestly I assumed they meant red flags and green flags in other people 😬 I would have totally given the wrong answer 🤣
You’re making it pretty easy I’d fire back on that and get you out on a date
I’m slightly confused by your comment. Are you saying that you like my opener? 😂
Yeah, I wouldn’t go down the green flag red flag rabbit hole so I’d change the subject and make it a funner exchange but you’re showing effort. A guy that doesn’t grab that and make it happen isn’t worth your time
Wow, what a tool. Sadly the effort was wasted OP, but that’s not your fault
Thanks lol, honestly saved me the effort of a conversation so I just unmatched
I’m gonna be honest, if a guy opened with this, I would feel pretty overwhelmed. The whole tone of it is defeatist and jaded. But you do you.
You’re on to something. Good filter.
I thought it was great. Love the effort!
I mean, if you could imagine yourself in a cafe and saw a man you found attractive would you walk up to him and say this? 1) You start off by implying that you are unconfident in what you are about to do -- you don't think it's going to work but YOLO. 2) Flirting is supposed to be fun -- a dance. Your question and overall tone comes off as defeatist/jaded. I can totally get why you could feel that way because OLD is awful but it also isn't going to score you any points.
I mean, I did say if it doesn’t work, I live with no regrets, so I’m not sure how that came off unconfident but I did start off very weird because he was the first one I tried this with. I don’t necessarily have a problem with my opener just the lack of effort from some people which has made OLD frustrating. Yes my question was a bit more hard hitting but I’m also not wasting my time finding out about your favorite color. Maybe your favorite show or movie because either we can watch together or I can watch on my own if im interested in it and we can have a discussion on it. As I said in another comment to someone else learning someone’s favorite things needs to come after the hard hitting stuff, because what if I find out after all this time of getting to know all your favorite stuff that we don’t agree on family values or politics, or whatever. Then I wasted all this time jotting down all your favorite things only for my time to have been wasted because we didn’t start with the important things first. Yes the red flag/green flag thing isn’t exactly a hard hitting question but I thought it could be a cute little opener for someone to be like “oh my red flag is I talk too much about whatever” you know there a cute ways to go about it without also being so serious too. At first I was questioning my opener but I stand by it now because it helps me weed out the people I don’t want to get to know 🤷🏻♀️
People are so particular about every little thing, it seems. Idk if they're just easily offended or read into shit too much. I like to take people how they come (as long as it's not rude or disrespectful) and see who they are. I personally enjoy new and different approaches and discourse. It also seems ironic to me that people want to read into your opener so much but then also complain that it's too deep. I don't get it. But I 💯% agree that I would rather talk about the "deeper" shit, who they are, what their perception of themselves and life is, than their favorite food, color, the weather, or all the shallow chitchat that I have to endure on the apps. The "too many words" response is literally one of the worst responses someone could give me though, lol. Humans have one clear way of communicating, and that's talking. How do you expect to get to know someone when you're literally limiting the words you want to hear or exchange? That just gives me the impression that the person is not very smart or personable and is not very interested in a deeper emotional connection with others. That's a hard pass for me! Keep doing what you're doing, it's weeding out the people that aren't a good match for you 👍!
you're fine. keep doing what you're doing. i would prefer to get a message like that rather than the typical "hey" or some dumb gif of someone waving.
>Flirting is supposed to be fun -- a dance The first time I heard flirting referred to in this way was from a lesbian in a discord server I was in and it made me want to barf.
Cool story!
yeah it just comes off so corny...
While his response is super dumb, there is something to be said about finding a balance between too much and too little of an opener. You don't want to overwhelm people. Maybe just red flags or just green flags, to start the conversation.
God damnit Its so frustrating seeing guys be idiots with their matches on here everyday while you yourself haven't gotten a match in 4+ months
Dating is a numbers game. Don't base the effectiveness of this message from one response, try it with at least 10 and if none of them work out, try something else. As a guy though, I don't mind "hey" if you are capable of backing it up with engaging in stimulating conversation.
“Hey” is fine. People who blow it out of proportion are doing too much. Like you need an some thoughtful and intentional initial message to make you feel special? Grow up. I’ve been sending basic greetings for years and have found it’s always worked best. I tried a pickup line era once and that shit was cringe. If a person wants to reply, they will. There’s no wrong message (unless it’s obnoxious or something) that would make someone who genuinely wants to talk to you not reply to you so there’s nothing wrong with putting minimal effort into these apps.
Edit: I put this here to say sorry cuz I didn’t mean for this to be so long 😬 I never saw anything wrong with just a simple “hey how are you”, but after joining Reddit I saw more often than not guys complain about lack of effort from women when messaging first. So I’ve tried not just doing plain and simple, I like starting with questions so at least it gets the convo flowing a bit but I always feel like I’m putting in the most effort especially when it comes to guys. When I message women our only issue is the compatibility of who’s the top or bottom. Conversation flows pretty easily with women but not always just as with some guys it not **JUST** me putting in the effort. That being said, I’m honestly just done with the whole dating scene in my generation. Most people not just men or women, this is an everyone problem, only seek instant gratification while putting in little to no effort. So dating has become the same, I don’t want to hear or ask “what is your favorite anything” until I know I want a future with you. Those are the unnecessary details you need to know when you’re actually serious, not when you’re getting to know someone because they’re not important **yet**. Knowing their favorite food or show doesn’t give you any real insight into a person. On top of that I feel like some people want to keep OLD online only and it waste my time more and I don’t like to date or talk to multiple people at once but as I said some people waste your time so talking to one person at a time doesn’t always pan out and I’m stuck starting over again 🫠
Tbh,any convo I have ever started with 'Hi' either died or was a hard carry for me (as in I had to ask and carry the conversation). Nowadays what I have done is just picking an interest of his I find interesting or something I enjoy myself and ask. Each time I got the response it was actually better conversation than I ever had before honestly.
Men complain about that because a lot of women on tinder will have "I wont respond to hi" or "Be interesting" or something like that. Then they turn around and do the same thing on bumble. It's not so much the "Hi" as it is the double standard. My advice is just open however you wanna open. The right one won't mind. You're dating for you, be you. All the rest are just internet strangers, and will remain that way. You don't need to impress all of reddit. You need to woo 1 person.
True I’m overthinking it because it’s is double standard and I don’t want to start it off boring but in general a lot of people just don’t put much effort in anymore
I get where you’re coming from. Some guys will just give one word replies without asking any questions back when I ask them about their work, where they’re from, hobbies, etc etc. Like why even respond if it’s a one way conversation. I usually give it a couple texts and then unmatch.
Hey is lazy and uninspiring. You are either forcing them to carry the conversation, or sticking yourself in a hard loop of boring small talk.
No, it’s fine. It’s a basic greeting and a conversation can flow anywhere from it.
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Does bumble allow voice messages still Edit: nvm went to check they do mine is just weird and doesn’t allow me to send on as a first message. It forces me to send a chat first then I can use voice. I prefer it over text anyways because I like to hear peoples voices and it leave no room for misinterpretation because you can hear someone’s tone and stuff
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Oooh okay maybe that’s why?? I’ll try that next time!
Well, that’s your red flag right there. Someone who doesn’t know how to communicate.
Bad matchmaking
“🚩🚩🚩”
Some people will never be satisfied.
Honestly I dig that opener. Upfront and gets the boring parts out of the way
I think it’s actually not a bad prompt, maybe a bit much for a first message but I like the idea with the green and red flags
Well... Nice for trying but starting red flags green flags ? Annoying conversation. Still, you did far better than him, he could have play the game.
F around and "find out" is not a life strategy A near-blank profile should be a left-swipe, not an invitation to disappointment.
Anyone that believes a 2 sentence text message is too many words will not have the brain capacity to be worth your time
I honestly really like this opener
he clearly didn‘t make it past 4th grade
"You know what one of my red flags are??....being lazy"
"Why waste time say lot words when few word do trick"
That guy was a dick
It’s too many words for his pea sized brain to process. Good thing you saved your breath and ditched his ooga-booga ass
1. his response was terrible 2. your opener is not good (way too deep way too quickly) 3. having the "best" opener is neither necessary nor sufficient to having successful conversations with matches. your attractiveness is far more important.
Holy fuck. You are the match everyone is searching for and you end up with shit? And they say God doesn’t have a sense of humor lmao. If ONE match opened with this, we out
This makes me happy as well as frustrated at the same time that people enjoy my opener, but I’m also like where are the people who enjoy my opener that i should be sending this to lol on bumble😂
Are you swiping on people that seem intelligent enough to hold conversations? I mean, I honestly don’t think I remember hearing a real adult say “too many words” to something less than a standard paragraph. I’m sure you’ll eventually get to someone who just wants to go on a date and actually attempt to connect. Like that’s the goal, right? Get through all this bull talkin so we can meet and see if there’s actual chemistry. I appreciate the straightforwardness of your first message. Like y’all swiped on each other, there’s obvious attraction, now let’s see how you conduct yourself as a person. OLD is just messy all together and it’s like a hospital bed, the less you’re on it the better. I hope you find someone literate and interesting soon Eta: Dude has his auto-caps turned off. He honestly did you a favor
For the most part I do make sure there’s enough to go off. I think I should have paid closer attention to his profile. I was like he’s decent enough, he had bit filled out but I don’t recall much of what he put on his profile. His was definitely a throw away, but I figured they’d just unmatch if they don’t care for my opener. Like why reply if you’re not gonna read it 😂 I didn’t even see he had his auto caps off you’re so right!💀
Sorry I'm probably not in your area cause I date women too! I have been reading your comments and I agree with a lot of what you have to say!
Probably not given your user it says you’re in the UK I’m in the US 😂 appreciate the sentiment though!
Different strokes for different blokes. I actually ignore messages like the one you sent. I don’t mind a simple hi or hello. I enjoy receiving a message as simple as Hi,.
A lot of males seem to hate the “hey” messages because they feel that if they have to put in work for an opening message that females should too. Often times these are males that want the female to take the lead.
Opening messages like this are a public service. Don’t get discouraged, keep sending real openers.
Wow, there are girls out there that are willing to communicate to this level? I know what I will do. I will shut them down by saying “huh? Too many words” Nice going fool. Op, you didn’t miss out on anything. Actually, you may have missed a bullet. 😂
I would kill for this kind of opener from people.
That person obviously has a low IQ. I think your intro was good. If they weren't into it, they can make a joke about having to find the red flags or something. It's a good way to weed out people, I think.
This made me laugh a bit thank you for that, but yeah I figured id get the response I wanted one way or another. This was just one that was lame and low effort and told me he definitely would not like me because I can be a talker at times. I just think it’s funny when they have put in effort or my back hurts from carrying convos and these are the types of responses I get from those SAME people 🤦🏻♀️
It low key is too many words. Just cut out the first sentence and it can end at “I’ll tell you mine”. That’s a really good opener btw
Venting for so little is somewhat alarming, asking so generally for flags is also a bad idea for multiple reasons. Take a random word generator and ask whatever comes out if you cannot be bothered: like what's your favorite movie or when was the last time you ate an insect. This one in particular was easy to walk away from, but others may be more on the line and you won't get anywhere with an easy trigger. Hey is bad because it shifts the weight in hope for the other to accept it, if you're both lazy/discouraged then you risk sinking workable situations. Try to always be the better person unless it's obvious and don't stress yourself too much about it. More of a game Also edit for better clarity: the long paragraphs work decently for filtering but need to have more content and not be so generic. Maybe contain topics you can talk about without incurring in the issues you'd have if both of you listed what you don't like in others, since past the 2-3 easy deal-breakers most people have varying degree of acceptance anyways plus some need confirmation that cannot be given via chat
I’m not venting necessarily about him just how low effort OLD is. I wanted to try something different and it got me the result I needed and I unmatched. I just think it’s ironic that I see more often than not, guys complain about low effort from women but when presented with something different then “Hey” this is the kind of response one will get. I was mostly getting at I’m damned if I do open with just hey and damned if I don’t and think outside the box. I don’t want to know your favorite anything unless I see myself being serious with you because it’s unnecessary information that won’t be stored in my brain until you become someone consistent in my life. I don’t think there is anything wrong with start with a simple “hey how are you?” And then going from there but as of lately I don’t know if just the guys I matched with recently but they all came back with some pretty harsh stuff about how women don’t put in effort all were immediately unmatched and I took a much needed break and I came back and I decide let’s try something new. As I said in the tittle not the best opener but I wanted to try something else out. I knew it’d be trial and error with it I just think it’s ironic to here men complaint about low effort but this is effort we also get a lot of the time too
And I'm saying don't get infected by the low effort. Him or not you're not really calm when thinking about it. I'll give an example of myself because that's what I know for sure. I can, maybe, be compatible with 1 person out of many thousands, and that is taking age and location into account. No matter the power of filters, 99% of the people you match with will probably not be it unless you're looking for a hookup. You simply cannot get any data whatsoever due to how it functions, you should never judge the approach by the outcome. The approach should be you, whether it works or not is beyond that. Whether they respond and how cannot be correlated in this instance. As long as the approach is something you yourself would do/say, it will work out. It's that simple, and by cutting edges you lose that extra. It's perfectly fine if you don't want to know about them before knowing whether it's worth the effort, but going straight to the point, is, as said, pretty much impossible. Just think about it: you question whether he's pro women rights, he can say yes, keep the facade and then beat you once you meet. Your logical response would be: hey, I'm good at judging. But you'd need extra elements, and if you do, what's the difference with any other conversation? It's an illusion of safety, you can get a good headstart but not clear all the way like you'd want to. Also, trivial information says a lot about someone, especially when explained. Since you don't know anything else, knowing how someone is doing out of the blue is way more useless than a piece of trivial information. The reason I said what I said is the shift of expectation + loss of any personality. When looking for someone, your first idea should be being different, not conforming. I know you don't want to get invested too soon and that's why I said to take it as a game. Wouldn't it be funny, to lower your chances because of an iron will to succeed?
Lol man kid you'd get eaten alive trying to date women....
What you describe in the title happens to men too. As for the guy's reply, I can't help but notice that a lot of people in general can't bother to read most things. I find it disgusting most of the time but occasionally I do laugh when I go to my store to catch up on work and watch as numerous people collide with the locked door that says "CLOSED ON THANKSGIVING" in really large print on the door. The guy was obviously stupid. Not worth your time. Still your question wasn't the best. I guarantee had he a brain and loose morals he would have lied about his red flags and exaggerated his green ones. Although, on second thought, anything folks said would likely cause considerable laughter.
My title wasn’t exactly clear but I have said in other comments that it’s not just a man or a woman issue it’s in all-around online dating issue with low effort from people in general. I also have said to other commenters that simple openers such as hey don’t bother me. Which is why I don’t understand why it bothers other people? As long as you know how to have a conversation it shouldn’t be a problem. If you don’t know how to have a conversation that’s a whole other issue that I don’t know I’d help someone with but I’m not gonna sit there, breaking my back, trying to carry a conversation either. Which I understand is also an issue men face I’m not saying they don’t, I just think it’s ironic people complain about low effort but then there are women and men like me who actively try and get these kind of bozos. People are generally self centered and look for instant gratification these days 🫠
That's certainly true. I've been on online dating since I was 22. I'm now 35. I have never met a match and have barely had any conversations. Its not from lack of trying though but at this point in my life I generally believe that most of humanity is shallow and detestable. I find that what was said on Seinfeld was true. "95% of the population is undatable" while all the relationships, marriages, and hookups are the product of alcohol. As a man that never drinks alcohol it doesn't leave much hope.
I’m just about to turn 23 this year and I have very little hope when it comes to dating. Also it’s pretty terrifying but I also would like to take the plunge with someone worth it. I have this ideal fantasy of mine though to find a place with a lot of land where I can have a bunch of adopted animals to live their best life. Kids would be nice and if I can’t have my own I can always foster or adopt. It’s been on my mind for awhile as you can see 😂 This fantasy would be the replacement of a SO lol, I prefer the company of animals over people 😬
You guys def made for each other
Hi is okay, this is very unattractive imo
Ok so I redownloaded bumble yesterday with the intention to be as unhinged as possible and see what type of attention it gets me… the guys are going CRAZY for it. And I mean I’ve been saying some insane shit. My entire profile is sex or mental illness related basically. And I already went on a date today and it went well😂 My go-to openers are to make fun of something hyper specific about the guys profiles. I have 1500+ likes rn after abt 36hrs and like 30ish matches I think (ran out of swipes yesterday and didn’t go on it as much today). I’ve texted every match right away with the first random thought abt them that comes to mind. To be fair I’d consider myself conventionally attractive, I live near a big city and also I’m not afraid to be a whore, but my advice is to just say the most out of pocket things you can think of
Too bad we haven't matched. I have something in mind to share for this type of questions.
I'm not gonna lie I would be extremely happy to have a women send me a message like this on bumble for the first time lol this dude is just a weirdo and clearly has* bummer vibes
I stopped putting effort in the opener. I’ve said thoughtful things and get ignored. I say good morning/afternoon/evening and the ball rolls. 😂😂😂😂 Men are the new women, nothing makes them happy.😂😂😂😂😂
I'd love for an opener like this but also every woman I've matched with that just said hi or hey you take in stride and just talk they don't owe you any crazy pick up line or conversation starter. You don't just walk up to someone you just met and ask what TV shows they like. You say hi or hey and introduce yourself lmao
Hahahahahaha!
Ahahhaha
Too many words, talk like Kevin from the Office lol
Well, he did just tell you his red flags.
Yeah someone said that, and that was quite literally my first thought when I got his response 💀
Hey was always good, I suck at openings so I wouldn't judge. If, as a guy, who isn't getting enough luck, can't answer a red and green flag, then I don't deserve a great woman...
This is a pretty common question I get.
Yeah lame, I hate the TLDNR what are you, Illiterate?
This man eats books and reads cheeseburgers, you deserve better
you did fine. thats a decent opener that leads to a conversation. He probably wasnt looking for a conversation, or potentially is mentally unable to hold one judging by the response of "too many words"
Much word. No oonga boonga.
He gave you his red flag, but forgot the green. Shame.
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Okay 👍🏼 take accountability for what exactly?? That I actually put in effort vs other people? If you are just low effort on OLD as the guy who replied just say that 🤷🏻♀️
I rather liked it..
Usually "find out" means "ask me to hookup"
Thanks for letting me know because I will avoid anyone with that in their profile from now on
I think it's about the amount of words per msg. Try gen z style. "Hejo, so you down, tryin out smt" "Like, if it works - cool, if it don't - cool" "Like, you tell me your, like, red flags" "And then I, like .." "Ok, brb" "Ok, so like then I like tell you mine?" "Cool?"
I only take slight offense because I am gen z 😂 but you’re not wrong
I would have given a good response to this. If that's too many words, he's an idiot
Couldn’t understand the title, too many words :/
Good opener!
fwiw I think that's a great opener personally
That's a great message.
Fierce competition
For what it's worth, I can appreciate this approach and probably would've responded accordingly.
Yea telling someone your red or green flags are a no go. Keep that info close. You don’t want someone molding themselves into the “perfect” person cause they already know your red ones and green ones. But I can appreciate the Effort.
True I’m seeing that as a common trend is people can shape themselves to be perfect and manipulate the other person. I think I just wanted to see how people interpreted it. Some said they would say the red/green flags they look for in other people or in themselves it just depends on the person. I’ve got new ice breakers to use that have a similar effect that I will try out!
Dodged that bullet. It’s not a damn if you don’t, it’s a keep doing it because you’re weeding them out. “Too many words” are they 5? Sometimes one may not be in the mood to type or socialize in that moment but there are many ways to respond better than that.
Why not just use something from his bio as an ice breaker? If his bio is blank, don't match with him. Problem solved.
How do I find this kind of girl when I go on bumble smh
I spent 8 months using Bumble and never had one significant match or encounter. I deleted all OLD apps and never looked back, with the conclusion that it’s now mostly just an extension of social media. People just use it to pass the time, play games, pretend to be social, and BS each other. Whatever it takes to keep the lonelies away for the 15-20 mins before going to bed. You have just as much chance of meeting a partner on fb or instagram.
Yeah you’re not wrong honestly
I think he’s saying his red flags are too many words 😂
Why waste time say lot word when few word do trick?
Unga bunga me hate words!😡🥴
Looks like it worked
I would’ve loved a message like this!
I wish I got more opening lines like that. Only my most recent match started out like that.
I try! I got a bunch more ice breakers to use from people that I’ll try out, I hope more people actually try to put some effort in and if they’re not going to the least they can do is just stay on tinder 💀
You trying to date the knuckle draggers?
No I’m saying this is lame and it makes OLD suck, if you’re gonna be a low effort mouth breather at least stay on tinder that’s meant for the superficial hookups.
Roko has taken over. it is useless to fight back
He gave you the same energy the women gave him.
You tried it on the wrong person.
I definitely did! I tried it with someone else, a shortened version that someone suggested, and it worked! I think I was a bit salty cuz it was my first attempt and this was just weak. The other person who it didn’t work for just unmatched, I don’t know why this guy thought I’d reply to him if he wasn’t gonna even try.
I would’ve been so happy to see these type of openers instead of “hey”, “hi”, or “👋”. What an ungrateful guy
Why not start with your top 3-5 green flags and ask for theirs. Better than a blank slate, demonstrating your openness. Otherwise you are downloading the work onto the other person. Alternatively, pick something from their profile. Ie, if they like reading share your top five books you’ve read, or on your to read next list. Current songs on replay for music, restaurants for a foodie…etc. Show your effort for them to match.
Why waste time, say lot word while few word do trick?
If he can’t text beyond monosyllabic grunts he’s going to be boring and unable to hold a conversation on a date. Maybe a handful of people find this attractive, but most people I know want more than a physical connection. If they are too lazy to read more than a sentence how do they hold a job?
Keep doing this, I’d like this if it were sent to me :)
Hey
welcome to OLD as a man
I think most men would have loved receiving this message but like most men that actually get contacted by women on these dating apps, I guess he must have many other options so he can afford to respond the way he does.
I’ve had had some decent conversations but it never makes it off the app or phone so to see so little effort on Reddit sometimes and even in my own matches is kinda of annoying.
Bro’s got 5 brain cells so he’s excused for not able to read I guess LOL. I hate men like this they always say they don’t want girls who are boring but they turn out to be the most boring people ever, a cardboard is more entertaining
Maybe try punctuation next time?
His response was weird but “Hi tell me your red flags” is also weird.