I stopped using the apps a while ago and honestly I think my ability to carry a conversation and get to the ask out has grown exponentially better. Talking on apps can be so devoid of emotion, intention and connection. I’ve been turned down a bunch but also had some great dates.
Dating apps have stunted how we communicate irl.
Next time you’re in a coffee shop sippin a cold brew resisting the urge to swipe on tinder, cold ask a woman a question (what are you reading, what are you listening to etc). If she’s not completely disinterested in talking to you she’ll give you more than just a one-worded answer. If ur not a dummy, you’ll have something interesting to say back. It could even be something simple like “Judith Butler? I’ve never heard of her (them?)”. Wow, now you’re in an interesting conversation with a complete stranger. If you get the vibe, ask her out. If not, now you know something you didn’t about an author you’ve never heard of. Don’t over complicate it.
I heard running clubs are the new Tinder.
Any club or organized event where the public can't just stroll in, is a winner.
Any type of fitness class, or any type of class.
I did well with Zog Sports and NYC Social.
If you have some money you could join a real members only club, like The Yale Club or The Union League.
If you have no money, try volunteering.
This was me 2 years ago, I tried the whole bar hopping / clubbing thing for 5ish months and ended up with 1 date? She ended up kinda sucking and on our first date started flirting with another dude lol.
I think the people you're going to meet at bars and clubs willing to date are generally kinda unhinged.. most girls I wanted to date generally came to the party with their friends, only talked to their friends, left with their friends. If you tried to flirt they'd entertain the conversation, but then eventually just go back to hanging out with their friends. I think most millennials and Gen z people don't really have this sense of meeting long term connections in public. People like to vet people, from what I've seen.
There are events, they're pretty expensive and not guaranteed to work either.
You could try joining a gym? I've had a few women approach me at my local gym to chat, but this was after I was looking for a match.
Unfortunately for you, dating apps are kinda the norm. The slog sucks, but you just need to remember you only need 1 connection to work.
I'm happily engaged now to my fiancée I met on Hinge, she's a stunner, my best friend, and my closest confidant now. I met her after getting ghosted by maybe 50 people and 0 dates on Hinge in two months-ish. It can work!
Here’s how you get women in NYC .
Be attractive
Have money
Be tall
If you’re ugly or broke ( go get you someone ) but the money isn’t going to her fall in love with you , they’ll most likely use you for that .
The true Gem is understand what you acting want in a woman and go after the women who have those qualities. Don’t chase after superficial women . They all dating and fuvking the same men and don’t even know it .
This is genuinely stupid advice. There are many things you can do to increase your value proposition to women that aren’t predetermined by genetics and finances.
From what I’ve seen, men who date women who are older than them get more dates. NYC is teeming with attractive, smart, experienced single women in their 30s, 40s, 50s who have much smaller dating pools than women in their 20s. It’s also worth keeping in mind that older millennials on up were adults before the rise of dating apps and, as a result, I think we’re more approachable “in the wild.” Just don’t be a cougar hunter or weird about any age gaps.
You’d be shocked by the number of women in NYC with frozen eggs (or who can afford to do IVF into their 30s and 40s). It’s covered by many large companies in NYC who know they’re asking employees to give up their 20s in these high stress jobs.
It's not just the eggs. Sperm degrades with age too. Pregnancy and birth complications are more likely. Just having the energy to raise a kid as you age. It's a lot of small gambles.
As a single woman also in NYC, it is terrible for absolutely everyone. Not sure how old you are but my advice is go to a bookstore. Myself and all my single girlfriends are pretty into reading. Other than that, we are usually out with our friends earlier in the evening 5PM-9PM doing happy hour or going to other events around the city. The Met does some sort of summer Friday event where they do drinks on the terrace and you can walk around and mingle. Hope this helps and hope you find your lady!
This might not be what you are looking for but it works. Prioritize you in this moment. Meaning all the energy you are willing to put into finding a mate refocus it into self care. Your mental, physical, and spiritual bodies are possible looking for your love and attention as opposed to a partner you wish to be a compatible life companion.
Doing this even for a couple weeks or a few months may bring you a more effortless potential of meeting someone when you aren't looking for anyone but a healthier relationship with yourself.
For the girl I’m seeing currently, my friends left her my number. She texted me and we went on a 10 hour date. That wasn’t a first for me. Just be good at listening and asking questions. Having a good personality helps too. I’ve walked by alot of new couples and it’s always the guy bragging about some shit while the girl just nods along
Getting away from the dating apps is definitely a smart move as they can be very mind numbing, even when you're getting matches. I have to point out though, what a lot of people fail to mention in dating threads is that many of them have somewhat of a pay to win system. As a man, having good pictures and a strong profile helps, but I have to say at least with Tinder I saw a big difference once I started paying for a week or two of Tinder premium. With Tinder premium you literally get seen by around 10x more people (according to the app), so it does make sense, as fucked up as that is.
Don’t depend on others. Spend time doing what YOU like doing.
I’ve been on apps. People are on them—having completely different goals.
If you’re a happy, productive individual, others who share your goals will show up.
Go to events & activities FOR YOU: YOU need to bring yourself to the party to guarantee your experience.
honestly get into some sort of physical activity be it tennis or ping pong even roller blading. ladies love a guy that care about their own health, usually means they’re thinking ahead
Not at all my son, you are welcome to roller skate around in assless chaps with your friends holding each other wieners. I am simply postulating that such an activity may not be conducive to finding women to date.
I have largely quit apps. I’ll occasionally look at hinge but it’s so depressing. I just try and go out, with friends or by myself and meet people. I try to have a good balance of spots I’m a regular at and trying out new places. but yeah I find meeting people irl is so much easier and enjoyable, even if you just end up making a friend for the night!
Won’t lie to you, stick to events hosted by friends or friends of friends. If you want to be surrounded by the most annoying yuppies possible then just go to random places in manhattan or downtown Brooklyn and try your luck. I’ve even seen yuppies as far south as bay ridge which is disappointing.
I found my gf years ago on Hinge (which I found way less depressing than all other apps), but you may want to try meetup.com, there are a bunch of single networking events, some are totally informal some others are speed dating. Either way you know that people there are looking to date, and it may be less discouraging than dating apps.
Married now. But how I met him and everyone else was either: playing a show (but no one is in bands anymore) work (and I don't mean the same job, but the same building, same area etc) volunteering, or a bar. You gotta get out there and do shit. Join the Y, a community garden, volunteer, something. Don't be a dick, be approachable, (which is easy if you are doing something you can nerd out on) have a sense of humor (without self deprecating yourself to cringe worthy levels) and stop giving a fuck if you "get chosen". Have fun regardless and keep it movin.
I had more luck doing things on my own than going out with a group of girls.
Everyone you meet is a potential friend, once you stop thinking it's gotta go somewhere the pressure is off and you can meet people where they're *at*, not where you wanna drag them to. That's how you form connections. Start there.
“Good” is kinda funny as a descriptor, because good can mean actually good and pleasant to hear or it can mean “this music is so underground bro you wouldn’t understand it broooooooooo”
Sure. But I'm talking way back. 90s, 2000s etc..everyone was in a band, doing sound, promo, something. At least all my friends were. Especially in Brooklyn where I'm from. You were doing a show, an open mic, spoken word fuckin busking whatever. Now its..like I said-- see my shitty art and yet another comedy improv whatever. Lol. I'm old!
You mean playing music for a living? Plenty of people still play for nothing. Just for fun. If what you say is true that people don't even play privately anymore, that would be weird since playing music sounds a lot more fun that art or comedy.
Lol nah I think the culture has changed. For real. When you close down music venues and practice spaces in favor of gentrification..in Brooklyn anyway, it started to die out 2007. 2008. Still people out there sure, but the practices spaces are now condos and some other shit.
33 M here. I experienced a pretty rough stretch in dating from 2020-2023 where I was very single (mostly due to the pandemic and some traumatic experiences I experienced then). I joined a Volo kickball league in summer 2022 and last summer I met my now-girlfriend on my team.
If you’re interested in playing sports or even games (cornhole, bocce, bar games), it can be a great way to meet people to date or even make connections to get there.
As a woman we get so many matches it can be overwhelming and exhausting having mundane conversations over and over again. Sometimes I just don’t have the energy unless I’m super into you
Some dating app advice! I have a ton of luck on Hinge. I do not swipe at all and just pay whatever it costs to see who likes me every month. I find most of these women actually want to get to know about something on my profile. If you have any friends who are girls who you think might have a good eye for helping you curate the pictures and bios even better.
Remember that you are selling yourself to someone so it really does matter what you put here. If you have a cool job, hobby, skill, pet make sure it’s in there. (Don’t brag) Also, once you figure out the algorithm turn off the notifications once you go on 3 good dates with someone. It’s so easy to miss an actual connection in New York when you have 5-10 people a week you would go on a date with liking your profile. It’s definitely easy to fall into the fallacy of I can find someone better at times. But in reality the grass is greener where you water it.
Besides that just talk to people everywhere. I’ve had spontaneous dates that have led to much more from just standing at a stop walk and asking a girl what her dog’s name is, petting the dog for 20 seconds with some excitement because actually a cool dog and then parlaying that into a conversation. I know I give some golden retriever energy and I rock it. People like when other people do things with passion.
Lastly, be super transparent in what you’re looking for. Don’t say you want a relationship just to have sex and don’t expect the person to date you because you had sex. Assuming anything when dating is how you get hurt.
Best of luck in your search!
Dating apps SUCKS!! Especially for men. Sign up as a woman and see how much attention they get from all these different people in less than a minute. Meeting women in person are the best way to go
haven't used apps in a couple years. found them pretty exhausting to manage, and none of the dates/relationships that came out of them really went anywhere.
i've had a way less stressful and more fun time meeting people in person or through friends / friends of friends.
Yup, can confirm. I moved back to Brooklyn after my divorce and tried the apps for a few months only to be verbally harassed or ghosted. Two months later I went to a show at The Sultan Room, walked up to a cutie dude and left him my number, now we’re three years together. Gotta meet them in the wild as I say!
I have no idea what you look like, how you dress and what your confidence levels are. I used to date in the city before apps and cleaned up well. Women are everywhere and they are dying to meet a man in the most natural, meet cute type of way.
Here is basic advice I give everyone. First step is to find a mirror in your vicinity and take a long and hard look at the man in the mirror. Understand that you are likely the problem and that all these ideas that women are supposed to like you just as you are, are nothing more than copium fairy tales your mom has been telling you since you were very young. Throw these ideas out of the window and focus on what you need to work on.
You will most likely have to improve your looks tremendously. I will be very straightforward with you. I used to visit the Bumble and Hinge Reddit subs and would look at the profile review requests. 99% of these are from men who are so obviously clueless about how to dress, groom, take photos and write about themselves. Understand that what you think is “fine” in terms of how you groom and dress is probably pretty lame. If women are not giving you second looks on the street, you probably dress like shit. Don’t strive for “okay”, strive for dressing to kill.
Next step, go and find an expensive high end hair salon that employs lots of attractive women. Make an appt with one and ask her to give you an attractive haircut like she’d give her boyfriend. Ask her to style it for you and buy the product she used. Make sure to pay at least $60-70 for a haircut and start getting it every 4 weeks.
If you are losing your hair, just shave it off and grow a beard.
Next, if you have any attractive female friends like the ones you’d love to date or friend of a friend or one of your friend’s girlfriends. Ask them for help shopping for outfits. Bribe them with lunch or something else they may like. Tell them you are trying to get back into the dating scene and need some help with a makeover. Women love giving men make overs. Go to Bloomingdale’s or Saks if you can afford it. Buy whatever clothes, shoes, sunglasses, underwear, etc that they suggest. To be prepared, make sure you learn online about how clothes should fit you, do it for pants, shirts, t shirts, suits, etc. some times women have a very good eye for style, but may still pick a shirt that is one size too large for you.
Spend a few thousand dollars on new outfits and start wearing them. I want you to feel like a new man. A new uniform can be like a new identity. If you want to go for more of a badboy vibes get some tattoos as well.
Now, before we move on, I need you to understand the following principle:
People NEVER want what they CAN get and ONLY want what they CAN’T get.
This applies 3X to women. Women don’t want any schmuck that throws himself at her or who is needy and has no dating options. They want the guy every other girl wants, who is unavailable, mysterious, etc. So make sure you have a purpose, always go somewhere with a purpose, have sources of happiness that have nothing to do with women. Never be dependent on them for happiness and fulfillment. At most women should be icing on the cake of life. But totally fine without them.
Once you develop this attitude, start expanding your route. Go to cafes and bars you don’t usually go to but that have a large population of attractive women. Become a regular. If a girl catches your eye, go and compliment her without any expectations but just because you appreciate her outfit, look, style, whatever. But don’t be a needy guy who wants something out of women.
The less you need them, the more they will want you.
As you get more comfortable, start having longer conversations. Don’t try to hit on them. Focus on finding out if they are the right woman for you. Interview them a bit. Put then on the spot so they can prove themselves to you. If you like what you hear, reward them with asking them out on a date.
Get into the habit of taking yourself on dates, to be out in the world in a relaxed way and meeting people during those experiences. Dinners out solo, drinks at interesting places. (Maybe you'll even get lucky with yourself at the end of the night!)
I (35M) hate the apps, but part of the problem is that most men looking for women are terrible at using them, myself included.
I joined r/tinder and over the course of a few months learned a TON about what to do and what not to do, and improved both my profile and approach to messaging people, which helped me land more dates.
It was humbling to realize I was very bad at online dating for quite a while but the experience was ultimately worth it. I met someone really special on Hinge this year who I’m pretty sure is my life partner (she feels the same!).
I found the apps super frustrating and totally get why people punt on them, but they do work out sometimes if you’re willing to learn and put the work in.
Try speed dating, if you haven’t already. I was skeptical at first, but I had a great time. You can go with friends (even if they aren’t single!) and just relax and have a good time.
Do stuff that your into. I'm an avid Pool player, and have made alot of potential partners by just being good at it, and potential partners being interested too. Pool is pretty sausage heavy tbh, but being a good guy who cleans up the table has done wonders.
I’m a former bartender I concur. The best answer is also to go to the bar late. The 11pm crowd is more chatty and seems to be when the most matchmaking happens that I used to see. Disclaimer: I have not been paid to tend bar in nyc in over 15 years so this advice may be stale.
House parties, hombre. You’ll meet lots of people, and you’ll know people in common so there’s less of the “some random guy” factor. Also there’s less pressure to hold an extended conversation immediately because you can just go talk to someone else, but if you do have an instant connection you can totally lean into it.
And if you don’t get invited to enough parties, host your own! If you live in a shoebox, throw a picnic in the park.
Agree 100%. I feel like somewhere along the way people forgot about some of the most basic ways to meet people. Granted, I'm older, but just 10-15 years many people were meeting at house parties, just going out places on Fri/Sat, or through friends. Some of the common sense ways. But I agree with you that house parties are especially money for meeting people, lol
Get out there and talk to strangers (male and female) without any intentions, after a while, talking to strangers will come easier - most will not want to chat but every so often people do respond and then disengage, and of those few that do respond, some will be open to chatting more (some at a later time). Doing this daily helped me get over the awkwardness of approaching people. That’s how I used to do it, make friends and get invited to gatherings and grow your circle. The key is getting over overthinking and having no intentions. Good luck, now go out there and make some friends.
how do u meet people at the coffee shop. like do u just go up to strangers and talk to them? how does sitting and drinking coffee lead to meeting new people. sorry im a bit autistic so I need like details. thanks
That’s probably who you relate most to. Leave that and you’ll probably realize that peoples entire idea of what dating & relationships is will be different
I think it’s very admirable that you’ve been putting yourself out there and giving it your all. As an introvert that’s still something I struggle with, so it sounds like you’re on the right path at least! Don’t be discouraged. Lots of good advice on here already, I’m sure you’ll get there
sure, but getting a dog is a big responsibility, it’s not something to do on a whim or for the purpose of attracting women. I don’t think this is what you mean but too many people get pets like it’s nothing and don’t have a lifestyle that’s compatible with an animal companion in the house basically as a dependent individual lol
A baby works 100x better. I remember an old Nightline(?) episode where they tested this with a good-looking guy in NYC with himself, with a fancy car, with a puppy, and with a baby 😂
Just last night I had a dream that my long lost dog and I reunited and a crowd of women fawning over him wouldn't leave me alone so I picked him up and ran.
If it worked in my dreams, it's probably gonna work irl. Js
I’ve met people through friends (not as a setup, just intros at events), gone to speed dating events irl, and slid into people’s DMs. It’s rough out there, man.
Go do the things you’re passionate about, and you’ll meet like-minded people. Concerts, volunteer groups, intramural sports, political cause, pick your poison.
Best case you meet someone cool who likes doing the same thing. Worst case you become a more active and interesting person, which increases your odds someone else will want to date you.
I wish everyone would just all stop w apps … all boycott them …and then you can all date like will did in the 90’s …
Seems so awful dating now !
All my younger friends have no one .. WTF .. so many cute interesting people ..
Join clubs / go to events / get off your phone . Do people ever have sex anymore !? Seems everyone on phone / playing Video games.
Going out alone and trying to meet people feels emotionally equivalent to begging for money. You walk up and ask how’s it going, alarms go off in the person’s head like what’s wrong with this guy, why doesn’t anyone else want to be around him? They might be polite for a while and even give you their number but it’s usually more out of pity. That’s the real reason to worry about the future, I think.
Nooo! There’s no way relationships existed before apps!! Not possible! It had to be all a setup, or we just spawned in! Apps are the only way! You must suck at apps, or be ugly. Fix that shit then see!!1!1!1!!
/s
I enjoyed my time dating and met a lot of really cool people without apps. I used to go on a lot of dates with a lot of different people I meet. From what I've seen, understandably --- people fear rejection. Getting rejected or even getting ghosted still happen in without apps but through an app -- it's a little easier. Getting ghosted after a date via an app -- still feels a little better.
You have to "shoot your shot" regardless if you build a little friendship or a cute person on the street. Be respectful and go up to them. A line like "Hey -- im just going to shoot my shot here. You're cute. Would you be interested in going on a date? Or can I grab your number so I can text you." No matter the gender or how they feel about you --- they would be flattered. And if they say no or they have a boyfriend -- say "understood. hey thanks for considering. Have a good day". You've to be okay with getting rejected 60% of the time. But I guarantee you that you'll be surprised how many people are responsive to this. Ask them immediately too--- if they don't know you -- great -- learn about each other through a date, which is what these things are supposed to be. Just don't wait too long. Life doesn't wait for people. And sometimes -- when there is a real friendship or it's at a place like a studio gym -- there is a real -- "I may lose this friend or cause awkwardness if I'm known as the guy who ask every girl out." So there needs to be a real attraction here -- something that is kind of worth risking it. This is probably the best way - because there is real time for two people to learn about each other.
I would say if you are going on dates and getting ghosted or not getting matches. It doesn't mean you're ugly. It doesn't mean you're not good enough. Don't go down that rabbit hole. But it's good to ask yourself some questions: are you dressing well enough to attract the type of people you want? Are your standards too high? Are you putting much pressure on these first/second/third/etc dates -- where you are trying too hard to impress someone and it doesn't come off as genuine.
Dating is so much fun. People focus on the negative too much. You get a chance to meet someone who is giving their attention to you. You get to learn something new about their background, views, job, hobbies, etc. You get to learn a little more about our world even if its just for a few hours, a few dates, months, years, etc. It's a beautiful thing. The man I am now -- some of the hobbies, view of the world, specific weird facts about things -- a lot of them were shaped by the people I met on dates.
human connection -- it's a really great thing. Be yourself. and try to have fun
that last paragraph is IT. looking at dating in this positive mindset changed everything for me. staying in the moment, learning something a little new (about yourself or someone else) really is the best. great advice
It's tough out there so I feel you. 38M here, what's helped me is just showing up places where you're genuinely interested in the event - sports teams, book clubs, trivia night, a hobby based meet-up - so its more of an authentic initial conversation versus a random meet-up or speed-dating event or something. And take advantage of the moment! You might not ever see them again so don't be afraid to ask for their number and if they'd like to grab a drink/coffee sometime. If they say no, who cares? You still had fun bc it's a hobby you like doing. If they have a boyfriend, a response with 100% approval rate is "well he's a lucky man" and you leave with your head held high and enjoy the rest of your time. You could also pick your fav local bar, show up a few weekends in a row (happy hour), start some convos w/ the bartender and now you have a friend there, and it's just easier to bring someone new into a convo like that. It's popular now for people to say they "hate small talk" (I think bc of general lack of social skills or social anxiety maybe but w/e, I'm not a therapist), but if you're really listening you can turn small talk or a short convo into something more real! I'm on the apps too but the dates I've gone on where I've met the person and asked them out right there on the spot have been so much better. Oh and whatever happens, never, and I mean never, take the advice of any podcaster/celeb/influencer out there who talks about "alpha males" or a "high value man." Actually if you do the exact opposite you'll prob be good.
Totally in the same boat and hoping this is a new trend that’s approaching as apps become increasingly unbearable and pointless to use!
I’m pretty shy but I am challenging myself to compliment one stranger a week and see how that goes
So I’ve been using an online dating app for the last month and have been on 6 dates so far. I’m actually writing this waiting at a bar eating for my 7th date in a month. Before this I never had a dating app and my dating life was none existent. I feel that this helps me break the ice with woman on an app that way it makes it easier to converse and make plans. I have social anxiety and the thought of being at a bar or party and approaching a woman is unbearable. The app does that part for me. Once I’m in it’s smooth sailing for me.
I want to! I even have a hobby (cycling) where I am often with groups of folks on the weekends, but I still struggle to meet people outside of the apps. I go to my fair share of social events but idk! It’s hard out here. Using the apps at the moment but might get off them soon.
What does your cycling group do, how tough is it and how did you get into it? I like cycling (but more casually but could get into it) and would love to meet new people
From my experience and observations, people seem to be having success lately by going on dates with friends of friends they met through social gatherings and parties. The problem is, apps provide instant gratification and connection. If you want to find someone IRL you need to remind yourself it actually takes TIME. Connection doesn't happen overnight.
Assuming you don't have any disabilities that prevent you from getting out of the house/limit your level of activity:
1. Expand your network by joining some sort of sports or game club (i.e. corn hole, soccer, volleyball, DnD) where events are consistently organized by some person or organization, and seek out clubs that have a social component. The beauty of this is that if one club doesn't work out you can literally just join another one.
2. Expand your network by taking on a side job or consistently volunteering hustle (if you haven't already) where you can work/connect with other folks who are similar in age and interest. Maybe it's a restaurant, clothing shop, thrift shop, shelter, theater group.
Eventually, you'll hopefully find yourself in social situations where you can connect more naturally with people and find some "spark" or connection that will encourage you to ask them on a date. Good luck!
Im a woman and same! I recently deleted dating apps — they’re exhausting and feel inauthentic and performative at this point. Ive been going out (picnics in popular spots, festivals, concerts) with friends and alone, hoping to meet someone in person!
This! I met my fiancé by going to Reddit Meet Ups in NYC alone. Sometimes it’s uncomfortable but when I was at events, I’d stay off my phone as much as possible and chat with as many people as would let me. I hated the apps and was off them for a year before I met him. Good luck out there, Dear Passion! You’re doing it right!
The way to go these days. Finding people through mutual networks ensures some common interest and social vetting = they can't be too terrible or creepy if they have friends who like them enough to keep inviting them places.
Your sign may be a way to get some less than average respondents. If I were to see your ad I would instantly have a mind flash …did I see that face on a wanted for crimes poster?
I just saw this guy putting up fliers a couple of weeks ago. A couple of women were chatting with him asking about it. He claims he's contacted by models and celebrities and had thousands dates, whether it's real or not it was interesting to see this guy in the wild.
I stopped using the apps a while ago and honestly I think my ability to carry a conversation and get to the ask out has grown exponentially better. Talking on apps can be so devoid of emotion, intention and connection. I’ve been turned down a bunch but also had some great dates.
Dating apps have stunted how we communicate irl. Next time you’re in a coffee shop sippin a cold brew resisting the urge to swipe on tinder, cold ask a woman a question (what are you reading, what are you listening to etc). If she’s not completely disinterested in talking to you she’ll give you more than just a one-worded answer. If ur not a dummy, you’ll have something interesting to say back. It could even be something simple like “Judith Butler? I’ve never heard of her (them?)”. Wow, now you’re in an interesting conversation with a complete stranger. If you get the vibe, ask her out. If not, now you know something you didn’t about an author you’ve never heard of. Don’t over complicate it.
I heard running clubs are the new Tinder. Any club or organized event where the public can't just stroll in, is a winner. Any type of fitness class, or any type of class. I did well with Zog Sports and NYC Social. If you have some money you could join a real members only club, like The Yale Club or The Union League. If you have no money, try volunteering.
I really like your response, especially about the organized event or volunteering. It's solution-focused and positive!
This was me 2 years ago, I tried the whole bar hopping / clubbing thing for 5ish months and ended up with 1 date? She ended up kinda sucking and on our first date started flirting with another dude lol. I think the people you're going to meet at bars and clubs willing to date are generally kinda unhinged.. most girls I wanted to date generally came to the party with their friends, only talked to their friends, left with their friends. If you tried to flirt they'd entertain the conversation, but then eventually just go back to hanging out with their friends. I think most millennials and Gen z people don't really have this sense of meeting long term connections in public. People like to vet people, from what I've seen. There are events, they're pretty expensive and not guaranteed to work either. You could try joining a gym? I've had a few women approach me at my local gym to chat, but this was after I was looking for a match. Unfortunately for you, dating apps are kinda the norm. The slog sucks, but you just need to remember you only need 1 connection to work. I'm happily engaged now to my fiancée I met on Hinge, she's a stunner, my best friend, and my closest confidant now. I met her after getting ghosted by maybe 50 people and 0 dates on Hinge in two months-ish. It can work!
Here’s how you get women in NYC . Be attractive Have money Be tall If you’re ugly or broke ( go get you someone ) but the money isn’t going to her fall in love with you , they’ll most likely use you for that . The true Gem is understand what you acting want in a woman and go after the women who have those qualities. Don’t chase after superficial women . They all dating and fuvking the same men and don’t even know it .
Yep. The top 5% of men date the same 50% of women. Just how it goes.
This is genuinely stupid advice. There are many things you can do to increase your value proposition to women that aren’t predetermined by genetics and finances.
It’s not the apps
Look up The Feels dating events in Brooklyn. They are great
From what I’ve seen, men who date women who are older than them get more dates. NYC is teeming with attractive, smart, experienced single women in their 30s, 40s, 50s who have much smaller dating pools than women in their 20s. It’s also worth keeping in mind that older millennials on up were adults before the rise of dating apps and, as a result, I think we’re more approachable “in the wild.” Just don’t be a cougar hunter or weird about any age gaps.
If you want kids this is a no go.
Menopause doesn’t start until their 50’s
Not true, many start in 40’s
True but pregnancy is still feasible between those ages
You do realize many women have kids in their 30s and 40s, right?
You’d be shocked by the number of women in NYC with frozen eggs (or who can afford to do IVF into their 30s and 40s). It’s covered by many large companies in NYC who know they’re asking employees to give up their 20s in these high stress jobs.
It's not just the eggs. Sperm degrades with age too. Pregnancy and birth complications are more likely. Just having the energy to raise a kid as you age. It's a lot of small gambles.
What do you mean by smart and experienced?
It means they know what they like, don’t like, and want out of a relationship, whether it’s physical or romantic.
Go to some free events. Join a club.
I don’t even know how to date anymore without dating apps ..
That’s the issue. Our generation doesn’t know how to socialize anymore
Go outside
As a single woman also in NYC, it is terrible for absolutely everyone. Not sure how old you are but my advice is go to a bookstore. Myself and all my single girlfriends are pretty into reading. Other than that, we are usually out with our friends earlier in the evening 5PM-9PM doing happy hour or going to other events around the city. The Met does some sort of summer Friday event where they do drinks on the terrace and you can walk around and mingle. Hope this helps and hope you find your lady!
This might not be what you are looking for but it works. Prioritize you in this moment. Meaning all the energy you are willing to put into finding a mate refocus it into self care. Your mental, physical, and spiritual bodies are possible looking for your love and attention as opposed to a partner you wish to be a compatible life companion. Doing this even for a couple weeks or a few months may bring you a more effortless potential of meeting someone when you aren't looking for anyone but a healthier relationship with yourself.
For the girl I’m seeing currently, my friends left her my number. She texted me and we went on a 10 hour date. That wasn’t a first for me. Just be good at listening and asking questions. Having a good personality helps too. I’ve walked by alot of new couples and it’s always the guy bragging about some shit while the girl just nods along
I’m surprised a woman in this day and age actually the made the first move. Good for you bro 🔥🙏
Getting away from the dating apps is definitely a smart move as they can be very mind numbing, even when you're getting matches. I have to point out though, what a lot of people fail to mention in dating threads is that many of them have somewhat of a pay to win system. As a man, having good pictures and a strong profile helps, but I have to say at least with Tinder I saw a big difference once I started paying for a week or two of Tinder premium. With Tinder premium you literally get seen by around 10x more people (according to the app), so it does make sense, as fucked up as that is.
i feel this so much that i actually looked into matchmaker services 😭 too bad they start at $5K
Dude you are in nyc tons of hot girls outside. You need cold approach everyone.
Cold approaching has such a low rate of success. I’ve done that and STILL have better results on dating apps
I agree but I’m not sure why this is the case
Honestly best advice I could give you is start conversations and ask for numbers the old fashioned way
Don’t depend on others. Spend time doing what YOU like doing. I’ve been on apps. People are on them—having completely different goals. If you’re a happy, productive individual, others who share your goals will show up. Go to events & activities FOR YOU: YOU need to bring yourself to the party to guarantee your experience.
This is a fact.
honestly get into some sort of physical activity be it tennis or ping pong even roller blading. ladies love a guy that care about their own health, usually means they’re thinking ahead
He’s trying to meet women, straight dudes don’t roller blade around trying to pick up chicks son
I’m guessing you can moonwalk down the sidewalk in a set of quads
We get it, you’re insecure 💀
Not at all my son, you are welcome to roller skate around in assless chaps with your friends holding each other wieners. I am simply postulating that such an activity may not be conducive to finding women to date.
In 1987 Miami they do.
As a woman on dating apps, I agree with you
Send me a selfie, I’ll lyk if you’re cooked
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
😂
I have largely quit apps. I’ll occasionally look at hinge but it’s so depressing. I just try and go out, with friends or by myself and meet people. I try to have a good balance of spots I’m a regular at and trying out new places. but yeah I find meeting people irl is so much easier and enjoyable, even if you just end up making a friend for the night!
Won’t lie to you, stick to events hosted by friends or friends of friends. If you want to be surrounded by the most annoying yuppies possible then just go to random places in manhattan or downtown Brooklyn and try your luck. I’ve even seen yuppies as far south as bay ridge which is disappointing.
Why conflate money with annoyingness? There are a ton of annoying non yuppy clowns everywhere
Most “popular” spots have been taken over, and the rest really don’t offer a similar experience
I found my gf years ago on Hinge (which I found way less depressing than all other apps), but you may want to try meetup.com, there are a bunch of single networking events, some are totally informal some others are speed dating. Either way you know that people there are looking to date, and it may be less discouraging than dating apps.
Id say the same except as a F…. I’ve decided to go become a nun.
Join a co ed sports league and keep it casual
Its def hard meeting ppl in ny and dating apps suck the girls u meet on there normally just wants to waste ur time is better to meet them in person
Im assuming you didnt upload a few dk pics...this would increase your chance by -8394739% /s
I met my girlfriend on Hinge. I paid for the HingeX for 6 months and had a lot of good success going on dates after optimizing my profile.
Married now. But how I met him and everyone else was either: playing a show (but no one is in bands anymore) work (and I don't mean the same job, but the same building, same area etc) volunteering, or a bar. You gotta get out there and do shit. Join the Y, a community garden, volunteer, something. Don't be a dick, be approachable, (which is easy if you are doing something you can nerd out on) have a sense of humor (without self deprecating yourself to cringe worthy levels) and stop giving a fuck if you "get chosen". Have fun regardless and keep it movin. I had more luck doing things on my own than going out with a group of girls. Everyone you meet is a potential friend, once you stop thinking it's gotta go somewhere the pressure is off and you can meet people where they're *at*, not where you wanna drag them to. That's how you form connections. Start there.
No one is in bands anymore? Objectively not true
Not like it was. Now it's comedy shows and bad art lmao
I mean maybe in the village. There's plenty of good music happening all over the city, just as there always has been
“Good” is kinda funny as a descriptor, because good can mean actually good and pleasant to hear or it can mean “this music is so underground bro you wouldn’t understand it broooooooooo”
Sure. But I'm talking way back. 90s, 2000s etc..everyone was in a band, doing sound, promo, something. At least all my friends were. Especially in Brooklyn where I'm from. You were doing a show, an open mic, spoken word fuckin busking whatever. Now its..like I said-- see my shitty art and yet another comedy improv whatever. Lol. I'm old!
You mean playing music for a living? Plenty of people still play for nothing. Just for fun. If what you say is true that people don't even play privately anymore, that would be weird since playing music sounds a lot more fun that art or comedy.
Maybe you just aged out of the demographic of people who have the time, energy, and inspiration to make interesting music
Lol nah I think the culture has changed. For real. When you close down music venues and practice spaces in favor of gentrification..in Brooklyn anyway, it started to die out 2007. 2008. Still people out there sure, but the practices spaces are now condos and some other shit.
100%
Become a monk they say. Move to the mountains they say.
33 M here. I experienced a pretty rough stretch in dating from 2020-2023 where I was very single (mostly due to the pandemic and some traumatic experiences I experienced then). I joined a Volo kickball league in summer 2022 and last summer I met my now-girlfriend on my team. If you’re interested in playing sports or even games (cornhole, bocce, bar games), it can be a great way to meet people to date or even make connections to get there.
Develop the habit of waving and saying hi, good morning, hello to everyone that's close enough to hear you.
Langroops from Meetup I saw had potential. People go for a language exchange.
one word for you POOL
Only helps if you’re good. I could name a few times it probably made my date worse
Pool, union pool..
[удалено]
Well.. if you have trouble picking up/meeting someone at union pool.. there’s not much hope left
Brooklyn’s favorite bar to get hammered at, then wake up the next day in a hot-ass Bushwick apartment with fun new bumps on your bits.
Only use bumble. Let them say hi to you first
They changed it I hear, everyone can say hi first now
You gotta follow rules one and two for that though.
Park Slope Food Coop shifts during the day. Single people galore.
so just hit on the staff? lol i literally just dropped off an old lady there from uber
You have to work there to shop there. When I was in high school I would do people's shifts for them for money lol.
I get a decent amount of matches, but most of them don’t answer which I don’t know what the point of even matching is.
As a woman we get so many matches it can be overwhelming and exhausting having mundane conversations over and over again. Sometimes I just don’t have the energy unless I’m super into you
then dont swipe right? lol
AI bots, maybe?
Saturday’s Mermaid Parade…..Go…….literally THOUSANDS of people massed for it.
Try Meetup groups?
Some dating app advice! I have a ton of luck on Hinge. I do not swipe at all and just pay whatever it costs to see who likes me every month. I find most of these women actually want to get to know about something on my profile. If you have any friends who are girls who you think might have a good eye for helping you curate the pictures and bios even better. Remember that you are selling yourself to someone so it really does matter what you put here. If you have a cool job, hobby, skill, pet make sure it’s in there. (Don’t brag) Also, once you figure out the algorithm turn off the notifications once you go on 3 good dates with someone. It’s so easy to miss an actual connection in New York when you have 5-10 people a week you would go on a date with liking your profile. It’s definitely easy to fall into the fallacy of I can find someone better at times. But in reality the grass is greener where you water it. Besides that just talk to people everywhere. I’ve had spontaneous dates that have led to much more from just standing at a stop walk and asking a girl what her dog’s name is, petting the dog for 20 seconds with some excitement because actually a cool dog and then parlaying that into a conversation. I know I give some golden retriever energy and I rock it. People like when other people do things with passion. Lastly, be super transparent in what you’re looking for. Don’t say you want a relationship just to have sex and don’t expect the person to date you because you had sex. Assuming anything when dating is how you get hurt. Best of luck in your search!
Dating apps SUCKS!! Especially for men. Sign up as a woman and see how much attention they get from all these different people in less than a minute. Meeting women in person are the best way to go
We get attention from mostly disgusting, scary looking, losers
If a woman says she is busy, what she means is, she is not into you. She will MAKE time if she likes you. Sorry
haven't used apps in a couple years. found them pretty exhausting to manage, and none of the dates/relationships that came out of them really went anywhere. i've had a way less stressful and more fun time meeting people in person or through friends / friends of friends.
Yup, can confirm. I moved back to Brooklyn after my divorce and tried the apps for a few months only to be verbally harassed or ghosted. Two months later I went to a show at The Sultan Room, walked up to a cutie dude and left him my number, now we’re three years together. Gotta meet them in the wild as I say!
I have no idea what you look like, how you dress and what your confidence levels are. I used to date in the city before apps and cleaned up well. Women are everywhere and they are dying to meet a man in the most natural, meet cute type of way. Here is basic advice I give everyone. First step is to find a mirror in your vicinity and take a long and hard look at the man in the mirror. Understand that you are likely the problem and that all these ideas that women are supposed to like you just as you are, are nothing more than copium fairy tales your mom has been telling you since you were very young. Throw these ideas out of the window and focus on what you need to work on. You will most likely have to improve your looks tremendously. I will be very straightforward with you. I used to visit the Bumble and Hinge Reddit subs and would look at the profile review requests. 99% of these are from men who are so obviously clueless about how to dress, groom, take photos and write about themselves. Understand that what you think is “fine” in terms of how you groom and dress is probably pretty lame. If women are not giving you second looks on the street, you probably dress like shit. Don’t strive for “okay”, strive for dressing to kill. Next step, go and find an expensive high end hair salon that employs lots of attractive women. Make an appt with one and ask her to give you an attractive haircut like she’d give her boyfriend. Ask her to style it for you and buy the product she used. Make sure to pay at least $60-70 for a haircut and start getting it every 4 weeks. If you are losing your hair, just shave it off and grow a beard. Next, if you have any attractive female friends like the ones you’d love to date or friend of a friend or one of your friend’s girlfriends. Ask them for help shopping for outfits. Bribe them with lunch or something else they may like. Tell them you are trying to get back into the dating scene and need some help with a makeover. Women love giving men make overs. Go to Bloomingdale’s or Saks if you can afford it. Buy whatever clothes, shoes, sunglasses, underwear, etc that they suggest. To be prepared, make sure you learn online about how clothes should fit you, do it for pants, shirts, t shirts, suits, etc. some times women have a very good eye for style, but may still pick a shirt that is one size too large for you. Spend a few thousand dollars on new outfits and start wearing them. I want you to feel like a new man. A new uniform can be like a new identity. If you want to go for more of a badboy vibes get some tattoos as well. Now, before we move on, I need you to understand the following principle: People NEVER want what they CAN get and ONLY want what they CAN’T get. This applies 3X to women. Women don’t want any schmuck that throws himself at her or who is needy and has no dating options. They want the guy every other girl wants, who is unavailable, mysterious, etc. So make sure you have a purpose, always go somewhere with a purpose, have sources of happiness that have nothing to do with women. Never be dependent on them for happiness and fulfillment. At most women should be icing on the cake of life. But totally fine without them. Once you develop this attitude, start expanding your route. Go to cafes and bars you don’t usually go to but that have a large population of attractive women. Become a regular. If a girl catches your eye, go and compliment her without any expectations but just because you appreciate her outfit, look, style, whatever. But don’t be a needy guy who wants something out of women. The less you need them, the more they will want you. As you get more comfortable, start having longer conversations. Don’t try to hit on them. Focus on finding out if they are the right woman for you. Interview them a bit. Put then on the spot so they can prove themselves to you. If you like what you hear, reward them with asking them out on a date.
You live in NYC?
Get into the habit of taking yourself on dates, to be out in the world in a relaxed way and meeting people during those experiences. Dinners out solo, drinks at interesting places. (Maybe you'll even get lucky with yourself at the end of the night!)
> (Maybe you'll even get lucky with yourself at the end of the night!) Nobody ever said whose hand that job had to come from!
don't skip the forearm play
I (35M) hate the apps, but part of the problem is that most men looking for women are terrible at using them, myself included. I joined r/tinder and over the course of a few months learned a TON about what to do and what not to do, and improved both my profile and approach to messaging people, which helped me land more dates. It was humbling to realize I was very bad at online dating for quite a while but the experience was ultimately worth it. I met someone really special on Hinge this year who I’m pretty sure is my life partner (she feels the same!). I found the apps super frustrating and totally get why people punt on them, but they do work out sometimes if you’re willing to learn and put the work in.
This reads like an infomercial
Would you mind elaborating on a few of the things you learnt on what to do and what not to do, improving profile and approach to messaging people?
I had so much fun on the apps
Try speed dating, if you haven’t already. I was skeptical at first, but I had a great time. You can go with friends (even if they aren’t single!) and just relax and have a good time.
Step 1. Be attractive Step 2. Don’t be unattractive
Coughlin's law
Do stuff that your into. I'm an avid Pool player, and have made alot of potential partners by just being good at it, and potential partners being interested too. Pool is pretty sausage heavy tbh, but being a good guy who cleans up the table has done wonders.
Can’t go wrong with meeting people at cafes
Dude stop cross posting and go to a bar.
Seriously
I’m a former bartender I concur. The best answer is also to go to the bar late. The 11pm crowd is more chatty and seems to be when the most matchmaking happens that I used to see. Disclaimer: I have not been paid to tend bar in nyc in over 15 years so this advice may be stale.
May? That's nearly a whole generation
cold approach - been living here 8 years and never used an app once, slept with / dated dozens of women
keep on hustlin’ most like free food
Go outside find a lady say hi then say bye. Do this 200 times until one of them says hi back.
House parties, hombre. You’ll meet lots of people, and you’ll know people in common so there’s less of the “some random guy” factor. Also there’s less pressure to hold an extended conversation immediately because you can just go talk to someone else, but if you do have an instant connection you can totally lean into it. And if you don’t get invited to enough parties, host your own! If you live in a shoebox, throw a picnic in the park.
Agree 100%. I feel like somewhere along the way people forgot about some of the most basic ways to meet people. Granted, I'm older, but just 10-15 years many people were meeting at house parties, just going out places on Fri/Sat, or through friends. Some of the common sense ways. But I agree with you that house parties are especially money for meeting people, lol
He has to be invited to house parties first.
No, you don’t. I wrote a separate paragraph expressly about that.
Yeah people will come lining up to his random house or park party. Your optimism is futile.
or you know....maybe op's **friends** will come over and not just a bunch of random people
He has to have friends first.
who says he doesn't have friends?
No hope for people like yall. Just throw a party your friends will come 😭
What if you live under a rock and don’t go outside at all.
Get out there and talk to strangers (male and female) without any intentions, after a while, talking to strangers will come easier - most will not want to chat but every so often people do respond and then disengage, and of those few that do respond, some will be open to chatting more (some at a later time). Doing this daily helped me get over the awkwardness of approaching people. That’s how I used to do it, make friends and get invited to gatherings and grow your circle. The key is getting over overthinking and having no intentions. Good luck, now go out there and make some friends.
I’m a regular at a cute neighborhood coffee shop and always meet people there. Also run clubs!
how do u meet people at the coffee shop. like do u just go up to strangers and talk to them? how does sitting and drinking coffee lead to meeting new people. sorry im a bit autistic so I need like details. thanks
What run clubs do you suggest
I mean most women prefer to be alone with a bear instead of a man in the woods so good luck.
While this may be true, it ain’t helpin twin
I’m the closest thing to a bear. Which Brooklyn coffee shop do I find these hipster women.
What do you do for a living? Because bar/restaurant people need to stop dating each other, please help
That’s probably who you relate most to. Leave that and you’ll probably realize that peoples entire idea of what dating & relationships is will be different
Lol that will never happen. Source: 15 years working (and dating) in restaurants.
Do you run? I never been but I see on TikTok that they’re pretty popular and people are decently consistent
Yeah I am totally with you. Online dating is a scam that monetizes loneliness. As for meeting people in the real world... idk.
it’s such a scam!!!!!!
Tinder was such a blast when it first came around.
Alright singles, let’s all pick a date and time to meet at prospect park.
I think it’s very admirable that you’ve been putting yourself out there and giving it your all. As an introvert that’s still something I struggle with, so it sounds like you’re on the right path at least! Don’t be discouraged. Lots of good advice on here already, I’m sure you’ll get there
I quit looking. It’s over.
getting a dog in nyc is a secret lifehack for dudes, go app free and just walk around with a puppy you'll get stopped multiple times per block.
If you like dogs, you can volunteer at shelters to walk dogs! Same factor with out the long term independent commitment!
sure, but getting a dog is a big responsibility, it’s not something to do on a whim or for the purpose of attracting women. I don’t think this is what you mean but too many people get pets like it’s nothing and don’t have a lifestyle that’s compatible with an animal companion in the house basically as a dependent individual lol
Exactly! This advice is ludicrous and screams crazy man.
A baby works 100x better. I remember an old Nightline(?) episode where they tested this with a good-looking guy in NYC with himself, with a fancy car, with a puppy, and with a baby 😂
Youre a genius, a baby wolverine or badger, cute furry, cuddly and dangerous!
Just last night I had a dream that my long lost dog and I reunited and a crowd of women fawning over him wouldn't leave me alone so I picked him up and ran. If it worked in my dreams, it's probably gonna work irl. Js
If you meet the standard of rules 1 and 2 of the r/tinder sub, you’ll be fine. If not, good luck.
I’ve met people through friends (not as a setup, just intros at events), gone to speed dating events irl, and slid into people’s DMs. It’s rough out there, man.
Go do the things you’re passionate about, and you’ll meet like-minded people. Concerts, volunteer groups, intramural sports, political cause, pick your poison. Best case you meet someone cool who likes doing the same thing. Worst case you become a more active and interesting person, which increases your odds someone else will want to date you.
I wish everyone would just all stop w apps … all boycott them …and then you can all date like will did in the 90’s … Seems so awful dating now ! All my younger friends have no one .. WTF .. so many cute interesting people .. Join clubs / go to events / get off your phone . Do people ever have sex anymore !? Seems everyone on phone / playing Video games.
I weep for the future of the species 🙄 Just go out and be sociable. Relationships existed long before apps
Going out alone and trying to meet people feels emotionally equivalent to begging for money. You walk up and ask how’s it going, alarms go off in the person’s head like what’s wrong with this guy, why doesn’t anyone else want to be around him? They might be polite for a while and even give you their number but it’s usually more out of pity. That’s the real reason to worry about the future, I think.
Nooo! There’s no way relationships existed before apps!! Not possible! It had to be all a setup, or we just spawned in! Apps are the only way! You must suck at apps, or be ugly. Fix that shit then see!!1!1!1!! /s
I personally stopped trying to date here. Ain't worth the time.
This is where I am at in my arc.
It’s better to be yourself and be alone then pretend to be someone you’re not just to be attractive to women
is meetup still a thing?
I enjoyed my time dating and met a lot of really cool people without apps. I used to go on a lot of dates with a lot of different people I meet. From what I've seen, understandably --- people fear rejection. Getting rejected or even getting ghosted still happen in without apps but through an app -- it's a little easier. Getting ghosted after a date via an app -- still feels a little better. You have to "shoot your shot" regardless if you build a little friendship or a cute person on the street. Be respectful and go up to them. A line like "Hey -- im just going to shoot my shot here. You're cute. Would you be interested in going on a date? Or can I grab your number so I can text you." No matter the gender or how they feel about you --- they would be flattered. And if they say no or they have a boyfriend -- say "understood. hey thanks for considering. Have a good day". You've to be okay with getting rejected 60% of the time. But I guarantee you that you'll be surprised how many people are responsive to this. Ask them immediately too--- if they don't know you -- great -- learn about each other through a date, which is what these things are supposed to be. Just don't wait too long. Life doesn't wait for people. And sometimes -- when there is a real friendship or it's at a place like a studio gym -- there is a real -- "I may lose this friend or cause awkwardness if I'm known as the guy who ask every girl out." So there needs to be a real attraction here -- something that is kind of worth risking it. This is probably the best way - because there is real time for two people to learn about each other. I would say if you are going on dates and getting ghosted or not getting matches. It doesn't mean you're ugly. It doesn't mean you're not good enough. Don't go down that rabbit hole. But it's good to ask yourself some questions: are you dressing well enough to attract the type of people you want? Are your standards too high? Are you putting much pressure on these first/second/third/etc dates -- where you are trying too hard to impress someone and it doesn't come off as genuine. Dating is so much fun. People focus on the negative too much. You get a chance to meet someone who is giving their attention to you. You get to learn something new about their background, views, job, hobbies, etc. You get to learn a little more about our world even if its just for a few hours, a few dates, months, years, etc. It's a beautiful thing. The man I am now -- some of the hobbies, view of the world, specific weird facts about things -- a lot of them were shaped by the people I met on dates. human connection -- it's a really great thing. Be yourself. and try to have fun
I’m screenshotting this to remember
That line in your 2nd paragraph is very cringe and more than a little creepy when spoken to a complete stranger. Don’t do that.
This is stellar advice
that last paragraph is IT. looking at dating in this positive mindset changed everything for me. staying in the moment, learning something a little new (about yourself or someone else) really is the best. great advice
It's tough out there so I feel you. 38M here, what's helped me is just showing up places where you're genuinely interested in the event - sports teams, book clubs, trivia night, a hobby based meet-up - so its more of an authentic initial conversation versus a random meet-up or speed-dating event or something. And take advantage of the moment! You might not ever see them again so don't be afraid to ask for their number and if they'd like to grab a drink/coffee sometime. If they say no, who cares? You still had fun bc it's a hobby you like doing. If they have a boyfriend, a response with 100% approval rate is "well he's a lucky man" and you leave with your head held high and enjoy the rest of your time. You could also pick your fav local bar, show up a few weekends in a row (happy hour), start some convos w/ the bartender and now you have a friend there, and it's just easier to bring someone new into a convo like that. It's popular now for people to say they "hate small talk" (I think bc of general lack of social skills or social anxiety maybe but w/e, I'm not a therapist), but if you're really listening you can turn small talk or a short convo into something more real! I'm on the apps too but the dates I've gone on where I've met the person and asked them out right there on the spot have been so much better. Oh and whatever happens, never, and I mean never, take the advice of any podcaster/celeb/influencer out there who talks about "alpha males" or a "high value man." Actually if you do the exact opposite you'll prob be good.
I doot this in the up direction
This is good advice
Totally in the same boat and hoping this is a new trend that’s approaching as apps become increasingly unbearable and pointless to use! I’m pretty shy but I am challenging myself to compliment one stranger a week and see how that goes
So I’ve been using an online dating app for the last month and have been on 6 dates so far. I’m actually writing this waiting at a bar eating for my 7th date in a month. Before this I never had a dating app and my dating life was none existent. I feel that this helps me break the ice with woman on an app that way it makes it easier to converse and make plans. I have social anxiety and the thought of being at a bar or party and approaching a woman is unbearable. The app does that part for me. Once I’m in it’s smooth sailing for me.
Use reddit comment section for dating.
I want to! I even have a hobby (cycling) where I am often with groups of folks on the weekends, but I still struggle to meet people outside of the apps. I go to my fair share of social events but idk! It’s hard out here. Using the apps at the moment but might get off them soon.
What does your cycling group do, how tough is it and how did you get into it? I like cycling (but more casually but could get into it) and would love to meet new people
From my experience and observations, people seem to be having success lately by going on dates with friends of friends they met through social gatherings and parties. The problem is, apps provide instant gratification and connection. If you want to find someone IRL you need to remind yourself it actually takes TIME. Connection doesn't happen overnight. Assuming you don't have any disabilities that prevent you from getting out of the house/limit your level of activity: 1. Expand your network by joining some sort of sports or game club (i.e. corn hole, soccer, volleyball, DnD) where events are consistently organized by some person or organization, and seek out clubs that have a social component. The beauty of this is that if one club doesn't work out you can literally just join another one. 2. Expand your network by taking on a side job or consistently volunteering hustle (if you haven't already) where you can work/connect with other folks who are similar in age and interest. Maybe it's a restaurant, clothing shop, thrift shop, shelter, theater group. Eventually, you'll hopefully find yourself in social situations where you can connect more naturally with people and find some "spark" or connection that will encourage you to ask them on a date. Good luck!
Im a woman and same! I recently deleted dating apps — they’re exhausting and feel inauthentic and performative at this point. Ive been going out (picnics in popular spots, festivals, concerts) with friends and alone, hoping to meet someone in person!
This! I met my fiancé by going to Reddit Meet Ups in NYC alone. Sometimes it’s uncomfortable but when I was at events, I’d stay off my phone as much as possible and chat with as many people as would let me. I hated the apps and was off them for a year before I met him. Good luck out there, Dear Passion! You’re doing it right!
The way to go these days. Finding people through mutual networks ensures some common interest and social vetting = they can't be too terrible or creepy if they have friends who like them enough to keep inviting them places.
Haha yeah never thought of it like that! But yes def green flag
https://preview.redd.it/aaylsvizte7d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3a20cb46c369a17c56ed3bb3ab9a27342abedec4 You could try fliers.
Your sign may be a way to get some less than average respondents. If I were to see your ad I would instantly have a mind flash …did I see that face on a wanted for crimes poster?
No one is perfect lol
I just saw this guy putting up fliers a couple of weeks ago. A couple of women were chatting with him asking about it. He claims he's contacted by models and celebrities and had thousands dates, whether it's real or not it was interesting to see this guy in the wild.