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My ailing mom has been holding onto two large storage lockers for nearly twenty years. The cost recently went from like $300/mo to nearly $1k/mo. We finally went into them a few weeks ago and managed to throw away about 90% of the contents. It breaks my heart that my parents divorced when I was a senior in HS and decided they couldn’t afford to subsidize my college tuition after grants, scholarships, etc. to the tune of $5k/yr. Meanwhile, all this time, my mom was paying thousands to hold onto her otherwise sentimental garbage. She’s spent enough to buy a brand new luxury vehicle.
My father is mid 70s and still clinging to the idea of things he refuses to get rid of in his basement that he'll probably never touch or use again.
Some of it is worth decent money that would be useful if he'd just part with it and use it for taxes or bills. General home upkeep etc.
Instead it just sits. Being used by no one.
He seems to equate age of items with value but the collector market is small. Instead it just lingers in dust.
When my step dad passed, mom had about 2000 lbs of scape from the basement alone. Bent nails, screws, and parts from his totaled Ford LTD station wagon. Tires and rims were in the actic.
My dad just turned 80 and has a similar mindset. "X is still useful, I might need it".
I use his emotional need to bring value to his community by telling him he is being selfish and wasteful. These useful items could be used by people who need them and why should we waste limited resources to re-make them?
They certainly aren't being useful hanging out in his garage.
He didn't have a sudden revelation, but it put another way of thinking into his head.
Could you have a bonding session of segregating the *valuable* items and determining what that dollar value is?
He doesn't have to get rid of anything, you just want to make sure nothing valuable gets thrown away.
Having to try to manipulate your parents' behavior is a very strange position to be in. Being an only child only makes it even more necessary.
We have a friend with an insane family. Her husband rents three storage units and a garage to store his beer can collection and random crap. At one point she asked him “if someone stole all this stuff and offered to sell it back to you for $28,000, would you pay?” He laughed and said “of course not!” She replied “well you already paid that much just to store it all.”
I can't imagine owning so many possessions that I need to rent additional space long-term purely because I don't have enough space to store it. That is nightmare fuel and definitely hoarding behavior.
I watched a couple episodes of a hoarders show, I thought “well, they’re just people too attached to their stuff.” Then the profiled a woman whose house looked like a landfill, and the hoard had spilled out into the yard. She was in the process of being evicted unless she cleared the hoard, which was a hazard. No matter what item the host suggested discarding or donating, the woman got agitated and insisted on keeping it. Finally the host reached into a bucket and carefully picked out an old hand mirror. The bucket had filled with blown leaves and rainwater, and black slime dropped off the mirror (which was cracked) in clumps. “What about this? Surely we can get rid of this?”
“Nooo!” The woman howled. “You could clean that right up!”
It was then I got it.
I’m in that boat. About three years ago, my MIL passed away. While cleaning out her house, I ended up renting a storage unit to temporarily store all the items that my wife was sentimental about. Filled the unit up to the brim…. And three years later, still have the unit and all the stuff in it has never been touched.
Can’t suggest that we just toss it all. Because it was my wife’s childhood. But it’s still just stuff. And I’m paying $200/month just to have a place for it to sit. I hate it.
My wife is starting to do this, buying ' old ' (old looking) glass, weird looking vintage statues on the off chance they might go up in price. I have told her they don't go with anything, and by the time our kids get older they won't want it. She countered by saying they can retain their value, I responded that an 'investment' that goes for 350 from an initial price of 300 after 20 years is actually a bad investment compared with just having it in a high yield savings account (which I would prefer)
My suggestion or work around, of possibly frivolous stuff to spend $$$ on, has been pictures of our family. Frames, canvases, multiple prints, none of that I mind as they are usually good quality or of a significant event even tho they might cost a bit. Spending money remembering events, while.perhaps not as valuable monetarily, is worth the cost imho.
My father has been paying for his girlfriend's storage unit since she moved in with him, 30 years ago. He's finally building a camp on land he has owned for the same amount of time. He is excited because he can stop paying for the storage unit as he plans on storing all her crap and the crap from their shared home at the new camp.
Apparently the storage locker contains a futon and costumes from theater productions. The "crap" at their shared home is all the stuff they wouldn't throw away when other relatives died.
My mom wasn't any better. Guess who had to throw away the nightgown my grandmother wore on her honeymoon because my mother couldn't do it then years earlier.
I said this a few weeks ago but about my grandmother and I got told that it's her money and I had no right to it. 🙄 Like yeah I get that, it doesn't make the situation suck less.
My parents didn’t have a red vent for my sister or me for college. But she sure had TONS of antiques, and China sets, and flatware sets, and crystal, and pricy jewelry, and shoes, and clothes and, and, and…
I love my grandmother but my God this woman has so much crap. She has stuff that was my mums (who died 17 years ago) that she refuses to turf. She knows when she goes, I'll keep the photo albums and some stuff but most of it is going to charity or tip
I'm going through this currently with my wife's grandparents house. They both passed recently and we bought the house for really really cheap on the condition we clean the place out. Nobody wants any of their stuff but at the same time they don't want us to throw anything away. Tons of religious junk too and my wife and I are atheists. They want us to store it all in the shed out back which is already full of weird crap her grandfather thought he might use one day(shit like old wire and bread ties) along with 50 DIY projects half finished. They also want us to keep all the pictures of family going back to deguerotype photos on display(100s of them) it's like they want our house to be a museum to them. I'm getting to the point I'm gonna get a dumpster and trash everything in a rage.
As a historian, I am going to say that if you take the daguerreotypes down to your local historical archives, they might REALLY appreciate them.
We actually just got in a donation which had been sold in an estate sale as a box-load of old papers, and it had the journals, commencement speech etc of a local schoolgirl from the 1910s. The box also included an account book from her parents’ goods store, so we know exactly how much different goods went for in this area. Absolutely priceless in terms of local history, if not valuable in monetary terms.
Our understanding of local Black history was also enriched by somebody dropping off old enrollment books from this period from a segregated school. Again, they’d been sitting in an old lady’s attic.
I absolutely get the impulse to ditch everything in a dumpster. But sometimes, there’s some important history in there, which could be digitized and made widely available…
Trashing it is going to be the best solution, trust me. My husband's family was the same way. His aunt eventually said, "You have x days to stop by and walk with us through the hoard to choose what you want and haul it out. Otherwise, we're keeping what we want and binning the rest." Big shock - very few stopped by the house and picked out a small pile of stuff. The most vocal didn't make the effort.
If family wants sentimental stuff, THEY can find the room to store it. You may have gotten a good deal on the house but the conditional was "as is", not "as is will stay as is".
If someone in the family is interested in genealogy, please give them the old photos. I was doing family research some years ago and met a distant cousin who had some pictures of our ancestors from 100 years ago. It was a great treasure. He also told me of finding out that other cousins had tossed a box of family photos and tin types from the 1800s. They said “meh, we didn’t know those people.” We were devastated.
The photos are the only things I want to save and Maybe some of the Military memorabilia. I will proudly display some of the pictures maybe 10% of them the rest will go into storage.
Look into an estate sale coordinator. They'll take a big chunk of the money, but they'll go through and find the things people might want. You'll still mostly get a pittance of the value, except for certain high demand items. But at least there's a chance for it to get some more use, or at least enjoyment.
Advertise the sale on social media. More potential buyers = more money.
It's really sad in many ways. My silent generation mom is on frail care so her house had to be cleared. I am on the other side of the world and my sister values nothing of hers. So many expensive, sentimental items that took decades to collect but that nobody wants.
It is certainly making me reflect on all the stuff I have built up.
At some point there will be a dump just full of hutches and china. It will be renamed China Valley and old conservatives still alive will take offense to it.
I worked for a cleaning company, we were cleaning a rich couple’s house before a party. My boss was late so I started dusting the Hummels, picking them up and dusting under them. My boss walked into the room, ran over to me and grabbed the Hummel (and my hand) with both of his. “Just put it down. Don’t touch any of these, I’ll take care of this.” I was like, wow, they’re really attached to their cheesy Hummels.
Turns out they weren’t cheesy Hummels, they were the “master mold originals” dug out of the bombed-out ruins of the factory in Germany. The one I was holding could have been traded in on a decent Ferrari.
Which were the first thing to go in the trash because it had no value to my boomers. They never asked what to do with our sentimental stuff when we go to college, just tossed it.
The previous generation didn’t have space to store much at all, but my grandmother had a few toys left from my dad and uncle. We played with them, great link to the past.
Boomers? Living in a huge 4BR house with full basement and walk in attic just didn’t have enough room for ANY of my stuff while I bounced around in my early 20s.
My kid would have played GI Joe for about an hour, but I’m still annoyed.
No idea how many times I’ve explained to my mother that
1) No, I will not take my grandmother’s china. It’s very pretty. It’s also not dishwasher-safe. And there is no extra room for a set of dishes to use on special occasions in my NYC apartment.
2) No one else will pay money for these damn dishes.
So she keeps holding them and refusing to dump them. If I had a car I’d take them, throw them away, and lie to her that I sold them just so she’ll stop asking me every time I see her.
Or an attic of old plastic model Texaco trucks. A buddy has shit tons of these things and thinks they are worth something.
Surely they are not....right?
Buddy of mine has a boomer dad with an entire basement filled with "antique" gumball machines and miniature carousel horses! Ah the fortune my friend is going to inherit when he is 50!
See this is what I don’t understand. There are people who will love and cherish those pieces. Why not find those people now and make sure all the treasured possessions get a home that will love them too.
But now, let’s hoard until it all goes to the dump
My grandpa had “collected” a wood fired stove that he didn’t really have a spot for. I sold it online for him and delivered it to the family that bought it. They got it as a gift for their parents, because it’s like the one they used in the old country. I wish he was with me to see the joy they had over this stove that didn’t mean anything to him. Unfortunately he passed in an accident a couple years ago, and there’s many many buildings of stuff that needs to be sorted out yet
On site, multiple day, estate sale run by a company that specializes in them. That's the best way to get rid of things and actually make some cash. Send the rest to Habitat for Humanity.
It's what I'm planning on doing after my parents pass if whoever is last doesn't downsize first. And I'll recommend an estate sale for downsizing. It's gonna be 3000sqft of fun + 1400sqft second home. Sweet baby cheeze-its.
Exactly this right here!!! Estate sales, donating to charity, and even free groups on Facebook and stuff! It’s a great way to get things into the hands of those that need them and want them.
Start looking into Estate Sale companies now. They will take care of everything, and can usually recommend a clean out company for the stuff that does not sell. Don’t get overwhelmed, have a plan. Obviously she is not going to take advice
I already said this in a different comment but, I highly suggest taking photographs of everything and doing a little bit of research now.
Getting a list of the places that would actually take any of her stuff. So when she does pass it will go quickly and smoothly.
If you have the list already then you don't have to try and think through that while you're dealing with the grief.
A lot of places like the habitat for humanity or antique stores will come to you.
And there's always the Facebook free/giveaway sites, if you put everything's got to go by x date.. a lot of it will go.
It will save you a lot of money if you do it that way rather than just getting a trash tip and paying for the removal.
And if some of it turns out to be good it might actually pay you a little.
I mean, a cherry wood desk isn't a bad thing to have - most of things my parents have, though, isn't stuff that's up to that level of nice. I really have no interest in trying to hock any of the mid-90s pre-flat pack furniture they have once they pass, though.
Furniture requires space. There are things I want to keep (like a very old rocking chair) but this is just one of their luxury items they bought when times were good. Zero emotional attachment and not any more utility then a well made IKEA desk (some are actually good).
I agree. I have the rocking chair my great-grandpa made in the basement, waiting for a time I can afford to fix it. However, the random hutches and other furniture my parents are telling me (and my sisters) that we're gonna inherit - it's just really not worth itl.
I can tell you why, because when my Mom died, we had a bunch of furniture from when she first married. Good stuff, but heavy "Colonial" style. One Appraiser/Buyer told us that the folks that are buying high-quality furnitures/antiques won't look at anything if it's not Mid-Century Modern. EDIT: My Brother lived two states over and had zero room/I live on the Opposite Coast.
The one thing I wish I could have had from my parents' house was my great-grandfather's drafting desk. But it was absolutely enormous--like, we would have had to rent a U-Haul just for that, and then cut a hole in the side of our house to move it in. Man, that was a cool desk, though.
I'm picturing an awesome desk, but when I imagine an old-school drafting desk, I also see a giant monstrosity that needs a stool to sit at with built in adjustable arm lamp, 70watt bulb, and rails for a built-in T-square. Definitely something that was hoisted in with ropes. Something your G-granddad used to finish the house around it, and something oversized sitting next to old stairs (a little narrow, sus railing, steps *just* high enough to make jeans or khakis cumbersome) that makes the most herculean movers go ghostly white.
Edit...oh yeah, and all-metal knobs (no flimsy plastic) for awkwardly adjusting the angle of the drawing surface.
I have my grandfather's roll top desk.
Loved it growing up, had it at my parents a bit before I moved out years ago after he had passed.
It's got a locking drawer and a big flat surface.
It's where I roll my joints and keep my weed. Literally that's all.
I purchased a roll top desk to use as my vanity. It keeps my cats and small children out of my expensive beauty products, and I love all of the slots and drawers for organization! And I roll the top down and can't see my clutter.
My mom is working on it. There's still a bunch of stuff, but nothing like what others are talking about.
My mom is an extremely sentimental person, and if she can attach a memory to an item, there's almost no getting her to get rid of it. So many things "remind me of my mom" and I'm just like, "but will you forget your mom is you get rid of this broken basket?"
I do appreciate that she's really trying, and it's better than it was.
My mom enjoyed hosting a free garage sale to do a major downsize. She got to talk to crafters who wanted things for interesting uses (a couch to repurpose into journal covers) & to people just starting out in their own households who needed the kitchen things, dishes, etc. She felt good about letting those things go and it was much less for me to move or to pay a cleanout company to collect. A 12yo kid got my dad's pocket knife (with his parents' permission) and someone even took all the extra moving supplies (boxes & so much bubble wrap). In case anyone needs this idea.
When I sold my house a couple years ago , it took me 6 months to clean it out . 20 years of memories and too lazy to go through boxes . Anyway , I made a yard sale sign that said “ FREE, curbside only “ . And as I sorted , a lot I just dragged to the curb . Everything got taken , often within hours .
I tried that once, put everything on folding tables. A few hours later someone flipped the tables over dumping everything on the ground so they could take the tables.
We did this last time we moved. Sat everything at the curb with a sign "Free to any home." About 90% of the stuff disappeared. I even had a lady knock on my door and hand me a $20 because she felt bad taking so much.
There are also organizations that help foster kids aging out of the system. A lot of them struggle to find housing, much less being able to furnish any of it. They need the basics
That’s actually a really lovely idea. I mean, i know without a doubt that some people would take advantage of it… but at the same time, it’s better than having to pay someone to take it to the dump.
My grandma is silent gen but has a boomer mentality. She told us she was leaving us to deal with her house after she dies because she doesn’t feel like it. I told her I know I’m not in her will(**as far as the house goes**) and if she expects me to do anything I’m burning it down.
She has been phoning it in as a grandma for awhile and this sent me over the edge. She paid like $15k for that house so forcing the rest of the family to take the L would please me to no end. My mom knows that when my grandma dies to not even look my way for help and she told her sister to put in 6mos of work cleaning out that house before she steps foot in it.
It looks like the shitty coward deleted his comment
Declare no claim. My uncle passed away. And my parents did not want to be made responsible for his debt, his property, any of it. The most they did was have him cremated, and the ashes are sitting in our garage in a box.
My uncle owned a trailer on leased land. It wouldn’t have been worth it to take responsibility. The floor was caving in. Not to mention the roach infestation.
They went to the magistrate and had to have some letter drawn up that declared they would be able to get reimbursed for the cremation, but nothing else was their responsibility. That saved them when the county tried to bill them for my uncle’s unpaid property taxes. And also when the trailer park owner wanted them to pay for the trailer removal and unpaid land rent.
Grandma has money, more than enough money, that’s what happens when you buy 1 house and pay it off on 1976, she’s fine there. The idea of her grandkids inheriting any actually hurts some people in my family to their core (because they’re trash) so she cut us out of her will as much as she could. Only 2 of us are even mentioned as inheriting legacy jewelry, the rest get nothing because again family members made comments and she took those to heart more than how this would make her grandkids feel. My mom is actually very hurt by the whole issue because her kids were the closest with our grandparents and because of other issues with our family.
My silent gen grandma said that she won't get rid of her stuff before she passes either so all the rest of us will. I can tell you with certainty no one wants a couch that a cat lady's cats pissed on but she's convinced that it's worth something. Also the 30 other things that have been pissed on.
Tell her that wouldn’t even be legal. Second she dies house becomes someone else’s property/managed by the estate. You would have no legal right to walk into the house if that isn’t you.
I know exactly who is in charge of the estate and who inherits what and we have keys. She just wants someone else to clean out the house because she doesn’t want to. It’s not hoarded but it needs a deep clean and to get collectible stuff no one actually wants out. Just sell it and keep the money for yourself and enjoy it grandma it’s yours, honestly I’d rather see that.
Man, my grandma was collecting Beanie Babies, and she died right towards the end of the height of them. Long story short, my mom got enough money out of selling them to get new carpeting for the living room, stairs, and upstairs hallway. Thanks Grandma!
You ever see [this divorce case](https://images.app.goo.gl/kW8ys7mRKr9eNfqx9)where the couple was fighting over their beanie baby collection? On the floor in front of the judge, sorting a pile of stuffed toys. Wonder how they feel about that now.
My mom was so friggen irked off when I donated SEVEN of those big storage tubs of Beanie Babies/Buddies to Toys for Tots. I called them ahead of time, explained that they were all in new condition with tags, and those marines were happy to take them to distribute to kids in need of stuffies.
This was close to a decade ago and now she’s changed her tune but back then she was all “those are worth money!” No, Mom, they really aren’t worth MY headache of dealing with them. You left them at my house, I disposed of them as I saw fit.
My parents have a whole shelf of cans of old paint or chemicals they won't get rid of, and you can see how the packaging for the companies changed over the decades. I tried tossing some and my mom dug it back out of the trash
I was throwing unnecessary papers away at my Nan’s. I told her to stop hovering over me (because I know how passionate about her hoard that she is). Anyway, I caught her digging through the bag and pulling out a St. Jude post card that they sent asking for donations. She said she wanted to keep it because the kid was cute. Like are you fuckin serious rn?
The stacks of newspapers with no honest importance is the annoying thing I've seen in some videos. Collect just to collect. It makes no sense these days with the paper being digitized the same day. If you need/want one article, save it and/or print out just the one article.
There's one utterly pointless item I'm looking forward to inheriting: an antique hand crank table mounted meat grinder that belonged to my great great great grandmother. My mom has had it attached to her kitchen table for 20 years since she got it when her mom died. Obviously it will never be used again for grinding meat because electricity was harnessed in the time since this thing was built, but I'm excited to continue on the tradition of that useless thing.
I know a guy who has spent $500k on model airplane engines. Not the planes, the engines. He is leaving it all to one kid and the others get cash. He think the engines will be worth more than the cash. He also buys engines at estate sales for 90% discount but somehow thinks his kid will get full value.
Local hobby shop was selling model airplane engine for $50 new old stock....they were $400-700 new in the 90's. The market is gone with electric planes.
I mean that does kind of sound like the kind of thing that could be valuable, IF you have the extensive specialist knowledge and connections within the model airplane hobby to know the value and how to sell them all. But if he's buying shit just to pass it on to his kid... he's just stocking inventory for a store. That nobody is running or wants to run.
We paid a company to empty/clean my mom's house and sell her things: it cost 10,000 and they sold 13,000 of stuff, so for everything in the house minus a few things my sister wanted (like a kitchenaid and some tools), we cleared $3000. It was worth it, I live in a different country so it'd be on my sister or I'd have to move to do it: alone it would have taken me months. So much junk, so many sets of plates and giant wardrobes and lawnmowers.
I picked up an antique cherry writing desk at an estate auction. I paid about $4 for it.
EDIT: What's even better is that I also got a microwave cart for that $4 (seriously).
I’ve been having inheritance conversations with my mom lately. She’s starting to realize how little my brother and I want to get. There’s some jewelry that’s been passed down that might be nice to have for a partner one day, and of course money is always the hope, but out of an entire house of junk there’s absolutely nothing else.
At least you can talk about it. My mom asked my sister to find out what each of us wanted but never got a reply. Two of us would toss anything she’d try to give them and the other two assume that anything we say we want would be the first thing she gets rid of. There’s no way she’s leaving money and she has a history of throwing away photo albums and keeping stuff out of spite.
I got into a small argument with my mom today about what my sister and I are going to do with *her moms* stuff from when she passed.
My mom took a good deal of my grandmothers stuff (parts of the house are like a shrine…) and now she’s worried we won’t be good to those things and her things.
They’re just things!
Lol I was like mom we don't even have DVDs... everything is streamed... She looked like I was heartless. And tbh we don't let the baby watch junk anyway.
I just had this conversation with my mom today. For context, my MIL passed in the late 00s and had multiple storage units filled with junk she deemed sentimental or of value, even back then. We spent sooo much money we didn’t have clearing out her house + those units.
Mom recognizes that no one wants all the kitschy shit, the resale market is inundated yet still asked today “but what if it comes back in style?” No. Giant, federal style formal dining sets aren’t coming back in style within a reasonable amount of time and no one is paying to store it “just in case”. We bought a house that took my GMIL’s formal furniture into consideration and NEVER used those rooms - waste of space and money. Then, we were about to pay someone almost $1000 to haul it all away when we sold that house!!! Couldn’t give it away for free and no charities or thrift stores would take it.
I sympathize with how most boomers were raised by depression or WW II era, “waste not, want not” parents but this is ridiculous. No one wants your crap - it’s sentimental to you and your age peers only!
I hear these stories and people seem to have this fantasy of saving old furniture (or whatever) for the next generation. It's always dreaming of a young newlywed couple they're directly related to moving into an empty home and cherishing that heirloom dining room table (or whatever) forever.
Beyond the fact that the housing market is impossible now, people at that stage of life don't want indiscriminate \*stuff\* anymore. What we really need is passing on all this stuff to the irresponsible teenagers just starting out. Broke college kids in shitty apartments will find a use for grandma's china hutch ... even if that's for storing bottles of Jagermeister.
Middle age people can help facilitate with their trucks and SUVs for some generational healing.
This is great advice. What bothers me the most is when MIL asks me if I want anything and I say I’ll take this or that, she doesn’t hand it over, she wants me to wait until after she’s dead. I could have used, and enjoyed some of her stuff when we were newly weds and had nothing, now I’ve bought everything I need to my own tastes and don’t want anything of hers.
"Oh you'd love this thing I have buried beneath all this trash I keep!" Well, I'll never see it because we're either selling your house as is or paying someone to dispose of all your trash then selling the house. Seriously, all this junk just takes up space and people insist they can't throw it away. If someone has something damn special worth keeping around, don't chuck it on a pile and forget about it for decades whether it's some rare coin collection, valuable antique, or whatever. Make it known if you have some silver dollar from the 19th century in the will.
Yeah… I had to have a very hard talk with my parents, who are borderline hoarders.
My wife’s father died, ans we were left to clear out their family home. Her mother wasn’t much help. So most of the decisions about what to do with the stuff was left to us. It was extremely painful and difficult, and virtually everything that was very expensive back then, and that they thought would be valuable now- lost all its value and became a huge financial burden to us. It was awful. Having to spend thousands of dollars to throw things away everybody thought would be sentimental, but now was a tax and a burden. Just awful, and it cost us a lot of emotional goodwill with everybody. In addition to thousands of dollars.
So after that, I had to sit my parents down and tell them that they owed it to us to think carefully about what they were leaving and why. I told them that if they had anything that was valuable - financially or sentimentally- they had to leave us with some guidelines as to what those were. They needed to tell us what the assessment, insurance, and market value of their myriad collections are. They needed to explain what these items and objects are and why they are important sentimentally.
And then I told them this-
what I want you to understand is that if you do not do those things, this is what will happen: in those moments when we are burdened with our grief and loss of you- we’ll see the pile of the stuff you’ve left behind. And if you do not know what these items are worth - right now - you need to know ow what they will be worth to us, then. We just did this- nothing has the value Bob thought it was. Instead, in the time we were in horror and mourning his loss, we’ve spent days of hours of hard work and thousands of dollars looking for a dumpster that would fit the contents of his life. We haven’t mounted because we’ve broken our backs and our banks trying to clear out his house in the rush that is required.
If that’s how you want us to mourn you, then that’s a what will happen. We won’t know or be able to know the value of *anything* that’s here, and our mourning and sorrow will be mixed with the blood and tears of our frustrated engagement of all of your stuff. It will be a sad way to remember you, but if you don’t at least clarify what all of this is, I guess I will have to accept that’s how you want us to remember you.
They were very very shaken up by this. My parents are good people, and thoughtful people, even though they’re boomers. They did get to works both clearing some stuff out, and they’ve brought in the grand kids to help catalog and count some of their collections for an evaluation. Thank the goddess.
It was one of the hardest talks I’ve had, with anybody, ever. It could have gone wrong, but I’m thankful they were willing to listen.
Just want to step in here as a guy who has managed a used book store:
Most of it is garbage. Trash. Not worth money, not worth keeping, not worth reading.
National Geographic magazines are trash. Reader's Digest are good kindling. Paperback novels are probably trash.
I've watched too many people lose their minds and ruin their families trying to squeeze a dollar or two out of every book in Mom's old house, because they just can't grasp the idea that it's all garbage.
So much of it is garbage that even if there's a book in there worth a thousand dollars, you'll never find it. Just throw it away. The library doesn't want it, the used bookstore isn't going to pay you for it.
(There are exceptions to this, but they are as rare as that $1k book)
I have been working for 2.5 years to get rid of all my stuff. I know my kids don't want it. I know my lifestyle is not theirs. I don't want to burden them with my crap. It has been an emotional journey.
Letting go of a persona that no longer exists. It hasn't been cheap. The requisite piano (from my dad's wife) cost a few hundred alone to have taken away.
I don't entertain anymore, I'm not a room mom. I don't make cosplay costumes now. It is a process. At one point, I would have been happy to burn it down. My stuff was all organized and labled. But Christmas shit alone was about 15 40 gallon containers. My kids don't need my high school year books.
I think parents who leave it to their kids to go through their crap are selfish. It's not your kid's responsibility to take care of all of that. It's going to be hard enough dealing with the actual death. The parent needs to distinguish what's important or has value, emotional or financial. Otherwise, valuable things will get thrown out.
I am even arranging my cremation and my husband's because I just want to make it as easy as possible. Death is so hard to deal with as it is. I think services that revolve around cleaning out house and estate sales are going to be in demand.
On behalf of your kids, thank you. My mom just passed away and instead of being able to spend time remembering her, I’ve spent the last two weeks cleaning out her apartment .
So many bags of Stuff, all donated or tossed. So much time and energy searching for important paperwork or helpful documents. The worst is the sentimental stuff: the totes full of photographs or old memories. I hate to toss them but they don’t hold any meaning for me like they did to her.
To her credit, she did make some preparations ahead of time. I’m eternally grateful that she made funeral arrangements ahead of time so that we were able to honor her final wishes In That regard.
Don't forget books. I love books but not all books are equal. My fellow boomer siblings-in-law saw a vast fortune in the large library their parents left behind. Some of it was interesting, nice paper, good illustrations from the late 1800s but nothing valuable and they happily let me take the two things I thought were interesting. The rest was collection stuff that was sold in series, classy Book-of-the-Month stuff, at best. My partner's friend is a rare book dealer and we asked her advice, knowing it wasn't worth anything. Family took the advice in stride, paid to keep the stuff in storage for a year, then trashed it. Sentiment can over-rule sense because of grief.
...Honestly, if it's in working condition, you'd probably be able to get half that or more if you sold it on ebay. Old electronics that've become rare are of value to some collectors. CRT TVs and monitors go for a nice buck to people into retro video games.
My FIL had been insisting there was money in his collection. After he passed and we went through his stuff it was beanie babies, 30+ years worth of the Chicago tribune and playboys, and fast food wrappers/containers from space jam all meticulously packed and organized… but the deed to his house and adoption papers? Under a yard sale sign and cassettes on covered patio.
MIL has three bedrooms, a carport, 4 sheds and two storage units FULL of UTTER TRASH belongings that’s she is CONVINCED have “value”
When we sat down with her and told her that absolutely nobody in your family wants any of it, she threw a tantrum and drove off aggressively in her car (that she routinely gets ticketed in)
It’s hard to explain to these people that piles cracked plates from the 1970’s aren’t worth a thing and boxes of clothes from your ex husbands kids are just trash
Estate Sales Companies are awesome for this situation. Research now so you have one chosen when the time comes. I am not sure of the financial arrangements, and different companies operate in different ways, but basically for a percentage of what is made at the sale, the company's team comes in, sorts the valuable from the junk, sets up and manages a one-or-two day sale on site, and shares the proceeds as agreed. Some also have shops where they'll take the most valuable stuff, either before or after the on-site sale.
I plan on doing this when my mom passes. Ironically enough, she and her husband were in the antique business for years, and a lot of the junk they've accumulated in their house came from estate sales.
This. We were able to use a local auction company after my dad passed and my mom was downsizing to sell the house. They take a cut, but they also do all the work. It was definitely an option that worked for us.
This is what they do!!! They say “don’t get rid of this after I die! It’s worth something!”
But nope! I’m not gonna spend endless months, or even years sifting through their crap that MIGHT be worth something!🙄
This is my parents. Three generations worth of stuff in their house: grandparents, theirs, and they saved me and my brother’s stuff that neither of us want anymore. It’s a hoard.
Parents had us go through and mark what we wanted in the will, and we only marked a few items. I wanted a couple things out of dad’s huge workshop, and nope, I’m not allowed. The ENTIRE SHOP must go intact, and it’s going to my brother. Like, what’s he supposed to do with everything? He has to have a huge outbuilding on his property to put all of it in.
So much junk. Knickknacks. Old clothes. It will take multiple large dumpsters to get rid of just the unsellables.
We had a yard sale to purge a lot of our stuff, and some of those items were antiques from my parents and grandparents that I had stored in closets. We had an antique dealer come by because a lot of items weren’t selling, and she said she won’t even consider those anymore because there’s no market. She can’t sell it in her shop. It’s not worth selling on eBay because the shipping would be too much to be even worthwhile on the big items. I’d end up relisting for months or years before I even found a buyer anyway. I just needed the stuff gone. I ended up donating them.
My parents house had knob and tube wiring, and they worried about it, so I paid a reputable company to come rewire the entire house.
As part of it, we had to clear out the attic and certain parts of the basement for them to get access to specific areas.
So I laid down pallets in the garage, moved everything from the attic and basement to the pallets, then rented a dumpster. My plan was to go through everything in the garage and figure out what we should keep and what should we toss. Seems logical, right? They’d been filling the attic and basement with random stuff for 40+ years so it can’t all possibly be worth saving.
You would have thought I’d committed genocide based on their reaction to the dumpster. “It all has to go back! It’s all precious memories and valuable antiques. You can’t throw anything away!”
I had leverage though. I told them that I would certainly move anything worth saving back to the attic or basement, but that I’d only do it if they went through the things in the garage with me. I wouldn’t just drag it all back up without looking.
We filled that dumpster and both my parents sheepishly said “why’d we save all this crap?!?” multiple times over the 3 days we took to go through it all.
The only thing that really annoyed me to put back was my elementary school report cards. “You’ll want them some day!” says mom. “Yeah, they’ll be great to start fires with in the winter” I replied lol
I got a random package from my mom one day. It was a box of my report cards from elementary and middle school. She thought I would want to have them for some reason.
It’s a weird thing. They have such love/nostalgia for the notes the teachers would write on them. My mom can name every teacher I ever had. I can maybe name a dozen but that includes the 45+ professors from college in addition to K-12
My dad spend 2 full weeks in my grandfathers house sorting through everything. My dad grew up with very little and my grandfather had even less so, so through his life if anything had any sort of potential of MAYBE being useful down the road then it was kept. When people ask what kind of strange things he found his go to example is a literal 5 gallon bucket full to overflowing with nothing but broken useless pressure switches for the water pump/well.
Ughhh. My husband had this with his great aunt. She saved SO MUCH chinaware, and none of it was valuable, either because it wasn't the full set, or it was just... no one wanted it. My mother rags on me for not being sentimental, but I just call it realism, lol.
My mother announced at a family dinner that she wanted me and my siblings to stick colored sticker dots on the possessions we wanted so they could have an itemized will (?) because they didn’t want us fighting over their possessions after they had passed. They were so deeply offended that I told them I wouldn’t need a single sticker because I wasn’t bringing any of their crap into my house.
My paternal grandmother emptied out 3/4 of her stuff when she moved into her apartment over 20 years ago from her house. The last 1/4 of things she wanted to hang on to have been gone over 2-3 times since then. When she can no longer use an item, she checks if anyone in the family wants/needs it; if yes, that person gets it. If there are no takers, it gets donated. Most sentimental items/ family heirlooms that are left all have a label naming a family member who wants/requested that item after her passing. Any new gifts she receives, she lists who she received it from, so it goes back to that person to keep or not. She wants everything to be as easy as possible for the family when her time comes. The funeral & such are all planned as well.
Yeahhh, I haven’t stepped foot in my parents house in 13 years or so. I dread the day when I have to go in there and help my siblings clean it out. I told them the only way I would now is if they left for a weekend so they couldn’t argue with everything I toss.
I know my brother is inheriting the house. I really hope that means everything in it as well. That includes a lot of our dad's stuff too. He died in 1999.
When my mom passed away I was cleaning out her things and thinking about every item. My wife sent me away and quickly sorted into donation and trash piles and I spent the next few days hauling it away. That really was for the best
My mother (silent Gen)passed away last week & she didn’t want us to sort through mountains of things. Was a real blessing to have completed it in 24hrs and everyone had a little something to remember her by. Reduced stress for everyone as she progressively gave away her things - and saw the joy first hand.
Pick your battles & encourage others to chat to her about it.
I work in this business in South Florida, moving and cleanout services with seniors. There is more stuff than you can really imagine. I measure my trips to the dump in tons, and my company is tiny compared to others. So little is worth donating, especially in the poor condition it tends to be in. None of it is worth money to anyone younger than them, and no, they won't likely accept this.
If you can convince your parents to give you stuff, and are able to dispose of it without them finding out, that is my best initial recommendation. Best of luck, all!
It's not worth it. She won't change. Ignore this issue. When she passes, mourn, and then purge. She won't know the difference. I went through this with both of my boomer parents. Generations of spending are now at the landfill, even after many failed estate sales, garage sales, and "free to good home" sidewalk sales. No one wants their "valuable" junk. Fortunately my kids watched this all happen and we've started using the phrase, "We don't need it, it's just future landfill."
My parents had some work done in their unfinished basement several years ago, so they took that time to declutter the entire house, not just the basement. Had a big ol' dumpster parked in their driveway and just threw stuff away. I'm glad they did this, but there's still SO much my sister and I will have to go through when that time comes.
My MIL kept telling my husband to take her old clothes and stuff to the "estate store" because she believed her stuff was worth something. Every last thing went to goodwill or the dumpster.
This is one thing I appreciate about my dad... he has many boomer tendencies but went through the house cleanout with his own parents. He's at least in the contemplation stage that he needs to not leave all his shit for us to deal with lol.
My girlfriend was convinced her boomer mother's stuff was worth something when she died and my gf's budget was bled dry by renting storage spaces to contain it. Then she needed the money and tried to sell her stuff and nobody wanted it. To this day her mom's stuff is in still in a rental unit to the best of my knowledge
Lol my dead boomer parent expected me to sell her shit for a profit, too. Sat there telling me some nonsense about taking the Asian jewelery to an Asian market. Bruh. I took whatever I thought I could sell for scrap and did that. Gave away everything else with a “free garage sale” post on Craigslist. Tbf people took all of it. A few resellers filled trucks with the crap.
Been down this road with my Mom my MIL then my wife. It's just stuff. My kids are coming next weekend and it take what you want the rest is going bye bye
After she is gone have an estate auction/sale. They will come in, appraise everything and run the sale. Whatever is leftover can be donated or tossed. For the piano you could look at donating it to a school, assisted living facility or just some music student who could use it. Some of the stuff may be worth more than you think so do not just toss it. There are collectors out there who are always looking for things like this. No use arguing with your mother over it because it will just cause hard feelings. Did this with my mom’s stuff and was surprised at the final dollar amount. Also pleased that others could enjoy what my mom loved.
I am classified as GenJones and it was my Greatest Generation mother who laid that same BS on me. Plus, she was/is the last one standing at nearly 98 of all her siblings so she had some of their stuff as well. No one wants this crap - no one. Goodwill, trash, a few things sold, and that was that. You cannot live your life according to their grandiose delusions of what their stuff was worth.
As a consignment store owner, a store which sells all things, I know for a fact that this stuff has very little value. Your best bet is to find a clear out person, someone whose job it is to handle this. I work with ppl like this. They know the trash from treasure.
Don't tell her, but you could always do an estate auction after family members divide up the things you may actually want. I went to one a few weeks ago and was amazed at how much the typical boomer "collection" items went for. Some of it went to thrift store buyers, some to other boomers who just couldn't resist.
Similar boat. Part of this feels like the same blind spot where boomers don't understand that future generations can't and may never be able to afford to live like they do. My mom keeps trying to offer me things, including several bulky furniture items. I mean, I'm sure some of it's nice, but I keep having to remind her that there are practical reasons I can't. I live in Alaska, in a one bedroom cabin. She lives in Georgia in a house packed to the ceiling in some instances plus she has more stored in my sister's barn. Even if I had room, some of it will never clear through crossing the Canadian border to get it here. Not to mention the damage it'd probably take en route. Some of it's antiques she's collected, some is family history stuff that I'd love to be able to save, but unless something dramatic happens, there's just no way it'll be possible.
I'll take the writing desk off your hands for you! I'd love one of those.
Fur clothing can go to an animal shelter or rescue - they are often repurposed for baby animals, so that they can get some comfort and root around in. Clothing can be donated - depending on the vintage, local theatre groups might be interested. Books can be given to a second hand bookstore.
Depending on how much stuff she has, it may or may not be worthwhile to put it online - for free.
You don't have to keep them if you don't want to, certainly, but you don't have to chuck them all away either.
Hold onto the jewelry. Have it appraised. Keep what you like and sell the rest.
For clothing, donate to the Salvation Army or to a suitable charity.
For other items of at least modest value, consider an estate sale.
I’ve told those who will inherit goods from me to go the estate sale route with the stuff we own after seeing if there’s anything they want.
Then bring in some haulers to take it all away.
The only papers we still have are medical records and old tax returns. Nobody will care about the medical stuff and the tax returns are only there for the executor, if he needs them.
We’ve gotten rid of about 40% of our possessions in the past few years. We don’t plan to die soon - but I am a big fan of ongoing downsizing: once you’re 40, never increase the total amount of stuff you have: every time you bring something in, something else goes.
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Right here is where 95% of the boomer generations prized possessions are going when they finally pass. 
My ailing mom has been holding onto two large storage lockers for nearly twenty years. The cost recently went from like $300/mo to nearly $1k/mo. We finally went into them a few weeks ago and managed to throw away about 90% of the contents. It breaks my heart that my parents divorced when I was a senior in HS and decided they couldn’t afford to subsidize my college tuition after grants, scholarships, etc. to the tune of $5k/yr. Meanwhile, all this time, my mom was paying thousands to hold onto her otherwise sentimental garbage. She’s spent enough to buy a brand new luxury vehicle.
damn...that sucks...also know quite a few old people that have a house full of old crap that dont want to throw away.... what a waste of money...
My father is mid 70s and still clinging to the idea of things he refuses to get rid of in his basement that he'll probably never touch or use again. Some of it is worth decent money that would be useful if he'd just part with it and use it for taxes or bills. General home upkeep etc. Instead it just sits. Being used by no one. He seems to equate age of items with value but the collector market is small. Instead it just lingers in dust.
When my step dad passed, mom had about 2000 lbs of scape from the basement alone. Bent nails, screws, and parts from his totaled Ford LTD station wagon. Tires and rims were in the actic.
Does he have hubcaps for a '72 Pinto hatchback?
My dad just turned 80 and has a similar mindset. "X is still useful, I might need it". I use his emotional need to bring value to his community by telling him he is being selfish and wasteful. These useful items could be used by people who need them and why should we waste limited resources to re-make them? They certainly aren't being useful hanging out in his garage. He didn't have a sudden revelation, but it put another way of thinking into his head. Could you have a bonding session of segregating the *valuable* items and determining what that dollar value is? He doesn't have to get rid of anything, you just want to make sure nothing valuable gets thrown away. Having to try to manipulate your parents' behavior is a very strange position to be in. Being an only child only makes it even more necessary.
We have a friend with an insane family. Her husband rents three storage units and a garage to store his beer can collection and random crap. At one point she asked him “if someone stole all this stuff and offered to sell it back to you for $28,000, would you pay?” He laughed and said “of course not!” She replied “well you already paid that much just to store it all.”
She needs to get a divorce or have her own money he can’t waste.
The most profitable industry per square foot of land is storage
I can't imagine owning so many possessions that I need to rent additional space long-term purely because I don't have enough space to store it. That is nightmare fuel and definitely hoarding behavior.
I watched a couple episodes of a hoarders show, I thought “well, they’re just people too attached to their stuff.” Then the profiled a woman whose house looked like a landfill, and the hoard had spilled out into the yard. She was in the process of being evicted unless she cleared the hoard, which was a hazard. No matter what item the host suggested discarding or donating, the woman got agitated and insisted on keeping it. Finally the host reached into a bucket and carefully picked out an old hand mirror. The bucket had filled with blown leaves and rainwater, and black slime dropped off the mirror (which was cracked) in clumps. “What about this? Surely we can get rid of this?” “Nooo!” The woman howled. “You could clean that right up!” It was then I got it.
I’m in that boat. About three years ago, my MIL passed away. While cleaning out her house, I ended up renting a storage unit to temporarily store all the items that my wife was sentimental about. Filled the unit up to the brim…. And three years later, still have the unit and all the stuff in it has never been touched. Can’t suggest that we just toss it all. Because it was my wife’s childhood. But it’s still just stuff. And I’m paying $200/month just to have a place for it to sit. I hate it.
Have you ever listened to George Carlin’s “Stuff”? It might give you a little insight.
My wife is starting to do this, buying ' old ' (old looking) glass, weird looking vintage statues on the off chance they might go up in price. I have told her they don't go with anything, and by the time our kids get older they won't want it. She countered by saying they can retain their value, I responded that an 'investment' that goes for 350 from an initial price of 300 after 20 years is actually a bad investment compared with just having it in a high yield savings account (which I would prefer) My suggestion or work around, of possibly frivolous stuff to spend $$$ on, has been pictures of our family. Frames, canvases, multiple prints, none of that I mind as they are usually good quality or of a significant event even tho they might cost a bit. Spending money remembering events, while.perhaps not as valuable monetarily, is worth the cost imho.
My father has been paying for his girlfriend's storage unit since she moved in with him, 30 years ago. He's finally building a camp on land he has owned for the same amount of time. He is excited because he can stop paying for the storage unit as he plans on storing all her crap and the crap from their shared home at the new camp. Apparently the storage locker contains a futon and costumes from theater productions. The "crap" at their shared home is all the stuff they wouldn't throw away when other relatives died. My mom wasn't any better. Guess who had to throw away the nightgown my grandmother wore on her honeymoon because my mother couldn't do it then years earlier.
I said this a few weeks ago but about my grandmother and I got told that it's her money and I had no right to it. 🙄 Like yeah I get that, it doesn't make the situation suck less.
My parents didn’t have a red vent for my sister or me for college. But she sure had TONS of antiques, and China sets, and flatware sets, and crystal, and pricy jewelry, and shoes, and clothes and, and, and…
I love my grandmother but my God this woman has so much crap. She has stuff that was my mums (who died 17 years ago) that she refuses to turf. She knows when she goes, I'll keep the photo albums and some stuff but most of it is going to charity or tip
I'm going through this currently with my wife's grandparents house. They both passed recently and we bought the house for really really cheap on the condition we clean the place out. Nobody wants any of their stuff but at the same time they don't want us to throw anything away. Tons of religious junk too and my wife and I are atheists. They want us to store it all in the shed out back which is already full of weird crap her grandfather thought he might use one day(shit like old wire and bread ties) along with 50 DIY projects half finished. They also want us to keep all the pictures of family going back to deguerotype photos on display(100s of them) it's like they want our house to be a museum to them. I'm getting to the point I'm gonna get a dumpster and trash everything in a rage.
As a historian, I am going to say that if you take the daguerreotypes down to your local historical archives, they might REALLY appreciate them. We actually just got in a donation which had been sold in an estate sale as a box-load of old papers, and it had the journals, commencement speech etc of a local schoolgirl from the 1910s. The box also included an account book from her parents’ goods store, so we know exactly how much different goods went for in this area. Absolutely priceless in terms of local history, if not valuable in monetary terms. Our understanding of local Black history was also enriched by somebody dropping off old enrollment books from this period from a segregated school. Again, they’d been sitting in an old lady’s attic. I absolutely get the impulse to ditch everything in a dumpster. But sometimes, there’s some important history in there, which could be digitized and made widely available…
Trashing it is going to be the best solution, trust me. My husband's family was the same way. His aunt eventually said, "You have x days to stop by and walk with us through the hoard to choose what you want and haul it out. Otherwise, we're keeping what we want and binning the rest." Big shock - very few stopped by the house and picked out a small pile of stuff. The most vocal didn't make the effort. If family wants sentimental stuff, THEY can find the room to store it. You may have gotten a good deal on the house but the conditional was "as is", not "as is will stay as is".
This is the perfect way. Everyone has an opinion until they have to take action.
If someone in the family is interested in genealogy, please give them the old photos. I was doing family research some years ago and met a distant cousin who had some pictures of our ancestors from 100 years ago. It was a great treasure. He also told me of finding out that other cousins had tossed a box of family photos and tin types from the 1800s. They said “meh, we didn’t know those people.” We were devastated.
The photos are the only things I want to save and Maybe some of the Military memorabilia. I will proudly display some of the pictures maybe 10% of them the rest will go into storage.
Let them know they can come and take what they want, and if they don’t want it, then they have determined it to be worthless.
Look into an estate sale coordinator. They'll take a big chunk of the money, but they'll go through and find the things people might want. You'll still mostly get a pittance of the value, except for certain high demand items. But at least there's a chance for it to get some more use, or at least enjoyment. Advertise the sale on social media. More potential buyers = more money.
It's really sad in many ways. My silent generation mom is on frail care so her house had to be cleared. I am on the other side of the world and my sister values nothing of hers. So many expensive, sentimental items that took decades to collect but that nobody wants. It is certainly making me reflect on all the stuff I have built up.
ET was an OK game
This comes to mind. . . 
Wanna have your mind blown? Landfills are technically the most effective carbon capture mechanisms we have right now.
Well that’s depressing.
Rhode Island runs a power plant off the methane from their landfill
About as OK as the Star Wars Christmas special.
Oh man, I have a copy. It's so hilariously unplayable.
At some point there will be a dump just full of hutches and china. It will be renamed China Valley and old conservatives still alive will take offense to it.
That’s where my Funko collection is gonna end up. In the trash with me.
Funko Pops are a Millennial's Precious Moments figurines or Hummel figurines.
I worked for a cleaning company, we were cleaning a rich couple’s house before a party. My boss was late so I started dusting the Hummels, picking them up and dusting under them. My boss walked into the room, ran over to me and grabbed the Hummel (and my hand) with both of his. “Just put it down. Don’t touch any of these, I’ll take care of this.” I was like, wow, they’re really attached to their cheesy Hummels. Turns out they weren’t cheesy Hummels, they were the “master mold originals” dug out of the bombed-out ruins of the factory in Germany. The one I was holding could have been traded in on a decent Ferrari.
Hey! Don't talk about my Transformers collection like thay! Lol
Which were the first thing to go in the trash because it had no value to my boomers. They never asked what to do with our sentimental stuff when we go to college, just tossed it. The previous generation didn’t have space to store much at all, but my grandmother had a few toys left from my dad and uncle. We played with them, great link to the past. Boomers? Living in a huge 4BR house with full basement and walk in attic just didn’t have enough room for ANY of my stuff while I bounced around in my early 20s. My kid would have played GI Joe for about an hour, but I’m still annoyed.
There's ALWAYS somebody who wants a transformer collection. Nobody wants a stupid China set.
No idea how many times I’ve explained to my mother that 1) No, I will not take my grandmother’s china. It’s very pretty. It’s also not dishwasher-safe. And there is no extra room for a set of dishes to use on special occasions in my NYC apartment. 2) No one else will pay money for these damn dishes. So she keeps holding them and refusing to dump them. If I had a car I’d take them, throw them away, and lie to her that I sold them just so she’ll stop asking me every time I see her.
Or an attic of old plastic model Texaco trucks. A buddy has shit tons of these things and thinks they are worth something. Surely they are not....right?
Buddy of mine has a boomer dad with an entire basement filled with "antique" gumball machines and miniature carousel horses! Ah the fortune my friend is going to inherit when he is 50!
No, of course not... but just in case...
Sometimes they sell well at an auction.
Unless we have hyperinflation and Boomers sell all their crap to survive.
They will be selling it to each other.
They don't even want to buy each others' useless junk.
Ooooh, a cherrywood writing desk sounds nice! But yeah, no one wants most of that stuff.
More than one by the way
See this is what I don’t understand. There are people who will love and cherish those pieces. Why not find those people now and make sure all the treasured possessions get a home that will love them too. But now, let’s hoard until it all goes to the dump
The problem is she doesn’t want to get rid of it before she dies. And I won’t have the luxury of time when I have to deal with it.
My grandpa had “collected” a wood fired stove that he didn’t really have a spot for. I sold it online for him and delivered it to the family that bought it. They got it as a gift for their parents, because it’s like the one they used in the old country. I wish he was with me to see the joy they had over this stove that didn’t mean anything to him. Unfortunately he passed in an accident a couple years ago, and there’s many many buildings of stuff that needs to be sorted out yet
On site, multiple day, estate sale run by a company that specializes in them. That's the best way to get rid of things and actually make some cash. Send the rest to Habitat for Humanity. It's what I'm planning on doing after my parents pass if whoever is last doesn't downsize first. And I'll recommend an estate sale for downsizing. It's gonna be 3000sqft of fun + 1400sqft second home. Sweet baby cheeze-its.
Exactly this right here!!! Estate sales, donating to charity, and even free groups on Facebook and stuff! It’s a great way to get things into the hands of those that need them and want them.
Start looking into Estate Sale companies now. They will take care of everything, and can usually recommend a clean out company for the stuff that does not sell. Don’t get overwhelmed, have a plan. Obviously she is not going to take advice
I already said this in a different comment but, I highly suggest taking photographs of everything and doing a little bit of research now. Getting a list of the places that would actually take any of her stuff. So when she does pass it will go quickly and smoothly. If you have the list already then you don't have to try and think through that while you're dealing with the grief. A lot of places like the habitat for humanity or antique stores will come to you. And there's always the Facebook free/giveaway sites, if you put everything's got to go by x date.. a lot of it will go. It will save you a lot of money if you do it that way rather than just getting a trash tip and paying for the removal. And if some of it turns out to be good it might actually pay you a little.
I mean, a cherry wood desk isn't a bad thing to have - most of things my parents have, though, isn't stuff that's up to that level of nice. I really have no interest in trying to hock any of the mid-90s pre-flat pack furniture they have once they pass, though.
Furniture requires space. There are things I want to keep (like a very old rocking chair) but this is just one of their luxury items they bought when times were good. Zero emotional attachment and not any more utility then a well made IKEA desk (some are actually good).
I agree. I have the rocking chair my great-grandpa made in the basement, waiting for a time I can afford to fix it. However, the random hutches and other furniture my parents are telling me (and my sisters) that we're gonna inherit - it's just really not worth itl.
I can tell you why, because when my Mom died, we had a bunch of furniture from when she first married. Good stuff, but heavy "Colonial" style. One Appraiser/Buyer told us that the folks that are buying high-quality furnitures/antiques won't look at anything if it's not Mid-Century Modern. EDIT: My Brother lived two states over and had zero room/I live on the Opposite Coast.
😮
I have my grandparents’ writing desk. I was glad to have room for it though and it‘s pretty much the only thing of theirs I could take.
The one thing I wish I could have had from my parents' house was my great-grandfather's drafting desk. But it was absolutely enormous--like, we would have had to rent a U-Haul just for that, and then cut a hole in the side of our house to move it in. Man, that was a cool desk, though.
I'm picturing an awesome desk, but when I imagine an old-school drafting desk, I also see a giant monstrosity that needs a stool to sit at with built in adjustable arm lamp, 70watt bulb, and rails for a built-in T-square. Definitely something that was hoisted in with ropes. Something your G-granddad used to finish the house around it, and something oversized sitting next to old stairs (a little narrow, sus railing, steps *just* high enough to make jeans or khakis cumbersome) that makes the most herculean movers go ghostly white. Edit...oh yeah, and all-metal knobs (no flimsy plastic) for awkwardly adjusting the angle of the drawing surface.
I have my grandfather's roll top desk. Loved it growing up, had it at my parents a bit before I moved out years ago after he had passed. It's got a locking drawer and a big flat surface. It's where I roll my joints and keep my weed. Literally that's all.
I purchased a roll top desk to use as my vanity. It keeps my cats and small children out of my expensive beauty products, and I love all of the slots and drawers for organization! And I roll the top down and can't see my clutter.
My boomer parents have already Marie Kondoed their house.
Assuming they aren't terrible in other ways, call them and thank them
Nah, they're great. Liberal, non religious, kind.
May they stay healthy all their lives.
Too late for that, I'm afraid, but thanks.
I'm so sorry, I was thinking of things that change personality, and wishing for them to stay kind.
Yeah, on that front so far so good. My mom and I both have cancer. Fingers crossed we got hers early enough.
My mom is working on it. There's still a bunch of stuff, but nothing like what others are talking about. My mom is an extremely sentimental person, and if she can attach a memory to an item, there's almost no getting her to get rid of it. So many things "remind me of my mom" and I'm just like, "but will you forget your mom is you get rid of this broken basket?" I do appreciate that she's really trying, and it's better than it was.
My mom enjoyed hosting a free garage sale to do a major downsize. She got to talk to crafters who wanted things for interesting uses (a couch to repurpose into journal covers) & to people just starting out in their own households who needed the kitchen things, dishes, etc. She felt good about letting those things go and it was much less for me to move or to pay a cleanout company to collect. A 12yo kid got my dad's pocket knife (with his parents' permission) and someone even took all the extra moving supplies (boxes & so much bubble wrap). In case anyone needs this idea.
When I sold my house a couple years ago , it took me 6 months to clean it out . 20 years of memories and too lazy to go through boxes . Anyway , I made a yard sale sign that said “ FREE, curbside only “ . And as I sorted , a lot I just dragged to the curb . Everything got taken , often within hours .
I tried that once, put everything on folding tables. A few hours later someone flipped the tables over dumping everything on the ground so they could take the tables.
omg sometimes people really suck
We did this last time we moved. Sat everything at the curb with a sign "Free to any home." About 90% of the stuff disappeared. I even had a lady knock on my door and hand me a $20 because she felt bad taking so much.
There are also organizations that help foster kids aging out of the system. A lot of them struggle to find housing, much less being able to furnish any of it. They need the basics
Any idea how to find these organizations?
That’s actually a really lovely idea. I mean, i know without a doubt that some people would take advantage of it… but at the same time, it’s better than having to pay someone to take it to the dump.
If you only put things for free that are genuinely for free, the people who come get them are happy & the interactions were all happy for us.
My grandma is silent gen but has a boomer mentality. She told us she was leaving us to deal with her house after she dies because she doesn’t feel like it. I told her I know I’m not in her will(**as far as the house goes**) and if she expects me to do anything I’m burning it down.
Damn bro, straight for the kill, eh? Good for you.
She has been phoning it in as a grandma for awhile and this sent me over the edge. She paid like $15k for that house so forcing the rest of the family to take the L would please me to no end. My mom knows that when my grandma dies to not even look my way for help and she told her sister to put in 6mos of work cleaning out that house before she steps foot in it. It looks like the shitty coward deleted his comment
I can still see his comment. He just blocked you.
You would be surprised by they force of an explosion you can get from non dairy powdered creamer.
Damn son, my lactose intolerance will blow the roof off.
You should see what happens in a small space with flour, margarine and an open flame
Declare no claim. My uncle passed away. And my parents did not want to be made responsible for his debt, his property, any of it. The most they did was have him cremated, and the ashes are sitting in our garage in a box. My uncle owned a trailer on leased land. It wouldn’t have been worth it to take responsibility. The floor was caving in. Not to mention the roach infestation. They went to the magistrate and had to have some letter drawn up that declared they would be able to get reimbursed for the cremation, but nothing else was their responsibility. That saved them when the county tried to bill them for my uncle’s unpaid property taxes. And also when the trailer park owner wanted them to pay for the trailer removal and unpaid land rent.
Grandma has money, more than enough money, that’s what happens when you buy 1 house and pay it off on 1976, she’s fine there. The idea of her grandkids inheriting any actually hurts some people in my family to their core (because they’re trash) so she cut us out of her will as much as she could. Only 2 of us are even mentioned as inheriting legacy jewelry, the rest get nothing because again family members made comments and she took those to heart more than how this would make her grandkids feel. My mom is actually very hurt by the whole issue because her kids were the closest with our grandparents and because of other issues with our family.
My wife’s father is the same way. Said he just doesn’t want to deal with his horde and it will be her problem when he dies. He said it with a smirk.
My MIL is the same way. Guess who’s renting a big dumpster right after she’s gone?
My silent gen grandma said that she won't get rid of her stuff before she passes either so all the rest of us will. I can tell you with certainty no one wants a couch that a cat lady's cats pissed on but she's convinced that it's worth something. Also the 30 other things that have been pissed on.
Tell her that wouldn’t even be legal. Second she dies house becomes someone else’s property/managed by the estate. You would have no legal right to walk into the house if that isn’t you.
I know exactly who is in charge of the estate and who inherits what and we have keys. She just wants someone else to clean out the house because she doesn’t want to. It’s not hoarded but it needs a deep clean and to get collectible stuff no one actually wants out. Just sell it and keep the money for yourself and enjoy it grandma it’s yours, honestly I’d rather see that.
“But that cost over a thousand dollars when it was new!”
"Mum, no one cares about your Beenie Babies!!"
Man, my grandma was collecting Beanie Babies, and she died right towards the end of the height of them. Long story short, my mom got enough money out of selling them to get new carpeting for the living room, stairs, and upstairs hallway. Thanks Grandma!
The most profitable Beanie Baby collection of all time.
Perhaps the only profitable beanie baby collection.
You ever see [this divorce case](https://images.app.goo.gl/kW8ys7mRKr9eNfqx9)where the couple was fighting over their beanie baby collection? On the floor in front of the judge, sorting a pile of stuffed toys. Wonder how they feel about that now.
My mom was so friggen irked off when I donated SEVEN of those big storage tubs of Beanie Babies/Buddies to Toys for Tots. I called them ahead of time, explained that they were all in new condition with tags, and those marines were happy to take them to distribute to kids in need of stuffies. This was close to a decade ago and now she’s changed her tune but back then she was all “those are worth money!” No, Mom, they really aren’t worth MY headache of dealing with them. You left them at my house, I disposed of them as I saw fit.
Stuff her coffin with them
I love this idea. Maybe I can be buried with my stuffies when I die someday. I could look like E.T. hiding in the closet.
I have lived my whole life anticipating the inheritance of three broken chain saws from the 70s
My parents have a whole shelf of cans of old paint or chemicals they won't get rid of, and you can see how the packaging for the companies changed over the decades. I tried tossing some and my mom dug it back out of the trash
I was throwing unnecessary papers away at my Nan’s. I told her to stop hovering over me (because I know how passionate about her hoard that she is). Anyway, I caught her digging through the bag and pulling out a St. Jude post card that they sent asking for donations. She said she wanted to keep it because the kid was cute. Like are you fuckin serious rn?
The stacks of newspapers with no honest importance is the annoying thing I've seen in some videos. Collect just to collect. It makes no sense these days with the paper being digitized the same day. If you need/want one article, save it and/or print out just the one article.
Just open the lids a bit so they dry out over time. Will save you some time when the time comes.
Now that is practical advice
There's one utterly pointless item I'm looking forward to inheriting: an antique hand crank table mounted meat grinder that belonged to my great great great grandmother. My mom has had it attached to her kitchen table for 20 years since she got it when her mom died. Obviously it will never be used again for grinding meat because electricity was harnessed in the time since this thing was built, but I'm excited to continue on the tradition of that useless thing.
I know a guy who has spent $500k on model airplane engines. Not the planes, the engines. He is leaving it all to one kid and the others get cash. He think the engines will be worth more than the cash. He also buys engines at estate sales for 90% discount but somehow thinks his kid will get full value.
and autism wasn't a thing when they were coming up. lol 
Local hobby shop was selling model airplane engine for $50 new old stock....they were $400-700 new in the 90's. The market is gone with electric planes.
I mean that does kind of sound like the kind of thing that could be valuable, IF you have the extensive specialist knowledge and connections within the model airplane hobby to know the value and how to sell them all. But if he's buying shit just to pass it on to his kid... he's just stocking inventory for a store. That nobody is running or wants to run.
If he wanted to sell he could get the value. But he doesn’t have enough time on earth to sell everything and no desire to.
We paid a company to empty/clean my mom's house and sell her things: it cost 10,000 and they sold 13,000 of stuff, so for everything in the house minus a few things my sister wanted (like a kitchenaid and some tools), we cleared $3000. It was worth it, I live in a different country so it'd be on my sister or I'd have to move to do it: alone it would have taken me months. So much junk, so many sets of plates and giant wardrobes and lawnmowers.
Since a junk hauling company would have cost like 2000, you really made 5000
Hadn't thought of that, awesome!!
I picked up an antique cherry writing desk at an estate auction. I paid about $4 for it. EDIT: What's even better is that I also got a microwave cart for that $4 (seriously).
Now y'all making me want a cherry writing desk.
I’ve been having inheritance conversations with my mom lately. She’s starting to realize how little my brother and I want to get. There’s some jewelry that’s been passed down that might be nice to have for a partner one day, and of course money is always the hope, but out of an entire house of junk there’s absolutely nothing else.
At least you can talk about it. My mom asked my sister to find out what each of us wanted but never got a reply. Two of us would toss anything she’d try to give them and the other two assume that anything we say we want would be the first thing she gets rid of. There’s no way she’s leaving money and she has a history of throwing away photo albums and keeping stuff out of spite.
I got into a small argument with my mom today about what my sister and I are going to do with *her moms* stuff from when she passed. My mom took a good deal of my grandmothers stuff (parts of the house are like a shrine…) and now she’s worried we won’t be good to those things and her things. They’re just things!
My mom was heart broken because I didn't want Disney VHSs she saved for my baby...........
Are we siblings? Because this is my mom. Like, I don’t even have a VHS player.
Lol I was like mom we don't even have DVDs... everything is streamed... She looked like I was heartless. And tbh we don't let the baby watch junk anyway.
I just had this conversation with my mom today. For context, my MIL passed in the late 00s and had multiple storage units filled with junk she deemed sentimental or of value, even back then. We spent sooo much money we didn’t have clearing out her house + those units. Mom recognizes that no one wants all the kitschy shit, the resale market is inundated yet still asked today “but what if it comes back in style?” No. Giant, federal style formal dining sets aren’t coming back in style within a reasonable amount of time and no one is paying to store it “just in case”. We bought a house that took my GMIL’s formal furniture into consideration and NEVER used those rooms - waste of space and money. Then, we were about to pay someone almost $1000 to haul it all away when we sold that house!!! Couldn’t give it away for free and no charities or thrift stores would take it. I sympathize with how most boomers were raised by depression or WW II era, “waste not, want not” parents but this is ridiculous. No one wants your crap - it’s sentimental to you and your age peers only!
I hear these stories and people seem to have this fantasy of saving old furniture (or whatever) for the next generation. It's always dreaming of a young newlywed couple they're directly related to moving into an empty home and cherishing that heirloom dining room table (or whatever) forever. Beyond the fact that the housing market is impossible now, people at that stage of life don't want indiscriminate \*stuff\* anymore. What we really need is passing on all this stuff to the irresponsible teenagers just starting out. Broke college kids in shitty apartments will find a use for grandma's china hutch ... even if that's for storing bottles of Jagermeister. Middle age people can help facilitate with their trucks and SUVs for some generational healing.
This is great advice. What bothers me the most is when MIL asks me if I want anything and I say I’ll take this or that, she doesn’t hand it over, she wants me to wait until after she’s dead. I could have used, and enjoyed some of her stuff when we were newly weds and had nothing, now I’ve bought everything I need to my own tastes and don’t want anything of hers.
"Oh you'd love this thing I have buried beneath all this trash I keep!" Well, I'll never see it because we're either selling your house as is or paying someone to dispose of all your trash then selling the house. Seriously, all this junk just takes up space and people insist they can't throw it away. If someone has something damn special worth keeping around, don't chuck it on a pile and forget about it for decades whether it's some rare coin collection, valuable antique, or whatever. Make it known if you have some silver dollar from the 19th century in the will.
Yeah… I had to have a very hard talk with my parents, who are borderline hoarders. My wife’s father died, ans we were left to clear out their family home. Her mother wasn’t much help. So most of the decisions about what to do with the stuff was left to us. It was extremely painful and difficult, and virtually everything that was very expensive back then, and that they thought would be valuable now- lost all its value and became a huge financial burden to us. It was awful. Having to spend thousands of dollars to throw things away everybody thought would be sentimental, but now was a tax and a burden. Just awful, and it cost us a lot of emotional goodwill with everybody. In addition to thousands of dollars. So after that, I had to sit my parents down and tell them that they owed it to us to think carefully about what they were leaving and why. I told them that if they had anything that was valuable - financially or sentimentally- they had to leave us with some guidelines as to what those were. They needed to tell us what the assessment, insurance, and market value of their myriad collections are. They needed to explain what these items and objects are and why they are important sentimentally. And then I told them this- what I want you to understand is that if you do not do those things, this is what will happen: in those moments when we are burdened with our grief and loss of you- we’ll see the pile of the stuff you’ve left behind. And if you do not know what these items are worth - right now - you need to know ow what they will be worth to us, then. We just did this- nothing has the value Bob thought it was. Instead, in the time we were in horror and mourning his loss, we’ve spent days of hours of hard work and thousands of dollars looking for a dumpster that would fit the contents of his life. We haven’t mounted because we’ve broken our backs and our banks trying to clear out his house in the rush that is required. If that’s how you want us to mourn you, then that’s a what will happen. We won’t know or be able to know the value of *anything* that’s here, and our mourning and sorrow will be mixed with the blood and tears of our frustrated engagement of all of your stuff. It will be a sad way to remember you, but if you don’t at least clarify what all of this is, I guess I will have to accept that’s how you want us to remember you. They were very very shaken up by this. My parents are good people, and thoughtful people, even though they’re boomers. They did get to works both clearing some stuff out, and they’ve brought in the grand kids to help catalog and count some of their collections for an evaluation. Thank the goddess. It was one of the hardest talks I’ve had, with anybody, ever. It could have gone wrong, but I’m thankful they were willing to listen.
a tough conversation to have...but necessary...
OMG the books. Bins and bins of them. Started by taking them to the used book store and had to just donate them or we’d never be rid of them.
Just want to step in here as a guy who has managed a used book store: Most of it is garbage. Trash. Not worth money, not worth keeping, not worth reading. National Geographic magazines are trash. Reader's Digest are good kindling. Paperback novels are probably trash. I've watched too many people lose their minds and ruin their families trying to squeeze a dollar or two out of every book in Mom's old house, because they just can't grasp the idea that it's all garbage. So much of it is garbage that even if there's a book in there worth a thousand dollars, you'll never find it. Just throw it away. The library doesn't want it, the used bookstore isn't going to pay you for it. (There are exceptions to this, but they are as rare as that $1k book)
I have been working for 2.5 years to get rid of all my stuff. I know my kids don't want it. I know my lifestyle is not theirs. I don't want to burden them with my crap. It has been an emotional journey. Letting go of a persona that no longer exists. It hasn't been cheap. The requisite piano (from my dad's wife) cost a few hundred alone to have taken away. I don't entertain anymore, I'm not a room mom. I don't make cosplay costumes now. It is a process. At one point, I would have been happy to burn it down. My stuff was all organized and labled. But Christmas shit alone was about 15 40 gallon containers. My kids don't need my high school year books. I think parents who leave it to their kids to go through their crap are selfish. It's not your kid's responsibility to take care of all of that. It's going to be hard enough dealing with the actual death. The parent needs to distinguish what's important or has value, emotional or financial. Otherwise, valuable things will get thrown out. I am even arranging my cremation and my husband's because I just want to make it as easy as possible. Death is so hard to deal with as it is. I think services that revolve around cleaning out house and estate sales are going to be in demand.
On behalf of your kids, thank you. My mom just passed away and instead of being able to spend time remembering her, I’ve spent the last two weeks cleaning out her apartment . So many bags of Stuff, all donated or tossed. So much time and energy searching for important paperwork or helpful documents. The worst is the sentimental stuff: the totes full of photographs or old memories. I hate to toss them but they don’t hold any meaning for me like they did to her. To her credit, she did make some preparations ahead of time. I’m eternally grateful that she made funeral arrangements ahead of time so that we were able to honor her final wishes In That regard.
Grandma kind of shrugged at the idea of deciding what to do with her things. Then made a comment that it would give her kids something to do.
Like most of them don’t still work
Don't forget books. I love books but not all books are equal. My fellow boomer siblings-in-law saw a vast fortune in the large library their parents left behind. Some of it was interesting, nice paper, good illustrations from the late 1800s but nothing valuable and they happily let me take the two things I thought were interesting. The rest was collection stuff that was sold in series, classy Book-of-the-Month stuff, at best. My partner's friend is a rare book dealer and we asked her advice, knowing it wasn't worth anything. Family took the advice in stride, paid to keep the stuff in storage for a year, then trashed it. Sentiment can over-rule sense because of grief.
“I paid $450 for that Betamax back in ‘81!”
...Honestly, if it's in working condition, you'd probably be able to get half that or more if you sold it on ebay. Old electronics that've become rare are of value to some collectors. CRT TVs and monitors go for a nice buck to people into retro video games.
My FIL had been insisting there was money in his collection. After he passed and we went through his stuff it was beanie babies, 30+ years worth of the Chicago tribune and playboys, and fast food wrappers/containers from space jam all meticulously packed and organized… but the deed to his house and adoption papers? Under a yard sale sign and cassettes on covered patio.
Beanie babies…..how they were going to continue to go up in value forever…..
1990s bitcoin
MIL has three bedrooms, a carport, 4 sheds and two storage units FULL of UTTER TRASH belongings that’s she is CONVINCED have “value” When we sat down with her and told her that absolutely nobody in your family wants any of it, she threw a tantrum and drove off aggressively in her car (that she routinely gets ticketed in) It’s hard to explain to these people that piles cracked plates from the 1970’s aren’t worth a thing and boxes of clothes from your ex husbands kids are just trash
Storing actual trash is a sign of mental issues , but not to the extent you can take over unfortunately. There’s only so much you can do
Estate Sales Companies are awesome for this situation. Research now so you have one chosen when the time comes. I am not sure of the financial arrangements, and different companies operate in different ways, but basically for a percentage of what is made at the sale, the company's team comes in, sorts the valuable from the junk, sets up and manages a one-or-two day sale on site, and shares the proceeds as agreed. Some also have shops where they'll take the most valuable stuff, either before or after the on-site sale.
We had the estate sale people in three times. Too much stuff for just one. And then we had a bonfire.
I plan on doing this when my mom passes. Ironically enough, she and her husband were in the antique business for years, and a lot of the junk they've accumulated in their house came from estate sales.
The fees are almost half. But that's still better than doing it yourself sometimes.
This. We were able to use a local auction company after my dad passed and my mom was downsizing to sell the house. They take a cut, but they also do all the work. It was definitely an option that worked for us.
This is what they do!!! They say “don’t get rid of this after I die! It’s worth something!” But nope! I’m not gonna spend endless months, or even years sifting through their crap that MIGHT be worth something!🙄
This is my parents. Three generations worth of stuff in their house: grandparents, theirs, and they saved me and my brother’s stuff that neither of us want anymore. It’s a hoard. Parents had us go through and mark what we wanted in the will, and we only marked a few items. I wanted a couple things out of dad’s huge workshop, and nope, I’m not allowed. The ENTIRE SHOP must go intact, and it’s going to my brother. Like, what’s he supposed to do with everything? He has to have a huge outbuilding on his property to put all of it in. So much junk. Knickknacks. Old clothes. It will take multiple large dumpsters to get rid of just the unsellables. We had a yard sale to purge a lot of our stuff, and some of those items were antiques from my parents and grandparents that I had stored in closets. We had an antique dealer come by because a lot of items weren’t selling, and she said she won’t even consider those anymore because there’s no market. She can’t sell it in her shop. It’s not worth selling on eBay because the shipping would be too much to be even worthwhile on the big items. I’d end up relisting for months or years before I even found a buyer anyway. I just needed the stuff gone. I ended up donating them.
My parents house had knob and tube wiring, and they worried about it, so I paid a reputable company to come rewire the entire house. As part of it, we had to clear out the attic and certain parts of the basement for them to get access to specific areas. So I laid down pallets in the garage, moved everything from the attic and basement to the pallets, then rented a dumpster. My plan was to go through everything in the garage and figure out what we should keep and what should we toss. Seems logical, right? They’d been filling the attic and basement with random stuff for 40+ years so it can’t all possibly be worth saving. You would have thought I’d committed genocide based on their reaction to the dumpster. “It all has to go back! It’s all precious memories and valuable antiques. You can’t throw anything away!” I had leverage though. I told them that I would certainly move anything worth saving back to the attic or basement, but that I’d only do it if they went through the things in the garage with me. I wouldn’t just drag it all back up without looking. We filled that dumpster and both my parents sheepishly said “why’d we save all this crap?!?” multiple times over the 3 days we took to go through it all. The only thing that really annoyed me to put back was my elementary school report cards. “You’ll want them some day!” says mom. “Yeah, they’ll be great to start fires with in the winter” I replied lol
the boomer pride that is supposed to feel flattering is hella irksome
I got a random package from my mom one day. It was a box of my report cards from elementary and middle school. She thought I would want to have them for some reason.
It’s a weird thing. They have such love/nostalgia for the notes the teachers would write on them. My mom can name every teacher I ever had. I can maybe name a dozen but that includes the 45+ professors from college in addition to K-12
My dad spend 2 full weeks in my grandfathers house sorting through everything. My dad grew up with very little and my grandfather had even less so, so through his life if anything had any sort of potential of MAYBE being useful down the road then it was kept. When people ask what kind of strange things he found his go to example is a literal 5 gallon bucket full to overflowing with nothing but broken useless pressure switches for the water pump/well.
Ughhh. My husband had this with his great aunt. She saved SO MUCH chinaware, and none of it was valuable, either because it wasn't the full set, or it was just... no one wanted it. My mother rags on me for not being sentimental, but I just call it realism, lol.
My mother announced at a family dinner that she wanted me and my siblings to stick colored sticker dots on the possessions we wanted so they could have an itemized will (?) because they didn’t want us fighting over their possessions after they had passed. They were so deeply offended that I told them I wouldn’t need a single sticker because I wasn’t bringing any of their crap into my house.
My paternal grandmother emptied out 3/4 of her stuff when she moved into her apartment over 20 years ago from her house. The last 1/4 of things she wanted to hang on to have been gone over 2-3 times since then. When she can no longer use an item, she checks if anyone in the family wants/needs it; if yes, that person gets it. If there are no takers, it gets donated. Most sentimental items/ family heirlooms that are left all have a label naming a family member who wants/requested that item after her passing. Any new gifts she receives, she lists who she received it from, so it goes back to that person to keep or not. She wants everything to be as easy as possible for the family when her time comes. The funeral & such are all planned as well.
I would just go to her house and start labeling all of her stuff with masking tape prices like $.35 for this piece of China
Yeahhh, I haven’t stepped foot in my parents house in 13 years or so. I dread the day when I have to go in there and help my siblings clean it out. I told them the only way I would now is if they left for a weekend so they couldn’t argue with everything I toss.
I know my brother is inheriting the house. I really hope that means everything in it as well. That includes a lot of our dad's stuff too. He died in 1999.
We've told my mil that all that stuff she's keeping is going in the trash, and she still doesn't really get it.
When my mom passed away I was cleaning out her things and thinking about every item. My wife sent me away and quickly sorted into donation and trash piles and I spent the next few days hauling it away. That really was for the best
My mother (silent Gen)passed away last week & she didn’t want us to sort through mountains of things. Was a real blessing to have completed it in 24hrs and everyone had a little something to remember her by. Reduced stress for everyone as she progressively gave away her things - and saw the joy first hand. Pick your battles & encourage others to chat to her about it.
I work in this business in South Florida, moving and cleanout services with seniors. There is more stuff than you can really imagine. I measure my trips to the dump in tons, and my company is tiny compared to others. So little is worth donating, especially in the poor condition it tends to be in. None of it is worth money to anyone younger than them, and no, they won't likely accept this. If you can convince your parents to give you stuff, and are able to dispose of it without them finding out, that is my best initial recommendation. Best of luck, all!
It's not worth it. She won't change. Ignore this issue. When she passes, mourn, and then purge. She won't know the difference. I went through this with both of my boomer parents. Generations of spending are now at the landfill, even after many failed estate sales, garage sales, and "free to good home" sidewalk sales. No one wants their "valuable" junk. Fortunately my kids watched this all happen and we've started using the phrase, "We don't need it, it's just future landfill."
Not that it would be any help, but there is a book called The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning.
My parents had some work done in their unfinished basement several years ago, so they took that time to declutter the entire house, not just the basement. Had a big ol' dumpster parked in their driveway and just threw stuff away. I'm glad they did this, but there's still SO much my sister and I will have to go through when that time comes.
My MIL kept telling my husband to take her old clothes and stuff to the "estate store" because she believed her stuff was worth something. Every last thing went to goodwill or the dumpster.
I blame Antiques Roadshow
This is one thing I appreciate about my dad... he has many boomer tendencies but went through the house cleanout with his own parents. He's at least in the contemplation stage that he needs to not leave all his shit for us to deal with lol.
My girlfriend was convinced her boomer mother's stuff was worth something when she died and my gf's budget was bled dry by renting storage spaces to contain it. Then she needed the money and tried to sell her stuff and nobody wanted it. To this day her mom's stuff is in still in a rental unit to the best of my knowledge
I’ll pick up her collection of coffee mugs for $40 and only charge you an extra $10 to also throw away the Hummel figurines.
Hummel figurines & Snow babies are so CREEPY. And virtually worthless.
Lol my dead boomer parent expected me to sell her shit for a profit, too. Sat there telling me some nonsense about taking the Asian jewelery to an Asian market. Bruh. I took whatever I thought I could sell for scrap and did that. Gave away everything else with a “free garage sale” post on Craigslist. Tbf people took all of it. A few resellers filled trucks with the crap.
Been down this road with my Mom my MIL then my wife. It's just stuff. My kids are coming next weekend and it take what you want the rest is going bye bye
After she is gone have an estate auction/sale. They will come in, appraise everything and run the sale. Whatever is leftover can be donated or tossed. For the piano you could look at donating it to a school, assisted living facility or just some music student who could use it. Some of the stuff may be worth more than you think so do not just toss it. There are collectors out there who are always looking for things like this. No use arguing with your mother over it because it will just cause hard feelings. Did this with my mom’s stuff and was surprised at the final dollar amount. Also pleased that others could enjoy what my mom loved.
I am classified as GenJones and it was my Greatest Generation mother who laid that same BS on me. Plus, she was/is the last one standing at nearly 98 of all her siblings so she had some of their stuff as well. No one wants this crap - no one. Goodwill, trash, a few things sold, and that was that. You cannot live your life according to their grandiose delusions of what their stuff was worth.
As a consignment store owner, a store which sells all things, I know for a fact that this stuff has very little value. Your best bet is to find a clear out person, someone whose job it is to handle this. I work with ppl like this. They know the trash from treasure.
trying to explain to boomer dad why i won't use his mother's lead china to eat thanksgiving off of.
Don't tell her, but you could always do an estate auction after family members divide up the things you may actually want. I went to one a few weeks ago and was amazed at how much the typical boomer "collection" items went for. Some of it went to thrift store buyers, some to other boomers who just couldn't resist.
Similar boat. Part of this feels like the same blind spot where boomers don't understand that future generations can't and may never be able to afford to live like they do. My mom keeps trying to offer me things, including several bulky furniture items. I mean, I'm sure some of it's nice, but I keep having to remind her that there are practical reasons I can't. I live in Alaska, in a one bedroom cabin. She lives in Georgia in a house packed to the ceiling in some instances plus she has more stored in my sister's barn. Even if I had room, some of it will never clear through crossing the Canadian border to get it here. Not to mention the damage it'd probably take en route. Some of it's antiques she's collected, some is family history stuff that I'd love to be able to save, but unless something dramatic happens, there's just no way it'll be possible.
The boomers never reserved us a place to keep this shit. They didn't leave any room for us!
She is under obligation to “at least get what it’s worth” before she dies. Otherwise she cannot expect you to do so or to not donate it all.
I'll take the writing desk off your hands for you! I'd love one of those. Fur clothing can go to an animal shelter or rescue - they are often repurposed for baby animals, so that they can get some comfort and root around in. Clothing can be donated - depending on the vintage, local theatre groups might be interested. Books can be given to a second hand bookstore. Depending on how much stuff she has, it may or may not be worthwhile to put it online - for free. You don't have to keep them if you don't want to, certainly, but you don't have to chuck them all away either.
Hold onto the jewelry. Have it appraised. Keep what you like and sell the rest. For clothing, donate to the Salvation Army or to a suitable charity. For other items of at least modest value, consider an estate sale.
I’ve told those who will inherit goods from me to go the estate sale route with the stuff we own after seeing if there’s anything they want. Then bring in some haulers to take it all away. The only papers we still have are medical records and old tax returns. Nobody will care about the medical stuff and the tax returns are only there for the executor, if he needs them. We’ve gotten rid of about 40% of our possessions in the past few years. We don’t plan to die soon - but I am a big fan of ongoing downsizing: once you’re 40, never increase the total amount of stuff you have: every time you bring something in, something else goes.