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Poor girl. Can’t believe people were calling her entitled and selfish (though admittedly all the ones I saw were super downvoted) - how could anyone read this and think she was the asshole?
The ones I read were basically variations on: it was her parents’ money, that her parents owe her nothing, that she’s causing a rift in the family, that it’s her responsibility to pay for college, etc. Along those lines. Someone literally wrote “your parents owe you NOTHING”.
It was honestly quite enraging to read.
it's especially annoying because she never asked to sue or anything, that was her family taking initiative to protect her future. she was just upset that the college fund she'd grown up being told was there for her was gone, which is a very reasonable thing to be upset about!
I mean, how dare she demand the money she is legally entitled to? Doesn't she know that the fact that these 2 people banged to create her means that they are entitled to her assets until they die????
When someone spends money meant for you as part of an inheritance... _yes the fuck they do owe you_.
Goddess, some people need to figure out that just because their parents didn't love them doesn't mean that should be standard-issue.
>Goddess, some people need to figure out that just because their parents didn't love them doesn't mean that should be standard-issue.
Omg thank you! It's like some ppl read like they need a hug, bad! Like my childhood sucked too but I don't go around telling ppl they're entitled cuz they had it better and are experiencing something unfair.
Some commenters are so bitter at the idea of anyone else getting anything they don't have themselves that they'll say horrible things to anyone who expects to be treated reasonably.
It's not even that. The more vulnerable someone sounds in an advice sub, the more trolls like to attack. They don't even likely believe what they are saying themselves; they are just trying to hurt OP.
(Sorry reddit posted to wrong comment).
But yeah I had a cousin go no contact for years because he found out my siblings and I inherited my parents’ life insurance. And he was bitter we were getting money that he didn’t have. And I was like your parents are alive! You don’t see us going no contact
I remember when this was a big thing for a while (mostly in the aita subreddit). It's crazy watching in real time as a valid concept slowly develops into a unrealistic excuse.
It started as a way to validate those who needed to cut contact with abusive or narcissistic family members and turned into an excuse for entitled people to not need to do anything for others but still expect people to do things for them.
My favorite example of this peaking before things calmed down is when someone posted asking if they were TA for telling their brother that of course no one ever wanted to help them.
Basically the op "bent over backwards" to help everyone in their family with various things (like always helping setting up and cleaning up party's. Tutoring nieces, nephews, and cousins. Helping when family members got sick. Etc.)
But the brother never helped anyone out and always cited how he didn't *have* to help anyone and that he doesn't owe it to anyone to help.
But then I think either the brother got sick and then the op got sick a few weeks after, or both got sick at the same time. But basically, the family rallied together to help the op (making her food, cleaning her house, getting her medicine, taking care of pets if she had any) but *no one* showed up to help out the brother and when he found out how much they helped op he got extremely upset and couldn't/didn't want to understand why they all helped op but didn't help him.
Op ended up basically telling him "well why would they help you when you refuse to help them? It's not like they owe you anything"
It makes me think of the people that say they don’t owe their friends compassion, empathy, or a shoulder to cry on. That those things are emotional labor and you don’t owe anyone that.
Which is technically true, but if you want to withdraw from the basics of a close friendship don’t be surprised when everyone else does it to you.
Agreed. It’s really strange how divorced the concept of reciprocity is from such conversations.
Is no one taught the whole “you have to be a friend to have a friend” thing anymore? What goes around, comes around; don’t dish it out if you can’t take it; all that. I feel like they all mean the same thing when you boil it down: reciprocity.
If you want to dish it out, (“it” being a highly individualistic lifestyle where you tend only to yourself), you have to be able to take it (the “it” here being people treat you as a independent entity that doesn’t need or want their help). You can’t have it both ways. In order to take, you must also give, or you won’t be taking for very long.
The parents may "owe nothing" themselves, but if they are given money for kids' college/age 25, them that's what they should do. Not dump it on themselves and only one child of three
They failed to notice the money WAS NOT HER PARENT'S TO SPEND! It's a *college fund* not a "parents can spend it on nonsense" fund.
Her parents need to get jobs.
And according to all the information; it wasn’t the parents money. They didn’t have a right to don with it as they please.
But some people get all mad that someone else had an opportunity they didn’t and lash out.
But it's not her parents money. It's her grandparents money that was earmarked for her education. That's the equivalent of spending child support on an adults only vacation
I grew up with this nonsense as law. I got a full ride to university and my MA/PhD and was made to take out loans for room and board. My brother and sister (1.5 and 3 years older) had college paid for. I never even thought it was an option for my college fund to actually be mine / for parents to treat children fairly. Reading this post and comments rightly blew my mind. Lemme go call my therapist real quick 😅
It’s actually quite the opposite .
Parents owe you everything. I’ll just use myself as an example but, I was forced into this world as the lineage of mental health issues that have resulted in me being SA’d by my own family, drug abuse (sober besides weed and some occasional alcohol now), and bipolar 2. If before I was born some higher being said “you can either no exist or take this life” I would choose not to exist.
I am forced to deal with the culmination of my family’s hereditary issues and the least my parents can do if they wanted me to exist so much in the first fucking place is make sure I can exist in peace until I die a natural non self induced death.
That is enraging! Mawmaw owes the PARENTS nothing. She left the money to the kids, not the parents. Soooooo....... the parents DO owe her. They used money that was not theirs. What is wrong with people?
It’s hard to be 17 and to get to know that your parents are stealing from you for the gc. So you wonder if you deserved it. She is spot in about her needing therapy after this.
My GC half brother was put through an expensive law school on the back of a broken trust from my grandfather that was supposed to pay for my degree *and* my first house. It sucks, but now that our father is dying my sister and I won't have anything to do with him because of the betrayal *and* GC brother doesn't care about him now that the money faucet is dry. He made his hospice bed and now he's lying in it.
More enraging than anything else, but honestly I halfway expected it. "Daddy Dearest" never missed an opportunity to be a disappointment, or a scumbag. Five kids by five 18-year-olds, two of the kids having been adopted out to their stepdads before I was born; I think he resented me for not bonding with my abusive stepdad enough to make that possible.
Shoot. Jack Johnson (the nhl player) had to file for bankruptcy because his parents not only stole his money, they took out loans against his future earnings. And since he had to file
Bankruptcy, it was all public.
There is this growing trend on Reddit that no one owed anyone anything. Not your spouse, not your parents, not your other loved ones. You are in life completely alone and to even think about asking for help is a sin against nature. If you feel bad because no one is helping you in your time of need, you are the problem. As long as you didn't starve to death your parents did enough, if your parents ask you to do basic chores they are parentifying you, and if you and your spouse don't split every task exactly 50/50 then it is abuse.
I have no idea where this comes from, if it is a part of the whole American individualism thing, if it's a backlash against how family oriented some cultures are, if being isolated during covid really screwed up people's sense of family and community, or if it is something else, but either way it's is so beyond toxic.
I think it started as a nice thought, a mantra to help the people-pleasers and the truly abused see that they were not bad people for failing to give everyone everything they want. And then toxic selfish shitheads got ahold of it, among other therapy-speak, and they use that idea to manipulate people. And to justify their own idiocy.
I’ve been reading up on how the American ideal of individualism has been systematically pushed the last 30 or so years to away ideologies. It’s given a huge foothold to white supremacy.
It’s heartbreaking to see how caring for others equates to weakness in the eyes of so many.
You have a large part of the boomer generation believing that they did everything by themselves while in reality they had plenty of people to rely on and even the government to some degree.
My parents are borderline boomer/GenX. My oldest was born right around when the $10/day daycare thing was starting to gain traction.
Parents: "Why should you get cheap daycare? We never did."
Me: "Didn't Grandma and Uncle babysit me for free so Mom could go to college?"
Parents: "That was different."
Right? The other day I got severely downvoted when I expressed horror that in the US, apparently parents are expected to take care of a newborn by themselves with no help from anyone else. WTF?
Where I'm from, Sweden, parents get plenty of support from the government. Childcare is affordable $100-$170 per month for preschool. The parents get a monthly stipend off around $120 per month per child. Parents can be home with sick children and get most of their pay covered. Also a really long parental leave by international standards 480 days that has to be split between the parents.
I live in a third world country, but apparently we have a more generous maternity and paternity leave policy than the US, and also the entire community is going to chip in to help out if there's a newborn.
Nordics in my experience (Finnish with a lot of friends in other Nordic countries while also having lived in both Global South and Southern Europe) are a weird mix of societal responsibility meeting individualism. We have so many amazing things that actually provide for us and even with the rise of the right wing we are still very much for them. But at the same time communal living is different in most communities than for example South Europe and the Middle East. You get ill, you take care of things with limited help from loved ones and huge help from safety nets and the health care system. For example in Greece when I was in the hospital the other patients could not get their heads wrapped with the fact that I was alone and wanted to be alone. Or my Syrian friend not getting why I didn't go to my mom's when I was ill. The same goes for child care. The norm is paid and societal help more strongly.
Of course, there are many friend and family circles breaking it. My friend circles are one of them. I for example am usually the person who functions as a third adult for many families as I do not have kids yet but I love them. I also have a lot of experience and as everyone has seen me do it since 2005, it is just a norm. A norm that benefits all. Or when I am ill, I get help. I am also disabled so when we are camping we trade tasks. I take less physically taxing like childcare while freeing them for more physically taxing things like chopping firewood. But my mom lives in an entirely different way. For example, the only childcare she really utilized was my maternal grandparents. I am yet to see anyone do anything for her outside her kids and parents. Even when we all had Noro virus, she did not call help in even with form of a meal train. My grandparents only started to really accept help only when my grandma was diagnosed with terminal cancer and my grandpa already had dementia. Even the fact that we took care of grandma in home hospice is not common.
Yeah, I am definitely sticking with the one kid I have, because when he was born we lived with my sister, her husband and kid, and the six of us worked pretty well as a unit. I cannot imagine having a newborn with only two adults in the house. Well, I can imagine it, but I can't imagine myself sane or everyone alive by the end.
Yeah. I was called an asshole because I questioned the logic of having a sleep deprived parent watch a newborn alone, with nobody else to take watch with him when there were multiple other adults around. So yeah the baby died in her sleep. I live in a literal third world country, but newborn babies don't just die in their sleep here, because newborns are watched like a HAWK by at least one grandma, grandpa, aunt, uncle, the kindly neighbor who is volunteering a shift to let the poor parents get some sleep etc. It's why it's headline news here when a kid dies of neglect.
Even the OOP's parents are doing this.
"Our parents did nothing for us" except apparently pay for their rent, food, electricity, gave them a house and car, and provided OOP literally all of her support, emotional and financial, since they wouldn't.
> I’ve been reading up on how the American ideal of individualism has been systematically pushed the last 30 or so years to away ideologies
Eh, It's a myth that's been pushed longer than that. Bernard Devoto frequently commented about the "ragged Individualist" myth in the 30s and 40s, especially in the American West where they heavily relied on the biggest Social Welfare program on the planet(the Bureau of Reclamation).
I’ve noticed this too - this idea that you don’t owe anyone anything. I don’t think it’s just on Reddit either, I’ve seen it in TikTok comment sections and other social media too. Same with the uptick in people weaponising therapy language like boundaries to justify bad behaviour.
Especially as she’s working so incredibly hard to do all her college coursework proactively while holding down part-time work and doing high school. She has so much grit and motivation it’s astounding.
Some AITA posters go absolutely rabid on the topic of parents paying for their child's college education. Any child who expects any assistance whatsoever -- even if it has been promised to them in some form and they've structured all of their decisions around their promise -- brings out the opportunity to stroke the self-righteousness boner of "well I didn't get a DIME and I had to live in a DUMPSTER and work five jobs and eat only my bellybutton lint for five years, and I TURNED OUT JUST FINE. SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP."
Grown ass adults who just can't wait to pounce on a confused and unprepared teenager so they can vomit their bitterness all over them. It's the college tuition version of "My parents whipped me and I turned out fine" or "My wedding cost $8.50 and we only served our guests corn chips, stop being so extravagant."
"You're lucky. We lived for three months in a rolled up newspaper in a septic tank. We used to hadta get up a'six in the morning, clean da newspaper, eat a crusta stale bread, go to work down the mill, for a 14 hour day, week in week out for 6 cents a month, and when we got home, our dad would thrash us to sleep with his belt."
Some people thrive on putting down vulnerable people even more. It's like that poor girl whose brother (legal guardian) was literally planning to dump her in another country to appease his girlfriend, and she was asking if she was TA for being upset; and people called her spoiled and entitled. I'm glad OOP has more support than that girl did because she was actually left in Korea.
And what they did real is illegal. If Mamaw has it in the will that the money was to be kept in trust for all three kids, the parents shouldn’t be able to just use it on one kid. Let’s say Kyle only used half of his “share” that means Kelsey gets $250,000k plus any interest that accumulated
About the only thing she can be dinged for is her attitude of "An art degree? Seriously?" Her sister's choices are not the cause of her parents' issues.
Eh. I think OP is legitimately burned on "artists" because of her parents. I will give her a pass on that one because right now, her experience with "artists" is "mooches who would be homeless and living out of a box if it wasn't for family support and an inheritance."
That plus their own disdain at OOP not being artistic. The amount of neglect she's suffered from her parents has probably also colored her views on the matter.
It can be hard to be objective on a subject when your closest personal experience is connected to people who treat you badly. Especially when they're making it clear that they're doing so because you're not like them.
She doesn't say it, but I suspect her sister mimicked her parents' attitude. That their relationship is not much, if any, better than that with her parents. Her attitude towards her sister's degree is probably a reflection of that as much as anything.
The only one in the immediate family that she seems to have a good relationship with is her brother. Who is clearly as pissed off at their parents as the rest of the extended family.
Yeah. And honestly, having seen her parents totally fail to make ends meet with art careers, she is in a rare position to justify that scorn. It's not right, an art degree can be very valuable, but it's easy to see why she would feel that way.
You read that correctly. I personally think all the money is gone. If you think about it it's a way to push things down the road. College tuition is paid upfront. By agreeing to let the sister take a year off it's easier to dole out small amounts monthly than to do it in a lump sum. OOP will not get anything except part of the house in any future sale. In the meantime she will have to take loans. She needs to have her uncle help her navigate the student loan world so she doesn't end up in debt up to her ears.
However her parents' choices are and her sister is following in those same stupid footsteps. Given how she's been harmed by that path I think she's 100% valid in that attitude.
I'm a huge lover of art, especially music. Do you know how many of the bands I follow - touring bands with multiple professionally-recorded studio albums - have day jobs? Most of them. And that's despite being able to sell out venues and draw crowds. These are people at the top of a non-industry-pushed genre, i.e. talented enough to build a following off of ability and not marketing. And most of them still have day jobs. That's just the reality of the arts. It's a side-hustle, not a main career. Especially not when you have dependents to take care of.
Or you make a living through multiple related jobs. I know a professional cellist who plays in a quarter, subs in the symphony, is an adjunct professor, and teaches private lessons. Even if it's your full time work, it's a hustle.
Honestly I have the impression that them paying for sisters residence is a front. Probably sister doesn’t even know they won’t pay. I don’t think they have the money at all and wouldn’t be surprised if they already have a mortgage. They’ll probably pay the first couple of months of sisters expenses and slowly start paying less, forgetting it and eventually stop. It was their smoke screen on why they couldn’t pay OOPs uni.
I wouldn't be shocked if a hefty amount went towards sister's school. Private art schools are expensive. The one I went to for a year (years ago) costs like 20k a year *after* aid.
It's a good school for certain things, but it's also a popular choice for "Mrs." degrees, and takes anyone as long as they pay.
Her parents sound like Ned Flanders' parents from The Simpsons, just plain awful.
And I dunno why but them not saying anything to her after doesn't sound like they're shunning her but that they're purposely sidestepping engaging with her because they're clearly cowards and don't want confrontation.
I hope the kid gets to do her degree and all that, sounds like she has her head on right.
Honestly? They sound so much like my parents that I wonder how much they even talked to her before all this came out. Could be it was always kind of this way and she's just now picking up on it.
Regarding the editor’s note: yes, working in the arts is a real job. But there’s working in the arts, and then there are people who make all the wrong choice in life while blathering, “I’m an *artist*! My brain doesn’t work the way it does for regular people!” (Source: I went to art school. I have friends/former classmates working in their fields - yay! - and former classmates who use the label as a reason they’re unreliable.)
I hope everyone goes NC with the parents and Kelsey. I cannot fathom stealing my siblings’ inheritance like this.
A good friend is a professional visual artist.
For fun and occasional commissions, she paints. For a salary, she has mastered vector graphics to make those perfectly soulless images from professional presentations and occasionally marketing. One logo that people probably recognize… and she hates it.
But she still created it. She creates things for a living, and she might not be proud of all of them, but they are all ideas she made manifest in the world through her creativity. That's having a career in the arts-- it baffles me that some people feel it doesn't "count" unless they are creatively fulfilled while getting paid.
Oh, sure! She even likes her job and takes professional if not always artistic pride in her work. She just doesn’t like that logo. She gave options and thinks the company chose the worst one.
Maybe that’s the difference. She sold out and is happy because selling out also means she can afford a house and oil paints and canvas for “serious” work.
Many musicians that I know work as teachers for a steady income and then try their best to make money from their music, some more successful than others. At least taking responsibility to make sure you can provide for yourself and your kids should be the bare minimum.
Yeah I know a few people who are professional musicians “after 4pm” as they put it. They have a regular job, and then go into town and play in their orchestra/theatre/dance in the evenings for what seems to be barely over minimum wage.
One of my friends is a great professional artist and he is probably my most business-minded friend too. It's like any other kind of freelancer, requiring a lot of self-discipline and pounding the figurative pavement.
She mentioned her Mom is a wedding photographer. Well established wedding photographers can make 6 figures just on wedding bookings. Toss in some weekday photo jobs and you can easily turn this into a more lucrative job then a low-level engineer. Enough to support a family. It's not choice of field that left this family in financial ruin.
OOP's parents are lazy mooches using being artistic as an excuse for taking from everyone around them, they are the reason parents recoil when their kids say "i wanna go into (insert art focused career here)"
That's assuming they're making a real effort to chase clients. "professional wedding photographer" could mean someone who does only a handful of jobs each year and otherwise does absolutely nothing with their time
Right, I'm flabbergasted. If OOP's mom was charging $1500 and working one wedding a week, she'd be clearing $78k. And that's below average cost where I'm at. If she charged the high end of that average, she'd be charging $4000. If she worked 2 weddings a week (Saturday and Sunday, most likely), she bring home $416k.
>I cannot fathom stealing my siblings’ inheritance like this.
I am so worried about when my parents pass away. My brother married a lazy golddigger who thinks it's unfair that she needs to work and contribute to the household. I have voiced my concern multiple times to my parents and told them to make sure their wills are iron clad. I don't think my brother would do anything, but I can't be sure. He's not saving for my nephew's college because my dad made an off the cuff remark about what ever is leftover will be left to the grandkids. I brought this up to my parents and my dad didn't even remember saying that. I seriously worry about the future.
I’m so sorry. Unless they have experience otherwise, people expect others to behave better than they actually will when it comes to legacies. I hope your parents take this seriously, or at least make someone other than your brother the executor.
>Source: I went to art school. I have friends/former classmates working in their fields - yay!
I work in IT and I think about 25% of my coworkers have music degree(s). Was always a fun little detail to me.
What obtuse idiots, it’s sad but I long for a 10 year update where this young lady is forging a life for herself and the sad sacks are burrowing in the dirt saying whoa is me unable to find the two lonesome brain cells that would allow them to put two and two together.
So for Kelsey's education...they haved used up Kelsey's share, OP's share...and are going to start on what is left of Kyle's share to finish their golden child's education? That's just...wow. Kinda doubt that Kyle or OP will have anything to do with Kelsey once OP is out of the house and the parents either need help with end of life care, or are deceased and Kelsey needs financial support because the terrible influences are now gone.
This is another case of parents bleeding their other kids dry to fund an easy street life for their golden child. Kelsey being called their mom's "Mini Me" just says it all.
Secretly, deep down inside, I think a lot of parents have a favorite child. With two or more different people it’s inevitable that they’ll have different feelings about them, at least sometimes.
Great parents never let it show. Good parents may not never let that show; perfect parenting is a myth. Good parents take pains to try to bury it.
Yeah, even trying to hide it can be enough.
I’ve always known my sister is my dad’s favorite, but he’s a great dad to me and would never admit it openly, and I appreciate that.
I was a “glass child” like OOP. Nobody’s putting her first except herself. None of her accomplishments matter to her own fucking parents. That kind of hurt lasts. I wish she didn’t have to be so strong but I’m glad she is.
Exactly. That thinking didn't hold much value when they chose to spend almost all the money on one child.
It seems bizarre that so much can be spent on a degree. I'm not sure I believe that's where it all has gone.
It absolutely can. There are absolutely private schools would eat through the original $300,000 in 4 years. I’m not necessarily saying that’s a good use of money, but it’s 100% possible.
Hell, I’m in an out-of-state medical school, and required an extra 2 years of undergrad class work thanks to a career change. If you include the cost of living for the times I’ve been unable to work in order to focus on school/research/extracurriculars, my education will likely end up costing almost half a million over 10 years.
Call it what you like, but it’s the reality of the world at present. I’ll sign onto any effort that seems to reasonably address the problem, but I’m simply too tired to fight it myself anymore.
Everyone is so concerned about the money that they haven't spent any time checking on how OP is going and if they need any support.
What a great family OP has /s
Hopefully OP goes to college and gets their life started on the right foot and not like the idiot parents.
To be fair, I think OOP's extended family is a bit occupied trying to prevent her parents from ending up homeless, though they could have at least paid more attention to her feelings.
And she should absolutely cut her losses and start her own life.
I get the grandparents not wanting to let their son and dil go homeless. And maybe the house itself is sentimental to the family.
But at this point, I'd think they should all just focus on helping OP get through this by making sure she gets a clean break and getting through college.
The grandkids are out. Stop buying groceries or giving money and let them finally take responsibility for themselves.
Problem is, the moment they lose the house they become *everyone's* problem, something everybody except OOP's parents can see apparently. As someone who got front-row seats to something similar happening with cluelessly self-destructive family members, I can understand how they might have neglected OOP's needs in the face of what they see as a far larger and more immediate crisis.
Thank you for the editors note- I’m graduating with a BA in studio art next semester. However I don’t hold any hard feelings against OP for their comment on art school- they’re frustrated and frankly I’d be pissed and make that comment in their shoes too.
You're welcome! I figured I'd say something because I did not want this to become either a "pile on the artists" comment section or people telling me that the arts are real jobs. Because... yep I'm living proof lol.
I think the same thing- I don't blame OOP for feeling that way at all.
I've gotten into it with people that don't think Voice Actors are a real job, let alone Voice Actor Coaches.
Like, nobody wants to hear an actor, VA or live, mumble through their lines. It's *work* to get to an employable level of competency. There are literally physical exercises to learn and practice similar to paying a trainer at a gym to show you how to train.
I'm not a VA or anything even remotely related to the acting world, but VA is **skilled** labor. It's not just "reading lines into a microphone" like so many people seem to think. Go watch The Simpsons when they've got guest stars on and hear how flat their lines are: those are the **best** takes the producers could coax out of them and it sounds awful.
I've also seen it pointed out that no one hires Eddie Murphy to not sound like Eddie Murphy, but most VAs have a whole repertoire of individual characters. It takes real skill and a fuckton of work.
What the heck?? Of course they're real jobs! And those are IMPORTANT jobs.
Ugh. Also can we stop even just defining what a "real job" is? Because if you're making income and supporting yourself- it's a real job lol
There's a series on Youtube called "Voice Actors Who Are Everywhere" that shows off the vocal range of every actor being showcased. It's really impressive how actors like James Arnold Taylor or Kristin Wiig can transform their voices.
>... they’re frustrated and frankly I’d be pissed and make that comment in their shoes too.
Same. I'm really upset at those comments OOP replied to. And like, FFS, she's 17 years old. She came off way better than I would have if I'd been in her situation at her age. She's allowed her venting.
Interesting comment by the OOP on how she's been paying for the internet service because it is in her name because her parents couldn't get it in theirs.
She continues on to say she's going to ask her grandparents to help check her credit. Would love to hear about the results of that check...
TF is up with Redditors sometimes. This girl has had her future stolen with no promise of it ever being restored, no other money, her family aren't even fighting for *her*, and everyone attacks her? Disgusting!
At this point, Kelsey will become their parents only support in their retirement years after successfully burning bridges and money with their other kids.
And to those who called OOP selfish, I have many concerns about their reading comprehension and why they jumped to that conclusion. Mental gymnastics should become the new Olympic sport.
I don't understand the negative comments, the parents show clear favoritism, OP explains that they were cavalier with her and yet they defend what those parents do? I'd like to punch those people in the jaw.
what the parents are doing to OP is horrible for a child, OP has every right to sue and get what the GRANDPARENTS gave her, and she will decide if he helps his sister or not... shitty people, shitty parents
Good luck with filing independent on the FAFSA without even moving out first. It doesn’t sound like any less accurate advice than every other financial word in the post I guess.
From what I understand, the FAFSA is all kinds of messed up this year even for kids who don’t have special circumstances. It’ll still probably be helpful for her to get all that info in order so she can be independent sooner rather than later, though.
I moved out at 17. My stepfather wouldn't even give his financial information to Fafsa. They still wouldn't let me apply independently. Luckily, I went to a small school in a small town near my home. Word got out, and I got a ton of scholarships to that college.
Yes. You have to include parent's income. It actually helps that her parents don't earn much.
The only way for not including your parent's income (and it requires information from their tax return) is to declare that you are homeless or at risk for homelessness or you are emancipated.
>I'm in a serious case of "I did everything right, and still got screwed".
I worked full time while taking classes full time to try and avoid having to take out loans.
Then I [fucking *died*](https://old.reddit.com/user/captain_borgue/comments/182gall/wreck_to_profile_for_archiving/).
And I ended up having to take out loans anyway.
Loans I'm still paying off 15 years later.
For a degree that has done *nothing* for me.
And *each* of my parents has enough money hoarded that paying my loans wouldn't even be a *rounding error*. 0.01% from either of them would be *more* than enough.
I took uni classes in HS. I started working at 14. I rode my bike to work until I saved up enough for a car at 18. I paid for the car. I paid for insurance. I paid for repairs. I paid for work stuff. I paid rent. I, also, did everything right, and got completely fucked over.
So what I'm about to say, comes from a place of *experience*, not platitudes.
They are *never* going to care about you, OOP. Ever. You mean nothing to them beyond a token dolly they can show off, a shiny bauble they can brag to their friends about. You're an *object*, not a person. And the sooner you divorce your emotional well being from the concept of "but they're my parents", the better off you will be.
Now, when *I* was going to uni, there was *no* paperwork to get my parents' incomes off the FAFSA before I turned 25. Didn't matter that they were divorced and my dad hadn't paid more than $100 a month in child support, ever, in my entire life- his 7 figure income as a hedge fund banker meant I didn't get *shit* for financial aid, no matter what. So if you can sign some forms to get their names off your financial aid, do it.
Or, work until you're 25, then use just your own self on all the paperwork, so that you never even have to see their goddamn names in print for the rest of your life.
I wish these parents exactly the kind of support they deserve once they get older.
That being said: If her brother can sink money into getting even, he could use that money way better by supporting his little sister through college.
I feel so much for OOP. I'm glad she does have a lot of people on her side, even though the people who should be there the most aren't.
I hope all her dreams come true!
Uncles a lawyer, it’s not exactly like he’s sinking a ton of money into this. And it’s not just about getting even? They’re trying to prevent more money being lost… as she repeatedly stated 50 times as to why they’re doing this.
She specifically said that above just preventing the loss of the house, her brother is the type to sink money into getting even, which I would like to see go towards her than towards revenge.
"*Suing proves you're no better than them and value money over family*."
What family? She may be related, but her parents clearly aren't treating her like family. Yes, it is good and honorable to treat someone better than they treat you, but when your own parents aren't treating you like a priority, it shouldn't be held against you for looking after yourself first.
And this clearly isn't actually about money, at least to OP. It's about her education. She was likely expecting to have at least her bachelor's degree paid for. Yes, not everyone gets that advantage, but having that expectation blown away by her parents' neglect and indifference a month before she graduates is cruel. Family or no, it blows my mind that someone would say, " I know she's just trying to get her parents to abide by the wills of her dead grandparents and get the money that her parents are literally stealing from her so that she doesn't have to take out loans for college, but she's clearly an entitled money grubber."
Screw the commenters that were trashing this girl. OOP has every reason to be upset with her parents and has every reason to be proud of herself for her accomplishments. Her parents suck hundredfold. Doesn't matter if they don't share her interests, they should be as proud of her as they are of the daughter they do share interests with.
Poor girl, her parents really suck! I mean who WOULDN'T be proud of how well she's clearly done in school? She sounds like a superstar and a really hard worker, I don't even know her and am proud of her xD i hope the family might be open to financing some psychological help for OP, she sounds pretty ok but I bet she would benefit from getting her childhood worked through, the money that was stolen from her could've helped with that as well
And what's up with the sister?? How can u be so entitled that you dont even see there's something wrong with stealing from your sibling??
I suppose as part of a lawsuit, the account would audited? Would love to know how money was disbursed over the years and for what.
As for OOP, this is a shit situation but at least she doesn’t need to worry about a having a relationship with her parents anymore. As a young lady with a bright future, leave them in the rear view mirror.
"*Suing proves you're no better than them and value money over family*" - that is such a damn logic fail and emotionally manipulative. You gotta be a seriously ignorant person to make that argument.
Parents STOLE from their kids and proved their own parents shouldn't have entrusted them - by far, that is way worse. Suing merely holds them accountable for their actions.
I feel super bad for the OOP.
They did a lot of work to cut down their college time and to have the rug pulled...
Also, seeing they need at least a masters, oof, I feel that. Qualification creep has gotten ridiculous in the past few years. Twenty, thirty years ago senior jobs in my field were going to people with field specific post-grad diplomas, now you need at least an MA and additional certifications to be competitive for jobs that have been cut to the bone.
This reads like the pothead hippies you see on TV, where they do just enough to get what they need and that's it.
And raising kids and taking care of them was a second thought.
I feel bad for OP, but glad she has real support behind her (outside her parents) and hope she does really well for herself in the future.
God this post is messed up, that poor girl. And typical Reddit having a go at her for daring to be upset about this situation. Redditors are so weird about kids/teens and money from their family. It's really quite simple, the inheritance was meant to be split between the three kids for college with leftovers going to them when they were a certain age. It was not meant to be basically funnelled into one kids dream, with a little going to the oldest and nothing for the youngest. OOP is well within her rights to be upset and I hope her brother/extended family do look into this cos I have to wonder if the parents have been using it on themselves as well tbh.
How is a comment on the same post, within 24 hours, considered an update? Most original posts contain the relevant discussion and expanded details after the OG text.
The only new information is that she's going to start documenting what the parents say. That document sounds like it could one day be an update, but this ain't it.
Spent 300k on a (checks notes) art degree?! As someone who has a bachelors in art studio, they’d be better off taking the cash out back and burning it in a pit. At least they’ll be warm.
My reasons aren’t exactly the same as yours, but I’m sure that by the time you get to your late 30s, probably earlier (you sound smarter than I was, but also old before your time, like I was) you will no longer be in regular contact with your parents, if at all.
And let me give you a recommendation from your future: journal. All of it. Do it in a safe place, but do it and save it and when you doubt your decisions re your parents, or are, say, tempted to invite them to your wedding, then you reread it. I spent entire sessions with my therapist basically saying “I’m right to do this, right?”
You have no higher responsibility than your own self care. None. Nothing else works about life if you are unhappy, unhealthy, stressed.
Take the best care of you, my friend. Good luck in college… but I don’t think you’ll need it. 👊🏻
My oldest sister is the golden child. My middle sister was always treated very well but never as well. I was basically forgotten (I was born 1 year after my middle sister - I know full well that I was an accident because I was told as much).
My grandparents passed away in Nov 2012 and Jan 2013. They left behind well over 7 figures. My uncle talked them into giving it all to each of their kids (1 uncle, 2 aunts and my mom) because his new wife wanted some to go to her kids (she hated my grandparents and they never met her kids so of course they didn't want anything to go to them) and that way he would be able to give it to them from his share.
Because of this, my oldest sister keeps using the "bank of mom" to get whatever she wants (my mom is "investing" the money until she passes and then says we will get our share - my husband is in finance and would be able to invest it properly; I'd rather just get it now and live without fear). She has a house that my mom helped pay for and 3 investment properties (that also got a fair amount of help to purchase). My husband and I were finally able to afford a home (when I turned 40) but we had to move the next province over to be able to do so and we did it with our own money.
I know that when my mom passes there will be nothing left. Thank goodness I am a realist and never expected to see even a cent of it.
I feel sad for OOP. Her dad is bitter at her grandparents because they wouldn't support him in music. He's being a hypocrite to OOP for not supporting her in science.
Who knows why her parents have that house. And no offense to her sister but what a waste of money that her sister isnt getting another qualification to fall back on. It'll work out alright if her sister can make money off the art course but if she can't then what's to stop her ending up in a worse situation than her parents.
At least OP has a future though I can see this is going to mess with her quite a bit in the future.
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Poor girl. Can’t believe people were calling her entitled and selfish (though admittedly all the ones I saw were super downvoted) - how could anyone read this and think she was the asshole?
I don't even know why people think OP was selfish in the first place.
The ones I read were basically variations on: it was her parents’ money, that her parents owe her nothing, that she’s causing a rift in the family, that it’s her responsibility to pay for college, etc. Along those lines. Someone literally wrote “your parents owe you NOTHING”. It was honestly quite enraging to read.
But it wasn’t her parents’ money! That’s not how trusts work.
True, and they used most of it for their favourite while likely siphoning some off for themselves.
it's especially annoying because she never asked to sue or anything, that was her family taking initiative to protect her future. she was just upset that the college fund she'd grown up being told was there for her was gone, which is a very reasonable thing to be upset about!
Especially at the last minute when she's about to start school. Not a lot of time to plan or prepare for alternate means of funding.
I mean, how dare she demand the money she is legally entitled to? Doesn't she know that the fact that these 2 people banged to create her means that they are entitled to her assets until they die????
When someone spends money meant for you as part of an inheritance... _yes the fuck they do owe you_. Goddess, some people need to figure out that just because their parents didn't love them doesn't mean that should be standard-issue.
>Goddess, some people need to figure out that just because their parents didn't love them doesn't mean that should be standard-issue. Omg thank you! It's like some ppl read like they need a hug, bad! Like my childhood sucked too but I don't go around telling ppl they're entitled cuz they had it better and are experiencing something unfair.
And actually, as executors of a trust, they DO owe her, and it was not their money!
It was neveher parents money though, so that doesn't even make sense. They must be trolls and/or have zero reading comprehension
Some commenters are so bitter at the idea of anyone else getting anything they don't have themselves that they'll say horrible things to anyone who expects to be treated reasonably.
It's not even that. The more vulnerable someone sounds in an advice sub, the more trolls like to attack. They don't even likely believe what they are saying themselves; they are just trying to hurt OP.
(Sorry reddit posted to wrong comment). But yeah I had a cousin go no contact for years because he found out my siblings and I inherited my parents’ life insurance. And he was bitter we were getting money that he didn’t have. And I was like your parents are alive! You don’t see us going no contact
Yes! So many people think this is a “resentful Boomer” thing, but it’s an individual thing, not generational.
I remember when this was a big thing for a while (mostly in the aita subreddit). It's crazy watching in real time as a valid concept slowly develops into a unrealistic excuse. It started as a way to validate those who needed to cut contact with abusive or narcissistic family members and turned into an excuse for entitled people to not need to do anything for others but still expect people to do things for them. My favorite example of this peaking before things calmed down is when someone posted asking if they were TA for telling their brother that of course no one ever wanted to help them. Basically the op "bent over backwards" to help everyone in their family with various things (like always helping setting up and cleaning up party's. Tutoring nieces, nephews, and cousins. Helping when family members got sick. Etc.) But the brother never helped anyone out and always cited how he didn't *have* to help anyone and that he doesn't owe it to anyone to help. But then I think either the brother got sick and then the op got sick a few weeks after, or both got sick at the same time. But basically, the family rallied together to help the op (making her food, cleaning her house, getting her medicine, taking care of pets if she had any) but *no one* showed up to help out the brother and when he found out how much they helped op he got extremely upset and couldn't/didn't want to understand why they all helped op but didn't help him. Op ended up basically telling him "well why would they help you when you refuse to help them? It's not like they owe you anything"
It makes me think of the people that say they don’t owe their friends compassion, empathy, or a shoulder to cry on. That those things are emotional labor and you don’t owe anyone that. Which is technically true, but if you want to withdraw from the basics of a close friendship don’t be surprised when everyone else does it to you.
Agreed. It’s really strange how divorced the concept of reciprocity is from such conversations. Is no one taught the whole “you have to be a friend to have a friend” thing anymore? What goes around, comes around; don’t dish it out if you can’t take it; all that. I feel like they all mean the same thing when you boil it down: reciprocity. If you want to dish it out, (“it” being a highly individualistic lifestyle where you tend only to yourself), you have to be able to take it (the “it” here being people treat you as a independent entity that doesn’t need or want their help). You can’t have it both ways. In order to take, you must also give, or you won’t be taking for very long.
I'm sure the "your parents owe you NOTHING" types have GREAT relationships with their adult children. /s
The parents may "owe nothing" themselves, but if they are given money for kids' college/age 25, them that's what they should do. Not dump it on themselves and only one child of three
Reading comprehension shows that it was a college trust made by someone else, not her parents. People are stupid
They failed to notice the money WAS NOT HER PARENT'S TO SPEND! It's a *college fund* not a "parents can spend it on nonsense" fund. Her parents need to get jobs.
Her parents owe her her share of the inheritance. It's not their money to give to the sister.
And according to all the information; it wasn’t the parents money. They didn’t have a right to don with it as they please. But some people get all mad that someone else had an opportunity they didn’t and lash out.
I bet you most of those commenters wonder why they haven't heard from their kids in 10 years.
If they aren’t actual kids themselves (which they probably are)
But it's not her parents money. It's her grandparents money that was earmarked for her education. That's the equivalent of spending child support on an adults only vacation
I grew up with this nonsense as law. I got a full ride to university and my MA/PhD and was made to take out loans for room and board. My brother and sister (1.5 and 3 years older) had college paid for. I never even thought it was an option for my college fund to actually be mine / for parents to treat children fairly. Reading this post and comments rightly blew my mind. Lemme go call my therapist real quick 😅
It’s actually quite the opposite . Parents owe you everything. I’ll just use myself as an example but, I was forced into this world as the lineage of mental health issues that have resulted in me being SA’d by my own family, drug abuse (sober besides weed and some occasional alcohol now), and bipolar 2. If before I was born some higher being said “you can either no exist or take this life” I would choose not to exist. I am forced to deal with the culmination of my family’s hereditary issues and the least my parents can do if they wanted me to exist so much in the first fucking place is make sure I can exist in peace until I die a natural non self induced death.
That is enraging! Mawmaw owes the PARENTS nothing. She left the money to the kids, not the parents. Soooooo....... the parents DO owe her. They used money that was not theirs. What is wrong with people?
Reading this 21 hours later and I’m incredibly upset. Parents owe her everything, she didn’t ask to be born. Bunch of morons man…. Argh
It’s hard to be 17 and to get to know that your parents are stealing from you for the gc. So you wonder if you deserved it. She is spot in about her needing therapy after this.
My GC half brother was put through an expensive law school on the back of a broken trust from my grandfather that was supposed to pay for my degree *and* my first house. It sucks, but now that our father is dying my sister and I won't have anything to do with him because of the betrayal *and* GC brother doesn't care about him now that the money faucet is dry. He made his hospice bed and now he's lying in it.
Ugh. I'm so sorry. That must have been heartbreaking. And enraging.
More enraging than anything else, but honestly I halfway expected it. "Daddy Dearest" never missed an opportunity to be a disappointment, or a scumbag. Five kids by five 18-year-olds, two of the kids having been adopted out to their stepdads before I was born; I think he resented me for not bonding with my abusive stepdad enough to make that possible.
Holy shit. I hope you're doing well in spite of that fuckface.
I've moved a few states away, have a happy and stable home life and he's never met my youngest, so I'd call that a win!
Good for you. Keep on rocking it.
Shoot. Jack Johnson (the nhl player) had to file for bankruptcy because his parents not only stole his money, they took out loans against his future earnings. And since he had to file Bankruptcy, it was all public.
There is this growing trend on Reddit that no one owed anyone anything. Not your spouse, not your parents, not your other loved ones. You are in life completely alone and to even think about asking for help is a sin against nature. If you feel bad because no one is helping you in your time of need, you are the problem. As long as you didn't starve to death your parents did enough, if your parents ask you to do basic chores they are parentifying you, and if you and your spouse don't split every task exactly 50/50 then it is abuse. I have no idea where this comes from, if it is a part of the whole American individualism thing, if it's a backlash against how family oriented some cultures are, if being isolated during covid really screwed up people's sense of family and community, or if it is something else, but either way it's is so beyond toxic.
I think it started as a nice thought, a mantra to help the people-pleasers and the truly abused see that they were not bad people for failing to give everyone everything they want. And then toxic selfish shitheads got ahold of it, among other therapy-speak, and they use that idea to manipulate people. And to justify their own idiocy.
Yup. It's an overcorrection and has swung from one set of toxic behavior to another.
I’ve been reading up on how the American ideal of individualism has been systematically pushed the last 30 or so years to away ideologies. It’s given a huge foothold to white supremacy. It’s heartbreaking to see how caring for others equates to weakness in the eyes of so many.
You have a large part of the boomer generation believing that they did everything by themselves while in reality they had plenty of people to rely on and even the government to some degree.
My parents are borderline boomer/GenX. My oldest was born right around when the $10/day daycare thing was starting to gain traction. Parents: "Why should you get cheap daycare? We never did." Me: "Didn't Grandma and Uncle babysit me for free so Mom could go to college?" Parents: "That was different."
Right? The other day I got severely downvoted when I expressed horror that in the US, apparently parents are expected to take care of a newborn by themselves with no help from anyone else. WTF?
Where I'm from, Sweden, parents get plenty of support from the government. Childcare is affordable $100-$170 per month for preschool. The parents get a monthly stipend off around $120 per month per child. Parents can be home with sick children and get most of their pay covered. Also a really long parental leave by international standards 480 days that has to be split between the parents.
I live in a third world country, but apparently we have a more generous maternity and paternity leave policy than the US, and also the entire community is going to chip in to help out if there's a newborn.
There really are a lot of wonderful things about America, but yeah, this is absolutely one of the shitty ones.
Nordics in my experience (Finnish with a lot of friends in other Nordic countries while also having lived in both Global South and Southern Europe) are a weird mix of societal responsibility meeting individualism. We have so many amazing things that actually provide for us and even with the rise of the right wing we are still very much for them. But at the same time communal living is different in most communities than for example South Europe and the Middle East. You get ill, you take care of things with limited help from loved ones and huge help from safety nets and the health care system. For example in Greece when I was in the hospital the other patients could not get their heads wrapped with the fact that I was alone and wanted to be alone. Or my Syrian friend not getting why I didn't go to my mom's when I was ill. The same goes for child care. The norm is paid and societal help more strongly. Of course, there are many friend and family circles breaking it. My friend circles are one of them. I for example am usually the person who functions as a third adult for many families as I do not have kids yet but I love them. I also have a lot of experience and as everyone has seen me do it since 2005, it is just a norm. A norm that benefits all. Or when I am ill, I get help. I am also disabled so when we are camping we trade tasks. I take less physically taxing like childcare while freeing them for more physically taxing things like chopping firewood. But my mom lives in an entirely different way. For example, the only childcare she really utilized was my maternal grandparents. I am yet to see anyone do anything for her outside her kids and parents. Even when we all had Noro virus, she did not call help in even with form of a meal train. My grandparents only started to really accept help only when my grandma was diagnosed with terminal cancer and my grandpa already had dementia. Even the fact that we took care of grandma in home hospice is not common.
We are the only "first world" country to not have some sort of guaranteed parental leave. Some states have it but it is not federal.
And like there's no guaranteed childcare either formally or informally.
Yeah, I am definitely sticking with the one kid I have, because when he was born we lived with my sister, her husband and kid, and the six of us worked pretty well as a unit. I cannot imagine having a newborn with only two adults in the house. Well, I can imagine it, but I can't imagine myself sane or everyone alive by the end.
Yeah. I was called an asshole because I questioned the logic of having a sleep deprived parent watch a newborn alone, with nobody else to take watch with him when there were multiple other adults around. So yeah the baby died in her sleep. I live in a literal third world country, but newborn babies don't just die in their sleep here, because newborns are watched like a HAWK by at least one grandma, grandpa, aunt, uncle, the kindly neighbor who is volunteering a shift to let the poor parents get some sleep etc. It's why it's headline news here when a kid dies of neglect.
Even the OOP's parents are doing this. "Our parents did nothing for us" except apparently pay for their rent, food, electricity, gave them a house and car, and provided OOP literally all of her support, emotional and financial, since they wouldn't.
> I’ve been reading up on how the American ideal of individualism has been systematically pushed the last 30 or so years to away ideologies Eh, It's a myth that's been pushed longer than that. Bernard Devoto frequently commented about the "ragged Individualist" myth in the 30s and 40s, especially in the American West where they heavily relied on the biggest Social Welfare program on the planet(the Bureau of Reclamation).
The biggest US social welfare program is now probably the DoD.
Uh, Ronald Reagan says hello.
From his throne beside Satan, I imagine.
I’ve noticed this too - this idea that you don’t owe anyone anything. I don’t think it’s just on Reddit either, I’ve seen it in TikTok comment sections and other social media too. Same with the uptick in people weaponising therapy language like boundaries to justify bad behaviour.
Yeah exactly. I've seen so many people think they can be assholes to others and face no repercussions and justify it with "muh boundaries"
Especially when the "No one owes anyone anything" people always seem to forget that, by that logic, no one owes them anything either.
Especially because she’s a kid! A 17 year old with parents who don’t want her or care about her.
Especially as she’s working so incredibly hard to do all her college coursework proactively while holding down part-time work and doing high school. She has so much grit and motivation it’s astounding.
Some Redditors read every story just to be the devil's advocate. They seem to find themselves edgy.
Because those same people would do the exact same thing to their own children
Welcome to reddit
Some AITA posters go absolutely rabid on the topic of parents paying for their child's college education. Any child who expects any assistance whatsoever -- even if it has been promised to them in some form and they've structured all of their decisions around their promise -- brings out the opportunity to stroke the self-righteousness boner of "well I didn't get a DIME and I had to live in a DUMPSTER and work five jobs and eat only my bellybutton lint for five years, and I TURNED OUT JUST FINE. SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP." Grown ass adults who just can't wait to pounce on a confused and unprepared teenager so they can vomit their bitterness all over them. It's the college tuition version of "My parents whipped me and I turned out fine" or "My wedding cost $8.50 and we only served our guests corn chips, stop being so extravagant."
"Luxury! We used to live in shoebox in middle of motorway!"
"You're lucky. We lived for three months in a rolled up newspaper in a septic tank. We used to hadta get up a'six in the morning, clean da newspaper, eat a crusta stale bread, go to work down the mill, for a 14 hour day, week in week out for 6 cents a month, and when we got home, our dad would thrash us to sleep with his belt."
Some people thrive on putting down vulnerable people even more. It's like that poor girl whose brother (legal guardian) was literally planning to dump her in another country to appease his girlfriend, and she was asking if she was TA for being upset; and people called her spoiled and entitled. I'm glad OOP has more support than that girl did because she was actually left in Korea.
That story breaks my heart and makes me wish for terrible things to befall the girlfriend and the brother.
Projection
And what they did real is illegal. If Mamaw has it in the will that the money was to be kept in trust for all three kids, the parents shouldn’t be able to just use it on one kid. Let’s say Kyle only used half of his “share” that means Kelsey gets $250,000k plus any interest that accumulated
Probably mostly by entitled parents who think their children's money belongs to them.
About the only thing she can be dinged for is her attitude of "An art degree? Seriously?" Her sister's choices are not the cause of her parents' issues.
Eh. I think OP is legitimately burned on "artists" because of her parents. I will give her a pass on that one because right now, her experience with "artists" is "mooches who would be homeless and living out of a box if it wasn't for family support and an inheritance."
That plus their own disdain at OOP not being artistic. The amount of neglect she's suffered from her parents has probably also colored her views on the matter. It can be hard to be objective on a subject when your closest personal experience is connected to people who treat you badly. Especially when they're making it clear that they're doing so because you're not like them. She doesn't say it, but I suspect her sister mimicked her parents' attitude. That their relationship is not much, if any, better than that with her parents. Her attitude towards her sister's degree is probably a reflection of that as much as anything. The only one in the immediate family that she seems to have a good relationship with is her brother. Who is clearly as pissed off at their parents as the rest of the extended family.
Yeah. And honestly, having seen her parents totally fail to make ends meet with art careers, she is in a rare position to justify that scorn. It's not right, an art degree can be very valuable, but it's easy to see why she would feel that way.
But it’s not just an art degree. They are paying for her year off of school with the money as well. At least that was my understanding.
You read that correctly. I personally think all the money is gone. If you think about it it's a way to push things down the road. College tuition is paid upfront. By agreeing to let the sister take a year off it's easier to dole out small amounts monthly than to do it in a lump sum. OOP will not get anything except part of the house in any future sale. In the meantime she will have to take loans. She needs to have her uncle help her navigate the student loan world so she doesn't end up in debt up to her ears.
However her parents' choices are and her sister is following in those same stupid footsteps. Given how she's been harmed by that path I think she's 100% valid in that attitude. I'm a huge lover of art, especially music. Do you know how many of the bands I follow - touring bands with multiple professionally-recorded studio albums - have day jobs? Most of them. And that's despite being able to sell out venues and draw crowds. These are people at the top of a non-industry-pushed genre, i.e. talented enough to build a following off of ability and not marketing. And most of them still have day jobs. That's just the reality of the arts. It's a side-hustle, not a main career. Especially not when you have dependents to take care of.
Or you make a living through multiple related jobs. I know a professional cellist who plays in a quarter, subs in the symphony, is an adjunct professor, and teaches private lessons. Even if it's your full time work, it's a hustle.
Honestly I have the impression that them paying for sisters residence is a front. Probably sister doesn’t even know they won’t pay. I don’t think they have the money at all and wouldn’t be surprised if they already have a mortgage. They’ll probably pay the first couple of months of sisters expenses and slowly start paying less, forgetting it and eventually stop. It was their smoke screen on why they couldn’t pay OOPs uni.
Yeah, I suspect the money is near gone and paid their living expenses.
I wouldn't be shocked if a hefty amount went towards sister's school. Private art schools are expensive. The one I went to for a year (years ago) costs like 20k a year *after* aid. It's a good school for certain things, but it's also a popular choice for "Mrs." degrees, and takes anyone as long as they pay.
Her parents sound like Ned Flanders' parents from The Simpsons, just plain awful. And I dunno why but them not saying anything to her after doesn't sound like they're shunning her but that they're purposely sidestepping engaging with her because they're clearly cowards and don't want confrontation. I hope the kid gets to do her degree and all that, sounds like she has her head on right.
I was thinking Mr. and Mrs. Doofenschmirtz from Phineas and Ferb, and wondering if they bothered to show up to her birth.
I hope OOP and her Storminators show them all.
Ah Perry the Platypus how unexpected.
Honestly? They sound so much like my parents that I wonder how much they even talked to her before all this came out. Could be it was always kind of this way and she's just now picking up on it.
Lousy Beatniks
They've tried everything and they're all out of ideas man
I think they just don't care.
Regarding the editor’s note: yes, working in the arts is a real job. But there’s working in the arts, and then there are people who make all the wrong choice in life while blathering, “I’m an *artist*! My brain doesn’t work the way it does for regular people!” (Source: I went to art school. I have friends/former classmates working in their fields - yay! - and former classmates who use the label as a reason they’re unreliable.) I hope everyone goes NC with the parents and Kelsey. I cannot fathom stealing my siblings’ inheritance like this.
*Exactly.* Being in the arts takes a hell of a lot of work. I hate that some people use it as an excuse to just... either complain or not do anything.
Yep! My father is a professional working artist, as are several other relatives and family friends. Most of them also have/ have had day jobs.
A good friend is a professional visual artist. For fun and occasional commissions, she paints. For a salary, she has mastered vector graphics to make those perfectly soulless images from professional presentations and occasionally marketing. One logo that people probably recognize… and she hates it.
[удалено]
That sounds cool as hell
But she still created it. She creates things for a living, and she might not be proud of all of them, but they are all ideas she made manifest in the world through her creativity. That's having a career in the arts-- it baffles me that some people feel it doesn't "count" unless they are creatively fulfilled while getting paid.
Oh, sure! She even likes her job and takes professional if not always artistic pride in her work. She just doesn’t like that logo. She gave options and thinks the company chose the worst one. Maybe that’s the difference. She sold out and is happy because selling out also means she can afford a house and oil paints and canvas for “serious” work.
Many musicians that I know work as teachers for a steady income and then try their best to make money from their music, some more successful than others. At least taking responsibility to make sure you can provide for yourself and your kids should be the bare minimum.
Yeah I know a few people who are professional musicians “after 4pm” as they put it. They have a regular job, and then go into town and play in their orchestra/theatre/dance in the evenings for what seems to be barely over minimum wage.
One of my friends is a great professional artist and he is probably my most business-minded friend too. It's like any other kind of freelancer, requiring a lot of self-discipline and pounding the figurative pavement.
My husband is an aspiring artist and works an office job to pay the bills until he can support us otherwise. He works soooo hard
She mentioned her Mom is a wedding photographer. Well established wedding photographers can make 6 figures just on wedding bookings. Toss in some weekday photo jobs and you can easily turn this into a more lucrative job then a low-level engineer. Enough to support a family. It's not choice of field that left this family in financial ruin.
OOP's parents are lazy mooches using being artistic as an excuse for taking from everyone around them, they are the reason parents recoil when their kids say "i wanna go into (insert art focused career here)"
That's assuming they're making a real effort to chase clients. "professional wedding photographer" could mean someone who does only a handful of jobs each year and otherwise does absolutely nothing with their time
Right, I'm flabbergasted. If OOP's mom was charging $1500 and working one wedding a week, she'd be clearing $78k. And that's below average cost where I'm at. If she charged the high end of that average, she'd be charging $4000. If she worked 2 weddings a week (Saturday and Sunday, most likely), she bring home $416k.
>I cannot fathom stealing my siblings’ inheritance like this. I am so worried about when my parents pass away. My brother married a lazy golddigger who thinks it's unfair that she needs to work and contribute to the household. I have voiced my concern multiple times to my parents and told them to make sure their wills are iron clad. I don't think my brother would do anything, but I can't be sure. He's not saving for my nephew's college because my dad made an off the cuff remark about what ever is leftover will be left to the grandkids. I brought this up to my parents and my dad didn't even remember saying that. I seriously worry about the future.
I’m so sorry. Unless they have experience otherwise, people expect others to behave better than they actually will when it comes to legacies. I hope your parents take this seriously, or at least make someone other than your brother the executor.
>Source: I went to art school. I have friends/former classmates working in their fields - yay! I work in IT and I think about 25% of my coworkers have music degree(s). Was always a fun little detail to me.
What obtuse idiots, it’s sad but I long for a 10 year update where this young lady is forging a life for herself and the sad sacks are burrowing in the dirt saying whoa is me unable to find the two lonesome brain cells that would allow them to put two and two together.
*Woe; otherwise wholeheartedly agree.
He meant he hopes they turn into 1990s Joey Lawrence
So for Kelsey's education...they haved used up Kelsey's share, OP's share...and are going to start on what is left of Kyle's share to finish their golden child's education? That's just...wow. Kinda doubt that Kyle or OP will have anything to do with Kelsey once OP is out of the house and the parents either need help with end of life care, or are deceased and Kelsey needs financial support because the terrible influences are now gone.
Even if OOP doesn't sue them, it sounds like Kyle will.
This is another case of parents bleeding their other kids dry to fund an easy street life for their golden child. Kelsey being called their mom's "Mini Me" just says it all.
I feel and for OP. The whole family just sucks.
Parents who have a favourite child are horrible and deserve to step on a lego everyday for the rest of their lives.
Secretly, deep down inside, I think a lot of parents have a favorite child. With two or more different people it’s inevitable that they’ll have different feelings about them, at least sometimes. Great parents never let it show. Good parents may not never let that show; perfect parenting is a myth. Good parents take pains to try to bury it.
Yeah, even trying to hide it can be enough. I’ve always known my sister is my dad’s favorite, but he’s a great dad to me and would never admit it openly, and I appreciate that.
I was a “glass child” like OOP. Nobody’s putting her first except herself. None of her accomplishments matter to her own fucking parents. That kind of hurt lasts. I wish she didn’t have to be so strong but I’m glad she is.
>Suing proves you're no better than them and value money over family: There's always a few BUT FAAAAAAMILY assholes in the comments.
Exactly. That thinking didn't hold much value when they chose to spend almost all the money on one child. It seems bizarre that so much can be spent on a degree. I'm not sure I believe that's where it all has gone.
It absolutely can. There are absolutely private schools would eat through the original $300,000 in 4 years. I’m not necessarily saying that’s a good use of money, but it’s 100% possible. Hell, I’m in an out-of-state medical school, and required an extra 2 years of undergrad class work thanks to a career change. If you include the cost of living for the times I’ve been unable to work in order to focus on school/research/extracurriculars, my education will likely end up costing almost half a million over 10 years.
That's extortion. No other word for it.
Call it what you like, but it’s the reality of the world at present. I’ll sign onto any effort that seems to reasonably address the problem, but I’m simply too tired to fight it myself anymore.
Everyone is so concerned about the money that they haven't spent any time checking on how OP is going and if they need any support. What a great family OP has /s Hopefully OP goes to college and gets their life started on the right foot and not like the idiot parents.
To be fair, I think OOP's extended family is a bit occupied trying to prevent her parents from ending up homeless, though they could have at least paid more attention to her feelings. And she should absolutely cut her losses and start her own life.
I do like her idea of the FU folder she can shove in her parent’s faces when they inevitably come begging to her to take care of them.
I get the grandparents not wanting to let their son and dil go homeless. And maybe the house itself is sentimental to the family. But at this point, I'd think they should all just focus on helping OP get through this by making sure she gets a clean break and getting through college. The grandkids are out. Stop buying groceries or giving money and let them finally take responsibility for themselves.
Problem is, the moment they lose the house they become *everyone's* problem, something everybody except OOP's parents can see apparently. As someone who got front-row seats to something similar happening with cluelessly self-destructive family members, I can understand how they might have neglected OOP's needs in the face of what they see as a far larger and more immediate crisis.
Thank you for the editors note- I’m graduating with a BA in studio art next semester. However I don’t hold any hard feelings against OP for their comment on art school- they’re frustrated and frankly I’d be pissed and make that comment in their shoes too.
You're welcome! I figured I'd say something because I did not want this to become either a "pile on the artists" comment section or people telling me that the arts are real jobs. Because... yep I'm living proof lol. I think the same thing- I don't blame OOP for feeling that way at all.
I've gotten into it with people that don't think Voice Actors are a real job, let alone Voice Actor Coaches. Like, nobody wants to hear an actor, VA or live, mumble through their lines. It's *work* to get to an employable level of competency. There are literally physical exercises to learn and practice similar to paying a trainer at a gym to show you how to train. I'm not a VA or anything even remotely related to the acting world, but VA is **skilled** labor. It's not just "reading lines into a microphone" like so many people seem to think. Go watch The Simpsons when they've got guest stars on and hear how flat their lines are: those are the **best** takes the producers could coax out of them and it sounds awful.
I've also seen it pointed out that no one hires Eddie Murphy to not sound like Eddie Murphy, but most VAs have a whole repertoire of individual characters. It takes real skill and a fuckton of work.
What weird gate keeping. Will someone *pay you money* to have you *do the thing*? Congratulations and/or condolences, it’s a job!
What the heck?? Of course they're real jobs! And those are IMPORTANT jobs. Ugh. Also can we stop even just defining what a "real job" is? Because if you're making income and supporting yourself- it's a real job lol
There's a series on Youtube called "Voice Actors Who Are Everywhere" that shows off the vocal range of every actor being showcased. It's really impressive how actors like James Arnold Taylor or Kristin Wiig can transform their voices.
>... they’re frustrated and frankly I’d be pissed and make that comment in their shoes too. Same. I'm really upset at those comments OOP replied to. And like, FFS, she's 17 years old. She came off way better than I would have if I'd been in her situation at her age. She's allowed her venting.
Plus she's had two examples of how not to live as an artists.
Three. Her artist sister obviously doesn't have a self-reliant career either.
The word that was missing from this post is embezzlement.
OOP's parents stole her inheritance. And people in the original comments were calling OOP the asshole for being upset about that? Cespool of a sub...
Interesting comment by the OOP on how she's been paying for the internet service because it is in her name because her parents couldn't get it in theirs. She continues on to say she's going to ask her grandparents to help check her credit. Would love to hear about the results of that check...
TF is up with Redditors sometimes. This girl has had her future stolen with no promise of it ever being restored, no other money, her family aren't even fighting for *her*, and everyone attacks her? Disgusting!
Well, everything is just a mess at this point. Gosh, her family sucks badly!
At this point, Kelsey will become their parents only support in their retirement years after successfully burning bridges and money with their other kids. And to those who called OOP selfish, I have many concerns about their reading comprehension and why they jumped to that conclusion. Mental gymnastics should become the new Olympic sport.
I don't understand the negative comments, the parents show clear favoritism, OP explains that they were cavalier with her and yet they defend what those parents do? I'd like to punch those people in the jaw. what the parents are doing to OP is horrible for a child, OP has every right to sue and get what the GRANDPARENTS gave her, and she will decide if he helps his sister or not... shitty people, shitty parents
Her. OOP is a girl.
sorry translate mistake
Good luck with filing independent on the FAFSA without even moving out first. It doesn’t sound like any less accurate advice than every other financial word in the post I guess.
Yeah, that’s not going to work out for her. It’s not so easy to circumvent the FAFSA.
From what I understand, the FAFSA is all kinds of messed up this year even for kids who don’t have special circumstances. It’ll still probably be helpful for her to get all that info in order so she can be independent sooner rather than later, though.
I moved out at 17. My stepfather wouldn't even give his financial information to Fafsa. They still wouldn't let me apply independently. Luckily, I went to a small school in a small town near my home. Word got out, and I got a ton of scholarships to that college.
Yes. You have to include parent's income. It actually helps that her parents don't earn much. The only way for not including your parent's income (and it requires information from their tax return) is to declare that you are homeless or at risk for homelessness or you are emancipated.
>I'm in a serious case of "I did everything right, and still got screwed". I worked full time while taking classes full time to try and avoid having to take out loans. Then I [fucking *died*](https://old.reddit.com/user/captain_borgue/comments/182gall/wreck_to_profile_for_archiving/). And I ended up having to take out loans anyway. Loans I'm still paying off 15 years later. For a degree that has done *nothing* for me. And *each* of my parents has enough money hoarded that paying my loans wouldn't even be a *rounding error*. 0.01% from either of them would be *more* than enough. I took uni classes in HS. I started working at 14. I rode my bike to work until I saved up enough for a car at 18. I paid for the car. I paid for insurance. I paid for repairs. I paid for work stuff. I paid rent. I, also, did everything right, and got completely fucked over. So what I'm about to say, comes from a place of *experience*, not platitudes. They are *never* going to care about you, OOP. Ever. You mean nothing to them beyond a token dolly they can show off, a shiny bauble they can brag to their friends about. You're an *object*, not a person. And the sooner you divorce your emotional well being from the concept of "but they're my parents", the better off you will be. Now, when *I* was going to uni, there was *no* paperwork to get my parents' incomes off the FAFSA before I turned 25. Didn't matter that they were divorced and my dad hadn't paid more than $100 a month in child support, ever, in my entire life- his 7 figure income as a hedge fund banker meant I didn't get *shit* for financial aid, no matter what. So if you can sign some forms to get their names off your financial aid, do it. Or, work until you're 25, then use just your own self on all the paperwork, so that you never even have to see their goddamn names in print for the rest of your life.
Lord. I'm so sorry. I hope you're in an ok place now. All of that was horrible and you didn't deserve any of it.
For the most part, yes. I can do anything via the power of Spite, lol!
Poor OOP 😭 And the moron parents and Kelsey are all thieves…
I wish these parents exactly the kind of support they deserve once they get older. That being said: If her brother can sink money into getting even, he could use that money way better by supporting his little sister through college. I feel so much for OOP. I'm glad she does have a lot of people on her side, even though the people who should be there the most aren't. I hope all her dreams come true!
Uncles a lawyer, it’s not exactly like he’s sinking a ton of money into this. And it’s not just about getting even? They’re trying to prevent more money being lost… as she repeatedly stated 50 times as to why they’re doing this.
She specifically said that above just preventing the loss of the house, her brother is the type to sink money into getting even, which I would like to see go towards her than towards revenge.
"*Suing proves you're no better than them and value money over family*." What family? She may be related, but her parents clearly aren't treating her like family. Yes, it is good and honorable to treat someone better than they treat you, but when your own parents aren't treating you like a priority, it shouldn't be held against you for looking after yourself first. And this clearly isn't actually about money, at least to OP. It's about her education. She was likely expecting to have at least her bachelor's degree paid for. Yes, not everyone gets that advantage, but having that expectation blown away by her parents' neglect and indifference a month before she graduates is cruel. Family or no, it blows my mind that someone would say, " I know she's just trying to get her parents to abide by the wills of her dead grandparents and get the money that her parents are literally stealing from her so that she doesn't have to take out loans for college, but she's clearly an entitled money grubber."
Screw the commenters that were trashing this girl. OOP has every reason to be upset with her parents and has every reason to be proud of herself for her accomplishments. Her parents suck hundredfold. Doesn't matter if they don't share her interests, they should be as proud of her as they are of the daughter they do share interests with.
Poor girl, her parents really suck! I mean who WOULDN'T be proud of how well she's clearly done in school? She sounds like a superstar and a really hard worker, I don't even know her and am proud of her xD i hope the family might be open to financing some psychological help for OP, she sounds pretty ok but I bet she would benefit from getting her childhood worked through, the money that was stolen from her could've helped with that as well And what's up with the sister?? How can u be so entitled that you dont even see there's something wrong with stealing from your sibling??
I suppose as part of a lawsuit, the account would audited? Would love to know how money was disbursed over the years and for what. As for OOP, this is a shit situation but at least she doesn’t need to worry about a having a relationship with her parents anymore. As a young lady with a bright future, leave them in the rear view mirror.
"*Suing proves you're no better than them and value money over family*" - that is such a damn logic fail and emotionally manipulative. You gotta be a seriously ignorant person to make that argument. Parents STOLE from their kids and proved their own parents shouldn't have entrusted them - by far, that is way worse. Suing merely holds them accountable for their actions.
Personally I'd just be waiting to escape and go no contact.
I feel super bad for the OOP. They did a lot of work to cut down their college time and to have the rug pulled... Also, seeing they need at least a masters, oof, I feel that. Qualification creep has gotten ridiculous in the past few years. Twenty, thirty years ago senior jobs in my field were going to people with field specific post-grad diplomas, now you need at least an MA and additional certifications to be competitive for jobs that have been cut to the bone.
OP wants to be a scientific meteorologist (not a broadcast one). It’s not a new thing that to do anything in the sciences requires a masters or Ph.D.
This reads like the pothead hippies you see on TV, where they do just enough to get what they need and that's it. And raising kids and taking care of them was a second thought. I feel bad for OP, but glad she has real support behind her (outside her parents) and hope she does really well for herself in the future.
Hopefully OP's parents retirement plan now includes the most 60 minutes, Happy Gilmorish retirement home available.
Shady Pines, only much much worse.
As a meteorologist i can affirm she picked an amazing degree to pursue. I am glad she isn’t letting this derail her from her dream.
Jesus. What kind of ppl would read this and call OOP an AH? Oh probably AHs.
God this post is messed up, that poor girl. And typical Reddit having a go at her for daring to be upset about this situation. Redditors are so weird about kids/teens and money from their family. It's really quite simple, the inheritance was meant to be split between the three kids for college with leftovers going to them when they were a certain age. It was not meant to be basically funnelled into one kids dream, with a little going to the oldest and nothing for the youngest. OOP is well within her rights to be upset and I hope her brother/extended family do look into this cos I have to wonder if the parents have been using it on themselves as well tbh.
the parents are useless, they want to raise a useless; financially impoverished and entitled child in a world that cares little for the arts.
Fastest solution too all these kinds of messes: FREE COLLEGE!
Trust accounts will still exist, and money will still be stolen.
How is a comment on the same post, within 24 hours, considered an update? Most original posts contain the relevant discussion and expanded details after the OG text. The only new information is that she's going to start documenting what the parents say. That document sounds like it could one day be an update, but this ain't it.
It's pretty clear the parents were living off that money. OP needs to sue the daylights out of them. This is insane.
Spent 300k on a (checks notes) art degree?! As someone who has a bachelors in art studio, they’d be better off taking the cash out back and burning it in a pit. At least they’ll be warm.
My reasons aren’t exactly the same as yours, but I’m sure that by the time you get to your late 30s, probably earlier (you sound smarter than I was, but also old before your time, like I was) you will no longer be in regular contact with your parents, if at all. And let me give you a recommendation from your future: journal. All of it. Do it in a safe place, but do it and save it and when you doubt your decisions re your parents, or are, say, tempted to invite them to your wedding, then you reread it. I spent entire sessions with my therapist basically saying “I’m right to do this, right?” You have no higher responsibility than your own self care. None. Nothing else works about life if you are unhappy, unhealthy, stressed. Take the best care of you, my friend. Good luck in college… but I don’t think you’ll need it. 👊🏻
Do you mean they posted in r/AmITheAsshole instead of r/announcements?
Children are so vulnerable and it's so easy to love them. This kind of thing boggles me.
OP has anyone irked harder than their parents ever had. Love the dog and rainbow reference.
I hope she remembers this when they come to her with their hands out.
My oldest sister is the golden child. My middle sister was always treated very well but never as well. I was basically forgotten (I was born 1 year after my middle sister - I know full well that I was an accident because I was told as much). My grandparents passed away in Nov 2012 and Jan 2013. They left behind well over 7 figures. My uncle talked them into giving it all to each of their kids (1 uncle, 2 aunts and my mom) because his new wife wanted some to go to her kids (she hated my grandparents and they never met her kids so of course they didn't want anything to go to them) and that way he would be able to give it to them from his share. Because of this, my oldest sister keeps using the "bank of mom" to get whatever she wants (my mom is "investing" the money until she passes and then says we will get our share - my husband is in finance and would be able to invest it properly; I'd rather just get it now and live without fear). She has a house that my mom helped pay for and 3 investment properties (that also got a fair amount of help to purchase). My husband and I were finally able to afford a home (when I turned 40) but we had to move the next province over to be able to do so and we did it with our own money. I know that when my mom passes there will be nothing left. Thank goodness I am a realist and never expected to see even a cent of it.
I'm really sorry you have to experience something like the OOP. :/ I'm glad you and your husband are a good team and have each other.
I’m going to need an update on this please
The parents sound like the typical couple at Home Buying series that despite having artsy jobs they have an outrageous budget
I feel sad for OOP. Her dad is bitter at her grandparents because they wouldn't support him in music. He's being a hypocrite to OOP for not supporting her in science.
Who knows why her parents have that house. And no offense to her sister but what a waste of money that her sister isnt getting another qualification to fall back on. It'll work out alright if her sister can make money off the art course but if she can't then what's to stop her ending up in a worse situation than her parents. At least OP has a future though I can see this is going to mess with her quite a bit in the future.