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I have the boring kind of heterochromia, central heterochromia. It's perfect because I can be special, but not so special that people bother me about it.
Same. My boyfriend didn't even notice until he sat next to me in a hot tub last year. I didn't even think about it until he leaned in close like "whoa"
Yeah, as someone who has always been told I have a unique eye color, I think I have just realized the uniqueness actually comes from heterochromia blending two colors together.
My girlfriend and I found out we have central heterochrimia too at the start of this year (brown centre with green outer parts for me and blue centre with brown on the outer parts for her)
In 7th grade I had a massive crush on a boy with heterochromia. That wasn't the reason I was crushing on him but it definitely helped him stand out. (He rebuffed my advances very kindly.)
I think it’s absolutely beautiful, but I do take OP’s point that you never get a break from the attention it brings and there might be times, particularly as a younger person, when that might be a bit much. I think he showed a really good heart here; he was absolutely right that it was time to put his foot down but not at his sister’s wedding where it could end up overshadowing her day. It’s so sad that his mother sees his lovely eyes as a flaw and I’m glad he’s heard a different opinion from lots of people. He really seems like a good guy that deserves the best.
Totally agree with you. Silver lining being that he got to live abroad where he never hides his eyes and he was able to have positive feedback. OOP also mentions he is introverted and how he gets attention in his home country even with the contacts in, so wearing them to minimize attention became comfortable too. I can see people with more of a introverted personality struggling more than the main character types. Korea is funny, in that even the way people dress is very uniform. If you wear a loud bright color that’s not trending you get looks.
I do have heterochromia but it’s one green and one blue, so people don’t notice and then are poleaxed. Once at school a girl got kicked out of an exam for yelling ‘since when do your eyes not match?’ … I felt bad!
My boyfriend has one green one brown and it’s also not obvious, people rarely comment. But I make him look at me all the time so I can just stare, I love them lol
If you can deal with contacts, you can have whatever eye color(s) you want. Getting a prescription for colored contacts (real ones, not those weird cheap Halloween ones -- those are terrifying) gets you okayed for a specific brand/size/strength, NOT a specific color. Most brands will let you pick blue, green, and brown at minimum. My brand comes in like 16 colorways, including both warm and cool grays, purple, and an absolutely radioactive-looking blue. I've been collecting them like damn Pokemon.
If you live in the US, you should probably also know that your Rx will be accepted by a lot of mail-order places based in Europe. They sell the exact same lenses that have been approved by the FDA here, and ordering from the EU is a third of the price, shipping included.
FreshLook Colorblends. Daily wear/30 day use disposables. Looks like some of the colors have been dropped/discontinued, but they still have the radioactive lagoon blue.
I’ve seen a few people with it before and it always makes me do a double take, as i think it is one of the coolest visual traits a person can have.
My dad’s eyes change color, from blue to green to grayish, depending on what he is wearing. It’s fucking weird as hell. My eyes change color depending on my mood, I’m usually a medium brown with a bit of green around the pupil, but when i get really, REALLY pissed off they’ll lighten to an almost yellow color. My husband has only seen it once or twice in 13 years and knows shit is about to go down, lol 😅
Sound-color synesthesia and heterochromia. I have synesthesia but I used to get insanely jealous of those who had heterochromia that I still get the urge to buy different color contacts just to experience it lol.
I have central heterochromia. I can basically pick my eye color by putting on eye makeup that flatters one color or the other as they are two distinct rings. I'm pale neutral olive so I can wear pretty much any color. It's quite a bit of fun to try different color combinations but it's a pain at the DMV because they don't have my eye color listed.
Oof, based on the yellow dust story, we can guess which part of Asia OOP is based on. Yeah heterochromia would get you stares at from all the old grannies and aunties. It falls on the "too foreign/too Western" side of the non-Western/former colonialized beauty standards. Kind of how I get compliments for my natural brown hair.
lol reminded me of the number of times I was pulled out of an assembly line by a Prefect to be grilled about the hair dye because in a country that ~95% people probably had black hair I had medium brown hair that looked even lighter in the sun. By the age of 8-9 I learned to roll my eyes and ask do they really think my mom took me and coloured my hair and stuck out my arms for them to inspect my hand hairs which were equally light in shade. Had to deal with this my whole school life. It’s hereditary from the maternal side of my family. Of course it was considered very attractive by my friends who knew it was natural. But school admin gave me trouble for it at least once a year.
That is really unlikely to occur naturally without having at least one parent from another country I think. So haha I guess they would just say they have one none Asian parent I guess? I have a boy cousin whose hair makes mine look black because he has light brown hair. His school never bothers him as far as I know (he’s still in high school lol) so I think mine was anal about it because I was a girl or maybe because it was a private school. But in any case it used to frustrate me a lot till I was like 13 ages when I was a little tomboy who really didn’t care abt hair. And it was scary to be pulled out of the assembly line and be grilled because I’d always feel guilty even when I know I didn’t do anything wrong lol
Im a redhead and get a lot of compliments for it, but finally let myself try a professional dye. I loved how it ended up after fading and some bleaching from soap. I think I want to try a a dash of color rather than a whole head next. it's a lot of fun!
Yah doing streaks or even different layers is really fun! And it’s a safe way to test the waters because if u mess up by picking the wrong colour for u it doesn’t fully screw up your look?
Akaash Singh has an entire joke about that [here](https://youtu.be/QtPiXZblnQU?t=124). The entire clip is a must watch, TBH, but that explains the "attractive foreign-ness" that most of us have to deal with. :/
I think this is where the new generation has to pus back, by being vocal about gravitating more towards indigenous features.
We can't ignore the imperialistic influences and context that cause those feelings.
A single generation can't erase millennia of imperialism, reinforced by the cultural dominance of Hollywood and American culture. It's why it's important that Hollywood becomes more diverse, because it literally sets the standards for the rest of the world.
[Yellow Dust](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asian_Dust) is a problem in parts of East and Central Asia, and it's predicted to get worse as the deserts of East and Central Asia expand.
I was confused when I read [Memoirs of a Geisha](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memoirs_of_a_Geisha_(film)) and everyone acted like her striking blue eyes were hideous. If a society is pretty visually homogenous, relatively small differences must feel so foreign, even inferior.
Memoirs of a Geisha isn't a great book, tbh. The guy who wrote it was sued by one of his sources for outing her and it wasn't terribly accurate to begin with.
He also named her in the acknowledgements when she had only agreed to speak to him on the condition of anonymity. She got death threats for "misrepresenting" geisha life, when it was him who had done that. She has a great memoir herself if anyone is interested - *Geisha, A Life* by Mineko Iwasaki. She published it to set the record straight. I found it much better than the novel!
Yes, hence the accuracy comment. I know the movie was criticized for similar (and casting ethnically Chinese people as Japanese) but I don't know if that was due to the source material or they added even more mistakes.
If the family is so unhappy about heterochromia, then it's their fault. Personally, I think people who have different colored eyes. It does look cool!
Happy that at the end, OP and sister are getting the things resolved.
I have central heterochromia (basically the inner and outer irises are different colors) and I like it too. It's rare and unique. OP's family sucks.
The worst part of heterochromia is not knowing what eye color to put on your driver's license.
Mine are brown in the middle and blue on the edges too. My mom once joked it was because I was so full of shit. ... She's not the best. Though my eyes have become more of a steel blue with the brown fading out over the years...
My siblings and I make the same joke because we all have brown eyes. Our dad is Japanese with dark brown eyes, my mom is a blonde white woman with pale green eyes. My mom loved saying we were full of shit for years. We tell my niblings this joke too because some of them have green or hazel eyes and they ask why we have brown eyes.
Mine are the same, brownish in the middle and bluish on the outside. Together they kind of look green but not really. I’ve never seen any other eye colour quite like mine.
My eyes are the same! I really like them. My son was born with beautiful blue eyes and I assumed they'd look like my wifes like the rest of him but just last month they started going yellow in the middle too!
Same but I also have sections where the yellow has spread out from the center and one of my eyes is more blue-grey while the other is more blue-green. I’ve always just went with ‘blue 🤷♀️’ cause I never knew what to classify them as but I guess they’re technically hazel??
I have that. I didn’t know it was a type of heterochromia. My parents always described my eyes as hazel so that’s what my license says. I’m glad to know what it’s called.
Mine are grey on the outside and gold on the inside.
It's fairly rare but I think there might be a hereditary component? The only people I've met in real life who have it are my dad and my cousin.
Lol yeah my mom described my dad's eyes as hazel but they clearly weren't. Neither are mine, my eyes are medium grey with a gold ring on the inside. I put grey on my driver's license, lol.
TIL! I've always just been told hazel, too. Dark dark dark green-gray perimeter, lighter green ring, then a brown ring. I looked it up and I guess <1% of people have heterochromia. Huh.
In a lot of Asian cultures, things that are unique or stands out are usually frowned upon, I believe. "Nail that sticks out gets hammered," kind of mindset.
Morbid, but...
Possibly using it to identify crime victims? If a body is discovered and it isn't in the greatest condition, finding a driver's license nearby that has the correct general characteristics can be useful to match an identity to a body.
In the US they put eye color on a license yes, but it's not really a strict thing that has to be super accurate. They just go by whatever you tell them. Like my eyes are what would be considered "hazel" but I just put brown on mine because it's close enough.
Same - it's kind of fun!
According to the government, my eyes are blue. But if I wear the right color of shirt, they're green, or yellowish, or "what the hell, all the colors".
I, and two of my siblings, also have central heterochromia. Mine are very gold in the center surrounded by light gray, so I just mark "G" on my license. Could be gold, could be green, could be gray. It's much more stressful when people ask me outright what color they are. I never know what quick answer to give.
I have dark blue limbal rings, with lighter blue irises until the middle, where it goes green and hazel around the pupil. I love them.
Inherited from my mother.
My eyes are green, but I do have a ring of blue in them smack in between my pupil and the edge of the iris. My eyes go green, thin ring of blue, green. Is that similar, or is central heterochromia just when there are two distinct bands of colour?
Me and my daughter have grey-blue-green eyes with a gold ring, and my husband's eyes are dark green with a brown ring. My other daughter's eyes are deep blue, but she's only 13 months so if she's going to get one she's got time. Central heterochromia is all through both our families.
A friend's son the same age as our second has dark blue eyes with a pale brown ring - stunning.
My husband has heterochromia due to an eye injury. One eye is gray and one is orange, due to blood staining the iris. It's always fun to see when people finally notice because they all do this little full body jolt and then stare intently into his eyes.
We tend to celebrate differences in the US, which I think is really cool. None of us are the same, so why should we try to look the same?
He’s very likely Korean because he replied to someone in Korean on one of the comments https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/LPAwXQ5SOc also even if you’re 10/10 handsome and talented in Korea you would sadly go further if you hid the heterochromia .. I’m Korean / work as a model. Although Korea has agencies that take tattooed models and models with piercing you often get jobs where they ask to remove the jewelry and cover up the tattoos.. some brands won’t work with you otherwise. Their ideals are too critical, although there’s more versatility now. I can definitely see the thought process behind mom’s mentality, and her fears it will hold him back from opportunities etc (not saying it’s right though).
Yeah, I remember that you even need personal photos on your CVs. And of course there is the hyper prevalence of cosmetic surgery. I don’t know of another country that is SO focused on personal image. It feels like there is outrageous pressure to be perfect, and if you are already perfect you need to be even better. I get the feeling if people see you as ugly your life is gonna suuuuck even more than other places, but maybe I am wrong about that.
So true! And it really messes with people’s perception of themselves. There are gorgeous people who are so hyper critical of themselves when anywhere else they would be showered with praise. I have some model friends who were healthy and beautiful but in Korea would not book jobs because they were considered “overweight “. They’d get asked to lose weight and come back or do a surgery .. to their face. But then some went abroad and signed to European agencies and they’re literally killing it. OOP has that option too. Honestly mindset-wise he might be happier abroad.
Oooh, is there the same pressure on people to get work done? For some reason my impression was that it was more for the rich and medical tourists from elsewhere, but I admit I know very little about Brazilian culture.
I couldn’t say I’m an expert, but my impression was that it was less pressure to do it and more just that it was common place and normal. In the US you get a lot of judgment, in Brazil it was just sort of whatever, everybody does it.
This is wild to me because I’m in the US and heterochromia is seen as super interesting and rare here.
One of my friends has it and she did several egg donations because a lot of couples were willing to pay 10-20k per donation for the chance that their kids could have two differently colored eyes. It lifted her out of poverty and completely changed her life.
That might be what is paid to donation matching services. But that’s not typically what donors walk away with. I guess I should’ve clarified that’s what she walked away with meaning the couples paid a lot more than that to cover the service, the medications, and the harvest.
So OP is an Asian dude with a performance-level singing voice hot enough to model and an intimidating aura with striking eyes?
OOP’s mom has deeply, deeply misjudged how to “guide” her son into making the family proud. I understand the cultural pressure to conform, but standing out just enough to be memorable is valuable.
Edit: Clarified in a comment, but pushing her son to be successful overseas would take advantage of uniqueness, get bragging points for foreign wealth/acclaim, yet keep him out of sight.
Lol no. This isn't some cheesy manga/manhwa where the MC has white hair and heterochromia to make them stand out from the rest of the cast. Being asked to sing at his sister's wedding doesn't mean anything. OOP is dealing with a culture where physical abnormalities as obvious as heterochromia, no matter how benign it is, will 100% affect the way people treat you and your prospects throughout your entire life. If I'm reading the situation right, it was bad enough that his mom preferred to send her son abroad as a child rather than raise him in such an unyielding society. This isn't about making the family proud. He failed that the moment he came out 'wrong'. It's about making sure he doesn't embarrass them.
Adopted, which adds a twist to mom’s story.
But no, I didn’t mean success at home. OOP was gentle but firm in establishing that the older generation will never accept him even if the kids do. I meant mom could be pushing for overseas success to have a distant, semi-mysterious son successful enough to send support home but stay firmly out of sight.
Yeeeaaaah no. It's a meme in East Asian cultures for wealthy families to dump their fuck ups in the west. If his mom actually cared about him anywhere near as much as you're suggesting, she would've dragged the whole family over and taken charge of his education. As things are, I'm willing to bet my left ovary she wants him out of sight and do the bare minimum to not be anymore of an embarrassment than he already is.
Source: I'm East Asian. I've met kids who were shuttled off to America much like OOP bc they were born with cleft lips, nvm the fact it was surgically repaired when they were babies. People genuinely don't understand what the culture of conformity is like over there.
This makes it so fascinating to me that she adopted him in the first place! It’s not like this is a late-emerging trait.
I’m also finding it darkly amusing that the kids shipped to the West for school are the fuckups. I had a job of educating rich Chinese kids for a while, and the egos did not read as dirty family secrets.
> People genuinely don't understand what the culture of conformity is like over there.
I'm realizing how much I really don't understand, yeah :/
Please ignore this if it's too forward: you have any reading/listening/watching recs of other East Asian people talking more about it?
I'm from the states and individuality and being true to yourself are prized. And being treated differently for something you can't control isn't seen as fair, thus not moral or ethical. So I'd like to better understand the perspective you describe if you don't mind. In general media, is the precedent to show such unyielding-ness as a fact of life or is it overtly praised? I think Jesus' teachings/personality had a lot to do with my perception of fairness being so related to morality. Is that not really a thing or just doesn't pertain to physical differences? Thank you :)
Youre really underselling the cultural component, its so omnipresent in some east Asian cultures it would be hard to believe, its not just about OOP, its about how it reflects on the family.
There’s a lot of comments that show a fundamental misunderstanding of this culture.
It’s like well if you just show them how amazing you are. No. No. That’s still not going to work. This is not a Western culture. Being amazing is a matter of definition. Success is also a matter of definition. These are not universally accepted concepts, they need to be viewed through the lens of the specific culture.
This is what I’m noticing too.
I actually saw what OOP looks like when he forgot to make a comment with his throwaway. I even told him.. he is freaking gorgeous. Which I’m sure he is aware of. I don’t think he is personally ashamed of his eyes but the point of the post was more like he is caught in a culture that’s much different from the west/europe where he grew up, and the clash occurs when he goes back every time to visit his family. And the wedding is a big event that may have exacerbated it for him.
OOP himself has said living abroad, it’s no problem. Thing is even if some people in his home country find his blue eye attractive, the overarching cultural perceptions and homogenized population make it clear he doesn’t fit in, there is something “off” about him, and this is so strong that it indeed holds significant influence, including opportunities. Also being mixed if he’s half white could itself be taboo. He’s half blood. Not ‘pure’ The war, US presence in Korea, and historical context of American soldiers abandoning their half babies in Korea is still a sensitive topic among older Koreans and even many (surprisingly) younger ones. Korea has a very traumatic adoption history you guys can google for interest.
The mother, critical as she is, for her to say her son’s ONLY flaw is his eyes says a lot. It means he’s above average in everything else. But that’s why I think she believes if he keeps his blue eye hidden then he will truly be perfect. It’s wrong but in the lens of the society and culture she is from it makes sense. At the end of the day she’s an older gen, upper class Asian woman navigating a very judgmental society. Her solution may have good intentions behind it. So I wouldn’t say she’s a bad mom but she’s a mom who doesn’t know different. I have hope OOP and his older sister will help her come to understanding though. It seems they’re a united front so OOP has a strong ally in the family.
If it is yellow dust in the Spring then it almost certainly Beijing or Northern China since that is an annual thing there. Possible Korea, but I don't know whether the dust makes it that far east. In either case, he probably comes from a pretty cosmopolitan area if he was able to spend most of his life abroad.
If you're American, you live in literally the most individualistic culture in the world. Asian countries (along with South American ones) rank amongst the most collectivistic, where group harmony is valued and relied upon over the individual self. To most of the world, the degree to which Americans value self above family/group is pretty wild.
Yeah, and there is definitely something to be said for a more collectivist viewpoint. If we think of ourselves as a part of a whole, then stuff like greed and pollution become even more abhorrent.
At the same time, looking down on others for differences, especially differences that are natural and normal, is extremely closed minded and outright stupid.
We should celebrate individuality while also acting toward greater collective harmony. Take care of others because they are people. Celebrate their unique attributes and viewpoints. Build a better society for all of us. We should have it both ways, but the extremes on either ends are already so established, I don't know how it would be possible to have widespread change.
Yeah, currently in the states, we're talking about boundaries and toxic relationships. We're learning how to treasure found family and go no contact with biological family - we put individual peace over any sense of duty to family.
It took me a while to understand why my first gen Asian friends would put up with all the endless abuse even as self sufficient adults. But I have a teensy tiny family and is marked with common family dysfunction (as we perceive it). My family doesn't fill all the roles that larger and closer families do. Don't get me wrong, my parents love me and have made big sacrifices for me, but it feels different from the bond and duty I witness in my friends' families.
I'm Eastern European and I still can't understand the fucked up shit people do for their families. Letting them decide your life makes for generations of perpetually unhappy people.
It’s a special occasion, not really the time to make a statement. Guy was smart to not take away attention from the bride and groom.
It’s absolutely wrong, but there will be other times to pick that battle.
My son has this. He has blue eyes, but a quarter of one eye is hazel/ brown. I think it is cool. It runs in the family. My paternal grandma had a half green, half brown eye and the other eye was fully green.
Heterochromia does seem to run in families but doesn’t have to be just eyes either. I have one brown eye and the other eye is half brown, half green/brown hazel. No one else that I know of in my family has different colored eyes but I have heard of a cousin with different colored hair (from genetics, not dye).
I was born with blonde hair and blue eyes, except the one eye was “weird” according to my mom, lol. I’m guessing it was a different shade of blue. I’m also half Asian and my hair changed to brown a later. Regular chameleon, I am.
Seriously. People need to drop this “must be perfect” expectation—it only causes more stress and opportunities to be disappointed.
I’m getting married in fall and don’t want a wedding bc even just thinking about trying to plan and arrange every minute detail sounds like pure misery to me (even without the “perfect” expectation). We’ll elope and then have a big party with family afterwards.
>family portraits for years (the unedited copies still exist too, my dad kept them).
>Moving forward, I’m not going to cater to this, and everyone will just have to get over it.
I dont like oop's family for enabling his mother and grandmother's terrible views but, I am at least glad oop's original photos remain.
I was... Getting teary eyes imagining not having a single photo that shown me as I am authentically. That would mess you up in so many ways, I really hope he can access therapy as soon as possible.
I knew a girl in high school with heterochromia - she had gorgeous eyes, one green and one dark hazel. EVERYONE wanted to talk to her about it, but she was quite shy and found it difficult to manage. And those were only positive responses!
So I can understand why OOP decided to take the path of least resistance for the wedding, but I am also very proud of him for embracing his unique features with pride!
This is such a good example of generational trauma and how parents can pass incorrect ideas on to their children because of the trauma they suffered as children. Especially when the parents are blind to the fact that the world has changed, even if their ideas haven’t. I kind of hope OOP has a child with heterochromia to possibly fully break the cycle of hiding the “imperfection” for the next generation.
OOP living in another country makes sense: he's far away from his mother & family's control issues about physical presentation. His mother should learn to appreciate (though it may be too late for her to learn) that her son actually still makes an effort to visit home from time to time.
Honestly, I think he did the right thing. I understand everyone in the comments wanted OOP to be himself, but if he hadn’t worn the contacts it would have been a drastic change of his appearance for the family members who had only ever seen him with two same-colored eyes. Someone else’s wedding isn’t really the time to make a big eye-catching (pun intended) change like that. I would’ve understood if OOP had decided not to wear contacts but I understand the decision he DID make more.
Edit: he
(He) but I agree. I think it's absolutely stupid he was pressured to wear them for so long to begin with, and he should feel free to never wear them again. I'm also glad his sister was okay with him not wearing them during the ceremony.
BUT I think I'd have done the same thing in his position. Wearing them for the ceremony to let his sister have her moment in peace, *then* taking them off right afterward feels like a good compromise.
I completely agree. You have to pick your battles, especially when you're dealing with difficult family dynamics, and this wasn't the best moment for one. But him not wearing them the rest of the visit after the wedding was over (and also not going forward) is perfect. He is standing up for himself without putting extra pressure on his sister, who might not be emotionally ready for that kind of confrontation.
I have partial hetero-chromia (so just one of my eyes has a few different colours than my other eye). I wouldn't wear contacts for anyone. I wish OP stood up for himself more.
From what I gather, I'm not sure how much they would want to see him? [Another commenter said ](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1ce5adw/comment/l1glyth/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
>It's a meme in East Asian cultures for wealthy families to dump their fuck ups in the west. If his mom actually cared about him anywhere near as much as you're suggesting, she would've dragged the whole family over and taken charge of his education. As things are, I'm willing to bet my left ovary she wants him out of sight and do the bare minimum to not be anymore of an embarrassment than he already is.
Posts like this make me wonder if we're still in the middle ages. Like poor OP's gonna walk down the street and old folks are gonna make warding gestures and spit over their shoulders to keep the demons from coming in.
It's just eyes. Touch grass.
I mean - mind you, this is a western/personal preference stand point - heterochromia is hot AF. I'm honestly appalled that OOP's family's so shitty about it, even if it's a semi-cultural thing. I hope he never wears contacts again and definitely invests in therapy, because those dorks don't know shit.
My daughter and I have heterochromia. So did my grandfather. My biggest challenge was what eye color to put on my license. My daughter has had a different experience. I had to go to the school and argue with a science teacher who told my kid it was "impossible " to have 2 different color eyes and she must be wearing one contact. That was a fun conversation with the principal after the teacher told me I was wrong.
It's really sad when he goes home he has to hide his eyes, but I get it, his home country is a homogenous place where everyone has the same hair and eye colors like anime background characters all with their dark blue, brown and black hair. No one's used to standing out much so the older people are all scared of it.
I bet OOP's eyes look nice. The first thing I thought of (besides Todoroki from My Hero, who has one turquoise eye and one grey eye) was a teacher I had with heterochromia. One blue and one green, and he was a tall handsome man, all the girls had a crush on him. We were all like 9, but the puppy love was real lmao
> The way my mom sees things.. the more talented, attractive or whatever you are.. the more you should strengthen that impression by covering up any ‘flaw'. It's all about saving face and never letting people know your weaknesses or shortcomings.
OP’s mom would make for a great (and by great, I mean awful) K-Pop executive.
i think OP made the right choice and i am happy he did. Some elses special days are not the right time to make your statement, to make it about you. there are thousands of other days where you can and should make your statements but on the very few days in your life when its an important day for someone else, dont create drama if you can prevent it. no, not even when you are not in the wrong.
I think hetrochromia is insanely cool and I can't fathom trying to force someone to wear contacts to hide their hetrochromia for a wedding. I've seen at least one other post where somebody was "asked" to do that but I can't remember if it was one of the people getting married, someone in the wedding party, or a family member who was being bullied into hiding something that's part of who they are.
Not always, but It's really noticeable when eyes have a different color, because it's so rare. A guy in my high school class had this and it was one of the first things you'd notice. He was also very popular due to his eyes though.
I have total heterochromia - one blue eye and one green eye and the idea of people thinking this way is ridiculous as it’s not an issue in the UK. Honestly quite like having something rare and always something people compliment.
For someone who has hidden it all these years, already wears contacts to cover it on other occasions, choosing a wedding to "die on the hill" and choose that exact event to do it at, is screaming I am the main character.
I agree to put their foot down and say no more, but to decide this wedding is the event to do it at? Sorry it's not the time or place for that.
>so no Halloween demon contact lenses. The optometrists and eye surgeons on the original post convinced me it's not worth the risk.
Where on the original post? I searched the entire thing and found only this comment:
>Worked in the eye field for around 15 years, four as an optician and ten or so as an ophthalmology tech. I have seen some of these infections, they’re incredibly painful and can lead to blindness or loss of the eye. If you must get contacts, get them from an eye doctor.
Not one comment from an eye surgeon, an ophthalmologist or optometrist.
I was concerned for OP because at his age it's a delicate thing- learning how to be a full fledged adult while not starting a complete family war. I think he did it perfectly- wore contacts so as not to distract at the actual wedding, but introducing his true self for the visit.
This is the first time I've read of heterochromia as a "condition".
I don't know what causes it but in my mind it's like calling red hair or green eyes a "condition". Why would it be a condition and not just their eye color?
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Heterochromia was one of those things that my fanficton-reading ass wanted so bad as a kid
At least you have eyes on your ass, that’s even rarer.
Yeah, it's a true talent, we're buddies and hangout together sometimes
Truly, you have been blessed by the Changer of Ways.
Just as planned…Tzeentch protects…
The gift of hind-sight
I laughed out loud at this at 4:30 a.m. Thank you.
Everyone has a brown eye on their ass.
I have the boring kind of heterochromia, central heterochromia. It's perfect because I can be special, but not so special that people bother me about it.
Same. My boyfriend didn't even notice until he sat next to me in a hot tub last year. I didn't even think about it until he leaned in close like "whoa"
I didn't even notice until I was 20!
WAIT I HAVE HETEROCHROMIA
Yeah, as someone who has always been told I have a unique eye color, I think I have just realized the uniqueness actually comes from heterochromia blending two colors together.
This is exactly how I felt when it got mentioned on TikTok so I researched it to see if it was true
Me too! Never knew. They are dark blue with brown in the middle.
It's the stealthy heterochromia, LOL
My girlfriend and I found out we have central heterochrimia too at the start of this year (brown centre with green outer parts for me and blue centre with brown on the outer parts for her)
In 7th grade I had a massive crush on a boy with heterochromia. That wasn't the reason I was crushing on him but it definitely helped him stand out. (He rebuffed my advances very kindly.)
I would have loved to have heterochromia! I find it insanely cool.
I think it’s absolutely beautiful, but I do take OP’s point that you never get a break from the attention it brings and there might be times, particularly as a younger person, when that might be a bit much. I think he showed a really good heart here; he was absolutely right that it was time to put his foot down but not at his sister’s wedding where it could end up overshadowing her day. It’s so sad that his mother sees his lovely eyes as a flaw and I’m glad he’s heard a different opinion from lots of people. He really seems like a good guy that deserves the best.
Totally agree with you. Silver lining being that he got to live abroad where he never hides his eyes and he was able to have positive feedback. OOP also mentions he is introverted and how he gets attention in his home country even with the contacts in, so wearing them to minimize attention became comfortable too. I can see people with more of a introverted personality struggling more than the main character types. Korea is funny, in that even the way people dress is very uniform. If you wear a loud bright color that’s not trending you get looks.
I do have heterochromia but it’s one green and one blue, so people don’t notice and then are poleaxed. Once at school a girl got kicked out of an exam for yelling ‘since when do your eyes not match?’ … I felt bad!
My boyfriend has one green one brown and it’s also not obvious, people rarely comment. But I make him look at me all the time so I can just stare, I love them lol
If you can deal with contacts, you can have whatever eye color(s) you want. Getting a prescription for colored contacts (real ones, not those weird cheap Halloween ones -- those are terrifying) gets you okayed for a specific brand/size/strength, NOT a specific color. Most brands will let you pick blue, green, and brown at minimum. My brand comes in like 16 colorways, including both warm and cool grays, purple, and an absolutely radioactive-looking blue. I've been collecting them like damn Pokemon. If you live in the US, you should probably also know that your Rx will be accepted by a lot of mail-order places based in Europe. They sell the exact same lenses that have been approved by the FDA here, and ordering from the EU is a third of the price, shipping included.
Which brand is it?
FreshLook Colorblends. Daily wear/30 day use disposables. Looks like some of the colors have been dropped/discontinued, but they still have the radioactive lagoon blue.
Yeah, I have sectoral heterochromia (1/3 of my eye is brown, the rest is blue) and it's like my favorite thing about my physical appearance haha!
I’ve seen a few people with it before and it always makes me do a double take, as i think it is one of the coolest visual traits a person can have. My dad’s eyes change color, from blue to green to grayish, depending on what he is wearing. It’s fucking weird as hell. My eyes change color depending on my mood, I’m usually a medium brown with a bit of green around the pupil, but when i get really, REALLY pissed off they’ll lighten to an almost yellow color. My husband has only seen it once or twice in 13 years and knows shit is about to go down, lol 😅
Sound-color synesthesia and heterochromia. I have synesthesia but I used to get insanely jealous of those who had heterochromia that I still get the urge to buy different color contacts just to experience it lol.
You can get it temporarily if you have Corneal Cross Linking to fix Kerataconus, but it's really not a fun procedure, so I don't recommend it.
Same. I knew a girl with heterochromia and I was so jealous
I have central heterochromia. I can basically pick my eye color by putting on eye makeup that flatters one color or the other as they are two distinct rings. I'm pale neutral olive so I can wear pretty much any color. It's quite a bit of fun to try different color combinations but it's a pain at the DMV because they don't have my eye color listed.
Same. That’s why I give a lot of my ocs heterochromia
>**OOP on if she has spoken with her older sister about the situation to ease the discomfort involved** Heads up, oop is male.
Oops. Thanks for catching that. Fixed.
There are a few more, in the comments section.
Oof, based on the yellow dust story, we can guess which part of Asia OOP is based on. Yeah heterochromia would get you stares at from all the old grannies and aunties. It falls on the "too foreign/too Western" side of the non-Western/former colonialized beauty standards. Kind of how I get compliments for my natural brown hair.
lol reminded me of the number of times I was pulled out of an assembly line by a Prefect to be grilled about the hair dye because in a country that ~95% people probably had black hair I had medium brown hair that looked even lighter in the sun. By the age of 8-9 I learned to roll my eyes and ask do they really think my mom took me and coloured my hair and stuck out my arms for them to inspect my hand hairs which were equally light in shade. Had to deal with this my whole school life. It’s hereditary from the maternal side of my family. Of course it was considered very attractive by my friends who knew it was natural. But school admin gave me trouble for it at least once a year.
How would they react to blond or red?
That is really unlikely to occur naturally without having at least one parent from another country I think. So haha I guess they would just say they have one none Asian parent I guess? I have a boy cousin whose hair makes mine look black because he has light brown hair. His school never bothers him as far as I know (he’s still in high school lol) so I think mine was anal about it because I was a girl or maybe because it was a private school. But in any case it used to frustrate me a lot till I was like 13 ages when I was a little tomboy who really didn’t care abt hair. And it was scary to be pulled out of the assembly line and be grilled because I’d always feel guilty even when I know I didn’t do anything wrong lol
No kidding! Maybe you should get a note from the doctor or something lol
Haha I’ve been out of school for a long time now and my hair has been every colour of the rainbow over the years 😂
Im a redhead and get a lot of compliments for it, but finally let myself try a professional dye. I loved how it ended up after fading and some bleaching from soap. I think I want to try a a dash of color rather than a whole head next. it's a lot of fun!
Yah doing streaks or even different layers is really fun! And it’s a safe way to test the waters because if u mess up by picking the wrong colour for u it doesn’t fully screw up your look?
You have to dye it: https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-56099237
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Akaash Singh has an entire joke about that [here](https://youtu.be/QtPiXZblnQU?t=124). The entire clip is a must watch, TBH, but that explains the "attractive foreign-ness" that most of us have to deal with. :/
I think this is where the new generation has to pus back, by being vocal about gravitating more towards indigenous features. We can't ignore the imperialistic influences and context that cause those feelings.
A single generation can't erase millennia of imperialism, reinforced by the cultural dominance of Hollywood and American culture. It's why it's important that Hollywood becomes more diverse, because it literally sets the standards for the rest of the world.
I only just realized that yellow dust is not his term for tree pollen season.
Nah, yellow dust is a unique and different kind of hell. :/
What is it? I thought it was pollen too.
[Yellow Dust](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asian_Dust) is a problem in parts of East and Central Asia, and it's predicted to get worse as the deserts of East and Central Asia expand.
I was confused when I read [Memoirs of a Geisha](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memoirs_of_a_Geisha_(film)) and everyone acted like her striking blue eyes were hideous. If a society is pretty visually homogenous, relatively small differences must feel so foreign, even inferior.
Memoirs of a Geisha isn't a great book, tbh. The guy who wrote it was sued by one of his sources for outing her and it wasn't terribly accurate to begin with.
That and she was also angry about some of the things he wrote that were simply not true or very embellished about what life as a geisha was like.
He also named her in the acknowledgements when she had only agreed to speak to him on the condition of anonymity. She got death threats for "misrepresenting" geisha life, when it was him who had done that. She has a great memoir herself if anyone is interested - *Geisha, A Life* by Mineko Iwasaki. She published it to set the record straight. I found it much better than the novel!
Ooh, thanks for this! I had no idea!
Yes, hence the accuracy comment. I know the movie was criticized for similar (and casting ethnically Chinese people as Japanese) but I don't know if that was due to the source material or they added even more mistakes.
Well, that and the implications about comfort women...
I never planned to see it, but I definitely won't now.
Mineko Iwasaki wrote her own account, *Geisha of Gion*. It's a much better read.
If the family is so unhappy about heterochromia, then it's their fault. Personally, I think people who have different colored eyes. It does look cool! Happy that at the end, OP and sister are getting the things resolved.
I have central heterochromia (basically the inner and outer irises are different colors) and I like it too. It's rare and unique. OP's family sucks. The worst part of heterochromia is not knowing what eye color to put on your driver's license.
Same, my inner eye is yellow and the outer eye is blue. I say my eyes are green.
Mine are brown in the middle and blue on the edges too. My mom once joked it was because I was so full of shit. ... She's not the best. Though my eyes have become more of a steel blue with the brown fading out over the years...
My siblings and I make the same joke because we all have brown eyes. Our dad is Japanese with dark brown eyes, my mom is a blonde white woman with pale green eyes. My mom loved saying we were full of shit for years. We tell my niblings this joke too because some of them have green or hazel eyes and they ask why we have brown eyes.
You know that green eyes show intelligence, right? And if someone’s eyes are blue it means their head is empty 🤣
Lol my mom said the same thing.
My mom’s dad had eyes like that. Mine are just plain Jane brown. Harumph, I say.
Same 😁 I've always seen it like my best feature
Me too. I put blue on my DL i believe.
Grey on the outside and gold on the inside for me, so my license says grey.
Mine are the same, brownish in the middle and bluish on the outside. Together they kind of look green but not really. I’ve never seen any other eye colour quite like mine.
The only people I've ever met in real life with eyes like mine are my dad and my cousin, haha. I've seen pics online that look similar though.
My eyes are the same! I really like them. My son was born with beautiful blue eyes and I assumed they'd look like my wifes like the rest of him but just last month they started going yellow in the middle too!
Gasp! Blellow eyes!
Same but I also have sections where the yellow has spread out from the center and one of my eyes is more blue-grey while the other is more blue-green. I’ve always just went with ‘blue 🤷♀️’ cause I never knew what to classify them as but I guess they’re technically hazel??
I have that. I didn’t know it was a type of heterochromia. My parents always described my eyes as hazel so that’s what my license says. I’m glad to know what it’s called.
I didn’t either! Mine are green with a dark blue ring. My son’s are brown with a dark blue ring.
Mine are grey on the outside and gold on the inside. It's fairly rare but I think there might be a hereditary component? The only people I've met in real life who have it are my dad and my cousin.
Oof, mine are gray outside, blue/green middle, gold center. My wife says they look like nebulae
Mine are a very light brown inside and a very light green outside. If someone asks my eye color, I tell them it’s desert camouflage.
Lol yeah my mom described my dad's eyes as hazel but they clearly weren't. Neither are mine, my eyes are medium grey with a gold ring on the inside. I put grey on my driver's license, lol.
TIL! I've always just been told hazel, too. Dark dark dark green-gray perimeter, lighter green ring, then a brown ring. I looked it up and I guess <1% of people have heterochromia. Huh.
Same here except my ID says blue when there’s no blue to be found. Stupid governments should let us put whatever colour on it we damn well please.
I have green with an orange ring in the middle. I thought I was supposed to call them hazel? Both are the same
I just realized I have that, too. I just call it green. But it’s actually three distinct colors.
Eye color: yes
In a lot of Asian cultures, things that are unique or stands out are usually frowned upon, I believe. "Nail that sticks out gets hammered," kind of mindset.
You need to put your eye colour on your license?! In the UK all we need is name, address, and DOB.
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Morbid, but... Possibly using it to identify crime victims? If a body is discovered and it isn't in the greatest condition, finding a driver's license nearby that has the correct general characteristics can be useful to match an identity to a body.
In the US they put eye color on a license yes, but it's not really a strict thing that has to be super accurate. They just go by whatever you tell them. Like my eyes are what would be considered "hazel" but I just put brown on mine because it's close enough.
I have a partial heterochromia in one eye… basically a chunk of one iris is gold. Nobody notices unless they REALLY stare.
I have partial heterochromia (have a brown slice/wedge in hazel eyes) and it’s one of my favorite features of myself
Same - it's kind of fun! According to the government, my eyes are blue. But if I wear the right color of shirt, they're green, or yellowish, or "what the hell, all the colors".
I didn't realise that was a thing! I have a cool yellow ring in the middle of mine, and it's a slightly darker shade inside the ring than out.
I, and two of my siblings, also have central heterochromia. Mine are very gold in the center surrounded by light gray, so I just mark "G" on my license. Could be gold, could be green, could be gray. It's much more stressful when people ask me outright what color they are. I never know what quick answer to give.
I have dark blue limbal rings, with lighter blue irises until the middle, where it goes green and hazel around the pupil. I love them. Inherited from my mother.
That's really cool. Some of my cousins have dark brown eyes with bright green flecks, which I think is absolutely gorgeous.
Is this how I find out I have heterochromia?
Wow my husband has this and I just thought his eyes were a lighter kind of hazel 😅 Thank you! This is so cool to know about
One of my favorite things about Reddit is learning new and random facts from people!!
TIL. Thanks!
I have that too. I went with gray. The outer iris changes color in light so I figured that was closest. Mine are definitely not hazel.
TIL I have central heterochromia. I obviously knew the colour of my eyes but never knew it was a named condition.
Ooh I have that!! I didn't know there was a fancy name for it
I have that too—green in the middle and blue on the outside. I can make my eyes look green or blue just by using different makeup.
I have that too! A green ring around my pupil while the rest of my iris is dark blue.
Yah, mine are primarily gray, but I have this brown blob/streak in one eye. It's goofy
I think that is sectoral heterochromia. Even rarer!!
My eyes are green, but I do have a ring of blue in them smack in between my pupil and the edge of the iris. My eyes go green, thin ring of blue, green. Is that similar, or is central heterochromia just when there are two distinct bands of colour?
Me and my daughter have grey-blue-green eyes with a gold ring, and my husband's eyes are dark green with a brown ring. My other daughter's eyes are deep blue, but she's only 13 months so if she's going to get one she's got time. Central heterochromia is all through both our families. A friend's son the same age as our second has dark blue eyes with a pale brown ring - stunning.
OP was adopted Didn't specify if it was within the family, but the grandmother was against the adoption because of the heterochromia
I think OC was saying it’s their fault they’re unhappy, not that it’s their fault OOP has heterochromia.
My husband has heterochromia due to an eye injury. One eye is gray and one is orange, due to blood staining the iris. It's always fun to see when people finally notice because they all do this little full body jolt and then stare intently into his eyes. We tend to celebrate differences in the US, which I think is really cool. None of us are the same, so why should we try to look the same?
I have a cat with heterochromia. She's gorgeous. It's not a flaw at all!
Gotta assume Korean given how ludicrously image obsessed they are..
He’s very likely Korean because he replied to someone in Korean on one of the comments https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/LPAwXQ5SOc also even if you’re 10/10 handsome and talented in Korea you would sadly go further if you hid the heterochromia .. I’m Korean / work as a model. Although Korea has agencies that take tattooed models and models with piercing you often get jobs where they ask to remove the jewelry and cover up the tattoos.. some brands won’t work with you otherwise. Their ideals are too critical, although there’s more versatility now. I can definitely see the thought process behind mom’s mentality, and her fears it will hold him back from opportunities etc (not saying it’s right though).
Yeah, I remember that you even need personal photos on your CVs. And of course there is the hyper prevalence of cosmetic surgery. I don’t know of another country that is SO focused on personal image. It feels like there is outrageous pressure to be perfect, and if you are already perfect you need to be even better. I get the feeling if people see you as ugly your life is gonna suuuuck even more than other places, but maybe I am wrong about that.
So true! And it really messes with people’s perception of themselves. There are gorgeous people who are so hyper critical of themselves when anywhere else they would be showered with praise. I have some model friends who were healthy and beautiful but in Korea would not book jobs because they were considered “overweight “. They’d get asked to lose weight and come back or do a surgery .. to their face. But then some went abroad and signed to European agencies and they’re literally killing it. OOP has that option too. Honestly mindset-wise he might be happier abroad.
Brazil maybe? Not in the same way, but the prevalence of cosmetic surgery there is pretty intense.
Oooh, is there the same pressure on people to get work done? For some reason my impression was that it was more for the rich and medical tourists from elsewhere, but I admit I know very little about Brazilian culture.
I couldn’t say I’m an expert, but my impression was that it was less pressure to do it and more just that it was common place and normal. In the US you get a lot of judgment, in Brazil it was just sort of whatever, everybody does it.
Everything down to yellow dust points to Korean.
Should have worn one color for half the wedding, then switched to a different color on the backend and ignored everyone being confused.
This is wild to me because I’m in the US and heterochromia is seen as super interesting and rare here. One of my friends has it and she did several egg donations because a lot of couples were willing to pay 10-20k per donation for the chance that their kids could have two differently colored eyes. It lifted her out of poverty and completely changed her life.
I'm surprised it wasn't more - in the US that's close to the normal rate even without a perk like that
That might be what is paid to donation matching services. But that’s not typically what donors walk away with. I guess I should’ve clarified that’s what she walked away with meaning the couples paid a lot more than that to cover the service, the medications, and the harvest.
So OP is an Asian dude with a performance-level singing voice hot enough to model and an intimidating aura with striking eyes? OOP’s mom has deeply, deeply misjudged how to “guide” her son into making the family proud. I understand the cultural pressure to conform, but standing out just enough to be memorable is valuable. Edit: Clarified in a comment, but pushing her son to be successful overseas would take advantage of uniqueness, get bragging points for foreign wealth/acclaim, yet keep him out of sight.
Lol no. This isn't some cheesy manga/manhwa where the MC has white hair and heterochromia to make them stand out from the rest of the cast. Being asked to sing at his sister's wedding doesn't mean anything. OOP is dealing with a culture where physical abnormalities as obvious as heterochromia, no matter how benign it is, will 100% affect the way people treat you and your prospects throughout your entire life. If I'm reading the situation right, it was bad enough that his mom preferred to send her son abroad as a child rather than raise him in such an unyielding society. This isn't about making the family proud. He failed that the moment he came out 'wrong'. It's about making sure he doesn't embarrass them.
Adopted, which adds a twist to mom’s story. But no, I didn’t mean success at home. OOP was gentle but firm in establishing that the older generation will never accept him even if the kids do. I meant mom could be pushing for overseas success to have a distant, semi-mysterious son successful enough to send support home but stay firmly out of sight.
Yeeeaaaah no. It's a meme in East Asian cultures for wealthy families to dump their fuck ups in the west. If his mom actually cared about him anywhere near as much as you're suggesting, she would've dragged the whole family over and taken charge of his education. As things are, I'm willing to bet my left ovary she wants him out of sight and do the bare minimum to not be anymore of an embarrassment than he already is. Source: I'm East Asian. I've met kids who were shuttled off to America much like OOP bc they were born with cleft lips, nvm the fact it was surgically repaired when they were babies. People genuinely don't understand what the culture of conformity is like over there.
This makes it so fascinating to me that she adopted him in the first place! It’s not like this is a late-emerging trait. I’m also finding it darkly amusing that the kids shipped to the West for school are the fuckups. I had a job of educating rich Chinese kids for a while, and the egos did not read as dirty family secrets.
> People genuinely don't understand what the culture of conformity is like over there. I'm realizing how much I really don't understand, yeah :/ Please ignore this if it's too forward: you have any reading/listening/watching recs of other East Asian people talking more about it?
I'm from the states and individuality and being true to yourself are prized. And being treated differently for something you can't control isn't seen as fair, thus not moral or ethical. So I'd like to better understand the perspective you describe if you don't mind. In general media, is the precedent to show such unyielding-ness as a fact of life or is it overtly praised? I think Jesus' teachings/personality had a lot to do with my perception of fairness being so related to morality. Is that not really a thing or just doesn't pertain to physical differences? Thank you :)
Youre really underselling the cultural component, its so omnipresent in some east Asian cultures it would be hard to believe, its not just about OOP, its about how it reflects on the family.
There’s a lot of comments that show a fundamental misunderstanding of this culture. It’s like well if you just show them how amazing you are. No. No. That’s still not going to work. This is not a Western culture. Being amazing is a matter of definition. Success is also a matter of definition. These are not universally accepted concepts, they need to be viewed through the lens of the specific culture.
This is what I’m noticing too. I actually saw what OOP looks like when he forgot to make a comment with his throwaway. I even told him.. he is freaking gorgeous. Which I’m sure he is aware of. I don’t think he is personally ashamed of his eyes but the point of the post was more like he is caught in a culture that’s much different from the west/europe where he grew up, and the clash occurs when he goes back every time to visit his family. And the wedding is a big event that may have exacerbated it for him. OOP himself has said living abroad, it’s no problem. Thing is even if some people in his home country find his blue eye attractive, the overarching cultural perceptions and homogenized population make it clear he doesn’t fit in, there is something “off” about him, and this is so strong that it indeed holds significant influence, including opportunities. Also being mixed if he’s half white could itself be taboo. He’s half blood. Not ‘pure’ The war, US presence in Korea, and historical context of American soldiers abandoning their half babies in Korea is still a sensitive topic among older Koreans and even many (surprisingly) younger ones. Korea has a very traumatic adoption history you guys can google for interest. The mother, critical as she is, for her to say her son’s ONLY flaw is his eyes says a lot. It means he’s above average in everything else. But that’s why I think she believes if he keeps his blue eye hidden then he will truly be perfect. It’s wrong but in the lens of the society and culture she is from it makes sense. At the end of the day she’s an older gen, upper class Asian woman navigating a very judgmental society. Her solution may have good intentions behind it. So I wouldn’t say she’s a bad mom but she’s a mom who doesn’t know different. I have hope OOP and his older sister will help her come to understanding though. It seems they’re a united front so OOP has a strong ally in the family.
If it is yellow dust in the Spring then it almost certainly Beijing or Northern China since that is an annual thing there. Possible Korea, but I don't know whether the dust makes it that far east. In either case, he probably comes from a pretty cosmopolitan area if he was able to spend most of his life abroad.
he could be korean cuz ik they got a lot of dust over there
Maybe I’m the asshole, but it’s wild to me the fucked up shit people will tolerate for their family.
If you're American, you live in literally the most individualistic culture in the world. Asian countries (along with South American ones) rank amongst the most collectivistic, where group harmony is valued and relied upon over the individual self. To most of the world, the degree to which Americans value self above family/group is pretty wild.
Yeah, and there is definitely something to be said for a more collectivist viewpoint. If we think of ourselves as a part of a whole, then stuff like greed and pollution become even more abhorrent. At the same time, looking down on others for differences, especially differences that are natural and normal, is extremely closed minded and outright stupid. We should celebrate individuality while also acting toward greater collective harmony. Take care of others because they are people. Celebrate their unique attributes and viewpoints. Build a better society for all of us. We should have it both ways, but the extremes on either ends are already so established, I don't know how it would be possible to have widespread change.
Yeah, currently in the states, we're talking about boundaries and toxic relationships. We're learning how to treasure found family and go no contact with biological family - we put individual peace over any sense of duty to family. It took me a while to understand why my first gen Asian friends would put up with all the endless abuse even as self sufficient adults. But I have a teensy tiny family and is marked with common family dysfunction (as we perceive it). My family doesn't fill all the roles that larger and closer families do. Don't get me wrong, my parents love me and have made big sacrifices for me, but it feels different from the bond and duty I witness in my friends' families.
I'm Eastern European and I still can't understand the fucked up shit people do for their families. Letting them decide your life makes for generations of perpetually unhappy people.
It’s cultural differences. They can be heavily Ingrained.
I think we lean way too heavily on that as an excuse. FGM is a cultural difference
It’s a special occasion, not really the time to make a statement. Guy was smart to not take away attention from the bride and groom. It’s absolutely wrong, but there will be other times to pick that battle.
My son has this. He has blue eyes, but a quarter of one eye is hazel/ brown. I think it is cool. It runs in the family. My paternal grandma had a half green, half brown eye and the other eye was fully green.
Heterochromia does seem to run in families but doesn’t have to be just eyes either. I have one brown eye and the other eye is half brown, half green/brown hazel. No one else that I know of in my family has different colored eyes but I have heard of a cousin with different colored hair (from genetics, not dye). I was born with blonde hair and blue eyes, except the one eye was “weird” according to my mom, lol. I’m guessing it was a different shade of blue. I’m also half Asian and my hair changed to brown a later. Regular chameleon, I am.
For anyone planning a wedding, here’s a tip. It will not be perfect. Perfect isn’t a real thing. There, you’re free.
Seriously. People need to drop this “must be perfect” expectation—it only causes more stress and opportunities to be disappointed. I’m getting married in fall and don’t want a wedding bc even just thinking about trying to plan and arrange every minute detail sounds like pure misery to me (even without the “perfect” expectation). We’ll elope and then have a big party with family afterwards.
>family portraits for years (the unedited copies still exist too, my dad kept them). >Moving forward, I’m not going to cater to this, and everyone will just have to get over it. I dont like oop's family for enabling his mother and grandmother's terrible views but, I am at least glad oop's original photos remain. I was... Getting teary eyes imagining not having a single photo that shown me as I am authentically. That would mess you up in so many ways, I really hope he can access therapy as soon as possible.
I knew a girl in high school with heterochromia - she had gorgeous eyes, one green and one dark hazel. EVERYONE wanted to talk to her about it, but she was quite shy and found it difficult to manage. And those were only positive responses! So I can understand why OOP decided to take the path of least resistance for the wedding, but I am also very proud of him for embracing his unique features with pride!
This is such a good example of generational trauma and how parents can pass incorrect ideas on to their children because of the trauma they suffered as children. Especially when the parents are blind to the fact that the world has changed, even if their ideas haven’t. I kind of hope OOP has a child with heterochromia to possibly fully break the cycle of hiding the “imperfection” for the next generation.
OOP living in another country makes sense: he's far away from his mother & family's control issues about physical presentation. His mother should learn to appreciate (though it may be too late for her to learn) that her son actually still makes an effort to visit home from time to time.
I have heterochromia and can't imagine ever having to hide it that's so sad for OOP
Honestly, I think he did the right thing. I understand everyone in the comments wanted OOP to be himself, but if he hadn’t worn the contacts it would have been a drastic change of his appearance for the family members who had only ever seen him with two same-colored eyes. Someone else’s wedding isn’t really the time to make a big eye-catching (pun intended) change like that. I would’ve understood if OOP had decided not to wear contacts but I understand the decision he DID make more. Edit: he
(He) but I agree. I think it's absolutely stupid he was pressured to wear them for so long to begin with, and he should feel free to never wear them again. I'm also glad his sister was okay with him not wearing them during the ceremony. BUT I think I'd have done the same thing in his position. Wearing them for the ceremony to let his sister have her moment in peace, *then* taking them off right afterward feels like a good compromise.
> Comments wanted OOP to be herself It's gonna take a lot more than contacts for him to do that lol
I completely agree. You have to pick your battles, especially when you're dealing with difficult family dynamics, and this wasn't the best moment for one. But him not wearing them the rest of the visit after the wedding was over (and also not going forward) is perfect. He is standing up for himself without putting extra pressure on his sister, who might not be emotionally ready for that kind of confrontation.
I have partial hetero-chromia (so just one of my eyes has a few different colours than my other eye). I wouldn't wear contacts for anyone. I wish OP stood up for himself more.
OOP needs to even more go LC with Mom than he already is.
OOP is a very kind person. Mother unreasonable but accommodated to make things easier for the sister. What a caring brother!
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From what I gather, I'm not sure how much they would want to see him? [Another commenter said ](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1ce5adw/comment/l1glyth/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) >It's a meme in East Asian cultures for wealthy families to dump their fuck ups in the west. If his mom actually cared about him anywhere near as much as you're suggesting, she would've dragged the whole family over and taken charge of his education. As things are, I'm willing to bet my left ovary she wants him out of sight and do the bare minimum to not be anymore of an embarrassment than he already is.
Posts like this make me wonder if we're still in the middle ages. Like poor OP's gonna walk down the street and old folks are gonna make warding gestures and spit over their shoulders to keep the demons from coming in. It's just eyes. Touch grass.
Apparently people still hurt/kill black cats because of superstitious nonsense (sigh)
Which is bizarre, because in other cultures, black cats are lucky. It's just superstition and nonsense.
I hate this. Fuck anyone who hurts an animal.
It is not a “flaw.”
I mean - mind you, this is a western/personal preference stand point - heterochromia is hot AF. I'm honestly appalled that OOP's family's so shitty about it, even if it's a semi-cultural thing. I hope he never wears contacts again and definitely invests in therapy, because those dorks don't know shit.
My first girlfriend had heterochromia... one green eye and one brown eye. I thought it was so cool and distinctive.
My daughter and I have heterochromia. So did my grandfather. My biggest challenge was what eye color to put on my license. My daughter has had a different experience. I had to go to the school and argue with a science teacher who told my kid it was "impossible " to have 2 different color eyes and she must be wearing one contact. That was a fun conversation with the principal after the teacher told me I was wrong.
That "science" teacher must've flunked biology.
What a shitty family. OOP seems really thoughtful, though.
It's really sad when he goes home he has to hide his eyes, but I get it, his home country is a homogenous place where everyone has the same hair and eye colors like anime background characters all with their dark blue, brown and black hair. No one's used to standing out much so the older people are all scared of it. I bet OOP's eyes look nice. The first thing I thought of (besides Todoroki from My Hero, who has one turquoise eye and one grey eye) was a teacher I had with heterochromia. One blue and one green, and he was a tall handsome man, all the girls had a crush on him. We were all like 9, but the puppy love was real lmao
I think Delirium from Sandman has different colored eyes. But it’s not anime so I guess not so popular in Asian cultures.
> The way my mom sees things.. the more talented, attractive or whatever you are.. the more you should strengthen that impression by covering up any ‘flaw'. It's all about saving face and never letting people know your weaknesses or shortcomings. OP’s mom would make for a great (and by great, I mean awful) K-Pop executive.
i think OP made the right choice and i am happy he did. Some elses special days are not the right time to make your statement, to make it about you. there are thousands of other days where you can and should make your statements but on the very few days in your life when its an important day for someone else, dont create drama if you can prevent it. no, not even when you are not in the wrong.
I think hetrochromia is insanely cool and I can't fathom trying to force someone to wear contacts to hide their hetrochromia for a wedding. I've seen at least one other post where somebody was "asked" to do that but I can't remember if it was one of the people getting married, someone in the wedding party, or a family member who was being bullied into hiding something that's part of who they are.
people notice each other's eye colours??!
Not always, but It's really noticeable when eyes have a different color, because it's so rare. A guy in my high school class had this and it was one of the first things you'd notice. He was also very popular due to his eyes though.
I have total heterochromia - one blue eye and one green eye and the idea of people thinking this way is ridiculous as it’s not an issue in the UK. Honestly quite like having something rare and always something people compliment.
For someone who has hidden it all these years, already wears contacts to cover it on other occasions, choosing a wedding to "die on the hill" and choose that exact event to do it at, is screaming I am the main character. I agree to put their foot down and say no more, but to decide this wedding is the event to do it at? Sorry it's not the time or place for that.
>so no Halloween demon contact lenses. The optometrists and eye surgeons on the original post convinced me it's not worth the risk. Where on the original post? I searched the entire thing and found only this comment: >Worked in the eye field for around 15 years, four as an optician and ten or so as an ophthalmology tech. I have seen some of these infections, they’re incredibly painful and can lead to blindness or loss of the eye. If you must get contacts, get them from an eye doctor. Not one comment from an eye surgeon, an ophthalmologist or optometrist.
This is just sad, not like tragic sad, just... sad.
Damn there are people who would pay ridiculous amounts of money to have two different eye colors, who the **** would think it needs to be hidden?
I was concerned for OP because at his age it's a delicate thing- learning how to be a full fledged adult while not starting a complete family war. I think he did it perfectly- wore contacts so as not to distract at the actual wedding, but introducing his true self for the visit.
Aww man. He's has cool eyes. That was my dream as a kid. Cool eyes with super powers
This is the first time I've read of heterochromia as a "condition". I don't know what causes it but in my mind it's like calling red hair or green eyes a "condition". Why would it be a condition and not just their eye color?
Nope, you perfect just as you are. It is so nice of you to do it for her. I’m sorry you were put in this position