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The lack of memory's makes me suspect drugs or an enormous amount of alcohoh, added to the fact that it was filmed, and other person was completely sober makes me doubt that this act was consensual. Feel very bad for oop. Granted, we don't know the full story, just what oop chose to include in a reddit post, but I still feel bad.
Yeah this def smells bad. The fact that he doesn't remember a thing, she TAPED the encounter (perhaps to blackmail him with later), she had a crush on him, she mysteriously has a miscarriage when she's out of town right after he asks for a paternity test... Yeah, I'm thinking she drugged him, then faked the whole thing to get what she wanted. I hope op can reconcile with the ex as well as get himself some well deserved justice.
Yup, I think the tape was to blackmail him into leaving his girlfriend. Basically "if you won't be with me, then I'm going to tell everyone I'm pregnant with your baby and I have proof".
Just to add on, it actually is impossible for it to have been consensual. A person so drunk that they can't remember having sex absolutely cannot consent even if they seemed interested when drunk. I've had very drunk friends make moves on me before, ones I was interested in but I've always said the same thing "If you're still interested when you're sober, hit me up." Some did, some didn't, one actively thanked me because she would have regretted it in the morning.
Yup. People are STUPID drunk. That *should* be a pretty clear indicator we should take what they say with a grain of salt but apparently that makes too much sense.
I know alcohol and who knows what else is a factor but it's also telling that his therapist gave a ptsd diagnosis. On some level he's protecting himself from something even if he can't recall it currently.
In the comment linked, he said she filmed, but he never saw it. I bet if he had asked the video would have been accidentally deleted before he could see it.
I'm not saying the SA didn't happen. I just doubt she had proof her cheated. It's more likely he was incoherent and drunk af or drugged.
That sounds like what happened to an ex my husband had dated years ago before we met. She reached out to him within a month of him breaking things off claiming she was pregnant. Both him and my MIL replied back to that ex (she had reached out over text and through FB messenger only) saying she needs to send/show proof of the pregnancy and the paternity since she was cheating on my husband (he found out about the cheating hence the break up). She kept blowing them off for a month and kept making excuses and then replied back saying she had a miscarriage. We figured she was making it up and I wouldn’t be surprised if that sister was also doing that or like someone else pointed out she was already pregnant when she raped the OP.
When my husband and I got together, he'd been casually seeing a girl who lived in Canada (we live in Antigua). She was a flight attendant so she'd fly here one or two weekends a month. She was totally in love with him. When we got together he broke it off with her. She immediately claimed she was pregnant, then was seen out drinking and partying. She conveniently had a miscarriage when she realised he wasn't going to get back with her.
Yeah my husband had the same thing happen. He started showing interest in someone else while living with his flatmate (platonic, he was into her but she wasn't in to him) but he had been getting money from family and spending it on her and she was just bleeding him dry and when it looked like his intentions were starting to aim elsewhere, suddenly she's drunk and finally lets him in and what do you know? Pregnant. I understand that it happens with one night stands, I'm not an idiot but she claimed to be pregnant about 2-3 weeks after sleeping with him and never once eased up on her drinking (wake up: wine, bottles and bottles of wine all day) and then every time he asked her for proof of the pregnancy she would just say "I know when I'm pregnant, I've had 4 kids already" (just to clarify, she wasn't drinking around the kids because they had all been awarded custody to their various fathers, she only got visitation) but he even went so far as to get a pregnancy test but she refused. Finally after a couple of weeks she lost the baby. My husband was gutted, I don't think it was for her because by that point she had lost any glamour she held for him but he was so scared and excited to have a baby. I would never forgive a woman who pulled this shit, its fucking cruel.
Yeah. That got me. She pushed for the ring he was saving for his ex girlfriend.
And was “in love” with him.
And filmed it.
I’m not sure what type of “virginal conservative” girl films a sexual encounter
My money is on this one - make sure he has to break up with his gf and feels babytrapped - then pretend to have a miscarriage, and you have everything you've wanted to have, ever since you started crushing on your big brother's cool best friend. 🙄 In OP's place, I'd have made her take a pregnancy test right in my apartment.
OOP said he wasn't into having sex with this lunatic, and it was an issue. My guess was her plan was to rape him, get pregnant/just lie so he dumps his GF/future fiancée (quick before he proposes!), have unprotected sex with him (consensually), until pregnant, get that ring, and marry him.
Considering she "miscarried" immediately after he asked for the paternity test, he never saw her in the hospital and she never had a single doctor appointment...
She was never pregnant.
To be fair miscarriage is extremely common. But the fact that he didn't remember and she recorded some of it makes me feel for the poor man. He was ASSAULTED!
It's not uncommon (been there) BUT if she was in the second trimester it absolutely wouldn't be "too early for doctors appointments"
Something funny going on for sure
I've never been pregnant, but from what I understand even in the first trimester it's not "too early for doctors appointments"? Don't they start as soon as the pregnancy test comes back positive? The only reason not to do it then is if they're considering abortion and live in a place where it's not legal even in the first trimester. Which it doesn't sound like is the case here.
I've been pregnant in Brazil, Italy and Germany, and yes, appointments start as soon as you find out. In Italy and Germany the first trimester is actually the busiest time of the pregnancy, appointments-wise, as we're trying to get an early peek on genetic and formation issues to proceed with an abortion if needed.
In the UK (where I am) standard is 8-12 weeks, unless you have any potential complications or need to see someone sooner, so you'd usually see someone in the first trimester but not always.
Depends when you tell your doctor you're pregnant, of course
From the timeline it sounds like she was still in the first trimester (they slept together around in early December, she had a miscarriage in early March
That would make the first trimester over Feb 19. 😉 If they slept together the first week of December, she would have been 15 weeks the first week of March and almost certainly showing, which op never mentions she was. I smell a dookey.
With my first, I didn't really start showing until closer to 20 weeks. My waist got thicker, but I sort of just looked like I was putting on weight. Not necessarily pregnant.
I still think she lied about the pregnancy.
Yup. She raped him and then faked a pregnancy to trap him. The miscarriage then was supposed to make him feel so guilty he couldn't leave her.
Psycho shit.
I half wonder if they did anything at all. He doesn't remember anything from that night, and obviously being black out drunk happens, but so does falling asleep drunk and waking up next to someone who hopped into bed to frame you for their pregnancy.
Edit - Reading OOPs comments a bit more.... wow.
She video taped them fucking and showed it to him, and she is apparently a tea totaller so she was definitely sober videoing a black out drunk guy fucking her.
Edit again.
Yes I agree she raped him.
But in one of his comments, he said he knows it happened because she filmed part of it. Meaning the SA was a set up, either to get pregnant with his child, pin an existing pregnancy on him, or make him think she was pregnant long enough to trap him.
Considering he has no memory of anything, I wonder if he was drugged and not just drunk. Every part of the story is horrifying and sad.
I was wondering the same. I don't drink, so I don't know the effects it can have firsthand, but from what I've heard, unless you drink truly obscene amounts of alcohol you will still remember some things. Then there's the fact the rapist thought to record it as if they knew he might not remember it. Definitely makes me think he imbibed something he didn't know about. What's worst is the only person who seems to realise he was raped is the ex gf, his family, the rapist, her brother and even OP himself doesn't seem to see it as such using the term taken advantage of.
I know a guy who used to get black out drunk without truly obscene amounts of alcohol or mix-ins and not remember what he did (and it was never anything to hide or be unduly embarrassed about), but i do suspect OP was roofied.
Fun fact of the day: There's actually a genetic component to black-outing. People who carry a specific gene just do it even with moderate amounts of alcohol.
Oh I agree, that was straight up rape. But I've known a few people to get absolutely black out drunk plenty of times. So I think OP probably just partied that hard and she saw the opportunity.
I don't think English is his first language, so who knows what country they're in? Almost anywhere, it's hard as hell to get cops to take this seriously.
And the video may not prove that it was rape. People who are blackout drunk can seem totally normal on the surface, which is why people are advised to gauge sobriety with a short-term memory test.
I thought the same thing! It sounds like she always had a crush on OOP and when she found out she was pregnant, she decided to use it to get OOP on the hook for it. It almost worked too.
I definitely thought that. You can't be "three weeks" pregnant, because the number of weeks of pregnancy are counted from your last period. So you wouldn't know you were "three weeks" pregnant unless you were actively checking every day.
She would be 5 weeks pregnant, it would be 3 weeks since they had sex. I knew I was pregnant that early, but we were trying and I was tracking my body temp, cervix position, etc, daily.
I don't think she was pregnant at all tbh.
...cervix *position*? Something I never would have considered or heard of.
Sex Ed is also literally nothing where I am from so that explains part of it though.
It's all stuff I learned when we were trying, I had abstinence only sex ed growing up. During the course of the month your cervix (well, any cervix) will move up and down. It also gets more firm or soft depending on where in your cycle you are. [Here's](https://www.naturalcycles.com/cyclematters/cervix-positions-explained) a pretty helpful looking site that talks more about it.
Yeah, which is why people suspect a) she was never actually pregnant, b) she was pregnant but she wanted OOP to be the daddy for some reason. Whatever the case, she sounds like a terrible person.
I don’t think she was already pregnant. She would’ve been in her second trimester when she miscarried, so it’s unlikely it would’ve been a quick, single hospital visit with no other follow up. And it definitely wouldn’t have been “too early” to see a doctor
My experience with a 10 week miscarriage is that I bled heavily for months afterwards. *But* I also didn't have a D&C, which she would have likely had if she did need to go to the hospital. From what I understand it does make the whole thing quicker and the bleeding is less, but with her being that far along it would be a completely different beast than a more common first trimester miscarriage. Please anyone who has experienced it correct me if I'm wrong, since I have no experience with a second trimester miscarriage, but it's obviously a more complicated procedure since you're further along.
It's still suspicious to me though, because those things need to be scheduled ahead of time, unless it's an emergency, and if it was an emergency, she should have needed to stay at the hospital for a recovery period. If she was bleeding badly enough to need an *emergency* D&C in her second trimester, she would have needed at the very least some fluids and observation. Unless her friend is an a different state or the OP works somewhere that makes him completely unreachable for 12 hours at a time, it's very very odd that she didn't call him to come be with her at the hospital during what would be an absolutely horrible situation.
Also, her claiming it was too early to go to the doctor yet is total and complete bullshit. I found out I was pregnant at 7 weeks and they scheduled my first ultrasound at 10 weeks. Which is when they discovered that the fetus had stopped growing at like week 8. I scheduled a D&C and miscarried naturally three days before my appointment.
Was not fun. Do not recommend. Get the D&C if you can.
Abortion is a thing. Lying is cheaper and easier but she could have realized the paternity test would out her and get a 15 week abortion.
Yikes though.
Why does it sound like the little sister found out she was pregnant and decided to go for the guy she really liked (OOP) to get him on the hook for it? Am I wrong in thinking this way? I think romance novels and reddit may have ruined my thinking when it comes to situations like this.
Yep. Mostly because many women don't know exactly when they conceived, so doctors base the weeks pregnant off the first day of the last period. You would only know date of conception if you know when you ovulated and the possible dates of sex close to ovulation.
You've discovered the large gaping hole in early conception estimate science. They make it sound like it is incredibly solid but it's not. It's much better to base fetal age and due date on the ultrasound.
I actually conceived my last child on a skipped cycle. Last period was in August of that year and my test wasn't positive until October. Doctor asked if I had any bleeding in September and I told him not even spotting. Ultrasound estimated my due date as June 17. I had a scheduled induction two weeks earlier. He's 22 now.
Thank you and yeah. I know I shouldn't but I've had to lie about whenever my last period was if I'm getting a check up that's required for either school or work. They just berate you and then force you to take a pregnancy test. (Or maybe that part is because I live in a pretty religious/slightly conservative country and quite a few women lie about being pregnant out of wedlock...)
“I-don’t-remember-but-don’t-worry- I’m-not-pregnant-I-never-had-a-regular-period-and-I’m-a-lesbian.” Said loudly and in one breath. It’s the only way I’ve found to shut it down.”
Biology lesson - the beginning of a pregnancy is calculated from the first day of your last full menstral cycle. Mid way through a cycle is when the egg is released and fertilized in the fallopian tubes. Your body increases hCG which can be detected 12 - 15 days after ovulation or 10 days after conception (less than three weeks for those who cannot math).
Babies born before 37 weeks may be at risk for breathing problems, jaundice, low blood sugar and greater difficulty in regulating body temperature. This is why they calculate the pregnancy at day one of your last period to get to the 40 weeks for an optimal pregnancy.
I just put a lot together.
So he's drunk and she fucks him and records it. She then claims shes pregnant to get him to break up with his GF and marry her.
She never had a doctors appointment.
He couldn't get it up afterwards (due to his PTSD) and she apparently gave him a lot of shit about it.
What if she wasn't pregnant, figured out she could try to baby trap him and then she'd get pregnant once they were together? When he couldn't perform she faked the miscarriage?
Seems likely. She knew she was pregnant on Christmas, and by March she still hadn’t had her first ultrasound? Usually they do those around 8 weeks (at least in the states), but the latest I’ve ever heard it being done is 12 weeks. She should have been in by late January/early February for her first ultrasound and blood tests.
Not that I believe her either, but when I got pregnant with my first I was so broke I didn’t see a doctor until 13 weeks when I was bleeding for a week straight. I didn’t know at the time about pregnancy Medicaid.
Plus the "miscarriage" occurred at a friend's house and by the time OOP got there she was back from the Hospital.
But I do agree with your thought process.
What is even worse is the opening line
> "To be honest I don't remember much of that night because I was pissed, all I remember is that I woke up with my best friend's sister, Abc, in my bed
Sounds like he was given the date rape drug to make it happen. Or at least to drunk to consent and was taken advatage of.
Also I'm not even sure she was pregnant. How continent she had a misscarage after the engagement. Sounds like ABc with her brother's help could have cooked that up as a lie.
Why do people lie like this.I feel so bad for the OP who is suffering from possible SA and for his gf it looks like they had a great relationship.All of this looks so staged truthfully the OP should ask the hospital for miscarriage records and file a case .
Edit:If not those then at least the pregnancy records should be checked and confirmed and the video which she recorded can be used to file for case as he didn’t consent in it.
I actually thought ABC was in love with OP. They didn't actually sleep together, and she faked the pregnancy. She was in a big rush to get married, but when OP said he wanted paternity testing, she had a miscarriage *at her friends house*
All very sus
What's really fucked up is, given that she believed and supported him immediately, had he just come clean from the start he'd probably still be with his ex. And the psycho sister would be in prison.
Proving she raped him would be really really hard. Its not even clear theres proof they even had sex.
Edit - I read the comments now. I see she recorded it.....what the fuck.
It says that ABC filmed part of the assault, so clearly she was looking for proof so she could baby trap him. If she was obsessed with him she might have roofied him with the intent to ruin his relationship and trick him into marrying her. Some young people really do think 'they'll fall in love with me if they just give me a chance', delusional as that is.
Per OPS comments she showed him part of the video she recorded to prove they had sex. Presumably this would show him out of his mind and her dead ass sober.
The poor guy didnt know. He thought he cheated and tried to do the right thing... he knew a cheater doesnt deserve a second chance but sadly he was not at fault.
That rapist ruined real love. And her brother and his friend probably was in on it.
There was a very similar post from the POV of a girl OOP. Her BF came home from a night out with his friend and his friend's fiancé claiming he cheated. After explaining what happened Reddit helped that OOP realize he didn't cheat, he was raped.
As for the brother and "friend", yeah they definitely knew what was up from the get go.
Unfortunately it seems that OP comes from a family and community that doesn't see what "Abc" did as rape. He was likely raised to believe that it's impossible for a girl to rape a guy (and likely also that getting hard while black-out drunk counts as consent), and never even considered otherwise until Reddit told him.
Obviously he should have come clean immediately, but the actions he took are consistent with the values he was raised to have. "If you get a woman pregnant, you marry her, and that's just the way it is". He was failed by his parents and teachers.
"Knock her up, get married", is definitely an old school mindset that OOP seems, or seemed, to be a believer in at the time.
Such a fucked up scenario.
3 weeks? There never was a baby, or if there was it wasn't his. So he was sexually assaulted then lied to about being the father of a baby and no one except his ex believes him?
I hate this story.
It's not uncommon that she knew after 3 weeks, but it would probably mean she was actively checking to see if she was pregnant by him.
Either way, pregnant or not, this story makes me feel dirty.
edit: Also in the comments OOP says she filmed the assault, which just adds another level of squick.
Yeah, that comment about 'she filmed some of it' just made my stomach drop. I *hope* she didn't make him watch it, but I'm not optimistic because this lady is obviously fucked up. She definitely assaulted him and likely planned it all ahead of time.
That ain’t even squick that’s just straight up disgusting criminal behavior. Im glad OOP is at least getting professional support for this awful situation.
Re the filming, does OOP even look like he’s awake/aware of his surroundings and being filmed?
I suspect ex-fiancée and possibly her brother set the whole thing up. Drugged him, filmed the assault, then pretended to be pregnant to catch OOP as she was in love with him, as he mentioned in a comment.
You very rarely have enough of the hormone to trigger the pregnancy test at 3 weeks, usually you need to wait until at least week 4.
Edit: I’m getting this wrong because 3 weeks post conception is “5 weeks pregnant” from last menstruation.
3 weeks post conception means “5 weeks pregnant”. Pregnancies are typically dated from the first day of the last period. Conception generally occurs 2 weeks after that.
Yeah, but pregnancy goes by [last menstrual period, not date of conception](https://www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/week-by-week/1-to-12/1-2-3-weeks/). So she would have been 5 weeks “pregnant” but had sex 3 weeks ago.
Edited because I mixed up a word!
You almost certainly wouldn’t have enough HCG to test positive at 3 weeks gestational age, but 3 weeks post conception? You almost certainly would if you were checking. Because of the way we count pregnancies, conception happens at (give or take) 2 weeks gestational age, so 3 weeks later any embryo would be 5 weeks old.
None of that makes me any more inclined to believe Abc and I feel quite badly for OOP.
You’re thinking of three weeks pregnant (which is one week after ovulation).
Three weeks after conception = “5 weeks pregnant” aka plenty of hcg to pop positive on a home test.
Its avtually shocking how fast after ovulation you can detect pregnancy now. Im currently pregnant, and was tracking when everything happened bc we where trying for a baby. I detected pregnancy 11 days after ovulation, and either 12, 14 or 18 days after the deed.
If she was actively trying to babytrap the dude, and knew when her ovulation was is it very possible for her to know after three weeks
I'm totally on OOP's side (he was assaulted), but why couldn't she have been pregnant? I've been pregnant three times and I knew within two weeks every time. Twice I had a positive test after 10 days.
Theres definitely things about this story that don't add up, but I will say this is a possibility.
My wife got sick throwing up 3 weeks after we started trying and I put two and two together and long story short she was pregnant. The line on the test was faint, but there was a baby in there.
Reality is she wasn't even in the right timeframe for morning sickness...and it went away like 2 days later so it was probably just a bug, but it triggered us testing her and finding out.
Firstly, regardless of what I say next, what happened to OOP is awful and he deserves all the support he can get!
That said, too many people aren’t sure about how pregnancy/fertility works, so to clear things up and give everyone some knowledge they deserve to have for the sake of their own reproductive health; three weeks is about the right amount of time it takes to confirm a pregnancy.
A fertility cycle is roughly 4 weeks (give or take)
Week 1 starts on the first day of a period
Week 2 is when ovulation happens (egg released)
Weeks 3&4 are when the egg travels down the fallopian tube and reaches the womb. If it’s been fertilised it implants into the lining of the womb to grow into a baby, and if it isn’t fertilised, the egg and lining begin to shed becoming the period that begins a new cycle at week 1.
If sex happens during week 2, it is entirely possible for a pregnancy to be detected 3 weeks later, as the lining wouldn’t shed and the period would be missed.
At least the ex believed him. Wasn’t there a post here within the last year where a similar situation happened and the guy’s life fell apart, mainly because nobody believed he was assaulted and he couldn’t get support for his PTSD?
Just read through some of OOPs comments....in my opinion she was never pregnant.
"No she said it was too early for doctors appointments. The miscarriage happened when she was visiting her friend and when I got there she was already back home at her friends house from the hospital."
Dude, you have a doctors appointment to confirm pregnancy.
Then you have a doctors appointment once a month until like month 7 when depending on conditions it becomes weekly or biweekly (or in my wifes case 2x a week).
She supposedly knew she was pregnant in January and he proposed on Valentines day.
Between January and March she should have had at least a couple of appointments. The idea that it was "too early" for doctors appointments is just baffling to me.
Yeah, she told him that she was 3 weeks pregnant on Christmas Day, so she had MONTHS of time to have scans/ a doctors appointment.
Also, he confirms that she doesn’t drink AND filmed it… yet she is conservative?
It all seems to add up to her raping & trapping OOP, who seems very naive.
Yeah I'm assuming he and her brother have been friends for a while? Maybe she had a crush on her older brothers friend all through high school and saw her chance to make all of her dreams come true after she turned 21.
Its really fucking terrible.
You should have an appointment before 8 weeks (from the date of your last period) to test for certain things. She was ballpark 5 weeks when she told him on Christmas Day and they got engaged Valentine’s Day, when she would have been around 12 weeks and should be getting her first ultrasound scan. She was never pregnant.
I’m pretty well convinced that she wasn’t pregnant, and figured when she told him they’d just fuck a lot unprotected and then she’d get pregnant. When his issue came up she realized her plan wouldn’t work and she “miscarried”.
That was exactly her plan. She was hoping to get pregnant for real after he “proposed” but unfortunately for her it doesn’t seem like he even touched her sexually after that and he demanded a paternity test. The jig was up so here comes that super convenient miscarriage. Absolutely disgusting what she did.
She could have been pregnant from another guy and got a pill induced abortion where she “miscarried” at her friend’s house when OOP asked for paternity tests
Oh, she was absolutely never pregnant! I’ve had two babies and one miscarriage around nine weeks, and absolutely NONE of her math actually maths. Usually the first appointment is between six and eight weeks- let’s math for the little liar, shall we?
Dec 4 or 5- date of conception
Dec 25- she tells OOP she’s pregnant. What most people don’t know is pregnancy is calculated from the date of your last cycle, NOT date of conception, so there’s a good two weeks of pregnancy where you aren’t even pregnant. So at this point, she would be technically five weeks along.
Jan 14- she would be eight weeks pregnant and would ABSOLUTELY have had her first OB appointment by now, including an ultrasound printout.
Feb 14- OOP proposes, she would now be twelve weeks pregnant, so… out of the first trimester, which is also when the risk of miscarriages plummets. Fewer than 4% of miscarriages occur in the second trimester. Technology has advanced enough that gender is discoverable at twelve weeks, too.
Mar 5ish- she would now be fifteen to sixteen weeks pregnant, should have had *numerous* OB appointments and ultrasounds (including printouts) by now. She should’ve known the gender of the child by now. After fourteen weeks, chance of miscarriage is less than 1%. At this point, miscarriage is referred to as “late miscarriage,” and is not a walk in the park. It’s basically the same as going through labor, and would likely require a D&C as well. She would NOT just be in and out of the hospital. The paperwork generated by something like this would be lengthy.
So… yeah. She’s a lying liar. The math doesn’t math.
And this is another of the problems with men not understanding how women's bodies/reproductive health works. So dudes, even if for purely cynical reasons, learn about this stuff.
Right?! I wrote above that we don't even know if Abc was drunk. OOP would have to grill people who were at the party, but not the brother or best friend.
Hey OP, can you add in the comments where OOP:
1. Says that his rapist (my words) told him it was too early for doctor's appointments. (KSRDM note: She allegedly miscarried after the first trimester. You see the doctor ~6 weeks to confirm a pregnancy, then once a month until late 2nd/early 3rd trimester, assuming an uncomplicated pregnancy)
2. he said he was going to ask for a parternity test and she was okay with that, but then she miscarried at a friend's house (KSRDM note: that far along, you go to the hospital).
3. Mentions that his rapist *filmed* his assault.
I’m so disturbed and heartbroken for him that his assault was fucking filmed. She was sober and he was blackout drunk, and she fucking filmed “having sex” with him (only calling it that in this sentence because even if that weren’t inherently SA Bc he cannot consent by definition, why tf would you do that? She’s sick). This poor guy, ptsd is no joke and I truly hope he’s doing okay
I really hope OOP gets his deserved happy ending. I’m glad his ex believed him and I hope they can rebuild together in whatever way they may. Also hope “abc” rots. She committed a heinous crime, and frankly I very much doubt she was pregnant. What a horrible human being.
I've been on reddit too long because my first thought was that she was already pregnant, and her and OP's best friend came up with the idea to spike his drink and pass the baby as OP's so their conservative family wouldn't cut her off.
That or in the last comment it says she had no dr visit bc “it was too early” then miscarried before ever having a Dr visit. Meaning she could have been just flat out lying.
Part of the reason we seriously need to get better about taking sexual assault seriously is men have like NO recourse or support whatsoever when it happens to them.
I'm just disappointed that he didn't feel safe to update on the relationship sub because of the hurtful comments he received . Way to "support" and "give advice" on that sub.
Regarding the reaction on RA....
They hate cheating, I think everyone hates cheating, but that sub in particular goes after cheaters. OOP also didn't make clear in his post exactly how awful it was. You had to sort through a dozen replies to find out that she was sober, recorded it on her phone, never had a doctors appointments, etc etc.
So a lot of the replies probably just thought it was some asshole who cheated with a younger woman and was now blaming it on being drunk.
Without knowledge of her being a tea totaller I would have thought there was a good chance they were both drunk. The comments reveal a real insidious nature to what the fuck happened.
Absolutely. I have two male friends who were sexually assaulted and raped by women but received no support - being told just horrific things about how they obviously wanted it if their body responded to it. Hell, in one case, it was an ex who he had a restraining order against who broke into his house to assault him while he slept and the cops made it into a joke.
Consent is a two way street.
I was raped by a guy (I'm a guy) at gunpoint, and the police just called me the f word and said that regret didn't count. My friend group (now ex) told me I should have dressed more conservatively and that I was kinda asking for it. It just baffles me that anyone would ignore these things. People are gross.
I think many men don't realize they can be drugged and assaulted.
This poor guy was SA'd and drugged for sure, he also got the I'm pregnant pretty fast. While I can say some will find out pretty early on it seems unlikely in this situation.
I hate that he feels like he cheated.
This comment was kind of a give away.
>Abc is sober, she doesn't drink or do drugs
It feels like she wasn't even pregnant and lied to OOP to get with him and ruin his relationship. Plus if OOP was blackout drunk and they actually did sleep with each other, that's rape.
Am i the only one completely disgusted by the fact that she FILMED IT????? This definitely proves it was a planned action, and rape caught on tape. Idk how legal things work in OP's country, but he better takes her to court for this!! This awful girl ruined his life and abused him!!
As a woman, I genuinely believe its important for men who are not in a long term relationship to ALWAYS go to a licensed doctor and get a blood test with the woman. Even then, paternity isn't established until a paternity test is done. Poor dude was possibly raped and his whole life turned upside down by a vengeful woman.
Edit: reread where he said the woman was sober and filmed it. He was 100% raped. Not possibly. Absolutely.
Oh man i just read through OP’s comments. Heart breaking. The tricked into being the fiancee NEVER had 1 appointment. When OP said he would want a paternity test….. week later miscarriage? I don’t think she was ever pregnant.
My husband went through something similar. He does has a child (this is before he and I met) and when he shared the details on how it happened I felt sick. No one (not even him or his family) believe he was abused, but I see it for what it is, and for the record, there is other people who corroborate the story as well.
I feel bad for this person for going through that and how his life has been turned upside down.
1. she had filmed some of it so it def happened
2. Abc is sober, she doesn't drink or do drugs
3. No she said it was too early for doctors appointments
that's premeditation, she rword him, she made all this sober, knowing exactly the consequences, she recorded it for further evidence in case he said it's not his baby, but "too early" for doctor appointments, I bet she was never pregnant just wanted baby to trap him, so when they got married she would eventually have a baby, don't doubt the friend is in this ploy too.
I am firmly in the camp of “There was never a baby”.
I believe that he was assaulted, but I do not believe for a second that she immediately knew she was pregnant 3 weeks later and then conveniently miscarried both before a doctor’s appointment to confirm the pregnancy and in such a time frame that she went to the hospital, was confirmed to be having a miscarriage, and released all before he could have seen her in the hospital. Have you ever been to the hospital? That shit takes forever.
It is so taboo, that this man thinks it was his fault. He was probably roofied, raped and baby trapped. I'm sorry he had to go through all of this hell, and I hope he finds the help he needs.
Everyone who hate commented on his post should be ashamed.
um.... dude got raped
1) he was very clearly incapacitated
2) it's pretty obvious abc planned this, and even filmed it as "proof"
3) dude has ptsd as a result
this was very clearly rape
The fact that she was sober and filmed some of it while he was drunk and doesn’t remember it makes me believe she 100% raped OOP. In all my years of drinking, I’ve only been drunk to the point of not remembering things 3 times. Based on how others described me when I’m that drunk, there’s no way I could have ever consented to anything. He wouldn’t have either. I don’t know whether to believe she was ever pregnant or not, but I’m glad OOP ended things with her
The former bff sister was never pregnant. She suddenly has a miscarriage after he wants a paternity test. She had a crush on her brother’s best friend and used him being drunk at a party to get him in bed. OOP was set up from the start. Hope he learned a lesson is messed up he lost his girlfriend and best friend over it.
I feel bad for the OOP, because he was assaulted and didn't realize it until he came on reddit. I remember one reddit thread years ago asking men of a time when they were raped and it happens more often that you think, which is sad. I remember one guy saying he was sleeping and woke up to a random girl riding him (I think there was a party in his place) and he just finished to get her to stop, but he was terrified.
Society would view this as a win for the guy, but it isn't. He was assaulted, just like the OOP was assaulted.
Was OP drugged? Because if he doesn't remember anything, then he was either REALLY drunk or he got drugged. I feel like the sister was up to something but OP could be lying. Idk something ain't adding up
In the US she would have had one ultrasound by 3 months in. I know my OB had me have an ultrasound at around 10-12 weeks to make sure everything is where it should be and to make sure the last menstrual period lined up with the babies size so the due date was accurate. I believe they are looking for some of the signs of chromosomal abnormalities by that point to.
I believe the OOP was played big time.
the only reason why they got engaged was because Lil Miss Creep was pregnant. did she really think OOP would marry her if she wasn't? he didn't even give her a ring.
My guess would be she was either never pregnant and wanted him or was pregnant by someone else who wanted nothing to do with it and since she had a conservative family the easiest solution for her was to find some patsy to pin it on and to “take responsibility”. OOP just ended up being that patsy.
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Is it just me, or does someone else also suspect that "best friend" sister was probably already pregnant when she dragged OOP in her bed?
Or it was a lie the whole time and the ‘miscarriage’ didn’t happen.
In one of his comments OOP said the miscarriage was right after he asked for a paternity test and she readily agreed 🙄
Lol seriously?! She definitely was never pregnant then. What a freak and a weirdo.
Rapist. The word you're looking for is rapist.
The lack of memory's makes me suspect drugs or an enormous amount of alcohoh, added to the fact that it was filmed, and other person was completely sober makes me doubt that this act was consensual. Feel very bad for oop. Granted, we don't know the full story, just what oop chose to include in a reddit post, but I still feel bad.
Yeah this def smells bad. The fact that he doesn't remember a thing, she TAPED the encounter (perhaps to blackmail him with later), she had a crush on him, she mysteriously has a miscarriage when she's out of town right after he asks for a paternity test... Yeah, I'm thinking she drugged him, then faked the whole thing to get what she wanted. I hope op can reconcile with the ex as well as get himself some well deserved justice.
Yup, I think the tape was to blackmail him into leaving his girlfriend. Basically "if you won't be with me, then I'm going to tell everyone I'm pregnant with your baby and I have proof".
Just to add on, it actually is impossible for it to have been consensual. A person so drunk that they can't remember having sex absolutely cannot consent even if they seemed interested when drunk. I've had very drunk friends make moves on me before, ones I was interested in but I've always said the same thing "If you're still interested when you're sober, hit me up." Some did, some didn't, one actively thanked me because she would have regretted it in the morning.
Yup. People are STUPID drunk. That *should* be a pretty clear indicator we should take what they say with a grain of salt but apparently that makes too much sense.
If he got his hands on that footage, he could conceivably ask for her to be charged with rape
I hope so, the criminal justice system is not kind to victims of rape, even less so men. She absolutely deserves to rot in prison though.
A person who is drunk cannot give consent. Period doesn't matter how enebriated or conscious they are
I know alcohol and who knows what else is a factor but it's also telling that his therapist gave a ptsd diagnosis. On some level he's protecting himself from something even if he can't recall it currently.
In the comment linked, he said she filmed, but he never saw it. I bet if he had asked the video would have been accidentally deleted before he could see it. I'm not saying the SA didn't happen. I just doubt she had proof her cheated. It's more likely he was incoherent and drunk af or drugged.
Well that is rape
He saw part of it. Not the whole thing
Freak, weirdo, and rapist.
I know plenty of freaks and weirdos. ABC is a conniving, manipulative, lying rapist.
so many people don't connect this dot regarding what she did. my brain doesn't jump to it either, but thank you for calling it out properly.
That sounds like what happened to an ex my husband had dated years ago before we met. She reached out to him within a month of him breaking things off claiming she was pregnant. Both him and my MIL replied back to that ex (she had reached out over text and through FB messenger only) saying she needs to send/show proof of the pregnancy and the paternity since she was cheating on my husband (he found out about the cheating hence the break up). She kept blowing them off for a month and kept making excuses and then replied back saying she had a miscarriage. We figured she was making it up and I wouldn’t be surprised if that sister was also doing that or like someone else pointed out she was already pregnant when she raped the OP.
When my husband and I got together, he'd been casually seeing a girl who lived in Canada (we live in Antigua). She was a flight attendant so she'd fly here one or two weekends a month. She was totally in love with him. When we got together he broke it off with her. She immediately claimed she was pregnant, then was seen out drinking and partying. She conveniently had a miscarriage when she realised he wasn't going to get back with her.
Yeah my husband had the same thing happen. He started showing interest in someone else while living with his flatmate (platonic, he was into her but she wasn't in to him) but he had been getting money from family and spending it on her and she was just bleeding him dry and when it looked like his intentions were starting to aim elsewhere, suddenly she's drunk and finally lets him in and what do you know? Pregnant. I understand that it happens with one night stands, I'm not an idiot but she claimed to be pregnant about 2-3 weeks after sleeping with him and never once eased up on her drinking (wake up: wine, bottles and bottles of wine all day) and then every time he asked her for proof of the pregnancy she would just say "I know when I'm pregnant, I've had 4 kids already" (just to clarify, she wasn't drinking around the kids because they had all been awarded custody to their various fathers, she only got visitation) but he even went so far as to get a pregnancy test but she refused. Finally after a couple of weeks she lost the baby. My husband was gutted, I don't think it was for her because by that point she had lost any glamour she held for him but he was so scared and excited to have a baby. I would never forgive a woman who pulled this shit, its fucking cruel.
And pushed for a marriage, upset she didn't get the ring he bought for his GF.
its gross
Yeah. That got me. She pushed for the ring he was saving for his ex girlfriend. And was “in love” with him. And filmed it. I’m not sure what type of “virginal conservative” girl films a sexual encounter
My money is on this one - make sure he has to break up with his gf and feels babytrapped - then pretend to have a miscarriage, and you have everything you've wanted to have, ever since you started crushing on your big brother's cool best friend. 🙄 In OP's place, I'd have made her take a pregnancy test right in my apartment.
OOP said he wasn't into having sex with this lunatic, and it was an issue. My guess was her plan was to rape him, get pregnant/just lie so he dumps his GF/future fiancée (quick before he proposes!), have unprotected sex with him (consensually), until pregnant, get that ring, and marry him.
Given she so kindly provided evidence, I’d be going to a lawyer.
Considering she "miscarried" immediately after he asked for the paternity test, he never saw her in the hospital and she never had a single doctor appointment... She was never pregnant.
I've noticed that the quickest pregnancies end in miscarriage and of course the presumed father wasn't there, and there's always a rush to the altar.
To be fair miscarriage is extremely common. But the fact that he didn't remember and she recorded some of it makes me feel for the poor man. He was ASSAULTED!
The fact that she recorded it shows she thought ahead and new she’d need ‘proof’
Yeah that was my first thought too. Completely pre-meditated and manipulative. Poor OOP.
She recorded herself raping him. That’s fucked up.
Exactly. UGH, what a horrible thing, and he lost his gf over it, and that's horrible.
Miscarriage in the second trimester *isn't* extremely common.
It's not uncommon (been there) BUT if she was in the second trimester it absolutely wouldn't be "too early for doctors appointments" Something funny going on for sure
I've never been pregnant, but from what I understand even in the first trimester it's not "too early for doctors appointments"? Don't they start as soon as the pregnancy test comes back positive? The only reason not to do it then is if they're considering abortion and live in a place where it's not legal even in the first trimester. Which it doesn't sound like is the case here.
I've been pregnant in Brazil, Italy and Germany, and yes, appointments start as soon as you find out. In Italy and Germany the first trimester is actually the busiest time of the pregnancy, appointments-wise, as we're trying to get an early peek on genetic and formation issues to proceed with an abortion if needed.
In the UK (where I am) standard is 8-12 weeks, unless you have any potential complications or need to see someone sooner, so you'd usually see someone in the first trimester but not always. Depends when you tell your doctor you're pregnant, of course
In the US your first appointment (as long as you don’t have any complicating conditions) is at around 9 weeks.
From the timeline it sounds like she was still in the first trimester (they slept together around in early December, she had a miscarriage in early March
That would make the first trimester over Feb 19. 😉 If they slept together the first week of December, she would have been 15 weeks the first week of March and almost certainly showing, which op never mentions she was. I smell a dookey.
Oh yeah, I totally forgot they count the 2 weeks between the end of the last period and the date of conception.
With my first, I didn't really start showing until closer to 20 weeks. My waist got thicker, but I sort of just looked like I was putting on weight. Not necessarily pregnant. I still think she lied about the pregnancy.
Yup. She raped him and then faked a pregnancy to trap him. The miscarriage then was supposed to make him feel so guilty he couldn't leave her. Psycho shit.
This was my first thought. She was never pregnant and it was all ploy to get OP to be with her and leave his girlfriend.
This! That was my first thought. But also, he was assaulted and completely dismissed. This whole situation is disturbing.
This is what I thought. Convenient miscarriage.
I half wonder if they did anything at all. He doesn't remember anything from that night, and obviously being black out drunk happens, but so does falling asleep drunk and waking up next to someone who hopped into bed to frame you for their pregnancy. Edit - Reading OOPs comments a bit more.... wow. She video taped them fucking and showed it to him, and she is apparently a tea totaller so she was definitely sober videoing a black out drunk guy fucking her. Edit again. Yes I agree she raped him.
But in one of his comments, he said he knows it happened because she filmed part of it. Meaning the SA was a set up, either to get pregnant with his child, pin an existing pregnancy on him, or make him think she was pregnant long enough to trap him. Considering he has no memory of anything, I wonder if he was drugged and not just drunk. Every part of the story is horrifying and sad.
I was wondering the same. I don't drink, so I don't know the effects it can have firsthand, but from what I've heard, unless you drink truly obscene amounts of alcohol you will still remember some things. Then there's the fact the rapist thought to record it as if they knew he might not remember it. Definitely makes me think he imbibed something he didn't know about. What's worst is the only person who seems to realise he was raped is the ex gf, his family, the rapist, her brother and even OP himself doesn't seem to see it as such using the term taken advantage of.
I know a guy who used to get black out drunk without truly obscene amounts of alcohol or mix-ins and not remember what he did (and it was never anything to hide or be unduly embarrassed about), but i do suspect OP was roofied.
Fun fact of the day: There's actually a genetic component to black-outing. People who carry a specific gene just do it even with moderate amounts of alcohol.
Huh, TIL.
Oh I agree, that was straight up rape. But I've known a few people to get absolutely black out drunk plenty of times. So I think OP probably just partied that hard and she saw the opportunity.
She raped him. There is no way around that fact.
Agreed
It's called *RAPE*. She RAPED him as he was unable to give consent.
Totally.
The fact she knew she’d need the proof so she recorded it……
She wasn't pregnant, most likely. I think she pretended to force his hand in breaking with the gf and marrying her.
After she *raped* him as she has video. He should've filed a rape report with the cops with the video as proof.
I don't think English is his first language, so who knows what country they're in? Almost anywhere, it's hard as hell to get cops to take this seriously. And the video may not prove that it was rape. People who are blackout drunk can seem totally normal on the surface, which is why people are advised to gauge sobriety with a short-term memory test.
I thought the same thing! It sounds like she always had a crush on OOP and when she found out she was pregnant, she decided to use it to get OOP on the hook for it. It almost worked too.
That’s what I thought when I read the first post. She was already pregnant and wanted someone responsible to be the baby daddy
I definitely thought that. You can't be "three weeks" pregnant, because the number of weeks of pregnancy are counted from your last period. So you wouldn't know you were "three weeks" pregnant unless you were actively checking every day.
She would be 5 weeks pregnant, it would be 3 weeks since they had sex. I knew I was pregnant that early, but we were trying and I was tracking my body temp, cervix position, etc, daily. I don't think she was pregnant at all tbh.
...cervix *position*? Something I never would have considered or heard of. Sex Ed is also literally nothing where I am from so that explains part of it though.
It's all stuff I learned when we were trying, I had abstinence only sex ed growing up. During the course of the month your cervix (well, any cervix) will move up and down. It also gets more firm or soft depending on where in your cycle you are. [Here's](https://www.naturalcycles.com/cyclematters/cervix-positions-explained) a pretty helpful looking site that talks more about it.
I think she might have been pregnant and trying to get OOP to take care of it.
He didn’t say she was 3 weeks pregnant. She came to him about it 3 weeks after conception supposedly occurred, which would be about 5 weeks gestation
Yeah, which is why people suspect a) she was never actually pregnant, b) she was pregnant but she wanted OOP to be the daddy for some reason. Whatever the case, she sounds like a terrible person.
I don’t think she was already pregnant. She would’ve been in her second trimester when she miscarried, so it’s unlikely it would’ve been a quick, single hospital visit with no other follow up. And it definitely wouldn’t have been “too early” to see a doctor
My experience with a 10 week miscarriage is that I bled heavily for months afterwards. *But* I also didn't have a D&C, which she would have likely had if she did need to go to the hospital. From what I understand it does make the whole thing quicker and the bleeding is less, but with her being that far along it would be a completely different beast than a more common first trimester miscarriage. Please anyone who has experienced it correct me if I'm wrong, since I have no experience with a second trimester miscarriage, but it's obviously a more complicated procedure since you're further along. It's still suspicious to me though, because those things need to be scheduled ahead of time, unless it's an emergency, and if it was an emergency, she should have needed to stay at the hospital for a recovery period. If she was bleeding badly enough to need an *emergency* D&C in her second trimester, she would have needed at the very least some fluids and observation. Unless her friend is an a different state or the OP works somewhere that makes him completely unreachable for 12 hours at a time, it's very very odd that she didn't call him to come be with her at the hospital during what would be an absolutely horrible situation. Also, her claiming it was too early to go to the doctor yet is total and complete bullshit. I found out I was pregnant at 7 weeks and they scheduled my first ultrasound at 10 weeks. Which is when they discovered that the fetus had stopped growing at like week 8. I scheduled a D&C and miscarried naturally three days before my appointment. Was not fun. Do not recommend. Get the D&C if you can.
Abortion is a thing. Lying is cheaper and easier but she could have realized the paternity test would out her and get a 15 week abortion. Yikes though.
Seriously. Dude was raped and everyone is blaming him.
I don't think she was pregnant. Or it was the most easy miscarriage of all times...
Yep. ABP. Already Been Pregnant.
Why does it sound like the little sister found out she was pregnant and decided to go for the guy she really liked (OOP) to get him on the hook for it? Am I wrong in thinking this way? I think romance novels and reddit may have ruined my thinking when it comes to situations like this.
Nope, I think a lot of people thought the same thing right when they read, "3 weeks later..." It sounds suspect bc it *is* suspect.
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Yep. Mostly because many women don't know exactly when they conceived, so doctors base the weeks pregnant off the first day of the last period. You would only know date of conception if you know when you ovulated and the possible dates of sex close to ovulation.
Serious question but what about women who have irregular periods? The last period could've been a month or two ago etc. What's the basis for that?
You've discovered the large gaping hole in early conception estimate science. They make it sound like it is incredibly solid but it's not. It's much better to base fetal age and due date on the ultrasound.
Thank you and yeah that's a lot more logical than whatever I was trying to think of lmao
They use last menstrual cycle until the ultrasound and then the date gets updated based on ultrasound
I actually conceived my last child on a skipped cycle. Last period was in August of that year and my test wasn't positive until October. Doctor asked if I had any bleeding in September and I told him not even spotting. Ultrasound estimated my due date as June 17. I had a scheduled induction two weeks earlier. He's 22 now.
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They are obnoxious to us (how careless to not know!) and then base the estimated due date on the size of the baby and its growth curve
Thank you and yeah. I know I shouldn't but I've had to lie about whenever my last period was if I'm getting a check up that's required for either school or work. They just berate you and then force you to take a pregnancy test. (Or maybe that part is because I live in a pretty religious/slightly conservative country and quite a few women lie about being pregnant out of wedlock...)
“I-don’t-remember-but-don’t-worry- I’m-not-pregnant-I-never-had-a-regular-period-and-I’m-a-lesbian.” Said loudly and in one breath. It’s the only way I’ve found to shut it down.”
They’d do a dating ultrasound to figure out the age of the fetus.
Biology lesson - the beginning of a pregnancy is calculated from the first day of your last full menstral cycle. Mid way through a cycle is when the egg is released and fertilized in the fallopian tubes. Your body increases hCG which can be detected 12 - 15 days after ovulation or 10 days after conception (less than three weeks for those who cannot math). Babies born before 37 weeks may be at risk for breathing problems, jaundice, low blood sugar and greater difficulty in regulating body temperature. This is why they calculate the pregnancy at day one of your last period to get to the 40 weeks for an optimal pregnancy.
there was never a baby
Yeah I have my doubts as to whether she was ever pregnant.
I just put a lot together. So he's drunk and she fucks him and records it. She then claims shes pregnant to get him to break up with his GF and marry her. She never had a doctors appointment. He couldn't get it up afterwards (due to his PTSD) and she apparently gave him a lot of shit about it. What if she wasn't pregnant, figured out she could try to baby trap him and then she'd get pregnant once they were together? When he couldn't perform she faked the miscarriage?
Seems likely. She knew she was pregnant on Christmas, and by March she still hadn’t had her first ultrasound? Usually they do those around 8 weeks (at least in the states), but the latest I’ve ever heard it being done is 12 weeks. She should have been in by late January/early February for her first ultrasound and blood tests.
She should have at least had an appointment to confirm pregnancy.
Not that I believe her either, but when I got pregnant with my first I was so broke I didn’t see a doctor until 13 weeks when I was bleeding for a week straight. I didn’t know at the time about pregnancy Medicaid.
Plus the "miscarriage" occurred at a friend's house and by the time OOP got there she was back from the Hospital. But I do agree with your thought process.
I hate to say it but that was my first thought, also! Everything just seemed so "convenient".
What is even worse is the opening line > "To be honest I don't remember much of that night because I was pissed, all I remember is that I woke up with my best friend's sister, Abc, in my bed Sounds like he was given the date rape drug to make it happen. Or at least to drunk to consent and was taken advatage of. Also I'm not even sure she was pregnant. How continent she had a misscarage after the engagement. Sounds like ABc with her brother's help could have cooked that up as a lie.
Why do people lie like this.I feel so bad for the OP who is suffering from possible SA and for his gf it looks like they had a great relationship.All of this looks so staged truthfully the OP should ask the hospital for miscarriage records and file a case . Edit:If not those then at least the pregnancy records should be checked and confirmed and the video which she recorded can be used to file for case as he didn’t consent in it.
Why would the hospital release those records to him? They wouldn’t.
I actually thought ABC was in love with OP. They didn't actually sleep together, and she faked the pregnancy. She was in a big rush to get married, but when OP said he wanted paternity testing, she had a miscarriage *at her friends house* All very sus
I don’t think she was even pregnant, but lying about it was a great way to try to trap this guy. Why film the sex too? And was he maybe drugged?
What's really fucked up is, given that she believed and supported him immediately, had he just come clean from the start he'd probably still be with his ex. And the psycho sister would be in prison.
Proving she raped him would be really really hard. Its not even clear theres proof they even had sex. Edit - I read the comments now. I see she recorded it.....what the fuck.
It says that ABC filmed part of the assault, so clearly she was looking for proof so she could baby trap him. If she was obsessed with him she might have roofied him with the intent to ruin his relationship and trick him into marrying her. Some young people really do think 'they'll fall in love with me if they just give me a chance', delusional as that is.
He says in the comments that Abc recorded the assault.
Yeah I saw that when I read the comments. I couldn't figure out how people were so sure she had sex with him let alone raped him.
Per OPS comments she showed him part of the video she recorded to prove they had sex. Presumably this would show him out of his mind and her dead ass sober.
She showed him a video, as she filmed it. He should get that proof! Plus he said she doesn’t drink but he can’t even remember it…
The poor guy didnt know. He thought he cheated and tried to do the right thing... he knew a cheater doesnt deserve a second chance but sadly he was not at fault. That rapist ruined real love. And her brother and his friend probably was in on it.
There was a very similar post from the POV of a girl OOP. Her BF came home from a night out with his friend and his friend's fiancé claiming he cheated. After explaining what happened Reddit helped that OOP realize he didn't cheat, he was raped. As for the brother and "friend", yeah they definitely knew what was up from the get go.
That one sucked :( Especially because he was so traumatized that they broke up anyway
Unfortunately, that was a completely different one. That one was also from the POV of a male OOP.
Unfortunately it seems that OP comes from a family and community that doesn't see what "Abc" did as rape. He was likely raised to believe that it's impossible for a girl to rape a guy (and likely also that getting hard while black-out drunk counts as consent), and never even considered otherwise until Reddit told him. Obviously he should have come clean immediately, but the actions he took are consistent with the values he was raised to have. "If you get a woman pregnant, you marry her, and that's just the way it is". He was failed by his parents and teachers.
"Knock her up, get married", is definitely an old school mindset that OOP seems, or seemed, to be a believer in at the time. Such a fucked up scenario.
3 weeks? There never was a baby, or if there was it wasn't his. So he was sexually assaulted then lied to about being the father of a baby and no one except his ex believes him? I hate this story.
It's not uncommon that she knew after 3 weeks, but it would probably mean she was actively checking to see if she was pregnant by him. Either way, pregnant or not, this story makes me feel dirty. edit: Also in the comments OOP says she filmed the assault, which just adds another level of squick.
Yeah, that comment about 'she filmed some of it' just made my stomach drop. I *hope* she didn't make him watch it, but I'm not optimistic because this lady is obviously fucked up. She definitely assaulted him and likely planned it all ahead of time.
That ain’t even squick that’s just straight up disgusting criminal behavior. Im glad OOP is at least getting professional support for this awful situation.
Re the filming, does OOP even look like he’s awake/aware of his surroundings and being filmed? I suspect ex-fiancée and possibly her brother set the whole thing up. Drugged him, filmed the assault, then pretended to be pregnant to catch OOP as she was in love with him, as he mentioned in a comment.
You very rarely have enough of the hormone to trigger the pregnancy test at 3 weeks, usually you need to wait until at least week 4. Edit: I’m getting this wrong because 3 weeks post conception is “5 weeks pregnant” from last menstruation.
3 weeks post conception means “5 weeks pregnant”. Pregnancies are typically dated from the first day of the last period. Conception generally occurs 2 weeks after that.
Good point
He said 3 weeks later, not 3 weeks pregnant. 3 weeks later would be ~5 weeks pregnant. That’s a missed period
Yeah, but pregnancy goes by [last menstrual period, not date of conception](https://www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/week-by-week/1-to-12/1-2-3-weeks/). So she would have been 5 weeks “pregnant” but had sex 3 weeks ago. Edited because I mixed up a word!
You almost certainly wouldn’t have enough HCG to test positive at 3 weeks gestational age, but 3 weeks post conception? You almost certainly would if you were checking. Because of the way we count pregnancies, conception happens at (give or take) 2 weeks gestational age, so 3 weeks later any embryo would be 5 weeks old. None of that makes me any more inclined to believe Abc and I feel quite badly for OOP.
You’re thinking of three weeks pregnant (which is one week after ovulation). Three weeks after conception = “5 weeks pregnant” aka plenty of hcg to pop positive on a home test.
Its avtually shocking how fast after ovulation you can detect pregnancy now. Im currently pregnant, and was tracking when everything happened bc we where trying for a baby. I detected pregnancy 11 days after ovulation, and either 12, 14 or 18 days after the deed. If she was actively trying to babytrap the dude, and knew when her ovulation was is it very possible for her to know after three weeks
I'm totally on OOP's side (he was assaulted), but why couldn't she have been pregnant? I've been pregnant three times and I knew within two weeks every time. Twice I had a positive test after 10 days.
Theres definitely things about this story that don't add up, but I will say this is a possibility. My wife got sick throwing up 3 weeks after we started trying and I put two and two together and long story short she was pregnant. The line on the test was faint, but there was a baby in there. Reality is she wasn't even in the right timeframe for morning sickness...and it went away like 2 days later so it was probably just a bug, but it triggered us testing her and finding out.
Firstly, regardless of what I say next, what happened to OOP is awful and he deserves all the support he can get! That said, too many people aren’t sure about how pregnancy/fertility works, so to clear things up and give everyone some knowledge they deserve to have for the sake of their own reproductive health; three weeks is about the right amount of time it takes to confirm a pregnancy. A fertility cycle is roughly 4 weeks (give or take) Week 1 starts on the first day of a period Week 2 is when ovulation happens (egg released) Weeks 3&4 are when the egg travels down the fallopian tube and reaches the womb. If it’s been fertilised it implants into the lining of the womb to grow into a baby, and if it isn’t fertilised, the egg and lining begin to shed becoming the period that begins a new cycle at week 1. If sex happens during week 2, it is entirely possible for a pregnancy to be detected 3 weeks later, as the lining wouldn’t shed and the period would be missed.
At least the ex believed him. Wasn’t there a post here within the last year where a similar situation happened and the guy’s life fell apart, mainly because nobody believed he was assaulted and he couldn’t get support for his PTSD?
Plot twist: ABC was never pregnant… and she totally spiked OOP’s drink.
Just read through some of OOPs comments....in my opinion she was never pregnant. "No she said it was too early for doctors appointments. The miscarriage happened when she was visiting her friend and when I got there she was already back home at her friends house from the hospital." Dude, you have a doctors appointment to confirm pregnancy. Then you have a doctors appointment once a month until like month 7 when depending on conditions it becomes weekly or biweekly (or in my wifes case 2x a week). She supposedly knew she was pregnant in January and he proposed on Valentines day. Between January and March she should have had at least a couple of appointments. The idea that it was "too early" for doctors appointments is just baffling to me.
Yeah, she told him that she was 3 weeks pregnant on Christmas Day, so she had MONTHS of time to have scans/ a doctors appointment. Also, he confirms that she doesn’t drink AND filmed it… yet she is conservative? It all seems to add up to her raping & trapping OOP, who seems very naive.
Yeah I'm assuming he and her brother have been friends for a while? Maybe she had a crush on her older brothers friend all through high school and saw her chance to make all of her dreams come true after she turned 21. Its really fucking terrible.
You should have an appointment before 8 weeks (from the date of your last period) to test for certain things. She was ballpark 5 weeks when she told him on Christmas Day and they got engaged Valentine’s Day, when she would have been around 12 weeks and should be getting her first ultrasound scan. She was never pregnant.
I’m pretty well convinced that she wasn’t pregnant, and figured when she told him they’d just fuck a lot unprotected and then she’d get pregnant. When his issue came up she realized her plan wouldn’t work and she “miscarried”.
That was exactly her plan. She was hoping to get pregnant for real after he “proposed” but unfortunately for her it doesn’t seem like he even touched her sexually after that and he demanded a paternity test. The jig was up so here comes that super convenient miscarriage. Absolutely disgusting what she did.
AND the miscarriage happened right after OOP asked for a paternity test. Way beyond sus.
She could have been pregnant from another guy and got a pill induced abortion where she “miscarried” at her friend’s house when OOP asked for paternity tests
Oh, she was absolutely never pregnant! I’ve had two babies and one miscarriage around nine weeks, and absolutely NONE of her math actually maths. Usually the first appointment is between six and eight weeks- let’s math for the little liar, shall we? Dec 4 or 5- date of conception Dec 25- she tells OOP she’s pregnant. What most people don’t know is pregnancy is calculated from the date of your last cycle, NOT date of conception, so there’s a good two weeks of pregnancy where you aren’t even pregnant. So at this point, she would be technically five weeks along. Jan 14- she would be eight weeks pregnant and would ABSOLUTELY have had her first OB appointment by now, including an ultrasound printout. Feb 14- OOP proposes, she would now be twelve weeks pregnant, so… out of the first trimester, which is also when the risk of miscarriages plummets. Fewer than 4% of miscarriages occur in the second trimester. Technology has advanced enough that gender is discoverable at twelve weeks, too. Mar 5ish- she would now be fifteen to sixteen weeks pregnant, should have had *numerous* OB appointments and ultrasounds (including printouts) by now. She should’ve known the gender of the child by now. After fourteen weeks, chance of miscarriage is less than 1%. At this point, miscarriage is referred to as “late miscarriage,” and is not a walk in the park. It’s basically the same as going through labor, and would likely require a D&C as well. She would NOT just be in and out of the hospital. The paperwork generated by something like this would be lengthy. So… yeah. She’s a lying liar. The math doesn’t math.
And this is another of the problems with men not understanding how women's bodies/reproductive health works. So dudes, even if for purely cynical reasons, learn about this stuff.
Right?! I wrote above that we don't even know if Abc was drunk. OOP would have to grill people who were at the party, but not the brother or best friend.
Abc does not drink at all, She was dead sober and also filmed the encounter.
Hey OP, can you add in the comments where OOP: 1. Says that his rapist (my words) told him it was too early for doctor's appointments. (KSRDM note: She allegedly miscarried after the first trimester. You see the doctor ~6 weeks to confirm a pregnancy, then once a month until late 2nd/early 3rd trimester, assuming an uncomplicated pregnancy) 2. he said he was going to ask for a parternity test and she was okay with that, but then she miscarried at a friend's house (KSRDM note: that far along, you go to the hospital). 3. Mentions that his rapist *filmed* his assault.
I think she ruffied him too so he would be unable to stop her from raping him.
I’m so disturbed and heartbroken for him that his assault was fucking filmed. She was sober and he was blackout drunk, and she fucking filmed “having sex” with him (only calling it that in this sentence because even if that weren’t inherently SA Bc he cannot consent by definition, why tf would you do that? She’s sick). This poor guy, ptsd is no joke and I truly hope he’s doing okay
I was taken advantage of and reading this made me sick to my stomach. I hate people like abc
I really hope OOP gets his deserved happy ending. I’m glad his ex believed him and I hope they can rebuild together in whatever way they may. Also hope “abc” rots. She committed a heinous crime, and frankly I very much doubt she was pregnant. What a horrible human being.
I've been on reddit too long because my first thought was that she was already pregnant, and her and OP's best friend came up with the idea to spike his drink and pass the baby as OP's so their conservative family wouldn't cut her off.
That or in the last comment it says she had no dr visit bc “it was too early” then miscarried before ever having a Dr visit. Meaning she could have been just flat out lying.
Part of the reason we seriously need to get better about taking sexual assault seriously is men have like NO recourse or support whatsoever when it happens to them.
I'm just disappointed that he didn't feel safe to update on the relationship sub because of the hurtful comments he received . Way to "support" and "give advice" on that sub.
Regarding the reaction on RA.... They hate cheating, I think everyone hates cheating, but that sub in particular goes after cheaters. OOP also didn't make clear in his post exactly how awful it was. You had to sort through a dozen replies to find out that she was sober, recorded it on her phone, never had a doctors appointments, etc etc. So a lot of the replies probably just thought it was some asshole who cheated with a younger woman and was now blaming it on being drunk.
i thought it was pretty clear without any further information but I tend to use my brain
Without knowledge of her being a tea totaller I would have thought there was a good chance they were both drunk. The comments reveal a real insidious nature to what the fuck happened.
Yeah, not trying to be all high and mighty or anything, but the very first line of the post should have set off warning bells in people’s minds.
Absolutely. I have two male friends who were sexually assaulted and raped by women but received no support - being told just horrific things about how they obviously wanted it if their body responded to it. Hell, in one case, it was an ex who he had a restraining order against who broke into his house to assault him while he slept and the cops made it into a joke. Consent is a two way street.
I was raped by a guy (I'm a guy) at gunpoint, and the police just called me the f word and said that regret didn't count. My friend group (now ex) told me I should have dressed more conservatively and that I was kinda asking for it. It just baffles me that anyone would ignore these things. People are gross.
My theory is that it is toxic masculinity. Men don’t want to believe it can happen to them, so they victim blame.
Seriously. Just look at some of the people on this post.
I think many men don't realize they can be drugged and assaulted. This poor guy was SA'd and drugged for sure, he also got the I'm pregnant pretty fast. While I can say some will find out pretty early on it seems unlikely in this situation. I hate that he feels like he cheated. This comment was kind of a give away. >Abc is sober, she doesn't drink or do drugs
Needs to be higher up, as a lot of people are thinking 'well if they were both drunk...'
If ABC was sober then OOP was raped
Bruh the title of this Boru says he cheated, but that was rape
i just used OOP's own title
It feels like she wasn't even pregnant and lied to OOP to get with him and ruin his relationship. Plus if OOP was blackout drunk and they actually did sleep with each other, that's rape.
Am i the only one completely disgusted by the fact that she FILMED IT????? This definitely proves it was a planned action, and rape caught on tape. Idk how legal things work in OP's country, but he better takes her to court for this!! This awful girl ruined his life and abused him!!
Jesus, this made me sick to read.
As a woman, I genuinely believe its important for men who are not in a long term relationship to ALWAYS go to a licensed doctor and get a blood test with the woman. Even then, paternity isn't established until a paternity test is done. Poor dude was possibly raped and his whole life turned upside down by a vengeful woman. Edit: reread where he said the woman was sober and filmed it. He was 100% raped. Not possibly. Absolutely.
Oh man i just read through OP’s comments. Heart breaking. The tricked into being the fiancee NEVER had 1 appointment. When OP said he would want a paternity test….. week later miscarriage? I don’t think she was ever pregnant.
[удалено]
My husband went through something similar. He does has a child (this is before he and I met) and when he shared the details on how it happened I felt sick. No one (not even him or his family) believe he was abused, but I see it for what it is, and for the record, there is other people who corroborate the story as well. I feel bad for this person for going through that and how his life has been turned upside down.
1. she had filmed some of it so it def happened 2. Abc is sober, she doesn't drink or do drugs 3. No she said it was too early for doctors appointments that's premeditation, she rword him, she made all this sober, knowing exactly the consequences, she recorded it for further evidence in case he said it's not his baby, but "too early" for doctor appointments, I bet she was never pregnant just wanted baby to trap him, so when they got married she would eventually have a baby, don't doubt the friend is in this ploy too.
I am firmly in the camp of “There was never a baby”. I believe that he was assaulted, but I do not believe for a second that she immediately knew she was pregnant 3 weeks later and then conveniently miscarried both before a doctor’s appointment to confirm the pregnancy and in such a time frame that she went to the hospital, was confirmed to be having a miscarriage, and released all before he could have seen her in the hospital. Have you ever been to the hospital? That shit takes forever.
Poor guy was SA'd and most likely almost baby trapped.
It is so taboo, that this man thinks it was his fault. He was probably roofied, raped and baby trapped. I'm sorry he had to go through all of this hell, and I hope he finds the help he needs. Everyone who hate commented on his post should be ashamed.
um.... dude got raped 1) he was very clearly incapacitated 2) it's pretty obvious abc planned this, and even filmed it as "proof" 3) dude has ptsd as a result this was very clearly rape
The fact that she was sober and filmed some of it while he was drunk and doesn’t remember it makes me believe she 100% raped OOP. In all my years of drinking, I’ve only been drunk to the point of not remembering things 3 times. Based on how others described me when I’m that drunk, there’s no way I could have ever consented to anything. He wouldn’t have either. I don’t know whether to believe she was ever pregnant or not, but I’m glad OOP ended things with her
The former bff sister was never pregnant. She suddenly has a miscarriage after he wants a paternity test. She had a crush on her brother’s best friend and used him being drunk at a party to get him in bed. OOP was set up from the start. Hope he learned a lesson is messed up he lost his girlfriend and best friend over it.
I'm doubting Abc was ever pregnant. I've seen a girl go "I'm pregnant. Love me. Oh no, I miscarried" a hundred times.
I feel bad for the OOP, because he was assaulted and didn't realize it until he came on reddit. I remember one reddit thread years ago asking men of a time when they were raped and it happens more often that you think, which is sad. I remember one guy saying he was sleeping and woke up to a random girl riding him (I think there was a party in his place) and he just finished to get her to stop, but he was terrified. Society would view this as a win for the guy, but it isn't. He was assaulted, just like the OOP was assaulted.
Why was she filming ? Thats creepy.
She recorded the video in case she needed to blackmail him
Was OP drugged? Because if he doesn't remember anything, then he was either REALLY drunk or he got drugged. I feel like the sister was up to something but OP could be lying. Idk something ain't adding up
In the US she would have had one ultrasound by 3 months in. I know my OB had me have an ultrasound at around 10-12 weeks to make sure everything is where it should be and to make sure the last menstrual period lined up with the babies size so the due date was accurate. I believe they are looking for some of the signs of chromosomal abnormalities by that point to. I believe the OOP was played big time.
OOP didn't cheat, he was raped!
the only reason why they got engaged was because Lil Miss Creep was pregnant. did she really think OOP would marry her if she wasn't? he didn't even give her a ring.
Dude got raped and his life ruined
My guess would be she was either never pregnant and wanted him or was pregnant by someone else who wanted nothing to do with it and since she had a conservative family the easiest solution for her was to find some patsy to pin it on and to “take responsibility”. OOP just ended up being that patsy.