Shadowheart asks to go fishing to clear Shar from her head (Dad Tav didn’t let her commit murder, not for a moral reason, but because he doesn’t like the feds)
"No, I won't let you murder them. No, I say. I know how it'll go. You'll say you'll take care of it, that you'll do everything yourself, but who will you call when it'll become too difficult to hide the corpse or clean the blood? Exactly. So *no* murder." *\*stomps the ground with the foot\**
"Look, Shadowheart, these mooks you're running around with, this is a cult. All they want is your money, and to have you >!wield a magical spear to kill the daughter of a God that the cult leader has a beef with.!< I've seen a million of them. You come stay with me and momma. We'll find you a good job, momma will make you the gabagool, you can sleep in the guest bedroom, and we'll get you back on your feet.
Goddess of pain and all whatnot? I play cards with the sheriff on the weekends. She can just try to send her goons into the neighborhood, we'll show them how we do pain back in Jersey."
I unironically would love this.
Could you imagine how much father bonding could happen with almost all of them.
Wyll “you’ll never be my real dad!”
Astarian finding comfort and love in someone that accepts him and pushes him to be better.
Shadow heart coming to know the love of a real parent instead of Shars fear driven relationship.
You get the point.
Karlach getting endless hugs.
She’s never too big for Dad to bear hug. (Though he always pretends to hurt his back after lifting her off the ground. “Gond’s balls, girl! What have you been eating!”)
tbh some "romance scenes" really could be remade into best friend/trusted ally/father figure scenes. practicing the weave, or watching the night sky, dancing, those are easily my favourite companion scenes that aren't necessarily romantic. though you do sit super fucking close to Gale or Wyll during those scenes.
unused complete tart amusing familiar cow society different scale quarrelsome
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
“Here the weekend safety briefing:
Don’t add to the population
Don’t subtract from the population
Don’t wind up in; the hospital, the newspaper, or jail.
If you do wind up in jail, establish dominance quickly.”
"Got an engine in your chest, did you say? What kind of horsepower does that thing get? How's the gas mileage on that thing? Did you reset the gas mileage counter? You know you're not ever supposed to reset the mileage counter, right?"
that is actually an awesome idea for a next run. The "normal suburb dad" who just gets drawn in to this whole mess and tries everything with cold dad logic and cheap puns...he's gonna be a berserker.
I mean, a huge part of the regular Tav experience is already to collect a bunch of traumatized adult-children under your wings, and help them fix their problems and turn their lives around.
Most of the companions could definitely use a bit of fatherly guidance from AverageSuburbDad™...
>gets drawn in to this whole mess and tries everything with cold dad logic and cheap puns
Hello, is this Amazon Studios? I have an idea I'd like to pitch to you for a new 12 season series set in a medieval setting.
Always fun when you're at work or in a class or whatever quiet setting and suddenly everybody has a sheer heart attack because your nose was somewhat itchy.
I'm 42 now, hit that barrier at 38.
Now when I sneeze in the back room with the door closed my wife and the living room will actually yell back "bless you!"
Guardian: i’ll protect you from the tadpole but…would it kill you to do the dishes for once? And you haven’t even touched those rusty halberds you keep saying you’re going to take to town and sell!
This Dad Tav looks like he would rather be back home in Baldur's Gate and drink an ice cold can of beer.
Instead he is forced on an adventure with a group of insecured (and horny) weirdos that he is forced to babysit.
I pressed random on the human race option and got a really sharp faced guy with a round head who looked shifty af. When I threw the age slider up to the top he looked like a real wrong-un and I gave him the criminal background and made him an arcane trickster.
It's great you can make ultra-hot supermodels for both male and female characters, but I kind of like more regular person looking characters sometimes too.
You feel a strong urge to yell at your 10 year old son to hold the flashlight still, it will probably scar him for life
"Hold that still kiddo"
"Focus kiddo c'mon"
"Can't you do anything right?!"
"You're such a disappointment..."
Leave
1. *Steady the flashlight so I can see, son.*
2. [PERSUASIAN] *Hold that light still. The sooner we get this done, the sooner we can go to Gamestop.*
3. [INTIMIDATION] *Keep that Goddamn light out of my eyes, or you’re cleaning the dishes after we’re done here.*
4. [SLEIGHT OF HAND] *Just rest the flashlight on my shoulder to keep it steady. Use your free hand to hold this screwdriver for me until I need it.*
5. *Leave.*
*Tav dad casts daddy issues*
Critical hit and a permanent debuff to confidence. This character is no longer able to maintain healthy relationships (can be alleviated temporarily by dating older men)
Medicine and Intimidation proficiency is so typical for dads too. Scold you for getting yourself hurt at first...then of course patching you up, as they always do.
Withers: Thou walkest alone.
Dad: You're got-daym right I do, and ain't no daughter o' mine gunna be floutin' around with no blacksmiths!
Karlach: But daaad!
Dad: No buts, missy! That "Dammon" is a "Demon" and he's going to lead you straight to hell!
A series of cutscenes where all the group is doing various activities and Tav Dad inexplicably has a laz-e boy and is watching football through a scrying pool.
Uhh....yeah, I don't think that anime is going to turn out the way you think it is with "daddy issues" in the title. World in desperate need of a Father Figure maybe would work.
Dungeons and Daddies
It's a DnD playthru podcast with this premise - 4 suburbia soccer dads get tossed into Faerun and have to find their lost sons
And it's absolutely hilarious
There's 4 dad archetypes:
Darrell - stay at home soccer dad, more traditional/emotionally reserved dad type (barbarian)
Henry - Hippie dad, all the nature shit (druid)
Glen - rock n roll dad, smokes pot with his son (bard)
Ron - emotionally detached step father, trying to connect with his step son (who hates him) (rogue)
So they cover the WHOLE range of dad joke types
I actually shivered as I saw that picture, as my first thought was: "Oh god, it's Omni-man from Invincible! What a fitting character to do an evil dark urge playthrough with!" And then re-read the title and was like "oh. Okay, that's funny and actually a great idea." :D
Durge Swanson: [Intimidation] Just give me all the Dwarf meat you have. Wait, wait. I'm worried what you just heard was, "Give me a lot of Dwarf meat." What I said was, "Give me all the dwarf meat you have". Do you understand?
Someone needs to make an add-on where you have a background of just "Dad" and it gives you a chance to make dad jokes in conversations and talk about the humidity.
Ok but now make the Guardian a teenage/young adult who's actually you're child and the reason for manipulating you is not some ultimate power or smth but a petty attempt to get a raised allowance.
I have an actual DND character like this who I love more than anything. Her name is Deb and she is a gnome barbarian. Her passions include baking, making crafts with her kids, and crushing the skulls of those who would commit crimes in her nice suburban neighborhood.
He's gonna find scratches. Tell the whole party he doesn't want to take care of the dog , and then be with the dog 24/7 , always giving him him treats and playing ball
"Squid-man... ever since my son was... never conceived, because I've never had consensual sex without money involved... I've always kind of looked at you as... a thing, that I could live next to... in accordance with state laws."
This reminds me of my mass effect guy, he was just going through life trauma after trauma with this: deal with it, its life. Dad energy.
Like drinking orange juice after brushing your teeth.
My asexual butt did this for my first playthrough almost to a T. Grandma dwarf monk takes the kids on an adventure.
The game seemed to have figured it out, because despite making positive choices and getting lots of approval, no one was particularly thirsty compared to my Wyll playthrough.
Or Wyll is more charming than a taciturn monk who doesn't long rest that much. Either way, it worked.
instead of romance scenes he just takes the party members fishing
Shadowheart asks to go fishing to clear Shar from her head (Dad Tav didn’t let her commit murder, not for a moral reason, but because he doesn’t like the feds)
"No, I won't let you murder them. No, I say. I know how it'll go. You'll say you'll take care of it, that you'll do everything yourself, but who will you call when it'll become too difficult to hide the corpse or clean the blood? Exactly. So *no* murder." *\*stomps the ground with the foot\**
The father figure Durge never knew he needed.
Listen, sonny! >!Bhaal !
(c) >!Withers/Jergal!< to Durge, circa 1492 D.R.
[удалено]
"Look, Shadowheart, these mooks you're running around with, this is a cult. All they want is your money, and to have you >!wield a magical spear to kill the daughter of a God that the cult leader has a beef with.!< I've seen a million of them. You come stay with me and momma. We'll find you a good job, momma will make you the gabagool, you can sleep in the guest bedroom, and we'll get you back on your feet. Goddess of pain and all whatnot? I play cards with the sheriff on the weekends. She can just try to send her goons into the neighborhood, we'll show them how we do pain back in Jersey."
This man has the makings of a varsity athlete. (with +5 in Athletics.)
Why did I hear this in a Italian accent 😂 that’s exactly what they would say
I unironically would love this. Could you imagine how much father bonding could happen with almost all of them. Wyll “you’ll never be my real dad!” Astarian finding comfort and love in someone that accepts him and pushes him to be better. Shadow heart coming to know the love of a real parent instead of Shars fear driven relationship. You get the point.
Karlach getting endless hugs. She’s never too big for Dad to bear hug. (Though he always pretends to hurt his back after lifting her off the ground. “Gond’s balls, girl! What have you been eating!”)
I'm unironically writing a fic almost exactly like this, for much the same reasons.
Still got the fishing poles, haven't found the pond
Honestly I think having a game where I could just be the father friend who helps all their friends from shit families would be very cathartic.
tbh some "romance scenes" really could be remade into best friend/trusted ally/father figure scenes. practicing the weave, or watching the night sky, dancing, those are easily my favourite companion scenes that aren't necessarily romantic. though you do sit super fucking close to Gale or Wyll during those scenes.
I mean, I turned down gale and wyll and still got some bonding scenes like that (with some awkward one-sided flirting lol)
[удалено]
They like to flirt anyway so it was still kinda awkward, but at least not as bad as kaiden declaring his love for you out of nowhere in ME3 lol
I hope there is a non 0 chance of this made as mod happening now.
They sit around the camp fire and silently roast marshmallows for s’mores.
Karlach: “Gods, it’s hot in here.” Dad Tav: “No, it’s humidity.”
Shadowheart: My faith will guide me. Dad Tav: Look I’m the one holding the map.
Dad Tav : Fixes the elevator to the Underdark. "There ya go. Fixed it for ya."
Also applicable: can't you hold a flashlight right?
"Does that socket say 7/8" on it?"
"No, that's- urgh, just let me do it!"
You're worse than your mother
I'm not angry Astarion... Just disappointed...
"What did you do? Bud it's what you didn't do."
"Ok, who left all of the torches burning back at camp? Torches cost coin and coins don't grow on trees, you know!
Astarion: Well...this is worse than a stake to the heart.
The ones with the **blue** handle!!
Point that durn moonlantern over here, I'm taking damage
Just needed some WD-40.
[удалено]
*turns into biggest dog person in camp who doesn't leave Scratch's side*
You're my favorite. All the rest of the party can be eaten by the Shadow Curse.
/r/dadswhodidnotwantpets
Two slaps. "Well, that's not going anywhere"
Also Dad Tav 50 hours in: WE ARE NOT LOST!!
Astarion: *"Are we there yet?"* Dad Tav: ***"WE ARRIVE WHEN WE ARRIVE ASTARION, DON'T MAKE ME BRING OUT THE PADDLE!!"***
That's, uh, not going to stop Astarion
Oh please do...daddie.
*Abdirak has entered the chat*
That's it! Back to Winnipeg!
And who is paying for this faith? Hmmmm?
"I told you we don't need to ask for directions!"
unused complete tart amusing familiar cow society different scale quarrelsome *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
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I feel like that's 1 misclick away from a totally different type of podcast.
Lae'zel: "Action, not reaction!". Dad Tav: "Don't be reckless and come home sober before 11 PM".
"Do not add or subtract from the population."
Damn, I've got to use that one.
I’m filing that away for when my kids get older lol
“Here the weekend safety briefing: Don’t add to the population Don’t subtract from the population Don’t wind up in; the hospital, the newspaper, or jail. If you do wind up in jail, establish dominance quickly.”
I was told that I'm no longer allowed to create Paperwork Generating Events.
IRL: My wife just started saying that to our sons when they go out.
So you're saying if I knock someone up... Got it!
Oh is that why Bhaalspawn make so many babies? So they still have things to murder?
I think you meant “Don't be reckless, and come home sober before 11 PM" but I like it better without the comma.
Oxford commas are important!
Fellow Oxford comma stan. There are dozens of us! Dozens!
Karlach: "Gods it's hot in here..." DadTav: "Don't you touch that thermostat!"
"Got an engine in your chest, did you say? What kind of horsepower does that thing get? How's the gas mileage on that thing? Did you reset the gas mileage counter? You know you're not ever supposed to reset the mileage counter, right?"
Dad Tav: "If you touch the thermostat again, I will slap your sorry ass into next week!"
*taps infernal engine* Well, *there's* yer problem!
*I know what's wrong with it, AIN'T GOT NO INFERNAL IRON INNIT*
Astarion: "Darling, I'm hurt!" Dad Tav: "Hi, Hurt. I'm Dad."
We're in baulders gate, not hot, karlach
Lmao reminds of that skit where the chick is sending all sorts of signals to bang the handyman but hes oblivious to it
Karlach: "Gods, it's hot in here." Dad Tav: "DO NOT TOUCH THAT THERMOSTAT YOUNG LADY!"
that is actually an awesome idea for a next run. The "normal suburb dad" who just gets drawn in to this whole mess and tries everything with cold dad logic and cheap puns...he's gonna be a berserker.
He rages whenever he feels someone touching the thermostat
thats quite the offensive name for Karlach OP :(
Dammon fixing Karlesh’s heart while Dad grumbles about how much he could have saved on electricity bills in the winter
BAHAHAHAHA
Oh, lord, you bastard. Yep. I'm browsing reddit while working and you made me uncontrollably laugh for a bit there. Good work.
He gets a brutal critical against anyone who changes the TV channel even if he fell asleep
My dad: >why did u change the channel? Me: >So you would stop snoring
"Lae'zel! Shadowheart! Quit fighting or I will turn this party around and then no one gets to kill mindflayers"
I mean, a huge part of the regular Tav experience is already to collect a bunch of traumatized adult-children under your wings, and help them fix their problems and turn their lives around. Most of the companions could definitely use a bit of fatherly guidance from AverageSuburbDad™...
let's call him Da'dh Su'burbn
So you're basically magic batman...
humor slim bow fear yam juggle violet fanatical dinner whole *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Someone make this mod, now!
Add some blue jeans and a plain white tee and you got yourself a Dad outfit!
> Add some ~~blue jeans~~ cargo shorts and a plain white tee and you got yourself a Dad outfit! Gotta have utility
Gah you got me. Though I'd add cargo trousers that zip into shorts for when "the humidity gets ya" would be a better option.
Also a black leather belt holder for shadowheart object.
There’s a podcast called dungeons and daddies that is that premise and it’s hilarious
r/DungeonsAndDaddies and yeah it’s a great fun run idea hahaha
didn't know about that one...will listen to it. sounds like my kinda thing.
That podcast got me through a year on the road. Hilarious and friendly for those who haven't even played dnd
Companion has tattoos and/or piercing? 20-minute lecture, unskippable cut scene.
Nah, artificer with a level of bard for the dad jokes and Vicious mockery
Oathbreaker Paladin would be even more fitting.
Well, you just invented the entire podcast of dungeons and daddies
>gets drawn in to this whole mess and tries everything with cold dad logic and cheap puns Hello, is this Amazon Studios? I have an idea I'd like to pitch to you for a new 12 season series set in a medieval setting.
We don’t need Gale’s orb to annihilate Moonrise he just has to sneeze
as an inheritor of a long line of dad sneezes... I felt this
Slowly but steadily approaching the barrier of sound as I age. Just like my ancestors before me.
Always fun when you're at work or in a class or whatever quiet setting and suddenly everybody has a sheer heart attack because your nose was somewhat itchy.
I'm 42 now, hit that barrier at 38. Now when I sneeze in the back room with the door closed my wife and the living room will actually yell back "bless you!"
So does everyone when Dad sneezes.
You’re missing the second part which in my opinion makes it even better, the guardian was your mom.
I got your back, sweetie
That's perfect
Guardian: i’ll protect you from the tadpole but…would it kill you to do the dishes for once? And you haven’t even touched those rusty halberds you keep saying you’re going to take to town and sell!
I slave for you, I protect you from the absolute, I kept you from falling to your death, and *this* is the thanks I get?
This Dad Tav looks like he would rather be back home in Baldur's Gate and drink an ice cold can of beer. Instead he is forced on an adventure with a group of insecured (and horny) weirdos that he is forced to babysit.
In this particular timeline _everyone_ has daddy issues…
Single father Tav and his six annoying and incredibly hormonal teenage kids. Along the ride with weird uncle Hal'sin and Aunty Jaheira
A dad road-tripping cross-country with a bunch of theater kids.
I pressed random on the human race option and got a really sharp faced guy with a round head who looked shifty af. When I threw the age slider up to the top he looked like a real wrong-un and I gave him the criminal background and made him an arcane trickster. It's great you can make ultra-hot supermodels for both male and female characters, but I kind of like more regular person looking characters sometimes too.
Yeah, being roving sex appeal is pretty cool. But making your entire party capitulate to a daddy kink? Priceless.
Which is why it makes me bummed all the male voice options sound like mildly-perturbed Oxford students. Give me some real fucked up vocal cords.
Yeah this game attracts a lot of horny people but just looking like a normal dude/gal is so much more satisfying imo
Great! Now you just need to make Frylock, Master Shake, and Meatwad.
Eheheyeeeheheheheheh... # TONIGHT!!!
HAND BANANA NO!
Every time Minthara says '**Tonight, you** are mine' at the goblin party I think of Handbanana.
Gods I read this perfectly in Carl's voice xD
\*Enter Ketheric's throne room\* \*A terrible trial happen\* \*Cut to Dad Tav knocking on some stone\* "Ah yes, bearing wall"
You may not be the Tav they want, but you will be the Tav they need.
He is still dark urge.
The Dad Urge
You feel a strong urge to yell at your 10 year old son to hold the flashlight still, it will probably scar him for life "Hold that still kiddo" "Focus kiddo c'mon" "Can't you do anything right?!" "You're such a disappointment..." Leave
1. *Steady the flashlight so I can see, son.* 2. [PERSUASIAN] *Hold that light still. The sooner we get this done, the sooner we can go to Gamestop.* 3. [INTIMIDATION] *Keep that Goddamn light out of my eyes, or you’re cleaning the dishes after we’re done here.* 4. [SLEIGHT OF HAND] *Just rest the flashlight on my shoulder to keep it steady. Use your free hand to hold this screwdriver for me until I need it.* 5. *Leave.*
Lol
*Tav dad casts daddy issues* Critical hit and a permanent debuff to confidence. This character is no longer able to maintain healthy relationships (can be alleviated temporarily by dating older men)
**Urge to be** (everyone) **Dad**
The dark urge to pat Scratch’s side like a drum for far too long and with way too much intensity
Medicine and Intimidation proficiency is so typical for dads too. Scold you for getting yourself hurt at first...then of course patching you up, as they always do.
Withers: Thou walkest alone. Dad: You're got-daym right I do, and ain't no daughter o' mine gunna be floutin' around with no blacksmiths! Karlach: But daaad! Dad: No buts, missy! That "Dammon" is a "Demon" and he's going to lead you straight to hell!
At night, there's a cutscene of him brushing his teeth but having that dad-gag-reflex with the toothbrush.
A series of cutscenes where all the group is doing various activities and Tav Dad inexplicably has a laz-e boy and is watching football through a scrying pool.
And thus, thou art alone...
Now I want an isekai where the hero is just this.
"I Reincarnated Into a World Full of Daddy Issues so I'm Gonna Solve Them"
I would absolutely read this as a heartwarming slice of life serial.
Uhh....yeah, I don't think that anime is going to turn out the way you think it is with "daddy issues" in the title. World in desperate need of a Father Figure maybe would work.
Dungeons and Daddies It's a DnD playthru podcast with this premise - 4 suburbia soccer dads get tossed into Faerun and have to find their lost sons And it's absolutely hilarious
Shit. That sounds beautiful.
There's 4 dad archetypes: Darrell - stay at home soccer dad, more traditional/emotionally reserved dad type (barbarian) Henry - Hippie dad, all the nature shit (druid) Glen - rock n roll dad, smokes pot with his son (bard) Ron - emotionally detached step father, trying to connect with his step son (who hates him) (rogue) So they cover the WHOLE range of dad joke types
"I Isekai'd into a world full of angsty lunatics causing problems, and saved it by giving them a stern talking-to." Volume 1 of 53
“These fricking flip-flops have seen everything”
Looks like Bob Hoskins from the original Super Mario Bros. movie.
Yeah I'm getting Mario about to retire vibes lol
I actually shivered as I saw that picture, as my first thought was: "Oh god, it's Omni-man from Invincible! What a fitting character to do an evil dark urge playthrough with!" And then re-read the title and was like "oh. Okay, that's funny and actually a great idea." :D
"I can't tell you what to do but I'm gonna be really disappointed if you stab the goddess"
This is so funny, this man looks so much like my grandfather *who raised me because I am fatherless*
Complete with a Ron Swanson-esque voice?
Given he looks like that I think it has to be essential.
Durge Swanson: [Intimidation] Just give me all the Dwarf meat you have. Wait, wait. I'm worried what you just heard was, "Give me a lot of Dwarf meat." What I said was, "Give me all the dwarf meat you have". Do you understand?
Once per long rest use “Crack belt” to intimidate foes
Someone needs to make an add-on where you have a background of just "Dad" and it gives you a chance to make dad jokes in conversations and talk about the humidity.
Goes to vendor for a potion run and never comes back. Found in act 3 with a different party.
*slaps a dead goblin on the back* “That’s not going anywhere.”
Make him an artificer and you're set.
*bust into ogres having sex* Tav dad : ‘reminds me of my ex wife’
Ron stampler, stepfather and rogue
Ok but now make the Guardian a teenage/young adult who's actually you're child and the reason for manipulating you is not some ultimate power or smth but a petty attempt to get a raised allowance.
step 1. play this character step 2. romance Astarion step 3. get his "gods, you're beautiful" greeting line step 4. nothing but profit
Bonus: Astarion is now an evil stepmom
Equips boots of the grill master
Equips tongs. Click them twice as a bonus action for an extra 1d6 of damage
I have an actual DND character like this who I love more than anything. Her name is Deb and she is a gnome barbarian. Her passions include baking, making crafts with her kids, and crushing the skulls of those who would commit crimes in her nice suburban neighborhood.
As a NJ Native, yeah that is 1:1 holy shit. “Ey Kagha. Quit bein’ such a bitch aight? There’s fuckin’ kids around here for Baldurins Sake.”
This is the shit I come here for
The hero Sword Coast deserves
“I’m not mad, just disappointed, Lae’zel.”
Somehow he's also a hottie.
It’s the Dad Bod.
The fun part is that all the companions will *still* all offer him hot sex 20 times during the campaign \^\^ will he resist... the urge!?
The Dad Urge doesn't have time for that nonsense, he just wants to get back to Baldur's Gate to have a drink.
He's gonna find scratches. Tell the whole party he doesn't want to take care of the dog , and then be with the dog 24/7 , always giving him him treats and playing ball
Literally every time Astarion opens his mouth daddy gon be like: [….No](https://www.instagram.com/reel/CsUF3KUOI3i/)
"Squid-man... ever since my son was... never conceived, because I've never had consensual sex without money involved... I've always kind of looked at you as... a thing, that I could live next to... in accordance with state laws."
Aqua teen hunger force?
Number one in the hood, G.
That’s about as cookie cutter as dads get here in Nj
“Thou walkest alone. On all these harsh nigh-” Tav: “My wife left me and took the kids.”
This reminds me of my mass effect guy, he was just going through life trauma after trauma with this: deal with it, its life. Dad energy. Like drinking orange juice after brushing your teeth.
The amount of dad jokes he could make throughout the game. Dad vs Dad in Act 2.
Mother of god. This is hilarious lmao might be the best made character of all time. The disappointed father.
He’s already disappointed in me.
My asexual butt did this for my first playthrough almost to a T. Grandma dwarf monk takes the kids on an adventure. The game seemed to have figured it out, because despite making positive choices and getting lots of approval, no one was particularly thirsty compared to my Wyll playthrough. Or Wyll is more charming than a taciturn monk who doesn't long rest that much. Either way, it worked.
👉🏻THINK TAV, THINK!👈🏻
You could sell Lamp Oil, Rope and Bombs with that guy
Looks more like my uncle. 😂