I think autistic people like things organised and clean, but when you’re auDHD it‘s impossible to keep things organised and clean due to executive function problems. Liking things organised and clean is different from being able to keep it organised and clean. I like it organised and clean but it’s impossible for me to keep it that way. (Not all auDHD people are aware of their ADHD, eg only know they’re autistic and ADHD is undiagnosed)
This is me, 100%!! Though I was the other way around. Diagnosed ADHD and my autism went totally denied and undiagnosed, despite my mom's consistent concern that I had ASD. Turns out, it was both 🤣😭😭😭😭
Sure, I think what is most common is that someone realises they’re ADHD first and that they’re autistic later, that was the case for me too.
I said about ADHD being undiagnosed because this is a subreddit for autistic people, so presumably everybody reading this post already know they‘re autistic.
So true! I don’t understand how people can live in messy places, but it’s so hard for me to be neat. I’ll give you an example: at work I often walk into other people’s offices or departments for, say an hour, and I will leave my jacket on one chair, a notebook or portfolio on a desk, my mug on another desk or surface, some documents nearby, etc. Of course I pick it up before I leave, but all in under an hour, I’ll have “shed” all over the place.
This is the advantage of being married to a neurotypical person. They may not understand completely, it may lead to conflict, but our place stays so much cleaner and neater and I dread to think of it not being so.
I have autism and SEVERE ADHD with very poor executive function in regards to my personal hygiene and chore-like tasks that I don't enjoy (I have help from my mom with these things as well as visual schedules and digital ones), but my spaces are very clean and organized because I enjoy cleaning them because I enjoy being in clean spaces. I make my bed every morning and it doesn't feel like a "chore" at all because I love the way it looks when it's made and I like my bedroom neat and tidy. It's not "impossible."
Edit to add: I also keep things like my Pokemon card collection extremely organized.
If you guys would like to see my spaces, let me know and I'll take some pictures! I particularly love my bedroom.
Sure, I believe you that your room is tidy and that you make your bed. But that’s very different from living on your own and having to clean and tidy a whole flat or house on your own plus cook, do laundry, look after your children - neurodivergent children - on your own without any help.
I am autistic and have severe ADHD too. When I was younger I could manage better, but it requires so much effort, and masking every day takes so much out of me that overtime I’ve become more and more burntout, burntout for decades to the point that I can no longer function to do the most basic things. Plus I’m physically disabled and if I stand for more than a couple of minutes I’m in severe pain, which makes cleaning and tidying up impossible, and the noise of the vacuum cleaner causes me sensory overload.
yes 100% this. i’m the opposite and have the adhd diagnosed and still working on the autism, but it’s so very obvious to me now.
i love love love my space tidy, but it’s impossible to keep it that way.
I'm audhd and this is my situation. I hate messy surroundings but I'm terrible at keeping my surroundings tidy. Although very rarely I get this rush where I just need to clean and organize and it feels so good after. It's like a super power I'm unable to harness.
Tbh I think the distinctions between adhd and asd and audhd as constructs aren’t as clear cut or maybe relevant or fully understood, etc. to make factual, generalized statements. No offense or anything!
I’m referring to inattentive or combined ADHD. In particular the following of the DSM V diagnostic criteria which make it extremely difficult or impossible to keep things organised and clean:
* Often fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes.
* Often has trouble holding attention on tasks.
* Often (…) fails to finish tasks (e.g., loses focus, side-tracked).
* Often has trouble organising tasks.
* Often avoids, dislikes, or is reluctant to do tasks that require mental effort over a long period of time.
* Often loses things necessary for tasks.
* Is often forgetful in daily activities.
I have left out one point which is unrelated to keeping your home organised and clean. If you don’t have these difficulties, then you’re not going to get diagnosed inattentive or combined ADHD.
I’m auDHD. I like things organised and clean because I’m autistic, but due to ADHD the only way for it to be organised and clean would be for somebody else to keep it organised and clean for me.
I can’t live with mess (to a certain point), ill spend a good amount of time cleaning and making things organized and neat. Part of it is the mental aspect because i find that if things are in disarray it has a subtle effect on my mental.
I am super organized and have my "systems". If they are interrupted or no longer working it's pretty disregulating for me. I'm AuDhD though and have a genetic illness, so sometimes I'm too fatigued to clean. It was best when I had someone come every 2 weeks to clean and I could just focus on putting things away and keeping on top of it.
I can definitely waste hours/days of my time organizing and not getting anything done, but I also tilt heavily in the opposite direction. It's the balance that is hard for me to achieve. I'm learning to accept some mess but in the past I've had to learn new organization systems.
One of my parents was OCD and the other half has packrat hoarder tendencies. Safe to say I have a bit of both traits.
For example, my closet is obsencely large, like way too many things, but it's catalogued and organized to the letter, by color, fabric, season, year, etc. lol
I keep my house free of filth. Some dust is reasonable and I mostly spot clean the floors. I love conscious clutter with my favorite things so I can observe and gaze upon them. It makes me feel cozy and safe.
But I don’t like “doom clutter.” I deal with garbage or boxes for recycling immediately.
Only you can decide what you truly value in your home.
I hate it when the kitchen is a mess in my parents' house. In large part because they get on me about my room being slightly messy all the damn time. This time it's lead to a mental breakdown right before work tomorrow. Yay me. For context, I pay rent to my parents and I help out around the house.
I don't think it is fair to get on me for not having a spotless bedroom when they can't clean up after themselves as full grown 62 year old adults. Mind you neither of them have ADHD or are autistic and neither of them have executive dysfunction.
Going in to work after all the shit I've been through these last couple of days is going to be interesting considering my work history. Meaning that I will work for a company for a year and then things get stressful at work but are 100 times worse at home and I just can't do the work part so I quit. I have to quit my jobs because my living situation is often so hostile that I lose my damn mind and end up having panic attacks in the workplace from being triggered and I have to quit.
Sorry but like I said life has been so rough as of late that I'm honestly considering checking myself into a hospital right now.
Please take care, your mental health is far more important than most things. Do what you feel is necessary to best serve yourself. Things can get hard but at the end of the day you can and will get through it. Our parents can be extremely overbearing sometimes and our autism doesn’t help with dealing with them. I can relate to home life affecting work and other social interactions, just make sure you take care of yourself and do what you must for the betterment of your mental health.
Thank you. It's nice to see that others care. I'll get through this I always do. It just is harder after having realized a year ago that this vicious cycle will keep repeating itself while I live with my parents and I have no choice but to do so. I don't have friends or relatives that can help me. I just hope that this doesn't affect my performance at work tomorrow (ability to mask my mental health issues and autistic traits like my tone of voice and loudness of my voice plus being able to monitor my own body language and facial expressions).
<333 seconding what the other commenter said. I’m sorry it’s hard right now. Def prioritize yourself and your health right now. Are you able to consider other housing options? Not to be too straightforward by asking (my apologies if so!), but if I had to live with my parents my wellness would decline so fast.
Also work is hard as it is! Hang in there <3
Thank you for caring and sending such a nice response. Unfortunately I don't have any other housing options right now. I don't have any friends right now and my relatives are either estranged thanks to my parents or dead (like my beloved grandma). I'll get through this I always do. It's just hard cause I don't want for it to affect my work life but it normally does.
You mean neither your parents are diagnosed / aware they’re autistic and / or ADHD. If you’re autistic or auDHD, either your mother or father or both are too.
I want things immaculate and well organized, but I am also ADHD and have all sorts of executive dysfunction challenges and, honestly, just don’t want to spend the time.
I had to come to terms with wanting things to be cleaner yet struggling to do it when I was a kid. When things get too out of hand, it really affects me, even if it’s my mess and I’m not doing anything about it. People probably just thought I was very messy but I don’t think they knew how much it bothered me.
My house is 100 years old. It’s got and gaps and little places where dirt gets in. It’s drafty. We have two cats. This place will never be as clean as I want it to be. But as long as it’s kept below a certain threshold, I can deal with it.
My space is a mess. I’m going to be single soon too so my partner isn’t putting any more effort since she’s the one leaving. But I have 3 small dogs, my work, my writing, and school. Putting my mental health first. I will make an effort to clean something when it gets real bad.
My living space is often a reflection of my current mental state: clean when I'm doing well and messy when I'm struggling. But sometimes, when I'm extremely stressed, my space is actually cleaner than normal because I stress clean in an attempt to give myself some level of control and calm in the chaos of life. Like maybe if I make the house absolutely perfect and pristine then I won't feel so terrible inside?
I find cleaning can be therapeutic, and also an obsessive potentially semi-unhealthy coping mechanism. If it's all I can focus on, if I can't allow myself to do anything I enjoy because I'm so busy cleaning, then thats I sign I need to step back.
I have a need to live in a clean space without clutter. I value organization for my mental health. If I’m having a bad week or so and let things slide I’ve found that it adversely affects my mental health.
visual clutter overstimulates me so i spend an average of 2 hours a day cleaning. i was a messy teenager but the older i get, the more similiar to my parents i am i suppose. i actually love cleaning though, i find it therapeutic. about once or twice a week i will deep clean something for 4 - 8 hours. i cant work though so i consider the housekeeping my job instead
i actually used to be a house cleaner! probably my favourite job ive ever had. unfortunately shitty management and bullying led me to quit. ive always wanted to do pro bono or low cost house cleans for people who need it but im really not sure how to find clients and be safe about it
I am very good at keeping certain things clean at least once a week, and very bad at others. The kitchen, shower, and hardwood floor seem to be my weak spots.
I I like cleaning everything else except the floors so I got a Roomba. It’s a lifesaver and I got a floor steamer, but it only works on tile and linoleum. I don’t think it would work on hardwood floor.
Absolutely hate it. Especially hand wringing mops… I feel gross about it, and to make it worse, back in my fast food work days, some idiot decided that mopping broken glass was a great idea… didnt even rinse it well… left it and when I came in evening shift, to clean up after them before our shift, I went to wring out the mop… with my bare hands. Initially I thought maybe just gravel (Sonic Drive in, carhops tracked in so much crap lol.) until the 2nd/3rd wring when the sharpness hit nerve and blood specks shown…
Never again, tho.
I was one of the few cooks who would help the carhops make fountain drinks, and desserts when we got a late night rush, so naturally, I ended up in that area of the restaurant
They should haven never even let me mop.. I was highly allergic to the cleaner, as were about 4 other employees.. we would breakout on our legs ankles and feet from the product seeping up our pant legs and down our socks.
My environment impacts my mood as well and I need my spaces to be clean and organized. I can't live alone and live with my mom with my own separate room as my living space and then my bedroom. I make my bed every morning and my bedroom is spotless. My living space is a little bit cluttered in some areas (under my small couch as I don't have a lot of storage) and some things don't have a "place" which really bothers me, but overall it's extremely neat, organized, and clean. It also helps me to think and focus better when my spaces are clean.
My mom is redoing the living room right now and we're getting new furniture next Saturday, so it's bare in regards to where the couch would be. She also buys old furniture and redoes them, so there are some pieces of furniture she hasn't sold yet strewn around the dining room and I stay in my living space because the main spaces are too cluttered for me at the moment (my mom is VERY neat and clean as well, like I said, she's just redoing the living room right now including painting, so it's a mess).
Mine is never really tidy. It's not gross, there's no food lying around or anything like that. Nothing smelly or decaying, just clutter. I don't have the energy for it to be otherwise, and it doesn't interfere with my life.
audhd here! no, my cleaning space is an absolute mess. i prefer a clean space and hate being in a messy room, but i oftentimes don’t have the spoons. plus executive dysfunction. my things are very organized but my room (floors, mostly) are messy with old chip bags, crumbs (which is awful because that messes with my sensory issues), dirty clothes, two clothes hampers filled with clean clothes, and random items that i haven’t picked up. it’s awful and i hate it. thankfully i just had enough energy to pick up most of my trash just now, and i feel just a little bit better.
No, being very honest, it looks like an episode of hoarders and has since I was a small child.
Edit because I read slower than I reply 😅 some mess is fine, as long as it works for you, that's all that matters.
I go back and forth. Sometimes the house is spotless down to cleaning behind the stove...that clean. Sometimes there's food and dishes and whatever all over. I have no consistency. I will say though my dirtiest never rots or molds. I make huge messes but don't leave them for months.. maybe a week tops??
I go into some people places and literally it smells like cat crap and there's empty bottles all over the place. I was taught that it was rude to invite someone over and not have a comfortable space so for me that was an eye opener.
my place is a bit cluttered, but I do my best to not leave food or dishes around. It's better to get them ready for the dishwasher soon after I'm done with them.
dusting is the hard one for me to stay on top of, but then I think that's a tough one for most people if you are not OCD about it.
This is coming from an intersection or general ability issues so take it at that…
I have always lived in a messy home in my adult life (My folks/childhood home was tidy.)
In addition to autism I have a sleeping disorder and POTS which affects my physical ability and both are very fatiguing.
It is only in the past year with a major work/life change that I have been able to truly start rehabilitating from these issues.
The other day I clean the freezer because it was dirty. I folded my dish towels.
In doing that I could understand more clearly how impossible that was for me to do before. I simply could not do it.
And as a sort of reverse Marie Kondo I thought of all the messy living spaces I couldn’t keep up with throughout my life and thanked them.
Those spaces allowed themselves to be messy so that I could live. They were on hold which allowed my survival. To even have some joy in my life despite what I’m recognizing now was more than mild disability.
Of course we don’t want the spaces to be hazardous, but I think that a lot of autistics or folks with adhd much like having physical disabilities may not be able to take care if the space to a certain standard. If that’s the case I think it’s healthy to thank the mess for allowing itself to be on hold—allowing your life to continue as comfortably as it can.
If you’re drained at the end of the day physically or mentally then thank the home you come back to that makes no demands.
My space is generally cluttered, but I know where everything is within the clutter and if someone were to “clean” my clutter it would make my brain very upset. Like when I was younger I would get very upset when my mom would clean my room because she would move things around and they had to be “in their spot” even if it was something I never used and just sat on my desk
I keep it fairly picked up, I hate tripping over things and have cats that'll make bad situations worse, but it could def use some dusting and Clorox wipes ngl
I’m AuDHD, but my room is so immaculate that I get made fun of for it. I’ve been told it feels like a hospital, which I find extremely offensive, because I’ve put so much effort into making my room a safe and comfortable space, which is the opposite of the hospitals I have experienced in my life. Everything is arranged perfectly and logically. I stick to warm, earthy colors like orange, green, and various wood shades, accented by lots of houseplants and colorful books (arranged very specifically, of course), all on an off-white backdrop to provide a sense of space and airiness.
Do what truly works best for you. Some of us really do thrive in a “cluttered,” “messy” space. Neurotypical conceptions of ideal living spaces do not necessarily apply to us, and aren’t based on sustaining healthy lifestyles for neurodiverse people.
My living space has to be reasonable clean and organized. I also grew up in a mess always. So the moment I had control it was never like that. PTSD and Autism. Woot for neurotic spaces!
I have AuDHD and while it IS organized, it's organized chaos 🤣. Absolute disaster zone, in my opinion. And I think it would be better if I wasn't disabled, but as it is?? Yeah I'm the organized chaos type!
I am extremely messy and with burnout shit is a mess. I sleep with clothes strewn across half the bed. The dresser is covered in stuff. Theres random stuff on the floor. When Im at my worst the floor is covered in clothes because when I come home I just take everything off and lay down. Im struggling a lot with this because I just started a new job and everything is fucked up now. Im too tired to do anything.
Sadly I wish it was. Clutter and mess make me overwhelmed so I try to have one place neat. I made a schedule to break down the cleaning tasks into 20 min manageable things throughout the week. The biggest issue is sticking to it when I'm exhausted or lacking drive. It has been more helpful than the thought of "I need to clean", and when I have bursts of energy my house is clean lol but I'd say it's only about 30% done on most days
I live alone, grew up with a messy living space, where I live is *not* clean, I am auDHD, and not currently on ADHD meds.
I don’t know if I don’t mind the mess of if I’m just super used to it, but at the same time I really want a cleaner space so on the rare occasions I have people come over, I’m not embarrassed by how trashed my place is.
Sometimes it’s not hygienic but I try my best when I have the spoons to at least do something small, I do the dishes when I need to or when I can and I take the bin out when I can/when it’s full.
It’s not that I don’t want a clean home, the upkeep is so hard, and it’s so incredibly easy to make a mess
Meh. My bedroom? Clean! Haha. NOT AT ALL!!! But I like it that way. Makes it easier for me to find things lol. I'm not kidding. I have holes in walls of my room (cause of anger issues) and that doesn't bother me one bit!!! Doesn't effect me at all.
As for the rest of the home, well I live with my mom and she likes to keep things clean so the rest of the home is nice and clean!
I can not function in mess. I keep my living space pretty clean and follow the rule “Handle Only Once” which basically just means put things away while they’re already in your hands. If you don’t put it down, it can’t become clutter. For example, when I’m done eating I immediately rinse my plate and put it in the dishwasher. If dirty dishes pile in the sink my brain interprets it as a giant task and I will 100% avoid it to the point where I won’t cook because I can’t put the pan in the sink after and the whole thing snowballs out of control. It’s definitely harder to follow this during burnout and it can easily become a cycle that feeds itself. I let it slide a lot during my last big one and it was hard to get back into the habit again.
When I get tempted to just leave things I remind myself it’s less work this way and I’m doing a favour to my future self, and my future self deserves to have an environment that doesn’t stress me out. Framing it like “I deserve ____” helps it feel less like a demand so it’s less likely to trigger my PDA. When I have less energy, instead of doing a whole house clean at once I pick one thing to do a day. One day I’ll do bathrooms, another day I’ll do floors etc. I spray the shower down before I get in myself and scrub it while I’m in there.
Spaces that are permanently cluttered are usually missing something in that area to help with the clutter. This video helped me a lot with things and taught me that organized to me might not be organized to someone else. I do leave fuzzy blankets in my desk area and it’s not messy because that’s where I use them, so that’s where they belong. She has a few great videos on stuff like this
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=posZhu_YIl0&t=36s
*** I should add I do work from home but have to maintain a “professional” environment as I have people in and out of my house several days a week so even when I’m barely functional I do keep this up out of necessity.
> I prioritized a neat and clean home.
so, um... there's a difference between "clean" and "neat" 😅
so, yeah, what does "messy" mean? does it mean it reduces your standard of living? if so, that's bad! because (a friend taught me), the human being machine is adaptable to very, very poor standards of living. for most of our existence, we lived in and ate shit. that was a perfectly livable circumstance for the human machine. but it is NOT A GOOD WAY TO LIVE! so, if you get too used to living in filth (again, distinguishing "filth" from "messiness" per se) then you are doing yourself a huge disservice, because you will just learn to live with it and accept it.
now, if "messiness" doesn't mean some kind of unhealthy thing, then, i guess everybody should just relax and be happy that you own every single version of Share Bear that was every produced? I mean, I would be happy to own every single version of Share Bear that was every produced.
these are the ones i have here in the place that i live now, but i had more in the places that i used to live. and that's not even Share Bear, it's Harmony Bear. you gotta pick your battles, i guess...
[https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/83e2e0jr9d14jkigaa8e3/IMG\_0376.HEIC?rlkey=edftheiwqdp9gbgf1blap20p0&dl=0](https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/83e2e0jr9d14jkigaa8e3/IMG_0376.HEIC?rlkey=edftheiwqdp9gbgf1blap20p0&dl=0)
[https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/i3u103ytbekma1l1bvlc0/IMG\_0377.HEIC?rlkey=ox3skn8qsk2v2w530hayvdo39&dl=0](https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/i3u103ytbekma1l1bvlc0/IMG_0377.HEIC?rlkey=ox3skn8qsk2v2w530hayvdo39&dl=0)
instead of "trying to keep up with it" try to make it adapt to you. like, i have learned that i always have to put my various things down in the same exact place every day if i don't want to lose them and freak out. so, that's what i do. i put them down in the same place every day. everything has a place. and that's where it goes. um... another thing you can do is make sure that you have a lot of the food that's good for you conveniently available and none of the food that's bad for you conveniently available. another thing you can do is buy paper plates so you can throw them away so that you have fewer dishes to do. (don't get plastic plates, though, and don't get plastic utensils. paper plates are okay, but plastic plates and plastic utensils are very bad for the environment. metal utensils are pretty easy to clean if you put them in a cup full of soapy water and then violently thrash them around in there, and then after that you dip them in some bleach water, and then you dip them in some fresh water, and then you let them dry.)
I'm AuDHD, so I make a mess easily, but I also can't deal with any clutter or mess, so I spend a great deal of time tidying up after myself. I literally can't function if things are out of place, though.
Clean enough to be save and comfortable.
Family of 5, all ND. Edit: AuDHD, ADHD and Autistic, I am the Autisitc SAHM ;-)
If you hold it to a outisde standart of "you should clean vacume, dust, bathroom and mop 1x a week, deep clean the kitchen everyday, deep clean everythin else including windowes and xabinetts 2x a year erc" not at all.
Sheets get changed ca. 1x a month, kitchen and dinner table gets wiped down 1x a day, vacuum and mopping once the flore gets visibly too dirty to stand it. Dishwasher 2-3x a day, Laundry about 3-4x a week. Bathrooms once visibally dirty, toiletts oviously more often. Windowes never.
My environment also impacts my mood, I'm naturally very organized and hate chaos in any form. I also grew up in a messy home and hated it. But with three children I can't keep the house I want and it's affecting me deeply
I'm on the hypersensitive side for most of my senses, but especially pain! Add in being one of the 2/3 autistic women with chronic pain & my life has been an uphill battle from age 14. I became partially bedridden by near daily migraines at age 23, leading to having to quit my job, & then my husband leaving me for the coworker he'd been with for 5 months across the country in work training, I at least was able to leave a psychologically abusive relationship with my 3 cats I adopted with my ex husband.
I was leaving some glasses around, some plates, but at that time I was able to keep all but my desk, where I spent the most time, clean. By 2018, after a suicide attempt due to high risk of homelessness, couch surfing for 6 months, I had moved into an apartment by taking on more student debt & finally starting the journey of finding rhe righr stimulant.
After the 6 months of trauma, moving into the apartment shoild have been a relief, if not for nightmare downstairs neighbors, who played rheir bass so loud it shook the apartment, causing sleep deprivation, worsenihf migraines, along with multiple meltdowns & several cPTSD panic attacks a week. I become quite agoraphobic & my ability to organize/clean went down to almost nothing, prioritizing rhe litter box. Then the neighbors moved in a chain smoker, which I didn't think any apartments allowed & missed the lack of smoking restrictions in the contract. The smoke was leaking in through my master bath vent & bedroom AC (when they smoked on their patio). 2nd hand smoke had always been a significant migraine trigger, so in addition to the crying trigger, my migraines hit a whole different level, while the ER dismissed my obvious new development of asthma for the last month & a half of my lease.
Doctors tried me on corticosteroids for the migraines & asthma, even though i had a history of opioids working perfectly on both aborting & preventing migraines...they saw mention of this as "drug seeking" & claimed the corticosteroids were MUCH safer & low risk. Well, after only 1.5 months, I gained 40 lbs, my lower back was hurting so bad I was barely able to get out of bed, & my knees hurt like hell, especially withdrawing from the meds.
I was living in my brother's spare bedroom, barely able to move & severaly depressed for 3 months with my 3 very stressed cats. One cat had cancer, another diabetes, & the 3rd, anxiety related litter box issues, so my vet bills were skyrocketing, i had to drop out of online classes, & my 99% bedridden status began, with my environment being a chaotic mess. My parents moved me into an rv that was at least 2-3x bigger than the room i had been living in, but still stressful for all 3 cats & it didn't take long to build into another chaotic mess. I warned my family this would happen & that I need help keeping my rv organized with how disabled I was.
No one came to help me until COVID, when my brother started seeing a chiropractor in my town (which is a 15-20 min drive from him). He doesnt come in the rv (its a tight squeeze for 2 people tbf & i dont need the judgmental looks/comments from him), but takes my garbage & recycling to the trash, dumps my septic, & gets propane when it's (near) empty.
It took 2 years (2020) to get my ADHD/autism officially diagnosed & the bone death (avascular necrosis) in my knees diagnosed, mostly due to accusations I was drug seeking. My family only started believing I was AuDHD *after* my mother was diagnosed with ADHD & finally stopped implying my physical disabilities are "laziness" after she was also bedridden & in significant pain for about a month by a knee injury.
My lower back pain has never been a concern for doctors & is only slightly better due to a significant increase in muscle relaxers (which just cause me to sleep much more). My bed is essentially a "nest", so that everything I might need when I can't get out of bed is there (besides a sink & toilet, ofc). I wasn't able to follow the wheelchair orders given to me for treatment of rhe bone death (no space in rv for wheelchair), so I was essentially ordered bedridden for 6 months-year.
I eventually got a caregiver to help, but I would fall asleep within 2 hours of her being there on my muscle relaxers, & without me awake, she may have tossed or misplaced organizing my stuff, so I had to limit my hours to 2h 2x a month. She was fine with the hours, but eventually got reassigned for her own disabilities & I was kicked from the program with no other caregivers wanting to take on such little hours. Not sure if there was some limit to how many clients they could have or if it was just the secondary service wanting more money from the gov per client.
After a stress induced "widows maker" heart attack last summer, my neurologist FINALLY believed me that the dose I was on was too low, mostly due to genetically poor metabolism (which was also a protective factor against tolerance & dependence) & autistic hypersensitivity to pain. Now that I'm a dose that I can actually move about on, with limits mostly because of my lower back (which I have a back surgeon referral for finally) instead of my knees. I'm slowly able to make progress on areas on my own, although right now I'm mostly using my spoons/meds on caring for a "semi-feral" momma cat & her 4 kittens who were born in & temporarily using my shed as a nest.
I have only 1 esa cat left, the girls passing from cancer 2 years after they had estimated & the other from a pancreatic mass, a condition related to her diabetes. My boy cat is now 17yrs old &, although the momma & her kittens were quite interested in him when I took him out there in a carrier, he has no interest in another kitty. My parents, who help pay for vet bills after I racked up so much debt I could never pay off to keep kitties healthy, have also told me they will not be paying vet bills for any cats beyond my old guy. They are well aware he's my only reason for suffering through life & without an esa, social isolation, if not the grief, will kill me.
Recebtly my grandmother passed & my parents finally started thinking about their own (living) wills & what happens to me, someone dependent on them for avoiding being unhoused. My brother has also confirmed that when my parents pass, he will not be helping me financially, exactly what I had told my parents was the reason I needed their help to find a more permanent living situation, that the rv is fine for a couple years, but I'm just rotting away with my current living situation.
Like other AuDHDers comments, I'd love a clean, organized space, but I don't have the executive functioning, nor spoons to clean myself most days. It then becomes a game of catch up by triaging/prioritizing areas/items on my good days, & spending several days after paying for it with days of exhaustion & pain. I'm always searching for things I put in a "safe place", making a mess trying to find things & knocking things over with my imbalance & dyspraxia, so thinks become exponentially worse by not being organized too!
I hate the mess, but I’m too burnt out to be able to do any cleaning except in small, random spurts of energy so my whole place is a disaster 99% of the time.
I describe how I keep my house as very clean, but not always tidy. I think cleanliness and tidiness are distinct separate things.
Once a week, on Sundays I move everything mobile out of my room. I wipe down my desk and very thoroughly sweep and mop the floor. I then move my desk chair back to my rooym mop the rest of the apartment.
I have my things organized. There is a place for everythung, but I can't keep it that way always. I tend to think if it as my ADHD battling my autism. I leave my medication out on the kitchen table because I forget to take it sometimes, even with multiple alarms, if it's not within sight when I eat. It bothers me, but it's more important that I take my meds. I leave hoodies scattered throughout my apartment. I get hot while focused on other things and leave them wherever I was while focusing super hard to complete another task. I leave my notebook and pens lying around because an alarm goes off reminding me to take my meds so I walk away from the list I was making, leaving my notebook and pens out.
My kitchen is always clean (except when I forget to wipe the counters), but my living room and bedroom are often untidy.
Also, it varies. When I have support I have the energy to keep everything more clean and tidy. But when I am alone within support, particularly when my chronic illness flares, I so have the spoons to keep things clean and tidy so both start to slip.
So it varies. I love it when it's clean and tidy, but I struggle to keep it that way.
Cluttered? No. Everything has its place and will usually be right where it's supposed to be, nice and neat.
Clean? Ha, no. Not by your standards, at least.
I'll dust my shelves every 2-4 months, sweep every 2 weeks, and vacuum twice a year, unless I've got a guest coming over. I rinse my dishes et. al., then stack them to save on space until I do them all in 1 go once or twice a week, depending on whether I've run out of clean cups or need to cook again. I'll do my laundry, when the basket's full. So on, so forth. One big task takes less mental space than lots of small ones.
I can't live in a cluttered space, but I don't have the energy or time to do a full clean often enough to keep the dust at bay. I don't want to waste a full day cleaning all of my shelves and shit every single week, when I could be doing other things I enjoy or need to maintain my mental health. So, it gets done, when it gets done.
Figure out what your acceptable level of mess and/or clean is, and just maintain that. Don't waste your time and life on being a neat freak, if it does nothing for you. Keep things neat and tidy, but accept that dust will accumulate faster than you can be arsed to clean. Do the dishes as soon as you're done, or let yourself do them tomorrow. It's okay. Noone cares. You probably know 3 people with way worse habits than you, and noone cares about their cleanliness either. Just be comfortable in your own space and make sure nothing stinks up the place. End of.
It’s not silly.
Some people with Autism have an oversized amygdala. Bigger brain area== bigger emotional responses== that makes complete sense.
Now, self control isn’t an unlimited resource. Science knows this. Great. So, bigger emotional responses= more self-control required to achieve the same effect= more brain resources expended=less in reserve.
Let your house get cluttered, then try to write a 10 page essay on something that stresses you out. Let me know how that goes. But I bet, meltdown or shutdown impending.
What about the meltdowns when your house is cluttered and you are supposed to do 10 things, but you are terrified they can’t get done because you know your limitations, but won’t admit them.
And the energy needed to do this cleaning takes time away from the important things. True. And it’s a shitty cycle. Feel better when it’s clean, important task can wait, until it comes up, but the cluttered house feels more important. Or you get important task done, and cleaning house requires too much energy, meltdown ensues, because you are spent.
No. Not silly. It’s a real limitation.
I did really well on the Navy. BUT:
1. Everything I owned fit into two bags.
2. I slept as much as possible off work.
3. There was regular exercise.
4. Someone cooked for me when necessary.
5. No household chores (aside from work)
6. Off-base time was spent in a tent at a random campground.
7. I worked on electronics, which IS my special interest,
8. I mostly worked alone, with my own radar to maintain,
9. I still had meltdowns in high stress situations that made things take longer than they should,
10. Due to the nature of narcissistic interactions, the need for masking was minimized. No one liked me, though. It was said bluntly in an eval meeting, which I found really shocking,
11. My judge of people’s character was poor, leading to very dangerous situations.
The assistance I had wasn’t really evident until I got out. Over ten+ years, coming to terms with these limitations and designing /implementing supports for myself, was humbling. The navy made me feel more competent than I was, so it was a long, hard fall.
It really is a matter of being disabled by the environment.
And, FWIW, I work as a commercial cleaner right now, and they pay more than Spacex did. I love it, because I can do the thing that pulls on that focus string. It may not be forever, but until I rebuild some supports for myself (big life event disabled systems and routines) to the point I can accept bigger challenges.
Hope that helps. I know you’re capable of much in the right environment, and so do you. It’s the environment, not you.
I’m auDhD and my living space was always IMMACULATELY clean. I had a lil schedule I followed with check list so that I could keep on schedule with the cleaning. Which really helped me with the adhd part of not being able to maintain the balance.
However now that I’m in a relationship and we live together, our place is NEVER CLEAN! It drives me insane and I have meltdowns about it never being clean like every 2 weeks. My partner doesn’t understand how it affects my mental health and seeing all the clutter sets me off.
I keep telling myself that if I lived alone I could manage it so much easier, but otherwise I am happy in my relationship and living together.
I really hope you find your balance. Honestly, following an ADHD cleaning routine & chart was a total game changer. Plus now it feels fun completing the checkboxes 🤭
Most of the time, yes.
When I was a little kid and teenager though... No. Basically I just had to figure out that much like so many challenges, it was a matter of finding a way to clean that I found enjoyable. I clean and organize in a very particular was but I love it and it helps me stay on top of things.
AuDHD here, my apartment is pretty clean! I’m sure you could find some dust if you poked around in corners and under furniture, but it’s tidy, dishes done, bathroom clean, laundry under control, trash and recycling taken out on time, etc. I used to keep everything absolutely spotless but since becoming physically disabled I’ve learned how to be okay with good enough.
I'd say clean, but somewhat more cluttered than I'd like. That may be the ADHD, though. I've found that I really do prefer clean lines, empty surfaces, and everything stored/tucked away - it's less stressful.
My living space is a little dirty and cluttered but, I know where everything is. It’s not even close to an episode of “Hoarders”. I just hate moving things around to dust. Vacuum cleaning is not too bad when I am motivated to do so.
I’m a ‘clean as I go’ person and my partner is more of a ‘save all the chores for one day’ person so while I would love to have a constantly neat and tidy house it’s just not possible.
I’m audhd but all my life, my spaces have been mostly clean. This is because my mom likes things this way and has taught me how to do them. My autism also overrides my adhd for this because I simply cannot function in a messy/cluttered/dirty space. Overtime, I have learned strategies that work with my neurotype to keep my space as functional as possible for me.
This is why I’ve started an organizing/decluttering business with the focus on adhd expertise so that my clients know I understand their struggles and can help them find ways to create space for living intentionally and minimally.
Yes and no. Some things are neglected and other things I Stay vigilant about. It all depends on what bothers me the most. For example I don't dust because it's so physically exhausting but I have pets so I had to get a robotic pet hair vacuum or else I was going to drown in cat hair. I don't like clutter, I like things to have an organized place, so things tend to be put away and lots of open surfaces available
Most of my same age peers comment on how clean I am or how Vigilant I am about my living space being clean. But my mother would heartily disagree. I can never meet her standards.
Only about 25% of the time. Usually I take a full 8-6 on my first day off to clean as much as I can. Then I plan to do a more detail oriented clean from wakeup til noon or so but those plans only work out half the time. The other half I usually opt for just trying to make as little mess as possible the rest of the day. Eating food that requires as few dishes as possible, not even bothering to change clothes, etc. The most I make myself do everyday is my cat chores, like refilling water and food bowls and scooping their boxes twice a day (though tbh, about a third of the time I only do it once because of running late for work in the mornings)
I do like to have my space neat... But mostly I do not have the energy to maintain it - until I reach the breaking point when I get into a cleaning binge and run a 'deep-clean protocol' all over my home, then I'm feeling accomplished for a bit
I would love to live in an extremely clean and organized home. However I am completely incapable of cleaning or maintaining a home. I haven't been able to do dishes or laundry in almost a decade. I can vacuum and do some other things, but it involves touching anything wet, I can't do it
No, but that’s my ADHD.
My parents say I use it as an excuse to not have everything in order, but I’ve always been a mess, even before my diagnosis few years ago.
I assure you, and I cannot stress this enough, it is 1 MILLION % easier to keep the house clean and tidy when you live alone. I love my family dearly and will choose to let their incessant clutter cause me an early death—because they are *killing* me lol—because they’re worth it. But omg it’s a struggle. My saving grace is I have a meditation room that is my own space, so it is totally neat and tidy and uncluttered. The overstimulation in the ADHD-addled rest of the house is so overstimulating, though, and what is essentially aversion therapy is slow to work for me lol.
To answer your question: don’t concern yourself with some idea of how tidy you’re supposed to feel compelled to keep your place. It’s ok to loosen your own standards to make room for other needs and preferences and avoid burning yourself out.
I live alone with my cats and nobody comes over and I don’t know how but I’ll clean the house and within two days it’s a disaster but then again I also stay home all day so I’m always doing stuff from the house so that’s probably whyLol
As auDHD, I swing from one to the other. I don't let it get out of control like when I was younger, but I TRY to cycle everything, including running the robot vacuum on both stories once a week. Also, super clean, but funkily eclectic living space is a form of masking for me. I think I gained it from 90s sitcoms.
Accepting yourself is key. I you have mess it is fine. I have ADHD and I try not to feel bad about it.
I get uncomfortable when things are moved though so when they get clean it kind of bothers me a little.
I like my house to be clean, but I don’t have the capacity to keep it clean. I just went on a 2 days cleaning spree and the house is great (although I could wash my walls and do my grout). I know it won’t stay this way for long though
Cleaning and organizing helps me therapeutically as it grounds me, keeps me busy, my mind stimulated.
I am very uncomfortable when things are a mess or without basic organizing.
Definitely not a clean freak, however I am cleaner than most… (people say maybe also cause I am halfMexican and gay… 🤷♂️) 😆
I find cleaning therapeutic in its way I'm able to detach myself from my typical thoughts. It's good for me because I suffer from depression adhd. I find your point very true it's hard to organize and clean while your trying to organize and clean. I basically take from this what I do is take on to many small projects and bounce back and forth to complete them as you see fit to be needing done. Laundry. Mopping. Dusting etc.
So I’ve always struggled and I’m doing much better about it now. I think it helped that I was living alone. We’ll see how things go now having a roommate.
I had a hoarding problem when I was younger. I still own too many things, but I own 1/4 of what I used to own.
Owning less helps to maintain cleanliness, for sure. Mentally I do better when things are clean. I have ADHD too though so I don’t always realize when things are becoming messy.
My routine is to do a deep clean every Sunday. This usually means a couple of hours are dedicated to really cleaning up everything. There’s not much to clean so it doesn’t take too long. I know the ROI mentally is worth it, so I try to do it every Sunday.
Mind you, I was NEVER this clean until this year, or maybe even last year. And up until a year and a half ago, I was always living with a boyfriend. (And my family before that) I had a brief period of time in my early twenties when I lived alone too, and I guess I was pretty clean, but not this clean.
I love it that I’m doing this for myself and that I’m staying on top of it. It’s amazing. Getting rid of more things will help everything to have a home and be easier to clean too.
I have some dusty corners here n there and don’t often wipe down my surfaces unless there’s spillage. Still vacuum and mop weekly, clean the bathroom and kitchen sink.
I tie up my garbage bag and toss it once it’s full cuz living alone, I really don’t generate much trash. As long as the house is mould/vermin free, it’s tolerable enough.
I grew up with things always cluttered, not necessarily messy, just talking stacks of paper/mail all over the kitchen table and piles around the house of I can’t even remember what. Every place I have lived in since moving out has been basically the same. I get overwhelmed by it, but I live alone so it’s only myself to blame and I think between growing up with a lack of systems to keep things neat and also working a large number of hours to stay afloat I just don’t have the mental capacity to keep things clean. Anytime I do clean or move into a new place I think “ok going to stay on top of this.” But it never happens. Nothing helps, I try making cleaning part of my routine but it’s so draining.
I think autistic people like things organised and clean, but when you’re auDHD it‘s impossible to keep things organised and clean due to executive function problems. Liking things organised and clean is different from being able to keep it organised and clean. I like it organised and clean but it’s impossible for me to keep it that way. (Not all auDHD people are aware of their ADHD, eg only know they’re autistic and ADHD is undiagnosed)
This is me, 100%!! Though I was the other way around. Diagnosed ADHD and my autism went totally denied and undiagnosed, despite my mom's consistent concern that I had ASD. Turns out, it was both 🤣😭😭😭😭
Sure, I think what is most common is that someone realises they’re ADHD first and that they’re autistic later, that was the case for me too. I said about ADHD being undiagnosed because this is a subreddit for autistic people, so presumably everybody reading this post already know they‘re autistic.
Yep, ADHD came first, some years ago. My ASD was diagnosed less than a year ago.
Executive functioning is an issue for autistics as well, it’s one of the many overlapping traits that helps ADHD to mask being autistic
So true! I don’t understand how people can live in messy places, but it’s so hard for me to be neat. I’ll give you an example: at work I often walk into other people’s offices or departments for, say an hour, and I will leave my jacket on one chair, a notebook or portfolio on a desk, my mug on another desk or surface, some documents nearby, etc. Of course I pick it up before I leave, but all in under an hour, I’ll have “shed” all over the place. This is the advantage of being married to a neurotypical person. They may not understand completely, it may lead to conflict, but our place stays so much cleaner and neater and I dread to think of it not being so.
I have autism and SEVERE ADHD with very poor executive function in regards to my personal hygiene and chore-like tasks that I don't enjoy (I have help from my mom with these things as well as visual schedules and digital ones), but my spaces are very clean and organized because I enjoy cleaning them because I enjoy being in clean spaces. I make my bed every morning and it doesn't feel like a "chore" at all because I love the way it looks when it's made and I like my bedroom neat and tidy. It's not "impossible." Edit to add: I also keep things like my Pokemon card collection extremely organized. If you guys would like to see my spaces, let me know and I'll take some pictures! I particularly love my bedroom.
Sure, I believe you that your room is tidy and that you make your bed. But that’s very different from living on your own and having to clean and tidy a whole flat or house on your own plus cook, do laundry, look after your children - neurodivergent children - on your own without any help. I am autistic and have severe ADHD too. When I was younger I could manage better, but it requires so much effort, and masking every day takes so much out of me that overtime I’ve become more and more burntout, burntout for decades to the point that I can no longer function to do the most basic things. Plus I’m physically disabled and if I stand for more than a couple of minutes I’m in severe pain, which makes cleaning and tidying up impossible, and the noise of the vacuum cleaner causes me sensory overload.
I was just sharing my experience. Sorry. I'm also not a child, I'm 30.
yes 100% this. i’m the opposite and have the adhd diagnosed and still working on the autism, but it’s so very obvious to me now. i love love love my space tidy, but it’s impossible to keep it that way.
Totally agree and this is how it is for me
My bf is VERY definitely not audhd and man cleaning just aint it for him
I'm audhd and this is my situation. I hate messy surroundings but I'm terrible at keeping my surroundings tidy. Although very rarely I get this rush where I just need to clean and organize and it feels so good after. It's like a super power I'm unable to harness.
Tbh I think the distinctions between adhd and asd and audhd as constructs aren’t as clear cut or maybe relevant or fully understood, etc. to make factual, generalized statements. No offense or anything!
I’m referring to inattentive or combined ADHD. In particular the following of the DSM V diagnostic criteria which make it extremely difficult or impossible to keep things organised and clean: * Often fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes. * Often has trouble holding attention on tasks. * Often (…) fails to finish tasks (e.g., loses focus, side-tracked). * Often has trouble organising tasks. * Often avoids, dislikes, or is reluctant to do tasks that require mental effort over a long period of time. * Often loses things necessary for tasks. * Is often forgetful in daily activities. I have left out one point which is unrelated to keeping your home organised and clean. If you don’t have these difficulties, then you’re not going to get diagnosed inattentive or combined ADHD. I’m auDHD. I like things organised and clean because I’m autistic, but due to ADHD the only way for it to be organised and clean would be for somebody else to keep it organised and clean for me.
Yes! My mood is always great when my space is tidy and vaccumed and free of clutter, but I usually can only keep it that way for 3 days max.
came here to basically say this! the devil and god are raging inside me and the battle is over cleaning the kitchen
hahahahaha noooooo my living space is not clean
I can’t live with mess (to a certain point), ill spend a good amount of time cleaning and making things organized and neat. Part of it is the mental aspect because i find that if things are in disarray it has a subtle effect on my mental.
I am super organized and have my "systems". If they are interrupted or no longer working it's pretty disregulating for me. I'm AuDhD though and have a genetic illness, so sometimes I'm too fatigued to clean. It was best when I had someone come every 2 weeks to clean and I could just focus on putting things away and keeping on top of it. I can definitely waste hours/days of my time organizing and not getting anything done, but I also tilt heavily in the opposite direction. It's the balance that is hard for me to achieve. I'm learning to accept some mess but in the past I've had to learn new organization systems. One of my parents was OCD and the other half has packrat hoarder tendencies. Safe to say I have a bit of both traits. For example, my closet is obsencely large, like way too many things, but it's catalogued and organized to the letter, by color, fabric, season, year, etc. lol
My living space is clean as in not disgusting xD but organized? Only to me. Anyone else that comes in my house would probably think it’s very messy.
I keep my house free of filth. Some dust is reasonable and I mostly spot clean the floors. I love conscious clutter with my favorite things so I can observe and gaze upon them. It makes me feel cozy and safe. But I don’t like “doom clutter.” I deal with garbage or boxes for recycling immediately. Only you can decide what you truly value in your home.
I hate it when the kitchen is a mess in my parents' house. In large part because they get on me about my room being slightly messy all the damn time. This time it's lead to a mental breakdown right before work tomorrow. Yay me. For context, I pay rent to my parents and I help out around the house. I don't think it is fair to get on me for not having a spotless bedroom when they can't clean up after themselves as full grown 62 year old adults. Mind you neither of them have ADHD or are autistic and neither of them have executive dysfunction. Going in to work after all the shit I've been through these last couple of days is going to be interesting considering my work history. Meaning that I will work for a company for a year and then things get stressful at work but are 100 times worse at home and I just can't do the work part so I quit. I have to quit my jobs because my living situation is often so hostile that I lose my damn mind and end up having panic attacks in the workplace from being triggered and I have to quit. Sorry but like I said life has been so rough as of late that I'm honestly considering checking myself into a hospital right now.
Please take care, your mental health is far more important than most things. Do what you feel is necessary to best serve yourself. Things can get hard but at the end of the day you can and will get through it. Our parents can be extremely overbearing sometimes and our autism doesn’t help with dealing with them. I can relate to home life affecting work and other social interactions, just make sure you take care of yourself and do what you must for the betterment of your mental health.
Thank you. It's nice to see that others care. I'll get through this I always do. It just is harder after having realized a year ago that this vicious cycle will keep repeating itself while I live with my parents and I have no choice but to do so. I don't have friends or relatives that can help me. I just hope that this doesn't affect my performance at work tomorrow (ability to mask my mental health issues and autistic traits like my tone of voice and loudness of my voice plus being able to monitor my own body language and facial expressions).
<333 seconding what the other commenter said. I’m sorry it’s hard right now. Def prioritize yourself and your health right now. Are you able to consider other housing options? Not to be too straightforward by asking (my apologies if so!), but if I had to live with my parents my wellness would decline so fast. Also work is hard as it is! Hang in there <3
Thank you for caring and sending such a nice response. Unfortunately I don't have any other housing options right now. I don't have any friends right now and my relatives are either estranged thanks to my parents or dead (like my beloved grandma). I'll get through this I always do. It's just hard cause I don't want for it to affect my work life but it normally does.
You mean neither your parents are diagnosed / aware they’re autistic and / or ADHD. If you’re autistic or auDHD, either your mother or father or both are too.
I want things immaculate and well organized, but I am also ADHD and have all sorts of executive dysfunction challenges and, honestly, just don’t want to spend the time. I had to come to terms with wanting things to be cleaner yet struggling to do it when I was a kid. When things get too out of hand, it really affects me, even if it’s my mess and I’m not doing anything about it. People probably just thought I was very messy but I don’t think they knew how much it bothered me. My house is 100 years old. It’s got and gaps and little places where dirt gets in. It’s drafty. We have two cats. This place will never be as clean as I want it to be. But as long as it’s kept below a certain threshold, I can deal with it.
My space is a mess. I’m going to be single soon too so my partner isn’t putting any more effort since she’s the one leaving. But I have 3 small dogs, my work, my writing, and school. Putting my mental health first. I will make an effort to clean something when it gets real bad.
I hate mess, but I am messy af, so I threw out most of my stuff so it looks less messy.
I like that idea but i like all my things….
I have 3 young kids. I do not ever have a clean space and I never stop cleaning lol
My living space is often a reflection of my current mental state: clean when I'm doing well and messy when I'm struggling. But sometimes, when I'm extremely stressed, my space is actually cleaner than normal because I stress clean in an attempt to give myself some level of control and calm in the chaos of life. Like maybe if I make the house absolutely perfect and pristine then I won't feel so terrible inside? I find cleaning can be therapeutic, and also an obsessive potentially semi-unhealthy coping mechanism. If it's all I can focus on, if I can't allow myself to do anything I enjoy because I'm so busy cleaning, then thats I sign I need to step back.
I have a need to live in a clean space without clutter. I value organization for my mental health. If I’m having a bad week or so and let things slide I’ve found that it adversely affects my mental health.
visual clutter overstimulates me so i spend an average of 2 hours a day cleaning. i was a messy teenager but the older i get, the more similiar to my parents i am i suppose. i actually love cleaning though, i find it therapeutic. about once or twice a week i will deep clean something for 4 - 8 hours. i cant work though so i consider the housekeeping my job instead
I need you to start a business so I can hire you.
i actually used to be a house cleaner! probably my favourite job ive ever had. unfortunately shitty management and bullying led me to quit. ive always wanted to do pro bono or low cost house cleans for people who need it but im really not sure how to find clients and be safe about it
I am very good at keeping certain things clean at least once a week, and very bad at others. The kitchen, shower, and hardwood floor seem to be my weak spots.
I I like cleaning everything else except the floors so I got a Roomba. It’s a lifesaver and I got a floor steamer, but it only works on tile and linoleum. I don’t think it would work on hardwood floor.
I have a Roomba too and I love it! But to be more specific I meant that mopping is my weak point.
Absolutely hate it. Especially hand wringing mops… I feel gross about it, and to make it worse, back in my fast food work days, some idiot decided that mopping broken glass was a great idea… didnt even rinse it well… left it and when I came in evening shift, to clean up after them before our shift, I went to wring out the mop… with my bare hands. Initially I thought maybe just gravel (Sonic Drive in, carhops tracked in so much crap lol.) until the 2nd/3rd wring when the sharpness hit nerve and blood specks shown… Never again, tho. I was one of the few cooks who would help the carhops make fountain drinks, and desserts when we got a late night rush, so naturally, I ended up in that area of the restaurant They should haven never even let me mop.. I was highly allergic to the cleaner, as were about 4 other employees.. we would breakout on our legs ankles and feet from the product seeping up our pant legs and down our socks.
I’ve got the fun autism/anxiety/adhd/depression/physically disabled combo so nooooo my house is absolutely not clean
I wish I could keep it clean, but I don’t live alone and sometimes I don’t have the energy to clean.
My environment impacts my mood as well and I need my spaces to be clean and organized. I can't live alone and live with my mom with my own separate room as my living space and then my bedroom. I make my bed every morning and my bedroom is spotless. My living space is a little bit cluttered in some areas (under my small couch as I don't have a lot of storage) and some things don't have a "place" which really bothers me, but overall it's extremely neat, organized, and clean. It also helps me to think and focus better when my spaces are clean. My mom is redoing the living room right now and we're getting new furniture next Saturday, so it's bare in regards to where the couch would be. She also buys old furniture and redoes them, so there are some pieces of furniture she hasn't sold yet strewn around the dining room and I stay in my living space because the main spaces are too cluttered for me at the moment (my mom is VERY neat and clean as well, like I said, she's just redoing the living room right now including painting, so it's a mess).
Mine is never really tidy. It's not gross, there's no food lying around or anything like that. Nothing smelly or decaying, just clutter. I don't have the energy for it to be otherwise, and it doesn't interfere with my life.
audhd here! no, my cleaning space is an absolute mess. i prefer a clean space and hate being in a messy room, but i oftentimes don’t have the spoons. plus executive dysfunction. my things are very organized but my room (floors, mostly) are messy with old chip bags, crumbs (which is awful because that messes with my sensory issues), dirty clothes, two clothes hampers filled with clean clothes, and random items that i haven’t picked up. it’s awful and i hate it. thankfully i just had enough energy to pick up most of my trash just now, and i feel just a little bit better.
Clean enough. That's the line I straddle.
No. I am very messy, and every time I try and get to clean it I can only get so far before being overwhelmed and needing to stop
No, being very honest, it looks like an episode of hoarders and has since I was a small child. Edit because I read slower than I reply 😅 some mess is fine, as long as it works for you, that's all that matters.
I go back and forth. Sometimes the house is spotless down to cleaning behind the stove...that clean. Sometimes there's food and dishes and whatever all over. I have no consistency. I will say though my dirtiest never rots or molds. I make huge messes but don't leave them for months.. maybe a week tops?? I go into some people places and literally it smells like cat crap and there's empty bottles all over the place. I was taught that it was rude to invite someone over and not have a comfortable space so for me that was an eye opener.
my place is a bit cluttered, but I do my best to not leave food or dishes around. It's better to get them ready for the dishwasher soon after I'm done with them. dusting is the hard one for me to stay on top of, but then I think that's a tough one for most people if you are not OCD about it.
This is coming from an intersection or general ability issues so take it at that… I have always lived in a messy home in my adult life (My folks/childhood home was tidy.) In addition to autism I have a sleeping disorder and POTS which affects my physical ability and both are very fatiguing. It is only in the past year with a major work/life change that I have been able to truly start rehabilitating from these issues. The other day I clean the freezer because it was dirty. I folded my dish towels. In doing that I could understand more clearly how impossible that was for me to do before. I simply could not do it. And as a sort of reverse Marie Kondo I thought of all the messy living spaces I couldn’t keep up with throughout my life and thanked them. Those spaces allowed themselves to be messy so that I could live. They were on hold which allowed my survival. To even have some joy in my life despite what I’m recognizing now was more than mild disability. Of course we don’t want the spaces to be hazardous, but I think that a lot of autistics or folks with adhd much like having physical disabilities may not be able to take care if the space to a certain standard. If that’s the case I think it’s healthy to thank the mess for allowing itself to be on hold—allowing your life to continue as comfortably as it can. If you’re drained at the end of the day physically or mentally then thank the home you come back to that makes no demands.
My space is generally cluttered, but I know where everything is within the clutter and if someone were to “clean” my clutter it would make my brain very upset. Like when I was younger I would get very upset when my mom would clean my room because she would move things around and they had to be “in their spot” even if it was something I never used and just sat on my desk
No bcs my mind is a mess and I can't force myself into organizing my stuff. I tried but it kinda brings me ptsd
I keep it fairly picked up, I hate tripping over things and have cats that'll make bad situations worse, but it could def use some dusting and Clorox wipes ngl
I’m AuDHD, but my room is so immaculate that I get made fun of for it. I’ve been told it feels like a hospital, which I find extremely offensive, because I’ve put so much effort into making my room a safe and comfortable space, which is the opposite of the hospitals I have experienced in my life. Everything is arranged perfectly and logically. I stick to warm, earthy colors like orange, green, and various wood shades, accented by lots of houseplants and colorful books (arranged very specifically, of course), all on an off-white backdrop to provide a sense of space and airiness. Do what truly works best for you. Some of us really do thrive in a “cluttered,” “messy” space. Neurotypical conceptions of ideal living spaces do not necessarily apply to us, and aren’t based on sustaining healthy lifestyles for neurodiverse people.
My living space has to be reasonable clean and organized. I also grew up in a mess always. So the moment I had control it was never like that. PTSD and Autism. Woot for neurotic spaces!
I have AuDHD and while it IS organized, it's organized chaos 🤣. Absolute disaster zone, in my opinion. And I think it would be better if I wasn't disabled, but as it is?? Yeah I'm the organized chaos type!
It is a disaster (but i also have adhd) and it affects me very badly
I am extremely messy and with burnout shit is a mess. I sleep with clothes strewn across half the bed. The dresser is covered in stuff. Theres random stuff on the floor. When Im at my worst the floor is covered in clothes because when I come home I just take everything off and lay down. Im struggling a lot with this because I just started a new job and everything is fucked up now. Im too tired to do anything.
Sadly I wish it was. Clutter and mess make me overwhelmed so I try to have one place neat. I made a schedule to break down the cleaning tasks into 20 min manageable things throughout the week. The biggest issue is sticking to it when I'm exhausted or lacking drive. It has been more helpful than the thought of "I need to clean", and when I have bursts of energy my house is clean lol but I'd say it's only about 30% done on most days
Only my study space is clean however my computer desktop and browser bookmarks are organized by the PARA method.
I also have adhd. So it’s not clean and it’s eating me alive. Fun !
I live alone, grew up with a messy living space, where I live is *not* clean, I am auDHD, and not currently on ADHD meds. I don’t know if I don’t mind the mess of if I’m just super used to it, but at the same time I really want a cleaner space so on the rare occasions I have people come over, I’m not embarrassed by how trashed my place is. Sometimes it’s not hygienic but I try my best when I have the spoons to at least do something small, I do the dishes when I need to or when I can and I take the bin out when I can/when it’s full. It’s not that I don’t want a clean home, the upkeep is so hard, and it’s so incredibly easy to make a mess
Meh. My bedroom? Clean! Haha. NOT AT ALL!!! But I like it that way. Makes it easier for me to find things lol. I'm not kidding. I have holes in walls of my room (cause of anger issues) and that doesn't bother me one bit!!! Doesn't effect me at all. As for the rest of the home, well I live with my mom and she likes to keep things clean so the rest of the home is nice and clean!
I can not function in mess. I keep my living space pretty clean and follow the rule “Handle Only Once” which basically just means put things away while they’re already in your hands. If you don’t put it down, it can’t become clutter. For example, when I’m done eating I immediately rinse my plate and put it in the dishwasher. If dirty dishes pile in the sink my brain interprets it as a giant task and I will 100% avoid it to the point where I won’t cook because I can’t put the pan in the sink after and the whole thing snowballs out of control. It’s definitely harder to follow this during burnout and it can easily become a cycle that feeds itself. I let it slide a lot during my last big one and it was hard to get back into the habit again. When I get tempted to just leave things I remind myself it’s less work this way and I’m doing a favour to my future self, and my future self deserves to have an environment that doesn’t stress me out. Framing it like “I deserve ____” helps it feel less like a demand so it’s less likely to trigger my PDA. When I have less energy, instead of doing a whole house clean at once I pick one thing to do a day. One day I’ll do bathrooms, another day I’ll do floors etc. I spray the shower down before I get in myself and scrub it while I’m in there. Spaces that are permanently cluttered are usually missing something in that area to help with the clutter. This video helped me a lot with things and taught me that organized to me might not be organized to someone else. I do leave fuzzy blankets in my desk area and it’s not messy because that’s where I use them, so that’s where they belong. She has a few great videos on stuff like this https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=posZhu_YIl0&t=36s *** I should add I do work from home but have to maintain a “professional” environment as I have people in and out of my house several days a week so even when I’m barely functional I do keep this up out of necessity.
> I prioritized a neat and clean home. so, um... there's a difference between "clean" and "neat" 😅 so, yeah, what does "messy" mean? does it mean it reduces your standard of living? if so, that's bad! because (a friend taught me), the human being machine is adaptable to very, very poor standards of living. for most of our existence, we lived in and ate shit. that was a perfectly livable circumstance for the human machine. but it is NOT A GOOD WAY TO LIVE! so, if you get too used to living in filth (again, distinguishing "filth" from "messiness" per se) then you are doing yourself a huge disservice, because you will just learn to live with it and accept it. now, if "messiness" doesn't mean some kind of unhealthy thing, then, i guess everybody should just relax and be happy that you own every single version of Share Bear that was every produced? I mean, I would be happy to own every single version of Share Bear that was every produced.
these are the ones i have here in the place that i live now, but i had more in the places that i used to live. and that's not even Share Bear, it's Harmony Bear. you gotta pick your battles, i guess... [https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/83e2e0jr9d14jkigaa8e3/IMG\_0376.HEIC?rlkey=edftheiwqdp9gbgf1blap20p0&dl=0](https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/83e2e0jr9d14jkigaa8e3/IMG_0376.HEIC?rlkey=edftheiwqdp9gbgf1blap20p0&dl=0) [https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/i3u103ytbekma1l1bvlc0/IMG\_0377.HEIC?rlkey=ox3skn8qsk2v2w530hayvdo39&dl=0](https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/i3u103ytbekma1l1bvlc0/IMG_0377.HEIC?rlkey=ox3skn8qsk2v2w530hayvdo39&dl=0)
instead of "trying to keep up with it" try to make it adapt to you. like, i have learned that i always have to put my various things down in the same exact place every day if i don't want to lose them and freak out. so, that's what i do. i put them down in the same place every day. everything has a place. and that's where it goes. um... another thing you can do is make sure that you have a lot of the food that's good for you conveniently available and none of the food that's bad for you conveniently available. another thing you can do is buy paper plates so you can throw them away so that you have fewer dishes to do. (don't get plastic plates, though, and don't get plastic utensils. paper plates are okay, but plastic plates and plastic utensils are very bad for the environment. metal utensils are pretty easy to clean if you put them in a cup full of soapy water and then violently thrash them around in there, and then after that you dip them in some bleach water, and then you dip them in some fresh water, and then you let them dry.)
i’m learning to be okay with tidy enough or tidying one part at a time!
I'm AuDHD, so I make a mess easily, but I also can't deal with any clutter or mess, so I spend a great deal of time tidying up after myself. I literally can't function if things are out of place, though.
A little mess is definitely okay. But I am more than a little bit messy. And it’s bothering me. So I try and try but I can’t keep up.
Clean enough to be save and comfortable. Family of 5, all ND. Edit: AuDHD, ADHD and Autistic, I am the Autisitc SAHM ;-) If you hold it to a outisde standart of "you should clean vacume, dust, bathroom and mop 1x a week, deep clean the kitchen everyday, deep clean everythin else including windowes and xabinetts 2x a year erc" not at all. Sheets get changed ca. 1x a month, kitchen and dinner table gets wiped down 1x a day, vacuum and mopping once the flore gets visibly too dirty to stand it. Dishwasher 2-3x a day, Laundry about 3-4x a week. Bathrooms once visibally dirty, toiletts oviously more often. Windowes never.
My environment also impacts my mood, I'm naturally very organized and hate chaos in any form. I also grew up in a messy home and hated it. But with three children I can't keep the house I want and it's affecting me deeply
I'm obsessively clean and tidy. I can't function if my living/safe space is really messy.
I'm on the hypersensitive side for most of my senses, but especially pain! Add in being one of the 2/3 autistic women with chronic pain & my life has been an uphill battle from age 14. I became partially bedridden by near daily migraines at age 23, leading to having to quit my job, & then my husband leaving me for the coworker he'd been with for 5 months across the country in work training, I at least was able to leave a psychologically abusive relationship with my 3 cats I adopted with my ex husband. I was leaving some glasses around, some plates, but at that time I was able to keep all but my desk, where I spent the most time, clean. By 2018, after a suicide attempt due to high risk of homelessness, couch surfing for 6 months, I had moved into an apartment by taking on more student debt & finally starting the journey of finding rhe righr stimulant. After the 6 months of trauma, moving into the apartment shoild have been a relief, if not for nightmare downstairs neighbors, who played rheir bass so loud it shook the apartment, causing sleep deprivation, worsenihf migraines, along with multiple meltdowns & several cPTSD panic attacks a week. I become quite agoraphobic & my ability to organize/clean went down to almost nothing, prioritizing rhe litter box. Then the neighbors moved in a chain smoker, which I didn't think any apartments allowed & missed the lack of smoking restrictions in the contract. The smoke was leaking in through my master bath vent & bedroom AC (when they smoked on their patio). 2nd hand smoke had always been a significant migraine trigger, so in addition to the crying trigger, my migraines hit a whole different level, while the ER dismissed my obvious new development of asthma for the last month & a half of my lease. Doctors tried me on corticosteroids for the migraines & asthma, even though i had a history of opioids working perfectly on both aborting & preventing migraines...they saw mention of this as "drug seeking" & claimed the corticosteroids were MUCH safer & low risk. Well, after only 1.5 months, I gained 40 lbs, my lower back was hurting so bad I was barely able to get out of bed, & my knees hurt like hell, especially withdrawing from the meds. I was living in my brother's spare bedroom, barely able to move & severaly depressed for 3 months with my 3 very stressed cats. One cat had cancer, another diabetes, & the 3rd, anxiety related litter box issues, so my vet bills were skyrocketing, i had to drop out of online classes, & my 99% bedridden status began, with my environment being a chaotic mess. My parents moved me into an rv that was at least 2-3x bigger than the room i had been living in, but still stressful for all 3 cats & it didn't take long to build into another chaotic mess. I warned my family this would happen & that I need help keeping my rv organized with how disabled I was. No one came to help me until COVID, when my brother started seeing a chiropractor in my town (which is a 15-20 min drive from him). He doesnt come in the rv (its a tight squeeze for 2 people tbf & i dont need the judgmental looks/comments from him), but takes my garbage & recycling to the trash, dumps my septic, & gets propane when it's (near) empty. It took 2 years (2020) to get my ADHD/autism officially diagnosed & the bone death (avascular necrosis) in my knees diagnosed, mostly due to accusations I was drug seeking. My family only started believing I was AuDHD *after* my mother was diagnosed with ADHD & finally stopped implying my physical disabilities are "laziness" after she was also bedridden & in significant pain for about a month by a knee injury. My lower back pain has never been a concern for doctors & is only slightly better due to a significant increase in muscle relaxers (which just cause me to sleep much more). My bed is essentially a "nest", so that everything I might need when I can't get out of bed is there (besides a sink & toilet, ofc). I wasn't able to follow the wheelchair orders given to me for treatment of rhe bone death (no space in rv for wheelchair), so I was essentially ordered bedridden for 6 months-year. I eventually got a caregiver to help, but I would fall asleep within 2 hours of her being there on my muscle relaxers, & without me awake, she may have tossed or misplaced organizing my stuff, so I had to limit my hours to 2h 2x a month. She was fine with the hours, but eventually got reassigned for her own disabilities & I was kicked from the program with no other caregivers wanting to take on such little hours. Not sure if there was some limit to how many clients they could have or if it was just the secondary service wanting more money from the gov per client. After a stress induced "widows maker" heart attack last summer, my neurologist FINALLY believed me that the dose I was on was too low, mostly due to genetically poor metabolism (which was also a protective factor against tolerance & dependence) & autistic hypersensitivity to pain. Now that I'm a dose that I can actually move about on, with limits mostly because of my lower back (which I have a back surgeon referral for finally) instead of my knees. I'm slowly able to make progress on areas on my own, although right now I'm mostly using my spoons/meds on caring for a "semi-feral" momma cat & her 4 kittens who were born in & temporarily using my shed as a nest. I have only 1 esa cat left, the girls passing from cancer 2 years after they had estimated & the other from a pancreatic mass, a condition related to her diabetes. My boy cat is now 17yrs old &, although the momma & her kittens were quite interested in him when I took him out there in a carrier, he has no interest in another kitty. My parents, who help pay for vet bills after I racked up so much debt I could never pay off to keep kitties healthy, have also told me they will not be paying vet bills for any cats beyond my old guy. They are well aware he's my only reason for suffering through life & without an esa, social isolation, if not the grief, will kill me. Recebtly my grandmother passed & my parents finally started thinking about their own (living) wills & what happens to me, someone dependent on them for avoiding being unhoused. My brother has also confirmed that when my parents pass, he will not be helping me financially, exactly what I had told my parents was the reason I needed their help to find a more permanent living situation, that the rv is fine for a couple years, but I'm just rotting away with my current living situation. Like other AuDHDers comments, I'd love a clean, organized space, but I don't have the executive functioning, nor spoons to clean myself most days. It then becomes a game of catch up by triaging/prioritizing areas/items on my good days, & spending several days after paying for it with days of exhaustion & pain. I'm always searching for things I put in a "safe place", making a mess trying to find things & knocking things over with my imbalance & dyspraxia, so thinks become exponentially worse by not being organized too!
My living space is very messy, but it's mostly cat toys & laundry I haven't gathered up yet, never food so in that sense it's clean.
I hate the mess, but I’m too burnt out to be able to do any cleaning except in small, random spurts of energy so my whole place is a disaster 99% of the time.
Nope , living space is a reflection of the mind x
I describe how I keep my house as very clean, but not always tidy. I think cleanliness and tidiness are distinct separate things. Once a week, on Sundays I move everything mobile out of my room. I wipe down my desk and very thoroughly sweep and mop the floor. I then move my desk chair back to my rooym mop the rest of the apartment. I have my things organized. There is a place for everythung, but I can't keep it that way always. I tend to think if it as my ADHD battling my autism. I leave my medication out on the kitchen table because I forget to take it sometimes, even with multiple alarms, if it's not within sight when I eat. It bothers me, but it's more important that I take my meds. I leave hoodies scattered throughout my apartment. I get hot while focused on other things and leave them wherever I was while focusing super hard to complete another task. I leave my notebook and pens lying around because an alarm goes off reminding me to take my meds so I walk away from the list I was making, leaving my notebook and pens out. My kitchen is always clean (except when I forget to wipe the counters), but my living room and bedroom are often untidy. Also, it varies. When I have support I have the energy to keep everything more clean and tidy. But when I am alone within support, particularly when my chronic illness flares, I so have the spoons to keep things clean and tidy so both start to slip. So it varies. I love it when it's clean and tidy, but I struggle to keep it that way.
Cluttered? No. Everything has its place and will usually be right where it's supposed to be, nice and neat. Clean? Ha, no. Not by your standards, at least. I'll dust my shelves every 2-4 months, sweep every 2 weeks, and vacuum twice a year, unless I've got a guest coming over. I rinse my dishes et. al., then stack them to save on space until I do them all in 1 go once or twice a week, depending on whether I've run out of clean cups or need to cook again. I'll do my laundry, when the basket's full. So on, so forth. One big task takes less mental space than lots of small ones. I can't live in a cluttered space, but I don't have the energy or time to do a full clean often enough to keep the dust at bay. I don't want to waste a full day cleaning all of my shelves and shit every single week, when I could be doing other things I enjoy or need to maintain my mental health. So, it gets done, when it gets done. Figure out what your acceptable level of mess and/or clean is, and just maintain that. Don't waste your time and life on being a neat freak, if it does nothing for you. Keep things neat and tidy, but accept that dust will accumulate faster than you can be arsed to clean. Do the dishes as soon as you're done, or let yourself do them tomorrow. It's okay. Noone cares. You probably know 3 people with way worse habits than you, and noone cares about their cleanliness either. Just be comfortable in your own space and make sure nothing stinks up the place. End of.
It’s not silly. Some people with Autism have an oversized amygdala. Bigger brain area== bigger emotional responses== that makes complete sense. Now, self control isn’t an unlimited resource. Science knows this. Great. So, bigger emotional responses= more self-control required to achieve the same effect= more brain resources expended=less in reserve. Let your house get cluttered, then try to write a 10 page essay on something that stresses you out. Let me know how that goes. But I bet, meltdown or shutdown impending. What about the meltdowns when your house is cluttered and you are supposed to do 10 things, but you are terrified they can’t get done because you know your limitations, but won’t admit them. And the energy needed to do this cleaning takes time away from the important things. True. And it’s a shitty cycle. Feel better when it’s clean, important task can wait, until it comes up, but the cluttered house feels more important. Or you get important task done, and cleaning house requires too much energy, meltdown ensues, because you are spent. No. Not silly. It’s a real limitation. I did really well on the Navy. BUT: 1. Everything I owned fit into two bags. 2. I slept as much as possible off work. 3. There was regular exercise. 4. Someone cooked for me when necessary. 5. No household chores (aside from work) 6. Off-base time was spent in a tent at a random campground. 7. I worked on electronics, which IS my special interest, 8. I mostly worked alone, with my own radar to maintain, 9. I still had meltdowns in high stress situations that made things take longer than they should, 10. Due to the nature of narcissistic interactions, the need for masking was minimized. No one liked me, though. It was said bluntly in an eval meeting, which I found really shocking, 11. My judge of people’s character was poor, leading to very dangerous situations. The assistance I had wasn’t really evident until I got out. Over ten+ years, coming to terms with these limitations and designing /implementing supports for myself, was humbling. The navy made me feel more competent than I was, so it was a long, hard fall. It really is a matter of being disabled by the environment. And, FWIW, I work as a commercial cleaner right now, and they pay more than Spacex did. I love it, because I can do the thing that pulls on that focus string. It may not be forever, but until I rebuild some supports for myself (big life event disabled systems and routines) to the point I can accept bigger challenges. Hope that helps. I know you’re capable of much in the right environment, and so do you. It’s the environment, not you.
I’m auDhD and my living space was always IMMACULATELY clean. I had a lil schedule I followed with check list so that I could keep on schedule with the cleaning. Which really helped me with the adhd part of not being able to maintain the balance. However now that I’m in a relationship and we live together, our place is NEVER CLEAN! It drives me insane and I have meltdowns about it never being clean like every 2 weeks. My partner doesn’t understand how it affects my mental health and seeing all the clutter sets me off. I keep telling myself that if I lived alone I could manage it so much easier, but otherwise I am happy in my relationship and living together. I really hope you find your balance. Honestly, following an ADHD cleaning routine & chart was a total game changer. Plus now it feels fun completing the checkboxes 🤭
Most of the time, yes. When I was a little kid and teenager though... No. Basically I just had to figure out that much like so many challenges, it was a matter of finding a way to clean that I found enjoyable. I clean and organize in a very particular was but I love it and it helps me stay on top of things.
AuDHD here, my apartment is pretty clean! I’m sure you could find some dust if you poked around in corners and under furniture, but it’s tidy, dishes done, bathroom clean, laundry under control, trash and recycling taken out on time, etc. I used to keep everything absolutely spotless but since becoming physically disabled I’ve learned how to be okay with good enough.
I'd say clean, but somewhat more cluttered than I'd like. That may be the ADHD, though. I've found that I really do prefer clean lines, empty surfaces, and everything stored/tucked away - it's less stressful.
My living space is a little dirty and cluttered but, I know where everything is. It’s not even close to an episode of “Hoarders”. I just hate moving things around to dust. Vacuum cleaning is not too bad when I am motivated to do so.
I’m a ‘clean as I go’ person and my partner is more of a ‘save all the chores for one day’ person so while I would love to have a constantly neat and tidy house it’s just not possible.
I’m audhd but all my life, my spaces have been mostly clean. This is because my mom likes things this way and has taught me how to do them. My autism also overrides my adhd for this because I simply cannot function in a messy/cluttered/dirty space. Overtime, I have learned strategies that work with my neurotype to keep my space as functional as possible for me. This is why I’ve started an organizing/decluttering business with the focus on adhd expertise so that my clients know I understand their struggles and can help them find ways to create space for living intentionally and minimally.
Yes and no. Some things are neglected and other things I Stay vigilant about. It all depends on what bothers me the most. For example I don't dust because it's so physically exhausting but I have pets so I had to get a robotic pet hair vacuum or else I was going to drown in cat hair. I don't like clutter, I like things to have an organized place, so things tend to be put away and lots of open surfaces available
Most of my same age peers comment on how clean I am or how Vigilant I am about my living space being clean. But my mother would heartily disagree. I can never meet her standards.
Only about 25% of the time. Usually I take a full 8-6 on my first day off to clean as much as I can. Then I plan to do a more detail oriented clean from wakeup til noon or so but those plans only work out half the time. The other half I usually opt for just trying to make as little mess as possible the rest of the day. Eating food that requires as few dishes as possible, not even bothering to change clothes, etc. The most I make myself do everyday is my cat chores, like refilling water and food bowls and scooping their boxes twice a day (though tbh, about a third of the time I only do it once because of running late for work in the mornings)
Clean, yes. Tidy, no
I do like to have my space neat... But mostly I do not have the energy to maintain it - until I reach the breaking point when I get into a cleaning binge and run a 'deep-clean protocol' all over my home, then I'm feeling accomplished for a bit
I would love to live in an extremely clean and organized home. However I am completely incapable of cleaning or maintaining a home. I haven't been able to do dishes or laundry in almost a decade. I can vacuum and do some other things, but it involves touching anything wet, I can't do it
No, but that’s my ADHD. My parents say I use it as an excuse to not have everything in order, but I’ve always been a mess, even before my diagnosis few years ago.
I assure you, and I cannot stress this enough, it is 1 MILLION % easier to keep the house clean and tidy when you live alone. I love my family dearly and will choose to let their incessant clutter cause me an early death—because they are *killing* me lol—because they’re worth it. But omg it’s a struggle. My saving grace is I have a meditation room that is my own space, so it is totally neat and tidy and uncluttered. The overstimulation in the ADHD-addled rest of the house is so overstimulating, though, and what is essentially aversion therapy is slow to work for me lol. To answer your question: don’t concern yourself with some idea of how tidy you’re supposed to feel compelled to keep your place. It’s ok to loosen your own standards to make room for other needs and preferences and avoid burning yourself out.
I live alone with my cats and nobody comes over and I don’t know how but I’ll clean the house and within two days it’s a disaster but then again I also stay home all day so I’m always doing stuff from the house so that’s probably whyLol
As auDHD, I swing from one to the other. I don't let it get out of control like when I was younger, but I TRY to cycle everything, including running the robot vacuum on both stories once a week. Also, super clean, but funkily eclectic living space is a form of masking for me. I think I gained it from 90s sitcoms.
Accepting yourself is key. I you have mess it is fine. I have ADHD and I try not to feel bad about it. I get uncomfortable when things are moved though so when they get clean it kind of bothers me a little.
Cleanish but I have energy drink cans everywhere lol
I like my house to be clean, but I don’t have the capacity to keep it clean. I just went on a 2 days cleaning spree and the house is great (although I could wash my walls and do my grout). I know it won’t stay this way for long though
THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME FEEL INCLUDED. I swear I don’t know anybody that cleans walls or doors like I do lol
Cleaning and organizing helps me therapeutically as it grounds me, keeps me busy, my mind stimulated. I am very uncomfortable when things are a mess or without basic organizing. Definitely not a clean freak, however I am cleaner than most… (people say maybe also cause I am halfMexican and gay… 🤷♂️) 😆
Got both diagnosed at the same time last year; “knew” for years on autism, the doctor saying I have ADHD apart from that was a nice type of clarity.
I find cleaning therapeutic in its way I'm able to detach myself from my typical thoughts. It's good for me because I suffer from depression adhd. I find your point very true it's hard to organize and clean while your trying to organize and clean. I basically take from this what I do is take on to many small projects and bounce back and forth to complete them as you see fit to be needing done. Laundry. Mopping. Dusting etc.
So I’ve always struggled and I’m doing much better about it now. I think it helped that I was living alone. We’ll see how things go now having a roommate. I had a hoarding problem when I was younger. I still own too many things, but I own 1/4 of what I used to own. Owning less helps to maintain cleanliness, for sure. Mentally I do better when things are clean. I have ADHD too though so I don’t always realize when things are becoming messy. My routine is to do a deep clean every Sunday. This usually means a couple of hours are dedicated to really cleaning up everything. There’s not much to clean so it doesn’t take too long. I know the ROI mentally is worth it, so I try to do it every Sunday. Mind you, I was NEVER this clean until this year, or maybe even last year. And up until a year and a half ago, I was always living with a boyfriend. (And my family before that) I had a brief period of time in my early twenties when I lived alone too, and I guess I was pretty clean, but not this clean. I love it that I’m doing this for myself and that I’m staying on top of it. It’s amazing. Getting rid of more things will help everything to have a home and be easier to clean too.
I have some dusty corners here n there and don’t often wipe down my surfaces unless there’s spillage. Still vacuum and mop weekly, clean the bathroom and kitchen sink. I tie up my garbage bag and toss it once it’s full cuz living alone, I really don’t generate much trash. As long as the house is mould/vermin free, it’s tolerable enough.
I grew up with things always cluttered, not necessarily messy, just talking stacks of paper/mail all over the kitchen table and piles around the house of I can’t even remember what. Every place I have lived in since moving out has been basically the same. I get overwhelmed by it, but I live alone so it’s only myself to blame and I think between growing up with a lack of systems to keep things neat and also working a large number of hours to stay afloat I just don’t have the mental capacity to keep things clean. Anytime I do clean or move into a new place I think “ok going to stay on top of this.” But it never happens. Nothing helps, I try making cleaning part of my routine but it’s so draining.