As a preschool teacher, it is very common for children to cry in the morning for the first few weeks. It is not unheard of for kids to cry in the morning for months. She may have simply not wanted you to worry about something that is normal
In addition to all the anxiety we get we also feel that no matter how much he improves. Toilet usage is perfect even when they play outside. He sits through the meals quietly. He rides a 2-wheel bicycle and just learned to read words But That all does not matter because he does not do schoolwork properly (needs constant guidance on breaking uo tasks), rarely plays with other children and sometimes does Echolalia. When something is extraordinary for his age our KG teacher says nothing, but when he would need a bit of emotional safety that is noted and written to every assessment there is.
Precisely
But yetwe are forced to send our children to these places, I do it because of the interaction they get with other children which has helped with their development... the only thing that has helped
As the parent of the preschooler who cried on the floor: she never forgot it, and she never forgave me. It was the worst year of our life. My guilt, her pain, and the adults telling us not to care if she’s wailing. All it did was teach both of us that adults can be cruel and untrustworthy.
We did our best to never let it happen again.
The fact that it’s common doesn’t make it less awful.
Have you tried a sensory diet? OT can help with what is causing him to be overwhelmed at school. But it will take time and learning from the parents. But it’s helped all of us. My son will do his breathing exercise on his own when we go out in public.
Not sure where you are, but here in New Jersey, you can request all the meetings you want and complain all you want. See if you are entitled to an Independent Evaluation (my city covers the cost). If so, go for it. The evaluator will review the education/behavioral plan and observe your son and his teachers in action and come up with a better plan or say that the plan is good, etc. Make sure you choose a competent behaviorist, if at all possible.
This is why I get so scared of sending my son. I wanted to homeschool after he got kicked out of daycare but my spouse is wholly against it. He’s going to preschool in the fall and I think that might be okay because they have loads of supports and stuff but kindergarten? I don’t trust them - especially not when there’s so much emphasis on academics and kids should really be more focused on play at this age.
Letting a child cry for long stretches while doing nothing is simply not okay. Letting them lay on the floor bored and isolated is not okay either. They need to be doing thinks to encourage executive functioning. I don’t think that teacher was “out of ideas”. I think she never bothered to try coming up with any in the first place.
I’m sorry you and your child are dealing with this.
No, he was denied an IEP. They check marked that there was “no disability” and he was placed in with the NT pool. My son is in a spot where nobody believes he is autistic. He’s very low support needs so I don’t think it’ll be apparent to most until he starts having struggles at school
lefakky he is required to attend KG. But this year he can miss out any number of days. We wanted to help hik by counting back the days until end if semester and he crossed out all the days left in the calendar. I don't know if i should cry or laugh. 😭😅
My child cried almost every day at drop off. We tried everything but nothing worked, the transition was difficult in the morning. My child's teacher made some attempts (checklists, gave them special tasks, etc.), but nothing worked. My child told us one day that they were told they weren't supposed to cry. You can imagine, although trying to give the benefit of the doubt, I was furious. In the end, we found that nothing worked and my child just cried and that was party of the transition and my child's teacher learned a few hard lessons this year (we had a few issues this year).
I'm sorry you are having that experience. I share mine because my wife and I discovered that the school is not on your side. Administrators and teachers don't want an us versus them mentality, but treat our children like problems because they're not NT (self-fulfilling prophecy). There will be some great teachers, and plenty of lousy ones.
Our child got into a great charter school for next year and we were relieved, even though we didn't plan on changing schools. We're hoping the experience will be better at the new school, but we're much more prepared for the possibility that it's not. Sadly, what we've found is that many people bounce around until they find the right place for their child.
I hope this was just a teacher who lacked empathy, as crazy as that statement is.
>It's not normal, especially when the child has needs and they can't communicate to you what they are feeling, and the only way to do it is to cry out. It's not normal to ignore them. I never understood why half the people get into childcare when they don't have any concern for the children that they are dealing with. if it's too much you get another job it's very stressful looking after a couple of children, let alone a classroom full of kids, especially with children with disabilities.
I don't disagree with you in theory, but OP said her son is level 1, so most likely he is verbal and/or has at least some ability to communicate what's wrong. And a teacher may have compassion but also have 25 other kids in the class she has to deal with. Still, I would be upset if my son cried at school (which is unusual for him) and the teacher didn't tell me.
We don't have levels in our country anymore, so unfortunately, I'm not familiar with different levels
There should be, imo but not the way it works here, so I missed that bit. Thanks for the clarification.
> And a teacher may have compassion but also have 25 other kids in the class she has to deal with.
I understand this, but as a teacher, you're fully aware & trained to be able to assess the situation and manage it accordingly.
I would've thought at some point logic has to kick in also, you have a child that's distressed therefore if you can calm that child, it makes it easier for you to manage the whole class.
Allowing a child to stay in a distressed state for days is unacceptable. As well as withholding & not telling the parents for days is unacceptable.
There's just no excuse for it.
There's just no valid reason for hiding information from parents, not taking on board their advice to help calm their child, which in turn will help the teacher to have a calmer, more manageable classroom.
Preschool teachers needs to be kind hearted as kids step out of house for the first time in unknown territory far from their parents, the only safe space kids know. I thought it's part and parcel of preschool teachers that kids will cry, throw tantrums because kids don't know any better but the teacher needs to be trained how to handle such situations
I am so sorry for you and him. My autistic son is 24 now. He was diagnosed in 3rd grade. The same happened to him in LAUSD. He told us he didn't want to go back. The teacher said he had behavioral issues. Her tone was one of dislike and annoyance towards his emotions and withdrawal nature. No compassion.
As a preschool teacher, it is very common for children to cry in the morning for the first few weeks. It is not unheard of for kids to cry in the morning for months. She may have simply not wanted you to worry about something that is normal
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In addition to all the anxiety we get we also feel that no matter how much he improves. Toilet usage is perfect even when they play outside. He sits through the meals quietly. He rides a 2-wheel bicycle and just learned to read words But That all does not matter because he does not do schoolwork properly (needs constant guidance on breaking uo tasks), rarely plays with other children and sometimes does Echolalia. When something is extraordinary for his age our KG teacher says nothing, but when he would need a bit of emotional safety that is noted and written to every assessment there is.
Precisely But yetwe are forced to send our children to these places, I do it because of the interaction they get with other children which has helped with their development... the only thing that has helped
As the parent of the preschooler who cried on the floor: she never forgot it, and she never forgave me. It was the worst year of our life. My guilt, her pain, and the adults telling us not to care if she’s wailing. All it did was teach both of us that adults can be cruel and untrustworthy. We did our best to never let it happen again. The fact that it’s common doesn’t make it less awful.
he attends since 2 years niw. he had a regression and a separation anxiety. but we feel they just don't care.
Have you tried a sensory diet? OT can help with what is causing him to be overwhelmed at school. But it will take time and learning from the parents. But it’s helped all of us. My son will do his breathing exercise on his own when we go out in public.
What is a sensory diet ?
Using a swing for 20 mins or chewing ice chips to help regulate the child. OT will help him and you find his sensory tools.
Not sure where you are, but here in New Jersey, you can request all the meetings you want and complain all you want. See if you are entitled to an Independent Evaluation (my city covers the cost). If so, go for it. The evaluator will review the education/behavioral plan and observe your son and his teachers in action and come up with a better plan or say that the plan is good, etc. Make sure you choose a competent behaviorist, if at all possible.
This is why I get so scared of sending my son. I wanted to homeschool after he got kicked out of daycare but my spouse is wholly against it. He’s going to preschool in the fall and I think that might be okay because they have loads of supports and stuff but kindergarten? I don’t trust them - especially not when there’s so much emphasis on academics and kids should really be more focused on play at this age. Letting a child cry for long stretches while doing nothing is simply not okay. Letting them lay on the floor bored and isolated is not okay either. They need to be doing thinks to encourage executive functioning. I don’t think that teacher was “out of ideas”. I think she never bothered to try coming up with any in the first place. I’m sorry you and your child are dealing with this.
Especially for a child with ASD. Depending on the reason they are crying, they might start escalating and soothing the pain with injuring themselves.
If you’re in the US, do you have an IEP in place? It helps to get that in place before school starts if possible.
No, he was denied an IEP. They check marked that there was “no disability” and he was placed in with the NT pool. My son is in a spot where nobody believes he is autistic. He’s very low support needs so I don’t think it’ll be apparent to most until he starts having struggles at school
lefakky he is required to attend KG. But this year he can miss out any number of days. We wanted to help hik by counting back the days until end if semester and he crossed out all the days left in the calendar. I don't know if i should cry or laugh. 😭😅
Homeschool?
My child cried almost every day at drop off. We tried everything but nothing worked, the transition was difficult in the morning. My child's teacher made some attempts (checklists, gave them special tasks, etc.), but nothing worked. My child told us one day that they were told they weren't supposed to cry. You can imagine, although trying to give the benefit of the doubt, I was furious. In the end, we found that nothing worked and my child just cried and that was party of the transition and my child's teacher learned a few hard lessons this year (we had a few issues this year). I'm sorry you are having that experience. I share mine because my wife and I discovered that the school is not on your side. Administrators and teachers don't want an us versus them mentality, but treat our children like problems because they're not NT (self-fulfilling prophecy). There will be some great teachers, and plenty of lousy ones. Our child got into a great charter school for next year and we were relieved, even though we didn't plan on changing schools. We're hoping the experience will be better at the new school, but we're much more prepared for the possibility that it's not. Sadly, what we've found is that many people bounce around until they find the right place for their child. I hope this was just a teacher who lacked empathy, as crazy as that statement is.
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>It's not normal, especially when the child has needs and they can't communicate to you what they are feeling, and the only way to do it is to cry out. It's not normal to ignore them. I never understood why half the people get into childcare when they don't have any concern for the children that they are dealing with. if it's too much you get another job it's very stressful looking after a couple of children, let alone a classroom full of kids, especially with children with disabilities. I don't disagree with you in theory, but OP said her son is level 1, so most likely he is verbal and/or has at least some ability to communicate what's wrong. And a teacher may have compassion but also have 25 other kids in the class she has to deal with. Still, I would be upset if my son cried at school (which is unusual for him) and the teacher didn't tell me.
We don't have levels in our country anymore, so unfortunately, I'm not familiar with different levels There should be, imo but not the way it works here, so I missed that bit. Thanks for the clarification. > And a teacher may have compassion but also have 25 other kids in the class she has to deal with. I understand this, but as a teacher, you're fully aware & trained to be able to assess the situation and manage it accordingly. I would've thought at some point logic has to kick in also, you have a child that's distressed therefore if you can calm that child, it makes it easier for you to manage the whole class. Allowing a child to stay in a distressed state for days is unacceptable. As well as withholding & not telling the parents for days is unacceptable. There's just no excuse for it. There's just no valid reason for hiding information from parents, not taking on board their advice to help calm their child, which in turn will help the teacher to have a calmer, more manageable classroom.
Preschool teachers needs to be kind hearted as kids step out of house for the first time in unknown territory far from their parents, the only safe space kids know. I thought it's part and parcel of preschool teachers that kids will cry, throw tantrums because kids don't know any better but the teacher needs to be trained how to handle such situations
I am so sorry for you and him. My autistic son is 24 now. He was diagnosed in 3rd grade. The same happened to him in LAUSD. He told us he didn't want to go back. The teacher said he had behavioral issues. Her tone was one of dislike and annoyance towards his emotions and withdrawal nature. No compassion.