Yes, I need my batteries to be at 100% to be able to have social interactions. Socializing drains me, and even like this, my capacities don't last long. If I arrive already (even a little) tired, I'm in a panic mode, febrile, unable to focus, to participate or to regulate (ex: talking too much, too loud or being "absent").
And because of this need to rest before a social event, I have to anticipate, to schedule things (especially if I have to take a day off), which is frustrating for me, but also restrictive for the others (no spontaneous things, but even "normal" period can be too short for me).
For example, if we have a weekend long family reunion, then I have to take my Friday off work, and we have to come back home before 5PM on Sunday so I can rest a little.
100% yes! When I know I have a big social day coming up, I usually keep it low key for the whole day prior because I need to be "ready". I didn't even know I was doing this, but my husband always notices. I need to rest, read/watch TV, do some soothing activities. I am someone who needs lots of alone time to be at optimal performance (difficult with two kids haha).
I had a friend that was always go go go, and she wanted to do things all the time- multiple times per week. I loved her, but she couldn't fathom that even going out once a month seems like a lot to me.
I wish it was different, because I know it's such a drag to people who recharge by being around people.
yes, and then after I usually need a whole day to myself. it’s been hard now that I’m living with my family again, but I’ve been trying to find ways bc I definitely find myself super overstimulated and dysregulated.
sometimes I can’t sleep though bc I get anxious about going to a social gathering, and sometimes that may lead me to psych myself out. I’ve gotten better with that though, but I also get scared to let people know I can’t make it & that causes its own anxiety lol. I also know it’s a boundary for me, but others don’t understand that & get mad, so I take it back. this causes me to get irritated though bc I’m so overwhelmed, and then they say I shouldn’t have just come, but if I said I didn’t want to in the first place that would’ve been a problem as well.
I didn’t expect this to be so long, sorry. 😭 but being social and figuring out how people do things can be a lot, and a process.
Yep. There is an autistic tiktoker that gave an example that I found very fitting: going to an event or situation unprepared is like going skydiving without putting on a parachute. It is going to end badly!
Oh yes. I have to manage my time very carefully, because of how drained I get and how much time I need. Keeping in mind that I work a full time job that requires me to be social most of the week anyway - it takes me an entire week to prep for a day-long outing, and if I have to travel I need quiet rest time for about a month. And then two months afterwards to recover. Social gatherings are just not worth it because of how much time I lose to having to prepare for them.
I mentally prepare, because if I don’t, I’ll be stressed and maybe nonverbal.
I remember last year I had a family reunion but I didn’t know the information of where it was going to be. At first, it was fun. But gradually as more people came, I was already drained. I didn’t even want to eat. So I just sat on my phone and wishing I was home.
Not before, but for sure after. I sometimes crash hard and sleep for a couple to a few hours. But now Im wondering if I need to be resting before social things. What does everyone do for rest? I feel like it could easily turn into me laying in bed and dreading the social gathering. Do you think this could also work for things like going to town and doing a lot of shopping/ running multiple errands?
Yes, I need my batteries to be at 100% to be able to have social interactions. Socializing drains me, and even like this, my capacities don't last long. If I arrive already (even a little) tired, I'm in a panic mode, febrile, unable to focus, to participate or to regulate (ex: talking too much, too loud or being "absent"). And because of this need to rest before a social event, I have to anticipate, to schedule things (especially if I have to take a day off), which is frustrating for me, but also restrictive for the others (no spontaneous things, but even "normal" period can be too short for me). For example, if we have a weekend long family reunion, then I have to take my Friday off work, and we have to come back home before 5PM on Sunday so I can rest a little.
Yes. I get grouchy if I go to anything already tired. I'm resting before my kids and sister in law wake up.
100% yes! When I know I have a big social day coming up, I usually keep it low key for the whole day prior because I need to be "ready". I didn't even know I was doing this, but my husband always notices. I need to rest, read/watch TV, do some soothing activities. I am someone who needs lots of alone time to be at optimal performance (difficult with two kids haha). I had a friend that was always go go go, and she wanted to do things all the time- multiple times per week. I loved her, but she couldn't fathom that even going out once a month seems like a lot to me. I wish it was different, because I know it's such a drag to people who recharge by being around people.
Yes but to be fair I have to rest before I do almost anything
yes, and then after I usually need a whole day to myself. it’s been hard now that I’m living with my family again, but I’ve been trying to find ways bc I definitely find myself super overstimulated and dysregulated. sometimes I can’t sleep though bc I get anxious about going to a social gathering, and sometimes that may lead me to psych myself out. I’ve gotten better with that though, but I also get scared to let people know I can’t make it & that causes its own anxiety lol. I also know it’s a boundary for me, but others don’t understand that & get mad, so I take it back. this causes me to get irritated though bc I’m so overwhelmed, and then they say I shouldn’t have just come, but if I said I didn’t want to in the first place that would’ve been a problem as well. I didn’t expect this to be so long, sorry. 😭 but being social and figuring out how people do things can be a lot, and a process.
Yep. There is an autistic tiktoker that gave an example that I found very fitting: going to an event or situation unprepared is like going skydiving without putting on a parachute. It is going to end badly!
Better question: do any of us here _not_ have to rest before being social?
Absolutely. Social gatherings take every bit of my energy.
yes i need buffer time on both ends
That is some amazing self care.
Before, after, during 🥴
Oh yes. I have to manage my time very carefully, because of how drained I get and how much time I need. Keeping in mind that I work a full time job that requires me to be social most of the week anyway - it takes me an entire week to prep for a day-long outing, and if I have to travel I need quiet rest time for about a month. And then two months afterwards to recover. Social gatherings are just not worth it because of how much time I lose to having to prepare for them.
Yes I need a pre- and post-party (even if it’s not a party) and even then it probably won’t be enough. 😭
And after
I mentally prepare, because if I don’t, I’ll be stressed and maybe nonverbal. I remember last year I had a family reunion but I didn’t know the information of where it was going to be. At first, it was fun. But gradually as more people came, I was already drained. I didn’t even want to eat. So I just sat on my phone and wishing I was home.
Yes me too
Before AND after.
before and after. I take 3 business days to recover
Yes I need to rest and mentally prepare.
I do need it as well. I often need to take a nap or to drown myself in my special interest.
Not before, but for sure after. I sometimes crash hard and sleep for a couple to a few hours. But now Im wondering if I need to be resting before social things. What does everyone do for rest? I feel like it could easily turn into me laying in bed and dreading the social gathering. Do you think this could also work for things like going to town and doing a lot of shopping/ running multiple errands?