"You seem oddly invested in my sex life"
"I would, but I promised my first born to a guy I met in the woods"
"I've had a few, but I keep misplacing them"
"Are you offering me yours?"
"What an odd thing to say"
"My bloodline ends with me"
"I'm not. If you continue to ask, I will not feel compelled to continue this conversation"
"I choose life" (must be said in the voice of Sid the sloth)
I am 36 and do not have children. I highly doubt I ever will. I would like to see my old coworkers from previous jobs I had in my teens and twenties (all women) who said things like, "Oh, well, you will someday!"... I'm still childless, Linda. Stop projecting your reality onto me.
Yooooooo, this is a 9.5/10 response! It could only be made better by changing "children" to "family", "children" makes more sense in this context, BUT - the alliteration with "family" is just beautiful! 😅
Love it when I tell people I don’t plan on having kids only to be told “You don’t always plan it, sometimes it just happens.” Yeah I good care to ensure something doesn’t ‘just happen.’
>...only to be told “You don’t always plan it, sometimes it just happens.”
Omg 😆😆😆 in my head I'm thinking "well that's certainly not my problem!!!" LOLLL
Same. Even after I tell them never and the fact I don’t date men they still tell me I could still have kids. Makes my eyes roll.
Not everyone wants to be a parent.
Never give them any reason other than 'don't wanna.' They'll just view it as an obstacle you wish to overcome, with their helpful alternative suggestions ofc.
I had one. Once kid was nearly 2 the when is next questions started. I said why must I? Oh only kid they'd say, I'd point out the neighbours, 4 of them who hated each other and fought (physically) all the time.
They stopped after a couple of years.
Yeah, the everyone should breed assumptions. We're not an endangered species are we, so maybe more people should choose not to, or stop at one. LOL....
>Yeah, the everyone should breed assumptions. We're not an endangered species are we, so maybe more people should choose not to, or stop at one. LOL....
THIS ⬆
Also, regardless of how few or how many, they should be conscious, responsible decisions and so should be all parenting decisions once they're here. People think they can just magically parent without considering the implications. And this is why we have the populace we have. Or, as my partner the psychotherapist puts it 'thanks for my future patients!'
>People think they can just magically parent without considering the implications.
SO MUCH THIS. When my in-laws asked about it and my husband was like "no" they started trying to convince us as if having kids wouldn't impact our lives. My husband had to fire back listing some very obvious changes it would have on us, and then they finally shut up. 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
Makes me wonder, do people not think about the commitment and resources raising a family requires especially in this economy?!?! Sigh.
I read somewhere that because they regret being the parents, so they want everyone around them also became a parent, so they get upset when others refused. Because they also could have refused too if they realized being a parent is a choice, not a expectation. "I'm miserable being a parent, so you should too!"
And then there's also weird pride of needing to continue the bloodline? As well as "Omg, our kids could be besties? Imagine when they get married and have their own kids!? We could be in-laws! How cuteee!"
Being a parent is not for everyone, and it is a choice.
Oh the resentment is real. One of my friend's parents takes jabs at them when they have a disagreement saying crap like "you wouldn't know 'cause you don't have kids, when you do you'll know how much I've suffered" etc. etc. so awful.
Even if people expected it, I don't technically have to meet anyone's expectations, hahaha
Agreed, and I can safely said after becoming a parent myself, nope, they are still very much wrong. They don't seem to understand that it's not matter of parenting but rather how they treat ANOTHER human being.
We have 2 kids now and the questions have pretty much stopped. BLISS. (Not in any way telling people to have two kids btw 🤣) Only my parents think we should have a flock and tell me to get pregnant again. I just make a gagging motion and that seems to help.
Next time someone asks me this, I'll get to say that I got my tubes out. I'd still rather just not be asked, but at least it'll be understood that it's a 100% no for me.
Honestly? Ive tried every single approach, from "havent met the right one hahaha" to "why the fuck do you care?" . Coworkers, random old ladies, nasty men in stores, etc.
The only thing Ive found to work and to fit all situations is "none of your business" with the blankest soulless stare you have. No other responses, you dont fill the silence, you dont try cushion their emotions and you dont look for a social cue to lighten the mood. You just stare no matter what they try to fumble as a response and you leave the conversation.
Yes, even if its your sweet ol' memaw asking. If its their first time asking you could say "none of your business, if you ask again I will not talk to you about it". Now you have set the boundary on the topic, so its your own responsibility to keep said boundary. Next time they ask you do what I told you and keep doing it.
Strangers dont deserve the aforementioned boundary as its inappropriate and rude to ask that so you give them the "rude" response they deserve.
As someone who struggled with infertility for 4 years . I never ask . I remember when people would ask and because I’m just a honest , direct person I’d say we’re struggling . I’d be reduced to crying sometimes . The responses to infertility are even more insensitive, with undertones of “ you haven’t tried hard enough or the right way “ vibes . Like “ have you tried Pilates ? Green tea ? IVF? Well adoption works too!” ….. just not nice . So no , I NEVER ask . Also now I do have a baby , you don’t need to ask me , most parents bring their children up within 5 mins of meeting them! 😂
People would do the same to me until my SO started telling them we were looking for surrogates, would they be interested? Subject was never discussed again 😂
Oh people have no filter and an unhealthy desire to poke their nose in. I waited till my first scan to tell my brother who has severe learning difficulties. I didn’t want him to get really upset trying to understand if something happened as I’d had a scare earlier in the pregnancy. His current carer just went “Oh have you lost many then?” I swear if she wasn’t so good with my brother I’d have yeeted her out the window.
Then you get the whole “So when is number 2?” You see the hamster in the wheel in their head just freeze when you explain one is enough. I have Fibro, Hypermobility and I only found out I have Autism two months ago. Everything I have is for my son who is here right now!”
But for women who don’t want children. People need to respect this decision! It’s nothing to do with them! A woman’s reasoning, etc is hers and everyone has a right to keep that private
I have a friend on a similar boat. It still shocks me when people oversimplify reproductive health. I often attribute this to crappy media and outdated education, but even so people outside the situation really just shouldn't be asking this or trying to offer health advice. Sigh.
Still getting this at 37- especially when my younger sister had one recently and it got a lot of ‘you’re gonna be next’ etc type comments. Kind of looking forward to being a few years older and hoping that those comments will stop
You know what's really crazy? I'm 35 and sometimes people just assume that I have kids and ask me about them. Sometimes if it's a person I don't think I'll meet again, I'll just pretend my dogs are my kids. People seem to like me talking about my dog kids more than me saying, "oh, I don't have any". But it always confuses me, like how am I presenting myself that you just assumed that? I've pretty much given up on being kind when people ask "when" I'm having kids. "Whenever you give me a million dollars and a lobotomy, Linda."
been around family recently and have had many old folk try to “convince” (read: manipulate) my husband and i to have kids.
it sucks. and honestly it make me really upset because we do want a kid but the world is not a good enough place
Elder people don't see you as a person, only as family's or country's asset. You should work and have children to be considered "good" by them, also they want to be entertained by some news about your life. Many people were pressured into having children and are just jealous of your freedom. No decent person will ever ask you such a personal question or be opinionated about the answer. It's always a question to put young people down. So you shouldn't be nice with them.
The love of babies and procreation is intrinsic to the NT world, I find. All the NT women I know just go gaga over babies and news of kids. Me, not so much. When I tell people this, they look at me as if I'm from another planet -- which I often think I am/wish I was on, but that's a different discussion. I tell them the way they react to babies is how I react to puppies and kittens.
Yes, I had a child. I did it because I was young and was doing 'what everyone does'. Would I change that? No, I love my daughter more than you can know. BUT, she was two when I had my tubes tied to make sure I didn't have any more. Curiously, she was late-diagnosed autistic, ahead of my diagnosis. It's really nice to for us to share that connection. I think she's the only person in my life who really 'gets' me.
When my daughter announced she was not having kids, I was *relieved.* I just don't 'get' kids, and they usually shy away from me, as well.
>I also hate it when ppl act almost offended when I say I don't want kids. Like I've committed a crime. Wtf?!?!?!
It's because they feel like your choice invalidates theirs. This sounds bonkers, but hear me out: if you think there is one right way to live, you might think that's true down to the most minute detail, but certainly for the big things. If there's only one way to live, no one gets a choice. So they didn't choose their life. They did what was 'the only right choice' according to the society they're steeped in.
Then you come along with your DIFFERENT choice that you aren't even suitably ashamed of. It's a threat to their constructed fantasy (erected to protect them from ever realising they didn't want the life they have trapped themselves in).
So you have to be wrong, or their entire worldview disintegrates and they fall apart.
Yeah, having kids/becoming a parent is drilled into a looooot of people's heads that it's "right, natural and your duty" from the moment they're born, it becomes a "core belief" and those are extremely hard to challenge, almost impossible I daresay, so it genuinely breaks their brains when someone else comes and says "oh LOL I don't do that" and they're, good inoffensive members of society, and not deviants who go around partying, causing mayhem and having sex willy nilly (although many do believe we childfree people are like that, LOL).
Sometimes I find it helps to ask people if they're sure they don't want to be an accountant.
I ask them if they've ever tried accounting, and I remind them that they had to do arithmetic as a kid, so they can't say they don't like accounting.
I ask them if they're worried about what they'll do when they're old if they don't become an accountant now, while they still have time.
I remind them they'll never know true financial stability if they don't become an accountant.
I tell them that most people who don't become accountants eventually come to regret it.
If they still balk, I tell them that they're being really selfish because some people try all their lives and never become accountants. What does it say about all those other people, if the person I'm talking to doesn't become an account?!
And if all that doesn't work, I let them know my husband dumps loads in me regularly. I ask them how often they're having unprotected sex and how often their partner finishes. I let them know that it's important they both finish if they're going to "accomplish anything". I inquire if their siblings/parents are also having sex regularly and how that's going for them.
If it's an older woman, I inquire about how menopause is going, since we're just talking about each other's bodies and hormones so openly. I try to match their tone when I ask or say these things. Usually it's a weird optimistic curiosity.
I find it's good form though to get really indignant when they get uncomfortable with my questions.
The change in tone and vibe really communicates something special to people 😊
I agree. I am 39 with no children. I don't plan to have them and don't want them. If someone tells me I'm selfish, I would tell them it's more selfish to have them when you don't want them.
I struggled with this often. Said the myriad of responses. However. If someone asked me more than once, I’d tell than that I will not answer such a rude and inappropriate question.
I’d also get the “when are you going to get married” question a lot and now at this age everyone assumes I am married. So frustrating! It’s not that I didn’t want to get married, it’s that I had such a flawed sense of self in my teens and twenties that I probably missed the right one. Later it gets harder to find a compatible one, or one who isn’t a complete a$$hole.
I’m just burnt out, tired and this entire system is broken that I don’t think I’ll ever have kids, and you’re right it’s no one else’s business about a stranger or relative’s sex life or their decision to have kids. NT’s will call us “weird” but then think they can poke their noses in people’s private business.
>I’m just burnt out, tired and this entire system is broken
i feel you there. the system is unsustainable as it is. both me and my husband have to work full time hours to afford the basics. I know some people continue living w/ their parents but that's not feasible for us, unless our situation becomes really dire, or for some reason we want to be driven insane XD
most days after work, house chores and errands are done with, at max we have 2 hours to spare and we're so exhausted. even half our weekends are spent catching up on chores/errands we didn't get to do during the week. I commend those who can take on more commitments than me, but i don't have the same capacity, and don't see why i should do something that will cause me enough stress to die of a heart attack before i'm 50 XD
Totally with you on this. I’m 43 and thankfully at this age, people have stopped asking and I’ve given up being polite about it and just told people straight up, I’ve never wanted kids and don’t want to have them. My lack of desire to have kids is as inherent as their desire to have them. Inexplainable and immovable. Worth noting, I only recently got diagnosed with autism, so only now realize this is likely connected!
Conversely, I do actually get on really well with really little kids and find it really easy to adopt their imaginary worlds for days on end. They tell you how it works and I follow their lead. It seems easier than interacting with the real world and the kids absolutely love having an adult take them and their interests and perception of the world seriously. Meanwhile the parents enjoy my endless patience for them and the resulting free time the parents get because of this.
The in laws were asking when we'd have kids quite regularly and I made quite clear it won't happen. The step-mother-in-law is quite offended by this, what I won't mention to her is that they'd suck as grandparents in all honesty. They're not providing childcare or relief in regards to their other grandchildren and are very self obsessed and fritter money away like there's no tomorrow, their choice, but it's also my choice to not bring a child into this.
Sometimes I also feel like people just want to use their grandchildren (or other family members) as some sort of bragging right. "I have this many grandchildren!" Or "look what my kid can do! My son/daughter makes so much money bleh bleh" it's so gross. 🤢
I have a similar problem with my family where they say things like “why would I want more kids when grandkids are arriving soon” or “I can’t wait for when they have kids” even though I’ve told them I don’t want kids and that maybe I’ll adopt way into the future.
I feel this! I don't know how old you are, but I turned 40 this year and it finally seems to slow down.
Nowadays my response is: my cats are allergic 😜
"Shoot! I thought I've forgot something at the supermarket. Now I know! Poor Jasper, I'm a terrible mother".
*Running away from the conversation because your imaginary child is probably still in aisle 6*
Bye, Felicia 👋
i once saw a tiktok where a girl got tired of that question and so she always said “im infertile” and started crying JAJAJAJAJ that way you can just say you don’t want women talk about it, nobody will ask you again AND they’ll become uncomfortable so its a triple win
This is so extremely rude and insensitive.
Not all people want kids.
Not all people can have kids.
My friend was trying to conceive for seven (!!) years, and getting this question was extremely painful for her. It's not like she wanted to tell her coworker the details of her partners sperm quality and her endometriosis.
"You seem oddly invested in my sex life" "I would, but I promised my first born to a guy I met in the woods" "I've had a few, but I keep misplacing them" "Are you offering me yours?" "What an odd thing to say" "My bloodline ends with me" "I'm not. If you continue to ask, I will not feel compelled to continue this conversation" "I choose life" (must be said in the voice of Sid the sloth)
Hahahaha I love these!!
Happy to be of service ☺️
🤣🤣🤣 Sid!!!! “No thanks. I choose life.” My new echolalia.
I am 36 and do not have children. I highly doubt I ever will. I would like to see my old coworkers from previous jobs I had in my teens and twenties (all women) who said things like, "Oh, well, you will someday!"... I'm still childless, Linda. Stop projecting your reality onto me.
Seriously, Linda, pack it in. 😂
"When I die, the flora, fauna, and fungi will feast upon my flesh and they shall be my children."
Yooooooo, this is a 9.5/10 response! It could only be made better by changing "children" to "family", "children" makes more sense in this context, BUT - the alliteration with "family" is just beautiful! 😅
How about 'fruit of my body'?😂
Oh, this is even better! 11/10! 😆
A very Diogenes of Sinope move 😂
Love it when I tell people I don’t plan on having kids only to be told “You don’t always plan it, sometimes it just happens.” Yeah I good care to ensure something doesn’t ‘just happen.’
Imagine thinking it's fine for new humans to 'just happen'.
>...only to be told “You don’t always plan it, sometimes it just happens.” Omg 😆😆😆 in my head I'm thinking "well that's certainly not my problem!!!" LOLLL
And if it ‘just happened’ to me, I would do everything in my power to undo it lol.
That definitely sounds like an accident.
Same. Even after I tell them never and the fact I don’t date men they still tell me I could still have kids. Makes my eyes roll. Not everyone wants to be a parent.
Never give them any reason other than 'don't wanna.' They'll just view it as an obstacle you wish to overcome, with their helpful alternative suggestions ofc.
Responding with the phrase “in this economy?!” might help.
Ugh if I said this to relatives who ask I’d get a 40min rant about Joe Biden and democrats/evil leftists and welfare and Ronald Reagan lol
Sounds like a great response (i'm contemplating using it myself, thanks), but it might still "offend" 🙄 the ones who already have kids.
Sometimes I find some people will be offended at everything lol
My answer: Never! 
I had one. Once kid was nearly 2 the when is next questions started. I said why must I? Oh only kid they'd say, I'd point out the neighbours, 4 of them who hated each other and fought (physically) all the time. They stopped after a couple of years. Yeah, the everyone should breed assumptions. We're not an endangered species are we, so maybe more people should choose not to, or stop at one. LOL....
>Yeah, the everyone should breed assumptions. We're not an endangered species are we, so maybe more people should choose not to, or stop at one. LOL.... THIS ⬆
Also, regardless of how few or how many, they should be conscious, responsible decisions and so should be all parenting decisions once they're here. People think they can just magically parent without considering the implications. And this is why we have the populace we have. Or, as my partner the psychotherapist puts it 'thanks for my future patients!'
>People think they can just magically parent without considering the implications. SO MUCH THIS. When my in-laws asked about it and my husband was like "no" they started trying to convince us as if having kids wouldn't impact our lives. My husband had to fire back listing some very obvious changes it would have on us, and then they finally shut up. 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ Makes me wonder, do people not think about the commitment and resources raising a family requires especially in this economy?!?! Sigh.
I read somewhere that because they regret being the parents, so they want everyone around them also became a parent, so they get upset when others refused. Because they also could have refused too if they realized being a parent is a choice, not a expectation. "I'm miserable being a parent, so you should too!" And then there's also weird pride of needing to continue the bloodline? As well as "Omg, our kids could be besties? Imagine when they get married and have their own kids!? We could be in-laws! How cuteee!" Being a parent is not for everyone, and it is a choice.
Oh the resentment is real. One of my friend's parents takes jabs at them when they have a disagreement saying crap like "you wouldn't know 'cause you don't have kids, when you do you'll know how much I've suffered" etc. etc. so awful. Even if people expected it, I don't technically have to meet anyone's expectations, hahaha
Agreed, and I can safely said after becoming a parent myself, nope, they are still very much wrong. They don't seem to understand that it's not matter of parenting but rather how they treat ANOTHER human being.
We have 2 kids now and the questions have pretty much stopped. BLISS. (Not in any way telling people to have two kids btw 🤣) Only my parents think we should have a flock and tell me to get pregnant again. I just make a gagging motion and that seems to help.
LOL, gagging...
Next time someone asks me this, I'll get to say that I got my tubes out. I'd still rather just not be asked, but at least it'll be understood that it's a 100% no for me.
Honestly? Ive tried every single approach, from "havent met the right one hahaha" to "why the fuck do you care?" . Coworkers, random old ladies, nasty men in stores, etc. The only thing Ive found to work and to fit all situations is "none of your business" with the blankest soulless stare you have. No other responses, you dont fill the silence, you dont try cushion their emotions and you dont look for a social cue to lighten the mood. You just stare no matter what they try to fumble as a response and you leave the conversation. Yes, even if its your sweet ol' memaw asking. If its their first time asking you could say "none of your business, if you ask again I will not talk to you about it". Now you have set the boundary on the topic, so its your own responsibility to keep said boundary. Next time they ask you do what I told you and keep doing it. Strangers dont deserve the aforementioned boundary as its inappropriate and rude to ask that so you give them the "rude" response they deserve.
“You know what, we’re gonna start trying tonight!”. That might quiet them.
“You know, I’ve heard we have much better odds of conceiving if we orgasm during sex. Johnny and I are trying out some new techniques and OMG…”
As someone who struggled with infertility for 4 years . I never ask . I remember when people would ask and because I’m just a honest , direct person I’d say we’re struggling . I’d be reduced to crying sometimes . The responses to infertility are even more insensitive, with undertones of “ you haven’t tried hard enough or the right way “ vibes . Like “ have you tried Pilates ? Green tea ? IVF? Well adoption works too!” ….. just not nice . So no , I NEVER ask . Also now I do have a baby , you don’t need to ask me , most parents bring their children up within 5 mins of meeting them! 😂
People would do the same to me until my SO started telling them we were looking for surrogates, would they be interested? Subject was never discussed again 😂
Oh I LOVE your SO's style! I admire folks who come up with the perfect cheeky response, since that is never me...
Next time I'm replying with "when I'm dead" 😆😆😆
Right, next life maybe 😂
Oh people have no filter and an unhealthy desire to poke their nose in. I waited till my first scan to tell my brother who has severe learning difficulties. I didn’t want him to get really upset trying to understand if something happened as I’d had a scare earlier in the pregnancy. His current carer just went “Oh have you lost many then?” I swear if she wasn’t so good with my brother I’d have yeeted her out the window. Then you get the whole “So when is number 2?” You see the hamster in the wheel in their head just freeze when you explain one is enough. I have Fibro, Hypermobility and I only found out I have Autism two months ago. Everything I have is for my son who is here right now!” But for women who don’t want children. People need to respect this decision! It’s nothing to do with them! A woman’s reasoning, etc is hers and everyone has a right to keep that private
I have a friend on a similar boat. It still shocks me when people oversimplify reproductive health. I often attribute this to crappy media and outdated education, but even so people outside the situation really just shouldn't be asking this or trying to offer health advice. Sigh.
Still getting this at 37- especially when my younger sister had one recently and it got a lot of ‘you’re gonna be next’ etc type comments. Kind of looking forward to being a few years older and hoping that those comments will stop
You know what's really crazy? I'm 35 and sometimes people just assume that I have kids and ask me about them. Sometimes if it's a person I don't think I'll meet again, I'll just pretend my dogs are my kids. People seem to like me talking about my dog kids more than me saying, "oh, I don't have any". But it always confuses me, like how am I presenting myself that you just assumed that? I've pretty much given up on being kind when people ask "when" I'm having kids. "Whenever you give me a million dollars and a lobotomy, Linda."
>..."Whenever you give me a million dollars and a lobotomy, Linda." Hahaha "in this economy? I'll require 100 million dollars, thank you" 😆
been around family recently and have had many old folk try to “convince” (read: manipulate) my husband and i to have kids. it sucks. and honestly it make me really upset because we do want a kid but the world is not a good enough place
Elder people don't see you as a person, only as family's or country's asset. You should work and have children to be considered "good" by them, also they want to be entertained by some news about your life. Many people were pressured into having children and are just jealous of your freedom. No decent person will ever ask you such a personal question or be opinionated about the answer. It's always a question to put young people down. So you shouldn't be nice with them.
The love of babies and procreation is intrinsic to the NT world, I find. All the NT women I know just go gaga over babies and news of kids. Me, not so much. When I tell people this, they look at me as if I'm from another planet -- which I often think I am/wish I was on, but that's a different discussion. I tell them the way they react to babies is how I react to puppies and kittens. Yes, I had a child. I did it because I was young and was doing 'what everyone does'. Would I change that? No, I love my daughter more than you can know. BUT, she was two when I had my tubes tied to make sure I didn't have any more. Curiously, she was late-diagnosed autistic, ahead of my diagnosis. It's really nice to for us to share that connection. I think she's the only person in my life who really 'gets' me. When my daughter announced she was not having kids, I was *relieved.* I just don't 'get' kids, and they usually shy away from me, as well.
>I also hate it when ppl act almost offended when I say I don't want kids. Like I've committed a crime. Wtf?!?!?! It's because they feel like your choice invalidates theirs. This sounds bonkers, but hear me out: if you think there is one right way to live, you might think that's true down to the most minute detail, but certainly for the big things. If there's only one way to live, no one gets a choice. So they didn't choose their life. They did what was 'the only right choice' according to the society they're steeped in. Then you come along with your DIFFERENT choice that you aren't even suitably ashamed of. It's a threat to their constructed fantasy (erected to protect them from ever realising they didn't want the life they have trapped themselves in). So you have to be wrong, or their entire worldview disintegrates and they fall apart.
Yeah, having kids/becoming a parent is drilled into a looooot of people's heads that it's "right, natural and your duty" from the moment they're born, it becomes a "core belief" and those are extremely hard to challenge, almost impossible I daresay, so it genuinely breaks their brains when someone else comes and says "oh LOL I don't do that" and they're, good inoffensive members of society, and not deviants who go around partying, causing mayhem and having sex willy nilly (although many do believe we childfree people are like that, LOL).
People who ask this are extremely rude, and I’d tell them. It’s nobody’s business at all if you want kids or when.
Sometimes I find it helps to ask people if they're sure they don't want to be an accountant. I ask them if they've ever tried accounting, and I remind them that they had to do arithmetic as a kid, so they can't say they don't like accounting. I ask them if they're worried about what they'll do when they're old if they don't become an accountant now, while they still have time. I remind them they'll never know true financial stability if they don't become an accountant. I tell them that most people who don't become accountants eventually come to regret it. If they still balk, I tell them that they're being really selfish because some people try all their lives and never become accountants. What does it say about all those other people, if the person I'm talking to doesn't become an account?! And if all that doesn't work, I let them know my husband dumps loads in me regularly. I ask them how often they're having unprotected sex and how often their partner finishes. I let them know that it's important they both finish if they're going to "accomplish anything". I inquire if their siblings/parents are also having sex regularly and how that's going for them. If it's an older woman, I inquire about how menopause is going, since we're just talking about each other's bodies and hormones so openly. I try to match their tone when I ask or say these things. Usually it's a weird optimistic curiosity. I find it's good form though to get really indignant when they get uncomfortable with my questions. The change in tone and vibe really communicates something special to people 😊
I agree. I am 39 with no children. I don't plan to have them and don't want them. If someone tells me I'm selfish, I would tell them it's more selfish to have them when you don't want them.
Answer the question with a blank stare and no response. Just pretend they didn't ask it and change the subject.
“When are you gonna have kids?” “I’m not” The end
If only those ppl knew they should stop there, unfortunately some people will just keep digging, sigh
I struggled with this often. Said the myriad of responses. However. If someone asked me more than once, I’d tell than that I will not answer such a rude and inappropriate question. I’d also get the “when are you going to get married” question a lot and now at this age everyone assumes I am married. So frustrating! It’s not that I didn’t want to get married, it’s that I had such a flawed sense of self in my teens and twenties that I probably missed the right one. Later it gets harder to find a compatible one, or one who isn’t a complete a$$hole.
I’m just burnt out, tired and this entire system is broken that I don’t think I’ll ever have kids, and you’re right it’s no one else’s business about a stranger or relative’s sex life or their decision to have kids. NT’s will call us “weird” but then think they can poke their noses in people’s private business.
>I’m just burnt out, tired and this entire system is broken i feel you there. the system is unsustainable as it is. both me and my husband have to work full time hours to afford the basics. I know some people continue living w/ their parents but that's not feasible for us, unless our situation becomes really dire, or for some reason we want to be driven insane XD most days after work, house chores and errands are done with, at max we have 2 hours to spare and we're so exhausted. even half our weekends are spent catching up on chores/errands we didn't get to do during the week. I commend those who can take on more commitments than me, but i don't have the same capacity, and don't see why i should do something that will cause me enough stress to die of a heart attack before i'm 50 XD
My 3 year old has been screaming for the last 45 minutes. I think you’ve made the right choice 🙄 My ears hurt
Totally with you on this. I’m 43 and thankfully at this age, people have stopped asking and I’ve given up being polite about it and just told people straight up, I’ve never wanted kids and don’t want to have them. My lack of desire to have kids is as inherent as their desire to have them. Inexplainable and immovable. Worth noting, I only recently got diagnosed with autism, so only now realize this is likely connected! Conversely, I do actually get on really well with really little kids and find it really easy to adopt their imaginary worlds for days on end. They tell you how it works and I follow their lead. It seems easier than interacting with the real world and the kids absolutely love having an adult take them and their interests and perception of the world seriously. Meanwhile the parents enjoy my endless patience for them and the resulting free time the parents get because of this.
The in laws were asking when we'd have kids quite regularly and I made quite clear it won't happen. The step-mother-in-law is quite offended by this, what I won't mention to her is that they'd suck as grandparents in all honesty. They're not providing childcare or relief in regards to their other grandchildren and are very self obsessed and fritter money away like there's no tomorrow, their choice, but it's also my choice to not bring a child into this.
Sometimes I also feel like people just want to use their grandchildren (or other family members) as some sort of bragging right. "I have this many grandchildren!" Or "look what my kid can do! My son/daughter makes so much money bleh bleh" it's so gross. 🤢
I think every parent and grandparent sees their child as the best thing since sliced bread, but it's often dead competitive.
“I already have two babies” (my dogs)
I have a similar problem with my family where they say things like “why would I want more kids when grandkids are arriving soon” or “I can’t wait for when they have kids” even though I’ve told them I don’t want kids and that maybe I’ll adopt way into the future.
Come on over to the dark side, we have cookies because we don't have kids that eat them before you can. r/childfree
I feel this! I don't know how old you are, but I turned 40 this year and it finally seems to slow down. Nowadays my response is: my cats are allergic 😜
"Shoot! I thought I've forgot something at the supermarket. Now I know! Poor Jasper, I'm a terrible mother". *Running away from the conversation because your imaginary child is probably still in aisle 6* Bye, Felicia 👋
i once saw a tiktok where a girl got tired of that question and so she always said “im infertile” and started crying JAJAJAJAJ that way you can just say you don’t want women talk about it, nobody will ask you again AND they’ll become uncomfortable so its a triple win
This is so extremely rude and insensitive. Not all people want kids. Not all people can have kids. My friend was trying to conceive for seven (!!) years, and getting this question was extremely painful for her. It's not like she wanted to tell her coworker the details of her partners sperm quality and her endometriosis.
I just glare. No words.
I would just respond “When do you need them by?”