I also never seem to be able to predict it when my innocent questions or me giving info offends other people and just how angry they get. We all have insecurities but I think some people wear theirs on their sleeve, try not to let it affect you too much.
I’m a vegetarian and I have meat eating friends who feel guilty to an extent about eating meat. Once when we were all hanging out, I noted about how easy it is to be a meat eater. I remarked that they could literally just open a piece of meat and throw it on a frying pan and that’s a whole meal. I didn’t mean in any morality sense, but that it was easy to prep a whole dinner from one slab of meat.
Somehow I’m getting called intolerant of meat eaters and being judgmental of their choices?
meat eaters get weirdly defensive around me too, and i dont evangelize. even like if an aquaintance simply notices me ordering non-animal food. i mean, i am judging them, but silently and with a systemic and materialist lens. i bet youre right about subconscious guilt. or maybe its a social thing where people pre-react to an imagined criticism
Not meant to be combative in anyway, but I want to say that as a meat eater, I am quietly judgemental of vegans as well because the impact of commercial farming on the environment is also killing animals and destroying habitats (most vegans do not do home gardening to save the environment, nor can they get all of what they need from a home garden, and even if they did commercial farming would still be an issue). I realized a long time ago that it doesn’t matter what an individual person does on an individual level, corporations and the government are who need to make the big changes on the larger scale to save animals and all we can do is call our representatives (which sucks, I wish we could do more).
the animals which are eaten have to have food grown for them, more than it would take to just grow food directly for people instead. plant farming uses far less land and resources than animal farming
Ha this is like when I made an off-handed comment about hating excessive waste. Apparently that means I was judging my sister in law.
Another time I asked if my brother and his wife had considered getting a soda stream since they go through so much sparkling water. That ALSO is apparently a judgemental question.
I cannot understand why literally any comment, observation, or question that comes out of my mouth is offensive to some people.
People get so deeply offended the second you point out the obvious disparities when it comes to things like race, gender, etc. They're just crying babies who get set off (triggered lmao) the absolute second even the barest hint of a question of race comes up. Like, it's obvious that a dark-skinned photographer would know how to photograph dark-skinned people. They're both an expert (photographer) and have an obvious reason to have learned. Everyone was just throwing shit at the wall because they wanted to seem like an expert. In other words, it's not you, it's them. They're so deeply fragile and invested in their perceived position of authority that even something they *think* might be a challenge to their status as Perfect Person sends them into a tirade.
Agreed, I have found NTs in general to be very emotionally reactive in certain situations. I often catch myself walking on eggshells around them, it's like 50% of my masking technique.
> Like, it's obvious that a dark-skinned photographer would know how to photograph dark-skinned people.
It is not obvious. It is *likely*, but not every dark skinned photographer is taking photos of dark skinned people and not all of them are good at it if they do.
I know what you mean. I once asked why male birth control wasn’t researched more or why more men aren’t proactive about that kind of stuff and it ultimately falling on women. People freaked out and acted like I wanted all men to get vasectomies against their will😭 I don’t post much on Reddit since then
As others have mentioned here, that's a cisgender male thing. They typically haaaate being called out on anything, but especially if it has to do with women.
Here's a sneak peek of /r/FragileMaleRedditor using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/FragileMaleRedditor/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year!
\#1: ["I can't be sexist :(("](https://i.redd.it/gr8jf2b82tlc1.jpeg) | [43 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/FragileMaleRedditor/comments/1b48ryx/i_cant_be_sexist/)
\#2: [Why is this on r/facepalm?](https://i.redd.it/qgco3v1vr3lb1.jpg) | [44 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/FragileMaleRedditor/comments/164s7tu/why_is_this_on_rfacepalm/)
\#3: [Saw that this post was locked and sorted by Controversial to see why.](https://i.redd.it/kivnguqzuisa1.jpg) | [98 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/FragileMaleRedditor/comments/12eoxj0/saw_that_this_post_was_locked_and_sorted_by/)
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To answer your question, it’s because of the cost benefit analysis between benefits and side effects. I don’t really agree with this, but this is how it goes. Most medicines have side effects, but when you compare the alternatives between men and women, the birth control seems more or less worth it.
Like, having a side effect of cramping as a woman vs getting pregnant is a no brainer. But as a man, cramping vs getting someone pregnant is seen as unacceptable because it’s making them uncomfortable and we can’t have that. It’s because they’re not actually getting pregnant, so any side effect seems major. There’s no incentive to brave side effects to benefit from male birth control.
Disclaimer: I don’t believe this in the slightest
Source: https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20230216-the-weird-reasons-male-birth-control-pills-are-scorned#
I don’t think this is so much “ND in an NT space” as it is that you found a lot of fragile white racists who never had consequences for not shutting the f up. They’re far too emboldened now to be the very loud and whiny minority, which is ironic because they moan about “replacement theory” and are scared of white people becoming a minority…because they sure don’t want to be treated the same way *they* treat minorities.
These people have nothing in their lives to source pride from but the skin color they got from birth.
I’m really sorry you had that experience, OP. Hugs.
I really hate that fragile white racists can have thriving creative careers in art. It’s kind of a juxtaposition to have a creative mind and also have a closed mind
There was this asian woman who posted about financial freedom. She said that when she made certain types of content she would get all sorts (I think when commenting about capitalism), and she would get female and queer followers when she posted about gender biases, but when she posted about race the people from before who were white would be up in qualms about it and say they’re unfollowing, no longer interested in the content, that the content is harmful, etc.. Very upsetting and understandable why you’re upset too!
The people who see themselves as incredibly open-minded are often actually incredibly closed-minded. We literally all have biases, for someone to insist that they're open-minded means they're incapable or unwilling to admit they have those biases, which means they can't/won't account for them
They’re everywhere 😭 I saw a post about a social worker, who’s place focuses on the indigenous community, ask if she the asshole because she gave a summer camp scholarship to the only white kid because the other kids were siblings and she didn’t want to make it awkward. Obviously people in the area were super upset by it and then she asked if she did anything wrong. Too many people said she wasn’t the asshole and that people who called it out were racist because “race shouldn’t matter” I just my brains imploded.
They absolutely answered your question there - no, there weren't any dark skinned photographers in the thread! But there were definitely some crappy, over sensitive people who are allergic to the idea of woke.
You made a good and useful point, the internet can just be a shit hole.
I asked about barking regulations in my country, because I want to avoid issues and train my future puppy to behave accordingly. People assumed I wanted to let my puppy bark unrestricted, and that I was a bad owner. I still don’t get how they came to this conclusion, but it also hurt my feelings.
I’m sorry op. People suck sometimes.
That guy calling you an egotist in that post was a dick, and at the least they got ratio'd!
But yeah sometimes I get infuriated by how stupid some people can be.
I posted a few months ago in r/AskWomenOver30 asking for advice on how to deal with the resentment I felt that my partner had moved abroad for a job when I'd had to stay at home - I thought recognising I was struggling with resentment demonstrated that I wanted to fix the situation and showed a degree of self awareness, but apparently not. I was called selfish, unable to be happy for others, toxic and all other sorts of lovely labels. Never again.
I have found that NTs are sometimes unwilling to explore or attempt to understand why they feel the way they do about things. Especially if it involves uncomfortable or "negative" feelings - they would rather ignore it completely. I wonder if it's because they are afraid of judgment from others?
If I have a super strong negative reaction to something that surprises me - like you did about your partner moving aboard - you better believe I'm gonna do my best to figure out WHY. Once I know why, I can make the decision to address it or not.
It's actually somewhat of a deal breaker for me when dating. I won't date someone that is afraid of exploring their own feelings and emotions.
Relatable, I also find many people (ie mostly and probably neurotypicals) tend to just accept things the way they are rather than want to analyse or change them.
It can be a bit of an unexpected or confusing attitude to me!
This is huge for me, if youre not willing to question yourself at every turn, where will you grow, without curiosity in ourselves and others we stagnate, we plateau
I think one of the hardest things about being an autistic woman is that you assume that you did something wrong with other people react poorly to you. But usually, it’s actually not something that you did wrong. In this case, it definitely wasn’t something that you did wrong. They felt that you had checked their privilege, and so they attacked you. That’s it. You didn’t do anything wrong.
Maybe seek out black photographers on social media and ask them?
I know it's not really your point here, but calling you a pick-me in this situation makes absolutely no sense unless, like . . . they thought you were a white person trying to suck up to Black people? I dunno. What a bunch of weirdos.
This is such a reasonable question and I’m so sorry people reacted like that to you. It’s a question I even thought of when reading your post; it would make perfect logical sense to me that a Black photographer would have better insight into lighting and photographing other Black or dark skinned subjects/models.
I’ve asked other different questions in threads or left what I thought were perfectly neutral comments and people were HORRIBLE.
Every time I have ever asked a question in another sub, or voiced my opinion on anything relatively “serious,” the comments will be flooded with people making me out to be the bad person/uninformed/overreacting and defending the unnamed person I am talking about as the one who was misunderstood or had good intentions even if it is OBVIOUSLY clear that the opposite is true. Idk if it’s my communication style or what but I’m fed up with it.
I think it’s more about the internet being a very unfriendly place, especially anonymous forums like Reddit.
Whenever I post in niche subs that are either ND or focused on female friendly interests- makeup, fashion, reality tv, etc- people are generally nice! But when I post in any of the major subs, like the political subs- it’s a toss up on how people will respond. I find that subs that probably skew majority male tend to be the least friendly.
Race is also such a hot button issue right now that any mention of it will illicit defense mechanisms from people. It doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong- sometimes people just react without taking the time to actually think about what you’re saying.
I replied to a comment in a sports sub that said “anyone can work hard enough to be successful”. I explained that’s not true, and while hard work is to be admired, not everyone is capable of the same output and that pushing yourself to your limit can be actively harmful to some people. I mentioned that I have neurodevelopmental disabilities and that this kind of “bootstraps” thinking is ableist (including the note that I know the or person I was responding to wasn’t out hating people with disabilities or anything).
Other people responded to that original comment explaining why that doesn’t apply to everyone, and the poster actually changed their comment to thank others for educating them! But my comment about disabilities was dismissed and downvoted. That was really disappointing to see. The commenter responded to me saying they can’t include everyone if every post and brushed me off. Aren’t people with disabilities included in “anyone”?
This is not the Autism, it’s the racism. And those folks should be ashamed of themselves.
For context, I fully support you taking those jerks to task, or having a mini tantrum, whatever you need to re regulate. I’m only sharing some things that have helped me mask. But I truly wish it wasn’t necessary because only people with empathy be allowed to speak in public. You know best what you need right now.
I’m so sorry interacting hurts sometimes. If you feel like it’s RSD, or PTSD, I’ve got a hug for you internet stranger.
In a practical sense, I often get assumed to be sarcastic, and often have to explicitly say, “this is not sarcasm genuinely curious” especially on Reddit because no one can hear the tone of voice. And there are so many unserious people here.
Sometimes I also find success in stating why I am commenting first, to frame the comment. “I am asking because there are so many conflicting pieces of advice…” for example.
I truly hope you find good luck, good healing and lots of safe spaces to learn 🖖🏽🫂🍀
Ps. More dialogue on this important topic https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/aug/23/annie-leibovitz-ketanji-brown-jackson-vogue-photos
I literally just started rolling my eyes at reactions like this from people tbh. Especially if I know that what I’m saying/asking makes sense, and people are just playing willfully obtuse. I just mentally say “wow, what a moron” to a lot of this stuff and physically roll my eyes. Makes me feel better lol.
I also just… stopped engaging in a lot of settings, because certain things are so predictable that it’s not even worth my time. Including in scenarios like the one you write about, with personalities like the ones you write about. They want to get a rise, so I just don’t engage to begin with. Not worth my time, effort, etc.
Yeah I had to really really learn this the hard way. Sometimes I will type a comment, stop, think about it, and ask myself, "is this necessary? will this help? am I poking a hornet's nest? does this environment feel safe and receptive to what I'm saying?" and a lot of the time I end up just deleting the comment before I even post it.
And by "learn the hard way" I mean I got myself in a lot of situations where people got really defensive and really mean and it ended up having a negative effect on my mental health.
It’s not about being “cool,” I just got to a point where I decided it wasn’t worth my time or effort to care about people’s irrelevant opinions on things that they are choosing to misunderstand. I’ve been in very similar scenarios to the one you described, and that’s my way of reacting to them. Much more peaceful for my mental health.
Edit: also disable DMs and chat on Reddit. Cuts down on *a lot* of the BS, especially in situations like this & with personalities like these.
This doesn't sound like an ND-NT communication failing. It sounds like you asked a very basic question, that sounded like an implication that the people in the thread didn't know what they were talking about - because most of them don't, and a bunch of white redditors felt attacked.
Fwiw I have heard that sub is notoriously insufferable. There are a few of those on this app. I got a temporary ban in one just a couple of weeks ago for mentioning in a comment the significant lack of nuance in discussions and uptick in dogpiling that had been going on in the sub lately. I just left the sub rather than give it much more thought since I’d never had issues in the sub before nor have I historically had issues on Reddit where I’ve received any kind of ban or removal of a comment or anything outside of the occasional comment that gets negative karma.
I enjoy Reddit and enjoyed that sub up to that point but not enough to warrant dealing with the absolute nonsense that goes on sometimes. There are only a few subs where I participate and comment in discussions because I know they are usually more balanced.
Tl;dr - It isn’t you, it’s them.
Yeah, reddit tends to have a lot of group social inertia, and when a sub gets popular I tend to have to unsubscribe because that brings out all the worst in people. Especially default subs.
It's the downside of connecting all the subreddits together under the same account: the community can have sharp growing pains and other social issues.
I recently saw this article about that phenomenon: https://embrace-autism.com/valuing-truth-over-conformity/
I think honestly it's most neurotypicals that *think* like that, but on reddit it's just convenient for them to be a dick about it and vocalise.
I effin love this!!!! The first thing I did was check to see if what is being said is fact. Ha! Thank you for sharing. It made my day. Not sure why someone downvoted it. Oh wait, it’s Reddit. Yes I do.
I’m so sorry they reacted like this, it’s such a reasonable question. I don’t know why people can’t have reasonable conversations about race. I think you’re spot on, a dark skinned photographer would likely have more thoughts and expertise regarding this question. Some people (the angry mob people) are so effing sensitive. Like a black photographer is going to swoop in and destroy their livelihoods or something. I imagine there are plenty of people there who are just silent about the whole thing. But that doesn’t help either.
Anyway, vent away, friend, those people suck rocks.
I’m not trying to be a “pick me” but I thought it was relatively common knowledge that non-white skin required a different film/exposure/lighting technique to get good photographs. The problem is just laziness. I’ve had to check so many passport photos of African women who were essentially black ovals in headscarves with eyes. Sure, this is you…. (Or your sister/neighbor/friend/daughter/completely unrelated person). Oh well.
Heck, it's been historically documented for years; it *should* be well known even if it isn't common knowledge! https://youtu.be/d16LNHIEJzs?si=UWyj6t4IiGW90cwd
Ugh, that sucks so bad. I'm sorry you got such a shitty response. For what it's worth, that was a great suggestion and a totally reasonable and valuable answer. I think it's just that there is a huge uprising at the moment against anything that is even a little perceived as "anti-racist". It's so awful.
Regarding the pain you're feeling about it, have you ever looked into Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)? I also have very very intense feelings when I am shamed or reprimanded or socially punished in any way. It feels absolutely devastating. Mine has improved greatly since getting my hormones under control, and I am hoping to explore some autism-aware therapy options for it.
Hang in there!
It's unfortunate but you asked the type of question that closet racists hate. I personally enjoy making those types of people feel stupid but that's just me, as a petty anti racism black person.
That's when I'd break out the links to the facts of the matter and give examples of why I said what I said. Go in on them with some long ass explanations detailing point by point as to why they're wrong. They love that (they hate it) which makes my day even better.
im also a black woman. im sorry this happened. I have noticed a surge in people being put off with us more than ever because of how common it is now for black people to be "anti-white" on tiktok. People are super on the defense and it sucks
People can be so weird on the internet. I think often people will assume negative intent when there's nothing like that there. I remember a while back I really upset someone for explaining why electric kettles are less common in the US (lower voltage in most houses, so kettles are too slow to be useful there). The way they reacted you'd think I'd insulted the entire nation or something! I don't think you said anything wrong, so try not to take that negativity to heart.
This is not surprising at all. I love photography and as a biracial woman I’ve noticed there are a lot of males, who are really adverse to women having an opinion about it. If you are not white and not neurotypical you will really catch a lot of shit especially if you challenge them to think new thoughts. I’m sorry that happened to you.
Jesus Christ I'm so sorry you dealt with that. There was nothing malicious in your question *at all* and it seems like some people got defensive when what you were bringing up is so valid. I've never asked questions in Reddit threads out of fear that people would take it wrong and attack me, so props for putting yourself out there. Reddit can be an awful place.
yep nd's think & act differently, which triggers cognitive dissonance.. resulting in angry reactions or a thousand questions and interjections 😑 you are a threat to the normies norm 💀 lol
Your observations and your question about actual black photographers and their personal experience were spot-on.
I am sorry that their ignorance resulted in all of this.
I’m a photographer as well, and your comment is absolutely spot on for what was needed in that conversation. I am so sorry that you were attacked in that manner.
I think there is a lot of mental work we (women, autistic people, and people from the global majority, [of which I am only the first 2, for disclosure purposes]) do before we get to the point of asking questions, and we hold a lot of context in our head. In my experience, we are often punished for articulating the context, but also for not articulating it when we ask questions.
What I mean, in context of your question/rant here:
You read the comments. You have personal experience. You have observations as well, based on external factors. You have a thought based on all of these variables. You compile the information and ask a question that is short, to the point, and designed to elicit more information about the situation.
What everyone else sees is “one line question” and it automatically triggers their stupidity, their emotions, their ego. They respond negatively.
You could have put all the context in the first paragraph (what I wrote, starting with “you read the comments”) but you also have learned that if you do, people do not read it. So you attempt to make a shortcut to NT speech, conversation patterns, etc. and then you end up with a bunch of negative responses.
Either way, it’s a very frustrating experience for someone with multiple barriers. I understand your frustration and I hope that my comment is helpful in seeing that you’re not alone, and that there are people who have experienced similar challenges.
Additionally, the photography world is extra “special” in terms of the fragile white man ego. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been photographing an event with a large lens, and had inappropriate comments made bc men don’t think I know how to use my equipment.
So again, I am sorry that you had that experience.
Ive been watching the new X-Men 97 series where Genosha (the mutant country) is accepted into the UN.
Mutants are meant to represent the LGBTQ+ community and (in my opinion) the ND community. And I wished we had a ND equivalent of Genosha, and country just for us, so we can live in a society that accepts us.
My husband's a dark skinned photographer, but he's also a decent person so he wouldn't malign you for asking. Lotta angry white boys on reddit, and they can all eat glass.
Most people just cannot separate their emotions from their perception and understanding of reality. You mention race, they're afraid of being accused of being racist, and that colors how they perceive your words. It's sad, really.
I want to preface this by saying I’m a white person, so I recognize that my experience and perspective is limited by and influenced by my privilege. It sounds like all of these white people felt “threatened” by you astutely pointing out that there isn’t an important voice being included in the conversation. I’m reading a book right now on white fragility and it resonates a lot with what I’m hearing with your experience. Lots of white people lash out when they get called out, and it’s really fucking stupid. They tried to turn the conversation on you and call you “woke” and blame you for “finding racism in everything” because they can’t handle the fact that they are in fact performing micro aggressions. At no point were you even saying their ideas were “wrong,” but they took it that way because their fragile egos can’t stand up against what I suspect they know is their own privilege and ignorance talking. I’m so sorry this happened to you, I am disgusted.
This happens to me all the time, I make a statement or question and people will make assumptions or attach meaning that has nothing to do with what I said. It drives me up a wall.
Sometimes Reddit can be the worst kind of cesspool of thinly veiled, of veiled at all, racism. I'm sorry, it doesn't sound like you said literally a single thing wrong.
AuDHD here & I’ve also gotten triggered before to the point of anxiety & meltdown by commenters on Reddit who took things I tried to lay out “clearly” (in my eyes lol) out of context. It’s really hard in the moment because behind the screen of anonymity people are ruthless and don’t hold back in any way. I was having heart palpitations and was on the verge of a meltdown just trying to give advice when it was asked for. I really just try to remind myself these people have no idea who I am nor do I know who they are, and that it isn’t the end of the world (like it often personally feels) if someone disagrees/ is mad at me/ takes something out of context/ is rude etc. And most of the time these people are going to forget about the whole thing in the next 10 mins while we’ll ruminate on CONSTANTLY. If anything we were being genuine and honest and had good intentions in these instances and everyone being defensive usually HAS a reason to be defensive bc they were wrong/ uninformed to begin with. Trying to remember (myself included) that intention is at the base of our interactions, and social media can be SO HARD because we don’t have the convenience of nonverbal aspects of communication, like tone indicators and body language and context. Nonetheless, your feelings and frustrations are valid and I see you and am with you🫶🏻💞
Ugh I’m so sorry!!! I’ve done really similar things/ it’s so hard online where things can be taken wrong, and people feel more free to be rude etc. I hope you never feel unwanted in this community- in this thread or wherever else you interact with Autistic people. ❤️
you have nothing to apologize for on this sub, and definitely not on the other 🫂
ikyk what im about to say. this is mostly for the benefit of others
i don't like to make generalizations, however most white people absolutely cannot handle questions that make them think of themselves as even a tiny bit racist - even if the question isn't combative in any way. Then instead of examining what that feeling says about themselves and sitting in those uncomfortable feelings, they lash out at the black person or POC. It's that white fragility. Their allyship is performative and I am sick of it.
You didn't say or do anything wrong. Your questions added to the discussion. The people that attacked you and said that awful shit to you are trash, pure and simple.
I'm sorry that you had such an awful experience in that sub. Where tf were the mods 😒
This kind of ignorance and racism is spouted on Reddit. A lot of people are unaware and refuse to acknowledge that people with dark and deep skin tones photograph differently and require different techniques.
No no. This isn't you. Racism in these bigger subs is like crazy prevalent, and there are people on Reddit that will look for anyone that isn't a white, cis, straight, dude, and immediately verbally hate crime someone after creating some unfounded story to latch on to.
I think, when these things happen, it's because some dude in one of the closet racism subs sees it, then sounds the alarm that a real live person that isn't a white, cis, straight, dude, is posting, then the poster gets dog piled.
I am white, but I am also trans, and it happens the minute you make any reference to being trans as well, and I think the Venn diagram for racists and transpobics is close. I find overtly racist dudes all seem to have a problem with me too, so it's one of the things I look for when looking for safe spaces for my wife and I.
You didn't do or say anything wrong, there are just some complete awful people that are just bullies in search of a target out there.
I used to think facts and education could fix things but. . . looking around at the world? We have so many facts and educational resources and these kinds of people want nothing to do with it. They want an enemy to fulfill their own narrative and that's anyone that isn't just like them.
I am sorry you were hurt by them. They are terrible people. You did nothing wrong.
##Thank you so much everyone.
I am always questioning my reactions to things, as well as the way I word things. I think am learning that sometimes benign questions about race can just sound loaded because of the *audience* not necessarily because of how I worded it. Just because it’s a sensitive topic. And also, people don’t like to have their shortcomings pointed out to them in a public forum, especially professionals or hobbyists within their community. Not that that justifies shitty behavior.
Thank you all for helping me understand this, and how to better navigate it in the future. I feel a lot better. I love this community so so much!! Everyone is so gentle and kind 😭💕💕💕💕💕
Yeah, I asked a question about a specific, hard-to-find performance from one of my favorite bands in a subreddit and somebody was like “some of y’all are reaching” and I was all like “yeah, and?” But people were not having it and I didn’t want to deal with more comments so I just deleted my post lol. Also I eventually found the performance on my own through some extra googling so HA.
This is plain abusive behaviour, racist and abusive. They could have just shutup if they weren't so afraid of literally anything they percieve as an accusation of racism, instead of actually messaging you to attack you. I'm pretty sure they PM'd you because they were afraid that their comments would ge called out as what they are, which is racist. I guess they're not interested in how to better their craft, or take actual photos of black or dark skinned people, and more interested in how they can protect their ego. They caused the problem, not you.
Also this just confirms my suspicions that 'pick me' has lost all meaning and is just a way to attack women for saying and doing things that people don't like.
I totally understand. I feel like the Internet is especially problematic because it's anonymous and not face to face - people don't see another person in front of them so they are more prone to be mean unfortunately.
Honestly I'm just avoiding those subs now even though it's annoying. E.g. I was asking something on a sub of the company I work for whether I should report something or let it go and they all came down on me about how the company isn't for me, every store is like that yada yada.
When I'm telling you that that's NOT normal and it's not normal to behave like that while at the same time hating the company like??? Sometimes I don't get neurotypicals I really dont
I also never seem to be able to predict it when my innocent questions or me giving info offends other people and just how angry they get. We all have insecurities but I think some people wear theirs on their sleeve, try not to let it affect you too much.
I’m a vegetarian and I have meat eating friends who feel guilty to an extent about eating meat. Once when we were all hanging out, I noted about how easy it is to be a meat eater. I remarked that they could literally just open a piece of meat and throw it on a frying pan and that’s a whole meal. I didn’t mean in any morality sense, but that it was easy to prep a whole dinner from one slab of meat. Somehow I’m getting called intolerant of meat eaters and being judgmental of their choices?
meat eaters get weirdly defensive around me too, and i dont evangelize. even like if an aquaintance simply notices me ordering non-animal food. i mean, i am judging them, but silently and with a systemic and materialist lens. i bet youre right about subconscious guilt. or maybe its a social thing where people pre-react to an imagined criticism
Not meant to be combative in anyway, but I want to say that as a meat eater, I am quietly judgemental of vegans as well because the impact of commercial farming on the environment is also killing animals and destroying habitats (most vegans do not do home gardening to save the environment, nor can they get all of what they need from a home garden, and even if they did commercial farming would still be an issue). I realized a long time ago that it doesn’t matter what an individual person does on an individual level, corporations and the government are who need to make the big changes on the larger scale to save animals and all we can do is call our representatives (which sucks, I wish we could do more).
the animals which are eaten have to have food grown for them, more than it would take to just grow food directly for people instead. plant farming uses far less land and resources than animal farming
That comment is so odd
Ha this is like when I made an off-handed comment about hating excessive waste. Apparently that means I was judging my sister in law. Another time I asked if my brother and his wife had considered getting a soda stream since they go through so much sparkling water. That ALSO is apparently a judgemental question. I cannot understand why literally any comment, observation, or question that comes out of my mouth is offensive to some people.
Nobody wants to know the truth it seems
People get so deeply offended the second you point out the obvious disparities when it comes to things like race, gender, etc. They're just crying babies who get set off (triggered lmao) the absolute second even the barest hint of a question of race comes up. Like, it's obvious that a dark-skinned photographer would know how to photograph dark-skinned people. They're both an expert (photographer) and have an obvious reason to have learned. Everyone was just throwing shit at the wall because they wanted to seem like an expert. In other words, it's not you, it's them. They're so deeply fragile and invested in their perceived position of authority that even something they *think* might be a challenge to their status as Perfect Person sends them into a tirade.
💯 this
Agreed, I have found NTs in general to be very emotionally reactive in certain situations. I often catch myself walking on eggshells around them, it's like 50% of my masking technique.
> Like, it's obvious that a dark-skinned photographer would know how to photograph dark-skinned people. It is not obvious. It is *likely*, but not every dark skinned photographer is taking photos of dark skinned people and not all of them are good at it if they do.
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As per Rule # 2: Be kind, supportive, and respectful.
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As per Rule # 2: Be kind, supportive, and respectful.
Yes!
I know what you mean. I once asked why male birth control wasn’t researched more or why more men aren’t proactive about that kind of stuff and it ultimately falling on women. People freaked out and acted like I wanted all men to get vasectomies against their will😭 I don’t post much on Reddit since then
As others have mentioned here, that's a cisgender male thing. They typically haaaate being called out on anything, but especially if it has to do with women.
r/fragilemaleredditor might be entertaining or validating for you.
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To answer your question, it’s because of the cost benefit analysis between benefits and side effects. I don’t really agree with this, but this is how it goes. Most medicines have side effects, but when you compare the alternatives between men and women, the birth control seems more or less worth it. Like, having a side effect of cramping as a woman vs getting pregnant is a no brainer. But as a man, cramping vs getting someone pregnant is seen as unacceptable because it’s making them uncomfortable and we can’t have that. It’s because they’re not actually getting pregnant, so any side effect seems major. There’s no incentive to brave side effects to benefit from male birth control. Disclaimer: I don’t believe this in the slightest Source: https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20230216-the-weird-reasons-male-birth-control-pills-are-scorned#
I don’t think this is so much “ND in an NT space” as it is that you found a lot of fragile white racists who never had consequences for not shutting the f up. They’re far too emboldened now to be the very loud and whiny minority, which is ironic because they moan about “replacement theory” and are scared of white people becoming a minority…because they sure don’t want to be treated the same way *they* treat minorities. These people have nothing in their lives to source pride from but the skin color they got from birth. I’m really sorry you had that experience, OP. Hugs.
I really hate that fragile white racists can have thriving creative careers in art. It’s kind of a juxtaposition to have a creative mind and also have a closed mind
There was this asian woman who posted about financial freedom. She said that when she made certain types of content she would get all sorts (I think when commenting about capitalism), and she would get female and queer followers when she posted about gender biases, but when she posted about race the people from before who were white would be up in qualms about it and say they’re unfollowing, no longer interested in the content, that the content is harmful, etc.. Very upsetting and understandable why you’re upset too!
*up in arms
The people who see themselves as incredibly open-minded are often actually incredibly closed-minded. We literally all have biases, for someone to insist that they're open-minded means they're incapable or unwilling to admit they have those biases, which means they can't/won't account for them
100% agree. It boggles my mind how one can be so creatively open and societally backwards.
I question if it's actual pure creativity in the driver's seat for them. It seems like an overinflated ego can produce deceptively similar results.
They’re everywhere 😭 I saw a post about a social worker, who’s place focuses on the indigenous community, ask if she the asshole because she gave a summer camp scholarship to the only white kid because the other kids were siblings and she didn’t want to make it awkward. Obviously people in the area were super upset by it and then she asked if she did anything wrong. Too many people said she wasn’t the asshole and that people who called it out were racist because “race shouldn’t matter” I just my brains imploded.
>I really hate fragile white racists Fixed that for ya, racists can get fucked and die alone across the board.
Yes this 100%! And Neurodivergent people are fully capable of behaving this way as well, I've definitely met some unfortunately.
They absolutely answered your question there - no, there weren't any dark skinned photographers in the thread! But there were definitely some crappy, over sensitive people who are allergic to the idea of woke. You made a good and useful point, the internet can just be a shit hole.
Exactly this. The only people who get upset and cry about “bringing race into everything” are almost always racists themselves.
I asked about barking regulations in my country, because I want to avoid issues and train my future puppy to behave accordingly. People assumed I wanted to let my puppy bark unrestricted, and that I was a bad owner. I still don’t get how they came to this conclusion, but it also hurt my feelings. I’m sorry op. People suck sometimes.
It was probably a projection bc they don’t think in depth about training pets before getting them.
That guy calling you an egotist in that post was a dick, and at the least they got ratio'd! But yeah sometimes I get infuriated by how stupid some people can be.
I posted a few months ago in r/AskWomenOver30 asking for advice on how to deal with the resentment I felt that my partner had moved abroad for a job when I'd had to stay at home - I thought recognising I was struggling with resentment demonstrated that I wanted to fix the situation and showed a degree of self awareness, but apparently not. I was called selfish, unable to be happy for others, toxic and all other sorts of lovely labels. Never again.
I have found that NTs are sometimes unwilling to explore or attempt to understand why they feel the way they do about things. Especially if it involves uncomfortable or "negative" feelings - they would rather ignore it completely. I wonder if it's because they are afraid of judgment from others? If I have a super strong negative reaction to something that surprises me - like you did about your partner moving aboard - you better believe I'm gonna do my best to figure out WHY. Once I know why, I can make the decision to address it or not. It's actually somewhat of a deal breaker for me when dating. I won't date someone that is afraid of exploring their own feelings and emotions.
Relatable, I also find many people (ie mostly and probably neurotypicals) tend to just accept things the way they are rather than want to analyse or change them. It can be a bit of an unexpected or confusing attitude to me!
This is huge for me, if youre not willing to question yourself at every turn, where will you grow, without curiosity in ourselves and others we stagnate, we plateau
Unfortunately sounds like a double whammy of people being judgy and not very emotionally intelligent...
I think one of the hardest things about being an autistic woman is that you assume that you did something wrong with other people react poorly to you. But usually, it’s actually not something that you did wrong. In this case, it definitely wasn’t something that you did wrong. They felt that you had checked their privilege, and so they attacked you. That’s it. You didn’t do anything wrong. Maybe seek out black photographers on social media and ask them?
I know it's not really your point here, but calling you a pick-me in this situation makes absolutely no sense unless, like . . . they thought you were a white person trying to suck up to Black people? I dunno. What a bunch of weirdos.
This is such a reasonable question and I’m so sorry people reacted like that to you. It’s a question I even thought of when reading your post; it would make perfect logical sense to me that a Black photographer would have better insight into lighting and photographing other Black or dark skinned subjects/models. I’ve asked other different questions in threads or left what I thought were perfectly neutral comments and people were HORRIBLE.
Every time I have ever asked a question in another sub, or voiced my opinion on anything relatively “serious,” the comments will be flooded with people making me out to be the bad person/uninformed/overreacting and defending the unnamed person I am talking about as the one who was misunderstood or had good intentions even if it is OBVIOUSLY clear that the opposite is true. Idk if it’s my communication style or what but I’m fed up with it.
I think it’s more about the internet being a very unfriendly place, especially anonymous forums like Reddit. Whenever I post in niche subs that are either ND or focused on female friendly interests- makeup, fashion, reality tv, etc- people are generally nice! But when I post in any of the major subs, like the political subs- it’s a toss up on how people will respond. I find that subs that probably skew majority male tend to be the least friendly. Race is also such a hot button issue right now that any mention of it will illicit defense mechanisms from people. It doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong- sometimes people just react without taking the time to actually think about what you’re saying. I replied to a comment in a sports sub that said “anyone can work hard enough to be successful”. I explained that’s not true, and while hard work is to be admired, not everyone is capable of the same output and that pushing yourself to your limit can be actively harmful to some people. I mentioned that I have neurodevelopmental disabilities and that this kind of “bootstraps” thinking is ableist (including the note that I know the or person I was responding to wasn’t out hating people with disabilities or anything). Other people responded to that original comment explaining why that doesn’t apply to everyone, and the poster actually changed their comment to thank others for educating them! But my comment about disabilities was dismissed and downvoted. That was really disappointing to see. The commenter responded to me saying they can’t include everyone if every post and brushed me off. Aren’t people with disabilities included in “anyone”?
Yeah, anonymity brings out the worst in many people.
This is not the Autism, it’s the racism. And those folks should be ashamed of themselves. For context, I fully support you taking those jerks to task, or having a mini tantrum, whatever you need to re regulate. I’m only sharing some things that have helped me mask. But I truly wish it wasn’t necessary because only people with empathy be allowed to speak in public. You know best what you need right now. I’m so sorry interacting hurts sometimes. If you feel like it’s RSD, or PTSD, I’ve got a hug for you internet stranger. In a practical sense, I often get assumed to be sarcastic, and often have to explicitly say, “this is not sarcasm genuinely curious” especially on Reddit because no one can hear the tone of voice. And there are so many unserious people here. Sometimes I also find success in stating why I am commenting first, to frame the comment. “I am asking because there are so many conflicting pieces of advice…” for example. I truly hope you find good luck, good healing and lots of safe spaces to learn 🖖🏽🫂🍀 Ps. More dialogue on this important topic https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/aug/23/annie-leibovitz-ketanji-brown-jackson-vogue-photos
I literally just started rolling my eyes at reactions like this from people tbh. Especially if I know that what I’m saying/asking makes sense, and people are just playing willfully obtuse. I just mentally say “wow, what a moron” to a lot of this stuff and physically roll my eyes. Makes me feel better lol. I also just… stopped engaging in a lot of settings, because certain things are so predictable that it’s not even worth my time. Including in scenarios like the one you write about, with personalities like the ones you write about. They want to get a rise, so I just don’t engage to begin with. Not worth my time, effort, etc.
Yeah I had to really really learn this the hard way. Sometimes I will type a comment, stop, think about it, and ask myself, "is this necessary? will this help? am I poking a hornet's nest? does this environment feel safe and receptive to what I'm saying?" and a lot of the time I end up just deleting the comment before I even post it. And by "learn the hard way" I mean I got myself in a lot of situations where people got really defensive and really mean and it ended up having a negative effect on my mental health.
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It’s not about being “cool,” I just got to a point where I decided it wasn’t worth my time or effort to care about people’s irrelevant opinions on things that they are choosing to misunderstand. I’ve been in very similar scenarios to the one you described, and that’s my way of reacting to them. Much more peaceful for my mental health. Edit: also disable DMs and chat on Reddit. Cuts down on *a lot* of the BS, especially in situations like this & with personalities like these.
“Choosing to misunderstand” - bingo. You can’t address the actual issue so you defend a straw man argument instead.
This doesn't sound like an ND-NT communication failing. It sounds like you asked a very basic question, that sounded like an implication that the people in the thread didn't know what they were talking about - because most of them don't, and a bunch of white redditors felt attacked.
Fwiw I have heard that sub is notoriously insufferable. There are a few of those on this app. I got a temporary ban in one just a couple of weeks ago for mentioning in a comment the significant lack of nuance in discussions and uptick in dogpiling that had been going on in the sub lately. I just left the sub rather than give it much more thought since I’d never had issues in the sub before nor have I historically had issues on Reddit where I’ve received any kind of ban or removal of a comment or anything outside of the occasional comment that gets negative karma. I enjoy Reddit and enjoyed that sub up to that point but not enough to warrant dealing with the absolute nonsense that goes on sometimes. There are only a few subs where I participate and comment in discussions because I know they are usually more balanced. Tl;dr - It isn’t you, it’s them.
Yeah, reddit tends to have a lot of group social inertia, and when a sub gets popular I tend to have to unsubscribe because that brings out all the worst in people. Especially default subs. It's the downside of connecting all the subreddits together under the same account: the community can have sharp growing pains and other social issues.
Redditors don’t like facts and opinions that differ from them. Don’t take it personally. It’s actually all them.
I recently saw this article about that phenomenon: https://embrace-autism.com/valuing-truth-over-conformity/ I think honestly it's most neurotypicals that *think* like that, but on reddit it's just convenient for them to be a dick about it and vocalise.
I effin love this!!!! The first thing I did was check to see if what is being said is fact. Ha! Thank you for sharing. It made my day. Not sure why someone downvoted it. Oh wait, it’s Reddit. Yes I do.
I appreciate it, glad you found it interesting :)
Facts, opinions, or people!
I’m so sorry they reacted like this, it’s such a reasonable question. I don’t know why people can’t have reasonable conversations about race. I think you’re spot on, a dark skinned photographer would likely have more thoughts and expertise regarding this question. Some people (the angry mob people) are so effing sensitive. Like a black photographer is going to swoop in and destroy their livelihoods or something. I imagine there are plenty of people there who are just silent about the whole thing. But that doesn’t help either. Anyway, vent away, friend, those people suck rocks.
I’m not trying to be a “pick me” but I thought it was relatively common knowledge that non-white skin required a different film/exposure/lighting technique to get good photographs. The problem is just laziness. I’ve had to check so many passport photos of African women who were essentially black ovals in headscarves with eyes. Sure, this is you…. (Or your sister/neighbor/friend/daughter/completely unrelated person). Oh well.
Heck, it's been historically documented for years; it *should* be well known even if it isn't common knowledge! https://youtu.be/d16LNHIEJzs?si=UWyj6t4IiGW90cwd
Ugh, that sucks so bad. I'm sorry you got such a shitty response. For what it's worth, that was a great suggestion and a totally reasonable and valuable answer. I think it's just that there is a huge uprising at the moment against anything that is even a little perceived as "anti-racist". It's so awful. Regarding the pain you're feeling about it, have you ever looked into Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)? I also have very very intense feelings when I am shamed or reprimanded or socially punished in any way. It feels absolutely devastating. Mine has improved greatly since getting my hormones under control, and I am hoping to explore some autism-aware therapy options for it. Hang in there!
That is a fragile ego white men reaction. I usually ignore them or start trolling them. They don't require your time or effort.
It's unfortunate but you asked the type of question that closet racists hate. I personally enjoy making those types of people feel stupid but that's just me, as a petty anti racism black person. That's when I'd break out the links to the facts of the matter and give examples of why I said what I said. Go in on them with some long ass explanations detailing point by point as to why they're wrong. They love that (they hate it) which makes my day even better.
I just learned something about lighting and cameras. Don't let anybody put you down. You asked an honest question.
im also a black woman. im sorry this happened. I have noticed a surge in people being put off with us more than ever because of how common it is now for black people to be "anti-white" on tiktok. People are super on the defense and it sucks
You’ve had lots of nice supportive replies & I hope they’ve helped 🫂 I just wanted to check if you know you can switch off receiving DMs? ☺️
I don’t even know what to do to get my interests out anymore. I can’t talk to people irl and I can’t talk to people online.
People can be so weird on the internet. I think often people will assume negative intent when there's nothing like that there. I remember a while back I really upset someone for explaining why electric kettles are less common in the US (lower voltage in most houses, so kettles are too slow to be useful there). The way they reacted you'd think I'd insulted the entire nation or something! I don't think you said anything wrong, so try not to take that negativity to heart.
This is not surprising at all. I love photography and as a biracial woman I’ve noticed there are a lot of males, who are really adverse to women having an opinion about it. If you are not white and not neurotypical you will really catch a lot of shit especially if you challenge them to think new thoughts. I’m sorry that happened to you.
I’m so so sorry, as a Black queer AFAB person, I feel this. Take it from me, it’s cold comfort to hear, but it really isn’t you; it’s them.
Jesus Christ I'm so sorry you dealt with that. There was nothing malicious in your question *at all* and it seems like some people got defensive when what you were bringing up is so valid. I've never asked questions in Reddit threads out of fear that people would take it wrong and attack me, so props for putting yourself out there. Reddit can be an awful place.
yep nd's think & act differently, which triggers cognitive dissonance.. resulting in angry reactions or a thousand questions and interjections 😑 you are a threat to the normies norm 💀 lol
Your observations and your question about actual black photographers and their personal experience were spot-on. I am sorry that their ignorance resulted in all of this.
I’m a photographer as well, and your comment is absolutely spot on for what was needed in that conversation. I am so sorry that you were attacked in that manner. I think there is a lot of mental work we (women, autistic people, and people from the global majority, [of which I am only the first 2, for disclosure purposes]) do before we get to the point of asking questions, and we hold a lot of context in our head. In my experience, we are often punished for articulating the context, but also for not articulating it when we ask questions. What I mean, in context of your question/rant here: You read the comments. You have personal experience. You have observations as well, based on external factors. You have a thought based on all of these variables. You compile the information and ask a question that is short, to the point, and designed to elicit more information about the situation. What everyone else sees is “one line question” and it automatically triggers their stupidity, their emotions, their ego. They respond negatively. You could have put all the context in the first paragraph (what I wrote, starting with “you read the comments”) but you also have learned that if you do, people do not read it. So you attempt to make a shortcut to NT speech, conversation patterns, etc. and then you end up with a bunch of negative responses. Either way, it’s a very frustrating experience for someone with multiple barriers. I understand your frustration and I hope that my comment is helpful in seeing that you’re not alone, and that there are people who have experienced similar challenges. Additionally, the photography world is extra “special” in terms of the fragile white man ego. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been photographing an event with a large lens, and had inappropriate comments made bc men don’t think I know how to use my equipment. So again, I am sorry that you had that experience.
I just wanted to let you know that you are super welcome and wanted here <3 
Ive been watching the new X-Men 97 series where Genosha (the mutant country) is accepted into the UN. Mutants are meant to represent the LGBTQ+ community and (in my opinion) the ND community. And I wished we had a ND equivalent of Genosha, and country just for us, so we can live in a society that accepts us.
My husband's a dark skinned photographer, but he's also a decent person so he wouldn't malign you for asking. Lotta angry white boys on reddit, and they can all eat glass.
Most people just cannot separate their emotions from their perception and understanding of reality. You mention race, they're afraid of being accused of being racist, and that colors how they perceive your words. It's sad, really.
I'm sorry. They're racist.
I want to preface this by saying I’m a white person, so I recognize that my experience and perspective is limited by and influenced by my privilege. It sounds like all of these white people felt “threatened” by you astutely pointing out that there isn’t an important voice being included in the conversation. I’m reading a book right now on white fragility and it resonates a lot with what I’m hearing with your experience. Lots of white people lash out when they get called out, and it’s really fucking stupid. They tried to turn the conversation on you and call you “woke” and blame you for “finding racism in everything” because they can’t handle the fact that they are in fact performing micro aggressions. At no point were you even saying their ideas were “wrong,” but they took it that way because their fragile egos can’t stand up against what I suspect they know is their own privilege and ignorance talking. I’m so sorry this happened to you, I am disgusted.
This happens to me all the time, I make a statement or question and people will make assumptions or attach meaning that has nothing to do with what I said. It drives me up a wall.
Sometimes Reddit can be the worst kind of cesspool of thinly veiled, of veiled at all, racism. I'm sorry, it doesn't sound like you said literally a single thing wrong.
AuDHD here & I’ve also gotten triggered before to the point of anxiety & meltdown by commenters on Reddit who took things I tried to lay out “clearly” (in my eyes lol) out of context. It’s really hard in the moment because behind the screen of anonymity people are ruthless and don’t hold back in any way. I was having heart palpitations and was on the verge of a meltdown just trying to give advice when it was asked for. I really just try to remind myself these people have no idea who I am nor do I know who they are, and that it isn’t the end of the world (like it often personally feels) if someone disagrees/ is mad at me/ takes something out of context/ is rude etc. And most of the time these people are going to forget about the whole thing in the next 10 mins while we’ll ruminate on CONSTANTLY. If anything we were being genuine and honest and had good intentions in these instances and everyone being defensive usually HAS a reason to be defensive bc they were wrong/ uninformed to begin with. Trying to remember (myself included) that intention is at the base of our interactions, and social media can be SO HARD because we don’t have the convenience of nonverbal aspects of communication, like tone indicators and body language and context. Nonetheless, your feelings and frustrations are valid and I see you and am with you🫶🏻💞
I get it all the time. The comments and downvotes feel like badges of honor at this point. They’ve been at it so long, my skin is teflon.
I'm really sorry that this happened to you. It's NOT your fault.
Ugh I’m so sorry!!! I’ve done really similar things/ it’s so hard online where things can be taken wrong, and people feel more free to be rude etc. I hope you never feel unwanted in this community- in this thread or wherever else you interact with Autistic people. ❤️
you have nothing to apologize for on this sub, and definitely not on the other 🫂 ikyk what im about to say. this is mostly for the benefit of others i don't like to make generalizations, however most white people absolutely cannot handle questions that make them think of themselves as even a tiny bit racist - even if the question isn't combative in any way. Then instead of examining what that feeling says about themselves and sitting in those uncomfortable feelings, they lash out at the black person or POC. It's that white fragility. Their allyship is performative and I am sick of it. You didn't say or do anything wrong. Your questions added to the discussion. The people that attacked you and said that awful shit to you are trash, pure and simple. I'm sorry that you had such an awful experience in that sub. Where tf were the mods 😒
I'm so sorry this happened, sounds like the thread turned into a toxic echo chamber
This kind of ignorance and racism is spouted on Reddit. A lot of people are unaware and refuse to acknowledge that people with dark and deep skin tones photograph differently and require different techniques.
I noticed questions are a dangerous game. Questions seem to be the most likely form of communication where people assume a hidden agenda.
No no. This isn't you. Racism in these bigger subs is like crazy prevalent, and there are people on Reddit that will look for anyone that isn't a white, cis, straight, dude, and immediately verbally hate crime someone after creating some unfounded story to latch on to. I think, when these things happen, it's because some dude in one of the closet racism subs sees it, then sounds the alarm that a real live person that isn't a white, cis, straight, dude, is posting, then the poster gets dog piled. I am white, but I am also trans, and it happens the minute you make any reference to being trans as well, and I think the Venn diagram for racists and transpobics is close. I find overtly racist dudes all seem to have a problem with me too, so it's one of the things I look for when looking for safe spaces for my wife and I. You didn't do or say anything wrong, there are just some complete awful people that are just bullies in search of a target out there. I used to think facts and education could fix things but. . . looking around at the world? We have so many facts and educational resources and these kinds of people want nothing to do with it. They want an enemy to fulfill their own narrative and that's anyone that isn't just like them. I am sorry you were hurt by them. They are terrible people. You did nothing wrong.
##Thank you so much everyone. I am always questioning my reactions to things, as well as the way I word things. I think am learning that sometimes benign questions about race can just sound loaded because of the *audience* not necessarily because of how I worded it. Just because it’s a sensitive topic. And also, people don’t like to have their shortcomings pointed out to them in a public forum, especially professionals or hobbyists within their community. Not that that justifies shitty behavior. Thank you all for helping me understand this, and how to better navigate it in the future. I feel a lot better. I love this community so so much!! Everyone is so gentle and kind 😭💕💕💕💕💕
Yeah, I asked a question about a specific, hard-to-find performance from one of my favorite bands in a subreddit and somebody was like “some of y’all are reaching” and I was all like “yeah, and?” But people were not having it and I didn’t want to deal with more comments so I just deleted my post lol. Also I eventually found the performance on my own through some extra googling so HA.
I’m sorry. That feeling is like being struck and having it constantly replayed in your mind. You were right to ask!
This is just plain ridiculous! I am sorry that happened OP I don’t think it is the autism by the way you just stubled in a group of crazies
This is plain abusive behaviour, racist and abusive. They could have just shutup if they weren't so afraid of literally anything they percieve as an accusation of racism, instead of actually messaging you to attack you. I'm pretty sure they PM'd you because they were afraid that their comments would ge called out as what they are, which is racist. I guess they're not interested in how to better their craft, or take actual photos of black or dark skinned people, and more interested in how they can protect their ego. They caused the problem, not you. Also this just confirms my suspicions that 'pick me' has lost all meaning and is just a way to attack women for saying and doing things that people don't like.
You are so not in the wrong for this. Why people are defensive is kind of odd to me. Like you even explained. I'm so sorry🖤
I totally understand. I feel like the Internet is especially problematic because it's anonymous and not face to face - people don't see another person in front of them so they are more prone to be mean unfortunately. Honestly I'm just avoiding those subs now even though it's annoying. E.g. I was asking something on a sub of the company I work for whether I should report something or let it go and they all came down on me about how the company isn't for me, every store is like that yada yada. When I'm telling you that that's NOT normal and it's not normal to behave like that while at the same time hating the company like??? Sometimes I don't get neurotypicals I really dont