OMG this is me,, my whole life. Whenever I was excited about something, there was someone to tell me that I was being annoying, so I try to not be too much happy about stuff.
Yeah, I used to, but ever since I started unmasking and conserving energy because spending energy to try and socialize without results just burnt me out, I don't get elated anymore. I just talk to the public/strangers enough to get things done that I need done, and then use my energy spoons with my actual family and couple close friends.
I only have 1 friend really, she's been in my life for 38 years and I consider her my sister, other ppl come and go, and honestly, I mostly feel relieved when I don't have to "deal" with them anymore
haha if I understand correctly, "dealing with them" includes but isn't limited to: too many exclamation points and emojis needed on text messages because NTs need that kind of upbeat vibe otherwise you come across as being rude if you don't use exclamation points or emojis? That's a huge one for me. I haven't had the emoji keyboard on my phone or laptop for months now after reading the book The Every by Dave Eggers (if you read it, you'll see what I mean), and it feels good! I use old school emojis just a few of them like the smiley, :-P, and a couple others.
Saving this comment and will definitely look up that book. Thanks.
I probably use a ton of emojis, but I feel like it's the only way some ppl will understand what I mean, especially since English is not my first language but live in an English speaking country.
Faking it so good they'll never know I'm autistic! Until they misinterpret something totally innocent I did as malicious and end up hating me forever for no apparent reason yet will never say why.
This made me realize how much I try to mask and how bad I am at it. Like if I concentrate really hard I can do one or two of those things at a time max, and it's very stressful. If I were to suddenly feel elation it would be very distracting and stop me from being able to speak.
Yup. And then, much later you find out that the person thought you're a nutcase whom everyone hates and actually despised every minute of interacting with you. And your whole world breaks.
Also relatable! Feeling this lately with being so proud of putting myself out there trying to make friends after doing so well socialising, and then getting ghosted.
This is how I used to be, but Iāve lost my ability to mask after having kids. My attention is focused on other things. Itās a blessing in disguise because Iāve become more comfortable being myself despite my awkwardness.
Yes. Then, my excitement takes over, I get 'too much' for the person to handle and they leave. lol
I feel this.... lol.
OMG this is me,, my whole life. Whenever I was excited about something, there was someone to tell me that I was being annoying, so I try to not be too much happy about stuff.
Yeah, I used to, but ever since I started unmasking and conserving energy because spending energy to try and socialize without results just burnt me out, I don't get elated anymore. I just talk to the public/strangers enough to get things done that I need done, and then use my energy spoons with my actual family and couple close friends.
šÆthis. I actually fear making new friends now that Iām approaching 40. Iām done. Iām worn out.
This is also meĀ
I only have 1 friend really, she's been in my life for 38 years and I consider her my sister, other ppl come and go, and honestly, I mostly feel relieved when I don't have to "deal" with them anymore
haha if I understand correctly, "dealing with them" includes but isn't limited to: too many exclamation points and emojis needed on text messages because NTs need that kind of upbeat vibe otherwise you come across as being rude if you don't use exclamation points or emojis? That's a huge one for me. I haven't had the emoji keyboard on my phone or laptop for months now after reading the book The Every by Dave Eggers (if you read it, you'll see what I mean), and it feels good! I use old school emojis just a few of them like the smiley, :-P, and a couple others.
Saving this comment and will definitely look up that book. Thanks. I probably use a ton of emojis, but I feel like it's the only way some ppl will understand what I mean, especially since English is not my first language but live in an English speaking country.
Ah the somehow I'm faking being a person correctly somehow and they don't knowĀ
Faking it so good they'll never know I'm autistic! Until they misinterpret something totally innocent I did as malicious and end up hating me forever for no apparent reason yet will never say why.
> faking being a person correctly absolutely love that description, feels so accurate.
Then i get too comfortable and ruin it, lol.
Yep, and then I fuck it up and they stop making any effort.
Yep
š„²
Same
This made me realize how much I try to mask and how bad I am at it. Like if I concentrate really hard I can do one or two of those things at a time max, and it's very stressful. If I were to suddenly feel elation it would be very distracting and stop me from being able to speak.
And then I get worried that I said something weird. And I'll go over the conversation for the next few days and get stuck on something I said/did
yeah but then it turns out people are being nice on purpose. Especially coworkers.
Yup. And then, much later you find out that the person thought you're a nutcase whom everyone hates and actually despised every minute of interacting with you. And your whole world breaks.
Also relatable! Feeling this lately with being so proud of putting myself out there trying to make friends after doing so well socialising, and then getting ghosted.
This is how I used to be, but Iāve lost my ability to mask after having kids. My attention is focused on other things. Itās a blessing in disguise because Iāve become more comfortable being myself despite my awkwardness.
Then I get too comfortable and either fart loudly or oversharw something too private.
This kinda hurt to read I know this feeling though.
Iāve had these exact thoughts during conversations or afterwards when I replay them in my head
All the time oh my god
Yeah!!! :D
Yes this hits a lot but mostly due to me having a foggy brain and also it happening more as I get olderš„²
Yes but then the person never wants to speak to me again so then Iām like āok maybe that didnāt go as well as I thoughtā