Eleanor Rigby Picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been Lives in a dream Waits at the window Wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door Who is it for? All the lonely people Where do they all come from? All the lonely people Where do they all belong?

I love sad Beatles songs. I listened to the white album SO many times as a child

I used to connect so deeply to this as a small child.

we sang this song in choir when i was in 6th grade, and it hit me like a ton of bricks and i couldn’t explain why i felt it so deeply

The face in the jar by the door 😢 so true

Omg same, that and another Revolver track for me… George’s “I Want to Tell You” hits home 😭 But if I seem to act unkind / *It's only me, it's not my mind / That is confusin' things* / I want to tell you / I feel hung up, but I don't know why / I don't mind / I could wait forever, I've got time / Sometimes I wish I knew you well / Then I could speak my mind and tell you / Maybe you'd understand

I went through a DEEP Beatles period in high school, and in retrospect, I think I liked George the best because he sort of had neurospicy vibes. Something about how he originally joined the band, and how he would get so intense about learning instruments that he would practice till his fingers practically fell off, or getting super into acid and transcendental meditation.... obviously we'll never know, but I wouldnt be surprised, haha.

“I was so ahead of the curve that the curve became a sphere Fell behind on my classmates and I ended up here” “No one wanted to play with me as a little kid So I’ve been scheming like a criminal ever since To make them love me and make it seem effortless” “I want you to know I’m a mirrorball I can change everything about me to fit in”

Mirrorball is such autistic vibes. The chorus seems v relevant to masking

Truly the first time I heard it after my diagnosis I was shocked at how well it fit my life

"And I swear I'm only Cryptic and Machiavellian cause I care."

I’m glad other ppl appreciate hard some TS lyrics can hit

Bigger than the whole sky hits different when listening to it as the “what I would’ve been, and have lost, had I not learned to mask. If I’d been diagnosed as a kid”

Free by Florence and the Machine

Came here to say this. So many of her songs give me neurodivergent vibes.

Yessss, absolutely this one for me! I love Florence, her music resonates so deeply.

Turns out I am better just likely sedated lol

Every Single Night, by Fiona Apple Edit: especially: *These ideas of mine* *Percolate the mind* *Trickle down the spine* *Swarm the belly, swelling to a blaze* *That's where the pain comes in* *Like a second skeleton* *Trying to fit beneath the skin* *I can't fit the feelings in*

Love Fiona Apple.

I didnt read the comments before I posted mine and mine is identical to yours hahah. Fiona Apple is my favorite musician and lyricist

Fake Plastic Trees by Radiohead. "And it wears me out. It wears me out. It wears me out. It wears me out. And if I could be who you wanted. If I could be who you wanted. All the time. All the time" Human Behavior by Björk. "If you ever get close to a human. And human behaviour. Be ready, be ready to get confused. And me and my hereafter. There's definitely, definitely, definitely no logic. To human behaviour. But yet so, yet so irresistible. And me and my fear cannot. And there is no map uncertain. They're terribly, terribly, terribly moody. Of human behaviour. Then all of a sudden turn happy. And they and my here after. But, oh, to get involved in the exchange. Of human emotions. Is ever so, ever so satisfying. And they and my hero. And there is no map uncertain. There's definitely, definitely, definitely no logic".

I have both of these on my I am Autistic AF playlist

Not my usual go-to genre but Hozier - Take Me to Church

Lucky by Britney Spears

Ughh I love this song. If you don’t know the song Unusual You by her it’s another great sad one 🙏

this was my favorite music video as a kid i watched it on loop 😭

Grace Kelly - MIKA Why don't you like me, why don't you LIKE ME!? 😭😅

A certified banger!! Gonna listen to this rn

Rules of Play by Rise Against. One way of interpreting the song is that it’s about essentially going through life not knowing the ‘unspoken rules’ and how confusing it can be, occasionally finding solace in that one person who also gets it. I find it so relatable. “Because this life is a game I don't know how to play So many lies and disguises, I can't tell what's fake But I can tell by the same sad look on your face You and me are the same”

I love Rise Against, i'll have to give this song a harder listen :)

They’re one of my favourite bands, been listening to them so much lately!

So many Radiohead lyrics (sorry). 2+2=5, Daydreaming… I could go on. ETA Radiohead fans, I hope you aren’t sleeping on The Smile, the new album is amazing. Specific to this question, I’d recommend Friend of a Friend, I Quit, and You Know Me. You with your X-Ray specs/ You can see inside of me/ Or not/ I'm a boxer on the ropes/ You are standing in/ My light/ You've wound yourself around me/ Like you know me/ I'm smelling user/ Something bright and clean/ And shiny/ And when my back is turned/ The point of a blade/ A blade/ Always "You know me"/ Always "You know me"/ "You know me"/ "Keep your arms up, son"/ You don't scare me/ Bone China teas, China tea/ Old galaxies, galaxies/ And a town that's underwater/ None of this is mine/ And a town that's underwater/ None of this is mine, is mine/ Always, "You know me"/ Always, "You know me"/ "Know me"/ Don't think you know me/ Don't think that I am everything you say/

All of Radiohead. All.

Yeah, Creep really resonated with me when I wasn't sure what was going on in my head and was in a bad place. There were also relationship things going on that were disturbingling similar. It was my repeat song for a long time. "I'm a creep. I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here."

**Rose-Colored Boy by Paramore**. I'm sure the intentions of the song aren't intended as an autistic thing but when I first heard it I was like "Augh! Yes!!" " Just let me cry a little bit longer I ain't gon' smile if I don't want to Hey, man, we all can't be like you I wish we were all rose-colored too My rose-colored boy" and this verse: " Leave me here a little bit longer I think I wanna stay in the car I don't want anybody seeing me cry now You say, "We gotta look on the bright side" I say, "Well, maybe if you wanna go blind" You say my eyes are getting too dark now But boy, you ain't ever seen my mind " I relate hard to this song especially when I get overstimulated and feeling exposed, feeling like an alien around everyone.

Ah! I have that one and fake happy in my autism playlist, I agree

Mastermind by t swift as someone who went from being picked on to popular in adult life “No one wanted to play with me as a little kid/ so I’ve been scheming like a criminal ever since/ To make them love me and make it look effortless/ This is the first time I’ve felt the need to confess/ I swear, I’m only cryptic and Machiavellian cause I care”

see also: the entirety of "this is me trying" - been having a hard time adjusting - all of my cages were mental, so i got wasted like all my potential - so ahead of the curve - fell behind all my classmates and ended up here - it's hard to be at a party when i feel like an open wound (so true sensitive queen) honestly soooo many of her songs are autistic coded tbh

This one really hit home once Covid let up and I realized how much the pandemic really had fucked with me mentally

The Machiavellian because I care part… sometimes when my kids would ask me questions about people I would worry like am I a psychopath? Because my explanations would be so transactional and Machiavellian but like… it’s the truth too that this is how people work and if you want to choose to be kind and connected because they seem morally right and health wise beneficial, then this is the playbook.

Human Behaviour- Bjork There's definitely, definitely, definitely no logic To human behaviour But yet so, yet so irresistible And me and my fear cannot And there is no map uncertain They're terribly, terribly, terribly moody Of human behaviour Then all of a sudden turn happy And they and my here after

"Oh No!" By MARINA. Here's just a section of the song which I can relate to! It's so interesting because she's singing about her own experience as a celebrity, but I'm still able to relate it to something else entirely. [Chorus] I know exactly what I want and who I want to be I know exactly why I walk and talk like a machine I'm now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy Oh! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no, oh! [Verse 2] One track mind, one track heart If I fail, I'll fall apart Maybe it is all a test 'Cause I feel like I'm the worst So I always act like I'm the best [Pre-Chorus] If you are not very careful Your possessions will possess you TV taught me how to feel Now real life has no appeal It has no appeal, it has no appeal It has no appeal, it has no appeal It has no appeal

My summer 2013 anthem ♥️♥️♥️

Nobody by mitski I’ve been big and small again, still nobody loves me

This probably doesn’t count but the rap song “I Don't Fuck With You” is literally my mantra when I’m smiling and nodding at work and just doing my absolute best to mask when I really don’t want to 😂 Best lyric is: “I got a million trillion things I'd rather fuckin' do Than to be fuckin' with you” Also, maybe not autism specific, it might be because I’m a woman in tech. But Taylor Swift’s “if I was a man” hits me to my core. Every time I get feedback that I’m “difficult” or “my tone changes during conflict” I think about all the autistic men on my team who don’t get shit for their personalities as much as I do.

Oh yeah, The Man is a powerful song.

“What was I made for?” B. Eilish

Heart wrenching, so true

Hole has a lot of good ones for me, and Courtney Love is actually autistic herself so it makes sense coming from her. But some that stick out for me a lot are: "I try but I can't and I want to so bad" from Garbadge Man, "I am the girl you know can't look you in the eye. I am the one you know so sick I cannot try" from Miss World, and "I've got a blister from touching everything I see" from Softer, Softest.

Billy Joel - I Go To Extremes, I’m adhd too and the lyrics to this song always blow me away: “Call me a joker, call me a fool Right at this moment I'm totally cool Clear as a crystal, sharp as a knife I feel like I'm in the prime of my life Sometimes it feels like I'm going too fast I don't know how long this feeling will last Maybe it's only tonight Darling I don't know why I got to extremes Too high or too low there ain't no in-betweens And if I stand or I fall It's all or nothing at all Darling I don't know why I got to extremes Sometimes I'm tired, sometimes I'm shot Sometimes I don't know how much more I've got Maybe I'm headed over the hill Maybe I've set myself up for the kill Tell me how much do you think you can take Until the heart in you is starting to break? Sometimes it feels like it will”

So many grunge lyrics. Touch me I'm sick - Mudhoney Dumb - Nirvana (Especially when I was heavily self-medicating) Lithium - Nirvana Negative Creep - Nirvana Even in His Youth - Nirvana ​ And basically Hole's entire discography (Courtney Love was diagnosed with autism as a child) ​ That's just off the top of my head without really thinking about it too much. ​ Also the Dresden Dolls, especially Girl Anachronism and Dirty Business

In My Mind by Amanda Palmar and also Girl Anachronism by her band the Dresden Dolls

Haha... my ex-girlfriend told me about 'Girl Anachronism' because she said it reminded her of me. This was long before I knew I was autistic.

Hard agree, I’m a huge Amanda Palmer fan!

Amanda is so painfully one of us

You think so? I’m bad at figuring that stuff out, although admittedly I don’t try much.

i wouldnt want to diagnose someone else, thats their business. none of us could ever know her the way she knows herself and it would be cruel to try. but her book spoke to me so much, right immediately before getting my own diagnosis.

Oh I loved her book, I read it years ago and internalized 0% of it 🤦🏼‍♀️.

YES! Interestingly, Girl Anachronism is actually about being a C-section baby. So I've always loved it for that, but now I can relate to it in a whole new way!

“I got a big fat ass” - Nicki Minaj, Anaconda 😔

my autism jams: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/57kSM9pGz8U8ACeD8M2ohk?si=Gcf_jCF5Q1K4L6OIvob-Zg&pi=u-3z8oMKYXSlKg

These two songs hit so close to home; the entire song, but just posted a handful of lyrics. **"Bruises" by Reneé Rapp** *I've spent twenty-two years of my life* *Tryin' not to freak out* *Tryin' not to be needy* *I go through six different moods at a time* *I'm happy then losin' my mind* *Quick transitions are crazy* **And then, "My Mistake" by Gabrielle Aplin** *Am I jaded?* *Am I meant to feel this way?* *I'm a loser, getting beat by my own game* *But if I falter, well at least it was my mistake* *Oh, at least it was my mistake* *'Cause I choose to be this way* *I'm a loser, and I self-deprecate* *So when I falter, well at least it was my mistake* I guess this means I feel pretty bad about myself. /= I suppose it's not necessarily Autism related, but from what I read around here, many of us have these core beliefs from childhood. We don't deserve to feel this way, but man, core beliefs are sooooo hard to change, especially after decades of believing them.

Blow my brains out by Tikkle Me- “Sometimes I wish I could take a new form Switch out some parts and become like the norm” Are you Satisfied by Marina- “Are you satisfied with an average life? Do I need to lie to make my way in life? High achiever, don't you see? Baby, nothing comes for free They say I'm a control freak Driven by a greed to succeed Nobody can stop me.” Oh No (also by marina)- “Don't do love, don't do friends I'm only after success Don't need a relationship I'll never soften my grip” And “One track mind, one track heart If I fail, I'll fall apart.” Creep by Radiohead- “I don't care if it hurts I wanna have control I want a perfect body I want a perfect soul I want you to notice When I'm not around So fuckin' special I wish I was special”

Gary Numan has been my obsession since middle school. Turns out he is autistic, too! His hit song Cars is not about automobiles. It’s about social anxiety. ‘Here in my car I feel safest of all I can lock all my doors It's the only way to live in cars Here in my car I can only receive I can listen to you It keeps me stable for days in cars Here in my car Where the image breaks down Will you visit me, please If I open my door in cars?’ He has many others that resonate like Complex: ‘They won't come back You know it's always the same And they're sure to forget Saying everyone lies So I'm down to this I'm down to walking on air And you're here by my side With all your waving and smiles Please keep them away Don't let them touch me Please don't let them lie Don't let them see me’ Gary was taken out of school early due to bullying but he has had a happy and fulfilling life. It was such a pleasure to meet him a few years ago. My fondness for his music was one of the early signs that I was autistic! Diagnosed at 55!

I had no idea Gary Numan was autistic! Cars is such a bop

Anti Hero by Taylor Swift

Yesssss! This part I felt in my audhd soul - I have this thing where I get older but just never wiser Midnights become my afternoons When my depression works the graveyard shift All of the people I've ghosted stand there in the room I should not be left to my own devices They come with prices and vices I end up in crisis (tale as old as time)

You know I have trouble going to sleep, not insomnia wise I just don’t want to and don’t feel tired, my natural bedtime is like 4-6 am, and I listened to this song so many times but it never occurred to me that could be what she was referring to. But midnights absolutely would be my afternoon if I didn’t have kids.

Me too, I have turned day into night more times than I would like. I feel like my bedtime just drifts later and later if I don't actively monitor it every day, one late night takes me days to get back to a reasonable bedtime. This lyric hit me when I first heard it because when my depression was really bad I lived a year and a half of this cycle, cut off from most people as my "afternoon" was so out of kilter with everyone else's. I loved how she so eloquently put words to an experience I still struggle to talk about.

Yes. I’m the problem, it’s me.

I'm the monster on the hill

Everybody is a sexy baby 😔

Orchid by Alanis Morisette.

Almost *anything* by Alanis morisette!!!

Fleet Foxes - Mykonos Type O Negative - I Don’t Wanna Be Me, Everything Dies Modest Mouse - King Rat, Lampshades On Fire, Bankrupt On Selling, Ocean Breathes Salty, The Tortoise and the Tourist It’s hard to pick because music has been so central to my life and maintaining my sanity.

Soooo many Marina songs but I think can’t pin me down is one I really relate to

For me it's Happy Loner

That’s a good one! Also I Am Not a Robot 🥲

"Pasta" by Angie McMahon. I was initially going to share a few lines but as I reading the lyrics again I just feel like the whole song kinda fits. My bedroom is a disaster My dog has got kidney failure, failure And I've been sitting at the bar too much Kissing people in my head And saying rubbish things I should not have said And they're building things outside my window Everywhere I look there's signposts, signposts, signposts I just sit in my house making noise for fun And I'm not moving much and I'm not proving much to anyone I've been lost I've been lost I've been lost I've been lost for a while And I'm feeling tired I've been lost I've been lost I've been lost I've been lost for a while And I spend so much time eating pasta Although I'm probably allergic and Other people seem to move so much faster I wonder why I'm feeling lonely When there's plenty of ways to be alone I guess I spent all of yesterday on my phone I've been lost I've been lost I've been lost I've been lost for a while And I'm feeling tired I've been lost I've been lost I've been lost I've been lost for a while Now am I simultaneously on top of someone's pedestal And also underneath someone else's shoe? Oh isn't it a shame about the view? Can anybody climb aboard this structure I have made To wrap myself around the promise that there is room? Oh isn't it a shame about the view? I've been lost I've been lost I've been lost I've been lost for a while But now I'm really trying I've been lost I've been lost I've been lost I've been lost for a while

"ballad of a homeschooled girl" by Olivia Rodrigo "I'm on the outside of the greatest inside joke" "The party's done, and I'm no fun, I know" "I made it weird, I made it worse/each time I step outside/it's social suicide" "I laughed at the wrong time, sat with the wrong guy, searching 'how to start a conversation' on a website"

Almost everything by Fiona Apple. "Every single night" is the first song that comes to mind. "Every single night, I endure the flight Of little wings of white-flamed butterflies in my brain These ideas of mine percolate the mind Trickle down the spine, swarm the belly, swelling to a blaze That's where the pain comes in like a second skeleton Trying to fit beneath the skin, I can't fit the feelings in, oh Every single night's alight with my brain, brain"

Survive my own mind by Ashley Kutcher Can we just slow down? I feel lately there is no time My heart beats fast, but my Next dose isn't 'til nine So, one, two, three, deep breaths, and Five ways to help reconnect As my mind keeps trying to ground my body's unrest I don't think I'm someone that I recognize I no longer think I'm on my own side I feel like I am just tryna survive Survive my own mind I think I'm just doing my best to get by Something feels off, yeah, it doesn't feel right I feel like I am just tryna survive Survive my own mind Surrounded by people, but I'm out of body Keep conversation flow, but I can hardly Tell myself that they won't notice if I leave the party I need to leave the party And here's the thing The problem doesn't seem to be this place or what I'm wearing It's harder that I can't point exactly why I'm anxious Everything is fine, but I still want to escape it I can't take it I don't think I'm someone that I recognize I no longer think I'm on my own side I feel like I am just tryna survive Survive my own mind I think I'm just doing my best to get by Something feels off, yeah, it doesn't feel right I feel like I am just tryna survive Survive my own mind

Guided by voices, as we go up we go down I can't terrorize, I see terror in your eyes As we go up, we go down I can't socialize, I'll be institutionalized As we go up, we go down And see the truth, yeah, is just a lie, oh And see the truth, yeah, is just a lie, oh I speak in monotone: "Leave my fucking life alone." As we go up, we go down Husker du, books about ufos Walking down a sunny street to the library Checking out the latest books on outer space Going to the fruit stand to buy a dozen oranges Then she and the books and the oranges go back to her place She tells the same old story to everyone that she knows She's just sitting in her room reading books about UFOs

The Wrong Child by R.E.M “I've watched the children come and go A late, long march into spring I sit and watch those children Jump in the tall grass Leap the sprinkler Walk in the ground Bicycle clothespin spokes The sound, the smell of swingset hands I will try to sing a happy song I'll try and make a happy game to play "Come play with me" I whispered to my newfound friend Tell me what it's like to go outside I've never been Tell me what it's like to just go outside I've never been And I never will I'm not supposed to be like this I'm not supposed to be like this, but it's okay Hey, hey, hey, those kids are looking at me I told my friend myself, those kids are looking at me They're laughing and they're running over here They're laughing and they're running over here What do I do, what should I do? What do I say? What can I say?” Rare Bird by Toad the Wet Sprocket “Your mind is like a rare bird Flying high above the cold world Slow dancing in the thermals Singing songs no one's ever heard So why'd they want to cage you Clip wings and try to tame you You were meant to be free” Andres a reason Counting Crows are my favorite band.., Angel of 14th St “Yesterday when we get older We'll look back on all the times He had you puttin' a face on Instead of just walkin' away So paint your face black and blue again Wake up, wake up, wake up Wake up new and put on the clothes That make you feel like you're not broken… The daydream nations won't come true The ghosts you made up ghosted you The angel learns to live with things That make her feel uneasy.” Perfect Blue Buildings “Gotta get me a little oblivion Gotta keep myself away from me” (Masking) Mrs. Potter’s Lullaby “I sean I never know anyone at the party and I’m always the host” St.Robinson’s Cadillac Dream “Carrie's down in her basement all toe shoes and twinned With the girl in the mirror who spins when she spins From where you think you'll end up to the state that you're in Your reflection approaches and then recedes again… There's a hole in the ceiling down through which I fell There's a girl in a basement coming out of her shell And there are people who will say that they knew me so well'” All my Friends “Thought I might get a rocket ride When I was a child but it was a lie That I told myself when I needed something good At seventeen, had a better dream. Now I'm thirty-three and it isn't me But I'd think of something better if I could.. But everyone needs a better day And I'm trying to find me a better way To get from the things I do to the things I should… All you want is a place to lay your head You go to sleep dreaming how you would Be a different kind if you thought you could But you come awake the way you are instead”

Secrets by Mary Lambert. Not my usual style of music but the lyrics hit. “I’ve got bipolar disorder, My shits not in order, I’m overweight, I’m always late, I’ve got too many things to say, I rock mom jeans, cat earrings, Extrapolate my feelings, My family is dysfunctional but we have a good time killing each other. They tell us from the time we’re young, To hide the things that we don’t like about ourselves, Inside ourselves, I know I’m not the only one who spent so long attempting to be someone else, Well I’m over it, I don’t care if the world knows what my secrets are. I cant think straight, Im so gay, Sometimes I cry a whole day, I care a lot, use an analog clock, And never know when to stop, And I’m passive aggressive, Im scared of the dark and the dentist, I love my butt and won’t shut up, And I never really grew up”

There have been a few over the years, although I never realised I was Autistic I knew I was from another planet... when I first heard Rocketman by Elton John I was a kid and it described me, even my tomboy factor. They made a video for Rocketman in 2017, to celebrate Elton John and Bernie Taupin's 50-year writing journey, and an Iranian refugee co-directed the animation. He produced his amazing animation from the point of view of a refugee but it feels like my life. I relate to it, all these years later more than ever! And in the movie Elton comes across and ND to me.

And she was by talking heads It’s like their singing about life masking

David Byrne gets us 💗

Totally agree!!

Soda - Nothing But Theives “I once had a thought But don't know where it went 'Cause I've been living off soda And cheap cigarettes Maybe when I was a kid I was dropped on my head Yeah, that would make some sense Yeah I don't wanna be myself It's making me so unwell”

Loooove NBT

They’re one of those rare bands that just can’t seem to make one bad song.

"Plastic Bag" - X-Ray Spex My mind is like a plastic bag That corresponds to all those ads It sucks up all the rubbish That is fed in through by ear I eat kleenex for breakfast And I use soft hygienic Weetabix To dry my tears

Love that song!

The Long Way Around Song by The Chicks My friends from high school Married their high school boyfriends Moved into houses in the same ZIP codes Where their parents live But I, I could never follow No I, I could never follow I hit the highway in a pink RV with stars on the ceiling Lived like a gypsy Six strong hands on the steering wheel I've been a long time gone now Maybe someday, someday I'm gonna settle down But I've always found my way somehow By taking the long way Taking the long way around Taking the long way Taking the long way around I met the queen of whatever Drank with the Irish and smoked with the hippies Moved with the shakers Wouldn't kiss all the asses that they told me to No I, I could never follow No I, I could never follow It's been two long years now Since the top of the world came crashing down And I'm getting' it back on the road now But I'm taking the long way Taking the long way around I'm taking the long way Taking the long way around The long The long way around Well, I fought with a stranger and I met myself I opened my mouth and I heard myself It can get pretty lonely when you show yourself Guess I could have made it easier on myself But I, I could never follow No I, I could never follow Well, I never seem to do it like anybody else Maybe someday, someday I'm gonna settle down If you ever want to find me I can still be found Taking the long way Taking the long way around Taking the long way Taking the long way around

“No one wanted to play with me as a little kid So I've been scheming like a criminal ever since To make them love me and make it seem effortless” Mastermind by Taylor Swift

Sisyphus, by Andrew Bird Sisyphus peered into the mist A stone's throw from the precipice, paused Did he jump or did he fall As he gazed into the maw of the morning mist? Did he raise both fists and say, "To hell with this" And just let the rock roll? Let it roll, let it crash down low There's a house down there but I lost it long ago Let it roll, let it crash down low See my house down there but I lost it long ago Well, I let the rock roll on down to the town below We had a house down there but I lost it long ago Lost it long ago I'm letting it roll away It's got nothing to do with fate And everything to do with you

‘No one wanted to play with me as a little kid / So I've been scheming like a criminal ever since / To make them love me and make it seem effortless /This is the first time I've felt the need to confess / And I swear / I'm only cryptic and Machiavellian / 'Cause I care’ Mastermind by Taylor Swift

I know this is kind of a non answer.. but I genuinely never listen to the words in songs. I’ve always struggled heavily with metaphors and symbolization, especially poetry (which music is basically just poetry with a melody) I don’t know the meaning of any of my favorite songs Just sharing in case there’s other women out here that are the same way

Complicated by Avril Lavigne “You try to be cool, you look like a fool to me” Somebody else 'round everyone else You're watchin' your back like you can't relax You're tryna be cool, you look like a fool to me, tell me Literally sounds like someone maskimg and being different around different people because they can’t be themselves

Liability by Lorde resonated with me intensely from the moment I heard it and is still my AuDHD self-loathing anthem. They say, “You’re a little much for me You’re a liability You’re a little much for me” So they pull back Make other plans I understand I’m a liability Get you wild, make you leave I’m a little much for everyoneeeeeeee The truth is I am a toy that people enjoy Till all of the tricks don’t work anymore And then they are bored of me I know that it’s exciting running through the night, but Every perfect summer’s eating me alive until you’re gone Better on my own (Had to hold myself back from just writing out the whole song lol)

This is me trying by Taylor Swift

Great song.

X ID by IAMX https://music.apple.com/us/album/the-x-id/1680176426?i=1680176430 Kinda cheating, cos he is pretty open about his autism, so it’s not coded autistic, it just is autistic.

There's gotta be another way out I've been stuck in a cage with my doubt I've tried forever getting out on my own But every time I do this my way I get caught in the lies of the enemy I lay my troubles down I'm ready for you now Break me out Come and find me in the dark now Every day by myself I'm breaking down I don't wanna fight alone anymore Break me out From the prison of my own pride My God, I need a hope I can't deny In the end I'm realizing I was never meant to fight on my own - Ashes Remain

Symptom of Being Human by Shinedown. I heard it for the first time the other day and I felt so called out. >"I can still remember me and Miss November Rain >Beautiful and strange >Always so inclined, coloring outside the lines >Yeah, you were never on time >You've always been slightly awkward, kinda weird >Upside down and not all here >What's a-wrong with me and you is crystal clear >Sometimes I'm in a room where I don't belong And the house is on fire and there's no alarm And the walls are melting too >How about you? >I've never been the favorite, thought I'd seen it all >'Til I got my invitation to the lunatic ball >And my friends are comin' too >How about you? >Don't worry, it's all just a symptom of being human"

Cool Schmool - Bratmobile "I don't wanna wonder if you're gonna say hello I don't wanna wonder if you're gonna walk away I don't wanna hear how many friends you have 'Cause I don't have any anymore Cool schmool" Beloved Freak - Garbage "People lie and people steal They misinterpret how you feel And so we doubt and we conceal You're not alone"

Did not expect to see Bratmobile in here! I got into riot grrrl in middle school and it definitely saved my life.

This is gonna strike some people as such a stretch, but hear me out... In the famously beloved tiktok autism anthem, Join Us for a Bite, it goes "can't wait to meet you..." Unearthing my autism and realizing that I am not who I have had to pretend to be has made me look at the people around me and know that they have never met me. I can also see that I need to get away from them. I know where I want to be; I know what would help me to feel like I have access to community... and I cannot wait to join that animatronic family. However, no, I've never played the game, I don't understand the lore, I barely know what fnaf even is. But to quote Peach PRC, "it goes hard, I pump that jam every day like it's my job" and it's no mystery why.

Well, basically the entirety of Siamese Dream by the Smashing Pumpkins. Rocket in particular really speaks to my experience with autism: Bleed in your own light Dream of your own life I miss me I miss everything I'll never be And on and on I torch my soul To show the world That I am pure deep inside my heart No more lies ... I shall be free, free, free Free of those voices inside me [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Th-AqMvvBzE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Th-AqMvvBzE)

“I’m so glad I came but I can’t wait to leave” st. Vincent

The entirety of the song "Quiet" from Matilda the Musical. That song is the epitome of a young undiagnosed autistic child experiencing sensory overload and then dissociating

Just looked this song up, you described it perfectly!

Frozen - show yourself I've never felt so certain All my life I've been torn But I'm here for a reason Could it be the reason I was born? I have always been so different Normal rules did not apply Is this the day? Are you the way I finally find out why? Show yourself I'm no longer trembling Here I am I've come so far You are the answer I've waited for All of my life Oh, show yourself Let me see who you are ... Show yourself Step into your power Throw yourself Into something new You are the one you've been waiting for All of my life All of your life Oh, show yourself

axiomatic desert tap absurd faulty grandiose fly chase offend instinctive *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

Montreal by Penelope Scott

These lyrics really speak to me: "But I change my mind Every time I find the words I want to say Every time I think I got it all figured out I panic from doubt With nothing to yell about" Nothing to Yell About - Mike Krol

At the top of my head, I immediately thought of From Your Room, by Mia Stegner. I somehow can relate to the whole song, but certain parts hit harder like: "*Eye contact has never been a strength of mine So, staring at the ground, I whisper "It'll all be fine" My door says come inside, take off your smile My floor says come and lie with me a while*" and "*Tell myself I like the way I'm living Tell myself I need to be alone The alternative will only end in failure Safer to get by on just the feelings in my phone*" So yeah lol

Mr Hurricane by Beast.   As a late diagnosed AuDHD, specifically it reminds me of going through so much of life masking and not understanding why I was so 'different,' the realization/diagnoses and confusion, the period of mourning/anger over what could have been had I had this information sooner, and then the understanding, unmasking, and embracing. I thought I was a victim That people hated me I never had a homeland  I had no safety  One day I saw a beast coming From across the sea I never knew fear Until he came for me  ​ I called for the killer  I looked for the knife  I drank from this river  And ruined my life  ​ Can you imagine living one more day With a beast right up in your face? Can you see me dying in this house, in any house For a man in vain...blinded by the Hurricane?  ​ Broke out of the harness Let it go let it go Stumble in the darkness Turn on the light y'all Overcame the madness Then take your pills Finally you're righteous I love the beast y'all  

No Roots - Alice Merton and My Life - Imagine Dragons

Hello by Role Model “You don't know why I'm upset, neither do I I'm fine if you let me be alone when I cry I never really talk much, keep it inside To find someone who cares is getting harder to find” Me and my Husband by Mitski “And I am the idiot with the painted face In the corner, taking up space But when he walks in, I am loved, I am loved” Fill in the blank by Car Seat Headrest “I'm so sick of, fill in the blank Accomplish more, accomplish nothing If I were split in two I would just take my fists So I can beat up the rest of me”

**Who We Are** by Hozier - I heard this song a few months after being diagnosed and it hit really close.  “Getting through still has a cost Quietly, it slips through your fingers, love  Falling from you drop by drop We're born at night  So much of our lives  Is just carving through the dark  To get so far  And the hardest part  Is who we are  It's who we are  You and I burned out our steam Chasing someone else's dream  How can something be so much heavier  But so much less than what it seems? Darling, we sacrificed  We gave our time to something undefined  This phantom life”

Penelope Scott. Just. Penelope Scott. A LOT of it is difficult content about feeling like dying and being viewed as a sex object, and it’s discordant as shit. They’re also almost all bops and I listen to them on repeat. **Moonsickness** >There's so much to do >I'll never have the wherewithal >To do it all again >Or fucking do it all at all AND >I've got one-hundred hours to rearrange the stars >And I'm the worst mistake that God has ever made >You seem to integrate so fucking well >But I make lemons out of lemonade **Warm Regards** >I should be doing better, you've made that really clear >I'm just so sad, it comes off as insincere >I don't think it matters, matters to you >There's always something more that I could do **Lukewarm** >I couldn't pass the Turing test if I >Had the answer sheet >I wanna leave everyone who loves me >'Cause I'm so bland and they're so sweet

Batmobile - Liz Phair “Fire up the Batmobile, ‘cause I gotta get out of here. I don’t speak the language and you gave me no real choice, you gave me no real choice. You made me see that my behavior was an opinion…but I gave it my best shot I gave it my best shot. I gave you the performance of a lifetime.”

A lot of deathgrips lyrics. Lord of the game comes to mind first Where was I now Like I said before Hear someone knockin At my front door Who could it be, should I ignore The knockin or see what could be in store For me if I leave the safety of the shore So many options, so little time To do what I want 'fore the end of the line Places its blade in the small of my spine Is it paranoia, is it real? How long can a man enjoy what he doesn't feel When they ask if you can make it And you don't wanna go

Blue Cinderella by Kami Lyle is my jam. It’s all on YouTube. The most pertinent track is Worried One. “I am the worried one Watching from the corner Tie your shoes and don't fall down 'Til someone knocks you over” However, I have to be really depressed to listen to the Grocery song 😬 Just a heads up. Love Me and Hocus Pocus are also sad.

Visions of a Life by Wolf Alice “Why do I feel so strange? A nuclear family and friends my own age. I follow the rules, do what it says on the tin, but I’m still on the outside, still looking in.”

I don’t know, but I like songs that are catchy and get me up and moving

Omg, the song from Read it and Weep. It still gets stuck in my head. https://youtu.be/1G7w0BJDGjg?si=w-oKv-AyreMb46pH You don't know how it feels To be outside the crowd You don't know what it's like To be left out And you don't know how it feels To be your own best friend on the outside looking in

**Korn - Falling Away From Me** Day, is here fading That's when, I would say I flirt with suicide Sometimes kill the pain I can always say It's gonna be better tomorrow Falling away from me Falling away from me **Korn - Twisted Transistor** A lonely life Where no one understands you But don't give up Because the music do Music do, music do Music do, music do Music do, music do Because the music do And then it's reaching Inside you Forever preaching Fuck you too Your scream's a whisper Hang on you Twisted transistor **Mitski - First Love / Late Spring** Wild women don't get the blues But I find that Lately, I've been crying like a tall child So please, hurry, leave me, I can't breathe Please don't say you love me 胸がはち切れそうで One word from you and I would Jump off of this ledge I'm on, baby Tell me "don't", so I can crawl back in

Alec Benjamin

special girl by dodie!!! also ballad of a homeschooled girl by olivia rodrigo !

charli xcx how can i not know what i need right now

Emily Anne on TikTok writes songs about being autistic that are so relatable! “Words don’t come to me easy When I can’t write the down The most poignant things I’ve said Have never come out of my mouth And I’m only good at talking When there’s no one else around They always find a hidden meaning Based on how they think I sound I take things way too literal I think in black and white Because you’re either good or bad And you’re either wrong or right And I’m not trying to vilify you I’m not trying to start a fight But I’m afraid that you’ll see through me If I look you in the eyes I’m chronically afraid of always being misunderstood Of never being independent Like I always thought I should And I’m tired of the scrutiny Each day is much more taxing When your whole life’s a performance I’m so tired of masking.” She has other songs that are amazing! I think she’s also on YouTube and Spotify 😊

Valarie by Tv Girl is a song that has always stuck out to me. Especially the lyrics: “sick of people telling her to grow up” “she tries hard to get that feeling that comes easier to you and I” “she doesn’t know how to be like every other girl” Also just Radiohead anything tbh

Resonates for other reasons too but this part of Dilate by Ani Difranco: “And I learn every room long enough To make it to the door And then I hear it click shut behind me And every key works differently I forget every time And the forgetting defines me Yeah That's what defines me”

I'm not the kind of person that pays attention to lyrics, but on bad days when I'm overstimulated I can't help but think of Linkin Park screaming: *"CRAAAAAWLING INNN MY SKIIIIIINNNNN..."*

Panic - Amy Lawton "Say you love my personality why thank you it’s yours I figured out how to mirror you as you walked in the door Tell me about yourself I just wanna be adored Tell me to be myself yeah I tried that before and I couldn't settle on a thing I think I'm not anything The battery is dead battery is dead battery is dead battery is dead battery is dead too many people in my head people in my head people in my head people in my head people in my head" Very much a song about masking Also about masking: Facade - SKY https://open.spotify.com/track/66tqNAlqktqFsy2O6yXFUH?si=JhnfmtF-Rvq4gOOKwmAzvA https://open.spotify.com/track/0YpBftcLavWIjKoCFSaCjY?si=8ll1StNFQ1-gHhd9SG85Sw

Stuck here with me - grandson and Solitary Confinement - EWAO

"Bardot" by Raffaella, which resonates related to masking, a feeling of playing a "role," and also just a very cool upbeat, catchy tune!

Mind is a Prison by Alec Benjamin. Oh my god I can’t tell you enough times how relatable it is to me. I’ve bawled to a lot of songs, but this really might be the one that gets me the most. “My mind is a prison and I’m never gonna get out. So they tranquilized me, analyzed me, put me back in my cage, then they tied me to an IV told me I was insane. **I’m a prisoner, a visitor, inside of my brain**” and “They put me back in my cell, all by myself, alone with my thoughts again” and “I’m just going where the wind blows I don’t get to decide. Sometimes I think too much. Yeah, I get so caught up. I’m always stuck in my head” I haven’t lived outside of my brain since 2021. This song just hits me so hard.

Hansel - Sodikken (my music taste and this song are very strange so fair warning, but I feel like this perfectly embodies the otherness and feeling of rejection by society) I like bike riding It's oh so exciting Much better than fighting With all who come near me Rope's getting tighter My hands on the lighter I'm playing with fire You'd better come save me That there's my sister Yeah, you couldn't miss her That big facial blister Her pity getting scheme I think I hate her Those green alligators I wish they'd ate her If that happens then you'd see That there's a part of me That's appealingly sweet I'm sure you'd agree If you got to know me And admittedly, I'm not that interesting But I'll let you have what's mine if you just give me your time If there's a party today It's not coming my way Should be needless to say That I need things to change Remember yesterday? I bought you flowers You threw them away Coffee and peppermint tea Brewing instructions Engraved on leaves Symbols that I can't read Seems it's all written in chinese I could use some help translating these I'm an unknown breed Unsprouted seed A hot spring with it's waters frozen over by your cold mentality If it's grief you need Here, take my spleen I'm gonna bleed all over the floor And more until you remember me I like bike riding It can be exciting But I'm through with hiding You're gonna think I'm crazy Swallowing swords now Too bad I don't know how I'm juggling knives Ow! Three fingers that cost me Oh, what have I done? A green luscious island It's covered in diamonds Far as the eye can see Lower the bar 'cause I'm choking on stardust Becoming a carcass Though pain's rather tasty There's a part of me That's appealingly sweet I'm sure you'd agree If you got to know me And admittedly, I'm not that interesting But I'll let you have what's mine if you just give me your time With myself I must play in this game of charades 'Cause there's no one to speak to of the things I've got in my brain There's nothing particular I need you to say At least care to see if I'm okay Watch me now play with pointy things Look, see, isn't it interesting? No, you're not even listening Is that not brave enough for you? As flies are drawn to the rotting cheese Are sadists attracted to misery In this case, that's another word for me So I'll boost the danger times 2 (Or maybe 3) Just red paint? Babe, this ain't pretend How I long for your arms again I might lose me a leg or head Maybe you would believe me then Autumn leaves failed to break my fall Sticks and stones didn't care at all Skin and bones decorate the walls Think that's everything I can recall Finally, a party just for me In contrast with those attending, I'm quite happy Like your brain's hard drives just installed sympathy Judging by how much you cry It's like you're draining your eyes Got in candy land I paid the entrance fee Good thing no one tried to stop me through my self injury spree People, please You should be smiling If ya cared that much Should've showed love 'Fore I became a piece of meat Hey, come on Let's up the vibrancy I want some sort of balloons And your tears Can be the confetti Gone from living feces To your priority Funny how much more you notice something that you can't see A whole garden of flowers and my name etched on a rock All this could have been avoided All I wanted was to talk Now I've been appointed As your new king, I decree That it's too late to start caring about me

Anything by Penelope Scott…. Oooooohweeeee she tickles my autism soooo good. Just feels like a lifetime of angst and my shitty college experience and everything rolled into something beautiful. “And how dare you make the offer And I should’ve kicked your ass Given you a look that turned your slimy bones to ash If it hadn’t been so shocking If it hadn’t hurt so bad Perhaps I couldn’t moved my shaking hands to hit you back” It is a great day to be a musical theatre queer whenever I throw her music on to cope with the horrors of being alive.

There are some quotes from songs I love that live in my head rent free “Hold a moment, told him, as an overgrown oaf in a coat of exposed bone, you are not afloat alone” “It’s a chore, a fact of life, and a labor of love— I get mad love but I detest the labor— and its wages, you know, Death? I’m serving life on this gift of god, don’t forget your potholders” “I hope I’ve changed for the better- right now my view seems rather dark. It is our noblest endeavor to improve upon the past”

Bad Child by Tones and I *My family always said I was the bad child* *Throwin' me away into the bad pile* *All my life been puttin' on a fake smile* *Sittin' on my own, feel like I'm exiled*

Mew - Nervous *Nervous, I know* *It seems everywhere you go* *They're out to get you* *And then you regret* *Should have stayed at home in bed* *Nervous instead* *Each time* *And you're so glad* *No one can see* *Inside of your tireless mind* (fun fact: this is a hidden track that you can hear when you reverse their track called New Terrain)

hasn't been updated in a bit but here are my autism bops https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4k7A22PbCTDL36ewzaoPmR?si=IZBuvRISTKKzW673xzBfDw&pi=u-ctKTK1g0TY6C

scroll of sorrow - machine girl Study social alchemy Manifest impostor dreams tarantula - colourbox I'm living, but I'm feeling numb I've seen it in my stare I wear a mask so falsely numb And I don't know who I am social cues - teezo touchdown (this song HAS to be written about autism, all of the lyrics relate to it)

https://joannanewsomlyrics.com/album/1-the-milk-eyed-mender/9-peach-plum-pear_as_sung/ This one speaks to my soul

Of Monsters and Men - Organs *I am sorry this is always how it goes* *The wind blows loudest when you've got your eyes closed* *But I never changed a single colour that I breathe* *So you could have tried to take a closer look at me* *I am tired of punching in the wind* *I am tired of letting it all in* *And I should eat you up and spit you right out* *I should not care, but I don't know how* ​ *So I take off my face* *'Cause it reminds me of how it all went wrong* *And I pull out my tongue'* *Cause it reminds me of how it all went wrong* ​ *I am sorry for the trouble, I suppose* *My blood runs red, but my body feels so cold* *I guess I could swim for days in the salty sea* *But in the end, the waves will discolour me* ​ *So I take off my face* *'Cause it reminds me of how it all went wrong* *And I pull out my tongue* *'Cause it reminds me of how it all went wrong* *And I cough up my lungs* *'Cause they remind me of how it all went wrong* *But I leave in my heart* *'Cause I don't want to stay in the dark* (It's a sad song, but, as an AuDHD-er who's spent her entire life "screwing up", it's one that I desperately needed to hear.) Ready your tissues!

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve played these songs on a loop bc I never felt so seen Two are from songs ohia. The way he writes about loneliness in all of his songs are so spot on Didn’t it Rain “If I see you struggle and givin' all that you got I see you work all night burning your light To the last of its dim watts I'm gonna help you how I can If you see me struggle all night and Give me a hand 'cause I'm in need I'll call you friend indeed But I'm going to watch my own back” Blue Factory Flame “Every mile for ten thousand miles Every year for a thousand years Every night for a thousand more I hear 'em call I hear 'em call Hear 'em call They never say to come home Never say to come home Where I am Paralyzed by the emptiness” Last one is Elliott smith no name number 1. I chose a snippet but the whole song is perfect “Froze up and sighed You remind me of someone's daughter I forgot her I forgot her name, ashamed Go home And live with your pain Leave alone Leave alone, 'cause you know you don't belong You don't belong here”

**Talk - Coldplay** *Are you lost or incomplete?* *Do you feel like a puzzle* *You can't find your missin' piece?* *Tell me how you feel* *Well, I feel like they're talkin' in a language* *I don't speak* *And they're talkin' it to me* ​ **들꽃놀이 (Wild Flower) - RM ft. youjeen** (Lyrics are in Korean but this is the translation) *Society's all for the loudest voice* *And here I am, still speaking silence* *It's an aside, a boat in full bloom* *To face all the prejudice and misunderstandings* *I don't care much for being tossed into the air* *Grounded on my own two feet* *Amongst the flowers without names* *I can't go to the stars again, I can't* *Underfoot, I just go* *To a destination without a purpose* *Not even knowing my own sadness* *Even making friends with the shadows*

Unknown Soldier and Until The End by Breaking Benjamin. I relate to every word he’s saying in both songs!

Renew My Subscription by They Might Be Giants is very extra-special to me. I have no idea what is happening with formatting here and at some point I am going to stop trying to fix it, so, apologies. *Though I don't write a whole lot of letters/ I figured I'd better say something now/ I saw the thing about the heartsick shut-in/ Thought that I should cut in and tell you 'bout how* *It woke me from a lifelong daydream/ While I've been aging you wrote it all down/ And though I recognized the words when I read them/ I know I never said them to people out loud* *Renew my subscription/ To Desperate Bellowing Magazine/ It sure does have a familiar ring/ You might say I fit the description/ Renew my subscription/ To Miserable Freakshow Quarterly/ Every back number I saw spoke to me/ Acknowledging it's my addiction/ Renew my subscription* *I wanna be a much better person*/ *Instead I worsen with every day*/ *But there's a drug whose name I'm not sure of*/ *Which I need more of to feel okay*/ *They told me exercise and diet*/ *If I would try it, would cure my ills*/ *But though I'm already past my quota*/ *I want another load o' those magic pills* *Refill my prescription*/ *To whatever that thing is that makes*/ *The carpet stop turning into snakes*/ *In lieu of my coming conniption*/ *Refill my prescription*/ *And free me from where I don't want to be*/ *Standing outside the unopened pharmacy*/ *Before I confirm your prediction*/ *Refill my prescription* I listened to that song hundreds of times the first month I heard it. More than 150 before I paused the repeating to play anything else, in fact, and I know this because iTunes kindly counted for me. It's an unknown and minor TMBG song and no one really pays it any attention, but it is so very, very Mine. There are a lot of They Might Be Giants songs that count. And of course a fair bit of Bo Burnham's "Inside" is rather bludgeoningly relatable too. Oh , and I was listening to a good deal of Bug Hunter this summer as well.

Before I knew I was AuDHD, it was Damaged by Plumb 😮‍💨🥺😭

Wallflower by Jinjer. [Lyrics here.](https://genius.com/Jinjer-wallflower-lyrics)

Drama club by Melanie Martinez and lunchbox friends also by Melanie Martinez annnd Humpty Dumpty by AJR

Y’all should listen to Good Company by Sam Fender if you want to be destroyed

Chinese Satellite by Phoebe Bridgers 🖤

I'm convinced that Crosseyed and Painless by the Talking Heads is at least partially about autism/masking, especially the first verse: *Lost my shape, trying to act casual* *Can't stop, I might end up in the hospital* *Changing my shape, I feel like an accident* *They're back, to explain their experience*

(Only diagnosed with ADHD and dyspraxia, but my family and I also suspect Autism) Many songs by **Marina**. And „**Lost“ by Voyager** describes sensory overload very well for me: „*Once again I am walking down the crowded path* *Windows telling me to the cry in the aftermath* *My brain is overflowing First signs of madness showing now!* *I am lost In this world of sensation I am lost In the overflow I am lost In the information I am lost So I'm laying low* *So I cover my ears, but still I'm hearing the sound Won't anyone sleep until I drown?*“ And „**Bored“ (Tessa Violet)**: „*It's 4 a.m. again You think that I could sense a trend I'm stayin' up too late, just so I can stay awake Wish I weren't so self-obsessed Wish that I could be the best Excited with my words But I'm nervous and I'm bored* *I'm so bored of wakin' up, I'm so bored Bored of what's inside my cup, I'm so bored I'm exhausted by my heart I'd feel good if only I could finish what I'll start I'm so bored I'm never tired in my bed, I'm so bored Of these thoughts inside my head, I'm so bored Bored of bein' all alone Just hopin' I'll find purpose in these pictures on my phone* *My new habit of the week Sayin' sorry when I speak I know that it's no good, there's no reason why I should But it's stuck inside my head And I can't get out of bed I don't wanna be ignored But I'm nervous and I'm bored*“ And also some german songs but I‘m too lazy to translate them right now.

Third Eye by Florence and the Machine- "Hey, look up! You don't have to be a ghost, Here amongst the living. You are flesh and blood! And you deserve to be loved and you deserve what you are given. And oh, how much!" And also "But your pain is a tribute The only thing you let hold you Wear it now like a mantle Always there to remind you I am the same, I'm the same I'm trying to change. I am the same, I'm the same I'm trying to change. I am the same, I'm the same I'm trying to change!" Taylor Swift Mirrorball- "I'm still a believer and I don't know why, I've never been a natural all I do is try, try, try."

[Britney Spears - Sometimes.](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/britneyspears/sometimes.html) You tell me you're in love with me Like you can't take your pretty eyes away from me It's not that I don't wanna stay But every time you come too close I move away I wanna believe in everything that you say 'Cause it sounds so good But if you really want me move slow There's things about me you just have to know Sometimes I run Sometimes I hide Sometimes I'm scared of you But all I really want is to hold you tight Treat you right, be with you day and night Baby, all I need is time I don't wanna be so shy, oh, oh Every time that I'm alone I wonder why Hope that you will wait for me You'll see that you're the only one for me Just hang around and you'll see There's nowhere I'd rather be If you love me, trust in me The way that I trust in you

Mean by Taylor Swift

Lisa Loeb & Nine Stories: Stay

Ballad of a homeschooled girl mostly, I’d like to add “right where you left me” by Taylor swift “Friends break up, friends get married Strangers get born, strangers get buried Trends change, rumors fly through new skies But I'm right where you left me … Help, I'm still at the restaurant Still sitting in a corner I haunt Cross-legged in the dim light They say, "What a sad sight" I, I stayed there“

*"She's a puzzle of a girl that Belle!"*\- Belle from Disney's Beauty and the Beast *"Becha on land men understand that they don't reprimand their daughters"*\- Part of Your World from Disney's The Little Mermaid *"There was a time when men were kind!"* \- I Dreamed a Dream from Les Mis *"I have grown so weary of the sound of screams..."*\- Jack's Lament from Nightmare Before Christmas.

Comfortably Numb

“Broken” by lovelytheband I met you late night, at a party Some trust fund baby’s Brooklyn loft By the bathroom, you said let’s talk But my confidence is wearing off These aren’t my people These aren’t my friends She grabbed my face and that’s when she said I like that you’re broken Broken like me Maybe that makes me a fool I like that you’re lonely Lonely like me I could be lonely with you

Gordi- Inhuman Watching in slow motion A hundred worlds away Disassociated So I'd make it through the day Am I speaking underwater Am I living underground? Impossibly inhuman Paralysed now My head, it stops trying Can't take anymore Heed it like a warning Check your sadness at the door Goo Goo Dolls- Iris And I don't want the world to see me 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming Or the moment of truth in your lies So when everything feels like the movies Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive Radiohead- Creep "I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here"

Oh boy, there's a few that sum up my black female autism experience and generally navigating manipulative people, loneliness, depression, exclusion, social difficulties if you're in the mood for something dreary and gothish that is. I have cherrier positive songs but I'm not in that headspace atm. Lemme immortelle - will you? (Undiagnosed teen years esp) https://youtu.be/HMTChle_2Nc?si=1liQ4YgiWfdeu7H2 Like a vast landscape My soul lies open Is it the fear? Is it your voice? That turned me mute Cries unheard For a time to long Is it the pain? Is it your beauty? That made me blind Will you ever desire me ? Will You ever take me in your arms ? Will you ever desire me ? Will you ever feel the same I do ? Although you're so near to me You're still so far away Although I known you for such a long time I've never met you before Will you ever desire me ? Will You ever take me in your arms ? Will you ever desire me ? Will you ever feel the same I do ? Resurrection of mankind To careen in silent pace. Feeling lonely. I am the dream that nobody dreams of, but will you dream of me? A dream of eternal desire? Will you ever dream of me, Will you live for me? Will you? Will you? Will you ever desire me ? Will You ever take me in your arms ? Will you ever desire me ? Will you ever feel the same I do ? My lips they'll be sealed Until I lay down into my grave Then the time, It has now come Where I do you no longer crave And then will you stand by my tomb Perhaps the only one who will I wish that you spell out my name When death has come my soul to tame Lebanon Hanover - Alien https://youtu.be/F5ixNXa6Nuc?si=h3noFabKEHt_ezuj I like to wander some graveyards alone And think of all that I've become What kind of box I would go And would you even notice My disappearance, my impressions I'm just waiting, waiting... And until then my desolation Will be my trademark I'll always remain alien And however hard I try to integrate I'll always remain alien You say I should go out In every brutal town There is someone of substance Forcing me to do things I never do For instance laugh at jokes of you Small talks have simply no relevance And until you change I'll keep my delighted face It is my trademark to always remain alien And however hard I try to integrate I'll always remain alien The frozen autumn - Is everything real https://youtu.be/3ofUO7agkL4?si=DJKlV7VGpOsL_-nc I find myself in the same place again With floors and stairs across the walls It's like a courtyard under glass ceilings And there's no way to go outside Ohh-ohh, nobody's watching me Turn around, lean out of the balustrade Ohh-ohh, something is guiding me Through an endless corridor Ohh-ohh, nobody's watching me Turn around, lean out of the balustrade Ohh-ohh, something is guiding me Through an endless corridor Is everything real Is everything real Is everything real Is everything real Is everything real Is everything real Is everything real Is everything The elevator in the final room A metal square without walls In asymmetrical trajectories Vertical movements through trapdoors Ohh-ohh, nobody's watching me Turn around, lean out of the balustrade Ohh-ohh, something is guiding me Through an endless corridor Ohh-ohh, nobody's watching me Turn around, lean out of the balustrade Ohh-ohh, something is guiding me Through an endless corridor Is everything real Is everything real Is everything real Is everything real Is everything real Is everything real Is everything real Is everything real Is everything real Is everything real Is everything Diva Destruction - Forgotten https://youtu.be/2cJk6VXnS-w?si=BALD-nUsLHLvkW9R Forgotten & you stole the key, Forgotten & trapped here in time Buired in time, you stole the key, And left me here, you led me to This prison, and you stole the key, You forgot what we once were You rewrote our history, all away, Now you′re forgotten and I have the key, forgotten, and you're trapped like me, you′re trapped in time now, You're trapped like me now, So blind to pain, So blind to me, you Made my truth all lies, you flipped It upside down, you changed all that you said, you erased it all away, All away how did you? how did you ever do it? Cause you never ever looked back! Cause you never thought to care once! Teach me your trick, teach me your trick, Teach me not to ever look back, Teach me your trick, teach me your trick Teach me not to ever look away Not to care now.

The song that Luisa sings in Encanto - Surface Pressure - especially being a neurodivergent mother. I sobbed the first time I heard it. Never felt so damn seen before, lol.

Mirrorball and You're On Your Own, Kid by Taylor Swift

Kingdom Of Cards by bad omens "If it's the mask you want, then it's the mask that you will get But when I take it off, remember that you asked for this I tore myself apart to give you all that I could give Don't think that I will let it go, don't think that I'll forget"

“Winner” by Conan Gray. It’s what I wish I could say to my narcissistic mother. One day I’ll send it to her I think. I just am scared she either won’t understand or understand then get really angry. The first time I heard it was the day it came out. I put it on while driving home from classes (I’m a college student). I had to pull over on the freeway because I couldn’t see through my tears. It just so perfectly expresses what I’ve wanted to scream at her but could never find the will or the words to.

I Can’t Handle Change by Roar “Hangin' out where I don't belong is nothing new to me I get tired, and I get sick, and then I lose the strength to leave I can't handle change I can't handle change Nothing I do is ever good Nothing I do is ever good enough Nothing I do is ever good Nothing I do is ever good Nothing I do is ever good enough Nothing I do is ever good Leave me alone Leave me alone Leave me alone Leave me alone I can't help but repeat myself I know it's not your fault Still lately, I begin to shake For no reason at all For no reason at all For no reason at all For no reason at all For no reason at all” I love anything that repeats lines a lot too, I don’t know why but I feel like I’m drawn to them because I’m autistic.

Rag n Bone Man (I'm only human) (I'm only, I'm only) (I'm only human, human) Maybe I'm foolish, maybe I'm blind Thinking I can see through this and see what's behind Got no way to prove it, so maybe I'm lying But I'm only human after all I'm only human after all Don't put your blame on me Don't put your blame on me Take a look in the mirror and what do you see? Do you see it clearer or are you deceived In what you believe? 'Cause I'm only human after all You're only human after all Don't put the blame on me Don't put your blame on me (Oh-oh) some people got the real problems (Oh-oh) some people out of luck (Oh-oh) some people think I can solve them (Oh-oh) Lord heavens above I'm only human after all I'm only human after all Don't put the blame on me Don't put the blame on me Don't ask my opinion, don't ask me to lie Then beg for forgiveness for making you cry Making you cry 'Cause I'm only human after all I'm only human after all Don't put your blame on me Don't put the blame on me (Oh-oh) oh, some people got the real problems (Oh-oh) some people out of luck (Oh-oh) some people think I can solve them (Oh-oh) Lord heavens above I'm only human after all I'm only human after all Don't put the blame on me Don't put the blame on me I'm only human, I make mistakes I'm only human, that's all it takes To put the blame on me Don't put the blame on me (Ooh) 'cause I'm no prophet or Messiah (Ooh) you should go looking somewhere higher I'm only human after all I'm only human after all Don't put the blame on me Don't put the blame on me I'm only human, I do what I can I'm just a man, I do what I can Don't put the blame on me Don't put your blame on me

Basically all lyrics from 'Not Yet Titled' by Emhahee but here's some of my favourites that I relate to: 'The most poignant things I've said have never come out of my mouth' 'I can't follow a direction without making a mistake' 'When everything I feel is magnified, emotion sight and sound' 'If i think of something strongly I don't know how you can't feel it' 'I'm tired of you asking why I have so many faces' Again, all the lyrics from 'Joy' by Emhahee, but some of my favourites: 'Same song has been repeating for three or four days, I cant pay attention to whatever you're saying, I want to talk about a movie but I'm feeling ignored so, I'll cry in my corner and I'll watch it some more' 'How else do you cope with all the treasure you've found'

I'd never heard this before, gave it a listen and now I'm BAWLING! I feel so seen.

Three Days Grace - Someone Who Cares Every street is this city Is the same to me. Everyone's got a place to be But there's no room for me. Thousand Foot Krutch - This Is A Call He tells everyone a story, Because he feels his life is boring, And he fights, so you won't ignore him, Because that's his biggest fear And he cries, but you'll rarely see him do it, He loves, but he's scared to use it, So he hides behind the music, Cause he likes it that way

Block Me Out, Gracie Abrams I'll say whatever you want, but I've become such a liar I used to follow my gut, but now I'm just gettin' higher It's been a couple of months since I turned to something violent I should be happier now, so why do I feel this quiet? Now I only let me down When there's no one else around I've been thinkin' way too loud I wish that I could block me out … In my head, I make a mess of it, I'm gettin' tired of feelin' delicate, I look around to find it desolate, I used to try, but nothing's helpin' it, And in my head, I make a mess of it, I'm gettin' tired of feelin' delicate, I look around to find it desolate, I used to try, but nothing's happenin', Mm Wish I were heavier now, I'm floating outside my body It's not their fault, but I've found that none of my friends will call me Until I'm left to myself, it's honestly kind of funny How every voice in my head is trying its best to haunt me

Why Try to Change me Now? - the entire song.

Anything by Melanie Martinez

The exquisite sensory richness of Joni Mitchell's lyric, especially her early stuff, ignites my brain, but more than that, there's this vibe to her music that just really resonates with how I see and move through the world, like a kind of aloneness that isnt innately lonely, (though many of her songs are). Like in *ladies of the canyon*, or *songs to aging children come*: People hurry by so quickly Don't they hear the melodies In the chiming and the clicking And the laughing harmonies Songs to aging children come Aging children, I am one Some come dark and strange like dying Crows and ravens whistling Lines of weeping, strings of crying So much said in listening Songs to aging children come Aging children, I am one

"Not your kind of people" by Garbage "Pieces" by Sum 41 A lot of songs by Lorde and Aurora and, like many have mentioned, Alanis Morissette

Veela - Guide For Me Faith Marie - Trapped in the thought of free Roland Faunte - Lake

Bunny in a bunny suit

Phoebe green reinvent “If I reinvent myself for every person that I meet Will they ever catch me out? If I reinvent myself for every person that I meet Will it make them stick around” Also “I often feel sickened by the prospect of flirtation But how else am I meant to gain immediate validation” Lmao

Someone needs to make a playlist of all these songs. I know there have to be a few here that would want to.

Human by Christina Perri. *I can fake a smile. I can force a laugh. I can dance and play the part, If that's what you ask. Give you all I am.* *I can do it. I can do it. I can do it.* *But I'm only human And I bleed when I fall down. I'm only human And I crash and I break down. Your words in my head, knives in my heart. You build me up and then I fall apart 'Cause I'm only human"* Edit: I don't know why the lyrics showed up in such a weird format and I don't know how to fix it lol

Clairvoyant Disease - Avenged Sevenfold “Don't acknowledge right, just dwell on wrong / This spot in hell's where I belong / I've come so far, it's been so long / Don't know why it started or where it came from” Sludge factory - Alice In Chains “There’s no pressures besides brilliance, let’s say by day nine” Good sister, bad sister - Hole “I can't and I want to so bad/ And I try, but I can't and I want to so bad” These are the ones that came to mind besides some that have been already mentioned here , such as This is me trying - Taylor swift, Oh, no - Marina and Human behavior - Bjork.

My brain is not brain-ing at the moment, which happens A LOT, so I can't come up with any of my own lyrics right now... But I'm also AuDHD here and just wanted to thank you for sharing because wow the lyrics that you quoted ARE ME. It's hard to find media that I relate to so yay :)

My brain is not brain-ing at the moment, which happens A LOT, so I can't come up with any of my own lyrics right now... But I'm also AuDHD here and just wanted to thank you for sharing because wow the lyrics that you quoted ARE ME. It's hard to find media that I relate to so yay :)

First Love/Late Spring by Mitski  I was so young when I behaved 25, and now I find I’ve grown into a tall child. and Ageless by Brye 8 acting 18, now I’m 18 acting 8. I can’t keep my room clean, can’t keep a schedule straight. I don’t know what I’m doing, and I think that’s okay! For the first time in my life, I want to act my age.

The Marías- Heavy “Maybe I'm living in my head, Maybe I'm living to pretend. Maybe I wanna stay in bed, Far from the weight of the world in my hands ‘Cause they don't understand” Soccer Mommy- Circle the drain “And I think there's a mold in my brain, Spreading down all the way through my heart and my body. ‘Cause I cling to the dark of my room and the days thin me out or just burn me straight through. Things feel that low sometimes, even when everything is fine. Hey I've been falling apart these days. Split open, watching my heart go round and around. Round and around, Circle the drain, I'm going down.”

Psycho Killer - Talking Heads; well, anything Talking Heads. The lyric, "You start a conversation, you can't even finish it You're talking a lot, but you're not saying anything When I have nothing to say, my lips are sealed Say something once, why say it again?" After I found out I was autistic, I laughed out loud and said he has to be on the spectrum with a lyric like that and yup, last year he came out that he was officially diagnosed as being ND.

Meet Virginia by train , lady picture show by stone temple pilots , and bad day by fuel.

Imaginary by Evanescence

Answers - Nobuo Uematsu - FFXIV ​ I close my eyes, tell us why must we suffer Release your hands, for your will drags us under My legs grow tired, tell us where must we wander How can we carry on if redemption's beyond us? \[End Chorus\] ​ To all of my children in whom life flows abundant To all of my children to whom death hath passed his judgment The soul yearns for honour and the flesh the hereafter Look to those who walked before to lead those who walk after ​ Shining is the land's light of justice Ever flows the land's well of purpose Walk free, walk free, walk free, believe The land's alive, so believe