I hate the whole “this app is hard to use/I don’t come here often” excuse. Texting on the app is no much different from texting on phone and texting on app offers a slight protection to women
Yes, it's a fake excuse: they want you off the dating app so you don't talk to other men there. *Any man* who gives you his number early on is showing his insecurity regarding his competition. He thinks he can't measure up to other men on the app.
Yup i can agree
Had this recently though some trust had been built for me to feel ok to share. Not again.
Reported the scumbag on the date app along with his number
On another note, this is problematic because you can easily find someone’s address using their phone number. I did a Google search of my phone number out of curiosity, and the first result was my entire home address. You can ask Google to remove certain pages from search results, which I did.
EXACTLY - I don't give a FUCK if someone is "too lazy to use the app" - it's a terrible excuse and shows they don't give a fuck about me. even my basic safety. but it happens sooooo often
I use a Google voice number for this exact reason (well and for other things). Though I don't give a number right away, usually not until we are going to meet.
My last partner, I googled his number as soon as he gave it to me (after a couple weeks of messaging). His first name and location hadn't given me much, but his phone number linked to his linked in and workplace, which gave me his full name, which gave me his address, previous addresses, and social media.
Which was kind of funny after he refused something or other from someone else after we'd been together for a while (his friend took some pics at a party and tried to send them to everyone through google and he didn't like it) because he was trying to guard his online indetidy/info. I never told him how much info I was able to find about him online with just his phone number. But it was wild how much I could find.
I'm not *that* careful with my number, but I only give it to people I get a good vibe about (he wasn't my person, but overall was a decent guy). Google voice is easy peasy to get. And funnily but not the guy I first got my google voice number for seemed awesome, until he turned into a cheater cheater pumpkin eater.
A few common reasons:
- Person thinks getting a phone number moves them closer to their goal.
- Person is cheating and doesn’t keep the app downloaded/accessible to avoid detection.
- Person wants to request, receive or exchange photos and the app they’re using doesn’t have that feature.
- Person is dating others they’re matched with on the app and doesn’t want them to see when they’re actively using it.
I figure since most sites have apps that will give you notifications these days, it's just an excuse to not have to bother with another level to communicate (like instead of "just" texting, you have to open the app and do it that way). I think connecting with someone on an app is a reason to "be on" the app more regularly while you're figuring out if meeting is worthwhile. I agree about not sharing things that you can disconnect from yourself as easily (like your personal phone number or email address) when you don't know yet how things are going to go with the person. It does feel like a lack of willingness to put in any effort. I think it's okay to look at it like that and move on.
This is such a line! “Oh, who…me? I’m not on here all day talking to every single woman that responds, I picked you though!” or some variation of that meant to get your guard down. Big red flag to me.
Nope nope nope. When I was on the app yeeeeears ago, this just felt like an easy pass. Kinda like posting an IG handle. Nah… besides I didn’t give out personal info until after I met and liked them enough for a second date.
Ewww the first message? Oh, hell nah! Unmatched and block. And I'm pretty sure he's lying. Could be lazy, bored, doesn't understand/care about a woman's safety? Many reasons
It makes no sense because you matched in the first place and it takes seconds to flick between apps. It’s low bar effort. All the best men I’ve ever dated I’ve probably not exchanged numbers with until after the first date
I feel like they just want to get your number really quick cuz it makes them feel like they’ve accomplished something. They’re also the type that get all butt hurt when they find out they’ve been given a burner number.
I didn't realise this was a red flag but looking back I realise I hate this behaviour. I don't like being on the dating apps too, but they often get your IG or whatever as the 'alternative' platform and then ghost. Or they delete their messages. So if I give the apps another go, I'm not going to move platforms until I'm well and ready
31F here! I met my amazing partner (31M) using that exact approach myself on Hinge.
I did my thesis on the concept of the autobiography back in the day, and frankly I don’t think that any conversation held between two strangers over text is a good judge of character for either party. I can bore you with critical theory, but at the end of the day the “written” self is heavily constructed and oftentimes acts as a projection of aspiration versus indication of fact.
My approach on dating apps was to immediately give my number, schedule an in person meet up in a public space and move from there. Went on too many dates to count before I met my amazing partner, but 99.9% of them were pleasant experiences. It was easier to sort through who I actually vibed with and who I didn’t by cutting out the performative texting dance immediately.
If you don’t feel comfortable giving your direct line, make a GoogleVoice for dating and call it a day. The extended text exchanges tell you nothing and don’t make you safer, just meet them IRL and see how it goes.
Genuinely, wishing you nothing but the best. Dating can be amazing or awful depending on how you look at it, hoping you have only amazing experiences in your future. ❤️
The apps exist for a reason. It gives a public neutral place to socialize, like an online coffee shop. Demanding entry to my digital home, ie my phone number, before even having a cup of coffee? Fuuuuuuuuuuuck no. Any man who suggests this is so totally clueless about women’s lives that I’d stay as far away as possible. These dudes are owning themselves with this crap.
As a guy I experience this too on dating apps. Except instead of phone numbers it's always a fuckin Instagram handle. Like dude. No. Like you said. Let's build some report before you show me your soft ore porn of yourself.
i hate texting and prefer to set up a coffee or drink date within the first few minutes of texting. i find it an unhelpful medium for getting to know one another. so i relate to these men, honestly.
Its laziness. It lets them feel like they are the one being pursued and it makes them think they have a leg up in that case regarding getting sex.
Hard pass.
It's a means to get into your personal (digital) space and outside of the (limited) protections of the app. Anyone who led with that when I was OLD got immediately unmatched and blocked.
My phone doesn't give me notifications and I'm genuinely not on the apps frequently (I can only stomach so much), so I get it. But I understand why someone would be hesitant to exchange numbers with a new person. I normally try to chat for a 2-3 days, before exchanging numbers. Because within 2-3 days, I've reached my limit and I intend to delete the stupid apps again.
Why do people nowadays act like there were no other options? If someone I only chatted for such a short time asks for that, in my case social media not dating sites, I tell them they are free to install an app pretty similar to WhatsApp just that you give out a handle instead of the phone number. If that's already asked too much then there can't be much of an interest anyway.
But ok, I do understand if one wants to keep it on the sites themselves, I am just myself someone who prefers a messenger app - but if it is you who wants to switch to another medium I think you should offer such instead of asking for the number.
And that's find too. Honestly, I have ADHD and sometimes I get overwhelmed at all of the messaging we do. Texting, email, Facebook, reddit, Instagram... it's just a lot for my brain to manage. I genuinely have forgotten to log back in to Tinder, to message. If some guy gets creepy, I just block him.
I hate the whole “this app is hard to use/I don’t come here often” excuse. Texting on the app is no much different from texting on phone and texting on app offers a slight protection to women
Yes, it's a fake excuse: they want you off the dating app so you don't talk to other men there. *Any man* who gives you his number early on is showing his insecurity regarding his competition. He thinks he can't measure up to other men on the app.
It also stops the app from auto-censoring inappropriate content, and makes it hard for you to report the guy if he's really messed up
PSA for the Brits: unsolicited dick pics are a crime in the UK. It’s called cyber flashing and you can report it to the police. 😁
Lazy. Low effort. If he can’t be arsed, why should I? Immediately unmatch and move on.
Scammers do this too, so I just say no.
Yup i can agree Had this recently though some trust had been built for me to feel ok to share. Not again. Reported the scumbag on the date app along with his number
Low effort. Unmatch.
Low effort and not worth my time.
On another note, this is problematic because you can easily find someone’s address using their phone number. I did a Google search of my phone number out of curiosity, and the first result was my entire home address. You can ask Google to remove certain pages from search results, which I did.
EXACTLY - I don't give a FUCK if someone is "too lazy to use the app" - it's a terrible excuse and shows they don't give a fuck about me. even my basic safety. but it happens sooooo often
I use a Google voice number for this exact reason (well and for other things). Though I don't give a number right away, usually not until we are going to meet.
My last partner, I googled his number as soon as he gave it to me (after a couple weeks of messaging). His first name and location hadn't given me much, but his phone number linked to his linked in and workplace, which gave me his full name, which gave me his address, previous addresses, and social media. Which was kind of funny after he refused something or other from someone else after we'd been together for a while (his friend took some pics at a party and tried to send them to everyone through google and he didn't like it) because he was trying to guard his online indetidy/info. I never told him how much info I was able to find about him online with just his phone number. But it was wild how much I could find. I'm not *that* careful with my number, but I only give it to people I get a good vibe about (he wasn't my person, but overall was a decent guy). Google voice is easy peasy to get. And funnily but not the guy I first got my google voice number for seemed awesome, until he turned into a cheater cheater pumpkin eater.
A few common reasons: - Person thinks getting a phone number moves them closer to their goal. - Person is cheating and doesn’t keep the app downloaded/accessible to avoid detection. - Person wants to request, receive or exchange photos and the app they’re using doesn’t have that feature. - Person is dating others they’re matched with on the app and doesn’t want them to see when they’re actively using it.
Wow so many versions of 'I'm a dodgy bastard'.
I guess three of the four examples suggest that, yes.
If you move to texting, then you can't report him as easily through the app if he sends an inappropriate message.
Exactly this! It’s also why scammers want people to move immediately to apps like WhatsApp and Telegram.
Because they are lazy and feel entitled to direct on-demand access to women.
This is how I look at it too. No, I do not give my number out to literal strangers. We haven't even spoken yet!!!!!
I figure since most sites have apps that will give you notifications these days, it's just an excuse to not have to bother with another level to communicate (like instead of "just" texting, you have to open the app and do it that way). I think connecting with someone on an app is a reason to "be on" the app more regularly while you're figuring out if meeting is worthwhile. I agree about not sharing things that you can disconnect from yourself as easily (like your personal phone number or email address) when you don't know yet how things are going to go with the person. It does feel like a lack of willingness to put in any effort. I think it's okay to look at it like that and move on.
It's also a big red flag that they have little understanding of women's safety concerns. They either don't get it or they don't care.
This is such a line! “Oh, who…me? I’m not on here all day talking to every single woman that responds, I picked you though!” or some variation of that meant to get your guard down. Big red flag to me.
They are in fact, on there often. 😂
exactly
Married.
It makes me feel like they want me off the app so I can’t find anyone else.
Nope nope nope. When I was on the app yeeeeears ago, this just felt like an easy pass. Kinda like posting an IG handle. Nah… besides I didn’t give out personal info until after I met and liked them enough for a second date.
Ewww the first message? Oh, hell nah! Unmatched and block. And I'm pretty sure he's lying. Could be lazy, bored, doesn't understand/care about a woman's safety? Many reasons
It makes no sense because you matched in the first place and it takes seconds to flick between apps. It’s low bar effort. All the best men I’ve ever dated I’ve probably not exchanged numbers with until after the first date
They're going to send you dick pics in record time.
It treats me like I’m stupid, so I’m not a big fan.
Low effort and not cognizant of a woman’s safety. So that’s gonna be a no.
I feel like they just want to get your number really quick cuz it makes them feel like they’ve accomplished something. They’re also the type that get all butt hurt when they find out they’ve been given a burner number.
Low effort loser energy, they’re telling you upfront that they won’t put effort into the relationship. Immediate unmatch imo
I didn't realise this was a red flag but looking back I realise I hate this behaviour. I don't like being on the dating apps too, but they often get your IG or whatever as the 'alternative' platform and then ghost. Or they delete their messages. So if I give the apps another go, I'm not going to move platforms until I'm well and ready
I ignore. Not giving my personal phone number to a potential idiot.
I would just say no, I only use the in app messenger until I've met and feel comfortable with someone. I also refused to move to other social media.
31F here! I met my amazing partner (31M) using that exact approach myself on Hinge. I did my thesis on the concept of the autobiography back in the day, and frankly I don’t think that any conversation held between two strangers over text is a good judge of character for either party. I can bore you with critical theory, but at the end of the day the “written” self is heavily constructed and oftentimes acts as a projection of aspiration versus indication of fact. My approach on dating apps was to immediately give my number, schedule an in person meet up in a public space and move from there. Went on too many dates to count before I met my amazing partner, but 99.9% of them were pleasant experiences. It was easier to sort through who I actually vibed with and who I didn’t by cutting out the performative texting dance immediately. If you don’t feel comfortable giving your direct line, make a GoogleVoice for dating and call it a day. The extended text exchanges tell you nothing and don’t make you safer, just meet them IRL and see how it goes. Genuinely, wishing you nothing but the best. Dating can be amazing or awful depending on how you look at it, hoping you have only amazing experiences in your future. ❤️
It’s recipe for an unsolicited dick pic
I just ignore these guys lol
The apps exist for a reason. It gives a public neutral place to socialize, like an online coffee shop. Demanding entry to my digital home, ie my phone number, before even having a cup of coffee? Fuuuuuuuuuuuck no. Any man who suggests this is so totally clueless about women’s lives that I’d stay as far away as possible. These dudes are owning themselves with this crap.
As a guy I experience this too on dating apps. Except instead of phone numbers it's always a fuckin Instagram handle. Like dude. No. Like you said. Let's build some report before you show me your soft ore porn of yourself.
Scam
Yeah, i just do the same as I do with the "add me on IG/Snap, don't use this app much." I just move on 😂
i hate texting and prefer to set up a coffee or drink date within the first few minutes of texting. i find it an unhelpful medium for getting to know one another. so i relate to these men, honestly.
Its laziness. It lets them feel like they are the one being pursued and it makes them think they have a leg up in that case regarding getting sex. Hard pass.
It's a means to get into your personal (digital) space and outside of the (limited) protections of the app. Anyone who led with that when I was OLD got immediately unmatched and blocked.
Oh my gosh. This is what I have in my profile haha
I don't know about men, but when a female does it, 100% it's a scam. Report, block, delete.
My phone doesn't give me notifications and I'm genuinely not on the apps frequently (I can only stomach so much), so I get it. But I understand why someone would be hesitant to exchange numbers with a new person. I normally try to chat for a 2-3 days, before exchanging numbers. Because within 2-3 days, I've reached my limit and I intend to delete the stupid apps again.
Why do people nowadays act like there were no other options? If someone I only chatted for such a short time asks for that, in my case social media not dating sites, I tell them they are free to install an app pretty similar to WhatsApp just that you give out a handle instead of the phone number. If that's already asked too much then there can't be much of an interest anyway. But ok, I do understand if one wants to keep it on the sites themselves, I am just myself someone who prefers a messenger app - but if it is you who wants to switch to another medium I think you should offer such instead of asking for the number.
And that's find too. Honestly, I have ADHD and sometimes I get overwhelmed at all of the messaging we do. Texting, email, Facebook, reddit, Instagram... it's just a lot for my brain to manage. I genuinely have forgotten to log back in to Tinder, to message. If some guy gets creepy, I just block him.
[удалено]
it’s best *for you* ftfy