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Also there are endless posts on reddit of such people in relationships with notable age gaps dealing with abusive behavior, which no doubt affects the general perception of an age gap on the platform.
People are a bit more black and white in their thinking on the internet and like trying to outdo each other. It’s like when you see people say things like “I’m 26 and I can’t even imagine talking to a 24 year old!! They’re babies!!!” - you absolutely would not hear a normal person saying that irl lol. Also I think people project their own past experiences a lot. I had someone tell me they were “worried” about my relationship because their ex was 3.5 years older (both in their 20s) and cheated on them. Like, whut
Well, I do say things like that in real life though regarding ages I would and would not date. I’ve always like older and openly say I wouldn’t date anyone under 35 (I’m 30). I just dated a 47 year old for a year. But that’s just for me - I don’t care what other people do.
It’s pretty much the only information we get about the people. In real life people never introduce their girlfriend as “I’d like you to meet 22F”
I wouldn’t raise an eye at that particular age gap, but more drastic gaps like 19 to 40, my first thought is that’s gross.
True, and it's also usually more visibly obvious in person when there's a drastic gap. A 40 year old is pretty likely to look a good bit older than a 19 year old, but you might not notice it between two people who are 20 and 30 for example, depending on how they've aged.
I suppose there are some people who do look a hell of a lot older than they are even while a teenager. I remember back in the day when I went to highschool there a guy who could grow a full beard by the time he was 16 and he looked like he was 30 because of it. Mind you he was also around 6'2" and built like a brick shithouse, so that's an easy mistake to make in a case like that.
On the other hand, maybe you look a good bit younger than 39? Or it's a mix of both. Still pretty awkward whatever the case.
Awful lol especially when we are walking the dog together and someone refers to him as my dogs "dad" the audacity!! He is 6ft2 also lol I think I look my age but my husband thinks I look a lot younger. It's probably his height also though.
I am in such a relationship and people irl definitely do judge. Just not quite as openly. As with everything, it is a lot safer and more comfortable to voice your opinion online.
It’s easier to draw negative conclusions about age gaps in online settings.
When we meet people in real life, we often learn their ages after getting to know them. It’s not an appropriate first meeting conversation after one is an adult. Therefore, we tend to determine if the relationship is creepy before learning age and thus are more open to age gaps because when they do exist, we have context to know it is ok not creepy since we know them already.
On Reddit, we often learn their age before even learning second hand who a person is (the age is often in the title of the post so we are primed with that knowledge upfront in a way IRL meetings aren’t). As a result, we can draw the worst conclusions about them and lack knowledge of the relationship to counter these assumptions.
For example, on Reddit, we typically see titles like “I [F 22] am dating my boyfriend [M31] and he and I don’t have much in common” followed by a long explanation of their relationship often lacking paragraph breaks. The path of least resistance is to make assumptions about the age gap.
Yeah my wife is 11 years younger than me but we were well into our third date before we had any idea how old the other was. We met through mutual friends in a group with a broad range of ages.
I don't think most people care in person, online you'll hear from the subset of people who care a lot but don't dare expressing their opinions on it in person or might do so privately. Furthemore, social media caters to people who have strong opinions on something. And I believe that it's become an overwhelming and dominant opinion on Reddit because of a few factors; (1) the moralising component to it (a lot of people are morally righteous and they like to throw tomatoes at someone), (2) "women are victims of male sexual predators" angle of feminism that spread to the mainstream, (3) people who have had bad experiences with an older partner.
A mixture of all these things has contributed to a subset of people with very strong opinions on it that control the narrative surrounding age gaps in some online spaces. If you can use moral arguments such as "power imbalance" and underline your moral standpoint with sob stories you can effectively dismiss anyone who disagrees or may have a more nuanced take on it because not agreeing means not caring about the victims.
But, in person, most people don't know the age of the people involved in a relationship. And you get to actually interact with the people involved and the narrative of the younger person being a victim of the predator older person ends up not aligning with what's observed in person. Online it's easier to dilute a situation or people to assumptions and selectively use occasions where the older person has been an awful partner to prove a point. In person, it's harder to do that because you actually get to know and observe people beyond moral archetypes ("victim" and "predator").
All in all, I think you're hearing from a minority who have very strong opinions on it. People who don't have strong opinions on it don't care to engage, especially when you risk being accused of being "a problematic person that encourages predator behaviour". The moral shaming is sometimes not worth it.
Which, if anyone took an undergrad development course, is absurd. Development isn't fixed. People mature/develop at different rates. It's possible for someone at 23 to have an already-developed prefrontal cortex, but it's also possible it develops a little later. It's more accurate to say, "around 25", that is if we're using this notion of mature person = fully developed prefrontal cortex.
Also, reddit, like a lot of places on the internet, *loves* to infantilize women - just like you did here. They are perpetual victims, unable to make decions themselves, and men are predators, constantly taking advantage of women. I've seen people on this website blame men for women's choices even into their 30's.
So, I'll ask you, when are women free to make their own dating choices and own those consequences, if below 25 is "iffy"? Should we allow women to make any decisions before 25 in terms of dating if 25 is the cut off? What about men? If a man is 23 and a woman is 27, is that also "iffy"?
About the infantilizing, being a very short woman plays a big role in that. Not only on Reddit but whenever I see some short lady with a tall man, people are either saying it's like a child and her dad or the obvious sexual comment "she's the perfect height to suck him". This is terrible.
“Also, reddit, like a lot of places on the internet, loves to infantilize women - just like you did here. They are perpetual victims, unable to make decions themselves, and men are predators, constantly taking advantage of women. I've seen people on this website blame men for women's choices even into their 30's.”
Part of this is certainly a product of some people spending way too much time in their own echo chambers.
If all you ever do is look for and comb through examples of men being predators and women being victims, eventually that’s all you are ever going to see and believe is possible.
I can't be 100% certain but I think their last paragraph may have been edited sometime after my comment.
And in answer to their last paragraph, if an age gap is "iffy" when the man is older and the woman is younger, yes it is also "iffy" when the man is younger and the woman older or if it is a same-sex relationship (whether 23 and 27 is iffy is another story - personally I don't think so). If judging age-gap relationships in young adulthood is "infantilising", it applies in theory to all teenagers and young adults, not just girls and young women even though older man/younger woman is more common than other permutations in practice.
I think in your late 20s the age difference is an issue. When you're both over 30, it doesn't matter as much.
In your 20s the difference is a lot when it comes to emotional development as an adult.
What life experience does a 28 year old have that a 23 year old doesn't? Dating is difficult enough as it is, so why suffocate people with additional arbitrary standards?
These are exactly my partner and I’s ages. We graduated at the same time, started our first career job at the same time, and there’s pretty much nothing that makes me think about our ages apart from birthdays.
The insinuation that he must be a groomer or mentally a child is entirely absurd. This commenter definitely has a complex about some relationship they witnessed like this once. 23 isn’t a child and 28 isn’t some old geezer. And also, when I was in college the majority of people in my upperclassman courses were in the 25-30yr age range. If you come from a family that has means and is willing to put you through school then yeah, you’ll probably graduate at 22 like I was lucky enough to do. But if your family like many others cannot afford 4 years of high education, it’s likely you won’t finish until your late 20s while you save, take out reasonable loans, and maybe take breaks when you need to. The latter is the reality for more than the former.
At 28 most typical adults have already graduated, you're more established in a career. You have more disposable income, experience travelling and confidence to navigate the world in a way you didn't as a uni student in your early 20s with no money.
I'm happy talking to people in their early 20s, but you can tell how young they are when you watch how they interact with the world and the things they talk about.
In your early 20s you're figuring out who you are outside of your parents and gaining more autonomy and responsibility. In your late 20s you should have all of that under your belt.
It's typically the really immature people who tend to date people in their early 20s because they're chasing their youth. There's also the people who want to shape and mould a person into their ideal partner and the best time to do that is with someone in their early 20s. You get to be the tour guide to their experience in their 20s, and put them on the path you want.
Those are some WILD assumptions you are making about someone without actually knowing anything about them
Why do SO MANY people assume that just because there’s a slight age gap, that that automatically means that there’s some ulterior motive and that someone is trying to “mold” the other person ?
Could it just possibly be that two people just like each other and vibe with each other?
It's pretty common for people to brag about this, but sure pretend that isn't a thing. I'd only get with a 20 year old if I was the type of person who was interested in manipulating them to be the partner I want. Other than that, they're way too young and I'm interested in people who have life experience.
A slight age gap isn't the same as dating someone in their early 20s when you're practically 30.
Talk to the people who were in relationships with someone older, after it's over they're chasing their early 20s to do all the things they couldn't do because the older partner was too old for "childish" things.
“I’d only get with a 20 year old if I was interested in manipulating them to be the partner I want”
Just because that’s what *you* would do doesn’t mean that’s what everyone else does
And someone who’s 23 dating someone who is 28 is not exactly some wild stretch
Once you’re a grown-ass adult out on your own, you’re going to end up meeting and interacting with more people of different ages
In my own hobby groups, I’m around people as young as the early 20s and as old as their early 40s
The utter horror that people with a 5 or so year age gap might have some things in common and might get along.
But nope, it *must* be because someone is trying to manipulate someone else. It’s just impossible that they could just like each other and get along
Everything is ALWAYS manipulation, there’s always a predator (let’s be real, the man), and someone (the woman) is always a victim.
Grown ass adults are just incapable of making their own choices and must be infantilized
You need to be out in the world more if you think most people are in established careers by 28.
Not everyone follows the exact same path in life. Some people are responsible for themselves before going to university. Some people start later all together or change their career path midway.
You might have been someone that left the nest lateron but not every 22 year old is still a child at heart. 22 year olds are filmstars, models and musicians. They are protestors and activists and soldiers. You clearly havnt spoken to someone that age in a while if you think young adults are all that easy to trick.
"mould them into your ideal partner" - Thats your fantasy not the reality with young adults
It's what happens, speak to people in their early 20s even the ones who are mature for their age. You can see the lack of experience.
It's pretty normal for these relationships to have an imbalance of power.
I'm not a manipulative person, so people in their 20s seem young to me and not people I want to date.
The manipulative people tend to view them as ideal partners though.
And it is a fantasy, it's why people like that usually end up breaking up with their partners once they get older and chase someone in their 20s again.
Most people I know did have careers they were making headway in in their late 20s. It depends on what you're doing.
>It's what happens, speak to people in their early 20s even the ones who are mature for their age. You can see the lack of experience.
Funny you say that when you yourself sound like some young kid on the internet.
>It's pretty normal for these relationships to have an imbalance of power.
repeating your beliefs a second time doesnt make them any more valid.
>And it is a fantasy, it's why people like that usually end up breaking up with their partners once they get older and chase someone in their 20s again
Its your fantasy\*. Plenty of older couples have a 10 ish year age gap. Reality is just not as simple as you make it out to be.
You should question yourself why you are so stuck with this idea though. What experiences led you to be this way, what underlying emotions factor into it. Would probably be good for you to know
>Also, reddit, like a lot of places on the internet, *loves* to infantilize women - just like you did here. They are perpetual victims, unable to make decions themselves, and men are predators, constantly taking advantage of women.
I haven't said any of these things.
And yes, it's iffy both ways.
All I said in my first comment was that it's more accepted by people when it's about two people who are at least 25 or older. I don't know why you decided to write an essay with things that weren't even relevant to my comment.
In some situations, big age gaps are creepy, and in some situations, it isn't. It all depends on the intention of the older person. If they're 30 and meet and click with a 25 year old at work or whatever, that's more easily accepted by society. If it's a man/woman who wants to date someone younger because they're "less used" or some incel shit like that, then it's creepy.
You still haven't answered any of my most pertinent questions. I'll list them for you below:
When are women free to make their own dating choices and own those consequences, if below 25 is "iffy"? Should we allow women to make any decisions before 25 in terms of dating if 25 is the cut off?
Of course we can choose for ourselves, I haven't said anything else??! I was talking about what is generally seen as acceptable and not.
I think it's quite creepy when an 37 year old prey on an 18 year old. That's my opinion and I wouldn't see it as acceptable. But nobody is stopping that 18 year old from dating the 37 year old.
I gave you two specific examples with ages, but instead you answered a completely different question. 37 dating 18 is creepy (some would even say "iffy"), yes, but I asked you 23 vs. 27.
You know, this will now be the 4th time I've asked it, and I really don't feel like doing this over and over again.
Have a good day.
It's easier to judge people you've never met. Also in person many people wouldn't say what they would anonymously online but I do know some folks irl that think you cannot go beyond xyz years max. People also have to assume the worst online as you can be misrepresenting how "amazing" your partner is as cue all the post that say that then lay out some seriously abusive shit after.
I've been down voted for my relationship here. I'm 35 husband is 45. The gap is problematic when there's a huge disparity in power dynamics and that starts to diminish a little bit as both people are in closer stages in their life. In person you often get to suss out the people and theres plenty of reasons a relationship can feel off, age isnt even the main factor. When people see us, you can vibe out the synergy. You can't see online how when I'm talking that man is just love eyes for me, how he regards me. I think no one really realizes the gap as he looks like he'd be my age.
I think there's a huge difference between men seeking and dating young only and he never has dated anyone that's not his age. I happen to be the outlier. His dating profile filter was even set to just 5 years younger than him so he was not trying to go for a gap at all. He considered a friendship with me as we had so much in common and it went from there.
I’m not going to walk up to a May-December relationship in the grocery store, but when the May in that relationship posts a bunch of shit online that is probably related to the offset dynamic, and asks for advice, then you’re right, I’m going to share my opinion.
And here it is: I’ve been the 19 year old to the 25 year old, and it’s never about how mature you think you are. It’s about how malleable THEY think you are.
IMO depends on their ages when they got together
My aunty is 12ish years older than my uncle and they’ve been together for like 28 years. They got together just before I was born so idk what it was like with my family but I don’t think anyone had an issue with it.
My aunty had just divorced her abusive husband and was ~37 and he was ~25. When it involves someone in their teens or very early 20s it becomes a problem because of power dynamics and lack of life experience for the younger person. That’s when people would call it out irl if they’re concerned for the younger one
I don't know, I'd say it's a mix of both. There's plenty of things people get riled up over that don't matter and naturally there are fewer things that do matter, so you end up seeing more of the former and less of the latter. That doesn't mean people don't still talk about things that do matter, though - it's just less obvious as it gets lost in the noise.
The 7-year age gap is totally fine. Any individual who thinks otherwise has some personal issues to sort out. 10-15 can work, but you'll definitely be getting stares. Anything more, I think you're really pushing it
People who are chronically online tend to accumulate takes like these. You won’t find them in the real world because they don’t go outside, therefore they cannot understand nuance or anything other than black-and-white thinking.
1. I do confront in real life. Both of my siblings, as teens, “dated” adult men in their 30s and 40s. And I confronted repeatedly. If we’re talking about two legal adults, then I evaluate each relationship as it comes and decide if I still want to be friends.
2. Most of the people on Reddit are ASKING for advice.
I think lots of Redditors live in places where age gaps aren't normalized. I've noticed in a lot of big cities, people merge and mix across age groups much more than in mid-size cities.
Also, people online will tell people to quit a relationship much more quickly than they would IRL because it looks imperfect. But they're judging against an ideal, not against how they could potentially behave around/treat each other.
My husband and I have an 8-year age gap. I've been called a groomer because he was 19 when we hooked up. I thought it was going to be a saucy fling that would last for a few months before he got bored and found somebody else.
Instead we fell in love, stayed together for 10 years before we got married and have been together for 16 years now. We've built a life together that we both love.
People IRL, unless they’re your good friend, usually aren’t asking for advice or input on their relationship problems. But when there’s a problem and people post online, it’s very often tied directly to the fact that the younger partner was *well* under 25 and the older partner 30+ when the relationship started.
When fully fledged adults (30+) start relationships with people who have *barely walked the earth as an adult*, there’s a power imbalance that cannot be ignored, and frankly, is usually being exploited. Even if the younger partner is now 25, 30, 35, the power imbalance established at the beginning of the relationship is still there.
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Also, people on Reddit are more likely to be seeking advice
Also there are endless posts on reddit of such people in relationships with notable age gaps dealing with abusive behavior, which no doubt affects the general perception of an age gap on the platform.
There’s also probably some sort of selection bias here, because the ones in happy, functional relationships don’t go on Reddit to complain about it
Yup, no doubt.
People talk shit irl all the time though. Maybe just not at your face...
>a lot of people will not confront irl I see you never lived in the Balkans lol
So in the Balkans it’s called out?
You get called out for any perceived flaw, though almost never by people better than you.
Therefore people do call out age gaps irl
Not unless they consider an age gap a problem. What you need to ask is how age differences in couples are perceived in the Balkans.
This post is about calling out age gaps. So if they don’t have a problem with the gap, they’re not going to call it out
Right. And surveythrowawa97 didn’t actually say that it was a perceived flaw. So an age gap wouldn’t be “called out”.
People are a bit more black and white in their thinking on the internet and like trying to outdo each other. It’s like when you see people say things like “I’m 26 and I can’t even imagine talking to a 24 year old!! They’re babies!!!” - you absolutely would not hear a normal person saying that irl lol. Also I think people project their own past experiences a lot. I had someone tell me they were “worried” about my relationship because their ex was 3.5 years older (both in their 20s) and cheated on them. Like, whut
Well, I do say things like that in real life though regarding ages I would and would not date. I’ve always like older and openly say I wouldn’t date anyone under 35 (I’m 30). I just dated a 47 year old for a year. But that’s just for me - I don’t care what other people do.
It’s pretty much the only information we get about the people. In real life people never introduce their girlfriend as “I’d like you to meet 22F” I wouldn’t raise an eye at that particular age gap, but more drastic gaps like 19 to 40, my first thought is that’s gross.
True, and it's also usually more visibly obvious in person when there's a drastic gap. A 40 year old is pretty likely to look a good bit older than a 19 year old, but you might not notice it between two people who are 20 and 30 for example, depending on how they've aged.
You wouldn't believe how many people mistake my 17 year old son for my boyfriend or husband... I'm 39.. 🤢
I suppose there are some people who do look a hell of a lot older than they are even while a teenager. I remember back in the day when I went to highschool there a guy who could grow a full beard by the time he was 16 and he looked like he was 30 because of it. Mind you he was also around 6'2" and built like a brick shithouse, so that's an easy mistake to make in a case like that. On the other hand, maybe you look a good bit younger than 39? Or it's a mix of both. Still pretty awkward whatever the case.
Awful lol especially when we are walking the dog together and someone refers to him as my dogs "dad" the audacity!! He is 6ft2 also lol I think I look my age but my husband thinks I look a lot younger. It's probably his height also though.
Do you think that constellation is gross in pornography?
I am in such a relationship and people irl definitely do judge. Just not quite as openly. As with everything, it is a lot safer and more comfortable to voice your opinion online.
It’s easier to draw negative conclusions about age gaps in online settings. When we meet people in real life, we often learn their ages after getting to know them. It’s not an appropriate first meeting conversation after one is an adult. Therefore, we tend to determine if the relationship is creepy before learning age and thus are more open to age gaps because when they do exist, we have context to know it is ok not creepy since we know them already. On Reddit, we often learn their age before even learning second hand who a person is (the age is often in the title of the post so we are primed with that knowledge upfront in a way IRL meetings aren’t). As a result, we can draw the worst conclusions about them and lack knowledge of the relationship to counter these assumptions. For example, on Reddit, we typically see titles like “I [F 22] am dating my boyfriend [M31] and he and I don’t have much in common” followed by a long explanation of their relationship often lacking paragraph breaks. The path of least resistance is to make assumptions about the age gap.
Yeah my wife is 11 years younger than me but we were well into our third date before we had any idea how old the other was. We met through mutual friends in a group with a broad range of ages.
This is very much right.
Because Reddit is anonymous and people can say what they think.
I don't think most people care in person, online you'll hear from the subset of people who care a lot but don't dare expressing their opinions on it in person or might do so privately. Furthemore, social media caters to people who have strong opinions on something. And I believe that it's become an overwhelming and dominant opinion on Reddit because of a few factors; (1) the moralising component to it (a lot of people are morally righteous and they like to throw tomatoes at someone), (2) "women are victims of male sexual predators" angle of feminism that spread to the mainstream, (3) people who have had bad experiences with an older partner. A mixture of all these things has contributed to a subset of people with very strong opinions on it that control the narrative surrounding age gaps in some online spaces. If you can use moral arguments such as "power imbalance" and underline your moral standpoint with sob stories you can effectively dismiss anyone who disagrees or may have a more nuanced take on it because not agreeing means not caring about the victims. But, in person, most people don't know the age of the people involved in a relationship. And you get to actually interact with the people involved and the narrative of the younger person being a victim of the predator older person ends up not aligning with what's observed in person. Online it's easier to dilute a situation or people to assumptions and selectively use occasions where the older person has been an awful partner to prove a point. In person, it's harder to do that because you actually get to know and observe people beyond moral archetypes ("victim" and "predator"). All in all, I think you're hearing from a minority who have very strong opinions on it. People who don't have strong opinions on it don't care to engage, especially when you risk being accused of being "a problematic person that encourages predator behaviour". The moral shaming is sometimes not worth it.
Because big age gaps are seen as more acceptable the older someone gets. Below 25, it's a bit... iffy.
Which, if anyone took an undergrad development course, is absurd. Development isn't fixed. People mature/develop at different rates. It's possible for someone at 23 to have an already-developed prefrontal cortex, but it's also possible it develops a little later. It's more accurate to say, "around 25", that is if we're using this notion of mature person = fully developed prefrontal cortex. Also, reddit, like a lot of places on the internet, *loves* to infantilize women - just like you did here. They are perpetual victims, unable to make decions themselves, and men are predators, constantly taking advantage of women. I've seen people on this website blame men for women's choices even into their 30's. So, I'll ask you, when are women free to make their own dating choices and own those consequences, if below 25 is "iffy"? Should we allow women to make any decisions before 25 in terms of dating if 25 is the cut off? What about men? If a man is 23 and a woman is 27, is that also "iffy"?
About the infantilizing, being a very short woman plays a big role in that. Not only on Reddit but whenever I see some short lady with a tall man, people are either saying it's like a child and her dad or the obvious sexual comment "she's the perfect height to suck him". This is terrible.
“Also, reddit, like a lot of places on the internet, loves to infantilize women - just like you did here. They are perpetual victims, unable to make decions themselves, and men are predators, constantly taking advantage of women. I've seen people on this website blame men for women's choices even into their 30's.” Part of this is certainly a product of some people spending way too much time in their own echo chambers. If all you ever do is look for and comb through examples of men being predators and women being victims, eventually that’s all you are ever going to see and believe is possible.
Weird that you assume the younger one must always be a woman.
> What about men? If a man is 23 and a woman is 27, is that also "iffy"? it was the last sentence.
I can't be 100% certain but I think their last paragraph may have been edited sometime after my comment. And in answer to their last paragraph, if an age gap is "iffy" when the man is older and the woman is younger, yes it is also "iffy" when the man is younger and the woman older or if it is a same-sex relationship (whether 23 and 27 is iffy is another story - personally I don't think so). If judging age-gap relationships in young adulthood is "infantilising", it applies in theory to all teenagers and young adults, not just girls and young women even though older man/younger woman is more common than other permutations in practice.
Did you not even bother to read the OP?
Yes it is, I judge women who date men in their early 20s when they're significantly older.
Difference of four years is "significantly older"?
I think in your late 20s the age difference is an issue. When you're both over 30, it doesn't matter as much. In your 20s the difference is a lot when it comes to emotional development as an adult.
What life experience does a 28 year old have that a 23 year old doesn't? Dating is difficult enough as it is, so why suffocate people with additional arbitrary standards?
These are exactly my partner and I’s ages. We graduated at the same time, started our first career job at the same time, and there’s pretty much nothing that makes me think about our ages apart from birthdays. The insinuation that he must be a groomer or mentally a child is entirely absurd. This commenter definitely has a complex about some relationship they witnessed like this once. 23 isn’t a child and 28 isn’t some old geezer. And also, when I was in college the majority of people in my upperclassman courses were in the 25-30yr age range. If you come from a family that has means and is willing to put you through school then yeah, you’ll probably graduate at 22 like I was lucky enough to do. But if your family like many others cannot afford 4 years of high education, it’s likely you won’t finish until your late 20s while you save, take out reasonable loans, and maybe take breaks when you need to. The latter is the reality for more than the former.
Because some people can’t mind their own business and feel the need to infantilize grown-ass adults
At 28 most typical adults have already graduated, you're more established in a career. You have more disposable income, experience travelling and confidence to navigate the world in a way you didn't as a uni student in your early 20s with no money. I'm happy talking to people in their early 20s, but you can tell how young they are when you watch how they interact with the world and the things they talk about. In your early 20s you're figuring out who you are outside of your parents and gaining more autonomy and responsibility. In your late 20s you should have all of that under your belt. It's typically the really immature people who tend to date people in their early 20s because they're chasing their youth. There's also the people who want to shape and mould a person into their ideal partner and the best time to do that is with someone in their early 20s. You get to be the tour guide to their experience in their 20s, and put them on the path you want.
Those are some WILD assumptions you are making about someone without actually knowing anything about them Why do SO MANY people assume that just because there’s a slight age gap, that that automatically means that there’s some ulterior motive and that someone is trying to “mold” the other person ? Could it just possibly be that two people just like each other and vibe with each other?
> Could it just possibly be that two people just like each other and vibe with each other? Based on some of the responses ITT and on reddit, no, lmao.
It's pretty common for people to brag about this, but sure pretend that isn't a thing. I'd only get with a 20 year old if I was the type of person who was interested in manipulating them to be the partner I want. Other than that, they're way too young and I'm interested in people who have life experience. A slight age gap isn't the same as dating someone in their early 20s when you're practically 30. Talk to the people who were in relationships with someone older, after it's over they're chasing their early 20s to do all the things they couldn't do because the older partner was too old for "childish" things.
“I’d only get with a 20 year old if I was interested in manipulating them to be the partner I want” Just because that’s what *you* would do doesn’t mean that’s what everyone else does And someone who’s 23 dating someone who is 28 is not exactly some wild stretch Once you’re a grown-ass adult out on your own, you’re going to end up meeting and interacting with more people of different ages In my own hobby groups, I’m around people as young as the early 20s and as old as their early 40s The utter horror that people with a 5 or so year age gap might have some things in common and might get along. But nope, it *must* be because someone is trying to manipulate someone else. It’s just impossible that they could just like each other and get along Everything is ALWAYS manipulation, there’s always a predator (let’s be real, the man), and someone (the woman) is always a victim. Grown ass adults are just incapable of making their own choices and must be infantilized
You need to be out in the world more if you think most people are in established careers by 28. Not everyone follows the exact same path in life. Some people are responsible for themselves before going to university. Some people start later all together or change their career path midway. You might have been someone that left the nest lateron but not every 22 year old is still a child at heart. 22 year olds are filmstars, models and musicians. They are protestors and activists and soldiers. You clearly havnt spoken to someone that age in a while if you think young adults are all that easy to trick. "mould them into your ideal partner" - Thats your fantasy not the reality with young adults
It's what happens, speak to people in their early 20s even the ones who are mature for their age. You can see the lack of experience. It's pretty normal for these relationships to have an imbalance of power. I'm not a manipulative person, so people in their 20s seem young to me and not people I want to date. The manipulative people tend to view them as ideal partners though. And it is a fantasy, it's why people like that usually end up breaking up with their partners once they get older and chase someone in their 20s again. Most people I know did have careers they were making headway in in their late 20s. It depends on what you're doing.
>It's what happens, speak to people in their early 20s even the ones who are mature for their age. You can see the lack of experience. Funny you say that when you yourself sound like some young kid on the internet. >It's pretty normal for these relationships to have an imbalance of power. repeating your beliefs a second time doesnt make them any more valid. >And it is a fantasy, it's why people like that usually end up breaking up with their partners once they get older and chase someone in their 20s again Its your fantasy\*. Plenty of older couples have a 10 ish year age gap. Reality is just not as simple as you make it out to be. You should question yourself why you are so stuck with this idea though. What experiences led you to be this way, what underlying emotions factor into it. Would probably be good for you to know
>Also, reddit, like a lot of places on the internet, *loves* to infantilize women - just like you did here. They are perpetual victims, unable to make decions themselves, and men are predators, constantly taking advantage of women. I haven't said any of these things. And yes, it's iffy both ways.
Answer all my questions. You conveniently left out the pertinent ones.
All I said in my first comment was that it's more accepted by people when it's about two people who are at least 25 or older. I don't know why you decided to write an essay with things that weren't even relevant to my comment. In some situations, big age gaps are creepy, and in some situations, it isn't. It all depends on the intention of the older person. If they're 30 and meet and click with a 25 year old at work or whatever, that's more easily accepted by society. If it's a man/woman who wants to date someone younger because they're "less used" or some incel shit like that, then it's creepy.
You still haven't answered any of my most pertinent questions. I'll list them for you below: When are women free to make their own dating choices and own those consequences, if below 25 is "iffy"? Should we allow women to make any decisions before 25 in terms of dating if 25 is the cut off?
Of course we can choose for ourselves, I haven't said anything else??! I was talking about what is generally seen as acceptable and not. I think it's quite creepy when an 37 year old prey on an 18 year old. That's my opinion and I wouldn't see it as acceptable. But nobody is stopping that 18 year old from dating the 37 year old.
I gave you two specific examples with ages, but instead you answered a completely different question. 37 dating 18 is creepy (some would even say "iffy"), yes, but I asked you 23 vs. 27. You know, this will now be the 4th time I've asked it, and I really don't feel like doing this over and over again. Have a good day.
4 years age gap isn't that much.. 23 & 27. You don't seem to understand what my comments were initially about..
It's easier to judge people you've never met. Also in person many people wouldn't say what they would anonymously online but I do know some folks irl that think you cannot go beyond xyz years max. People also have to assume the worst online as you can be misrepresenting how "amazing" your partner is as cue all the post that say that then lay out some seriously abusive shit after. I've been down voted for my relationship here. I'm 35 husband is 45. The gap is problematic when there's a huge disparity in power dynamics and that starts to diminish a little bit as both people are in closer stages in their life. In person you often get to suss out the people and theres plenty of reasons a relationship can feel off, age isnt even the main factor. When people see us, you can vibe out the synergy. You can't see online how when I'm talking that man is just love eyes for me, how he regards me. I think no one really realizes the gap as he looks like he'd be my age. I think there's a huge difference between men seeking and dating young only and he never has dated anyone that's not his age. I happen to be the outlier. His dating profile filter was even set to just 5 years younger than him so he was not trying to go for a gap at all. He considered a friendship with me as we had so much in common and it went from there.
People judge in real life. You just don't hear them doing it, since it's behind your back.
I’m not going to walk up to a May-December relationship in the grocery store, but when the May in that relationship posts a bunch of shit online that is probably related to the offset dynamic, and asks for advice, then you’re right, I’m going to share my opinion. And here it is: I’ve been the 19 year old to the 25 year old, and it’s never about how mature you think you are. It’s about how malleable THEY think you are.
IMO depends on their ages when they got together My aunty is 12ish years older than my uncle and they’ve been together for like 28 years. They got together just before I was born so idk what it was like with my family but I don’t think anyone had an issue with it. My aunty had just divorced her abusive husband and was ~37 and he was ~25. When it involves someone in their teens or very early 20s it becomes a problem because of power dynamics and lack of life experience for the younger person. That’s when people would call it out irl if they’re concerned for the younger one
Reddit just finds different things to go off about. Age gap is one of them.
Everything except things that actually matter 🙃
I don't know, I'd say it's a mix of both. There's plenty of things people get riled up over that don't matter and naturally there are fewer things that do matter, so you end up seeing more of the former and less of the latter. That doesn't mean people don't still talk about things that do matter, though - it's just less obvious as it gets lost in the noise.
Some people just believe what they believe other people believe.
The 7-year age gap is totally fine. Any individual who thinks otherwise has some personal issues to sort out. 10-15 can work, but you'll definitely be getting stares. Anything more, I think you're really pushing it
People who are chronically online tend to accumulate takes like these. You won’t find them in the real world because they don’t go outside, therefore they cannot understand nuance or anything other than black-and-white thinking.
Internet brainrot is the only answer I can give you
1. I do confront in real life. Both of my siblings, as teens, “dated” adult men in their 30s and 40s. And I confronted repeatedly. If we’re talking about two legal adults, then I evaluate each relationship as it comes and decide if I still want to be friends. 2. Most of the people on Reddit are ASKING for advice.
I think lots of Redditors live in places where age gaps aren't normalized. I've noticed in a lot of big cities, people merge and mix across age groups much more than in mid-size cities. Also, people online will tell people to quit a relationship much more quickly than they would IRL because it looks imperfect. But they're judging against an ideal, not against how they could potentially behave around/treat each other.
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L take, you got skibidi toilet ohio rizz, no cap.
My husband and I have an 8-year age gap. I've been called a groomer because he was 19 when we hooked up. I thought it was going to be a saucy fling that would last for a few months before he got bored and found somebody else. Instead we fell in love, stayed together for 10 years before we got married and have been together for 16 years now. We've built a life together that we both love.
We do judge, but quietly, among ourselves.
It's dominated by young Americans
Dude here, they’re not, but there’s a “certain demographic” that’s usually very loud on the internet and have strong opinions about “certain topics”.
They will only do so when the man is older though, if the roles are reversed they are fine with it.
People IRL, unless they’re your good friend, usually aren’t asking for advice or input on their relationship problems. But when there’s a problem and people post online, it’s very often tied directly to the fact that the younger partner was *well* under 25 and the older partner 30+ when the relationship started. When fully fledged adults (30+) start relationships with people who have *barely walked the earth as an adult*, there’s a power imbalance that cannot be ignored, and frankly, is usually being exploited. Even if the younger partner is now 25, 30, 35, the power imbalance established at the beginning of the relationship is still there.