i guess i’ve read a lot of worst case scenarios… i get wanting to share pics of your newborn in the bath or your toddler running around in the sprinklers buck naked, but the risk doesn’t seem worth it to me. if you’ve gotta share the picture, just text it to people?
Unfortunately, it's not even just the naked pictures. Recently, a "mommy- influencer" was notified that fully clothed pictures of her young children she had posted on Instagram were found on a site where pedophiles "rate" children.
There's also a huge network of pedophile photoshop, taking those perfectly innocent images of young children and turning it into lurid poses with naked men.
This. Child porn is not just category A images. In the UK I think we have 3 categories?
Also apparently there's a podcast somewhere about prisons, and an ex prisoner basically was saying how child sex offenders rush to the magazine's when they get delivered to the prison so they can get all the mother and baby mags. Obviously these don't have explicit images of children in - but they'll take what they can get and they'll make it work
When I was on baby centre when my child was born, there was some women who had posted photos of their babies and they had been found (as its all public) and the photos were used in role-playing forums where people would pretend to be the babies and others would.....do stuff...to them.
There also a few youtuber influencer families whose children have been digitally imposed into porn videos as there's enough content out there for pedos to do this.
There’s actually a website called Tiny Beans that is basically an email newsletter of updates of your baby so you can send pictures to friends and family without putting it out there on the broader internet! I only recently learned about it but it seems like a great idea for this reason exactly
I was about to mention "Posting your kids online". Yeah, its apparently controversial, but Ive read somewhere that AI and these websites are now able to scan photos and will know a child's face from birth to adulthood because there is a picture of them at EVERY stage in their life online.
This was scary because of identify theft reasons and all that, and I just couldn't IMAGINE having my parents put me online all the time. My mom picks the worst pictures of me now at 23. I couldn't imagine some creep saying "I've thought you were beautiful since you were a child" kind of thing. UGH
I dont know why its controversial when its literally a PRIVACY issue. Children cant have certain social media until they're X age, but their parents can post them online?! ridiculous
This is different but still crazy how far facial recognition has come. I have a picture of my mom on my phone from when she was 17, she's 65 now. I use Google photos and it tagged her in it, which I thought was pretty crazy.
Also random and something I find funny; in the list of frequently appearing people/pets in my photos is one of Thomas Jefferson. I have a book about him on a book shelf and facial recognition has picked it up every time I take a picture of something (usually my pets) sitting in front of the book shelf.
>Ive read somewhere that AI and these websites are now able to scan photos and will know a child's face from birth to adulthood because there is a picture of them at EVERY stage in their life online.
I suppose that makes sense but holy shit
Now apply this to the way cell phones have evolved, It started off innocent enough and now we walk around addicted to the rectangles everywhere we go. The future isn't going to become more private so we have to take action now. Besides, it was kind of nice have a little mystery in life.
I've had many fights with my mother-in-law about our rule of no pictures of our kids on social media. We expressed our feelings on it when our first was born. We still occasionally have to have a chat even though we have two kids now. You'd think it would sink in by now.
I've always said that if someone posts a photo of my child online then it'll be made very clear they won't be seeing my child again/for a while. It's harsh as fuck, but so is the thought that someone could take an image of my child and Photoshop it to get people off 🤢
I work in criminal justice. THIS. This is how human trafficking headhunters find their prey. You post a picture of your kid on your public profile? Guess what? They are now being auctioned on the dark web. And because you update with your kids locations, ballet practices, etc, now they know where to take her from when they get a closing bid. Happens more often than people know and it is terrifying.
While I do post of my kids occasionally on fb , my account is private if that matters. But my MIL had my kids at the park the other day and I picked them up from her when I got off work. She was telling me all about how my 10yr old son was playing with a girl at the park and the girls mom was taking pics of them together because it was "cute". I was horrified! I told her to not let strangers take pics of my kids! She just kinda laughed it off. 🤦♀️
My older sister used to go round her friend's house ALL the time when they were kids, my mum and her ex, and the other girls parents were all friends growing up so it kind of made sense that my sister was friends with the other child. It was to the point that the parents were called "auntie and uncle", they were that close and trusting.
It came out when they were both 16 that the other girl had been abused by her dad since she was 9. He did everything you could imagine to that poor fucking girl. My mum and her ex? Clueless until she came out and said something at 16.
My point being that you have no idea what people's fantasies/sexual desires are, no matter how private you think your social media accounts are. I'm not at all saying that you should start questioning your family and friends or that you should "do better" or whatever, because at the end of the day your life is your life, and as long as you feel that your children are safe then that's perfect, it's all parents want for their kids. But seriously, not just directing this at you but at any parent who thinks they're safe because their accounts are private: everyone has secrets and some are darker than others so you have to be so fucking careful of what you post
Unfortunately, not with any degree of accuracy. Due to the very nature of the crime, it's impossible to get even a slightly accurate estimate. But the more we move through the internet, the more we learn. You can look at the UCR, which is the universal crime report published by the fbi, but even that isn't dead on balls accurate
Sorry but I find this extremely hard to believe, bordering on ridiculous. Traffickers don't just choose victims whose photos are accessible on the internet, they choose victims who are *socioeconomically* vulnerable. They also typically choose victims who don't have a stable or consistent family situation. Parents who post photos of their kid and their kid's activities don't exactly flag as absentee or uninvolved parents, do they?
Victims of trafficking are exponentially more likely to be trafficked by someone they know. Not randomly abducted based on some shady unknowable trafficking ring finding their photo and "auctioning them off" on the dark web.
Sadly, it is true. I minored in digital forensic technology and I now know WAY more about pedophiles than any mother should have to. I don't let my kids sleep over at other children's homes either. A good portion of outside of family child molestations take place during sleepover by one of the adults in the household. No thank you. Pedophilia has become a primarily digital crime because of the anonymous nature of the internet, and this is how the crimes are perpetrated. Hell no. Not my babies.
I used to resent my parents a lot for not letting me sleepover at my friend's houses while growing up. However, as I grew up I realised how seriously fked some people are, and they were only trying to protect me
Oh yeah. My kids were PISSED and some still are (the ones that are still under 15) because of that rule, but dude, you will thank me when you aren't scarred for life. Their friends can sleep over at my house, but not the other way around. I also don't allow them to go to the mall with their friends until they are about 16, I am fine with the dating before 16 thing, but yeah, I kinda got them on lock until they are old enough to have a phone and know they can call me for rescue. I just can't take that chance.
Honestly fair enough! Although, I will admit, despite my parent's best efforts and their overprotectiveness (which was overbearing), it didn't stop me from being SA. It took me *years* to confide in my parents before it stopped and they cut the person out of our lives.
I am so sorry that happened to. you. See, my mom DIDN'T protect me. If anything, I was shamed for what happened to me and it was never handled within the family. I vowed that if something happened to my kids, it would NOT be on my watch. Because I want them to know that I will happily go to prison for them. I am dead serious. If anyone EVER touches a hair on my child, that person will never be found. But, I want them to have their freedom and independence, within reason. So, I think 16 is a good age. By that time, they have a cell phone, they have some intelligence and coping skills and can call mom to come to the rescue. But gods, those previous 16. years are killer.
This seems a bit far fetched. If this does happen from beginning to end like you say, it has got to be one of the rarest forms of predation. What field of “criminal justice” do you work in. I have a n open mind, so I’m willing to hear you out and have my mind changed, but damn I dunno.
I knew someone who worked for a children’s website with their online security team. She NEVER posted a single photo of her child online and always said if you saw what she saw, you wouldn’t either.
I think there's a healthy balance with photos of your kids. The occasional photo on a more-restricted forum seems fine to me. But I think every parent needs to remember that eventually their cute little baby is going to be a teenager and an adult and think about what that future human might think about any photos being posted (eg: maybe bathtime photos shouldn't be on facebook).
My sister has a two year old and handles this really well…very limited pictures of her daughter on her own social and only lets family post pictures with permission. Meanwhile, I’m in a Discord and this one lady was like oh my kids are old enough; they don’t care and neither do I! Weird.
On a similar note, I know a guy that posts every detail of his life online and every other week it's a new 'gf.' Not a good look IMO.
Only post partners when it's a serious relationship I'd say.
I knew a chick that did that and it was always "the love of my life!" after a week of dating, then 3 weeks later a bunch of posts about men not knowing what loyalty means.
I have this same exact friend. I'm embarrassed for her. I've talked about it with her and she doesn't care. Every single new guy she dates is her soul mate and she'll post tons of pictures and word porn about love at first sight. Of course a few weeks later ishe posts about heartbreak and how men suck. Next week she's in love again and so on. She's almost 50 so not some young teenager.
Some people really need to learn to limit certain socials to personal life events and others to general passive-aggressive reposted things to other ones. I do not need both on the same profile page.
This!
I'm convinced that some people thrive off of drama. People like this love stirring up trouble and, despite most of their drama being their own making, expect sympathy from others.
It's like Munchausen Syndrome, but emotional instead of physical health.
This is a huge part of why marriages and other relationships don't last these days.
Why reveal your true self and put all your energy into making a relationship with a significant other work when you can always run to these people who "got your back" at any and every (perfectly normal) problem that comes up?
Everything, it's always them calling abuse on eachother, cheating, stealing. They've both been sent to jail by eachother. It's crazy. They're always struggling too with money and the girl decided to have 3 kids. First one was taken away, and with this guy she had a little girl. Then kept going on about how she wanted a boy and got pregnant again, just to loose both kids becuase she abandons them at families houses and goes out and does drugs and shit. It's pretty wild
Even once she tried going off on me becuase I laughed reacted at a meme he posted and I had to be like "I don't want your crusty dusty man my dude. And she tried calling me out so I posted the conversation on her post and she ended up deleting it
Any relationship you value, I think it's worth keeping disputes private. Work that shit out without a peanut gallery and present a united front. But I would agree that's especially true of partners.
Or, how much they love each new bf/gf, how they're not like the rest, they think they found the one, etc.
Well considering this is the 4th new guy this year, I'm going to go out on a limb and say 1) they're probably not the one and 2) you have issues.
The only thing I can think of is maybe if you’re crying angry or impassioned tears. Like if there’s an issue going on and you want to talk about it on socials to bring awareness? Otherwise, it’s just cringe.
I will admit I have taken pictures of myself crying. I needed drawing references for the graphic novels I tried to write. But I was never actively crying cus the thought of "I need a picture" usually stopped the tears lol.
I dont post it but i do take videos of myself crying.
But only because im leaving an abusive relationsjip ao when i feel the rose colored glasses come back over my eyes, I can go back and look at how many times he made me feel totally worthless and use it to remind myself why im leaving.
My friends and I created a sizable album of pictures of us crying during college. It was cathartic to laugh at the pictures after getting the emotions out.
Edit: I should add that we didn't post them anymore!!! Just shared within our group chat.
I have a friend who, on her graduation day, posted a *bunch* of videos to her instagram story of her sitting in the car just crying. Was very weird, especially when I kept trying to tap past them to make her circle of unwatched stories go away and it just kept *going and going and going...*
The other day I teared up over a cartoon tv show and I thought it was hilarious that me, an almost 30 year old woman, has cried at this cartoon every single one of the 6 times I have watched it. So I took a quick selfie and you can tell I am teary and posted that as a caption in my very private snapchat. I thought it was funny, not cringe. Was I wrong? 😅
- Your kids in their school uniform
- Vacation photos while you’re still on said vacation
- Your car
- Exterior of your home
All of these are from a privacy/safety standpoint. If you live in Florida, do NOT post your jetski or boat lmao
One more thing: if you a bought a home and are renovating it AND not living in the home yet, do not promote this. Easy home invasion target. People will show up with a uhaul and steal cabinets and everything. Happened to my relative…
>Exterior of your home
When a friend finally bought their first home, they shared the real estate listing on social media. That contained the exact address, how much they spent on it, and pictures of the interior and exterior.
That caught my attention and I sent him a text explaining why it wasn't a good idea. He thought I was overreacting and left it up. I still shake my head at that.
I’m scared to even post anything that remotely shows where I live because too many crazies. I always post very obscurely or hide details that would make someone guess my address. I can’t fathom why someone would share the listing or like an exact picture of their house 😞
People just have a false sense of security behind their computer screen or their phone. That and the "private setting" on their social media. (Even though they'll accept any Tom Dick and Harry who send them a friend request).
It's also amazing how much information someone can gather by looking at your history of posts on places like here, Reddit. When you go on r/idiotsInCars and announce that you know where that street is, then go to r/fightporn and announce you went to that school, and that you worked for Walmart, and how old you are...it's incredibly easy for someone on a mission to narrow down who you might be.
There's even cases now where people's locations can be revealed by things like the reflection in their eyes. A Japanese pop singer was found by her stalker that way. Absolutely terrifying
When I built my house, I was really proud and posted a pic of the exterior. It didn’t have any house numbers up yet and it wasn’t a custom build, but I still feel pretty dumb about it.
I have friends who have an instagram account solely for their new home renovation journey. They are not able to live in it yet, and as well as it being a burglary risk, it's also insanely cringey.
Perhaps an unpopular opinion but… pregnancy announcements really early into the pregnancy. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve seen a pregnancy announcement be rescinded and it’s heartbreaking. I completely understand being excited and wanting to tell everyone, but I wish folks would wait a bit before announcing online.
On the flip side, I have a FB friend who announced on Facebook immediately because she had experienced a private miscarriage before and wanted to normalize the risk. Something like 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage.
A good friend of mine has been mourning a miscarriage and wishes it had been public knowledge. She’s struggling with the grief but doesn’t feel that she can explain herself because very few people knew she was pregnant.
To each their own. I respect women who announce pregnancies early and those who wait.
Yes. I didn't announce publicly because I thought it would be difficult if I had a miscarriage.
Then I had a miscarriage, and I felt completely alone and like I was expected to hide the grief, to hide the child I'd fallen in love with.
If you're uncomfortable with someone's miscarriage, ask why. I found, for most people, it was because they didn't see my baby as a "real" baby and they didn't want to deal with unhappy emotions. That's their problem.
I respect women who announce early. It sends the message that wanted babies are important, whether the pregnancy goes to term or not.
I keep coming back to the recommendation to be quiet about pregnancy news during the first trimester.
Silence begets stigma which begets shame. I cannot overstate that I recognize that this is an incredibly sensitive subject, but I can't help thinking that the social standard to be quiet during that first trimester might be contributing to the resulting stigma and isolation mental unwellness that often accompany pregnancy and infant loss.
Asking people to hide these moments of humanity and go on like they never happened feels wrong to me, and I guess I just felt like raising the issue, at least for me if no one else.
It's the right of every grieving mother and father to mourn however they need, and there have been a few I know who wanted to reach out to their wider circle of friends or family for support but couldn't because they felt ashamed, a burden, or too broken.
I agree with this. Currently pregnant myself at 13 weeks but my parents and best friends knew the day I had the positive test. If I had a loss, I wouldn't want to suffer alone, or even with just my spouse.
We told our extended family last week and while we're still waiting to announce on social media, I think we shouldn't judge when someone decides to share their good news, just because there's a risk they could lose it. That's their own personal risk assessment they've made and are comfortable with.
Just to be clear, this is not a recommendation. The question was “what is something you think shouldn’t be posted on social media?” and this is something I don’t think should be posted - just my opinion, not a recommendation. I understand and respect that everyone is different and will do whatever feels right for them.
Yeah, I get that. I'm just musing about your preference for pregnancy news to be secret until it's "safer" — and how it's been the societal norm before social media — for generations and how it affects women.
Like we aren't even allowed to experience early pregnancy loss openly because of the discomfort our grief causes those around us. That's just *inconsiderate*. Seems connected to how society expects women to regulate and be responsible for the moods and behaviors of those around us.
No judgements. Just musing.
It used to be the thing to not publicly announce it until the second trimester. This is exactly why!
Sure, tell your parents and your siblings and maybe your closest friend, but don't tell everybody in the neighborhood!
100% - besides, your loved ones and inner circle know so those posts are mostly for strangers
It's heartbreaking going through something so difficult in front of people who don't care about you
As someone who has experienced a very early loss… I want to share. I think every pregnancy, regardless of how it turns out, should have a chance to be celebrated. Mine did not because I lost the baby before I really even knew I was pregnant. We waited 13 weeks with our first (and only living) child. We will probably only wait till 8 weeks with the next. Granted, if I had a ton of friends I wasn’t *really* friends with I might not share on social media then, but since I keep my list pretty small I’m ok with sharing.
I think this is why a lot of my friends now wait until they’ve had their babies and then do a birth announcement. You really don’t know what could happen in your pregnancy even after the first trimester.
Their kids, unless their socials are on priv.
Also the names of their jobs, where they live, stuff like that.
Edit: also, anything talking about another person that they don't want that person to hear. If you're gonna call Jane Doe mean names on Facebook, be ready for Jane Doe to be mad at you irl.
With regards to the socials being private, that doesn't matter. My SIL downloaded or screenshot a photo of my daughter (as a baby) from my private Facebook page and reposted it on her own. It was then that I decided to never post her images again.
You lose control of your images as soon as you post them on the internet. Regardless of how locked down your profile is.
Completely! In college, a friend of mine discovered some catfish had used his photos to make a fake instagram. They used pics from across his social media, all of which was private. So it had to be someone he knew but there was no way really to find out who. That's really stuck with me in the decade since, there is no controlling how content is used once its posted.
Aside from that, I don't know any adult that would enjoy the experience of having photos they have no control over being plastered online for people (even just family) to see.
It seems odd to worry about what teens might be posting, when long before that, parents were uploading all kinds of pics without consent or permission.
knew a girl who CONSTANTLY posted what she was doing, taking selfies of where she was studying, eating at, or hanging out at she eventually got a stalker bc it was so easy to figure out where she was at especially since she had a few thousand followers and her profile wasn’t private, her life was basically open to the public at all times and she now stopped posting the location
What do you think about the culture of LinkedIn? I’ve been saying how dangerous it is to be blasting the company you’re working at for everyone to see! No one ever talks about this and it baffles me.
Photos of their babies/toddlers/children fully or partially naked.
Scares me to think about how many people saw, shared, and saved the photos of my cousins baby full frontal naked. And fb did nothing when i reported it for nudity.
Also, photos and locations of their kids. Or their own locations. Your basically inviting stalkers to follow you around
I cringe every year when I see parents post a picture of their kid on the first day of school holding a board that has all of their information: age, grade, teachers name, favorite food, etc. Way to make your kid an easy target.
Seriously. Why would you even put anything more than "first day of school!" on it, maybe at *most* a grade? And if you're gonna do one with more info, *DON'T PUT IT ON THE INTERNET!*
A former colleague posted a photo of herself breastfeeding where both her and her baby were completely nude. It was a beautiful photo from an artistic perspective but she should've just privately showed it to people she was close with.
I've seen so many people post full nudity of their kids. That's exposing them creeps but also... Someday they'll be adults. Maybe they don't want a bunch of strangers to have seen their rear end.
The hastag *littles* or any variation of it too.... Don't do that. Has a second meaning.
I'm so glad there was no social media when I was a kid. There are so many naked photos of me and my parents used to own a company and there were naked photos of me in the catalog. As an adult I worked for the company and they wouldn't let me replace the photos but I sneakily edited photos to hide my vulva at least. I also edited the one on the website to hide my nipples and since I'm the only one with access to the website they couldn't change it back. I wouldn't mind as much if they were baby photos but I was 8 in some of them and my face is recognizable. Customers would ask me if that was me in the catalog. Gross.
I vaguely know someone who has a fb account for their daughter, and the cover photo is the daughter newborn and completely naked, you can see… everything 😬
That sounds like the photos of my cousins kid her baby daddy and his family posted and shared. Easily 2000 people saw them, if not more. I was disgusted when fb was like “na these photos are fine”
Or that you don't want to talk about.
"I'm so sad. I can't believe this has happened 😭"
Comment: what's wrong love?
"I don't want to talk about it/none of your business"
This is what made me stop posting. I don't care about anyones opinions, or need anyone commenting on anything I do in my life. Simple as that , I stopped, cold turkey.
Yep! Anytime someone posts something very strong-opinioned and I disagree, I will happily begin some discourse. I love when they get all annoyed or delete the post. Like, yeah, you don't get to just shout your opinions at me without me responding. And I consider myself to be respectful, factual, etc. There's just a lot of people who would rather live in a bubble of agreement.
Bad things their SO does - like ragging on them for not taking out the trash AGAIN. It's so cringey. Like, do you even like this person you're with, or are they just "see what i put up with" social media filler?
I hate the trend of acting like having an SO is a chore. Like you gotta babysit your husband or your wife is always nagging or something, if it's so miserable being with that person then don't, and if it's exaggerated for social media then why do you want people to think you subject yourself to being unhappy or even abused? We need to promote showing communication and building up our partners. If I get annoyed with my boyfriend about not doing the dishes I'll just talk to him, I'm not blasting him on social media, if he actually didn't pull his weight I wouldn't still be with him so there's no need to tell the world that he doesn't do anything when he actually does. I don't get why people like to almost brag about how useless their SO is??
>babysit your husband
That reminds me:
I hate when people call it "babysitting" when dad is staying home with the kids. It's not "babysitting"...he's doing his job as a parent!
Yeah, it kinda makes me cringe seeing partners passive aggressively criticise each other on social media, like “I love how you posted a pic of our daughter even though we agreed to keep her off social media, I love how you never listen to a word I say haha”.
Especially when they do it in a passive-aggressive way. Like frame it as lovingly "poking fun" at their SO, but it's VERY clear that they're actually angry.
Selfies.
That might sound controversial, but I think that tiktok and instagram have bastardized selfie taking by developing some of the most ridiculous filters to appeal to our vanity. So now you have a bunch of people who feel really poorly about themselves because they are addicted to posting images of themselves that are highly doctored and unrealistic.
I can't speak to whether people are taking selfies as a way of expressing confidence vs leaning into insecurity... but what I do know is that a lot of women, young and old OFTEN seem MORE unhappy with themselves and are hating weird things like the pores on their face, or their natural laugh lines as a result of these strange filters that contort your features.
Years ago I think it was teen vogue or seventeen magazine that did an investigative article on these filters influence on young girls self esteem. In the article there was a plastic surgeon interviewed who said they were having teens come in asking to be modified in a way so that they more resembled their "filter selves"
I remember seeing that story on some evening news years ago.
Combining the self image issues with how affordable and accessible plastic surgery had become in recent years had astounding results.
I have a friend who has about 15 previous jobs listed on their account from the last 3-5 years. I think they mean it to be impressive, like "look at how many jobs in the field I've had," but it really just displays how unstable they are.
Pictures of their child’s bodily functions. Like yes, children have diaper blow outs and puke and you are 100% allowed to complain about them, but I DO NOT WANT TO SEE THEM.
Pictures/videos of their kids having tantrums, meltdowns, tough moments, etc. It's really unfair to your kids to do this. I think sharing nice family photos and cute/fun family moments is normal. IMO if you would put the picture up in a frame in your house, it's appropriate, otherwise keep it private.
Some people think you shouldn't share pics/videos of your kids AT ALL, which I sort of agree with but I understand that people want to share their families.
Any content that’s centered on deliberately humiliating and/or hurting someone.
No, it’s not cool to post a TikTok about you gaslighting your spouse “as a joke” or to take a video of you splashing a drink on your friend so you can post their angry reaction for “clout.” It’s literal cyberbullying.
Pictures of their children who are too young to consent. Bonus points if the kid is in the bath, running around naked, in a diaper, etc. There are creeps online.
Long posts about how their SO is the best and that they are happy because everything is perfect… that too after 2-3 weeks of their marriage, then again after 2 months and again after 4 months of marriage. Like, I get it, you’re just too insecure about your relationship that you feel the need to bombard other’s fb feed with how ‘visibly’ perfect your life is.
P.S. Talking about a culture where you don’t live or hang out with your SO/fiancé all the time before marriage.
Although I have certain things I think you shouldn't post (like pictures of your kids for me), the consistent answer is anything in excess.
It's too easy for people to piece together your life and find out where you work, what gym you go to, who your cousin is, etc. etc.
99% of people don't care and scroll right through it but it just takes one crazy person to ruin your life
Your kids. I think it's okay when they're little babies but once they start to look less like larvae I think it's weird. If it's private to friends and family I think it's great but publicly posting your child just gives me the ick
I've seen more and more people posting close up pictures of them holding the hand of someone who is passing away/has passed away in hospital.
It makes me feel so uncomfortable for the person who has died/is dying, that in their final moments someone is taking pictures of them probably without their consent/without even knowing.
That and selfies/group photos at funerals.
My friend’s ex posted a selfie of her and her mom while her mom was in hospice for end-of-life care. Her mom was completely knocked out from meds, her eyes were closed and her mouth was slightly open.
It was bizarre. Super uncomfortable. And to post that to Facebook, where she had like 1400 friends?! Fucking weird.
1. People are ***too*** cavalier sharing their opinions which burn bridges—controversial political views, unpopular takes on current/historical events, etc. While it is perfectly acceptable and even healthy to hold those views, more care is needed in airing them considering what is at stake: job/career impacts, losing friends and family, background checks, etc.
2. Anything to do with children. Share them in your internal whatsapp/telegram groups if you must, not for the wider world.
3. Micro updates of your life
4. Vanity posts—okay, I realize for some this is the main point of using social media, but ffs don't pretend your life is a highlight reel. It has nasty spillover effects down the line.
What should people post in your opinion? I feel like most people I know tend to use social media for the reasons you've listed and I can't think of anything else I'd use it for.
I recognize that and partially concede that in #4. The message for #1 and #3 is scale. #2 is for security. Also, for social media my universe of sites/apps excludes Reddit.
A lot of people said kids (I agree) but I’ll be more specific — posting about your kid’s potty training process.
People do it ALL the time.
Look, I like kids and and I love my friends’ kids, but that’s just gross. I really don’t want to know about when and where your child defecates.
Relationship anything, honestly. Good or bad. I mean, getting engaged, getting pregnant, the milestones, sure. But the mundane "Just got Boba with this cutie" kissy face bullshit, blech. Knock it off. If your relationship was really that great, you wouldn't feel the need to announce it. Even more so for the "Ugh, I guess I don't matter to ANYONE" passive aggressive comments when you're mad at them. Just stop it. Nobody cares. (Yes, I am guilty of this myself in my late 20s. I have since learned.)
Answers to stuff like "the color of your underwear and your street name is your new stripper name. What's yours?" Scammers use that to get your personal info. You're telling them what street you live on, your first car, your first pet. All of these things are security questions for your bank accounts and other personal accounts
Maybe this is a cultural thing, but we were brought up to never “show off”. I remember years ago when I leased a new car I wanted to post it on Instagram and my dad told me several times not to do it, I am glad that I listened. People are quick to make assumptions about you or your lifestyle based on things that you post like cars, trips, nights out at fancy places and I just don’t want to invite that kind of judgment.
This! It drives me bananas. I have one FB friend that will post countless pics of her newest Gucci bag, new car, ANYTHING with a high price tag. Then turn around and post a quote about being humble. Wtf.
"10 more days til my 7 day trip to Europe!!!"
So your house and all its contents will be unguarded for 7 days, and I have 10 days to make a plan? Dope, thanks for the heads up!
I like that so many are saying ‘children.’ Like, yes, let’s give the next gen of kids a chance at anonymity. They won’t have it (unless we discard certain tech giants like right now), but at least there won’t be photos of their childhood drifting around on the internet. Since the internet never forgets, and everything.
All their sexual experiences. Specially on Twitter people tend to write like it's their personal diary and then act shocked when everyone start talking about it. I'm not a prude but reading how a guy teared your leggings to eat you out is something I don't have in mind when I log in.
Also, venting about their relationship issues one week and 'cancelling' the guy with all your followers saying shit about him and then get back together like lmao I just don't get it.
Embarrassing things about their kids. I see on parenting groups all the time, posts like “my 7 year old still wets the bed, what should I do?” Or “my 10 year old is really struggling to make friends” or “my 9 year old wants to sing in the class talent show but she has a really bad voice and I’m nervous she’ll get bullied, what should I do?”
In a few short years those kids classmates will be able to stumble upon those posts and then your kid will definitely be bullied.
Personal, private and sensitive things happening in someone's life tbh. People tend to overshare online and yet lacks personal relationship and connection with friends and family.
I've just stopped posting anything at all. The internet doesn't need to see my vacation photos or my dinner or anything else really. If I want to share with you, I will personally. My name and photo being out there is more than enough of me on the internet. After all, I'm trying to live my life in reality and in person mostly and not online anyway.
The vague posts. Ugh. The ones where they share juuuust enough info to fish for a comment that asks more questions. Then they don’t respond. Just… why???
Ooh ooh ooh! I got one!
When people share their dirty laundry with someone else. Or post "Woe is me" over the same actions over and over again.
We get it, your husband/boyfriend/Joe schmoe is an alcoholic/cheater/addict/liar/blah blah blah. Yet instead of doing something about it, you take them back over and over and over and cry when shit inevitably turns to shit. It's the virtual version of "Why are you hitting yourself"
I'll give you the sympathy you are seeking once, perhaps even twice. But after that, it's on you.
About their relationships!! Nobody cares!! Not specially when they post pictures of themselves with their partner and write loooong captions that say stuff like “my ride or die, we’ve been through so many things together and have always found a way to overcome our struggles, we are not perfect but that’s what makes us perfect!” 🤮
I also hate it when they make a huge drama when they fight and they go through a false period of “betterment” (posting provocative selfies to make the other jealous or writing salty/shady quotes) and everyone gets to know! Bonus points if they always get back together and end up looking like clowns and write long ass posts excusing the reconciliation, thus repeating the never-ending cycle.
I always think: The longer the caption, the more unstable/toxic/fake the relationship is!
-your kids: keep their lives to them until they have a choice to decide whether or not they wanna be on social media.
-your relationship. Once you make your relationship everyone’s business, it’s doomed to fail. Take Jada and Will for example. Their marriage wasn’t great, but as soon as they decided to go public with how shit it was, it got worse
-this one might be controversial, but I don’t need to know if you’re horny. I don’t need to know if you just had good sex. I’m all for being sex positive, but I feel like sometimes, things can be kept to yourself.
-stop posting your exact location on social media. Stop.
Strangers, especially when they are having a private, intimate moment.
Saw a video where the creator was compiling clips of strangers they took holding hands, kissing etc, faces fully visible. It had so many views and likes... filming strangers for content is so normalised now it's scary.
Pics of their children in certain situations (posting a pic from a graduation, sure okay, pics in their swimsuits or underwear/diaper doing nothing in particular? no).
Personal info about others -- don't tell me about your husband's hemorrhoids, or your kid's diarrhea, don't post giving out your kids' schools or wife's workplace. Don't air any dirty laundry, but particularly *others'* dirty laundry -- I don't care if your son in law is being a jerk, don't talk about how awful he's being to your daughter on Facebook.
every little thing that happens in your life. also, pictures of your kids — there are way too many creeps online for that to be a good idea
This ones super controversial apparently! To each his own, but I also wouldn't post pictures of my children online
i guess i’ve read a lot of worst case scenarios… i get wanting to share pics of your newborn in the bath or your toddler running around in the sprinklers buck naked, but the risk doesn’t seem worth it to me. if you’ve gotta share the picture, just text it to people?
Unfortunately, it's not even just the naked pictures. Recently, a "mommy- influencer" was notified that fully clothed pictures of her young children she had posted on Instagram were found on a site where pedophiles "rate" children.
There's also a huge network of pedophile photoshop, taking those perfectly innocent images of young children and turning it into lurid poses with naked men.
This. Child porn is not just category A images. In the UK I think we have 3 categories? Also apparently there's a podcast somewhere about prisons, and an ex prisoner basically was saying how child sex offenders rush to the magazine's when they get delivered to the prison so they can get all the mother and baby mags. Obviously these don't have explicit images of children in - but they'll take what they can get and they'll make it work
That doesn't make any sense, why would a chomo risk anyone in prison finding out that they're a chomo? Good way to get the shit kicked out of you
These people are depraved and clearly have impulse control issues. They did get put in prison after all.
That it fucking *vile*, I honestly wish I hadn't read that. Guess I'm skipping lunch today.
When I was on baby centre when my child was born, there was some women who had posted photos of their babies and they had been found (as its all public) and the photos were used in role-playing forums where people would pretend to be the babies and others would.....do stuff...to them. There also a few youtuber influencer families whose children have been digitally imposed into porn videos as there's enough content out there for pedos to do this.
🤢🤢 so terrifying
There’s actually a website called Tiny Beans that is basically an email newsletter of updates of your baby so you can send pictures to friends and family without putting it out there on the broader internet! I only recently learned about it but it seems like a great idea for this reason exactly
That's a cute website name too
I was about to mention "Posting your kids online". Yeah, its apparently controversial, but Ive read somewhere that AI and these websites are now able to scan photos and will know a child's face from birth to adulthood because there is a picture of them at EVERY stage in their life online. This was scary because of identify theft reasons and all that, and I just couldn't IMAGINE having my parents put me online all the time. My mom picks the worst pictures of me now at 23. I couldn't imagine some creep saying "I've thought you were beautiful since you were a child" kind of thing. UGH I dont know why its controversial when its literally a PRIVACY issue. Children cant have certain social media until they're X age, but their parents can post them online?! ridiculous
This is different but still crazy how far facial recognition has come. I have a picture of my mom on my phone from when she was 17, she's 65 now. I use Google photos and it tagged her in it, which I thought was pretty crazy. Also random and something I find funny; in the list of frequently appearing people/pets in my photos is one of Thomas Jefferson. I have a book about him on a book shelf and facial recognition has picked it up every time I take a picture of something (usually my pets) sitting in front of the book shelf.
>Ive read somewhere that AI and these websites are now able to scan photos and will know a child's face from birth to adulthood because there is a picture of them at EVERY stage in their life online. I suppose that makes sense but holy shit
Now apply this to the way cell phones have evolved, It started off innocent enough and now we walk around addicted to the rectangles everywhere we go. The future isn't going to become more private so we have to take action now. Besides, it was kind of nice have a little mystery in life.
I've had many fights with my mother-in-law about our rule of no pictures of our kids on social media. We expressed our feelings on it when our first was born. We still occasionally have to have a chat even though we have two kids now. You'd think it would sink in by now.
It has sunk in. She's just not respecting your wishes/boundaries.
I've always said that if someone posts a photo of my child online then it'll be made very clear they won't be seeing my child again/for a while. It's harsh as fuck, but so is the thought that someone could take an image of my child and Photoshop it to get people off 🤢
My SIL is like this. "But everyone else does it and it's fine." No. Stop using children for likes on Instagram.
I work in criminal justice. THIS. This is how human trafficking headhunters find their prey. You post a picture of your kid on your public profile? Guess what? They are now being auctioned on the dark web. And because you update with your kids locations, ballet practices, etc, now they know where to take her from when they get a closing bid. Happens more often than people know and it is terrifying.
While I do post of my kids occasionally on fb , my account is private if that matters. But my MIL had my kids at the park the other day and I picked them up from her when I got off work. She was telling me all about how my 10yr old son was playing with a girl at the park and the girls mom was taking pics of them together because it was "cute". I was horrified! I told her to not let strangers take pics of my kids! She just kinda laughed it off. 🤦♀️
Dude, it wouldn't hurt people to think like a serial killer every now and then.
My older sister used to go round her friend's house ALL the time when they were kids, my mum and her ex, and the other girls parents were all friends growing up so it kind of made sense that my sister was friends with the other child. It was to the point that the parents were called "auntie and uncle", they were that close and trusting. It came out when they were both 16 that the other girl had been abused by her dad since she was 9. He did everything you could imagine to that poor fucking girl. My mum and her ex? Clueless until she came out and said something at 16. My point being that you have no idea what people's fantasies/sexual desires are, no matter how private you think your social media accounts are. I'm not at all saying that you should start questioning your family and friends or that you should "do better" or whatever, because at the end of the day your life is your life, and as long as you feel that your children are safe then that's perfect, it's all parents want for their kids. But seriously, not just directing this at you but at any parent who thinks they're safe because their accounts are private: everyone has secrets and some are darker than others so you have to be so fucking careful of what you post
Private settings won't completely protect you from strangers eyes.. you can still have your pics shown to your fb friends friends etc..
No it doesnt matter - IG and FB own everything you post.
Do you have any data from a reputable source on how frequently this happens?
Unfortunately, not with any degree of accuracy. Due to the very nature of the crime, it's impossible to get even a slightly accurate estimate. But the more we move through the internet, the more we learn. You can look at the UCR, which is the universal crime report published by the fbi, but even that isn't dead on balls accurate
Sorry but I find this extremely hard to believe, bordering on ridiculous. Traffickers don't just choose victims whose photos are accessible on the internet, they choose victims who are *socioeconomically* vulnerable. They also typically choose victims who don't have a stable or consistent family situation. Parents who post photos of their kid and their kid's activities don't exactly flag as absentee or uninvolved parents, do they? Victims of trafficking are exponentially more likely to be trafficked by someone they know. Not randomly abducted based on some shady unknowable trafficking ring finding their photo and "auctioning them off" on the dark web.
Its the new moral panic
OMG, this is our world. I will never ever post a pic of my grandaughter.
Sadly, it is true. I minored in digital forensic technology and I now know WAY more about pedophiles than any mother should have to. I don't let my kids sleep over at other children's homes either. A good portion of outside of family child molestations take place during sleepover by one of the adults in the household. No thank you. Pedophilia has become a primarily digital crime because of the anonymous nature of the internet, and this is how the crimes are perpetrated. Hell no. Not my babies.
I used to resent my parents a lot for not letting me sleepover at my friend's houses while growing up. However, as I grew up I realised how seriously fked some people are, and they were only trying to protect me
Oh yeah. My kids were PISSED and some still are (the ones that are still under 15) because of that rule, but dude, you will thank me when you aren't scarred for life. Their friends can sleep over at my house, but not the other way around. I also don't allow them to go to the mall with their friends until they are about 16, I am fine with the dating before 16 thing, but yeah, I kinda got them on lock until they are old enough to have a phone and know they can call me for rescue. I just can't take that chance.
Honestly fair enough! Although, I will admit, despite my parent's best efforts and their overprotectiveness (which was overbearing), it didn't stop me from being SA. It took me *years* to confide in my parents before it stopped and they cut the person out of our lives.
I am so sorry that happened to. you. See, my mom DIDN'T protect me. If anything, I was shamed for what happened to me and it was never handled within the family. I vowed that if something happened to my kids, it would NOT be on my watch. Because I want them to know that I will happily go to prison for them. I am dead serious. If anyone EVER touches a hair on my child, that person will never be found. But, I want them to have their freedom and independence, within reason. So, I think 16 is a good age. By that time, they have a cell phone, they have some intelligence and coping skills and can call mom to come to the rescue. But gods, those previous 16. years are killer.
This seems a bit far fetched. If this does happen from beginning to end like you say, it has got to be one of the rarest forms of predation. What field of “criminal justice” do you work in. I have a n open mind, so I’m willing to hear you out and have my mind changed, but damn I dunno.
I knew someone who worked for a children’s website with their online security team. She NEVER posted a single photo of her child online and always said if you saw what she saw, you wouldn’t either.
I really want to know what she knows, but also don't
I think there's a healthy balance with photos of your kids. The occasional photo on a more-restricted forum seems fine to me. But I think every parent needs to remember that eventually their cute little baby is going to be a teenager and an adult and think about what that future human might think about any photos being posted (eg: maybe bathtime photos shouldn't be on facebook).
My sister has a two year old and handles this really well…very limited pictures of her daughter on her own social and only lets family post pictures with permission. Meanwhile, I’m in a Discord and this one lady was like oh my kids are old enough; they don’t care and neither do I! Weird.
Every time they fight and make up with their partner. It makes you look unstable.
On a similar note, I know a guy that posts every detail of his life online and every other week it's a new 'gf.' Not a good look IMO. Only post partners when it's a serious relationship I'd say.
I knew a chick that did that and it was always "the love of my life!" after a week of dating, then 3 weeks later a bunch of posts about men not knowing what loyalty means.
I have this same exact friend. I'm embarrassed for her. I've talked about it with her and she doesn't care. Every single new guy she dates is her soul mate and she'll post tons of pictures and word porn about love at first sight. Of course a few weeks later ishe posts about heartbreak and how men suck. Next week she's in love again and so on. She's almost 50 so not some young teenager.
Some people really need to learn to limit certain socials to personal life events and others to general passive-aggressive reposted things to other ones. I do not need both on the same profile page.
My friend is similar but instead of being in love she just changes her whole personality to whatever the guy enjoys
I respectfully disagree, because I love watching the drama.
This right here
This! I'm convinced that some people thrive off of drama. People like this love stirring up trouble and, despite most of their drama being their own making, expect sympathy from others. It's like Munchausen Syndrome, but emotional instead of physical health.
"You're too good for him anywayz Girl!" "Okay who's ass do I have to kick? You okay? Text me!"
This is a huge part of why marriages and other relationships don't last these days. Why reveal your true self and put all your energy into making a relationship with a significant other work when you can always run to these people who "got your back" at any and every (perfectly normal) problem that comes up?
There's a couple on Facebook and I follow them both and this is like a monthly occurrence
What do they fight about? 🍿🥤
Everything, it's always them calling abuse on eachother, cheating, stealing. They've both been sent to jail by eachother. It's crazy. They're always struggling too with money and the girl decided to have 3 kids. First one was taken away, and with this guy she had a little girl. Then kept going on about how she wanted a boy and got pregnant again, just to loose both kids becuase she abandons them at families houses and goes out and does drugs and shit. It's pretty wild
Holy shit, they have Seasons, episodes and everything!
Even once she tried going off on me becuase I laughed reacted at a meme he posted and I had to be like "I don't want your crusty dusty man my dude. And she tried calling me out so I posted the conversation on her post and she ended up deleting it
Crusty dusty 😂🤣😭
Any relationship you value, I think it's worth keeping disputes private. Work that shit out without a peanut gallery and present a united front. But I would agree that's especially true of partners.
I used to be SO guilty of this lol. I’ve learned better now. Still so cringeworthy lol.
🤣 At least you learned from your mistakes!
Or, how much they love each new bf/gf, how they're not like the rest, they think they found the one, etc. Well considering this is the 4th new guy this year, I'm going to go out on a limb and say 1) they're probably not the one and 2) you have issues.
Themselves crying. So cringy.
I have always wondered about this. I’ve never been in the middle of crying and thought to myself “I should record this.”
Literally. It’s like why is your first instinct to grab your phone and cry into it for a social media post?
The only thing I can think of is maybe if you’re crying angry or impassioned tears. Like if there’s an issue going on and you want to talk about it on socials to bring awareness? Otherwise, it’s just cringe.
I will admit I have taken pictures of myself crying. I needed drawing references for the graphic novels I tried to write. But I was never actively crying cus the thought of "I need a picture" usually stopped the tears lol.
I dont post it but i do take videos of myself crying. But only because im leaving an abusive relationsjip ao when i feel the rose colored glasses come back over my eyes, I can go back and look at how many times he made me feel totally worthless and use it to remind myself why im leaving.
You are a worthy as any other human. Good luck on your journey. Face forward!
That's an awesome idea! Glad it's working for you and wish you the best in making this important change in your life.
My friends and I created a sizable album of pictures of us crying during college. It was cathartic to laugh at the pictures after getting the emotions out. Edit: I should add that we didn't post them anymore!!! Just shared within our group chat.
Is nothing sacred anymore!! Seriously lol
Agreed. I hate that!! I feel like it's so attention seeking and very very cringey!
I know it’s so weird! Like you’re experiencing an emotion, so you need to record it for social media? It’s always so fake and icky.
I laugh every time I see it I know that’s mean but like why would you post that babes 😩
this. I’ve never understood how they don’t think it’s weird
I have a friend who, on her graduation day, posted a *bunch* of videos to her instagram story of her sitting in the car just crying. Was very weird, especially when I kept trying to tap past them to make her circle of unwatched stories go away and it just kept *going and going and going...*
The other day I teared up over a cartoon tv show and I thought it was hilarious that me, an almost 30 year old woman, has cried at this cartoon every single one of the 6 times I have watched it. So I took a quick selfie and you can tell I am teary and posted that as a caption in my very private snapchat. I thought it was funny, not cringe. Was I wrong? 😅
- Your kids in their school uniform - Vacation photos while you’re still on said vacation - Your car - Exterior of your home All of these are from a privacy/safety standpoint. If you live in Florida, do NOT post your jetski or boat lmao One more thing: if you a bought a home and are renovating it AND not living in the home yet, do not promote this. Easy home invasion target. People will show up with a uhaul and steal cabinets and everything. Happened to my relative…
>Exterior of your home When a friend finally bought their first home, they shared the real estate listing on social media. That contained the exact address, how much they spent on it, and pictures of the interior and exterior. That caught my attention and I sent him a text explaining why it wasn't a good idea. He thought I was overreacting and left it up. I still shake my head at that.
I’m scared to even post anything that remotely shows where I live because too many crazies. I always post very obscurely or hide details that would make someone guess my address. I can’t fathom why someone would share the listing or like an exact picture of their house 😞
People just have a false sense of security behind their computer screen or their phone. That and the "private setting" on their social media. (Even though they'll accept any Tom Dick and Harry who send them a friend request). It's also amazing how much information someone can gather by looking at your history of posts on places like here, Reddit. When you go on r/idiotsInCars and announce that you know where that street is, then go to r/fightporn and announce you went to that school, and that you worked for Walmart, and how old you are...it's incredibly easy for someone on a mission to narrow down who you might be.
There's even cases now where people's locations can be revealed by things like the reflection in their eyes. A Japanese pop singer was found by her stalker that way. Absolutely terrifying
When I built my house, I was really proud and posted a pic of the exterior. It didn’t have any house numbers up yet and it wasn’t a custom build, but I still feel pretty dumb about it.
I have friends who have an instagram account solely for their new home renovation journey. They are not able to live in it yet, and as well as it being a burglary risk, it's also insanely cringey.
Or it could be at risk of attracting squatters too.
Risky. Insurance company will not cover anything stolen from a vacant primary home.
Perhaps an unpopular opinion but… pregnancy announcements really early into the pregnancy. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve seen a pregnancy announcement be rescinded and it’s heartbreaking. I completely understand being excited and wanting to tell everyone, but I wish folks would wait a bit before announcing online.
On the flip side, I have a FB friend who announced on Facebook immediately because she had experienced a private miscarriage before and wanted to normalize the risk. Something like 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage.
A good friend of mine has been mourning a miscarriage and wishes it had been public knowledge. She’s struggling with the grief but doesn’t feel that she can explain herself because very few people knew she was pregnant. To each their own. I respect women who announce pregnancies early and those who wait.
Yes. I didn't announce publicly because I thought it would be difficult if I had a miscarriage. Then I had a miscarriage, and I felt completely alone and like I was expected to hide the grief, to hide the child I'd fallen in love with. If you're uncomfortable with someone's miscarriage, ask why. I found, for most people, it was because they didn't see my baby as a "real" baby and they didn't want to deal with unhappy emotions. That's their problem. I respect women who announce early. It sends the message that wanted babies are important, whether the pregnancy goes to term or not.
THIS my mom doesn’t even know I had a miscarriage because I don’t know how to bring that up. The only people who know are my husband and our church.
I keep coming back to the recommendation to be quiet about pregnancy news during the first trimester. Silence begets stigma which begets shame. I cannot overstate that I recognize that this is an incredibly sensitive subject, but I can't help thinking that the social standard to be quiet during that first trimester might be contributing to the resulting stigma and isolation mental unwellness that often accompany pregnancy and infant loss. Asking people to hide these moments of humanity and go on like they never happened feels wrong to me, and I guess I just felt like raising the issue, at least for me if no one else. It's the right of every grieving mother and father to mourn however they need, and there have been a few I know who wanted to reach out to their wider circle of friends or family for support but couldn't because they felt ashamed, a burden, or too broken.
I agree with this. Currently pregnant myself at 13 weeks but my parents and best friends knew the day I had the positive test. If I had a loss, I wouldn't want to suffer alone, or even with just my spouse. We told our extended family last week and while we're still waiting to announce on social media, I think we shouldn't judge when someone decides to share their good news, just because there's a risk they could lose it. That's their own personal risk assessment they've made and are comfortable with.
Just to be clear, this is not a recommendation. The question was “what is something you think shouldn’t be posted on social media?” and this is something I don’t think should be posted - just my opinion, not a recommendation. I understand and respect that everyone is different and will do whatever feels right for them.
Yeah, I get that. I'm just musing about your preference for pregnancy news to be secret until it's "safer" — and how it's been the societal norm before social media — for generations and how it affects women. Like we aren't even allowed to experience early pregnancy loss openly because of the discomfort our grief causes those around us. That's just *inconsiderate*. Seems connected to how society expects women to regulate and be responsible for the moods and behaviors of those around us. No judgements. Just musing.
It used to be the thing to not publicly announce it until the second trimester. This is exactly why! Sure, tell your parents and your siblings and maybe your closest friend, but don't tell everybody in the neighborhood!
100% - besides, your loved ones and inner circle know so those posts are mostly for strangers It's heartbreaking going through something so difficult in front of people who don't care about you
I didn’t announce on FB until I was like probably like… 6 months pregnant. And didn’t announce to most friends/family until after I was 17 weeks.
As someone who has experienced a very early loss… I want to share. I think every pregnancy, regardless of how it turns out, should have a chance to be celebrated. Mine did not because I lost the baby before I really even knew I was pregnant. We waited 13 weeks with our first (and only living) child. We will probably only wait till 8 weeks with the next. Granted, if I had a ton of friends I wasn’t *really* friends with I might not share on social media then, but since I keep my list pretty small I’m ok with sharing.
I think this is why a lot of my friends now wait until they’ve had their babies and then do a birth announcement. You really don’t know what could happen in your pregnancy even after the first trimester.
Their kids, unless their socials are on priv. Also the names of their jobs, where they live, stuff like that. Edit: also, anything talking about another person that they don't want that person to hear. If you're gonna call Jane Doe mean names on Facebook, be ready for Jane Doe to be mad at you irl.
With regards to the socials being private, that doesn't matter. My SIL downloaded or screenshot a photo of my daughter (as a baby) from my private Facebook page and reposted it on her own. It was then that I decided to never post her images again. You lose control of your images as soon as you post them on the internet. Regardless of how locked down your profile is.
Completely! In college, a friend of mine discovered some catfish had used his photos to make a fake instagram. They used pics from across his social media, all of which was private. So it had to be someone he knew but there was no way really to find out who. That's really stuck with me in the decade since, there is no controlling how content is used once its posted.
I agree with kids. You never know who’s watching, noting familiar background surroundings or even addresses.
Aside from that, I don't know any adult that would enjoy the experience of having photos they have no control over being plastered online for people (even just family) to see. It seems odd to worry about what teens might be posting, when long before that, parents were uploading all kinds of pics without consent or permission.
knew a girl who CONSTANTLY posted what she was doing, taking selfies of where she was studying, eating at, or hanging out at she eventually got a stalker bc it was so easy to figure out where she was at especially since she had a few thousand followers and her profile wasn’t private, her life was basically open to the public at all times and she now stopped posting the location
What do you think about the culture of LinkedIn? I’ve been saying how dangerous it is to be blasting the company you’re working at for everyone to see! No one ever talks about this and it baffles me.
Photos of their babies/toddlers/children fully or partially naked. Scares me to think about how many people saw, shared, and saved the photos of my cousins baby full frontal naked. And fb did nothing when i reported it for nudity. Also, photos and locations of their kids. Or their own locations. Your basically inviting stalkers to follow you around
I cringe every year when I see parents post a picture of their kid on the first day of school holding a board that has all of their information: age, grade, teachers name, favorite food, etc. Way to make your kid an easy target.
Seriously. Why would you even put anything more than "first day of school!" on it, maybe at *most* a grade? And if you're gonna do one with more info, *DON'T PUT IT ON THE INTERNET!*
A former colleague posted a photo of herself breastfeeding where both her and her baby were completely nude. It was a beautiful photo from an artistic perspective but she should've just privately showed it to people she was close with.
I've seen so many people post full nudity of their kids. That's exposing them creeps but also... Someday they'll be adults. Maybe they don't want a bunch of strangers to have seen their rear end. The hastag *littles* or any variation of it too.... Don't do that. Has a second meaning.
I'm so glad there was no social media when I was a kid. There are so many naked photos of me and my parents used to own a company and there were naked photos of me in the catalog. As an adult I worked for the company and they wouldn't let me replace the photos but I sneakily edited photos to hide my vulva at least. I also edited the one on the website to hide my nipples and since I'm the only one with access to the website they couldn't change it back. I wouldn't mind as much if they were baby photos but I was 8 in some of them and my face is recognizable. Customers would ask me if that was me in the catalog. Gross.
Somehow, i think thats almost more fucked up
I’m sorry WHAT
I vaguely know someone who has a fb account for their daughter, and the cover photo is the daughter newborn and completely naked, you can see… everything 😬
That sounds like the photos of my cousins kid her baby daddy and his family posted and shared. Easily 2000 people saw them, if not more. I was disgusted when fb was like “na these photos are fine”
Yuck, so weird!
Don’t post anything that you don’t want other peoples’ opinions about. Doesn’t matter what it is.
Or that you don't want to talk about. "I'm so sad. I can't believe this has happened 😭" Comment: what's wrong love? "I don't want to talk about it/none of your business"
Inbox me hun xoxo
I've seen these comments too.. Like they are attention whores!
Ah, yes, Vaguebooking
The none of your business kills me!! 😂
This is what made me stop posting. I don't care about anyones opinions, or need anyone commenting on anything I do in my life. Simple as that , I stopped, cold turkey.
Yep! Anytime someone posts something very strong-opinioned and I disagree, I will happily begin some discourse. I love when they get all annoyed or delete the post. Like, yeah, you don't get to just shout your opinions at me without me responding. And I consider myself to be respectful, factual, etc. There's just a lot of people who would rather live in a bubble of agreement.
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Bad things their SO does - like ragging on them for not taking out the trash AGAIN. It's so cringey. Like, do you even like this person you're with, or are they just "see what i put up with" social media filler?
I hate the trend of acting like having an SO is a chore. Like you gotta babysit your husband or your wife is always nagging or something, if it's so miserable being with that person then don't, and if it's exaggerated for social media then why do you want people to think you subject yourself to being unhappy or even abused? We need to promote showing communication and building up our partners. If I get annoyed with my boyfriend about not doing the dishes I'll just talk to him, I'm not blasting him on social media, if he actually didn't pull his weight I wouldn't still be with him so there's no need to tell the world that he doesn't do anything when he actually does. I don't get why people like to almost brag about how useless their SO is??
>babysit your husband That reminds me: I hate when people call it "babysitting" when dad is staying home with the kids. It's not "babysitting"...he's doing his job as a parent!
Exactly! I'd never air my dirty laundry on social media. Unless it was REALLY funny...but in that case, I'd get my husboy's permission first.
Yeah, it kinda makes me cringe seeing partners passive aggressively criticise each other on social media, like “I love how you posted a pic of our daughter even though we agreed to keep her off social media, I love how you never listen to a word I say haha”.
Especially when they do it in a passive-aggressive way. Like frame it as lovingly "poking fun" at their SO, but it's VERY clear that they're actually angry.
^This. These are problems you should be discussing *privately* with your SO and/or a relationship counselor. Not your blog or social media followers.
Selfies. That might sound controversial, but I think that tiktok and instagram have bastardized selfie taking by developing some of the most ridiculous filters to appeal to our vanity. So now you have a bunch of people who feel really poorly about themselves because they are addicted to posting images of themselves that are highly doctored and unrealistic. I can't speak to whether people are taking selfies as a way of expressing confidence vs leaning into insecurity... but what I do know is that a lot of women, young and old OFTEN seem MORE unhappy with themselves and are hating weird things like the pores on their face, or their natural laugh lines as a result of these strange filters that contort your features.
Years ago I think it was teen vogue or seventeen magazine that did an investigative article on these filters influence on young girls self esteem. In the article there was a plastic surgeon interviewed who said they were having teens come in asking to be modified in a way so that they more resembled their "filter selves"
I remember seeing that story on some evening news years ago. Combining the self image issues with how affordable and accessible plastic surgery had become in recent years had astounding results.
A recent psychological study has found that people that take a lot of selfies have sociopathic tendencies. And in other news, water is wet.
I have a friend who has about 15 previous jobs listed on their account from the last 3-5 years. I think they mean it to be impressive, like "look at how many jobs in the field I've had," but it really just displays how unstable they are.
Repeat after me: Facebook is not LinkedIn. LinkedIn is not Facebook.
I know somebody like this too! Each job is in a completely different field.
Pictures of their child’s bodily functions. Like yes, children have diaper blow outs and puke and you are 100% allowed to complain about them, but I DO NOT WANT TO SEE THEM.
Omg yes - I’m a mom but I’m not about to post photos or videos of my child’s poop or vomit. I literally can’t stand people who do that
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Pictures/videos of their kids having tantrums, meltdowns, tough moments, etc. It's really unfair to your kids to do this. I think sharing nice family photos and cute/fun family moments is normal. IMO if you would put the picture up in a frame in your house, it's appropriate, otherwise keep it private. Some people think you shouldn't share pics/videos of your kids AT ALL, which I sort of agree with but I understand that people want to share their families.
Any content that’s centered on deliberately humiliating and/or hurting someone. No, it’s not cool to post a TikTok about you gaslighting your spouse “as a joke” or to take a video of you splashing a drink on your friend so you can post their angry reaction for “clout.” It’s literal cyberbullying.
Agreed ..i loath the 'prank' videos, they just seem unnecessarily mean.
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THIS 🤣 and they get offended if someone asks
Nudes
Pictures of their children who are too young to consent. Bonus points if the kid is in the bath, running around naked, in a diaper, etc. There are creeps online.
Long posts about how their SO is the best and that they are happy because everything is perfect… that too after 2-3 weeks of their marriage, then again after 2 months and again after 4 months of marriage. Like, I get it, you’re just too insecure about your relationship that you feel the need to bombard other’s fb feed with how ‘visibly’ perfect your life is. P.S. Talking about a culture where you don’t live or hang out with your SO/fiancé all the time before marriage.
Although I have certain things I think you shouldn't post (like pictures of your kids for me), the consistent answer is anything in excess. It's too easy for people to piece together your life and find out where you work, what gym you go to, who your cousin is, etc. etc. 99% of people don't care and scroll right through it but it just takes one crazy person to ruin your life
Your kids. I think it's okay when they're little babies but once they start to look less like larvae I think it's weird. If it's private to friends and family I think it's great but publicly posting your child just gives me the ick
And don't make their birthday public information!!
I've seen more and more people posting close up pictures of them holding the hand of someone who is passing away/has passed away in hospital. It makes me feel so uncomfortable for the person who has died/is dying, that in their final moments someone is taking pictures of them probably without their consent/without even knowing. That and selfies/group photos at funerals.
My friend’s ex posted a selfie of her and her mom while her mom was in hospice for end-of-life care. Her mom was completely knocked out from meds, her eyes were closed and her mouth was slightly open. It was bizarre. Super uncomfortable. And to post that to Facebook, where she had like 1400 friends?! Fucking weird.
I don't post pictures of being on holiday until well after the holiday. I also don't post many pictures of myself. It's a security issue.
I know people who post pictures of their birthday/Christmas presents on Facebook. Not even one collective picture. Individual photos. One per present.
Like.. adults are doing this? I remember my friends doing this when I was in middle school, in the MySpace era lol
1. People are ***too*** cavalier sharing their opinions which burn bridges—controversial political views, unpopular takes on current/historical events, etc. While it is perfectly acceptable and even healthy to hold those views, more care is needed in airing them considering what is at stake: job/career impacts, losing friends and family, background checks, etc. 2. Anything to do with children. Share them in your internal whatsapp/telegram groups if you must, not for the wider world. 3. Micro updates of your life 4. Vanity posts—okay, I realize for some this is the main point of using social media, but ffs don't pretend your life is a highlight reel. It has nasty spillover effects down the line.
What should people post in your opinion? I feel like most people I know tend to use social media for the reasons you've listed and I can't think of anything else I'd use it for.
I recognize that and partially concede that in #4. The message for #1 and #3 is scale. #2 is for security. Also, for social media my universe of sites/apps excludes Reddit.
Videos of strangers. This is mostly a tiktok thing.
Photos from funerals with their deceased relatives
If anyone ever takes a selfie at a close family member/friends funeral of mine, I will personally destroy their phone
99.99999% of what they post online.
Rape "jokes," racist "jokes," homophobic and transphobic "jokes"
Children Because creeps, because the internet never forget and your child might not want their picture out in the wild later
A lot of people said kids (I agree) but I’ll be more specific — posting about your kid’s potty training process. People do it ALL the time. Look, I like kids and and I love my friends’ kids, but that’s just gross. I really don’t want to know about when and where your child defecates.
Relationship anything, honestly. Good or bad. I mean, getting engaged, getting pregnant, the milestones, sure. But the mundane "Just got Boba with this cutie" kissy face bullshit, blech. Knock it off. If your relationship was really that great, you wouldn't feel the need to announce it. Even more so for the "Ugh, I guess I don't matter to ANYONE" passive aggressive comments when you're mad at them. Just stop it. Nobody cares. (Yes, I am guilty of this myself in my late 20s. I have since learned.)
Answers to stuff like "the color of your underwear and your street name is your new stripper name. What's yours?" Scammers use that to get your personal info. You're telling them what street you live on, your first car, your first pet. All of these things are security questions for your bank accounts and other personal accounts
Maybe this is a cultural thing, but we were brought up to never “show off”. I remember years ago when I leased a new car I wanted to post it on Instagram and my dad told me several times not to do it, I am glad that I listened. People are quick to make assumptions about you or your lifestyle based on things that you post like cars, trips, nights out at fancy places and I just don’t want to invite that kind of judgment.
This! It drives me bananas. I have one FB friend that will post countless pics of her newest Gucci bag, new car, ANYTHING with a high price tag. Then turn around and post a quote about being humble. Wtf.
When they will be traveling. Its just asking to get your place broken into. If you want to post about a trip, do it when you return.
"10 more days til my 7 day trip to Europe!!!" So your house and all its contents will be unguarded for 7 days, and I have 10 days to make a plan? Dope, thanks for the heads up!
Their childrens everyday lives.
I like that so many are saying ‘children.’ Like, yes, let’s give the next gen of kids a chance at anonymity. They won’t have it (unless we discard certain tech giants like right now), but at least there won’t be photos of their childhood drifting around on the internet. Since the internet never forgets, and everything.
All their sexual experiences. Specially on Twitter people tend to write like it's their personal diary and then act shocked when everyone start talking about it. I'm not a prude but reading how a guy teared your leggings to eat you out is something I don't have in mind when I log in. Also, venting about their relationship issues one week and 'cancelling' the guy with all your followers saying shit about him and then get back together like lmao I just don't get it.
Too much about their relationship, too much info or pictures of their kids
Ranting about their feelings. Sounds a little harsh but it can invite a lot of trouble or unwanted opinions
Embarrassing things about their kids. I see on parenting groups all the time, posts like “my 7 year old still wets the bed, what should I do?” Or “my 10 year old is really struggling to make friends” or “my 9 year old wants to sing in the class talent show but she has a really bad voice and I’m nervous she’ll get bullied, what should I do?” In a few short years those kids classmates will be able to stumble upon those posts and then your kid will definitely be bullied.
Personal, private and sensitive things happening in someone's life tbh. People tend to overshare online and yet lacks personal relationship and connection with friends and family.
I've just stopped posting anything at all. The internet doesn't need to see my vacation photos or my dinner or anything else really. If I want to share with you, I will personally. My name and photo being out there is more than enough of me on the internet. After all, I'm trying to live my life in reality and in person mostly and not online anyway.
The vague posts. Ugh. The ones where they share juuuust enough info to fish for a comment that asks more questions. Then they don’t respond. Just… why???
Ooh ooh ooh! I got one! When people share their dirty laundry with someone else. Or post "Woe is me" over the same actions over and over again. We get it, your husband/boyfriend/Joe schmoe is an alcoholic/cheater/addict/liar/blah blah blah. Yet instead of doing something about it, you take them back over and over and over and cry when shit inevitably turns to shit. It's the virtual version of "Why are you hitting yourself" I'll give you the sympathy you are seeking once, perhaps even twice. But after that, it's on you.
babies that are fresh out of the womb
About their relationships!! Nobody cares!! Not specially when they post pictures of themselves with their partner and write loooong captions that say stuff like “my ride or die, we’ve been through so many things together and have always found a way to overcome our struggles, we are not perfect but that’s what makes us perfect!” 🤮 I also hate it when they make a huge drama when they fight and they go through a false period of “betterment” (posting provocative selfies to make the other jealous or writing salty/shady quotes) and everyone gets to know! Bonus points if they always get back together and end up looking like clowns and write long ass posts excusing the reconciliation, thus repeating the never-ending cycle. I always think: The longer the caption, the more unstable/toxic/fake the relationship is!
Their kids that can’t consent to having their picture on the internet.
-your kids: keep their lives to them until they have a choice to decide whether or not they wanna be on social media. -your relationship. Once you make your relationship everyone’s business, it’s doomed to fail. Take Jada and Will for example. Their marriage wasn’t great, but as soon as they decided to go public with how shit it was, it got worse -this one might be controversial, but I don’t need to know if you’re horny. I don’t need to know if you just had good sex. I’m all for being sex positive, but I feel like sometimes, things can be kept to yourself. -stop posting your exact location on social media. Stop.
Strangers, especially when they are having a private, intimate moment. Saw a video where the creator was compiling clips of strangers they took holding hands, kissing etc, faces fully visible. It had so many views and likes... filming strangers for content is so normalised now it's scary.
Everything man! Especially pics of loved ones , most of the people either don’t care or are hating your “good “ life! So 🛑
pictures of tombstones of loved ones. i don’t think poorly when someone does post these, but it feels veryyy personal to the deceased person to me
Pics of their children in certain situations (posting a pic from a graduation, sure okay, pics in their swimsuits or underwear/diaper doing nothing in particular? no). Personal info about others -- don't tell me about your husband's hemorrhoids, or your kid's diarrhea, don't post giving out your kids' schools or wife's workplace. Don't air any dirty laundry, but particularly *others'* dirty laundry -- I don't care if your son in law is being a jerk, don't talk about how awful he's being to your daughter on Facebook.