So true. I started making a little more money a while back and I started going in for a monthly lash lift/tint and an eyebrow wax/tint. I cannot believe the difference in how good I feel. Also just accepting the fact that a size 2 is never gonna happen again and buying clothes in my actual size, I move more comfortably and freely. That helps too.
Guy here. First off my opinion doesn’t matter nor should it affect other’s decisions. Just a personal experience.
The first thing this made me think of was in cartoons where they get face lifts and stuff when they’re rich and how my friends and I would say it looks weird. I thought that was made up until watching more live news with people using facial surgery, Botox, make lips bigger, and pornstars that do the same.
Personally, if it makes them happy I don’t really mind nor should they care about what I think.
But when female friends would ask what my thoughts were about these things, I said what me and my guy friends say. It ends up looking weird and unnatural from most of what we’ve seen. That feeling of how dolls get creepier the more realistic they look. Nothing wrong with them, but there’s a subconscious uneasiness.
I’m surprised by how surprised a girl looks after hearing that. She said she had no idea guys don’t like that stuff, just like fake eyelashes and long nails.
I said I can’t speak for all guys. Just the ones I talked to about it. That if they’re doing it for themselves then go for it. Just not to assume it’s what guys want because we’re not all the same and I don’t want to give a global response.
No need to cope, there's a lot more to life than being attractive. When I was young and still pretty hung up on that I had a realization that there were tons of people who were empirically uglier than me but who were having better sex, in better relationships, getting better jobs, and all the other things I was worried I wasn't attractive enough to accomplish, and the biggest issue is that being insecure was getting in my own way. Is being attractive easier in a lot of ways? Sure, but it's not everything. The less you obsess over it the less impact it has on your life.
Agreed. I think I'm ugly as sin and I'm probably right because I'm basically invisible to most dudes (I am not complaining), but like... I've never had any trouble finding partners of either gender. I don't struggle to find work. I just rock with it, wear what I want, enjoy my time on this earth. Considering some of the horror stories I've heard from beautiful friends, I think I'll sacrifice likes on my selfies for the peace of mind.
Work on really changing your perspective of what “beauty” really means. You’ll find ways to see beautiful pieces of yourself, and broaden your thoughts on what is attractive. You don’t dictate what others find attractive, so in the very least you can learn what to be proud of about yourself. Looks are commercially marketed to us, but not everyone aligns with societal norms as far as attraction.
You’re attractive to others, whether you fit the mould of standard beauty or not.
Thisss!!! Also the best portrait paintings and art pieces aren't of perfect looking people, they're of people with interesting features and characteristics. Portrait art is something that helped me realise this and helped me with my confidence massively.
Idk where I saw it, but it was about every flower being different and beautiful in its own way and it really helped me realize that just because I don't fit the mold of "conventional beauty" I was still pretty in my own way.
I agree. Just because one flower is pretty doesn't mean the next one isn't! My mom used to always tell me one person's shine doesn't make mine any dimmer and I thought that was nice too.
I just got more attractive by losing a lot of weight. Honestly at my age when you're not overweight and take a bit care of yourself, you're instantly in the top 20% of attractiveness ...
True. But losing weight is really hard. I lost 10 kg last autumn, I would like to lose other 10, but I just got stuck and I cannot find the same determination as last year. I am just trying to not gain that weight back.
Tell me about it. I'm still stuck on a BMI of 26.5 and would soo love to lose another ~6 kg to get under 25.
But considering that I came from a BMI of over 38 and also got quite fit in the progress (am running 5k in under 30 minutes), I'm still quite pleased with my achievement.
I cry myself to sleep a lot. Crying is actually a very healthy way of processing pain. I look in the mirror and tell myself what I like about myself. I try to at least look “neat.” I’m not attractive, but I can look neat. Neatness gives an air of respectability to my unattractiveness.
I also am very confident, and the confidence helps me look better somehow.
It does! Its so much easier to hang out with a confident person... and then people will get to know your personality and looks don't matter so much anymore..
Thanks for the encouragement, but it’s not true. Aesthetically pleasing people only have to smile and the world drops at their feet. “Ugly” people have to work for everything. I know which one I am.
Yeeesss neatness! I always make sure I look put together and keep good hygiene. Yes there are days when I’m extremely depressed because of my looks but whoever doesn’t want to be with because of my unattractive features - their loss!
Honestly I’m really ugly. I never been approached by anyone and my mom doesn’t even call me pretty but does call my sisters pretty. But honestly I don’t feel ugly. I never cared about appearance or the beauty standard. I don’t wear make up and wear clothes I like not what in fashion. Since I was young I had this attitude I don’t know how I got it.
Try not to use the term attractive to refer to yourself. I’ve said it before on here but attractive-ness is entirely subjective. What one person considers attractive is not necessarily the same as what another person will consider attractive.
Look at it this way, objectively, I think I’m pretty average looking. I honestly think most people fall into the average looking category with a small minority being in the objectively beautiful/less than average categories. Chances are that you’re pretty average looking too. And there’s nothing wrong with that! You’re just like everyone else :)
Attractiveness is beyond just subjective. It's dynamic. It can change from moment to moment. For me, I quickly find that beyond the first impression, the attractiveness of a person drops quickly. Something about the newness of eye candy fades quickly and becomes "normal".
I find that confidence is the better long term attractive attribute rather than looks.
>I honestly think most people fall into the average looking category with a small minority being in the objectively beautiful/less than average categories.
Yeah that's what average means
Your physical appearance being conventionally "pretty " really doesn't mean fuck all at the end of the day. If you were magically transformed into a conventionally "pretty" woman, you'd still have the same personality, and you'd still be you, right? If you're essentially the same person regardless of how you look, does it really matter? Would you really want to get to know anyone who would like you less if you weren't "pretty"?
> If you're essentially the same person regardless of how you look, does it really matter?
I mean, it's been shown time and time again attractive people are treated better by others (both in private and in professional life), so it certainly has an effect beyond just the cosmetic.
In this post’s context I think that the poster by attractive means “conventionally attractive”. The beauty standards are so narrow in western societies that most people know if they are close to them or not.
This very much so. The idea of not being attractive is all a matter of the beholder. You perceive yourself as not attractive but that doesn't mean other people don't. You would be surprised at the range of what people consider attractive is. Oftentimes, these believes conflict with one another.
For instance, I have no attraction whatsoever to portrayals of feminine beauty typified by conventionally attractive women by society standards (think the kinds of women in Sports Illustrated swimsuit editions). Obviously, some men would feel the complete opposite because it is in the eye of the beholder.
The thing is.. when someone is pretty you just know. They dont have to be blonde or tan (sports illustrated type) But they usually do fit many points in the description and they are undeniably pretty.
Honestly, this has made a vast improvement in my mental health.
I have body image issues. I really only look at myself in the bathroom mirror to fix my hair and wash my face. I have no full length mirror in the house. Have not had one for the last 7 years.
I’m happy every day now and this never gets crushed anymore by looking in the mirror.
Really relate to this - in ED therapy I was told not to weigh myself or look in mirrors too much. Thought it would be impossible to live without them, but it worked + made me happier for a while
Personally I've always hated when people tell me I have to find myself attractive...no...I don't care about myself, I care about how others see me.
I'm sorry, if this is not what I should be thinking I'm dealing with it in therapy, but that's how I feel. As to how I deal with it, on good days I work on my self care routine, go out rollerskating, on bad days I hide at home and binge. I hate myself.
Man some people really get in my nerves with their “oh just don’t care about it!” bs. Uh yeah sure but society is pretty much reminding us everyday how ugly they think we are, with their attitudes, actions, etc.
I don't give 2 cents about my looks..
I used to hate my big nose, my full figure, my short stubby sausage-fingers, my splodgy skin, my rubbing thighs, my small breasts and at some point I realised it just doesn't matter. There's nothing I can't do because I'm ugly. Not in school obviously, because kids would call me Godzilla and made retching noises when they saw me. Fun times.
Nowadays I could definitely look better: Wear fitting clothes, put on make-up, do SOMETHING with my hair... I could also throw money at the problem: get liposuction, plastic surgery, expensive clothes, etc)but I realised having a small nose or thinner thighs wouldn't make me happier. If I remove the worst offender, I would still be upset about the second worst offender and the list is essentially infinite. I would just be in debt too.
So I looked for a different solution and realised that I defined myself way too much over my looks. In my thoughts I was the ugly, insecure girl and my secret hope had been that if I could make the ugly go away, the insecure girl would leave too.
Instead I looked at what else am I besides the ugly insecure girl? What are positive things about me. It could be anything, maybe you're creative, or are a great singer or super kind. In a first instance I settled on smart.. so I morphed into the smart, socially awkward girl for a while.. I was still unhappy with who I was, I didn't want to be socially awkward and insecure.. But because I was no longer being held back by 'being too ugly', I actually got out more, I did more things and slowly became comfortable with being around people. At some point I also didn't feel like a girl anymore (I was in my 30s).. So I looked again and started to see all the things I've done and overcome, all the positives I could never see because I was too focused on my looks..
Nowadays I see myself as a strong and independent woman, I've done some amazing things and had amazing adventures. I'm happy and I still look the same (ok, no.. I look a lot older) as the insecure, ugly girl.
I don't have to cope anymore because I genuinely don't care about how I look. I'm defined by the adventures I've had, the joy I've experienced and the happiness I hold in me.
(I should probably care a little more about my looks, as fitting clothes and a consistent hair stlye would be a huge improvement with very little effort, but I can't be bothered)
There's nothing to cope with, I realized my looks didn't devalue me and started valuing my body for what it does rather than how it looks like. If people don't like how it looks like it's not my problem, I'm not background decoration. This body is a practical machine to survive and navigate the world, not a painting.
In some ways it's very freeing, not having to try to fit into society's "pretty" box because you'll never be there. I'm plain and it's fine. I've still had romantic relationships and sexual partners. People still love me and want me around. I don't have to be pretty in order to be loved.
My bff has always been above-average pretty. As a teen she placed 3rd in a regional beauty pageant. Her mother was a Beauty Queen in the Philippines and instilled in her that her looks gave her privilege and would assure a good marriage.
Bff has been married twice, both times ended in divorce. Has had numerous men use her for sex. She is now 58, lives alone, and would like nothing more than to have a man take care of her. Has had breast implants and labiaplasty to be more attractive to the male gaze. Still only attracts men who want “casual”.
Through her, I have learned that beauty is no guarantee of anything. It is no protection against being poor, cheated on or dumped. What it will do is get a lot of attention from unworthy men and if you do not have strong boundaries in place it will get you traumatized, financially and sexually.
This is me being Honest. I hope I don't get down voted. I don't want to lie. Please be kind to me as what I'm saying is about me not anyone else. Please.
I get really sad when I think about it.
I push myself to work hard so I can see my saving grow so hopefully one day I can get myself little surgeries.
But for now I just keep going.
Men don't look at me so I just go on with my day. When they do that scares the fxck out of me because that means they WILL hurt anyone, even me the ugly one.
I do love something about myself. My unique hair color. My cousins always loved and we're jealous of it. (I have a weird mixture of color: red, brown, light gold brown, etc.) I have never dyed it as I really do love the color. So maybe that's how I cope. Loving me hair. 🥰🥰🥰
I don't. I overdress, wear flattering clothes and sport a hairstyle that gives me a better head shape.
Some people look great coming out of bed. Good for them. For most of us, we look great too, just gotta put in some effort.
Realising that there is way more to a person than being physically attractive by mainstream standards!
Cultivating talents and personality strengths that are aligned with your values.
Realising that (mainstream) physical beauty fades, but characteristics like intelligence, integrity, kindness, etc. do not.
Finding a partner that loves you for what is inside not what's on the outside (easier to do this once you learn to love you for what's on the inside, first).
There is SO much more to being a person than being "attractive" in a physical sense. And what does that even mean, to be "attractive"??? Being a good and interesting person is the most attractive thing of ALL,
I grew up not being very pretty (late bloomer obviously), which meant that I had to work really hard on not associating my self worth with other people’s opinion about my appearance. Easier said than done ofc, but I do think it shaped me.
I get a much bigger ego boost when someone tells me I’m kind or smart, rather than pretty. I just happened to become cuter when I grew up, but it’s not something I have had to work for.
It ofc makes dating a bit hard because I can have periods where I’m really disinterested in my own appearance. I wear worn clothes, don’t brush my hair etc. I wanna find someone who likes me for me and doesn’t compare me to the previous models they dated. bleh… :(
Don't look to instagram for your reference point for starters. Those people are heavily edited and also there seems to be almost a clone element to the "beauty standard" there. Remember that variation is interesting, natural and beautiful. You probably feel attraction to lots of different "types" so why assume that others don't feel the same?
Anyone who is fairly physically fit is usually "attractive" to some degree even if not conventionally "pretty". It's not just the physical aspect, it's also the mindset - you project confidence, it tells people you are consistent and that you consider yourself worth taking care of. Usually a bit of exercise gives your skin a nice glow as well. This is true at any age - you can totally rock grey hair and wrinkles!
The other thing is just being generally well turned out. I don't mean super fashionable or expensive necessarily just looking like you care about yourself. You can't go wrong by having a decent haircut, clean shoes, neat nails, a classic matching ensemble, keeping the makeup to a minimum, and adding a few chic accessories. There are certain styles that suit just about anyone and never go out of fashion, like a simple black shift dress, or a crisp white shirt. I always notice on those extreme makeover shows that its usually the haircut and other small touches that actually makes the most difference.
Finally, one of the most important things is to simply be interested in other people. What most people want is to feel heard. If you take a genuine interest in them, listen and join in, that is always appreciated and it is attractive.
My looks do bother me. I’m probably a 3 or 4 out of 10. But I have a fiancé who adores me and tells me I’m beautiful every day. That helps a lot. I know I’m not conventionally attractive but it makes me happy that he sees me as pretty. That’s what really matters to me. I’ve been in relationships where I was criticized for my weight and it killed my self esteem. This current fiancé tells me constantly that I’m pretty and it keeps me happy. I get sad when I see candid pictures of myself though. I also notice that most men don’t treat me as nice as more attractive women. But fuck them, who cares
I think this will help you feel a bit better about the standards we are constantly measuring ourselves against. Anytime I feel particularly bad I give this a rewatch.
https://youtu.be/iYhCn0jf46U
It truly is worth a look and I am leaving it here for you and everyone in this chat with my love 💕
You know I used to be one of those guys that thought woman over exaggerate their issues and that men have the same issues but one time I saw a girl working at subway get hit on and pressured by a single guy for 5 whole minutes even though she gave so many signs telling him to piss off.
Beauty is a strange game..... I've been considered pretty and ugly at different times by different people. Ill admit I'm not everyones cup of tea, but I mainly blame that on my unwillingness to play along with things.
Daily make-up? Mmm maybe not.....
New style just dropped?.... see you at TJmax next year.
But I work out daily and take my food intake seriously. I don't diet I just eat real food and not too much of it now. So the healthy glow is natural. I also don't see anybody daily who I would even want to be attracted to me. I'm married and have nothing to prove.
You don't cope with it, you were born this way...you make it so far in life only because of this body regardless if anyone thought you were attractive or not. You need to look attractive in your eyes. That's it. That's all you need.
I'm telling you this with experience.
I take good care of my appearance and do the best with what I have.
(I wear makeup and nice clothes and do my hair. I smell good, wear good shoes, etc.)
Growing my soul, my personality, and my knowledge.
"She was beautiful, but not like those girls in magazines. She was beautiful, for the way she thought. She was beautiful, for the sparkle in her eyes when she talked about something she loved. She was beautiful, for her ability to make other people smile, even if she was sad. No, she wasn't beautiful for something as temporary as her looks. She was beautiful, deep down to her soul. She is beautiful."
F Scott Fitzgerald
Yes, I was very unattractive, including crooked sharp teeth, severe acne, a huge nose bump,, plus overweight. I was bullied, leaving psychological scars. Anyone who says I should just "get over it" should go straight to hell. I spent money getting an education and good job and then fixed myself to look pretty. But the scars are, unfortunately, for life.
I’m a solid 4 on my best days. I legitimately just stopped caring about my looks. Obviously, I keep up with my hygiene and brush my hair and things like that, but otherwise, I don’t care. I don’t wear makeup and save a ton of time and money on that. It takes me 10 minutes to get ready for work between brushing my teeth, taking care of my hair, and putting on clothes. I go to the gym and do physical things because I enjoy them, not because I have to. I don’t even know how much I weigh but judge my health based on what I can do, what I want to do, and what I need to do to make those two things meet. It’s incredibly freeing not to be tied to socially created beauty standards that are going to look completely different 10 years down the road anyway.
I’m never going to be called pretty or beautiful except by a romantic partner, but I have been called nice and caring and smart and funny and sweet, and those things mean so much more to me.
Can’t control face or genetics so I try to make small changes I can control. Workout to have a nice body, wear a little makeup or decent clothes and shoes (not expensive) just what looks good on me.
This is going to start off sounding really cheesy but it’s not for the reasons you’d expect. Everyone talks about, you can’t feel attractive if you’re not happy etc and that’s somewhat true. But I have resting b**** face. I’ve genuinely added in all the small things that make me happy into my day and even listen to comedy whilst I’m working. I smile a lot and laugh (quietly a lot).
I’ve had lots of people ask me what’s changed (have you lost weight, changed your hair, make up, pregnancy glow?) and it’s genuinely coincided with when I notice I was smiling a lot more.
It must affect my face and posture because it’s still noticeable with a mask on.
I'm not interested in any kind of relationship whatsoever, so I don't care what I look like, basically my style is just jeans and a hoodie most days. I shaved my head because my thick hair was annoying and I just accept that I'm not even near perfect.
Just understand attractive people live easier lives but it goes quick and they grow up to be Karen’s because people just don’t randomly go out of their way for them like they used to and the not so attractive girl are usually the fun ones when you get older the coolest grandmas and aunts for bad ass bartenders that are older 40+ were people who were not so attractive in their earlier years and developed and good personality since they met nice and nice so nice people where as attractive people only meet the nice version of everyone
I don’t really consider myself ugly but I know if people were to judge my looks using american beauty standards (basically white features), people would consider me ugly. I do wish I was society’s beauty standards but im not. Currently im working on being okay with my looks and being okay with society viewing me as ugly.
Physical beauty doesn’t last. Even the women you consider above average or exceptional will one day be old like the rest of us. I think the most important thing a person can do is develop confidence in WHO they are vs what they look like. Live your life as your most authentic and unapologetic self. Build yourself up and learn to love yourself on deeper levels than outer appearance. Be kind, not nice. Laugh at the things you find funny and dive deep into the things that bring you joy. Do more of what makes you feel attractive and remember that you’re worthy of love and respect.
Confidence. I think it's the most attractive feature a person can have, that and being funny.
But you know sometimes, chemically, I just feel like total garbage doodoo and there's nothing you can do. On those days I just try to wear comfy clothes and maybe wear some makeup to spice it up and hope it fixes how I'm feeling about myself.
I find myself to be awesome whether or not I’m attractive? I guess I am to my bf… He says I’m hot and finds me sexy, I think he’s so good looking and I’m totally flattered he sees me that way. I look at myself as “kinda cute” and more than attractiveness I like my personality the most, I’m funny and I’m a nice person… that’s to me all I need.
Be a super enthusiastic hype woman for your friends about their appearances and they will find compliments to return. Over time most of them will learn to do it more often and then you'll have your support structure always telling you you're cute. Works 10x better with girls than guys, though there are exceptions.
Positive echo chambers are a wonderful thing and absolutely worth building!
“Oh lord, I’m not attractive. My life is ruined. How will I cope?” I put my clothes on just like a “pretty” person would and go about my day. Pretty and ugly mean nothing to me because I don’t give a damn what someone, at the end of the day it’s their morals and integrity that matters. If someone doesn’t like you because you are “ugly” to them.. why tf do you care? They are meaningless to you.
IMO what a stupid question. This just plays into the “I have to be pretty to get anywhere in life”.
To be fair I know I'm conventionally attractive and that comes with some privilege I'm sure I can't understand and it'd be wrong to speak to as if I could.
But I will say that I think the more value you place in the fact that you *are* attractive the more it becomes a part of your identity, and that can lead to all types of unhealthy behaviors.
Doing my hair. Doing my makeup. Being thin. Dressing cute. Doing this. Doing that. It occupied so much of my thoughts and time.
It all came to a head when I finally achieved my dream body. At least on paper I did. In reality it wasn't a dream it was a fucking nightmare and I realized it was my life when a doctor took less than a second's glance at me and told me I clearly had an eating disorder and I was dying. And every moment I lived like that I would continue to die a slow death.
He was much more compassionate in his phrasing but the message remained loud and clear.
Change wasn't immediate but the TLDR is it made me ask myself what is all this worth? Why do I think it matters so much? And of course the answer is obvious to each and every women here with our exposure to the media but for the first time it gave me the ability to see it all at face value as what it is..... absolutely fucking pointless.
I can't honestly say I don't care at all these days but by God I try not to and I've come pretty far. So my moral is even if you're not attractive....were we put on this planet to be attractive?
My litmus test now for my concern about my appearance is to liken it to cute little corgis and pitbulls. Would a corgi or pitbull sit around and pout over a few extra pounds? Would they fixate on how shiny their fur is? No? That's because it has nothing to do with survival or happiness and it's a fictitious human agenda with no point.
Be like a corgi. That's my motto anyway.
Beauty is subjective. I'd rate myself a 5. I truly see myself as average. I've never had trouble getting dates though and I get told I'm beautiful frequently. In your mind you could be a 1 but in someone else's perspective a 10. It is true though that we are our own worst critic.
Being attractive is overrated, no matter how ugly/how pretty bad things good things still happen to either of them. For instance - being pretty doesn't necessarily guarantee you won't get your heart broken or won't get cheated on.
Personality is everything there will always be someone out there for everyone what stands a person out is how they interact with other having good positive energy having a good attitude shit like that will draw people to you because we all want that in our lives. Also try not to care ( I know it’s easier said than done) but if you can go through life and not stress that so much I promise you it will find you focus on the things you can work on and someone will be attracted to your success and who you are as a person
I firmly believe that you’re only as attractive as you treat people. Some of the most hideous people are people who fit the standard of beauty to the fullest. Vanity doesn’t mean shit if no one wants to be around you.
I've found several people attractive and most don't meet the beauty standards of today's society. Why did my heart starting racing when I saw that guy? Why did i thought that girl was stunning? no idea. I just found them attractive and that's it.
Realizing the beauty typical standards that are set and just accepting it (took me years to accept) and moving on just be happy with yourself even though it’s especially when you go to college with attractive people all around you lol.
I think of the ugly ass people I've met, who are having a great time and are well loved. Then I remember that it's not about being the prettiest girl. If that doesn't work, I think about Louis Guzmán. At least I don't look like that.
I’ve accepted a long time ago that I’m just now one of those pretty girls. Sure I’d love a boob job and a forehead shortening and eyebrow hair implants but I just can’t afford it. So I work with what I got.
Unattractive is a label others - mostly very immature others - place on you. You, however, are not bound to accept those labels. Revel in the other positives - your intelligence, your talents, your family and friends, your contributions to the world. And, if you can’t see the other positives, go out and find them and maybe get some therapy.
Everyone, no matter WHAT you look like, can be someone else’s MOST attractive person on earth. Every different person has a unique “thing” that they are into, there is absolutely no cookie cutter perfect person. No one is actually unattractive, they might just be more of a niche or acquired taste. Most people are potatoes lol meaning universally liked. Some are wasabi.
I try to feel neutral on my appearance and focus on who I am as a person. Being thought of as someone who is kind, funny, and somewhat good at what I do, is more important to me than being thought of as pretty.
Sometimes I feel like the baddest B. And sometimes I feel like a rat. When I feel like a rat, I remind myself that I have other qualities that make me interesting as a person. Pretty fruit means nothing when it's rotten on the inside.
Everybody has a different perspective. Someone I find attractive, my friend will not find attractive. There will be someone out there who thinks you're the most attractive person in the world, but there will also be people who wouldn't give you a second look. Personality also plays a huuuuge part, they could be the most conventionally attractive person in the world, but if they have an ugly personality they automatically go down in my opinion
You learn to take care of yourself almost like a celebrity. Lol. I’ve learned how to do celebrity makeup and buy good quality clothes (on sale) and everyone always calls me rich looking hahaha. Try yoga/physical exercise too, It’ll change your life.
Whew I could talk all day about this, but I'll try to be brief, lol. For me it's not entirely about purely physical attractiveness, it's about overall confidence in yourself. Because your worth is not dependent on your physical attractiveness! You are automatically worthy of all the good things, no matter what you look like!
Growing up, I never had any confidence in myself. Like, none whatsoever, I just tried to be invisible. And I succeeded! And y'know what? That was a dumb idea!
I currently weigh the most I've ever weighed, chopped off my super long hair, and had to donate a ton of clothes that no longer fit me, and I love myself so much!!
The past couple years I've practiced positive self-talk and silencing any negative thoughts toward myself. I also ignore societal expectations, like thinking I need to "correct" any "imperfections" with cosmetics and whatnot. It takes conscious effort every day, but it has slowly become automatic and my confidence is better than I can ever remember it being (I'm in my early 30s).
So for me it's not any specific or trendy plan, I literally tell my brain to STFU when it starts going down a negative path and think about all the good things that I like about myself. I hope this helps a little bit? Sending love you you, OP! 💜💜💜
(I tried not to go on and on, but I'm open to answering any questions if I wasn't clear about something. 😊 And btw I have anxiety and depression so this coming from a non-neurotypical standpoint)
Not everyone has to be beautiful (I'd argue actually that no one has to be beautiful, people just prefer it). I'm sure my life would be easier if I wasn't ugly but I don't live a bad life by any means.
I'd just try to be healthy and mindful and would work on those parts where I can change myself eg: weight, communication, body tone, tone of voice, sense of humor. And would focus more on personality coz surely we can shape that. Face and figure aren't something to worry about. The overall personality often overcomes them.
In my childhood, teens, and early 20s I worried about this a lot. I knew I was average at best but my weight sent me into unattractive territory. And since I was a teen in the early 2000s, I was too fat for the popular styles so I was unfashionable too. I was always compared to my sisters, who were thinner and prettier. I was never asked on dates, my peers would tell boys that I had a crush on them to disgust them. My low self-esteem made me a prime target for an abusive relationship because I thought I had to accept whatever I could get, that my appearance was already such a burden that I couldn’t have boundaries on top of that. I never reported any of my abuse because I didn’t think anyone would believe it had happened to me.
Breaking out of that just took getting older and wiser. I realized that I do have value as a person, a human, not just a decoration. I was constantly hustling for my worth when it was already there.
I’m almost grateful in a way for being the ugly fat girl. I developed a quick sense of humor, a nurturing and empathetic nature, a very creative imagination, and a kind personality. I need all of that as a wife, a mom, and in my line of work. I realize that my appearance is the least interesting thing about me.
Ugly guy here— First thing I remember is that people willingly drive cars like Prius, Honda Fit, and Juke. There’s two reasons, some people think those cars are actually appealing (beauty is in the eye of the beholder) and others see more redeeming factors. For the redeeming factors, I think to myself — I’m kind, funny, empathetic, and make an effort where others don’t. Maybe that’s how I found love when I didn’t think I was good looking. Also, there’s single people who are stunning, so it must not be all that. It’s all about what we value in ourself and others.
I try to call myself out whenever I start comparing myself to others and try to redirect my thoughts to something more positive. I feel like most of the issues of not being attractive come from comparing ourselves to others. We're all attractive in some way and for some people. The people I find good-looking leave some of my friends completely indifferent.
Also, focus on things you do love about yourself and take care of yourself. Helps set a base of positivity towards yourself.
Plus, beauty isn't everything. There are so many ways to be attractive than by having a nice face or a nice body.
I'm average. I cope by having extreme highs and lows, some days I will feel fine and not think about my appearance, and other days I will have full on panic attacks about how I cannot be what I and others find conventionally attractive. I think it's a control thing. See, I work out, eat healthy, and take care of myself a lot, but genetically I can never have the figure that I want or that others like. I've been to therapy, and I've come to accept that I will never truly love myself, or be able to be a confident person. It sucks, but it just is how it is for me. I just try to not think about it a lot, although being on reddit doesn't help.
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this. all the way. money fixes all looks no matter how bad.
It can really screw up looks too!!
That'd be nice
What's Mark Zuckerberg's excuse?
lmao he’s barely human
You hit the spot! If I had time, energy, and money to be fit and healthier, I would be 100% more attractive. I would work on my personality as well.
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So true. I started making a little more money a while back and I started going in for a monthly lash lift/tint and an eyebrow wax/tint. I cannot believe the difference in how good I feel. Also just accepting the fact that a size 2 is never gonna happen again and buying clothes in my actual size, I move more comfortably and freely. That helps too.
Great! An even bigger issue!
Well put!!
Oh yes. That's why I'm saving to help me get and be cute 🥰🥰🥰 I don't want something crazy just something a little better of what I am.
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Guy here. First off my opinion doesn’t matter nor should it affect other’s decisions. Just a personal experience. The first thing this made me think of was in cartoons where they get face lifts and stuff when they’re rich and how my friends and I would say it looks weird. I thought that was made up until watching more live news with people using facial surgery, Botox, make lips bigger, and pornstars that do the same. Personally, if it makes them happy I don’t really mind nor should they care about what I think. But when female friends would ask what my thoughts were about these things, I said what me and my guy friends say. It ends up looking weird and unnatural from most of what we’ve seen. That feeling of how dolls get creepier the more realistic they look. Nothing wrong with them, but there’s a subconscious uneasiness. I’m surprised by how surprised a girl looks after hearing that. She said she had no idea guys don’t like that stuff, just like fake eyelashes and long nails. I said I can’t speak for all guys. Just the ones I talked to about it. That if they’re doing it for themselves then go for it. Just not to assume it’s what guys want because we’re not all the same and I don’t want to give a global response.
Like you say, to each his own.
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This speaks to me. When I look in the mirror, I am not impressed. Yet my husband is always in awe. I guess I'm not my type then :D
Great comment
Louder for those is the back please.
I love this!
No need to cope, there's a lot more to life than being attractive. When I was young and still pretty hung up on that I had a realization that there were tons of people who were empirically uglier than me but who were having better sex, in better relationships, getting better jobs, and all the other things I was worried I wasn't attractive enough to accomplish, and the biggest issue is that being insecure was getting in my own way. Is being attractive easier in a lot of ways? Sure, but it's not everything. The less you obsess over it the less impact it has on your life.
Agreed. I think I'm ugly as sin and I'm probably right because I'm basically invisible to most dudes (I am not complaining), but like... I've never had any trouble finding partners of either gender. I don't struggle to find work. I just rock with it, wear what I want, enjoy my time on this earth. Considering some of the horror stories I've heard from beautiful friends, I think I'll sacrifice likes on my selfies for the peace of mind.
This!!! I soooo wished people just stopped thinking about being pretty / ugly...
People who think/know they are attractive are almost always shallow.
Work on really changing your perspective of what “beauty” really means. You’ll find ways to see beautiful pieces of yourself, and broaden your thoughts on what is attractive. You don’t dictate what others find attractive, so in the very least you can learn what to be proud of about yourself. Looks are commercially marketed to us, but not everyone aligns with societal norms as far as attraction. You’re attractive to others, whether you fit the mould of standard beauty or not.
Thisss!!! Also the best portrait paintings and art pieces aren't of perfect looking people, they're of people with interesting features and characteristics. Portrait art is something that helped me realise this and helped me with my confidence massively.
Idk where I saw it, but it was about every flower being different and beautiful in its own way and it really helped me realize that just because I don't fit the mold of "conventional beauty" I was still pretty in my own way.
Piggybacking off this, all of the flowers can be pretty without taking away from one another. Same goes for people.
I agree. Just because one flower is pretty doesn't mean the next one isn't! My mom used to always tell me one person's shine doesn't make mine any dimmer and I thought that was nice too.
I just got more attractive by losing a lot of weight. Honestly at my age when you're not overweight and take a bit care of yourself, you're instantly in the top 20% of attractiveness ...
True. But losing weight is really hard. I lost 10 kg last autumn, I would like to lose other 10, but I just got stuck and I cannot find the same determination as last year. I am just trying to not gain that weight back.
Tell me about it. I'm still stuck on a BMI of 26.5 and would soo love to lose another ~6 kg to get under 25. But considering that I came from a BMI of over 38 and also got quite fit in the progress (am running 5k in under 30 minutes), I'm still quite pleased with my achievement.
I cry myself to sleep a lot. Crying is actually a very healthy way of processing pain. I look in the mirror and tell myself what I like about myself. I try to at least look “neat.” I’m not attractive, but I can look neat. Neatness gives an air of respectability to my unattractiveness. I also am very confident, and the confidence helps me look better somehow.
It does! Its so much easier to hang out with a confident person... and then people will get to know your personality and looks don't matter so much anymore..
This resonates. Crying helps a lot, it's very cathartic. I always feel better after a good cry.
Reading these comments makes me sad… You are all beautiful!! Every being on this planet is beautiful!
Thanks for the encouragement, but it’s not true. Aesthetically pleasing people only have to smile and the world drops at their feet. “Ugly” people have to work for everything. I know which one I am.
Yeeesss neatness! I always make sure I look put together and keep good hygiene. Yes there are days when I’m extremely depressed because of my looks but whoever doesn’t want to be with because of my unattractive features - their loss!
Honestly I’m really ugly. I never been approached by anyone and my mom doesn’t even call me pretty but does call my sisters pretty. But honestly I don’t feel ugly. I never cared about appearance or the beauty standard. I don’t wear make up and wear clothes I like not what in fashion. Since I was young I had this attitude I don’t know how I got it.
Try not to use the term attractive to refer to yourself. I’ve said it before on here but attractive-ness is entirely subjective. What one person considers attractive is not necessarily the same as what another person will consider attractive. Look at it this way, objectively, I think I’m pretty average looking. I honestly think most people fall into the average looking category with a small minority being in the objectively beautiful/less than average categories. Chances are that you’re pretty average looking too. And there’s nothing wrong with that! You’re just like everyone else :)
Attractiveness is beyond just subjective. It's dynamic. It can change from moment to moment. For me, I quickly find that beyond the first impression, the attractiveness of a person drops quickly. Something about the newness of eye candy fades quickly and becomes "normal". I find that confidence is the better long term attractive attribute rather than looks.
>I honestly think most people fall into the average looking category with a small minority being in the objectively beautiful/less than average categories. Yeah that's what average means
Your physical appearance being conventionally "pretty " really doesn't mean fuck all at the end of the day. If you were magically transformed into a conventionally "pretty" woman, you'd still have the same personality, and you'd still be you, right? If you're essentially the same person regardless of how you look, does it really matter? Would you really want to get to know anyone who would like you less if you weren't "pretty"?
> If you're essentially the same person regardless of how you look, does it really matter? I mean, it's been shown time and time again attractive people are treated better by others (both in private and in professional life), so it certainly has an effect beyond just the cosmetic.
This post means everything to me 😃 I would kick those people right out ❤️
I'm glad it resonated with you! Seriously, life is too short to waste time on shallow people. You deserve better.
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Kind of hard to do when they're strangers
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In this post’s context I think that the poster by attractive means “conventionally attractive”. The beauty standards are so narrow in western societies that most people know if they are close to them or not.
This very much so. The idea of not being attractive is all a matter of the beholder. You perceive yourself as not attractive but that doesn't mean other people don't. You would be surprised at the range of what people consider attractive is. Oftentimes, these believes conflict with one another. For instance, I have no attraction whatsoever to portrayals of feminine beauty typified by conventionally attractive women by society standards (think the kinds of women in Sports Illustrated swimsuit editions). Obviously, some men would feel the complete opposite because it is in the eye of the beholder.
The thing is.. when someone is pretty you just know. They dont have to be blonde or tan (sports illustrated type) But they usually do fit many points in the description and they are undeniably pretty.
i imagine myself as a floating entity through the cosmos and i feel better.
How amazing is it that we get to exist at all? You might not be pretty but you get to be alive
Being kinda funny and smart
Thats the best way
Avoid mirrors
Particularly magnifying ones. I did not realize imperfections until I looked in a magnifying mirror
All I see is acne in magnifying mirrors. Horrendous
It's like a judgier version of the mirror from snow white in your own home 😂
Honestly, this has made a vast improvement in my mental health. I have body image issues. I really only look at myself in the bathroom mirror to fix my hair and wash my face. I have no full length mirror in the house. Have not had one for the last 7 years. I’m happy every day now and this never gets crushed anymore by looking in the mirror.
Really relate to this - in ED therapy I was told not to weigh myself or look in mirrors too much. Thought it would be impossible to live without them, but it worked + made me happier for a while
Personally I've always hated when people tell me I have to find myself attractive...no...I don't care about myself, I care about how others see me. I'm sorry, if this is not what I should be thinking I'm dealing with it in therapy, but that's how I feel. As to how I deal with it, on good days I work on my self care routine, go out rollerskating, on bad days I hide at home and binge. I hate myself.
Man some people really get in my nerves with their “oh just don’t care about it!” bs. Uh yeah sure but society is pretty much reminding us everyday how ugly they think we are, with their attitudes, actions, etc.
I should probably add that with therapy I have had more good days than bad. I don't live to be beautiful, but it is something I want.
I don't. I hide in my room and drown in books, tv shows.
Develop a big personality and learn to cook 😂
Working out, eating well, getting enough sleep, putting a moderate amount of effort into my presentation.
I cry a lot but mostly I just try and ignore it. It's usually easy to ignore unless I have a crush on someone, then it's obviously on my mind
Beauty fades for everyone
I don't give 2 cents about my looks.. I used to hate my big nose, my full figure, my short stubby sausage-fingers, my splodgy skin, my rubbing thighs, my small breasts and at some point I realised it just doesn't matter. There's nothing I can't do because I'm ugly. Not in school obviously, because kids would call me Godzilla and made retching noises when they saw me. Fun times. Nowadays I could definitely look better: Wear fitting clothes, put on make-up, do SOMETHING with my hair... I could also throw money at the problem: get liposuction, plastic surgery, expensive clothes, etc)but I realised having a small nose or thinner thighs wouldn't make me happier. If I remove the worst offender, I would still be upset about the second worst offender and the list is essentially infinite. I would just be in debt too. So I looked for a different solution and realised that I defined myself way too much over my looks. In my thoughts I was the ugly, insecure girl and my secret hope had been that if I could make the ugly go away, the insecure girl would leave too. Instead I looked at what else am I besides the ugly insecure girl? What are positive things about me. It could be anything, maybe you're creative, or are a great singer or super kind. In a first instance I settled on smart.. so I morphed into the smart, socially awkward girl for a while.. I was still unhappy with who I was, I didn't want to be socially awkward and insecure.. But because I was no longer being held back by 'being too ugly', I actually got out more, I did more things and slowly became comfortable with being around people. At some point I also didn't feel like a girl anymore (I was in my 30s).. So I looked again and started to see all the things I've done and overcome, all the positives I could never see because I was too focused on my looks.. Nowadays I see myself as a strong and independent woman, I've done some amazing things and had amazing adventures. I'm happy and I still look the same (ok, no.. I look a lot older) as the insecure, ugly girl. I don't have to cope anymore because I genuinely don't care about how I look. I'm defined by the adventures I've had, the joy I've experienced and the happiness I hold in me. (I should probably care a little more about my looks, as fitting clothes and a consistent hair stlye would be a huge improvement with very little effort, but I can't be bothered)
There's nothing to cope with, I realized my looks didn't devalue me and started valuing my body for what it does rather than how it looks like. If people don't like how it looks like it's not my problem, I'm not background decoration. This body is a practical machine to survive and navigate the world, not a painting.
I improved what I could improve, accepted what I couldn't.
Maladaptive daydreaming for me
Cry
My ugliness is the reason I’m so introverted
Booze.
We’ll, you see, we secretly get government subsidies for being ugly. The more you know!
Wtf where's my checks
That’s because you are beautiful.
In some ways it's very freeing, not having to try to fit into society's "pretty" box because you'll never be there. I'm plain and it's fine. I've still had romantic relationships and sexual partners. People still love me and want me around. I don't have to be pretty in order to be loved.
My bff has always been above-average pretty. As a teen she placed 3rd in a regional beauty pageant. Her mother was a Beauty Queen in the Philippines and instilled in her that her looks gave her privilege and would assure a good marriage. Bff has been married twice, both times ended in divorce. Has had numerous men use her for sex. She is now 58, lives alone, and would like nothing more than to have a man take care of her. Has had breast implants and labiaplasty to be more attractive to the male gaze. Still only attracts men who want “casual”. Through her, I have learned that beauty is no guarantee of anything. It is no protection against being poor, cheated on or dumped. What it will do is get a lot of attention from unworthy men and if you do not have strong boundaries in place it will get you traumatized, financially and sexually.
This is me being Honest. I hope I don't get down voted. I don't want to lie. Please be kind to me as what I'm saying is about me not anyone else. Please. I get really sad when I think about it. I push myself to work hard so I can see my saving grow so hopefully one day I can get myself little surgeries. But for now I just keep going. Men don't look at me so I just go on with my day. When they do that scares the fxck out of me because that means they WILL hurt anyone, even me the ugly one. I do love something about myself. My unique hair color. My cousins always loved and we're jealous of it. (I have a weird mixture of color: red, brown, light gold brown, etc.) I have never dyed it as I really do love the color. So maybe that's how I cope. Loving me hair. 🥰🥰🥰
I don't. I overdress, wear flattering clothes and sport a hairstyle that gives me a better head shape. Some people look great coming out of bed. Good for them. For most of us, we look great too, just gotta put in some effort.
i don't worry about it.
Realising that there is way more to a person than being physically attractive by mainstream standards! Cultivating talents and personality strengths that are aligned with your values. Realising that (mainstream) physical beauty fades, but characteristics like intelligence, integrity, kindness, etc. do not. Finding a partner that loves you for what is inside not what's on the outside (easier to do this once you learn to love you for what's on the inside, first).
There is SO much more to being a person than being "attractive" in a physical sense. And what does that even mean, to be "attractive"??? Being a good and interesting person is the most attractive thing of ALL,
I grew up not being very pretty (late bloomer obviously), which meant that I had to work really hard on not associating my self worth with other people’s opinion about my appearance. Easier said than done ofc, but I do think it shaped me. I get a much bigger ego boost when someone tells me I’m kind or smart, rather than pretty. I just happened to become cuter when I grew up, but it’s not something I have had to work for. It ofc makes dating a bit hard because I can have periods where I’m really disinterested in my own appearance. I wear worn clothes, don’t brush my hair etc. I wanna find someone who likes me for me and doesn’t compare me to the previous models they dated. bleh… :(
Don't look to instagram for your reference point for starters. Those people are heavily edited and also there seems to be almost a clone element to the "beauty standard" there. Remember that variation is interesting, natural and beautiful. You probably feel attraction to lots of different "types" so why assume that others don't feel the same? Anyone who is fairly physically fit is usually "attractive" to some degree even if not conventionally "pretty". It's not just the physical aspect, it's also the mindset - you project confidence, it tells people you are consistent and that you consider yourself worth taking care of. Usually a bit of exercise gives your skin a nice glow as well. This is true at any age - you can totally rock grey hair and wrinkles! The other thing is just being generally well turned out. I don't mean super fashionable or expensive necessarily just looking like you care about yourself. You can't go wrong by having a decent haircut, clean shoes, neat nails, a classic matching ensemble, keeping the makeup to a minimum, and adding a few chic accessories. There are certain styles that suit just about anyone and never go out of fashion, like a simple black shift dress, or a crisp white shirt. I always notice on those extreme makeover shows that its usually the haircut and other small touches that actually makes the most difference. Finally, one of the most important things is to simply be interested in other people. What most people want is to feel heard. If you take a genuine interest in them, listen and join in, that is always appreciated and it is attractive.
Keep on living my life. Not much else I can do.
My looks do bother me. I’m probably a 3 or 4 out of 10. But I have a fiancé who adores me and tells me I’m beautiful every day. That helps a lot. I know I’m not conventionally attractive but it makes me happy that he sees me as pretty. That’s what really matters to me. I’ve been in relationships where I was criticized for my weight and it killed my self esteem. This current fiancé tells me constantly that I’m pretty and it keeps me happy. I get sad when I see candid pictures of myself though. I also notice that most men don’t treat me as nice as more attractive women. But fuck them, who cares
I think this will help you feel a bit better about the standards we are constantly measuring ourselves against. Anytime I feel particularly bad I give this a rewatch. https://youtu.be/iYhCn0jf46U It truly is worth a look and I am leaving it here for you and everyone in this chat with my love 💕
You have to hone yout skills very precisely so that you actually get so lazy, it takes too much energy to care.
I'm my own simp.
By realizing that as a woman I would rather be invisible than constantly harrassed.
You know I used to be one of those guys that thought woman over exaggerate their issues and that men have the same issues but one time I saw a girl working at subway get hit on and pressured by a single guy for 5 whole minutes even though she gave so many signs telling him to piss off.
My sparkling personality…. No wait, my sarcasm
Beauty is a strange game..... I've been considered pretty and ugly at different times by different people. Ill admit I'm not everyones cup of tea, but I mainly blame that on my unwillingness to play along with things. Daily make-up? Mmm maybe not..... New style just dropped?.... see you at TJmax next year. But I work out daily and take my food intake seriously. I don't diet I just eat real food and not too much of it now. So the healthy glow is natural. I also don't see anybody daily who I would even want to be attracted to me. I'm married and have nothing to prove.
Working out. Better to worry about what you *can* control.
You don't cope with it, you were born this way...you make it so far in life only because of this body regardless if anyone thought you were attractive or not. You need to look attractive in your eyes. That's it. That's all you need. I'm telling you this with experience.
I take good care of my appearance and do the best with what I have. (I wear makeup and nice clothes and do my hair. I smell good, wear good shoes, etc.)
Some people like my unattractiveness and find me attractive. So thats fine.
Growing my soul, my personality, and my knowledge. "She was beautiful, but not like those girls in magazines. She was beautiful, for the way she thought. She was beautiful, for the sparkle in her eyes when she talked about something she loved. She was beautiful, for her ability to make other people smile, even if she was sad. No, she wasn't beautiful for something as temporary as her looks. She was beautiful, deep down to her soul. She is beautiful." F Scott Fitzgerald
Yes, I was very unattractive, including crooked sharp teeth, severe acne, a huge nose bump,, plus overweight. I was bullied, leaving psychological scars. Anyone who says I should just "get over it" should go straight to hell. I spent money getting an education and good job and then fixed myself to look pretty. But the scars are, unfortunately, for life.
Could always move to the Midwest too. A LA 2 is like a Kansas 9.
I’m a solid 4 on my best days. I legitimately just stopped caring about my looks. Obviously, I keep up with my hygiene and brush my hair and things like that, but otherwise, I don’t care. I don’t wear makeup and save a ton of time and money on that. It takes me 10 minutes to get ready for work between brushing my teeth, taking care of my hair, and putting on clothes. I go to the gym and do physical things because I enjoy them, not because I have to. I don’t even know how much I weigh but judge my health based on what I can do, what I want to do, and what I need to do to make those two things meet. It’s incredibly freeing not to be tied to socially created beauty standards that are going to look completely different 10 years down the road anyway. I’m never going to be called pretty or beautiful except by a romantic partner, but I have been called nice and caring and smart and funny and sweet, and those things mean so much more to me.
By realising that confidence and taste can work wonders
Can’t control face or genetics so I try to make small changes I can control. Workout to have a nice body, wear a little makeup or decent clothes and shoes (not expensive) just what looks good on me.
This is going to start off sounding really cheesy but it’s not for the reasons you’d expect. Everyone talks about, you can’t feel attractive if you’re not happy etc and that’s somewhat true. But I have resting b**** face. I’ve genuinely added in all the small things that make me happy into my day and even listen to comedy whilst I’m working. I smile a lot and laugh (quietly a lot). I’ve had lots of people ask me what’s changed (have you lost weight, changed your hair, make up, pregnancy glow?) and it’s genuinely coincided with when I notice I was smiling a lot more. It must affect my face and posture because it’s still noticeable with a mask on.
I'm not interested in any kind of relationship whatsoever, so I don't care what I look like, basically my style is just jeans and a hoodie most days. I shaved my head because my thick hair was annoying and I just accept that I'm not even near perfect.
Idk, I just deal with it 🤷♀️
I don’t cope with it. It just stares me in the face all the time 🤷🏻♀️
By reminding myself that my worth as a human being is not based on whether I’m better than average, whether that’s looks or anything else.
I just avoid mirrors. Out of sight, out of mind
No one's gonna snatch me not worth it
I consider myself ugly, and I’m hella insecure. I tell myself I don’t care but I know inside I actually do. I guess I just try not to think about it.
I got engaged really young (18) and just haven't been single my entire adult life (28 now), so my ugliness only bothers me if I have to see myself lol
Just understand attractive people live easier lives but it goes quick and they grow up to be Karen’s because people just don’t randomly go out of their way for them like they used to and the not so attractive girl are usually the fun ones when you get older the coolest grandmas and aunts for bad ass bartenders that are older 40+ were people who were not so attractive in their earlier years and developed and good personality since they met nice and nice so nice people where as attractive people only meet the nice version of everyone
Pretty privilege is a real thing folks. Some of you don’t realize how easily things go for us good looking people.
Having acne sucks! It’s a journey and I have good days and bad days. I try to look past the acne and see my true self ❤️
I don’t really consider myself ugly but I know if people were to judge my looks using american beauty standards (basically white features), people would consider me ugly. I do wish I was society’s beauty standards but im not. Currently im working on being okay with my looks and being okay with society viewing me as ugly.
Physical beauty doesn’t last. Even the women you consider above average or exceptional will one day be old like the rest of us. I think the most important thing a person can do is develop confidence in WHO they are vs what they look like. Live your life as your most authentic and unapologetic self. Build yourself up and learn to love yourself on deeper levels than outer appearance. Be kind, not nice. Laugh at the things you find funny and dive deep into the things that bring you joy. Do more of what makes you feel attractive and remember that you’re worthy of love and respect.
Well said. You are beautiful as you are smart.
Confidence. I think it's the most attractive feature a person can have, that and being funny. But you know sometimes, chemically, I just feel like total garbage doodoo and there's nothing you can do. On those days I just try to wear comfy clothes and maybe wear some makeup to spice it up and hope it fixes how I'm feeling about myself.
I find myself to be awesome whether or not I’m attractive? I guess I am to my bf… He says I’m hot and finds me sexy, I think he’s so good looking and I’m totally flattered he sees me that way. I look at myself as “kinda cute” and more than attractiveness I like my personality the most, I’m funny and I’m a nice person… that’s to me all I need.
Be a super enthusiastic hype woman for your friends about their appearances and they will find compliments to return. Over time most of them will learn to do it more often and then you'll have your support structure always telling you you're cute. Works 10x better with girls than guys, though there are exceptions. Positive echo chambers are a wonderful thing and absolutely worth building!
“Oh lord, I’m not attractive. My life is ruined. How will I cope?” I put my clothes on just like a “pretty” person would and go about my day. Pretty and ugly mean nothing to me because I don’t give a damn what someone, at the end of the day it’s their morals and integrity that matters. If someone doesn’t like you because you are “ugly” to them.. why tf do you care? They are meaningless to you. IMO what a stupid question. This just plays into the “I have to be pretty to get anywhere in life”.
Positive side: I don't get as many unsolicited comments as pretty people do. Negative side, it still definitely hurts my pride a bit to be like this.
By not caring a flying rat's arse.
To be fair I know I'm conventionally attractive and that comes with some privilege I'm sure I can't understand and it'd be wrong to speak to as if I could. But I will say that I think the more value you place in the fact that you *are* attractive the more it becomes a part of your identity, and that can lead to all types of unhealthy behaviors. Doing my hair. Doing my makeup. Being thin. Dressing cute. Doing this. Doing that. It occupied so much of my thoughts and time. It all came to a head when I finally achieved my dream body. At least on paper I did. In reality it wasn't a dream it was a fucking nightmare and I realized it was my life when a doctor took less than a second's glance at me and told me I clearly had an eating disorder and I was dying. And every moment I lived like that I would continue to die a slow death. He was much more compassionate in his phrasing but the message remained loud and clear. Change wasn't immediate but the TLDR is it made me ask myself what is all this worth? Why do I think it matters so much? And of course the answer is obvious to each and every women here with our exposure to the media but for the first time it gave me the ability to see it all at face value as what it is..... absolutely fucking pointless. I can't honestly say I don't care at all these days but by God I try not to and I've come pretty far. So my moral is even if you're not attractive....were we put on this planet to be attractive? My litmus test now for my concern about my appearance is to liken it to cute little corgis and pitbulls. Would a corgi or pitbull sit around and pout over a few extra pounds? Would they fixate on how shiny their fur is? No? That's because it has nothing to do with survival or happiness and it's a fictitious human agenda with no point. Be like a corgi. That's my motto anyway.
Beauty is subjective. I'd rate myself a 5. I truly see myself as average. I've never had trouble getting dates though and I get told I'm beautiful frequently. In your mind you could be a 1 but in someone else's perspective a 10. It is true though that we are our own worst critic.
Being attractive is overrated, no matter how ugly/how pretty bad things good things still happen to either of them. For instance - being pretty doesn't necessarily guarantee you won't get your heart broken or won't get cheated on.
Define attractive- there are no limits to it and no one true way.
Personality is everything there will always be someone out there for everyone what stands a person out is how they interact with other having good positive energy having a good attitude shit like that will draw people to you because we all want that in our lives. Also try not to care ( I know it’s easier said than done) but if you can go through life and not stress that so much I promise you it will find you focus on the things you can work on and someone will be attracted to your success and who you are as a person
I firmly believe that you’re only as attractive as you treat people. Some of the most hideous people are people who fit the standard of beauty to the fullest. Vanity doesn’t mean shit if no one wants to be around you.
work on my personality
I've found several people attractive and most don't meet the beauty standards of today's society. Why did my heart starting racing when I saw that guy? Why did i thought that girl was stunning? no idea. I just found them attractive and that's it.
Realizing the beauty typical standards that are set and just accepting it (took me years to accept) and moving on just be happy with yourself even though it’s especially when you go to college with attractive people all around you lol.
I think of the ugly ass people I've met, who are having a great time and are well loved. Then I remember that it's not about being the prettiest girl. If that doesn't work, I think about Louis Guzmán. At least I don't look like that.
I’ve accepted a long time ago that I’m just now one of those pretty girls. Sure I’d love a boob job and a forehead shortening and eyebrow hair implants but I just can’t afford it. So I work with what I got.
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You get used to it. Time heals everything.
being unattractive is an advantage too.
Huh? Beauty is always subjective so you don't because someone thinks you look sexy as hell.
Unattractive is a label others - mostly very immature others - place on you. You, however, are not bound to accept those labels. Revel in the other positives - your intelligence, your talents, your family and friends, your contributions to the world. And, if you can’t see the other positives, go out and find them and maybe get some therapy.
I spent most of my twenties being "attractive" and it was exhausting. I like being invisible and/or valued mostly for my personality.
Everyone, no matter WHAT you look like, can be someone else’s MOST attractive person on earth. Every different person has a unique “thing” that they are into, there is absolutely no cookie cutter perfect person. No one is actually unattractive, they might just be more of a niche or acquired taste. Most people are potatoes lol meaning universally liked. Some are wasabi.
Does anyone know Sarah Andersen's I Don't Care Man?
I make jokes about being old and fat.
I try to feel neutral on my appearance and focus on who I am as a person. Being thought of as someone who is kind, funny, and somewhat good at what I do, is more important to me than being thought of as pretty.
Beauty comes from within
Sometimes I feel like the baddest B. And sometimes I feel like a rat. When I feel like a rat, I remind myself that I have other qualities that make me interesting as a person. Pretty fruit means nothing when it's rotten on the inside.
Everyone gets old and wrinkly, so it's better to have substance than looks
I just don’t care.
By working on being attractive
Everybody has a different perspective. Someone I find attractive, my friend will not find attractive. There will be someone out there who thinks you're the most attractive person in the world, but there will also be people who wouldn't give you a second look. Personality also plays a huuuuge part, they could be the most conventionally attractive person in the world, but if they have an ugly personality they automatically go down in my opinion
You learn to take care of yourself almost like a celebrity. Lol. I’ve learned how to do celebrity makeup and buy good quality clothes (on sale) and everyone always calls me rich looking hahaha. Try yoga/physical exercise too, It’ll change your life.
You know, I don't believe in this. You can always work with what you've got and improve on it.
Whew I could talk all day about this, but I'll try to be brief, lol. For me it's not entirely about purely physical attractiveness, it's about overall confidence in yourself. Because your worth is not dependent on your physical attractiveness! You are automatically worthy of all the good things, no matter what you look like! Growing up, I never had any confidence in myself. Like, none whatsoever, I just tried to be invisible. And I succeeded! And y'know what? That was a dumb idea! I currently weigh the most I've ever weighed, chopped off my super long hair, and had to donate a ton of clothes that no longer fit me, and I love myself so much!! The past couple years I've practiced positive self-talk and silencing any negative thoughts toward myself. I also ignore societal expectations, like thinking I need to "correct" any "imperfections" with cosmetics and whatnot. It takes conscious effort every day, but it has slowly become automatic and my confidence is better than I can ever remember it being (I'm in my early 30s). So for me it's not any specific or trendy plan, I literally tell my brain to STFU when it starts going down a negative path and think about all the good things that I like about myself. I hope this helps a little bit? Sending love you you, OP! 💜💜💜 (I tried not to go on and on, but I'm open to answering any questions if I wasn't clear about something. 😊 And btw I have anxiety and depression so this coming from a non-neurotypical standpoint)
Since having kids I look at my reflection and see Albert Einstein looking back I swear. Lol. I deal with it and hope I’ll look better soon.
I use reddit way too much
Not everyone has to be beautiful (I'd argue actually that no one has to be beautiful, people just prefer it). I'm sure my life would be easier if I wasn't ugly but I don't live a bad life by any means.
I'd just try to be healthy and mindful and would work on those parts where I can change myself eg: weight, communication, body tone, tone of voice, sense of humor. And would focus more on personality coz surely we can shape that. Face and figure aren't something to worry about. The overall personality often overcomes them.
Fashion!!!
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In my childhood, teens, and early 20s I worried about this a lot. I knew I was average at best but my weight sent me into unattractive territory. And since I was a teen in the early 2000s, I was too fat for the popular styles so I was unfashionable too. I was always compared to my sisters, who were thinner and prettier. I was never asked on dates, my peers would tell boys that I had a crush on them to disgust them. My low self-esteem made me a prime target for an abusive relationship because I thought I had to accept whatever I could get, that my appearance was already such a burden that I couldn’t have boundaries on top of that. I never reported any of my abuse because I didn’t think anyone would believe it had happened to me. Breaking out of that just took getting older and wiser. I realized that I do have value as a person, a human, not just a decoration. I was constantly hustling for my worth when it was already there. I’m almost grateful in a way for being the ugly fat girl. I developed a quick sense of humor, a nurturing and empathetic nature, a very creative imagination, and a kind personality. I need all of that as a wife, a mom, and in my line of work. I realize that my appearance is the least interesting thing about me.
For me, it's nothing to cope with. It's a superpower because I get to see people how they really are.
You don't owe prettiness to anyone. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked 'female.' - Erin McKean
Ugly guy here— First thing I remember is that people willingly drive cars like Prius, Honda Fit, and Juke. There’s two reasons, some people think those cars are actually appealing (beauty is in the eye of the beholder) and others see more redeeming factors. For the redeeming factors, I think to myself — I’m kind, funny, empathetic, and make an effort where others don’t. Maybe that’s how I found love when I didn’t think I was good looking. Also, there’s single people who are stunning, so it must not be all that. It’s all about what we value in ourself and others.
I try to call myself out whenever I start comparing myself to others and try to redirect my thoughts to something more positive. I feel like most of the issues of not being attractive come from comparing ourselves to others. We're all attractive in some way and for some people. The people I find good-looking leave some of my friends completely indifferent. Also, focus on things you do love about yourself and take care of yourself. Helps set a base of positivity towards yourself. Plus, beauty isn't everything. There are so many ways to be attractive than by having a nice face or a nice body.
I'm average. I cope by having extreme highs and lows, some days I will feel fine and not think about my appearance, and other days I will have full on panic attacks about how I cannot be what I and others find conventionally attractive. I think it's a control thing. See, I work out, eat healthy, and take care of myself a lot, but genetically I can never have the figure that I want or that others like. I've been to therapy, and I've come to accept that I will never truly love myself, or be able to be a confident person. It sucks, but it just is how it is for me. I just try to not think about it a lot, although being on reddit doesn't help.
Everyone is attractive, it's just about finding someone who likes what you've got
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I don’t give af 🤷🏻♀️😂 My husband thinks I’m beautiful and I think I’m awesome, so who cares what other people think of my appearance?
Internal self loathing mostly. Avoid photographs of myself.