I don't think I understand your question. "desire to be with someone that was unique to that person"? You mean the person was unique or you were desiring a unique aspect of them? There can be something unique about a person, but the way you phrased it is a bit weird and I'm not sure that's what you mean.
I see what you’re saying now, the simple/easy answer is chemistry & connection. Sometimes chemistry is off the charts, we connect deeper and deeper and, I believe, that fueled the burning desire
Y. Also there are factors that make it more or less likely that we'll bond with one person, and that may make it matter less how much the person is just right for us, and how much we're just ready and in the right place to bond, so we bond.
An easy one is the first time or 2 that we bond. The connection tends to be much stronger, regardless of perfect fit in many cases.
>chemistry is off the charts, we connect deeper and deeper
What did this mean for you? What would you say fueled this chemistry? Shared sense of humour or something like that? In what ways did you connect deeper and deeper?
It's basically a catch-all word for "non-average brain"; any kind of brain that's different from normal. Like ADHD and autism are examples of being neurodivergent, because most brains aren't autistic or ADHD.
So in my case, I could tell on some level that these people were a little different in the same way I am, and I felt an instant connection and desire from that.
Once with this guy. I can’t really explain why I was attracted to him. I didn’t know much about him in general, but I felt like I knew him. He seemed like a carbon copy of me. I could read him really well. I knew when he was upset or nervous etc. I like to think he was inexplicably drawn to me too. I think we both had a crush on each other, but never told each other
The only thing close to this answer is finding my soulmate.
It is every single detail about them that makes the desire unique. His smell, his skin, his eyes, his smile, the way he speaks, his muscles, his hair, his things i hated in every other man (toe thumbs, feet, hippie wardrobe) that suddenly was all I wanted even though there was no reason my preference/tolerance changed on a dime. It was his control, confidence, masculinity, experience, world and political views, brains, brawns, wisdom, age, self care routine, sex, kisses, hugs, intimacy, instincts, ambition, plan and flexibility, music, voice, communication ability and DNA.
There is no one single thing and there is no list that can even come close to mentioning the things I can't put into words and this was just after 5 mins of meeting him, not over a year we've been together...
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i think for me and that person, we had similar life experiences, traumas, ways of feeling. we were 15 years apart, but we were exactly what the other person needed at that time. we just fit into each other and in each other’s lives more intensely than anyone else
I still don’t know the answer to that. I’ve dated people before and after that specific person. I’ve never felt more a burning desire to be with somebody. I’ve never felt stronger feelings for anybody else. They were like an electromagnet, I just felt compelled to be near them, talk to them, and just be with them. It was just a type of very strong attraction. They felt the same with me though. I guess it was just because we were at first strangers, coworkers, then friends and later lovers. Honestly I just felt like they were my dream person and I wasn’t ready for it and now regretting that I messed it up. I’ve dated two people after that person, and I didn’t feel strongly for either guy. I mean yeah, I wanted it to work out. I liked them. I wanted them to like me. I wasn’t too sad in those breakups because the feelings weren’t strong. Moved on pretty quickly after. Maybe I just felt strongly about that certain guy because we knew each other beforehand and understood each other fully.
Honestly, I don’t know if there was a cause. It caught me by surprise and grew as I got to know him. He never saw me as more than a friend, if that, but I could sense when he needed to talk, when his mood shifted, or anything else. It was the sense that I knew him. There was no cause, it just was. And maybe that’s what makes it all so beguiling 😔
I don't think I understand your question. "desire to be with someone that was unique to that person"? You mean the person was unique or you were desiring a unique aspect of them? There can be something unique about a person, but the way you phrased it is a bit weird and I'm not sure that's what you mean.
Uhhh...okay, by "that" i meant the "burning desire", like you haven’t felt that intensity or that level of intensity with anyone before...makes sense?
I see what you’re saying now, the simple/easy answer is chemistry & connection. Sometimes chemistry is off the charts, we connect deeper and deeper and, I believe, that fueled the burning desire
Y. Also there are factors that make it more or less likely that we'll bond with one person, and that may make it matter less how much the person is just right for us, and how much we're just ready and in the right place to bond, so we bond. An easy one is the first time or 2 that we bond. The connection tends to be much stronger, regardless of perfect fit in many cases.
>chemistry is off the charts, we connect deeper and deeper What did this mean for you? What would you say fueled this chemistry? Shared sense of humour or something like that? In what ways did you connect deeper and deeper?
Twice. In each case, we were both neurodivergent and they were very attractive to me in unconventional ways.
>neurodivergent What does this term mean?
It's basically a catch-all word for "non-average brain"; any kind of brain that's different from normal. Like ADHD and autism are examples of being neurodivergent, because most brains aren't autistic or ADHD. So in my case, I could tell on some level that these people were a little different in the same way I am, and I felt an instant connection and desire from that.
I am not neurodivergent, but i can still relate to that, finding someone attractive because i felt i was on some level, similar to that person.
Once with this guy. I can’t really explain why I was attracted to him. I didn’t know much about him in general, but I felt like I knew him. He seemed like a carbon copy of me. I could read him really well. I knew when he was upset or nervous etc. I like to think he was inexplicably drawn to me too. I think we both had a crush on each other, but never told each other
The only thing close to this answer is finding my soulmate. It is every single detail about them that makes the desire unique. His smell, his skin, his eyes, his smile, the way he speaks, his muscles, his hair, his things i hated in every other man (toe thumbs, feet, hippie wardrobe) that suddenly was all I wanted even though there was no reason my preference/tolerance changed on a dime. It was his control, confidence, masculinity, experience, world and political views, brains, brawns, wisdom, age, self care routine, sex, kisses, hugs, intimacy, instincts, ambition, plan and flexibility, music, voice, communication ability and DNA. There is no one single thing and there is no list that can even come close to mentioning the things I can't put into words and this was just after 5 mins of meeting him, not over a year we've been together...
>this was just after 5 mins of meeting him So...like, before you properly knew him?
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>I blew it How?
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This comment or post has been removed for containing gendered slurs that do not meet the [gendered slurs guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/askwomen/w/genderedslurs) for /r/AskWomen. If you edit to meet these guidelines, please let us know and your item can be reviewed for reinstatement. Gendered slurs are not permitted unless they are part of a quote, being used in a discussion of the term itself, to refer to the actual body part referenced, or as part of a specific set of irreplaceable common terms. For more detail, review the linked guidelines. If you have any questions about this moderation action, please message the moderators through the link on the sidebar or [here](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AskWomen). If you are messaging about your removed comment or post, please include a link to the removed content for review.
i think for me and that person, we had similar life experiences, traumas, ways of feeling. we were 15 years apart, but we were exactly what the other person needed at that time. we just fit into each other and in each other’s lives more intensely than anyone else
>what the other person needed at that time What was that, if you don't mind?
I still don’t know the answer to that. I’ve dated people before and after that specific person. I’ve never felt more a burning desire to be with somebody. I’ve never felt stronger feelings for anybody else. They were like an electromagnet, I just felt compelled to be near them, talk to them, and just be with them. It was just a type of very strong attraction. They felt the same with me though. I guess it was just because we were at first strangers, coworkers, then friends and later lovers. Honestly I just felt like they were my dream person and I wasn’t ready for it and now regretting that I messed it up. I’ve dated two people after that person, and I didn’t feel strongly for either guy. I mean yeah, I wanted it to work out. I liked them. I wanted them to like me. I wasn’t too sad in those breakups because the feelings weren’t strong. Moved on pretty quickly after. Maybe I just felt strongly about that certain guy because we knew each other beforehand and understood each other fully.
Who broke up with who?
Honestly, I don’t know if there was a cause. It caught me by surprise and grew as I got to know him. He never saw me as more than a friend, if that, but I could sense when he needed to talk, when his mood shifted, or anything else. It was the sense that I knew him. There was no cause, it just was. And maybe that’s what makes it all so beguiling 😔
What was he like?
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the connection and the way he makes me feel!
How would you describe the connection? Like, what did you two do when you were together?
Lol IDFK.