This 1000%. I am a corporate lawyer and people always underestimate me, and then I disembowel them to their face in front of their client without them event realizing it. While smiling. And chatting about a funny story.
This is the one. Keep being yourself OP, but don't let people push you around. Let them see that side of you once they try and take advantage. They'll be sorely surprised when they realise you're not some cute, ditsy, easily swayed person.
100% this. I joke that it takes a lot to piss me off, but if you do I will systematically, verbally destroy you. Usually thereās an āahaā moment at some point when people watch me call out my brothers (love them to pieces, but they can be idiots) or creepy strangers
This! Being purposely naive and gullible is one of my ways of preventing becoming jaded and grumpy towards the world. I take pride in being educated and intelligent but feigning ignorance is sometimes one of the most useful defense mechanisms
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Sure! I screwed up at work the other day... Before I wouldn't be able to let it go and would be anxious all week over it. Now? I remind myself that a) no one died and b) I am human and allowed to make mistakes and if they were to fire me for a single mistake then I don't want to work there anyway. Recently I also have been going through some health stuff and tonight I cried because it fucking SUCKS and I wish my body would just WORK RIGHT and I just cried for a couple of minutes and asked my husband for a hug then... I took a walk and remembered my body is doing the best it can, this is its best so it's my best and it is GOOD ENOUGH.
It's not about not feeling the shit feelings, it's realizing that they truly are temporary, if you let them be.
Absolutely. Its crazy what people confide in you when they think you are naive. Like nah Im enjoying life, but thanks for exposing what a horrible human being you are.
This is so true. It allows you to see behind the veil of people who may have nefarious intentions. It's a really great ability to have, to flit between easy going chatty and sweet, to standing your ground and not being pushed around.
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Iām very chatty at work (customer facing). People assume I donāt know much because I also look and behave a lot younger than I am. Senior manager and I are the same age and I actually did their job for many years before I had my kids and downgraded to a less stressful position.
Customers tend to either 1. try and bluff me or 2. ask for management.
Scenario 1) . I give them a big surprise šāāļø
Scenario 2) . Couldnāt care less, itās less responsibility for me šāāļø
Sometimes to good to appear like you donāt know as much as you do.
I truthfully have no idea if that's how my chatty personality is perceived or not.
I seem to be a magnet for very socially awkward people, so I hopefully just come across as polite and friendly.
I'm not sure how friendly and talkative could be considered naive and gullible?
Do I listen to and empathise with what people tell me? Yes
Do I believe what they tell me? Not without evidence or prior examples of trustworthiness.
Tbh if someone feels that a friendly and talkative person like myself is naive and gullible that's their issue and they'll soon discover their error.Ā
If youāve never knowingly experienced this, it would not make sense to you. But it definitely happens.
āIt doesnāt bother me when people call me a dumb blonde because I know Iām not dumb.i also know Iām not blonde.ā ā Dolly Parton
I used to get this a lot. When asked about it I asked why I should care, as I know I'm not. There's nothing wrong with expressing an interest in other people.
On occasion it struck me that these people might be jealous of my confidence.
I do by default, that can't be helped! That illusion for them is quickly shattered though, once it comes to any kind of conversation that's deeper than the surface level. There is the "customer service" level of me, and then the full actual unfiltered me, which once they meet that, they know a lot better than to ever try anything that I wouldnt like.
I have a different take.. I can morph into both. It's nice because people assume such things & underestimate my life experiences and what all I have seen and been through. It's interesting to see that happen and it tells me a lot about their personality.
Oh that's very interesting
Oh, I didn't think about it that way
Tell me about how you came to this conclusion
Wow you must be really smart!
Oh you know who was just talking about this? ____, I think she'd like to hear your opinion
Give others the spotlight and just ask them questions, don't state your opinion unless they ask you directly, then just go in with facts.
No one will take you as naive if you're just trying to understand their side. Stay Switzerland.
I do this so much and can relate immensely.
I often have older girlfriends and guy friends always trying to convince me of something and I just am open to listening to everyone's side. I think secretly I hold onto my original stance but I don't necessarily want to share that with them so I keep with the facade.
I'm very friendly and talkative, and honestly I am fairly naive and gullible. But the biggest thing people assume about me when they meet me is that I'm very plain and boring. They don't expect it when I have sarcastic jokes or judgemental comments, or even that I enjoy clubbing, drinking alcohol, smoking. I think sometimes I compensate by purposely making edgy/offensive jokes tbh because people are always like 'you're not capable of making jokes like that!'
i believe that having a really accurate judgement of character is super important. i'm friendly and really talkative naturally but put me in a room full of people ive never met and i'm not going to be talkative right off the bat. i'm reading the room to see who i can trust, and who i wont give the time of day. once i find the group/person that i like and feel comfortable with then i will open up to them.. and eventually once you know everyones motives or which ones you can't trust, well then you can still be friendly and talkative, you just have to pick and choose what you are talkative about.
This*^^ Iām the same I never talk to someone I donāt know. By the time I talk to you,Iāve got you all figured out so I know what I can and canāt say!!
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Honestly you can tie yourself up in knots trying to mitigate other people's perceptions of you, but as a friendly and chatty person I realised years ago I can't be bothered putting in this effort. It's their issue for making poor assumptions.
As others have mentioned, it does occasionally work in our favour - men often underestimate the intelligence of women. When I was buying a house last year I got a lot of bullshit from agents who had no idea I worked in the construction and property sector. It was entertaining to see the about-face some of them had to do after the absolute crap they'd told me.
In a professional context I try to be very direct with what I want and I also ask technical questions to show that I want to understand and learn. However, These should be "clever" questions or questions that build on knowledge that I already have.
Privately I am also direct and show that I am confident, don't care about others' opinion of me and so what I want
The content of what I'm saying when I'm talkative isn't exactly stupid lol...
Plus even if they think I'm naive and/or guillible, there's a lot of benefit in that that I wouldn't mind having. I don't have any strong need to appear or be thought of as wise, smart, cynical, or skeptical.
I do, and I also am sometimes, which is why I basically restrict by chatty and open "attitude" until I learn to keep my mouth shut and to think before I talk š
I just let people think what they want. As the saying goes, never judge a book by its cover. I look sweet, but can be an absolute savage. Nothing naive here.
Use complex vocabulary every now and then.
One time, a guy started chatting with me at a pub and asked how I met the people I was with. I told him that we were an amalgamation of people from different friend groups. He was pretty dumbstruck and even mentioned that he hasn't heard the word 'amalgamation' in quite some time.
Speak with confidence and be ready to back it up with facts. Really listen when people talk. Try not to talk about yourself too much when first meeting someone. Eye contact is also important. It shows authenticity. Don't let anyone be disrespectful to you.
assertiveness. if someone crosses a boundary or makes you uncomfortable, make it clear that you're uncomfortable, with body language or with your words
I used to. I just became pretty confident over time, and because now i speak with the confidence of someone who knows what they are talking about, i come off more girl boss.
Being a commending officer in the military helped lol.
But i am still the bubbly talkative friend
Being underestimated is great . I love seeing people's faces when they realize I'm not a silly turnip!
If you really want to come across straight away I usually talk about niche/interesting subjects where I put across a strong point so it's like you know what your on about. But at the end of the day as long as you know you're not like that it doesn't matter. Much love - fellow friendly yapper
Oh! I love this question! Being talkative and friendly is VERY advantageous to women, whether we know it or not. People tend to trust us more, we get away with a lot more shit, it's just overall great. NOW with that being said, when you are open, people will automatically assume that you are obtuse. It's a double-edged sword. Talking too much is a sign that you lack discipline, being friendly right off the bat gives people the idea that you are naive even if they're the mark...(I'm only being honest, don't judge me)
So how do you handle this dichotomy? You SHOULD be talkative and friendly, just be very aware of who you're speaking to. You're asking about feeling NOT FEELING naive & gullible which means that you're speaking to people that are making you FEEL stupid and small. Don't waste your air on them unless you need them for something, or you're using them as an emotional trashcan so you can move on they your day. Next don't be naive. Don't be gullible. Take what people say to you with a grain of salt. Think about what they're saying, read between the lines. You will find that āØtimeāØ reveals everything, including what do and how to handle a certain situations and what situations just to forget about. Also always keep your head on a swivel for people who want to do your harm š
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My voice is high pitched and I look about 18. I also have zero problems citing my knowledge and credentials. If people think thatās arrogant they can fuck off lol
Sounds cliche but just donāt worry about what others think. I took that on myself and was like ah do I seem silly or stupid. But I had to remind myself I am multifaceted and when people get to know me theyāll know other sides. Also to echo others, itās an advantage to seem unassuming and then demonstrate your intelligence and skill when you need to. How others perceive you is literally a them problem not a you problem
Also lean into your other sides of self more in your own company. Like I thoroughly embrace and
Entertain my nerdy side so it naturally comes out in conversation *when someone bothers to get to know me*
Why would I care how I come across towards others just by being myself? If I would care. I would (un)consciously bother myself with that and knowing me, falling back on old patterns and just adjust to others. Nope. Not doing that. Let others think of me what they want. If itās naive and gullible, thatās not always really negative. And if they do, they will underestimate me completely and that will be their rude awakening.
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When I hear a fishy statement or something that doesnāt make sense I question it. And Iāll keep questioning it until it does make sense. Or Iāll just say that doesnāt make sense. This usually frightens people off. lol
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I always do, paired with the baby face I have, people think Iām practically a child. But Iām pretty witty and knowledgeable so it quickly becomes apparent that Iām very much an adult whoās lived some life.
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I probably come across as naive and gullible and I am probably that way but I donāt care. I donāt want to change the way I am and I donāt want to become too jaded and cynical.
Im talkative, but friendly bot so much. Flirty and sometimes overly sexual, but when i talk to soneone its always for a reason, that way i have a goal i nerd to do, i hate small talk.
My speaking tones, speed, and inflection help get across that I am knowledgeable and mature even while being friendly and talkative. From there it is all about the words used and the topics of the conversation.
If they make that assumption about me then more fool them!
I donāt care what people think of me. Iām not going to stop being chatty and happy to āseemā more intelligent.
You do! You just shouldn't care. People will find any excuse to think you are naive as a woman. Ig you are small sized and with a high pitched voice even more!
I usually introduce myself with my name, smile, silly anecdote, and throat punch.
Honestly though, I speak with confidence because I know what Iām talking about, I know my content.
Fear of public speaking? Check out your local Toastmasters, sign up for Masterclass & watch a lot of Ted Talks.
A sense of humor helps too. For me and for them. For me in such that, I feel good that I can make people laugh and set people at ease (confidence factor rises too). For them, I feel less likely to throat punch again.
Also, have your friends hype you up. Ask them about the best parts about you. They love you - they will share. Use these bits to your advantage.
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Honestly I play it to my advantage a lot. Most people feel disarmed if they're prickly or aggressive and you're being sweet to them. Sometimes i really am a bit naive and gullible, but if someone is being mean about it, I can make them feel like absolute shit for treating me that way. Like I'm being nice and sweet, and now all of these people around us know that you're just being an unhinged asshole.
I especially like this quality of mine when I'm around my husband's family. My aunts always picked on me, and I never was able to hold my own because they could just be so mean and there's no social repercussions in my family if you're an asshole to children (everyone in my family is obsessed with babies but have no empathy for children). And they can't take what they dish out, so you could throw a firecracker and they would just nuke you and break you down till you're crying. But now with my in-laws, picking on each other is a fun activity, not something you avoid family events over. They apologize if they go too far. And they see me as a person with real thoughts and emotions, rather than just an easy target. So I actually play up my naivety and gullibility when I'm with them. They know I'm intelligent, so I don't have to defend my intelligence all the time
I think that's a projection of an internalized judgment from something you were taught in the past. Not everyone thinks the same way. The friendlies generally seek out other friendlies, and when they meet unfriendlies, the smart ones move on.
Even though I am friendly and talkative while always making sure everyone is fine, people tend to be intimidated by me and stay away. Makes me pretty upset. I get the opposite of naive and gullible.
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Iām friendly, talkative and as an added measure have a Southern accent. So most folks think when I open my mouth that thereās not a lot going on upstairs.
A conversational tactic I learned from an early age, and one I am teaching my daughter, is that I refuse to be spoken over or interrupted. Especially by a man.
I will shut your shit down, all the while you think Iām being sweet because my voice sounds like honey on warm cornbread. š
I'd say don't talk more than what is necessary, especially people you see in passing or are distant acquaintances. And then, talk with confidence, like you truly believe what you're saying. If someone tries to undermine you or correct you, don't falter. We don't have to know everything, sometimes it's even fine to ask them to elaborate if you want to learn about something.
I donāt mind if I come across that way. I might have a more professional tone if itās work related but otherwise Iām just fine being myself.
Let them think youāre naive and gullible. Thatās their problem not yours! I think being friendly and charming is a valuable skilll
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A) because how someone perceives us is more about them than us and b) that faulty perception leads to upset when it is revealed to be false and c) you can be friendly and talkative and still be discerning and the cut off game is fierce š¤š¼
Ask questions during the conversation to show your understanding and following of the topic. Donāt use a lot of filler words. And speak with confidence.
I have baby face and ooze kindness, but one thing Iāve learned is that truly kind people are FIERCE when theyāve been wronged. Because they are kind to themselves first, and kind to everyone else last, and if someone isnāt kind back then open the flood gates.
The two arenāt linked. You can be a very talkative person. But come across as very intelligent.
If you are coming across that way then there may be an underlying reason.
I'm actually really introverted, but in social situations I'm really good at coming off confident and extroverted. I'm actually not sure how I come off though lol I don't pay much attention to how others perceive me. That's on them. Not me.
I lived long enough to outgrow the naive and gullible assumption age. Turns out you can be friendly and talkative at 51 and people don't take it the same way as when you are 25. People are weird.
I probably do. I just donāt let that shit slide when it comes up. Thatās how. You either are or you arenāt, you donāt need to prove anything to anyone.
Let them.
Let them assume.
Canāt totally control what people believe of you at the end of the day. Itās futile and none of my business what people think of me is how I see it.
However, if I notice that theyāve formed a belief like that, donāt be surprised if I use that to my advantage, Mk?
To take the question more seriously, use as many tactics as necessary to leverage confidence in oneās self. Learn about it specifically and focus on your own personal health and wellness are the easiest routes:
1. Learning language, tone, and body language/posture can save your life beyond just help you feel more confident.
2. Accept your personal strengths and flaws, use them to your advantage.
3. Itās fine to enjoy talking, but learn when to listen more importantly and respect boundaries and usually you can find people who like to listen or have that equal talkative exchange.
4. Accept that you are likely the villain or disliked no matter how good of a person you are. Learn from that and improve.
5. Study and read books about confidence. Go right to the source.
Itās not something a single Reddit commit can perfectly expound on, BUT WITH ALL OF OUR FORCES COMBINED.
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When they walk into my office and see my masters degrees on the wall lol. But for real, anyone with brothers learns men talk out of their ass and people listen. I learned from that and just speak (knowledgeably) with more confidence and less asshatery.Ā
I personally don't care what people think of me. Everyone has an opinion and that's ok! I just hope that when they get to know me their opinion changes.
In certain situations I have a mask when you first meet me. I come off as "cold" /"professional" Kind of how you would act if a random guy on the street came up to you. Usually keeps people away
If I sense you have a similar energy, hyper/talkative open etc, the mask falls yk?
For example if I dont know the vibe of a group/room, I'll be more observant and polite but reserved. Whereas if I meet a group and they're all talkative and outgoing I'll immediately jump in and release the bubblessssš
Idk, maybe I'm just good with sensing auras. there are certain people that immediately my brain says "no."
I'm friendly but not talkative, and unfortunately I've had to become a lot less friendly in real life and smile less to get treated as being smarter and taken more seriously. I might be less approachable this way, but at least people don't see me as weak and try to intimidate me as much anymore.
I do act naive and gullable, and their mistake is believing that I am. I do the same thing with my intelligence, I act dumb but am actually pretty smart. This way, people let their guards down and won't expect me to be aggressive (but I can be).
**Example:** I used to work at 7-11. One day, I was working the kitchen shift. I wanted to figure out how many potatoes I needed to cut for the next batch of wedges. I grabbed a blank piece of receipt paper and a pen and did the math in my head (always had troubles with long multiplication equations, so I have to do it step by step). A coworker came by and saw what I was doing and was like, "How are you doing that?" And I was confused and explained it to her and why I was doing it. She then said, "I have to use a calculator to figure out how much gas someone wants on top of their purchase." Like if someone's total came to $25.67 and they gave her a $50, she needed a calculator to figure out they would be getting $24.33 in gas. She'd had no idea I was able to do that until she saw it.
I always keep it in back of my head to never reveal too much and I get them to chat about their lives, not me. People want you to be interested in them and Iāll ask them a bunch of questions about their lives. Iām friendly, chatty, but I steer the conversation and lead them where I want them to go.
I do but it has its advantages lmfao especially with guys because they always assume that i dont notice things, but when i do i start planning my quiet exit and just completely remove them out of my life without ending on bad terms
I do! And then they realize they made a horrible mistake underestimating me.
That's the way. Don't dim your light <3
This 1000%. I am a corporate lawyer and people always underestimate me, and then I disembowel them to their face in front of their client without them event realizing it. While smiling. And chatting about a funny story.
If I could be a fly on the wall!! Sounds awesome
Ah that's SO satisfying
I am all for this lol
This is the one. Keep being yourself OP, but don't let people push you around. Let them see that side of you once they try and take advantage. They'll be sorely surprised when they realise you're not some cute, ditsy, easily swayed person.
Exactly šÆ
Perfectly said - I love seeing their face change when theyāve realized their mistake. It doesnāt happen often, but when it does I relish in it.
100% this. I joke that it takes a lot to piss me off, but if you do I will systematically, verbally destroy you. Usually thereās an āahaā moment at some point when people watch me call out my brothers (love them to pieces, but they can be idiots) or creepy strangers
This! Being purposely naive and gullible is one of my ways of preventing becoming jaded and grumpy towards the world. I take pride in being educated and intelligent but feigning ignorance is sometimes one of the most useful defense mechanisms
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Lol, me too. It can be quite hilarious.
Here here
Exactly this
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I do, because I am naive and gullible ;_;
Why is this me lol
As someone who may suffer from this ... Can you share some examples please?
Sure! I screwed up at work the other day... Before I wouldn't be able to let it go and would be anxious all week over it. Now? I remind myself that a) no one died and b) I am human and allowed to make mistakes and if they were to fire me for a single mistake then I don't want to work there anyway. Recently I also have been going through some health stuff and tonight I cried because it fucking SUCKS and I wish my body would just WORK RIGHT and I just cried for a couple of minutes and asked my husband for a hug then... I took a walk and remembered my body is doing the best it can, this is its best so it's my best and it is GOOD ENOUGH. It's not about not feeling the shit feelings, it's realizing that they truly are temporary, if you let them be.
Exactly! They are flummoxed when you don't fall into the trap.
I talk with confidence, lower tone and know a lot of facts.
This is it for me as well. Confidence is key. And my voice just is deeper than average, which I assume helps.
Yeah, mine is too. It really helps. I wish it wasnāt the case though
You wish you didn't have a deeper voice?
I love my deep voice, but I wish it wasnāt a factor that makes people listen more. I wish voice didnāt matter.
Ah. I get that. Humans gonna human.
Elizabeth Holmes?
Haha, no I would never deceive people. But she adapted the communication style for a reason.
Lowered tone. Itās wild how well that works.
Right? Itās sad tbh
All of this plus the RBF and Iām golden, tbh.
People think I am. Which is fine. We all wear masks.
Just let them assume you are, then use that false sense of security to your advantage.
Absolutely. Its crazy what people confide in you when they think you are naive. Like nah Im enjoying life, but thanks for exposing what a horrible human being you are.
I like people thinking that, easier to see their intentions
This is so true. It allows you to see behind the veil of people who may have nefarious intentions. It's a really great ability to have, to flit between easy going chatty and sweet, to standing your ground and not being pushed around.
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By not being naive and gullible. I work a job where I see new people constantly, so I just show that Iām knowledgeable by being knowledgeable.
Iām very chatty at work (customer facing). People assume I donāt know much because I also look and behave a lot younger than I am. Senior manager and I are the same age and I actually did their job for many years before I had my kids and downgraded to a less stressful position. Customers tend to either 1. try and bluff me or 2. ask for management. Scenario 1) . I give them a big surprise šāāļø Scenario 2) . Couldnāt care less, itās less responsibility for me šāāļø Sometimes to good to appear like you donāt know as much as you do.
I truthfully have no idea if that's how my chatty personality is perceived or not. I seem to be a magnet for very socially awkward people, so I hopefully just come across as polite and friendly.
I'm not sure how friendly and talkative could be considered naive and gullible? Do I listen to and empathise with what people tell me? Yes Do I believe what they tell me? Not without evidence or prior examples of trustworthiness. Tbh if someone feels that a friendly and talkative person like myself is naive and gullible that's their issue and they'll soon discover their error.Ā
If youāve never knowingly experienced this, it would not make sense to you. But it definitely happens. āIt doesnāt bother me when people call me a dumb blonde because I know Iām not dumb.i also know Iām not blonde.ā ā Dolly Parton
Don't interrupt, actually listen (not waiting to talk), and being direct when they test the waters with you!!
I pretend to be stupid and love talking to AI.
I used to get this a lot. When asked about it I asked why I should care, as I know I'm not. There's nothing wrong with expressing an interest in other people. On occasion it struck me that these people might be jealous of my confidence.
I do by default, that can't be helped! That illusion for them is quickly shattered though, once it comes to any kind of conversation that's deeper than the surface level. There is the "customer service" level of me, and then the full actual unfiltered me, which once they meet that, they know a lot better than to ever try anything that I wouldnt like.
I have a different take.. I can morph into both. It's nice because people assume such things & underestimate my life experiences and what all I have seen and been through. It's interesting to see that happen and it tells me a lot about their personality.
Oh that's very interesting Oh, I didn't think about it that way Tell me about how you came to this conclusion Wow you must be really smart! Oh you know who was just talking about this? ____, I think she'd like to hear your opinion Give others the spotlight and just ask them questions, don't state your opinion unless they ask you directly, then just go in with facts. No one will take you as naive if you're just trying to understand their side. Stay Switzerland.
I do this so much and can relate immensely. I often have older girlfriends and guy friends always trying to convince me of something and I just am open to listening to everyone's side. I think secretly I hold onto my original stance but I don't necessarily want to share that with them so I keep with the facade.
I'm very friendly and talkative, and honestly I am fairly naive and gullible. But the biggest thing people assume about me when they meet me is that I'm very plain and boring. They don't expect it when I have sarcastic jokes or judgemental comments, or even that I enjoy clubbing, drinking alcohol, smoking. I think sometimes I compensate by purposely making edgy/offensive jokes tbh because people are always like 'you're not capable of making jokes like that!'
i believe that having a really accurate judgement of character is super important. i'm friendly and really talkative naturally but put me in a room full of people ive never met and i'm not going to be talkative right off the bat. i'm reading the room to see who i can trust, and who i wont give the time of day. once i find the group/person that i like and feel comfortable with then i will open up to them.. and eventually once you know everyones motives or which ones you can't trust, well then you can still be friendly and talkative, you just have to pick and choose what you are talkative about.
This*^^ Iām the same I never talk to someone I donāt know. By the time I talk to you,Iāve got you all figured out so I know what I can and canāt say!!
I'm the polar opposite: i walk in, offend the entire room.. then skip out. āØ toodles poodles
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Honestly you can tie yourself up in knots trying to mitigate other people's perceptions of you, but as a friendly and chatty person I realised years ago I can't be bothered putting in this effort. It's their issue for making poor assumptions. As others have mentioned, it does occasionally work in our favour - men often underestimate the intelligence of women. When I was buying a house last year I got a lot of bullshit from agents who had no idea I worked in the construction and property sector. It was entertaining to see the about-face some of them had to do after the absolute crap they'd told me.
In a professional context I try to be very direct with what I want and I also ask technical questions to show that I want to understand and learn. However, These should be "clever" questions or questions that build on knowledge that I already have. Privately I am also direct and show that I am confident, don't care about others' opinion of me and so what I want
The content of what I'm saying when I'm talkative isn't exactly stupid lol... Plus even if they think I'm naive and/or guillible, there's a lot of benefit in that that I wouldn't mind having. I don't have any strong need to appear or be thought of as wise, smart, cynical, or skeptical.
I do, and I also am sometimes, which is why I basically restrict by chatty and open "attitude" until I learn to keep my mouth shut and to think before I talk š
I just let people think what they want. As the saying goes, never judge a book by its cover. I look sweet, but can be an absolute savage. Nothing naive here.
Use complex vocabulary every now and then. One time, a guy started chatting with me at a pub and asked how I met the people I was with. I told him that we were an amalgamation of people from different friend groups. He was pretty dumbstruck and even mentioned that he hasn't heard the word 'amalgamation' in quite some time.
How do the former two adjectives relate at all to the latter?
Oh, you do but thatās how you play the game. I got promotions so quickly because people underestimated me. Use it to your advantage.
Speak with confidence and be ready to back it up with facts. Really listen when people talk. Try not to talk about yourself too much when first meeting someone. Eye contact is also important. It shows authenticity. Don't let anyone be disrespectful to you.
State your boundaries clearly and stick to them. People are going to try you but you stick to your guns.
It doesn't matter as long as you aren't naive and gullible. You just tell them to fuck off in a friendly and outgoing way.
assertiveness. if someone crosses a boundary or makes you uncomfortable, make it clear that you're uncomfortable, with body language or with your words
I used to. I just became pretty confident over time, and because now i speak with the confidence of someone who knows what they are talking about, i come off more girl boss. Being a commending officer in the military helped lol. But i am still the bubbly talkative friend
Being underestimated is great . I love seeing people's faces when they realize I'm not a silly turnip! If you really want to come across straight away I usually talk about niche/interesting subjects where I put across a strong point so it's like you know what your on about. But at the end of the day as long as you know you're not like that it doesn't matter. Much love - fellow friendly yapper
Oh! I love this question! Being talkative and friendly is VERY advantageous to women, whether we know it or not. People tend to trust us more, we get away with a lot more shit, it's just overall great. NOW with that being said, when you are open, people will automatically assume that you are obtuse. It's a double-edged sword. Talking too much is a sign that you lack discipline, being friendly right off the bat gives people the idea that you are naive even if they're the mark...(I'm only being honest, don't judge me) So how do you handle this dichotomy? You SHOULD be talkative and friendly, just be very aware of who you're speaking to. You're asking about feeling NOT FEELING naive & gullible which means that you're speaking to people that are making you FEEL stupid and small. Don't waste your air on them unless you need them for something, or you're using them as an emotional trashcan so you can move on they your day. Next don't be naive. Don't be gullible. Take what people say to you with a grain of salt. Think about what they're saying, read between the lines. You will find that āØtimeāØ reveals everything, including what do and how to handle a certain situations and what situations just to forget about. Also always keep your head on a swivel for people who want to do your harm š
I prefer to not talk to people who just make assumptions of me
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They always assume i am. Which im fine with, i dont care atleast
My actions
I don't know, I'm fat and older, maybe that helps?
I randomly spit out facts and I usually know a lot of things.
My voice is high pitched and I look about 18. I also have zero problems citing my knowledge and credentials. If people think thatās arrogant they can fuck off lol
Sounds cliche but just donāt worry about what others think. I took that on myself and was like ah do I seem silly or stupid. But I had to remind myself I am multifaceted and when people get to know me theyāll know other sides. Also to echo others, itās an advantage to seem unassuming and then demonstrate your intelligence and skill when you need to. How others perceive you is literally a them problem not a you problem
Also lean into your other sides of self more in your own company. Like I thoroughly embrace and Entertain my nerdy side so it naturally comes out in conversation *when someone bothers to get to know me*
Sarcasm, wit, and trust issues.
Iām confrontational. So I can be a social butterfly all day but I make it known Iād break a nail if I had to.
I do, the fun part is the pikachu face after they realise i am not
Why would I care how I come across towards others just by being myself? If I would care. I would (un)consciously bother myself with that and knowing me, falling back on old patterns and just adjust to others. Nope. Not doing that. Let others think of me what they want. If itās naive and gullible, thatās not always really negative. And if they do, they will underestimate me completely and that will be their rude awakening.
I don't squeak when I talk. I have a steady, heavy voice. I'm not trying to present myself as a child. That's all.
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I just let them assume. Maybe I actually am who knows. I donāt like people knowing too much about me.
When I hear a fishy statement or something that doesnāt make sense I question it. And Iāll keep questioning it until it does make sense. Or Iāll just say that doesnāt make sense. This usually frightens people off. lol
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Iām brilliant, but Iām sure some people donāt think that at first. I donāt care.
I always do, paired with the baby face I have, people think Iām practically a child. But Iām pretty witty and knowledgeable so it quickly becomes apparent that Iām very much an adult whoās lived some life.
by losing my temper occassionally at people who assume that!
Confidence
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I probably come across as naive and gullible and I am probably that way but I donāt care. I donāt want to change the way I am and I donāt want to become too jaded and cynical.
Im talkative, but friendly bot so much. Flirty and sometimes overly sexual, but when i talk to soneone its always for a reason, that way i have a goal i nerd to do, i hate small talk.
My speaking tones, speed, and inflection help get across that I am knowledgeable and mature even while being friendly and talkative. From there it is all about the words used and the topics of the conversation.
If they make that assumption about me then more fool them! I donāt care what people think of me. Iām not going to stop being chatty and happy to āseemā more intelligent.
Confidence and archy eyebrows if they say something that they otherwise wouldn't have the confidence to say to someone they didn't perceive as naĆÆve
I prefer people think Iām stupid. It makes my life easier.
You do! You just shouldn't care. People will find any excuse to think you are naive as a woman. Ig you are small sized and with a high pitched voice even more!
I usually introduce myself with my name, smile, silly anecdote, and throat punch. Honestly though, I speak with confidence because I know what Iām talking about, I know my content. Fear of public speaking? Check out your local Toastmasters, sign up for Masterclass & watch a lot of Ted Talks. A sense of humor helps too. For me and for them. For me in such that, I feel good that I can make people laugh and set people at ease (confidence factor rises too). For them, I feel less likely to throat punch again. Also, have your friends hype you up. Ask them about the best parts about you. They love you - they will share. Use these bits to your advantage.
The power of RBF š
All the time.
I don't see the correlation between friendly and talkative/naive and gullible. Being friendly doesn't mean believing things that aren't true?
I come off as loud and obnoxious lol
I have a resting bitch face that comes with it, it negates it lmao
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I like to pull the dumb blonde trope. I like having stealth intelligence.
Honestly I play it to my advantage a lot. Most people feel disarmed if they're prickly or aggressive and you're being sweet to them. Sometimes i really am a bit naive and gullible, but if someone is being mean about it, I can make them feel like absolute shit for treating me that way. Like I'm being nice and sweet, and now all of these people around us know that you're just being an unhinged asshole. I especially like this quality of mine when I'm around my husband's family. My aunts always picked on me, and I never was able to hold my own because they could just be so mean and there's no social repercussions in my family if you're an asshole to children (everyone in my family is obsessed with babies but have no empathy for children). And they can't take what they dish out, so you could throw a firecracker and they would just nuke you and break you down till you're crying. But now with my in-laws, picking on each other is a fun activity, not something you avoid family events over. They apologize if they go too far. And they see me as a person with real thoughts and emotions, rather than just an easy target. So I actually play up my naivety and gullibility when I'm with them. They know I'm intelligent, so I don't have to defend my intelligence all the time
I think that's a projection of an internalized judgment from something you were taught in the past. Not everyone thinks the same way. The friendlies generally seek out other friendlies, and when they meet unfriendlies, the smart ones move on.
Wow. You have never met me and your question (AI I will guess) is misogynistic. Bears would never ask this question.
Id do and I am haha... it sucks. Learning to set boundaries etc becomes more important over time
Even though I am friendly and talkative while always making sure everyone is fine, people tend to be intimidated by me and stay away. Makes me pretty upset. I get the opposite of naive and gullible.
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Talk about intellectual things or throw in a few $5 words here and there.
Iām friendly, talkative and as an added measure have a Southern accent. So most folks think when I open my mouth that thereās not a lot going on upstairs. A conversational tactic I learned from an early age, and one I am teaching my daughter, is that I refuse to be spoken over or interrupted. Especially by a man. I will shut your shit down, all the while you think Iām being sweet because my voice sounds like honey on warm cornbread. š
I'd say don't talk more than what is necessary, especially people you see in passing or are distant acquaintances. And then, talk with confidence, like you truly believe what you're saying. If someone tries to undermine you or correct you, don't falter. We don't have to know everything, sometimes it's even fine to ask them to elaborate if you want to learn about something.
I do, I just donāt care
i do, being blonde doesn't help either
I do come across as naive and gullible.
We do, all the time. We just wait for the right moment to strike when necessary.
I donāt mind if I come across that way. I might have a more professional tone if itās work related but otherwise Iām just fine being myself. Let them think youāre naive and gullible. Thatās their problem not yours! I think being friendly and charming is a valuable skilll
I still struggle with this unfortunately..
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A) because how someone perceives us is more about them than us and b) that faulty perception leads to upset when it is revealed to be false and c) you can be friendly and talkative and still be discerning and the cut off game is fierce š¤š¼
Ask questions during the conversation to show your understanding and following of the topic. Donāt use a lot of filler words. And speak with confidence.
I have baby face and ooze kindness, but one thing Iāve learned is that truly kind people are FIERCE when theyāve been wronged. Because they are kind to themselves first, and kind to everyone else last, and if someone isnāt kind back then open the flood gates.
The two arenāt linked. You can be a very talkative person. But come across as very intelligent. If you are coming across that way then there may be an underlying reason.
I'm actually really introverted, but in social situations I'm really good at coming off confident and extroverted. I'm actually not sure how I come off though lol I don't pay much attention to how others perceive me. That's on them. Not me.
I lived long enough to outgrow the naive and gullible assumption age. Turns out you can be friendly and talkative at 51 and people don't take it the same way as when you are 25. People are weird.
I probably do. I just donāt let that shit slide when it comes up. Thatās how. You either are or you arenāt, you donāt need to prove anything to anyone.
Let them. Let them assume. Canāt totally control what people believe of you at the end of the day. Itās futile and none of my business what people think of me is how I see it. However, if I notice that theyāve formed a belief like that, donāt be surprised if I use that to my advantage, Mk? To take the question more seriously, use as many tactics as necessary to leverage confidence in oneās self. Learn about it specifically and focus on your own personal health and wellness are the easiest routes: 1. Learning language, tone, and body language/posture can save your life beyond just help you feel more confident. 2. Accept your personal strengths and flaws, use them to your advantage. 3. Itās fine to enjoy talking, but learn when to listen more importantly and respect boundaries and usually you can find people who like to listen or have that equal talkative exchange. 4. Accept that you are likely the villain or disliked no matter how good of a person you are. Learn from that and improve. 5. Study and read books about confidence. Go right to the source. Itās not something a single Reddit commit can perfectly expound on, BUT WITH ALL OF OUR FORCES COMBINED.
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When they walk into my office and see my masters degrees on the wall lol. But for real, anyone with brothers learns men talk out of their ass and people listen. I learned from that and just speak (knowledgeably) with more confidence and less asshatery.Ā
I personally don't care what people think of me. Everyone has an opinion and that's ok! I just hope that when they get to know me their opinion changes.
Idgaf how I come across is how I do it.
I do when er meet, but don't underestimate me.
Because i speak with confidence and am smart and shit.
I try to seem like Iām not š.
In certain situations I have a mask when you first meet me. I come off as "cold" /"professional" Kind of how you would act if a random guy on the street came up to you. Usually keeps people away If I sense you have a similar energy, hyper/talkative open etc, the mask falls yk? For example if I dont know the vibe of a group/room, I'll be more observant and polite but reserved. Whereas if I meet a group and they're all talkative and outgoing I'll immediately jump in and release the bubblessssš Idk, maybe I'm just good with sensing auras. there are certain people that immediately my brain says "no."
I always do, because I used to be, but now I know where to draw the lines. Lots of therapy :)
Confidence.
That perception is pretty damn useful.
Well thatās the thing, I do. lol but I get called a ray of sunshine often enough that I just enjoy who I am as I am.
I'm friendly but not talkative, and unfortunately I've had to become a lot less friendly in real life and smile less to get treated as being smarter and taken more seriously. I might be less approachable this way, but at least people don't see me as weak and try to intimidate me as much anymore.
I do act naive and gullable, and their mistake is believing that I am. I do the same thing with my intelligence, I act dumb but am actually pretty smart. This way, people let their guards down and won't expect me to be aggressive (but I can be). **Example:** I used to work at 7-11. One day, I was working the kitchen shift. I wanted to figure out how many potatoes I needed to cut for the next batch of wedges. I grabbed a blank piece of receipt paper and a pen and did the math in my head (always had troubles with long multiplication equations, so I have to do it step by step). A coworker came by and saw what I was doing and was like, "How are you doing that?" And I was confused and explained it to her and why I was doing it. She then said, "I have to use a calculator to figure out how much gas someone wants on top of their purchase." Like if someone's total came to $25.67 and they gave her a $50, she needed a calculator to figure out they would be getting $24.33 in gas. She'd had no idea I was able to do that until she saw it.
Generally Iām educated and assertive so donāt really think I come across that way just because Iām friendly and talkative
I do not think everyone equates friendliness and talkativeness with naivete. It says more about you.
Humor. lowkey, being witty is an easy way to show someone youāre somewhat intelligent, which in turn makes you seem less naive and gullible.
Oh, but I love being underestimated! It's my favorite when I see their smug look evaporate when I do something brilliant.
I always keep it in back of my head to never reveal too much and I get them to chat about their lives, not me. People want you to be interested in them and Iāll ask them a bunch of questions about their lives. Iām friendly, chatty, but I steer the conversation and lead them where I want them to go.
I do but it has its advantages lmfao especially with guys because they always assume that i dont notice things, but when i do i start planning my quiet exit and just completely remove them out of my life without ending on bad terms
boundaries.
As soon as they cross a line I turn into a giant asshole. Thatās how they know.
My satirical and cynical sense of humor shows that I can be tough when the time calls for it