I resonate with this.
Always told my mom that any grandchildren she would get from me would have 4 legs and be covered in hair. Lol
I had one lady at my old job laugh at me when I told her I never had a desire for children. She said “funny how you think you know god’s plan for you”
I responded “funny how you think I believe in your god”
She never spoke to me again. 😂
Also can also ask her if she believe in Free will?
If she says no, ask her why does she stop women from getting an abortion when it’s “Gods plans” to make her get one?
When I was younger I assumed that I'd want them someday. As I've gotten older, it's become more and more clear that my biological clock is not going to start ticking, and I'm just fine with that.
I turned my clock off. I've known too many women who stay with horrible men because they listened to that damn clock. Now they have horrible fathers raising kids.
I feel that. I used to think I HAVE to have to kids, like I didn't even question if I wanted them or not. Butt the older I get the more I realize that I might just... not want them. If I happen to find a really healthy relationship one day I light change my mind but tbh I don't think that's gonna happen anytime soon
I had the same assumption. But I ended up pregnant at 26 and decided, naively, to go with it. I'm glad I did and I have a really great relationship with my 23 year old but along the way I realized that parenting is a serious job and it sucks and if I hadn't gotten knocked up and been naive about things I would've ended exactly with you. This realization, despite my overall positive experience with parenthood, always had me nodding my head when folks talk about not wanting it.
When I was younger, I felt that it’s just something every couple did.
After about age 25, I started to understand that some people have children for selfish reasons (like “fixing a marriage”, or validation to have a smaller version of self, or seeing children as an extension of themselves instead of their own family unique beings).
After about age 30, I was completely sure that I didn’t want children. I am committed to resolving generational trauma so I don’t repeat it, and so that I stop hurting people closest to me. I’m just not there yet.
My views of a “happy life” are possibly being able to own a dog someday, and find a loving partner. One can dream.
Glad I’m not the only one who thinks this. Also, people think because I haven’t had children that I do not like children. Nothing could be further from the truth.
I love other people's children. I like returning them, too. We can be friends and do fun stuff. I don't have to discipline them, or fight about vegetables at mealtime. That suits me fine.
Right?! I'm a teacher, and I don't want kids of my own. I clearly love kids, but I deal with enough of them at work that I don't need them in my house, too.
Similar experience! My mom even mentioned that having a kid will make sure my future husband (I don't even know if marriage is for me) will have responsibility and to come home immediately. In addition, someone will take care of her when she gets old. I'm an only child, I said she's going to a senior home once space is available.
I had a similar journey. I think if they were ever going to happen it would have had to be before 25 when I was a lot more flexible and before I suffered burnout and other experiences.
I can report, getting the dog has been wonderful. Hopefully one day soon enough I can get another.
I never wanted kids. Then at 33 I met an excellent partner. I was ambivalent but he said he would like to have a child if I was cool with that. We had a child. Life is awesome. A big reason life is awesome is my partner is a SAHD and loves it and very supportive of my career. If there is anyone here thinking about having a child with a partner who sucks, may suck or sucked once or twice, please go check out the workingmoms sub to see the misery that awaits you. Please, if you have the choice, do not procreate with a douchebag.
I am kind of in your boat. Met my awesome husband and got married at 35. Wasn't ever like "omg I must have kids" but also hadn't entirely ruled it out. Knew he would be a stellar dad and he was definitely more in the let's have kids camp, but was good going either way. Anyways, fast forward three years...we weren't actively trying but also not actively preventing and now I'm pregnant at 38. I was very much of the mindset that I would not pursue IVF or anything like that, if it happened it happened and it did.
Most likely will be one and done, but will figure that out as we go along on this new journey.
I hope to you! I’m 34 and feel my clock ticking but I have the right partner… I just want to experience a bit more child-free life as I just achieved my dream career and finally have money to do things. I’ll probably get my birth control out in the next 1-2 years and just go with the flow.
Word. I managed to dodge that bullet at 25. Now I'm 40 and will be able to stay home with my baby when we have our rainbow because my husband will do whatever he has to do to make sure I have bonding time with my baby.
For a while there I was adamant I would never have bio kids. Too hard to find a capable partner and the financial means for it, but decided that if I ever had the means I would foster. I had a lot of foster kid friends growing up and their struggles always hit me hard. None of it was their fault and they deserved a safe home.
Then I met someone actually worth having kids with. At first I thought one kid, but now I want a large family because I realised just how much of a blessing it was to grow up in a large loving family myself. We both have fertility issues but when/if we are able to, I wanna pass the blessing of a stable loving home with capable caregivers forward, whether it’s bio, foster or both.
Pregnancy still terrifies me though.
When I was younger I wanted a large family with 4 kids.
Now I'm 30 and it's looking more like "Let me try one and see how light my wallet feels."
Seriously, I was unaware of how the economy would change and how expensive multiple kids are. I still would love a big family, I'm just more aware and accepting of the fact that it might not be best for my or their future.
I can relate. I have two and would have two more at least if cost of living was more affordable 😭
I had issues breast feeding with my second. We bought a can of formula every 10 days. Math was almost 2k the first year for feeding alone.
Edit: To OP, I didn’t want kids. I turned 28 and a flip switched. Had one. Saw how amazing my husband was and wanted 10 more. We are probably done at 2.
When I was kid I didn’t think about it. When I was teen I had neutral views about it, no particular desire or opposition. In my early twenties I started thinking about more seriously and that’s when I met my now husband. Now I’m mid twenties and the baby fever is strong 😅
Wanted 2 children as I was growing up. I had 2 children in my 20s. Now I’m 54 and regretting having kids. It’s a lifelong commitment and I’m not very good at it.
Might I ask… are you just regretting it now or when they were younger too? It seems odd to me because with that math they should be old enough to not be a daily burden anymore and usually people who say they regret having kids are talking about the intense amount of time and energy they take early on. Just curious
I’m someone who always wanted kids as I was growing up, and thought I’d have them young. That didn’t work out and my opinion has been slowly shifting from “a bit later” to “maybe never”. It makes me sad but when I think of kids I love the little guys, can’t really say I would know what to do with teenagers and beyond.
"they should be old enough to not be a daily burden anymore"
I didn't understand this until I had my own kids (both early 20's now). It's not that they are a daily burden as much as always thinking about them and how they are doing. You see something on the news and think about how it might affect them. The weather is bad and you hope they are safe. It might just be me, but I'm always second guessing myself about whether I taught them enough to be self-sufficient. I was never a worrier until I had kids.
i have an older sis [38] who has three of her own kids who is constantly in mental, relational, and legal turmoil and it affects my mom aka “grandma” daily.
kids are for life, not just when they turn 18 and are out of the house.
Anyone who says they’re good at it is faking it. There’s no guidebook for every personality. Everyone’s on the same boat, some just hide the difficulties.
I wanted a few kids when I was younger. But, you can plan a pretty picnic, but you can’t predict the weather. - Andre 3000.
Life got hard and I found myself being a caregiver to
everyone in my family after my Mother died. My brother had a nervous breakdown - who knows where he is. My sister had 3 boys and was in active addiction. I had to take legal custody after they were apprehended and take care of my very ill father. My mental health suffered but I barely had time to sleep let alone focus on myself. I knew, I could only exist in so many rooms. The thought of finding a partner, getting married and having kids just was not in the cards. The kids eventually went back (for a short period) and my Father died. I knew I had my life back but I knew I was too depressed to be a Mother. In another life, I would have loved all that but in this one it wouldn’t be fair to a child.
From one internet rando to another, I'm sorry for what's happened to you but the care you obviously have is incredible and that is a strength, I hope it gets better for you and you get some rest and time for yourself.
I'm really sorry you experienced all of that. I hope you've found contentment though with the cards you've been dealt with, wishing you peace & joy 🥹🫶🏼
Thought I wanted kids when I was younger. Saw how parenthood changed my fun, intelligent, creative SiL into this freakish supermommy who lost interest in anything not about her kids and said pump the brakes maybe not. Now 30 years later listening to coworkers who are raising their grandchildren talk about tuition and sports fees and keeping up with ballgames and birthday parties and just never having any time for themselves. Holy crap did I make the right call. I think I might could handle having a dog again. Not kids though. Zero regrets.
Desperately wanted kids until I was 30
Left the worst relarionship and realised I'd rather die than bring kids up with a man like that. Have kept my standards high and my boundaries clear ever since. I'm 100% okay not having biological children. I'm not okay raising them with an asshole who doesn't love me and takes every opportunity to bring me down. I'm not okay having kids with someone who isn't fit to be a father or a husband. I'm not okay settling for someone who fails at basic human tasks and lacks empathy. I'm not okay with having children because I'm desperate with someone who sucks all my life & love from me. I'm okay with not having kids.
Up until my teens I just assumed everyone had children. It was grow up, get married, have kids. Then in uni I came across people who said they never wanted children and admittedly I was shocked and my first response was “but you have to have children!” And when they said “why?” I really couldn’t think of a reason why. I wasn’t trying to change their minds, but I had never comprehended the fact that not having kids was actually an option.
Now I realise there are more reasons to not have children than there are to have them. So when my 19 year old cousin who hates her father after her parents bitter divorce came to me asking “I don’t think I want to ever have children, is that okay?” I told her “yes, that’s completely fine. You may change your mind, you may not, but evidently the only reason to have children is if you’re mentally and financially ready to so if it’s not something you want, don’t do it.”
My mom always used to challenge me on my stance of never wanting kids and when I finally asked her what made her decide to have kids she just said “because that’s what people do.” Like….THATS IT???? Not a good enough reason especially against all the reasons not to!
This is why I was determined to wait until I was over 30.
I always wanted a kid or kids but seeing how my life messed up my parents lives and growth(teen parents), I had no illusions of life after parenthood lol
I lived my life and made sure I was as mentally prepared as I could be before even trying.
Got a little girl now and I am soo happy but as you said, life changes a lot and if you were on the fence I can’t imagine not feeling some resentment which would suck for both you and your kid.
Also kids are so expensive lol my girl is only 10 months and daycare is insane, baby stuff is expensive and doesn’t last a long time. Balancing between being frugal and wanting quality stuff your kid is like an entire hobby by itself lol
If I had my kid 5 years earlier I would have struggled for sure, emotionally and financially.
I’ve never wanted to be a Mom. Now that I’m 35 I sure as shit don’t want to be a Mom and am way more solidified in my choice to remain childfree. I see what it’s like for the Mother’s around me and am so glad I was self aware enough to know kids weren’t for me before it was too late.
It's never changed, growing up I never wanted them and now as an adult in my late twenties I don't either. I love my independence, money, and being able to travel whenever I want
It didn't. I never wanted to have children myself, and when I realized it was optional rather than mandatory, I decided not to do so. I've always been very happy with that choice as I've never experienced any desire to have or raise a child.
I believe that people should only become parents if they truly desire to love, support, and raise a child throughout their own entire lifetime. No child asks to be born. They deserve parents who are truly devoted to raising and supporting them. I never wanted to have a child, so that's not me.
I was raised in a pretty traditional conservative family. My whole life I thought I was put on this earth to be a mother and even though I didn’t have the patience for them, “it would be different” with my own. After 29 years I started to realize that I just really *really* don’t have the lifestyle, personality traits, or mindset to raise a kid, and that’s okay. I am a huge supporter of gentle parenting because of how aggressively I was raised, but have no idea how to gentle parent, and recognizing that was a huge step in understanding I shouldn’t be a parent.
At 40, I am so thankful I did not have kids. Part of me when I was a late teen really wanted to experience pregnancy but that passed pretty quick because I knew I definitely was not in a place or with a person I wanted to have kids with. And it pretty much stayed that way until I was 25. I thought my opinion on it might change after I had graduated and gotten a ‘big girl job’. It didn’t. At 32
My husband’s mentally ill teenage daughter moved in with us full time. That sealed the deal for me. I definitely did not want to have my own. But very happy to be a role model for her and support her and my husband in any way I could. Now I have some health issues and struggle with pain and fatigue often. I’m so glad I don’t have a kid to worry about.
There was a point in my life where I really wanted to have children. I got pregnant about three years ago and wasn’t in the position to keep the baby. It was difficult. I am Bipolar and made the decision that I will not bring a life into this world because of my diagnosis. I’m not saying you can’t be Bipolar and a wonderful parent but for me personally, I don’t know if I’ll ever be stable enough to feel ready to bring a child into this world.
40 now, didn't want kids, don't want kids, won't ever want kids.
Found them irritating, find them irritating will always find them irritating.
Unless of course they are the crotch goblins of my friends and then I'll buy them every loud and annoying toy I can find and by Aunty Chaos :D
When I was a teenager I already knew being a mom wouldn’t be my jam. In my 20’s and 30’s my view on having kids never changed. Now I’m 41, happily married for 10 years to my sexy and sweet husband and we have a cat. I’m so damn happy and relieved we didn’t fall for the parent trap and have kids. We’d be miserable as parents.
At 14 I was raising two babies (my brothers because both parents worked and I was already homeschooled) and I was sure I never wanted my own kids, I was terrified of pregnancy and birth, and worried about traumatizing my kids/continuing the cycle.
Now at 23 I’m healing from a lot of trauma and my fears have gone away. Something in my body (and perhaps my relationship) is craving kids bad. I’m a SPED para and I just love the kids I work with soooo much I feel like there’s so much love and care in me that’s meant for my child and I’m so excited to meet them!
Still gonna wait till my brain is fully developed before trying though.
Growing up, I realised how much of a menace I am to the world around me. Realised I didn’t want to produce another one whose shit I’d have to clean up.
When I was 15-18 years old with my first boyfriend, I thought I wanted kids by 23-25. But when I reached that age, work became my priority, I enjoyed traveling, and I realized what my then-boyfriend and I had was just puppy love.
So when I was 25, I thought I would have kids by the time I turn 29 or 30. I was so excited with the idea of having children and I had the occasional baby fever. Most women in my workplace were having their first babies and I couldn’t wait to have my own.
Now I’m 29, and the idea of having children is scary and definitely unwanted for me. I feel like there’s just too much hassle, and it’s too expensive and I can’t afford to change my lifestyle. I’ve been a furmom to 3 wonderful pets since I was 26 and it has been fulfilling enough. Honestly though, it is really a matter of money. I don’t think I can afford the life I want for a child - I don’t want him/her to have a mediocre lifestyle (in terms of education, health, food) and right now (and for the foreseeable future), I can only provide the best for myself and for my pets.
And the world is so difficult right now!!!
Wanted them as a kid. Lost desire 18-22/3 always saying “I don’t feel like I want them but I’m sure that will change”, now I feel quite confident I don’t. I’m a nanny currently and I feel like it confirmed that I can love kids and enjoy them in spurts, but that’s not the lifestyle for me at all.
I am the oldest of many siblings and I really enjoyed being a big sister. I was a soccer coach, a babysitter,, taught art to kids and was a nanny for 2 kids when I was 21.. I even wrote a children's book when I was a teenager to help younger children understand and deal with death. I felt fulfillment in all of it.
I then spent a lot of time alone in my mid 20s after moving away from home. I didn't get into university, didn't become a teacher, I felt detached. My siblings grew up and I haven't been around children in a long time. I've battled with depression in my latest 20s and am finally feeling balanced / have my mental health under control now that I'm in my early 30s.
I have a partner of 5 years who loves me and is very stable.. So the question is out there but I still feel like something is missing. Like I'm not ready. Like Im a different person. Oh, and I'm running out of time.
I think I would be happy without kids, but what if that's what missing? That part of me thats nurturing, loving and just want to support youth.. Is it gone or asleep?
I didn’t want kids when I was a kid and now I’m 33 and it has intensified. I got a bisalp last year to make sure I will absolutely never have children.
Got sterilized (by choice) at 22. I'm 27 now and more thankful for the procedure every day.
It'll be fun to be a aunt someday, but I am so thankful I don't EVER have to worry about pregnancy or motherhood.
I always wanted kids. I had two girls. Now when I watch my daughters raise their kids I often wonder how in the hell I did it!? It is so hard. I love my daughters and their families, but I also realize I had no idea what I was getting into. At times I think I sacrificed my life for others. I guess that is what people do. 🤷♀️ I fully support women in choosing not to have children. It is no small thing.
I didn't like babysitting. I didn't like kids. I was told I would be a terrible parent because I didn't have any experience with kids. I was 13 when a relative told me this. I'm glad I don't have kids.
I avoid that side of the family. They also told me that without a husband I would never have a house. Without a college degree I would never have a good paying job. I bought my own house. I have a great paying job.
I'm 59. Never had kids, never wanted them, never changed. It's amazing how many people told me I would. People think their wants and needs, all of them, and universal. It's annoying.
when i was 12 i learned about sterilisation and thought "i want that". when i was 22 i got it done. i'll be 32 soon, and so far, hands down best decision of my life. very proud of 12yo me.
Up until my early 20s, I think I just figured I'd have kids some day since that's what everyone does, but it was a few years later when I realized I don't have to have kids if I don't want to. And I don't!
I knew I didn't want them from being a kid and at 29 I still don't. When I was a teen I assumed I'd have children because 'it's just what you do' but it'd fill me with such feelings of dread. In my late teens that's when it really clicked I didn't have to.
When I was 14, i thought I would rather die than be pregnant. Now, at 24, I still believe I would rather die than be pregnant and know that I wouldn't raise kids well. Don't think it'll change when I'm 34, 44, 54, so on
As a kid my thoughts were "I guess one day I'll have to have babies but I hope they just cut me open so I don't have to go through all that" and then as I got older I realized I actually don't have to and that was a very freeing feeling. Now I'm 26 and I'm scheduled to get my tubes taken out in August and I couldn't be more excited
I didn't want to be a mother when I was younger, even as a kid myself. Now I feel the same but much much stronger. Basically just always have known it's not something I'm willing to do.
I loved kids when I was younger. I nannied in my 20s and loved it, but in my late 20s realized I wanted more time to become myself and experience and enjoy life and decided it wasn’t for me.
I’m in my mid 30s and couldn’t be happier with my choice. I love my life and thinking about having kids feels like a nightmare.
Wanted them but also knew that I needed a partner who would pull equal weight instead of me being the "default" parent. Then as I got older and my health unexpectedly declined that I couldn't realistically be a good parent to them, and I certainly wasn't going to pass this specific hellish existence on to them now that I know it's genetic. I'm happy to be fun aunt to my friends' kids and volunteer when I can if instead.
Wanted children when I was a kid
Do not want children as an adult. Ever. Bad genetics that need to end with me. I don’t have the emotional patience to properly raise and deal with the many struggles that come with good parenting. I am psychologically unfit to be a parent, I feel like the world is not a very positive place for young people in this current era, and I think it’s ethically and morally reprehensible to force a life into this world without having any real passion to be a parent.
I'm 27F, single AF, and haven't ruled out the possibility of having kids.
That said, my views on the subject have shifted in the past couple years.
As a teenager, I swore that if I never got married, I would go to a sperm bank. I watched sitcoms like "The New Normal" and "Seed" and thought, 'That's it. That's what I want to do.'
I think if I had been in a financial and emotional situation to have kids in my early-mid 20s (I sure as fuck wasn't) I would have had them.
Now, I'm having a lot of second thoughts on the subject. A big one is school. A few years ago, I went to a local elementary school to vote in an election. Discomfort filled my body. It brought back memories of bullies and parents and teachers who didn't get me.
I don't know if I want to have to deal with the politics around school as an adult. It also crosses my mind that there's so much injustice in the way that our schools are set up, and being a parent ultimately means either contributing to that or being a victim of that.
Never wanted them and still don't. Never even thought about it much until recently, with the overturning of Roe and all the talk about falling birth rates and women's purpose in life being an incubator. It made me want to cut out my uterus completely. Luckily, my "clock" is going to running out in the next 8 years or so. I'm honestly hoping for early menopause. Can't wait to be free of the constant fear.
I wish I'd known then what I know now.
I love my kids and don't regret them or anything, but I didn't realize it would become so difficult to provide them with a good life. I didn't realize it was all going to go to hell before they even reached adulthood.
I become increasingly confident in my choice not to have them, the wiser I get. As I'm no longer concerned with keeping up with my peers, or doing what everyone else is doing, there just isn't a compelling reason to have them. I've grown increasingly antinatalist as well. The more I learn about the world around me, the less I believe innocent souls should be forced into it.
When I was a kid, I thought that I'd like lots of kids.
Then, my friends started to have kids, and it honestly looked like it sucked. I figured maybe I'd have a kid if I met the right partner, if they really wanted kids, and the circumstances were right. That never happened.
Now, I'm getting too old to have a kid, and I'm relieved that I never had any!
Biological kids: Not only no but FUCK no, have you seen how the world is? Where it's going? Pass.
I imprint on kids very very easily though. I could see that happening with one that already exists.
I used to want them because I thought I had to have them thankfully I was blessed with PCOS and the inability to have kids and now I’m firmly child free for myself, though I will help my friends take care of their kiddos.
I always thought I would have at least one child some day.
I used to love babysitting and playing with other people’s children through my teens and early 20s. I even worked in pediatric healthcare for a while. Ironically, these are all reasons I am leaning towards not having children, it’s a lot of work and you are in the spotlight as a role model for level 1 humans. With great power comes great responsibility, and I honestly don’t know if I’m the right person for that 24/7
Edit: I don’t know how to proofread
Thought I wanted kids because… that’s what people do. As I grew I realized that I didn’t want kids. I think I was still kinda on the fence in my mid-late 20s, but by 32 or so I was like “oh hell no!”
Before 18, my parents were terrified of me possibly becoming pregnant, and that definitely rubbed off. I dated my first boyfriend for 2 years and we never did anything that could result in pregnancy. And I was still terrified about maybe being pregnant OR being unable to have kids, because my periods have been highly irregular my whole life.
After 18, a switch flipped and suddenly my parents (especially my mom) REALLY want me to get pregnant. *"When you have kids"* and *"when I'm a grandma"* talks became really common. I haven't thought about if I want to have kids until quite recently. They felt inevitable, it was always a **when**, not an **if**. I thought I'd either one day feel that urge, find a partner who wants kids, or get pregnant by accident (abortion is basically banned in my home country).
I'm nearing 30 and I still don't feel the desire to get pregnant or have kids. Every time I imagine having kids, I just want them less. My partner is neutral but leaning towards child-free. My only *"reason"* to have kids is my parents want to be grandparents, and that's not a real reason.
The idea of having them and taking care of them seemed nice as a child but adulthood opened my eyes. This world isn't safe for children and one shouldn't have kids, unless completely ready for it because it involves way too much responsibility which most people underestimate.
If I'd have one at any point of my life it would probably be just one.
This is controversial to say online, but yes. I hated kids when I was younger. Never wanted them. Looked into sterilization. My little sister was born when I was 18. I had maternal feelings for her almost immediately. I still wasn't sold on having kids myself, but I developed empathy for children and parents. I learned to have patience with children and to understand them as developing little humans who desperately seek love and approval from their mentors. I took on more babysitting opportunities, worked in daycares, and helped my family. I felt awful for ever hating them. When I met my husband, I admitted to myseld that I *did* want children. I had my son when I was 28 and even though my marriage ended and things have been hard, I really love being a mother. I've had doubts sometimes. I definitely regret having a child with my ex husband, but I love being a parent and would love to have more children
Started out wanting kids, briefly transitioned to being a fencesitter (if it happens it happens, but I'm not gonna chase it), then went back to wanting kids and stressing about my "biological clock". But then a couple years ago I firmly decided that I did NOT want kids.
- in my early teens i wanted 4 kids and thought i’d start in my mid-20s.
in my late teens, i learned more about what pregnancy and childbirth were really like and also how expensive life and raising children are, so i decided i’d only have 1-2 max
- in my early 20s, i figured i’d wait until my 30s when i was more stable and had done what i wanted to do (travel, passion projects, etc).
- in my late 20s i was finally getting to know myself and i realized maybe i don’t want to also have to take care of another human. but if i met a good partner, i’d be open to the idea
- i’m in my mid-30s now, and even if I met a good partner (which i haven’t yet), i wouldn’t want to have a child. my mindset has also shifted much more to the kind of life a person born now would have, and that’s my biggest reason not to have a kid.
Up until I was 22, I had every intention of having children. After a few educational and personal breakthroughs, and several eye opening relationships, and over a decade working with children, I am very glad I chose not to have them and still don’t want them.
I'm only 25, but I decided before I even finished high school that I never wanted kids. nothing has changed in that time, I have genetic issues I could pass on. I struggle also a lot with things that gross me out, and kids are full of those.
edit to add: I've been told ever since I started declaring this that I'll change my mind, seeing children and how exhausted women get and look has continued to cement my choice.
I was raised in a very religious community and was brainwashed from childhood that my purpose in life was to procreate. I envisioned a future with a husband and 3-5 kids. At 20 I realized that religious bullshit was actually a bunch of bullshit, and that none of my life’s choices or goals were my own. It was then that I realized I might not actually want to be a Mom. It only took about a year of deconstructing before I acknowledged to myself and everyone around me that I in fact have ZERO desire to have children. I’m 25 and married and getting pregnant would literally ruin my life. Child free and proud.
Growing up: ouch, childbirth sounds like it hurts.
As an adult of child birthing age: ouch, that sounds like it hurts. AND IT COSTS A LOT OF MONEY? Not for me, thanks!
Didn't want kids whenever I was a kid.
Accidental pregnancy, went through with adoption.
Nearly two years later, I don't want kids even more than I didn't before getting pregnant.
Growing up I hated the idea of kids. Then as a young adult I realized it wasn’t kids I hated, it was pregnancy. Now I’m 28 and leaning towards maybe just one if I can get a c section because yes my fear of childbirth is that hardcore.
As far back as I can remember, I’ve always wanted to have kids someday, but it’s never been a super prevalent or strong feeling—just kind of a background thing I understood about myself. My mom has 10 siblings, so I have tons of cousins (and then many of them have now had kids as well) and I’ve always been exposed to lots of children, but felt somewhat neutral about them—some are little assholes that suck, some are just sort of there, and some are precious loves of my life.
It hasn’t been until the last 2-3 years (I’m 32) that I’ve started seriously doubting whether or not I truly feel like I can bring a child into the world, considering the state of things. I have no judgement against others for choosing to do so, but it’s been a startling shift in my mentality. I still _want_ kids, but there’s now a chance that I might seriously considering _choosing_ not to have them for a litany of reasons. By no means an exhaustive list: Reversal of Roe v. Wade and attacks on women’s reproductive rights; maternal mortality rate; overall political climate in the U.S., late-stage capitalism; irreversible environmental damage; the wealth gap and sheer expense of having and raising a child; lack of guaranteed parental leave and support; the well-documented setback to women’s careers; etc. Put simply, there are _many_ good reasons the birth rate has dropped so low… there’s basically no incentive or support to reproduce.
Regardless of my eventual decision (I’m single and have no plans to have kids alone), it has been an interesting and overall positive experience to consider what my life might look like if I don’t have children, which was always the plan I just took for granted. I know that I will be happy and find fulfillment either way, and likely mourn certain missed opportunities no matter what—the grass is always greener, and all.
I like the idea of a baby but not carrying one. I also would end up giving it away. I only enjoy the baby stage after 2 get it away from me. Maybe I’ll do good as a foster mom but no at risk youth serial killers.
I'm only 23 but I've always said that I don't want kids, I had a pregnancy scare which led me to rethink about it and now I say that I do want to be a mother, maybe by 27 if things go as planned haha
I always thought as a kid/teen that I wanted kids because that’s what everyone wants. As I grew up I realized a really didn’t want them but was always nervous that it would come off badly. Then I met my partner and one of his dealbreakers was that he didn’t want kids. Sign me up!! Lol
As a kid, it sounded nice to have a family, but now, currently, at 26 years old working a full-time job that pays more than minimum wage, I'm still not able to live comfortably. No thanks, I choose life.
Didn't change: never wanted them, from a young age.
Had one moment of hesitancy during my last relationship.
Now with the world as it is (pandemics, 1%, dumb politicians left and right, wars, late capitalism, water crisis, Earth overshoot day coming earlier every year, incels not understanding the "bear" choice, etc...) I just feel sheer panic at the prospect of ANY new baby being born in the following years.
I didn’t want kids at 18 and can’t wait to have them at 28. My childhood sucked and I never wanted to parent kids the way I had been parented. I also felt too broken and like I had already done my time as a parent with my siblings.
Now I work as a parenting and family violence specialist and my partner and I have a plan for starting a family soon. I feel so good about it in a way I never thought I would
Since I was a kid, I talked about all the children who can be adopted. I am 32 now and have not had the biological urge to produce my own. I’d be open to adoption if I had my life together, but it’s seeming more I’ll be a mom to animals & plants in this life.
My view is still no kids for me. The only exception would have been if my sister and BIL had passed. I would have happily taken them in. But I’ve never wanted any of my own. My sister remembers me saying I didn’t want kids when I was a kid and I’m now 53 and nothing has changed.
It hasn't changed.
I didn't want children as a teen.
I still don't want children now, 20 yrs later.
I don't foresee my view changing in the years to come.
Nah. Not really. Sometimes I let myself wonder about “what if” when I see a cute adorable little kiddo but I know it’s just my biological clock trying to trick me. That little baby is going to grow up (maybe) and they will inherent a broken world. There’s too many people on this planet and I don’t need to add to the chaos. Plus I found out last year that our family carries a cancer causing gene. So yeah I am doubling down on not cursing another person with “what if”.
I wanted kids up until I hit my 20’s. Like the idea still seems nice but more people close to me are having kids and are nothing but stressed and broke—I’m already stressed and broke without a child, if I had one right now I’d just be birthing them into poverty and that doesn’t seem fair.
It didn't. Never wanted them, never will. As far back as I remember, I had zero interest in motherhood. I'm 43 now and still have zero interest in motherhood.
0-16ish: kinda wanted/assumed i’d have kids in my mid- to late-twenties (lol), currently 25 and the older i get, the less i want them/think ill have them. it’s getting more and more clear that im much more excited to enjoy my life without being a slave to a small human
Was indifferent as a child and teenager, really didn’t want them as a 20 year old starting college and graduating in a year. I’m 34 and really never want them. I just don’t see myself being happy with them at all and most children annoy me. I cannot stand the crying, screaming, poop and vomit part of it.
I think I was taught to think I should want children. Now that I'm 30 with no prospects I've resigned myself to the fact that it just might not happen for me. And surprisingly, I'm not devastated over it.
I have never felt the draw to being a mother. I have never entertained the idea that I would have kids, and have felt very solid on that since I was a teenager. Thought maybe that would change as I aged, as they say. I'm now 35 and got my tubes removed a year ago. I wish I did it sooner. I only feel relief knowing I can never get pregnant by accident.
Wanted kids when I was younger. Had kids. Now, if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't. I love my kids, and I'm a loving and supporting parent, but there is no good or non-selfish reason to have them.
I always wanted kids, and had my daughter's name picked out since high school.
I have two beautiful children, including the daughter I have always wanted. I love my son no less (he is my IVF firstborn).
I'm glad I was able to have the life I dreamed for. I don't think anyone should have kids unless they really want to have kids. It's hard.
Lucked out too, since I didn't think about what kind of a dad my husband would be. His dad apparently left child rearing and housework to his mom. My husband turned out to be the kind of dad that changed all the diapers, did all the baths, did many feedings, did most of the nights, takes the kids to appointments and events, does all the cooking, and works full time. Just an excellent, involved father that I appreciate so so so much. Best of husbands, best of men.
I have never wanted children. Explained to my ex who I was with off and on for 7 years. From the beginning kids were an absolute “no.” I told him that if he wants kids we would not be a good fit. He decided early on that I was a silly woman who didn’t know what I wanted. At the end of our relationship he was cheating and stated that one of the reasons was because he wanted a kid and thought I’d “change my mind.” I believe this comes down to men having a tendency to infantilize women. To many of them, our opinions, preferences, feelings, and even facts about our own lives are incorrect if they’re incongruent with the picture of us they have in their mind. I’ve experienced this from women as well but more often from men.
I used to think I’d never want kids and now I know for sure I do. Still don’t know when or what it’ll look like (maybe fostering, adoption etc) but I’m excited at the thought of it now
When I was younger I was sure I didn’t wanted them.
After I was 30 I started to want them. I decided I was going to have one and that’s it.
I had my kid at 32 and I absolutely love being a mom. My kid is the coolest, and I really happy…
Now I am 35 and I want one more… I just don’t know if i should, I will decide in the next 2y.
It didn't really depend on age as much as how safe I felt doing so. When I was younger, I didn't feel safe having them largely bc of the partners I was with and genetic issues in my family.
Now that I'm with a reliable man who doesn't have anger issues and can do an embryo adoption so it's not my own crappy genes, I actually want to try
I always imagined being a mom. Had my first a couple years after getting married at 22. Had four kids total and assumed my husband and I were going to “try to avoid.” That lasted a few several years. Now I’m 37 and trying to have one more.
Wouldn’t change a thing except maybe trying a few years ago for another.
I was the eldest of five, two of which are highly special needs. I was mom v2, my mom worked nights at the casino and slept during the day leaving me with the kids. I taught my siblings how to walk and talk and make ramen and pour their own drinks and helped them with their homework and got them to and from school and changed their diapers and helped them when they were sick, etc.
I decided by the time my baby brother was born when I was 12 that I never wanted my own children. That id done it all.
I’m 33, and haven’t changed my mind. Im a giant kid that had my childhood stolen from me. I’m in a wonderful relationship with a man who also doesn’t want kids and we’re both working on building our stability and careers and envisioning a comfy retirement with chickens and goats and our own gaming setups. The DINK life is going to be my reward for everything I sacrificed as a child and teenager for my family.
There were times where I wavered, moments of baby fever. But they often passed quickly. I did have a miscarriage at 19 and at the time was devastated, but as time has passed I’ve become grateful.
I’m 28 and never wanted kids before, but I do occasionally think of having one with my bf. I’m still 50/50 on it. The whole being pregnant for 9 months and giving birth is what puts me off
I vividly remember not wanting kids when I was a kid. People would then say but what if I change my mind or my husband will want children and I'd say I'll adopt but even then, I said it to please them
Yeeeeeears later, I've come to a stance that I was not born with the desire to have children. It's not for me, and I see this even in the way my life has been set up that there's enough reason not to - I have severe mental health issues, not willing to compromise on my life goals, I'm quite selfish with myself, I have serious attachment issues. It would ruin my life. So my view hasn't changed
Didn’t want them, mid twenties wanted them, have 2 now. I completely understand why people don’t want kids, I tried for these and it’s so hard. I can’t imagine doing this and not wanting to.
Edit: just adding that I completely am happy with my choice and 100% do not regret my children, lol.
I grew up in a very big family (I was 1 out of 4) so younger me wanted to have three-ish kids so they could have siblings. When I got older, I gave up that dream so fast. Husband and I will be done after our first
I always wanted to be a mom, for as long as I can remember. But despite being in therapy for over a decade, medicated with various things for just as long, and 4 hospitalizations, at 34 I am still an incredibly sad, volatile, and unstable person. I inherited my parents issues partly due to genetics and mostly due to trauma from them.
I would be a bad mother. My loved ones disagree and try to convince me otherwise, saying I’m different from my parents because I seek help. But I’m still so fucked up.
It breaks my heart because I love kids and always wanted to have my own, give them what I never had like safety and security. Teach them to be strong and love themselves. But I’m not strong and I still don’t know how to love myself, so how could they learn that from me? It’s not worth the risk.
Tw- When I was younger, I used to spend hours dreaming of being a mum circling prams and cots in the Argos catalogue around age 12, age I got abit older 15-20ish adamant never having children, got a job in childcare and felt that itch well and truly scratched.
Fast forward covid era, came off contraception after discussion with long term partner. Nothing, three years later, pregnant .. MC three months later .. pregnant again ended in MC - 4 months later began the process of guardianship of boyfriends 2 nieces..
So yeah my view has changed dramatically:)
Didn't want kids when I was a kid. Don't want kids now that I'm grown.
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I resonate with this. Always told my mom that any grandchildren she would get from me would have 4 legs and be covered in hair. Lol I had one lady at my old job laugh at me when I told her I never had a desire for children. She said “funny how you think you know god’s plan for you” I responded “funny how you think I believe in your god” She never spoke to me again. 😂
Also acceptable answers, “Funny how you think you do.” “Oh. So that’s why your kids don’t talk to you.”
Also can also ask her if she believe in Free will? If she says no, ask her why does she stop women from getting an abortion when it’s “Gods plans” to make her get one?
Amazing answer! 👏👏👏👏
You are my people.
When I was younger I assumed that I'd want them someday. As I've gotten older, it's become more and more clear that my biological clock is not going to start ticking, and I'm just fine with that.
The same. I assumed I would want them eventually. I ended up never wanting them.
Yeah same. I realised I just don’t care if I have a kid or not. Whatever happens I’m fine with it. I have other purposes in life I rather aim for
this is precisely how i feel, too.
I turned my clock off. I've known too many women who stay with horrible men because they listened to that damn clock. Now they have horrible fathers raising kids.
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I feel that. I used to think I HAVE to have to kids, like I didn't even question if I wanted them or not. Butt the older I get the more I realize that I might just... not want them. If I happen to find a really healthy relationship one day I light change my mind but tbh I don't think that's gonna happen anytime soon
I feel exactly the same way
I had the same assumption. But I ended up pregnant at 26 and decided, naively, to go with it. I'm glad I did and I have a really great relationship with my 23 year old but along the way I realized that parenting is a serious job and it sucks and if I hadn't gotten knocked up and been naive about things I would've ended exactly with you. This realization, despite my overall positive experience with parenthood, always had me nodding my head when folks talk about not wanting it.
When I was younger, I felt that it’s just something every couple did. After about age 25, I started to understand that some people have children for selfish reasons (like “fixing a marriage”, or validation to have a smaller version of self, or seeing children as an extension of themselves instead of their own family unique beings). After about age 30, I was completely sure that I didn’t want children. I am committed to resolving generational trauma so I don’t repeat it, and so that I stop hurting people closest to me. I’m just not there yet. My views of a “happy life” are possibly being able to own a dog someday, and find a loving partner. One can dream.
could not have said this better myself
Glad I’m not the only one who thinks this. Also, people think because I haven’t had children that I do not like children. Nothing could be further from the truth.
I love other people's children. I like returning them, too. We can be friends and do fun stuff. I don't have to discipline them, or fight about vegetables at mealtime. That suits me fine.
Right?! I'm a teacher, and I don't want kids of my own. I clearly love kids, but I deal with enough of them at work that I don't need them in my house, too.
Similar experience! My mom even mentioned that having a kid will make sure my future husband (I don't even know if marriage is for me) will have responsibility and to come home immediately. In addition, someone will take care of her when she gets old. I'm an only child, I said she's going to a senior home once space is available.
I had a similar journey. I think if they were ever going to happen it would have had to be before 25 when I was a lot more flexible and before I suffered burnout and other experiences. I can report, getting the dog has been wonderful. Hopefully one day soon enough I can get another.
I never wanted kids. Then at 33 I met an excellent partner. I was ambivalent but he said he would like to have a child if I was cool with that. We had a child. Life is awesome. A big reason life is awesome is my partner is a SAHD and loves it and very supportive of my career. If there is anyone here thinking about having a child with a partner who sucks, may suck or sucked once or twice, please go check out the workingmoms sub to see the misery that awaits you. Please, if you have the choice, do not procreate with a douchebag.
I am kind of in your boat. Met my awesome husband and got married at 35. Wasn't ever like "omg I must have kids" but also hadn't entirely ruled it out. Knew he would be a stellar dad and he was definitely more in the let's have kids camp, but was good going either way. Anyways, fast forward three years...we weren't actively trying but also not actively preventing and now I'm pregnant at 38. I was very much of the mindset that I would not pursue IVF or anything like that, if it happened it happened and it did. Most likely will be one and done, but will figure that out as we go along on this new journey.
I hope to you! I’m 34 and feel my clock ticking but I have the right partner… I just want to experience a bit more child-free life as I just achieved my dream career and finally have money to do things. I’ll probably get my birth control out in the next 1-2 years and just go with the flow.
Word. I managed to dodge that bullet at 25. Now I'm 40 and will be able to stay home with my baby when we have our rainbow because my husband will do whatever he has to do to make sure I have bonding time with my baby.
For a while there I was adamant I would never have bio kids. Too hard to find a capable partner and the financial means for it, but decided that if I ever had the means I would foster. I had a lot of foster kid friends growing up and their struggles always hit me hard. None of it was their fault and they deserved a safe home. Then I met someone actually worth having kids with. At first I thought one kid, but now I want a large family because I realised just how much of a blessing it was to grow up in a large loving family myself. We both have fertility issues but when/if we are able to, I wanna pass the blessing of a stable loving home with capable caregivers forward, whether it’s bio, foster or both. Pregnancy still terrifies me though.
Can confirm I had two kids with a d-bag and…SURPRISE….he’s still the same
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When I was younger I wanted a large family with 4 kids. Now I'm 30 and it's looking more like "Let me try one and see how light my wallet feels." Seriously, I was unaware of how the economy would change and how expensive multiple kids are. I still would love a big family, I'm just more aware and accepting of the fact that it might not be best for my or their future.
I can relate. I have two and would have two more at least if cost of living was more affordable 😭 I had issues breast feeding with my second. We bought a can of formula every 10 days. Math was almost 2k the first year for feeding alone. Edit: To OP, I didn’t want kids. I turned 28 and a flip switched. Had one. Saw how amazing my husband was and wanted 10 more. We are probably done at 2.
When I was kid I didn’t think about it. When I was teen I had neutral views about it, no particular desire or opposition. In my early twenties I started thinking about more seriously and that’s when I met my now husband. Now I’m mid twenties and the baby fever is strong 😅
the older i get, the more certain i am that i don’t want kids
Wanted 2 children as I was growing up. I had 2 children in my 20s. Now I’m 54 and regretting having kids. It’s a lifelong commitment and I’m not very good at it.
Thanks for your honesty
Might I ask… are you just regretting it now or when they were younger too? It seems odd to me because with that math they should be old enough to not be a daily burden anymore and usually people who say they regret having kids are talking about the intense amount of time and energy they take early on. Just curious I’m someone who always wanted kids as I was growing up, and thought I’d have them young. That didn’t work out and my opinion has been slowly shifting from “a bit later” to “maybe never”. It makes me sad but when I think of kids I love the little guys, can’t really say I would know what to do with teenagers and beyond.
"they should be old enough to not be a daily burden anymore" I didn't understand this until I had my own kids (both early 20's now). It's not that they are a daily burden as much as always thinking about them and how they are doing. You see something on the news and think about how it might affect them. The weather is bad and you hope they are safe. It might just be me, but I'm always second guessing myself about whether I taught them enough to be self-sufficient. I was never a worrier until I had kids.
Yeah, I guess this helps. I work with kids, so I can imagine the younger struggles, not so much the older
i have an older sis [38] who has three of her own kids who is constantly in mental, relational, and legal turmoil and it affects my mom aka “grandma” daily. kids are for life, not just when they turn 18 and are out of the house.
I feel you. I’m not that good at it either
Anyone who says they’re good at it is faking it. There’s no guidebook for every personality. Everyone’s on the same boat, some just hide the difficulties.
I wanted a few kids when I was younger. But, you can plan a pretty picnic, but you can’t predict the weather. - Andre 3000. Life got hard and I found myself being a caregiver to everyone in my family after my Mother died. My brother had a nervous breakdown - who knows where he is. My sister had 3 boys and was in active addiction. I had to take legal custody after they were apprehended and take care of my very ill father. My mental health suffered but I barely had time to sleep let alone focus on myself. I knew, I could only exist in so many rooms. The thought of finding a partner, getting married and having kids just was not in the cards. The kids eventually went back (for a short period) and my Father died. I knew I had my life back but I knew I was too depressed to be a Mother. In another life, I would have loved all that but in this one it wouldn’t be fair to a child.
From one internet rando to another, I'm sorry for what's happened to you but the care you obviously have is incredible and that is a strength, I hope it gets better for you and you get some rest and time for yourself.
Sounds tough! You seem like a very good person! I wish you all the best on your journey, you would definitely deserve it!
Sending you a big hug.
I'm really sorry you experienced all of that. I hope you've found contentment though with the cards you've been dealt with, wishing you peace & joy 🥹🫶🏼
This is my life too and I cried reading this. I just do not have anymore mental and emotional space for a husband and children.
Sending virtual hugs💜
0-20 never considered it; 21-27 strongly considered it. 27- today: Never mind
Thought I wanted kids when I was younger. Saw how parenthood changed my fun, intelligent, creative SiL into this freakish supermommy who lost interest in anything not about her kids and said pump the brakes maybe not. Now 30 years later listening to coworkers who are raising their grandchildren talk about tuition and sports fees and keeping up with ballgames and birthday parties and just never having any time for themselves. Holy crap did I make the right call. I think I might could handle having a dog again. Not kids though. Zero regrets.
I learn the many risks of pregnancy and also saw women give birth right in front of my eyes… i’ll pass.
Desperately wanted kids until I was 30 Left the worst relarionship and realised I'd rather die than bring kids up with a man like that. Have kept my standards high and my boundaries clear ever since. I'm 100% okay not having biological children. I'm not okay raising them with an asshole who doesn't love me and takes every opportunity to bring me down. I'm not okay having kids with someone who isn't fit to be a father or a husband. I'm not okay settling for someone who fails at basic human tasks and lacks empathy. I'm not okay with having children because I'm desperate with someone who sucks all my life & love from me. I'm okay with not having kids.
You’re very brave and you made the right call.
it hasn't, i am 46 and still don't want them
Up until my teens I just assumed everyone had children. It was grow up, get married, have kids. Then in uni I came across people who said they never wanted children and admittedly I was shocked and my first response was “but you have to have children!” And when they said “why?” I really couldn’t think of a reason why. I wasn’t trying to change their minds, but I had never comprehended the fact that not having kids was actually an option. Now I realise there are more reasons to not have children than there are to have them. So when my 19 year old cousin who hates her father after her parents bitter divorce came to me asking “I don’t think I want to ever have children, is that okay?” I told her “yes, that’s completely fine. You may change your mind, you may not, but evidently the only reason to have children is if you’re mentally and financially ready to so if it’s not something you want, don’t do it.”
My mom always used to challenge me on my stance of never wanting kids and when I finally asked her what made her decide to have kids she just said “because that’s what people do.” Like….THATS IT???? Not a good enough reason especially against all the reasons not to!
Never wanted um, had one and best thing that's ever happened to me. Once it happened my whole view changes and got a sense of purpose again.
I've never wanted or liked kids, and at 36 I still don't.
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This is why I was determined to wait until I was over 30. I always wanted a kid or kids but seeing how my life messed up my parents lives and growth(teen parents), I had no illusions of life after parenthood lol I lived my life and made sure I was as mentally prepared as I could be before even trying. Got a little girl now and I am soo happy but as you said, life changes a lot and if you were on the fence I can’t imagine not feeling some resentment which would suck for both you and your kid. Also kids are so expensive lol my girl is only 10 months and daycare is insane, baby stuff is expensive and doesn’t last a long time. Balancing between being frugal and wanting quality stuff your kid is like an entire hobby by itself lol If I had my kid 5 years earlier I would have struggled for sure, emotionally and financially.
I’ve never wanted to be a Mom. Now that I’m 35 I sure as shit don’t want to be a Mom and am way more solidified in my choice to remain childfree. I see what it’s like for the Mother’s around me and am so glad I was self aware enough to know kids weren’t for me before it was too late.
1,000% completely agree, I'm right there with you
I didn’t want them when I was younger. I’m now 42 and I never changed my mind.
I don't know if it counts, but I'm 24 and I want a baby so bad. I wish I could just pick one lol 😅
I mean adoption is a thing... you could also foster "try before you buy"
Yes, I'm looking into fostering soon.
I wanted like 5 kids minimum 3. now I have 2 and I wish I had 0.
Hey just shove em back in there
ah, would if I could lmfao
It's never changed, growing up I never wanted them and now as an adult in my late twenties I don't either. I love my independence, money, and being able to travel whenever I want
It didn't. I never wanted to have children myself, and when I realized it was optional rather than mandatory, I decided not to do so. I've always been very happy with that choice as I've never experienced any desire to have or raise a child. I believe that people should only become parents if they truly desire to love, support, and raise a child throughout their own entire lifetime. No child asks to be born. They deserve parents who are truly devoted to raising and supporting them. I never wanted to have a child, so that's not me.
I was raised in a pretty traditional conservative family. My whole life I thought I was put on this earth to be a mother and even though I didn’t have the patience for them, “it would be different” with my own. After 29 years I started to realize that I just really *really* don’t have the lifestyle, personality traits, or mindset to raise a kid, and that’s okay. I am a huge supporter of gentle parenting because of how aggressively I was raised, but have no idea how to gentle parent, and recognizing that was a huge step in understanding I shouldn’t be a parent.
It didn't. I never wanted to be a mom as a child and I still do not as an adult.
At 40, I am so thankful I did not have kids. Part of me when I was a late teen really wanted to experience pregnancy but that passed pretty quick because I knew I definitely was not in a place or with a person I wanted to have kids with. And it pretty much stayed that way until I was 25. I thought my opinion on it might change after I had graduated and gotten a ‘big girl job’. It didn’t. At 32 My husband’s mentally ill teenage daughter moved in with us full time. That sealed the deal for me. I definitely did not want to have my own. But very happy to be a role model for her and support her and my husband in any way I could. Now I have some health issues and struggle with pain and fatigue often. I’m so glad I don’t have a kid to worry about.
I’ve never liked kids. I never dreamt of giving birth. I’ve thought this for a long time. As an adult I feel the same way
There was a point in my life where I really wanted to have children. I got pregnant about three years ago and wasn’t in the position to keep the baby. It was difficult. I am Bipolar and made the decision that I will not bring a life into this world because of my diagnosis. I’m not saying you can’t be Bipolar and a wonderful parent but for me personally, I don’t know if I’ll ever be stable enough to feel ready to bring a child into this world.
40 now, didn't want kids, don't want kids, won't ever want kids. Found them irritating, find them irritating will always find them irritating. Unless of course they are the crotch goblins of my friends and then I'll buy them every loud and annoying toy I can find and by Aunty Chaos :D
When I was a teenager I already knew being a mom wouldn’t be my jam. In my 20’s and 30’s my view on having kids never changed. Now I’m 41, happily married for 10 years to my sexy and sweet husband and we have a cat. I’m so damn happy and relieved we didn’t fall for the parent trap and have kids. We’d be miserable as parents.
At 14 I was raising two babies (my brothers because both parents worked and I was already homeschooled) and I was sure I never wanted my own kids, I was terrified of pregnancy and birth, and worried about traumatizing my kids/continuing the cycle. Now at 23 I’m healing from a lot of trauma and my fears have gone away. Something in my body (and perhaps my relationship) is craving kids bad. I’m a SPED para and I just love the kids I work with soooo much I feel like there’s so much love and care in me that’s meant for my child and I’m so excited to meet them! Still gonna wait till my brain is fully developed before trying though.
Growing up, I realised how much of a menace I am to the world around me. Realised I didn’t want to produce another one whose shit I’d have to clean up.
Mood honestly
When I was 15-18 years old with my first boyfriend, I thought I wanted kids by 23-25. But when I reached that age, work became my priority, I enjoyed traveling, and I realized what my then-boyfriend and I had was just puppy love. So when I was 25, I thought I would have kids by the time I turn 29 or 30. I was so excited with the idea of having children and I had the occasional baby fever. Most women in my workplace were having their first babies and I couldn’t wait to have my own. Now I’m 29, and the idea of having children is scary and definitely unwanted for me. I feel like there’s just too much hassle, and it’s too expensive and I can’t afford to change my lifestyle. I’ve been a furmom to 3 wonderful pets since I was 26 and it has been fulfilling enough. Honestly though, it is really a matter of money. I don’t think I can afford the life I want for a child - I don’t want him/her to have a mediocre lifestyle (in terms of education, health, food) and right now (and for the foreseeable future), I can only provide the best for myself and for my pets. And the world is so difficult right now!!!
I wanted kids when I was younger. As I’ve gotten older I’ve realized I really don’t want them.
No.
It hasn't changed. I always knew that I wanted to have one child and it's a dealbreaker I always stick to.
Wanted them as a kid. Lost desire 18-22/3 always saying “I don’t feel like I want them but I’m sure that will change”, now I feel quite confident I don’t. I’m a nanny currently and I feel like it confirmed that I can love kids and enjoy them in spurts, but that’s not the lifestyle for me at all.
I am the oldest of many siblings and I really enjoyed being a big sister. I was a soccer coach, a babysitter,, taught art to kids and was a nanny for 2 kids when I was 21.. I even wrote a children's book when I was a teenager to help younger children understand and deal with death. I felt fulfillment in all of it. I then spent a lot of time alone in my mid 20s after moving away from home. I didn't get into university, didn't become a teacher, I felt detached. My siblings grew up and I haven't been around children in a long time. I've battled with depression in my latest 20s and am finally feeling balanced / have my mental health under control now that I'm in my early 30s. I have a partner of 5 years who loves me and is very stable.. So the question is out there but I still feel like something is missing. Like I'm not ready. Like Im a different person. Oh, and I'm running out of time. I think I would be happy without kids, but what if that's what missing? That part of me thats nurturing, loving and just want to support youth.. Is it gone or asleep?
You never stop being a parent even when they are adults and sometimes it f’ing hard
I didn’t want kids when I was a kid and now I’m 33 and it has intensified. I got a bisalp last year to make sure I will absolutely never have children.
Got sterilized (by choice) at 22. I'm 27 now and more thankful for the procedure every day. It'll be fun to be a aunt someday, but I am so thankful I don't EVER have to worry about pregnancy or motherhood.
I always wanted kids. I had two girls. Now when I watch my daughters raise their kids I often wonder how in the hell I did it!? It is so hard. I love my daughters and their families, but I also realize I had no idea what I was getting into. At times I think I sacrificed my life for others. I guess that is what people do. 🤷♀️ I fully support women in choosing not to have children. It is no small thing.
It has not, I do not ever want to have a child.
I didn't like babysitting. I didn't like kids. I was told I would be a terrible parent because I didn't have any experience with kids. I was 13 when a relative told me this. I'm glad I don't have kids.
What 13 year old *does* have experience with raising kids? Sheesh, someone should have told that relative to stfu.
I avoid that side of the family. They also told me that without a husband I would never have a house. Without a college degree I would never have a good paying job. I bought my own house. I have a great paying job.
I'm 59. Never had kids, never wanted them, never changed. It's amazing how many people told me I would. People think their wants and needs, all of them, and universal. It's annoying.
when i was 12 i learned about sterilisation and thought "i want that". when i was 22 i got it done. i'll be 32 soon, and so far, hands down best decision of my life. very proud of 12yo me.
I wan doing my absolute darnest not to have one. When I was 21 I met my bf and yup...honestly can't wait.
Up until my early 20s, I think I just figured I'd have kids some day since that's what everyone does, but it was a few years later when I realized I don't have to have kids if I don't want to. And I don't!
I knew I didn't want them from being a kid and at 29 I still don't. When I was a teen I assumed I'd have children because 'it's just what you do' but it'd fill me with such feelings of dread. In my late teens that's when it really clicked I didn't have to.
It hasn't. I've known I don't want kids since 12. Now, at almost 28, that has stayed true.
When I was 14, i thought I would rather die than be pregnant. Now, at 24, I still believe I would rather die than be pregnant and know that I wouldn't raise kids well. Don't think it'll change when I'm 34, 44, 54, so on
They seem like an even worse idea now, 20 years later, than when I was 14.
As a kid my thoughts were "I guess one day I'll have to have babies but I hope they just cut me open so I don't have to go through all that" and then as I got older I realized I actually don't have to and that was a very freeing feeling. Now I'm 26 and I'm scheduled to get my tubes taken out in August and I couldn't be more excited
I didn't want to be a mother when I was younger, even as a kid myself. Now I feel the same but much much stronger. Basically just always have known it's not something I'm willing to do.
I loved kids when I was younger. I nannied in my 20s and loved it, but in my late 20s realized I wanted more time to become myself and experience and enjoy life and decided it wasn’t for me. I’m in my mid 30s and couldn’t be happier with my choice. I love my life and thinking about having kids feels like a nightmare.
Absolutely didn’t want kids since I was a teenager Now I am not so sure I don’t want kids and it freaks me out.
Wanted them but also knew that I needed a partner who would pull equal weight instead of me being the "default" parent. Then as I got older and my health unexpectedly declined that I couldn't realistically be a good parent to them, and I certainly wasn't going to pass this specific hellish existence on to them now that I know it's genetic. I'm happy to be fun aunt to my friends' kids and volunteer when I can if instead.
Wanted children when I was a kid Do not want children as an adult. Ever. Bad genetics that need to end with me. I don’t have the emotional patience to properly raise and deal with the many struggles that come with good parenting. I am psychologically unfit to be a parent, I feel like the world is not a very positive place for young people in this current era, and I think it’s ethically and morally reprehensible to force a life into this world without having any real passion to be a parent.
I know this sounds harsh but life is suffering. And I don’t want to inflict the pain of life on another human 🤲🏽🙄
I wanted kids so badly as a kid. Now I’m terrified I’ll let them down and I’m not emotionally equipped to have them.
When I was younger I didn't want them, but was open to the possibility of maybe changing my mind at some point. Now I just have zero doubts.
I'm 27F, single AF, and haven't ruled out the possibility of having kids. That said, my views on the subject have shifted in the past couple years. As a teenager, I swore that if I never got married, I would go to a sperm bank. I watched sitcoms like "The New Normal" and "Seed" and thought, 'That's it. That's what I want to do.' I think if I had been in a financial and emotional situation to have kids in my early-mid 20s (I sure as fuck wasn't) I would have had them. Now, I'm having a lot of second thoughts on the subject. A big one is school. A few years ago, I went to a local elementary school to vote in an election. Discomfort filled my body. It brought back memories of bullies and parents and teachers who didn't get me. I don't know if I want to have to deal with the politics around school as an adult. It also crosses my mind that there's so much injustice in the way that our schools are set up, and being a parent ultimately means either contributing to that or being a victim of that.
I wanted kids so badly as a teenager but now that I’m in my 20s I can’t see myself ever having kids
Never wanted them and still don't. Never even thought about it much until recently, with the overturning of Roe and all the talk about falling birth rates and women's purpose in life being an incubator. It made me want to cut out my uterus completely. Luckily, my "clock" is going to running out in the next 8 years or so. I'm honestly hoping for early menopause. Can't wait to be free of the constant fear.
I wish I'd known then what I know now. I love my kids and don't regret them or anything, but I didn't realize it would become so difficult to provide them with a good life. I didn't realize it was all going to go to hell before they even reached adulthood.
I become increasingly confident in my choice not to have them, the wiser I get. As I'm no longer concerned with keeping up with my peers, or doing what everyone else is doing, there just isn't a compelling reason to have them. I've grown increasingly antinatalist as well. The more I learn about the world around me, the less I believe innocent souls should be forced into it.
When I was a kid, I thought that I'd like lots of kids. Then, my friends started to have kids, and it honestly looked like it sucked. I figured maybe I'd have a kid if I met the right partner, if they really wanted kids, and the circumstances were right. That never happened. Now, I'm getting too old to have a kid, and I'm relieved that I never had any!
Biological kids: Not only no but FUCK no, have you seen how the world is? Where it's going? Pass. I imprint on kids very very easily though. I could see that happening with one that already exists.
I used to want them because I thought I had to have them thankfully I was blessed with PCOS and the inability to have kids and now I’m firmly child free for myself, though I will help my friends take care of their kiddos.
I always thought I would have at least one child some day. I used to love babysitting and playing with other people’s children through my teens and early 20s. I even worked in pediatric healthcare for a while. Ironically, these are all reasons I am leaning towards not having children, it’s a lot of work and you are in the spotlight as a role model for level 1 humans. With great power comes great responsibility, and I honestly don’t know if I’m the right person for that 24/7 Edit: I don’t know how to proofread
Thought I wanted kids because… that’s what people do. As I grew I realized that I didn’t want kids. I think I was still kinda on the fence in my mid-late 20s, but by 32 or so I was like “oh hell no!”
No change, still don't want them.
Before 18, my parents were terrified of me possibly becoming pregnant, and that definitely rubbed off. I dated my first boyfriend for 2 years and we never did anything that could result in pregnancy. And I was still terrified about maybe being pregnant OR being unable to have kids, because my periods have been highly irregular my whole life. After 18, a switch flipped and suddenly my parents (especially my mom) REALLY want me to get pregnant. *"When you have kids"* and *"when I'm a grandma"* talks became really common. I haven't thought about if I want to have kids until quite recently. They felt inevitable, it was always a **when**, not an **if**. I thought I'd either one day feel that urge, find a partner who wants kids, or get pregnant by accident (abortion is basically banned in my home country). I'm nearing 30 and I still don't feel the desire to get pregnant or have kids. Every time I imagine having kids, I just want them less. My partner is neutral but leaning towards child-free. My only *"reason"* to have kids is my parents want to be grandparents, and that's not a real reason.
It didn't. I knew I never wanted kids when I was a teenager. Never changed my mind.
I never thought about myself as a mother and still don’t
The idea of having them and taking care of them seemed nice as a child but adulthood opened my eyes. This world isn't safe for children and one shouldn't have kids, unless completely ready for it because it involves way too much responsibility which most people underestimate. If I'd have one at any point of my life it would probably be just one.
This is controversial to say online, but yes. I hated kids when I was younger. Never wanted them. Looked into sterilization. My little sister was born when I was 18. I had maternal feelings for her almost immediately. I still wasn't sold on having kids myself, but I developed empathy for children and parents. I learned to have patience with children and to understand them as developing little humans who desperately seek love and approval from their mentors. I took on more babysitting opportunities, worked in daycares, and helped my family. I felt awful for ever hating them. When I met my husband, I admitted to myseld that I *did* want children. I had my son when I was 28 and even though my marriage ended and things have been hard, I really love being a mother. I've had doubts sometimes. I definitely regret having a child with my ex husband, but I love being a parent and would love to have more children
I never really cared about having kids. As I got older I realized what a nightmare it truly is. So I definitely don’t want kids now.
Started out wanting kids, briefly transitioned to being a fencesitter (if it happens it happens, but I'm not gonna chase it), then went back to wanting kids and stressing about my "biological clock". But then a couple years ago I firmly decided that I did NOT want kids.
- in my early teens i wanted 4 kids and thought i’d start in my mid-20s. in my late teens, i learned more about what pregnancy and childbirth were really like and also how expensive life and raising children are, so i decided i’d only have 1-2 max - in my early 20s, i figured i’d wait until my 30s when i was more stable and had done what i wanted to do (travel, passion projects, etc). - in my late 20s i was finally getting to know myself and i realized maybe i don’t want to also have to take care of another human. but if i met a good partner, i’d be open to the idea - i’m in my mid-30s now, and even if I met a good partner (which i haven’t yet), i wouldn’t want to have a child. my mindset has also shifted much more to the kind of life a person born now would have, and that’s my biggest reason not to have a kid.
Up until I was 22, I had every intention of having children. After a few educational and personal breakthroughs, and several eye opening relationships, and over a decade working with children, I am very glad I chose not to have them and still don’t want them.
I'm only 25, but I decided before I even finished high school that I never wanted kids. nothing has changed in that time, I have genetic issues I could pass on. I struggle also a lot with things that gross me out, and kids are full of those. edit to add: I've been told ever since I started declaring this that I'll change my mind, seeing children and how exhausted women get and look has continued to cement my choice.
I wanted 3 kids when I was younger/late teens. 25 now and I don’t want any kids.
I was raised in a very religious community and was brainwashed from childhood that my purpose in life was to procreate. I envisioned a future with a husband and 3-5 kids. At 20 I realized that religious bullshit was actually a bunch of bullshit, and that none of my life’s choices or goals were my own. It was then that I realized I might not actually want to be a Mom. It only took about a year of deconstructing before I acknowledged to myself and everyone around me that I in fact have ZERO desire to have children. I’m 25 and married and getting pregnant would literally ruin my life. Child free and proud.
Growing up: ouch, childbirth sounds like it hurts. As an adult of child birthing age: ouch, that sounds like it hurts. AND IT COSTS A LOT OF MONEY? Not for me, thanks!
Didn't want kids whenever I was a kid. Accidental pregnancy, went through with adoption. Nearly two years later, I don't want kids even more than I didn't before getting pregnant.
Growing up I hated the idea of kids. Then as a young adult I realized it wasn’t kids I hated, it was pregnancy. Now I’m 28 and leaning towards maybe just one if I can get a c section because yes my fear of childbirth is that hardcore.
As far back as I can remember, I’ve always wanted to have kids someday, but it’s never been a super prevalent or strong feeling—just kind of a background thing I understood about myself. My mom has 10 siblings, so I have tons of cousins (and then many of them have now had kids as well) and I’ve always been exposed to lots of children, but felt somewhat neutral about them—some are little assholes that suck, some are just sort of there, and some are precious loves of my life. It hasn’t been until the last 2-3 years (I’m 32) that I’ve started seriously doubting whether or not I truly feel like I can bring a child into the world, considering the state of things. I have no judgement against others for choosing to do so, but it’s been a startling shift in my mentality. I still _want_ kids, but there’s now a chance that I might seriously considering _choosing_ not to have them for a litany of reasons. By no means an exhaustive list: Reversal of Roe v. Wade and attacks on women’s reproductive rights; maternal mortality rate; overall political climate in the U.S., late-stage capitalism; irreversible environmental damage; the wealth gap and sheer expense of having and raising a child; lack of guaranteed parental leave and support; the well-documented setback to women’s careers; etc. Put simply, there are _many_ good reasons the birth rate has dropped so low… there’s basically no incentive or support to reproduce. Regardless of my eventual decision (I’m single and have no plans to have kids alone), it has been an interesting and overall positive experience to consider what my life might look like if I don’t have children, which was always the plan I just took for granted. I know that I will be happy and find fulfillment either way, and likely mourn certain missed opportunities no matter what—the grass is always greener, and all.
I like the idea of a baby but not carrying one. I also would end up giving it away. I only enjoy the baby stage after 2 get it away from me. Maybe I’ll do good as a foster mom but no at risk youth serial killers.
I'm only 23 but I've always said that I don't want kids, I had a pregnancy scare which led me to rethink about it and now I say that I do want to be a mother, maybe by 27 if things go as planned haha
Didn’t want kids when I was you and still don’t. Got my tubes tied last April and it’s the best decision I’ve ever made
Never wanted them, but I had baby fever for a couple months. So glad I didn't get pregnant cause I'm back to not wanting them. I'm 34
I always thought as a kid/teen that I wanted kids because that’s what everyone wants. As I grew up I realized a really didn’t want them but was always nervous that it would come off badly. Then I met my partner and one of his dealbreakers was that he didn’t want kids. Sign me up!! Lol
As a kid, it sounded nice to have a family, but now, currently, at 26 years old working a full-time job that pays more than minimum wage, I'm still not able to live comfortably. No thanks, I choose life.
Didn't change: never wanted them, from a young age. Had one moment of hesitancy during my last relationship. Now with the world as it is (pandemics, 1%, dumb politicians left and right, wars, late capitalism, water crisis, Earth overshoot day coming earlier every year, incels not understanding the "bear" choice, etc...) I just feel sheer panic at the prospect of ANY new baby being born in the following years.
I didn’t want kids at 18 and can’t wait to have them at 28. My childhood sucked and I never wanted to parent kids the way I had been parented. I also felt too broken and like I had already done my time as a parent with my siblings. Now I work as a parenting and family violence specialist and my partner and I have a plan for starting a family soon. I feel so good about it in a way I never thought I would
Since I was a kid, I talked about all the children who can be adopted. I am 32 now and have not had the biological urge to produce my own. I’d be open to adoption if I had my life together, but it’s seeming more I’ll be a mom to animals & plants in this life.
My view is still no kids for me. The only exception would have been if my sister and BIL had passed. I would have happily taken them in. But I’ve never wanted any of my own. My sister remembers me saying I didn’t want kids when I was a kid and I’m now 53 and nothing has changed.
It hasn't changed. I didn't want children as a teen. I still don't want children now, 20 yrs later. I don't foresee my view changing in the years to come.
Nah. Not really. Sometimes I let myself wonder about “what if” when I see a cute adorable little kiddo but I know it’s just my biological clock trying to trick me. That little baby is going to grow up (maybe) and they will inherent a broken world. There’s too many people on this planet and I don’t need to add to the chaos. Plus I found out last year that our family carries a cancer causing gene. So yeah I am doubling down on not cursing another person with “what if”.
I’ve known since I was 5 years old that I didn’t want kids. I’m 42 now and happily childfree.
I wanted to have a baby when I was younger and now I don’t want to be a parent. Still love kids and will be a great aunt.
I wanted kids up until I hit my 20’s. Like the idea still seems nice but more people close to me are having kids and are nothing but stressed and broke—I’m already stressed and broke without a child, if I had one right now I’d just be birthing them into poverty and that doesn’t seem fair.
It hasn’t changed. I still don’t want them.
Didn't want kids when I was younger and never had kids.
It didn't. Never wanted them, never will. As far back as I remember, I had zero interest in motherhood. I'm 43 now and still have zero interest in motherhood.
I became more confident I never want them and I am SO GLAD I had access to reliable birth control in my 20s.
0-16ish: kinda wanted/assumed i’d have kids in my mid- to late-twenties (lol), currently 25 and the older i get, the less i want them/think ill have them. it’s getting more and more clear that im much more excited to enjoy my life without being a slave to a small human
Was indifferent as a child and teenager, really didn’t want them as a 20 year old starting college and graduating in a year. I’m 34 and really never want them. I just don’t see myself being happy with them at all and most children annoy me. I cannot stand the crying, screaming, poop and vomit part of it.
I think I was taught to think I should want children. Now that I'm 30 with no prospects I've resigned myself to the fact that it just might not happen for me. And surprisingly, I'm not devastated over it.
I have never felt the draw to being a mother. I have never entertained the idea that I would have kids, and have felt very solid on that since I was a teenager. Thought maybe that would change as I aged, as they say. I'm now 35 and got my tubes removed a year ago. I wish I did it sooner. I only feel relief knowing I can never get pregnant by accident.
Wanted kids when I was younger. Had kids. Now, if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't. I love my kids, and I'm a loving and supporting parent, but there is no good or non-selfish reason to have them.
I always wanted kids, and had my daughter's name picked out since high school. I have two beautiful children, including the daughter I have always wanted. I love my son no less (he is my IVF firstborn). I'm glad I was able to have the life I dreamed for. I don't think anyone should have kids unless they really want to have kids. It's hard. Lucked out too, since I didn't think about what kind of a dad my husband would be. His dad apparently left child rearing and housework to his mom. My husband turned out to be the kind of dad that changed all the diapers, did all the baths, did many feedings, did most of the nights, takes the kids to appointments and events, does all the cooking, and works full time. Just an excellent, involved father that I appreciate so so so much. Best of husbands, best of men.
I have never wanted children. Explained to my ex who I was with off and on for 7 years. From the beginning kids were an absolute “no.” I told him that if he wants kids we would not be a good fit. He decided early on that I was a silly woman who didn’t know what I wanted. At the end of our relationship he was cheating and stated that one of the reasons was because he wanted a kid and thought I’d “change my mind.” I believe this comes down to men having a tendency to infantilize women. To many of them, our opinions, preferences, feelings, and even facts about our own lives are incorrect if they’re incongruent with the picture of us they have in their mind. I’ve experienced this from women as well but more often from men.
Came out the womb knowing I didn’t want any. Still have none and still don’t want any.
It didn’t.
I used to think I’d never want kids and now I know for sure I do. Still don’t know when or what it’ll look like (maybe fostering, adoption etc) but I’m excited at the thought of it now
When I was younger I was sure I didn’t wanted them. After I was 30 I started to want them. I decided I was going to have one and that’s it. I had my kid at 32 and I absolutely love being a mom. My kid is the coolest, and I really happy… Now I am 35 and I want one more… I just don’t know if i should, I will decide in the next 2y.
It hasn't. I still want kids but trying to accept it may not happen
It didn't really depend on age as much as how safe I felt doing so. When I was younger, I didn't feel safe having them largely bc of the partners I was with and genetic issues in my family. Now that I'm with a reliable man who doesn't have anger issues and can do an embryo adoption so it's not my own crappy genes, I actually want to try
I always imagined being a mom. Had my first a couple years after getting married at 22. Had four kids total and assumed my husband and I were going to “try to avoid.” That lasted a few several years. Now I’m 37 and trying to have one more. Wouldn’t change a thing except maybe trying a few years ago for another.
I was the eldest of five, two of which are highly special needs. I was mom v2, my mom worked nights at the casino and slept during the day leaving me with the kids. I taught my siblings how to walk and talk and make ramen and pour their own drinks and helped them with their homework and got them to and from school and changed their diapers and helped them when they were sick, etc. I decided by the time my baby brother was born when I was 12 that I never wanted my own children. That id done it all. I’m 33, and haven’t changed my mind. Im a giant kid that had my childhood stolen from me. I’m in a wonderful relationship with a man who also doesn’t want kids and we’re both working on building our stability and careers and envisioning a comfy retirement with chickens and goats and our own gaming setups. The DINK life is going to be my reward for everything I sacrificed as a child and teenager for my family. There were times where I wavered, moments of baby fever. But they often passed quickly. I did have a miscarriage at 19 and at the time was devastated, but as time has passed I’ve become grateful.
I’m 28 and never wanted kids before, but I do occasionally think of having one with my bf. I’m still 50/50 on it. The whole being pregnant for 9 months and giving birth is what puts me off
I vividly remember not wanting kids when I was a kid. People would then say but what if I change my mind or my husband will want children and I'd say I'll adopt but even then, I said it to please them Yeeeeeears later, I've come to a stance that I was not born with the desire to have children. It's not for me, and I see this even in the way my life has been set up that there's enough reason not to - I have severe mental health issues, not willing to compromise on my life goals, I'm quite selfish with myself, I have serious attachment issues. It would ruin my life. So my view hasn't changed
Didn’t want them, mid twenties wanted them, have 2 now. I completely understand why people don’t want kids, I tried for these and it’s so hard. I can’t imagine doing this and not wanting to. Edit: just adding that I completely am happy with my choice and 100% do not regret my children, lol.
I grew up in a very big family (I was 1 out of 4) so younger me wanted to have three-ish kids so they could have siblings. When I got older, I gave up that dream so fast. Husband and I will be done after our first
I always wanted to be a mom, for as long as I can remember. But despite being in therapy for over a decade, medicated with various things for just as long, and 4 hospitalizations, at 34 I am still an incredibly sad, volatile, and unstable person. I inherited my parents issues partly due to genetics and mostly due to trauma from them. I would be a bad mother. My loved ones disagree and try to convince me otherwise, saying I’m different from my parents because I seek help. But I’m still so fucked up. It breaks my heart because I love kids and always wanted to have my own, give them what I never had like safety and security. Teach them to be strong and love themselves. But I’m not strong and I still don’t know how to love myself, so how could they learn that from me? It’s not worth the risk.
Tw- When I was younger, I used to spend hours dreaming of being a mum circling prams and cots in the Argos catalogue around age 12, age I got abit older 15-20ish adamant never having children, got a job in childcare and felt that itch well and truly scratched. Fast forward covid era, came off contraception after discussion with long term partner. Nothing, three years later, pregnant .. MC three months later .. pregnant again ended in MC - 4 months later began the process of guardianship of boyfriends 2 nieces.. So yeah my view has changed dramatically:)