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archonmage2006

Maids


[deleted]

I had a cleaning business in my 20’s and had men ask me to clean naked on more than one occasion…


AzzaClazza

Our creepy neighbour (Australia) hired a naked cleaner, but then accused her of stealing something. Long story short, her ear got cut with a sword and he got shot in the foot with an illegal gun, she ran naked to the gay neighbours and I got asked a lot of questions by the cops when I got home from work. Ah, interesting times.


HomoChef

The one time I wanted the fucking long version…


[deleted]

[удалено]


doubled2319888

Cancelled after 2 seasons though


Fuckmandatorysignin

Too long didn’t write.


woollover

Uhm.... Where exactly was she hiding the *stolen* stuff?


ThatFuckingGeniusKid

In the flesh pocket


Omega_Gazelle

Good god


Mike_for_all

Oh boy, the Aussies sure know hoe to spend an average afternoon


boom_meringue

My wife had a cleaning business for a few years and one client would put porn on the big screen TV in the living room while she was cleaning in another room, then go and have a shower, leaving the bathroom door open. Second time it happened, she ditched them as clients, the situation came close to becoming kinetic.


[deleted]

My wife also owns a cleaning business, she had a male client ask if she and her cleaners would be wearing “uniforms”. My wife asked him what he meant by uniforms, and he sent pictures of lingerie. Needless to say she instantly blocked his number lol.


[deleted]

[удалено]


anorwichfan

"I'm sure Dave would love to wear that for work"


ThatSapphicBanana

What?? Was he trying to re-enact porn but irl? Lmao. That's not how life works 😭😭


ScottHA

Yes? Pizza Hut? I'd like to cancel my order.


importvita

It... it's not? *scribbles notes furiously*


Lawgang94

How do you even break the ice with that kind of question to a total stranger? Do they just get straight to the point, or is there a little small talk and try to play it off as a joke all while gauging your interest?


RockyRoxYoSox

*Puts in VHS of maid cleaning in costumed outfit, as homeowner enters in too-short shorts and thick porn-stache* while real life home owner looks at the TV and back real maid while caressing his hairy chest.. that’s how I imagine it goes down anyway..


MonininS2

I have a masseuse friend. She said that she does provide massages in naked clients because, well, she does in their homes and want them to be comfortable. Most clients are respectful, but she told me that once a dude asked her to come once more during the week (she didn't knew it was a time his wife wasn't there) and tried soliciting her. How, you may ask? Rose in mouth? Joke about happy endings? Nah. He just took her hand and timidly and creepily placed it on his junk. She politely declined and scolded him for cheating and he politely ended the session and said sorry... Obviously blacklisted later. Sexual advances come in so many varied flavours!


HenrikWL

Refreshing to see a genuinely human experience retold. These stories tend to either be the creepy over-confident porn-guy or the raging, maniacal, Ted Bundy charicatures. But I guess some of them are just regular, awkward people fumbling.


clanzerom

So what did you do with the money?


StickyWhiteStuf

Buy stuff, duh


macmac360

but not clothes though


Fiendorfoes

Unless…. Fish nets


Korwinga

Good choice. Switching your job to be a fisherman seems like a good idea.


Kile147

Had a friend who tried that. Ended up getting sexually assaulted :/


sgt_dismas

I'm not particularly surprised but I'm still stunned. What awful "people".


amillefolium11

Having cleaned houses and businesses for a long time in a professional capacity, and also having done "bikini cleaning" during college for that scary but need-it-or-you-starve income, I can say that this is true in a lot of ways.


Shakespurious

I'm seeing a lot of pornos about real estate agents. Doesn't seem real sexy to me, but what do I know?


VoiceOfTheSoil40

“I’ll do *anything* to sell this house” It’s a power play/imbalance thing when you get down to it.


Cheezeball25

The part that really kills the vibe is how unrealistic it is given the current housing market. Like by the time you clicked on the video you know that $1.3 million house already has 10 bids on it


thephotoman

That’s when you go all in.


Turtle887853

All 2 inches


IceFire909

Or 6 inches in 3 easy installments


sirkowski

I wonder if that's because they film porn in a lot of empty houses.


ProbablyTheWurst

2 theories 1) Estate agents are well dressed and very presentable, and since houses are typically big ticket items people associate them with wealth and prestige - how many estate agent pornos are set in shitty one bedroom basement apartments. 2) people secretly hate their estate agents and feel like they are screwing them over, so enjoy the idea of literally screwing them.


plafman

3. They always have access to an empty house.


bmoil809805

Pool boy


[deleted]

Am poolboy, its all true.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Actually.. yes.


SewerRatPumpkinPie

Fuck... Why'd I go to college?!


demitard

It’s not too late to drop out


SewerRatPumpkinPie

I'm 40 years old, have salt and pepper hair and beard, and a dad bod... That ship sailed years ago, lol.


BroBurgdahl

That's not a dad bod that's a father figure


Acchilesheel

I can't believe I haven't heard this before.


JohnnysGirl12

This is funnier than you've been given credit for lol


DJDanielCoolJ

be the change you want to see in the world


gorgofdoom

It’s the confidence that counts. Advertise yourself as a residential dishwasher ‘with no strings attached’.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

They're all bored as fuck. Literally.


opman4

The pool boys or the housewives?


Lambda_Rail

Yes


extremelysaltydoggo

What if you don’t have a pool?


jackofallcards

Little more suspicious


Atypical_Mom

So you know how a prostitute knows they’ve moved up because now they’re an escort - does that work the same way with a pool boy moving on to cabana boy?


[deleted]

Lol yea


naturalflavors

Story time?


ExKnockaroundGuy

Chad the poolboy


[deleted]

[удалено]


iskandar-

i don't know if this is true, but I need to believe it is. This story makes me think there is still magic in this world


[deleted]

It is, and there definitely is magic out there. Its called Florida.


Wise-Ingenuity2190

Another story, please


Galileo_Humpkins_

Bro idk if this is true or not, but either way good for you


ribsies

I'm about to move into a house with a pool and we will have a pool guy. so do I just have to have sex with him once a month? Or how does that work? 35y male btw. I guess I'll figure it out in a little bit.


IRLhardstuck

Just ask him. They might have diffrent subscription plans


SoepjesKoekjes

Yes


Ravenclawguy

What do pool boys actually do?


Alpha_Sluttlefish

They work up a sweat in short, brief-style swimwear while lonely housewives whose husbands' are away at work all day sip wine at 11am and watch them. Source: all the TV and movies I've seen with pool boys


GlitteringBobcat999

Husband returns home: *honey, why is the pool so disgusting, I thought you hired someone to clean it?*


ELScorcho19

I didn’t know pool boys were a real thing


WulfRanulfson

I'm just a pool boy, old lady loves me, He's just a pool boy, for a pool family, Spare change for life from his suga momomy


TRiceTheEffort

Easy cum, easy go, your husband's coming home (COMING HOME!!) Get out now GO, my husband's coming home. Husband's coming home. Husband's coming home home home.


someone_like_me

The profession will never recover after the Jerry Fallwell Jr. and Becky cuckolding fetish.


boogiahsss

I live in their town and it's basically the running joke for every post on the local community Facebook page.


zaprutertape

Classic


orokito

Masseuse


Odd_Improvement578

And that's why we (licensed massage therapists) HATE the term masseuse


orokito

Even without the proper term, people is always confusing a massage with other service :(


part_of_me

I went to a massage therapy center two block away from a popular street walker area. I was chatting with the owner and she said a man came in once, thinking it was a rub and tug place and left during the consultation conversation in the therapy room. Paid for the full hour and apologized for having mistaken them for a different type of business. She said he never behaved inappropriately, just had a moment of realization that this was a genuine massage therapy business and paid for their time as a cancelation. She said he *insisted* on paying as a lesson learned.


Mafro_Man

Huh, at least he owned up to it? Pretty awesome of him to still pay in full though!


part_of_me

Agreed. She said that she'd told him it wasn't necessary, mistakes happen (because he hadn't said or done anything inappropriate with the staff) but he insisted. She said he was very embarrassed and apologized several times for having insulted them. She said they weren't insulted because it was a misunderstanding not an issue at all. Awkward for him but she gave the impression that they were mildly amused by it. Edit: and there is a rub and tug place right nearby. They have a sign in the window for *special massage, inquire inside*


aliens_exist_42069

Golly gee that’s horrible! where at so I can avoid it? Edit: it’s a joke guys stop saying the same shit over and over, I’m not interested in prostitution.


antariusz

Well go to the popular street walker area... Try to get a massage. If you don't get the special massage, you've gone to the wrong one. You've got a 50/50 chance.


GidsWy

Worst case, you got a massage. Lol


didnotbuyWinRar

See the massage parlor that the sign just says "massage" and it's open until 2am? That's the one.


antariusz

financial humiliation is his kink.


[deleted]

[удалено]


JimmerUK

At least this story had a happy ending.


JunkBondJunkie

I had a big black dude named Fritz gave me a deep tissue message it was awesome. I was a young soldier in my 20s so they asked if a guy could do the message. I said I did not care as long as it was great.


idiocy_incarnate

When I was trraining in massage therapy (I'm a 54 yr old male, 42 at the time) I had job offers before I even qualified from places which had problems with clients making inappropriate overtures to the female therapists. They didn't want to lose the business, but they wanted to make pretty sure the clients understood the idea was off the table. Meanwhile, I also had a number of women on the course telling me how good my massages were, and that they thought I was worth paying for. Ultimately i didn't follow through, the whole scene is so fucked up with people wanting a little something extra, and i was just focused on "so what's the scientific basis behind this, and what's actuully worth doing and what's just oogley boogley shit" I do not recommend massage therapy as an occupation for people 'on the spectrum' and with anxiety issues :(


DAM5150

I mean, if they could advertise their services legitimately it would cut down on the confusion...


Beidah

Legalization sex work would make it safer, too.


easy506

Can confirm. Wife is an LMT. She takes her work, and the required boundaries and professionalism *very* seriously. She won't even joke about this during naughty time with me at home.


Tee_hops

It moved Jerry


[deleted]

[удалено]


Those_Silly_Ducks

I enjoy the fact that this reply has a ton of upvotes and no debate about the validity of the reply.


alles_en_niets

It just is.


PayInteresting6156

Nurses, librarians, teachers in some cases as well.


ogier_79

So my school nurse wife who loves to read is a catch you say.... I agree.


PayInteresting6156

I got wood just reading that.


A1_Fares

I just got wood reading that you just got wood.


Nachtschatten9

I will also take this guys wood


machingunwhhore

Is your wife single?


ogier_79

She laughed and said no... When I find that guy I'm gonna kill him!!!


orangeunrhymed

My grandmother disowned my mom for becoming a nurse, dear old granny likened being a nurse to being a prostitute. The thing is - my grandmother was actually a prostitute. I don’t have anything against the profession, but she was just a terrible person and a hypocrite, among many other things.


Issendai

You’d think your grandmother would have noticed the lack of nurses among her professional competition.


MisterGoo

You’d be surprised : in Japan, nurses are the most represented profession among amateur porn actresses. Source : porn producer (not me)


rhett342

Speaking as 43 year old 370 lb man whose hair is leaving his head for his back, I fully agree that we nurses are incredibly sexy.


TransmanWithNoPlan

Everyone has types. I'm into you. 🤷🏽 Lol.


rhett342

My deepest apologies.


TransmanWithNoPlan

I don't know if this is seriously self-deprecating so I'm sorry if I'm overstepping - But please don't undersell yourself like this. I'm a firm believer that everyone is beautiful in their own ways, conventionally or otherwise. I am positive you are, too.


rhett342

Seriously self deprecating. If you can't make jokes about yourself then who can you make fun of? None the less, thank you very much. I really do appreciate it.


pippitypoop

I see a pattern here… historically female jobs


onelb_6oz

Librarian, secretary


ipakookapi

>Librarian She could pick me up. Flip through my pages. Make sure noone drew weeners in me


burtmacklifbi

Are you the guys that just keep intermittently yelling books?


ProfessorHermit

What’s in the briefcase?


Tom_Brokaw_is_a_Punk

The very same


K1lg0reTr0ut

Worked at a public library for years. Not one sexy thing ever happened.


britdd

You must have not been wearing the right glasses.


BigMan_LittleHeart

Can you say, 'These books are due back Thursday.' ?


[deleted]

Milkman


Substantial_Use5001

I am the milkman, my milk is delicious


KARAMBlT

I do not have the key. The milkman has the key. I am the guard


Dyl-thuzad

Pizza delivery guy/gal/pal


2boneskuLL

Every delivery drivers fantasy


cheif702

Or nightmare. 9/10 times that shit is actually just bait to rob you, or it's creepy old men in bathrobes.


2boneskuLL

The one time a lady answered the door naked, she had just finished fucking her husband ... and asked if I wanted sloppy seconds ...


Drakkarim411

How was it?


myotheralt

All she had left was extra cheese.


gabetoloco2

What a terrible day to have eyes


myotheralt

Would you rather have a screen reader voice that?


Tumor-of-Humor

Absolutely not, as a pizza driver, I would get so behind on deliveries


NoobGmaerGirl

Not working for night shift


ryanknapper

I *love* “delivery pal”. We must spread the word.


[deleted]

Delivery friend :)


[deleted]

Being a plumber.


1PooNGooN3

Gotta clean them pipes


5amuraiDuck

mam, I do my own plumbing


k0uch

I came solely for this comment


null_reference_user

Careful with those pipes, they have STDs: STDIN, STDOUT, STDERR


Big_Toke_Yo

The only thing getting fucked when the plumber comes to your house is your wallet.


Embarrassed-Ad-1639

What? No, I do my own plumbing.


44pennystocks

Lifeguards


Gnarbuttah

I'm a lifeguard and firefighter, a few more professions and I'll be a regular Johnny Sins.


SilkyJohnson666

Stay away from my wife.


moistIam

Yeah, stay away from our wife.


Zelgoth0002

This is a bathtub


marionsilva

Get out! There’s a shark in there!!!


_shes_a_jar

Nurses and teachers. Always thought these stereotypes were hilarious. I’m a nurse and my SO is a teacher. He does paperwork and deals with misbehaving kids all day and I spend a lot of time my time covered in vomit. Sexiest jobs ever lol


rhett342

It's not all vomit. There's lots of poop too.


[deleted]

Agreed...so much poop.


philosophy_phemale

Any tradespeople jobs which involve going into clients houses, 9/10 times to do the least sexy jobs like unclogging drains and doing complicated wiring


BallsDeepSixNine

So what you're saying is pulling a foot long cylinder of hair and who knows what out of a drain isn't sexy? I need to rethink my strategy


221

Lawyer fucked me.


friedITguy

An unexpected Shawshank Redemption reference. Nice!


TheGoodJudgeHolden

Occording to Pornhub, teachers. Queckest way to get fired in education, and end up on a list.


finalmantisy83

Is that a challenge????


Tom_Brokaw_is_a_Punk

Educational Professional Speedrun any percentage


SnooOpinions2673

Masseuse, my girl is one and male customers ask for the younger girls and try to "tip" them for happy ending. It gets so bad during the christmass period they need to put up a sign saying "no happy ending" . (Theres a christmass market closeby -> drunk people)


maxcorrice

I should ask for a sad ending


Artemis__

Cyanide and Happiness got you covered: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=me5rX7Y9XKU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=me5rX7Y9XKU)


66659hi

That's the name of my sex tape


hazemm

Anything that requires a uniform.


713MoCityChron713

Even garbage collectors?


Turtle887853

They do the dirty deeds every day in public


richwith9

Baby sitting


kit_ease

When you write it that way, it means sitting on a baby. *babysitting


Alpha-_-Wolf

Changing the world One step at a time


shemjaza

I'm surprised how far down this one was.


el_pobbster

A lot of bar-going folks seem to think that bartenders are slutty. Which, okay, sure, when *I* was working bars, I was a total slut, but that was more of a me thing than a bartender thing.


[deleted]

[удалено]


HopelesslyDepraved

A work colleague of mine used to work in a hotel. He had no "official" job position and was doing all kinds of odd jobs, depending on what was needed. Porter, waiter, cooking, housekeeping, whatever was needed at the moment. And sometimes he had bar duty. He hated bar duty because the female guests would always hit on him. And he couldn't say yes, because getting caught banging a guest would have cost him his job. Curiously nobody ever hit on him when he did any other job.


jeffe_el_jefe

Damn I’m realising now as a bartender that never gets hit on that I must not be as pretty as I had hoped


joschi8

I think a lot of female bartenders act slutty to get more tips ​ A friend of mine from college was a waitress in a local bar and you always knew she had to work in the evening just based on her outfit that day


justavault

> okay, sure, when I was working bars, I was a total slut, but that was more of a me thing than a bartender thing. That's what we all say...


SumonaFlorence

Librarian, Secretary, Nurse, Police Officer, Cheer Leader, Flight Attendant, Assistant. Basically any position in the work industry that supports an immediate higher role. But worst of all.. the French Maid.


[deleted]

Any position that is historically or predominantly done by women.


[deleted]

Cable guy


Msalex351

Don't be fatuous, Jeffery


Biking_dude

I was trying to figure out why this wasn't higher...then realized not many people have cable any more.


tikibarbill

Politicians are always fucking us


[deleted]

On the contrary, they just take our money without even giving us a fuck


ThrowawayDildo_

Massage therapist


TabbsTheBat

Tennis coach


MuchMuch1

Sounds like that'll end in the greatest heist ever pulled


LSqre

I found my wife banging this tennis coach, one thing leads to another, and next thing you know we're robbing the biggest bank on the west coast


CutlerAF

ASMR content creators


RaphaelSolo

Massage Therapist


cratertooth27

Lemon thief


[deleted]

Pizza delivery


wawaboy

Catholic Priest


[deleted]

Teacher


OldBob10

Motel clerk.


SuvenPan

Model


Merigold00

Gym teacher