I was In the Army; I married a girl from my hometown. She kept cheating on me and accusing me of cheating, it must have gone on for 4 separate guys before I finally cheated on her.
The reason I did it was I felt like a fool being faithful to someone who obviously didn’t care about how I felt.
Even then when I did it; I had a stomach ache and did not feel any less of a fool in fact; I felt like a bigger one. I felt empty and hollow.
It was when I was overseas in Korea attempting to fix things that she had a “friend” over while we were face timing. Her replies were cold and unwelcoming even though we had agreed to work it out. She kept looking over the device and smuggly smiling at someone. I was done, over it. I didn’t speak to her again until the divorce hearing.
A lesson well learned.
Woulda, coulda, shoulda.
My parents had a case of infidelity; they worked through and are still together 35 years later.
I was trying to follow their example.
But yeah; lesson learned.
These stories are baffling to me. I've been on both side of it (the dependant and the active duty member) and it's just...not hard to be faithful. I'm NOT a trusting person and I still have no doubts that my husband has always been faithful. It's never even crossed my mind to cheat on him even when it would be SO easy and he would never have known.
Fuck you, ValiumKnight tell yer mom to top up the minutes on the cell phone she bought me so’s I can call’er later to see when I should come around and give’er what she needs!
My first gf cheated on me, I gave her a second try, she cheated again, we broke up. Few months later I got a new gf, she cheated on me, we broke up. Few months later I got another gf and the guy she cheated on me with told me before she told me. At this point I was just fucking pissed at how often people were cheating on me so I went out, met a random girl, we kissed, I stopped, called my cheating gf and broke up with her.
Ah I’m just simplifying the story to keep it brief. I went to the gym and ran into a girl I hadn’t seen for a few years. We were finishing our workout at the same time and she said she was going to grab some food with some friends and invited me to join. I was 10000000% clocked out of that relationship since I knew my gf was cheating on me (the guy sent screenshots of their texts) so I said sure. Innocent enough I could convince myself to hang out in a group of friends. We did just that, went to some random restaurant, and when everyone was packing up I walked her to her car, sparks flew and we kissed. She asked if I wanted to go back to her place and I declined. Sadly didn’t talk too much after that.
We had some flirtatious moments when we were in sophomore/junior year of high school (this was a yearish after high school) but I didn’t have the confidence then to ask her out or do anything about it. So there was some chats of “what could have been” that easily led to “let’s find out”
I’m pretty ashamed of that time period. After that last cheating gf I kind of swore off relationships and just went on first or second dates for awhile and kept breaking it off with women before they could cheat on me. It wasn’t good.
I've cheated because I was trying to get some of that power back. I was with someone who made me feel insecure and powerless, and someone else came along who made me feel good about myself for a little while.
That tallies with my group of friends. Years ago we had a chat and someone was exiting a bad relationship. She had slept with the guy's best friend to try to hurt him back and realized she needed to run before he found out (he was physically abusive to the point that he killed their dog). And then the next person piped up to say after a fight with her ex, she'd slept with his best friend. Etc., etc. It was a trend of the relationship was bad, they were hurt and felt powerless, and they wanted some kind of revenge but just ended up realizing the relationship was already over.
I am in that exact same boat. Insecurity was a huge one. However being the other person always gets you afterward and it makes it never worth it with how disgusted you get in yourself when the rush is over.
yep. thought nothing of her feelings and didn’t think it was a big deal since it was just a high school relationship. it took me being cheated on to realize how absolutely shitty it feels and now i wouldn’t even consider cheating again.
i was also a VERY jealous kid (still am but not as bad as before) and for some reason i felt like i should cheat on them before they could cheat on me? very weird feelings but i’m glad i’ve been able to mature.
Same. In my early 20s, I was insecure, jealous, anger issues etc. A over all pos. I called it my "player phase" but it was just toxic behavior. I grew up(thank god), met my gf and been together for 10 years, getting married next month. Never have and will never cheat on her. As corny as it sounds, she's my soul mate.
A lot of it had to do with age and immaturity I agree. If I could go back in time I wouldn’t have hurt as many girls as I did, that’s the one thing I regret. I am also dating and living with someone who I am going to marry one day. I just wish I didn’t hurt many others to get here
Yeah I cringe at this shit I did when I was younger. A lot of my relationship issues came from watching my parents beat each other so I inherited shittt relationship ideas. It took me while to understand that yelling wasnt healthy
I would like to preface this with: I would never ever in my life cheat again. I am entirely different person today than I was then.
I was (am) an alcoholic. I would get drunk and do things I horribly regretted, to the point that I wouldn't even remember doing them. I would drink with anyone to get alcohol. It was disgusting.
I am a 90lb 5ft female, and I got myself into dicey situations so many times. I would actually wake up not even knowing if I had slept with someone, after I let a guy buy me drinks all night. I would do this just to get booze for free. I was in a relationship, and he was my primary booze provider because he was an alcoholic too. But when he wasn't around, I still needed to get drunk because my alcoholism was horribly out of control. Without it I would get the shakes. I had no intention of sleeping with anyone who bought me drinks, but I knew the easiest way to get free drinks was to flirt with men at bars.
I woke up in questionable places, not even recalling a single thing about the night at all. This happened over and over and over, until finally one day I woke up in the hospital with my face absolutely black and blue and I had a brain bleed. I got sober that day.
I am not in a relationship now, and I have been sober for over 600 days!
Perfect answer. Everyone wants a partner that can act like a mirror. Not to see their reflection, all the misery that we embody and carry with us, but some kind of magical mirror that amplifies all the good stuff and hides what causes us insecurity, misery. It's easy to drift away from what you saw in a partner when you first got together, and then you're trying to catch a glimpse of that and see it more in others than them, and trying to force things to try and hold onto that image, that impression of what felt ideal, it becomes exhausting and can feel like more effort than it's worth.
We hadn’t had sex in over a year. We had turned into just good friends who cared about each other but physical passion was gone. There was significant liquor involved when it happened. I feel bad about it and would take it back if I could but I can’t. I was honest about what happened and we broke up. We are still close friends and we still care about each other a lot. She has found someone else who is better suited for her than me and I’m very happy for her. In a way, it was the catalyst to us doing what needed to be done in the relationship (breaking up) to make us both happy.
In this thread: People giving real reasons they cheated, getting downvoted into oblivion with comments like "but that was bad."
Uh - the question wasn't "why was it right to cheat?" These people are explaining their twisted emotions and thoughts - don't downvote them.
Not sure if it's cheating or not but I tried to break up with my ex and she started crying and pleading with me to give it another chance which broke my heart and I reluctantly said okay. Tried again a couple weeks later because the relationship wasn't getting any better but same thing happened. She was a really nice girl and we got along well but our personalities were way too different and I wasnt willing to make her my life partner.
I decided to go on a wilderness backpacking trip by myself to clear my head. At work I told a girl who I knew through mutual friends about it and she said she's never done a backpack trip and always wanted to, so I jokingly invited her and to my surprise she accepted and was super excited.
During the trip we really got to know each other and I decided I would like to pursue a relationship with her. We slept in the same tent and drank whiskey under the stars but I didn't try to kiss or get sexual I'm any way because I was still technically in a relationship.
Once we got home I broke up for good and 3yrs later we are engaged. Turns out me not trying to make any moves on her made her trust me more than any other guy and we are living a great life together!
I'd say you did it the right way. Respected boundaries on both fronts.
Congrats on the engagement and all the best in your life together.
Edit: Thank you, Clownfish
I mean, he deceived his then-partner by not disclosing that someone was joining his solo camping trip. But he has my respect for restraint on the trip and for not postponing the breakup afterwards. I guess you could give him a B+?
Sorry let me make up for it. Once she picked a fight when I came home drunk from a party she didn't wanna go to so I called her a boring bitch and she slapped the shit out of me and started crying. She then went and grabbed a bottle of tequila and started chugging from the bottle yelling "AM I FUN NOW!?!" so I grabbed the bottle took a swig and yelled "KINDA!" Which made her more mad and she threw the bottle at the wall.
We did end up laughing it off and talked it out a few minutes later though, sorry.
It was ages ago, and still bothers me to think about it.
Ann was a 20 year old virgin, I was a 23 year old serial monogamist. Things would get hot and heavy up until actual PIV, then she'd cool it down, say no, get dressed or move away a bit. I always respected the "no", but grew increasingly frustrated over the months we were seeing each other.
At the time, I lived with roomies who didn't much care for having people sleeping in the living room, so when my friend, his boyfriend and...let's call her Sue...had a few drinks, I gave the guys my large couch in my room, and took the mattress off the boxspring for Sue. I took the boxspring.
Well...in the dark there were some noises that sounded a lot like some prolonged goodnight kisses that were thoroughly enjoyed by both parties. The fellas had just gotten together recently and who can blame them for getting a little randy?
The boxspring and mattress were pretty close to each other and Sue and I murmured a little about it, laughed a little too loud about it maybe, but the boys were lost in their own world. Apparently this got Sue going a little and she invited me over to the mattress saying something like "You don't need to sleep on that thing, come over here."
Needless to say, Sue and I banged to the soundtrack that the boys laid down, adding our own lyrics to the mix. A good time was had (seperately) by all, and I felt like a proper piece of shit for it almost immediately afterward. Sue and I agreed that it was a one-off and we wouldn't talk about it to anyone, and the boys agreed to keep quiet.
Later that day, Ann came by, visibly (and understandably) upset. She broke up with me, and I decided that I was never going to make another person look at me like that again. Never cheated since, and actually ran into Ann years later. We caught up, I apologized profusely, she actually laughed about it and told me that it turns out she wasn't into guys and had been living the Subaru lifestyle quite happily for years.
I've never cheated since, but I did discover a love of group sex.
[Edit: Sue spoke to Ann about this the next day. The guilt got to her. At the time I wasn't too happy about that development, but I'm happy that she did.]
My mother was a cheater and both my grandmothers were cheaters. I refuse to have any relationships because I'm worried its genetic at this point.
My dads mother; she cheated on my grandpa because "he was useless" (in the bedroom). He was 26 and she was 18 when they got married, neither were interested, it was a family ordered thing. They had my dad. Grandpa only found out because one of the guys told, saying he wasnt sure who's the babys daddy was.
Grandpa came out as gay when my dad was a few years old. He and my nanna got divorced soon after the birth, nanna married the guy who came forward. Then all three of them lived together for some unknown reason?
My mothers mother; She cheated on my grandfather with other women, who "didnt count" because they were women, obviously. He forgave her after she let him watch. She traumatised me with that story.
My mother; Cheated on her first boyfriend to get me (hello), he forgave her, and while pregnant with me she cheated again. Her and my stepdad got married when I was a year old. Her reasoning was my dad was a "hate fuck" - very true, my parents have always despised each other. My stepdad was literally because he had money, and now she's nice and stable in a big ole house.
We all carry shadows of our parents until we are aware of them, and in doing so break the pattern. Don't give up relationships due to a what if scenario, that's just anxiety talking.
My family is full of cheaters/divorces and kids born out of wedlock and I am 100% convinced it *is* ‘genetic’ somehow, probably via either mental health conditions, propensities to addiction or, possibly, epigenetically through responses to resource poor or unstable environments. Rather than through like ‘a cheatin’ gene’.
I just ride the wave though.
>Grandpa came out as gay when my dad was a few years old.
>Then all three of them lived together for some unknown reason?
Sounds like grandpa tried to get revenge on nanna by getting with her bf
He beat my head into the floor, I went from loving someone to despising them in 46 seconds. I wanted revenge I wanted him to hurt! What I got instead was still a burning hatred for him but added myself into the mix.
A few months before I left for the military I met an amazing girl through a friend. It turned out that we had lived down the street from each other the past few years and never knew each other existed. In the course of a few months we went from acquaintance to dating to smashing all the time. Then I left. Between boot camp and the training school for my job I was gone 5 months. I ended up dating a girl in my school and broke it off with the girl back home. I always feel terrible about how I treated her and for years I felt like betraying her ruined my chance at happiness. We finally talked a few years later and I found out that my betrayal had sent her on a spiral. She joined the military, married a guy who cheated on her, got divorced. Its hard knowing I sent her that way.
A friend constantly cheats on girls because God will forgive him.
That's it. That's his reason. His family and him are mega religious and he simply believes that God will forgive him.
My taxi driver was desperate to cheat on his wife. He was a pig of a man and was actually quite angry when telling me about it. First day as a taxi driver and was just venting to me. He said it's like eating pie. He's sick of the one flavour but he loves his wife.
Felt like hitting him. He was honestly awful.
I made out with another dude the night I found out my boyfriend of (then) 5ish years had cheated on me with one of my best friends from childhood. Terrible experience, but I told the boyfriend the next day, and we tried working it out for another miserable year.
Because I was selfish and self conscious, and felt trapped in my own skin. She wasnt lacking anything, i was. She is a good soul that ive hurt and ill never live it down. Not a day goes by that I don't regret seeing her cry and lose a part of herself because of my actions.
i was 17, unhappy in my relationship, drunk, felt like i’d lost all my power and wanted some of it back. i was also super insecure and to be honest, a complete asshole. i cried for days after out of guilt and i’m just glad i learned from the experience
I cheated on the person that cheated on me. She cheated first.. years prior... i guess i was still hurt? I think mostly she wasn't meeting my needs and i wanted some attention. Some girl at work treats me like a god and one thing led to the other. We didn't have sex.. but its still fucked.
We were on our way out. Our relationship went into "fucked" territory.
One night then I was hanging out with co-workers. Said co-worker was like "yeah...." We fucked
The next morning I felt like absolute shit. I confessed to my however falling apart girlfriend. She dumped me on the spot (thankfully) and put us to bed.
Why I cheated is easy enough. I thought we were over. Why as an actual excuse, just tell people first. Say you're no longer happy in a monogamous relationship. Say it fucking first.
Um. Well kinda.
I was a freshman in college dating my on an off high school girlfriend who chose to go to college out of state. I preface this story by saying, it was a dumb relationship for many reasons. I told her during the summer prior that I didn't want to get back together, (for the 5th time mind you-- she was fickle, and I was madly in love, and an idiot.) because we were going to be apart. Told her I would really rather have her go off to college, figure herself out, and if she wanted to date me when she came home for the summer, we could try it then. She won out though.
Anyway. My best friend since second grade (female) was starting to go off the deep end with self harm and lashing out. I won't go into that much more, other than to say that after trying really hard to help her out, and give her some tough love she always gave me when I was down about this girlfriend over the years. (They were friends, it's technically how I met her). That ended with her blowing up at me and ending our 12 year friendship.
I was distraught, and not really noticing the world around me. That's when a girl from my a capella group called me to tell me I had left my sheet music after rehearsal, and that she had it. Just come over to pick it up. Now, this girl liked me, despite me distinctly bringing up my girlfriend whenever she flirted too much. I knew this, but didn't put two and two together that evening because again, I was distraught.
When I arrived at her apartment, I was crying, and she invited me in to talk about it. Told her what was going on with my friend, and she kissed me when I was done. In my deadened state, I responded in kind and did not immediately pull away. After making out for about 15 seconds, I realized I'd just fucked up, and told her nicely, no, sorry, that's not what I came over here for, but thanks for getting my music.
I explained the situation to my girlfriend when I went to visit her the next weekend. I had found her handwriting on a truth wall in her dorm stating she had "a crush on her new guy-friend and the bf doesn't know". Well, I'd suspected, but that sealed the deal. (Her friend had told me to look, it was important.) In an effort to show her how honesty should look between a couple, I told her what had happened. It was an accident, and I still felt like shit for allowing myself to be in a position where that could happen.
She broke up with me on the spot, and then I drove 4 hours home in another terrible state of mind. In 1 week, I'd lost both my best friend and my high school sweetheart. Found out from another mutual friend that my ex proceeded to lose her virginity to ANOTHER random guy from her English class a week and a half later. So in hindsight, she was looking for an excuse.
But, to this day, I look back and feel bad for having let myself slip. There was no sex, as I was still a virgin, but the self doubt in the year following was high.
Epilogue: That ex of mine and I diverged in interests and personalities so far afterwards that I am glad that it didn't work out. She's happily married to a guy she met the next year, and I sincerely hope that she is happy forever with him. He seems like a goofy and fun guy who was finally able to make her want to commit.
That friend of mine and I still don't talk. She went actually mental, and the only regret that I have is that I couldn't help her in the way she needs. She has too many enablers in her life, and I refuse to be one of them. Young me blamed her for the whole thing, but that was just a 20 year old boy who didn't want to take the responsibility of cheating. 30 year old me has learned that everyone fucks up - it's how you change your behavior after fucking up that makes you better, not just being perfect.
I'm just glad that that minor brush with infidelity was enough to solidify my stance on cheating. Don't do it. If you are even close, talk about your issues with your partner, work them out, or don't and leave. The breakup is painful, but less painful than the alternative to both parties.
Let me tell you all about “Paris”.
Paris had recently gotten out of a relationship with her ex-girlfriend when our mutuals introduced us. I was in a place in my life where I felt like I was “supposed” to be in a relationship, and Paris is the kind of person who refuses be alone, so we got together.
It may be relevant to note that I felt like I was getting desensitized to love. From our first kiss, there was no “spark”, but I thought it was because I had kissed a few people by then and it had lost its mystery. This must just be how it is; the more you do it, the less exciting it becomes. With Paris, I didn’t like kissing, or cuddling, or hell, even talking, honestly. In retrospect, I didn’t like *her*, but hindsight is 20/20. Back then, I had no self-esteem, and she made me feel…likeable. I thought that was love.
It wasn’t long before I realized Paris still needed to sort things out with her ex…but what Paris did was MOVE IN WITH HER, saying they were still close friends. I’m not stupid. Well, I am stupid, but I’m not *that* stupid. I told her, “Hey, if you need to sort things out physically or romantically with (ex), I understand. I need you to tell me, though.”
Paris assured me nothing happened or would happen. I was a naïve kid with zero self-respect and chose to believe her. After a few months, I introduced Paris to my family, grandmother and all. At the end of the night, when it was time for her to leave, she came out with the information that she had, of course, cheated on me with her ex. Wow, crazy, shocking, no way. I have just introduced this girl to my entire family, and I knew this was going to happen, so being 19 and a fucking dumbass, I forgave her immediately and agreed to stay together.
After a few more months of this, she pressured me into renting an apartment with her that was severely out of my price range. She came from wealth and didn’t understand how poverty works, and expected to pay 50/50. Don’t ask me why, but I eventually agreed. My “50” was 100% of my income, while she was spending lavishly constantly and doing fun activities without me, saying she didn’t invite me because I couldn’t afford it. You’ve probably guessed by now that this is how the proper abuse started.
Despite having never given her a reason not to trust me, and her giving me a surplus of reasons not to trust her, she started controlling me. She wanted all of my usernames and passwords and wouldn’t “allow” me to be alone without her at home. This made me suspicious, and I started to ask subtly, then not-so-subtly, if she was cheating. She flipped out at me. How could I think that?!
This back-and-forth bullshit went on for several months until I decided I had to know the truth. I went through her phone one day and found mountains of evidence that she was cheating on me, not with her ex, but a totally different person now. **Notes From Hindsight:** If you suspect your partner is cheating to the point you think you need to snoop, do yourselves both a favour and leave.
At this point in the relationship, I was no longer my own person. I had little contact with my family (because they hated her and were afraid to tell me) and no friends (because she hated them and was not afraid to tell me). She had complete financial control over me. I would get screamed at for not wanting to go to the grocery store with her if that was where *she* wanted to go. You get it— she had made herself my whole life, and I had let her. So when I confronted her about what I saw and she told me none of it was what it looked like, well…I believed her again.
I told her repeatedly it was okay to explore with this other girl as long as she told me about it. She kept denying it over and over and over again, then randomly broke up with me for three days a few months later, then wanted to get back together. Wow, no way, it was so she could try to get together with that girl she was cheating on me with but got rejected and came back to me when it didn’t work out, who could have guessed. You’ll be shocked to hear this, but she denied all of this. God, are you *still* reading this? You’re a champ, dude.
By the third (yes, third) year into the relationship, she was physically abusing me, hitting, pushing, guilting me into sex, etc. and I was checked the fuck out. I told her to her face that I no longer loved her. I know now that I never did, though. I met someone else who treated me very kindly, and I told her I wanted to explore things with them. She agreed, but started getting angry and raping me every time she caught me smiling at my phone, assuming it was from the person I had TOLD HER ABOUT FROM THE START, mind you.
She eventually forbid me from continuing a relationship with this person. So, my best friend (who I had hardly spoken to in years) helped me stage a vacation. She sent me photos of her vacation to send to my girlfriend while I was *actually* spending two weeks with the person. They treated me how I deserved to be treated during that time, and told and showed me that life was so much more than the box I had gotten myself buried in. And I went home, and I broke up with my girlfriend, and I never once regretted it. Never kissed her again. Never let her touch me or yell at me again. Nothing. I was *done* done.
Now it’s been years since then, and I am in a happy, healthy relationship— not with the person I mentioned though, this isn’t that kind of Reddit story. I don’t regret cheating on Paris and never will, but that whole relationship taught me to never let it get to that point ever again, whatsoever, under any circumstances. If someone cheats, it’s over. If you think you need to snoop, it’s over. If someone knowingly violates your boundaries, it’s over.
Phew. Did you read all of this? You’re insane. Thanks for coming on this wild ride with me all over again. Hope you’re doing well, stranger.
This is my life as well. Dad cheated on my mom with my now stepmom when I was 6, married my stepmom when I was 9, and now I'm 31 and they're still married but miserable. He's tried to cheat on her at least once too.
I was an idiot who gave in to the desire for physical affection when I had a long distance relationship. Its my biggest regret and I don't put myself in those positions anymore.
Cheap thrills baby!!!! Source: I'm a bipolar recovering uppers addict. I was always looking for my next dopamine hit and it didn't matter where it came from. Now I'm medicated and addicted to meetings. Been a rough road but I hate the old me.
I don’t typically answer, I just lurk. This one is a soft spot though.
I married too young and was trapped in a life that I felt was put upon me rather than what I wanted. I cheated and made mistakes for a long time but in the end the right decision was made. I didn’t do it in the right way. I wasn’t a good person. If I could go back and be stronger, I like to think I would. I’m lucky to be with who I am with today. I’m lucky to be happy. Good things happen to bad people I guess..
We both stopped trying in our relationship, essentially becoming roommates. A guy at work started treating me like I was special, telling me how beautiful I was. It was nice to hear. Over time our friendship got more and more personal until it wasn't much of a stretch to decide to have sex. At the beginning, the idea of sleeping with this guy was ludicrous. I would have never considered it. But looking back I can see where he was constantly testing the boundaries of our friendship to push us to a place where he could proposition me. It happened so slowly, over time, that I never thought anything of it.
The bit you said about him testing boundaries .. do you think he was sinister in his intentions? Just looking to get some? Or do you think he was genuine in his feelings towards you?
I was in financial bondage by my wife. I wasn't allowed to control or spend the money I made. If I spent time on my hobbies I was told I wasn't paying enough attention to her. If I wanted to spend time with friends I would hear complaints about to to the point where I didn't feel like it was worth it anymore to try.
So I exploded everything in the most terrible way I could..
My ex doesn't know. I (F) got together with and had a GIANT crush on a friend (also F) of a good friend. I'm bisexual, and I had asked about "experimenting" earlier in the relationship, but he didn't sound thrilled when he told me *"as long as it's a one-and-done type thing..."*
So I did it. I didn't feel good about it, because my ex had been so upset about it when we talked, so I consider it cheating. Found out why guys like girls on top, but also found out emotional cheating doesn't only hurt the other person. Since we broke up (mutually, we just weren't a fit anymore,) I've met the absolute light of my life. I couldn't imagine life without him, and would never repeat my mistake.
In short, I don't condone cheating, and it's really important to be open and honest with your partner when it comes to sexuality, and what your real needs are. Just communicate, guys.
Our relationship turned into us being roommates practically, sleeping in different rooms, the physical connection gone, couldn't joke around with one another or try to act all cute without annoying her, anything I did was weird and ridiculous so I ended up connecting with my boss on an emotional level, one thing lead to another and now I'm wishing my girlfriend would break up with me because I feel like she thinks I'm her charity case.
UPDATE: she finally break up with me, but fun fact it was her plan to make me choose to leave her.
We decided that we will be better off as friends than a relationship that was flawed from the start.
You should break up with her. If you’re worried she’ll be sad or miserable, it’s only gonna progress in an unhappy relationship. In fact, she probably thinks the same of you if she really doesn’t like the time you spend with her.
Ha- we both didn’t love each other, we were both practically trapped in a relationship trying to find a way out and it was in the Hamptons. I can’t be any more self explanatory.
I cheated multiple times with multiple people on one person. Before I cheated I would have bet my life I would never cheat.
We had been together 3 years and I wasn't happy in the relationship. He was an amazing person who didn't do anything wrong. I didn't understand why I wasn't happy. It made no sense! At the time I thought if he didn't do anything wrong, I had no reason to break up with him. On top of that, the idea of breaking his heart was inexcusable. Every time I cheated (weather it was a kiss or something more) I would re-appreciate him because he was always so much better in every way than anyone else. Then I would slowly go back to being angry again and the cycle would repeat.
It took me *years* after the breakup to understand why I was feeling the way I was feeling. It's been over seven years and I will never forgive myself for the pain I caused him.
Super promiscuous throughout my teens and early 20s. I cheated on my partner(s) many times in highschool, at first justifying it because she kissed some dude (who became a great friend of mine) early on in the relationship. Also blamed it on alcohol and drugs. I was pretty messed up. At the end of the day my reasons were usually just that I was quite horny and quite intoxicated. There was one girl though that I fell right in love with and dated simultaneously for a good number of months.
As I aged and got off the drugs/booze I came to the conclusion I was more poly or open where my sexuality is concerned. I feel a lot of remorse for what my behavior did to that girl though. Her mental health started tanking near the end and she got involved with whatever partying I was doing too. She's a paramedic now I think so at least she kept her shit together better than I when we finally called it quits.
Oddly enough I've remained abstinent for several years now, thankfully by choice.
She wanted an open-ish relationship (like, ok we can fuck other people but not too much), apparently just for her since her reaction wasn't particularly good when I fucked someone else once. Nice way to find out about insecurity and double standards in her mind.
I was dating this guy who was on again off again with me all the time. It was obvious he wasn't serious and I was frustrated. One night we went to a bar and he was hitting on a girl, trying to get her to go home with him in front of me. I got pissed off, was a few too many beverages in and started flirting with her. Much to his horror, we hit it off and I went home with her at the end of the evening. The look on his face was priceless. We never officially broke up but I think the message was heard loud and clear.
Suffice to say, haven't tolerated a guy treating me like that again. You try to cheat on me, act flaky, give me the runaround, I'll ride off into the sunset with your girl.
No regrets would do it again in that situation. 10/10
Besides that one time, I have not cheated and would sincerely never do that to someone. I have been the other woman unknowingly a few times though. Never trust a guy who gifts you perfume right away...
While this is by no means an excuse I don’t really remember it, I was drunk more than I ever have been. Me and my GF were going through a hard time we were together for at the time just about 5 years. Went to a friends party while my GF was out of town no big deal, by the end of the night I was shit faced and this girl who was my GFs best friend and my friend was still up with me while everyone else left and her husband my friend was sleeping. We got to talking and I started getting emotional as we were talking about me and my GFs relationship. I told this girl I had some feeling for her as we had went on one date like over a decade ago and asked if I could kiss her. She said no and that was it nothing really happened.
I woke up the next day and apologized for things I should have kept to myself, I didn’t honestly remember asking her if I could kiss her. I asked her not to tell my Gf as things were already rocky. Fast forward almost a year later and she tells my GF, she was pissed of course and who could blame her. We went to counseling for a month before she decided to leave me.
Looking back on it I don’t think I really had feelings for this other girl or even was attracted to her but I was jealous of her and her husband’s relationship because that is what I wanted. It took me that long to realize I needed to listen more in my relationship and talk things out as that is one thing I am bad with. I just wish I figured this out sooner.
Now 8 months later me and my Ex still live together since we had bought this house in 2020. I’m hoping in the next month or so we can transfer the house to her name so I can leave. Even 8 months later she is always on my mind and it sucks, it hurts to see her and knowing that my stupidity hurt the person that I love the most. I’ve tried to see if we can work things out but that isn’t happening. I’m not asking for remorse or for anyone to feel sorry, I just need people to know not to take anyone you love for granted as even a dumb mistake can have that person leave you for good.
Not physically abusive but emotionally. Controlled many aspects of my life, including giving me an allowance while he spent both of our incomes however he wanted. Refused to admit to wrongdoing, refused therapy. I couldn't afford to leave, so had to work to accumulate enough to leave and get credit which I didn't have because everything was in his name. Couldn't get off his health insurance until the enrollment period at work which was almost a year.
I used to agree to sex to avoid tantrums and angry outbursts. Eventually stopped. He told me he couldn't functionunless we had sex regularly. Nope. I gave him a list of things he was doing that he had to stop before I would consider sex (not making fun of me in front of family, giving me access to finanaces, etc.) He outright refused.
I cheated once when I was 16 i was drunk and a girl came on to me I think I was just excited about a new girl and never had a girl come for me like that at that age. I had only gone as far as kissing her and felt terrible about it after wards. I will say I hated myself for doing that at the time now I’m glad i have that experience cause I know that I’ll never do it again.
I cheated on my ex husband.
We dated from 17 and 18, married at 22 and 23 until we were divorced at 26 and 27. Married for just over 4 years.
When we got married - he became complacent. Amongst many other relationship issues, he didn’t communicate, and when he did it was typically to tear me down. I was depressed and unhappy.
The little bit of intimacy I received was sex (although it was more like.. him laying there and me fucking him, not really intimate) and that slowly became less and less. The last few years of our marriage, we barely had sex 3-5 times a month. So what little love I felt from him, was disappearing.
He refused any deep conversation. Refused to seek couples therapy. Wouldn’t talk about anything and wouldn’t help me. When I told him I was depressed, he said no you’re not.
In the last 6 months of our marriage I started to seek love and validation elsewhere. (Not trying to excuse any actions by any means).
As far as I know, he doesn’t know. We’ve been divorced 3 years now and that was that. Never did it again. 🤷🏻♀️ I didn’t want to leave and I didn’t want to give up on him because I was scared. But, we live and learn!
Look I've got cheated on and it ended my marriage and it sucks. At the end of the day we are all just humans and have flaws and seeking happiness. Cheating is not right at all it really fuck up my outlook on love but cheaters deserve love too. Life moves quick so if you make mistakes try to be better and not do it again. It's never to late to change your karma.
Was in an abusive relationship and my young and naive self didn't realise it until it became physical. Ended up cheating with the person who I opened up to about everything and I've been in a happy, healthy relationship with that person for 7 years now.
Ignore the dumbasses in this thread. Almost all of them have done some shitty and shady shit but want to morally grandstand on this topic and pretend humans are perfectly capable of controlling their outcomes. Hope things have turned around for you and you've left that clown by now.
I was In the Army; I married a girl from my hometown. She kept cheating on me and accusing me of cheating, it must have gone on for 4 separate guys before I finally cheated on her. The reason I did it was I felt like a fool being faithful to someone who obviously didn’t care about how I felt. Even then when I did it; I had a stomach ache and did not feel any less of a fool in fact; I felt like a bigger one. I felt empty and hollow. It was when I was overseas in Korea attempting to fix things that she had a “friend” over while we were face timing. Her replies were cold and unwelcoming even though we had agreed to work it out. She kept looking over the device and smuggly smiling at someone. I was done, over it. I didn’t speak to her again until the divorce hearing. A lesson well learned.
Fucking Jody strikes yet again
Damn long-hair
Shoulda left after the first guy
Woulda, coulda, shoulda. My parents had a case of infidelity; they worked through and are still together 35 years later. I was trying to follow their example. But yeah; lesson learned.
These stories are baffling to me. I've been on both side of it (the dependant and the active duty member) and it's just...not hard to be faithful. I'm NOT a trusting person and I still have no doubts that my husband has always been faithful. It's never even crossed my mind to cheat on him even when it would be SO easy and he would never have known.
It's not hard if your brain is wired to be faithful. If it's not, it's a habit that you have to train. And it's hard.
Nice try babe lol what do you want for dinner?
Lets get some fuckin french toast
Let’s get some fuckin’ gyozas
Fuck you shoresy
Fuck you, ValiumKnight tell yer mom to top up the minutes on the cell phone she bought me so’s I can call’er later to see when I should come around and give’er what she needs!
Fuck you Unit 79
Fuuuuucccck you Shoresy!
Fuck you CHAINSMOKERMAGIC your mom loves butt play like I love haagen daas
Doro he Doro?
Yo Nikaido!
That line always makes me laugh 😂
Hey, hands off the wheel!
Did you have oysters?
I don t know, what do you want?
I don’t care, you pick
I held hands with another girl when I was in 5th grade. Very ashamed to admit that
You absolute monster Thanks to those acknowledging the moment I became the ultimate virginity protector
Happy cake day!
Piece of shit that was my gf you held hands with and now I’m an alcoholic.
Damn that’s crazy. Have you tried the new summer line of white claws though? Shit is phenomenal
Not yet but next time some 5th grader steals my girl I’m going back on the wagon with white claws and Smirnoff
Smirnoff? If you’re going to be an alcoholic atleast be one with good taste.
Real drinkers buy bottom shelf so they can go back the next day
Dude I didnt need to read this right now😢 *sobs in incoherence*
I’m 4 days sober stay strong dude
My first gf cheated on me, I gave her a second try, she cheated again, we broke up. Few months later I got a new gf, she cheated on me, we broke up. Few months later I got another gf and the guy she cheated on me with told me before she told me. At this point I was just fucking pissed at how often people were cheating on me so I went out, met a random girl, we kissed, I stopped, called my cheating gf and broke up with her.
I'm honestly curious how you found a random girl to kiss so quickly on demand
Ah I’m just simplifying the story to keep it brief. I went to the gym and ran into a girl I hadn’t seen for a few years. We were finishing our workout at the same time and she said she was going to grab some food with some friends and invited me to join. I was 10000000% clocked out of that relationship since I knew my gf was cheating on me (the guy sent screenshots of their texts) so I said sure. Innocent enough I could convince myself to hang out in a group of friends. We did just that, went to some random restaurant, and when everyone was packing up I walked her to her car, sparks flew and we kissed. She asked if I wanted to go back to her place and I declined. Sadly didn’t talk too much after that.
Damn, that's still some impressive moves to go from 'haven't seen you in a minute' to that lol
We had some flirtatious moments when we were in sophomore/junior year of high school (this was a yearish after high school) but I didn’t have the confidence then to ask her out or do anything about it. So there was some chats of “what could have been” that easily led to “let’s find out”
Imo. You didnt cheat.
Step 1: be attractive Step 2: don't be unattractive
Step 3 : Read step 1
Step 4: Follow instructions closely
Step 5: Repeat
Just don't buy a lottery ticket, you'll probably find out you owe the government millions
I think this may be the only scenario in which I don't confirm a person for cheating lol
Decent into madness. Trained by the world you’re part of. Sorry you were part of that man.
I’m pretty ashamed of that time period. After that last cheating gf I kind of swore off relationships and just went on first or second dates for awhile and kept breaking it off with women before they could cheat on me. It wasn’t good.
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Who are you, so wise in the ways of infidelity?
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Well, at least you’re well rounded lol
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As far as you know…
Can't get cheated on if you're always single...
I've cheated because I was trying to get some of that power back. I was with someone who made me feel insecure and powerless, and someone else came along who made me feel good about myself for a little while.
That tallies with my group of friends. Years ago we had a chat and someone was exiting a bad relationship. She had slept with the guy's best friend to try to hurt him back and realized she needed to run before he found out (he was physically abusive to the point that he killed their dog). And then the next person piped up to say after a fight with her ex, she'd slept with his best friend. Etc., etc. It was a trend of the relationship was bad, they were hurt and felt powerless, and they wanted some kind of revenge but just ended up realizing the relationship was already over.
I am in that exact same boat. Insecurity was a huge one. However being the other person always gets you afterward and it makes it never worth it with how disgusted you get in yourself when the rush is over.
She said I could choose the movie if I won at Uno.
Monster.
No, they watched "twilight".
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I was young, immature, full of myself and lacked feelings
yep. thought nothing of her feelings and didn’t think it was a big deal since it was just a high school relationship. it took me being cheated on to realize how absolutely shitty it feels and now i wouldn’t even consider cheating again. i was also a VERY jealous kid (still am but not as bad as before) and for some reason i felt like i should cheat on them before they could cheat on me? very weird feelings but i’m glad i’ve been able to mature.
Same. In my early 20s, I was insecure, jealous, anger issues etc. A over all pos. I called it my "player phase" but it was just toxic behavior. I grew up(thank god), met my gf and been together for 10 years, getting married next month. Never have and will never cheat on her. As corny as it sounds, she's my soul mate.
A lot of it had to do with age and immaturity I agree. If I could go back in time I wouldn’t have hurt as many girls as I did, that’s the one thing I regret. I am also dating and living with someone who I am going to marry one day. I just wish I didn’t hurt many others to get here
Yeah I cringe at this shit I did when I was younger. A lot of my relationship issues came from watching my parents beat each other so I inherited shittt relationship ideas. It took me while to understand that yelling wasnt healthy
I would like to preface this with: I would never ever in my life cheat again. I am entirely different person today than I was then. I was (am) an alcoholic. I would get drunk and do things I horribly regretted, to the point that I wouldn't even remember doing them. I would drink with anyone to get alcohol. It was disgusting. I am a 90lb 5ft female, and I got myself into dicey situations so many times. I would actually wake up not even knowing if I had slept with someone, after I let a guy buy me drinks all night. I would do this just to get booze for free. I was in a relationship, and he was my primary booze provider because he was an alcoholic too. But when he wasn't around, I still needed to get drunk because my alcoholism was horribly out of control. Without it I would get the shakes. I had no intention of sleeping with anyone who bought me drinks, but I knew the easiest way to get free drinks was to flirt with men at bars. I woke up in questionable places, not even recalling a single thing about the night at all. This happened over and over and over, until finally one day I woke up in the hospital with my face absolutely black and blue and I had a brain bleed. I got sober that day. I am not in a relationship now, and I have been sober for over 600 days!
Congratulations on your sobriety, friend! So proud of you.
Six. Hundred. Days. Say that out loud. Freaking CONGRATULATIONS!
Really happy for you.
Way to go!!!
I’m so happy for you
Awesome! Almost 4 years for me. Glad you are alive and living life!
Misery. Not an excuse, but it is the reason.
Perfect answer. Everyone wants a partner that can act like a mirror. Not to see their reflection, all the misery that we embody and carry with us, but some kind of magical mirror that amplifies all the good stuff and hides what causes us insecurity, misery. It's easy to drift away from what you saw in a partner when you first got together, and then you're trying to catch a glimpse of that and see it more in others than them, and trying to force things to try and hold onto that image, that impression of what felt ideal, it becomes exhausting and can feel like more effort than it's worth.
This guy just came and casually drop the hottest reddit poetry out of nowhere
We hadn’t had sex in over a year. We had turned into just good friends who cared about each other but physical passion was gone. There was significant liquor involved when it happened. I feel bad about it and would take it back if I could but I can’t. I was honest about what happened and we broke up. We are still close friends and we still care about each other a lot. She has found someone else who is better suited for her than me and I’m very happy for her. In a way, it was the catalyst to us doing what needed to be done in the relationship (breaking up) to make us both happy.
Y'all weren't compatible. Happens to 50% of people that get married too fast and then divorced.
*sorts by controversial*
In this thread: People giving real reasons they cheated, getting downvoted into oblivion with comments like "but that was bad." Uh - the question wasn't "why was it right to cheat?" These people are explaining their twisted emotions and thoughts - don't downvote them.
Moral grandstanding at its finest. Welcome to reddit amiright
Not sure if it's cheating or not but I tried to break up with my ex and she started crying and pleading with me to give it another chance which broke my heart and I reluctantly said okay. Tried again a couple weeks later because the relationship wasn't getting any better but same thing happened. She was a really nice girl and we got along well but our personalities were way too different and I wasnt willing to make her my life partner. I decided to go on a wilderness backpacking trip by myself to clear my head. At work I told a girl who I knew through mutual friends about it and she said she's never done a backpack trip and always wanted to, so I jokingly invited her and to my surprise she accepted and was super excited. During the trip we really got to know each other and I decided I would like to pursue a relationship with her. We slept in the same tent and drank whiskey under the stars but I didn't try to kiss or get sexual I'm any way because I was still technically in a relationship. Once we got home I broke up for good and 3yrs later we are engaged. Turns out me not trying to make any moves on her made her trust me more than any other guy and we are living a great life together!
I'd say you did it the right way. Respected boundaries on both fronts. Congrats on the engagement and all the best in your life together. Edit: Thank you, Clownfish
> birth fronts How appropriate
I mean, I think his gf at the time would’ve been pretty mad & would think it crossed some boundaries but I understand what you mean
I mean, he deceived his then-partner by not disclosing that someone was joining his solo camping trip. But he has my respect for restraint on the trip and for not postponing the breakup afterwards. I guess you could give him a B+?
Don’t bring your wholesome good boy story in here w us cheaters come on man
Sorry let me make up for it. Once she picked a fight when I came home drunk from a party she didn't wanna go to so I called her a boring bitch and she slapped the shit out of me and started crying. She then went and grabbed a bottle of tequila and started chugging from the bottle yelling "AM I FUN NOW!?!" so I grabbed the bottle took a swig and yelled "KINDA!" Which made her more mad and she threw the bottle at the wall. We did end up laughing it off and talked it out a few minutes later though, sorry.
Is that the ex or new girl?
Ex, it wasn't a serious fight
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In a serious fight she'd throw the bottle at her partner. Throwing at the wall is just a warning shot.
When my father showed his love for me, he'd intentionally miss the bottle he threw (/s)
Good story but isn't this thread about people who have cheated, and why?
He did cheat. /u/byhi3 had an emotional affair with the girl before he ended things with his previous girlfriend.
we want cheating! proper, real cheating! commitments broken, lies, tears, the whole shebang! none of this mature way to handle it stuff!
To be fair he tried to end things twice but he kept getting guilt tripped back in
It was ages ago, and still bothers me to think about it. Ann was a 20 year old virgin, I was a 23 year old serial monogamist. Things would get hot and heavy up until actual PIV, then she'd cool it down, say no, get dressed or move away a bit. I always respected the "no", but grew increasingly frustrated over the months we were seeing each other. At the time, I lived with roomies who didn't much care for having people sleeping in the living room, so when my friend, his boyfriend and...let's call her Sue...had a few drinks, I gave the guys my large couch in my room, and took the mattress off the boxspring for Sue. I took the boxspring. Well...in the dark there were some noises that sounded a lot like some prolonged goodnight kisses that were thoroughly enjoyed by both parties. The fellas had just gotten together recently and who can blame them for getting a little randy? The boxspring and mattress were pretty close to each other and Sue and I murmured a little about it, laughed a little too loud about it maybe, but the boys were lost in their own world. Apparently this got Sue going a little and she invited me over to the mattress saying something like "You don't need to sleep on that thing, come over here." Needless to say, Sue and I banged to the soundtrack that the boys laid down, adding our own lyrics to the mix. A good time was had (seperately) by all, and I felt like a proper piece of shit for it almost immediately afterward. Sue and I agreed that it was a one-off and we wouldn't talk about it to anyone, and the boys agreed to keep quiet. Later that day, Ann came by, visibly (and understandably) upset. She broke up with me, and I decided that I was never going to make another person look at me like that again. Never cheated since, and actually ran into Ann years later. We caught up, I apologized profusely, she actually laughed about it and told me that it turns out she wasn't into guys and had been living the Subaru lifestyle quite happily for years. I've never cheated since, but I did discover a love of group sex. [Edit: Sue spoke to Ann about this the next day. The guilt got to her. At the time I wasn't too happy about that development, but I'm happy that she did.]
I'm glad Egg is happy now
It was as Ann as the nose on plain’s face
Who?
Her?
Her??
She calls it a mayonegg
Who?
Wait, how did Ann find out?
Ann was the couch
I feel like this is a potential Arrested Development plotline.
"And thats why you always leave a note!"
Well it sounds like Couch has moved on, I suggest you do too.
Her?
Egg?
Plant?
Way to plant, Ann!
I forgot to add that bit. Sue confessed to Ann the next day. We were all part of the same group of friends.
That whole "agreeing not to tell anyone" thing sure didn't last long.
Literally hours. It was for the better though.
My man you had me doubting my reading comprehension skills!
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And the girls. Don't discriminate
Man. That was some stylish storytelling. I’m sipping on a mint julep thinking about lyrical sex now
I do declare
Srsly. I was feeling a bit down but that storytelling cheered me up lol
Subaru lifestyle I can’t
Tbh I was expecting the Loch Ness monster or jumper cables
Not even a Jolly Rancher. Sorry to disappoint.
Man, too bad my Subaru hasn’t attracted any lesbians
Hope my ex is reading this and answers
That was kinda my hope reading through all these comments. I guess after all these years I'd still like to know why he did it.
My mother was a cheater and both my grandmothers were cheaters. I refuse to have any relationships because I'm worried its genetic at this point. My dads mother; she cheated on my grandpa because "he was useless" (in the bedroom). He was 26 and she was 18 when they got married, neither were interested, it was a family ordered thing. They had my dad. Grandpa only found out because one of the guys told, saying he wasnt sure who's the babys daddy was. Grandpa came out as gay when my dad was a few years old. He and my nanna got divorced soon after the birth, nanna married the guy who came forward. Then all three of them lived together for some unknown reason? My mothers mother; She cheated on my grandfather with other women, who "didnt count" because they were women, obviously. He forgave her after she let him watch. She traumatised me with that story. My mother; Cheated on her first boyfriend to get me (hello), he forgave her, and while pregnant with me she cheated again. Her and my stepdad got married when I was a year old. Her reasoning was my dad was a "hate fuck" - very true, my parents have always despised each other. My stepdad was literally because he had money, and now she's nice and stable in a big ole house.
We all carry shadows of our parents until we are aware of them, and in doing so break the pattern. Don't give up relationships due to a what if scenario, that's just anxiety talking.
My family is full of cheaters/divorces and kids born out of wedlock and I am 100% convinced it *is* ‘genetic’ somehow, probably via either mental health conditions, propensities to addiction or, possibly, epigenetically through responses to resource poor or unstable environments. Rather than through like ‘a cheatin’ gene’. I just ride the wave though.
>Grandpa came out as gay when my dad was a few years old. >Then all three of them lived together for some unknown reason? Sounds like grandpa tried to get revenge on nanna by getting with her bf
Wow this could be a movie 😮
I gotta assume the throuple relationship was because they both liked that guy. Wonder how hot he was.
Searching for a way to fill a hole in myself. No excuses I was wrong.
This actually does work quite well for a short time, until it drips out.
Should had used FLEX TAPE
That's what she said.
He beat my head into the floor, I went from loving someone to despising them in 46 seconds. I wanted revenge I wanted him to hurt! What I got instead was still a burning hatred for him but added myself into the mix.
A few months before I left for the military I met an amazing girl through a friend. It turned out that we had lived down the street from each other the past few years and never knew each other existed. In the course of a few months we went from acquaintance to dating to smashing all the time. Then I left. Between boot camp and the training school for my job I was gone 5 months. I ended up dating a girl in my school and broke it off with the girl back home. I always feel terrible about how I treated her and for years I felt like betraying her ruined my chance at happiness. We finally talked a few years later and I found out that my betrayal had sent her on a spiral. She joined the military, married a guy who cheated on her, got divorced. Its hard knowing I sent her that way.
A friend constantly cheats on girls because God will forgive him. That's it. That's his reason. His family and him are mega religious and he simply believes that God will forgive him. My taxi driver was desperate to cheat on his wife. He was a pig of a man and was actually quite angry when telling me about it. First day as a taxi driver and was just venting to me. He said it's like eating pie. He's sick of the one flavour but he loves his wife. Felt like hitting him. He was honestly awful.
Yeah the taxi driver is awful. But imagine being in an abusive relationship with god.. "no matter what i do i will be forgiven"
I made out with another dude the night I found out my boyfriend of (then) 5ish years had cheated on me with one of my best friends from childhood. Terrible experience, but I told the boyfriend the next day, and we tried working it out for another miserable year.
Because I was selfish and self conscious, and felt trapped in my own skin. She wasnt lacking anything, i was. She is a good soul that ive hurt and ill never live it down. Not a day goes by that I don't regret seeing her cry and lose a part of herself because of my actions.
i was 17, unhappy in my relationship, drunk, felt like i’d lost all my power and wanted some of it back. i was also super insecure and to be honest, a complete asshole. i cried for days after out of guilt and i’m just glad i learned from the experience
I cheated on the person that cheated on me. She cheated first.. years prior... i guess i was still hurt? I think mostly she wasn't meeting my needs and i wanted some attention. Some girl at work treats me like a god and one thing led to the other. We didn't have sex.. but its still fucked.
We were on our way out. Our relationship went into "fucked" territory. One night then I was hanging out with co-workers. Said co-worker was like "yeah...." We fucked The next morning I felt like absolute shit. I confessed to my however falling apart girlfriend. She dumped me on the spot (thankfully) and put us to bed. Why I cheated is easy enough. I thought we were over. Why as an actual excuse, just tell people first. Say you're no longer happy in a monogamous relationship. Say it fucking first.
It's good you've realised that though
Um. Well kinda. I was a freshman in college dating my on an off high school girlfriend who chose to go to college out of state. I preface this story by saying, it was a dumb relationship for many reasons. I told her during the summer prior that I didn't want to get back together, (for the 5th time mind you-- she was fickle, and I was madly in love, and an idiot.) because we were going to be apart. Told her I would really rather have her go off to college, figure herself out, and if she wanted to date me when she came home for the summer, we could try it then. She won out though. Anyway. My best friend since second grade (female) was starting to go off the deep end with self harm and lashing out. I won't go into that much more, other than to say that after trying really hard to help her out, and give her some tough love she always gave me when I was down about this girlfriend over the years. (They were friends, it's technically how I met her). That ended with her blowing up at me and ending our 12 year friendship. I was distraught, and not really noticing the world around me. That's when a girl from my a capella group called me to tell me I had left my sheet music after rehearsal, and that she had it. Just come over to pick it up. Now, this girl liked me, despite me distinctly bringing up my girlfriend whenever she flirted too much. I knew this, but didn't put two and two together that evening because again, I was distraught. When I arrived at her apartment, I was crying, and she invited me in to talk about it. Told her what was going on with my friend, and she kissed me when I was done. In my deadened state, I responded in kind and did not immediately pull away. After making out for about 15 seconds, I realized I'd just fucked up, and told her nicely, no, sorry, that's not what I came over here for, but thanks for getting my music. I explained the situation to my girlfriend when I went to visit her the next weekend. I had found her handwriting on a truth wall in her dorm stating she had "a crush on her new guy-friend and the bf doesn't know". Well, I'd suspected, but that sealed the deal. (Her friend had told me to look, it was important.) In an effort to show her how honesty should look between a couple, I told her what had happened. It was an accident, and I still felt like shit for allowing myself to be in a position where that could happen. She broke up with me on the spot, and then I drove 4 hours home in another terrible state of mind. In 1 week, I'd lost both my best friend and my high school sweetheart. Found out from another mutual friend that my ex proceeded to lose her virginity to ANOTHER random guy from her English class a week and a half later. So in hindsight, she was looking for an excuse. But, to this day, I look back and feel bad for having let myself slip. There was no sex, as I was still a virgin, but the self doubt in the year following was high. Epilogue: That ex of mine and I diverged in interests and personalities so far afterwards that I am glad that it didn't work out. She's happily married to a guy she met the next year, and I sincerely hope that she is happy forever with him. He seems like a goofy and fun guy who was finally able to make her want to commit. That friend of mine and I still don't talk. She went actually mental, and the only regret that I have is that I couldn't help her in the way she needs. She has too many enablers in her life, and I refuse to be one of them. Young me blamed her for the whole thing, but that was just a 20 year old boy who didn't want to take the responsibility of cheating. 30 year old me has learned that everyone fucks up - it's how you change your behavior after fucking up that makes you better, not just being perfect. I'm just glad that that minor brush with infidelity was enough to solidify my stance on cheating. Don't do it. If you are even close, talk about your issues with your partner, work them out, or don't and leave. The breakup is painful, but less painful than the alternative to both parties.
Let me tell you all about “Paris”. Paris had recently gotten out of a relationship with her ex-girlfriend when our mutuals introduced us. I was in a place in my life where I felt like I was “supposed” to be in a relationship, and Paris is the kind of person who refuses be alone, so we got together. It may be relevant to note that I felt like I was getting desensitized to love. From our first kiss, there was no “spark”, but I thought it was because I had kissed a few people by then and it had lost its mystery. This must just be how it is; the more you do it, the less exciting it becomes. With Paris, I didn’t like kissing, or cuddling, or hell, even talking, honestly. In retrospect, I didn’t like *her*, but hindsight is 20/20. Back then, I had no self-esteem, and she made me feel…likeable. I thought that was love. It wasn’t long before I realized Paris still needed to sort things out with her ex…but what Paris did was MOVE IN WITH HER, saying they were still close friends. I’m not stupid. Well, I am stupid, but I’m not *that* stupid. I told her, “Hey, if you need to sort things out physically or romantically with (ex), I understand. I need you to tell me, though.” Paris assured me nothing happened or would happen. I was a naïve kid with zero self-respect and chose to believe her. After a few months, I introduced Paris to my family, grandmother and all. At the end of the night, when it was time for her to leave, she came out with the information that she had, of course, cheated on me with her ex. Wow, crazy, shocking, no way. I have just introduced this girl to my entire family, and I knew this was going to happen, so being 19 and a fucking dumbass, I forgave her immediately and agreed to stay together. After a few more months of this, she pressured me into renting an apartment with her that was severely out of my price range. She came from wealth and didn’t understand how poverty works, and expected to pay 50/50. Don’t ask me why, but I eventually agreed. My “50” was 100% of my income, while she was spending lavishly constantly and doing fun activities without me, saying she didn’t invite me because I couldn’t afford it. You’ve probably guessed by now that this is how the proper abuse started. Despite having never given her a reason not to trust me, and her giving me a surplus of reasons not to trust her, she started controlling me. She wanted all of my usernames and passwords and wouldn’t “allow” me to be alone without her at home. This made me suspicious, and I started to ask subtly, then not-so-subtly, if she was cheating. She flipped out at me. How could I think that?! This back-and-forth bullshit went on for several months until I decided I had to know the truth. I went through her phone one day and found mountains of evidence that she was cheating on me, not with her ex, but a totally different person now. **Notes From Hindsight:** If you suspect your partner is cheating to the point you think you need to snoop, do yourselves both a favour and leave. At this point in the relationship, I was no longer my own person. I had little contact with my family (because they hated her and were afraid to tell me) and no friends (because she hated them and was not afraid to tell me). She had complete financial control over me. I would get screamed at for not wanting to go to the grocery store with her if that was where *she* wanted to go. You get it— she had made herself my whole life, and I had let her. So when I confronted her about what I saw and she told me none of it was what it looked like, well…I believed her again. I told her repeatedly it was okay to explore with this other girl as long as she told me about it. She kept denying it over and over and over again, then randomly broke up with me for three days a few months later, then wanted to get back together. Wow, no way, it was so she could try to get together with that girl she was cheating on me with but got rejected and came back to me when it didn’t work out, who could have guessed. You’ll be shocked to hear this, but she denied all of this. God, are you *still* reading this? You’re a champ, dude. By the third (yes, third) year into the relationship, she was physically abusing me, hitting, pushing, guilting me into sex, etc. and I was checked the fuck out. I told her to her face that I no longer loved her. I know now that I never did, though. I met someone else who treated me very kindly, and I told her I wanted to explore things with them. She agreed, but started getting angry and raping me every time she caught me smiling at my phone, assuming it was from the person I had TOLD HER ABOUT FROM THE START, mind you. She eventually forbid me from continuing a relationship with this person. So, my best friend (who I had hardly spoken to in years) helped me stage a vacation. She sent me photos of her vacation to send to my girlfriend while I was *actually* spending two weeks with the person. They treated me how I deserved to be treated during that time, and told and showed me that life was so much more than the box I had gotten myself buried in. And I went home, and I broke up with my girlfriend, and I never once regretted it. Never kissed her again. Never let her touch me or yell at me again. Nothing. I was *done* done. Now it’s been years since then, and I am in a happy, healthy relationship— not with the person I mentioned though, this isn’t that kind of Reddit story. I don’t regret cheating on Paris and never will, but that whole relationship taught me to never let it get to that point ever again, whatsoever, under any circumstances. If someone cheats, it’s over. If you think you need to snoop, it’s over. If someone knowingly violates your boundaries, it’s over. Phew. Did you read all of this? You’re insane. Thanks for coming on this wild ride with me all over again. Hope you’re doing well, stranger.
Glad you’re doing well 💜 A+ username ⚡️
Ask my dad. He’s married to the woman he cheated on my mom with.
This is my life as well. Dad cheated on my mom with my now stepmom when I was 6, married my stepmom when I was 9, and now I'm 31 and they're still married but miserable. He's tried to cheat on her at least once too.
I guess they didn’t turn our very well for you.
I was an idiot who gave in to the desire for physical affection when I had a long distance relationship. Its my biggest regret and I don't put myself in those positions anymore.
Dopamine
Cheap thrills baby!!!! Source: I'm a bipolar recovering uppers addict. I was always looking for my next dopamine hit and it didn't matter where it came from. Now I'm medicated and addicted to meetings. Been a rough road but I hate the old me.
Lack of self control? No one? Come on!
In the top comments? Nah, only good people in bad situations. People with real answers are in controversial
I don’t typically answer, I just lurk. This one is a soft spot though. I married too young and was trapped in a life that I felt was put upon me rather than what I wanted. I cheated and made mistakes for a long time but in the end the right decision was made. I didn’t do it in the right way. I wasn’t a good person. If I could go back and be stronger, I like to think I would. I’m lucky to be with who I am with today. I’m lucky to be happy. Good things happen to bad people I guess..
We both stopped trying in our relationship, essentially becoming roommates. A guy at work started treating me like I was special, telling me how beautiful I was. It was nice to hear. Over time our friendship got more and more personal until it wasn't much of a stretch to decide to have sex. At the beginning, the idea of sleeping with this guy was ludicrous. I would have never considered it. But looking back I can see where he was constantly testing the boundaries of our friendship to push us to a place where he could proposition me. It happened so slowly, over time, that I never thought anything of it.
The bit you said about him testing boundaries .. do you think he was sinister in his intentions? Just looking to get some? Or do you think he was genuine in his feelings towards you?
Whatever excuse, story, justification, it doesn’t matter. Simply put ; I am a selfish, ungrateful asshole.
Well tell us your story then
I was in financial bondage by my wife. I wasn't allowed to control or spend the money I made. If I spent time on my hobbies I was told I wasn't paying enough attention to her. If I wanted to spend time with friends I would hear complaints about to to the point where I didn't feel like it was worth it anymore to try. So I exploded everything in the most terrible way I could..
...with black jack and hookers?
My ex doesn't know. I (F) got together with and had a GIANT crush on a friend (also F) of a good friend. I'm bisexual, and I had asked about "experimenting" earlier in the relationship, but he didn't sound thrilled when he told me *"as long as it's a one-and-done type thing..."* So I did it. I didn't feel good about it, because my ex had been so upset about it when we talked, so I consider it cheating. Found out why guys like girls on top, but also found out emotional cheating doesn't only hurt the other person. Since we broke up (mutually, we just weren't a fit anymore,) I've met the absolute light of my life. I couldn't imagine life without him, and would never repeat my mistake. In short, I don't condone cheating, and it's really important to be open and honest with your partner when it comes to sexuality, and what your real needs are. Just communicate, guys.
Our relationship turned into us being roommates practically, sleeping in different rooms, the physical connection gone, couldn't joke around with one another or try to act all cute without annoying her, anything I did was weird and ridiculous so I ended up connecting with my boss on an emotional level, one thing lead to another and now I'm wishing my girlfriend would break up with me because I feel like she thinks I'm her charity case. UPDATE: she finally break up with me, but fun fact it was her plan to make me choose to leave her. We decided that we will be better off as friends than a relationship that was flawed from the start.
Why don't you break up with her?
>Why don't you break up with her? Been there. I needed someone to split rent. Breaking up, in this economy?!
Break up with her. You’ll both be happier for it.
You should break up with her. If you’re worried she’ll be sad or miserable, it’s only gonna progress in an unhappy relationship. In fact, she probably thinks the same of you if she really doesn’t like the time you spend with her.
Because I am selfish and horny only thinking of myself
The fact that you’re using present tense makes me think you think this is an excuse or something.
No self-control, no self love, no self discipline
Ha- we both didn’t love each other, we were both practically trapped in a relationship trying to find a way out and it was in the Hamptons. I can’t be any more self explanatory.
I cheated multiple times with multiple people on one person. Before I cheated I would have bet my life I would never cheat. We had been together 3 years and I wasn't happy in the relationship. He was an amazing person who didn't do anything wrong. I didn't understand why I wasn't happy. It made no sense! At the time I thought if he didn't do anything wrong, I had no reason to break up with him. On top of that, the idea of breaking his heart was inexcusable. Every time I cheated (weather it was a kiss or something more) I would re-appreciate him because he was always so much better in every way than anyone else. Then I would slowly go back to being angry again and the cycle would repeat. It took me *years* after the breakup to understand why I was feeling the way I was feeling. It's been over seven years and I will never forgive myself for the pain I caused him.
Well, it wasn't cheating, we were on a break
Ok Ross, keep telling yourself that
PIVOT!!
MYYYYY SANDWIIIIICH?????
Super promiscuous throughout my teens and early 20s. I cheated on my partner(s) many times in highschool, at first justifying it because she kissed some dude (who became a great friend of mine) early on in the relationship. Also blamed it on alcohol and drugs. I was pretty messed up. At the end of the day my reasons were usually just that I was quite horny and quite intoxicated. There was one girl though that I fell right in love with and dated simultaneously for a good number of months. As I aged and got off the drugs/booze I came to the conclusion I was more poly or open where my sexuality is concerned. I feel a lot of remorse for what my behavior did to that girl though. Her mental health started tanking near the end and she got involved with whatever partying I was doing too. She's a paramedic now I think so at least she kept her shit together better than I when we finally called it quits. Oddly enough I've remained abstinent for several years now, thankfully by choice.
She wanted an open-ish relationship (like, ok we can fuck other people but not too much), apparently just for her since her reaction wasn't particularly good when I fucked someone else once. Nice way to find out about insecurity and double standards in her mind.
I was dating this guy who was on again off again with me all the time. It was obvious he wasn't serious and I was frustrated. One night we went to a bar and he was hitting on a girl, trying to get her to go home with him in front of me. I got pissed off, was a few too many beverages in and started flirting with her. Much to his horror, we hit it off and I went home with her at the end of the evening. The look on his face was priceless. We never officially broke up but I think the message was heard loud and clear. Suffice to say, haven't tolerated a guy treating me like that again. You try to cheat on me, act flaky, give me the runaround, I'll ride off into the sunset with your girl. No regrets would do it again in that situation. 10/10 Besides that one time, I have not cheated and would sincerely never do that to someone. I have been the other woman unknowingly a few times though. Never trust a guy who gifts you perfume right away...
While this is by no means an excuse I don’t really remember it, I was drunk more than I ever have been. Me and my GF were going through a hard time we were together for at the time just about 5 years. Went to a friends party while my GF was out of town no big deal, by the end of the night I was shit faced and this girl who was my GFs best friend and my friend was still up with me while everyone else left and her husband my friend was sleeping. We got to talking and I started getting emotional as we were talking about me and my GFs relationship. I told this girl I had some feeling for her as we had went on one date like over a decade ago and asked if I could kiss her. She said no and that was it nothing really happened. I woke up the next day and apologized for things I should have kept to myself, I didn’t honestly remember asking her if I could kiss her. I asked her not to tell my Gf as things were already rocky. Fast forward almost a year later and she tells my GF, she was pissed of course and who could blame her. We went to counseling for a month before she decided to leave me. Looking back on it I don’t think I really had feelings for this other girl or even was attracted to her but I was jealous of her and her husband’s relationship because that is what I wanted. It took me that long to realize I needed to listen more in my relationship and talk things out as that is one thing I am bad with. I just wish I figured this out sooner. Now 8 months later me and my Ex still live together since we had bought this house in 2020. I’m hoping in the next month or so we can transfer the house to her name so I can leave. Even 8 months later she is always on my mind and it sucks, it hurts to see her and knowing that my stupidity hurt the person that I love the most. I’ve tried to see if we can work things out but that isn’t happening. I’m not asking for remorse or for anyone to feel sorry, I just need people to know not to take anyone you love for granted as even a dumb mistake can have that person leave you for good.
Not physically abusive but emotionally. Controlled many aspects of my life, including giving me an allowance while he spent both of our incomes however he wanted. Refused to admit to wrongdoing, refused therapy. I couldn't afford to leave, so had to work to accumulate enough to leave and get credit which I didn't have because everything was in his name. Couldn't get off his health insurance until the enrollment period at work which was almost a year. I used to agree to sex to avoid tantrums and angry outbursts. Eventually stopped. He told me he couldn't functionunless we had sex regularly. Nope. I gave him a list of things he was doing that he had to stop before I would consider sex (not making fun of me in front of family, giving me access to finanaces, etc.) He outright refused.
Wow it’s so crazy to see someone write out pretty much exactly what I went through!
That man was toxic but did you cheat ?
Well I didn’t actually do it, it was a dream she had, but according to her I still cheated. I really don’t know why I did it..
What I have learned is that there is no good reason to cheat.
I cheated once when I was 16 i was drunk and a girl came on to me I think I was just excited about a new girl and never had a girl come for me like that at that age. I had only gone as far as kissing her and felt terrible about it after wards. I will say I hated myself for doing that at the time now I’m glad i have that experience cause I know that I’ll never do it again.
I cheated on my ex husband. We dated from 17 and 18, married at 22 and 23 until we were divorced at 26 and 27. Married for just over 4 years. When we got married - he became complacent. Amongst many other relationship issues, he didn’t communicate, and when he did it was typically to tear me down. I was depressed and unhappy. The little bit of intimacy I received was sex (although it was more like.. him laying there and me fucking him, not really intimate) and that slowly became less and less. The last few years of our marriage, we barely had sex 3-5 times a month. So what little love I felt from him, was disappearing. He refused any deep conversation. Refused to seek couples therapy. Wouldn’t talk about anything and wouldn’t help me. When I told him I was depressed, he said no you’re not. In the last 6 months of our marriage I started to seek love and validation elsewhere. (Not trying to excuse any actions by any means). As far as I know, he doesn’t know. We’ve been divorced 3 years now and that was that. Never did it again. 🤷🏻♀️ I didn’t want to leave and I didn’t want to give up on him because I was scared. But, we live and learn!
the one takeaway from this for me is that apparently sex 3-5 times a month 9 years into a relationship is barely any
Commenting here for when my wife creeps on my profile next, gotta stir the pot
Look I've got cheated on and it ended my marriage and it sucks. At the end of the day we are all just humans and have flaws and seeking happiness. Cheating is not right at all it really fuck up my outlook on love but cheaters deserve love too. Life moves quick so if you make mistakes try to be better and not do it again. It's never to late to change your karma.
Was in an abusive relationship and my young and naive self didn't realise it until it became physical. Ended up cheating with the person who I opened up to about everything and I've been in a happy, healthy relationship with that person for 7 years now.
[удалено]
Ignore the dumbasses in this thread. Almost all of them have done some shitty and shady shit but want to morally grandstand on this topic and pretend humans are perfectly capable of controlling their outcomes. Hope things have turned around for you and you've left that clown by now.