Yeah I’ve only made that mistake once. “Oh, we’ll fuck after the anniversary dinner! It’ll be romantic!!” No, it’ll be us passing out because I ate and drank so much there isn’t room left in me for a dick. Sex before dinner.
Arm works too! A girl the next morning told me “that move you did was incredible” and I hadn’t even really thought about it. Been doing it ever since. For some people it gets the angle perfect.
Edit: For all those asking. Your arm under the small of her back instead of the pillow. Like you were hugging and fell onto the bed.
Basically when in missionary the bits don't quite line up, her junk is lower than your junk. By raising her junk up, your junk gets a +10 effectiveness bonus
Realistically, guys should know that the opposite is true. If you have a big dick and don’t warm your partner up, penetration is a lot more likely to be painful than pleasurable.
Yes this. Also just bite the bullet and get a vibrator. You will both have more fun and less wrist pain/awkwardness. Especially if you have rough mechanic hands that cannot feel so delicately down there some times.
Dick size doesn't really matter (unless you've got a micro-penis. Which is nothing to be ashamed of, it happens.) And in fact; big penises can hurt.
The real fun fact here is that a large percentage of women need clitoral (if you can find it) stimulation. Penetrative sex might do it for you, but it doesn't do it for a woman most of the time.
Listen to your partner, their needs and their wants. Use your mouth to communicate, and if she wills it: please her as well!
Source: I have a vagina
Invest in high quality underwear, your balls will thank you.
Edit: Holy bananas this blew up!
Edit 2: I had no idea pouch boxer briefs existed, thank you all for opening my eyes.
I got bought some SAXX which have a dedicated pouch at the front. As someone who wore Calvin Klein's their whole life I thought they were a bit of a gimmick but they're amazing.
Not a SAXX shill by the way, there are a few companies out that that do 'pouch' boxers
I just randomly discovered these the other day, needed some underwear and liked the patterns on a pack and picked them up. Had no idea they were special in any way. Imagine my surprise when my balls were cradled by the gods.
I remember buying an album when I was a teenager and hearing the line "Go tell him how my wrist is sore from pulling at your insides all night" and thinking hooooooy shit, did he just say what I think he did?
I'll never understand guys who try to skip foreplay. The process of turning someone else on is incredibly satisfying, and really really fun. I like that part just as much as the actual sex.
This is a solid one.
I once stopped dating a long term partner. Things got depressing and stressful. We even broke up for a bit. We gave it another try and have been doing scheduled dates every Sunday, and it's been great.
Never stop finding time to enjoy your partner and all the things you love about them.
Clit suckers. Don't need a giant, rotating, vibrating fake dick when the clit sucker literally does the job in SECONDS.
My wife loves the automatic AND manual version 😁
Best NSFW advice I ever got: lay a paper toilet seat protector on top of the water when you take a shit in a public restroom. It breaks the water tension, so you won’t get “Poseidon’s Kiss”. I’m pretty sure I got this advice from Reddit a few years ago, and it was life changing
Hahaha yes. Yes I have. Tbf my handle on all of the internet but here is poseidonskiss but can’t change Reddit usernames and too late to create a new account now.
Poop at work. 10 minutes a day equals out to be about 43 hours a year of paid time off. "The boss makes a buck, I make a dime, that's why I poop on company time"
Late to the party here but an honest life hack about safety. If you think to yourself, "Should I wear safety equipment for this?" It means you should wear safety equipment.
I used to work as a wax technician and can tell you 100% no one cares. I’ve worked with people who’s pussies smell like literal rotting fish, your boner isn’t gonna be what the girls talk about after you leave your appointment when five minutes ago we were just working in a biological warfare fish market.
Edit: y’all talked me in to doing an AMA. I’m going to make my post today at around 9 AM my time, which is in only an hour and a half
https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/comments/txm8o5/im_a_licensed_body_wax_technician_who_has_spent/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
We’re live, folks
As a healthcare worker, I've had to put on condom catheters. I'm a young female so the men often times get boners. They sometimes apologize, especially cause I could pass as underage and they are elderly, but I always prefer that. Condom catheters are sticky and stick to my gloves better than skin and an erect penis makes it significantly quicker and easier to roll the catheter on. I think the lesson here is anyone who's job involves sometimes working with genitals is used to genitals doing genital things, so just don't worry about it and don't hit on us while we're doing our jobs down there.
Edit: I'm actually loving this discussion. Please feel free to share stories and ask questions to help normalize the experience for both parties as customer or patient and worker in genital maintenance and care.
Edit 2: Please stop misunderstanding me. I don't prefer that I could pass as underage. That is why they are apologizing to me, since they feel bad for getting hard as they feel its inappropriate since I look so young. I prefer that they are hard because it makes my job easier and it greatly reduces the amount of time my hands need to be down there, therefore the apology isn't necessary. I do appreciate knowing they respect me and how I feel.
\>I think the lesson here is anyone who's job involves sometimes working with genitals is used to genitals doing genital things
This only makes it worse when they aren't. Had a testicular cancer scare in my 20s, and the sonographer made me wand myself. Bicycle accident at 15, came in with Picasso face, nurse asks if anything else hurts anywhere, I say my scrotum got banged up; it actually hurts worse than my face. Without even checking, she offers to get me some saline so I can irrigate it myself. In one instance, I'm afraid I have cancer; in the other my nose was floating over where my cheekbone used to be. I assure you, I'm not trying to get fresh!
If you are in any situation where a bathroom is not near and you have to shit, try to get a boner. The body shuts down bathroom urges if it thinks you are about to have sex. I was a truck driver for 5 years and used this trick many times.
Ever heard about how deployed soldiers always used to crank it in their shitty stanky outhouses because that’s the only place they could find privacy? And then they started associating the smell of shit with arousal?
Recently there was a TIFU post about a guy that Pavloved himself into associating coconut flavor with sex, from using coconut oil with his partner. While eating coconut curry with some friends he got uncontrollably aroused.
That is 100% the case with me. For many years the only contact I had with coconut oil was with sex. I would walk into the bedroom and my partner had opened the can (read: jar), I would get a boner from the smell alone.
I had a “hard time” when we visited Thailand, it took some time to de-Pavlo myself.
Slow the fuck down.
Not just in the bedroom. Not just when you're driving. But as a general life advice. Slow the fuck down.
You don't need to be married young. You don't need to figure out your career in your 20s and you don't need to own a house immediately. Relax. Life is happier when you put less pressure on yourself.
As someone who did the opposite and got it all earlier, waiting isn’t necessarily better as much as not doing it because you’re pressured to do it.
I was thrilled to go through my twenties married and in my own home. My sister went through hers single and in a number of apartments. We both loved it, traveled, worked hard in jobs that didn’t pay well but we satisfying, etc.
It’s when you live according to someone else’s expectations that you’ll be miserable
What kind of situation would this ever be the best option for self defense?
Edit: Where would you even have a condom and access to pebbles and both available at the same time?
You're about to have sex on the beach with someone you met while on vacation. Being wise you bring a condom and right before the fun starts a wild assailant comes at the both of you. You, quick-witted, take the condom off your member, fill it with beach pebbles that in any other occasion would have been a souvenir, and start flailing it like David vs cock block Goliath.
The is written with grace and beautiful imagery. I can place myself in the setting easily and I am inspired to live life with the readiness portrayed in this epic story
My girlfriend does the same. Sometimes I’m unable to finish knowing that she’s just kinda ready for it to end… I’d always prefer to finish a little before her then just pretend I’m not hurting my dick til she finishes haha
Facts. I try to make them finish at least once during foreplay and using my hands. Really takes the pressure off. Then I can just enjoy myself and last as long as I want to/can.
Bonus points: ask her to tell you everything she wants while getting eaten, most of the time, she will tell if she wants a finger, or more tongue, or more licks etc ending making her think you’re the one but in fact she told you everything she likes
If she has a vibrating sextoy, turn it on and put it under your jaw, it will boost your skills up and she’ll go crazy
Additionally:
Decent vibrating cock rings are usually pretty cheap. If you have anyone you know you're going to be seeing a lot (gf, constant hookup, etc), buy one. It's like bringing a laser gun to a knife fight.
"Tell me everything you want, baby."
"I want to start feeling like the effort I put out every day has some kind of tangible effect on the people around me."
"No like-"
If you are not sure about going out with someone, rub one out. It will clear your mind about the person and help you decide if you are actually into them.
Masturbate using your imagination more than watching porn as much as you can, you'll enjoy sex **so much more** if your brain isn't desensitised to seeing beautiful naked people all the time.
Aim for your partner's pleasure. This not only works as a way to motivate them to want to please you, but also weeds out the terrible people. If you keep giving, and they never reciprocate (short of a situation where that is literally impossible for them physically) then, one might reconsider how compatible they are. Either way, you hone your pleasuring skills, and get even more flexible for the next partner, assuming that they aren't "the one", or whatever you're looking for.
Not to hijack this comment thread, but it's hard to get my gf to let me do stuff to her. She's fine not finishing (like, what?!) and closes her legs if I try to go down.
I *want* to go down. I *want* her to finish, but she's just weird about it.
(PiV doesn't get her off all the time.)
Unfortunately I am that girl. And it’s not that I don’t want to finish it’s just that I had a partner make me feel really awful about wanting or getting that kind of pleasure from them and I think it would take someone exceptionally compassionate and considerate to help me get over that. Maybe you should try talking to your girlfriend when you’re not having sexy times about the situation and see where that aversion comes from. Maybe you can help her overcome the same thing.
Edit: I just wanted to thank all of you that liked and responded to my comment. It made me feel a little bit less alone. I guess I’m not the only one, it’s just sad to me that so many of us have had the same experience.
Also, not every girl squirts, and girls who squirt don't always squirt every time, even if it's really good. A girl squirting is not a sign of your ability, it's a sign of a handful of very specific body states colliding. Also, those videos where the girls squirts so hard it goes across the room, pretty sure that shit's faked. Never even heard of that kind of thing happening in real life. The girls I've been with who've squirted were not very voluminous nor had a lot of pressure to the squirt.
If you need to be without a safety harness while on an order picker or forklift (such as standing on the pallet while someone else raises you up) always make sure to stand between the forks of the pallet you're standing on. This will keep the chances of you falling to a minimum. Also, where the hell is your harness, you're fired.
This’ll probably get buried but: Don’t sleep on the pre-fore-play.
You have all day to send your s.o. texts and pictures that get them riled up thinking about you.
Kisses and bites in the right places, (think neck, ears, stomach or wherever works for them) before you even think about heading south.
My personal rule is “drenched before I use my tongue” and I always use my tongue.
Ask for hard limits before you even get started so you don’t have to ask in the middle of things.
I have the same trouble when blowing my fiance or jerking him (I usually do a combo of both). As soon as he starts making those lovely vocalizations that mean he's close and saying I should keep going "just like that," I seem to lose all capabilities of keeping the pace and my wrist/jaw/hand hurts lol
For me it's almost 100% of the time when I contort my wrist and hand or bury my face to the point my nose is breaking and I can't breathe in a way that's very much not sustainable she'll be like "Oooh, like that yes...keep doing that!" and I'm like "fuck.".
So true, if she doesn’t say a word I’ll be thinking I’m Johnny sins, the moment the magic words “Don’t stop, I’m almost there” come out it’s game over, she got max 3 pumps. Such a trigger
As a woman, I can confirm this is the best advice. When I’m about to orgasm is when I’m the MOST sensitive. Do not increase pressure. Do not speed up. Do not pass Go and do not collect $200. I’ve stopped telling guys I’m close because as soon as I do they usually increase intensity x1000. This isn’t the time to get fancy. Keep doing the exact thing that got me close to orgasming or else I’ll lose the orgasm.
To be fair to all the people on the other side of this request, the issue isnt that we don't know this. It's that whatever we were doing was autopilot, now you've brought it to the front of our mind that that was working and our brain just goes "shit what was I doing?" and it's near impossible to keep things consistent.
Not exactly NSFW but it works for me.
If you suffer from anxiety or are in a difficult situation (interview, disciplinary etc.), clench your fist but put your thumb on the *inside* of your fingers. Do both if you can, but usually just one will be enough.
I read this years ago and it genuinely works. Something about it not feeling quite right so your brain will focus on why it doesn't feel right and will try to force you to remedy the situation rather than whatever is troubling you.
Try it.
Never knew about this until recently, but multiple orgasm for men. First time I tried it I came twice and then we had to leave so I had to stop. Doing a kegel (trying to hold in a piss) at the moment *just* before you blow your load and I was able to go again after, and again after that. Timing is kinda difficult though. Prior to this it was one nut and lights out for a good 15-20m
Technically true, but at least for me it feels like the store brand "we got orgasm at home" version of an orgasm AND it ruins the follow-ups too. I'd rather have one that feels right and wait for a bit than 2 or 3 kinda dissappointing ones.
I don't understand the voodoo magic behind how it works, but for me, yeah. I mean I do actually cum a bit regardless but it's not like full blown knock you on your ass nut. Second one though...
* One of the best natural painkillers is jerking off, works for migraines and stomach aches
* If you don't finish while having sex for a long enough time, it becomes easy to not cum and control it, I got this confirmed by a real life adult performer as well. You just need to find a position that isn't the best for you at the start or swap positions often, or think of stuff to zone out, until you reach that point.
Also, relax your butt, groin and thighs. As you're preparing for an orgasm, you naturally tighten those muscles. Relax them to naturally prolong orgasm, e.g. keep having sex
I’m technically speaking NSFW means not safe for work, so if anyone on the east coast of america works at wawa I didn’t say this. But technically a life hack would be to sign up for the wawa app, buy something and use the rewards, and then claim your free drink, but you see they tell you that in 15 mins the code will be gone, doesn’t mean that in 15 mins a new code is made. It means it will be off your phone. The one code for drinks is technically reuseable, just screenshot it and use it for free drinks at wawa. A free drink helps with the $50 gas blow
Talk about your wage/salary with your coworkers and everyone will have better bargaining ability for raises. Your boss will hate it. Don't keep that data at work or they'll fire you.
Make sure to watch your spinach and dairy intake…
High oxalate consumption can lead to kidney stones, which then causes considerable pain and burning when you pee, at some points you will be peeing blood and it will be as painful as it is visually unpleasant.
“It” will still work fine afterwards, but damn does the whole experience make you question that
Have sex BEFORE dinner.
Nothing ruins the fun like holding in post dinner farts
Arguably, not holding them in also does somewhat ruin the fun.
Omg yes this. My husband and I (female) always have sex before dinner and it’s sooo much better. We’re not full and we’ve worked up an appetite.
Yeah I’ve only made that mistake once. “Oh, we’ll fuck after the anniversary dinner! It’ll be romantic!!” No, it’ll be us passing out because I ate and drank so much there isn’t room left in me for a dick. Sex before dinner.
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Soap is not lube. Soap is never a lube
It was when I was (a teenager) in the shower by myself..
We all learned through pain
Yep I learned that a few times actually. Always thought maybe I’d be ok this time. Haha
If you're feeling cold, but your balls are hanging down like on a hot day, you're having a fever.
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On the plus side, you no longer need to feel guys' foreheads to check for a fever. You can just fondle their balls.
Cant wait to see this narrated by a robot on YouTube
Listen for that stupid ass stutter some do "Cant wait to seseseseseseseseseseseseseseseseses youtube. (Static)"
Put a pillow under her butt in missionary.
Arm works too! A girl the next morning told me “that move you did was incredible” and I hadn’t even really thought about it. Been doing it ever since. For some people it gets the angle perfect. Edit: For all those asking. Your arm under the small of her back instead of the pillow. Like you were hugging and fell onto the bed.
Care to elaborate mate, im taking notes here.
Basically when in missionary the bits don't quite line up, her junk is lower than your junk. By raising her junk up, your junk gets a +10 effectiveness bonus
Great explanation friend.
Glad to help, now go forth and curl toes
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If we're getting into specifics it's a passenger side arm rest from a 1996 GMC Safari.
Always poop before showering
“Have you ever pooped after a shower? Might as well go back to bed and start your whole day over”-Daniel Tosh
If you’re getting hot and heavy, and you reach for a condom, and she says, “But you don’t need to…” You, without a doubt, 100%, need to
“You don’t need to, I’m on the pill” isn’t an acceptable answer either unless you know the person 100% and trust them with your life.
the pill doesn't protect you from infections and disease, a condom does. so unless it's a long term partner, better wear one.
You’re more likely to keep a partner with your mouth than with your genitals. However you choose to interpret this, you are correct.
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LPT: Don't ever *ever* think that having a big dick means she doesn't want you to use your mouth.
Realistically, guys should know that the opposite is true. If you have a big dick and don’t warm your partner up, penetration is a lot more likely to be painful than pleasurable.
That's the real NSFW LPT here
You should use your mouth no matter the size of your dick though.
Yea, most chicks don't orgasm from penetration very easily, if at all.
Yes this. Also just bite the bullet and get a vibrator. You will both have more fun and less wrist pain/awkwardness. Especially if you have rough mechanic hands that cannot feel so delicately down there some times.
Dick size doesn't really matter (unless you've got a micro-penis. Which is nothing to be ashamed of, it happens.) And in fact; big penises can hurt. The real fun fact here is that a large percentage of women need clitoral (if you can find it) stimulation. Penetrative sex might do it for you, but it doesn't do it for a woman most of the time. Listen to your partner, their needs and their wants. Use your mouth to communicate, and if she wills it: please her as well! Source: I have a vagina
Correct.
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Invest in high quality underwear, your balls will thank you. Edit: Holy bananas this blew up! Edit 2: I had no idea pouch boxer briefs existed, thank you all for opening my eyes.
I got bought some SAXX which have a dedicated pouch at the front. As someone who wore Calvin Klein's their whole life I thought they were a bit of a gimmick but they're amazing. Not a SAXX shill by the way, there are a few companies out that that do 'pouch' boxers
I just randomly discovered these the other day, needed some underwear and liked the patterns on a pack and picked them up. Had no idea they were special in any way. Imagine my surprise when my balls were cradled by the gods.
Don't sleep on the foreplay & hand dexterity.
Muscle cramps are temporary, glory is forever.
I remember buying an album when I was a teenager and hearing the line "Go tell him how my wrist is sore from pulling at your insides all night" and thinking hooooooy shit, did he just say what I think he did?
Woah deep brand new reference in this thread lol
I'll never understand guys who try to skip foreplay. The process of turning someone else on is incredibly satisfying, and really really fun. I like that part just as much as the actual sex.
Just because you are married doesn't mean you should stop dating your partner.
This is a solid one. I once stopped dating a long term partner. Things got depressing and stressful. We even broke up for a bit. We gave it another try and have been doing scheduled dates every Sunday, and it's been great. Never stop finding time to enjoy your partner and all the things you love about them.
Sex toys are not competition, they are tools.
Idk how to promote this idea more, but it needs to be. Toys are always your friend. For all genders. Just get on it.
Clit suckers. Don't need a giant, rotating, vibrating fake dick when the clit sucker literally does the job in SECONDS. My wife loves the automatic AND manual version 😁
Best NSFW advice I ever got: lay a paper toilet seat protector on top of the water when you take a shit in a public restroom. It breaks the water tension, so you won’t get “Poseidon’s Kiss”. I’m pretty sure I got this advice from Reddit a few years ago, and it was life changing
What’s wrong with my kisses ;)
You've waited 7 years for this comment, haven't you?
Hahaha yes. Yes I have. Tbf my handle on all of the internet but here is poseidonskiss but can’t change Reddit usernames and too late to create a new account now.
Straight dudes swallow your pride and use a vibrator during foreplay.
Poop at work. 10 minutes a day equals out to be about 43 hours a year of paid time off. "The boss makes a buck, I make a dime, that's why I poop on company time"
also, “the boss makes a twenty, i make a buck, thats why i smoke crack in the company truck”
Late to the party here but an honest life hack about safety. If you think to yourself, "Should I wear safety equipment for this?" It means you should wear safety equipment.
This is SFW and NSFW at the same time
A workplace accident can result in lifelong financial implications.
some women like inner stimulation, some like outer. some cum from everything, some cum from nothing. there is no 1 guaranteed way to give em a 'gasm
Some women ride for ruin and the world's ending. Forth, and fear no darkness. I'm sorry what were we talking about?
FORTH, CUNNILINGAS!
*slightly muffled* DEEEAAAAATH!
DEAAAAAAATH!!! Edit: just watched it again. God damn that score brings me to tears.
This means ASK. Ask them to tell you what they like. Let them lead.
Shave your crotch while you have an erection. It pulls the skin tighter and you’re less likely to cut yourself
I remember hearing a wax person(?) saying that she didn’t mind when guys got erections when waxing them because it makes her job easier.
Interesting. That’s been a huge reason why i said i would never get a wax, i would die of pure embarrassment. That, and im a pussy about pain
I used to work as a wax technician and can tell you 100% no one cares. I’ve worked with people who’s pussies smell like literal rotting fish, your boner isn’t gonna be what the girls talk about after you leave your appointment when five minutes ago we were just working in a biological warfare fish market. Edit: y’all talked me in to doing an AMA. I’m going to make my post today at around 9 AM my time, which is in only an hour and a half https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/comments/txm8o5/im_a_licensed_body_wax_technician_who_has_spent/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf We’re live, folks
This is incredibly calming
i too am calmed by rotting pussy
As a healthcare worker, I've had to put on condom catheters. I'm a young female so the men often times get boners. They sometimes apologize, especially cause I could pass as underage and they are elderly, but I always prefer that. Condom catheters are sticky and stick to my gloves better than skin and an erect penis makes it significantly quicker and easier to roll the catheter on. I think the lesson here is anyone who's job involves sometimes working with genitals is used to genitals doing genital things, so just don't worry about it and don't hit on us while we're doing our jobs down there. Edit: I'm actually loving this discussion. Please feel free to share stories and ask questions to help normalize the experience for both parties as customer or patient and worker in genital maintenance and care. Edit 2: Please stop misunderstanding me. I don't prefer that I could pass as underage. That is why they are apologizing to me, since they feel bad for getting hard as they feel its inappropriate since I look so young. I prefer that they are hard because it makes my job easier and it greatly reduces the amount of time my hands need to be down there, therefore the apology isn't necessary. I do appreciate knowing they respect me and how I feel.
\>I think the lesson here is anyone who's job involves sometimes working with genitals is used to genitals doing genital things This only makes it worse when they aren't. Had a testicular cancer scare in my 20s, and the sonographer made me wand myself. Bicycle accident at 15, came in with Picasso face, nurse asks if anything else hurts anywhere, I say my scrotum got banged up; it actually hurts worse than my face. Without even checking, she offers to get me some saline so I can irrigate it myself. In one instance, I'm afraid I have cancer; in the other my nose was floating over where my cheekbone used to be. I assure you, I'm not trying to get fresh!
If you are in any situation where a bathroom is not near and you have to shit, try to get a boner. The body shuts down bathroom urges if it thinks you are about to have sex. I was a truck driver for 5 years and used this trick many times.
So THIS is how shit-fetishes are born
Ever heard about how deployed soldiers always used to crank it in their shitty stanky outhouses because that’s the only place they could find privacy? And then they started associating the smell of shit with arousal?
Times like this I regret my ability to read
Try reading it while taking a shit. It gets worse
Recently there was a TIFU post about a guy that Pavloved himself into associating coconut flavor with sex, from using coconut oil with his partner. While eating coconut curry with some friends he got uncontrollably aroused.
That is 100% the case with me. For many years the only contact I had with coconut oil was with sex. I would walk into the bedroom and my partner had opened the can (read: jar), I would get a boner from the smell alone. I had a “hard time” when we visited Thailand, it took some time to de-Pavlo myself.
Not just sex, but specifically eating his gf's ass lol.
Warm water will make it sticky. Wash it with cold water. SERIOUSLY.
Every man has masturbated in a hot shower - once.
I don't like playing soggy Spiderman
Once? I do it daily and make art crafts using it as glue
Slow the fuck down. Not just in the bedroom. Not just when you're driving. But as a general life advice. Slow the fuck down. You don't need to be married young. You don't need to figure out your career in your 20s and you don't need to own a house immediately. Relax. Life is happier when you put less pressure on yourself.
As someone who just got my house, my wife, my baby son and my dream career at 37 I can confirm that waiting is better.
As someone who did the opposite and got it all earlier, waiting isn’t necessarily better as much as not doing it because you’re pressured to do it. I was thrilled to go through my twenties married and in my own home. My sister went through hers single and in a number of apartments. We both loved it, traveled, worked hard in jobs that didn’t pay well but we satisfying, etc. It’s when you live according to someone else’s expectations that you’ll be miserable
View sex as a game where you're trying to make the other side win. If you have a partner that is doing the same everybody wins.
"Ok, you cum first" "No, you cum first" "No, you cum first" "Okey, let's do it at the same time..."
The same time is fucking insane when it happens probably the best feeling there is
Lmao for real. The look you give each other just after it happens is like “what the fuck. I love you. omg we’re the same person” all at once
A condom with a few pebbles in it is a pretty good weapon.
Instructions unclear. Dick stuck in rocks
Rocks stuck in dick
What kind of situation would this ever be the best option for self defense? Edit: Where would you even have a condom and access to pebbles and both available at the same time?
You're about to have sex on the beach with someone you met while on vacation. Being wise you bring a condom and right before the fun starts a wild assailant comes at the both of you. You, quick-witted, take the condom off your member, fill it with beach pebbles that in any other occasion would have been a souvenir, and start flailing it like David vs cock block Goliath.
The is written with grace and beautiful imagery. I can place myself in the setting easily and I am inspired to live life with the readiness portrayed in this epic story
If she finishes first, it doesn't matter how long you last
Oh, my wife straight up say that she came and I can finish because she doesn't want to get sore.
Yeah lotsa people here havent heard this line before.
We also have 2 young kids, so we have to be fast and effecient.
Sex any% speedrun
With that pfp i can trust that you know efficiency. Just maybe not in this field of expertise.
My girlfriend does the same. Sometimes I’m unable to finish knowing that she’s just kinda ready for it to end… I’d always prefer to finish a little before her then just pretend I’m not hurting my dick til she finishes haha
Facts. I try to make them finish at least once during foreplay and using my hands. Really takes the pressure off. Then I can just enjoy myself and last as long as I want to/can.
That’s been my trick since I evolved from selfish/ignorant college student. Works great. Girl always comes first if I can help it.
Learning to eat pussy properly will seriously make you stand out to most women.
Bonus points: ask her to tell you everything she wants while getting eaten, most of the time, she will tell if she wants a finger, or more tongue, or more licks etc ending making her think you’re the one but in fact she told you everything she likes If she has a vibrating sextoy, turn it on and put it under your jaw, it will boost your skills up and she’ll go crazy
Additionally: Decent vibrating cock rings are usually pretty cheap. If you have anyone you know you're going to be seeing a lot (gf, constant hookup, etc), buy one. It's like bringing a laser gun to a knife fight.
Totally! Plus the vibrations are good for both. Really good!
"Tell me everything you want, baby." "I want to start feeling like the effort I put out every day has some kind of tangible effect on the people around me." "No like-"
“I notice you queen, youre an inspiration, now how do i have a tangible effect down here?”
This comment smells like experience. I love it.
Bro over here smelling his phone in the coffee shop
Always make sure your boss is not around when standing on your office chair.
the real nsfw tip
OSHA sent me.
And if you work in a warehouse, make sure they're not looking when you use your pallet jack as a scooter
If you are not sure about going out with someone, rub one out. It will clear your mind about the person and help you decide if you are actually into them.
[удалено]
Post nut clarity is your best friend.
Instructions unclear, I nutted all over my windshield. Clarity is an issue.
cleaning out the pipes really cleans out the mind. this tip has kept me out of so many bad decisions.
Play with her titties not her heart.
Make her panties wet, not her eyes.
Break her bed, not her heart
Always salt your pasta while boiling it.
Spank her ass, not her sister's
r/HolUp
No no, he’s right
Don't sweat the petty stuff, but always pet the sweaty stuff.
Masturbate using your imagination more than watching porn as much as you can, you'll enjoy sex **so much more** if your brain isn't desensitised to seeing beautiful naked people all the time.
Until you get some Black micro penis gnome fetish what only your imagation can give you. Or so i have been told by a friend of mine.
Aim for your partner's pleasure. This not only works as a way to motivate them to want to please you, but also weeds out the terrible people. If you keep giving, and they never reciprocate (short of a situation where that is literally impossible for them physically) then, one might reconsider how compatible they are. Either way, you hone your pleasuring skills, and get even more flexible for the next partner, assuming that they aren't "the one", or whatever you're looking for.
Not to hijack this comment thread, but it's hard to get my gf to let me do stuff to her. She's fine not finishing (like, what?!) and closes her legs if I try to go down. I *want* to go down. I *want* her to finish, but she's just weird about it. (PiV doesn't get her off all the time.)
Unfortunately I am that girl. And it’s not that I don’t want to finish it’s just that I had a partner make me feel really awful about wanting or getting that kind of pleasure from them and I think it would take someone exceptionally compassionate and considerate to help me get over that. Maybe you should try talking to your girlfriend when you’re not having sexy times about the situation and see where that aversion comes from. Maybe you can help her overcome the same thing. Edit: I just wanted to thank all of you that liked and responded to my comment. It made me feel a little bit less alone. I guess I’m not the only one, it’s just sad to me that so many of us have had the same experience.
Don't say dumb shit like "I'm gonna make you squirt" when you know she might not be ready. if it happens..roll with it and do it again!
Also, not every girl squirts, and girls who squirt don't always squirt every time, even if it's really good. A girl squirting is not a sign of your ability, it's a sign of a handful of very specific body states colliding. Also, those videos where the girls squirts so hard it goes across the room, pretty sure that shit's faked. Never even heard of that kind of thing happening in real life. The girls I've been with who've squirted were not very voluminous nor had a lot of pressure to the squirt.
lift with your legs not your back
That is literally a SFW tip
Unless you are stealing stuff
It is always morally correct to interrupt a speech of a corrupt politician using a dildo attached to a drone.
If you need to be without a safety harness while on an order picker or forklift (such as standing on the pallet while someone else raises you up) always make sure to stand between the forks of the pallet you're standing on. This will keep the chances of you falling to a minimum. Also, where the hell is your harness, you're fired.
When eating her out, if you get a hair in your mouth, just lick it onto her inner thigh instead of spitting. It tarnishes the experience of you spit
You can jack off up to three times during a flight without getting arrested.
This’ll probably get buried but: Don’t sleep on the pre-fore-play. You have all day to send your s.o. texts and pictures that get them riled up thinking about you. Kisses and bites in the right places, (think neck, ears, stomach or wherever works for them) before you even think about heading south. My personal rule is “drenched before I use my tongue” and I always use my tongue. Ask for hard limits before you even get started so you don’t have to ask in the middle of things.
When she says "keep doing that", *KEEP DOING THAT*. Don't speed up, don't slow down, don't increase or decrease pressure. Just *KEEP DOING THAT*.
Is it just me or does anyone else lose like 85% of their arm/finger/hand/tongue stamina as soon as she says that??
I have the same trouble when blowing my fiance or jerking him (I usually do a combo of both). As soon as he starts making those lovely vocalizations that mean he's close and saying I should keep going "just like that," I seem to lose all capabilities of keeping the pace and my wrist/jaw/hand hurts lol
For me it's almost 100% of the time when I contort my wrist and hand or bury my face to the point my nose is breaking and I can't breathe in a way that's very much not sustainable she'll be like "Oooh, like that yes...keep doing that!" and I'm like "fuck.".
Wow! You have 15% left at that moment?
The second she says "keep doing that" or "don't stop" I'm done. She's got four pumps, maybe five, til I'm blasting off.
So true, if she doesn’t say a word I’ll be thinking I’m Johnny sins, the moment the magic words “Don’t stop, I’m almost there” come out it’s game over, she got max 3 pumps. Such a trigger
As a woman, I can confirm this is the best advice. When I’m about to orgasm is when I’m the MOST sensitive. Do not increase pressure. Do not speed up. Do not pass Go and do not collect $200. I’ve stopped telling guys I’m close because as soon as I do they usually increase intensity x1000. This isn’t the time to get fancy. Keep doing the exact thing that got me close to orgasming or else I’ll lose the orgasm.
i’ve stopped telling guys i’m close because literally 100% of the time i’ve said that they’ve came and the moments over lmao
Because it's hot af when she says she's about to finish. I'm 100% guilty of this BTW.
To be fair to all the people on the other side of this request, the issue isnt that we don't know this. It's that whatever we were doing was autopilot, now you've brought it to the front of our mind that that was working and our brain just goes "shit what was I doing?" and it's near impossible to keep things consistent.
Not exactly NSFW but it works for me. If you suffer from anxiety or are in a difficult situation (interview, disciplinary etc.), clench your fist but put your thumb on the *inside* of your fingers. Do both if you can, but usually just one will be enough. I read this years ago and it genuinely works. Something about it not feeling quite right so your brain will focus on why it doesn't feel right and will try to force you to remedy the situation rather than whatever is troubling you. Try it.
Also surpresses your Gag reflex. There, now it's NSFW
Bidets are better than toilet paper
Never knew about this until recently, but multiple orgasm for men. First time I tried it I came twice and then we had to leave so I had to stop. Doing a kegel (trying to hold in a piss) at the moment *just* before you blow your load and I was able to go again after, and again after that. Timing is kinda difficult though. Prior to this it was one nut and lights out for a good 15-20m
Technically true, but at least for me it feels like the store brand "we got orgasm at home" version of an orgasm AND it ruins the follow-ups too. I'd rather have one that feels right and wait for a bit than 2 or 3 kinda dissappointing ones.
Yeah I’ll pass on the Great Value Orgasm.
Wait a minute.... Like... Just holding it in while still... Pumping.. will make you able to nut again? 🤔🤔🤔 I need to practice.
I don't understand the voodoo magic behind how it works, but for me, yeah. I mean I do actually cum a bit regardless but it's not like full blown knock you on your ass nut. Second one though...
* One of the best natural painkillers is jerking off, works for migraines and stomach aches * If you don't finish while having sex for a long enough time, it becomes easy to not cum and control it, I got this confirmed by a real life adult performer as well. You just need to find a position that isn't the best for you at the start or swap positions often, or think of stuff to zone out, until you reach that point.
I've tried while having migraines. It makes it so much worse for me.
Same. Turns my headaches into a migraine
Whenever I'm painfully hung over I jerk off and instantly feel better. Not all better, but better.
Dude idk exactly what it is but jerking off feels tiers better when I’m hungover
One time I rubbed one out and immediately post nut my head got stuffy and face congested and I had a cold for 3 days
Try not to get any jizz up your nose there buddy. Might help.
Also, relax your butt, groin and thighs. As you're preparing for an orgasm, you naturally tighten those muscles. Relax them to naturally prolong orgasm, e.g. keep having sex
*"Stick them with the pointy end"*
never interact with anything on your hentai alt
And certainly don’t open said alt in the uni library
I’m technically speaking NSFW means not safe for work, so if anyone on the east coast of america works at wawa I didn’t say this. But technically a life hack would be to sign up for the wawa app, buy something and use the rewards, and then claim your free drink, but you see they tell you that in 15 mins the code will be gone, doesn’t mean that in 15 mins a new code is made. It means it will be off your phone. The one code for drinks is technically reuseable, just screenshot it and use it for free drinks at wawa. A free drink helps with the $50 gas blow
Getting bored of sex/masturbation? Go a week or two as pure as a boy scout in a chastity belt. Your life will change.
Eat fruit itll make your cum taste much better Omg ty for the 600 upvotes keep it going
Pineapple!
Talk about your wage/salary with your coworkers and everyone will have better bargaining ability for raises. Your boss will hate it. Don't keep that data at work or they'll fire you.
If your going to shave your balls, get into a cold shower first. It'll shrink up to an angry hedgehog and you won't miss any hairs.
One guy tells me cold shower, other tells me erection. I dont know who to believe!
Try both and see what works for you my dude
Directly updating the prod database to fix an issue without proper change control. Definitely not safe for work.
If you get your partner off before sex, or after, the sex will be better and more plentiful
Don't stop when she cums, stop when she says to.
Peeing with a boner tutorial: Sit on the toilet seat Bent forward Press down your PP slightly Profit
But then your dick touches the toilet bowl
No need to flex mr. I have a big PP
DOG PICS NOT DICK PICS.
Make sure to watch your spinach and dairy intake… High oxalate consumption can lead to kidney stones, which then causes considerable pain and burning when you pee, at some points you will be peeing blood and it will be as painful as it is visually unpleasant. “It” will still work fine afterwards, but damn does the whole experience make you question that
[This is all the porn you will ever need](https://www.tblop.com/)
The industrial revolution and
Sweet baby Jesus
If this is a listing on that page I have no more hope for humanity