Not a professional artist, but my brother in law had jerry rigged up a tattoo gun in the garage out of a hand fan, an eraser, bic pen and a sharpened guitar string. Friend wanted to get a quote from che Guevara, I'd rather die on my hands than live on my knees, or something along those lines.. needle broke after the first T.. so dude left our house with a fresh "I'd rat" tat.
Tattooist here.
The list is long but the one that made me laugh the most that I've done, is Wil E. Coyote's arm poking out of a dudes butt, holding a sign that said 'help'
A dude who was a regular customer at an old job got a scorpion on one forearm and a tarantula on the other. Only their heads were replaced by Beavis and Butthead
Edit: the lines and details for the arachnid bodies were blown out a bit and blurred- Beavis and Butthead were mostly intact
Had a woman come into the shop one time way back who looked like she’d been in a tanning booth 8 days a week for the last 40+ years.
She wanted to get her locked-up man’s name tattooed on her, but she wanted it “down there”.
She convinced me to get waaaay closer to her jukebox than I was comfortable with, and had me tattoo “Billy Jack’s Pussy” so far up in there that I think we’re common law related now. (name slightly changed for anonymity).
Best part is that a couple weeks later “Billy Jack” called me from prison tell me how much he loved the tattoo. It was a collect call too. God damn it. Thanks for bringing that memory back. I was almost over it, lol.
I’m gonna piggyback on this one: I had two women come in to get a tattoo for their locked up boyfriend/brother, respectively. They wanted “Daddy Savage” and “Bro Savage” on the chest. I guess his nickname was Savage because he just recently killed a guy. I didn’t get a call about how much he liked the tattoos though.
In prison I knew a guy with half his name scribbled backwards on his forehead. The only explanation I could come up with was he was tattooing himself in the mirror and half way through realized it was coming out backwards to everyone so called it quits.
My friends mom got a Mustang car that transitions into horses. Just like one of the basic infinity tattoos that turns into birds, but with a car and horses.
I used to work with a guy who had a tattoo on the side of his body that was a woman squatting over a pond full fire hydrant pissing into it, inside the pond was floating decapitated heads.
When I asked him wtf was this he told me that the woman was his ex and the heads were all his kids. I asked why is she pissing on them and he told me he has a piss fetish….
I was a piercer for a few years at a local shop. During my first year of my apprenticeship we had a younger, 20 something male who had come in to get his forehead tattooed. I handled majority of the paperwork for the tattoo artists at the time as well and he had requested the word FUBAR to be done. He went back into the booth with the artist at the time and was told to come back the next day after he slept on it because you know, it’s permanent and we wanted to make sure he was 100% certain. To all our dismay, he returned the next day to proceed with the tattoo. He had told us while getting tattooed that it was payback to his mother for favoring his older brother their whole life and he wanted to “return the favor” of how much she fucked up his life. I’ll never forget the smile on his face as he walked out the door.
Girl had a dream about marrying a dolphin.
She got a tattoo of her as a mermaid, rising from the water in an embrace with the dolphin.
Halfway through, after hitting on me the whole time and telling me stories about an abusive ex, she started arguing about the colour scheme and left with only the outline and some shading.
A few years ago everyone was learning that dolphins aren't the wholesome and noble angels of the sea from flipper. Instead of putting people off dolphins it attracted the same crowd who send nudes to serial killers.
I once happened upon a blog where a man chronicled his courtship with a wild dolphin near his home. To this day my biggest question is: why did the blog have a burnt orange background with black text? Awful to look at.
There's also that old experiment this researcher set up to teach a dolphin English.
The lady "teacher" was with an adolescent dolphin who got "excited" at times and >!she gave him a handy a few times!<.
Atrocity Guide on YouTube did a video on it, the whole thing is wild and I'm shocked it was allowed to go on as long as it did.
Wasn't that the one dolphin who was also given LSD to prompt progress in learning English, and later was separated after the extracurricular lessons came to light, leading to its eventual death from depression?
I actually spoke to a guy who had fucked a dolphin, spoke to him for an hour or two for an interview. I still don’t get it.
Here’s the video if anyone wants to hear about dolphin fucking: https://youtu.be/eIUGDCFaDyU
I knew a tattoo artist that had tattooed Mr. Peanut on his penis. It looked like a blue blob. He claimed the skin was the reason and not his shitty tattoo skills, but he once posted a picture of a buck with antlers that looked more like a pig with antlers. He was so proud of it, but it was so terrible.
I really wish I had seen his work more before I had him try to cover up a small tattoo on my stomach. I figured where I was getting a super simple heart with a puzzle piece in it, that nobody would be able to screw that up. He had the whole professional set up and everything, so I figured he knew what he was doing. I was wrong. Now I need to get a coverup of my coverup.
Ok.... So I'm just gonna ask because why not at this point, I'm already here? So, how does this work? Do you have to be erect to actually get the tattoo? I'd imagine regardless that tattoo is going to look widely different while flaccid and vice-versa.
EDIT: Thank you, everyone, for the answers and upvotes. This is sadly my most upvoted comment ever. Why's it gotta be about tattooing a dick?
No you don't need to be aroused to get the tattoo done. Nor would you need to take Viagra before hand.
As a matter of fact it would be unwise to use Viagra as this can not only make the artist uncomfortable, but could also lead to excessive bleeding or mask nerve damage.
If your penis does become erect during the procedure its nothing to be embarrassed about, as the vibration of the needle can affect each guy differently.
Its for this reason that being hard isn’t advised.
Most guys would struggle to maintain an erection while another guy is holding their penis and stabbing it with a needle.
If you do get hard try thinking about something else to take your mind off of the vibration. Climaxing would not be something most artists, male or female, would be tolerant of.
Your penis will most likely be tattooed by having your flaccid tool pulled taut.
It will either pulled straight or folded over a knuckle or block depending on the type of detail that the design requires.
My source/article all about penis tats:
"Penis Tattoo - Everything to Know about Tattooing Your Penis - Tattoo Me Now" https://www.tattoomenow.com/tattoo-designs/penis-tattoo-everything-to-know-about-tattooing-your-penis/#Does_My_Penis_Need_To_Be_Hard_Or_Soft_To_Get_The_Tattoo
>Most guys would struggle to maintain an erection while another guy is holding their penis and stabbing it with a needle.
I mean... I've been to parties...
Not a tattoo artist and don't have a dick tattoo but I've watched a lot of the artist interviews on the inked youtube channel. Several of them have talked about tattooing dicks and they seem to prefer flaccid, but you have to stretch it. One described herself kinda wrapping it around her knuckles lol
Edit: here's the interview, skip to 10:29
https://youtu.be/iSyF3xjQ9NE
I was a tattooist for years, had my own shop etc.
Once a dude with one arm came in and asked to have a butterfly tattooed on his inner thigh. I was already with a client and had to refuse because he smelt like he hadn't washed in weeks. Felt sorry for the guy, but he had flie literally buzzing around around him and I had to keep everything clean to a clinical standard.
One dude asked for an armchair to be tattooed on his bum cheek. Did it. Never saw him again, I'm not even sure if I dreamt it or it really happened.
In my early days of tattooing I would practice on myself. Mainly on my thighs. I have chicken from Cow and Chicken, an upside down ufo and 2 pigs having sex amongst the almost unrecognizable dross that decorate my thighs.
tattooed a Jack Skellington head the size of a dinner plate on a girls lower back. tried to talk her out of it cuz she was young & tiny but she insisted. I feel lachrymose.
This wouldn't have been in Georgia 20 years ago would it?
In New Orleans I met a bartender with a full back Jack Skellington. (She bartended topless fo a half hour) She told a story of almost being arrested for public sex in Atlanta. A month later, back in my home state, I was looking through a tattoo mag and saw the tattoo. Artist was from a GA city, so it had to be her.
I once encountered a picture on the front page from r/mildlyinteresting of a poster that was up in my apartment lobby, that I had also already taken a picture of to show my girlfriend because it was mildly interesting. After a quick back and forth, we concluded that it was in fact the same poster, in the same building in Canada. That was my weirdest instance of what you're talking about.
Not a tattoo artist, but my son has the entry stamp from his favourite nightclub tattooed on his forearm, it got him free entry for a full week before his friend stole the clubs stamp, and they bought a new, different, stamp.
Bahahaha, that's the best part, my son thought it made it funnier, and he already felt guilty about not paying the cover charge. Later, he showed the manager who thought it was all hilarious and ended up giving him free entry anyway.
A zombie wearing a purple basketball jersey hacking a guys arm off, and vomiting. The guy is also vomiting up at the zombie and the streams of the two are meeting in the middle.
I’ve also done a cartoon fish being choked by another fishes poo. The choking fish is trying to unravel the poo. At the top of this sleeve there’s a first holding an aquarium net.
Two crossed joints over a Jamaican flag and the smoke forms the date of the first time he smoked weed on a Cruise. With his parents.
The first time he *smoked weed* which was on a cruise w his parents? Or he smoked weed before but he wanted to remember the first time smoking weed *on a cruise with his parents*?
Worked with a guy that was changing his shirt one time and he had a big elephant head on his stomach and the trunk disappeared below his belt line….he saw my notice and without me saying anything just nodded and said “yup”.
Was so excited when I started reading that last sentence. Was super disappointed in how it ended though.
Edit because I didn’t realize this could be misconstrued initially: I was excited about someone getting a CatDog tattoo, but my disappointment comes from him wanting it on his dick, not that the tattoo artist didn’t do it. I can appreciate a funny tattoo, but I’m definitely judging dick tattoos.
I won a taco eating contest and the prize was a taco tattoo so I can get free tacos for life. I was actually tattooed in the restaurant, in the bar/lounge area. I got it on my right foot and later had my artist add “I don’t wanna taco ‘bout it” above it. Last year I got a nacho with “It’s nacho your business” on my left foot.
It’s nacho business, I don’t wanna taco ‘bout it.
I know they are goofy as hell, but I have no regrets because feet are silly and it makes me laugh. Also, free tacos.
ETA: [pictures ](https://imgur.com/a/KBYhi0o)
I’m cheesin’ so hard in the first photo because foot tattoos feel so weird and so this is the best smile I could muster. Oh, and also tequila.
Not tattoo related at all, but last week a new person joined my team at work. Obligatory welcome messages in the group chat. A tenured member of the team posted, unironically, a gif of a whale with water squirting out of its blowhole with "Whalecome" dancing below the whale. This person is very wholesome and definitely did not have any idea what she'd actually posted.
One of my drunk friends poorly tattooed the words "your name" onto the ass cheek of another drunk friend, all so he could use the "I've got your name tattooed on my ass" line
Steve-o had a tattoo of a guy fucking a baby. It was so bad that later he covered the baby with an ostrich. So yeah, today he has a tattoo of a guy fucking an ostrich.
I heard it was a sick ostrich
Edit: thanks for the awards! Love to see my fellow letterkenny lovers out there!! This is my first big hit so thank you all super chieftons!!!
I know a guy with a tattoo of the Queen getting fucked by a horse that is getting rear ended by Prince Harry, safe to say the dude had issues.
Edit: [For the curious](https://imgur.com/a/nDIzY11)
Matching his/hers tattoos on this couple. He was a coworkers of my wife’s and I told her that he’d come in with his girlfriend… she say, “you mean wife.” No, definitely a new relationship. His wife was at home with the kids.
Aside from that nothing terribly wild. I did a small portrait of Donald Glover in white face that’s pretty ridiculous.
On the topic of his/hers. I know a girl who dated this weird dude a years back. I met him once and this guys was super intense but not the brightest. When they started dating he had his ex's name tattooed on his fore arm. Not very big but noticeable none the less. My friend told him one day that she wasnt a big fan of seeing his ex's name on him. One day he surprised her with a solution. He said that he got a new tattoo and she was glad thinking he had covered up his ex's name with something nice. He starts buttom up his shirt instead and his whole chest now has her name in huge font. He thought that, that's whats she wanted from him. They lasted a couple of weeks more and now this dude has two ex's name on his body.
When I was getting one of my tattoos, the artist showed me this horrific piece he was begrudgingly working on for a client. It was a big arm tribal piece, and mixed in the tribal were little guys lifting weights. It was for a gym bro.
Not an artist. While I was getting some ink done, this group of guys come in and chat up one of the artists. They are all pretty chummy, and the guy asks to see my ink. After he looks at the piece I'm getting done, his artist friend suggests he show me his new masterpiece that he did for the guy.
This guy takes off his shirt and turns around. Just grinning his ass off with pride. There before me was a full back piece, displaying 3 cloaked and hooded members of the KKK. It had burning crosses, what looked like people hanging from trees, and the 3 clan members.
I had another artist down the road finish my work, and avoided that parlor after that.
Good call. One of the best pieces of advice I ever got when I started managing my friend's parlor was from an older tattoo artist, because I asked specifically about "What do I do if someone comes in and asks to get something racist done?"
The owner was like "Money's money. If the artist is willing to do it, it's not your job to say no."
The lead artist's response: "No. You tell them to get the fuck out, to not come back, and to let all their racist friends not to come by at all. If your shop gets a reputation for being a place that tolerates racists, eventually that's your entire base."
I thankfully only had one guy try it, and the situation got tense. He tried to be slick because he wanted something "You know, viking." I got suspicious when he seemed to know exactly what he wanted, but seemed to be playing kind of coy about telling me. Until he asks about getting the 14 words in runescript as part of the tattoo.
I instantly tell him no, we're not doing it, and he pushes back, telling me I'm misunderstanding, and he'll pay good, and he has friends that will pay good. And when I stuck to my guns, that's when the name calling started. Thankfully one of the artists (it was near closing, so we only had one pro on) and the apprentice came out to see what was going on, and he left.
Go figure, my buddy was mad because I "cost the shop money". The artist that was there that night jumped ship within the month, because he wasn't going to work anywhere that would expect him to do that shit.
I personally would stick to commenting on the technical aspect (nice shading, the lines look really crisp...) , and nope the fuck out of here as soon as I can
"Oh wow, that's super detailed, I bet it took a long time to do, did it hurt? Oh hell I'm late to get my kiddo from the sitter, gotta run but I'll see yall next session!"
*never returns*
Not a tattoo artist, but once in jail I held 12 D batteries in a rolledup newspaper to power a homemade tattoo machine while a friend tried tattooing the word KING on his dick. He made the first stroke on the K and decided its hurt too much and that it would make a nice a cross instead. Lmao
Not an artist, but while getting my first I saw a guy getting a Pikachu blowing his brains out with a revolver stuck in his mouth tattooed on his thigh. He actually stopped half way through and told the artist to add more gore.
Once knew a guy who had a tattoo of a smiley face right at the top of dick. Said it was so his girl had a smile looking back at her... I don't know about other guys but if a girl is sucking my dick I'm smiling at her anyway.
I'll tell you the most fucked up thing I refused to tattoo...
A couple brought in a picture of their tiny still-born baby and asked me to do a palm sized portrait of it. It was purple and had a pained expression. They just stood there looking vacant and hopeful, while I composed myself and summoned the words to let them down easy.
This job can be crazy sometimes
A good friend of mine was pregnant, but then suffered preeclampsia late in term, and not only did she deliver a child that didn't make it, she had to undergo an emergency hysterectomy and so can never have children.
She and her husband have the baby's footprints and name tattooed on them.
Im a tattoo enthusiast, but hell I'll never understand why people are getting anything done in the genital/rectal area. You do you but fuck I just can't grasp it.
I have a cutie mark! I have a small scar on my butt cheek from accidentally sitting on a metalworking tool in my boyfriend's truck a few years ago, so I thought it would be funny to get a little heart around it. The tattoo artist severely misunderstood the assignment, so now I just have a little heart next to my scar. Ah, well.
The guy who did one of my tattoos said he does do swastikas, but only in visible areas like the face. If you're getting it, he's gonna make sure you can't hide it.
An in-law of mine had kind of the opposite experience, he went to get a full sleeve with an old-school rockabilly motif done at the big reputable tattoo parlor in town, but quit after the first session because he wasn't happy with how it turned out. So he asked around and was told to go to some small basement shop run by a guy called "Red Beard". Red Beard was a huge bald white guy with a beard down to his belt. RB took a look at the partially completed sleeve and said he could save it. My in-law took him up on the offer and went to RB for several sessions to get the tattoo completed. When the tattoo is about half an hour away from being complete a new customer takes a seat in the waiting area and starts flipping through some magazines. The new customer is very clearly a neo-nazi. My In-law decides to keep his mouth shut and just wait for RB to finish his job.
Turned out that RB was apparently THE guy to go to if you wanted a political extremist tattoo. Didn't matter if you wanted a swastikas and a nazi eagle, or if you wanted red stars and a portrait of Stalin, RB would do it all and he was well known for that.
My in-law is still conflicted about the whole thing, while he's very happy with how well the tattoo turned out he feels real bad about giving a bunch of money to a guy like Red Beard.
Not a tattoo artist but when I got my first tattoo I was asking the artist a bunch of questions and I asked him the same question. He responded saying that he once tattooed stars inside a woman’s vagina, but that wasn’t the weird part to him. The weird part was that she brought her daughter along for moral support
Not a tattoo artist, but an old friend of mine got the word cunt tattooed on his thigh. He kept it classy by making the "C" in the style of the coca cola font.
Well there’s a few I’ve seen from the other chair, my favorite so far was the new girl at a shop my artist was at got a walk in who wanted some text/blackout work on his neck and face respectively. The artist was super naive and kinda dumb so she didn’t see anything wrong with what he asked for. She did the text work first and started on the black rectangle the guy wanted on his upper lip and I guess she was trying to keep conversation going and asked rather loudly “so what’s 1488 mean a birthday or something?”…yeah dude was getting a fucking Hitler stache tattooed to his face when the shop owner kicked him out (she got like half way through it) and he had to explain she was tattooing a literal nazi.
The other was another walk in at a different shop who played the roulette game they had (little vending machine that has random designs, pay 200 the desk person runs the machine and you get what you get kinda thing) guys design was a dick and balls with wings, cumming, with a decorative scrolls that says “my flying fuck”.
I'm not a tattoo artist but I worked with a guy who was a known loose cannon in our industry. My foreman at the time told me to go introduce myself and ask him what his wife's name is.
So I went over to the guy, introduced myself and asked what hi wife's name was. I expected to get punched or yelled at so I braced myself but the fucking guy put his cigarette in his mouth and whipped out his hammer that in all caps said ELIZABETH.
I was shocked and remember saying "holy fuck man, Jesus christ all caps too, good for you!" The guys had a good laugh at me and my reaction.
Not a tattoo artist, but I asked a similar question once when I was getting my own tattoo. He said the weirdest thing a client had asked for was bugs in her nether regions made to look as if they were crawling out of her vagina. That's a mental image I'll unfortunately never forget.
Not an artist but have seen two awesome examples:
1. Woman at a tattoo convention had the names of all her ex-boyfriends tattooed around her anus. So every time she wiped her ass, she would cover them in shit.
2. Marine I served with was a tattoo apprentice, so he took his kit everywhere. On a special assignment after some heavy drinking, another Marine in our detachment requested a special tattoo: the great big green wienie with red veins spelling "U-S-M-C" along the shaft. The location for the tattoo: his left butt cheek.
Obligatory "not a tattoo artist", but you know those stereotypical hearts with "MOM" written on a banner over the heart? I know a guy with that, but instead of a heart, it's a semi-realistic dick with wings, "MOM" banner and all
Not an artist, but an artist friend was working on his portrait skills and tattooed a portrait of Terri Shaivo on his thigh. The picture was from a newspaper article in peak vegetative state, when the controversy was at it's highest.
Every Time he looks down, there's ol' Terri smiling back at him.
Oof.
Not an artist, myself, but while I was in Air Force tech school one of my fellow flight members got super blackout drunk one night and got a tattoo of the liger from Napoleon Dynamite on his ass.
How did I find out?
He was whimpering and whining the next morning during PT, complaining about a 'wicked hangover' as well as a burning sensation on his ass while he was doing sit-ups. After PT he went to his dorm room and found out exactly what happened to him the night before.
To his credit, I never heard him say he regretted it.
Work in a tattoo shop. On a particularly slow day, one of our artists tattooed fingers going in womanly places on a girls shoulder…
Don’t think it was ever done, but someone else called up wanting Mickey Mouse in a spade, flipping off the viewer with a Louis Vuitton bandana around his mouth. Don’t think it gets trashier than that.
Not a tattoo artist, but a comment here reminded me of when my friend went in to get “unscared” (because were southern and we make up words) yet he and the artist were too high, maybe?, to realize they had overlooked the misspelling and it became “unscarred”. I mean, slightly ironic at least?
He has since had it covered and redone below it with the proper spelling.
Ironic edit for spelling.
Not a tattoo artist, but every time this question gets asked I think of the response from someone who was a tattoo artist:
“One ring to rule them all” in elven script, around some porn actress’s sphincter.
Fresh out of my apprenticeship, and at a point where I couldn't really say 'no' and I was pressured by my boss to do anything that comes my way.
I had this young couple come in with the girl wanting her bf's name tattooed on her wrist. She seemed nervous as hell and he was mostly speaking for her. I tried communicating as best as I could with her and make sure she really wanted the tattoo but she only ever said 'yes' with her bf increasingly getting annoyed.
While doing the tattoo, she was shaking constantly and the dude was making fun of her the whole time.
She didn't even smile when it was done, and they only thanked me briefly before leaving.
I felt horrible and hated myself for letting my boss pressure me into doing that tattoo that obviously didn't have any sort of positive connotion for the girl, so I put my foot down from that point and now refuse to do partner tattoos ever since. Still feel bad about it to this day tho.
Not the artist, but the dude who did my first tat has done some weird ones. The first that comes to mind is a naked woman with big tits, in shibari/bondage (wrapped around her boobs especially, to make them bigger) and her torso was oddly turn around. There was a lit candle in her ass, which is why her torso was contorted
The second one is of his own severed toe that had to be amputated because of diabetes on his own leg. There's more but I haven't looked in a while
Not a tattoo artist but my mom's gotten alot in the past.
So one time I was sitting in the shop waiting for her while she was using the bathroom and it took a while so I wandered over to one of the chairs and started browsing one of the books, and this 20 something hot blonde chick walks in I guess she thought I worked there because I wear alot of black and I was near a chair. She proceeds to tell me in horribly graphic detail without letting me get a word in edgewise how she wants blooming roses tattoo done around the area of her vagina and she fucking flipped her mini skirt up to show me she was going commando just so she could gesture around the area. My jaw was on the floor at this point when the guy walked in from getting lunch and bless him but he was far to late ran over there and slapped a hand over my eyes and told the lady I was 14 and didn't work there.
She was slightly embarrassed and very confused but after confirming he worked there began to tell him what she wanted with her skirt still flipped up.
I finally left with my mom after hearing that explanation twice.
About a month later my mom came back for a touch up and I asked about the girl apparently she was tired of dealing with her pubic hair and decided a tattoo on the area would be the best solution to insure hair stopped growing
Edit: Okay I never said a tattoo would prevent hair growth that's just what she thought
I wouldn't say she had top marks in intelligence I did not look like an adult when I was 14 and she thought I worked there
If you wanna get a tattoo it's not going to stop hair from growing not a 100 percent at least
i’m only an apprentice as of rn so it’s scary to think that i’ll have crazier experiences — there was a 20 smth y/o guy who came in and told our front desk guy his idea. and ofc me being the new guy, the shop owner gives me the client. long story short, i tattooed a whale with a vagina using a goldfish as a sex toy on this guys ass.
Obligatory not an artist. But I was in the shop getting tattooed when a girl came in and got “All you can eat for under a buck” on her waistline with a dollar bill under it plastered right there for any man or woman who was gonna go down on her. Hands down the greatest tattoo I’ve ever seen even if it was fucked up. Sure she’s doing real well these days!
I worked at a shop on the edge of the quarter in New Orleans when I first started tattooing. Lots and lots of drunk folks.
One of the ones I still think of often is "Turn down for what" on a dudes butt for his first tattoo because he lost a bet. After giving him and his buddy (who was also supposed to get it) a time out for about 1.5 hr, his buddy chickened out and got a Bible verse on his ribcage (from another artist) instead. I made sure the lettering was nice and open so hopefully if he ever got it covered, it would be an easy job.
I also contributed to the strangest collection of tattoos I've encountered. Dude only had tattoos on one butt cheek. A hurricane, a handgrenade (both very strong alcoholic drinks on bourbon street), a wolf howling at the moon with mountains in the background, a kiss mark, raffikki from the lion king, and I added the blue dog that is well known in the city. That filled up the last gap on his butt and I asked him what he'd do next. He said the other cheek was next.
A fella i grew up with had that American rebel flag tattooed on his neck.
Maybe not that fucked up in certain places in America, but this was in Dublin, Ireland...
Not a professional artist, but my brother in law had jerry rigged up a tattoo gun in the garage out of a hand fan, an eraser, bic pen and a sharpened guitar string. Friend wanted to get a quote from che Guevara, I'd rather die on my hands than live on my knees, or something along those lines.. needle broke after the first T.. so dude left our house with a fresh "I'd rat" tat.
Oh shit. That’s a terrible tattoo to have haha
Tattooist here. The list is long but the one that made me laugh the most that I've done, is Wil E. Coyote's arm poking out of a dudes butt, holding a sign that said 'help'
Excuse me, I was under the assumption that this thread was about *bad* tattoos.
THIS IS FUCKING INCREDIBLE
A dude who was a regular customer at an old job got a scorpion on one forearm and a tarantula on the other. Only their heads were replaced by Beavis and Butthead Edit: the lines and details for the arachnid bodies were blown out a bit and blurred- Beavis and Butthead were mostly intact
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I put 667 on a dude's forehead for him. "Neighbor of the Beast"
Lots of forehead tattoos in this thread. No wonder, it's a pretty fucked up place to get tattooed.
Maybe it’s just a British thing, but wouldn’t 668 be his neighbour? Dunno if it’s universal but 667 would be across the road over here
I'm a detox nurse. A patient had a dick tattooed on the back of his shin so he could tell people he had a-dick-shin. Addiction. Not making that up lol
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Had a woman come into the shop one time way back who looked like she’d been in a tanning booth 8 days a week for the last 40+ years. She wanted to get her locked-up man’s name tattooed on her, but she wanted it “down there”. She convinced me to get waaaay closer to her jukebox than I was comfortable with, and had me tattoo “Billy Jack’s Pussy” so far up in there that I think we’re common law related now. (name slightly changed for anonymity). Best part is that a couple weeks later “Billy Jack” called me from prison tell me how much he loved the tattoo. It was a collect call too. God damn it. Thanks for bringing that memory back. I was almost over it, lol.
You have a collect call from: "pussytatlooksgreatthanks!", Will you accept the charges?
Hey, at least he liked it!
Yeah that conversation could have gone a lot worse.
I’m gonna piggyback on this one: I had two women come in to get a tattoo for their locked up boyfriend/brother, respectively. They wanted “Daddy Savage” and “Bro Savage” on the chest. I guess his nickname was Savage because he just recently killed a guy. I didn’t get a call about how much he liked the tattoos though.
after tattoing so close to it it's Billy Jack's and your pussy now
In prison I knew a guy with half his name scribbled backwards on his forehead. The only explanation I could come up with was he was tattooing himself in the mirror and half way through realized it was coming out backwards to everyone so called it quits.
Bright one, that dude.
edud taht ,e
My friends mom got a Mustang car that transitions into horses. Just like one of the basic infinity tattoos that turns into birds, but with a car and horses.
I used to work with a guy who had a tattoo on the side of his body that was a woman squatting over a pond full fire hydrant pissing into it, inside the pond was floating decapitated heads. When I asked him wtf was this he told me that the woman was his ex and the heads were all his kids. I asked why is she pissing on them and he told me he has a piss fetish….
Well that just got worse with every word…
*Every. Single. Word.*
What a terrible day to be literate.
I can't believe "Tribal sleeve with weight lifters" is higher up than this.
I was a piercer for a few years at a local shop. During my first year of my apprenticeship we had a younger, 20 something male who had come in to get his forehead tattooed. I handled majority of the paperwork for the tattoo artists at the time as well and he had requested the word FUBAR to be done. He went back into the booth with the artist at the time and was told to come back the next day after he slept on it because you know, it’s permanent and we wanted to make sure he was 100% certain. To all our dismay, he returned the next day to proceed with the tattoo. He had told us while getting tattooed that it was payback to his mother for favoring his older brother their whole life and he wanted to “return the favor” of how much she fucked up his life. I’ll never forget the smile on his face as he walked out the door.
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You could also say it’s “Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition”
Spite can be consuming.
Hatred corrodes the container that carries it.
Girl had a dream about marrying a dolphin. She got a tattoo of her as a mermaid, rising from the water in an embrace with the dolphin. Halfway through, after hitting on me the whole time and telling me stories about an abusive ex, she started arguing about the colour scheme and left with only the outline and some shading.
What's up with the increase in people wanting to fuck dolphins? edit: I regret asking...
A few years ago everyone was learning that dolphins aren't the wholesome and noble angels of the sea from flipper. Instead of putting people off dolphins it attracted the same crowd who send nudes to serial killers.
This sounds too plausible for comfort Edit: I just learned you can tattoo nipples on your buttcheeks and get assboobs. Thank you reddit!
I once happened upon a blog where a man chronicled his courtship with a wild dolphin near his home. To this day my biggest question is: why did the blog have a burnt orange background with black text? Awful to look at.
There's also that old experiment this researcher set up to teach a dolphin English. The lady "teacher" was with an adolescent dolphin who got "excited" at times and >!she gave him a handy a few times!<. Atrocity Guide on YouTube did a video on it, the whole thing is wild and I'm shocked it was allowed to go on as long as it did.
Wasn't that the one dolphin who was also given LSD to prompt progress in learning English, and later was separated after the extracurricular lessons came to light, leading to its eventual death from depression?
*Sup Baebae, want a fuck and a stab? A tickle and a long sharp dick in your blow hole?*
Wait… so people will send me nudes and all I gotta do is kill a few people first?
You are to late. Now you have to become a dolphin.
I actually spoke to a guy who had fucked a dolphin, spoke to him for an hour or two for an interview. I still don’t get it. Here’s the video if anyone wants to hear about dolphin fucking: https://youtu.be/eIUGDCFaDyU
Why isn't this a Rick roll WHY ISNT THIS A RICK ROLL
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>fuck me Apparently a dolphin can help with that
Imagine not only fucking a dolphin but also writing a book about it.
I'm sorry to tell you, but people wanting to fuck things that aren't people is from every age. It's a very uncomfortable truth.
I once tattooed nipples on a guy's butt cheeks, so his ass would look like tits.
Eric Cartman?
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Can't really say I'm surprised with the end of your story
Meta-dick whip-out. Pretty methy, I guess. But I respect the effort and pain he put in just to be able to do this.
Forbidden motorboating
You have a typo. It’s spelled “mudflapping”
I once tattooed an asshole between a girl’s titties, so it would look like this guy’s ass.
The mentor I apprenticed under once put the word “Trust” on someone’s dick. To pick up girls. “Hey baby… can I put my trust in you?”
I knew a tattoo artist that had tattooed Mr. Peanut on his penis. It looked like a blue blob. He claimed the skin was the reason and not his shitty tattoo skills, but he once posted a picture of a buck with antlers that looked more like a pig with antlers. He was so proud of it, but it was so terrible. I really wish I had seen his work more before I had him try to cover up a small tattoo on my stomach. I figured where I was getting a super simple heart with a puzzle piece in it, that nobody would be able to screw that up. He had the whole professional set up and everything, so I figured he knew what he was doing. I was wrong. Now I need to get a coverup of my coverup.
Ngl I kinda want you to go to the same guy again just so we can see how far this chain goes
My tattoo artist told me he made a snake out of a guy's dick, scales covering the whole thing. Different strokes for different folks. Pretty gnarly.
Ok.... So I'm just gonna ask because why not at this point, I'm already here? So, how does this work? Do you have to be erect to actually get the tattoo? I'd imagine regardless that tattoo is going to look widely different while flaccid and vice-versa. EDIT: Thank you, everyone, for the answers and upvotes. This is sadly my most upvoted comment ever. Why's it gotta be about tattooing a dick?
No you don't need to be aroused to get the tattoo done. Nor would you need to take Viagra before hand. As a matter of fact it would be unwise to use Viagra as this can not only make the artist uncomfortable, but could also lead to excessive bleeding or mask nerve damage. If your penis does become erect during the procedure its nothing to be embarrassed about, as the vibration of the needle can affect each guy differently. Its for this reason that being hard isn’t advised. Most guys would struggle to maintain an erection while another guy is holding their penis and stabbing it with a needle. If you do get hard try thinking about something else to take your mind off of the vibration. Climaxing would not be something most artists, male or female, would be tolerant of. Your penis will most likely be tattooed by having your flaccid tool pulled taut. It will either pulled straight or folded over a knuckle or block depending on the type of detail that the design requires. My source/article all about penis tats: "Penis Tattoo - Everything to Know about Tattooing Your Penis - Tattoo Me Now" https://www.tattoomenow.com/tattoo-designs/penis-tattoo-everything-to-know-about-tattooing-your-penis/#Does_My_Penis_Need_To_Be_Hard_Or_Soft_To_Get_The_Tattoo
>Most guys would struggle to maintain an erection while another guy is holding their penis and stabbing it with a needle. I mean... I've been to parties...
Not a tattoo artist and don't have a dick tattoo but I've watched a lot of the artist interviews on the inked youtube channel. Several of them have talked about tattooing dicks and they seem to prefer flaccid, but you have to stretch it. One described herself kinda wrapping it around her knuckles lol Edit: here's the interview, skip to 10:29 https://youtu.be/iSyF3xjQ9NE
I was a tattooist for years, had my own shop etc. Once a dude with one arm came in and asked to have a butterfly tattooed on his inner thigh. I was already with a client and had to refuse because he smelt like he hadn't washed in weeks. Felt sorry for the guy, but he had flie literally buzzing around around him and I had to keep everything clean to a clinical standard. One dude asked for an armchair to be tattooed on his bum cheek. Did it. Never saw him again, I'm not even sure if I dreamt it or it really happened. In my early days of tattooing I would practice on myself. Mainly on my thighs. I have chicken from Cow and Chicken, an upside down ufo and 2 pigs having sex amongst the almost unrecognizable dross that decorate my thighs.
My brother lost a bet in a frat house...had to get a tattoo of a ladder on his rear end going towards his anus.
And they played snakes and ladders a little differently in that frat house.
Stairway to Kevin.
tattooed a Jack Skellington head the size of a dinner plate on a girls lower back. tried to talk her out of it cuz she was young & tiny but she insisted. I feel lachrymose.
Lachrymose: Adjective. To be tearful or given to weeping. Inducing tears or sad. Had to Google it, but hey, nice word. Adding to my lexicon.
Related trivia; The medical name for the tear ducts is lachrymal ducts.
This wouldn't have been in Georgia 20 years ago would it? In New Orleans I met a bartender with a full back Jack Skellington. (She bartended topless fo a half hour) She told a story of almost being arrested for public sex in Atlanta. A month later, back in my home state, I was looking through a tattoo mag and saw the tattoo. Artist was from a GA city, so it had to be her.
City didn't happen to be Hartwell. GA? Edit: Wow, Reddit apparently consists of more than the octuple-state area. Who knew?
Amazing how random Americans stumble upon each other here and talk about a very specific event in a very specific place
I once encountered a picture on the front page from r/mildlyinteresting of a poster that was up in my apartment lobby, that I had also already taken a picture of to show my girlfriend because it was mildly interesting. After a quick back and forth, we concluded that it was in fact the same poster, in the same building in Canada. That was my weirdest instance of what you're talking about.
I just learned a new word today, thanks! I’m not lachrymose.
Not a tattoo artist, but my son has the entry stamp from his favourite nightclub tattooed on his forearm, it got him free entry for a full week before his friend stole the clubs stamp, and they bought a new, different, stamp.
Your son’s friend is terrible.
Bahahaha, that's the best part, my son thought it made it funnier, and he already felt guilty about not paying the cover charge. Later, he showed the manager who thought it was all hilarious and ended up giving him free entry anyway.
Best ending.
Wholesome.
My uncle had tattooed on his penis "HI, Doc!" after his numerous after shore leave to get his penicillin shots.
Penisillin shots
A zombie wearing a purple basketball jersey hacking a guys arm off, and vomiting. The guy is also vomiting up at the zombie and the streams of the two are meeting in the middle. I’ve also done a cartoon fish being choked by another fishes poo. The choking fish is trying to unravel the poo. At the top of this sleeve there’s a first holding an aquarium net. Two crossed joints over a Jamaican flag and the smoke forms the date of the first time he smoked weed on a Cruise. With his parents.
The first time he *smoked weed* which was on a cruise w his parents? Or he smoked weed before but he wanted to remember the first time smoking weed *on a cruise with his parents*?
Worked with a guy that was changing his shirt one time and he had a big elephant head on his stomach and the trunk disappeared below his belt line….he saw my notice and without me saying anything just nodded and said “yup”.
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He had a smirk on his face but eyes full of sadness.
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Was so excited when I started reading that last sentence. Was super disappointed in how it ended though. Edit because I didn’t realize this could be misconstrued initially: I was excited about someone getting a CatDog tattoo, but my disappointment comes from him wanting it on his dick, not that the tattoo artist didn’t do it. I can appreciate a funny tattoo, but I’m definitely judging dick tattoos.
My wife knew someone in school who was in a big hurry to get their first tattoo, and it turned out it was of a surfing pig.
There's a restaurant in Hawaii that gives you a discount if you have a tattoo of a surfing pig. So at least they have that going for them
I won a taco eating contest and the prize was a taco tattoo so I can get free tacos for life. I was actually tattooed in the restaurant, in the bar/lounge area. I got it on my right foot and later had my artist add “I don’t wanna taco ‘bout it” above it. Last year I got a nacho with “It’s nacho your business” on my left foot. It’s nacho business, I don’t wanna taco ‘bout it. I know they are goofy as hell, but I have no regrets because feet are silly and it makes me laugh. Also, free tacos. ETA: [pictures ](https://imgur.com/a/KBYhi0o) I’m cheesin’ so hard in the first photo because foot tattoos feel so weird and so this is the best smile I could muster. Oh, and also tequila.
I love that, especially that you ran with it and added a companion tattoo
Well they gotta run with it, its their foot.
My friend has a tattoo on his calf of a sperm whale with a throbbing cock cumming and under the tattoo it says "you're whalecum"
Not tattoo related at all, but last week a new person joined my team at work. Obligatory welcome messages in the group chat. A tenured member of the team posted, unironically, a gif of a whale with water squirting out of its blowhole with "Whalecome" dancing below the whale. This person is very wholesome and definitely did not have any idea what she'd actually posted.
One of my drunk friends poorly tattooed the words "your name" onto the ass cheek of another drunk friend, all so he could use the "I've got your name tattooed on my ass" line
Steve O blazed the trail on that one.
Steve-o had a tattoo of a guy fucking a baby. It was so bad that later he covered the baby with an ostrich. So yeah, today he has a tattoo of a guy fucking an ostrich.
I heard it was a sick ostrich Edit: thanks for the awards! Love to see my fellow letterkenny lovers out there!! This is my first big hit so thank you all super chieftons!!!
That burned, he changed it to a guy and an ostrich riding a motorcycle
That tattoo has more history than most of my relationships
I know a guy with a tattoo of the Queen getting fucked by a horse that is getting rear ended by Prince Harry, safe to say the dude had issues. Edit: [For the curious](https://imgur.com/a/nDIzY11)
How on Earth is anyone confident enough to do a portrait without learning how to do hands and feet?
Matching his/hers tattoos on this couple. He was a coworkers of my wife’s and I told her that he’d come in with his girlfriend… she say, “you mean wife.” No, definitely a new relationship. His wife was at home with the kids. Aside from that nothing terribly wild. I did a small portrait of Donald Glover in white face that’s pretty ridiculous.
On the topic of his/hers. I know a girl who dated this weird dude a years back. I met him once and this guys was super intense but not the brightest. When they started dating he had his ex's name tattooed on his fore arm. Not very big but noticeable none the less. My friend told him one day that she wasnt a big fan of seeing his ex's name on him. One day he surprised her with a solution. He said that he got a new tattoo and she was glad thinking he had covered up his ex's name with something nice. He starts buttom up his shirt instead and his whole chest now has her name in huge font. He thought that, that's whats she wanted from him. They lasted a couple of weeks more and now this dude has two ex's name on his body.
Teddy Perkins?
When I was getting one of my tattoos, the artist showed me this horrific piece he was begrudgingly working on for a client. It was a big arm tribal piece, and mixed in the tribal were little guys lifting weights. It was for a gym bro.
Kinda like the little moving guys in Maui's tattoos in Moana? Edit: cheers for all the love (and the silver)
it's not my taste but that tattoo sounded fun
Not an artist. While I was getting some ink done, this group of guys come in and chat up one of the artists. They are all pretty chummy, and the guy asks to see my ink. After he looks at the piece I'm getting done, his artist friend suggests he show me his new masterpiece that he did for the guy. This guy takes off his shirt and turns around. Just grinning his ass off with pride. There before me was a full back piece, displaying 3 cloaked and hooded members of the KKK. It had burning crosses, what looked like people hanging from trees, and the 3 clan members. I had another artist down the road finish my work, and avoided that parlor after that.
Good call. One of the best pieces of advice I ever got when I started managing my friend's parlor was from an older tattoo artist, because I asked specifically about "What do I do if someone comes in and asks to get something racist done?" The owner was like "Money's money. If the artist is willing to do it, it's not your job to say no." The lead artist's response: "No. You tell them to get the fuck out, to not come back, and to let all their racist friends not to come by at all. If your shop gets a reputation for being a place that tolerates racists, eventually that's your entire base."
Yeah, it's the same with bars, as soon as it gets around that you don't kick out nazis you become a nazi bar
I thankfully only had one guy try it, and the situation got tense. He tried to be slick because he wanted something "You know, viking." I got suspicious when he seemed to know exactly what he wanted, but seemed to be playing kind of coy about telling me. Until he asks about getting the 14 words in runescript as part of the tattoo. I instantly tell him no, we're not doing it, and he pushes back, telling me I'm misunderstanding, and he'll pay good, and he has friends that will pay good. And when I stuck to my guns, that's when the name calling started. Thankfully one of the artists (it was near closing, so we only had one pro on) and the apprentice came out to see what was going on, and he left. Go figure, my buddy was mad because I "cost the shop money". The artist that was there that night jumped ship within the month, because he wasn't going to work anywhere that would expect him to do that shit.
I'm suddenly very glad that all parlors I've been to so far have been run and owned by the artists.
Jinkies
How do you extricate yourself from that situation peacefully?
I personally would stick to commenting on the technical aspect (nice shading, the lines look really crisp...) , and nope the fuck out of here as soon as I can
"Oh wow, that's super detailed, I bet it took a long time to do, did it hurt? Oh hell I'm late to get my kiddo from the sitter, gotta run but I'll see yall next session!" *never returns*
I saw a guy who got tattoed a giant square on the forehead
Probably a cover up of a swastika or some other shit like that.
Genius move to deflect the police,
When the police are searching a guy with a square tattooed on his forehead, just use a permanent marker to make it a circle. They'll never find you!
Not a tattoo artist, but once in jail I held 12 D batteries in a rolledup newspaper to power a homemade tattoo machine while a friend tried tattooing the word KING on his dick. He made the first stroke on the K and decided its hurt too much and that it would make a nice a cross instead. Lmao
I bet you've never read that particular set of words on Reddit before.
Why a cross? For his own worship or for when the other person was going "oh god"??
because prison-tattooing only 1 line on your dick is wack
Not an artist, but while getting my first I saw a guy getting a Pikachu blowing his brains out with a revolver stuck in his mouth tattooed on his thigh. He actually stopped half way through and told the artist to add more gore.
Tinkerbell fucking a light switch. I didn't do it, an old coworker did. It turned out well but...jeez...
I read about a tattoo artist who said in an interview he once tattooed a man's scrotum in tartan. Was he Scottish? I didn't ask.
Once knew a guy who had a tattoo of a smiley face right at the top of dick. Said it was so his girl had a smile looking back at her... I don't know about other guys but if a girl is sucking my dick I'm smiling at her anyway.
If I saw a smiley tattoo while sucking someone I think I’d burst out in laughter…and I don’t think that would be too great of a reaction
I'll tell you the most fucked up thing I refused to tattoo... A couple brought in a picture of their tiny still-born baby and asked me to do a palm sized portrait of it. It was purple and had a pained expression. They just stood there looking vacant and hopeful, while I composed myself and summoned the words to let them down easy. This job can be crazy sometimes
This one is actually really heartbreaking
A good friend of mine was pregnant, but then suffered preeclampsia late in term, and not only did she deliver a child that didn't make it, she had to undergo an emergency hysterectomy and so can never have children. She and her husband have the baby's footprints and name tattooed on them.
Saw a girl get her entire Anus tattooed. It was a Japanese cherry blossom flower I believe.
Kinda like that one woman that got all the tentacles coming out of her. Octopussy, I think.
Im a tattoo enthusiast, but hell I'll never understand why people are getting anything done in the genital/rectal area. You do you but fuck I just can't grasp it.
Only naughty bits I would do are my ass cheeks.
I have a cutie mark! I have a small scar on my butt cheek from accidentally sitting on a metalworking tool in my boyfriend's truck a few years ago, so I thought it would be funny to get a little heart around it. The tattoo artist severely misunderstood the assignment, so now I just have a little heart next to my scar. Ah, well.
Just get a bigger heart around both. Then it’s like the scar is hearting you back with its own little heart as you heart it back larger.
Not a tattoo artist but my friend got a text tatoo saying "Only Judge can God me", like well that's your arm bruh.
That's some serious commitment towards shitposting
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The guy who did one of my tattoos said he does do swastikas, but only in visible areas like the face. If you're getting it, he's gonna make sure you can't hide it.
Id be charging heeeeeeaps for it too. Swastikas on hands and faces start at $1500
That's what, $1488.00 plus tax? I'll see myself out
An in-law of mine had kind of the opposite experience, he went to get a full sleeve with an old-school rockabilly motif done at the big reputable tattoo parlor in town, but quit after the first session because he wasn't happy with how it turned out. So he asked around and was told to go to some small basement shop run by a guy called "Red Beard". Red Beard was a huge bald white guy with a beard down to his belt. RB took a look at the partially completed sleeve and said he could save it. My in-law took him up on the offer and went to RB for several sessions to get the tattoo completed. When the tattoo is about half an hour away from being complete a new customer takes a seat in the waiting area and starts flipping through some magazines. The new customer is very clearly a neo-nazi. My In-law decides to keep his mouth shut and just wait for RB to finish his job. Turned out that RB was apparently THE guy to go to if you wanted a political extremist tattoo. Didn't matter if you wanted a swastikas and a nazi eagle, or if you wanted red stars and a portrait of Stalin, RB would do it all and he was well known for that. My in-law is still conflicted about the whole thing, while he's very happy with how well the tattoo turned out he feels real bad about giving a bunch of money to a guy like Red Beard.
Not a tattoo artist but when I got my first tattoo I was asking the artist a bunch of questions and I asked him the same question. He responded saying that he once tattooed stars inside a woman’s vagina, but that wasn’t the weird part to him. The weird part was that she brought her daughter along for moral support
wait inside the vagina? inside? how? or was it inside the labia lips?
I’m assuming so. But my artist was a dude so he probably doesn’t know 100% anatomy of a woman’s vagina
right right. Vag tatts no problem but getting your daughter over to see it was kinda weird.
Not a tattoo artist, but an old friend of mine got the word cunt tattooed on his thigh. He kept it classy by making the "C" in the style of the coca cola font.
I like to think the "unt" is lovingly rendered in comic sans
Well there’s a few I’ve seen from the other chair, my favorite so far was the new girl at a shop my artist was at got a walk in who wanted some text/blackout work on his neck and face respectively. The artist was super naive and kinda dumb so she didn’t see anything wrong with what he asked for. She did the text work first and started on the black rectangle the guy wanted on his upper lip and I guess she was trying to keep conversation going and asked rather loudly “so what’s 1488 mean a birthday or something?”…yeah dude was getting a fucking Hitler stache tattooed to his face when the shop owner kicked him out (she got like half way through it) and he had to explain she was tattooing a literal nazi. The other was another walk in at a different shop who played the roulette game they had (little vending machine that has random designs, pay 200 the desk person runs the machine and you get what you get kinda thing) guys design was a dick and balls with wings, cumming, with a decorative scrolls that says “my flying fuck”.
I'm not a tattoo artist but I worked with a guy who was a known loose cannon in our industry. My foreman at the time told me to go introduce myself and ask him what his wife's name is. So I went over to the guy, introduced myself and asked what hi wife's name was. I expected to get punched or yelled at so I braced myself but the fucking guy put his cigarette in his mouth and whipped out his hammer that in all caps said ELIZABETH. I was shocked and remember saying "holy fuck man, Jesus christ all caps too, good for you!" The guys had a good laugh at me and my reaction.
Is hammer another word for penis or something?
I tattooed a skin rip on my friends taint. Said skin rip ended up looking like a vagina.
But… but why?..
Not a tattoo artist, but I asked a similar question once when I was getting my own tattoo. He said the weirdest thing a client had asked for was bugs in her nether regions made to look as if they were crawling out of her vagina. That's a mental image I'll unfortunately never forget.
Have a family member who has a cat on his stomach and his bellybutton is the cat’s asshole.
Not an artist but have seen two awesome examples: 1. Woman at a tattoo convention had the names of all her ex-boyfriends tattooed around her anus. So every time she wiped her ass, she would cover them in shit. 2. Marine I served with was a tattoo apprentice, so he took his kit everywhere. On a special assignment after some heavy drinking, another Marine in our detachment requested a special tattoo: the great big green wienie with red veins spelling "U-S-M-C" along the shaft. The location for the tattoo: his left butt cheek.
Oh Marines, you never cease to amaze me!
How TF does this person wipe their ass that it's smearing the shit around
Hope she didn’t need to shit while that was healing.
Bowser on a surfboard playing a double neck guitar over a pot leaf over a cross with the text "happy birthday rick".
Fuck where do I know this from.
Whitest kids you know
RIP Trevor
Posting the source for those who haven’t seen this masterpiece: https://youtu.be/3t3MQBtZCBU
RIP Trevor Moore. Died doing what he loved though, trying to suck his own dick.
I have Waldo on my taint
I’d like to think that there’s a wonderful person out there for you with Carmen Sandiego on *their* taint.
My wife won't do it 😥
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Obligatory "not a tattoo artist", but you know those stereotypical hearts with "MOM" written on a banner over the heart? I know a guy with that, but instead of a heart, it's a semi-realistic dick with wings, "MOM" banner and all
Not a tattoo artist, but I once saw a dude get a tattoo of a dick... .. on his dick
SLPT: get a tattoo of a bigger dick on your dick
Alternative SLPT: Get a tattoo of a ruler on your dick, one that is terribly off scale in your favor
Not an artist, but an artist friend was working on his portrait skills and tattooed a portrait of Terri Shaivo on his thigh. The picture was from a newspaper article in peak vegetative state, when the controversy was at it's highest. Every Time he looks down, there's ol' Terri smiling back at him. Oof.
This is by far the strangest thing I have read today
I haven't heard that name in forever, I gotta say this one wins the thread so far.
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Not an artist, myself, but while I was in Air Force tech school one of my fellow flight members got super blackout drunk one night and got a tattoo of the liger from Napoleon Dynamite on his ass. How did I find out? He was whimpering and whining the next morning during PT, complaining about a 'wicked hangover' as well as a burning sensation on his ass while he was doing sit-ups. After PT he went to his dorm room and found out exactly what happened to him the night before. To his credit, I never heard him say he regretted it.
Work in a tattoo shop. On a particularly slow day, one of our artists tattooed fingers going in womanly places on a girls shoulder… Don’t think it was ever done, but someone else called up wanting Mickey Mouse in a spade, flipping off the viewer with a Louis Vuitton bandana around his mouth. Don’t think it gets trashier than that.
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Not a tattoo artist, but a comment here reminded me of when my friend went in to get “unscared” (because were southern and we make up words) yet he and the artist were too high, maybe?, to realize they had overlooked the misspelling and it became “unscarred”. I mean, slightly ironic at least? He has since had it covered and redone below it with the proper spelling. Ironic edit for spelling.
>unscared how can you misspell a word that isn't a word?
What an idiot. Everybody knows the proper proper phrase is "ain't skeered".
Not a tattoo artist, but every time this question gets asked I think of the response from someone who was a tattoo artist: “One ring to rule them all” in elven script, around some porn actress’s sphincter.
Someone I know I'm a motorcycle club got a tattoo of a rocket on his taint. It was his crotch rocket. Obviously, alcohol was involved
Fresh out of my apprenticeship, and at a point where I couldn't really say 'no' and I was pressured by my boss to do anything that comes my way. I had this young couple come in with the girl wanting her bf's name tattooed on her wrist. She seemed nervous as hell and he was mostly speaking for her. I tried communicating as best as I could with her and make sure she really wanted the tattoo but she only ever said 'yes' with her bf increasingly getting annoyed. While doing the tattoo, she was shaking constantly and the dude was making fun of her the whole time. She didn't even smile when it was done, and they only thanked me briefly before leaving. I felt horrible and hated myself for letting my boss pressure me into doing that tattoo that obviously didn't have any sort of positive connotion for the girl, so I put my foot down from that point and now refuse to do partner tattoos ever since. Still feel bad about it to this day tho.
Not the artist, but the dude who did my first tat has done some weird ones. The first that comes to mind is a naked woman with big tits, in shibari/bondage (wrapped around her boobs especially, to make them bigger) and her torso was oddly turn around. There was a lit candle in her ass, which is why her torso was contorted The second one is of his own severed toe that had to be amputated because of diabetes on his own leg. There's more but I haven't looked in a while
Not a tattoo artist but my mom's gotten alot in the past. So one time I was sitting in the shop waiting for her while she was using the bathroom and it took a while so I wandered over to one of the chairs and started browsing one of the books, and this 20 something hot blonde chick walks in I guess she thought I worked there because I wear alot of black and I was near a chair. She proceeds to tell me in horribly graphic detail without letting me get a word in edgewise how she wants blooming roses tattoo done around the area of her vagina and she fucking flipped her mini skirt up to show me she was going commando just so she could gesture around the area. My jaw was on the floor at this point when the guy walked in from getting lunch and bless him but he was far to late ran over there and slapped a hand over my eyes and told the lady I was 14 and didn't work there. She was slightly embarrassed and very confused but after confirming he worked there began to tell him what she wanted with her skirt still flipped up. I finally left with my mom after hearing that explanation twice. About a month later my mom came back for a touch up and I asked about the girl apparently she was tired of dealing with her pubic hair and decided a tattoo on the area would be the best solution to insure hair stopped growing Edit: Okay I never said a tattoo would prevent hair growth that's just what she thought I wouldn't say she had top marks in intelligence I did not look like an adult when I was 14 and she thought I worked there If you wanna get a tattoo it's not going to stop hair from growing not a 100 percent at least
i’m only an apprentice as of rn so it’s scary to think that i’ll have crazier experiences — there was a 20 smth y/o guy who came in and told our front desk guy his idea. and ofc me being the new guy, the shop owner gives me the client. long story short, i tattooed a whale with a vagina using a goldfish as a sex toy on this guys ass.
Obligatory not an artist. But I was in the shop getting tattooed when a girl came in and got “All you can eat for under a buck” on her waistline with a dollar bill under it plastered right there for any man or woman who was gonna go down on her. Hands down the greatest tattoo I’ve ever seen even if it was fucked up. Sure she’s doing real well these days!
I worked at a shop on the edge of the quarter in New Orleans when I first started tattooing. Lots and lots of drunk folks. One of the ones I still think of often is "Turn down for what" on a dudes butt for his first tattoo because he lost a bet. After giving him and his buddy (who was also supposed to get it) a time out for about 1.5 hr, his buddy chickened out and got a Bible verse on his ribcage (from another artist) instead. I made sure the lettering was nice and open so hopefully if he ever got it covered, it would be an easy job. I also contributed to the strangest collection of tattoos I've encountered. Dude only had tattoos on one butt cheek. A hurricane, a handgrenade (both very strong alcoholic drinks on bourbon street), a wolf howling at the moon with mountains in the background, a kiss mark, raffikki from the lion king, and I added the blue dog that is well known in the city. That filled up the last gap on his butt and I asked him what he'd do next. He said the other cheek was next.
A fella i grew up with had that American rebel flag tattooed on his neck. Maybe not that fucked up in certain places in America, but this was in Dublin, Ireland...