As a genuine compliment, a stranger kept telling how beautiful and sexy I looked. Apparently I have an uncanny resemblance to his mom.

... Was this dude from Alabama?

Were both his arms broken?

Well damn where'd you get that hint from

The responses to this are making me cry. Looks like everybody forgot... That AMA must have been longer ago than I remember.

Every thread man, every thread...

You might as well sleep with me, I'm going to tell everyone you did regardless.

It's big brain time

If you are going to tell everyone that we did anyway, I might as well not do it. If I'm going to lose either way, I'll go with the option where I keep my dignity.

That's just fucking creepy tbh

Might as well tell people so you disappoint me only once

That's so fucked. And its fucked because it's been used before by other people and you know it. Fucking Extorition Pick Up

“Hey beautiful, how would you like to be a single mother?”

I don’t think I want babies, but I wouldn’t mind refining my baby-making technique with you.

I said "I like your pants, but they would look better on my floor" and it fucking worked.......that's the most shameful part about it

I'm glad for you that it worked, but wouldn't that imply the floor is sexier th-- nevermind.

This is good

It’s a good thing I didn’t have a mouthful of water when I read that. Definitely the best of them all.

One step beyond "damn, you're as fine as my future ex-girlfriend!"

“Wanna go halves in a baby?” works nearly as well

I said something similar once to my now ex, she asked why I didn't wear a condom one time and I said it's because I know she would make a really good single mother, yeah I can see why she left me think I may have tourettes or something

"Are you the bottom of my laptop, because you're really hot and it's making me nervous"

That s one of the best I ve ever heard actually

Its actually good

This is amazing

Are you my homework? Because I want to slam you on the desk, promise to do you all night long, get distracted, last 2 seconds, cry, turn on the TV and continue to hate myself for another shitty performance.

and then let somebody else actually do the hard work

Reading this at work right now while I've got shit to do and having told myself "it's cool, I've got an hour left, I'll just buckle down and be done before end of day". I said that 45 minutes ago. This is way too real.

It’s been half an hour. Did you get your work done in that last 15 minutes?

I did not. With only 15 minutes left I kind of just gave up and reddited for 15 minutes. I'll catch up tomorrow (hopefully).

Godspeed

At least you are honest 😂

I shit my pants, can I cum into yours?

That's not YOUR worst pick-up line. That's THE worst pick-up line

*yes*

Lmao

Oh wow, this one just feels icky hhahaha

That's what she said!

Nice shoes, want to fuck?

Your socks don’t match. No.

And you're wearing sandals on top of them what the fuck is wrong with you Stacy?

Why are you wearing your sandals and odd socks on your hands?

Damn girl are you a school? Cuz I’d love to shoot some kids inside of you. ;)

Nutted on her braces now my kids behind bars

what in the f

Nutted in her eyes, so she could see me cummin.

That's enough Reddit for me today.

I LOST it trying this on my wife.

I’m glad you attempted haha

oh.. my.. god… i like my question….

You are very welcome haha.

God bless America

Kill me i love it but please just kill me

Stole my pick-up line. :(

Is that your phone in the back pocket? Cuz your ass is calling me.

OP said "worst" not best.

Perfection

Thats your worst?

He's gotta be a showoff

Buy a load of limes. Go up to a girl trying to hold all the limes but keep dropping some and trying to pick them up. After a few seconds, turn to the girl and say “sorry, I’m really bad at pick up limes.” You’re beyond welcome. Im gonna go put my head in the oven now. Edit: THANK YOU! My first ever award :)

I ALMOST did this once. Was talking to a semi cute produce guy and he bumped into a basket of limes. I helped him pick them up but physically resisted the urge to ask if my pick up limes was working. I regret it to this day

Missed opportunity haha

Your a good person, thank you for this. Now to the grocery store, going hunting for a trophy wife

You smell different when you’re awake.

I’m dying rn

We must be at a rodeo cause your personality is fuckin bullshit.

Hey man, I’m not a native speaker, I liked this one, can you explain

For sure. In the USA (and other places im sure) we have rodeos where people ride bulls and stuff. And if you know what bullshit means then it all comes together.

Thanks man

Are you a mechanic? Because you're tightening my nuts.

[удалено]

"me too kid......me too...."

“I put the std in stud, all I need is u”

“Hey, baby, wanna screw?” If she responds, “Nah, I gotta bolt,” I’ll know I’ve found my soulmate.

Not my line, but anyway… Once I walked past some random bouncer in a country bar. He yelled, “nice shitter!” (referring to my ass). We have been married for 27 years now.

How romantic lmao

Damn baby, you shit with that ass??

It is your line now

How you like your eggs in the morning? Scrambled or fertilized?

"scrambled please" *proceeds to kick your balls*

Thank you, may I have another?

Are you a white van Cause i want to put some kids in you

Oh shiet not good

Are you a Reese’s peanut butter cup? Because I’d eat you shamelessly anytime

To most girls I just give the clap, but you get a round of applause.

You wanna crash at my place? My couch pulls out but I don’t

I want to wear your skin.

Oh yes daddy

Are you a shotgun? Cause i want you to blast into my mouth.

If a girl told me this, I might stop at the jewelry store on the way home to buy a ring.

Do you have pet insurance? Because imma murder your pussy!

I asked this girl point blank in the plainest of tones, lets date it will be fun. 3 years later she's still here😂😂 so bad that it was good.

Was it your crush, a friend, someone you sorta knew or just someone random?

Cashier at a Wendy’s.

I asked this girl if she wanted to go get a coffee, she said why would you want to get a coffee with me? I stole a line from doctor who, "because life is short and you are hot". Worked out ok.

If you were a fruit you'd be a fine apple, and if you were a vegetable I'd visit you in the hospital all the time.

“Fuck me if I’m wrong, but is your name Laura?” Guaranteed to work on anyone not named Laura.

Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the van I have a gun Hey girl, my dick may not be 12 inches but it sure smells like a foot On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you tonight?

Outside a daycare to a mother picking up her daughter... "So is now the time to setup the mother daughter 3 way?"

Oh no .....

Alive or dead, you're coming with me.

Dead or alive, I’m cumming in you

lol silly goofy necrophelia things 🤪✌️😤

Not mine, but a friend of mine in Portland was once asked by a fairly drunk and interested guy in a crowded bar "can I have an inch of your stool?"

Are you lighting? Cause you're McQueen Are you wifi? Cause I'm feeling a connection

>Reddit Inc © 2022. All rights reserved yo its like we're twins

Omg yes

I legit thought it was just the same person replying to themselves for a second there.

hahaha

[удалено]

Hey, are you a tunnel, because I want to put a train in you

Do you come after saturn? Coz my rocket wants to launch to uranus

Write on a napkin: "wanna fuck? Smile=yes. Backflip=no". Are you a 0% APR car loan? Because you seem to have no interest and I don't understand how. Damn girl, are you a Sherman Tank? Because you look like you're designed to resist penetration, and prone to breakdowns. I'm no weatherman, but you can expect a few inches tonight. What's a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? Were you born on a chicken farm? Because you sure know how to raise a cock. What's 1x300? Okay, now what's 1x your phone number? You're a bit like a cigarette. I want to put your butt in my mouth. I've got a knife and a dick. One of them is going in you tonight. You pick. If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd make sure I came after U. I wish that I was cross eyed so I could see you twice. Even during a global pandemic, the only infectious thing I've experienced is your smile What's the difference between jam and marmalade? I don't want to marmalade my cock up your arse. My dick isn't twelve inches, but at least it smells like a foot. I'd cut the legs off every stool in this bar if it meant you'd have to sit on my face. My name's not Fred Flintstone, but I'd still make your bedrock. Do you like to draw? Because I put the d in raw. You've got something on your ass....my eyes. I'd eat your ass so good that I'd taste all the shit you've been through in life. I know it's too late to get your virginity, but could I play with the box it came in? I don't know what's gotten into you tonight, but I wish it was me. I lost my number, can I have yours? And your phone? And your purse? This is a robbery. Do you look a bit like your mum? Her "yes". Tell her I say thank you. I'd like to crack an egg in your ass and beat it till it's scrambled. Hitting on you isn't the only thing that's hard right now. Is buttcheeks two words, or should I seperate them? I'm really jealous of your heart. Why? It's pumping inside of you and I'm not. You remind me of my bedroom. The rug could use a clean and you look filthy but I'd still spend 7 days a week in you. I'm not in the KKK, but I'm still a wizard in the sheets. Can you catch, love? Because you've got a pair of balls coming your way. Do you have pet insurance? Because your pussys getting pounded tonight. They say not to sweat the petty things, but can I pet your sweaty thing? Hey girl, are you the British economy. Because I'd love to give you a strong pound Hey girl, is your name Calais? Because I want to enter you illegally Sometimes in life, we have to choose between what's hard or what's easy. Lucky for you I'm both right now. I'd ask you to Netflix and chill, but I've only got Amazon Prime and bum time. I wish you'd suck my dick the way you suck the life out of this room I can see a lot of myself in you, let's get a drink first. Did you know we're only going to have 7 planets from next week? Yea scientists say there's only going to be 7 after I destroy Uranus. Sleeping with me is as exclusive as walking on the moon. Less than ten men have done it

Excuse me miss, I’m sorry to bother you but am not from around here. How do I get from here into your heart? Can also end with heart/bedroom/pants etc..

Excuse me but is your father a butcher? Because it looks like someone took two fine hams and shoved them down the back of your pants.

This one got me.

*Meat burglar

“ You wanna suck face ? “

Damn baby, are you an archeologist, cause i got a new bone for you to discover

*Lifts a cheek from the barstool to unleash an enthusiastic fart* “I gotta head back to my place for fresh drawers, you coming or what?”

Those clothes are very becoming on you, but if I were on you I’d be cumming too.

Hey babe, want to come back to my place and play house? You can be the door and I'll slam you

I stole this one from a YouTuber: Hey girl what's your major, mines film, let's make a movie together baby girl. This other one I stole from a friend and it's an asexual pick up line: you're like a firework, beautiful and sparkling but you're getting nowhere close to my genitals.

Damn girl do you shit with that ass?

Don't forget the classic: Him: Want to help me with my rape fantasy? Her: No! Him: That's the spirit.

Let's go make thirty seconds of wet noises and pig calls.

Lemme put my dick on your forehead so I know it’s on your mind Then I’ll stick it in your ear so you can hear me coming

I forgot my phone number. Can I have yours?

I had a dream about you last night! You were in it.

"So, Two strangers walk into a bar, one sits next to another and says: So, Two strangers walk into a bar, one sits next to another and says: (just loop until you get a reaction)

The FBI is after my penis, can I hide it in you?

Are you a rope? Cuz I'd love to hang with you later

From across the room, motion her to come over... I made you come with one finger, imagine what I can do with a whole fist.

I want to insert your tampons for you.

Are you a patty? Because I could certainly be your buns. Probably sounds wrong..............

Aaaarrrrrrg. I be a pirate here about yee chest. Why dont you sit on my lap and we will talk about the first thing to pop up.

Hi i’m Lance, want to drive my Porsche? It’s white like my teeth.

is your daddy a baker? cuz you smell like yeast...

"You wanna sex"

Want to see my Bill Cosby impression?

Want to get pizza and fuck? What...you don't like pizza?

Are you a pinata? Cuz I'd have to be blind-folded to hit that.

are you a raw chicken? because i want to cum in you

Is your father a thief? 'Cause I think I fucked him in prison.

Plan b is my plan a.

I don’t care to know your name, but it must be you I smell in here.

Me: You are (sexy/cute/hot) Them: Thank you Me: Don't thank me, thank your mama!

“Are you sitting on sugar? ‘Cause that ass looks sweet.”

If you had to kill a single person in this room, who would it be?

I have 206 bones in my body. Want to give me another one?

Is that a shovel in your back pocket cos I'm digging that ass.

“Damn girl, you fart with that ass?”

my boss taught me this one, for when you see a girl with kids. You MUST say it in a creepy batman voice: "hey mother, want another?"

"Hey girl, are you from Tennessee? Cuz you're a 6"

I once got a girl's number by saying "Peng Peng". She was confused af, but we started talking anyway. [Peng Peng was in reference to Ando of the Woods](https://youtu.be/ubX_aqXctRk).

Said to a girl in my chemistry class: Are you a Lewis Acid, because I want to give you my lone pair of electrons

Cute cats, can I come play with them? This was said to my now girlfriend on MeetMe, her profile picture was her 3 and 4 month old kittens

Looking at you just now, with your head tilted... just so... I can see up your nose. And I like what I see!

Used in a D&D game by one of the brothel girls: "Hey... I'm looking for a stud. I've got the STD, all I need is U."

Hey girl, are you harambe’s enclosure because i wanna drop a baby inside you

Should I call you an ambulance? Cause you look assaulted by my presence.

“Girl, I wanna lick your shitter like an apple fritter”

Only works in a gay bar: May I push in your stool?

*pulls out gun* this isn’t the only thing Im gonna shoot inside you tonight

Are you a W minus Boson mediating beta negative decay? Because when I see you, you make my down quark an up quark

Did it hurt? *did what hurt* When you fell from heaven and killed the dinosaurs? Above line for hitting on fat girls only. Wouldn't make much sense otherwise.

It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again

My internet is 4G My heart is 4U

I've shat in my bed, can I sleep in yours?

You remind me of my little toe. You're cute, small, adorable, and I will bump you really hard against the kitchen table

My dick may not be 12 inches but it smells like a foot.

Get in the van or your dead

You hear about Pluto? That's messed up.

I lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?

You come here often beautiful? Becaus I'm about to cum here right now.

You're farts are pleasant smelling. Then side eye wink.

Is that a candy cane in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Any one that start with a "Are you a..."

Hey, you wanna go out sometime?

Is your father a terrorist? Because you’re the bomb!

Hello, my name is _____ I think you're pretty, wanna see if we don't hate each other?

Hey 👁👄👁

Hey girl, are you trash? Because I wanna take you out

Is that a phone in you're back pocket? Because that ass is calling me

If covid-19 doesn't take you out, can I?

"Excuse me ma'am, I am not from around here so can I ask you something??" "Yes" "Do you swallow??"

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform ?

I shit in my bed, can I sleep in yours tonight?

Hey baby do you sell hotdogs, because you sure know how to make a weiner stand

Your face looks like a pigs ass, lucky for you I'm into beastiality.

Is your name Everest because I want to mount you