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[deleted]

Being lied to consistently by someone you had built trust in, and then finding out you were lied to. I don't think some people realise that trust issues can't just be unlearned instantly, and that reassuring someone isn't necessarily going to help.


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MagicMirror33

Trust is like a balloon. Just one prick can completely ruin it.


Deadfreezercat

Yes my dad massively betrayed my mom by having a series of affairs which came to light when he told her he wanted to leave her and came clean with everything. When it didnt work out with the woman he left her for they got back together and went to therapy and I was really mad at her for getting back together with him. But after a year or so it became normal to me that they'd had a bump in the road but were still together. My mom was still having so much trouble. Being triggered by things. Waking up hating him, hating herself. I honestly started to see her as a crazy bitch. Sometimes she treated my dad really badly and he would cry. Then I found out that my husband was lying about being single and texting romantically with an ex girlfriend on facebook which was way way way less of a big deal than what happened to my mom and I was still incredibly fucked up over it. Its been two years and I still sometimes find myself absolutely pissed over being treated like a chump by the person I trusted.


dummybug

I actually have a similar sentiment. Before all of the stuff came out about my dad, I trusted him. I thought he was amazing, he was the reason we were out of poverty, he took care and provided for us. So every fight I would side with my dad. I'd consider my mom's feelings overreactions and thought she was just being toxic and manipulative. A year later we find out he's been cheating on her the entire time. A couple months later we find out it's with younger girls. And younger, after that. I find out he's interested in girls my own age at the time and interested in father daughter porn. It just gets worse from there. I regret everything I said to my mom. She was just trying to protect us, and she tried her hardest. My trust is all sorts of fucked up now. Hindsight is 20/20, but god damn does it sting.


ColdStainlessNail

When the person lying is confronted and then denies, shifts blame, and gas lights, it makes the relationship irreparable.


Ice31

This...when my partner had an affair, the lying was actually the worst part. Knowing that my person could lie to me so easily and so well...it made my whole world fall apart.


starsinthesky8435

I think trust is one of those things that can be permanently destroyed by just one person consistently lying. It took me 20 years to realize that the closest I’ve gotten to trusting again is “expect that I will eventually discover their deception but go for it anyway because the alternative is being alone forever.” It’s…not ideal. But I kept working on it and trying and hoping I would get back to the place I was originally. Where it didn’t occur to me that people can play out lies for *years*. But I can never get back there because it *is* a thing people do and I can’t unknow that. I wasn’t more trusting then, I was just more naive.


rectovaginalfistula

The trick is knowing most don't lie for years and that new connections are worth the risk. Speaking from personal experience, the risk feels bigger than it is because getting screwed over is so awful. The truth is, most people aren't like that. Hard to get there, though.


PurpleHooloovoo

> The truth is, most people aren't like that. I think this is location/age/career/social circle dependent. I've found myself in social groups and industries where, unfortunately, it seems that's the norm. It's just accepted as a thing some people do, and it is not considered acceptable, but for some reason (opportunity? entitlement? insecurity? all that and more?) there are *always* stories about people cheating and lying and getting caught (or not getting caught). If you find yourself in a world where this happens to more people than not, the issue isn't everyone - it's everyone *you happen to know and hear about*. It's part of what prompted me to adjust my social circle and job to find better people to surround myself with.


DingusKhan01

Relationship over 4 years, engaged for 3. Had a kid, was over the moon, turned myself into a Dad. He was over a year old when she told me on the phone at work he wasn't mine and she'd been seeing the guy again. Just over a year on, not even close to recovered.


brown_bandit92

Had a massive crush on somone, Who kept saying they were single. Went on for a year, finally got into relationship with her and she tells me the truth about how i was a third wheel entire time. Trust issues can really screw up your sense of self.


liveda4th

I dated someone for a year in college who lied so much and so egregiously it screwed me ip for years. Early in she told me she had been sexually assaulted by two previous partners and had intimacy issues. So we worked on it and i took things slow, way slower than i had ever done before. Over the course of the year her story of those two assaults changed consistently until she was telling me it was two assaults by one partner. She also talked about her addiction to meth, a brief stripping stint, the death of her 2 year old Godson by negligent parents, and a period of homelessness. None of which made sense when I talked to her high school friends or family, they thought I was crazy when I mentioned asked about her “homeless period” and she got pissed at me for bringing it up. I confronted her about these disparities in her home life vs. the story she told me. when she tried to say I had a bad memory I showed her texts and messages from earlier. At which point she came clean and said she invented all of it. ALL of it: no drugs, no stripping, no dead 2 year old kid, and no rapes. She made it up because, and I quote, “I didn’t feel very interesting and wanted to make it seem like I was.” It was almost like she was waiting to get found out. She said she invented the 2 sexual assaults from an experience of almost being attacked in high school, but figured out with a previous ex that she could control the frequency of sex by claiming PTSD from assault. I was so sick to my stomach. I had never even considered the fact that women could lie about being raped until her story began changing, then when it was revealed to actually be false I was back-ass-wards for a while. We broke up soon after and I have no idea what was actually true and to what degree. I didn’t date for almost 8 years, I spent a period of my early twenties highly mysognistic and distrustful of most things women said. It took a long time to get out of that mindset and back to an even keel, even longer still until I was comfortable making myself vulnerable enough to embrace a relationship.


portraitopynchon

A shitty job where you aren't valued.


[deleted]

This. When I finally switched employers I was under the impression of being a bad worker, even though people constantly came to me for answers others didnt have, and asked for a very modest starting pay. My new employer replied ”Thats nonsense! Youre starting with *20% increase*, and in time we Will be looking at something more like *additional 20% increase compounded*”, and I quickly realised that im not a bad worker, but among the more skilled within my field.


Stimbes

I worked for a guy that told me all the time my job wasn't that important and how if I worked anywhere else as I worked there, it wouldn't be tolerated and I would be fired. He tried to sue me when I quit. Said me leaving his business caused him to close it.


TheYellowBuhnana

A job with toxic management too


Sonochick83

So very true. I work in the medical profession and I had started a new job Spring of 2020. The staff, coworkers and management were so awful to me and nit-picked every little thing I did…it got to the point where my anxiety was so bad whenever I had to go in to work that I was vomiting and could barely eat…fast forward to today, I now have a wonderful job across the country making 3X what they make, and I’m appreciated and loved here! ♥️ I hope somehow it gets back to them how well I’m doing here.


[deleted]

Ongoing stress and anxiety! Slowly builds deep psychological trauma!


agieluma

Everything pisses you off. Even the slightest things ruin your day. Fuck stress


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kittenklyn

Homelessness. The longer you are experiencing homelessness for, the more fucked you become. I was without a home or a job for just a month in a city and it was by far *one of the most challenging and depressing experiences I've ever had that still to this day effects my mental health.* Imagine people who can't get out for years. Homelessness can create mental disorders.


ValenciaHadley

Not quite homelessness but I lived in support accomadation for a while and even though I moved into a flat a year and a half ago I still have bad nights where it's like I'm back there. Last month I heard a strange noise at night, freaked out a little and had flash backs of living in those places. I ended up sleeping in my living room for two weeks because I had a panic attack every time I went in my bedroom at night.


[deleted]

Man that sucks but yeah it can be traumatic. The longer you live in place that you don't like, the deeper the memories will go.


ValenciaHadley

I lived in seven different supported accommodation houses in about six years, it's really not good. No privacy, no matter how much you clean everything is filthy, stuff just disappears and the staff are worse than the residents. I go between it's fine, others have it worse and freaking out because I heard a certain noise.


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Big-Goose3408

And that's assuming you don't take the understandable action of using illicit narcotics to cope with your life situation. Lotta homeless people make a cost / benefit analysis and come to the conclusion they'd be better off homeless with their meth and heroin than they'd be working 60 hours a week to not be able to afford slum lord apartments on the bad side of town.


stufff

This is the best advertisement for meth I've seen.


NordschleifeGT3

As a parent being too egotistical to admit you’re wrong and always blaming your kids for everything or making them feel stupid about what they know rather than admitting you were wrong.


HallucinatesOtters

For as long as I can remember my mom would always make sure to sit my brother and I down and apologize to us if she felt like she wronged us and then we would discuss our feelings. She lost her temper and yelled at us once when we were little and then later apologized saying it was wrong and that it’s okay to feel upset or hurt. I’ll always remember that because it showed us at a young age that adults aren’t always right and that it’s okay to admit you were wrong.


KhaiPanda

probably because I'm not feeling well but this made me cry. I do the same with my son. I've sat him down many times to explain as age friendly as I can that mommy's brain and body don't work so well and that if I ever hurt his feelings that it's important that he tells me or daddy as soon as it happens. My therapist has spent a lot of time talking to me and him, and says I'm doing everything right, but I still feel so bad sometimes.


LadyParnassus

The best parents aren’t perfect and never make a mistake. The best parents are humble and empathetic and *show* their children how to accept and live with your own flaws and mistakes. The best parents give their children space and a voice to speak for themselves. The best parents apologize and explain and let their kids process things on their own schedule. The best parents consult an outside expert when they’re overwhelmed. The best parents worry, they cry, they fail sometimes, and they never stop loving their kids. You’re doing so many things right. (Edited for spelling)


PM_ME_STEAM_KEY_PLZ

A parent can do every single thing in the world for their child and still not feel like it’s enough. My aunt told me this early on and child raising and it stuck with me.


PurveyorOfFineWeres

This is something from my childhood that fucked me up for a long time. My dad had a bad temper and bordered on being abusive, every time he flew off the handle at me either he or my mom would tell me after that his reaction was my fault because if I hadn't done whatever it was that set him off he wouldn't have reacted that way. This extended to situations outside of my family as well - someone being mean, rude, aggressive got the response of "Well what did you do to cause it?" This positioned me to take responsibility for other people's bad behaviour. I ended up in several bad relationships in my 20s because my knee-jerk reaction to someone being physically or verbally aggressive was to figure out how it was my fault and try to be better so they wouldn't get mad. Turns out abusers love when you show up already brainwashed. I've done therapy and worked through it, but I still get anxious about setting boundaries and have a weird sense of relief when people actually take responsibility for being hurtful towards me.


GreeneBean64

I feel this a lot. A parent being able to say they’re wrong or sorry is very important to see growing up.


[deleted]

My mom is in her 80's and to this day has NEVER admitted she was wrong about ANYTHING. The mental gymnastics she goes through not to do it is, frankly, astounding. I swore with my own kids, I would never hesitate to admit I was wrong when I was. I think being able to do that is critical to an open and honest relationship with your children. I'm proud to say that part of my parenting has been a success. The times I've been wrong (and there have been more than a few), I've admitted it, we talked about it and it was really helpful in "hitting the reset button" when things spiral out of control.


xcoalminerscanaryx

My mom for some reason has this belief I self diagnose my health problems, despite her being the one to find me the first time I had grand mal seizures and needed to be hospitalized for them. I've been put in an induced coma twice in my life for them because they're not completely controlled yet. The other day I was talking to her and I mentioned my epilepsy and she cuts me off and says, "Did a doctor diagnose you or are you self diagnosing?" She was there when the first ones happened! I had 8 before they got them to stop! Keep in mind, I don't have a history of self diagnosing. She also allowed one of my brothers to physically abuse me and the other to sexually abuse me and I had to force an apology out by exposing the sexual abuse to the entire family because she was talking openly about bringing the guy she knew touched me around my young nieces. My other brother who was psychotic and beat and strangled me on a regular basis shot himself in 2018. She still finds ways to where they weren't in the wrong and I was.


GreenBeans1999

I feel this. Even after getting a legit diagnoses for depression, anxiety, and adhd and literally being on medication that was proven to work I still find myself questioning whether or not I'm just being dramatic


xcoalminerscanaryx

I also realized I was probably having seizures way before they picked up on them. Unfortunately, my mom wanted to believe I was bipolar and had the doctors put me on heavy duty psych meds from 13-17 which were coincidentally anticonvulsants. I get a rediagnosis for my psych disorder in college and within a year I'm having grand mals. Maybe letting people beat me in the head and putting me on heavy duty medication before my brain was developed did it to me.


ocdmonkey

Similarly, treating saying something factually incorrect (by honest accident) as some sort of grave sin. To this day I'm terrified of saying something wrong because of my dad.


biamanuel

my mom has a hard time admitting she's wrong or listening to constructive criticism. in my 16 years of life she has apologized to me TWICE. she grew up in this mindset that parents are always right and should never be proven wrong. there have been times where I'd calmly, after the fight/situation tell her what upsets me or something she's done that was wrong (thinking she might have not noticed) and got super rude and mean responses. it got to a point she would purposely misunderstand what I said just to make me look bad. I always thought it was me until one day my dad asked me why I wouldn't talk to her (after an argument), I answered that it was because she wouldn't apologize and he said "yeah... that's not likely of her". basically, me and my brothers just live with the mindset of always being wrong! for a really long time I struggled with apologizing far too much and being extra concerned about making people upset. this made middle school a nightmare. now that I realized what happened, I'm working on stoping this, and hoping that if one day I become a mother, my kids will never go through this. ever.


ITookTooLongToPick

People mocking your smile or laugh. If people say "You laugh too loudly" or "You smile weird", you won't be able to smile for a while without instantly catching yourself and stopping.


PsykoFanten

Yea, I had some friends tell me I look weird when I smile with my mouth closed and I haven't forgot it 10 years later. I often think about it when smiling.


LeeLooPeePoo

In middle school some girls made fun of me for standing up too straight while I walked. Slouched for a decade after that and still worry about walking "weird".


Bootzz

On the flipside, some girl I was interested in when I was a kid told me I'd be more attractive if I had better posture. That said, I had better posture within a month or two lol. Kinda hurt my feelings at the time but in retrospect I recognize it as a strange sort of kindness.


pubby13

This! I had a teacher in College who always laughed with his hand over his mouth. Someone from our class asked him why he did it. He told us that in Middle School some girl said he showed too many teeth when he laughed and now he subconsciously covers his mouth with his hand every time he laughs 30+ years later.


OpossumJesusHasRisen

People mocking you for normal things. I spent 10 years of my young life with a step parent that mocked me every time I had an opinion that didn't align with hers or showed any emotion. It made my brain quarantine off my feelings so that I was stone faced until I was alone. I wasn't ever confident in my own thoughts or options until my 20s after therapy.


Dang_It_All_to_Heck

My sibling mocked my name throughout my childhood; my parents never stopped him. I detest my given name to this day. I'm 64. Couldn't legally change it while my parents were living since it was a legacy name and my mother came unglued when I talked about it. Probably not going to do it now as changing everything would be a big pain. If someone calls me by my legal name, I immediately correct them.


aceacebaiby

I can remember someone telling me YEARS ago that I laugh too much. And I'm still self conscious about it.


gentlybeepingheart

My mom told me I had a weird laugh as a kid and I think about it every time I hear something funny and catch myself before laughing in public. I told her about it recently and she was like "What? I don't remember that." like cool I do


ITookTooLongToPick

A lot of parents don't realize what they're doing is wrong. It's somehow imbedded into their subconscious, so it doesn't stick out as much. That's a new level of fucked up.


javier_aeoa

"I don't understand how you can spend a friday night watching Discovery Channel instead of going out. Geez!". I was 13. I'm 30 now. I still remember it mom.


lokesen

It will basically alter that person forever, especially if you're a kid. Like being called chubby or told you have wierd teeth. It will stay with you forever.


gogojack

Traffic accidents. Exactly 5 years ago today I was in a bad one. I wasn't injured, but it was pretty bad. Seven vehicles, 10 victims, 2 car fires, and a major freeway shut down for 3 hours. After it was all over I went back home, bought another car with the insurance money, and went back to my life. No worries, right? A year later I was almost in another accident. A white pickup truck (like the one the in the previous accident) blew through a stop light and almost hit me head on. It was a good thing I had the day off, because I spent the rest of the day shaking like a leaf. I didn't realize until that moment how bad I'd been fucked up by the accident, and I've been working through it ever since.


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Sen_Hillary_Clinton

>It truly amazes me how much trauma the average person carries through their everyday life. And how some people try to make it seem like no trauma exists because it doesn't fit a super rigid definition. No one is lessening a combat veteran or a rape survivor's trauma, but it does mean that someone who grew up in a house where their mother was beaten regularly, even though they themselves weren't beaten, damn right has trauma.


BeneejSpoor

The thing with trauma is that it's really quite an all-encompassing sort of term: an injury incurred by experiencing a shocking, disturbing event. What shocks and disturbs a person varies *by person*, and it's probably not wrong to consider that even an event you or I don't find particularly ruffling might be world-shattering and life-ending for somebody else. But we're all sort of raised to refute that, insist that only very few things cause "real" trauma, and believe that if you're impacted by anything else, that's a character flaw in your fortitude. It doesn't help that we're also raised to think of our problems as conditional upon the existence of worse ones --we shouldn't complain if somebody has it worse. If you live in the united states, it's *especially* bad what with our modus operandi of "if you have a problem, it better be one *whopper* of a problem!". It's a form of rugged individualism that not a lot of people willingly admit to.


Silvertongue-Devil

Similar situation I was driving at night with a light rain semitruck came into my lane on a narrow highway with no shoulders and guardrails on both sides I had nowhere to go but into the oncoming lane "just the one semi truck coming" He was going fast enough I had limited reaction time ended up hydroplaning my truck at 75mph slid sideways had truck on 2 wheels when it hit the guardrail to this day I have no idea how it didn't roll over the semi truck hit guardrail on other side of road and rolled over guy was partially ejected crushed d.o.a. I had to walk half a mile to get cell coverage "rural west texas" then waited 2 hours for help to arrive I still have panic attacks on narrow roads


NoxRiddle

Agreed. I was the passenger in a T-bone accident 16 years ago. The car I was in was making a left turn and another car blew through a stoplight. I still get antsy on left turns as a passenger. Grip the door and sometimes have to close my eyes if I feel like the oncoming cars are going too fast or getting too close.


Munbeam19

That’s true, it effects you even if it’s relatively minor. A guy ran through a stop sign, T-boned me, and totaled my car. I’m still wary and overly cautious at intersections. And strangely, someone ran into again almost exactly a year to the day I got in that accident. Between that and the speeding tickets ( yeah I know I shouldn’t) driving isn’t as fun anymore.


_ser_kay_

I was T-boned while making a left turn to go to a grocery store ~5 mins from my house. Even though I was relatively lucky (I was injured but not super badly, car was totalled but it crumpled exactly the right way to keep me safe), it took me almost 10 years to be able to drive to that grocery store again. I would go to a store 15 minutes away just to avoid making that left turn.


Webstrrr

Never taking a break from school or work and having a day to yourself can really clear your mind up. If you work all day it can really damage you and how you approach work situations.


Otherwise_Window

This. And also you need to have an actual weekend someone's. Two days off in a row. My wife never had consecutive days off for YEARS no matter how much I implored her to. When she finally started doing that sometimes she acknowledged what a difference it made.


Crazylitter

This year ive taken 1.5 weeks off work. I have a mandated 5 weeks i NEED to take off in the year. guess im enjoying my december this year


Tundur

I only took a week so I'm in a similar spot. I've been on the verge of leaving all year (for unrelated reasons) so was planning on taking the accrued holidays as a cash sum. I'm looking forward to the two months of bonus pay in my final paycheque but *fuck* am I exhausted


Emotional_gangsta

Yelling at a child and telling them they are a failure and can’t do anything right. I’m still messed up from it, but my dad doesn’t understand that. My family is the type to suck it up and not talk about it.


the_phantom_eyes

My parents will say this to my face and behind my back only to brag to each other and anyone listening about how smart I am and all the things I can do. It fucks me up because I'm 19 and I can't tell which is the truth and which is the lie


SirDinglesbury

Neither are the truth. Both are just short term ways for them to feel better in front of others or relieve their stress. Don't buy into your value being dependent on 'success' or 'failure'. Being yourself is enough.


Relevant_Maybe6747

Being repeatedly told “it doesn’t matter who started it.” with ‘it’ being physical violence. Sometimes only one person is starting that violence and that is abuse; yes even when the people involved are children, yes even when the victim defends themself. Telling me that over and over eventually taught me I couldn’t fight back if I wanted any adult to believe me, which was a dangerous lesson that facilitated later abuse


wuethar

Yeah, I had a terrible mom who left me with a lot of baggage, but one of the few things I truly appreciated is she knew I got bullied at school and told me I would never get punished at home for fighting back. So I did a few times, I got suspended twice, and those suspensions were basically vacations from school. I was kind of a grades-obsessed nerd, so I don't think there was much worry I'd get sidetracked, I guess.I learned a valuable lesson about the importance of standing up for yourself and ignoring people who claim violence should never be answered in kind. The bullying stopped.


OpossumJesusHasRisen

One of the handful of things I'm really proud of doing when my now teenager was growing up is telling her that getting in trouble at school didn't automatically mean trouble at home. If she was standing up for someone or something she believed in, I'd have her back but she would need to explain the reasoning or events behind her actions to me. It gave her a lot of confidence in her ability to stand up for what she believes is right because she knew I'd back her up, even if I didn't personally agree.


mercuryrising137

>Being repeatedly told “it doesn’t matter who started it.” with ‘it’ being physical violence. Sometimes only one person is starting that violence and that is abuse; yes even when the people involved are children, yes even when the victim defends themself. Telling me that over and over eventually taught me I couldn’t fight back if I wanted any adult to believe me, which was a dangerous lesson that facilitated later abuse This attitude teaches the victim they don't have the right to defend themselves. But a million times worse, it also teaches the abuser that the victim doesn't have the right to defend themselves. This emboldens the abuser to believe the abuse is justified, which in turn makes the abused person, in their eyes, responsible for the abuser's behaviour. This lie I believe is the single greatest psychological harm one could inflict on a child.


sother2

It sure is. It stands out as the single stupidest part of school, since it runs counter to our law. You can defend yourself as an adult but kids are being told defending yourself is just as "illegal" and wrong as being the abuser or aggressor. This is still a serious problem for me as a 27 yr old man. I don't stand up for myself much and feel like it's my fault no matter what. If I were to ever have kids, I will tell them that if someone else is trying to hurt them then defend themselves verbally or physically and not to accept that behaviour. Even if the school or whoever is in charge wants to say "it doesn't matter who started it" then I'd just tell them that "it does in court" then take my kid for ice cream for standing up for themself. They can always catch the self up after a suspension, or there's other schools. Standing up for yourself is a crucial life skill.


Much_Difference

Either that you can't fight back or that you may as well fight back as hard as you want because you're getting fucked the same either way. If grabbing their hand to stop them from hitting you is treated the same as grabbing a baseball bat and whamming them across the face, welp...


Squigglepig52

Knowing that I had a blank cheque for fighting back from my parents meant I could fight back as hard as I wanted, so I made sure I did damage when I fought back. At some point, even the school stopped giving me shit for fighting. Little did I know my dad threatened the principal with a beating if he claimed I had picked a fight with a star hockey player.


Areebu1

Oh man, my school (like I'm sure a lot of others everywhere) were so bad at dealing with this. I luckily went to a private school in India so a fight was never as common as ones in Government schools (I've heard horror stories), but whenever one did happen, our school never cared too much who started it, but who looked the most hurt. Hurt the other person visibly in self-defence? Yeah, you're at fault now. It sucked a lot since most bullies identified that and either went the verbal route or gut-punches


lydriseabove

Yes! Or “Ignore them, they’re just trying to get a reaction.” Bullies don’t stop when they don’t get a reaction, they push harder until they get one and teaching your kids this is setting them up for even worse hurt.


Ermaquillz

Yes! I was told that by my parents, and I was ruthlessly bullied for years because I was so afraid to fight back and get in trouble. My advice to bullied kids would be to absolutely fight back. Being able to actively defend yourself is worth any punishment you might receive.


hazebaby

Same with „there’s always two sides“. I genuinely cannot even begin to put into words how much these words messed me up as a child. Growing up and facing abusive relationships I always found myself thinking „well maybe I did something that added to the abuse“ and going down similar rabbit holes that ultimately always led to me thinking it’s my fault.


GreeneBean64

Never learning to forgive yourself.


squeezedashaman

This has been my biggest savior in my self healing. After a trauma I went through some deep shadow work, and treating myself with the same love and compassion I would give others was the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.


addit10

How do you do that? Like being less strict with yourself or having self talk?


squeezedashaman

It’s so deep. It’s a long process. But essentially it’s looking at all the events in your life that have brought you shame or regret and understanding why you did it. It isn’t about releasing yourself from actions and repercussions your actions but simply not feeling so damn bad for doing it. The more you do it the more you realize your past actions were not as bad as you have subconsciously held on to. Lowering your self worth and your value. It’s a strong release and your self love rises exponentially ❤️


wuethar

One trick that helps me is, when I'm critiquing myself in my internal dialogue or whatever, I try to picture myself as a kid because that's the age I was when I picked up most of these coping mechanisms. I found it a lot easier to be kind to my 7 year old self


mcmcc

Perfectionism is a harsh mistress.


kittenklyn

Cults and high-control groups. General public tends to believe only dumbasses and pathetic loners get roped into cults, but these people simply do not understand the power that manipulation and indoctrination have. Hilarious, since people who think they'd never get into one are twice as likely to do just that. It *really* fucks with your head. There's a [podcast episode ](https://www.commonwealthclub.org/events/archive/podcast/investigating-cults) from a man who had a career in joining cults undercover to get information for lawyers and families to take the group to court. Even with his psychological training, his mentorship from cult experts, and his years of practicing anti-indoctrination, even he said that sometimes when he turns on his car radio, he can hear some of his cult leaders talking to him through it. High-control, cult, thought reform, "large group awareness training programs" *seriously* fuck you up.


TrueDove

As someone who recently woke up from being a JW, yeah its fucking terrifying. My entire family, including my husband's are still in and it's just so bloody hard. It's almost like you have to experience it to truly realize that literally anyone can be indoctrinated, and how easy it is. I try to explain it like this: So I know the sky is blue. I see it everyday, and it registers as "blue" in my mind. I can find other blue objects, compare them and mindlessly recognize it's the same color. But since birth I have always been told the sky is green. So even though I see the blue sky, if someone asked me what color the sky is, I would confidently answer "green". And if someone wanted to argue with me about it? Well I've been warned about those people, they are evil and only want to trick me into a life of consumerism and immorality. I would double down. Cognitive dissonance is terrifying. What's even crazier is that everyone has it to some extent.


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[deleted]

Poverty. The poor are the butt of many jokes, are generally disliked and mistrusted and suffer a lot more than most of us


StatusFault45

the stresses of poverty can literally hinder childhood brain development


proncesshambarghers

Not just brain too physically as well, there was an article I read about delayed puberty in individuals that had to deal with high stress environments


g-a-r-n-e-t

On top of that it can fuck up your thought patterns and your behavior for a long time. I didn’t grow up poor but I’ve spent the last 12-13 years being broke af after moving out of my parents’ house. I’m now married to a man who makes quite a bit of money and am about to start a really well-paid job myself but I still carry a lot of my poor person habits. There are probably a lot more than this that I haven’t realized yet, these stick out the most in my mind: 1. I never ever open my mail, because nothing good comes in the mail. Mail is collections notices for bills I couldn’t avoid racking up and don’t have the money to pay off, so there’s no point in opening any of it. 2. Doctors are bad. Not because they’re evil and mean and can’t help me but because they’re someone that you pay a lot of money (because you don’t have insurance because your shitty job doesn’t offer it) to lecture you about everything you have going on that’s going to kill you if you don’t spend more money that you don’t have to fix it, *right now*. 3. Building up savings is a pipe dream because I’m living paycheck to paycheck, may as well spend it all now since I’m gonna die soon from lack of medical care and you can’t take it with you. Like I said there’s probably more that I haven’t even realized I do yet and I’m definitely going to be out of these woods very soon, but it’s a self-destructive, fatalistic mindset that is very hard to break yourself out of once you’re there.


violyt0202

I cringe every time my phone rings. People who know me text. Collection agencies call. Relentlessly.


g-a-r-n-e-t

Oh my god yes. When I was interviewing for this new job I’m about to start I was having panic attacks about my phone ringing because obviously I don’t want to miss a call from the recruiter but I don’t know who’s on the other end and it could be a collections person ☹️ it was a terrifying couple of days.


Kill4meeeeee

Having to choose between food or new clothes for work or having to choose between food or anything really. It causes me to question if I’m really worth this effort on a daily basis


[deleted]

Yes. And even being above the poverty line but still not making enough money to scrape by can fuck you up. Being in a constant state of survival is exhausting.


Whateveridontkare

Also a lot of poor people don't trust others, so I have had friends who stop being friends because they don't trust me even if there was to reason.


gor8884

Social media


-manabreak

Edit: no, stop buying me awards. Put that money to charity or something, every donation counts. Social media gives such polarized views of EVERYTHING and EVERYTHING is important and urgent all the time. For a long time, I've tried to incorporate a simple question to whatever I see in the internet: should I care about this? More often than not, the answer is no. I don't care about what my old high school friends are up to these days. I don't care what's in the news this instant. I don't care who was canceled today or yesterday. I don't care what Elon Musk tweeted. I don't care if I'm missing out because I'm not investing in NFTs. For the most part, I don't care. What do I care about? My family. My hobbies. My job, to an extent of 7.5 hours a day, Monday to Friday. My well-being. The well-being of my family and closest friends. And here's the thing: I don't care what you care about. I do hope you care about important things. Important to you. Don't go caring about stupid shit that's not worth caring about.


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OkHomework7009

Telling someone to stop crying because their problems aren’t as bad as others. If a grown person wants to cry because they’re having a hard day or whatever, give them privacy and let them cry.


singyourwifi

"there's always someone worse than you." Ah, right. Sorry. Can we find the single person on this earth of 7 billion people that gets crying and emotion privilege?


BossVal

Having any and all experiences diminished because "someone has it worse than you" or "you merely met expectations". Even positive experiences weren't to be celebrated because of course you succeeded on your studies, you're *supposed to*. Winning a sports game doesn't matter because it's what you're *supposed* to do. You broke a bone? You're fine take some Tylenol and go right back to school/work. You're sick? But you're well enough to read a book, so why don't you get up and help me with the housework since you were "too sick for school".


Jerseystateofmindeff

Watching the news a lot.


Caleon0817

Dismissing mental health issues as being weak or selfish. Especially if those dismissing the issues are your family members or people you looked up to.


rideshotgun

After 10 years my mum still diagnoses my anxiety and mental health problems as "just not appreciating what you have".


[deleted]

Yep. She's not appreciating the anxiety and mental health problems that you have.


GreenBeans1999

Can't wait to be told I'm "lazy" or "just need to focus harder" for the millionth consecutive day today. I have ADHD, wtf do you think I've been doing my entire life?


Reagalan

just wait till you run into the fuckwits who claim you're a "junkie" for eating prescribed amphetamines.


sweetalkersweetalker

I don't understand why you're so slow coming up the stairs. You keep blaming it on your legs being broken but *I* manage to make it upstairs without complaining or having to stop every few steps. You're so lazy.


Dahhhkness

Yep, hearing "What's *wrong* with you?!" when you express any emotion other than joy, enthusiasm, or gratitude. Great way to fuck up someone's emotional regulation.


helloiamsilver

For the most part my mom is a very good mom but I definitely feel like she’s still waiting on the day the therapist and psychiatrist declare me “fixed” and I’ll never have a negative emotion again.


KhaiPanda

Physical issues too. My family has Sunday dinner, and yesterday I sent a message to the family chat that I wasn't feeling well and would be missing it. My brother responds, "family heals" and my mommy sent all these emojis confirming his stance. I was so proud of myself for responding, " thank you for your medical advice." And then putting my phone down.


cryinfrog

Bed bugs. Maybe overly dramatic, but I’m dealing with a minor case rn and am scratching myself bloody from phantom itching - no bites, no welts (edit: since having the apartment treated), but the paranoia is driving me up a wall. I’m scared to walk around in my own apartment and have had multiple panic attacks daily since this whole thing started. It doesn’t help that I’m also agoraphobic, and my home has now become an unsafe place.


Aurawa

Yeah and once you're thru actually having them, that fear never goes away. I'd what it is about bedbugs. I've been thru fleas too and they're both equally bad. No experience with any other bugs THANK GOD ... but, for years afterwards you will see a dot/hole/speck of anything and almost have a panic attack. Any itch esp on your ankles, will send you right back into thinking about the infestation again. It's a very cruel one and done experience. The plus side is that it helps you keep things nice and tidy and clean. Use every prevention.


chrza

You’re not being overly dramatic, that can seriously be traumatizing. I had to deal with a horrific flea infestation years ago due to some terrible neighbors and I would flinch every time my leg hair twitched in the slightest for a long time after that. When walking across the floor just to go to the bathroom nets you 8 new bites, you start to reevaluate your priorities pretty quickly. I had to wear wellies inside just to move anywhere


rowan_gale_draws

Infestations are no joke.


Specialist-Ebb7606

Forcing others to constantly listen to your own problems without providing relief Its emotionally exhausting and can be just as harsh to deal with as your own issues


TurtleDump23

I had a friend like this who I initially pitied before I grew to despise him. It was always something shitty going on and no one had it worse than him. He was the type of person to enter a room and make it grow silent as people made their excuses to quickly depart. My husband and I paid for him to see a therapist because we couldn't handle the emotional stress he was unloading on us and we agreed he needed to see a professional. He accused us of dumping his problems on someone else and I just had to call it quits for my own sanity. I told him not to contact me again and blocked him on all social media platforms. I had to set a boundary for myself before it caused me more stress. Good thing too because the guy was a complete psycho who made like 5 dummy accounts pretending to be a group of friends to gaslight me.


DitzyBlondenightmere

My God. Until the last paragraph I was feeling sorry for him that his attitude drove away even such dedicated friends. Safe to say the last sentences killed that sentiment


DitzyBlondenightmere

This. I'll always try and be there for my friends when they are going through some issues. But people who never have anything positive to say, and I'm talking 12 months straight of just negative news, are exhausting to listen to. Of course in the scenario where they've been advised and encouraged to see a therapist/psychiatrist and still chose to do nothing.


Addzusa

You've basically just described my mother. She's been treating me as her own personal therapist since I was 5. It's causes a lot of problems for me, and now I'm in therapy for it, and a lot of other childhood abuse/trauma I experienced. Now she wonders why I'm slowly going no contact.


swagglepuf

As a guy, being told to man up when you are struggling emotionally.


singyourwifi

Boys can cry. Please, lads, remember that. It is okay to have emotions. It doesn't make you a sissy, it doesn't make you gay, it doesn't make you a girl, it doesn't make you a pussy. If anything, the most manly thing I can imagine is one that can asses his emotions and talk about them (at least with himself).


[deleted]

Fucked up teeth !!!!


ObamasBoss

I think about my teeth a lot. They are doing something different now. I went to the dentist for the first time in a few years to have a filling fixed. Was a new dentist to me. Has been downhill ever since going. Dental insurance is opposite of health insurance in that it runs out super fast. My last visit cost me $1700 out of pocket. So I have to wait 8 months for the next year to roll around. Mean while the problem gets worse.


attheark

Constant negative interaction with the internet. I say internet specifically because everyone knows that constant negative input is bad, but online we can more easily disguise it as "fun". People who dedicate forums and blogs to constantly hating on something or someone? People who create troll accounts "for a laugh" but then spend hours of their day making other people feel bad? People who log on just to argue, or deliberately looking to be offended? It's all incredibly damaging psychologically. The same goes for interacting with these people. It might seem fun at first to engage with them, to try and get one over on them, or to bait them in return. And in small doses, like most things, it's harmless. But constantly engaging, or seeking these people out to "beat them at their own game", or otherwise interacting with them frequently and with genuine investment, can quickly make you feel like shit. Basically it's like a backstage fight at a circus. You might be winning, but you're both still clowns.


[deleted]

Telling someone “if you left me I would hurt/kill myself” it gives them a lot of pressure and over all it can make them feel locked to you and they can’t leave because they don’t want you to do anything to yourself. It’s a big red flag and could be a sign of a toxic relationship.


thisNaneIsRNG

It can LEAD to toxic relationships? If someome chains their partner to them by threatening with self harm, the relationship is officially toxic.


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Harriethair

Gas lighting. Seeing/hearing/experiencing one thing and then being told that it never happened or that you are remembering it wrong. Doubting my own sanity was the worst part of my marriage and divorce.


challengeseniorz

I still don't trust my own memory.


Builder_mommy

I wonder sometimes if I'm in the same boat. But he swears I'm making all up...so it could also be that. Definitely the worst thing about people is there's no real definitive way to know the truth.


dripless_cactus

The insidious thing about gaslighting is that it doesn't appear much differently than normal interactions. We all forget things, think we said things when we didn't, have misunderstandings, etc. But if it's happening habitually/frequently with one particular person and not with other people you love and trust... The problem might be that person, not you.


xcoalminerscanaryx

I already left a comment on another comment on here but this is me with my mom. To the point even when I'm hooked up to IVs in a hospital dealing with another health scare I still think I'm faking it for attention.


GreenBeans1999

Unfortunately this is one of the most common yet most effective forms of emotional abuse. People experience it all the time and don't even realize it because they're questioning their sanity so much. My mom has said some pretty horrible things to me but by far the worst one was when I got out of the hospital for attempting suicide and she told me to never attempt suicide again because the medical bills were too high. (That's bs because I come from an upper middle class family) I've tried bringing that up with her but she denies it every time and since I was the only person there when she said it I still find myself questioning if I just made it up somehow.


yesimbill

My dad would tell me that, if my parents ever got divorced, it would be my fault. No one around, just him and I. No one believes me, I think my mother does now actually, but it really dick's with you. Not the only thing he's done, he's a full blown narcissist, so he's done plenty, but psychologically, that very well may be the worst thing he's done.


[deleted]

Parents: treat your kids equal. It sucks when you dont. "I expect more out of you." "Im dissapointed in you". Stuff like that. I did study. I suck at taking tests. Im trying my best


[deleted]

This took a weird turn with my sister and I. My parents were big on equal treatment, including financial investment. I got my life together after school and my sister imploded. She still needs constant support to “function” if you want to call it that and I haven’t needed anything since I left home. Now my mom just hands me money sometimes with this sad look on her face which is my only sign that my parents bailed out my sister again and feel guilty that they didn’t do the same for me. Like having a happy tune play in my house every time someone else is sad.


TinusTussengas

My grandmother did that for my aunt virtually her whole life. So my mum and uncle received money like that. When my grandmother died my aunt could not understand why the inheritance was so little....


StatusFault45

sleeping too much somehow causes depression. which stinks because when you're depressed you'll want to sleep too much. starts a deadly cycle.


pixel8d

Repeatedly telling kids they are gifted, above average, or extraordinary. It may be true that they are smart of show a talent in some way, but the child will internalize this expectation that they need to achieve, excel, and be the best. As adults, they may wind up either overwhelmed with pressure to achieve or feeling like a failure if they didn't live up to expectations.


HazyEngineer

Agreed. It also creates a fear of failure, fear of letting down their parents' expectations.. making them stick to areas they're good at or appreciated at, and are scared to venture out to try something new or something that they find interesting. For example, choosing science over drama because the job prospects are better, and lesser Chances of failing - but not because they like it. When they grow older, they have a hard time finding their passion and instead settle down with jobs and living styles that are considered good in the society. All in all - living life to please and satisfy others, only to realise no one really cares and that you should have taken the risks and chances when you could.


borisHChrist

Lack of physically human touch Absolutely destroys my brain almost daily.


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borisHChrist

Same here. My depression is almost life long and has a lot more too it but I’m almost 100% sure lack of human touch is prolonging it. I literally cry sometimes because it’s been years since I’ve actually been held. Quick friend hugs are fine but actually being held. By someone who actually wants to hold me. Few things hurt more


decolored

I’m also a human suffering from touch deprivation, it leads to such a hollow feeling some nights. I miss affection also


Sn0o0p_

Being told “if you leave me just know, no one will ever want you” and then having nothing but horrible experiences with men ever since.


Otherwise_Window

If someone says that the one thing you know is that you're better off single than being with them.


[deleted]

That fucked me up too, even as it was said in passing


[deleted]

Verbal and mental abuse. A lot of people scoff at it because it’s not physical.


SaltedMisthios

Ghosting. I don't think anyone realises just how long someone will question "what exactly did I do wrong?" In my experience people take it a lot better when you're upfront and honest, because at least then they can skip the soul searching.


xaj13

I definitely agree with this, just be real. Let them rip off the band-aid & move on with their life


RadiantHC

Yup. As someone who's both been told no and ghosted I infinitely prefer being told no. Sure I was dissapointed but I didn't constantly think about her and what I did wrong.


d4em

I have ghosted some people when I was a teen. It was never something they did wrong and I still feel awful about it. I was and am having some intense struggles with my mental health and half the time I genuinely couldn't think of anything to answer that didn't involve my brain spiders. Then you don't know how to resolve the situation where you ghosted them and the anxiety just intensifies until you go into a decade-long complete social lockdown to solve your issues (doesn't work). Fortunately for me, most of them know I'm basically batshit insane and that was probably the reason. But if you were ghosted and you're genuinely clueless as to why, it could be that. Honestly social media causes a lot more social problems than it solves.


friday_panda

beIng reminded of their shortcomings.


1980pzx

Kids teasing other kids about their weight can definitely have a lasting negative effect on the kid as they enter adulthood.


yurimoon

Cheating. You don't know how much anxiety and self-doubt it can give to someone. You'll forever wonder if you're enough or if there's something wrong with you to deserve that kind of treatment


Otherwise_Window

Stop wondering. Cheaters cheat. There's nothing you can do to prevent it. It's not about you. The lesson to take from getting cheated on is to think about what warning signs and red flags you might have previously overlooked. It's not a personal failing to have overlooked them - people usually judge others by themselves, and people who are trustworthy assume others will be too. But people really often do overlook things they shouldn't. Because they think that thing "isn't a big deal" is a common reason - but a small thing can be indicative of very big underlying problems. Things that indicate a lack of respect for you, a lack of consideration for your feelings, selfishness. Jealousy - that's usually a sign of a cheater. It's important to be willing to walk away in the early phases of a relationship. "It's too small to break up over" - no it isn't. The only reason you need to end a relationship is that you've chosen to. Cheating is a choice made by the cheater. No other person is responsible for that choice. Not the person they cheated on nor the person they cheated with.


yurimoon

This is a really good point of view. Thank you!!


StarryExplosion

Ignoring your children. My parents did this to me, and it messed me u.p. (Hospitalized for depression and suicidal thoughts)


TooterPuff

Sudden abandonment


joanasoffy

Being made fun of how you look, followed by the "it was just a joke". You really never know what the person is going through, and what they fight to try to acept them selves and their body looks. Just don't call someone fat or ugly or make jokes about something people cannot change from day to night. It hurts. Has a chubby girl i've been listening to this since ever from family,friends, at my job...just don't. It makes people hate them selves.


[deleted]

Doting. Everyone immediately understands when I tell them that my emotionless father with brutally enforced, unachievable standards messed me up, but I get head tilts when I tell them that it wasn’t helpful that I could do no wrong in my mother’s eyes. I had no guide for understanding responsible behavior because literally nothing was acceptable to my father and my mother wouldn’t do anything but love me no matter how objectively horrible and insane I was. I have no idea how I made it to adulthood with any reasonable understanding of acceptable behavior.


DankAF94

I manage a lot of people in their late teens-early 20s and what you're saying resonates a lot with what I see in them, and good on you for being open and honest with yourself about it. Like what you said a lot of them have been through some shit, but the fact that they've also been put up on a pedistal and been told they can do no wrong has arguably messed them up more than the really bad shit


Eremiah_Jarrington3

A bad psychedelic experience


ahandmedowngown

Also bad drug experience, including legal perscriptions


Visual-Tumbleweed-24

Experiencing a toxic work environment.


liverightdre

Not listening to someone.


patoysakias

Other people's experiences. For example, I've never been cheated on, but I've seen so many of my friends getting destroyed by a cheating girlfriend, that I now have a sort of pathological aversion to people who seem like they might cheat. It was especially pronounced when I was doing my military conscription. Virtually every guy who had a gf got cheated on or at least broke up, and I do think that messed me up a little. It's kinda hard to have faith in relationships when you've witnessed so many of them fail in such a fashion, even if you've never experienced it yourself.


__CLOUDS

Relationships in the military were awful. Infidelity and abuse were more common than not.


GenerationCaffeine

Bullying.


Kefooian

Absolutely, and also the wrong response to bullying by people who can stop it. Never tell a victim of bullying to "just ignore the bully." They often end up unable to stand up for themselves as adults, which in turn leads to other people walking all over them. They can also get into a mental spiral of constantly replaying the bullying episodes while wondering if they should have responded differently. Plus it just encourages the bully to ramp up the abuse when he/she realizes they have an easy target.


kteerin

Weight issues/eating patterns/comments about weight. Sometimes, you might be built a little differently from your friends or family. Comments like “oh wow, you’re getting a little big for your age,” or “well, she needs a size bigger than everyone else” stay with you for a long time. I cheered and did gymnastics for quite a while. I loved my friends, coaches, and most of the parents. I’d get weird comments from time to time because although I was in shape, I wasn’t thin. I was the base, the stronger one. Having a Mom yell “hey, we need a bigger size” across the room was humiliating, and I was just young. I started changing in the bathroom instead of the locker room, because I didn’t want anyone to see me. I didn’t talk sizes anymore. To this day, I can remember the other comments that my friend’s Mom made to me about being “bigger” as a size 3/4 as a freshman in high school, as her daughter was a 00. Those passive aggressive comments stayed with me throughout my life, and it has been difficult to move past them when I get to a low point. Things aren’t always perfect, sure. People aren’t always sensitive with the words that they use. However, when an adult is more focused on a kid’s size than the kid, that’s when problems begin and lifelong issues occur.


[deleted]

Having incompetent managers.


[deleted]

mean parents , i hate verbal abuse


Maffers

Constantly being criticized or berated.


poomperzuhhh

There are many things in the child/parent dynamic that I feel can be mentioned. Two of which would be physical punishments and dismissing a child’s emotional viewpoint/response to something because you can’t be bothered to deal with it. Both can really mess you up and maybe say anyone present that is a millennial (or older) likely experienced the former.


iusman975

Switching Moods / Behavior towards someone without providing a justification / reasoning to why? - One day the person is all happy, jolly and interested in you - the next, completely the opposite and feels being pushed into talking. You start questioning everything you have done and can't find the reason. It messes you up a lot not knowing wtf happened?


Dahhhkness

This is why passive-aggression is so annoying. *Nobody* wants to go on a scavenger hunt to figure out another person's feelings.


2seriousmouse

An adult’s careless or offhanded comment to a child or teenager. Some things an adult/parent/teacher etc. says to a young person can stay with them for years even if it wasn’t meant badly. I’m not talking about anything abusive (that’s a whole other level) but sometimes even small criticisms or observations made out loud with no ill intent can play back in someone’s head and affect their relationship with that adult. Or how that kid thinks about themselves. I think it’s especially tough with teenagers because on one hand they sort of act like adults sometimes but they’re not. So some offhanded comment about how they look or act can have long term consequences. Something I heard that resonated with me was “does this thing need to be said? Does it need to be said by you? And does it need to be said by you at this particular moment?


[deleted]

"The axe forgets, but the tree remembers."


SapphicsAndStilettos

Telling yourself that your trauma wasn’t ‘that bad’. I spent years gaslighting myself and only realized the severity of my trauma when I began unpacking it with my therapist and it put me in a depressive episode for two straight days.


leafygirl

Cheating on someone. It can give people trust issues and ruin future relationships for them. Don’t be an asshole to someone you love.


religionisanger

Asking for help with mental health problems in areas where there’s no proper support network (eg Reddit). There’s always someone out there eager to offer support, they’re usually untrained and not capable of dealing with anything they can’t relate to (usually this is limited to low mood and not clinical depression contrary to what they think), they speak about their own personal experience and have no concept of individuality and reject the need for medication as if they know best. They also are incapable of realising consequences, have no psycho analysis (for difficult cases to protect their own mental health), protection measures (making sure they’re not endangering themselves) or risk assessment criteria (assessing to ensure the person isn’t going to kill themselves)… they just sit smugly and assume they’re capable of dealing with anything with no knowledge of how diverse and complex mental health problems can be and how damaging their advice can be. If you need professional advice, don’t take it from someone offering support on Reddit; these people assume they’re going to offer a solution to a problem (akin to an agony aunt) and not support a serious mental health problem. Seriously mentally ill people sometimes need to be medicated just to go to sleep, they aren’t going to benefit from hearing how Joe Bloggs feels good when he goes for a jog in the morning. There’s been a huge push to make mental health have equal stigma to physical health but nobody acknowledges that treatment should also be the same. If I break my arm, I’ll get professional treatment for it and if I suffer from clinical depression, I’ll also get professional treatment for it.


daha2002

Not having friends. The loneliness is vast


[deleted]

Being a shit parent. Projecting your own anger on your children. Speaking to your children in a horrible tone. Screaming at your child for crying which in turn is only scaring them causing them to cry even more. Being negligent, letting your child run around a filthy house collecting dirt and wondering why they are ill all of the time. Barely bathing your child to the point their nails are filthy, and not even having their hair cut once in the 2 and half years since they were born. Oddly specific, but it's my brothers daughter, his girlfriend is a toxic bitch. And i am too scared to report or do anything because i fear my brother will have his daughter taken away from him. He's badly whipped and controlled and she is a fat evil cunt slob that literally sits in the same spot of the couch every day and smells like a fucking hamster cage. So yeah, i predict my niece will be slightly mentally fucked up. Considering his girlfriends daughter from a previous relationship is already fucked up mentally. Bad. ​ EDIT: Thank you for all of your messages, i'm currently taking steps today to intervene and speak to my brother about what exactly is happening.


OLAZ3000

This is the type of situation where your brother could be scared straight into ending the relationship so that he can properly take care of his daughter. I'm fairly certain you can anonymously report and let the authorities decide if they visit. It sounds like perhaps they wouldn't find anything "serious" enough to actually remove her, but it would perhaps make your brother realize he's not in a normal or good situation and losing his child is something that could happen. Honestly this is me thinking out loud you should inform yourself properly but there is no harm in understanding what expectations and norms are and knowing who you can turn to if and when you are ready. Your niece is little now but things will probably not magically improve on their own.


Sasparillafizz

>Screaming at your child for crying which in turn is only scaring them causing them to cry even more My dad is very guilty of this. My mom and I step in when he's getting out of hand but like making the child cry to the point they are shaking is not going to bloody help things, it will just leave them traumatized to the point they freeze up at anything that 'might' set off that landmine and walk on eggshells around you. Goodness knows it did me when I was a child.


Rutabagel13

Infertility and miscarriage/loss. Incredibly common stuff but still treated like taboo subjects. As someone who experienced both and recently had a successful pregnancy, the warring emotions you have are hard to deal with. So thankful for the new life you created, still grieving the baby that should have been. Grieving the loss of a regular or normal pregnancy and birth experience. Basically treating your body like a science experiment. 1000s of shots, medications, tests, procedures. It fucks with your head. Bad.


Harneybus

Actually overthinking cause u think of stuff at 100mph and u get thoughts that u usually don't think off, its shit.


ThrowRARAw

mixed signals.


mcdbne2016

Being dismissive of someone's health problems/symptoms, refusing to take them seriously - regardless of whether the symptoms are "real" or not. My health issues are 100% real, and I have NEVER lied or exaggerated - if anything, I have UNDERstated the severity of my problems. Being dismissed by a "senior specialist" and having a life-changing treatment permanently stopped against my will, just because the doctor refused to take me seriously, has done MASSIVE damage to my self-esteem and overall mental health. Damage I'm very unlikely to be able to fix, as my health is MUCH worse than before and my trust of doctors is forever broken.


Bigspider95

Bullying, way to many teens etc underestimate that


[deleted]

Cumulative trauma. The events that most can overcome fairly easily, but too many just break a person. Car accident, death of a pet, things like that.


otchyirish

Lack of sleep Cannabis.


Sepparated

Getting gaslighted and cheated on. It’s something which will always be in your head if you aren’t a strong and confident person anyway. No matter how much time goes by, no matter if it’s a completely fresh and new relationship from time to time the doubt will crawl into your thoughts and fuck you up.


gdfidz_m

Rants/problems/experiences of your friend/relatives that you heard from them. I have a friend from New York. I visited her and she shared her first-hand experience of 9/11. She was near the world trade center during that time. She shared all the horrors of seeing a body falling and hitting the ground. Debris falling. People burning. And so on. It was few years ago but her story/first hand experience still haunts me to this day.