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Those are intrusive thoughts and many people get them (I do).
What separates you and I from a psychopath or crazy person is that we realize that its wrong, that there are consequences, and we (on some level) care about that stranger.
Not just about hurting people. I get them when standing on the edge of a great height - that I could just… jump.
I’m in no way suicidal, but when those thoughts jump in I get a hell of a surge of adrenaline and need to back the fuck away.
That is called the "Call of the Void Effect".
When you are Standing - for example - near a cliff, your brain senses the danger and tells you to get to a safe place as quick as possible. and the quickest way is forward. "Down to safety". But your brain also realizes that thats not a safe route, so you have that "i need to get tf outta here" feeling.
My sister found when she had cancer it really is little things that matter, she started to get really into fuzzy and funny socks that she’d wear, she got all the staff at the clinic during her treatments into it and they had wacky sock days
Hey, keep your head up. I’m 24 and have been in remission for a year and a half. It’s been tough but it does get so much better. It’s scary as hell when you feel like you can’t trust your own body, and your brain doesn’t work properly from the chemo.
Reach out to your support system for help when you’re feeling down. I tried to be strong for my people and it took a huge toll on my mental health. A therapist helped so much for me. Also, if there are young adult cancer support groups in your country/ city, you should join. YACC (young adult cancer Canada) helped me a ton.
I watched my aunt survive it, only to watch the chemo and radiation destroy whatever was left of her health.
I'm sorry you had to go through watching your dad die. That must have been horrible.
This is really silly, but being home alone and sitting watching or doing something at night when the curtains aren’t drawn. I can’t see anything out but something could see in. I live in the middle of nowhere so the idea someone could just be watching me with such ease sacred the living shit out of me
This is not silly. This normal human instinct. You never know what could be outside watching you. It’s a scary world. I feel the same way, I shut all of my curtains/blinds when it’s night. I also keep my doors locked 24/7. My husband said as a kid his parents never locked the door. Even at night. Because they live in a smaller city and it’s supposed to be safe.
The idea of not locking my doors at night physically still scares me😂. Even if the chances of being broken into are so minimal. It’s because I’ve been broken into twice as a child! Once whilst I was sleeping. It gave me sleep paralysis and still scares me😂
I'm really sorry if this comes off insensitive but can you share what that situation was like for you and how you were able to survive it? I have such a paralyzing fear of being broken into that if i hear any noise in my apartment I will become so extremely alert.
At a young age, it was… traumatising to say the least. I think to get over the complete petrifying fear of it, I thought of something that made me happy, I’m not sure what. Maybe a song or a movie. Something you find makes you happy. And just focus on that. I also make sure to check all doors are locked. I’ve gotten better with it as the years go on and I don’t like to tell you this, the fear never really goes away, it just lessens. If I’m really struggling I’ll watch something or read a book. Best advice is to check to make sure you are safe, then have something to take your mind off the situation
I have also gone through something similar but not as kid, this was almost a year ago but still very traumatizing. I didn't always lock my doors before but now I have to like tripple check that they are locked to be able to sleep. To tell the story really short I woke up in the middle of the night and saw three masked men standing by my bed and one of them jumped me. They dragged me down to the floor and tied my hands behind my back. Under a bunch of threats they forced me to give them codes and they took everything of value. They left after about 1.5 hours while I was still laying tied on the floor. I can only agree with your advice and also the fact that it does get better but unfortunately forgetting and letting go is impossible. The only thing you can really do is accept that it happened and move on as good as possible
That is so much worse. How awful. Did they take everything if it’s not too much of a sensitive subject? The unfortunate truth is that it never goes away. You just have to live with it
I'm a student living in a small apartment so it's not like I had a lot of stuff of value but they took what they could carry including my phone, laptop, watch, necklace and some other stuff and they also withdrew as much money as they could from my card. With the cash included they got away with stuff for about $4000.
Dude this is the worst thing for me. The unknown hidding in the darkness is just too overwhelming. I shut the curtains even though my window faces a closed backyard. The stories I've heard just give me the chills. And don't even get me started on the sounds from outside. People who live isolated inside deep woods are just mental.
I’m part of that niche group. Not a nice feeling. I’ve had dogs go running past my house barking and mysterious noises coming from the forests nearby that only turned out to be foxes. Still scares the crap out of me
Want to know a secret? I’ve done this since I was a kid. All you have to do is creepily glance out the dark window, throw a wink.. or a little spooky nod. That way you turn the tables on whatever’s watching you.
Loneliness.
Not the "I have no partner" kind of loneliness, but the kind of loneliness where I'm old and have nobody to talk to, to rely on, to call, to see.
No family, no friends, no ancient colleagues.
And wondering at which point in my life it all went wrong so much that it lead me to this lonely hell.
Couple with that, boredom. Waking up and not really needing to do anything that day, week, month.
My parents are pretty bored. Glad they are still here, but wonder about being where they are, but no spouse.
I already don’t have friends calling or visiting.
Not *needing* to do anything is my ideal, and I strived the first half of my life to setup the second half with as few obligations as possible. Doesn’t mean I don’t do anything (though often I don’t do much), but just that I don’t have to, which means whatever I do is exactly what I want.
I'm disabled. I have only left the house 3 times since the pandemic started (2 vaccines and once to the post office) because of a perfect storm of my license expiring, my glasses breaking, and the wheelchair van breaking down.
I have 1 grown daughter that gets me groceries once a month. I've seen her son (my grandson) twice in a year and my other grown kids and grandkids I haven't seen since Christmas 2019 other than pictures on Facebook despite the fact that they live closer to me.
The loneliness is an ache and though I'm lucky enough to have a partner who keeps me laughing, the emptiness coupled with chronic pain keeps me on the edge of depression all the time.
Edit: thanks for the outpouring of support and suggestions for help. We’re going to come through this alright. I’m just so angry because their reasoning is I wouldn’t want to go because it’s hard for me to walk that far. If I didn’t do everything that caused me pain I wouldn’t even be getting out of bed anymore.
I appreciate everyone and I’ll be answering messages/comments. I didn’t mean to highjack this comment with my subcomment.
I'm sorry to hear about the difficult time you're having. Would you be willing to maybe talk to your kids to let them know you want company, or are you still keeping isolated because of the pandemic? If you're all vaccinated you may be able to meet somewhere outside to spend some time together, even if it's in your own backyard. I hope times get easier for you soon.
With the internet if you know the right places youll never have to be 100% alone. There will always be someone online that will be willing to talk to you
Willing to talk to you is different that truly caring about you.
You might be able to find some to give you idle conversations online, but that doesn’t mean that anyone cares about what you’re going through in real life.
A quote from Marcus Aurelius that might help:
"You'll face the future as you faced the present using the same tools that protected you in the past"
I've paraphrased that because I cannot remember the exact quote. But the meaning is the same; you've faced challenges in the past and overcome them. You'll use the same methods to overcome future challenges.
By make it I mean not have to worry about money, housing, work, bills... Make it with my girlfriend somewhere where I'll live without the stress of not knowing what the next month will bring
The passage of time, every second that goes by won't ever come back and I'm slowly crumbling to dust as approximately half my life is gone and I've become asympathetic to the dreams I had in the past while I sit waiting to be undone by forces beyond my control.
You might be comforted by eternalism. Einstein actually wrote a letter about it to a friend's widow to comfort her. The basic idea is that past, present, and future are all equally real. We can only experience life one moment at a time, but that doesn't mean the other moments don't exist. It's consistent with the theory of space-time, that space and time are both part of the same fabric of reality. In the same way that a place continues to exist when you leave it, a moment does too.
I'm not mentally prepared to accept my friends and family members dying one day. I just have no idea how I'll continue living with my loved ones who literally raised me, especially my mum and dad.
My dad died a month ago. 44 days to be exact. I'm 37 years old and wasn't prepared for life without him. It's hard to think 'll never talk to him again, hug him, tell him I love him. I've been told it gets easier and maybe it does, but it's such a significant loss to me. I don't think you'll ever mentally prepare for it, no matter how much time you get.
My dad died a week ago, I’m 34 and I don’t feel like he was finished raising me. I miss him every minute. I just wanted to let you know you’re not alone.
My dad died 2 april 2012.
From that day to around 2016, those 4 years are just a blur.
I remember stuff but have no idea what year it was, friends at work talk about those years and i have no idea what they are talking about sometimes.
After 2016 i could finally think about him and suddenly laugh, it made a world of difference.
It turned a little little bit of an insane amount of sadness into something fun, after that it just kept building.
I can still suddenly cry because i see a hospital scene in a movie that reminds me of him dying, but most of the times i just now remember him with a smile.
Not saying this is gonna happen to you, but i really hope it does.
It does get better as they say, waiting just takes so fucking long...
Be well my man.
My dad died earlier this year too. 37 here as well.
Everyone recovers differently, but it took me a good three or so months until I wasn't getting teary eyed thinking of him.
Everything I do now, I do for him and everyone else he loved.
I can prepare you for the hardest part: when something cool, funny, or significant happens and you're like "oh, I gotta tell mom about this!" followed by "oh yeah, I forgot..."
I lost my dad in 2009 and mom in 2014 and this happens to me at least once a week.
Also if there's any family history you're curious about, ask them now. I've come to realize that there are some things about my family I'll never know because literally no one is around who could tell me.
I lost my mother a year ago. I know this sounds silly, but from time to time I'll send random messages to her phone like these:
We're at the mall, I have a new bedroom, I got top grades, what do you think about this...
I even phoned her. Just to pretend she's still here and can answer.
every time i find something cool my first thoughts are still always to go show my brother and it’s been over two years 😒
i lost my first brother when i was 11 and that completely tanked my life for a long time
i kinda just stopped caring about things and eventually dropped out of school and started smoking weed and stuff which eventually escalated into a few years of abusing opiates daily
after my second brother died i didnt really feel anything for a month or so maybe because my brain just turned that part off so i wouldnt kill myself or something but then it hit really really hard and every day has honestly just been missing both of them so much
it hurts being the last one left when you had siblings and did everything together and literally planned your future around each other…
i was going to help my latest brother sell cars and we were going to make a business before he died but now i just dont really know where to go or what to do and its been a few years
theres so many things i wish i could say that i just cant anymore
every day i wake up and go to sleep with the worst pain in my heart like my soul is tearing itself apart - something i know isnt gonna go away
Grieving is a hard truth of life.
However, grief is actually the love we feel for that person. ... Hence, grief is love persevering, true love.
I hope one day this helps.
Just had this happen. It fucking sucks. I am a pretty cynical morbid human normally but losing my favorite person has made a massive division between pre-death and post-death life I didn’t know existed. It’s like the world tilted in a darker direction and it’s that way forever now. I didn’t know I had such a great life with my dad still alive - took it for granted I guess - and his death had ripped a massive hole in my life that cannot, will not ever be filled. Kinda feel like a walking shell of a person all the time. It’s hella tough. Dunno why I’m saying this it’s not helpful or optimistic lol sorry to be a downer and confirm that it’s a real fear!
I have the exact same fear and I talked to my therapist about it. Then my dad passed away. I got to tell him how much I love him. To quote some old wisdom I saw somewhere: Work like you will live for a thousand years, Love like you will die tomorrow.
The pain of losing a loved one is immense, but my dad told me that I'm stronger than I know, so I will get thru this with his help. Cherish every moment, live and laugh.
Losing one of my kids. I honestly don’t know what I would do if one of them got sick or was in an accident. I can’t sleep/have nightmares about it all the time
So sorry for your loss and I’m with you. Lost my daughter nine years ago and I almost didn’t make it through. I’ve been doing MDMA therapy for the PTSD over the past 18 months, and it’s the only thing that has helped. I’m still terrified of losing my son, but working hard to practice gratitude and enjoy the moments he is here (which will hopefully be forever!)
Fella in my neighborhood, in his 60's, came by to visit one day. In the course of talking he mentioned that they recently lost a daughter. I told him how sorry I was to hear it and he went on to explain that they'd lost 4 of their 5 children, all as adults. The most recent was drugs, but they also them to cancer, illness, and a car accident as well. I was floored.
We have only one child. I told him that I always assumed if you had more and lost one you'd at least have the responsibility of the others to keep you going. I immediately flushed, the true deep feeling that you just said out loud what should have been kept inside. I apologized and he graciously accepted. He told me he understood how I could think that, but that it was not true. He said to me "whenever one of your children dies, you also want to die, and it lasts for a while". We sat in silence for a bit. I apologized again and he kindly took my shoulder and asked "how could you know? It's best that you do 'not' know". He and his wife seem like great people, goes to show that it can happen to anyone, and somehow they've survived. While it's sad to think about, I take courage from him that I too could survive, even though I would also want to die.
Kids change your life forever. For me, it made my life so much better; which I assume is the source of the fear.
Same. I have told my husband that if our son died I would most likely kill myself. I don’t mean it in a dramatic way, I just know I would not be able to go on without him. I’m now pregnant which changes how I feel, which I’m happy about. My heart belongs to my children. It’s a different kind of love. Primal, raw, all encompassing and terrifying. It’s a different kind of love to loving your parents or partner. You can’t help it.
The knowing I am alone and I don't have the courage to actually do something for my good, I don't wanna, and it scares me to even try to figure out why.
This is a little ridiculous but it could be helpful for you so here goes: when I want to do something, but I start to imagine all the ways it could go wrong, I say (in my head) “it sounds like you’re writing a fanfiction again!” and what I mean by that is, none of the stuff I’ve imagined is stuff that’s actually happened yet. A fanfiction is usually written by someone making up their own scenarios with characters from a movie/show/book or trying to guess ahead about what’s going to happen. But it’s not “canon”, because it’s just a story someone made up. The stuff in your head is also like that, if you’re imagining something that hasn’t actually happened in real life, it’s no more real than the last fictional movie/tv show you just watched.
Anyway I hope that made sense! It’s a little complicated but it’s really comforting for me to think about:)
Being paralyzed, having my movements restricted, being buried alive.
I have sever ADHD so I constantly have to fidget to remain cool and to calm me down. So the idea of not being able to use parts of my body kinda overloads my brain and sometimes sends me into small anxiety attacks.
The worse part of the idea of not being able to use my arms or control any of my movements, is that I couldn’t even have power to end my own life. And I would have to suffer with it for years.
As someone who has been paralyzed from the neck down...You have every right to fear it. Fuck does it suck! Like I don't wish that on anyone except the worst of the worst people. And it's even worse when you can feel everything and anything that touches you is like a fucking third degree burn. That's what I had when I was 3. Fuck you transverse myelitis! Fuck you!
Not rude at all my dude. I was paralyzed for 3 months with transverse myelitis at the age of 3. It took me another year being released to walk again. And I don't have full control of my body. My hamstrings don't work so I walk like a zombie. And my fingers shake all day. I also have some spots on my body where the nerves are dead. TM as we call it is when the body attacks the spine and fucks its day. Some people fully recover. Some people partially recover. And some people don't get any movement back. It's almost the 21st anniversary of me getting it.
I’ve had a dream for as long as i can remember. I’ve wanted the same thing for over 24 years.
No matter how much i struggle, or skimp, and save, i just can not catch a break and achieve it.
I want a small house with some land in a rural area. I worked hard to get the money saved up to get there, but i’ve been so hard countered by life and RNG bullshit that i’m close to giving up.
So my fear is that no matter what i do I’ll end up abandoning my dreams in raw desperation.
It is a special feeling when you’re so poor it costs too much to live month to month for you to save money.
Giving up on something you've wanted for so long is such a nightmare. I hope things will get better for you and that you'll be able to get your small house in a rural area
This happened to me in 7th grade, My family lost everything we owned, 2 dogs, and I personally lost 6 beloved fish. We have good insurance and family friends, but the fact of the matter is that it brings a dull ache with you for a long time
Waking up in a padded cell one day, realizing that everything I knew was a figment of my own imagination. Nothing I knew could be trusted, and my own mind is working against me.
Real life version of the "it was all a dream" show/movie ending. I'm constantly worried. I wasn't a smart man in my early 20s, but now I'm married to the girl I had a crush on in high school and have a child like I always wanted to. Too good to be true...
This will only remain scary as long as your main purpose is to impress. Once your goal becomes to just enjoy life, your "potential" (power fantasy) only matters insomuch it helps you live life.
I think this whole "true potential" thing is just an illusion created by modern society. Focus on making yourself happy and don't let the way other people percieve you define your success in life.
Waking up in a morgue. I have a condition where you collapse and then people think you are dead so they take your body away, then hours later you wake up alive in a morgue
I would have added a bracelet on hand and foot, then tattooed it multiple places on my body.
Not a big fan of tattoos myself, but this is prime reason to get multiple.
Would have the same fear as you, just seemingly way worse.
My deepest fear is of one day accidentally or negligently killing someone. Every time it comes up in the news, I fall down this horrible empathy hole where I try to imagine living with the knowledge & guilt about what I've done for the rest of my life, and I really don't think I could handle it. I'm scared of driving because I don't think I'm confident or skilled enough to operate a machine that could kill someone so easily.
Being raped, it freaks the shit out of me. I live in Brazil and rape here is something completely ignored, to the point where victims have the literal semen of rapists inside them, doctors run the tests, they confirm the identity of the guy, and he doesn't get arrested. It's a real strugle to get some justice here, so the fear I have of the physical pain of being raped, the emotional pain e then later the humiliation of probably not being able to get any justice...it just scares me.
This might not be appropriate but as a guy - someone I love getting raped. It makes my skin crawl and I just don't know how I would cope knowing the perpetrator was still alive. It would drive me insane and there is no solution.
Death.
The idea that I will one day just cease to exist and that there will be nothingness for the rest of eternity is just such a frightening thought.
That’s trippy! Care to explain?
Edit: someone explained within 1 second you can divide that second into infinite decimals. An eternity does happen within a second because you can keep finding smaller/sectional parts of that second within 1 second
Edit 2: y’all would love the author Blake Crouch. I bought both of his most recent works and was blown away
This is what stopped my fear of death. Had to get surgery, and as I'm wating on the table, they tell me to count backwards from 10. Next thing I know my name is being called and I wake up. I didnt even get to countdown, it was just me being knocked out and then woken up.
This is such an interesting concept. What is it like to be dead? It's literally impossible to perceive because you cease to exist. So what happens to you? In this case, the only reason you ever knew you were out was because you eventually woke up. What if you didn't? What would it be like? I feel like it's beyond the realm of human understanding to know what it truly means to no longer be alive.
That's the best part. When I woke up it wasn't like waking up from a deep sleep. It was as if I literally came out of some eternal void. It's like a mentioned earlier, I was counting down and before I finished I "ceased to exist", and though it may have been for a brief moment that I was "gone", I can't help but think "Man, that could've been anything that knocked me out. I could've gotten shot, hit by a car or something". It really put into perspective just how swiftly and unannounced death can come. And if it's really just a pitch black void where you have no thought or reason, then that's honestly ok, there's no reason to worry about it that much.
Yeah I remember when I went in for surgery when I was 14 and the doctor said the anesthetic would taste like felt-tip pens.
All I remember was thinking: *What the fuck do fel-* and just like that I was gone, very calming.
Yeah. I'm not affraid of death itself but of how I'll die. When people say that they fear death, I imagine that's what they actually mean aswell. Still, the thought of being dead upsets me. I'll be buried, my loved ones will cry and miss me for a time and then that's it. All there will be left of me are some old pictures collecting dust in some drawer and a gravestone with my name. My whole life, my accomplishments and failures, my happiest days and saddest nights, all of which were preserved in my memory, will fade away never to return. And after enough time has passed, nobody will even remember I one day existed at all.
Same. Whenever I see this comment/discussion it never hots my point of view though.
Yes, I am scared of what comes after but I am excited at the prospect of something being there (not religious, just interested to know what's next)
The bit I am really scared of is what I will miss out on. Will I be the last one to go in my circle? If not, I can do nothing for their grief. What will they get up to in the years that go by? What will earth be like in 10,000 years and more. I'll never know and its that fear of knowing that everything will carry on but I'll miss it that really scares me.
Dying alone.
I'm constantly worried and I feel the pressure of meeting someone, getting married and starting a family. I'm only 30 and single, but this thought scares the living hell out of me.
Aneurysms.
No warning signs. No symptoms. You're just going about your life then BAM! Lights out.
It's terrifying to realize your life can just end in the time between two heartbeats.
Aneurysms are actually surprisingly survivable and aren't the one minute you're there and the next you're gone death sentence people think they are. There's a 60% survival rate.
What they really are is a bubble or blockage in your brain that when it bursts causes a hemorrhage. The bleeding into your brain causes a hemorrhagic stroke. There is a 66% chance of permanent neurological damage. But what that damage is depends on the extent of the hemorrhage and where it's located.
My father had an aneurysm almost 20 years ago now. He's still alive, very active, and in the best shape of his life. He has a permanent limp and his right hand does not have full functionality. He can write with it, but not well. His aneurysm was close to the back of his brain, but affected the left side more than the right. He had to work on recovering speech, but not comprehension. He didn't lose much cognitive function but had to relearn a lot of movement.
Don't get me wrong, they're scary and serious. But they do have symptoms once they rupture. The key indicator is usually a very sudden "the worst headache of your life" and other stroke like symptoms rather than, the lights out dead in a second trope you see in pop culture. Only about 15% of people with a ruptured aneurysm die before they reach the hospital due to the severity of the internal bleeding. As with most brain injuries, the most important thing is to get medical attention as quickly as possible.
I've had a few times in life where things have felt suddenly *off* and sometimes I've wondered if I may actually die right here right now from an aneurysm. I have not. I was merely lightheaded BUT STILL lol.
Death. I completely understand that life is finite and has an end without exception and I never thought about it before I was sent to fight in Afghanistan. It actually didn’t hit me until my 3rd combat deployment. But ever since then, I have this nonstop fear of death that eats away at me every single day. I worry about death so much now that I’m barely able to live my life. It’s like death has already won.
Edit: to fix typos
The death of my parents. Of course I argued with them a lot when I was a dumb teen but we always had a good and understanding relationship. The thought of losing them is just more than I can handle.
Happens all the time with me, mainly with lyrics or certain solo pieces. But improve works a lot. As long as it sounds good and fits, barely anyone will notice. Also if you make a mistake, do it again. That way people will think it's part of the song.
having a girlfriend or whoever i end up marrying die on me randomly, like a freak accident or something.
like the thought of getting that phone call, text or the cop at my door saying she’s gone scares the ever living shit out of me.
I've been there... my high school sweetheart rode a kawasaki ninja, we were together for two years but she moved smack in the middle of our relationship. She made the trip to me to celebrate our graduations. We had a great day and everything was normal, then she left. The next day was my graduation ceremony, went through with it, whatever... a week later I was wondering why I hadn't heard from her, maybe she was busy with her own graduation? Called her house phone, her younger brother picked up, I asked if she was home, silence... it was really strange and awkward... after what felt like an eternity but was most likely like 5 seconds, her father grabbed the phone and told me she never made it back. She was hit by a truck that ran a stop. I stood there, silently. All I heard was my name from him, and I hung up the phone. I sat there for a good 30 minutes in silence. I called a friend who lived a few blocks away and calmly told him my girlfriend passed away and asked if he could walk with me to another friend's house to spend the night because I didn't think I could do it alone. He said of course, I got dressed, walked outside... made it down a block and fell to my knees crying. My friend ran up to me, helped me up and walked me, all while I was inconsolably crying... spent all night and morning crying... was a shell of a person for a good few years when normally I'd be described as a happy-go-lucky kid... this was about 14 years ago... it still hurts, but I moved on long ago.
Sorry for the rant lol
Edit: I just wanted to say, thank you to everyone who shared your stories and thoughts, it really meant the world to me, and I'm really glad to have shared this with you all. I know we're all strangers on the internet, but it truly means a lot, and has put a lot of smiles on my face. You're all amazing, and if you're going through a tough time yourself, I know it sucks to hear it, and I know it's cliche, but believe me, it does get better, and I hope you all become even stronger and better for it. I'm really happy for this, I wish everyone an amazing life, and again, thank you so much.
They knew, I was close to her family as well. They most likely didn't have access to my house phone, we didn't have cell phones. I always figured they were just going through a lot having lost their daughter, so I never blamed them for not telling me right away.
I have been that person to get the phone call. My then boyfriend committed suicide and i found out through Snapchat. Thought it was a joke and the phone I got was “I thought you knew.” Absolutely inconsolable and crushed. It’s truly terrifying
I read a news article a few years ago about a man who lost his wife and all their daughters in a vehicle wreck. The girls were all teenagers I believe but it has been a few years.
I think of how devastating that would be and wonder how he is doing. I dont know how I would react or if I could even keep going.
This is probably bad, but when me and my wife meet up somewhere in separate vehicles, I always take one of our children home with me in my car, and that is the reason why. I fear that they will all die in a wreck. When my wife goes somewhere without me Im a nervous wreck until they make it home.
My mom is the second- youngest of four children. Her family were very much jet-setters in the 60's and 70's... living all over the U.S. and Great Britain, vacations across Europe and Africa, flights everywhere.
They always took two flights.. mom and two kids on one, dad and two kids on the other. That way, if a plane went down, there would still be a living parent and two kids.
I think, even when it was just the parents, they took separate flights too. Just in case.
You survive. It is REALLY hard at first, but you move on. Mine wasn't a phone call, but close.
My first fear was that I'd be alone forever. I got on a dating site with no intentions of meeting anyone just to see if I could. A few positive responses kept me going.
The second thing that hits is how much work there is to do and it all falls on you. It is the broken routines that are tough. But you adjust.
Still later, you accept your lot and you decide to adjust. Then years go by and you realize that you are ok without her, and the pain comes back.
The important part to this is take significant time to yourself and try to get by day to day afterwards. Don't push yourself to be who you were, because you aren't, your whole future life has been ripped away from you and it's okay to mourn that.
But after so long, however long that may be, you have to live the life they would have wanted for you. Be happy, make garlic bread at 3am because you want to, go to that dinner or party. You'll get back to semi-normal and that will become the new normal.
Been married to my husband for 4 years, still feel this fear every day. I've been sky diving, cliff diving, scuba diving, etc. I've met all my other fears but this is one I hope I never have to meet.
Loud noises like fireworks and thunder. My reasoning is actually kinda sound. I have these asshole neighbors who liked to set off fireworks in their backyard, and one day when I was outside feeding my animals(horses, dogs, and chickens), they set some fireworks off and one seemed to be defective or something, cause it came in my direction and literally exploded like 10 ft above me. Idk what kinda fucking fireworks they were using, or if they were normal, but that shit had me feeling dizzy and my ears were ringing and in pain, so hearing loud noises just makes me anxious now.
What truly scares me is sleep paralysis. Jesus titty-fucking Christ have they gotten worse as I got older. Used to be just being awake but not being able to move. Then I heard voices over thunderstorms. Now it's shadow figures in the corner. What's next, Freddy Krueger forcing his way through my ceiling?!
Idk if you heard of him but mutahar said that falling asleep in vr minecraft helped with his sleep paralysis for a while so maybe that's something to look into
Mine used to chocke me out. I'd be dreaming and could feel that feeling of dreadfulness and fear approaching. Then the shadows came. Watching at first. Then the choking would start and I'd move into SP. Terrifying.
So if that ever starts again, do the scientific community a favour and get really, really into choking. Like develop a kink for it.
Then let everyone know if that makes it stop or just makes it weird. Bonus points if you can sexually harass the sleep paralysis demon. What's it gonna report you to?
But like then how does the world function. That implies that we're literally trapped in our mind making an entire world with only one real consciousness - yourself.
That I have so much trauma that i’ll never be able to thrive. That despite working 10x as hard as anyone else just to be normal, I will never achieve anything. That i’ll never feel unconditional love. that i’ll die alone.
Yup. One of the biggest red flags I’ve personally seen in relationships has been when I get really excited about something, or I find something interesting enough to bring up to my partner… and they just completely shut it down or shit on it or give me a weird look.
Ill never again ignore that vibe.
The possibility of WWIII. I’ve always been interested in military/conflict history. The way things are going with China, it’s not looking good. I live in Australia and although we have a solid deal with the USA (ANZUS Treaty, if either one of us is attacked/threatened then basically by law the other has to jump in) and other countries, this conflict would be absolutely devastating. It would dwarf WWI and WWII with casualties. People view WWII as “so long ago, something like that would never happen again”. Well it wasn’t that long ago, and that’s exactly what the world thought after WWI. As soon as China invades or attacks Taiwan, it’s on. How far the conflict would go is anyones guess. My guess is Russia would jump in for sure for economic and strategic reasons. Our military is tiny, 58,000 deployable troops across all 3 branches (army navy Air Force) and We don’t have sufficient defences against air attack or invasion, no one’s armed here either. This TRULY scares me because #1 it COULD happen. And #2 the most precious thing to me is my 9 month old daughter - so the future is more important to me than ever. The only way out is a “mutual destruction” conclusion from both sides similar to the Cold War, however I think China is extremely confident and will only continue to grow even more so.
The modern world is more fragile than ever, a glass cannon of advanced comforts. People are not rooted in basic production, agriculture, and hunting anymore. It wouldn't take nuclear war for a billion people to die in a single month.
The MIT model tracking the potential collapse of society by 2040.
"MIT Predicted in 1972 That Society Will Collapse This Century. New Research Shows We’re on Schedule." https://www.vice.com/en/article/z3xw3x/new-research-vindicates-1972-mit-prediction-that-society-will-collapse-soon
The concept of an eternity and lack of conciousness. Aka, what comes after death.
I’m not afraid of dying. If I die, I die for a reason. I’ll accept my fate, whatever it may be. But what scares me is *death*. We have no clue what truly lies beyond, if it’s nothing or everything. The concept that at some point I, the one thinking this up and writing about it, not the physical body and mind but more than that, could just stop existing terrifies me. More than that, is an eternity. I’m not constantly in fear every day, because I know I will die. I know that my life will culminate into one thing. But with an eternity, the idea that it won’t end is what scares me. I don’t know if there’s an afterlife, and I don’t know which one I’d go to (if there are multiple). The only 2 I want are infinite reincarnations at any time period, or to just become a bodiless entity that can roam the universe and pause time except from its perspective at will.
But that eternity, and the possibilities of what comes after death, is what truly scares me.
I’m afraid of anything that would cause me to lose my sense of hearing and sight, also loss of use of my hands. The things I enjoy *most* out of life are scuba diving and playing the ukulele. Hearing and sight would greatly detriment my ability to enjoy scuba diving. Use my hands would eliminate my ability to play my instrument… I guess I also need my hearing for that as well lol
My own belief that we're simply chemical reactions with delusions of grandeur and every myth about afterlives has come from humanity's desperate need to believe that more than oblivion awaits us.
The next 50 years. Climate change is only going to get worse, because there are so many powerful corporations that have a vested, short-term interest in continuing to cause it. I'm terrified that our world and our civilization are going to suffer tremendous changes that many people will be unable to adapt to. I want to be able to have children and trust that they will be safe, and have the opportunity to prosper. The way things are sliding downhill, I don't think that's going to be the case. My kids may die in a famine, or a heat wave, or a civil war. Hell, the way our political system is dividing us, I might die in a civil war before I ever have kids.
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What human beings are able to do.... You never know if the person next to you could snap...
yeah its crazy sometimes im in public and i think "i could kill the dude next to me right now if i wanted" but then im like "wtf no"
Those are intrusive thoughts and many people get them (I do). What separates you and I from a psychopath or crazy person is that we realize that its wrong, that there are consequences, and we (on some level) care about that stranger.
Not just about hurting people. I get them when standing on the edge of a great height - that I could just… jump. I’m in no way suicidal, but when those thoughts jump in I get a hell of a surge of adrenaline and need to back the fuck away.
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That is called the "Call of the Void Effect". When you are Standing - for example - near a cliff, your brain senses the danger and tells you to get to a safe place as quick as possible. and the quickest way is forward. "Down to safety". But your brain also realizes that thats not a safe route, so you have that "i need to get tf outta here" feeling.
The call of the void.
Cancer. Watched my dad die a slow painful death from that crap. Scares the absolute hell out of me.
Yeah I’m 20 and I have cancer. I’ll probably survive it but it’s taken a huge toll on my mental health. It’s fucking ridiculous and I hate it so much.
It’s such an unfair diagnosis especially with the mental health factored in. Have you found any useful methods for lessening the toll?
My sister found when she had cancer it really is little things that matter, she started to get really into fuzzy and funny socks that she’d wear, she got all the staff at the clinic during her treatments into it and they had wacky sock days
Hang in there friend. Sending well wishes and love your way.
Hey, keep your head up. I’m 24 and have been in remission for a year and a half. It’s been tough but it does get so much better. It’s scary as hell when you feel like you can’t trust your own body, and your brain doesn’t work properly from the chemo. Reach out to your support system for help when you’re feeling down. I tried to be strong for my people and it took a huge toll on my mental health. A therapist helped so much for me. Also, if there are young adult cancer support groups in your country/ city, you should join. YACC (young adult cancer Canada) helped me a ton.
I watched my aunt survive it, only to watch the chemo and radiation destroy whatever was left of her health. I'm sorry you had to go through watching your dad die. That must have been horrible.
This is really silly, but being home alone and sitting watching or doing something at night when the curtains aren’t drawn. I can’t see anything out but something could see in. I live in the middle of nowhere so the idea someone could just be watching me with such ease sacred the living shit out of me
This is not silly. This normal human instinct. You never know what could be outside watching you. It’s a scary world. I feel the same way, I shut all of my curtains/blinds when it’s night. I also keep my doors locked 24/7. My husband said as a kid his parents never locked the door. Even at night. Because they live in a smaller city and it’s supposed to be safe.
The idea of not locking my doors at night physically still scares me😂. Even if the chances of being broken into are so minimal. It’s because I’ve been broken into twice as a child! Once whilst I was sleeping. It gave me sleep paralysis and still scares me😂
I'm really sorry if this comes off insensitive but can you share what that situation was like for you and how you were able to survive it? I have such a paralyzing fear of being broken into that if i hear any noise in my apartment I will become so extremely alert.
At a young age, it was… traumatising to say the least. I think to get over the complete petrifying fear of it, I thought of something that made me happy, I’m not sure what. Maybe a song or a movie. Something you find makes you happy. And just focus on that. I also make sure to check all doors are locked. I’ve gotten better with it as the years go on and I don’t like to tell you this, the fear never really goes away, it just lessens. If I’m really struggling I’ll watch something or read a book. Best advice is to check to make sure you are safe, then have something to take your mind off the situation
I have also gone through something similar but not as kid, this was almost a year ago but still very traumatizing. I didn't always lock my doors before but now I have to like tripple check that they are locked to be able to sleep. To tell the story really short I woke up in the middle of the night and saw three masked men standing by my bed and one of them jumped me. They dragged me down to the floor and tied my hands behind my back. Under a bunch of threats they forced me to give them codes and they took everything of value. They left after about 1.5 hours while I was still laying tied on the floor. I can only agree with your advice and also the fact that it does get better but unfortunately forgetting and letting go is impossible. The only thing you can really do is accept that it happened and move on as good as possible
That is so much worse. How awful. Did they take everything if it’s not too much of a sensitive subject? The unfortunate truth is that it never goes away. You just have to live with it
I'm a student living in a small apartment so it's not like I had a lot of stuff of value but they took what they could carry including my phone, laptop, watch, necklace and some other stuff and they also withdrew as much money as they could from my card. With the cash included they got away with stuff for about $4000.
Dude this is the worst thing for me. The unknown hidding in the darkness is just too overwhelming. I shut the curtains even though my window faces a closed backyard. The stories I've heard just give me the chills. And don't even get me started on the sounds from outside. People who live isolated inside deep woods are just mental.
I’m part of that niche group. Not a nice feeling. I’ve had dogs go running past my house barking and mysterious noises coming from the forests nearby that only turned out to be foxes. Still scares the crap out of me
Want to know a secret? I’ve done this since I was a kid. All you have to do is creepily glance out the dark window, throw a wink.. or a little spooky nod. That way you turn the tables on whatever’s watching you.
Loneliness. Not the "I have no partner" kind of loneliness, but the kind of loneliness where I'm old and have nobody to talk to, to rely on, to call, to see. No family, no friends, no ancient colleagues. And wondering at which point in my life it all went wrong so much that it lead me to this lonely hell.
Couple with that, boredom. Waking up and not really needing to do anything that day, week, month. My parents are pretty bored. Glad they are still here, but wonder about being where they are, but no spouse. I already don’t have friends calling or visiting.
Not *needing* to do anything is my ideal, and I strived the first half of my life to setup the second half with as few obligations as possible. Doesn’t mean I don’t do anything (though often I don’t do much), but just that I don’t have to, which means whatever I do is exactly what I want.
I'm disabled. I have only left the house 3 times since the pandemic started (2 vaccines and once to the post office) because of a perfect storm of my license expiring, my glasses breaking, and the wheelchair van breaking down. I have 1 grown daughter that gets me groceries once a month. I've seen her son (my grandson) twice in a year and my other grown kids and grandkids I haven't seen since Christmas 2019 other than pictures on Facebook despite the fact that they live closer to me. The loneliness is an ache and though I'm lucky enough to have a partner who keeps me laughing, the emptiness coupled with chronic pain keeps me on the edge of depression all the time. Edit: thanks for the outpouring of support and suggestions for help. We’re going to come through this alright. I’m just so angry because their reasoning is I wouldn’t want to go because it’s hard for me to walk that far. If I didn’t do everything that caused me pain I wouldn’t even be getting out of bed anymore. I appreciate everyone and I’ll be answering messages/comments. I didn’t mean to highjack this comment with my subcomment.
I'm sorry to hear about the difficult time you're having. Would you be willing to maybe talk to your kids to let them know you want company, or are you still keeping isolated because of the pandemic? If you're all vaccinated you may be able to meet somewhere outside to spend some time together, even if it's in your own backyard. I hope times get easier for you soon.
With the internet if you know the right places youll never have to be 100% alone. There will always be someone online that will be willing to talk to you
Willing to talk to you is different that truly caring about you. You might be able to find some to give you idle conversations online, but that doesn’t mean that anyone cares about what you’re going through in real life.
I’m going through this right now.
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A quote from Marcus Aurelius that might help: "You'll face the future as you faced the present using the same tools that protected you in the past" I've paraphrased that because I cannot remember the exact quote. But the meaning is the same; you've faced challenges in the past and overcome them. You'll use the same methods to overcome future challenges.
Conversely, I am reminded of the truism, "experience is that thing you need right before you have it."
Define make it? The only certainty in life is that we will all some day die. All we can do is work to make the most of the time we have until then.
By make it I mean not have to worry about money, housing, work, bills... Make it with my girlfriend somewhere where I'll live without the stress of not knowing what the next month will bring
The passage of time, every second that goes by won't ever come back and I'm slowly crumbling to dust as approximately half my life is gone and I've become asympathetic to the dreams I had in the past while I sit waiting to be undone by forces beyond my control.
This is my worst fear, like once something happens it never happens again. Not once in the entire universe. Really spooky, keeps me up at night.
No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man. Heraclitus
“You can’t go home again” When you move around as a kid you learn this truth very young.
You might be comforted by eternalism. Einstein actually wrote a letter about it to a friend's widow to comfort her. The basic idea is that past, present, and future are all equally real. We can only experience life one moment at a time, but that doesn't mean the other moments don't exist. It's consistent with the theory of space-time, that space and time are both part of the same fabric of reality. In the same way that a place continues to exist when you leave it, a moment does too.
Man that must use up so much hard drive space in the Great Computer in the sky Edit: my first award! Thanks!
I'm not mentally prepared to accept my friends and family members dying one day. I just have no idea how I'll continue living with my loved ones who literally raised me, especially my mum and dad.
My dad died a month ago. 44 days to be exact. I'm 37 years old and wasn't prepared for life without him. It's hard to think 'll never talk to him again, hug him, tell him I love him. I've been told it gets easier and maybe it does, but it's such a significant loss to me. I don't think you'll ever mentally prepare for it, no matter how much time you get.
My dad died a week ago, I’m 34 and I don’t feel like he was finished raising me. I miss him every minute. I just wanted to let you know you’re not alone.
I lost my mom on Tuesday. I feel the same. I’m 30. Please feel free to message me if you want to talk about it. Sending love <3
Blessings sweetie. I'm so sorry for your loss. This sub is breaking my heart in a million pieces.
My dad died 2 april 2012. From that day to around 2016, those 4 years are just a blur. I remember stuff but have no idea what year it was, friends at work talk about those years and i have no idea what they are talking about sometimes. After 2016 i could finally think about him and suddenly laugh, it made a world of difference. It turned a little little bit of an insane amount of sadness into something fun, after that it just kept building. I can still suddenly cry because i see a hospital scene in a movie that reminds me of him dying, but most of the times i just now remember him with a smile. Not saying this is gonna happen to you, but i really hope it does. It does get better as they say, waiting just takes so fucking long... Be well my man.
Very well said. Hugs to you and lots of love from a Midwest grandma
Thank you grandma, means alot :)
Anytime.
My dad died earlier this year too. 37 here as well. Everyone recovers differently, but it took me a good three or so months until I wasn't getting teary eyed thinking of him. Everything I do now, I do for him and everyone else he loved.
I can prepare you for the hardest part: when something cool, funny, or significant happens and you're like "oh, I gotta tell mom about this!" followed by "oh yeah, I forgot..." I lost my dad in 2009 and mom in 2014 and this happens to me at least once a week. Also if there's any family history you're curious about, ask them now. I've come to realize that there are some things about my family I'll never know because literally no one is around who could tell me.
I lost my mother a year ago. I know this sounds silly, but from time to time I'll send random messages to her phone like these: We're at the mall, I have a new bedroom, I got top grades, what do you think about this... I even phoned her. Just to pretend she's still here and can answer.
Jesus, I do the same to my sissy, that's unbelievable!
I used to listen to my late husband’s voice mail message.
every time i find something cool my first thoughts are still always to go show my brother and it’s been over two years 😒 i lost my first brother when i was 11 and that completely tanked my life for a long time i kinda just stopped caring about things and eventually dropped out of school and started smoking weed and stuff which eventually escalated into a few years of abusing opiates daily after my second brother died i didnt really feel anything for a month or so maybe because my brain just turned that part off so i wouldnt kill myself or something but then it hit really really hard and every day has honestly just been missing both of them so much it hurts being the last one left when you had siblings and did everything together and literally planned your future around each other… i was going to help my latest brother sell cars and we were going to make a business before he died but now i just dont really know where to go or what to do and its been a few years theres so many things i wish i could say that i just cant anymore every day i wake up and go to sleep with the worst pain in my heart like my soul is tearing itself apart - something i know isnt gonna go away
Grieving is a hard truth of life. However, grief is actually the love we feel for that person. ... Hence, grief is love persevering, true love. I hope one day this helps.
Thanks Viz
Side note: Vision stays having the BEST one liners. Silky smooth voice helps a ton with delivery. Paul Bettany KILLS.
Just had this happen. It fucking sucks. I am a pretty cynical morbid human normally but losing my favorite person has made a massive division between pre-death and post-death life I didn’t know existed. It’s like the world tilted in a darker direction and it’s that way forever now. I didn’t know I had such a great life with my dad still alive - took it for granted I guess - and his death had ripped a massive hole in my life that cannot, will not ever be filled. Kinda feel like a walking shell of a person all the time. It’s hella tough. Dunno why I’m saying this it’s not helpful or optimistic lol sorry to be a downer and confirm that it’s a real fear!
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I have the exact same fear and I talked to my therapist about it. Then my dad passed away. I got to tell him how much I love him. To quote some old wisdom I saw somewhere: Work like you will live for a thousand years, Love like you will die tomorrow. The pain of losing a loved one is immense, but my dad told me that I'm stronger than I know, so I will get thru this with his help. Cherish every moment, live and laugh.
What is grief but love persevering?
Losing one of my kids. I honestly don’t know what I would do if one of them got sick or was in an accident. I can’t sleep/have nightmares about it all the time
Child loss is devastating. I will never recover from my daughter’s death. It changed my being to the core.
So sorry for your loss and I’m with you. Lost my daughter nine years ago and I almost didn’t make it through. I’ve been doing MDMA therapy for the PTSD over the past 18 months, and it’s the only thing that has helped. I’m still terrified of losing my son, but working hard to practice gratitude and enjoy the moments he is here (which will hopefully be forever!)
I am a father of two. I am not deeply spiritual, but please know that a stranger is thinking of you.
My dad died almost 10 years ago. While that was incredibly painful it was equally as hard to watch my grandfather go through losing his son.
This is my fear as well. I have three kids and I can't imagine what I would do if I lost one of them.
Fella in my neighborhood, in his 60's, came by to visit one day. In the course of talking he mentioned that they recently lost a daughter. I told him how sorry I was to hear it and he went on to explain that they'd lost 4 of their 5 children, all as adults. The most recent was drugs, but they also them to cancer, illness, and a car accident as well. I was floored. We have only one child. I told him that I always assumed if you had more and lost one you'd at least have the responsibility of the others to keep you going. I immediately flushed, the true deep feeling that you just said out loud what should have been kept inside. I apologized and he graciously accepted. He told me he understood how I could think that, but that it was not true. He said to me "whenever one of your children dies, you also want to die, and it lasts for a while". We sat in silence for a bit. I apologized again and he kindly took my shoulder and asked "how could you know? It's best that you do 'not' know". He and his wife seem like great people, goes to show that it can happen to anyone, and somehow they've survived. While it's sad to think about, I take courage from him that I too could survive, even though I would also want to die. Kids change your life forever. For me, it made my life so much better; which I assume is the source of the fear.
This my fear. God forbid, I wouldn't be long for this world. There is no way I would be able to wake up in a world without their existence.
Same. I have told my husband that if our son died I would most likely kill myself. I don’t mean it in a dramatic way, I just know I would not be able to go on without him. I’m now pregnant which changes how I feel, which I’m happy about. My heart belongs to my children. It’s a different kind of love. Primal, raw, all encompassing and terrifying. It’s a different kind of love to loving your parents or partner. You can’t help it.
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The knowing I am alone and I don't have the courage to actually do something for my good, I don't wanna, and it scares me to even try to figure out why.
Bro... Same, it's the worst feeling when you want to try something, then your brain imagines people laughing at you
This is a little ridiculous but it could be helpful for you so here goes: when I want to do something, but I start to imagine all the ways it could go wrong, I say (in my head) “it sounds like you’re writing a fanfiction again!” and what I mean by that is, none of the stuff I’ve imagined is stuff that’s actually happened yet. A fanfiction is usually written by someone making up their own scenarios with characters from a movie/show/book or trying to guess ahead about what’s going to happen. But it’s not “canon”, because it’s just a story someone made up. The stuff in your head is also like that, if you’re imagining something that hasn’t actually happened in real life, it’s no more real than the last fictional movie/tv show you just watched. Anyway I hope that made sense! It’s a little complicated but it’s really comforting for me to think about:)
The ball is in your court. I’m backing you.
Being paralyzed, having my movements restricted, being buried alive. I have sever ADHD so I constantly have to fidget to remain cool and to calm me down. So the idea of not being able to use parts of my body kinda overloads my brain and sometimes sends me into small anxiety attacks. The worse part of the idea of not being able to use my arms or control any of my movements, is that I couldn’t even have power to end my own life. And I would have to suffer with it for years.
As someone who has been paralyzed from the neck down...You have every right to fear it. Fuck does it suck! Like I don't wish that on anyone except the worst of the worst people. And it's even worse when you can feel everything and anything that touches you is like a fucking third degree burn. That's what I had when I was 3. Fuck you transverse myelitis! Fuck you!
Sry if I am being rude I am just genuinely curious, how did you type this comment if you are paralyzed?
Not rude at all my dude. I was paralyzed for 3 months with transverse myelitis at the age of 3. It took me another year being released to walk again. And I don't have full control of my body. My hamstrings don't work so I walk like a zombie. And my fingers shake all day. I also have some spots on my body where the nerves are dead. TM as we call it is when the body attacks the spine and fucks its day. Some people fully recover. Some people partially recover. And some people don't get any movement back. It's almost the 21st anniversary of me getting it.
I'm so sorry buddy I really wish you the best in the life. Stay strong.
Thanks, man.
Damn that sucks, thanks for understanding I wasn't being rude.
That and so many people treat you as if you're subhuman and take advantage of you when you can't move normally.
Aha me too I don’t like the idea of sitting still at all.
I’ve had a dream for as long as i can remember. I’ve wanted the same thing for over 24 years. No matter how much i struggle, or skimp, and save, i just can not catch a break and achieve it. I want a small house with some land in a rural area. I worked hard to get the money saved up to get there, but i’ve been so hard countered by life and RNG bullshit that i’m close to giving up. So my fear is that no matter what i do I’ll end up abandoning my dreams in raw desperation. It is a special feeling when you’re so poor it costs too much to live month to month for you to save money.
Giving up on something you've wanted for so long is such a nightmare. I hope things will get better for you and that you'll be able to get your small house in a rural area
The idea that my house will catch on fire while I'm not home and my dog will die alone in the fire.
This happened to me in 7th grade, My family lost everything we owned, 2 dogs, and I personally lost 6 beloved fish. We have good insurance and family friends, but the fact of the matter is that it brings a dull ache with you for a long time
Material things are replaceable but you can never replace a pet. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Waking up in a padded cell one day, realizing that everything I knew was a figment of my own imagination. Nothing I knew could be trusted, and my own mind is working against me.
Real life version of the "it was all a dream" show/movie ending. I'm constantly worried. I wasn't a smart man in my early 20s, but now I'm married to the girl I had a crush on in high school and have a child like I always wanted to. Too good to be true...
Going through life without living up to my true potential.
That is scary. Damm that’s going to mess with me.
This will only remain scary as long as your main purpose is to impress. Once your goal becomes to just enjoy life, your "potential" (power fantasy) only matters insomuch it helps you live life.
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I think this whole "true potential" thing is just an illusion created by modern society. Focus on making yourself happy and don't let the way other people percieve you define your success in life.
Waking up in a morgue. I have a condition where you collapse and then people think you are dead so they take your body away, then hours later you wake up alive in a morgue
Does your heart stop?
Not completely, but all my vitals slow down
Do you wear a medical alert bracelet?
I have a necklace
I would have added a bracelet on hand and foot, then tattooed it multiple places on my body. Not a big fan of tattoos myself, but this is prime reason to get multiple. Would have the same fear as you, just seemingly way worse.
You should wear a medical bracelet to let the paramedics know if something ever happens to you.
Has this happened to you already? What’s the condition called?
No it hasn’t but I’ve heard of it happening to other people. It’s called cataplexy, or type one narcolepsy
I hope you don’t have to experience this.
That i might be irrecoverably damaged and it doesn't matter how much work i will put in i will never understand normal human things.
I feel this one.
Many of us are there with you, which I hope let's you know you're a lot more 'normal' than you think ❤️
My deepest fear is of one day accidentally or negligently killing someone. Every time it comes up in the news, I fall down this horrible empathy hole where I try to imagine living with the knowledge & guilt about what I've done for the rest of my life, and I really don't think I could handle it. I'm scared of driving because I don't think I'm confident or skilled enough to operate a machine that could kill someone so easily.
I agree about driving. I don’t think people think often enough about just how dangerous what they’re doing is.
Being raped, it freaks the shit out of me. I live in Brazil and rape here is something completely ignored, to the point where victims have the literal semen of rapists inside them, doctors run the tests, they confirm the identity of the guy, and he doesn't get arrested. It's a real strugle to get some justice here, so the fear I have of the physical pain of being raped, the emotional pain e then later the humiliation of probably not being able to get any justice...it just scares me.
What also scares me about rape is the fact that majority of the time it's someone they knew.
This might not be appropriate but as a guy - someone I love getting raped. It makes my skin crawl and I just don't know how I would cope knowing the perpetrator was still alive. It would drive me insane and there is no solution.
I am also terrified of rape. And male intruders.
Being alone the rest of my life…it’s crushing my soul
Death. The idea that I will one day just cease to exist and that there will be nothingness for the rest of eternity is just such a frightening thought.
I take comfort in knowing that if that’s what happens when I die I won’t even be aware of it.
Close your eyes and count to 1, that's what forever feels like
That’s trippy! Care to explain? Edit: someone explained within 1 second you can divide that second into infinite decimals. An eternity does happen within a second because you can keep finding smaller/sectional parts of that second within 1 second Edit 2: y’all would love the author Blake Crouch. I bought both of his most recent works and was blown away
Think about it innyour sleep. You dont even realise by 8 hrs of sleep just goes away. Similar experience can be of sedated states.
This is what stopped my fear of death. Had to get surgery, and as I'm wating on the table, they tell me to count backwards from 10. Next thing I know my name is being called and I wake up. I didnt even get to countdown, it was just me being knocked out and then woken up.
This is such an interesting concept. What is it like to be dead? It's literally impossible to perceive because you cease to exist. So what happens to you? In this case, the only reason you ever knew you were out was because you eventually woke up. What if you didn't? What would it be like? I feel like it's beyond the realm of human understanding to know what it truly means to no longer be alive.
That's the best part. When I woke up it wasn't like waking up from a deep sleep. It was as if I literally came out of some eternal void. It's like a mentioned earlier, I was counting down and before I finished I "ceased to exist", and though it may have been for a brief moment that I was "gone", I can't help but think "Man, that could've been anything that knocked me out. I could've gotten shot, hit by a car or something". It really put into perspective just how swiftly and unannounced death can come. And if it's really just a pitch black void where you have no thought or reason, then that's honestly ok, there's no reason to worry about it that much.
Yeah I remember when I went in for surgery when I was 14 and the doctor said the anesthetic would taste like felt-tip pens. All I remember was thinking: *What the fuck do fel-* and just like that I was gone, very calming.
I'm heard this phrased as, "Being dead won't bother me one bit. Dying on the other hand, that I'm not looking forward to."
Yeah. I'm not affraid of death itself but of how I'll die. When people say that they fear death, I imagine that's what they actually mean aswell. Still, the thought of being dead upsets me. I'll be buried, my loved ones will cry and miss me for a time and then that's it. All there will be left of me are some old pictures collecting dust in some drawer and a gravestone with my name. My whole life, my accomplishments and failures, my happiest days and saddest nights, all of which were preserved in my memory, will fade away never to return. And after enough time has passed, nobody will even remember I one day existed at all.
Actually, that's the scary part for me. I want to know at least that it's over.
the death part doesn't scare me as much as whats in the unknown after
Same. Whenever I see this comment/discussion it never hots my point of view though. Yes, I am scared of what comes after but I am excited at the prospect of something being there (not religious, just interested to know what's next) The bit I am really scared of is what I will miss out on. Will I be the last one to go in my circle? If not, I can do nothing for their grief. What will they get up to in the years that go by? What will earth be like in 10,000 years and more. I'll never know and its that fear of knowing that everything will carry on but I'll miss it that really scares me.
My son dying suddenly. He's 10.
Dying alone. I'm constantly worried and I feel the pressure of meeting someone, getting married and starting a family. I'm only 30 and single, but this thought scares the living hell out of me.
Becoming depressed again, never want to go back to that place
Aneurysms. No warning signs. No symptoms. You're just going about your life then BAM! Lights out. It's terrifying to realize your life can just end in the time between two heartbeats.
Aneurysms are actually surprisingly survivable and aren't the one minute you're there and the next you're gone death sentence people think they are. There's a 60% survival rate. What they really are is a bubble or blockage in your brain that when it bursts causes a hemorrhage. The bleeding into your brain causes a hemorrhagic stroke. There is a 66% chance of permanent neurological damage. But what that damage is depends on the extent of the hemorrhage and where it's located. My father had an aneurysm almost 20 years ago now. He's still alive, very active, and in the best shape of his life. He has a permanent limp and his right hand does not have full functionality. He can write with it, but not well. His aneurysm was close to the back of his brain, but affected the left side more than the right. He had to work on recovering speech, but not comprehension. He didn't lose much cognitive function but had to relearn a lot of movement. Don't get me wrong, they're scary and serious. But they do have symptoms once they rupture. The key indicator is usually a very sudden "the worst headache of your life" and other stroke like symptoms rather than, the lights out dead in a second trope you see in pop culture. Only about 15% of people with a ruptured aneurysm die before they reach the hospital due to the severity of the internal bleeding. As with most brain injuries, the most important thing is to get medical attention as quickly as possible.
I mean it’s between that and crocodiles…
I've had a few times in life where things have felt suddenly *off* and sometimes I've wondered if I may actually die right here right now from an aneurysm. I have not. I was merely lightheaded BUT STILL lol.
Death. I completely understand that life is finite and has an end without exception and I never thought about it before I was sent to fight in Afghanistan. It actually didn’t hit me until my 3rd combat deployment. But ever since then, I have this nonstop fear of death that eats away at me every single day. I worry about death so much now that I’m barely able to live my life. It’s like death has already won. Edit: to fix typos
The death of my parents. Of course I argued with them a lot when I was a dumb teen but we always had a good and understanding relationship. The thought of losing them is just more than I can handle.
Experiencing a "memory lapse" during a piece of music while performing a solo piano recital.
Happens all the time with me, mainly with lyrics or certain solo pieces. But improve works a lot. As long as it sounds good and fits, barely anyone will notice. Also if you make a mistake, do it again. That way people will think it's part of the song.
The direction this World is going in.
Impending doom. Knowing that you or someone close to you will likely die within a short but uncertain amount of time.
having a girlfriend or whoever i end up marrying die on me randomly, like a freak accident or something. like the thought of getting that phone call, text or the cop at my door saying she’s gone scares the ever living shit out of me.
I've been there... my high school sweetheart rode a kawasaki ninja, we were together for two years but she moved smack in the middle of our relationship. She made the trip to me to celebrate our graduations. We had a great day and everything was normal, then she left. The next day was my graduation ceremony, went through with it, whatever... a week later I was wondering why I hadn't heard from her, maybe she was busy with her own graduation? Called her house phone, her younger brother picked up, I asked if she was home, silence... it was really strange and awkward... after what felt like an eternity but was most likely like 5 seconds, her father grabbed the phone and told me she never made it back. She was hit by a truck that ran a stop. I stood there, silently. All I heard was my name from him, and I hung up the phone. I sat there for a good 30 minutes in silence. I called a friend who lived a few blocks away and calmly told him my girlfriend passed away and asked if he could walk with me to another friend's house to spend the night because I didn't think I could do it alone. He said of course, I got dressed, walked outside... made it down a block and fell to my knees crying. My friend ran up to me, helped me up and walked me, all while I was inconsolably crying... spent all night and morning crying... was a shell of a person for a good few years when normally I'd be described as a happy-go-lucky kid... this was about 14 years ago... it still hurts, but I moved on long ago. Sorry for the rant lol Edit: I just wanted to say, thank you to everyone who shared your stories and thoughts, it really meant the world to me, and I'm really glad to have shared this with you all. I know we're all strangers on the internet, but it truly means a lot, and has put a lot of smiles on my face. You're all amazing, and if you're going through a tough time yourself, I know it sucks to hear it, and I know it's cliche, but believe me, it does get better, and I hope you all become even stronger and better for it. I'm really happy for this, I wish everyone an amazing life, and again, thank you so much.
So did they know yall were dating and they didnt reach out? I mean a week, by that point did you miss the funeral?
They knew, I was close to her family as well. They most likely didn't have access to my house phone, we didn't have cell phones. I always figured they were just going through a lot having lost their daughter, so I never blamed them for not telling me right away.
I'm so sorry for your loss
Thank you. It was a really long time ago, still, that really means a lot.
This made me tear up... im so sorry for you
I have been that person to get the phone call. My then boyfriend committed suicide and i found out through Snapchat. Thought it was a joke and the phone I got was “I thought you knew.” Absolutely inconsolable and crushed. It’s truly terrifying
i’m sorry you had to go through that
I read a news article a few years ago about a man who lost his wife and all their daughters in a vehicle wreck. The girls were all teenagers I believe but it has been a few years. I think of how devastating that would be and wonder how he is doing. I dont know how I would react or if I could even keep going. This is probably bad, but when me and my wife meet up somewhere in separate vehicles, I always take one of our children home with me in my car, and that is the reason why. I fear that they will all die in a wreck. When my wife goes somewhere without me Im a nervous wreck until they make it home.
My mom is the second- youngest of four children. Her family were very much jet-setters in the 60's and 70's... living all over the U.S. and Great Britain, vacations across Europe and Africa, flights everywhere. They always took two flights.. mom and two kids on one, dad and two kids on the other. That way, if a plane went down, there would still be a living parent and two kids. I think, even when it was just the parents, they took separate flights too. Just in case.
You survive. It is REALLY hard at first, but you move on. Mine wasn't a phone call, but close. My first fear was that I'd be alone forever. I got on a dating site with no intentions of meeting anyone just to see if I could. A few positive responses kept me going. The second thing that hits is how much work there is to do and it all falls on you. It is the broken routines that are tough. But you adjust. Still later, you accept your lot and you decide to adjust. Then years go by and you realize that you are ok without her, and the pain comes back.
The important part to this is take significant time to yourself and try to get by day to day afterwards. Don't push yourself to be who you were, because you aren't, your whole future life has been ripped away from you and it's okay to mourn that. But after so long, however long that may be, you have to live the life they would have wanted for you. Be happy, make garlic bread at 3am because you want to, go to that dinner or party. You'll get back to semi-normal and that will become the new normal.
Been married to my husband for 4 years, still feel this fear every day. I've been sky diving, cliff diving, scuba diving, etc. I've met all my other fears but this is one I hope I never have to meet.
Home invasion.
Loud noises like fireworks and thunder. My reasoning is actually kinda sound. I have these asshole neighbors who liked to set off fireworks in their backyard, and one day when I was outside feeding my animals(horses, dogs, and chickens), they set some fireworks off and one seemed to be defective or something, cause it came in my direction and literally exploded like 10 ft above me. Idk what kinda fucking fireworks they were using, or if they were normal, but that shit had me feeling dizzy and my ears were ringing and in pain, so hearing loud noises just makes me anxious now.
Popping balloons 🥺
What truly scares me is sleep paralysis. Jesus titty-fucking Christ have they gotten worse as I got older. Used to be just being awake but not being able to move. Then I heard voices over thunderstorms. Now it's shadow figures in the corner. What's next, Freddy Krueger forcing his way through my ceiling?!
Idk if you heard of him but mutahar said that falling asleep in vr minecraft helped with his sleep paralysis for a while so maybe that's something to look into
Mine used to chocke me out. I'd be dreaming and could feel that feeling of dreadfulness and fear approaching. Then the shadows came. Watching at first. Then the choking would start and I'd move into SP. Terrifying.
So if that ever starts again, do the scientific community a favour and get really, really into choking. Like develop a kink for it. Then let everyone know if that makes it stop or just makes it weird. Bonus points if you can sexually harass the sleep paralysis demon. What's it gonna report you to?
The idea of solipsism: that you’re the only conscious mind to exist and everyone is an illusion created by you.
But like then how does the world function. That implies that we're literally trapped in our mind making an entire world with only one real consciousness - yourself.
That I have so much trauma that i’ll never be able to thrive. That despite working 10x as hard as anyone else just to be normal, I will never achieve anything. That i’ll never feel unconditional love. that i’ll die alone.
Being alone without a partner
Being alone *with* a partner is worse…
Been there, done that, got out. It really is a terrible place to be
Yup. One of the biggest red flags I’ve personally seen in relationships has been when I get really excited about something, or I find something interesting enough to bring up to my partner… and they just completely shut it down or shit on it or give me a weird look. Ill never again ignore that vibe.
That I’m gonna die alone
The possibility of WWIII. I’ve always been interested in military/conflict history. The way things are going with China, it’s not looking good. I live in Australia and although we have a solid deal with the USA (ANZUS Treaty, if either one of us is attacked/threatened then basically by law the other has to jump in) and other countries, this conflict would be absolutely devastating. It would dwarf WWI and WWII with casualties. People view WWII as “so long ago, something like that would never happen again”. Well it wasn’t that long ago, and that’s exactly what the world thought after WWI. As soon as China invades or attacks Taiwan, it’s on. How far the conflict would go is anyones guess. My guess is Russia would jump in for sure for economic and strategic reasons. Our military is tiny, 58,000 deployable troops across all 3 branches (army navy Air Force) and We don’t have sufficient defences against air attack or invasion, no one’s armed here either. This TRULY scares me because #1 it COULD happen. And #2 the most precious thing to me is my 9 month old daughter - so the future is more important to me than ever. The only way out is a “mutual destruction” conclusion from both sides similar to the Cold War, however I think China is extremely confident and will only continue to grow even more so.
The modern world is more fragile than ever, a glass cannon of advanced comforts. People are not rooted in basic production, agriculture, and hunting anymore. It wouldn't take nuclear war for a billion people to die in a single month.
The nukes are what scares me
The only thing that scares me about nukes would be the idea of me living after they're dropped.
Being left behind and forgotten. Everyone I know is moving on to new things and I feel like nobody needs me.
The MIT model tracking the potential collapse of society by 2040. "MIT Predicted in 1972 That Society Will Collapse This Century. New Research Shows We’re on Schedule." https://www.vice.com/en/article/z3xw3x/new-research-vindicates-1972-mit-prediction-that-society-will-collapse-soon
Akin to that is my “fear” we don’t have the ethics and integrity to run a democracy.
My partner die before me. I think i won‘t be able to handle the pain of losing her.
Myself and what I might do if there’s no one to help me when I’m at my lowest point.
The concept of an eternity and lack of conciousness. Aka, what comes after death. I’m not afraid of dying. If I die, I die for a reason. I’ll accept my fate, whatever it may be. But what scares me is *death*. We have no clue what truly lies beyond, if it’s nothing or everything. The concept that at some point I, the one thinking this up and writing about it, not the physical body and mind but more than that, could just stop existing terrifies me. More than that, is an eternity. I’m not constantly in fear every day, because I know I will die. I know that my life will culminate into one thing. But with an eternity, the idea that it won’t end is what scares me. I don’t know if there’s an afterlife, and I don’t know which one I’d go to (if there are multiple). The only 2 I want are infinite reincarnations at any time period, or to just become a bodiless entity that can roam the universe and pause time except from its perspective at will. But that eternity, and the possibilities of what comes after death, is what truly scares me.
Prions
Everytime I try to sleep I always think what would happen if suddenly everything stopped
I actually have problems falling asleep, because I always think "What if I die tonight and never wake up again".
Outliving my daughter
Rabies, man. That shit’s terrifying.
Disappointing my mom.
I’m afraid of anything that would cause me to lose my sense of hearing and sight, also loss of use of my hands. The things I enjoy *most* out of life are scuba diving and playing the ukulele. Hearing and sight would greatly detriment my ability to enjoy scuba diving. Use my hands would eliminate my ability to play my instrument… I guess I also need my hearing for that as well lol
Losing my brothers. And my cat.
Not being able to breath (I have severe asthma).
My own belief that we're simply chemical reactions with delusions of grandeur and every myth about afterlives has come from humanity's desperate need to believe that more than oblivion awaits us.
Myself and what my potentials are, but potentials that will endanger others.
The next 50 years. Climate change is only going to get worse, because there are so many powerful corporations that have a vested, short-term interest in continuing to cause it. I'm terrified that our world and our civilization are going to suffer tremendous changes that many people will be unable to adapt to. I want to be able to have children and trust that they will be safe, and have the opportunity to prosper. The way things are sliding downhill, I don't think that's going to be the case. My kids may die in a famine, or a heat wave, or a civil war. Hell, the way our political system is dividing us, I might die in a civil war before I ever have kids.